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gcdl3ss · 2 months

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( michael b. jordan, cisman, he/him ) — 🎬 just announced, roman calloway has been cast as luke danes in the upcoming gilmore girls reboot. the thirty eight year old is trending as people are debating if the stacks of filled crossword puzzles, judgemental stares during a deep conversation but very little contribution verbally, an organized sock drawer, cigarette hanging between lips as a coping mechanism, fear of commitment that causes you to run that they are known for is enough to make them as good as original. a quick google search shows that their fans call them grounded, but internet trolls think they’re more pessimistic. i guess their newest interview for variety where they talk about their rise to stardom being all their own and not having previous connections in the industry will let people know them better.

𝐢. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲

barney stinson, how i met your mother + damon salvatore, the vampire diaries + flynn rider, tangled + alex karev, grey's anatomy + steven hyde, that 70's show + lip gallagher, shameless + roman roy, succession.

𝐢𝐢. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

born in long beach, california, the calloway's were well known however not connected to the elite class that both children would soon dive into. parents being high class lawyers, one a defence lawyer and the other focused on family law, the calloways had money, but there wasn't a moment where they would use it to contribute to a potential spoiled nature of their children.

high school was practically a breeze for roman, he was well liked by many individuals and his charm allowed him to grasp hold of anyone he wanted; confident but also willing to keep to himself when necessary, he was someone that many individuals gravitated towards. an enigma in the eyes of many; one second he could be playing beer pong while the next he's at home with a crossword because his social battery was dead.

following in his parents footsteps, roman didn't hesitate to begin his adventures in pre-law upon graduation. freshly eighteen and beginning his first year, he made sure to dedicate himself to his studies. that didn't stop his door from constantly revolving, however, but there was very little interest in a serious relationship, always voicing his needs off the bat to avoid potential dramatics.

graduating top of his class with pre-law, he began his law school adventure at stanford at the age of twenty, able to jump right into the system. however, his twenty first birthday was when everything changed for roman.

spending money left right and center but lying to parents that it was for school supplies, he was soon cut off from speculation that he was using it for partying and women that didn't deserve it (which .. it was, but he will forever take that to his grave). digging through his junk drawer, roman found the cellular number to the agent that approached him the prior year for modelling; at the time, it was laughable, but now roman felt like he needed to make a living.

it wasn't long for roman to become extremely well liked in the industry. with his charm, bright smile and ability to mask the personalities of everyone around him, he was able to crawl his way to the top. it didn't hurt that he managed to have a beautiful woman on his side either; cordelia became someone of comfort, someone he thought would actually convince him to settle down.

the moment of bliss was brief, tabloids taking hold of the new actor's after hour endevours and cordelia finding out about his infedility via headlines. despite his lack of care in the moment, tears were shed when he witnessed the disaster he managed to create. the pair of them having such a deep seeded love that they agreed to couples therapy - years continued where they began to grow again, conversations of marriage even beginning to dangle before them. ring bought, hidden perfectly in their shared home, however the night when he was going to ask ... his fear of commitment got the best of him, and yet another individual was brought into their bed, only to be caught red handed.

although not entirely liked from that point forward, he was still an extremely talented actor and someone that studios wanted. his career skyrocketed, thoughts of his past were long forgotten when viewed on screen and his charm remained his go-to safety net. however, upon arriving to his reboot, his eyes lay on the woman he had truly loved and let go; posing the question if this type of life is truly worth it.

𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

grounded : despite what's seen in tabloids and known about his personality, roman can remain grounded in many instances. although seen at many parties and clubs throughout the week, there are months at a time where he will go into hiding and remain in his home with some crosswords and practicing his cooking skills. the lavish life took a toll on his previously cherished ways, and when the realization hits that he's losing himself, he likes to go back to his roots.

pessimistic : always preparing to the worst. roman likes to come up with endless worse case scenarios to avoid getting his hopes up on certain situations. when auditioning, he will lay out what he did wrong and what he could have done better before a phone call is made to give the final vote. this way, he can provide himself less disappointment if he doesn't come out on top, but feel immense happiness and joy when he does.

extroverted : not entirely a social butterfly, but he does love connections. sometimes quiet in nature and other times loud in tone, he craves the company of others no matter what. somtimes enjoying a movie in silence with a friend or even a quiet beer, while other times he wants to meet new people and thrive off the chaotic natures of a nightclub.

manipulative : roman has managed to always manipulate a sitauation to avoid consequences. if it's gaslighting, shifting blame, or bringing up past arguments to make a point; a fear of having to admit he was wrong because deep down he knows he is. many would question if he's narcassistic, however behind closed doors, roman feels every emotion and it's very common for him to break down when no one is watching because of his own actions.

#2000s.intro #𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗪𝗔𝗬 ﹐ 𝘙𝘖𝘔𝘈𝘕 ⸻⸻⸻ introspection

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frecklystars · 4 months

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Ahh so I saw you just watched Crazy Stupid Love! What did you think of it? I’m trying to think of specific questions but I can’t 😅 I’d be interested to just hear your opinions on any part of it that you wanna share lol. Was Jacob different from how you pictured him or about what you expected? How do you think he’d get along with your other Ryan F/Os? 🐢

TURTLE ANON MY BELOVED!!! :D

Hi sweetie!!! Thank you for the ask!!!! OH BOY WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH HIM 🥺🥺🥺 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! HE'S EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED!!!! The movie itself not so much, BUT JACOB WAS AMAZING--

Okay, so, my opinion on JACOB: I was really, really surprised. I thought he was going to be a total jerk. I've watched just about every Ryan Gosling Crazy Stupid Love interview out there (and several other films he's been a part of), and he kept saying Jacob was the quintessential asshole. I was mentally prepared for this guy to be Barney Stinson 2.0 (and that wouldn't be a compliment at all).

Dude I RAMBLED. I am putting down a readmore link to spare you all sdfldskjf

This movie is from 2011, isn't it? And this man's supposed to be a womanizer, isn't he? He's supposed to objectify women? I didn't see any of that. What the hell. HE WAS SO KINDHEARTED AND RESPECTFUL. I was SHOCKED. Since this movie is from the early 2010s, I was expecting Jacob to say some shit like "oh, the ideal woman is supposed to be super thin with a huge rack, she needs to be no more than this certain amount of pounds, if she's crazy you gotta run away, blah blah blah, don't go for the nerds in glasses" but... he didn't mention women's appearances? Ever? Unless if it was just a compliment like "you look amazing in that dress, you're wearin' it like you're doin' it a favor" like hahahaaaa holy shit... heart eyes... the only time he said something that made me think "oh, you're trying out for the part of Ken Carson, aren't you" is when he said one (1) misogynistic comment about how "men won when women decided to be pole dancers. but they still deserve our respect" and I was like eh ok it's 2011. but that was the only comment that I noticed. Otherwise, he was extremely respectful???

The way he treated Hannah, especially, was so endearing to me. The first time he meets Hannah, he asks to sit with her, he doesn't touch her, he doesn't say anything sleazy. He compliments both her and her friend. He asks to buy her a drink, and when Hannah rejects his advances, he makes a joke about driving her home, but doesn't follow her or pressure her to stay. He just lets her go.

The second time he meets Hannah, he is MELTING in her arms when she's suddenly kissing him. He's gaping like a fish, muttering "yeah" when she's like "do you remember me? still find me attractive? still want to take me home?"

When he takes her home, he STILL is not touching her. He makes them both a drink. She downs both her drink AND his. He's like "wow I need her carnally" LSDFKJSDLF. When he notices she's nervous, he SITS FAR AWAY FROM HER ACROSS THE ROOM. He keeps his legs crossed, his hands folded. He does NOT take off his clothes until she orders him to, and even then, he only removes his shirt. He asks if he can put it back on afterward. He doesn't push her to sleep with him. He keeps his voice quiet. He doesn't hit on her, not at all, he lets her do all of the talking. When they're laying in bed and kissing, she's obviously drunk, and he's patient with her when she's interrupting the kissing and giggling. She never directly says "I don't wanna bang anymore" but she asks about the massage chair he owns and he makes jokes about the chair, laughs with her, lets her sit in the chair. They just laugh all night. He NEVER pressures her to sleep with him, never never never. He doesn't touch her. He doesn't initiate anything. She's the one touching him.

That meant so much to me. How is this man supposed to be a womanizer if I didn't see him objectify a woman even once? He just compliments them, buys them a drink, asks them if they want to get out of there and sleep together, and then they do. That's it!!! He just sleeps around but he doesn't do it to be an asshole, he does it because it's fun, and sure as hell these women should be fully aware it's a one-night thing and not a "ooh this is my new steady boyfriend who will call me every night"

The scene where he's laying in bed and laughing with Hannah, and he's making fun of all of his own materialistic possessions that mean nothing to him (calf pants. pants for his calves. calf pants.) when he says "I am wildly unhappy. I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working." that. wrecks me. kills me. I've seen gifsets of that scene and I was really looking forward to seeing it. "Will you do me a favor? Will you ask me something personal about myself?" The way he kept blinking and rolling his head around the pillow, averting eye contact when he talked about his parents, his dad... god. god. AND THEN HE FELL ASLEEP 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it was probably the first time he felt a meaningful connection with someone in a long time, too

Fast forward to that scene where David Lindhagen shows up at the party(?) or whatever it was supposed to be, a gathering, a romantic gesture from Cal -- whatever. When Cal says "David Lindhagen", JACOB TAKES OFF HIS RING AND SAYS "DAVID LINDHAGEN?" IMMEDIATELY WALKS UP TO HIM AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE. "YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED MY FRIEND HERE?" God, fuck, that killed me. He took that shit personally. Him taking off his ring to punch a guy he doesn't even know on behalf of his friend was sexy asf. And Cal wasn't even being nice to him at the time, yet he STILL stood up for him. He FOUGHT for Cal, and what did Cal do? Cal told him he couldn't see Hannah anymore!!! "This man objectifies women, I know how he treats women" UH YEAH DUDE, HE'S EXTREMELY RESPECTFUL TO WOMEN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM???? JACOB PALMER IS NOTHING LIKE BARNEY STINSON AND THAT IS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacob wanting to talk a few scenes afterwards, asking "Are we going to be adults about this?" trying to communicate, being really gentle with his wording. Saying "I am in love with her. I don't know what I was doing before this. I didn't ask for this, I can't exactly stop" like!!!! god!!! Before he even had that fight with Cal, he CALLED CAL and he was like "hey I'm about to meet Hannah's parents and I'M SOOO NERVOUS I need your advice please" LIKE HOW SWEET IS THAT? HE WAS NERVOUS. GOD. HE WANTS TO MAKE HANNAH HAPPY AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS HER PARENTS. SHUT UPPPP Cal annoyed me so much in this movie ffs. and when Cal was like, practically disowning Hannah, Jacob was telling Hannah gently "I think you should call your dad. look. look it's written here in the newspaper, you gotta call your dad" which was a way of trying to make her laugh but also gently urging her to communicate with him. And him going to Cal later and saying "your family misses you" like jesus christ this guy is so well put together and communicative and healthy and just??? a good guy??? the best boyfriend???? the BEST boyfriend??? I'm so lucky I have such a respectful boyfriend. Boyfriend number 34956305403457. Kissed and thrown into the Gosling Boyfriend Pile. anyway--

The entire movie itself. Oh boy. Uh, my thoughts on that -- too many subplots. What on earth. I was watching the movie with one of my friends and we kept saying "WE DON'T CARE. WHERE'S RYAN. WHERE'S RYAN GOSLING" every time he wasn't on screen. That subplot with the 17 y/o girl trying to give her nudes to Cal (A 40 YEAR OLD MAN) WAS UNCOMFORTABLE ASF... her giving the nudes to the 13 y/o who keeps talking about how he thinks about her when he's uh doing things alone in his room. the fuck. SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE LOL and the kiss on the cheek at the end was not cute nor charming. This is absolutely 2010 levels of humor but oh my god it just does not hold up today. Maybe other teenagers would have thought it was funny but as a girl who's in her 20s, I just, eughhh couldn't feel entertained by that.

And the graduation scene was so freaking annoying. Robbie and Cal's speeches had NOTHING to do with graduating. Oh my god. Imagine you're a parent. Imagine your little Susie is so excited to graduate the eighth grade. The valedictorian is some snot-nosed twerp with a sheep dog haircut from supercuts. You are not listening to a word he's saying, you'd probably rather be drinking, and since it's 2011 and you're in a 2011 romantic comedy movie, you probably hate your marriage. You want to go home. You are tired from your full time job and you have limited time off, you'd rather be anywhere else, but you're here for little Susie because she fucking STRUGGLED to pass the eighth grade because her ADHD made it hard for her to focus and you had to really encourage her with ice cream Fridays and pizza Wednesdays and star-shaped stickers to get her to pass her tests on how to write mixed fractions as improper fractions. Imagine this snot-nosed twerp talking about how love is a scam and soulmates don't exist. Now imagine this child's father approaching the stage, not even using the microphone so you can barely hear him, and he goes on for SEVERAL MINUTES about his divorced wife and buying her an ice cream cone when they were 15 years old. What the actual hell. You just want to watch little Susie get her diploma. BUT NOOO. YOU CAN'T. BECAUSE THIS BITCH YOU'VE NEVER MET IS GOING ON ABOUT SOULMATES. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO WITH GRADUATING MIDDLE SCHOOL? NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. THE SNACKS AT THE BUFFET TABLE CANNOT COMPENSATE FOR THE AMOUNT OF TIME, PATIENCE, AND BRAIN CELLS YOU HAVE LOST THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE ORDEAL. NOT EVEN THOSE LITTLE SOFT FROSTED GLUTEN-FREE COOKIES THEY SELL AT PUBLIX.

Anyway. Ahem. Jacob was the best part of this film and one of my favorite Ryan F/Os. He and Emma Stone have INCREDIBLE chemistry, it's no wonder they've done three pictures together. Oh dear God you've asked me another question I'm so sorry -- I've already talked so much, I'm so sorry SDLFJSFLD. How would he get along with my other Ryan F/Os?? That's so nice of you to ask!! 😍😍 Awwww, Jacob would love Ken!!! Ken is up to date on all the latest fashions, though he wears much more brightly colored clothes than Jacob does, Jacob can still appreciate Ken's eye for detail. Jacob has a running horse on his ring, and Ken would LOVE that! Ken would be so, so excited about that. Jacob's ears would be ringing, Ken's talking so much about the ring, he'd probably gift it to him if it means so much to him.

I also gush about Jacob's white jacket a lot. He looks like Driver with it, y'know without the uh, the scorpion patch or the gussets. He would appreciate that Driver doesn't have much to say but he's still a very cool and laid back guy. Thinks he's doing it on purpose. Probably says "wow you must be a real ladies man with that kind of attitude... y'know what they say buddy, less is more" or something and Driver is just like "..." and Jacob is like "yeah that's EXACTLY what I'm talking about. high five-- no? okay. I'm going over there now". He'd probably try to get Officer K and Six and maybe even Colt to loosen up a little bit. "What's that, blood on your face? Tawny hair all messed up like you've never seen a goddamn comb in your life?" He pats their face and says "we've got work to do, c'mon". He isn't aware Six already has access to really expensive suits but Six honestly is just enjoying the ride. Six and Jacob are sharing Sbarro's pizza. Officer K isn't used to being pampered. Getting his hair cut, getting tailored for a nice suit ("isn't that a weird coincidence how we're all a size 42 regular?"), getting complimented. Jacob and Colt are constantly shopping for sunglasses. If Ken is out with them, they walk around the Century City mall, and he says "hey! Barbie and I were just here a few months ago with our sweet girl! Haha, yeah, this is where I saw a horse for the first time, over there-- AND this is where I discovered patriarchy and brought it to BarbieLand, but turns out patriarchy does NOT mean the world is run by horses, so don't make THAT mistake. Totally easy to be confused, I know. Anyway I think the beach is around here somewhere--" "...sorry repeat that last part" "beach?" "no the other last part" "oh I saw a horse?" "no the OTHER other last part--"

I would love Jacob to please for the love of God take Sebastian Wilder out shopping. I'm begging. That dude only owns like 2 pairs of trousers and maybe 3 shirts. Same with Driver, he has 1 shirt, 2 jackets, maybe 2 trousers. "What the hell are you thinking, kid, wearing all denim? Makes you eyes pop, I'll give you that, and the toothpick is a nice touch, but you want to impress your girl don't you?? And Wilder, what in Christ's name are you wearing? What, you shop at The Gap? At least pop your collar or somethin', spice yourself up a little. You see what I'm wearing? You see what I've got going on here? All spice. I'm Paprika. I am the whole goddamn rack. You impress Keri with that plain white shirt? At least Driver has the bomber jacket-- hey where are you going? Don't take that tone with me--"

I could really keep rambling but I'll stop here omfg. I love you turtle anon, thank you for indulging me 😂💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

#🐢 anon #anonymous #asks #keepsake #love notes #💕♬♪ ♡ It feels different when you're with me - ̗̀☆🥂🖤✨☆ ̖́-

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loveframe · 2 years

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Heart Touching Breakup Quotes to Mend up the Broken Heart

Heart touching breakup quotes: Trust and faith are the most important part of any type of relationship. If you think that you really love someone, set him/her free. If they do not come back to you, then believe he/she was not meant to be yours. Never cry for the person he/she who has hurt you.

Just smile and thank him/her for giving you a chance to find someone better who deserves you. Two people who loved each other and did break up could never be friends. If they can stay friends, then it means that they are still in love or that they never were.

Just find out the mistakes that have happened in the past and check “why” this happened and “what if” this wouldn’t have happened. Clear your mind once you find out the reasons and forget the past. Start a new life with positivity.

“A breakup is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave than risk hurting yourself by trying to pick up all of the broken pieces.”

“The hottest love has the coldest end.” – Socrates, Heart touching breakup quotes

“If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, then it is time to let them go, no matter how much you love them.”

“The heart was made to be broken.” – Oscar Wilde, Heart touching breakup quotes

“Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you will make your tomorrow.” – L. Ron Hubbard

“Sadness flies away on the wings of time.” – Jean de La Fontaine, Heart touching breakup quotes

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” – Nicholas Sparks

“The saddest thing about love is that not only that it cannot last forever, but that heartbreak is soon forgotten.” – William Faulkner

Heart Touching Breakup Quotes for Him

“The course of true love did never run smooth.” – William Shakespeare

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” – Barney Stinson

“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be” – Sonia Ricotti

“One day they’ll realize they lost a diamond while playing with worthless stones.” – Turcois Ominek

“You have the right to leave someone, but at least tell them why, cause what’s even more painful than being abandoned, is knowing you’re not worth an explanation.” – Drake

“The last time I felt alive – I was looking into your eyes. Breathing your air….. Touching your skin…. Saying goodbye…. The last time I felt alive…. I was dying.” – Ranata Suzuki

“This is what it felt like to have a broken heart. It felt less like cracking down the middle and more like she had swallowed it whole and it sat bruised and bleeding in the pit of her stomach.” – Wendy Wunder

“If the burden is too much and stays too long, even love bends, cracks, comes close to breaking and sometimes does break. But when it’s in a thousand pieces around your feet, that doesn’t mean it’s no longer love.” – Ayobami Adebayo

“In the middle of the block, she opened the door of a coffee shop, but they were playing one of the songs she had heard with Carol everywhere, and she let the door close and walked on. The music lived, but the world was dead. And the song would die one day, she thought, but how would the world come back to life?” – Patricia Highsmith

Breakup Quotes for Girls

“I like my relationships, like I like my eggs — over easy.” – Jared Kintz

“Breakups aren’t always meant for makeup, sometimes when a relationship ends it is time for you to wake up.”

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” – M. Kathleen Casey, Heart Touching breakup quotes

“When you leave weary of me without a work, I shall gently let you go.” – Kim Sowol

“Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are.” -Jo Blackwell-Preston

“They should tell you when you’re born: have a suitcase heart, be ready to travel.” – Gabrielle Zevin

“You find out what you are made of when you have a broken heart. If it happens early and often, all the better.” – Isabel Gillies

“Sometimes you just have to live your life, even if that means letting go of someone who means the world to you.”

“After a breakup, the memories are fresh and the pain is still raw. But after some time, it all fades away and you start to heal.”

“When you have had your heart-broken, you will be afraid to give it to someone ever again. But you have to trust that one day, the right person will come along and that person will treat your heart the way it deserves to be treated.”

“When your heart is broken, you might sit there wondering if you will ever be enough for anyone. You are enough, who always have been and you always will be enough, no matter what happens.”

“Doctoring her seemed to her as absurd as putting together the pieces of a broken vase. Her heart was broken. Why would they try to cure her with pills and powders?” – Leo Tolstoy

#breakup #quotes #relationship #romantic #love quotes #heartfelt #love quote #break my soul #ends #hitting #you broke my heart #you broke me #heart been broke so many times #heartless #cruel world

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aro-culture-is · 3 years

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Aro culture is loving a celebrity because of their profession and what they do and gushing about them only for everyone else to constantly ask you if you have a crush on them or not.

#aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #i do Not understand celebrity crushes #barney-stinson-deserved-better

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letraspal · 3 years

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Hi!! I'm literally obsessed with your art and I LOVE your art style especially the one you did a couple of days ago with all the carry on characters redrawn in Taylor videos.That was just...Wow.So I wanted to ask what song you thought suited snowbaz the most.My top 3 is you belong with me,gorgeous and call it what you want.

First of all THANK YOU SO MUCH! What you said means a lot to me. 💕 @barney-stinson-deserved-better

Second, let me tell you, this is the like most important question of my fandom life, hahaha. Picking was like the hardest thing to do because my brain can connect everything with a Taylor Song after 13 years of being a swiftie. I have this playlist “Snowbaz in Swiftie” where are a mix of random songs that I pick sometimes just for a single lyric line.

But Here my top choice, as one of the most Snowbaz song:

Dancing with our hands tied 🎶 - Reputation Album

Carry On epilogue vibes (and maybe bit of Wayward Son), Baz’s POV mostly + memories of the leavers ball.

Lyrics:

I, I love you in secret.

And my, my love had been frozen. Deep blue but you painted me golden.

I could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets. Picture of your face in an invisible locket. You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it. I had a bad feeling.

I love you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us. So, baby, can we dance.

Say that we got it. I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted.

We were dancing, dancing with our hands tied, and I had a bad feeling, but we were dancing.

If I could dance with you again, I’d kiss you as the light went out, swaying as the room burned down.

And I’m totally agree with your top 3! Gorgeous nailed it with “you’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much” + “you’ve ruined my life by not being mine” + “I’m so furious for making me feel this way, but what can I sat? You’re gorgeous” + “Ocean blue eyes looking in mine”. I mean, that’s so Snowbaz.

#taylor swift x snowbaz #letraspal #replies and essay #carry on #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #lovely asks #Barney-stinson-deserved-better

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wylanvnneck · 3 years

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Green💚💚

Green-...Hi

@barney-stinson-deserved-better Hiiiiiiiii! Thanks for the ask, it brightened up my day💓🌻

Hey also while I’ve got ya, would you mind telling me what fandom your url belongs to? It feels weirdly familiar but I can’t seem to place it😂

(Tell me something)

#yesh answers asks #barney-stinson-deserved-better

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hello-nichya-here · 3 years

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How NOT to write romance - How I Met Your Mother edition

Warning: long-ass post and lots of bitterness over a TV show that ended nearly eight years ago.

Basics for story-telling

If the romance you want to write is dysfunctional, fucking embrace it and have fun with the concept instead of pretending the bad shit the characters do is okay because “it’s true love”

Acknowledgde that your main character has flaws instead of acting like he is a saint who can do no wrong for no reason other than “he is the main character. Definitively don’t make him do, of his own free will, the exact exact same things the supposedly “selfish and cruel” womanizer does and then excuse it as him having “succumbed to/been tricked by a bad influece” like he’s child who doesn’t know any better instead of being a grown ass adult.

Don’t make your characters be annoying, entitled fuckers who think they have the right to judge others for wanting different things out of a relationship/not wanting a relationship at all. Don’t act like monogamy, double dates with other couples, marriage and children are something EVERYONE secretly wants deep down.

Don’t demonize the “evil” character of the group and act like the “heroes” being appalled by the shit he does is anything other than hypocricy. There’s literally nothing forcing them to be friends with him, so they’re obviously not as horrified at bad shit he does as they say they are, otherwise they would have ditched him a long time ago.

Don’t have the “heartless womanizer”, who we later find out is the ex-husband of the girl the lead wanted for himself, be shown to us exclusively through the eyes of the an unreliable narrator who had motivation to make him see worse than he is likely to be (get his kids to want him to get the girl instead of the “douchebag”). Also, don’t make his schemes to trick women into sleeping with them so completely absurd and ridiculous that the audience is pretty sure that 70% of the women he banged were completely aware he just wanted a quick fuck and went along with it anyway because they wanted some dick (and because the character is played by Neil Patric Harris, who is incapable of not being charismatic)

Fucking let you characters (especially the supposed hero we’re supposed to think is the best boyfriend ever) grow instead of making them constantly repeat the same mistakes

Lily and Marshall

Don’t make one of the characters hide something very important from their partner, and then have the audacity to be mad at them for “just not understanding” as if they were given any reason to understand what the problem even is

Don’t act like someone being heartbroken that their partner lied to them and practically made a plan to “escape” being married to them means they’re not being “supportive” of said partners dream - you should especially not do that after we were shown that they took a job they didn’t like just to make sure they’d have a secure future that would allow said partner to follow their dream.

Don’t have the character who was obviously in the wrong need to be convinced to get their shit together and apologize to their ex.

If a character forgave the ex who wronged them and even got back together with them, don’t have them constantly hold their past mistakes over their head like it that problem has not already been solved - you especially not make them do that on what was supposed to be their wedding day. They can either forgive their partner or not, they can’t keep going back and forth.

Don’t have them constantly hide important shit from each other (having a huge financial debt, getting a job, etc)

DO NOT have the character who fucked up years prior suddenly be willing to do the same shit again for the EXACT same reason (”I think our relationship is in the way of my dreams and I’m now completely isolated because I refuse to talk things out with you”) and then expect the audience to sympathize with them.

Ted and Robin

Unless you’re writing a Disney/Disney-esque romance, don’t have your lead just look at someone across the room, decide they’re “The one”, imagine their life together and full on say “I’m love with you” AND “I love you” on the first goddamn date.

Don’t have the lead stalk his love interest, and throw three parties in a row just to have an excuse to get close to her now that she made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him.

Don’t have the “hero” lie about having broken up with his girlfriend so the girl he wants to be with will sleep with him, and then have him blame his actions on time. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” Grow a pair of balls, Ted!

If one of the characters says “You’re going too fast on the whole ‘love’ thing. Can’t we just go on a few dates and see what happens instead of already starting to plan our lives together?” and the others throws a fit, that is called “being incompatible” and “damn, this dude doesn’t respect boundaries”, not “Wow, she’s so afraid of commitment”

If you want the audience to believe the main character’s feelings are not one-sided, don’t make the fact that said feelings ARE unrequited a running joke, and don’t have the girl only accept giving him a chance after having to deal with the fucker whining “But I love you” for months and/or after going through bad break ups. Also, if you have to retcon half the fucking show to “proove” that “she DOES love him”, that pairing fucking sucks.

Don’t compare the couple you want the audience to root for to the main character’s divorced, dysfunctional parents, and don’t have flashbacks showing that the lead had no clue what his girlfriend actually liked in bed AND that she literally covered up his face so she could pretend she was fucking someone else.

DON’T MAKE HER GET RID OF HER DOGS, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

If your lead character is still jealous/possessive of his ex, thinks he still has a chance even after she told him to his face that she didn’t love him, and acts like she and her fiance (who he says is his friend) being happy is somehow them being selfish and cruel, your lead character is a loser AND an asshole.

Don’t throw away the entire premise of the show (Ted finding the REAL love of his life) just to force a bad pairing down the audience’s throat

Ted Mosby in general

Don’t have your “romantic, sensitive hero” break up with a girl on her birthday through an answering machine, come back into her life without warning years later because he’s afraid he’ll die alone, and find out that she never heard the message but was actually told about it by her friends and family who were at her apartment preparing a surprise party for her. You should especially not make his first reaction to this new be being mad that he was not invited to the party, and for the love of God, don’t make him break up with her on her birthday AGAIN.

Don’t have the “hero” cheat on his girlfriend and excuse it with bullshit like “Nothing good happens 2 a.m.” and “But I genuinely love Robin so it’s okay that I’m lying to both of them”. Do not, I repeat, do NOT have him blame it on his girlfriend being distant when she didn’t pick up the phone one night and then called back the second she was free to do so, while he was enjoying the gifts she sent him and LIED to her about having sent her some as well.

Don’t fucking make an entire episode with the premise of him turning a no into a yes - and telling that story to his children like it’s romantic.

Don’t have his fiance, who he knows has a rocky relationship with the father of her daughter, tell him she is uncomfortable with him inviting his ex to their wedding and then have him decide “This means I should invite her ex as well”. Also don’t expect me to feel bad for him when she runs off with said ex.

Don’t have him spend YEARS waiting for one of the hundreds of girls he thinks is “the one” to be single and even ask her neighbour to spy on her and let him know when/if she breaks up with her boyfriend - again, for YEARS.

Don’t have the lead say he’s gonna tell their kids about his love story with their DECEASED mother, only for it to secretly be an excuse for him to go “By the way, I’m still in love with aunt Robin despite her having rejected me for 25 years, can I go screw her?”

Don’t act like making the characters reverse back into who they were at the beginning at the story means they’re gonna make things work this time when the whole point of their break up in the beginning on the story was the fact that they’re just not right for each other.

Robin and Kevin

A therapist who was supposed to help their patient move on after a bad break up that messed them up, dating said patient is a major red flag. It is also a bad sign that, when she cheats on him and wants to break up, he realized what she was doing to used his job as “evidence” that he knew better and that she should NOT tell her partner how she felt/what she actually wanted.

Do NOT have said therapist date yet ANOTHER patient that asked him help to move on from a bad break up. Seriously, Kevin was a creep, stop acting like he was some angel who “deserved better than Robin.”

BONUS: How NOT to break up a couple - Barney and Robin edition

Don’t act like their relationship falling appart after their friends kept meddling, and even kept them locked in a room against their will until they labeled their relationship as something they aproved of, is somehow “proof” that they’re not good for each other.

Don’t retcon their relationship to force a break up (seriously, Barney was super supportive of Robin long before he even fell in love with her, but I’m supposed to believe he’d be a bad boyfriend who is never there for her? And he loved advantures and always said “challenge accepted”, but was suddenly miserable travelling the world with her and couldn’t deal with not having wi-fi at the hotel? Fuck off)

Don’t spend an entire season focusing on their wedding, have them get married and then divorce THE NEXT FUCKING EPISODE! Why do you hate your audience? Even people who don’t want them together can see this a terrible idea.

And most important of all, when people question what the fuck were you thinking, don’t have a meltdown on twitter and say that people who think Barney can change are responsible for Donald Trump being elected, you fucking weirdo, go see a therapist (that isn’t like Kevin)

#how i met your mother #himym finale #swarkles #anti ted and robin #fuck ted mosby #worst finale ever #barney stinson #barney deserved better #robin deserved better #they deserved better #i deserved better

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