sleepy-papaya · 2 days ago
A babysitter's guide to the bats: by Jason Todd
If, for any reason, I am not in Gotham, here's what you will need to know to keep the local bat population from killing themselves off.
Tim has to be fed and watered daily.
Do not leave Cass alone for more than 36 hours, you might find half the world's governments systematically dispatched if you do.
Damian needs to be hugged at least once every two days. He will not ask for these hugs, but Robin starts getting real close to murder if he doesn't get affection, and a murdery Robin is something Bruce and Tim cannot deal with right now.
Bruce can hypothetically take care of himself, but won't unless it's easy. Make sure the cave is stocked up on energy bars and protein shakes. He likes dark chocolate best.
Do not let Dick forget to sleep. He gets acrobat-y when tired, and if he breaks one more chandelier Alfred might actually quit.
Cass forgets to eat real food sometimes. She can no longer survive off tree bark, but will try anyway. Leave some blackberries outside her room or on the bench below the maple tree in the back and she will eat those instead.
Make sure Steph spends time with Alfred. They both get lonely without their bi-weekly tea and gossip hour.
Keep an eye on Babs, she has the means to dismantle every intelligence agency in the U.S. and is very close to finding a motive.
Sometimes Bruce and Tim forget that they run a company. Makes sure they read their emails every once in a while, the board is ruthless and can smell weakness.
Tim is allergic to walnuts. He doesn't remember this. There is an EpiPen in the hall closet.
The no-metas-in-Gotham rule does not extend to Diana Prince. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You couldn't actually get rid of her if you tried. There is no Wonder Woman contingency plan. Don't look for it.
Titus has to be fed while Damian is at school.
Always make sure Red Robin has his third backup rebreather. He's recently decided he has a deathwish.
Batcow is NOT allowed in the manor. If Damian tries to convince you she is, he is lying.
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fatwithoutkatsudon · a day ago
Batman is Bruce Conspiracy Theorist: If Bruce Wayne isn’t Batman, then why is he so jacked?
Batman is Clark Conspiracy Theorist: isn’t it obvious? So he can carry around all his nearly full grown kids.
*picture of Bruce carrying Damian at a gala after the shoe incident*
*picture of Bruce carrying Tim after he fell asleep in a random place*
*picture of Cass riding piggy back on Bruce while at the Zoo*
*collage of pictures of Dick Using Bruce as a human jungle gym at all different ages (including fully adult Dick)*
EDIT: The shoe incident is from a fanfic which can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20962790
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Okay so identity reveal HC where Batman takes off his cowl as part of the not at all dramatic reveal, but then the person doesn’t recognize him at all. No idea.
“I’m Bruce Wayne.”
Never heard of him.
His kids would mock him so much for that. Just assuming someone would recognize him because he’s *famous* or whatever? Ha. Bruce would try to argue that it usually works just fine but his kids would be relentless in their teasing and he would have to admit defeat.
“Okay yes, I see how that was maybe not an ideal assumption to make…”
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autisticredhood · a day ago
a fun damian & jason dynamic i love:
damian: *says the most outlandish thing that jay did/taught damian to do during jason’s post resurrection pre lazarus pit days*
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ameba-from-space · 2 days ago
Bruce wayne fanarts come in three flavors:
And that's it
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incorrectbatfam · 2 days ago
Damian: Sometimes I feel like a fish caught in a tank.
Dick: Only you're not a fish.
Damian: Grayson, please.
Dick: You're a wonderful, funny, and talented person who—
Tim: You're a shrimp.
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lustwithoutlore · 2 days ago
Steph: heeheehoohoo
Damian: This is supposed to be for emergencies only.
Tim: heeheehoohoo
Jason: heeheehoohoo
Duke: Heeheehoohoo
Dick: Heeheehoohoo
Damian: Stop this at once. This is not appropriate, and I am sure Father will certainly have something to say about this.
Bruce: Heeheehoohoo.
Damian has left the chat.
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dailydccomics · 2 days ago
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DC’s Infinite Frontier (2021)
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daughterofthebat · 2 days ago
Alright, but can we just think about this for a minute;
Jason Todd probably isn't flexible either at all or it's very little.
Think about it...
Dick was a freakin acrobat since brith!!! Boy can do so much weird stuff with his body and its Hella impressive. Like, are we 100% sure he isn't just a really buff seal? There's no way he has as many bones as a human is supposed to have...
Tim was just tiny af when he became Robin and to prove he could be just as good as Jason and dick were, probably willed his body to move that way, but he probably was already a little flexible.
Damian is just Damian we don't even have to go into that. Thank you Talia...
But Jason, the loud mouth, rough and tumble, gonna try to steal the wheels off the batmoble then throw a Tie iron at Batman himself, the guy that doesn't even wear suits like everyone else and instead wears cargo pants are something similar and is an absolute beefcake, probably has the WORST time keeping up with his brothers/friends/team mates when they're flippen through the city makin it look as easy as walking.
Just imagine a smol 14yr old Jason trying to do the splits, or a high kick, or a flip midair like I'm SURE he saw Dick do...and just epicly failing...
He's gotta be the least flexible one in the family at the very least.
Idk...just a thought.
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itzroseblossom · 2 days ago
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Batbaby babyman
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jabberwockey · 10 hours ago
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b-blue-biological · a day ago
babe- babe, wake up. nightwing has finger stripes again.
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nearlybitches · a day ago
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Nightwing #88 (2022)
🎶 the boys are back 🎶
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kumikoumae · 2 days ago
Damian draws Tim's D&D ocs and Tim takes pictures of Damian's pets for his pet instagram and there is nothing you can do about it
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nabinochu · a day ago
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Some drawings I did of Jason as pics of Jensen Ackles. These were super fun to do lol. I feel like I should do some of Curran too 🤔
Please don't use/ repost without permission!! Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated 💕💕
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bruce-waynes-parenting · 2 days ago
Thinking about how Bernard canonically doesn’t speak with/doesn’t get along with his parents and the batfamily yanking him in.
I’m saying:
-Damian being hesitant to warm up to him but they get taking about animals and biology and soon enough Bernard is meeting Ace and Titus and Pennyworth and Batcow etc.
-Duke thinks Bernard is a little strange but so is the rest of their family (and he really isn’t one to talk) they end up sharing breakfast a few times because Bernard is an early riser and Duke is the day-shift (and no one else in the house gets up before noon)
-Cass loves Bernard. Like loves him. She thinks he’s hilarious and treats him like a little brother the same way she does Tim.
-Steph and Bernard get along bc blondes. Bernard was nervous to meet her at first but they actually have a lot in common and she encourages and adds to the conspiracies.
-Jason thinks Bernard is hilarious in the same way Cass does. Treats him like a little brother, actually really likes Bernard. Will physically fight people for him. (Including Tim)
-Dick loves Bernard but can’t quite pin him personality-wise until by happenstance Bernard opens up to him about his Dad. Makes an effort to include him in things and makes fun of Tim with him.
-Bruce also thinks Bernard is strange but he grows on him. Kind of senses there’s some unresolved family stuff there so he makes sure Bernard knows he’s there for him. An avid fan of his Batman conspiracy theories.
Just…Bernard getting love :/ he deserves it.
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incorrectbatfam · 14 hours ago
How do the batfam react to scam calls?
Dick: "You know I'm a cop, right?"
Jason: lets them talk but clicks his gun in the background
Tim: scams them back
Damian: puts them on call with another scammer
Duke: makes a video exposing them
Cullen: constructs an elaborate catfish
Stephanie: pretends not to speak English
Cassandra: breathes heavily over the line
Barbara: traces their location and sends authorities
Harper: leaks their personal info online
Carrie: wastes their time with stupid questions
Kate: puts them on speaker so the family can take turns messing
Alfred: asks them what in life made them choose this path
Selina: wire transfers their money to her bank account
Bruce: uses his Batman voice
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batfamgalore · 11 hours ago
*Steph, Tim, Barbara and Dick are playing a couples trivia game*
Stephanie: Barbara, what is Dick’s favorite fish?
Barbara: Penguin.
Tim: No, I don’t think you understood-
*Dick hold up a paper that says ‘Penguin’ on it*
Dick: BAM!
Barbara: I know my man.
Dick: It’s like we have one brain.
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a-reader-and-a-writer · 2 days ago
I Have Missed You
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Fandom: DC, Batman, Batfamily, Damian Wayne, al Ghul!Reader
Word Count: 3016
Thank you to @kitty-chan33 for the wonderful request!
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It had been nearly a year since you had been tasked with your current assignment. Nearly six months since you had been home to see your family. But when you are given a mission from the Demon’s Head, you do not stop until it is completed. Your grandfather was not the kind of man you disappointed or failed.
You knew he had only sent you away because you were getting stronger, the magic you had inherited from your late father growing more powerful every day. As much as you knew Ra’s al Ghul would never show any form of weakness in front of his men, you had caught the looks of concern or worry he gave you when he found you practicing your magic. When he saw the things you could do. The things that, at the moment, you were doing for him. But you were both very aware of the fact that could change at a moment’s notice.
Despite the fact you had never met your father and thus, had no allegiance to him. Despite the fact Ra’s had tracked down and killed him even before you were born once it was discovered your mother was pregnant by the leader of a splinter group of the League of Shadows. Despite the fact that you had been completely loyal to your grandfather your entire life, he still did not trust you. Which meant that once you returned, there would be another mission, another assignment which would take you far away from the League and those you held dear. But for now, all you wanted to do was to go home and see your family again.
Just then, your phone rang and you glanced at the caller ID. Well, speak of the devil…or the devil’s daughter.
You answered the phone on the second ring. “Mother.”
“So, you have finished your assignment?”
Nice to hear your voice too after almost half a year without any communication. “Yes. The last of the people on Grandfather’s list has been dealt with.”
“Good. Then return home so you can give your full report.”
You could tell she was about to hang up so you quickly asked, “May I speak to Damian?”
“Mother? Did something happen to Damian?”
“……No. He is perfectly fine.”
“Then may I speak with him?”
“He is not here.”
Your mother was not normally this evasive, or at least not with you. Something was obviously going on with your younger brother that she didn’t want to share with you. So, you continued prodding her, “Well, where is he?”
“I have sent him to live with his father.”
“You WHAT!?”
“It was about time they met, and I need my beloved distracted for what I have planned next. It is the perfect melding of events.”
You fought back the urge to roll your eyes. Of course, your mother had an ulterior motive for finally telling Wayne he had a son. Honestly, you were surprised she hadn’t played this card much sooner. “How long has he been there?”
“I brought him to Gotham just after your last visit.”
“SIX MONTHS AGO! He’s been living there for six months and you failed to tell me!”
“I did not see why it would make a difference. You were not around so there was no reason you needed to know. You would have only worried, and it would have distracted you from your mission. And you know how your grandfather despises distractions.”
You signed heavily, knowing she was right. “Well, how is he? How is he adjusting to things in Gotham? Does he like it there?”
“I have not personally spoken to him, but the intel I have been collecting makes it seem as though he is flourishing in his new home.”
“You haven’t even checked in since you dumped him at a stranger’s house?”
Now it was your mother’s turn to sigh. “As I said, I have been keeping tabs on the situation. If anything was amiss, I would not hesitate to bring him back. However, after a brief adjustment period, he has settled in very nicely with his father and his wards. And of course, Jason is back in Gotham as well, so he was not without a familiar face.”
“Yes, because living on an entirely new continent is fine as long as you know one person.”
“I would not have left him without making certain he was alright!” Your mother snapped at you. “Regardless of what you may think of me, I love both of you children more than anything in this world. If I thought for one moment that my son was in danger or in distress, I would have personally brought him home regardless of the consequences.”
An unusual feeling of remorse blooms in your chest. What your mother said was true and you knew it. Talia al Ghul may not be a typical mother, but she had always done what was best for you and your brother. And if she said that Damian was safe, then he was. She would not allow anything less to be the case.
“I-I am sorry, Mother. I know you love us and would not do anything to put us in harm’s way. This all just came as a shock to me. Please forgive me for overstepping.”
“It is alright, my love. I understand.” She grew quiet for a moment. “Your grandfather knows you were close to taking care of the last name on his list. I can buy you a few days before you will have to be back here to report, but that is all.”
“Wait, are you saying…”
“Go. Check on your brother. And tell him…. tell him I miss him.”
“I will, Mother. Thank you. And… I have missed you as much as I have missed Damian.”
“And I have missed you, my darling girl. Safe travels and hurry home.” And with that, the line went dead.
With a sigh, you gathered all of your things and left the safe house. It was time for you to finally visit Gotham City. It was time for you to see your brother.
Breaking into Wayne Manor had been much easier than anticipated. But then again, your mother had numerous files on every aspect of the Batfamily, including the layout and security measures of their home base. Getting down to the Batcave was slightly more difficult, but still only took a few minutes.
As you gazed around the vast room, you had to admit, you were somewhat impressed. Trophies from previous bouts filled the space as well as various displays of weapons, costumes, and vehicles. You could definitely find some items that piqued your interest given enough time.
However, time was not on your side. Two men, well boys, came out of one of the side rooms. One was older, taller, and wearing a tight-fitting black and blue costume while the other was younger, and all-around smaller in a red and black costume with a cape. You moved slowly until you were standing before them and they both jumped in surprise.
“Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?” The one in the black and blue suit slammed what appeared to be an alarm button on the wall as he stared at you.
Ignoring the questions, you simply stated. “I have come for Damian Wayne.”
“Yeah, well too bad. The kid’s not going anywhere with you.” The taller of the two drew two escrima sticks while the shorter one grabbed a bo staff that was leaning against the wall.
“You really believe that you are a match for me?” You scoffed slightly as they nodded. “We shall see.”
Pulling out the dual blades concealed on your hip, you dropped into an attack stance. And after a moment’s hesitation, both boys charged at you. You just smirked as you stood your ground and waited for them to reach you.
How easy it would have been to just kill them both where they stood. How quickly you could have ended this fight with just a single thrust of your blade or squeeze of your hand. But you knew that these people were part of your brother’s life now and you doubted he would appreciate you ending their lives. So, you resigned yourself to staying on the defensive, only making small jabs or knicks but nothing that would leave any lasting damage. Neither one of them managed to land a single blow on you though, which was not surprising. You had been fighting opponents twice their size and skill for most of your life.
“Dick! Tim! Stop, now!” A voice suddenly rang out through the cavernous space. Both boys looked confused but stepped away from you as they were instructed.
You lowered your blades as you gave a curt nod to the man who had just materialized from out of the shadows. “Bruce.”
You hadn’t seen the Bat since before Damian was born, yet it didn’t surprise you that he recognized you even now that you were no longer the child he had met back then.
The older of the two you had been sparring with, Dick, seemed shocked. “Wait, you know her?”
“Yes. She is known as the Demon’s Claw, Ra’s al Ghul’s most feared and trusted assassin. But she’s also-”
“Sister?” All eyes turned to the small boy who was coming down the stairs.
“- Talia’s daughter.” Bruce finished.
“Damian…” you breathed a soft sigh of relief at the sight of your brother. For the first time since you arrived, the harsh, cold expression slipped from your face and a slight smile replaced it.
As he launched himself in your direction, you closed the distance between you and scooped him into your chest.
“I have missed you.” He muttered into your neck as his small arms wound tightly around you.
“And I you. I had finally completed my mission and when I called to check in, Mother told me you had been living here these past six months. I did not want to disturb this new life you are making for yourself but I….I longed to see you.”
“You are never a disturbance.” He turned to glare at the two other boys. “And if anyone has a problem with you being here, they will have to deal with me.”
Both Dick and Tim held up their hands defensively. Dick said, “Hey, as long as B doesn’t have a problem with her being here, then neither do we.” Tim nodded in agreement.
“Good,” Damian said bluntly. Then he turned back to you. “How long are you here for? Does Grandfather know about your visit?”
You hesitated slightly. “He does not. Mother is buying me some time before I have to report to him so I will not be able to stay long. But she sends her love and says to tell you that she misses you.”
The boy’s face fell. “Oh. I thought…”
“I know. I am sorry, little one.” You ran your hand gently across his cheek. “I wish it could be longer but at least we have some time together.” He hugged you tightly once more.
Pulling him in close so only he could hear your next words, you whispered, “How are you, really? Are you okay with being here? Are you happy? Just say the word and we will leave tonight.”
“At first it was difficult. Everything here is so different than back home. But now….” Damian looked up at you. “Yes, I am happy here. I miss you and Mother and Grandfather, but I have come to enjoy the life I have made here. I-I wish to stay.”
There was a small tugging in your chest as you realized how much you were hoping he would ask to come home with you. Yet, if this was his wish, you would respect it. However, it did ease your mind to know that for all these months, he hadn’t been in distress or mistreated.
Suddenly, a new figure came soaring into the cave on a motorcycle which skidded to a stop just inches from the wall. In seconds, he was off the machine and rushing towards the crowd of people. However, as soon as the eyes behind the red helmet landed on you, he slid to a stop.
Ripping off the hood, he exclaimed in surprise and confusion, “Y/N!”
“Jason.” You peeled yourself out of your brother’s arms and took a few steps towards your old pupil.
He met you halfway and threw his arms around you. You stiffened slightly at his embrace but did not pull away. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I came to see my brother. Truthfully, I did not anticipate you would be here. Last I had heard, you and your father were on the outs.”
“He’s not my father.” Jason snapped, but then he softened slightly. “And I’m only here because I saw the alarm was triggered. I should have guessed you’d be coming around sooner or later. That kid’s your life. Though, honestly, I’m surprised Ra’s let you off your leash.”
You bristled slightly at his words, pulling away from him. You had forgotten how Jason’s jokes and sarcastic comments could sometimes border on cruel, though you knew he didn’t mean anything by it.
He seemed to realize how his words affected you though because he immediately tried to backtrack. “What I meant was, because he always keeping such a close eye on you. Because you were so… good… at what you…do…”
You could see he was trying so you gave him a small nod. “You are right. My grandfather does not know that I am here and I sincerely doubt he would approve. However, I needed to make sure Damian was in good hands.”
Now it was Jason’s turn to bristle at your words. “What? You think that I’d let something happen to him? Do you really think so little of me?”
“Of course not. But I know your relationship with Bruce is complicated, thus I was not sure how much you and Damian would see each other. How much he could lean on you if need be.”
“The kid knows he can come to me for anything. I check in on him all the time.”
“Do not lie, Todd. You only stop by when you think Alfred has food you can steal.” Damian called from his position near the stairs.
You arched your eyebrow at Jason as the vigilante’s face grew as red as his helmet. “Well, I still check on you when I’m here, don’t I?”
As the two of you joined the rest of the group, Dick asked, “So you know Jason too?”
You glanced between your brother and your student, unsure of how much they had divulged with the rest of the Bats. “I do not know if it is my place to say.”
“She was one of my masters while I was a part of the League of Shadows. She taught me almost everything I learned there.” Jason said, flashing you a smile.
“Really?” Tim asked.
“Yes, Jason was an excellent student when he learned to shut his mouth and listen,” you replied.
Both Dick and Tim tried suppressing chuckles, as Dick said, “Yep, that sounds like Jay.”
Jason began to give a snarky retort but you cut him off, “However, the real question is not whether or not you learned, but how much you remember.”
You turned suddenly, taking Jason by surprise as you swept his legs out from under him, causing him to crash heavily to the ground. This time, Dick and Tim howled with laughter as Jason groaned from the floor. Even Bruce had a small smile on his face.
You tutted in disappointment as you rose back to your full height. “You have grown lax since you left us. I thought I taught you better than that.” You extended a hand to help him to his feet.
Jason scowled up at you. “Yeah, well, you just caught me temporarily off guard. But I’m still as skilled as ever.”
His hand tightened around yours and you could see what he was about to try. As he yanked you towards the floor, you used the momentum to drop into a roll and fling him over you, causing him to land once more on the flat of his back. Dick and Tim’s laughter ceased immediately. Instead, they were both just staring slack-jawed at you. But you ignored them as you towered over Jason.
With a groan, he sat up slowly, “Ok, maybe I have gotten a little rusty.”
You feel the corners of your mouth twitch up slightly. Besides Damian, Jason was the only other person who could regularly cause you to produce even the semblance of a smile. And you had missed your old student more than you cared to admit since he had returned to Gotham. “Perhaps I can give you a few refreshers while I am here.”
Jason blinked in surprise. “You’re staying?”
“Not for long. As I was just telling Damian, I must return soon report to Grandfather. But I will remain in this city for a few days at least. I wish to spend more time with my brother. However, I always have time to knock you down a few pegs.” Your smile grew a little wider as Jason chuckled.
He shot his “brothers” a mischievous look. “I think you should show them what a real fighter can do.”
You eyed Dick and Tim up and down as they shifted uncomfortably in place. “We shall see. But for now-” you walked over and offered your hand to Damian. “-I believe I would like some alone time with my brother.”
He happily took your hand and began leading you up the stairs into the manor itself. And in this moment, you let everything else fall away. No more thoughts of leaving soon, returning home, or facing your grandfather. No more worries about the future or your next assignment. Right now, you were here with your brother. And that was the only thing that mattered.
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nyxthechaosdragon · a day ago
Ok but the Bats forgetting for a few minutes that their super partner is invincible and seeing them suffer what should be a fatal injury and so they just go feral and destroy every bad guy in the vicinity and the Supers just get up and are like "??Babe I'm fine?? Are you ok??"
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