#Beauregard continues to be an incredibly relatable person on all sorts of levels

[jonthethinker]

Beau’s reaction to Yasha’s letter has been on my mind a lot lately, and I think I can finally explain why it is a supremely and universally relatable moment, and not just some weird thing Marisha decided to do.

So you’re at a real low point. You’re impossibly depressed, and you’re really not sure you’re going to make it. But somehow, with a grim determination, you pull through. You do it not because things are suddenly all sunshine and rainbows, but because something inside of you decided you just needed to get through it. To see the new season of your favorite show. To watch your brother graduate. To help your friend move next month. To meet your soon to be born niece. To have at least one more Halloween. Whatever the reason, you decided it was time to, albeit temporarily, put aside this existential crisis to be solved at a later date. Nothing is fundamentally better than it was at your low point. But you’ve still got shit to do, so you bury what you can, and begin your steady march back into the land of the living.

And then you receive a phone call, or a voice mail, or a text message, or maybe someone bumps into you at work or school, or maybe even shows up at your house. The thing is, you really love this person. To you, they are one of the few little beacons of light in what is a rather dark and dreary moment of your life. More often than not you probably feel inadequate to the warmth of this person. You question how you could repay them for the dearth in your contribution to their life, compared to theirs to yours. They are supremely important to you, far more than you could ever consider yourself being to them.

And they say something that to them must feel so innocuous. So simple. They say they miss you. That they love your laugh. They ask if you remember something you did together that is still one of your fondest memories. They pay you some totally unexpected compliment. They ask you for your help with something that they clarify that you are just wonderful at. They force you by accident to consider how much of a presence you have in their conception of their life.

And a regular person would bask in this warmth. Or not even acknowledge it due to the banal regularity with which they have experienced this feeling from others. But for you, something cracks. The sweetness, the warmth, the tenderness, all feels to your skin like fire. And suddenly you want to hide, to cry in secret, to deny to yourself the reality of being known and loved while feeling so unworthy of such strength of feeling.

It’s a lot like getting so used to the cold of a winter day, that when you finally make it back to the warmth of indoors, your teeth begin to chatter so much you feel like they’ll crack.

Beau went into reading that expecting to just be continuing the playful, subtle courtship between her and Yasha. She was expecting a cheesy little poem. Think of her getting her wine and cocoa, settling into a comfortable bath, ready to accept a little harmless and sweet gift from Yasha. But instead what she got was a laser accurate counterargument to every single one of her major insecurities, and the knowledge that she makes the object of a battle between a Storm God and a twisted Demon, the person who lost both her romantic and platonic great loves, feel safe and strong.

She’s finally pieced herself back together after the hag, finally found a task with which to focus her mind and give her a drive to move forward, and maybe sometime in the future, she considers the possibility that she may be loved like she never thought possible. But she never in a million years expected that future to be so present, to already be right there for her to take for herself at a moment’s notice. How absolutely terrifying. Because suddenly, this seems like it’s actually real to Yasha, and Beau has to acknowledge that it’s just as real to her, too.

Consider the lonely life Beau has lived, her struggles with what to her mind is the temporary nature of the Mighty Nein, and her recent decision to commit herself to seeing it to its conclusion. And out of nowhere, an Angel decides to give her the rather novel idea that maybe her loneliness may never return, that maybe someone else has found strength in her the way she has in her friends, and that maybe they weren’t exactly keen on ever letting go of that new found source of strength.

I’m practically looking for a tub to drown in just thinking about it.

#critical role #Beau #Beauregard #beauregard lionett #Yasha #Yasha Nydoorin #Beauyasha #cr spoilers #long post #Beauregard continues to be an incredibly relatable person on all sorts of levels #and Marisha does such a wonderful job of making every little behavior and reaction make sense #and feel oh so human #gotta love it