#Because my older family members don’t know that bringing up my trauma and mentioning ptsd and just overall talking about my triggers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agustdakasuga · 3 years

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Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 14

Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

Going to Florida on vacation also seemed to be the perfect time to find out where the other boys came from and their pasts.

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

Chapter warning(s): The boys share their pasts, which can be rough. Mentions of suicide, past abuse, PTSD. There’s also quite some drinking in this chapter.

“He’s fine. Just a little bit too much sun.” You chuckled in a whisper, tucking Jin under the blanket. With that, you exited the room with the 6 others. The oldest had felt a little faint after playing in the sun, which led to his current state.

“We should-”

RINGGGGGGG

“Ugh, one minute.” Jimin took his phone out of his pocket, walking away to answer his call. You and Jungkook looked at each other, shrugging. You headed to the living room, with you draping your legs over Hoseok to watch television, not that Hoseok minded.

“Jin hyung is asleep... That means his snacks are unguarded!” Jungkook shot up from the couch, running to the pantry.

“Nothing stand between him and food.” Taehyung raised an eyebrow. Namjoon shook his head and chuckled, bidding all of you goodbye before leaving with a book tucked under his arm.

“What’s for dinner?” Yoongi asked.

“I think steak and pasta.” Jungkook said, mouth stuffed to the brim with cookies. The staff that worked here had the same schedule as those back in Korea.

“What shall we do tonight?”

“I don’t know. We should stay in on our first night. To just... chill.” Hoseok shrugged and everyone nodded in agreement.

“Even when we put a vacation notice out, work doesn’t seem to stop coming.” Jimin stormed in, complaining. Taehyung raised an eyebrow at his best friend, shifting to let him sit on the couch.

“That’s what you get for opening a new place 2 weeks before the vacation. And a big place, with a lot of manpower needed.” Jungkook scoffed. Jimin sighed, full of regret. He had opened a new male host lounge for ladies 2 weeks ago and safe to say, the business was booming. His phone was ringing non-stop from wanting business partners.

“I’ll just leave it to the others to handle.” Jimin said.

“Yeah, put the phone away. You’re here to relax.” You put your hands behind your head.

“I’m guessing you did the same?” Yoongi faced you.

“My family knows I’m on vacation. There’s an emergency number if they really need to reach me, which I doubt they will. It’s my last vacation before I have to hear my mother start nagging me again.” You rolled your eyes.

“Nag you?” Taehyung tilted his head.

“My brother’s, her star child, is coming into town with my very pregnant sister-in-law for the birth of her second grandchild.” You explained and the boys all nodded, understanding. At the ball where they met your parents, there was a brief mention of your older brother.

“I was an only child. Never had siblings. Omma was worried that if she had another, he or she would come out sick like me.” Jimin forced a smile.

“I’m sorry, Chim.” You reached over to hold his hand.

“It’s okay. Fortunately, Yoongi hyung was there to break me out of the hospital.” He turned to the older, who was sitting on the adjacent couch, sipping from his red wine glass.

“You broke him out of a hospital?” Your eyes widened. Yoongi let out a long sigh, placing his glass on the table.

“Since she couldn’t figure out the reason why Jimin was always sick, Mrs Park thought the only way to provide Jimin the care he needed was to lock him in a hospital.” He explained. Jimin cleared his throat.

“I first met Yoongi hyung at a martial arts convention. Since I used to train in kendo, omma let me go but I couldn’t participate in the demonstration. When he found out that omma checked me into the hospital, he got me out and brought me to join the family. Even when I was sick, Yoongi hyung and Namjoon hyung took care of me.” Jimin gave a small smile.

“I mean, since we’re telling our family stories, my mother abandoned me when I was younger, at an amusement park. I joined an orphanage after.” Hoseok said.

“Yoongi hyung’s father adopted me to be hyung’s playmate but that was it. We could only see each other during playtime. Other than that, I stayed in the small hut in the backyard.” Hoseok continued.

“It was practically a tool shed with a mattress.” Yoongi said bitterly.

“Yoongi, so your father...”

“He was rich, powerful, as was Namjoon’s father. We had been friends for a long time since our fathers were friends. After our fathers died, we dissolved their associations and formed our own.” Yoongi explained.

“I see... I didn’t know both your fathers were also... in the same line of business.” You tried to speak.

“With the way my father treated Hoseok and my mother, we don’t bring him up. Same with Namjoon.” Yoongi said but there was a warning tone in his voice.

“I-Is it, my turn?” Jungkook lifted his head.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” You comforted. Jungkook took a deep breath, shaking his head. If anything, he trusted you and wanted you to know his background.

“I was quite a small kid, so I was generally quite quiet in school. I had one older brother. Mum and dad worked a lot so it was mostly my brother and me. At first, hyung was the best brother I could ever ask for. He took care of me, protected me, everything.” Jungkook gulped.

“Then one day, he started treating me like I was invisible, at school and at home. That progressed to him hitting me and bullying me, hurting me.” He said sadly.

“Jungkook...” Jimin said sadly.

“Namjoon hyung was passing by an alley when my brother almost beat me to death. He brought me to the hospital to get treated. Since then, I’ve been living with him.” Jungkook finished.

“Did your parents come find you?” You asked.

“They never believed me when I told them hyung hurt me. He must have told them I ran away or something since he thinks he left me for dead.”

“But you’re stronger now.” Taehyung patted Jungkook’s head. Considering Taehyung didn’t start his background story, the others assumed that he already told you about him.

“Dinner is served.” The butler informed, breaking the thick tension in the air from all the heavy conversations.

“I’ll get the others.” You said, going to head upstairs. The first person you checked on was Jin, he was still fast asleep, which you let him be. Namjoon was standing in the hallways, outside of Jin’s bedroom.

“I heard what the boys told you.” He said. You nodded your head in acknowledgement.

“(y/n), I think you know that with such backgrounds, it’s not all black and white for them. On top of always falling ill, Jimin lived with a fear of being a burden, like how his own mother treated him. Yoongi hyung lives with the guilt of how his father treated Hoseok. He feels the need to make it up to him with his life.” Namjoon started.

“Hoseok is afraid of abandonment. Taehyung dealt with meltdowns, panic attacks, so much trauma. You’ve seen it, he’s still not over what happened to him.”

“And Jungkook, I can’t tell you the number of times I had to stop him from taking his own life. He was afraid of being hurt by the one he loved, just like before.” Namjoon sighed.

“I know, Namjoon. It must have been a lot for you and Yoongi to face, along with your own fears. But look at who you saved. Where would they all be now if you and Yoongi didn’t help them?” You placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Everyone comes with their own battle scars. But that’s what makes us human and survivors, right?” You smiled.

“You always know what to say, doc.” Namjoon chuckled.

“Of course. I’m the best, am I not?” You nudged him, making him laugh even more. With that, the two of you headed downstairs to the dining room, where the others were seated around the table. Namjoon sat at the head of the table while you sat between Jungkook and Yoongi.

“Let’s eat.” Namjoon waved for the wait staff to bring in the trays of food and pour the drinks. Even if the dinner was quieter than usual, it wasn’t suffocating. You’ve reached a new level of understanding with the boys.

“What shall we do tomorrow?” Jimin asked.

“I wanna go look around the city. If possible. Maybe buy some things for myself.” You shrugged.

“Yes! Shopping! We’ll come too!” Taehyung and Jungkook cheered. You smiled, somehow knowing that it was going to be chaotic with the boys. Hoseok clapped his hands in excitement.

“What if I wanna go on my own?” You raised an eyebrow.

“No way! It’s not safe for you to be on your own.” Jungkook shook his head, putting his arms in a cross.

“Are you saying I am not capable to defending myself?” You asked him with a smirk.

“Ooh, you’ve done it now, Kook.”

“Yeah, even I don’t go there.” Yoongi decided to join in on the fun of teasing the maknae. Jungkook’s eyes widened when he realised what he did, immediately facing you and rubbing his hands together in an apologetic matter.

“I’m sorry! You are very much capable of defending yourself! Even better than me or anyone else because you’re a strong, independent woman! I would never doubt your strength! Please don’t kill me!” He rambled on. You threw your head back in laughter, reaching over to pat his head. Even the others just looked on in amusement.

“Alright, let’s stop teasing, Koo.” You said.

After dinner, everyone was gathered back in the living room, watching some show that was playing on the television.

“The night is young! We should party!” Hoseok declared.

"This is not going to end well.” Yoongi clicked his tongue with a shake of his head. It was obvious he had to deal with his drunk brothers multiple times before.

“I brought drinks and snacks!” Jungkook brought two big trays out, one with different alcoholic drinks and the other filled with snacks, courtesy of Jin’s stash. You took a bottle of beer. Hoseok and Namjoon did the same, clinking bottles with you. Jungkook grabbed some soju.

“Hyung? You want one?” Jungkook offered a filled shot glass to Taehyung. Taehyung, who doesn’t usually drink, shrugged and accepted it. Yoongi stuck to his whiskey like always.

“Honestly didn’t think the drinking was gonna start on our first night here. But I’m not one to complain.” You shrugged.

“We’re on vacation. It’s always drinking time.” Hoseok said.

“I agree!” Jungkook grinned. You snorted in response. Jimin decided to have soju with the other two, taking an empty shot glass. Jungkook happily filled it up for him.

“Hey...” Jin stood at the stairwell.

“Hey, Jin. How are you feeling?” You asked as you stood up to head to him. Jin gave a small smile and a thumbs up.

“Are those my snacks?!” His eyes widened as he marched over.

“Shot?” Jungkook offered as a consolation. Jin glared at the maknae but took the tiny glass, glancing over at you. You shrugged, nodding your head in approval. Hoseok and Taehyung shifted to give Jin space to sit down. Everyone with their drinks, cheered to your first night on vacation, taking a swig. You leaned against Jimin’s side.

“Do you want dinner, Jin?”

“Nah, I’m fine with the snacks and drinks.” He waved you off.

“Alright but if you feel dizzy again, stop and rest. And tomorrow, please remember to hydrate yourself when out.” You lectured. The boys all groaned, even if you were only directing your words at Jin.

“Now you’re nagging.” Taehyung boxed his ears, whining. You rolled your eyes, reaching to smack him.

That night, when all the boys retreated to their rooms, passed out drunk, you were in your room spending some alone time. There was a knock on your door and you stood up from your bed, shuffling over to see who it was.

“Hobi?” You were shocked.

“C-Can I come in?” He rubbed the back of his neck. You nodded your head, stepping aside for him to enter.

“Can’t sleep?” You asked softly.

“Just a lot on my mind.” He admitted with a soft sigh. You sat on your bed, legs dangling off the side. You patted the space beside you and Hoseok gladly accepted, sitting beside you as the moon shined in.

“Bringing up the past isn’t easy. It opens a lot of scars you thought were healed, memories that you thought was locked away, feelings that you thoughts were gone. It’s okay, Hobi.” You whispered with a soft smile, wrapping an arm around him. Hoseok placed his head on your shoulder.

“It’s okay.” You comforted.

“She left me there, all alone. For strangers to take me. And I probably will never know the reason why until the day I die.” He said aimlessly.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Hobi.” You squeezed his hand.

“Yoongi hyung still feels so guilty for what his father did when he adopted me. But I always think that even if he did treat me badly, I still got to leave the orphanage and meet Yoongi hyung.”

“And then you met the rest of the boys. Look how inseparable you all are now.” You stroked his head.

“I also got to meet you.” Hoseok added.

“I’m just there to clean your cuts and take care of you when you’re sick.” You laughed.

“That’s not true. You mean a lot to me and everyone else, more than you’d think, (y/n).” Now, it was Hoseok holding your hands, looking into your eyes, his full of honesty and sincerity.

You woke up the next morning, rubbing your temples, feeling the slight effect of the alcohol from the night before. Hoseok was still passed out beside you, sleeping soundly. You got out of bed quietly, washing up before heading downstairs. The house was quiet, signalling that maybe no one else was awake, still sleeping the alcohol off.

“You’re up?” You nearly jumped when Yoongi appeared, drinking a cup of iced coffee, his hair slightly damp and messy from his shower.

“Yeah. I need a hangover cure and a coffee.” You went to the kitchen. The maid brought you a cup of water and the small bottle of hangover cure. You downed the bitter liquid following that with water.

“Here.” Yoongi fixed you an iced coffee of your own.

“Thank you.” You sipped it.

“Hoseok... he’s with you?” Yoongi cleared his throat as he asked. You nodded your head with a hum.

“Yeah. He came over to talk then we just fell asleep after.” You explained. Yoongi gave a nod, moving to sit out on the deck. You trailed behind him quietly, taking the seat across him. All you heard were the crashing of the waves and the strong wind rustling the trees.

“I’m part of the reason he’s like that.” Yoongi spoke.

“Why do you burden yourself with that?” You asked back. Yoongi blinked, seemingly surprised by your words.

“You know it’s not true, you know that Hobi doesn’t think that, and yet you force yourself to live with the guilt. You know that you’re not like your father, whatever he did to Hobi was out of your control.” You said.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yoongi said with gritted teeth.

“Exactly, I don’t. But what I see is you feeling sorry for yourself and Hobi being worried about showing his emotions because he doesn’t want you to start feeling guilty again.”

“He said that?”

“Not exactly. It’s pretty obvious to a bystander.” You shrugged.

“Yoongi, I have better things to do than to stand here and taunt you. The only people there were you and Hobi. Will anyone ever understand what each of you went through? I don’t know. You and I both know that Hobi holds whatever happened close to him. But he sees the light, even in a dark situation. If he can do that, I don’t see why you can’t.” You said.

“I know.” Was all he could reply.

“I’m going to check on Jin, okay?” You stood up. But you were yanked back by your wrist. Yoongi wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his face into your middle.

“I hate that you’re right.” He mumbled. You let out a soft hum, patting the top of his fluffy hair. When Yoongi released you, you looked down at him.

“You saved so many of them, Yoongs. Give yourself more credit. They all look up to you for a reason.” You laughed.

“Go check on Jin hyung.” He said, patting your hip.

“Right on it, sir.” You saluted. That made Yoongi break out into a small smile as he watched you leave. You hummed a random tune as you headed upstairs to see how Jin was doing today.

“Doc? You’re here.” He slowly opened his eyes, squinting to focus his vision on you. He gave you a sleepy smile. You smiled softly as you nodded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear as you placed your hand on his forehead. He wasn’t warm to the touch.

“How are you feeling?” You whispered.

“Okay. Sleepy... Hungover.” He chuckled, a little embarrassed.

“I’d bet. You can come down later to get some hangover cure. Luckily I told the butler to stock the house when we arrived yesterday.” You patted his shoulder, making him laugh.

“(y/n)!” When you exited Jin’s room, you saw a shirtless Jungkook barreling down the hallway, headed straight for you. You jumped back but he caught you.

“Good morning, Koo.” You said in amusement as he hugged you. He mumbled something in his sleepy stupor.

“What are you saying? I can’t understand you.”

“I went to your room to look for you but you weren’t there. I thought Hobi hyung was you but it wasn’t. Why is Hobi hyung in your bed? Where were you? Ugh... I have a headache and I’m hungry.” He rambled.

“Alright, alright. Slow down. I went to get some coffee to help my hangover and was with Yoongi on the deck. Then I went to check on Jin. Hobi just stayed the night after we talked. I have alka seltzer to help your hangover and I think the chefs are cooking hangover soup for all of us. Would you also please put on a shirt?” You answered all his questions, ending with one of yours.

“I’m sleepy.”

“I thought you were hungry?”

“I don’t know! My head hurts.” He whined. You sighed, patting his back as you led him back to his room.

“You stay here. I’ll bring you a hangover cure then you can see how you feel after that.” You instructed. He nodded his head like an obedient child. You went downstairs to get a small bottle and a glass of water.

“Thank you.” He received the two, drinking one after another, cringing slightly at the bitterness.

“It should help your headache and funny stomach. I’ll go check on the others to see if they need help.” You told him, tucking him back into bed under the blanket.

“Will you come back?” He held your hand.

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ultyso · 3 years

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(Censoring words solely because I’m not sure the word itself can be used on tumblr.)

T/W Mentions of p*dos

T/W Mentions of gr**ming

Tldr: As a CSA Survivor, voicing concerns of things I have heard people talk about on these topics in online spaces that does more damage than good to victims, survivors, and minors. I am only one voice, so please listen to all csa survivors, victims, and minors about this topic.

I don’t speak for everyone who is a CSA Survivor. We all have different experiences and feelings, some things may be less triggering or concerning for some more than others. Other CSA Survivors feel free to talk about your own feelings, experiences, and things you wished others knew as well since every CSA Survivor’s voice should be heard, not just my own.

These are my thoughts and some of the grievances I’ve had, the invalidation of my trauma, the things that have triggered back the trauma I thought I was able to heal so long ago, and I’m tired of it.

P*dophilia is not a term where you can just throw it around at anyone and everything. Be mindful where and how you use it. Do not let the severity of this word go down. It is not a joke. It is not some fun trendy buzzword. It is not a topic just for fictional media. It is a serious issue that harms so many children in the world.

Do not invalidate the trauma of victims by focusing on just fictional characters. Reporting fictional content as CP is not as helpful as you think. Investigators are on the look out to help save real children. Putting thousands of fanart/fanfics of fictional characters at the top of their feed lets p*dos hide easier and thus causes real children to still be trapped in their situation. If the fanart/fanfics is of real minors though, action should be taken.

You need to be a protector for real children. Learn the warning signs. Learn the prevention. Learn how to act if a real child has been harmed so you can help them. If you just treat it as a joke and use the word willy nilly on things that it does not actually pertain to it is immensely performative, makes it harder for investigators to find true perpetrators, and thus only hurts more kids than helps.

Clothing ≠ p*dophilia

Jfashion such as lolita and fairy kei is not p*dophilic or p*do-baiting. I don’t know why this has become the trend to call it that.

When you say this it sounds like victim blaming. “Well it’s what they wore.” Which is terrible. If you think wearing “childish” clothing is inherently sexual YOU are very much the problem.

Clothing is not what grabs p*dos attention. Clothing doesn’t do anything. It is a self expression for the wearer and that is it. For p*dos, it is the child themself they’re grossly invested in, not the clothes.

If you look at the origin of jfashion styles such as lolita, one part of the meaning is the resistance of sexualizing a person’s body. It also has nothing to do with the book so, stop equating them as the same.

Watching kid tv shows or movies, playing kid friendly video games, owning plushies or other kid toys ≠ p*dophilia

If you see an adult who is into movies/shows, toys, games made for kids chances are it could possibly be a CSA Survivor and this is their coping mechanism as a way to heal. To reclaim what was taken from them. Giving back to that inner child that never got the chance to live it. Even if they are not a CSA survivor, it could be an adult finally getting that doll they’ve wanted since they were little but could never get. Giving back to their inner child in that way. For me personally, KH is part of this for me. It has been my coping mechanism/safe haven since I was little. It is something I know I can always go back to that doesn’t bring harm to me. It’s an escapism from trauma and anxiety.

Height differences ≠ p*dophilia

An adult who is shorter than their significant other who is also an adult is not p*dophilia. A short adult is not “minor-coded.” They are just a short adult. A taller adult liking a shorter adult does NOT mean they like children. Joke or not this is inappropriate. Some adults just are not able to grow taller then others, so it feels like you are infantilizing a whole group of adult short people just because of their height. Not only that, but for survivors this can make them second guess their appropriate and safe relationships they have even more, which for some CSA Survivors it is already so hard to trust to begin with, this then can make them further associate even more things and people with their trauma that never needed to be and can cause further ptsd reactions.

A minor dating a minor one month/year younger/year older than them ≠ p*dophilia

This undermines the severity of what p*dophilia is. P*dophilia is an adult person who sexually fantasizes about, exhibits inappropriate and sexual behavior towards, has urges towards, and/or arousal towards minors. They are a sex offender/m*lestor as well if they act on those urges on a child. Thus becoming CSA.

This part is ONLY talking about minor + minor relationship: As cited from DSM-5 (wiki that has excerpt) “A person must be at least 16 years and at least 5 years older than the prepubescent child, for the attraction to be diagnosed as p*dophilia.” A 15 year old dating a 16 year old is not p*dophilia. If a 15 year old did inappropriate and non-consensual things to another minor the same age as, slightly younger than themself, or older than themself, that 15 year old would be more towards being called a juvenile/adolescent sex offender. Don’t use these terms willy nilly either, they are severe words too. Do not use them lightly for fun internet jargon.

In regards to fandom spaces. Just because someone on the internet labels themselves as something specific, does not mean this person can’t be a p*dophile based off of whatever the label is. You must always be careful with whom you interact with. They very well could be under the guise of feigning innocence and pointing fingers away from themself. Some may pretend to be one or the other and self-proclaim themself as the “good” adult. And HEAVILY emphasize this all the time. Which for me often raises a warning flag. Especially if they are in heavy contact with minors on a daily basis. Be always careful with anyone you interact with online no matter what they label themself as. You do not know who is behind the screen, so exercise extreme caution with the information you give to anyone, even if an account labels themselves as the same age as you. It could be someone pretending to be the same. Having a father who is a p*dophile, I can say, these gross people want to blend in. They’re going to feign innocence. They want to be in your line of trust. They may say things like “you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not that group of people” or “don’t trust them, trust me.” Be aware of the signs of gr**ming. This is a first tell tale sign that someone could be harmful. Some examples of warnings signs an be found here.

LGBTQIA+ ≠ p*dophilia

While there may be people who happen to be LGBTQIA+ that are a p*do, that does NOT mean everyone who is LGBTQIA+ is one. The community makes it explicitly clear that MAPS/p*dophiles are NEVER welcome in the community. It is harmful to associate them with the community too.

P*dophiles can be anywhere. In my my own experience, mine was my own father. They are in the most obvious spot and invisible to other’s eyes. They will if not often, be someone who has gained yours and other’s trust and preys heavily off of it. Such as a family member, a teacher, a doctor, a family friend, etc… They hide under this guise because what is the first thing anyone says? “Oh it couldn’t possibly be them. I know them. They’re good.”

I get wanting to know all the facts before putting a label such as p*dophile on someone. I get that some people do fake saying they were abused. I get it. When there’s a huge amount of evidence of someone being nefarious with children though, you can’t keep hiding from that truth and you need to stop supporting that person. Continuing to support those perpetrators just tells other scummy P*dos that as long as they’re well-liked enough, they too can get away with it. This only harms more children then helps.

Please put “T/W”s if you mention p*dophilia. CSA Survivors have different triggers and seeing the topic brought up willy nilly in spaces without it can be very harmful and may cause ptsd. Please be respectful to us all. Do not make a joke out of all of our suffering.

I’ve made a linktree of information on warnings signs, what to do, hotlines for victims, and more. Take action to protect real kids not just the fictional ones. That is all I ask: https://linktr.ee/CSA_Prevention_and_Help

#csa survivor #csa vent #trigger warning #p*do mention #tw p*dophilia mention #tw gr**ming mention

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aliwritesfic · 3 years

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Our Black Hearts (F!Reader x Jack 'Whiskey' Daniels)

Summary: Jack Daniels had long given up on avenging his murdered wife, instead choosing to travel west through the ruins of the United States to a small town called Deepwell. It's a fresh start, where nobody knows him. The thought of vengeance was almost out of mind until he found out about the towns book club and the gossip trade that happened there. So he joins, and figures it can't hurt to keep an ear out for news of the man who killed his wife.

Overall warnings: Death, violence, a lot of swearing, drinking, trauma, PTSD, angst

Warnings for this part: Drinking, mention of dead loved ones, smut, P in V sex, oral (F & M receiving), somewhat rough sex

Wordcount: 2.4k

Tags: Post-apocalypse AU, casual lovers, revenge

Part 2 (coming soonish)

The book club was a group of the only twelve people in the town who could read more than the few basic words that were usually taught. It wasn’t like an old-world book club, were people would gather to discuss the books they read – it was more of a book exchange, but the members preferred the word club. Of course, there were discussions, but they were seldom about books. They met once a week, usually on a Wednesday but sometimes on Fridays, and mostly talked about news they had heard from passing traders, letters given by couriers from family. This was how Jack got most of his information.

Jack Daniels was the newest member of this club. He was the newest resident of the Deepwell township, having come through one scorching hot Tuesday afternoon on the back of a trader’s caravan. He had taken one look at the dingy little town with its long-abandoned homes and decided that this was as far as he was willing to travel. Of course, he had to speak with the self-appointed Mayor, Lucy Jonas-Green, so she could assess his “suitability”. The interview had been a short one, consisting of only four questions, the grizzled old woman glaring at him through narrowed grey eyes.

“You good at shootin’?” Question one.

“Best I know.” It wasn’t a brag if it was true, Jack reasoned.

“Got any skills?” Question two.

“I’m good at buildin’ shit, I can stay awake for two days if I need to, I can read and write some stuff . . . I’m pretty good with a whip.”

“Why here?” Question three.

“Got sick of travelling.”

“What’s your name?” Question four.

“Jack.”

Lucy Jonas-Green had deliberated for exactly one minute, during which time Jack grew increasingly uncomfortable under her gaze. He felt like she could see directly into his soul, like she was deciding exactly how shit-stained it was. The only indication of her approval was a slight nod of the head. At that, a young boy, probably no older than thirteen, rushed over to greet him. The kid was chatty, but harmless.

It was through this kid that Jack first found out about the book club. He hadn’t been interested at first – just because he could read didn’t mean he liked to read. But at the mention of it being the towns main source of news from across the Fallen States, the chance of hearing something about the group that attacked Black Ridge was too good to pass up.

So now, he sat with the book club, a yellowed, mouldy copy of 1984 in his hands, ears pricked for any mention of a merc group led by a man with one eye and eleven fingers. A few months before he had finally settled in Deepwell, he had given up on his search and his quest for revenge. There had been no mention of him anywhere along the eastern townships, so Jack had headed west, deciding to leave the cruel memories of his wife behind. Now, he figured it couldn’t hurt to just listen.

But for weeks now, nothing. Whatever hope had rekindled itself in his chest was dying away, making room for cruel acceptance. Another meeting concluded, and Jack tucked the book carefully in his jacket. As much as he didn’t enjoy reading, he had a healthy respect for the leader of the book club and the threat of slitting his throat should something happen to the books she shared with the group.

The sun was low in the sky as he stepped outside, casting long shadows on the cracked pavement. People were beginning to move as the sunset, the harshest of its rays now dulled by the horizon. Electric streetlights slowly flickered on; the entire town was powered by recommissioned solar panels that someone much smarter than Jack had rigged up a decade ago. Jack considered his options for the night: either he could go back to the house he shared with a small family and scrounge up a meal of whatever was left in his room before a trader came through town tomorrow night, or he could go to the only bar in town, order several of whatever alcohol was in stock and a bowl of the ‘stew of the day’ which was usually just a root vegetable and some unidentified meat. Jack chose the bar.

The bar was the largest building in Deepwell, three stories tall and enough beds to sleep the entire population of the town twice over. The place smelt of stale booze and dust, a smell that seemed to be common over the entirety of the Fallen States. A jukebox in the corner played old world tunes on a loop.

“Evenin’, Jack.” The owner of the bar, Marcus, nodded his head in Jack’s direction. Jack nodded back and took off his hat – an old-world style that someone had once called ‘cowboy’. “Just the usual?”

“Yep, and keep the drinks coming,” Jack sat down at a small table close to the exit, his body always slightly angled to run at a moment’s notice, an old habit that he couldn’t seem to shake. A bowl of steaming stew was set down in front of him, along with a glass of murky amber liquid.

That’s when he noticed he was being watched. A woman sat in the corner, staring at him over a half empty glass of whiskey. Jack raised a brow and realised his recognised her. She was in the book club, too, but he didn’t remember her name. Everyone seemed to call her Chase. Jack was surprised she didn’t break her gaze when his eyes met hers, and against his better judgement, he put his hat back on, picked up his bowl and glass and walked over to her.

“This seat taken?” he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he set his food down on the table and sat.

Something about Jack Daniels intrigued you. Maybe it was the hat, or the facial hair he somehow managed to keep contained to a thick, neat moustache. Or maybe it was just the most annoyingly handsome person to ever come through Deepwell. Now he sat across from you, sipping on bathtub whiskey.

“Chase isn’t it?” he said after downing his glass.

“That’s what they call me,” you said. “What do they call you?”

Jack smirked. “Depends who you ask. Some like Dirty Bastard, others Motherfucker. For a while I was known as Whiskey. But you can call me whatever you like.” He finished with a wink.

“Jack it is,” you said with a roll of your eyes, but you would be lying to yourself if you weren’t a little charmed. “So, what brings you to book club, Jack?”

“Why, my love of old-world literature, of course.”

You leant back in your seat and tilted your head. He was lying, that much was obvious. But why? What was the point of lying? You looked into his eyes, a deep brown, and wondered if he was worth the trouble. He might be worth it for the night, you thought.

“Let’s pretend for a moment that I believe that,” you said, and Jack looked mildly surprised. “What’s taken you so long to come up and introduce yourself? You’ve been in town what now? Three months?”

“Two and a half,” Jack corrected, “and what gives you the impression I don’t care for literature?”

“Answer my question and I’ll answer yours,” you countered. Was this flirting? You hadn’t done it in so long, and the most practice you had was when you were working in the town garden, daydreaming about the heroes of the romance novels you kept in a safe in the corner of your room.

“Well, well, well,” Jack leant forward on his elbows, his gaze unreadable underneath his ridiculous hat. “I don’t have a reason for you, doll, but if it makes you feel better, I haven’t introduced myself to most people here.”

You settled for this explanation, knowing that Jack had been somewhat of a recluse around town since he had arrived. You decide to answer his question. “I know you don’t give a shit about books. It’s obvious you care more about the goss. Your ears practically twitch. What are you listening for?”

Jack deliberated for a moment; you could see on his face that he really was conflicted about telling you. He finished his mystery stew and finally speaks. “I’m looking for a man, have been for a few years now. He killed my wife, and I wanna kill him.”

“A simple revenge,” you said. “What makes you think you think news will turn up in Deepwell?”

“I didn’t,” Jack said, “I’d given up when I first came here. Figured it was best for my soul to do so – but then I heard about this club, and I guess it can’t hurt to keep an ear out for rumblin’s of a man with eleven fingers and one eye.”

“Eleven fingers?” Your stomach dropped, but you kept your face neutral.

“And one eye,” Jack nodded.

“Did you find out his name?” You asked. Maker don’t let it be Elijah. Don’t let him be alive. Jack shook his head.

“Naw, but eleven fingers and one eye, how many people could be runnin’ ‘round the Fallen States like that?” Jack shrugged, something akin to grief flittered briefly across his face, and you realised he was right. Having only one eye wasn’t unusual, a lot of people were missing some body part or another, but eleven fingers . . . you couldn’t deny the coincidence.

“Anyway,” Jack smirked at you, “you haven’t asked the most important question of all.”

You raised a brow. “Oh? And what’s that?”

“Are we takin’ this back to yours or mine, doll?”

~ Jack’s body is hard against yours, a sharp contrast to the softness of his lips. His shirt is off, discarded on the floor of your small bedroom. He kisses hungrily down your neck, his tongue darting along your collarbone. A moan escapes your lips as he slides his calloused hands along the bare skin of your stomach, roughly tugging at the frayed waistband of your jeans. His fingers find your wetness, easily finding your sensitive clit with his thumb. You groaned, head lolling forward into his sweaty neck.

“You like that?” he whispered into your ear; goosebumps raced along your body. His thumb made careful, slow circles along your clit. “Tell me you like it.”

“I like it,” you whined, bucking your hips in pleasure. A low groan escaped Jack’s throat at your words, spurring him on. He forces your pants off completely and discards them in the growing pile of clothes on the floor. He drops to his knees and pulls you closer, lips trailing delicately along your inner thighs. Then without warning, his tongue is lapping up the wetness of your clit, two fingers pumping your tight hole.

“Jack,” you whimper, the need for more sending you crazy. His dark eyes met yours over the top of your stomach, his tongue still working your clit. You’re hungry for him, the look of pure lust in his eyes spurring you to places you had never thought about. You sit up and place a hand on his shoulder, shuddering as another wave of pleasure rippled through your body. The look in your eyes must’ve told him what you want to do, because he stood and stepped back, allowing you room to get on your knees in front of him.

He undid his belt buckle with fingers still slick from your pussy and pulled his pants down. His cock sprang forward, making your mouth water with how fucking big it was. The head glistened with a bead of pre-cum. You leant forward and licked it off, before taking as much of his length in your mouth as you could. He groaned, his fingers tangling through your hair.

“Fuck, deeper,” his voice was husky with desire, and you happily obliged, taking him so you could feel him almost at the back of your throat. His fingers in your hair tightened, a pleasant pain on your skull. He groaned and pulled your head back, staring into your eyes. “I need you.”

You tugged him towards the mattress, pushing him on his back. You climb atop, feeling strangely dominant. His cock slid against the wetness of your hole, head entering before you pulled your hips away, a teasing smile on your lips. You go on like this, letting him enter a little further in you each time, enjoying the tortured look on his face, enjoying it even more when his eyes snapped open as you let him in completely. He moaned loudly, holding onto your hips tightly.

“Doll,” his word was muffled by his mouth on your tit, teeth latching onto your nipple. You rocked back and forth, clenching around his cock as an orgasm threatened to rip you from your body. Jack seemed to realise this, and flipped you both so you were on your back and he was standing, still inside you. He pulled you so your ass was off the mattress, your legs wrapped around his waist.

“Maker, you’re so fucking sexy,” he fucked you hard and rough, his dark gaze never leaving yours. His thumb was on your clit again, teasing you as an orgasm ripped through you. You moaned his name, your pussy clenching tightly around him. He grinned devilishly down at you, leaning forward to kiss you as he continued to thrust. He tasted of you, driving his tongue into your mouth. You met this eagerly, whimpering against his lips as yet another orgasm moved you.

“I can’t hold on,” Jack groaned, and before you could say a thing, he pulled out of you, hot cum spurting onto your stomach. He slumped next to you, obviously spent.

“Holy shit,” you muttered, scanning the room for something to wipe the cum up with.

“Holy shit is right, doll,” Jack said. Sweat beaded along his brow and he cracked open an eye to watch you wipe up with a shirt that was so full of holes it was unwearable. Silver moonlight filtered through the dirty window, casting shadows across his beautiful face. You laid down next to him, feeling a small shiver run through you as he curved his warm naked body against yours.

You would tell him, you decided. You would tell him you knew who he was looking for, and that you might know where to find him. But in the morning, so as not to mar the beautiful just fucked haze that enveloped your mind.

Tagging @sharkbait77 because she's lovely and I'm nervous about this one.

#jack daniels x f!reader #jack whiskey daniels #kingsmen golden circle #i havent written sexy stuff in so long was it as weird as it felt

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stallionsoul · 5 years

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RELATIONSHIP & PERMANENT PLOTTER CALL.

In alignment with her debut for the anime, please take this relationship/permanent plotter call!

(TRAUMA & PTSD MENTION BELOW!)

For those of you who don’t know too much about Fruits Basket, a quick overview is that there are 13 cursed zodiac members. Rin has the spirit of the horse whenever she hugs or is embraced by men and same idea for cursed male members with women. Of her clan, Rin is initially a very rigid, untrusting, and hurt individual. She has a strong sense of right and wrong but can be naive due to wanting to do things on her own, accepting help even at her own expense. She’s prone to illness and body aches due to trauma she experienced in her early childhood. She also has some degree of PTSD and is triggered when she’s pushing at her mental and physical limits, which unfortunately is a lot.

Beyond that, she is a kind, overprotective girl who wants nothing more than to break her family curse. Her being in Spirale is stressing her out because she is hyper-vigilant and that any moment, something bad will happen to those she cares about. Once she does get used to Spirale however, I can see this guard going down and her wanting to protect the people here and her new home.

So that’s a bit of her!

That being said, there are many ideas floating in my head for threads and types of relationships with her! Before I begin, let’s get the technical stuff out of the way. By liking this post I have your permission to:

Message you via IMs and plot things between our muses! I would very much like that you have an idea in mind for what type of relationship you’d like with Rin, but otherwise we can work on that stuff together! We can have a full on “first introduction” thread or plan for “semi/pre-established”, whatever the circumstance I am all ears!

Tag you during Meme Days or spur-of-the-moment type starters? Again, depending on our muses’ relationship with one another, but still offering it as an option!

Talk via Twitter DMs or Discord (please msg me for it!)

Do light plotting between our muses! I don’t like to go down the book, line-by-line, but I do like to have a general idea of what we will do with our muses.

And without further ado, time for Relationship Types! Listed under a Read More for length.

Acquaintanceship:

The very minimum which is okay. Rin doesn’t like small talk, so even this level of relationship is difficult. She doesn’t go out of her way to know your muse, but over time their relationship can develop into anything else! She does her best to keep her distance, as she doesn’t want to get attached for any reason. That, and she doesn’t want others to get attached to her. If they were working together or taking classes, she would just do the bare minimum.

Friendship:

This would take some time to get to. She has walls upon walls upon w a l l s. She refuses to let people in as much as she wants to. While she’s tough on the outside, on the inside she longs for companionship and to be close to others. So once she gets friends who’ll accept her and treat her with respect and understanding, she will be your friend for life. She’s overprotective and thoughtful so if your muse is ever in trouble or needs support, she is there for them instantly. She’s a bit tsun, so she will act like she doesn’t care at first but she’ll show that she cares in her actions and her presence. One a friend, she will be a friend forever.

Found Family:

This makes the mun misty eyed because her deepest desire is to have a family who cares for her. After her parents disowned and abandoned her at a young age, she’s been searching for that parental/familial love for most of her life. She technically has a parental figure in mind BUT! It never hurts to have more? If not parents, she is the best big sister type for younger muses. She cares for children so much and will protect them with all that she physically can. This also includes spoiling them (even if she denies it), arguing with them as a big sister might, and possibly teasing them if they bring it upon themselves. She could also be a younger sister type for older muses? In her canon, she does have a couple older relatives she does look up to!

Unrequited Love / One Sided:

This has always been something I wanted to explore even with other muses, but I would love for Rin to experience one-sided love or for your muse to experience for her! This is a specific thing, I know, but I can definitely see Rin harbor a crush on someone and not have it returned. She is drawn towards kind, soft-hearted individuals and would absolutely wish to receive their love. That being said, because she refuses to let her emotional walls down, she won’t be easy to sway. That and because of her cripplingly low self-esteem/self-worth, she doesn’t see herself being acceptable of love or acceptance, so she will have feelings all on her own. These feelings will go away as she gets to know your muse, but when she does feel that burning longing, she harbors it deep and will never let it be known by your muse.

Romantic:

I have HC’ed Rin as being bi--so this is an open playing field! Like the above category, this will be SUPER DUPER HARD TO OBTAIN. Rin has nonexistent self esteem in the romance department. She has only ever been with one person but I pulled her canon point from after she broke up with him, so that wound is a bit fresh. While she loves him dearly, where she ‘diverges’ from her canon is that she doesn’t see herself getting back together with him. I feel it would be nice for her to move on and to experience love again, no matter how long that takes. Rin is extremely hard on herself and refuses to ever let herself be loved again, let alone romantically, so while there are budding emotions between her and your muse, she’ll continue to deny them. It will take a lot of coaxing, support, and patience to be with her. Once they are together, however, she is the most loving, supportive, sweetest, affectionate girl. She’ll be prone to tears and deep blushing, so prepare for that haha. There’s definitely got to be chemistry between our muses, but she does prefer kind, gentle, (kinda dumb of ass energy), and emotionally intelligent individuals!

Enemies:

There can be VARIOUS ideas with this. Rin is easily confrontational and prone to anger, so it would not be difficult to fall into this category. It comes off as a defense mechanism/survival tactic when she distances herself from your muse and sees them as a threat, it’s definitely easier to manage. They may not see eye to eye on certain things, or perhaps your muse is a garbage human being and enjoys inflicting pain onto others. Either way, if you’re Rin’s enemy and continue to rub her the wrong way, there’s a slim to 0% chance of her ever forgiving your muse. She may not be a fighter, but if she’s provoked she will try to fight back.It won’t end well for her, I can imagine. She’s a bit more bark than bite, but when she bites, she bites hard. She will hold some fear or anxiety being around your muse if they continue to pursue her or aggravate her.

Manipulator/Manipulatee:

On the subset of enemies: because Rin, at times, can be gullible if your character is persuasive or a master manipulator, she can fall under their whims in exchange for something she may need or want. In canon, she tried to go against the head of her house, only to be punished for it. I put this here because as much as I love Rin, I am curious to see what kind of stress she would go under if she was to meet other, terrible, abusive muses who would not hesitate to use her for their own gain. THIS BEING SAID: THIS IS ONLY FROM AN EMOTIONAL/MENTAL STANDPOINT. IN NO INSTANCE WILL THIS BE SEXUAL / DUBCON.

Other?:

Anything outside these categories? Let me know! Mentor/mentee, Boss/employee (if she ever gets a job!), Coworkers, non-humans (she feels like she is because she can transform into a horse), rivals? Whatever idea you got, I’m open to listen!

#long post #♞ ooc - ᴜɴʟɪᴋᴇ ᴏᴜʀsᴇʟᴠᴇs #isola starter call #isola rp ad #isola plotting call #TWAS A LOT!!! but please take this and get to know my horse girl... ; _ ;

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elliepassmore · 5 years

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Six of Crows Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, multiple POVs, heist stories, morally grey characters, diversity

Bardugo's writing has definitely improved between writing the Grisha Trilogy and this duology. There's more diversity of character, better plot continuity, and the stakes feel higher. Not to mention, the world building re: Kerch and Fjerda is amazing.

The novel starts being narrated by a young member of the city guard, and it's here we're introduced to the thing driving the plot: jurda parem. Parem can make Grisha--magic-users, for those who didn't read the Grisha trilogy first (you don't need to and I don't recommend it)--do fantastic, impossible things. Of course, this means the government wants Parem to be kept under wraps. Enter the Dregs, a street gang led by Kaz Brekker, the antihero (antivillian?) with a bum leg and a knack for getting out of tight spots. The Dregs are hired to break into the most secure place in the world, the Fjerdan Ice Court, and kidnap the scientist who invented Parem, bring him back to Ketterdam, and hand him over to the Council to keep him hidden. It's a fascinating set-up. A street-gang performing a high risk heist to kidnap a scientist? Sign me up. But beyond that, the plot opens up so many of the doors Bardugo utilizes for character-arcs and world-building.

Kaz Brekker is not a hero and he's definitely not the sort of person you'd want to run into...probably ever. In the slums of Ketterdam, referred to in the novel as the 'Barrel,' he's known as Dirtyhands. He's a master lock pick and practically leads the Dregs. Due to an accident a few years before the novel starts, he also walks with a cane and a perpetual limp. He's questionably moral, with the question more being 'does he have any?' more than 'you need to reevaluate that particular moral gap.' That's not to say he's necessarily a bad guy--albeit most of what he does is for money and revenge, but--he is one of the protagonists of the story, and he clearly cares for the members of his gang, even if he 1) doesn't show it, and 2) gets frustrated with them a lot. In the beginning of the story he definitely comes across as more uncaring than toward the end, and we sort of get to know why as the book progresses.

Inej Ghafa is a spy for the Dregs, contracted to them after Kaz got her out of a rough situation in one of the pleasure houses, which left some obvious trauma--this all occurs before the novel begins. She's one of the characters with the most straight morals. She's an ex-Suli acrobat who grew up in Ravka before she was kidnapped and brought to Ketterdam, and she uses those skills to scale walls, run across rooftops, and do otherwise gravity-defying tasks for the Dregs. Inej might be my favorite character of the bunch. She doesn't want to kill people, but she's unafraid to when it comes down to it, and has a collection of knives she named after Suli Saints. Her character growth in this book goes from 'not sure what I'll do with my life after this heist' (which will give each member $4 million) to following a Suli proverb "the heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true" (311) and deciding she wants to hunt slavers.

Jesper Fahey is a Zemeni sharpshooter for the Dregs and a notorious gambler more adept at losing than winning. As good as he is with guns, he gets the group into a bit of trouble with the latter bit. Jesper always feels the need to move and the feeling he gets shooting or gambling helps fulfill that need. Despite the trouble, Jesper also saves the group several times using his sharpshooting skills. He's also hilarious and has a pretty big heart, he worries and asks after each of the characters, and I really like his relationships with the others. Bardugo definitely wrote him caring about others well, showing that sometimes there are fault lines in that, such as how he cares so much about Kaz and what he thinks that it sometimes impacts how he feels about himself or when he's so worried about *SEMI-SPOILER* Inej *SEMI-SPOILER END* after they're shot he can barely stand to be in the same room until they're recovered almost completely. There's a secret Jesper is holding onto that largely drives his arc in this book. Admittedly, his arc is more static than the others in this book, it mainly sets up for the complete arc in the second one.

Nina Zenik is a Heartrender Grisha from Ravka who made some bad decisions that landed her working for the Dregs in Ketterdam. She's the most bubbly of the group and loves to eat. A lot of her actions are driven by either trying to right her wrongs or trying to protect her country and people; so she's not exactly moral but she's definitely righteous. She's also a really funny character and the only one who really continuously, blatantly challenges Kaz throughout the novel, though the other characters do so in more subtle ways. I feel that a lot of the success of the heist ties into Nina and her abilities. For one, she has to be able to use her abilities to break in/out of a prison, make Matthias look like someone else, to erase the identifying gang tattoos some of the group has, subdue prison guards, subdue regular guards, basically take out an entire army, and *SPOILER* disguise Wylan *SPOILER END*. She does most of it without complaint, though that's not to say she's a pushover, she's definitely strong willed and opinionated, which, as stated earlier, means she's not worried about challenging the different characters' opinions and actions. A lot of her arc also occurs in the second novel and not so much this one.

Wylan Van Eck is their Ketterdam-born demolitions expert and bargaining chip. He's also decent with drawing and coming up with ideas on the sly. Wylan is definitely the baby of the group in terms of experience, but he makes up for it in his quick-thinking and seeming infinite supply of explosive materials. Surprisingly, despite his lack of a criminal upbringing and being the newest to the group, he doesn't really have many qualms about a lot of what occurs, though when he does he raises a bit of a ruckus about it. That seems to be his main arc in this book, and it's relatively easy to track; in the beginning, he has quite a few issues with pick-pocketing, but later on he's the one to suggest to Jesper to wake up guards before they kill them if it'll make the other boy feel better about it. It's not so much a devolution of morals as much as a rearranging of morals, so to say.

Finally, Matthias Helvar the Fjerdan ex-drüskelle (Grisha hunter) and the crew's way to know Ice Court. Matthias maybe has the most character growth out of all of them. He goes from essentially being a ranked murderer to someone who understands Grisha aren't evil and that the hate spouted by the drüskellen order is wrong. He's another character who has a strong moral compass, though his comes off as more righteous and 'look down my nose' than Inej's does. He comes off as cruel in the beginning, but almost immediately it's obvious he has a heart and a conscience under the drüskellen mask--at least for anyone not Grisha.

The relationships between the characters are all complicated, which makes them feel real. The way they bump and sharpen each other's edges and then soothing them back down makes them feel very much like a family, even though some of them--Wylan and Matthias--are newer members. Each of the characters also has their own intricacies and tics. Each of them also offers great representation for readers--Jesper is black and has ADHD and is bi, Inej is portrayed as looking Arabic or Persian and has PTSD, Nina is fat and also likely bi, Wylan has dyslexia and gay, Kaz walks with a permanent limp and is touch-averse (likely has PTSD too), Matthias has to fight against the hate that was taught to him, and the semi-surprise character who comes in later is portrayed as being East Asian, likely Chinese or Korean--and it's all written as being normal.

Bardugo also did a good job of building Ketterdam and Fjerda as a world I could see and rules I could understand. The way the Barrel was described allowed me to really be in the moment with the characters when they were at the docks or the Slat (Dreg HQ), that I could feel the chill of the ice in Fjerda or the fear of being in the Ice Court prison. You can also tell, from the way Bardugo built the places and the languages, that she paid a lot of attention to history and real countries and languages when creating the world of SoC. Kerch, the language, is loosely based on an older form of Dutch, and Ketterdam is based on pre-/ante-Industrial Revolution trading cities of the Netherlands. Fjerda is likely based on the Nordic countries, though I couldn't begin to say which language Fjerdan resembles, maybe a mix of them. Anyway, the point is that the world feels real, as if you could really crack open a textbook and read about Kerch or Fjerda alongside countries like France and Germany.

The characters were obviously a driving point of the story, but that's not to say there isn't plenty of action, because there is. Likewise, the plot is well thought out and has plenty of twists and turns to keep readers interested and guessing, though you might guess some of the things that occur beforehand.

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assbuttyourlife · 6 years

Text

When We Were Young - Chapter Twenty-Six

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Language, Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), injuries, cheating. Sexual content. Violence. Non Con/Threats of rape. Long fic. Angst, fluff, Smut. Mention of suicide.

Words : 5376

Summary : After her grandmother’s funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

WWWY Masterlist

AO3 link

Tags : @jhudawnareeves

Drop an ask if you wanna be tagged :)

CHAPTER 26 - Complications

“You WHAT?” Lily almost screamed, the panic obvious in her high pitched voice.

“It's just a couple of days, we have to wrap this scenes, you won't even notice I was gone.”

“Of course I will notice! You can't leave your kids with me just like that, I'm not... I'm not good at that, I'm not ready for this!”

Sure she had spent a lot of time with West and Maison, they all spent a lot of weekends together, Misha even transformed Lily's practice room into a kid's bedroom, but she never had to watch them both at the same time without Misha or Vicki around, and she was scared to death to mess this up.

“What are you so afraid of? You know them, they know you and they like you a lot, what's the worse that could happen?”

“Where do I start? What if they keep crying because they miss you or Vicki too much? What if they feel abandoned? What if one of them is sick? Or worse: both of them! What if someone fall down the stairs, you know how dangerous those fucking stairs are! What if my apartment catch on fire?”

Misha chuckled. “Stop it, drama queen. It's only two days and it will be absolutely fine. If you need anything you can call me or Vicki, she will be here if you need her.”

Lily sighed deeply.

“You can do this.” he hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

“No...” she whined and Misha chuckled again.

“You definitely can do this. I trust you.”

“You shouldn't.”

They were interrupted by two little arms circling Misha's legs. He looked down to meet Maison's pleading eyes.

“Daddy I wanna hug too.”

Lily pointed a the girl “See? She's already jealous, she will hate me...”

Misha took his daughter in his arms and she instantly hugged him.

“Daddy has to go now, will you be good with Lily?”

“Yes!” Maison smiled looking at Lily who almost melted from the cuteness of this little girl.

“Good.” Misha kissed her. “Where's your brother?”

That's when they heard an awful high pitched scratchy sound coming from Lily's bedroom.

“He's playing the violin!” Maison ran toward the deafening sound.

Lily's terrified eyes widened while Misha ran behind his daughter.

“West... we've talked about this, stop touching what's not yours!”

“I just wanted to try...”

“Well don't. Now I really have to go, if I come back and Lily says you were bad, you'll both be in trouble. Okay?”

“Okay...” West pouted.

“Good. Now out of this room.”

Misha led them out of the bedroom and met a very not serene Lily in the living room, leaning against the dining table.

He cupped her face to kiss her.

“It will be okay, don't worry.”

“Yeah...” she replied not convinced.

“I love you.” he kissed her forehead and let go, grabbing his suitcase.

“I love you tooooo!” West and Maison screamed back at the same time, knowing it was Lily's next line.

Misha smiled widely and Lily chuckled “I love you too.”

The kids giggled loudly and ran to their room.

Misha walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

“I'm not gonna survive this...” Lily whispered to herself.

***

“Stop moving! You're soaking the whole bathroom!”

Lily wiped her sweaty forehead, trying desperately to wash Maison's sticky hair. Misha was gone for two hours, and she already tried to style her hair with maple syrup...

“It hurts!” the little girl cried.

To be honest, at that same exact moment, Lily wanted to cry too.

“Your eyes sting because you won't stay still when I'm trying to wash your hair, you have shampoo in your eyes, just... just... please stay still.”

“But I hate water in my eyes!”

“The water won't come in your eyes if you close them and stay... Still!”

Maison cried even more but finally closed her eyes, allowing Lily to rinse her hair. She then dried her face with a towel.

“You can open them now...”

Please... no stinging... please...

Maison slowly opened her eyes and looked at Lily with her huge reddened orbs. She didn't scream, she didn't cry... she smiled and Lily's heart melted a little more at this cute sight.

“See? You're fine. Can we go out of the bath and go make dinner with West?”

“Yes!” she jumped in Lily's arms to go out of the bathtub.

Lily dried her and put her pajamas on before getting out of the bathroom with Maison in her arms, meeting West and Katie in the kitchen, busy preparing pizzas for dinner.

“I'm exhausted.” Lily plopped down on a chair next to her friend.

“It's only been two hours...”

“I know! Told you I'm not gonna survive this.”

“Eh... this little chipmunk is kinda cute.” Katie nodded at West.

Dinner happened without major accident, and while Katie went to read a story to Maison before going to bed, West wanted to watch his favorite cartoon on TV.

“You know I don't have a TV...” Lily reminded him, and West looked at her like she was an alien again.

It wasn't new for him since it was not the first time the kids spent the weekend at her place, but everytime West had to ask her the same question.

“Why don't you have a TV? Everybody has a TV...”

“I told you a million times, I just don't watch TV. Why would I buy a TV if I don't watch it?”

“Are you poor?” West asked bluntly.

“What? What kind of question is that? You don't ask that to people, it's rude!”

“Daddy was poor.”

Ouch...

Lily tried to find a way to avoid that conversation, it was not her place to talk about Misha's childhood with his son, and it made her very uncomfortable. Who knew what Misha told his kids?

She looked at West who was still holding her gaze expectantly.

“Did he tell you that?” she asked not sure where it would lead.

“Yes. He told me he was living in your house with uncle Sasha and Bumble Bee because they were poor. And he said you had a TV in your house...”

Smartass...

“My parents had a TV, yes. But I don't. End of the conversation. Do you want a story too?”

“Will you bring us to your old house?”

“Why would I do that? It's broken and dangerous because of the fire.”

“Daddy said it was his favorite place in the world, I want to see it.”

She really needed to have a conversation with Misha to know what he said to his children about his childhood...

“Oh... he said that? What else did he say?”

West looked up and put his index fingers on his chin to think about it.

“Mmh... He said he met you when you were kids just like me. And now you're old but you’re still friends. ”

Lily chuckled. “We were a little older actually. We were nine. And we’re not old, we’re mature. Big difference.” she corrected almost vexed even if she knew Misha said that to his kids only to joke.

“He says it’s important to find good friends like you and uncle Darius because we always need our friends.”

“And he’s totally right.” Lily smiled tenderly.

She stood up and walked toward the kid's room.

“Alright, come on, it’s time for bed now. Sorry for the TV.”

West followed silently and Lily was surprised when he climbed in his bed without protesting.

“Do you want a story?” Lily offered.

“Yes.” West and Maison answered at the same time.

Katie crossed her arms pouting. “I just told you a story!”

“It's for West now.” Maison replied innocently, making both women chuckle.

“Alright...” Lily walked toward the book case. “What book do I read tonight?”

“I want the story of when you met daddy.” West replied remembering their previous conversation.

Lily stopped in her track to look at him.

“Didn't he tell you that story already?”

“No. He says I have to ask you because you tell it better.”

Lily chuckled and looked at Katie who was sitting on Maison's bed. She stepped forward and sat on West's bed.

“I'm not convinced it's the truth but um... okay... I'll try.”

************************

Litchfield CT, Spring 1983.

Lily's small fingers were dancing along the grand piano in her grandparents' house. After five years of practicing, she was getting pretty good at it.

She loved spending her free time in Litchfield with her grandparents. They were always taking the time to make lots of things with her and it was refreshing to spend some time away from the farm. Her grandmother was cooking a lot with her, and she was teaching her how to take care of the garden, while her grandfather taught her pretty much everything else, his favorite activity being crafting cute animals in wood pieces, and going for long walks to study the nature. She could listen to her grandpa talking about flowers and insects for hours without being bored a second.

“Papa?” she looked up at her grandfather sitting next to her on the piano bench without even stopping to play “Do you think I can play another instrument and be good at both?”

He leaned down a little to kiss the top of her hair.

“You can do anything Babygirl. Are you bored of the piano?”

“No... but I'm fascinated by people who plays the violin and I really want to do it more. It's beautiful. I don’t know if I can be good at both though. Violin is much harder.”

Simon smiled at his granddaughter and rubbed her back.

“You should definitely persist and practice more then.”

“Pie in ten minutes!” Lily heard her grandma calling from the kitchen. She looked at her grandpa again with a wide smile, so proud for baking a whole apple pie by herself for the first time without any help from an adult.

“Can't wait to taste that delicious gourmet dessert!” he winked at her. “but first, you need to finish that sonata because it's beautiful.”

That's when they heard the doorbell ringing, interrupting their practice session.

“I got it!” Simon screamed to his wife.

“Keep playing, honey, I'll be back soon.” he said while leaving the room.

Lily focused on the music sheet in front of her and resumed playing the Moonlight Sonata. A few minutes later, she saw the familiar shape of her grandfather's silhouette coming back in from the corner of her eyes, noticing he wasn't alone.

She stopped playing to look at the boy standing next to him. She had no clue who he was and what he was doing here.

“You should keep playing honey, he liked it a lot.” the old man winked at her with a smile.

She stared at her grandfather with an amused look, being so used to him bringing strangers home.

“Does he have a name?” she asked playfully.

“Misha. He brings the papers to us everyday and I’ve never thanked him properly, it’s a shame isn’t it? Misha, this is Lily, my granddaughter who will make the honor to finish that sonata for you.”

“Hi...” the boy greeted shyly making her chuckle.

“Hi Misha!” she replied with a smile.

She cleared her throat and straightened on her seat, placed her fingers back on the keys and started playing again. She was so absorbed by the music that she didn't even notice her grandpa approaching her and placing Misha right next to her on the bench, where he had been a few minutes ago.

She opened her eyes after the final note resonated in the living room and saw him staring alternately between her fingers and her face.

She turned her head to smile at him.

“How was it?” she asked content.

Misha kept staring at her with awe.

“Beautiful.” he almost whispered and Lily's smile widened.

“Beethoven will do that to you.”

“I wish I could play like that.” he admitted weakly.

“You can! You just have to practice! Would you want me to teach you a piece?” she offered sincerely, making her grandfather laugh.

“Sure... but I don't have a piano to practice.”

“You can practice here!”

“Pie is ready Babygirl, your grandmother is giving me the look, we better hurry...” Simon interrupted the kids.

Lily jumped from her seat and took Misha's hand to lead him toward the kitchen.

“You have to taste it! I baked it myself! We can have icecream too!” She was obviously very excited about it and Misha's mouth watered just thinking about icecream.

They both sat at the kitchen table, waiting for their plate.

“Oh we have a guest! I'll need another plate then.” Bethany noticed happily.

“It's Misha the paperboy! I'm sure Papa forgot to pay again... didn't he?” Lily laughed.

“Guilty!” Simon admitted while sitting next to her. “he'll have apple pie with icecream, that's good enough to forgive me, right?”

They all took their first bite at the same time and Lily's face fell a little.

“It's... not as good as yours Nana... But I followed your recipe...”

Bethany glanced at her husband with an amused look.

“Honey... I think you forgot to put sugar in it...”

Lily frowned and pouted, but when she looked at Misha's empty plate and content expression, her face lightened.

“You liked it?” she asked him hopeful.

“A lot.” Misha almost burped. He ate really fast...

Simon and his wife shared a suspicious look.

“Where do you live, Misha? I've never seen you around before.” Simon asked first.

“Bantam, not far from the lake. We've not been here for a very long time.”

“We?”

The old man couldn't help it... he sensed something was strange with that boy and being the caring man he's always been with kids in this town, he wanted to know more about Misha and his family.

Bethany looked at her husband with a meaningful look. Lily could almost hear their silent conversation.

“My mom, my brother and me.” he sipped on his orange juice.

“Oh... where's your dad?”

Bethany flashed her wide open eyes to Lily's grandfather. He couldn't do that again, he was retired!

“He doesn't live with us.” was all Misha replied and he looked down to play with his fingers.

“I think Misha needs another piece of pie!” Lily offered playfully.

Her grandparents shared an amused look and Bethany stood up to serve the kids again.

“I think I'll pass...” Simon answered when she offered another piece for him too and Lily's grandmother had trouble keeping a serious face.

*********************

“That's how we met... I almost poisoned your dad with unsweetened apple pie.”

West and Maison giggled in their beds.

“Alright, time to sleep now.” Lily stood up to join Katie who was leaning against the door-frame.

“Another story!!” Maison screamed.

“No Maison, I said one. You sleep now.”

“Kiss!” the girl extended her arms.

Lily sighed but walked toward the beds and leaned down to kiss Maison on her forehead. She wrapped her little arms around Lily's neck to keep her from walking away.

“Goodnight Maison.”

“Goodnight Nessy.” she kissed her cheek.

God that little girl is just sweetness on legs.

Wait... what???

“What did you call me?”

“Nessy! Daddy said he calls you Nessy because you stink.”

Katie snorted and hid her mouth behind her hand.

“That's a lie. Your dad sucks at telling stories so he’s jealous and he’s a brat. Don’t listen to him.” Lily crossed her arms.

“You smell good!” West protested and extended his arms to welcome Lily's goodnight hug. “But daddy’s good at telling stories he makes funny voices.”

“Yeah whatever. I’ll practice and I’ll do it too. Goodnight Westy.” she kissed his forehead and walked out the bedroom with Katie.

The two women plopped down on Lily's couch with a glass of white wine.

“We earned it.” Lily breathed out.

“They're cute.”

“When they sleep...”

They both laughed.

“Did you and Misha become friends right away?” Katie asked all of a sudden, still thinking about Lily's meetcute story.

“Not really... I mean we got along right away and he was coming often to hang out with grandpa and I was just following but I can't say he was my friend right away. I was so used to it, grandpa always brought new people in our lives, it wasn't new for me to just be nice with a new neighbor he decided to help.” Lily explained sipping on her wine.

“What was different with him then?”

She thought about it a moment and Katie saw a small smile slowly curving her lips.

“I don't know... there was a strange... passion mixed with a hint of sadness in his eyes, but he was still goofy and fun to be around, I was curious about him just like my grandfather was, and the more I've learned to know him, the stronger our relationship became I guess. You know how hard it is for me to consider someone as a true friend... Misha proved he was mine several times, I understood that clearly especially when my dad died.”

Katie looked at her best friend “Your dad died when you were ten... you met Misha when you were nine. It took you a whole year to figure it out?”

“Like I said, I couldn't call all my grandfather's lost boys my friends. I knew they were just passing by and they would go. I always try to not get too attached to people who just pass by. But Misha kept coming back in my life.”

“What happened when your dad died that was so strong for you that you finally qualified him as your friend?”

“Oh that's a story for another night. I can't talk about that without tearing up so... not now, I'm way too tired.”

“Okay grandma! I'm gonna go home then.”

“What? You're not leaving me alone with the kids! I have a free spot in my bed if you wanna crash.”

“Oooh I'm gonna sleep in Misha's spot with his smell all over the sheets... hello wet dreams!”

Lily playfully slapped her. “You pig, David will be damn happy to know about that!”

“Oh he knows... he knows.” Katie winked at her friends before walking in the bathroom to get ready for bed.

***

“MOMMYYYYY!”

Lily's eyes popped open when she heard Ryan's voice calling.

“MOMMYYYY!!!”

Katie whined and looked at the alarm clock. “What the fuck?”

When Lily realized where she was and that it was actually West's voice, now followed by Maison's sobs, she got out of bed to go check on them.

Of course they would scream through the night... she was that lucky.

“West, what's going on? It's 3am you need to sleep.” she sat on his bed and her chest clenched when she saw the tears in his eyes. Katie walked to Maison's bed sleepily and sat too.

“I saw something... I want Mommy.” the boy confessed shakily.

Oh no...

“Your mom's not here baby... can I do something?” she glanced at Katie who saw the panic in her eyes.

“No I want mommyyyy!” he sobbed.

Lily started to panic a little seeing him crying like that.

“I’m sorry sweetheart but that’s not possible right now. Mommy’s too far to come in the middle of the night.”

“I hate it!” he yelled.

“Hate what?” Lily frowned.

“Being here without mommy! I don’t want you I want mommy and our house! I HATE IT!”

Lily swallowed the heavy lump that suddenly appeared in her throat and tried to hold her tears back.

So this is how it feels to face one of your biggest fear… She knew it could eventually happen when she agreed to settle with Misha, but watching West crying huge tears and admitting he wasn’t okay with this situation was unbelievably painful, and the guilt that raised in her chest at that moment almost chocked her.

She turned to look at Katie who was holding Maison, also crying because she probably was scared now, and her heart broke into a million pieces.

She was helpless and didn’t know what to say or do to calm them down, and she started to regret all of this, hating herself for ruining Misha’s kids life in the process. They were innocent, and then here they were, hurting because of her selfish choice.

“How about we all get up to drink some hot chocolate and chill out a little?” Katie offered, feeling her best friend was losing control and was visibly overwhelmed.

“Yay chocolate!” Maison jumped.

Lily sighed and threw a grateful glance at her friend with relief. She definitely owed her one.

West followed them in the kitchen still pouting, but eventually he stopped crying and sat still on the sofa to sip on his hot chocolate.

Lily didn’t speak that much, she was too shaken for making conversation. Katie took care of everything and after they finished drinking, she went back in the kids bedroom with Maison to put her back to bed.

“It’s very late West, you need to get back to bed now.” Lily ventured when they were left alone in the living room.

“Can I sleep with you?” he asked hopeful.

Katie snorted from the bedroom “Like father like son!” she teased and Lily's eyes rolled.

“Alright...” Lily sighed and got up holding him.

“Hey! Where am I gonna sleep if he takes my spot?” Katie protested. “Plus I'm afraid I can't sleep without Misha's delicious smell on my sheets anymore...”

“Katie! Kids!”

“Alright, alright... I'll take West's bed then...” she crossed her arms and pouted.

“YAY!” Maison exclaimed, happy to welcome her in her room for the rest of the night.

Lily put West in her bed and walked around it to lie in her spot. The boy slid next to her and wrapped his arms around her waist for comfort.

“What did you see?” Lily whispered to West when they were finally lying in her bed.

“A ghost.”

“Ghosts don't exist.” she tried to reassure him.

West moved up a little bit to look at her “A monster then?”

“Nope. Don't exist either.” she booped his nose trying to lighten the mood.

“Yes they do! Daddy says he fight monsters at work.”

Maybe she needed to tell Misha kids don't understand sarcasm...

“No... Castiel fight monsters, and Daddy pretends to be Castiel. Monsters don't exist, Castiel doesn't exist either. He surely explained that to you, right?”

“Maybe... I don't remember.”

“Sleep.” she gently ordered and West became quiet. She thought she won that round until...

“Can we go to the place you grew up with Daddy tomorrow?”

*Sigh*...

“No. It's too far.”

“How far?”

“Very. Sleep.”

“When can we go?”

“One day. Sleep!”

“What day?”

“The day you'll be quiet. Sleep!”

It surprisingly worked and Lily finally heard West deep breathing after a few minutes.

She sighed in relief but thought about what he'd asked.

She wasn’t very fond of the idea to come back in Northfield.

She tried to fall asleep again in vain, haunted by West’s painful words and his huge tears.

I’m definitely responsible for this…

***

As soon as Lily pushed the door of Misha’s house that afternoon, West and Maison spotted their dad and ran into his arms screaming, happy to see him after two days.

“Hey my two little monsters! I missed you!” he kissed both of them. “How was it? Did you have fun with Lily?”

“Yes!” Maison answered right away. “We went to the zoo and we made pie!” her little blue eyes were sparkling with joy.

“Oh? With or without sugar in it?” he teased putting his daughter down and walking toward Lily to kiss her too.

Lily welcomed his embrace and kissed him back quickly. “Ha ha very funny. FYI it was delicious and we didn’t left any for you because you’re mean.”

“Who’s mean now?” he winked. “So… you obviously survived and everybody is in one piece. Told you it would be fine.”

“Yeah…”

She pulled away from his arms and went to grab her bag, ready to go upstairs settling her stuff in their room for the weekend.

Of course Misha noticed her distant behavior and he knew he would have to talk to her later, but right now he just wanted to spend some time with his family.

“How about we play all together before dinner?” he offered turning to West who was already heading towards the TV.

“Yes I wanna build a fort!” Maison jumped on the sofa.

“Fort it is then… we need our tools.”

He stood at the bottom of the stairs to call for Lily. “Lily can you bring the box of crap I keep in the spare room down please? We’re waiting for you to build a fort.” Misha winked at Maison.

“Yep, coming!”

After a quick check in the bathroom, Lily went to the spare room, which was actually Misha and Vicki’s old bedroom, and opened the cabinet to search for the box. Problem was… There were too many boxes and she had no idea which one she needed.

She rummaged in the cabinet for a while, and her eyes suddenly fell on a smaller box, rusty and dirty. She frowned and took it, noticing it was a metal box that probably were damaged and blackened by fire, and it picked her curiosity because it was definitely not their time capsule.

It used to have a lock but it was broken. When Lily opened the box, she was surprised to find a lot of letters, all coming from mister Adams, the guy who owned the farm next to hers in Northfield, and they were all addressed to her mother.

“What the…” she frowned and her heart jumped in her chest when she heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

She put the box back in the cabinet and faked searching for the tool box when Misha entered the room.

“Did you find it? Kids are kind of hyper right now we better hurry before they start moving furniture.” he joked.

“Umm, no it’s a mess in here I can’t find it.” she cleared her throat. She wanted to read those letters before asking Misha why he was hiding that box.

He knelt next to her and looked for a few seconds before spotting the kid’s tool box.

“Got it.”

Lily smiled innocently and walked toward the door, but Misha ran before her and closed it behind him before grabbing her wrist.

“Everything okay?”

“Sure. Why do you ask?” she started to feel a little nervous, she was so not used to hide things from him!

“I don't know… You seem a little upset.”

“I uhh… something actually happened with West but we’ll talk about that later. It’s no big deal I guess, don’t worry it can wait.”

Misha’s eyes wrinkled “With West? Was he bad with you or something? He can be a little tough sometimes.”

Lily smiled weakly and shook her head. “Later. They’re waiting. Don’t worry we’re all fine.”

“Okay…” he replied suspiciously ans stared into her deep green eyes.

When she just stared back at him and didn’t move, Misha closed the distance between them, gently pushing her against the door, and crashed his lips on hers. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss and soon found his way to her neck.

“I miss you” he moaned between kisses.

“I’m right here…” she whispered, closing her eyes at the delightful sensation of his mouth exploring her neck.

“You know what I mean.” he declared, not stopping in his task.

He finally looked up when he felt her hands pushing on his shoulders.

“The kids are waiting. We’d better hurry.”

She looked down, took the tool box back and got out of the room followed by a very suspicious Misha.

*****

“When can we see mommy?” West asked his dad after he finished reading him to sleep.

“In two days, why? Do you miss her?”

“Yes.” the boy looked down sadly.

Misha sighed and stroked his son’s forehead tenderly.

“I can drive you back tomorrow if you want to see her so bad you know?”

“Okay.” he simply replied and closed his eyes to sleep.

Misha didn’t answer, stood up and walked out of the bedroom carefully closing the door being him before going downstairs to join Lily.

She was busy writing a partition for one of her student tomorrow, seated outside on the patio table.

“West wants to go back to Vicki’s tomorrow.”

Lily looked up from her sheet while he sat next to her.

“Oh… actually I can’t say I’m very surprised. ” she confessed.

“What happened?”Misha asked softly, careful not to sound too harsh. Last thing he wanted was Lily to feel like he was accusing her of something.

She sighed, put her pen down and leaned back in her seat.

“He woke up screaming the first night. When I went to check on him he told me he saw something and he wanted his mom. Of course I said it was not possible to call her in the middle of the night. He cried so hard… I thought he would never stop.”

“I see…” Misha calmly replied.

“No you don’t… He told me he hated being at my place. And he meant it.” her voice started to shake.

“He woke up from a nightmare of course he cried and he was lost, and it's normal for him to ask for his mother first.”

“Yeah first maybe... but he still wants to go home now.” she looked down at her fingers.

“I'll talk to him and see what's wrong. Whatever it is I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with you, don't take it personally. We knew they would have to adjust and it could take some time. Is that okay?”

Misha gently took her hand in his and caressed her knuckles with his thumb. She smiled weakly.

“Sure.”

Misha chuckled “Wow you could be a little more convincing.”

“You'll tell me? I mean... if something is really wrong.”

“Of course I will, what kind of question is that? Since when do you think I could hide something from you?”

Since I found a box full of letters addressed to my mom in your closet...

She sank into his pleading gaze. “Right... Sorry. It's probably nothing.”

He gave her a warm smile. “Exactly. And you know what we need right now?” he stood up. “Ice cream! I'll be right back with your order miss Hagen.” he took her hand and bowed to kiss it before disappearing inside.

Lily stared at her music sheet absentmindedly, and all she could think about was that box waiting in the second floor. She would have to wait for Misha to leave for work and she would take the box with her before going back home.

Tomorrow, she would read those letters, and she would know why the person she loved and trusted the most in her life decided it was clever to hide it from her.

#misha collins #when we were young #fanfiction #young misha #misha/ofc

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