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#Barbecue Bob
plonkeepoos · 2 months ago
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Barbecue Bob
adapted from a posting on “whiteboylostintheblues-blog.tumblr”
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communistkenobi · 5 months ago
ever since I told my dad I was trans he’s been calling me generic white man names
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harborgirlwrites · 2 months ago
Woodstock & Smoke: Volkswagens Transformed into Smokers Create Great Barbecue Hit the Road In Southwest Michigan
Woodstock & Smoke: Volkswagens Transformed into Smokers Create Great Barbecue Hit the Road In Southwest Michigan
        If you missed the 1960s, remember it fondly, and like great barbecue, Tim Carrigan, owner of Woodstock and Smoke, a food fleet of food trucks with a groovy vibe and his son, Max, have a treat for you. A few years back, they started with one old Volkswagen Beetle (also nicknamed in the 1960s as VW bugs), painted it green, removed the chassis, and inserted a large smoker. Oh, and they…
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newbq2020 · 8 days ago
It's competition week! Check out my video on how my practice went! I hope I get less nervous the more of these i do!
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abramsbooks · 3 years ago
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RECIPE: Bob Armstrong Dip (from The Austin Cookbook by Paula Forbes)
The following recipe comes from Matt’s El Rancho in Austin, TX. Scroll down to watch a video about the origins of Bob Armstrong Dip! 
Former Texas land commisioner Bob Armstrong was a Matt’s El Rancho regular. Apparently bored of the typical menu offerings, legend has it Armstrong asked Matt Martinez Jr. to make something up just for him. Martinez added a scoop of beef taco meat and a scoop of guacamole to the restaurant’s queso, and Tex-Mex history was made. Armstrong died in 2015, but he’s still on a first-name basis with Matt’s El Rancho diners, who order small Bobs and large Bobs every day.
You can make any of these three components separately, if you like, or make a vegetarian Bob by swapping the beef for some pinto beans. Serve this with tortilla chips.
Makes 1 large Bob, with a bit of leftover meat and guac. Serves 6.
For the meat
8 ounces (225 g) ground beef
¼ cup (35 g) finely diced red bell pepper
¼ cup (35 g) finely diced onion
1 stalk celery, finely diced
½ teaspoon granulated garlic powder
½ teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
Heat a pot over medium heat, then add all the ingredients. Cook, stirring, until the onion is translucent and the meat is cooked, about 5 minutes. Most of the liquid should evaporate, but the mixture shouldn’t be dry. Keep warm while you prepare the other components.
For the guacamole
2 ripe avocados, peeled, pits removed
Juice of ½ lemon
½ teaspoon granulated garlic powder
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 small Roma tomato, finely diced
Combine the avocados, lemon juice, granulated garlic, and oil, mashing everything slightly. The mixture should be chunky, not smooth. Stir in the tomato and season with salt.
For the queso
1 stalk celery, finely diced
¼ cup (35 g) finely diced red bell pepper
¼ cup (35 g) finely diced white onion
½ cup (75 g) diced poblano pepper
½ cup (90 g) diced Roma tomato
2 cups (225 g) shredded or cubed American cheese (processed cheese will work in a pinch)
Bring 1 cup (240 ml) water to a boil in a small saucepan. Add the celery, bell pepper, onion, poblano, and tomato and boil briefly to cook everything, about 1 minute. Turn the heat down to low, and gradually whisk in the cheese. Heat for a few minutes, stirring constantly. The second all the cheese is melted and everything is heated through and smooth, remove from the heat so it doesn’t overcook. Do this step right before serving: If you used American cheese the dip will separate as it cools; if you used processed cheese it will develop a skin on top as it sits.
Pour the hot queso into a wide, shallow serving bowl. Add a scoop of meat and a scoop of guacamole, about ½ cup (120 ml) of each. Do not mix. Guests should combine the queso, guacamole, and ground beef together with tortilla chips as they eat it.
Trivia! Believe it or not, queso isn’t the only thing named after beloved statesman Bob Armstrong. Thanks to his role in convincing the state to purchase a 300,000-acre ranch on the Texas- Mexico border—including its eight-milewide collapsed ancient volcano—the visitor center at Big Bend Ranch State Park has been named in his honor.
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The story of Austin food is equal parts deep Texan traditions and a booming food scene. It is this atmosphere that has fostered some of the hottest restaurants in the country, a lively food truck community, and a renaissance in the most Texan of foods: barbecue. Austin food is also tacos and Tex-Mex, old fashioned Southern cooking, and street food and fine dining, with influences from all over the globe. And above all, it’s a source of intense pride and inspiration for chefs and diners alike.
Organized by Austin’s “major food groups”—like barbecue, tacos, and Tex-Mex—The Austin Cookbook explores the roots of Texas food traditions and the restaurants that are reinventing them, revealing the secrets to Bob Armstrong dip, Odd Duck’s sweet potato nachos, East Side King’s beet fries, and of course, smoked brisket that has people lining up to eat it—even in the Texas summer. Part cookbook, part souvenir, and 100 percent love letter, The Austin Cookbook is perfect for proud locals, visitors, and (t)ex-pats.
For more information, click here. 
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cjcooksvegan · 29 days ago
How To Make The Absolute Best Vegan Riblets
How To Make The Absolute Best Vegan Riblets | Brave Little Vegan #vegan #veganbarbecue
Though I’ve mentioned this recipe before, I don’t think I could ever mention it enough. I just love it that much! As a vegan–especially a new vegan–do you ever find yourself craving the flavors and textures of traditional barbecue ribs? Because you’re not alone! But there’s fantastic news: you can sate the craving and stay vegan while you do it. Continue reading
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salazarslytherin · 2 months ago
sex on fire (s.b x y/n)
summary: an encounter with sirius in the kitchen
🃛 masterlist
cw/tw: smut, pussy slapping, fingering, dumbification, praise kink, like exhibitionism if you squint, age difference (reader is of age!)
word count: 2.14k
a/n: Inspired. SO HEAVILY by @thotbutpurple’s dilf!marauders headcanons, specifically this post for this imagine. also heavily inspired by @acosmis-t's fic peanut. honestly this is just, self-indulgent. might do a dilf!series, I'm not sure reblog to boost please xxx
tag list at the bottom ☯︎ join tag list here
Some people would think that it’s weird to like someone almost twenty years your senior. And if we’re being honest, you thought the same too.
That was until Sirius fucking Black walked into your life.
One of your dad’s best friends from high school, Sirius appeared in your life when you were sixteen, riding back into town on a Bugatti motorcycle and a battered leather jacket. A photographer who’d travelled the world, he came back to your small town to spend time with his younger brother and his old friends from high school.
That spelt weekend barbecues at your house, watching the absolute hunk of a man walk around your house shirtless, or in the thinnest fucking white tank you’ve ever seen in your life. Whether Sirius owned clothes that weren’t band tees, white tanks, and ripped jeans, you didn’t know.
But secretly, you hoped he didn’t.
Now it’s been three years since Sirius had returned, and yet another one of your dad’s friends’ barbecues was being held at your house. The men were out back barbecuing – they called themselves the Marauders, the name never not making you laugh. Unfortunately, this week you were unable to join them, holed up in your room to study for your finals.
With the weather heating up as it neared the beginning of the summer, you could feel each individual bead of sweat run down your spine. Unable to focus on anything with the immense heat and the overwhelming stress you were feeling, you took out your earphones and got up off your chair, deciding to go downstairs to get something cold to drink.
Opening your bedroom door, you could hear the music playing from the backyard, the booming laughter of the various men standing around the barbecue grill. Walking down the stairs, you recited the formulas you were revising earlier, not at all paying attention to anything around you. Stepping into the kitchen, you kept staring at the flashcards you held, opening the fridge door to grab the carton of juice you knew was in there.
“That focused, are we?”
The deep voice scared you, making the flashcards from your grasp fall all over the tiled flooring. You whipped around to see Sirius leaning against the kitchen sink, smirking as he watched you. You watched him in return, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he downed a gulp from his beer bottle.
Shaking yourself off, you turned back to the fridge and grabbed the carton, before placing it on the counter and closing the door. You bent over to pick up the flashcards that you had dropped earlier, only to hear a splutter of a cough behind you.
You turned around as you placed the cards next to the carton, seeing Sirius cough into his forearm, his abs flexing beneath the thin tank top he wore.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay, Sirius?”
The man waved his hand at you, placing the beer bottle between his lips as his eyes scanned up and down your body, smirking around the bottle.
“S’nothing, Y/N.”
Your eyes followed Sirius’s gaze, looking down to realise just exactly why he had his little impromptu coughing fit. Given the heat, you’d forgotten you were only wearing a thin tank top and booty shorts that day, meaning that when you bent over, you’d given Sirius quite the show. You felt yourself turn red as you realised, spinning around promptly to grab a glass from the upper cabinets.
Unfortunately for you, but quite a fortunate happenstance for Sirius, all the glasses on the bottom shelf had been taken outside for “public consumption”, and only those on the top shelf remained.
Conscious of your every move in front of the hottest man you had ever known in your damned life, you stood up onto your tippy toes, reaching for the glasses on the top shelf. You could feel your shorts riding up as you reached up as high as you possibly could, honestly just contemplating climbing on top of the counters to reach the glasses.
All you wanted was some damned juice.
As you struggled, you heard a chuckle sound behind you, then footsteps. Warmth emanating from behind you, and then a hard body pressed up against you. Your body tensed up as you felt Sirius’s body behind you, swallowing audibly. You saw a hand reach up above yours, the large appendage wrapping around the blue glass before receding as the warmth moved away from you.
“Here you go, pumpkin.”
The nickname made your mouth run dry as you turned around to take the glass from the man, smiling slightly at him. You felt a shiver run down your spine as your fingertips grazed his, having to grip the glass unreasonably tight as you felt your hands weaken at his warmth.
Your voice croaked at the word, Sirius’s smirk growing on his face yet again. You took the carton and poured yourself a glass, sipping on it as you leaned against the counter, mirroring Sirius who was back to sipping at his beer bottle.
You could feel your exam stress building up again as your hand reached for the flashcards again, flipping through them as you mouthed the different formulas and definitions written on them.
“Stressed, Y/N?”
You hummed in agreement as you focused on the cards in your hands, the glass having been returned to the counter as you sunk back into revision mode, barely registering the clink of the beer bottle being placed in the kitchen sink as the man made his way towards you.
“Want some help, destressing, hmm?”
You looked up at the man only to find him right in front of you, your body straightening up as you watched his teasing expression, lips curled and eyebrows raised.
You knew Sirius knew the way you felt about him. The way you sucked in a breath the first time you’d seen him, the way you licked your lips subconsciously at the sight of him, the way you thought about him when you touched yourself…
He wasn’t exactly subtle with hiding the innuendos.
You shook yourself free of those thoughts as Sirius watched you, almost as if he knew what you were thinking.
“More juice, maybe?”
The smirk only grew bigger as the man shook the carton slightly, uncapping it and tilting his head backwards, drinking straight from the carton itself. You watched with your mouth hanging open slightly, his Adam’s apple bobbing entrancingly with every gulp.
“Oops, I might've finished it all. Though, I think there’s still a little more in here…”
Sirius watched you almost mockingly, mouth dropping open to show the bare minimum of juice left in his mouth.
The man knew you wanted him, and felt the exact same way towards you. He couldn’t help it.
The moment you stepped into the kitchen, he was a goner. The tank top clinging to your breasts, showing just the right amount of cleavage, the shortest fucking shorts he’d ever seen you in barely covering your ass, the man was holding himself together by a thread at this point.
“Hmm? You want it?”
Sirius’s eyes scanned your every move, eyebrows raising as you pushed off the counter slowly.
“Come get it.”
You didn’t know who moved towards who in that split second, only that a moment later your world was turned upside down. Sirius’s lips were soft and sweet – the entrancing taste of Sirius overwhelming you, beer and orange juice mixing together in the kiss. As promised, Sirius’s tongue pushed a dribble of juice into your mouth, making you moan into his lips as your arms wrapped around his neck, flashcards scattering across the tiled flooring yet again, his hands coming up to grip your waist. The man’s calloused hands fingered the hem of your top, pushing the edges up, his thumb drawing circles on your hip bone.
You gasped at the feeling of his fingers on your skin, feeling Sirius chuckle against your lips at your surprise. Your own hands moved from his neck to his shoulders, sliding down to his arms. You could feel Sirius’s arms tensing at the feeling, the veins on his muscled forearms like braille under your fingertips.
Grunting into your lips, the man stepped forward, pushing you up against the counter, the edge right against the small of your back.
“Can I?”
Sirius asked breathlessly, lips bright red from what felt like minutes, but also hours, of yours against his. He ghosted the elastic of your shorts, eyes flicking between yours as he awaited your approval or disapproval.
You nodded, unable to speak as you held your breath.
Was this actually happening, or were you having some sort of heat stroke-induced delusion?
“Turn around and bend over for me then, doll.”
Your breath hitched in your throat as you nodded again, rendered dumb by your disbelief at the situation. You bent over the counter, leaning on your forearms as you looked over your shoulder, watching Sirius crouched down, hooking his fingers into your shorts, pulling your panties down as well in one move.
The man sucked in a breath at the sight of you bottomless, making your face turn red.
“Such a pretty pussy…”
The blush spread throughout your body as you noticed how close Sirius was to you, his breath ghosting your clit as he did nothing. Simply staring at your cunt. His hands moved up from your ankles, where he’d brought your shorts down to, and spread you open, fingers dipping inside you unintentionally, but it was likely to have been intentional. You squeaked at the feeling, walls clenching around thin air.
This is so fucking embarrassing. But your body seemed to disagree, feeling yourself become wetter at the feeling of Sirius’s eyes on you.
Moving in to take a closer look, the older man sent you one of his signature panty-dropping smiles.
Literally, in this case.
“I’m going to fucking ruin it.”
You threw your head forward as Sirius ran his forefinger up and down your slit, the brief contact with your clit making you let out a loud moan of surprise. Your eyes squeezed shut as you hid your head in your forearms, Sirius’s finger stretching you out as you moaned into your arms.
“Don’t be so loud, doll. Do you want everyone to hear you?”
You shook your head, biting your lip as Sirius moved his finger in and out of you, growing wetter at the thought of anyone catching you here. In the kitchen.
With your dad’s best friend.
All coherent thought was interrupted as Sirius’s other hand landed on your clit, rolling the nub between his thumb and forefinger. The movement made your brain short-circuit, letting out a loud gasping moan as he pushed a second finger inside you as well.
“S-Sirius. Fuck.”
The man tutted from behind you but didn’t even falter in his movements, seemingly spurred by your pleasure to pump his fingers in and out of you even faster. You were so immersed in the pleasure that your eyes shot open in surprise as a sharp slap landed on your clit.
“What the fuck?”
Your head whipped back to look at the older man, who merely lifted a brow at your outburst, his fingers still thrusting into you, the sinful sounds echoing around the kitchen.
“Told you to shut up, doll. Or are you too dumb to understand simple instruction, hmm?”
As he said that, Sirius curled his fingers inside of you, making you choke on your breath as he hit something inside of you.
“S-Sirius. I-”
Another slap landed on your cunt, but the pain mixed in with the insane amounts of pleasure you were feeling, your eyes squeezing shut once more to see nothing but stars in the midst of your pleasure.
“I told you to be silent, didn’t I? How’ve I fucked you dumb already.”
You whined silently, wiggling your hips slightly as your walls clenched around him, feeling your pleasure mount inside you, climbing towards its precipice.
“Your pussy’s so tight around my fingers. You wanna cum, love?”
You bit down on your forearm, moaning out into it as you nodded, your orgasm threatening to erupt on his fingers.
Sirius curled his fingers inside you, the movement pushing you over the edge as you nearly screamed, thanking the heavens that someone, probably Sirius, had come up with the idea of blasting AC/DC in the backyard. Convulsing around the older man’s fingers, your chest fell onto the countertop, your fluids running down your thigh as Sirius pulled his fingers out of you slowly. The feeling of being empty made you whine, hand searching blindly behind you to find Sirius.
“Want more.”
A chuckle sounded behind you, Sirius’s hand finding its way to your hair, threading his long fingers through it.
“You didn’t think I was done, did you, pumpkin?”
taglist: @marvelslut16, @siriusbarnesslut, @marimorena06, @weasleysbitch2, @reg-arcturus-black, @themoonwithprophets, @moonys-gf, @quindolyn, @lilypad-55449, @kermiemoon, @jamespotterslover, @remoony1, @siriusblackwifeeey, @iamnibbsi, @azura-mist, @accio-remus-lupin, @tomriddle_whore, @greenlyblue, @lillsthoughts, @jeannelupinblack, @i-love-scott-mccall, @justadreamyhufflepuff, @shit-thats-true, @dorcasmeadowesx, @sunflowersandpansies, @elenapatricia99, @90sgoldentrio, @itsmentalillness, @sprucewoodlover, @kiaslily
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workingonit-currently · 2 months ago
Taskmaster series groups and the vibes they give off.
(heavily inspired by these posts.)
This will be very bias based on what I see them as and which comedians I like.
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Series 1: Social experiment and test subjects. A diverse cast of characters who have almost nothing in common and, although get along, have no reason to actually go further than that. It's like a slow test to see what extent the mind cracks and who it will crack for,
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Series 2: Five teachers having a breakdown. (you'll see that having a breakdown is a running theme.) They seem like they work together but are all a little suspicious of each other, they hold grudges but it's all in good favour. They seem under stress.
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Series 3: People trapped in an escape room. There's always one who thinks they'll never escape, one who goes the complete wrong direction, another who's just a little too energetic and accidently holds them back, one who knows too much about random things and another that focuses on getting them out. It seems like you're looking at five people all trying to solve a puzzle but different puzzles at different times, Paul is trying not to cry in a corner, Al and Dave are decoding wall scribbles, Sara is SURE that this golden pineapple is a clue and Rob is at least one puzzle piece behind the rest but has already solved the NEXT clue they need.
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Series 4: Community of neighbors. They all live in the same apartment like a weird Friends situation. They are all so different but Mel asked to borrow some toilet paper, dragged Hugh into their friendship and they all kind of interact with such ease and go out to dinners once a month to discuss their jobs and everything. Hugh hosted a barbecue once and they got Noel talking about how life is cool while in a freezing cold kids paddle pool. (they weren't sure if he was getting some kind of hypothermia or if he was drunk...)
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Series 5: Group projects with conflicting ideas. Nish, Aisling and Sally all had different ideas for what to do for the group project and somehow they all got confused and are now doing three different things without knowing it. Mark is just trying to help and every time he thinks that maybe 'this isn't what Nish or Sally is doing' he dismisses it as him being confused. Bob knows but doesn't care. Might as well try their hand at three different things and take the best grade each project gives us.
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gaiuswrites · 5 months ago
yoga!din thoughts:
they've been fucking around for awhile, but only in the studio. never beyond the studio doors, not even in the cramped, single-person bathroom across the hall. their relationship is purely physical—probably couldn't even consider it fwb. he likes her, is irritated by her, likes the smoothness of her pussy. she likes him, is fascinated by him, likes the rigidness of his cock. it doesn't go much further than that.
that all changes when they run into each other at the grocery store.
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christ on a cracker here we go. I’m ready to die now. Cause of death, yoga!Din oh NO-
This... I have no idea what any of this is, but Jess and I have been having a good ol’ time with it. I also want to give a shout out to Rachel for always being a rock in these unprecedented times and taking interest in this main man and I’ll probably be sending you similar messages for your masseuse au to torture you and im not even a little sorry about it
(warnings: SMUT, spanking, language, so pls minors, politely, go home thanks)
She always does this—why does she always do this? 
She drifts down the aisles with the practiced effort of a trapeze artist, juggling the load of groceries bundled to her chest.
Get a cart. Just get a damn cart—a basket, something.
But no. She doesn’t. It happens every time: she goes in for one item—maybe two—and two turns to three and three turns to four, and suddenly they’ve multiplied like rabbits and she’s got half the store in her arms.
Trail mix from the bulk bins, almond milk, coffee grounds, bananas, spirulina powder, those delicious chickpea chips that were buy-one-get-one—how was she supposed to just walk past that—spinach, tofu, zucchini noodles, salmon fillets—
And she nearly drops it all when she spots him. Dark hair, dark eyes.
She stalls out, puttering to a halt. He’s reaching into the frozen meats section, rifling through the various cold cuts. She’d recognize the yawn of his back anywhere, the slope of that broad plane— his arms too, how his tricep cuts across the tawny gold. The shapes they can make. 
The positions they can bend her into.
Maybe it’s best if she just turns around now, sneaks away, pretends like none of this ever happened—she could do that. That would be easy—the easier of the two options, to be sure, because the alternative sounds terrifying and messy, and maybe if she just backs up nice and slow—
Din wheels his cart forwards and glances up. Shit.
He’s not sure what he’s even looking at at first. His feet slow, and there’s a groove creased into his forehead, brow ticking down. She’s here— right here in front of him. How can she be here? How can she be anywhere but where he knows her best—knows her at all? Inside that room, woven limbs and sweaty skin on glossed wood floors. How can she be here—outside that sacred space—in his fucking grocery store?
They stare at each other. She breaks first.
“Hi,” she mumbles out, beguiling.
“Hey,” Din responds, gruffer than he means.
“Hi,” she says again, pressing her lips together to hide a smile.
A grin tugs at him too, but he tampers it; they let a silent, pregnant beat pass between them and then—
“What are you doing he-“ “Have you been here befo-“
They’re speaking over each other—nervous and out of step—and they share a huffed chuckle. They’ve never been this before. They’ve always been physical and brash and bold and they’ve never needed words—they’ve shown each other exactly what they meant and what they wanted through touch—and now, when they need them most, they’re at a loss.
“Just getting some supplies,” she answers him with a shrug, causing one of her many parcels to slip from the precarious tower she’s constructed, and Din, ever agile, catches it before it strays too far. 
“My hero,” she quips dryly, gratefully, as he carefully places the package of tofu on top of the heap. He makes a face, wrinkling his nose. “Is that stuff any good?”
“It’s an acquired taste,” she smirks.
He’s closer to her now, less than an arm’s length away, and Din’s eyes flit to the fading mark at the swallow of her neck, peeking up from the collar of her shirt— the mark he left there just days prior, when she ground down on him, supple frame speared by his cock, rocking frantic and needy up and down on him, whimpering hushed noises into the empty studio. His hand splayed the width of her back, cradling her to him as she rode Din, stretching around him fucking perfectly. 
“Fuck, this pussy takes me so well,” he seethed through a clenched jaw, her breasts rutting against his chest with each bounce of her hips. He growled. “You’re so - shit - you’re tight-” 
Din gave her ass a sharp smack before pawing at it, grabbing a fistful of the flesh there and she moaned— she fucking moaned, depraved and oaky, and knocked her head back, lips falling open and eyes rolling shut. Din groaned at the sight—this woman, this fucking thorn in his goddamn side—sheathed around him, writhing as he fucked up into her—and she had the audacity to moan like that. 
“You like that?” He slapped her ass again and she whimpered, clawing at him, tangling her fingers into his hair, nails scraping over his scalp. He had to resist the urge to shudder—snapping his mouth tight around a whine.
Normally, she’d meet him with some sort of resistance. She was cheeky and smarmy and they both knew it—it’s a game they played—perfectly balanced, perfectly opposed. But she couldn’t help it—she was too far gone, too fucked out, and the words unspooled from her lips like yarn. 
“Yes-yes—fuck, Din- please.”
That earned her another swift crack, the pillowed flesh prickling red from the sting of his palm, and it tore a guttural sound out of her, wrecking through her pretty throat. “God, you’re a filthy little thing. So f-fucking filthy for me-“ 
He ripped her orgasm out of her, his fingers snaked between their bodies, furiously working at her clit in tight, wet circles. It felt like a punch to his gut, as her pussy clamped down around him and gushed. 
When he finally came, spilling into her slicked cunt, he had to bite down on her neck just to keep from fucking shouting. 
He tears his gaze off the bruise, returning to her face—and it’s hardly any better. The corner of her mouth has turned up, just barely, the whisper of it wry and aching. That look—that infuriating, debilitating glint in her eyes—has settled and it makes his cock twitch against his jeans.
“Having a barbecue?” she asks, nodding to his cart, the beer and buns and patties there.
He clears his throat, “Something like that.”
Fenn insisted on it—’I’m not wasting the perfect weather. We’re all doing something, whether you like it or not’— He could only fight her on it for so long. Lesser men have tried and failed, and he knew it best to quit while he was ahead.
“Sounds fun. It’s supposed to be a beautiful weekend.”
“Yeah, so I hear.” Din has to fight the roll of his eyes.
The spell had been broken. They’d spirited themselves away—lying to each other and themselves—as if their tryst existed above consequence, above ramification—like they weren’t even real people. Just ideas, ideas they’d fuck and then suddenly and conveniently vanish—out of sight, out of mind; would disappear as the sun that set on them, blurring lines into the dark.
But he sees her here, clumsy willow arms and cotton tee and cut-off shorts and those beautiful fucking legs he loves wrapped around him so much, and she’s glowing despite the ugly fluorescent sheen cast up from the linoleum tile and—
It’s different. She’s different. Fuller. He knows her now—like this. And he can’t unknow her.
His throat bobs. Maybe he should ask her if she’s free. If she’s got plans. Maybe—
“I’ll see you on Wednesday then,” she says, something unreadable in her voice.
Din swallows. He nods. “Wednesday.”
Oh fuck, he likes her.
She tips her head to him, grinning something small, and shuffles off towards the register.
He watches her go, eyes following as she rounds a corner and slips away. She can feel them on her, his eyes, boring into her backside—all the way to her car, through the town, up to her driveway, into her kitchen where she cupboards her groceries—she feels him, the heavy heat of him, melting against her spine.
@djarinsbeskar @frannyzooey @pedros-mustache
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cryptidsnackpack · 13 days ago
Seed Family & Fall’s Ender HC’s Based on Things My Family Has Done
For a short period of time Monopoly was banned at all family gatherings. Joseph ALWAYS won despite Jacob and John creating their own rules and bartering system with real world consequences. For example, John offered to personally detail Jacob’s truck to buy Park Place.
Faith makes quilts, but they are of the most eclectic combinations of fabrics imaginable. Joseph and Jacob sleep with theirs, and John keeps his on the couch.
In his youth, and before he was sheriff, Whitehorse spent the night in county jail for riding his horse into the Spread Eagle after a few too many drinks.
At a Rye family barbecue , Joey took over the blowup water slide and turned it into her personal clubhouse. Sitting at the top Joey would gruffly ask, “what’s the password?”, before shoving them down the slide.
Staci has broken his nose by stepping on a rake. He and Joey were doing some yard work for Mr. Armstrong. Joey calls it the, “Looney Tunes Incident”.
Jacob actually convinced John to go canoeing with him once. John was fine until Jacob stood up and began rocking back and forth. Joseph swears John’s screech echoed for miles.
Nick was so nervous to propose to Kim. He had it all planned out to wait until Christmas and tuck the ring on the tree. He couldn’t wait though, while he was filing up his truck he chucked the ring box at Kim through the open widow. He yelled “think about this!”, and then went inside the gas station to grab a pack of gum.
Jess has only been startled twice while hunting. Once when a doe got the jump on her and blew directly in her ear, and another when she accidentally sat too close to a Cardinal’s nest. The male beat his wings so loudly on his chest she thought a bear has run up behind her. She peed a little and didn’t tell a solitary soul she had been frightened by a bird.
Adelaide swears she patented the “water diaper”. She sticks her legs through the arm holes of a life vest and bobs for hours. Usually (always), with at least one drink in hand.
Pastor Jerome used to have a pet fox as a kid. He used a red wagon to tote the fox in, and they would walk around Fall’s End. He’d head to the local library and load up on books, his trusty sidekick keeping watch from the wagon. Sometimes people would stop by and give the fox a pat.
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renjuseyo · 2 months ago
15&16 Vernon Male Reader thanks
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pairing: hansol chwe / reader (male)
15 - “it was a joke, baby. i swear.”
16 - “are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?”
prompt game: closed
you regret tagging along to meet hansol's friends.
you can only let out an empty laugh, suppressing the bitterness that threatens to seep into your voice. because despite hansol's inability to read the room, he's eerily perceptive when it comes to you and your habits. you don't want to ruin his get together with his friends, anyways, especially since he hasn't seen them since he was in america.
when hansol had asked you to come eat barbecue with his and his friends from america, you were initially excited, curious to know the tales of your boyfriend prior to his arrival to korea. that feeling had died down when you had actually gotten around to hanging out with them.
thankfully or not, he doesn't notice, instead enraptured in a conversation he has with one of his friends. kevin or something, you're not really sure. they seem to be reminiscing the past together, because whatever hansol says has kevin? cackling as he slaps his arm so fervently that you feel worried.
it's not that his friends are rude, per se. hansol has better judgement, anyways, so he would never befriend someone who goes against his morals. but you're left to fend for yourself, awkwardly grilling the meat or pouring yourself another glass of soju as he's snagged away.
it's a little ironic, you think. despite being surrounded by ten or more people, you still feel lonely and out of place.
you're pulled out of your thoughts when one of hansol's friends suddenly dives headfirst into the table. while everyone's joking about her being drunk out of her mind, you're worried for her head. "juri's out for the count again," a girl with a short bob snorts, giggling to two of her friends.
as if rising from the dead, juri abruptly lifts her head, glaring at the girl with the bob. "not dead!" she slurs.
"you're always the first one to wipe out," hansol laughs, sliding her a glass of water. "drink up."
it may just be the lighting, but you swear you see her eyes twinkle upon hearing hansol's voice. "thank you sollie," she hums.
sollie is a nickname that you created, affectionately using it on hansol. apparently juri beat you to it.
you try to ignore the sudden jealousy that flares inside of you, attempting to drown it out with more soju. when you finish, heading to add more meat onto your plate, you notice from your peripheral vision that she's staring at you, long and hard. you pretend you don't notice.
that is, until she forcefully grasps your attention by snapping her fingers in front of your face, eyes narrowed. "you're sollie's boyfriend, right?" she asks.
the way his nickname rolls off her tongue rubs on you the wrong way, but it may just be the alcohol in you. "yes."
she sighs, wistful. "i don't get why sollie didn't date me~ we were the bestest of friends during middle school!" she complains, letting her head lull to the side. "even had a crush on me for the longest time." she mumbles the last part, but despite the sizzling of the grill and the laughter of the crowd, you hear it loud and clear. before you can question her, she slides down to rest her head onto the table. "woah there. spinning room."
no one else notices how bothered the statement makes you, instead jeering at juri, who actually blacked out. from the corner of your eye, you can see hansol staring at you, but you aren't sure if it's out of concern or not. you don't feel like sticking around long enough to confirm, though. pushing your chair in, you announce, "i actually remembered that i have something important to do. it was nice meeting you all."
everyone but hansol slurs their goodbyes. at least kevin? has the decency to try and get you to stay. "no, i'm okay, thanks though." you glance at your boyfriend, who wears a frown on his face. "don't lose your keys this time, hansol." not sollie, but hansol.
you can already see him scrambling to follow you out of concern, but you make a beeline towards the door before he can.
"don't even think about driving after you've drank," hansol's voice booms from behind you.
a small part of you flutters, knowing that he was concerned enough to follow you. but juri's statement still rings in your head, so you remain silent.
he approaches you, swiping the keys from your hands. "i know you don't actually have anything to do, (name). what's up?" another moment of silence.
now he can tell that something's up. "are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?" he asks in disbelief. "what did i do wrong?"
he looks at you in surprise, but you look away, avoiding his gaze. when he recalls her words before blacking out, he rubs your arms, sighing. "it was a joke, baby. i swear."
you laugh, but it's dry and sarcastic. "why else would she bring it up, then? if not because she likes you, or because she's trying to guilt me. besides, who's to say she isn't right? maybe you still-"
"hey," hansol interrupts. "i'll admit, i liked her a lot, but that was when we were kids. i got over her a long time ago, i promise. she usually doesn't say these things, but it doesn't excuse her behavior." he drops his hands to cup your hands instead. "you're the one i want, and the one i will always want."
lacing your fingers together, you bite your lip, feeling guilty about your brazen envy and for making him concerned enough to leave his friends. "sorry sollie," you apologize. "i shouldn't have gotten mad."
he always manages to wash your guilt away, bringing your intertwined hands to his lips. "you're drunk, (name). it's okay. now let's go home, shall we?"
"but what about your friends? didn't you say you hadn't seen them in forever?"
"knowing them, they'll have a massive hangover tomorrow, so there's always next time. besides, i need to cheer up my sulky boyfriend~"
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maknaesdancersrappers · 8 months ago
devoted 2.
part 11
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Overall warning/s: kinkier smut (eg. voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc.) character death, dark themes
Chapter warning/s: vulgar language, violence
Just how devoted is Jaehyun to you?
prev: part 10
wc: 7.5k
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Jaehyun took a few days off from work to be with you and you also notified Yuta that you needed some time off from what had happened yesterday. After both of you calmed down from the revelation of a new stalker, you regrettably changed out of your lingerie and put on the baggiest sweats you owned, feeling too naked after finding out you were being recorded through a stuffed animal — and although it was cliche, you still fell for it. You made your way to the guest room, not wanting to spend the night in the masters, where Jaehyun had already thrown off the duvet cover and prepared some tea for the two of you on the nightstand.
“I had a completely different vision of how your homecoming was supposed to turn out.” You tried to joke, slipping under the heavy blankets and directly went straight into his arms.
“I know, baby.” He kisses your forehead, “Are you okay now?”
Your throat burned from yelling and your eyes are swollen from crying. Thinking about what has happened is still keeping your heart rate faster than usual, but not enough to send you into panic. “A little better… is there any news from Hyunwoo?”
“He said the receptionist logged the toy’s delivery a few minutes after the flowers arrived. A different delivery boy had handed it to them, but claimed to be from the same courier as the flowers, saying that they forgot the bear in the car. Of course, Hyunwoo called the flower shop I ordered the roses from and they denied sending out a teddy bear with my order.”
“Do you think it’s just a coincidence that it was sent the same time as yours?”
Jaehyun sucks his teeth in, glancing away to contemplate on the thought. “Perhaps.”
“What about the flowers? The begonias?”
You could see his jaw visibly clenching. He licks his lips once and swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing at the action.
“It was under the name Jeon Gon, but there’s not a single record of anyone under that name.”
Jeon Gon.
You knew that name.
“So… it’s an alias? Another dead end?”
He frowns, pulling you closer to him. “I promise you that I’m going to find out who’s behind all of this, [Y/N]. I’m not going to let anyone harm you, especially if their real target is me.”
“I don’t want anyone hurt.”
“I know, baby.” You look up at him and he kisses you, “Let’s get some rest, okay?”
He pulls the blanket over your bodies and you tuck yourself into his chest, putting an arm over his waist. He smells like his cologne, reminding you that he didn’t even get to freshen up when he got home. You could feel his breath in your hair, feeling it grow slower as the minutes passed. You feel a bit bad for him, knowing well he’s tired from travelling and now your situation is just adding to his stress.
You’re jostled awake when you hear noise coming outside the room. The guest room was now dark, maybe Jaehyun had turned the lights off at one point while you slept. He was still beside you, softly snoring and wrapped around your body. There were footsteps walking along the hallway and you panicked, sitting up and shaking Jaehyun awake.
“Baby, wake up.” You whispered, shaking his arm.
He merely groans, begrudgingly turning around to face the other side, but you stop him and continue to shake him.
“Jaehyun.” You hissed and he finally snaps his eyes open, blinking himself awake and squinting at you. “There’s someone outside.”
This makes him sit up, putting an arm around your shoulders, “What?”
You put a finger to your lips, gesturing for him to listen. After a while, something makes a noise again and you grabbed his shirt.
“Oh, baby.” He lets out a long yawn and chuckles, “I asked the cleaning lady to come in today, especially after the mess I made.”
You finally relaxed, slacking against him, “Gosh, that scared me. How did you explain the broken pot, though?”
“I said you saw a spider on the wall and threw the pot at it.” He snorts, making you slap his chest. “What? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t actually do that.”
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“In two weeks!” You exclaim, pulling Jaehyun by his hand as you took him through the empty living room, looking up at the ceiling where the chandelier you chose was finally installed. “We get to move in two weeks!”
“Our contractors work faster than anyone in the business.” Jaehyun smiles at you, amused at your excitement.
You just came from furniture shopping and most of the items you’ve purchased are being delivered in a week. Other decor pieces that you were able to bring were stored in the garage for the time being until everything from construction and repainting are done. “This feels surreal. I still think this house is too big for us.”
“We’ll have it filled up in no time.” He kisses your head and you swat his chest, “Ow.”
“Two kids.” You hold up two fingers.
He rolls his eyes, “I know, I know. I want to see our bedroom.”
“No!” You yelped, grabbing both his wrists; your voice bouncing off the walls and echoing around the house. He looks at you weirdly, confused at your outburst. “It’s a surprise. You’ll see it when we move in.”
Jaehyun cocks his head, pulling his lips into a taut smile that brought his dimples out, “Our bedroom is a surprise for me? Oh, I wonder why?”
“Shut up.” You laugh, letting go of his hands, “I hope you’ll like it.”
“I’m sure I’ll love it.”
You bounce on your heels, clutching your stomach, “I’m so excited, I feel like puking.”
His face falls, “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”
“No! Trust me,” Gulping down the acidity rising up your throat, “It’s just excitement. Come on, let me show you the other rooms.”
Instead of the upper floor, you took him to the rooms that would be the offices. Each of you had an office and a shared conference room that had its own door from the porch. He expresses his disdain for having a conference room, but you hushed him, saying that it’s better to have work come to them, especially when you two have kids.
“Stop whining. Let’s go to the guest room and home gym.”
There were two guest bedrooms by the office area that shared a bathroom. When you planned this part out, you intended it for both your parents to stay if they wanted to or for your friends when they decide to crash for the night. They might not be ensuite, but you wanted to put a small table and a couple of chairs in each of them as a place for tea or maybe even a reading nook. The home gym was something you were on a fence with, but you didn’t know what else to do with the extra space. The wall mirrors have been installed already and Jaehyun chuckles to himself, pulling your body closer so your back is flushed against his chest.
“A whole wall of mirrors?” He mumbles in your ear, “[Y/N], this is character development.”
You scoffed, “If you don’t shut up, I’ll never allow us to do yoga together.”
Spinning around to face him, you tiptoe to whisper into his ear, “Naked yoga.”
Jaehyun puts his hands up and steps away from you, “I will shut up now.”
Opposite of the mirrored wall are glass doors that lead to your favorite place of the entire mansion: the swimming pool. 
If you were being honest, you would be happy with a simple lap pool, but you loved the pool that was already built with the house. It looked about the same size as a short course meter pool you used to swim in back in high school. Offset from the corner was a little walkway into the pool that had a circular firepit and seating area that also doubled as a poolside bar. To the left of the pool was an inground hot tub and space for lounge chairs.
“I can see my dad cooking barbecue for us on the patio.” You pointed at the area across the gym, where carpenters were installing the marble tiles for the counter.
“You know your dad won’t give me his barbecue recipe? I’ve asked thrice already.” Jaehyun grumbles, kicking the floor like a child.
“Ask again after we’re married.” You take his hand and kiss his knuckles, “He’s just toying with you.”
“Well—” His phone rings and he grimaces at you, annoyed that he was receiving a call on his day off. You let go of him, urging him to answer, to which he relents to. “Hello?”
You walk away from him to give him privacy until you hear him exclaim, “Flowers? From the same name? Trace it. Report back ASAP.”
You had turned to face him, crossing your arms as if it could help you brace yourself from the answer of your inquiry, “What was that about?”
Jaehyun purses his lips, tucking his phone back into his pocket as he looks around.
“Jaehyun, please tell me.”
“There was another gift sent to our apartment. Another bouquet of flowers. Snapdragons, I think.” He clicks his tongue, holding his hand out to you. “I’m having everything delivered to our apartment — and here — monitored closely.”
Taking his hand, you nod at him, “Okay… uhm, are we going to install CCTV inside the house?”
Jaehyun looks through the glass of the sliding doors that led to the living room, “We can, if you want to, but our property is closed off and we have our own security personnel on the premises.”
There were 4 small cottages on each corner of the lot; 2 for security personnel and 2 for house helpers. You didn’t know about this until the other day when you visited and you were surprised to see 2 new buildings by the gate and you hear Hyunwoo telling Jooheon that they’ll be moving into one of them. It doesn’t bother you at all and because of the recent circumstance, it made you feel more at ease.
“Whatever you think is best, then.” You shrugged your shoulders, intertwining your fingers with his. “Oh, Jaehyun, I… Can we visit Kun at the hospital? There’s something I wanted to ask him in person.”
“Okay? We can go—” His phone rings for a second time, but this time he doesn’t hesitate to answer. Without letting go of your hand, he takes his phone out with the other and answers it. “Hello?”
You move closer, hoping you could eavesdrop, but can’t make out the words on the other line. Instead, you lean your head on his shoulder and silently hope for good news.
“Okay. I’ll be right there.” He sighs after ending the call, looking at you with contemplation. “They tracked the delivery boy and the shop he works at. I’ll be going to the store myself to ask… would you like to come with me?”
“N-not really…” You admit, chewing on your bottom lip, “But you’re not… going to do anything irrational, are you?”
Jaehyun frowns, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t want you using violence.”
“When have I ever—” He stops mid-sentence when your brow goes up and he clears his throat, “Right. No violence. I promise.”
“Okay, well, then I guess I’ll head home first.”
Hyunwoo picked you up while Jaehyun got in his own car and drove to the flower shop. You try not to dwell on the thought of Jaehyun dealing with the matter alone, praying with every fiber of your being that he’ll respond to it with a cool head. You watch the scenery of the outside world blur past as you drive down the empty residential street. The excitement you felt earlier from the prospect of moving into your new home so soon has dwindled down to boredom as you head home to anxiously wait for Jaehyun and news about the situation. 
“Hyunwoo.” You find yourself calling out to the driver, who perked up from his seat and glanced at you through the rearview mirror.
“Let’s make a detour to the General Hospital.”
His eyes are back on the road, “Of course, ma’am. Are you feeling well?”
“I’m fine. There’s just someone I want to visit.”
Traffic wasn’t as bad as you thought despite it being 5PM already. Hyunwoo had pulled up to the parking lot and made a move to go out with you, but you told him to wait in the car, promising him it would only take a while.
Inside the hospital, you checked the directory for where Kun would be stationed at and realized you should have messaged him first before coming over. You don’t even know if he was here. As you internally debate on calling him, you hear your name being called.
“[Y/N]?” Kun appears behind you, clad in his white coat and a cup of coffee in his hand, “What are you doing here?”
He looked… tired. When was the last time you saw him? A couple of weeks ago? The bags under his eyes are considerably darker and he looked like he lost a bit of weight.
“Have you been sending me gifts?”
“Jeon Gon.” You stated, “That’s your Korean name, isn’t it?”
Kun moves aside when another doctor passes by, stepping closer to you. “Yeah, but—”
“I’ve been getting gifts from a Jeon Gon after you told me that you wanted to protect me from someone. I’ve been down this road before; you’re trying to scare me so I would believe you.”
“[Y/N], Jesus Christ, calm down for a second. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“If it’s not you, then who? There’s no one named Jeon Gon in Korea.” You hissed, crossing your arms. “What do you want from me?”
He sighs, “[Y/N], I don’t have time for this. I’ve been up to my neck with work. I have no idea what you’re talking about. You can ask the head nurse; I’ve been here all week.”
You bite your lip, hoping it would stop it from trembling. It doesn’t seem like he’s lying, but if it wasn’t Kun, then who was it? He must have noticed your change in demeanor because he steps closer to you.
“[Y/N], what’s wrong?”
“Who is it?” You mumbled to yourself, suddenly hyper aware of your surroundings and looking around for someone suspicious. “That night— that night in your car…”
He frowns, “Is that what you’re upset about? [Y/N], look, I’m sorry about that slip-up. I didn’t mean to and I definitely don’t want to get in between you and Jaehyun, but—”
“But what?” You inhaled deeply and slowly, trying to keep yourself calm and collected, “Who were you talking about that night? Who’s after me? Tell me, Kun, so Jaehyun and I can finally be at peace.”
“Wait, I don’t understand. What’s happening with you and Jaehyun?”
“Someone has been sending me gifts under your Korean name.” You sniffed, taking another glance around. At this, Kun motions for you to follow him and he takes you to the canteen where it’s relatively quiet. Once seated, you continued, “Jeon Gon. The deliveries were ordered by a Jeon Gon, but there’s no one on record anywhere with that name.”
Kun shakes his head, “It’s definitely not me. I’m being framed! I can’t even fix myself a decent dinner the past weeks, how can I place an order for gifts? Are you okay?”
“I wish I was,” You confessed, “I want to tell you I’m okay so you wouldn’t worry since you’re already stressed with work, but I can’t; I’m fucking terrified.”
“And Jaehyun?”
“He’s doing everything he can to get to the bottom of it. He’s over at the shop where the flowers are from right now.”
Your eyes drift around the room, passing your gaze along the motivational posters and infographics on the walls. The canteen workers warmly greeted people who came up to have their trays filled while soft jazz playing through the speakers on each corner of the room. Your gaze stopped at the CCTV camera above one of the speakers, transfixed at the blinking red dot. Deep in your gut, you just know it: you’re being watched.
“Is there any way I can help?” Kun pulls you out of your reverie, “I feel like all I can do is offer emotional support.”
“It’s fine.” You looked back at him, licking your lips with a shake of your head, “I have full confidence it would be resolved soon… I’m… I’m sorry, too, for accusing you and for exploding on you that night. We just never had proper closure.”
“Yeah,” He stares into his half-empty coffee cup, “And you were right. Past is past. We don’t need to dig it up and just move on.”
There was a few seconds of comfortable silence between you until something from his coat beeps and he sighs, pulling out his phone.
“Well, my break’s over.”
“I should be heading home anyways.” You push your seat back to stand up and follow after you, “Oh, Jaehyun and I are moving in two weeks. We’d love to have you over with some friends for a little housewarming party.”
“Wow, congrats!” He grins at you, “I have a scheduled leave around those days since my family is coming over to visit. Would you… would you like to have dinner with us?”
Unconsciously, you gulped at the offer, but you nod anyway. “I would love to. See you then?”
“See you then,” He finishes his cup in one gulp and waves at you.
You wave back, making your way out of the canteen until he stops you after a few steps.
“[Y/N],” Kun clears his throat, “Stay safe.”
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“Cheers!” Yuta exclaims, filling yours and Kyungwon’s glasses with white wine and raises his own up in the air, clinking with yours, “To this beautiful man cave by these amazing women!”
His apartment was finally finished, every inch fully furnished as you and Kyungwon planned it out to be. The three of you huddled at the granite counter, taking a sip from your glasses.
“We’re glad you liked it.” Kyungwon puts her glass down, although she doesn’t meet his eyes.
“Liked it? I love it!” He looks around as if he hadn’t done so an hour ago, “It’s perfect.”
“We hope to work with you again, then?” You teased, giggling into your glass as you take one more swig. “Maybe by then it’s my own company.”
Yuta hums, refilling his glass, “Oh yeah, how’s that been going?”
“I haven’t gotten around to it. Jaehyun said he’d help me, but he’s too busy so I don’t bring up. We’re also moving soon so I don’t want our plates to be full.” You whirl your wine around, watching the liquid swish in your glass.
“And you, Kyungwon? Do you still have projects to do?”
This makes you look up at her, briefly glancing at Yuta. Is he asking to make it seem like he doesn’t know or pillow talk isn’t something they do? Is their relationship strictly physical?
“Yeah, I do. There’s an office for a start-up business, a kid’s bedroom, a couple of living rooms; I’m pretty booked.” She says, sounding a bit bored. She then looks at you with a little pout, “Please save me as soon as you can.”
“I will.” You chuckled, waving a hand at Yuta as he offered her a refill. “How about you, Yuta? I heard from my best friend that you’re their security system now. Nakamoto Tech is dominating security tech in Seoul.”
Yuta shrugs, “That’s my purpose here in Korea. I almost don’t want to return home next month.”
“You’re going home next month?”
“To celebrate my mom’s birthday and to take an early break for the holidays.” He sets his glass down by the wine bottle on the counter. “I almost feel like I should have waited to have this apartment renovated.”
“At least you have a home here in Seoul when you come back.” You clasped your hands in front of you and offered him a smile, “Speaking of homes, I’d like to invite the two of you to our housewarming. We’re moving in in a few days and after tidying up, we want to celebrate. I’ll send our address through text.”
“The house is done?” Yuta blinks at you, surprise in his eyes, “I said I’d have our camera systems installed for you as a housewarming gift.”
“Well, I’ve talked to Jaehyun about it and he said we don’t need CCTV inside the home since it’s a gated property. But I’m sure if you bring it up to Jaehyun, he won’t be able to refuse you.”
A smile grows on Yuta’s face, “Aw, did I get under his skin already? But if he doesn’t want to, then it’s fine. Nakamoto Tech has other gadgets useful for new homeowners.”
“You really don’t have to send any gifts. Jaehyun and I just want to celebrate with friends.”
“Too late!” Kyungwon pipes up, shooting you a wink, “I’ve already gotten you something from Smeg.”
“Ah~” You knew where this was heading. In the first weeks of your job, you always made it a point to bring freshly baked goodies for your colleagues to make a good impression on them — and it worked. Although as time passed and work piled up, it was understandable you weren’t able to bake as often and they just had to patiently wait for some company event or your birthday to get a taste of your baking again. “Why do I feel like meetings at my house will become a baking party?”
She shrugs her shoulders, faking nonchalance as she also sets her glass down, having her fill, “You think so?”
“You bake?” Yuta interjects himself into the conversation, evidently curious about this new fact from you.
“I used to; I can’t even remember the last time I baked.” You look off into a random corner, “Huh, well then, I’ll bake a few things for the party!”
Kyungwon clasps her hands together, the sound resounding through the loft as she dances a little shimmy at the prospect of you baking again. “Let me know if you need a blender! I’ll send it to you before the party.”
“I think I might need it. My food processor heated up quickly last time I used it.”
Clapping her hands again, Kyungwon promises to send you the blender as soon as you need it before excusing herself to use the restroom.
“I don’t know what to get you two for a gift now.” Yuta sighs, leaning over the counter and propping his chin on his knuckles after Kyungwon leaves. “Is there anything else you need?”
“You really don’t have to get us anything! Just bring yourself to the party.”
This makes him pout, “Then I’ll be the only one empty handed. How about some wine? Or flowers for a centerpiece? I heard orchids are great table centerpieces.”
“Any is fine really.” You paused, remembering your earlier encounters with Yuta. Before you could stop yourself, you asked him: “Did you happen to send me flowers a week or so ago?”
He looks visibly confused, brows meeting in the middle of his forehead and the corners of his lips curling downwards, “No. I’m not really the type to send gifts to people without a reason and I would have called or messaged you to ask if you’d received it. Besides, I had a meeting in Jeju, remember? Why did you ask?”
Oh, that’s right. Yuta had been in Jeju for nearly a week since the flowers were given to you at the flower shop. It isn’t even possible for him to know that you were there in the first place. You feel almost a little bit ashamed to accuse him.
“Someone had gotten me flowers — begonias… you got those for Mina, right? Well, I received some as well and I assumed it was Jaehyun behind it since he always gets me flowers every other week. I only found out a week later that it didn’t come from him. Would you happen to know what they mean?”
“What they mean? I’m not really that kind of person. I only like them because our house back in Japan had them in the garden. I even called them roses until the gardener corrected me.” His lips stay in a constant frown, “Why? What do they mean?”
“Caution?” He repeats, “Are you being threatened? Is this the guy that sent the note to Jaehyun?”
“We think so. Jaehyun’s been on it ever since, but there are no leads.” Thinking about it again makes your head spin and it’s like all the energy from your body had been drained. 
Yuta hums a little, tapping the granite counter with his fingers. “I probably don’t have to suggest this, but I know a great private investigator. I hired him for that drugging incident that happened to Sicheng and Jaehyun.”
“Drugging incident? So they were actually drugged?!”
“Jaehyun didn’t tell you? I hired one of the top investigators, Detective Go, to work on the case since I felt responsible for putting Jaehyun and Sicheng in that situation. Even after the arson, he was able to track down the people behind the drugs.” He explains, licking his lips, “They weren’t targeted, thankfully, but we were just there at the wrong time. Everyone involved had been dealt with accordingly.”
You were relieved to know this, but it bothers you that Jaehyun hadn’t told you. It’s been months since that happened. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
Yuta offers you a smile, “Maybe he just didn’t want you to worry anymore. He’s always trying his best to make sure you don’t worry about him.”
The truth is you’re always worried about him, more than ever with what’s been happening. Although you can’t say you’re surprised he kept something like this a secret from you, but you would have preferred to have him transparent with you in cases like these.
“Ah, would it spoil the mood if I head home first?”
“Not at all.” He straightens himself up just as Kyungwon returns from the bathroom, “I have a call to make and a dinner to attend to later.”
“Oh, are we leaving?” Kyungwon chirps, heading towards one of the barstools where her purse was seated.
“Actually,” Yuta cleared his throat, “I’m calling my sister because she wanted to see the apartment. She’s very interested in the built in kotatsu you’ve designed, Kyungwon. Would you mind staying a bit later to explain to me your design while I translate it for her?”
There was a noticeable shift in the air and you’re not oblivious to it, knowing well what Yuta was insinuating regardless if he was telling the truth. A glimpse at her told you she’s flustered, perhaps because of your presence, so you quickly excused yourself.
“Well, I’ll go ahead then. Jooheon’s just waiting for me outside in the car. I’ll see you two around.” You grabbed your handbag and waved at both of them, “I’ll send the housewarming invites as soon as I work out the details.”
Yuta thanks you once more for working on his apartment, voice steady and cheerful like always, while Kyungwon can barely stutter out a goodbye; face blushing when you glanced back at them one last time before heading out the door. You don’t dwell on what was possibly happening now that you’re gone, trying to plan out how you’re going to approach Jaehyun regarding the drugging incident instead.
Ironically, as the elevator dinged and the doors opened for you, your mind recalls something Yuta had said.
A private investigator named Detective Go?
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You’ve been in such a better mood since the incident two weeks ago. Today, you and Jaehyun are finally moving in — and by that, you two will finally spend the first night in the bedroom you have yet to reveal to him. You still had flowers and other little gifts sent to you under the same name, which gave you headaches each time, but it had finally stopped a few days after. Jaehyun still hasn’t given up trying to find the sender, but left the task to his men since he had to go back to work.
Everything you wanted from the apartment had been delivered to the house and you spent every day getting it placed where you wanted them to be, as well as the other few pieces of decor you had purchased. The only furniture missing were the seatings for the second floor which weren’t on your priority list anyway.
For the last night on your bed, as you bought a new one for the house, you and Jaehyun had spent it… very well. So well that neither of you expected to sleep at 4AM because of the night activities.
“I’m going to miss this place.” You sighed, looking around the living room. Despite the furniture remaining, it still looked empty without the photos and whatnots. “But I can’t wait to remodel it and rent it out.”
Jaehyun holds your hand, “Are you ready to go?”
It was a Friday, but he still took the day off because he knew how excited you were to move in ever since the contractor gave the green light. You look down at his outfit and scoff.
“Are you moving into your frat house?”
He looked years younger in a his black shirt and sweatpants combo with his old college letterman jacket.
“It’s either this or a suit,” Jaehyun smirks, “Which would make you want to fuck me more?”
“Neither.” You answered off the bat, laughing after a beat at the thought of him driving over to the new house naked. Your laughter is cut short when he reaches for the hem of his shirt and starts to lift it upwards, “Jaehyun, please!”
It was his turn to laugh, pinching your flustered cheeks, “I wouldn’t be caught dead naked on the streets, even for you, my love. Come on, I finally get to see our bedroom that you’ve prohibited me from seeing.”
You don’t know why you’re nervous; you’re very sure he’s going to like what you’ve done to the bedroom. The master bedroom occupied the entire left wing of the house, save for the nursery, and used up two ensuite bedrooms that were originally in the floor plan. You had used the spare bedroom and converted it to a walk-in closet, but that wasn’t the surprise.
The bathroom, which was between the bedroom and the walk-in closet, had a separate enclosed space for the toilet and the same model of bathtub you have in the apartment (that, of course, fit both of you in.) The shower area is the big surprise. You can’t lie about how excited (read as: turned on) you were when you discovered the shower enclosure on whatever site you were on. Past the bathtub was shower area, which shared a glass wall… with the bedroom.
It’ll be an awkward conversation if anyone chanced upon it with the velvet drapes drawn, but otherwise it’ll just look like room decor. When you planned it out, you imagined yourself in bed, still sleeping and rousing up at the sound of water running. When you turn around on the bed, you’d be greeted by Jaehyun’s naked body; water cascading down his fit form as he washes up for the day. You even have a few scenarios up your sleeves when it’s your turn in the shower, baiting him to join you or simply give him a show.
“What are you smiling for?” Jaehyun snaps you out of your reverie. From the streets he was driving down, you should be a few minutes away from the house.
“I’m excited, of course.” You licked your lips, “I’m gonna shower when we get there.”
He glances at you, “There’s nothing to put away?”
“It can wait.” You smiled, “Everything can wait. I just wanna shower.”
He doesn’t seem to get your hint, “Okay. I’m gonna take a nap then. Wake me up if you need me.”
After a few more minutes, you see the gated property that hid your new, permanent home. You’ve seen it countless times, but today felt different. There was a burst of butterflies wreaking havoc in the pits of your stomach as the gates were opened upon your arrival by the security personnel on duty. As Jaehyun drives up to the house, you feel your heart rate pick up as he slows the car down to a full stop at the front porch. Goosebumps riddle your skin as you step out of the car, gazing up at the structure.
This is it. The place where everything begins — your future with Jaehyun; as his wife, as the mother of his kids… it’s not hard to imagine now how in just a year or so, there could be a third addition to the household.
His hand slides along your waist, giving your hip a light squeeze as he gently presses his lips against your temple. “I’m not gonna lie. I’m excited, too.”
You peer up at him, “You’re just better at containing it.”
“Yup.” Jaehyun chuckles, “Shall we?”
He leads you up the steps of the front porch, already angrily pointing at the door on the left side. “I hate that room.”
You throw your head back and laugh at him, slapping his hand away. The room he referred to was the conference room for emergency meetings to be held there. It had its own entrance from the porch because you didn’t want anybody else parading inside your house unless you’ve invited them in. “I promise you that’s going to come in handy. If not for you, then me, so stop whining about it.”
Each of you already had your house keys, but Jaehyun had his on a keyring with his car keys so he had the honor of unlocking the door officially for the first time. He teased you with it, deliberately turning the knob slowly with a cheeky smile on his face. When he pushes the door open, you let out a surprised yelp when you’re suddenly scooped up into his arms, bridal-style.
“This is a thing, right?” Jaehyun steps over the threshold and closes the door with his foot.
“It is, but I’m supposed to be married to you first.” You put your arms around his neck and gave it a thought, “Well, we’re practically married if you think about it. The ceremony next year would just be a means of making it official to the government.”
He gives you a wolfish grin, hauling your body up further and planting a hard kiss on your lips, focusing on your bottom lip. Pulling it between his, he repeatedly runs his tongue along the plump flesh until it’s swollen and you’re pulling away to catch your breath.
“Honestly!” You exclaimed, breathlessly laughing at him as you wriggled in his hold to make him put you down, “We went at it for hours last night!”
Jaehyun sets you to your feet and tips your chin to face him, “I get surprised, too. But you’re to blame, you know.”
“You said you wanted to nap.” Both of you start to remove your shoes, placing them at the shoe rack inside the open mudroom.
“And you said you wanted to shower.” He retorts, “So let’s head upstairs so we can do our own thing before we start blessing each surface.”
You roll your eyes at him, taking his hand and tugging at him to follow you down the foyer and up the stairs. You’re glad that you two have already toured the rest of the house beforehand, leaving the master bedroom a surprise to him. Above the staircase, you round the corner to pass the second living area that had an indoor fire pit and the front balcony, where you planned to fill with plants to try your hand at gardening. The room by the balcony is the nursery, which you had left empty, wanting to work on it when you’re actually pregnant to keep yourself busy. You had wanted the door to the bedroom closer to the nursery, but chose to keep the original floorplan’s layout so your room has its own balcony that faced the backyard.
Reaching the mahogany double doors, you hug Jaehyun’s arm, “Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
With that, you let go of his arm and opened both doors up, revealing a white wall. Before Jaehyun could even comment about it, you pulled him inside and revealed an opening to the right.
“Just an extra privacy measure when we’re a little too caught up in bed.” You bit your lip, gauging his reaction. Rounding the corner of the opening, you finally revealed the bedroom.
You had the same model of the king-sized, low platform bed from the apartment ordered, which sat in the middle of the room, up against a wall between two casement windows. To the right of bed led to the balcony, where you put a circular sunbed for days you two would like to laze about. On the opposite side of the wall that greeted you from opening the double doors was a built-in media unit that still lacked the television to go on it.
“I’d like to see your body under those lights.” Jaehyun whispers into your ear, referring to the small crystal chandelier that hung above the bed.
“Later.” You purred, glancing at the thick, red velvet curtains that hid the actual surprise. “Do you want to see the closet first or do you want to nap? I’ve put away most of our clothes already.”
His eyes move over to the opening by the dark curtains to the left of the bed, “I’ll take a nap first. You know, to recharge for later.”
You don’t bother refuting him, gesturing to the bed as you make your way to the curtains. “Okay then. I’ll just have a quick shower and I’ll join you.”
He lets out a noncommittal hum, climbing onto the bed and sinking himself face first into the mattress, which was perfect for you to draw the curtains to the side and turn on the shower lights without him noticing. Glancing back to make sure he hasn’t changed his position, you stripped yourself off of the wrap dress you had on and pushed your panties down your legs. After placing them on the metal rack above the towel hooks, you entered the shower and watched Jaehyun through the glass.
It would be funnier if he’s actually asleep now and misses the show, but that’s his loss.
You keep your eyes on him while turning the ceiling shower on, standing in the rain of lukewarm water. The running water was loud enough to stir Jaehyun up, moving his head towards the sound with bored, sleepy eyes. Until he realizes the sight in front of him did he push his upper body off the bed and stare at your bare form. You don’t mind him at first, like you don’t know he could see you in the first place. Pushing your drenched locks back, you tip your head to let the water hit your neck.
Because of last night’s… activities… you felt sticky from the sweat when you woke up. You hadn’t bothered to shower back at the apartment for this very moment. In your peripheral vision, you see Jaehyun rise up from the bed and walk over to the glass wall with arms crossed. Peeking up at him through your lashes, you give him a coy smile and shy your body away from his hungry gaze.
“Is this your surprise?” His voice rings behind you and you turn around to face him.
He was stepping closer under the shower, still fully clothed. Pushing him away, you scolded, “Don’t get your clothes wet! Take them off before you come over here.”
Hurriedly, he starts to strip on command, keeping eye contact with you.
“Be careful.” You hold out your hand when he starts to bounce on one foot to get his pants off the other.
Finally rid of his clothing, he takes your hand and walks under the cascading water and dives right in for a kiss. Your hands raked his hair back, hoping to comb it down while it hasn’t been fully drenched yet. Trailing your hands down, you rest one on his jaw and the other on his shoulder.
“We’re going to have shower sex everyday.” Jaehyun rasps between kisses, pulling you closer to him until his erection was poking your abdomen.
“Is that a problem?”
“Not at all.” He smiles into the kiss, “I don’t mind paying extra for the water bill.”
His body pushes you back a couple of steps so he could reach the switches behind you. After blindly messing with the switches, he finally turns the water temperature down. His lips haven’t left yours, tongue ravaging your mouth like it was new territory.
You moaned, trailing your hand down his body to feel the ridges of hard muscle until you curl your fingers around his hot length. Giving it a little tug, you pull your mouth away from him and kiss down his neck, chest, and stomach, giving a little nip to his fair skin every now and then. You kneel down, ignoring the cold, biting pain of the tiles and focused all your senses on him. 
Leaning forward, you lick the tip of his cock in a slow stripe while pumping your fist around the base. Eye contact was a must every time; his dark orbs watching your every move, locked with yours through your lashes. Although it proved to be a little difficult with the shower on.
Jaehyun lets out a slow sigh, combing your hair back, and keeping his hand there while you take him into your mouth, inch by inch. You swear he gets bigger, if not thicker, every time you give him head because he never fits in your mouth. 
Meanwhile, Jaehyun can never get enough of seeing and having your lips around his cock. There was this vague innocence in your eyes while you tried to cram all of him in your warm, wet mouth.
You sucked on him like he was candy, twisting your hand around him as you did so. You could taste the precum on the farther end of your tongue. You pull away from his length, moving your mouth over his balls — he liked it a lot. He’d never say it out loud, but he does by the way his hips tilt forward. Returning your lips over the tip to collect the precum that had accumulated there, you sink his cock back into your mouth and hollow out your cheeks.
“Stand up.” Jaehyun groans, although his hands kept your head firmly where it was. It makes you chuckle, the vibration affecting him as well. 
Holding onto his hips, you push him further into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat.
“Fucking—” He lurches forward, unknowingly bucking his hips into your mouth, pushing himself further down your throat that it chokes you. He pulls you out the second he realizes what he’s done and he hoists you up, kissing your tears as you gasp for air. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
You collect yourself, coughing a couple more times before turning around, “I’m fine. Keep going.”
Jaehyun laughs, kissing your shoulder and pressing you against the glass wall. “One day, we’re going to set up a camera so we get to see how your body looks when pressed up like this.”
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The first day of having moved in is coming to a close and after “blessing” most of the surfaces on the second floor and a quick dinner, you and Jaehyun have settled into bed — finally tired.
He laid on his back, an arm cradling his head with the other wrapped around you while you cuddled his chest. From the way he breathed and his heart beat slowed, he’s already asleep. There was a tinge of guilt in you as you remembered he wanted to take a nap earlier in the day but you just had to tempt him out of it.
You quietly let out a sigh, gently craning your head so you could face him.
You still don’t understand how a man like him was yours to love and hold. Moments like these made you realize how you’ve never seen him sleeping up close. You were usually asleep before him because he’s either home late or he waited for you to sleep. He looked so peaceful; almost vulnerable. 
Without thinking, you pushed yourself up to press your lips on his cheek. Jaehyun stirred, the corners of his lips lifting up ever so slightly and the hand on your shoulder twitched. You smiled to yourself. He must be really tired.
“Good night, baby.” You whisper, kissing his cheek once more.
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a/n: happy new year lol 
next: part 12
~ buy me a peach? why?
272 notes · View notes
tamagochiie · 7 months ago
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synopsis: You come home late from your cousin’s funeral, and though Kenma didn’t expect much from you but perhaps a few leftovers you’ve managed to steal away from the dinner, he finds you with a surprise: a sleeping child cradled around your neck and a teenage boy hovering behind you. Your poor boyfriend wondering what in the hell it is you’re plotting… tags: angst and fluff, time skip!, slight spoilers if you squint warnings: mentions of death, mentions of depression, cursing, slight homophobic themes w/c: 4.8K
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a/n: Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m sorry it took so long, but I wanted to write only the very best BONUS CHAPTER for you guys. But I did say I’d post on Sunday, I just didn’t say which Sunday ;) 
[Joke, I just found it really hard to write this.]
This is probably the longest chapter I’ve ever written, so I apologize for giving you quite the read. One last time, thank you for the support and for journeying with me through this fan fic! I hope you continue on with me as I write more stories. 
See you in the next series!
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back to master list
<< life as they’ll know it 
The afternoon air is hot and thickly layered with barbecue smoke. Music blares off into the distance, masked between the clamoring of students and visitors alike as they participate in the activities; some cheering as they root for each other, some booing down their opponents. 
All the while you camp beneath the cool shade of a tree while you wait for Kenma to come back with more water. It stands just a couple of feet away from the track and field, giving you a clear view of Yuki participating in a sack race with Hinata. 
You stretch your legs, rehydrating yourself bit by bit as you watch Hinata shuffling across the field with Yuki clinging onto his back. His movements are dangerously vigorous, but not harsh enough to have Yuki slip away.
Oh, god, please don’t drop my kid, you think. 
The little crow that had been painted on the side of Hinata’s cheek earlier in the day, as well as the mini frogs scattered across Yuki’s face, have now become nothing more than smudges coated in their own sweat. 
You can already imagine how much scrubbing you’ll have to do when you give Yuki his bath later. 
Amused, you watch as they make it to the finish line. Hinata stumbles on his own feet, causing him to fall to the ground knee first as Yuki swings around his neck, the two of them shouting in victory as if they made it to first place.
Bokuto skips to their side, not minding the stares they earn from those around them as he hands them a bottle of water after their “win”. 
You did worry about the possible attention you’d attract with two olympic athlete wandering around the campus. But much to your surprise, the only ones who were brave enough to approach Hinata and Bokuto were either high school girls or very desperate looking mothers. 
The latter tends to send an unwelcome shiver down your spine. 
You watch as Bokuto peels Yuki away from Hinata and lifts him to the sun, sprinkling him with praises and kisses, not minding the green paint smearing onto his lips. And you smile to yourself, once again thankful for the extra set of hands. 
You jolt in place when you feel something cool press against the crown of your head. Raising your hand to block the sliver of sunlight peeking through branches, you find your boyfriend towering over you with a smile on his face. 
You smile back, taking the cold bottle of water, “Hey there.” 
“Sorry I took so long,” He says, joining you on the grass. “How’s Yuki-chan? Did he win the race?” 
You shake your head, still looking ahead.  “No, but he’s still happy, so it’s still a win, I suppose.” 
Kenma follows your line of sight, finding Yuki perched on Bokuto’s shoulders. He stretches his arms to the sky, his chubby cheeks jiggling beneath the sun as he giggles in joy. 
“As long as he’s happy.” 
Twisting the bottle open, you down the water in one breath, satisfying your need for hydration. You rest your head back as a heavy, tired sigh escapes you. 
Your hair sticks to your temples, sweat trickling down your neck as you stay slumped against the itchy bark of the tree, desperate to regain the last of your energy before the day ends. You use one of the many flyers that had been handed to you, fanning away the dizzying feeling that tries to consume you. 
“Are you still good?” Kenma asks, taking the flyer from your hand to fan you himself. You lazily nod, bones too achy to move. “Day’s almost over. Just give it a few more pushes and we’ll be home.” 
You hum in response, lulling your head towards him, meeting his soft expression as he continues to fan you down. He pulls his handkerchief from his pocket, dabbing away the sweat accumulating on your forehead, but still minding not to smear any of the butterflies painted on your face. 
“When does Eiji’s game start again?” You ask.
Kenma looks at his watch, reading the time. “Ten minutes or so. We should probably go. I got a text from Kuroo saying he saved us seats inside.” 
You groan, finding yourself fickle; you don't want to leave, too comfortable on the freshly cut grass, but you want to be a responsible, supportive parent as you cheer Eiji on for his first game. You weigh your options even if  the answer is clear as the day. 
Kenma rises from the ground, stretching his hand down for you to take. And though you’d rather be left behind and take a nap, you reach out and take it. 
❁  ❁  ❁
You don’t remember high school being this noisy, or maybe it’s only because you had always been a part of it; joining in on the cheering, the boisterous, hearty laughing, shouting across the hall as you chased after your friends in the middle of lunch. 
The courtyard is lined with students draped in costumes or their regular uniforms, trying to attract attention to their own booths and themed cafes. And the memories come hurtling at you like a flood, drowning you in nostalgia as you and the boys walk against the current of sweaty bodies
Your school life was a very shiny and bright contrast to what life had been like at home. 
As you enter the gym, you’re welcomed by the uproar of students and families cheering for their friends, waving their banners. It takes only but a moment to spot the familiar head of hair from where you and the boys stand. You make a bee line to the stands, moving through the current with minimal skin to skin contact. 
Kuroo shoots you a smile as you climb up the steps, patting down the seat beside him. You plop yourself next to him, Kenma takes the open side by your side while Bokuto and Hinata sit themselves on the seats in front of you. 
Yuki stays glued to the boys, moving from Hinata’s lap to Bokuto’s from time to time. A sense of peace engulfs you as you watch Yuki giggling on Bokuto’s lap while he plays a safe game of tickle fight. 
You couldn’t be any happier and any more grateful for the extra set of hands. 
A thunderous drum roll breaks the crowd into silence, signaling the games to begin. You’re given a clear, full sweep of the court. Anticipation rumbles through your bones like an unrelenting earthquake as you wait for Eiji to make his appearance. 
There’s a long line of young boys, all who seem to be much taller than your nephew. Worry wracks through your mind a million miles per second, and no amount of squeezing of your thumbs can dissipate your nerves. 
“W-What’s Eiji’s position again?” You ask Kenma, eyes still glued to the entrance of the door as you wait for Eiji. 
“Wing spiker.” He replies cooly. You bob your head, whispering a string of “cool, cool, cools”, only to grow even more antsy. 
Kenma notices and places his hand on top of yours, squeezing it. You jerk your head to him, your eyes meeting a soft expression. “He’s going to be great,” He eases. 
“Yeah, but--” 
“He’ll be great.” 
Before you can even open your mouth to counter, Eiji catches your gaze. Well, along with many other girls it seems. They part like the red sea as you watch him stride down the path; every step with purpose and direction, and it surprises you to see him in such a different light. 
“Seems like our boy’s quite popular with the ladies,” Kuroo chuckles in approval, arms crossed over his chest. 
You hum at his words, nodding as you watch the confidence pour out of Eiji. It’s been almost a year, and he’s grown to be someone so unrecognizable it makes your heart skip a beat. 
He’s bloomed well, you think. 
 “Go, Eiji-nii!” Yuki screeches from the top of his lungs. 
And at an instant, in the midst of all the chaos, Eiji whips his head right to the direction of Yuki’s voice. His lips widen into a grin, his eyes twinkling at his little brother as he waves to you. 
“Kick some ass, Eiji-san!” Hinata yells followed by Bokuto’s boisterous cheering as he shoots a fist into the air. 
You can’t help but feel a warmth spreading across your chest, budding a funny feeling in your stomach as you watch your friends and family cheering along for Eiji. 
It had been a year--almost a year since you brought the boys home from the funeral. Almost a year has passed since you and Kenma made the decision to take full responsibility for them. Almost a full year consisting of petty arguments and stressful misunderstandings that can be easily glossed over by the overflow of all the other--happier memories you’ve all made. 
Like the family movie marathons that began in the morning and stretched into the night, deep conversations shared between you and Eiji over cold chicken, tickle fights with Yuki, and watching Kenma take another step into his parental role so fittingly. 
And now, having spent the entire day at Eiji’s high school just to support him for his sport’s festival. All of you cleared your schedules just to see how far Eiji’s gotten since he began his journey with volleyball. And it mattered even more to the boys. 
After all, if it hadn’t been for them intervening in Eiji’s sport’s life, he wouldn’t have made it very far. Eiji had been easily swayed by his insecurities and had been blown away by the harsh criticism of his previous coach. 
They quickly became Eiji’s anchor. 
As a result of the boys’ determination to make your nephew the very best version of himself, you never came home to an empty apartment. It was always a little more crowded, a little more louder than usual. 
Hinata and Bokuto would teach Eiji his basics in the living room, and Kenma would be found going feral, yelling at them to go out in fear of Yuki being hit in the face with a ball. Sakusa would be found off in the corner, far from the physical contact while critique their techniques and everything else they were doing wrong. 
And of course, somewhere in the kitchen, more often than not, Atsumu would burn yet another one of your pans in his attempt to recreate whatever he saw his brother do. 
The constant state of chaos in your home would drive anyone mad, but you weren’t anyone. Little you dreamed of this, begged to the deities day and night that your home would carry its name. 
So you’d swallow your irritation, or water down your frustrations from work the moment you entered the apartment, not wanting to ruin the chances of life continuing on just like this. 
The whole gym stands on their toes the moment the match begins. The opposing team greets Eiji’s with the sound of a smack against the ball ripples throughout the gym and you find yourself holding your breath. In just one blink, the ball manages to barrel across the court only to be met with a quick. 
The audience gasps, stunned at the boys. They’re light on their feet and nimble with their movements. You hadn’t seen anyone move like that since high school, and the feeling of watching them play is exhilarating. 
The first half of the match breezes through with pressure rising in the air. Every block grows a bit more intense, each serve more forceful than the last, and the earth shakes beneath their feet each time they come down from a high. Half of the audience has their heart lodged in their throats while the rest continues to screech their praises. 
“Fuck!” Kenma grits, balling his fists till their white as he watches the game on the edge of his seat. You swat his arm, pulling him out of his trance with a warning look before glancing at Yuki. “Right, sorry. The opposing team seems to be doing really--well, both sides, actually. I haven’t seen a game as intense as this since--”
“Sarukawa Tech vs. Nekoma.” Kuroo says with a smirk, his back arched as he leans his elbows onto his knees. He watches intently, following every moment in the court. “Eiji-san’s team greets the opposing team with striking force, but the opposing team matches it with the same vigor.” 
“Isn’t that bad?” You ask, cocking your head to the side as you continue to watch. “Wouldn’t they just burn out from all the energy they’re spewing?” 
Kenma shakes his head. “They treaded lightly in the first half of the game,” He explains as he takes a sip of water. “Sure, their serves were strong, but their movements were calculated. They were probably saving their breaths in hopes the other team would wear out, but it seems like both teams had the same plan.” 
“So, what’ll happen?” 
Kenma shrugs his shoulders. “Can’t tell, but the tension in the court is thick as fog. It’s kinda like you’re watching--” 
“A string being pulled from both ends and waiting for it to snap.” Kenma nods his head at Kuroo’s words. “Don’t worry, Eiji seems to be holding himself well.” 
You look over to your nephew. He’s coated in sweat and his shirt sticks to his skin as he crouches down. His eyes follow the ball and ever so often he jolts in place, anticipating for it to move to him. 
He’s so much different compared to last year. His resolve seeps through his skin in the form of narrowed eyes, a clamped jaw, and knuckles wound tight enough to bleed. His focus is unmatched to anything you’ve seen before, and you can’t help but stare at him in awe. 
Even if it's merely a game at a sport’s festival, you can feel just how serious the players are. Everyone’s on the edge of their seats, their attention glued to the ball and completely unfazed by the loudness of the crowd’s cheering. Not even the fan girls can pull them from their focus. 
You watch as Eiji and his team noticeably grow tired. The rubber soles of their shoes squeak against the glossy floor as they begin to drag their feet. Their limbs dangling to their sides; they’re moving on their last breaths. 
And you find yourself scooting close to the edge of your seat, digging your nails into your skin, carving mini crescent moons as their movements grow sloppy as they inch closer to the last point. 
A boy from the opposing team cranes his neck back, stretching the muscles in his arm as he readies himself for a serve. There’s vengeance in his eyes and when you follow his line of sight, you notice he’s glaring right at Eiji who seems to be doing just the same. 
Without thinking, you grab a hold of Kenma’s shirt, twisting it between your fingers. 
“You see it, too?” He muses, he threads his fingers into yours and holds your hand. 
“He looks scary.” You gulp. 
Even though he stands on the other side of the court, you can tell he’d tower over Eiji, probably wouldn’t have a hard time stepping on him like an ant on the side of a street. 
“Wah! Look at that guy!” Hinata exclaims, bouncing Yuki on his laps as his gazes fixates on the towering teenager. “He’s kinda like Lev’s height, don’t ya think?” He momentarily twists his attention back to you, watching the three of you nod in silence, drinking in every inch of that boy’s height. 
“He might be even taller.” Kuroo chimes. 
“He looks like he’s out to get Eiji-san…” Hinata points out. 
Bokuto shakes his head. “Eiji-san can take it!” He declares. “You mess him up, Eiji-san!” He hollers, making heads turn. 
Yet again, the sound of a spike splits through the crowd's chants and cheers, but what sends you gasping in fear is literal backfire it sends against Eiji when he receives the ball. He falls on his butt, a pained expression flashes across his face. 
You jolt up in your seat, wanting to run down the stands and help him. But Kenma holds your wrist, tracing shapes over your skin to calm you down. 
“He’s fine.” He says, looking up at you with a small smile. 
You look at Kenma warily before turning back to Eiji. He’s already on his feet, biting back the pain and charges towards an opening as his teammate prepares to set for him. The clock winds down from minutes to seconds. 
You hold your breath, recoiling back to your seat and watch. You watch as the ground beneath Eiji’s feet thrusts him into the air, and your lips gape open. You watch him in awe as he suspends in the air and everything around him adjusts; the whole world stops, the sun filters in through one of the ceiling windows, and the cheering of the crowd muffles. 
You watch his face contort in aggression, you hear him yell as his hand meets the ball, spiking it down to the floor. 
The string finally snaps. 
The uproar of the crows sends a chill down your spine. All at once you and the boys scream for your nephew. Your eyes begin to sting, tears brimming from the waterline. 
“THAT’S MY KID!” You screech, pointing over to Eiji who’s being tackled to the ground by his teammates. You smack the man just across from you as your smile widens from ear to ear. “Y-You see that boy right there? That’s my kid! My kid!”
The man can only offer you a shaky smile, amused yet frightened by your aggression, muttering a ‘congratulations’. 
“FUCK YEAH.” Bokuto beams as he shoots up from his seat, throwing punches of victory in the air at Eiji’s win. 
You don’t even mind the fact Yuki’ll probably latch onto cuss word, too enthralled and way too proud of your nephew’s win to care about anything else. 
❁  ❁  ❁
The sun is just about to kiss the horizon when you and the boys step out of the gym. The smell of sweat and feet no longer in the air and violating your nose. The cool breeze brushes against your cheeks while you and the gang wait for Eiji to come out. 
You didn’t want to pull him away from the many praises and compliments he’s been showered on, especially when you caught wind of the group of girls who were patiently waiting for their moment to approach him. 
When Eiji does emerge from the overflow of people pouring out from the gym, Bokuto dives towards him, head first and into Eiji’s stomach as he wraps his arms around his waist. Eiji vigorously coughs from the blow and even more when Bokuto throws him over his shoulder and swings him around. 
“Be careful!” You warn, reaching out to Eiji in worry. “Do not drop my kid! Bokuto, I swear.” 
“He’s fine!” Bokuto grinds, still spinning around. “Look at you!” He says, propping Eiji back to the floor as the boys gather around him.
He loses his balance momentarily before beaming a smile. “How’d I do?” 
“You were amazing!” Hinata gushes, eyes twinkling in admiration as he ruffles Eiji’s hair. “How’d it feel, jumping in the air like that?” 
Eiji blows a raspberry, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders, completely at a loss of words. “Being in the air like that…” His mouth open and closes shakes his head, “it kind felt like--” 
“Flying?” Hinata looks at him with a gleam in his eyes, and Eiji nods. The energy shared between them looks and feels so personal, something that causes Eiji’s heart to jump out of his chest. 
“Yeah, exactly that.” 
You watch as the boys gradually become rowdy as they get into their favorite parts of the game. Yuki coils around Eiji’s leg as he tells him how cool he was and just how much he wants to be like him. 
“He’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?” Kenma steps beside you, handing you his water bottle to drink. You happily oblige, only now realizing how dry your throat has gotten from all the screaming you had done. 
“Yeah, he is.” You chug down the rest of his water before handing it back to him.
“Not gonna lie, watching him made me wanna get back into volleyball.” You turn your head to him and cock a brow. “What?” 
“You? You and running?” 
“I’ve done it before! You’ve seen me!”
“Yeah,” You snicker, “and you haven’t been like that since grad. The most running you’ve done was when you were late picking Yuki up from school.” 
Kenma rolls his eyes and digs his hands into pockets of his cargo shorts. A smirk slips across his lips while he kicks the pebbles to the side before looking up to see Kuroo patting Eiji on the shoulder while Bokuto and Hinata dance around him in joy. 
Kenma’s hair blows back when the wind picks up, giving you a clear view of his face.His painted whiskers chipped and faded from all the sweating he’s done for the day. The light seeps into his skin, giving him a warm glow. 
“You and I,” His sigh comes out sharp from the bubbling feeling in his chest. Though his attention is on you, his eyes wander anywhere else on the floor as he continues to face forward, “we’re doing a pretty okay job, don’t you think?” 
“I think we’re doing more than okay.” You correct.
You think you imagine it, that it might’ve been the wind. But you swear you heard him mumble, “almost like real parents…” 
But all he does is hum in response, lips pursed into a thin line, and you turn to look at him, studying him with curiosity in your eyes. But he doesn’t waver, still looking ahead. 
“Is something the matter?” Your pout falls into a small frown and eyebrows furrowed as you watch him shift in place. “Kozume?” 
He stares down at his toes, digging a hole into the earth while he takes a deep breath. His cheeks flush as red as strawberries and you catch him tugging his lower lip beneath his teeth. Kenma’s nervousness piques your interest, but you can’t push him too hard. 
If the wind doesn’t blow him away, he’ll probably make a run for it. 
With his eyes still fixed to the ground, he slips his hand in yours, lacing his fingers between the spaces of yours before grasping your hand tightly. 
You feel his thumb tracing shapes over your skin as if drawing enough circles or squares would give him enough courage to say whatever it is he needed to say. 
But he still doesn’t make an attempt to face you or meet your eyes. 
“Kozume?” Your voice comes out a little stern, an effect of your growing impatience. 
“I really love you!” The squeak in Kenma’s declaration has his eyes widen in shock just as much yours. He sucks in a breath in frustration, rolling his shoulders back and stretching his neck to at least suppress his anxiety. 
“I love you, too?” 
But Kenma squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. He shakes away your words as if you don’t understand what he means--like you’ve yet to understand it. 
You notice the way his breathing gradually becomes ragged, so you give his hand a little squeeze, signing to him to take his time. And you wait patiently, studying him carefully. 
Kenma takes a long, deep breath before finally peeling his eyes away from the ants moving around his shoes, finally twisting his body to face you. His expression once full of worry and dread now relaxes beneath your soft, welcoming gaze. 
“No, I mean,” He begins, words slippery as he tries to formulate a thought. “I really love you. A-And I’m not good with words, so please try and be patient with me.” 
You give him a small, encouraging smile as you nod your head, giving him enough assurance to continue. 
“I love you in more ways than one. I-I think in more ways than I could ever count.” You squeeze his hands a little tighter when you feel him beginning to tremble. “I love you not in a way that would have me wanting to die if you weren’t by my side, but--but you know, like, in the way that makes me wanna do my very best until I have the right to have you by my side, you know? Oh, shit, does that make sense?” 
You laugh, cheesing at him and his words. “Yes, it does. Kenma, you do deserve--” 
“‘M not finished.” He quips, cutting you off. 
“Ah, right. Sorry.” 
Kenma licks his lips before he begins again, and you can’t help but bite down a laugh bubbling inside you, threatening to ruin the moment. But it wouldn’t be so hard if he wasn’t trying to be serious while he has whiskers chipping off his cheeks. 
“Anyway,” He begins, “I realize if you love someone very much, and you know just how much you love them, then I think you should--you know, you--you should make them yours...”
You squint at him, not picking up what he’s putting down. But it’s only because you’re only half listening, only getting a few of the important parts. Most of your energy is on trying not to laugh. 
“But we’re already dating…?” 
He shakes his head once more and he’s looking at you with desperation bleeding through his eyes, waiting, hoping that you’d understand. And though it takes you more than a moment, the gears in your head turning at a much steadier pace than usual, you eventually get it. 
“OH.” You bink at him frantically as the light bulb in your head burns bright. You swallow hard, a smile twitching across your lips as your cheeks burn under Kenma’s worrisome gaze. “I--Oh, wow. You--Are you sure?” 
“Out of all the game plays I’ve ran through and all the movements I’ve ever calculated in all my hours of gaming, I’m sure of this.” He places his hands on both sides of your face. He’s looking directly into your eyes with every intention to persuade you, the man who had been fumbling over his words and twiddling his thumbs ceases to exist. 
“I think I’ve always been sure,” He confesses, his hands dropping from your cheeks and onto your shoulders. “I’ve just been scared, you know?” 
“And what made you sure?” 
“When I was getting you water, I saw this booth selling this really pretty ring--” Kenma lifts a hand off your shoulder and buries it deep into his pocket, fishing around until he pulls out a ring. It's simple in design, but still just as beautiful. “--and I thought, “Wow, she might like this”, and it kinda just clicked…” 
“It clicked like puzzle pieces coming together or a Rubik's cube with all the colors all on the right sides. If I’m so sure of this love of mine, then why haven’t I married you yet? So, would you please marry me? Because I heard about that love that comes once in a lifetime, and I’m sure you’re that love of mine…” 
You smack your lips, breathless from his words. Never in your time with Kenma had he ever said anything so expressive--at least not enough for you to really understand what’s going on in his heart or mind.
And the more you stay silent, the more his confidence chips away so you nod your head vigorously until you can fathom the words that’ll forever seal you to him. “Yes, please.  I want this. I want this so much, yes. I’ll marry you.” 
Kenma slips the ring onto your finger with little to no ease, shaking from the fact you said yes. That someone as wonderful--someone who has more reasons to leave him and find someone better chose to stay. 
He winds his arms around your waist, flushing you against his chest before leaning into your lips. Much to your surprise, he kisses you feverishly. All the love he has for you pours into your lips and you smile against his lips, enveloping him into a tighter embrace. 
You can feel the stares, you hear a few of the distasteful muttering from the parents, but you can’t be bothered. Not when you’re at your absolute happiest. 
“My boy, Kyanma!” Kuroo’s voice booms through the murmurs, followed by Bokuto’s obnoxious whooping all the while Hinata and Eiji shield Yuki’s untainted eyes from the PDA. 
With a hand pressed to your back to support your weight and lips still on yours, Kenma extends his other hand and flips Kuroo off. 
“Wrap it up, will you?” Kuroo teases. “I told Atsumu Eiji’s team won, so he’s waiting for us at the restaurant for a little victory party.” 
Much to both of your dismay, you pull away, knocking foreheads as broken laughs lip past  your lips. You take a deep breath and look into his eyes, taking a little more time to let it all sink in and reel yourself back down from your high. 
You both regroup, walking towards the boys as they snicker and tease over Kenma’s bold gesture of love. But you both choose to save the news for later, not wanting to steal the spotlight from Eiji. 
So you let yourself enjoy the bickering between Kenma and Kuroo, you happily indulge Bokuto’s unnecessary questions on why Kenma had kissed you in such a way while Hinata carries Yuki on his shoulders as he trades more volleyball secrets with Eiji. 
Family, you muse to yourself. The word seems so much more meaningful now.
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mandoclan · 6 months ago
FEEL LIKE HOME // Javier Peña x F!Reader
A/N: 1.4k. I got emotional while watching s2:e4 of Narcos, so enjoy. No spoilers.
Warnings: emotional Javi, angst, fluff (happy ending y’all), mentions of drinking and prostitution, violence (this is a Narcos fic after all)
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Three loud, consecutive knocks to your door woke you. Only one person knocked like that and you cursed as you made your way to the door. The knocks came again before you could unlock it and open the door for Javier.
You and Agent Peña had been “friends” for lack of a better word, for a few years now, both having transferred in from DEA offices in the US. He’d come from Texas, and you from a different office, but you’d bonded over the lack of good barbecue in Colombia. You worked different cases, not being able to stomach some of the nastier things you faced within the Search Bloc.
The door swung open and Javier stood there, eyes bloodshot and unfocused.
“Javi?” You asked softly, getting his attention. He let out a shaky sigh as he moved from the doorframe, and almost collapsed in your arms. “C’mon, I’ve got you.”
Javier breathed your name as you settled him on the couch and made to grab him a glass of water, but he refused to let you go.
“Stay, stay please.” He murmurs, those beautiful dark eyes staring right into your soul. “Don’t leave me alone.”
“I won’t, Javi, I won’t.” You settled in beside him and maneuvered him so he was lying down on your couch with you behind him, effectively spooning him. Fingers brushed through his hair and he sighed contentedly.
You didn’t push him to speak, knowing that the return of Carrillo likely meant tactics Javier didn’t agree with. You didn’t agree with them either, hence why you took the sidelines in many operations. You held him in silence for a long time before he finally croaked out a word you didn’t catch and started crying.
He turned in your grasp and held you close to him, crying openly into your shoulder. Javi didn’t cry often. You knew that. So whatever made him like this had to be bad.
You shushed him softly, allowing him to cry and get his emotions out. He rubbed his nose into your shirt, getting his snot and tears all over it, but you didn’t mind.
“Carrillo, he—”
“Shhh, you don’t have to tell me.” You mumbled, hoping he wouldn’t tell you what the man did.
“I won’t go with him anymore. I won’t.” Javi babbled into your shoulder, and you kept your fingers buried into his hair. He leaned into it, grateful for the comfort you provided. He didn’t speak much after that, just shuddered into you and kept crying. But his tears eventually turned into broken sobs.
“I’m honestly surprised you came to me, Peña.” He turned his face to look up at you, confusion gracing his features.
“Why?” he croaked.
“When you need to forget something, you smoke a cigarette, drink at least two glasses of whiskey, and sleep with some woman who won’t ask too many questions. You have a routine.” you stated calmly. He didn’t respond for awhile, just watching your face as you looked at him.
“I didn’t want anyone but you.” he whispered, “I watched him do something awful tonight, and all I could think was that I was glad you weren’t there to witness it. All I wanted to do was come home to you and hold you. I’m done with that shit.”
“Done with what?” you asked shakily, hoping he wasn’t saying he was leaving you alone in this country with Murphy. You hoped he was saying he was done with—
“The girls, the booze, all of it. It doesn’t help and it only makes me tired. I just want you, hermosa. I just want you.” And then he’s surging forward to kiss you, his face still wet with his tears.
You’re too shocked to kiss him back. Javier had never kissed you. In fact, when you’d first met him and heard the tittering of all the secretary girls and other women in the office talking about how well he’d fucked them, you told him you wouldn’t sleep with him, so he’d better get that off his agenda.
After about six months of working with each other, you’d become friends at best. You’d go to the bar with him, and he’d leave with some girl who fancied a jaunt with him while you made your way back to your shared apartment block. You’d hear Javier’s keys in the door of the apartment next to yours sometime in the early morning, and that was the extent of your relationship.
But then you started talking through failed missions and even trash talking Murphy when he came down to work with you, and you’d become confidants. When a mission went bad, before you ever thought to take yourself off of field work, he’d come knock on your door with a bottle of cheap wine and another bottle of whiskey and offer to drink with you. Then it was watching crappy tv shows on the couch with his arm slung around your shoulders, accidentally falling asleep together, and hugs whenever either one of you was upset. All of this leading to today, now, where Javier is kissing you and insisting he wants you.
You pulled away from him, and the man sobbed even harder.
“I don’t understand, why don’t you want me?” he gasped out, and you frowned.
“Javi, you just witnessed something extremely traumatic. We can talk about this in the morning, okay? C’mon, let’s get to bed. It’s late.” You reassure him, and he nods weakly. You know he’s upset by your apparent rejection, but you want to have this conversation in the light where you can gauge his emotions.
Ten minutes later you’re both curled up in your bed, him having stripped down to just his boxers and he’s just now noticing you’re in one of his old t-shirts, one he’d left there at some point when staying over.
Despite his earlier distress, the sight causes him to blush, his entire chest heating up as he pulls you closer to him. He only relaxes once his arm is wrapped around your waist and his head is pillowed on your chest. You’d quickly learned that this was Javi’s favorite sleeping position, but it’s not like you minded.
“Sleep, Javi. When you wake up, we’ll talk, okay?” you murmur, fingers brushing through his hair. He hums in response and you press a kiss to the top of his head to soothe him more. And soon, he’s snoring, leaving you to your thoughts.
Your sleep is fitful, thoughts swirling in your head about whether or not Javier meant what he said, if he really wants you, and how this could work. You’re terrified that his tears are the only reason he’d said what he did. You’re also worried he’ll wake up with nightmares, as he’s been prone to do when seeing something no human should.
You’re still sleeping when Javier wakes, feeling rested as he always does when he’s slept by your side, and he spends the time in the early morning light to just look at you, peaceful for once. You’re both in the same positions you fell asleep in and Javi trails a finger over your face, causing your nose to scrunch up, your eyes blinking in surprise to see him staring at you, face still smushed to your chest.
“Morning.” you whisper.
He doesn’t answer with words, but scoots forward enough to kiss you again, hoping against hope that your response is different than the night before. He’s relieved to find that you kiss him back, fingers tangling in his hair and he presses a hand to your cheek.
He breaks away and swallows nervously, Adam’s Apple bobbing. You give him a moment to collect his thoughts, a soft smile directed his way.
“I love you.” He finally says. “I want you only for the rest of my life, and fuck, I think it will kill me if you say you don’t love me or want me too. I’d give up anything for you, everything for you, if you’d just say the word. I want you so badly, I can’t breathe.”
“Oh, Javi.” you murmur, eyes misty. “I want you too. I love you.”
He can’t believe his ears. He knows there’s much to talk about, but right here where he can kiss you again, this feels like home. And he thinks he could get used to it.
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heyitssmiller · 10 months ago
Clandestine: Chapter Four
The espionage boys go to Slytherin. Chaos ensues.
Content Warning: Some violence towards the end.
Clandestine Masterlist
Finn reached over the center console of the car to grab some M&Ms from the bag in Logan’s lap. Logan slapped his hand away playfully, not taking his eyes off the Slytherin police station they were parked down the road from. “Why don’t you eat your own snacks?”
“They’re salty and I wanted something sweet.” Finn said with a shrug, popping one of the candies into his mouth and grinning.
Leo sighed from the backseat, letting his head rest against the window with a thunk. He stared out at the full moon as a lonely cloud passed in front of it, moving fast. It was the most interesting thing he’d seen all night. “Why didn’t y’all tell me stakeouts were so boring? This is horrible.”
“But we’ve learned so much already!”
Finn got an arched blond eyebrow in response. “Have we?”
“We’re downtown, so we’re going to have to be extra careful about being seen. Shift change is at 6 pm, so we need to avoid that time frame as much as we can. There’s fewer people on the night shift, so our best bet is to wait until nighttime.” Logan rattled off, still not looking away from the building. “There’s a side door on the west side of the building, so that’ll be your best bet when you need to break in. I can see at least one security camera there, so Loops is going to need to help you out.”
Finn motioned to Logan dramatically. “That’s how you do it, Peanut Butter. Take notes.”
“I had lots of practice, keeping an eye out while you guys were off being bank robbers.” Logan grumbled good-naturedly, grabbing an M&M for himself.
Finn hummed thoughtfully. “Robbers is a bad way of putting it, don’t you think? You make us sound so evil.” 
“I mean, you’re also technically an arsonist.”
“That was one time. And the other bank heist went off without a hitch.”
“Still doesn’t change the fact that you set a trash can on fire.” Leo piped up, giving Logan a high-five when he held his hand out.
“I knew I liked you for a reason, Nut.”
Leo really tried his best not to read into that statement. He grabbed the small lock in his pocket and fidgeted with the dial to distract himself. He didn’t mean it like Leo thought he did. Like he wanted him to. Besides, that would be so complicated, wouldn’t it? Being a spy was messy in and of itself. Dating two other spies - who were his partners - would be a whole other level of chaos.
But that didn’t make him want it any less.
Which was also ridiculous. He’d known them for, what? Maybe a month? Why did his heart always decide to move at such breakneck speeds? 
“Do you two have to always gang up on me?” Finn asked with a sigh, snapping Leo back out of his thoughts. “What did I ever do to deserve it?”
“Don’t take it personal, O’Hara. You’re just so fun to tease.” Finn threw a barbecue-flavored chip at Logan, causing him to laugh and eat it.
“How long do stakeouts usually last?” Leo asked, desperate to change the subject to something - anything - less hazardous for his heart. 
“Until we have all the information we need.”
“And how do we know when that is?”
Logan shrugged. “Depends on the case. I’d like to stay and see when the next shift change is, just to be safe.”
Leo groaned and settled back in to wait.
“So how are we doing this?” Finn asked the next morning as they all sat around the table in the briefing room, propping his chin in his hand. “Sneak Leo in through an air vent? Although you might be too tall for that, Nut. Blow a hole in the wall and steal the whole safe? Create a story like the bank heists?”
“It’ll have to be a distraction again.” Sirius said, looking to Loops for confirmation. “The longer we can fly under Riddle’s radar, the better. The other four drives are on Riddle, in his office, or with trusted gang members. If he starts getting suspicious now, he’ll go on lockdown and we don’t stand a chance at getting the rest of the drives.”
“He’s right.” Remus agreed. “Plus there’s way too many officers in the precinct at any given time. Since the safe is in the evidence room, we can’t risk anyone coming in there and catching Leo red-handed – they’d shoot you on sight, no questions asked.”
Logan watched the color drain from Leo’s face and turned to send Remus a glare. Of course this job was risky – if you didn’t think so, you were a naïve idiot. Getting caught or shot or killed was just a part of the job and as a spy, you had to learn to live with that. But that didn’t mean you had to scare rookies about it right before a big, high-risk mission.
Remus noticed his glare, but simply ignored it and looked away. “Here’s what I’m thinking. There’s another, smaller gang in Slytherin, right?” At Sirius’ nod, he continued. “If we can place an anonymous tip on their location, that all but guarantees a full holding cell inside the precinct. Plus it gets another gang off the streets, so it’s a win-win. Logan, if you can get yourself arrested for something small – public indecency or drunken disorderly or something – you’ll be put in that holding cell too.”
Logan leaned forwards, excitement coursing through him. “I like where this is going.”
“I don’t.” Finn stated plainly. It was his turn to glare at Loops.
“If you can start a fight in there, you can get a majority of the officers’ attentions. Especially if it’s at night when the staff is smaller and more likely to be tired. Leo can slip in the side door unnoticed, get into the evidence room, grab the flash drive, and get out.” Remus raked a hand through his hair, looking thoughtful. “It’s more complicated than the banks, but it should work just fine.”
“That’s the plan?” Leo asked dubiously. “Try to start a riot in a holding cell, hope that all the officers get distracted, steal the flash drive, and then just wait for Logan to be released in the morning? There’s so many things that could go wrong.”
He was right - there was a lot riding on nothing but chance. Sadly, that was part of the territory of working in espionage; it was one of the only things the James Bond movies got right. You had to take risks in order to get results sometimes. Leo’s job was all about planning and precision. He knew exactly how to execute his mission and there usually weren’t any hiccups as long as he had the right tools with him and enough time. Not much risk-taking involved in cracking safes. So he’d probably never been a part of a plan with so many aspects up in the air.
He’d also never seen Logan in action.
“Never doubt my ability to start a fight.” Logan said with a grin. “Man, I’m so excited to go on a mission where I’m not stuck in the car.”
“I want to go with you.” Finn said firmly, leaving no room for argument. His gaze was fierce and determined and if Logan didn’t know him already, he’d probably be just a little bit scared. It was kind of hot. “I don’t like you being in there by yourself.”
Remus looked at him, clearly surprised. “I thought you didn’t like fights.”
“I don’t. But I’m not leaving my partner in there to fend for himself. Hell no.”
Logan ignored the way his heart sped up and asked, “You don’t want to go with Leo? Be a lookout?”
“Normally I’d say yes, but if someone does end up seeing him, one person raises less suspicion than two.” Finn said with a shrug. “It’ll also be easier to start a fight with two people.”
“If you’re getting arrested in Slytherin, you’ll need disguises.” Remus said, looking the cubs over. “They’ll take mugshots of you at the station. We can’t risk it.”
“Ok, so who do we go to for that?”
“Ooh!” Leo piped up with a happy, unfairly adorable smile. “I actually know this one!”
When they entered the disguise office the following day a woman with long, blonde hair looked up at them from a rapidly moving sewing machine. Finn feared for her fingers as they inched closer to the bobbing needle, but she barely batted an eye as she took her foot off the pedal and smiled in delight when she spotted Leo. “Nutty! How’s it going?”
Leo smiled back and gave her a warm hug. He looked like he gave good hugs, Finn thought. All tall and long-limbed like that. “Hey, Nat. Good to see you.”
“Kasey told me you’re on a mission. Look at you, all official and taking down the Snakes!” She stood on her tiptoes to ruffle his hair. “So grown up!”
“Stop.” Leo laughed, taking a step back and dodging her hand. “Y’all treat me like I’m twelve.” He seemed to remember Logan and Finn were with him and his cheeks turned red as he looked over at them. “Uh, guys this is Natalie. Nat, these are my partners Finn and Logan.”
“Nice to meet you boys.” She said, shaking both their hands. “So you’re here for disguises?”
Finn nodded, then started explaining the premise of their op, watching Natalie a bit nervously as she looked him over thoroughly. It was a bit unnerving, even when he knew it was just to get a good idea of what she needed to do for a disguise. Her gaze was calculating, like she could figure out everything about them with a single look.
Maybe she could.
Finally, she spoke up. “We’ll have to change that hair. How do you feel about wash-out hair dye? Normally I’d just give you a wig, but if you’re getting in a fight it could get pulled off. And you.” She turned to Logan, taking a second to look him over. “I have so many ideas for you. I have a feeling you’re going to love it. Oh, and Nut?”
“I’ve got a cop uniform that should fit you.”
He bit back disappointment. Finn was dyeing his hair, (which was a bit of a tragedy, really – Leo thought his hair was really pretty, especially out in the sun) Logan was doing who knows what, and all Leo got was a uniform? “Oh. Ok.” He looked over at his partners. “I’ll meet you back in the bullpen?”
“Sounds good.” Logan responded. As soon as Leo closed the door behind him, Natalie faced Logan again with a wicked smile.
“How do you feel about tattoos?”
Logan and Finn found Leo having a staring contest with a small, god-awful painted eagle paperweight on Finn’s desk.
“I see you’ve met Brad!” Finn said happily, giving the eagle a pat on the head and startling Leo in the process. He seemed to jump a foot in the air before he realized Finn wasn’t a threat.
“I’m pretty sure it’s haunted.” Leo said, looking away from it slowly. Those beady little eyes seemed like they were staring into his soul and finding it wanting. “I’m from New Orleans, I can tell- holy shit.” He said when he caught sight of his partners.
Finn’s hair was dark brown, his freckles tragically hidden from view. Natalie had also done some makeup magic to accentuate different lines of his face, changing his profile and making him barely recognizable. Logan’s hair was now a dirty blonde. Both of his arms and one collarbone were littered with dark, swooping ink in varying different shapes and patterns. They were both wearing more casual clothes than Leo had ever seen them in, looking soft and comfy instead of like polished, professional spies.
“If I wasn’t expecting it, I’m not sure I could recognize you.” Leo said slowly, trying to get his brain back up and running as he gently grabbed one of Logan’s arms and turned it this way and that, looking at the tattoos in awe. They looked so real.
Logan grinned. “Yeah, Nat’s a pro.” He followed Leo’s gaze down at his fake tattoos wistfully. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a spy, just so I could get tattoos.” He couldn’t have anything about him be easy to recognize as a covert operative – it would make him too easy to track down and get compromised. Tattoos unfortunately fell into that category. His eyes landed on the eagle paperweight Leo was staring down earlier. He laughed. “O’Hara, what the fuck is that?”
“It’s Brad! My brother is a spy, too – works out of Tampa. When I joined, we created this competition: whoever brought in the most criminals in a year got to keep Brad on their desk.” Finn preened, looking fondly at the creepy eagle. “Yours truly has the honor this year.”
Leo glared at it mistrustfully. “That thing needs to be burned. Or I could smoke it out with sage for you. I’ve got some from Marie Laveau’s House of Voodoo back home. That’ll get rid of the spirit for sure.”
Finn gasped in horror. “How dare you? Brad is a treasure and deserves to be protected at all costs.”
“I strongly disagree.”
“It is not haunted, it’s a symbol of being a winner-”
“As much as I’m loving this conversation,” Logan interrupted, looking amusedly between his partners. “We should probably get going if we want to get to Slytherin in time. Loops already placed the anonymous tip about the other gang, so we’re all set. Ready?”
“Ready.” Finn echoed, giving Brad one last loving pat for good luck before heading towards the door, Logan by his side. Leo picked up his pace to walk alongside the other two. 
“Please don’t make me sit in the backseat again.”
“But you’re the rookie.”
“I’m also the tallest. You try being stuck with your knees to your chest for a several hour road trip. Not fun.”
Finn laughed as Logan stumbled during their “drunken meandering” in the park near the Slytherin precinct and threw an arm around his shoulder. He spotted a uniformed officer talking on his phone a few yards away, apparently on break. He knew Leo was also out there somewhere, keeping tabs on them and relaying information to Sirius and Loops. Since Finn and Logan were getting arrested, they didn’t want to be caught with mics and earpieces on them. That would really raise suspicions and get their cover blown for sure. So Leo was keeping an eye on them now and Loops would do the same via the security cameras once they were both inside the precinct.
“There’s an officer to our left.” Finn said, leaning close to Logan to murmur into his ear and knocking their heads clumsily together. He could just barely see the curve of Logan’s smile from that vantage point, almost taunting him with how easy it would be to press a kiss there. Just a slight movement of his chin and he could do it. Refraining took all of Finn’s willpower.
He moved away. “Now all we need to do is get his attention and get ourselves arrested.”
Logan leaned in close and eliminated all the space Finn had just put between them, green eyes bright and mischievous and luminous under the artificial light of a nearby streetlamp. “I’ve got an idea.”
Finn simply stared. “Huh?”
“You know how I hate the police?” The brunet-turned-blond asked, grabbing Finn’s hands and walking backwards. Finn followed the siren’s call without hesitation. If he crashed into the rocks and sank because of him – well. Drowning would be worth it.
He had to urge his brain to focus and vaguely remembered that conversation from New Year’s and the rant about abuse of power that came with it. Even drunk off his ass, Logan had made some very good points. “Yeah.” Finn glanced over Logan’s shoulder as they approached the parked police car.
“We’re really going to piss them off today. Go with it.” Were the last words out of Logan’s mouth as he backed himself up against the police car, pulled Finn flush against him, and crashed their lips together. Finn barely missed a beat before he was kissing back, moving a hand up to cradle the back of Logan’s head. On New Year’s – when Finn was convinced Logan was going to kiss him but didn’t – Finn imagined what kissing him would be like. He pictured it soft, tantalizing, and teasing, just like the rest of their night had been. It was somewhat like that, and yet Finn was still off by miles. This kiss was a lot of things – it was warm and feisty and absolutely addictive – but soft didn’t fit the description at all. Logan kissed enthusiastically, if not a little sloppily. Finn couldn’t really tell if that was part of the drunk ruse or not.
Fuck, this was a con. It wasn’t real. This was for the mission, and nothing else.
But then why did it feel so real?
Finn pushed the thoughts away as he angled his head and deepened the kiss, inhaling sharply through his nose as he only then remembered the necessity that was breathing. He might not get this opportunity again, so he was going to use this chance to make Logan weak in the knees. Finn’s brain knew it was a horrible idea, but he wanted Logan to remember this, to think about it before he went to bed that night and wonder what if. If they weren’t spies or partners or on the biggest operation of their entire careers, what if he could have this?
If this was the only time Finn would ever get to kiss Logan, he was also going to make sure he remembered every tiny detail: the way Logan’s breath hitched when he bit down on his bottom lip, the feel of cold hands slipping under his sweatshirt, the rise and fall of his chest against Finn’s.
“Hey now!” A gruff voice shouted, grabbing Finn’s shoulder and pulling the two apart. “Cut it out.”
Finn staggered back – which was not an act. He was just that off balance, mind reeling. The police officer was glaring at him sternly, looking very annoyed. Finn shrugged carelessly, letting his words slur. “I would say sorry, but I mean – come on. Look at him. Can you blame me?”
Leo watched from his vantage point on a nearby park bench, something twisting painfully in his chest.
He could admit he was jealous – that was the easy part. But he wasn’t jealous in a way that made any sense. He was jealous of both of them. He wanted both of them. And yeah, it was a con and they were just making out to get the officers’ attentions, but it sure looked genuine. There were some things you just couldn’t fake.
The way Logan was gazing at Finn was one of them.
Of all people, he had to catch feelings for spies. Not just one spy – two. Two spies who may or may not have feelings for each other.
This is what I get for letting myself speculate, I guess.
“Leo?” Remus’ voice asked through his earpiece. “What’s going on?”
Leo focused back on the mission at hand and forced his voice to stay even. “They’re, uh, making out against a cop car.”
Sirius laughed loudly, while Remus just sighed long-sufferingly. “That’s one way to do it, I guess.”
“They’re egging the cop on, now.” Leo said, watching as Logan’s shoulders tensed and he said something harsh to the cop. “Looks like it won’t be long.”
Sure enough, the cop whipped out his handcuffs and motioned for Leo’s partners to turn around and put their hands behind their backs. They were loaded into the back of the cop car, and Leo allowed his eyes to follow it as it drove off towards the precinct before getting to his feet and walking in the same direction. “They’re on their way. Let me know when all the action starts.”
“Copy that.”
The good thing about being on a mission was that Leo didn’t really have time to internally reflect or try and decipher his feelings. He had a job to do. He couldn’t afford to mess this up because he was too busy stuck in his own head.
He did, however, assume he had enough time to not rush his walk to the precinct. Finn and Logan still needed to be searched, booked, and put in the holding cell before they could even think of starting the riot. So he kept his gait slow and let himself get lost in the sound of the wind sweeping through the trees and the rustle of dead leaves as they danced across the sidewalk.
He shoved a hand in his pocket, finding the old, worn, familiar lock there and fiddled with the dial.
Things in the holding cell were… not exactly going to plan.
First of all, there were about half the number of gang members in the holding cell than they anticipated. This wasn’t great, but it wasn’t the end of the world either. It might be harder to get everyone in the precinct to pay attention, but Finn was still confident in their ability to cause a scene. Then it got stranger.
The gang members were absolutely delightful.
Three were sitting by Logan, sharing stories behind their numerous tattoos and rolling up their sleeves to show off more ink. Four more were in a cuddle puddle in one of the corners of the cell, trying to get some sleep. One was even sitting by Finn, although he had made no attempt to strike up a conversation or anything. Finn was usually pretty comfortable with his height – he was tall, by most people’s standards. But the guy sitting next to him was huge. He was at least three inches taller than Leo, and easily twice as broad. With an unreadable face made of stone, the guy was also practically impossible to get a read on. Finn figured he needed to do something to get the ball rolling. Poor Nutter Butter would be stuck outside all night at this rate.
So he braced himself, turned to the guy next to him, and said, “Hey.”
Not his best conversation starter.
The guy looked at him strangely. Finn decided to keep going. “I’m Finn.”
“How’s your night going, Tanner?”
Tanner seemed to think Finn was certifiably insane. “Well, seeing that I’m currently in jail, not great.”
“Right… right.” Finn trailed off, cringing internally. He was so off his game tonight. Of course, he knew why, but that didn’t make it any easier to snap out of it. All he could think of was pressing Logan against a cop car and how much he wanted to do it again. But it wasn’t that simple-
“Are you ok?” Finn looked back up at Tanner, who shrugged stiffly. “You seem a little stressed.”
Finn thought about it, then decided fuck it. He’d never see this guy again. And who would Tanner tell? He blurted out, “I kissed my coworker today.”
Tanner blinked, then leaned back against the wall. “Ok.”
“I don’t think he feels the same way.”
He didn’t even bat an eye and the whole being attracted to the same gender thing. His face still revealed nothing. Finn couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. “Did he kiss you back?”
“Well, yeah.” Finn said, glancing across the cell at Logan and thinking back on the feeling of those lips pressed against his, the texture of the soft curls beneath his fingertips.
“Then what the fuck is the holdup?”
Finn sighed, looking back at Tanner. “It’s not that simple.”
“Look. He either likes you or he doesn’t. What good does it do you to keep guessing when you could get a definitive answer by just asking him? Everyone seems to forget how simple things are when you break them down into components. It’s just simple communication, dude. That’s it.”
“But-” Finn stopped short, taking a second to think when he was struck with a realization. It wasn’t out of the blue, nor was it completely surprising. It still felt like getting hit by a fucking train, though.
Tanner let him stay silent for a second, then prodded curtly, “But?”
“I… I think I might have feelings for another of my friends, too.” Finn thought of sunny blond hair, kind blue eyes, and a warm, dimpled smile.
“You know polyamorous relationships are a thing, right?” Tanner sat up straighter, looking at Finn eagerly. It was the first emotion Finn had seen on his face, and also strangely endearing. “I have a ton of articles I can send you if you’re interested.”
Finn couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. “Thanks, man. I think I might have to wait it out, though. We all work together and it would get so complicated so fast. Maybe once we finish the project we’re working on together.”
Tanner followed his eyes across the cell to Logan. Finn hadn’t even realized he was staring at him again. “Is that the one you kissed or the other one?”
Finn arched an eyebrow, which the gang member snorted at. “You aren’t subtle, bud.”
“That’s the one I kissed. Well, he kissed me, if we’re being technical. But I don’t think he meant it. It was kind of a – a dare, I guess you could say.”
Tanner’s face turned stormy. “He did what now?”
Finn frantically started to backtrack. “It’s fine. I mean, I’m not mad or anything-”
Tanner stood up and pointed angrily at Logan. “You!” He bellowed, voice like thunder. “What the fuck is your problem?”
Logan looked from Tanner to Finn, then back to Tanner, brow knitting in confusion. “What?”
“Did no one teach you about consent you little piece of-”
And then Tanner drew back his fist and slammed it into Logan’s cheek in a brutal cross hit. Silence rang through the holding cell as Logan reeled backwards, raising a hand to his cheek, which was already red. When he looked up at Tanner again, his eyes were a combination of furious and excited.
It looked like they were getting their fight now.
Finn managed to get out the words “holy shit” before all hell broke loose.
Logan threw the next punch, aiming for the stomach first and then the temple when Tanner doubled over, knocking the breath out of him. One of the other gang members took offense to that on Tanner’s behalf and went after Logan, who dodged the first swing easily and collided his fist into the guy’s nose.
The three gang members who were talking about tattoos with Logan instantly jumped to back him up, while the four who were sleeping leapt to their feet and tried to make sense of the situation. There was a charged energy in the air, an undercurrent of adrenaline and anger mingling with it.
Finn hated fights. They were messy and ugly and painful. Plus he was a conman – if his face was all beat up and bruised, no one would trust him and he’d never get any of his jobs done. So he tried to avoid them as much as he could, but he didn’t think he was getting out of this one.
Logan turned his fiery gaze on Finn, making him take an aborted step backwards before he realized this was the plan. They were supposed to be starting a fight. Finn wasn’t sure he could fight his partner, though. Especially since he’d kissed the guy just shy of two hours ago. Luckily he didn’t have to think too hard about it, because Tanner was back on his feet and charging at Logan, along with two other gang members.
Logan moved like the ocean when he fought – smooth and fluid, but also unpredictable and dangerous and wild. He also clearly knew exactly what he was doing, how to exact the most damage on his opponents. He used his size to his advantage by punching upwards and using his leg muscles to land harder punches. With shorter limbs like that, his blows were quick, effective, and brutal. Logan also seemed to be a southpaw, delivering brutal body shots directly to the liver.
It was absolutely mesmerizing.
Unfortunately, Finn was too busy watching Logan to notice the guy coming towards him until he was tackled forcibly to the ground. His head smacked the concrete floor painfully, stunning him for a brief second. When the spots disappeared from his field of vision, he looked up at the guy standing over him.
“Fuck you, man.”
“Nut, you’re good to go.” Remus said as he watched cops swarm the holding cell. “I’ll keep an eye out for any stragglers that might catch you.”
“Thanks.” Leo said, and Remus watched the security footage of the side door as Leo crouched by it and began picking the lock. Sirius looked over his shoulder and whistled lowly.
“Damn, Tremblay’s got some moves.”
Remus briefly switched his gaze over to the footage of the holding cell before scanning the hallways for stray officers. “That’s kind of his thing. He gets sent into situations where things are dicey and people need some sense knocked into them.”
“Maybe he should teach O’Hara. He’s already on the ground.”
“What?” Leo asked, sounding concerned as he unlocked the door and slipped inside. “Is he ok?”
Remus watched Finn climb to his feet and face the guy who knocked him down, getting into an admittedly terrible fighting stance. “He’s fine. Head straight down that hallway. The evidence room is the last door on your left.”
“I hate not knowing what’s going on.” Leo muttered, creeping effortlessly down the hall. “Now I understand why Logan hated the bank missions so much.”
Sirius was watching the action in the holding cell eagerly. “I think this mission more than makes up for those. He’s having a blast. Look at him go! He’s a little ball of rage.”
Leo laughed under his breath as he broke into the evidence room seemingly effortlessly. “Ooh, you’d better not let him hear you say that.”
Remus frowned, watching the blond locate the safe and crouch in front of it. Something about him was… off. He’d seemed fine earlier, but now he seemed subdued. His voice was carefully controlled and even, a blank mask on his face.
So the question was: what had happened between 10 am and now that made him feel like he had to distance himself?
The safe opened within a few minutes. Leo switched out the flash drives and pocketed the real one, closing the safe again and rising to his feet. “Headed out now.”
“Coast is clear.” Remus said, looking back at the holding cell. The officers were pulling people apart and seemed to be getting things back under control. “Good timing – looks like the fight is wrapping up. Now all you’ve got to do is pay their bail after a little while and hit the road.”
“Perfect. That’s the easy part.”
Paying bail, it turned out, was not the easy part.
After what felt like the thirtieth time he’d signed a fake name on the forms and having to jump through countless hoops, Leo still had to wait over an hour until Finn and Logan were processed and released. So he sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the lobby and waited. And waited. And waited.
When his partners finally walked through the doors, Leo did a double-take. He knew they’d been in a fight, but good lord.
“Y’all look like shit.” He said, taking in Logan’s bruised cheek, the way Finn was cradling his left arm to his chest, and their overall rumpled appearances. He also noticed the way they were steadfastly refusing to look at each other.
Logan snorted. “Thanks, Peanut.”
Leo shrugged, holding his hands up defensively. “I’m just telling the truth here. Don’t kill the messenger.”
“Let’s go home.” Finn said wearily as he led the way outside and towards their car, limping slightly. “I think I might be allergic to this makeup. It’s starting to itch.”
Later that night, when they were all in their separate apartments scattered across the city, all three of them faced a restless night of staring up at their ceilings and wondering, in some variation or another, what if.
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ungoliantschilde · 2 days ago
Bob Saget directed Norm in “Dirty Work”. Watch the movie, it’s hilarious.
Bob Saget is a standup comic, but he’s most known as the Dad from FullHouse, with the Olsen Twins. Bob’s Stand-up, in direct contrast to his TV Land persona, is EXTREMELY raunchy. He is a notoriously “blue” comic. His routine is almost entirely NSFW.
Anyways. The Bob Saget roast on Comedy Central. Every comic goes as hard and gross as possible. Norm spends most of the show sitting in the back row noticeably reading the newspaper. On National Television. He just sits in the back, thumbing through the newspaper loudly.
Roasters single out Norm and try to attack him. He occasionally folds the paper down and looks incredulous and offended, then goes back to his paper.
It gets to be Norm’s turn to roast his friend, the king of raunchy NSFW comedy.
Norm walks to the podium, and proceeds to deliver the most urbane, clean, dad-joke riddled roast set of all time. Norm made as many out of date bad puns as he could. He didn’t swear once.
The dirtiest comic in the business got BARBECUED by Norm, and he used a cocktail host book from the 1950s as his template.
Norm MacDonald was the BEST comedic voice of my generation. I don’t say that lightly. And he died early at 61 from motherfucking cancer.
Thank you, Norm.
Get some sleep you goofy fuck.
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starrysamu · 9 months ago
cOuNtRy BoY i LoVe YoUuU — miya osamu. 
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☆ not sensible, just quiet 
you’d think with a brother like atsumu and a friend like suna, this man would have his shit together. highly unlikely 
☆ despite that, he’s a real fixer upper for sure 
the home handyman, the bob the builder, some may say! every time something’s broken at home, he’ll fix it right quick fr. like fix it felix type shit. u could be his wreck it ralph 
like in his free time he goes around fixing things fr. he’s got like a mf wrench in his back pocket fr. everyone in town loves him, especially the old folks bc he fixes their stuff free of charge 
☆ very respectful boy, the geriatrics love him! 
as i mentioned earlier, he kinda just goes around fixing things when people need him to!
but let’s be honest, he probably spends saturday mornings volunteering at like the elderly home or some food pantry for sure. quite literally another golden boy, just without the golden hair 
☆ one of his favorite places to volunteer is the pet shelter. he’s so good with pets i just know it like the way he can handle a horse? yes. 
just kidding (not really) but he’s just so good with dogs and literally every animal out there i feel this in my bones
everyone actually thinks he’s going to be a vet because he’s so good with them
he’s got the cutest little smile when he’s spending time with an animal and caring for it like … what a relatively gentle soul. everyone thinks he’s got an old man trapped inside of him fr someone save that old man set him free 
☆ but alas, the man loves food too much. we’re going ✈️ food service 
☆ boy does he know his way around good food 
designated barbecuer at BBQs; makes ur life real spicy with his big brain knowledge on spices and seasonings and sauces girl good luck 
knows just what to pair with what - red wine and steak, fried chicken and beer, etc. it’s like food wars minus the “wars” part … it’s just food 
helps mom in the kitchen! mayhaps he’s just a mama’s boy, but he knows how to cook because of her probably 
☆ as for his own tastes, mr. chef is a total carbie barbie
mmm he loves a good cornbread chili combo
he’s got such a sweet tooth. loves a mixed berry cobbler with a side of vanilla ice cream … when holiday season rolls around, he eats a whole pumpkin pie by himself 
☆ once he’s of age, instead of chewing tobacco or something i think he’s a hard liquor kinda guy
like he appreciates a good whiskey at night 
he cracks a cold one open with the boys for sure but when he needs something to take the edge off he’s for sure reaching for a good whiskey or rum or something 
also unrelated but he probably chews on a toothpick or something during the day 
☆ he dresses to impress!
talk about those khakis or those navy blue slacks … mm it’s like fine dining 
a blue/chambray button down? a v-neck t-shirt? this man is able to pull it all off 
vineyard vines i’m CTFU but only because atsumu won’t stop getting him vv clothes for christmas 😭😭😭😭
☆ if his friends and his brother weren’t football players, he’d be a baseball player for sure 
he’s literally always wearing a baseball cap - says it keeps the sweat from getting out of hand when he’s working 
when he takes it off his hair’s all matted so he does that thing that guys do and run his hands through it a few times … i’m sweating fr 
nice ass. that’s it that’s the tweet (i mean we knew but now imagine it in baseball pants)   
☆ so anyways he’s the running back for the school team 
doesn’t have as much school spirit as his brother for sure. like he’s just kinda there. BUT. he’s got just as big of a fanbase 
☆ he’s really respectful to his teachers and peers  
doesn’t need to suck up to his teachers to stay on the fb team because he’s making good enough grades and all the teachers r like … please help ur brother 
kinda quiet around his classmates but he for sure likes to have fun - he’ll crack jokes at the expense of his brother to get a good laugh 
don’t get the wrong idea - he’s soooo popular i just know it. maybe because i would be his follower too if he went to my high school that’s all i’m sayin 
☆ very avid music listener. compiles his own playlists but always ends up listening to all the remixes of old town road against his will 
his guilty pleasure is dan + shay for sure. which brings us to --
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☆ this man is so smooth. he’s like … like butter he’s so smooth. idk how else to describe it like someone call paula deen he’s got that much butter 
the way he’s gonna try to talk you up will literally have you swooning at first i just know it! and then once you recollect urself ur gonna think he’s dumb as shit because he is 
☆ he’s like for sure gonna take you horse riding on the first date 
it’s like nighttime and all the stars are out and he says shit like “the night’s so pretty but not as pretty as you” and then leads you out to this huge clearing
he’s got this huge blanket for the two of you to just lay down on and the both of you spend hours just staring at the sky with each other 
you guys still go on dates like that even after your first date together 
☆ man this BOY. someone come collect he’ll literally say shit like “baby, we’ll make it out of here one day”
okay but truth be told he really does wanna make it out of there “one day” and wants to try his hand at that City Life for a bit (just for a bit ... can’t stand being away from home for Too Long) 
once he’s in love with you tho he’d really wanna run away … alexa play “love story” by taylor swift that’s literally the life he wants to live with you 
(unrelated but thinks tswift is an absolute queen for writing that song ... “really puts my thoughts into words” - miya osamu to you, probably) 
☆ anyways so atsumu goes to these slam poetry nights to woo his lover right - so naturally, osamu and the guys tag along 
osamu really thinks it’s so dumb and cheesy but one night he gets really insecure so he tries it out and it’s actually really good like you’re like write me more?? 
atsumu’s like bro what the fuck 
you’re swept off your pretty little feet! 
☆ when he’s driving you around at night he’ll blast dan + shay because he’s so soft for you and he wants you to know that! he won’t come right out to say it so he hopes dan + shay will do all the talking singing for him 
☆ osamu’s really slow to warm up to the people in your life, including your friends and family 
but he’s always sure to make a good impression on your family fr he always brings you home before curfew and tries to suck up to them because you mean that much to him 
got that mf wrench strapped on him in case yall have a leaky sink or something idk he’s dressed to impress 
☆ he loves loves loves taking you on ice cream dates
they’re his favorite, next to taking you on dates to nearby restaurants he wants you to try. and of course, he loves to show off his cooking skills - 
☆ and honestly, at the end of the day you’re like where else can you find a house husband like this one? nowhere. he’s right here just keep him he’ll literally write you shitty poetry for forever probably call him rupi kaur and husband him up
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mrs-gucci · 2 months ago
Hello dearest!! If it's not already been asked, I'd love to request a fluffy something about Paterson not liking fireworks because of his time in the military, and the two of you trying to celebrate the 4th in your own way to distract him from the noise? Sending you love!
Beer Bottles & Bob Ross Tutorials [blurb] {Paterson x Reader} 🎇
author's notes: hello, hello! my dearest mrs. z, thank you for this lovely idea! I had quite a bit of fun writing it up for you. sending love right back your way, friend <3
warnings: fluff. general cuteness. bob ross tutorials. 
(possible) tw's: alcohol consumption.
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The highlight of many people’s Fourth of July celebrations are the fireworks. It’s a staple of the holiday, really.
Fireworks happen to be Paterson’s least favorite thing about Independence day. As a veteran, forever scarred by the sounds of gunfire on the battlefield, fireworks remind him far too much of his time overseas.
So, every year, you’re tasked with finding new ways to distract Paterson from the seemingly continuous rounds of firework scattered throughout the evening and into the night. 
You’ve tried just about everything: movies, music, beer, sex marathons...none of it has ever really worked. Well, arguably the beer helped a little bit, and the sex certainly didn’t not help, but none of them have provided a lengthy enough reprieve from the noise.
This year, you’re really trying to get creative with it. You’ve racked your brain for ideas and you finally decided on one: trying to do a Bob Ross painting tutorial. You went out and bought all the right supplies, consulting several of your artist friends on the cheapest paint brands that’ll still get the job done and the right canvas sizes, wanting this night to be perfect. You also picked up a case of Pat’s favorite craft beer and a bottle of your favorite wine, figuring that alcohol could provide a fun edge to the activity.
Luckily, Pat had to work a shortened day today, so you had plenty of time to set up and refresh your memory on Bob Ross tutorials. You pick out one where he does a nice summer scene with a waterfall, one that sort of reminded you of a setting from one of his poems.
The more you prepare, the more excited for tonight you become. Sure, you miss the barbecues and fireworks shows, but you didn’t mind having a quiet night in with Paterson. You don’t get too many of them anymore, since you’ve started working full-time, so it’ll be a nice change of pace.
Paterson comes home around four o’clock, confused when he doesn’t see you in the kitchen or living room. He immediately worries, calling out your name. You hear him from down in the basement, letting him know that you’re downstairs, which brings a great sense of relief to the bus driver.
You rush upstairs to greet him with a smile, pulling him in for a hug. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, hugging you back.
“How was your day, sweetness?” He asks as you pull away to look up at him.
“Pretty good. I’m really excited for tonight; I think you’re gonna like what I’ve got planned.”
His eyebrows raise in intrigue. “Oh? I didn’t know you’d planned anything.”
“I did, indeed. You know I always try to do something special with you.” Your lips tug up into a small smirk. “And not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty damn proud of what I came up with.”
“Consider my interest piqued.” He says, smiling.
After getting some takeout from yours and Paterson’s favorite Indian restaurant, you lead him down to the basement, showing him the activity you’d prepared for tonight. You chew your lip as you watch him appraise the setup, hoping he’ll like it as much as you do.
“Wow, sweetness, this is...this is so great.” Paterson says, pulling you closer into his side, giving your hip a gentle squeeze as his lips press a kiss to your lips. “I’m really excited.”
Your eyebrow quirks. “Are you really? You don’t have to pretend to be excited for my sake.”
“No! No, really, I’m excited. I’ve always wanted to try one of these.” He says, laughing softly.
You turn on the TV and pull up the video while Pat fills the water cups and grabs himself a beer from the cooler. He pours you a glass of wine, too, setting it by your easel before unwrapping the paintbrushes and taking the plastic off the paints.
Once the tutorial is pulled up, you sit down next to Pat at your easel, putting the coat of clear on before clicking the ‘play’ button on the YouTube video. It begins and you quickly pour each color needed for the tutorial into your pallet; Pat follows your lead.
Casual conversation and laughs flow between you like the beer and wine, and about halfway through, you pause the video to look at yours and Pat’s paintings.
“Oh my god, mine looks nothing like his!” You laugh. “And here I was, thinking I was doing a pretty good job.”
Paterson laughs along with you, shaking his head. “You are doing a good job, sweetness, I promise. It looks really good.”
You look over at his, and of course, it’s freakin’ amazing. Why did you want to do this with a creative mind like Pat again?
You look up at him, offering a soft smile. “Thanks, honey. I appreciate it.”
After a few more minutes of a break, you’re ready to get back to work. You begin painting again, as does Pat, and it takes about two more hours to finish it up, what with all the video pauses, drink breaks, laughs, and silly antics happening between the two of you.
Finally, the tutorial comes to an end and you sit back, tossing your brush into the water cup with a sigh. Your painting isn’t all that bad and you’re actually pretty proud of your work. 
Paterson’s arm wraps around you and his lips plant a kiss to your cheek.
“It looks really great, sweetness. Would you mind if I hung it up down here at my desk?”
Your eyebrows furrow as you look up at him. “Do you really want to?”
“I do, absolutely. I think it’ll look nice down here, don’t you think?” He smiles. “And I want to remember this night forever.”
You smile, reaching up to plant a kiss on his lips.
“Thank you for this, Y/N. I had so much fun tonight and I really appreciate you putting all this together for me.” His lips begin to move with yours, arm around you pulling you gently onto his lap.
You pull away gently after a minute or two, nuzzling your nose against his.
“You’re welcome, Pat.”
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