#Bart takes nobodies shit

[tickletastic]

Please, Call Zatanna

Fandom: DC

Ship: Mentioned Birdflash (haven't said this on my previous DC fics, but batcest shippers, please DNI)

Summary: If Dick had a nickel for each time he woke up in Jason's body, he'd have two nickels. At least this time he can take advantage of it.

Strangely, it’s not the first time that Dick has woken up in someone else’s body. Or the second, even. The first time was after a weird mission with the Titans, and he woke up in Bart’s body, buzzing like he was going to die if he didn’t move, starving like he hadn’t eaten in months. The second time, he woke up in Jason’s body, a familiar redhead in the bed next to him, a small child cuddled between him and Roy. He had jolted like he was electrocuted and stumbled to the manor while Lian and Roy still laid peacefully in bed. It was, without a doubt, not the highest on the list of ways that Jason would have liked to come out to his family, but none of them had made a big deal of it. 

That’s all to say that, while nobody expects to wake up in another person’s body, Dick weirdly recognizes the weight he wakes up with, has a muscle memory of throwing the weight around the last time he and Jason ended up in this situation. Last time, Jason’s body had been sore, bruised ribs and two fractured fingers that he hadn’t bothered to mention to anyone. This time, he feels pretty alright other than the ebb of exhaustion encroaching on his alertness, and the dizziness that could likely be contributed to missing a round of meds the previous night. 

He can hear a groan from somewhere down the hall, the clattering of stuff falling to the floor, and predictably, Dick’s own body is dashing through the door. Jason looks beyond fed up, and the only relief is that he hadn’t gone home to Roy and Lian the night before, and that he had somehow, for the second time, avoided Roy seeing him in this embarrassing ass situation. Jason rolls his eyes with a grunt before glaring daggers towards Dick, “what the fuck did you do this time?”

“Me?” Dick gasps, offended, but unsurprised. He has been known to piss off a magician or two from time to time. “It was your fault last time!”

“Was not! How was I even supposed to know there was a witch in Gotham? She wasn’t fuckin’ around in crime alley, I never encounter the weird shit that you and Bruce do!” 

“Master Jason,” a voice says from the hall, Alfred clearing his throat, “language, please.”

“Sorry, Alfie,” Jason sighs, looking down at his hands. 

“Wait,” Dick says, tilting his head to one side, dark brows furrowed, “how’d you know that’s Jason?”

“Consider it an old man’s intuition,” Alfred looks between the two of them, partially flabbergasted that Dick’s body is wearing an expression so vividly Jason, and Jason’s body is wearing one that’s so vividly Dick. “Though I was unaware we were dealing with another magic incident.” 

“We were unaware too,” Dick groans, “I want out of this bulldozer.” Dick makes for the door, grabbing Jason and dragging him non-committedly behind him. They’ll have to call Zatanna again like the last time, and Dick is praying she’s not off-world again. He doesn’t love having to call one of his ex-girlfriends to get him out of embarrassing, avoidable situations, but it could’ve been worse, Wally had begged Dick to stay the night last night, and Dick is suddenly very glad he had said no. 

Jason rolls his eyes, following behind Dick, not making much of an effort to actually walk, “don’t talk about my hard-earned muscle like that.”

When Jason stops in the kitchen, claiming he’s hungry and his pit-stop is Alfred-approved, Dick paces the hall anxiously, hearing constant, numb buzzing in his mind. He remembers the noise from their last body-swap, remembers having to fight off a green haze that nobody else could see. Jason grins when he peeks his head into the hall, but it seems he hasn’t even realized that he’s not hearing the buzz, as if he’s the same with it or without it.  “Chill, dickface. Can you like, eat an egg or something? My body needs protein.”

Dick glares in Jason’s direction, and it almost startles Jason how stern his older brother is able to look in a body that’s not his, “I’m sure you’ll last two hours without a protein bar.”

“Says you, you weigh like three pounds,” Jason jabs, walking into the hallway to follow Dick to the cave. 

“I’m lean,” Dick groans, “you try doing a quadruple front flip with the body of a football player. In fact, I’d love to see you try.”

The cave, as usual, is dark and cold, a breeze seeming to come from nowhere at all. Tim is at the table closest to stairs, slumped over his laptop, eyebags deep and drooping. He has a mountain of Monster cans in front of him, and a coffee pot that Dick is certain Bruce swapped for decaf at some point, though it seems it didn’t matter anyways. Dick shoots him a disappointed look, letting out a tired sigh knowing that he’ll probably have to drug Tim’s tea or something to get him to actually sleep. 

Tim looks startled by the expression, a light blush on his cheeks, and Dick is reminded that he’s not in his body, but in Jason’s. Jason shows his affection through playful aggression, he doesn’t have the oldest sibling instinct to be exhausted by Tim’s shenanigans instead of worriedly amused.

“Timmers,” Dick calls, Jason’s timber voice coming out higher, more cheerful, “is B down here?”

Tim’s brow furrows, and he squints at Dick, His glasses sit low on his nose, and he pushes them up closer, but seems no more satisfied, no less confused. “Uh, I think so. He was like,” Tim takes a moment and looks at the time on his phone, “like two hours ago? I don’t remember him leaving I think?”

“Great, thank you, Timmy!” Dick skips deeper into the cave, and Jason has to physically restrain himself from tackling his own body because of how fucking stupid Dick is making it look. 

Bruce doesn’t look as exhausted as Tim, but he’s certainly getting there, slouched over a pile of files, sifting through them lazily and looking between them and his computer screen. He looks infinitely more exhausted when he looks at his eldest sons, putting his head in his hands and lightly pulling at the ends of his hair, “I will contact Zatanna again.”

“Thanks, B!” Dick exclaims, grinning widely. There’s something dopey about the expression being on Jason’s face, but Bruce still has to look away to hide his own grin at seeing a rare smile on Jason’s face. 

Dick turns back around, heading back towards where Tim was sitting, and Jason watches as Dick throws the younger boy over his shoulder, overestimating Tim’s weight, or, more accurately, underestimating his strength, and having to adjust. 

“Jason, what the f-”

“Not Jason!” Dick quips, pretending to drop Tim, “all thanks to some evil witch or warlock out there.” 

“Even worse,” Tim responds, but he hardly struggles when Dick moves to the stairs, intending to get him to finally sleep after who knows how long awake. 

Jason takes the opportunity to move towards the training area, hoping to try out Dick’s escrima sticks in Dick’s own body. He had tried to use them a few times, when he found them lying around or during the odd training session, but he just didn’t have the nimbleness to make them work, it was all about fists when he was fighting. 

He does a few flips, practices throwing himself around like it’s nothing, grabbing onto things he had never been able to jump to, doing tricks he hasn’t done since his Robin days. When Dick comes back, he watches Jason attempt some sort of backflip, one that lands him facedown on the mat. 

Dick rushes over, grabbing one of Jason’s arms and flipping him over on his back, looking unimpressed when Jason groans, a hand finding his face. “You better not have just bruised my body.”

“Bruised? You’ll be fine, dickhead, I’m sure you’re not made of glass,” Jason replies, rolling onto his side. 

“What hurts? Seriously, Jason, if you messed up my body I’m going to break one of your fingers before Zatanna gets here.”

“Chill!” Jason replies, sitting up, criss-cross in a way that makes this feel like he’s in a primary school class, getting chided by a teacher for spoiling To Kill A Mockingbird for the rest of his class.

“You’re impossible,” Dick sighs, reaching down and reaching for Jason’s ribs to make sure he won’t be feeling pain once he’s back in his body. Jason jolts away with an aborted squeak, swatting at Dick’s hand. 

“Fuck off!” Jason shouts, rolling away from Dick, he stops once he feels far enough away and gapes at Dick, “your body is like, crazy ticklish.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dick replies, waiting to plan his attack.

Jason eyes the room’s exits, figuring out which one could get him as far away as possible. Dick just grins, knowing it won’t matter once he catches Jason, knowing there will be no way for him to actually escape. 

Luckily for Dick, he sees Jason looking shiftily towards the back exit, the one that leads from the training room down the hallway to the medbay. Dick jolts forward and narrowly misses Jason as he runs, making it to the hall. Dick rounds the room to another exit, walking briskly down the hall, and he’s soon cutting off Jason’s path, grinning evilly as he watches Jason contemplate his next move. 

“You know what’s about to happen,” Dick says with a light laugh. 

“Can you ever just leave me alone?” Jason grunts, looking around to bolt again, “you’re so annoying.”

“I legally can’t,” Dick responds, and in seconds he’s tackling Jason to the ground, Jason, who had made the mistake of looking back for an escape route, “I’m your favourite big brother, after all.”

Jason is grappling against Dick’s hold, but he knows it’s over when Dick uses his thighs to pin him down, Jason’s current body no match for his actual one when it comes to strength. He doesn’t even know where to protect, other than the vague ideas he has from when Bruce used to tickle Dick, or he and Dick would get into mostly one-sided tickle fights as children. He moves his arms down to protect Dick’s ribs, but he’s not even sure if they’re Dick’s worst spot, and he’s beginning to realize that Dick knows exactly where to tickle, it’s his body, after all. 

Dick grins, lopsided and playful like he always has when he’s messing with his siblings, and he pretends to think, looking at Jason as he gradually grows more anxious. Dick moves his arms down so they rest limply by his sides, and Jason, noticing that the hands are eerily close to his sides, tries to jerk away. Dick grins, teasingly wiggling fingers next to Jason’s stomach, content when Jason starts to squirm. 

“Whahat thehehe fuhuhuck,” Jason giggles, “why ahaham I laahahaughing?”

Dick blushes faintly, shaking his head, “no way, is this bothering you?”

Jason shakes his head, brows furrowed, “it’s yohohour fuckin’ bohohody, why ihihis thihis getting me?”

“It’s the anticipation,” Dick explains, frustratingly level and calm, despite the pink blush on his cheeks, “I guess my body doesn’t like it.” 

“Yohohou’re tehehlling meHEHE,” Jason shrieks as Dick’s hands finally truly descend, fingers spidering over Jason’s tummy, “DiHIHICK! Stahahp ihihit!” 

“Nope, I’m taking full advantage of this situation, I never tickle you anymore.”

“Behehecause I’d kihihill yohohou!” Jason squeals, hands firmly on Dick’s wrists, not doing enough to push his hands away. Jason doesn’t know enough to predict that Dick is going to go for the sensitive spot between his belly button and left hip bone, but he’s suddenly arching his back, gasping and squealing as he tries to figure out some sort of strategy to defend this body he knows nothing about. 

“Hmm, where should I try next?” Dick thinks out loud, examining Jason’s red face, the smile up to his ears, he shakes his head when Jason insists that he try nowhere, and settles for a spot that will make Jason snort, “you know, I’m pretty bad on my ribs.”

Dick’s fingers wiggle upwards and drill into each rib, and Jason flops between arching his back and falling flat, “Plehehease! Yohohou- yohohu’re stuhuhupidly tihihicklish!”

Dick blushes, but he doesn’t bother denying it, he’s very acquainted with it, “alright, but right now it’s you that’s stupidly ticklish.” 

Dick does a motion that’s something between pinching and spidering on a middle rib, and Jason snorts before falling into hysterical giggles, throwing his head back. When he does the same to the top rib on both sides, Jason shrieks, trying to clamp his arms to his sides. Jason’s face is progressively growing redder and redder, and he can’t seem to figure out a way to predict where Dick will go next, entirely unaware of how ticklish Dick’s body is and where. 

Dick’s tries to put his hands under Jason’s arms, but is unable to because of how strongly Jason’s arms are clamped down at his sides. “Alright, well, you asked for this.”

Dick’s fingers fly down to Jason’s thighs, skittering between his mid thighs and hipbones, and Jason screams, bucking violently, flinging his arms instead of strategizing. “FUHUHUCK- N- DIHIHICK, PLEHEHEASE!”

“I think you can take a little more,” Dick laughs, shaking his head, “I have pretty decent lung capacity.”

Jason has felt Dick tickle him to pieces before, he knows that Dick’s skilled in tickling younger siblings to pieces, tickling all the back-talk and sarcasm and bad moods out of them. He himself has been tickled to tears at the hands of Dick. But this? Jason has never felt so thoroughly tickled before in his entire life. Every spot, every tactic, completely taking him apart. 

When Dick pinches above Jason’s knee, scratching underneath it every few seconds, erratic and unpredictable, Jason’s done for. He descends into wheezy, silent laughter, his hold loosening on Dick’s wrists. 

Dick relents, pulling his hands away as he watches Jason try to catch his breath, tears slipping from the corners of his eyes. He suddenly looks sheepish, looking off towards the door, “you know, I uh- I actually can’t tell your signs when you’re in my body. Did I go too far?”

Jason waves Dick off with a limp hand before covering his face with his arm, “you do that weird half snort half wheeze thing.”

Dick glares, his voice scandalized, “no I don’t!”

“You so do,” Jason responds, reaching a hand up to taser Dick’s bottom rib. 

Dick snorts, rolling off of Jason, “you’re still ticklish? Why didn’t you try to fight me off?”

“One of us has some self-preservation skills, Dickie,” Jason says with a wink, the expression is completely Jason, even though it’s Dick’s face, “you and I are going to have some fun when this is over.”

Dick pales, laughing nervously. “Uh, did you hear that? I think I heard Bruce call me, I’ll- I-” Dick bolts from the room, leaving with a bright blush. 

Jason just laughs, rolling his eyes. Dick might play the role, but he’s not dumb enough to expose every spot, every tactic that makes him a hysterical mess… Unless, of course, he was looking forward to the revenge.

#what is that summary wtf #batcest dni #jason todd #dick grayson #bruce wayne #time drake #ticklish!jason #but like...in dick's body? #lee!jason #ler!dick #batfam #dc

[suzukiblu]

Grip

Kon has never taken cock before, which would be less of an issue if Cassie weren't so fucking hung.

Like, there's a longer and more-involved story about why his girlfriend is currently more like his boyfriend–Circe's fault, apparently, though Cassie was too mortified to get into the details–but Kon's stupid horny ass had just thought it'd be kinda fun to play around with, and . . .

In his defense, Cassie'd kissed him first. Like, without thinking about it or whatever, but still. The whole "cursed to guyhood" thing isn't affecting her powers so she'd just gone out with them on a mission like normal and after it'd all gone to shit and they all hadn't died, she'd just–kissed him.

Specifically, she'd grabbed him and kissed him. Which is something she's done plenty of times, but never with such big, broad hands, and never when her body was all hard lean muscle with no softened curves, and never by wrapping her arms around his waist and yanking him to her in an inescapable grip–

Kon had made a very undignified noise, and she'd jerked back looking mortified and started sputtering apologies, for some reason, but he'd been a little too occupied speed-running the entire sexuality crisis she'd just activated like a fucking trap card, and then he might've kinda sorta maybe just . . . jumped her. Just a little.

And then like, tried to climb her.

Tim had refused to look at either of them for the rest of the afternoon, or to stop blushing like a fire truck. Bart hadn't even seemed to notice anything was any different from usual.

Probably the media thinks he's cheating on Cassie now, though, since it'd all happened right on the street post-disaster and nobody ever exactly publicized "Wonder Girl is Wonder Guy this week", so . . . that'll be annoying later, Kon guesses.

But that was absolutely the last thing on his mind when she'd grabbed him like that.

She's not really any stronger. Her powers are based on godly blessings, not size or muscle mass or whatever. But her hands are so big, and she's been, like–weirdly rough with him in a way she isn't normally.

He's half-had the thought that some part of her thinks being guy-shaped is, like . . . giving her permission to be rougher, to hit harder, to take up more space, and . . .

It's not a very "Amazon" mindset, maybe, but then again, Cassie didn't grow up an Amazon.

#cassiekon #koncassie #kon el #cassie sandsmark #conner kent #superboy #wonder girl #rinfic #anonymous #wip: cassie gets cursed and kon gets k'ed

[nari-writes]

Was meant to be self-sacrifice and somehow turned into Shenanigans instead: welcome the yj core 4 being three badly-raised teenage guys and one "normal" teenage girl who Does Not Deserve This Level Of Mortification (also, there's a vampire)

----

"Okay," Tim says, and then again, a bit more breathlessly, "okay. We can do this. It's fine. It's fine? No-one's injured, and without blood their tracking won't be-"

"Shit," Cassie says. Tim's attention immediately snaps to her, which is not what she wants but also entirely what she expects.

"What?" he asks. "Did you get hurt? Are you okay?"

"No," she says, humiliation making her cheeks burn, and Tim gets even more concerned.

"No what?" he asks, and then, too fast for her to get an answer in, "No to you being okay? No to having an injury? Cassie-"

Oh god this is the worst, she thinks, because this is the punchline to the world's most misogynistic joke - an alien, a too-old baby, a socially awkward teen therapist, and a girl with- "I'm on my period," she says, and hates how squirmy embarrassment feels in her stomach.

Kon stares at her, looking vaguely panicked. Bart at least just cocks his head, but Tim can't even look at her, and he's turning pink under his mask-

"How- much blood?" Tim asks, sounding as awkwardly as she feels, and Cassie hisses.

"I don't measure it! I dunno, Robin, enough for a freaking blood-sniffing vampire to track-"

"Just turn it off?" Bart says, and Cassie makes an offended noise in the back of her throat.

"Wait, she can do that?" Kon asks, now looking even more panicked.

"No!" Tim and Cassie say in unison.

"I wish," Cassie adds, and this time it's Bart's turn to reel back.

"So you just bleed?" he asks, aghast.

Cassie's tone probably matches his when she asks, "Imp, has no-one had the talk with you yet? Is there no sex ed in the future?"

"Shots not," Tim says, and Cassie immediately repeats the phrase, desperately.

"What!" Kon says, "No, no, no, no, I am not- I can't! You want me to teach him? I don't even know if human sex ed is different from Kryptonian sex ed!"

"Not like Superman gave you many pointers on either," Tim mutters, because he takes every chance he can get to snub Clark, and Cassie steps on his foot.

"Nobody has to tell me about anything," Bart says crossly, "I'll just go to the library and teach myself-"

"Vampire!" says Tim, grabbing Bart's bicep before he can flash from the room. "Oh my god do not go out there right now."

#yj98 #core4 #core four #young justice #cassie sandsmark #tim drake #conner kent #bart allen #superheroes #dc comics #nari is writing #unfinished fic snips #i may cannibalise it for spiderkon but it would also be fun just to have SHENANIGANS you know? #and if i do change it i have to fix the line abt the aliens #i was trying to go for cassie: fuck im the only girl rn and i have to tell three teenage guys about my period #the teenage mortification of being a year into it so everything is the worst and you hate your body and it still Hurts So Bad #sorry cassie <3 #the thought came to me at 12:03 and would not leave me to stop giggling #HOW AWKWARD. TO BE HUNTED BY A VAMPIRE AND HAVE NO INJURIES BUT YOUR DAMN PERIOD #anyway the self sacrifice was gonna be tim giving himself an injury so his blood was fresh #but then i decided lmao maybe from a plan standpoint #- and sorry here bart - #they just use bart as a blood letting machine and lead the vamp to a trap #he's a speedster!!! the blood replenishes faster!!! #fic snips

[adhdslugcrimes]

Trans flash brain worm going brrrrr Bec a bit is to trans not to put my identity on my heros and comfort characters.

So Barry is trans (ftm) and Iris is trans (mtf) and they are in a t4t relationship but also poly Bec Barry is dating big gay f u finger to gender Hal and they raise Willow (Wally) together, Willow loves tea parties and wants everyone to wear a dress so they do but Barry gets dysphoric wearing one and Hal and Irish tell him to explain to Willow why he can't wear one but he looks them dead in their eyes glaring and gritting teeth, "if you tell her I can't wear a dress for her tea party I will make both of you sleep in the living room for six years, now zip me the fuck up." Barry is protective over his little Willow so while he feels shitty in a dress thankful willow calls him daddy and those evenings are not as bad Bec his princess has a big smile on her face and giggling away.

Then she dates Roy and Dick getting older and Barry is giving shovel talks to them and Oliver and Bruce to not give her one because that's his princess.

The genderflux tornado twins, bigger fuck you to gender out there living for the sweet sweet taste of making people rethink life.

Autistic! Thad and ADHD!Bart fuckin it up on gender and dragons to the hord of pronouns and neopronouns

Willow's babies, her sweet Jai and Iris being bi and pangender respectful.

Wally ii just questioning and exploring gender and what feels right

Jay and Joan old t4t

Max being a genderqueer but sadly a fashion disaster.

And more! Nobody in flash fam is cis Bec I say so damnit!

Also Barry hates needles but t-shots are the only one his body can take without burning through so Hal and Iris have to help him on that. Very squeamish.

Godspeed is a disaster with gender

Bar and Eobard are Agender

There's also nonbinary transfem lesbian meena

Boom,,, my sweet sweet boom is nonbinary transmasc and I will not take any shit for that. Fuck you.

Jonathan Chambers is trans and his daughter is genderfluid nonbinary

I'll stop it here Bec,,,, I will write this at some point

#flash family #barry allen #wally west #iris allen #iris west ii #wally west ii #hal jordon #barryiris #halbarry #max mercury #jay garrick #joan garrick #judy garrick #bar torr #bart allen #thad thawne #eobard thawne #august heart #meena dhawan #Jonathan Chambers #jesse chambers #don allen #dawn allen #flashfam #gender fuckery #birdflash #roywally #roywallydick #adhd!bart #autistic!thad

[johnnyutah]

Bestie I was literally JUST thinking about starting dirk gently, is it good?

oh my gosh it is one of the best shows of all time in my opinion and absolutely my favourite tv show. i think by the end of the pilot you will know if it’s for you or not, so my best advice would be to go sit down and watch the first episode (and let it blow your mind). but in case you need more convincing i am absolutely here to help

PROS of watching dirk gently:

it’s literally about found family, by which i mean it is about the holistic interconnectedness of the universe and how even independent actions contribute to a greater whole and how people are stronger together than apart, but by which i ALSO mean

there is a found family detective agency and they are all very cool while all being kind of dorky losers to varying degrees and i promise you will love them all

there is also a found family group of punk energy vampires (much cooler than colin robinson i’m so sorry colin robinson) and their plotline revolves around learning to embrace chronic pain and also when i say found family i mean that this is the group i think of every time i think of found family. and osric chau is there and he does wear a flower crown and i promise it is amazing

the show in general takes very silly ideas and makes them beautifully profound and poignant (not a surprise since it’s based on douglas adams books) and as a result, you end up with these absolutely ridiculous plots that could not work anywhere outside of dirk gently’s universe but that are just. Perfect. like they manage to seamlessly join a secret government training program of superpowered assassins with an actual gay fairy tale plotline set in fairy tale land and at no point as a viewer does it ever feel like ‘actually this is too much’

the mysteries are actually good and fleshed out and fun to solve (very rare for tv lmfao)

there are so many memorable and hilarious and great characters, even the villains of the show will cement themselves in your heart (which will make their villainy undoubtedly more tragic). get ready to feel emotions nobody has ever felt before about ted from schitts creek

there is canon lgbt rep in case u care abt that sort of thing ^_^

bart curlish is there. fiona dourif plays a ‘homicidal dirt muppet’ (quote from the show), an assassin who kills just about everyone in her path. i love her and i WILL NOT REST until everyone in the world loves her as much as i love her. there are so many great bart scenes i can’t even begin to list them but i don’t want to spoil you just get to watching

CONS

the show is only 2 seasons (netflix elle and i are outside your house with metal bats and our precious dvds of your 2-season-wonders and we are going to attack you) and while the second season is beautiful television it does leave the viewer desperately wanting more. the shows creators who aren’t the devil have said that they would be open to making more but at this point it seems doomed to fail. so you have to go into this thing knowing that it is a finished product but also it is, on some level, a wip

and speaking of the show creator who is the devil, the showrunner max landis is a piece of shit, fathered by john landis an even bigger piece of shit. i won’t go into detail about the abuse or murder but you can look it up for yourself if you’d like. i will say that the other creator has decried max as the worthless trash he is, and that his impact isn’t Really felt as dirk gently doesn’t contain any allusions to his abuse and in fact has strong female characters, but it’s something i wish i’d known while i was getting into the show

all that being said . one of my favourite shows of all time and i really hope you end up watching it!!! 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

#dghda #dirk gently #dirk gently’s holistic detective agency #asks #possum mom

[deckervsdracula]

paulie: (enters) any a' youse seen this new "simsons"?

tony: y'mean the cartoon? the one with the...

paulie: theyre all yella'! shit's hysterical! I oughta get me one a' them DVDs on the eBay!

christopher: funny as hell.

silvio: some good shit, that show. (shoots cue ball)

paulie: how about that marge broad? with the fuckin' blue beehive on her head? can you imagine?

(all laugh)

christopher: fuck's the name of that, uh... one with the spikes?

silvio: lisa?

christopher: the boy.

tony: bart.

christopher: bart. (puts out cigarette) now that kid, he's got some attitude. defies authority, doesn't take shit from nobody. I respect that.

paulie: 'course you respect him! he's a snot-nosed delinquent, just like you! (laughs) hear that, ton'? chrissy thinks he's like a cartoon character! (laughs again)

tony: (looks off, introspectively)

-CUTS TO THERAPY, LATER THAT DAY-

melfi: so what you're saying is, you think your friends will laugh at you for finding homer simpson - one of TV's most beloved characters - relatable?

tony: ...

melfi: does that worry you?

tony: he and i, we got similar problems, all's i'm sayin'.

[talkingtea]

If Barry or Iris abandoned Nora and Bart to play superhero every day of the week except the weekend TF would be shitting on them.

Cecile is an ‘incredible woman’ for doing that shit.

It’s such BS. Nobody is impressed by the ‘superhero’ that literally no one asked for taking up precious airtime in the final season so she can be gassed up. Like…who asked for that shit? In what world is Barry and Iris being pushed to the side so that Cecile of all people can get her time in the spotlight to justify being a shitty mother??

[staceymcgillicuddy]

okay wait also before i go to bed: babysitters club au please. bonus points for including at least one ridiculous outfit description here. triple bonus if the outfit includes a jaunty beret with like a sequined tiger appearing to leap from chrissy's forehead at some point. (sorry for plagiarizing u, ann m. martin. probably.)

YES EXCELLENT. OKAY. My brain immediately went to mapping the characters onto their BSC counterparts and then this happened.

Nancy Wheeler as Kristin Amanda Thomas. I will not be taking comments at this time.

Chrissy as Mary-Anne Spier. HEAR ME OUT, because I know Chrissy is aesthetically the Stacey BUT Mary-Anne is quiet and reserved until you piss her off and then she turns into Little Miss I Love Myself and gets sassy haircuts and is the only member of the BSC with a boyfriend AND if she's Mary Anne I can kill off Laura.

For Claudia Lynn Kishi, I'm going back and forth on El or Will, because El has a very unique sense of fashion, and would probably do well with some of Claudia's canonical outfits, while Will is a talented artist who probably needs his own phone line since he keeps breaking his mother's when he calls her from the Upside Down.

Argyle as Dawn Read Schafer because he has long hair and is from California and some people find him annoying but I like him.

Steve as Anastasia "Stacey" Elizabeth "Boontsie" McGill because if he was from New York City he'd probably talk a lot about being from New York City. Also he probably has the nickname Boontsie.

Barb as Mallory Pike because Mallory is a horse girl and Barb gives me big horse girl energy. (Also lol that Mallory doesn't have a middle name? I guess her parents forgot? I don't really care for Mallory.)

Max as Jessi Davis Ramsey because nobody on Stranger Things is canonically a dancer BUT Jessi was cool and precocious and hung out with older kids while being suave, just like Max.

Erica as Shannon Louisa Kilbourne because she gets. shit. done. and you can't spell America without Erica. Seriously, though, Shannon was a high-achieving mfer with no patience for fools.

Eddie as Logan Bruno SIMPLY for Mary Anne proximity but also because I think making Logan a metalhead would be the most interesting thing that anyone ever did for Logan's character.

Robin as Abby Stevenson because she showed up late in the series, stole my heart, and is definitely a lesbian. Abby also doesn't have a middle name, so that's fun.

This leaves me with Lucas, Mike, Jonathan, and Dustin if I'm doing main cast. SORRY, KIDS. Let's see how many "other" characters I remember from Stoneybrook.

Lucas as Sam Thomas because Sam seemed cool and was kind of a jock but still had time to flirt inappropriately with Stacey, but in this universe we'll say it's APPROPRIATE flirting with Max-as-Jessi and Lucas-as-Sam is 11 not 15.

Mike as Trevor Sandbourne because IIRC Trevor dated Claudia for a while which works if you are a Byler OR a Mileven shipper, which probably says a lot about why both those ships are fun!

Jonathan as Bart Taylor because of the Nancy proximity, only instead of coaching a kid's softball team, he takes pictures for the yearbook and Nancy, in addition to running the BSC, a softball team, solving 70 mysteries, and going on many trips around the world in various Super Specials, is also the editor of the yearbook.

Dustin as Janine Kishi simply because Janine was a geek who liked computers and shit, and Dustin enjoys such things. I'm sorry, Dustin! The BSC did not have as many nerd tropes as I needed!

Bonus:

Angela as Cokie Mason because fuck her

Jason as Alan Gray because Alan is the closest thing the series has to a real dick

Billy as Robert Brewster (if you're into Harringrove and subscribe to my Steve-as-Stacey theory) because they dated.

Anyway, this took FAR longer than it should have and I am like 30% proud of it. Please be gentle.

#bsc diaries #hellcheerocracy #this one was fun #stranger things headcanons #bsc au #stranger things #some of these are stretches i will admit #but i got all the kids in by jove

[batarangsoundsdumb]

bart should be able to take advantage of being from the future. say things like 'haha i havent had french fries since the new holy roman empire attacked mars' and nobody can say shit bc they dont know.

#bart allen bb fuck those ppl up MENTALLY #i have an image of bart at a pride parade pointing at like a trans flag and go 'cool that the german republic is here too' #bart pointing at a greek flag 'so cool that this restaurant is lesbian positive- #bart allen #impulse #flashfam #young justice

[arguablysomaya]

not to bother you but do you by any chance have any more batfam fic recs? i read all the ones you recommended already and now im starved for content lmao

np lmao i have prepared for this

Just a friendly kidnapping by @Ceciliedr 

Jason decides drastic measures are in order, when his workaholic little brother refuses to take a day off. Tim is going on vacation whether he wants to or not.

As always the bat’s antics confuse the hell out of the team. Especially since Red Hood is officially a highly dangerous wanted criminal.

cryptid bats are such a good trope 

And the Scene Slips Away (To the Evenness I Fake) by @ Kirazalea

One mistake is all it took to force Jason back into the wonderful world of the Wayne family. Now publicly and legally alive once more, he's forced to spend the next two weeks of his life stuck in the Manor with the whole family. This leads to several strengthened relationships and the realization that maybe he's missed a few things over the years. Things that he's now determined to get to the bottom of.

Also known as the "Tim comes out to his family, the public finds out Jason Todd is actually alive, Jason finds out about Mirage and Tarantula, and they all are confronted with the fact that dealing with public relations as millionaire superheroes is actually The Worst (though not necessarily in that order)" Frankenstein of a fic that nobody asked for but I'm giving you anyways

*insert crying noises* this bad boy can fit so much emotion in it

American Ninja Worrier by @DangerBeckett

It's just like Tim to give a poor college student a start in the business world. Kid's a bleeding heart, and usually, that's the sort of thing Jason avoids at all costs. He prefers his bleeding hearts on the literal side, and despite Bruce's best efforts, he's never had a head for business.

Unfortunately, though, this time the business is ninjas, and that's the sort of thing that makes Jason take notice. Because Bruce is useless, and someone's gotta make sure Tim's new internship program doesn't take down all of Gotham.

That's Jason's job, after all.

most accurate tim drake i’ve ever read, added bonus of being fucking hilarious

the art of turning a bed into a home by @ anaksemuabangsa 

“We’ll feel better if we sleep in the same place,” Dick reasons, shifting the blankets and piling them on top of a stiff Tim. “When I was smaller, every time Bruce caught me having a nightmare, he used to stay with me until I fell asleep again,” he continues.

In which Bruce's kids develop a habit fit for princes and princesses.

(Somebody get them to sleep, please.)

the whole good habits series is pog asf but this one is my personal favorite. it’s so fluffy ;-;

“Get out of my room.” by @damthosefandoms

Dick likes to mess with his little brother. Jason enjoys being a little shit to his older brother. Everyone always says they’ll get along when they get older. They’re not so sure about that.

hands down the most realistic sibling relationship i’ve ever seen. fulfills my headcanon that dick and jason are just like me and my little brother. Also check out Older SIblings: A Plague on Our Society by the same author bc LMAO

Young Justice Visit the Suez Canal by @charleswaterloo 

There is an enormous container ship called the Ever Given stuck in the Suez Canal. Young Justice is on the case. During their short adventure, they also: make a massive sand sculpture, enjoy some fanfiction and unblock the Suez Canal. Not in that order. * ‘I am thinking,’ Tim said, with extreme calm, ‘That you have made something that looks like a very large penis when viewed from above.’

‘It’s a dick and balls, yeah.’ Bart said without embarrassment. ‘It’s poetic! I’m ending the journey like it started.’ * ‘Did you -’ Dick began, laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. ‘Did you really tell him to at least “make the shaft bigger”? Bart told Wally and he told me but I have to know if it’s true, Tim. My life depends on it.’

you remember that boat that ended capitalism for like a week? yeah.

contagious by @Valkirin 

In a happier Gotham where Robin insisted on bringing his new brother Jason home from patrol, the second Robin is dosed with Poison Ivy's cuddle pollen and finds their personal photographer.

an alternate take on tim joining the family that is much more happy

Whatever it is that brothers do by @ididloveyou_once

Jason’s fairly certain his evening plans hadn’t included playing nursemaid for a reckless, self-sacrificing and frustratingly stubborn vigilante. Not to mention that said vigilante was his dumb fucking brother.

Or: Nightwing is badly injured and Hood’s the only one around to help.

*melty noises* they care about each other...........

Way Down, Hadestown

In which Damian's dead and Tim has lost one too many people to accept that.

Platonic Orpheus-Eurydice not-AU set after Damian's canonical death (that I am still deeply bitter about). Likely throws Wonder Woman canon right out of the window.

*melty noises intensity* THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER TO THE FUCKING GRAVE also the lore is cool as hell in this one

the entire Grade School series by KagSesshlove

Imagine that Damian goes to a regular school full time. And has to do things that normal grade-schoolers have to do. This is his life now: pretending to be a normal 10 year old at school all for the sake of the public. But, honestly, the public would rather he not.

fucking hilarious series, i especially like My Family by Damian Wayne

i have so many more LMAO 

#batfam #fic rec #batfam fic rec #batfam fanfiction #dc comics #batman #batman fanfiction #batfamily #dc #dcu #bruce wayne #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd #tim drake #duke thomas #damian wayne #batkids

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

flashfam and birdflash because im WEAKKK

so barry and iris take wally in because rudy is a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

lets imagine this happens early teens or so

wally never even comes out to his dad because he just. Knows exactly what his parents would think

he kind of. subtly tried to bring it up with his mom but she made her opinion Pretty Damn Clear so wally is like great this is awesome

as a result of both the superspeed + switching cities + adhd wally has practically 0 friends growing up which really concerns barry and iris

so barry is like, babe, i have a fantastic idea, im going to set up a playdate with batmans kid

and iris is like I GUESS

(also the way wally behaves in a relationship is 100% modeled after barry and iris because they literally have the perfect relationship. see exhibit a) babe as a pet name)

((this is also probably why hes a little upset when he finds out about barry and hal because its like. you think you understand your parents and then they hit you with this massive bombshell that kind of forces you to change your whole perception of them? and even though nobodys done anything wrong its still really upsetting? and maybe if wally had known earlier that barry was bi wally wouldnt have been so fucking stressed out about coming out?))

anyways. robin and kid flash playdate. a meeting for the ages.

wally gets a crush like. right away but doesnt realize so he oscillates WILDLY between being REALLY nice to robin and also being kind of fucking mean lol wally was very much pulling robins pigtails

like one day wally shares half his ants on a log that iris made him with robin and then the next he puts gum in robins hair and robin cries while alfred cuts it out

robin is like UGH kid flash is SO MEAN and bruce is like you dont have to hang out with him and robin is like NO IM GONNA

wally gets out of the mean phase quickly though lol

barry and iris realize right away its a crush and are like aw cute but then it... doesnt go away... ever...

so then they go REALLY hard on the PFLAG thing and keep like brochures and pride flags EVERYWHERE which actually does make wally a lot more comfortable

when wally comes out they all cry lol

wally calls barry and iris uncle and aunt but when hes much older he switches between aunt/uncle and mom and dad

anyways when dick leaves bruce/is fired/complicated feeling stuff dick spends most of his time at titans tower BUT also spends a significant amount of time at barry and iris' place

because the westallen household is adhd central, dick actually learns a lot of tips for dealing with his own adhd from them

dick is trying to Figure out his place in the world so he actually gets really into the journalism scene for a while because of both iris and clark

iris: hi this is my nephew, dick, hes my intern :)

clark: no, this is MY nephew, hes MY intern :)

lois bugs bunny meme: OUR nephew-intern

wally Does Not get it at all bcus he is 100% a STEM kid but hes still like i support you babe :^)

barry and iris LOVE dick. dick doesnt really open up about his situation but they kind of get the gist so barry is like. really annoyed with batman whenever they have to work together

iris writes a very scathing series of articles about the batman of gotham and dick is very vindictively pleased

dick actually finds out about hal and barry first bcus he comes downstairs and theyre making out on the couch and and dick is like UHHHH and halbarry are like UHHHHHHHH and dick is like I AM CALLING IRIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW and halbarry are like NO ITS COOL

iris is like. Mom supreme. dick for the past decade has had like no mother figures (selina doesnt really count because her and bruce are messyyyyy) so he both really wants iris's affection and also gets really overwhelmed by it

also barry. like, isnt emotionally constipated? wally tells dick that the west allens have weekly dinners where they talk about whats up with them and their feelings and dick is like aw thats cute and then wally is like dick u should join us and dick is like WAIT NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

so dick is now required to be at family dinners once a month and talk about his feelings which is both exhausting and liberating

barry cries at the wedding and iris is like I Am Not Crying How Dare You Imply That I Am.

bruce and iris. the most begrudging in-laws. everytime bruce sees iris hes immediately reminded of the phrase "The Batman is a violent, depressed loner who gets his thrills by beating up homeless people and drug addicts." and its like jesus fucking christ iris way to gut the man

iris 100% uses the fact that shes dick graysons mother-in-law aunt-in-law to get sources. its a dog-eat-dog world out there, kid.

dick adores the twins bcus he loves babies

wally gets SO annoyed by bart its very funny to dick. wally and dick both grew up as only children but dick has had more time to adjust to having siblings so hes much more fond of bart than wally initially is

#birdflash #y am i like this? u ask #wally west #dick grayson #barry allen #iris west #dc #the burd squawks #long post #halbarry #westallen

[saintobio]

I saw the 13k words in the very beginning I already knew to grab my laptop charger, have my meme templates folder open and hoooooly shit the entire chapter I- to be honest I started to keep track of how i felt the entire time by making the memes as I went which resulted in 25 i believe in total

Both smut scene: S Teir Quality ✨

What happened afterwards: I personally wanted to fight homeboy bc I thought we got somewhere and we did but idk at least he’s aware of Sera’s ovulation days and i’m giving him the benefit of the doubt for right now but i stg if she gets pregnant him and I are fighting

The whole Sera-Texting-Satoru-She-Doesn’t-Want-MC-In-The-Building Scene brooooooo idk if im toxic i mean i kinda am but that’s not the point rn but my ass would have sent her a selfie and deleted the text in a heartbeat I respect MC in just not replying and then going through his phone and i have a hunch that MC deleting the only pic that Satoru has of them two is going to be somewhat or generally important i could be potentially right or horribly wrong but it’s fun to guess what’s going to happen while wearing rose colored sunglasses and making memes out of the heavy angst and unrequited tags

I personally enjoyed the Sera-MC-Who’s-Going-To-Bora-Bora Scene mainly because Satoru did it to himself with MC being annoyed and nobody can help homeboy out 😭

I have so much more to say like how Mrs.Zen’in had a nice ring to it and how I wish MC was real bc Satoru’s ass really don’t deserve her but like, this is getting too long but the memes i provided down below explain how i felt, lowkey bout to make a powerpoint presentation in the future idk it seems fitting

and the fact that there’s a potential mole, i’ll be honest, i would have sold out Satoru and Sera out to the press for a singular Chick Fil A waffle fry in an instant

Okay i’m gonna quickly end this off with: Ai, we truly don’t deserve you at all like i have no idea exactly what we did to receive your kindness and writing but i’m so proud of how far you’ve come and how your works are receiving the recognition they deserve 😭

I truly wish you get some rest and you enjoy your weekend and take as much time as you need to write your wips and whoever has a complaint or sending any type of negativity can personally fight me because you deserve the world and none of those negative vibes, pls take care!!!!

YULI ‼️ it’s the way ur reactions and memes bring joy to me. thank u for squeezing some time to write these down and create these funny memes i appreciate it 😭 bart falling down the stairs had me wheezing the most sjsnsj and thank u sm for ur concern 🥺 i’m honestly just grateful to everyone as well and am vv happy w the relationship/bond i get to build w every single one of u <33

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not #sn: memes

[woahajimes]

So I have this little headcanon (well,,,, not really a headcanon but more of a nice-to-think-about headcanon because it would never happen but it’s- like the title- nice to think about so im sharing it here) in which they’re all going to the beach in this sorta mini-van that bruce rented. And take in mind that this is the wayne family, but at the same time most people that wear a bat on their chest,,,, so they had to whack some things up.

BUT ANYWAYS, it was Bruce’s dumbass idea to buy a van and call it a road-trip, and honestly? no one was ready. That usually happens with big families, even with one that has most kids over 18. And how everyone was on board with the idea doesn’t matter because this is my headcanon and they are all now squished in a minivan and there are bags in the back and towels in the seats and there’s a cooler on top because it didn’t fit. 

and just for reference the van was like SMALL. it was sort of like the school buses but way smaller, so they’re like buses in which there are three seats in front, driver, and then like two others (the middle one doesn’t really count because that’s where you put waterbottles and stuff). There’s a sort of space in the back, where you usually put the backpacks (these are like elementary school buses and every single kid has those backpacks with wheels and it’s a pain in the ass-) and then there is another set of four seats (that’s more like a sofa but no armrest- god please have patience there is literally not a single image on google im trying to be specific- and those are facing the back of the bus (so the backrest (?) is facing the place with the bags).

THEN we have another seat that’s close to this one but facing the opposite way but it’s only THREE seats so there’s a space for the next row of three seats and then there’s the back one that’s four again.

In conclusion, you can fit 18-ish people, driver counted. 

and continuing with my story, it’s Bruce driving, Alfred as shotgun, a water-bottle or two in the middle, the bags in their respective places... and then... 

disaster. 

Babs is the only one sitting in the four-seat closer to the bags, harper is in the three-seat, Dick is there as well. 

and then there’s the rest. Steph, Cass, Duke, Jason, Tim, Damian, they’re all screaming in the back and they’re throwing towels around and there’s an “OW! THAT WAS MY HAIR YOU DICKHEAD!” and a “THAT’S MINE!” and so many other things because. the back of the bus, it’s cURSED. And Bruce is just driving with a strained smile because he wants so badly to turn around and throw a waterbottle at each of their heads to get them to shut up (of course, it wouldn’t work because not even god can calm down the back of the bus)

Tim and Jason somehow get into this argument of how tim ‘has no friends’ and Tim shoots back that in fact he DOES, that he’s calling them right this instant. And bruce doesn’t even have a chance to yell at them, because now there’s a speedster and a cloned kryptonian right beside the moving minivan and Bruce is lowkey freaking out because none of them (the ones in the van and the ones out) are wearing their superhero costumes, and then Tim is just with his hands pressed on the window and he’s like practically banging the glass and waving and they can’t hear him but he’s like “HEY! HEY HYE HEY YOU GUYS MADE IT!!!” and then dick is just telling them to cut it out and slow down because you know, identities, and Steph is like HOLY SHIT THEY DID MAKE IT and Damian is just sitting upside down with his legs in the backrest off the seat and Duke is in the same position, making fun of Damian because his feet don’t reach. 

Kon and Bart seem to get the hint because they slow down, but not before bart has literally jumped towards the MOVING VAN and vibrated through (i’m like 99% sure he is able to do that so-) and then he literally landed on Tim (tim actually softened his fall, because Tim’s back literally made a ~crack~ sound by hitting somebody’s knee) and stood up real quick and then started waving and laughing at kon, who was now running normal-speed beside the van. 

And then bruce went FASTER and kon was like WHAT THE HECK OLD MAN and he can’t use his powers so he’s literally running behind the van and bart is laughing his ass off and then tim is like “BRUCE STOP THE VAN!” and then Bart is already calling cassie and telling her what happened and you can hear cassie laughing from over the phone and then Tim is just yelling at bruce in the background. Bruce eventually DOES stop, and Tim opens the door for him and Kon crawls in and Bart’s still laughing, and he’s practically leaning onto Dick and Harper, and they’re squished together and bart’s just laughing on the phone while Kon sits on the really far end of the opposite seat (practically on the door) so he’s the furthest from babs as possible because he’s actually terrified of her. Tim is just sorta awkward because he now realizes that he was a bit TOO excited to see kon, and then the back of the bus/van is staring at them and like what the hell and then Tim goes “who doesn’t have friends, huh?”, and Jason goes ‘pfft’ and he calls roy but he’s spending time with lian; he calls artemis and she goes, “but wasn’t this a family trip? what do you need me for?”, SO jaosn calls bizarro and then he barely answers the phone when bizarro goes “RED HER SAID NO. BYE” so Jason slumps and it’s quiet for a second when steph goes “is that GUM IN MY HAIR”. And then jason laughs and its chaos all over again. (i might make a ‘things that were heard from the back of the road trip bus post bc i have so many ideas oh my god)

and then they are at the beach, the bus barely stops and there’s a few bags thrown out the window, and people yelling at Kon to open the door, and Kon not being able to work under pressure so tim opens it and everyone’s pushing each other and Steph has an uneven strand of hair, because Damian went to ‘extreme measures’ and cut it so now steph’s hair is uneven and they were going to keep cutting it “to make it even” but then Alfred was like “you’re all going to clean the van afterwards so think carefully” and then nobody did anything and there’s literally a ziploc bag with steph’s strand of hair (damian didn’t even cut to where the gum was, he cut even FURTHER but yes, the gum is in the bag). 

As I was saying, they get out of the van, and the bags are out and Bruce has NO IDEA what to do. none. It’s alfred that rents a tent and then Damian’s chasing duke into a random restaurant’s changeroom and showers and then cass is dragging harper that’s dragging steph that’s dragging jason and tim is getting the bags with Kon and bart and bart realizes that he doesn’t  have a swimsuit and then he stops walking and Kon seems to realize too and it’s like OH MAN and they can’t run back (because no powers, rule set by bruce when two super-powered bros came in the bus) and They’ recarrying the bags to this tent (do you guys know what im talking about? i feel like we’re imagining completely different things- it’s this but much more people and there’s a bunch of people selling stuff like sunglasses and doign hair, piercings, tattoos even - for the tattoos thing it’s just promo for an actual shop they don’t tattoo you in the actual beach - ) and It’s literally Kon, tim and bart carrying the bags (which they CAN carry between the three, it’s not like they packed up half the manor) and then a minute later or so Steph is sprinting towards Tim and she’s yelling something Tim can’t understand and then Steph points at her bag (that tim’s carrying) and she screams something like “SAND! HOT!” and then she’s like high-knee-ing/sprinting even faster and Cass is just walking barefoot in the sand, super calm, but she’s got Harper on her back. Damian and Duke are racing towards the shadow (because the sand is cooler there), and next thing you know Jason’s aready in the tent with a coconut. 

And if you haven’t thougth about how the Batfam would be in the beach then let me tell you, you don’t have enough spare time because i know for a FAT FACT that: 

It was Jason that insisted on Bruce buying sand toys (a whole bag, i swear)

Damian tried coconut water, didn’t like it all that much (altho he loves the inside- idk what it’s called but it’s edible i swear)

Bruce put on an excessive amount of sunscreen

Duke has swimming trunks with the robin logo just to piss damian off (also Damian has matching ones but with the batman one)

Steph, Cass and Harper rented a banana boat (here’s a picture) and they dragged Jason and Tim along, just to toss them off in the end 

Jason 1000% got stung by a jellyfish 

Bruce bought like seven friendship bracelets from this guy that made them because they looked deadass cool 

They played beach volleyball and let me tell you Damian can throw a really mean overhand serve (actually, i don’t think you THROW a serve, but like,,, serve one-)

dick got buried in the sand, courtesy of Jason

bart was pissy because he couldn’t go in the water, so he and Kon sprinted with normal speed (they both had water-proof anklets that sucked their powers, so it was REALLY  a no-powers vacation, courtesy of Bruce, again.)

the only ones in stock were neon, and they settled real quick so now theyre sprinting back and cardying a bag of keychains they thought looked rad as hell and now tim caught up to them and all three are practically skipping towards the water

,,,,they forgot to put sunscreen on.... all of them,,, they forgot....

tim made a sand castle

in teams of two (kon/bart, tim/cass, duke/harper, steph/jason, dick/damian) got on each other shoulders and basically spent five minutes trying to see who would be the last team standing, splashing water everywhere and stuff

first team to go down was Dick and damian, because steph pushed damian and by trying to keep himself on Dick's shoulders, damian accidentally poked dick's eye (sort of CLAWED in so you know what i mean).

second team to go down was steph and jason, because damian doesnt play fair and so he swam down and literally just scratched Jason's ankle, knowing damn well that the jellyfish sting was there. Jaosn shrieked and steph lost her balance. so much for vigilantes at night with stealth and talent, huh.

third team to go down was tim and bart because kon insisted on being on bart’s shoulders and that’s easy peasy because i mean, bart’s not WEAK, but he’s not TALL either and it’s not like Kon weighs a feather and they’re on the deeper side,,,,, you can imagine the rest

Now there’s two teams, and they call it a tie because otherwise someone’s gonna end up injured (altho tim likes to say that he and cass won)

There’s music playing in the background, with really vulgar lyrics that alfred disapproves of, but you know. It’s not his beach. 

THIS IS REALLY JUST A SCREAM POST SORRY IT’S NOT WHAT YOU GUYS SIGNED UP FOR BUT TAGLIST ANYWAYS: @red-hood-redemption @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @catxsnow @thesporklecat @thesesickfics-justmakemesick @hauntingsonofrobin anddd i think i forgot someone sorry 

#i would actually sacrifice any of you to go to the beach right now #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #bruce wayne #stephanie brown #harper row #Alfred Pennyworth #barbara gordon #conner kent #bart allen #batfamily #batfamily headcanons #jason todd x reader #timkon #young justice #batman #nightwing #batgirl

[adhdslugcrimes]

my ADHD!Bart: So on the news, you'll see me punch an Autism Speaks supporter, it's cool because I was in my Impulse suit and now it shows I don't take bullshit from them.

Kon: now I put that card somewhere- Ah! here you go babe, your Punk card.

Bart: Awesome!

#bart allen #adhd!Bart #kon el #connor kent #konbart #Bart punched a nazi too #Bart takes nobodies shit #I am also loving Konbart rn like... ahhh so cute

[feralaot]

random scouts hcs!

I did a post like this for the warriors my beloved (here) and people seemed to like it so here's one for the scouts :) had some input from @afrival for this one luv u

no warnings I think

eren

if he had twitter he would have a vaporwave bart simpson profile picture and tweet lil peep lyrics. also uses way too many hashtags

he's scared of snakes and hates armin's ball python

his eyes are probably crusty as hell and mikasa has to wipe em for him because he won't

when he's losing an argument he goes "ooh you wanna kiss me so bad" and it always escalates things but he doesn't stop

almost exclusively wears american eagle

"what's a pronoun".mp3

uses the 💯 emoji in every other text message he sends

armin

sends his friends pictures of cats cuddling/hanging out and says "me n you <3"

genuinely can't stand when people have dirt under their fingernails. he gets so mad at eren bc his nails are dirty asf and armin forces him to clean them

he calls himself sexy a lot (e.g. "that was really sexy of me")

chews on bottle caps then is like hmm why do my teeth hurt

he hates feet. toes look weird to him. nobody in his house is allowed to take their socks off

unironically uses faces like ^-^ and :3

acne :(

mikasa

she's really bad at giving advice. don't go to her for help she'll literally be like "that's tough"

probably has like 4 instagram accounts made just to follow eren

solid black profile picture and no bio

maybe now and then she'll put a my chemical romance quote on her story but that's about it, she doesn't respond to dms or anything

doesn't wash that damn scarf so it's probably stinky

sticks staples, pins, etc through the tips of her fingers for no reason other than she likes freaking people out

probably hisses at people

jean

the only possible relationship dynamic somebody can have with him is rivals to lovers

very short social fuse and has to stay home for several days after public events bc it's just exhausting

he's an introvert adopted by extroverts (connie and sasha) and has to deal with their shenanigans. truly the mom figure between the three of them

marco has to listen to him ranting about connie and sasha's foolery and doesn't have much advice to offer bc he doesn't know either

for a long time he only knew "straight" and "gay" and when he found out about the concept of bisexuality his mind almost imploded

he sighs and yawns a lot and doesn't even realize he does it. people always think he's either annoyed or tired

probably dresses like a diet e-boy. crewneck king

connie

the kind of kid in your high school gym class that wears mismatching neon clothes. bonus points if it's nike

also the most likely to start a food fight for funsies

he doesn't yell often because his voice cracks when he does and it's embarrassing

sasha and him hate cafeteria food so he always brings an ungodly amount of food in his backpack instead to share with sasha. connie's backpack is 90% food

unironically says things like "pogchamp" and "rad"

he works at zumiez and probably lives there. always rocking their latest drip

jumps up and slaps exit signs

sasha

randomly breaks into song (usually disney songs) and connie will automatically duet

manages to fall asleep in any situation. on buses, while watching movies, sometimes even mid conversation if she's zoned out enough

tried to take armin fishing one time but he almost cried because he felt so bad about it

at least reiner will fish with her though. the himbos always come through

her instagram is all pictures of fish she caught and now and then there's an awkward candid pic of niccolo

stayed overnight in a walmart one time and got away and brags about it but she won't admit it was an accident. panicked and spent the night eating snacks off the shelves to "survive"

while she's talking her voice slowly gets louder and louder and she doesn't realize it until people tell her to stop yelling

historia

pulls people by the ears to bring them down to her level

also kicks people in the shins a lot, if she's arguing with someone they'll usually keep their distance to avoid getting shin kicked

loves climbing on ymir's back and just being carried around like the little creature she is

posts inspirational quotes on her story

would definitely be a cheerleader in high school. nobody would guess a prep like her is dating some grunge girl w a pretty much opposite personality

she always has bandaids with her for some reason. if someone gets scraped she'll whip out a bandaid immediately. her friends call her "mom" sometimes

hates grilled cheese so god damn much. can't stand it

ymir

"damn I don't remember asking".mp3

is always the first one to comment on historia's instagram posts. her comments range from "beautiful my queen!!!" to "damn ma yo ass fat"

she always called reiner gay as a joke then he came out as gay and for a while she thought it was her fault

her and reiner have wlw and mlm solidarity, they're bffs for that matter

if someone tells her that her music is too loud she'll say "huh?" and turn it up

similarly if someone scolds her for something she'll go "hm? repeat that, I'm a little deaf in this ear"

"bro stfu you always tell me you're gonna fire me for being late"

levi

really really hates cooking pasta because straining the water is for some reason more difficult than it should be

"do not underestimate me, bitches"

always refuses to get his hair cut at places in shopping centers. especially walmart great clips

makes monkey noises when he sees something he likes. he started doing this as a joke to mock zeke but it evolved and now he can't stop doing it randomly

will not hesitate to knock someone on their ass if they're talking shit

coffee makes him jittery so he drinks tea instead but won't admit to anyone that he lowkey also has a redbull addiction

hange calls him a catboy but he doesn't know what that means so he's always like "yeah" bc he thinks it means he's a cat person

hange

buys levi shoes from the kids section and doesnt tell him bc he likes them anyway

such a millennial, they say shit like "doggo" and "adulting"

"for practical reasons I don't exist. do not perceive me"

probably wants to marry mothman

levi has had to scold them on several different occasions for bringing live animals into the house

legally isn't allowed to cook bc they can and they will blow something up

goes on tipsy rants almost nightly

erwin

white skechers king

hosts barbecues in those white skechers. he talks shit about people with nile and pyxis like a bunch of gossiping middle aged fath- wait

his profile pictures on social media are probably pictures of himself taken from awkward angles with an empty expression. it's always posted like six times as well

when levi is getting Out Of Hand he'll pick him up from under the arms and carry him away like "okay, that's enough" and levi kicks around but can't escape

rubs his hands together a lot like a fly. nobody knows why he does it. what are you scheming

falls asleep on couches while watching sports games

[swinging his keys around his finger] "let's rock and roll"

#bye they're so dumb #love em though #long post #shingeki no kyoujin #snk #attack on titan #eren jeager #eren yeager #armin arlert #mikasa ackerman #jean kirschstein #connie springer #sasha braus #historia reiss #ymir #levi ackerman #hange zoe #hanji zoe #hans zoe #erwin smith #headcanons #feralshcs #scouts #104th squad

[godofsexdrugsandrocknroll]

A Tragic Case of Relentless Stupidity

Jaune: *Glares at Yang and Blake giggling and feeding each other finger foods*

*Jaune runs up, flips the table over scattering food and making the two girls jump before running away - escaping through their 23rd floor window*

—————–

Ruby: Mmmmm. *Is kissed*

Oscar: *Pulls back from kiss, smiling gently*

Jaune: *Irritated*

Oscar: *Steps back* How about we take Jaune home, baby?

Jaune: *RKO outta nowhere’s Oscar*

Ruby: *Shrieks* What the heck, Jaune!?

Jaune: *Is too busy being a viper, hissing and staring at the unconscious Oscar’s body*

—————–

Glynda: *Laughs cheerfully into scroll* Oh Bart--

*Jaune angrily runs up and slaps her scroll to the ground, stomps it into pieces, glares at her and then proceeds to sprint out of the rebuilding Vale*

—————–

Nora: HA! You’re no match for Renny and me’s sick combos, fearless leader! *Button mashes as Ren smiles next to her*

Ren: *Rubs Nora’s back*

Jaune: *Triggered af, proceeds to fall back on years of video gaming and utterly destroys them both*

Nora: Awww. We’re dead, Renny.

Ren: I wouldn’t have it any other way than together, Nora. *Nora tears up*

*Glass shatters as Jaune chucks the console out the window and dives out of it like a professional swimmer*

—————– 

Weiss: *Excitedly* And then he actually proposed! Right there, with the sunset and the waves crashing on the beach and *tears up a bit* it was just so romantic of him.

Sun: Gotta give it to my boy, conquering the ocean for his girl is pretty cool.

Neptune: *Blushes*

*Jaune has had enough of the engagement party, flings glass of wine at Weiss whose mouth drops open as she drips with it and steals Sun’s glass from a stunned hand, does the same to Neptune*

Jaune: Good day! *Storms off*

—————–

Raven: *Uncomfortable, embarrassed* You actually mean that, don’t you?

Tai: *Very serious* Do you think I’d joke about something like this, Rae?

*Raven looks sad, but hopeful. Jaune, who was busy digging up a tree for Tai felt his blood boil and chucked a huge amount of dirt at the two of them*

Tai: *Yells and falls into his house*

Raven: *Spitting, yanking at the chest of her top before freezing* MY HAIR!!!

*Jaune runs*

—————–

Qrow: *Clapping Winter’s cheeks*

Winter: *Getting clapped and loving it*

Jaune: *Enters room, freezes*

Also Jaune: *Aims scroll at the two and takes a picture*

Qrow: What the fuck!? *Trying to hide his dick*

Winter: *Lets out a little scream and tries to pull pants up* N-no, please, delete it - aaahhhh, he’s leaving! *Sprints after him*

—————–

Maria: Ahh, I’ve been waiting all day for this.

*Happily eating pistachio ice cream cone*

Jaune: *Angrily smacks her cone to the sidewalk, splattering and shattering it* Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit!

—————– 

Jaune: *Walking into his apartment after several annoying days angrily* --with that shit, I ain’t even gonna play with that shit! If I can’t be happy, in love or getting laid then nobody can!

Jaune:

Jaune: *Looks at Neo stretched across his couch, laying there and sleeping peacefully beneath a big, comfy pink blanket with her hair mussed from sleep and looking adorable*

Jaune: *Realizes* Oh shit! I forgot I am happy, in love and am getting laid on a regular basis! *Slaps himself in the face* Fuck. Equality for all. Forgive me, adorable love of my life, but Mama Arc didn’t raise no bitch!

*Runs at Neo, who wakes up bleary eyed and to the sight of Jaune doing a front flip towards her tiny, sleepy frame*

—————– 

Jaune: And that’s how I wound up in the hospital. I senton’d my girlfriend, Neo roundhouse kicked me in the head and then put me through the kitchen table and I’m very sorry.

Neo: *Nods grumpily*

Everyone Jaune Fucked With: Good. *Walks off because they’re still pissed*

Jaune: *Sighs* I’m going to be kissing so much ass and not all of it’s gonna be yours, Neo.

Neo: *Pokes him in a broken rib*

Jaune: Ow! I deserved that. Oh. I deserve it. *Winces* Ohhhh. I’m on the couch, aren’t I?

Neo: *Holds a finger up*

Jaune: Awww man, a month? *Neo gives him an ‘are you serious right now?’ face* Yeah alright. Stupid brain, always getting me in trouble.

——————————————————————————– 

Hey, look who wrote Snowbird into one of these despite not liking Snowbird at all.

#rwby #jaune arc #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #bumblebee #yang x blake #ruby rose #oscar pine #rosegarden #ruby x oscar #glynda goodwitch #nora valkyrie #lie ren #renora #ren x nora #weiss schnee #neptune vasilias #iceberg #weiss x neptune #taiyang xiao long #raven branwen #taiyang x raven #qrow branwen #winter schnee #snowbird #qrow x winter #maria calavera #ice cream #maria calavera x ice cream #neopolitian (rwby)