#BoldlyvoidWritingChallenge

[radiant-reid]

Lipstick

A/n: This is my entry to @boldlyvoid ‘s 2K Writing Challenge (Big congrats !!) with the prompt “Are they fighting again?” “Worse, they’re kissing.” I actually really like writing this, it was pretty much my first time writing with a prompt

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

Genre: Angst w fluff ending

WC: 2.3k

CW: Swearing | typical CM violence | kissing 

"Damn it, Reid, could you reign in your stupid, god complex for 10 seconds!" Y/n yelled as she shut the door to the interrogation room.

The pressure was getting to everyone. They were 39 hours into the 48 they had to formally charge their suspect. It had been a week of restless nights, and now, their profile had led them to a man they believed to have murdered 9 women.

The unfortunate thing was the profile also concluded he would be extremely organized. Each crime scene was pristine, with no DNA evidence. All the victims appeared to leave the bar on their own accord, meaning they couldn't charge him off of that.

So, they were in between a rock and a hard place. Left with no other choice but to try and get a confession out of him.

It was a seemingly impossible task, breaking an organized narcissist who thought he'd gotten away with murder.

And Spencer Reid wasn't making it any easier for Y/n. They didn't have the same close relationship Y/n or Spencer had with the other team members. It wasn't hatred, but they weren't friendly.

Usually, they were able to keep it civil for everyone else's sake. Snarky comments, Spencer fact-checking anything wrong that came out of Y/n's mouth, and Y/n's sarcastic remarks that flew over Spencer's head.

The rest of the team was actually surprised they didn't see it. For two intelligent people, they should have seen they'd make a powerful couple.

Maybe that was why Hotch sent them to interrogate the unsub together.

He quickly realized that was a bad idea when they had only been in there 10 minutes, and Reid was already undermining Y/n. Not in accordance with the tough persona that Hotch had told her to keep.

The team had agreed the best strategy was to send in a dominant female and submissive male team to aggravate the unsub into telling them something.

"Both of you, out here now." Hotch sternly told them. They could tell by his eerily calm tone that he was furious.

Guiltily, Y/n and Spencer followed him. He marched all the way across the small town precinct to the room they had all the case information in.

Hotch nodded at the seats around the round table, gesturing for Spencer and Y/n to take a seat. "We have 8 and a half hours to get a confession out of that man, who we believe murdered 9 women. The two of you can't be acting like children!" He exclaimed angrily. Getting told off by the unit chief was worse than getting told off by a school principal. Y/n wasn't afraid of many people, but Hotch was at the top of the list. "We are a team, and there is no room for the two of you to have childish arguments. We've all put up with the bickering for long enough, but now there's a chance it will ruin this case."

Y/n wanted to tell him it was Spencer's fault. The interrogation was going well until he ruined the power she had established over the unsub. But she didn't. She just glared at Spencer, hoping he'd spontaneously combust.

"It's imperative that we all do our jobs properly." Hotch drilled into them. "Normally, I would take the two of you off the case. But we have a limited amount of time to get a confession." He sounded as if he were weighing his options, getting ready to dish out punishment.

If Y/n and Spencer didn't know he was a whole different man at home, they would have felt terrible for Jack.

"So, you are both going to stay in here together and get a headstart on our paperwork and hope the rest of the team can get a confession because if we're not able to, you'll be facing more disciplinary action." Hotch sternly informed them before swiftly leaving.

Y/n let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in when Hotch closed the door.

"Do you really hate me so much you want to get me fired?" Y/n asked Spencer, still glaring at him.

Spencer surprisingly shook his head. "No." He simply replied.

Y/n could feel the anger coursing through her veins. "So what the fuck is your issue with me then?" She flippantly demanded.

"I don't have an issue with you." Spencer quietly replied, walking across the room to pick up some files to get started on.

Y/n let out an intentional loud sigh, going to find some files of her own to start. She couldn't concentrate when she felt Spencer's eyes on her from across the table.

"What, Reid?" She asked as she looked up at him.

She couldn't read how he was feeling, but it wasn't angry.

"I'm sorry," Spencer stated, his eyes softening.

Y/n almost couldn't believe it. Somehow he'd said the only thing she didn't expect him to say. Something, now that she was thinking about it, she hadn't ever heard him say.

She wasn't sure what to say. "Uh, thanks, I'm sorry too." Maybe one of those things was right to say. She tried to let it go, nestling back into her paperwork. "Can I just ask why?"

Spencer lifted his head up again, meeting her eyes. "Why what?"

Y/n rolled her eyes at him. "Don't make me insult your intelligence by pointing out the obvious, Reid." She answered half-jokingly.

"Why I weakened your position in there?" Spencer rhetorically asked. "I don't know. I knew what the plan was." He told her as if he were trying to figure it out in his own head. "I just felt like he wanted to hurt you, and I don't know... I guess, uh, I kind of felt..." He paused for a second, a blush heating his cheeks. "Possessive." He let the word slip quietly out of his mouth.

Y/n's eyes widened, her mouth gaping open as she realized what was going on. "You, Spencer Reid, have a crush on me." She declared, slowly but determinedly.

Spencer rolled his eyes, groaning as he leaned his head back, blushing bright red. "Do not." He insisted.

Y/n couldn't drop it in. She got up and walked over to Spencer, sitting on the desk next to his paperwork. "Yeah, you do, Reid." She bent forwards to take his face in her hands. "Look at the blush on your cheeks." She remarked, feeling proud of herself.

Spencer tried to wiggle his face out of her grasp. "Can you just drop it?" He quietly requested.

Y/n adamantly shook her head. "Absolutely not, pretty boy. You know, you're like the little boy in the playground who pulls the pigtails of the girl he likes." She continued a self-satisfying smirk on her face. She felt like she had won the lottery. Not many people got to defeat Spencer Reid.

He stood up, clearly wanting to feel superior to her by having a height advantage. Y/n did the same thing, not that it made her taller than him by any means.

"Drop it, Y/l/n." Spencer firmly stated with false confidence

Y/n was quick to call his bluff, not missing a beat. "Make me, Reid."

They were so close she could almost taste him. His cologne completely overwhelming her senses. It was all Spencer, a mix of old books, mahogany, expresso, and butterscotch.

The minute her eyes were locked on his, he knew he was ruined. There was no way, with those dangerously flirtatious eyes looking up into his, that he would be the same.

So, he made her drop it. Two hands anchored on her face, leaning in with so much force it pushed her head back. As soon as Y/n felt his lips on hers, she kissed him back, hands going up to hold his arms. And she kissed him with everything she had, all the passion from those stupid arguments.

Spencer pulled back eventually, smirking down at her. "I made you." He proudly boasted, moving his hands down to her waist.

"Make me again." Y/n requested quietly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Spencer didn't have a problem with that statement, quickly placing his lips back on hers.

Both of them were so caught up in it that they didn't notice Morgan opening the door to look for them, peering in enough to catch them kissing before shutting the door, ending up back in the hallway.

"Wow." He let out, completely shocked by what he'd seen. It was definitely not what he expected when Hotch told him to go and find a file.

Emily, in the hallway, let out a groan. “Are they fighting again?” She asked Morgan with a frown on her face.

“Worse, they’re kissing,” Morgan replied, still stunned. He was even surprised he was able to form sentences.

"They're what?" Emily immediately asked, her attention far more drawn to the door.

"Kissing," Morgan answered, opening the door widely so Emily could inspect. He knew the only way she would ever believe it was if she saw it for herself. There was no way he would have believed it.

She had no problem walking in and clearing her throat, making her presence known. Y/n and Spencer pulled away from each other, looking guiltier than they had earlier. Morgan followed her in, a smirk on his face.

"We leave you two alone for 15 minutes, and this is what happens?" Emily jokingly asked. Spencer just shrugged while Y/n's face heated up. Both of them felt like they were being interrogated.

Morgan couldn't stop sniggering. "You've got game, Reid. I got to hand it to you." He playfully shot Spencer, his eyes shifting between them.

"You're lucky it wasn't Hotch that came in here," Emily remarked, laughing at the mental image.

Spencer shrugged again. "Doesn't matter if you tell him. He won't believe you." Somehow, kissing a girl he liked had made him 100% more confident.

"Oh, he'll know." Emily disagreed with a giggle. Spencer's frown prompted her to continue. She gestured to Y/n. "Her lipstick is all over your lips."

Y/n nervously stared at the wall behind Emily and Morgan, trying to make them disappear. Spencer rolled his eyes at him, wiping the back of his hands over his lips. It still didn't reduce his slightly swollen lips.

"Oh." Spencer let out in realization. "Oh. That makes sense. It's actually genius, not as genius as me but genius nonetheless." He continued.

Everyone looked at him with frowns, no one understanding what Spencer was rambling about.

"The unsub." Spencer attempted to explain. Still, no one got it. "Y/n, what do you keep in your handbag?" He asked, turning to look at her.

Y/n looked at him with a weird look, but he didn't further explain. "Uh, my wallet, phone, keys, hair ties, mints." She started listing. "A pen, maybe a snack, lipstick."

"Lipstick!" Spencer declared, cutting her off and turning to look at Emily. "What about you?" He asked.

Emily caught on to what he was asking. "Yeah, probably lipstick as well, but what does that have to do with anything?" She asked in reply.

"Okay, stick with me. What did all the victim's bodies have with them?" Spencer asked, almost jumping up and down with how excited he was for unintentionally figuring it out. 

"Their handbags, go on, Reid." Morgan prompted, understanding he might have cracked the case.

Spencer nodded quickly. "Exactly, they all had their handbags, and I saw the contents." He continued. "Not a single one had lipstick."

Emily frowned at him again. "How do you know they didn't just not have lipstick?" She questioned.

"You both told me," Spencer mentioned, looking between the girls. "If you wear lipstick, then you keep one in your bag. More than half of them had lipstick residue on, but they didn't have it with them." He explained.

Y/n nodded as she caught on to what he was saying. "So, the unsub took them." She figured.

Spencer nodded back at her. "Exactly, it was his trophy! No one would suspect it because they would just look like his wife's." He continued to explain his theory. 

“We could easily put him away on that.” Morgan figured. “Let’s go tell Hotch, then we’ll search the wife’s things.” He established, turning back around to walk out the door. 

“Wait,” Y/n announced. “We’ll be there in a second.” She decided quietly, avoiding looking into her colleagues' eyes. 

Morgan shook his head, chuckling as he walked out of the room. Emily was quick to follow him, leaving the pair alone. 

Y/n didn’t waste a second tugging on Spencer’s tie and pressing her lips to his, roughly kissing him. Spencer indulged her in the kiss, despite the smirk on his face. 

He cupped her face as he pulled back. “That’s an odd thing to want to make out over.” He teased, unable to stop smirking at her. It was the first time he felt he had the upper hand. 

Y/n groaned at him, blushing as she rolled her eyes. “Shut up.” She requested. Spencer chuckled at her, and she glared at him. 

“Tell me if I’m wrong, but you’re attracted to my intellect.” Spencer correctly tried to profile. 

Despite his smirking, Y/n felt the need to continue boosting his ego. “And everything else about you.” Spencer’s face changed to a genuine smile, and she knew it was time to make him squirm. “Now, let’s go out there and put this guy away for murder so we can do more than kiss.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened, slowly grinning at her. “Who knew you could talk about a murderer so seductively?” He flirted back. 

Y/n rolled her eyes at him, pushing him towards the door. “Let’s go.” She instructed, purposefully not warning him that her lipstick was all over his lips. Hotch was going to find out anyway, so now that Spencer had cracked the case, she figured it was a good time. 

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[strawberryspence]

peace is next door

Fluff | Spencer Reid x FEM! Baker! Reader

Summary: Spencer finds peace in his next door neighbor, her cat and her baked goods.

Word Count: 2,3k.

Warnings: a few self doubt, nightmares, sleep deprivation, baked goods/food, one mention of tobias hankel.

Writer’s Note: Hello! This is my entry for the lovely, Emily’s ( @boldlyvoid ) writing challenge. Emily, I hope you love this! Congratulations on 2k, you deserve it. Its honestly a privilege to have had watch your blog grow and be one of your friends along the way. I love you! <333

Prompt: Character A has been sleep deprived forever, the first nightmare-free sleep they get is next to character B for the first time.

Gif is mine! <3

Baking has always been your way of thanking people around you. You bake cookies, brownies, cakes and pies as a simple thank you for the people who have been kind to you.

You look around your kitchen looking for your gloves as the smell of the chocolate brownies travel around the kitchen. A small ding sets from the egg timer your mom bought you when you were 15 alerts you that the brownies are done.

It has been so long, you had stopped counting how many baked goods you’ve made were for your genius, fbi neighbour, Spencer Reid. It was true that Spencer may not be the most athletic person that has lived in this building but it was always the little things.

Lending you his precious books, the long night talks through the window fire escape, taking care of you when you get sick, learning how to fix a dishwasher through the manual because your dishwasher won’t stop squeaking, the list doesn’t end and every thing is being paid in baked goods and Spencer can’t be more happy.

“Alpine, you need to get down from there. I need to open the oven, its going to be hot.” The black and white cat meows back at you as she climbs down the counter, hopping to the small table in your kitchen.

She meows again, “This is for Spencer. He’s coming home from a case and he’s usually in a bad mood when he comes home. I am hoping this cheers him up.”

Alpine meows again, as if she’s taunting you about cooking and baking for a man who didn’t return the same feeling, “Oh come on, Alpine. I just want to cheer him up.” If it was possible, the cat would’ve rolled her eyes on you.

The smell of the fresh brownies wafts over you as you take it out the oven, its top cracks showing its crunchiness, the cracks glisten with the chocolates melting inside it.

“Well, isn’t that gorgeous, this must have been one of the best brownies I’ve ever made.” You start cutting up the brownies into squares.

Alpine jumps at the counter, nuzzling her soft face into your hand, making you laugh, “How could I forget? Here’s your treat.” You give her a biscuit treat before petting her head, making her tail slowly wag.

A knock pulls you out the scene, Alpine looks at you with her big eyes, “That must be Spencer. I told him he should come by.” Alpine immediately jumps off the counter and struts to the door making you laugh again. The cat has never been friendly to anyone else but you. However, with Spencer she has always been the sweetest.

Peeping through the peephole, Spencer stands with his hair disheveled as always, another hand tightly clutching his satchel and another holding his travel bag.

“Hey. Come in!” Spencer gives you a soft smile and even that lights up his whole face, “How are you?” You ask as both of his bags falls in the floor with a plop.

“The case was rough. Kids were involved.” You hear him sigh as he drags himself to the kitchen table and sitting as Alpine jumps onto his lap. Nodding your head was the best answer, you will never know how hard his job is.

“Some of your brownies will make my night a bit better.” A giggle bubbles from you as you turn back on him with a plate of the brownies, “Well, here you go. I am starting to think you’re only friends with me because of my baking.”

Spencer laughs and suddenly your apartment feels more brighter, “I am friends with you because on November 17, 2018, you baked chocolate chip cookies at 3 in the morning and I can smell it over the hall.” You can only laugh as you marvel at the fact that Spencer can remember the first day you ever meet.

“Thank god, you were hungry enough to knock on my door to ask me for some. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.” You smile at him, making eye contact as Spencer eats his brownies, he smiles at the statement, his eyes following with it.

“Mine too. Derek and Penelope has been itching to meet the woman who’s making me gain weight for the last 3 years.” You smirk at the statement, you’ve heard stories about the team but have never met them, “Wow, when you tell stories about me is it always about the food?”

The kettle squeals, “Coffee? Tea? Warm Milk?” Spencer nods, “Coffee.”

You laugh at his answer, “Spencer, its 12:30 in the morning, drink coffee and you’ll never sleep.” He laughs, but you can hear the way he hesitates. You take two bags of chamomile tea from the box before sinking it to the steaming hot water.

“This is Chamomile.” Pushing over the cup of tea in front him together with the sugar jar and milk, “You’re having nightmares again?”

Spencer hums as answer, as he puts an absurd amount of sugar on his tea, “You okay?” He shrugs, “I’ll be okay. Its just nightmares, its not the worst thing that has happened to me.”

Before you can stop yourself, the words come spilling, “You want to sleep here?” The clink of his spoon falling from his grasp was the perfect answer to you. This was a line you shouldn’t’ve crossed.

“I— I— Nevermind. Pretend I—,” He cuts you off with a nod, making you shift on your sit, “I’ll stay over.” You nod, sipping the hot tea in your hands.

“I only have one bed.” You choke out. This was dumb, you felt dumb. How could you offer that when you don’t even have an extra bed? Spencer looks up from his tea.

“I can go home. Its not a long drive you know.” This makes you both laugh and apparently, gives you the confidence to let the next words tumble out, “You can sleep with me.” You immediately slap your hand over your mouth.

“I mean, with me. In my bed. Not, like sleep with me sex. Just sleep with me, beside me.” A smile is on Spencer’s face. Its not teasing or smug, just an amused smile at how much your babbling, “Maybe… your nightmares would get better…”

You honestly don’t know where you were going with the whole idea, but the walls are thin and your room was right next to his. It isn’t the best feeling when you wake up hearing your neighbor (who you actually were in love with) trashing and crying around and not being able to do anything.

“Okay.” Spencer hums, bringing the cup back to his lips, “Okay?” You ask him, unsure of how compliant he is to this random idea. He nods again, taking another bite to his second brownie.

You both sit in comfortable silence for a while. Spencer has never felt in peace in quiteness, this moment an exception.

A whole 10 minutes passed by before Spencer starts bubbling with information, “In one review of the current evidence, 10 to 12 cardiovascular patients are quoted as having fallen asleep shortly after consuming chamomile tea. A handful of other studies looking at clinical models also suggest that chamomile tea may help people relax.”

Giggling you put your cup down as he smiles nervously at you, “Is that your way of telling me your ready to go to bed?”

Spencer nods and you swear you’ve never seen him this shy, “Okay. I am going to clean up in here a bit. You know where my bathroom is, you can go wash up.” He nods before picking up his travel bag again and stalking to your bathroom. Alpine meows as she follows him.

After cleaning up, you turn off the few lights open in the kitchen and in your living room before making your way to your bedroom. It would be a lie to say that you weren’t nervous or your hands weren’t turning clammy, but this was worth every try you have.

You find Spencer sitting on the edge of your bed, wearing his pajamas. Alpine by his side as he pets her softly, lulling her to sleep, “Hey, I just need to change and brush my teeth. You can lay down. Alpine usually sleeps with me, she’ll probably snuggle against you.” You give him a soft smile as you remove your apron, a smile that brings him comfort more than anything. Spencer hums as an answer.

After changing and brush your teeth, you find Spencer tucked in your bed with Alpine on the foot of the bed, sleeping peacefully. You climb to the spot next to him before facing him.

“This isn’t too weird right?” Spencer laughs quietly, “No, its not.”

“I hear you. Every night, trashing and crying in your sleep.” You watch his face change into embarrassment to stoic, “I should move places.” He jokes but the air is too serious for you to laugh.

“Let’s try this once and hope it works.” You feel Spencer shuffling, his hands finding its rightful place in your waist, pulling you closer to him, “This okay?” You nod in response, letting his familiar perfume engulf you.

“Good night, Spencer.” Giving him a sweet kiss on his forehead before your head finds home in his chest, bringing you closer to his heart, “Good night, Y/N.”

-

Peace. Peace was hard to come by in sleep. Spencer never knew that it was possible to find peace in his sleep when it has always been plagued by the nightmares he experience in his everyday life.

Today was different, as the sunlight seeps into the window of your bedroom. The light hitting your face making your face softer, something he thought can’t be possible. He has always found the morning light, harsh and taunting, like it was laughing at him for having another sleepless night. But here he was, and there you are, giving everything in his life a different, a sweeter, definition.

Spencer feels your arms tightening around his waist, as your head feels heavy on his chest.

Peace. He’s felt it once, in that moment between life and death before Tobias Hankel revived him and now here, with you in his arms after a full nights sleep. You found beauty in his scars surrounded it with stars and sweet baked goods.

The room was completely quiet with the exception of the sound of cars passing by outside, birds chirping and the fall wind rustling against the window. Spencer looks around him, your eyes were still shut tight, Alpine is in the armchair quietly watching the birds through the window.

“I want this. I want you in my life,” Spencer tangles his hand through your hair, brushing it slowly, “You… you make me feel special and good. All these things that I still don't have the words for yet— good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.”

He stops, giving the crown of you head a kiss, “I am a genius but with you, I am always lost with words.”

“You deserve everything.” Spencer looks down in surprise, finding you wide eyed smiling at him. Your voice still quiet from the sleep, “I love you, Spencer. You deserve everything good in this world.”

Spencer wasn’t an emotional person, but his eyes fills with tears as he hears each word miraculously sew his heart back together, “Are you crying?” He can hear a hint of amusement and worry in your voice, making him wipe his tears immediately.

“Oh, sweetheart.” You smile, cupping his face in your hand as you wipe the tears in his eyes. Spencer is suddenly aware of how close you were to him, looking at your eyes and to your lips.

“Can I kiss you?” You don’t answer but you give him a smile before closing the gap between you and him.

The kiss was slow, soft and just like everything you are, sweet. Spencer holds you in his arms, scared that if he lets go you’ll melt away from him. Your hands were still cupping his face, carefully guiding the kiss. It was everything Spencer thought it would be but at the same time not even in his wildest dreams would he imagined this was possible.

“I love you too.” Spencer pulls away from the kiss to tell you the three little words he’s been holding back for almost three years now.

“I know you do. You love my cookies too much for you to not be in love with me.” Spencer smiles, laughing as he gives your forehead a kiss. Alpine jumps from the chair to your bed, nuzzling in between the two of you.

“Did you sleep well? I didn’t hear you wake up last night.” You smile up at him, your eyes beaming with joy as you pet Alpine and as she nuzzles closer to your touch. Spencer wishes his phone has a camera because he wants to take a picture of this moment, frame it and put it in his desk at work.

“I slept well.” He answers, quietly, enjoying the comfortable feeling. You nod with a smile and Spencer hasn’t always been the best at deciphering emotions but at this moment he can see the relief in your face, “I guess you’ll be sleeping more often with me.”

“Do you want anything in exchange?” He teases, making you roll your eyes, “Take me on a date, you dork.”

“I was planning to ask.” Alpine meows and you both laugh, “Yes, Alpine. You can come, baby.”

His heart steadies as his mind works to find the right word to describe whatever he was feeling. Spencer watches you pet Alpine and talk to her, glancing up at him every other minute and giving his lips a quick peck whenever you want to.

Spencer smiles, his body well rested, his mind in peace and his heart full. Home.

-

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[reidslibrarybook]

Just as Scared as You

Couple - Spencer x fem!reader

Warnings - Language, allusion to sex, very cliché, insecurities, past trauma with douchy ex-bfs, not proofread cuz I'm hella lazy

Summary - Continuation of 3x15 In Heat. Where does mutual pining and self-sabotage get you with an infatuated Dr. Reid?

Category - hurt/comfort :(

Word Count - 8.7k

A/N - This is for @boldlyvoid 2k challenge, congrats to you and your luscious locks bestiiieeee. This is also the longest thing I've ever written. I’m convinced it’s just me rambling lmao but um, new milestone? Also, the wording isn’t exactly the same as the episode but… yuh.

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—————————————-

Spencer slammed the car door while wiping at the beads of sweat that began to form on his forehead, “Is it always this hot?”

Derek followed him, eyeing three women walking by in front of them, “Every day, all day.”

“That’s South Beach,” Rossi mirrored his actions.

“Th- that’s not what I was talking about.”

Hotch came around behind the young genius, “They know.” Reid shook his head, annoyed by the suggestive words of his colleagues. The team began to walk to the door when they were stopped by two women walking out as passing men gawked at them.

You walked out into the sweltering weather of Florida in the summer, your forehead glistening from the slight sheen of perspiration that sat on top of your skin. It wasn’t unattractive by any means… if anything, the reflection of the sun on your forehead only served to illuminate your stunning features. Spencer couldn’t take his eyes off of you as his much more suave colleague couldn’t take his eyes off the woman next to you.

The Latina woman reached her hands towards Derek, “FBI? Detective Lopez.”

Derek happily took her hand, “Morgan, Derek.”

“Tina.”

The two of them continued to stare intensely at each other until you cleared your throat, “Oh um, this is Detective Y/N Y/L/N.”

You smiled politely and acknowledged the overlooked doctor to the left of Morgan, “I’m glad you guys could make it.” His cheeks began to flush more than they already were in the hot Miami sun at the eye contact with you.

“Well, where can we set up, detectives?” Hotch reached his hand out to move the conversation along since the two pairs of you were too infatuated with each other to remember why the BAU was there in the first place.

You took his hand, cringing slightly at the feeling of both your sweaty palms connecting, “Right, sorry. This way.” You turned your attention away from the lanky agent before you and motioned for the team to follow you into the dry, air-conditioned precinct.

Spencer couldn’t understand the appeal of fixation with another person… before he met you. It felt almost, chemical. But it wasn't purely physical. It was like every part of his body yearned for you in an inconceivable way. Maybe it was the attention you gave him or your eye-catching beauty, there was nothing about you that screamed ordinary. He followed you timidly as you led the team towards a room that they could use while Lopez and Morgan were practically eye-fucking each other.

You and Spencer chuckled in sync when they were reminded that they were there to find a serial killer, not to undress each other with their eyes. The two of you locked gazes when your hand brushed over his in your attempt to reach for a file across the desk. Your contact sent a shiver up his spine, an electric shock spreading through his body.

You excited all the atoms that made up his body and made his enchantment with you even stronger. He couldn’t look away from you no matter how many people were watching the interaction, you were breathtaking— even under the pale, fluorescent light of the precinct.

You looked at him with wide eyes as you felt cheeks heat up with a heat you’ve never felt before regardless of all the Miami sun you had been exposed to. He was different from all the men you were used to being around. Spencer was kind, considerate, soft-spoken, amongst so many other things. He was unprecedented compared to your no-good exes— they never cared or gave you anything after all the time and love you poured into your relationship.

The one thing they did leave with you though, was a broken, scarred heart. They left you afraid of commitment and wary of anyone that ever came close to you. You always thought that the next was different than the last, but you were also always wrong. The pain that manifested itself after each horrible breakup left trails of burning tears that spread the feeling through your whole body.

All of your last relationships left your heart wanting more while your mind wanted less, distancing you from anything it deemed as a potential hazard— basically anyone your heart beat quicker for.

You quickly withdrew your hand which sent a pang to Spencer’s heart… were you disgusted by his touch? He shook it off thinking that you had an aversion to germs similar to him. Sure, it was wishful thinking, but the hope kept him going.

The rest of the day, Spencer tried his best to talk to you. His efforts were sorely wasted after you avoided him throughout the few days that he and the team were working in Miami. You’d walk out of any rooms he entered or talk to anyone who wasn’t him. He assumed you also told Detective Lopez to talk to him in your stead, he could tell since her speech patterns changed when she talked to him. They were fairly similar to yours.

It wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to, he was acclimated to the idea of being uninteresting. The idea was introduced to him when he became an outcast and child prodigy, all he had to rely on was his intelligence. It got him far, but life was much more than his achievements on a piece of paper that didn’t account for his personality, aspirations, humor, or anything else that differentiated him from a search engine.

He was disappointed. But much like the rest of his prior ‘rejections’, he’d get over them… with time.

—————————————-

“Really… ‘skinny kid’?”

“You heard that?” You nodded, “Oh come on, it’s what he looks like.” She shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee.

You rolled your eyes as she nudged your shoulder, “You like him don’t you?”

“What?”

“Skinny kid, you like him.”

“N- no I don’t.”

“Mhm.” She looked at you accusingly while staring at you passed her coffee cup.

You cleared your throat, “So how was your night with Derek?”

“He was bigger than I thought he’d be. I barely made it into the precinct without stumbling over,” she chuckled nonchalantly. She got the gist, catching your move to change the subject so she wouldn’t fixate on your failed attempts at a love life.

“Tina! There are people around us.”

“Y/N, when have you ever known me to care about what other people think of me?”

You sighed, “I thought you had a rule about not fraternizing with guys on the job.”

“The rule doesn’t apply to guys like him… guys with dicks as big as his.”

“Oh, god,” you shook your head jokingly. The two of you sat there while silence filled the air. You could tell she wanted to dig further into your feelings for the socially inept man with unruly hair, but chose not to. She didn’t want to infect any wounds that refused to close after she tried to help you stitch them up.

You looked up from your coffee cup to meet her peering eyes. You sighed, “Yes I like him.”

She laughed humorlessly while she pulled you in from the side, “That’s not a bad thing, Y/N.”

“It is for me. You know that Anthony treated me like shit and Drew cheated on me for 7 months and Dylan emotionally manipulated me and…” you started to tear up as a wave of emotion that made you feel like you were reliving the past washed over you, “Well, you know the rest.”

She trodded towards you slowly after you pulled away from her as a self-defense mechanism, “He seems nice and I doubt he’d hurt you like that.”

“That’s what I said for Anthony and Drew and Dylan and-”

“Okay, okay. I surrender.”

You laughed, “I’m just saying, Tina. How- how do I know he’ll be different if I’ve thought the same thing for every guy that’s ever hurt me. I want more than the flings and one-night stands that I can barely remember. I- I want somebody to love me like I loved Anthony, Drew, and Dylan, but I can’t let myself get hurt again.”

“I know, Y/N. I can’t tell you what to do or what to think, it all depends on you. If you feel like you want him enough to take the risk, then do it. If not… then continue on with what you’ve been doing for the last two years. You know there’s always room in my bed if you need a shoulder to cry on. Well, maybe a little less now that Derek’s here, but you’re welcome to join regardless,” she wiggled her eyebrows at you.

“Ew, Tina. You know he’s not my type.”

“Yeah, because you only have eyes for the skinny kid.”

“Ugh. His name is Spencer and I do no-” Before you could finish your sentence, she walked away leaving you to sort out your feelings on your own. She was always the ‘throw them in the deep end’ kind of friend and you always appreciated that— she made you think through things thoroughly without any outside influence. You knew she was always there to support you but you were ultimately the one callings the shots, the one in control. Something you didn’t feel very often in your past.

—————————————-

“Hey, kid!” Spencer turned around to see Derek walking hand in hand with Penelope. He was in the midst of cleaning up and getting ready to hop on the jet to Quantico. Obviously, those plans seem to have been halted.

“Garcia?”

Her heels clicked on the floor as she made her way over to him and was engulfed in a breathtaking hug, ruffling his hair in the process. “Hi, Pretty Boy.”

He smiled and returned her affection, thankful to get one of her hugs after your particularly precedent, but painful nonetheless, rejection. “What are you doing here?”

“She hopped on a commercial flight here since Hotch decided we could stay for an extra 3 days.”

Spencer’s consciousness almost left this body and traveled to whatever afterlife awaited him, “He what?”

Garcia pulled away from him and began to pack his things, “I may or may not have hacked the system and given us all 3 days off so we could enjoy the sun in this beautiful weather.”

“What you consider beautiful weather I consider to be my own personal hell,” Spencer sighed.

“C’mon, kid. Lighten up. We’re gonna have fun.”

“Correction. You’re going to have fun with Detective Lopez.”

“Oh, I’ve already had all my ‘fun’ with her last night. The next three days will just be a continuation.” Spencer rolled his eyes, of course, he was stuck in the same city as you for three more excruciatingly long days.

“I’m going to the hotel, it’s getting late and I’m tired.”

“Mhm,” Penelope looked over to Derek confused as he made the comment with a skeptical tone, “You sure you’re going to sleep, or are you gonna think about Detective Y/L/N?”

Reid spun around quickly, his voice jumping on a trampoline to reach a higher octave, “What are you getting at?”

“I’m just sayin’ man, you got it bad for her.”

“What? When did this happen? Boy genius, tell me everything,” Garcia jumped into Derek’s accusatory monologue with Spencer, insistent on being up to date on every and all personal details of the team’s social lives— not that he had much of one. She eagerly flew to Spencer’s side, eyeing him to make sure he would tell her everything.

“Nothing’s happened,” he sighed, “Certainly nothing with Y/L/N.”

“Kid…”

Spencer swatted Derek’s lame attempt to comfort his insecurities, “Don’t ‘kid’ me. She’s not interested and that’s fine, she just didn’t have to be such a… a bitch about it.” The three of them turned around when they heard a scoff echo from the doorway. He face-palmed himself internally when he realized the exasperated sound came from you.

“So I’m a bitch for wanting to focus on a case that revolved around a serial killer killing men every 24 hours?” You were glad that you hadn’t engaged with him simply because he seemed nice.

He walked up to you, “Were you eavesdropping on a private conversation?”

“No, I was going to walk in to get my files and finish my paperwork. Though I must say, I didn’t think that something taking place behind a barely closed door was considered a ‘private conversation’,” you mocked.

“Well you shouldn’t have stayed either way,” he turned around and finished packing his things, brushing past you before you yanked his bag backward to keep him from escaping the heated tension in the room.

“You’re not going to apologize?”

He looked down at you and lowered himself to look you straight in the eye menacingly, “Why would I apologize… for telling the truth?” His ‘innocent’ tone was enough to send you over the edge. Before you could get another word in, he smirked and walked away from you while praising himself

Your attention was turned to the two spectators as Garcia piped up from behind, “H- he’s not always like um…”

“What? A dick?”

Derek began to walk to you, “He didn’t mean it.”

“Sure he didn’t. If he wants to blame his own undertakings on me for focusing on an imminent case, then that’s on him. People were dying and I made a choice to prioritize them rather than swooning over his little touches or looks or whatever.” You shook your head and walked out of the room to meet up with Tina who was most likely going to ditch you for another round with Derek.

Your heart was disappointed but your mind was prideful, you were right about him being a dickwad like the rest of your exes. At least you wouldn’t be hurt… right?

—————————————-

Wrong.

He wasn’t hurting your heart… he was hurting your brain. For some reason, Hotch and the rest of the team decided to stay an extra 4 days in addition to the 3. Extending your hell from 3 long days to a whole week of it. The death glares you got from Spencer certainly weren’t helping your rising annoyance.

Tina had been dragging you along to every team gathering since Derek invited her and she didn’t want to be alone— like Derek would ever consider leaving her side after all the fun they’d been having. You begrudgingly went to every dinner, lunch, and meeting that took place while the team stayed in Miami. You had been looking forward to the end of the third day of their stay so you would never have to hear Spencer’s incessant rambling ever again, but you were blindsided when Derek had announced that the team would be staying another four days. You could tell that Spencer was just as disappointed as you.

You were petty and just as annoying as him… if not more.

If he was going to make your life a living hell, might as well return the favor. Every comment he made you rebutted with an even snarkier comment. At one point, the two of you had come to a mutual agreement that had never been discussed verbally. You both aimed to share the pain with Tina and the rest of the team since it was their fault for the longer vacation.

It was day 4 of the seemingly neverending nightmare. Tina and Derek, the unofficial tour guides, decided on a beach day. Everyone knew that they just wanted to see each other soaked from the salted ocean water while basically wearing nothing even though they had seen each other without their clothes on multiple occasions. No one had the energy to argue with them, choosing not to provoke the horny monsters inside of them.

Aside from the pain in the ass who was also known as Spencer Reid, you were enjoying your time with the BAU women. Emily was almost an exact replica of Tina while JJ reminded you of your mom and Penelope was like a sister to you. They chose to stay out of your aversion to Spencer to avoid any awkward silences when they could.

You stepped out of the car after Emily parked the car and silently made your way over to the beach chairs that the rest of the team had set up. You placed your bag down as you gagged at the PDA from the two ‘lovebirds’— ironic since neither of them were willing to give up their freedom for commitment.

You turned around when you heard someone angry grumbling from behind you. It was Spencer struggling to make his way to the chairs as he continued to sink down into the sand while he attempted to walk with disposable shoe coverings on his sandals. You laughed.

He looked towards you, “What are you laughing at?”

“You.”

“And what's so funny about me?”

“Nothing… just that you’re on a beach walking with those over your feet.”

“I-” he paused to grasp at straws, trying to figure out anything to say to save himself from the embarrassment of losing to you, “I don’t want any of the bacteria in the sand that’s come from the water to touch my feet.”

You shook your head, “Doesn’t look like you’re doing a very good job.” You nodded your head towards his feet as he looked down to see that he had sunk down further, allowing sand to enter into his bright blue covering. He clumsily made his way over to the closest chair and sat down, haphazardly pulling his coverings off his feet. He swatted at his sandals to get as much sand as he could off of them.

“I don’t know why you’re here if you can’t handle a bit of sand.”

“I can handle a lot of things, detective.”

You crossed your arms, “Is that so, agent?”

Spencer growled at the lack of his honorific. He stood up, the thought of all the harmful microbes in the sand completely leaving his mind. He towered over you, “It is. The question is, what can you handle?”

You scoffed, “A hell of a lot more than you can.”

“Didn’t seem like you could handle me telling you the truth a couple of days ago.” You looked away, not wanting to admit defeat while your mind came up empty of comebacks. Your lips turned into a pout as he turned your face back to him with his hands on your chin.

He gave you a pitiful look and continued in a jeering tone, “What? Can’t take a joke?”

“The fact that I’m taking time out of my day to talk to you,” you looked him up and down slowly, “shows that I can.” Neither of you backed down or realized how close the two of you had actually gotten.

The only thing that popped your bubble of fiery tension was an ‘ugh’ that came from behind Spencer. Emily walked by the two of you, “There they go again.”

“When are they ever going to stop going at each other's throats?” Garcia walked with JJ, whispering in a way that let the two of them overhear her opinion. JJ shook her head and sighed.

“You hear that, Reid? Stop going at my throat.”

“ME?” He raised his voice at you, growling at you, “You should control your temper so I wouldn’t have to go at your throat to shut you up.”

“Like you could get me to do anything.”

He scoffed, “I could have you in the palm of my hand with one touch.”

“And what kind of touch would that be?”

Spencer smiled as he began to pout mockingly, a smirk beginning to form on the corner of his mouth. “The kind where you’re choking on my-”

He was interrupted by a booming voice, “When are you two gonna give it up?” Spencer turned around to find Derek tiredly walking up to stop what he assumed was the seed of another argument. Your face was burning from the physical rays of the sun and the imagined rays of Spencer’s out-of-pocket words. He looked back at you, knowing that he had won, and stalked away for some refreshments.

You eventually recovered from the somewhat embarrassing loss that occurred when you first arrived. You left the chair and went towards the BAU women with your tail in between your legs. They most likely sensed your apprehension and suggested that all of you go take a dip in the nippy ocean. You happily agreed, thankful that they didn’t press the situation further.

“Damn.”

You looked up at JJ as you took your cover-up off, “What?”

“She’s just saying that you look good is all,” Penelope shared. You smiled, flustered from the compliment from the beautiful blonde.

“Would you leave Will for Y/N?” Emily inquired.

“I’m considering it,” she chuckled in response. You laughed in tandem with them and headed towards the beach.

Spencer was sitting under an umbrella that provided very little shade for the rest of his body.

“Kid, it’s hot. Go take a swim or somethin’.”

“I’m good Derek. You don’t know how many microorganisms can get lodged into your hair or other parts of your body from the natural flowing current. You know, some of them are even harmful and can cause-”

“Alright, alright. Suit yourself, but you’re gonna burn up here.” Spencer shrugged and continued reading. He was too prideful to admit it but Derek was right. His exposed legs were burning under the sun and the heat was almost unbearable— it was so hot that it felt cold.

He stood up to aerate his body by walking in place when he saw you emerge from the water like someone would from a movie. You took your hands and ran them over your head to smooth back your wet hair as water ran down your whole body. He couldn’t avert his gaze from the valley between your chest as the droplets of water glistened in the blazing sun.

Much like other people, your swimsuit was skimpy— barely covering your top and bottom half which left very little to the imagination. The other women popped up behind you and began to talk to you which made a large grin appear on your face. Your beautiful smile shined brighter than the sun and stunned Spencer, so much so that he didn’t realize that Hotch had come up behind him.

“Reid.”

He jumped, startled, “S- sir um, H- hotch. H- hi.”

���I’m going home early to spend time with Jack and Rossi’s coming with me. The rest of you still have time off so make the most of your time here. I can only hold Strauss off for so long so be back on time.” He turned around to walk away before he stopped and turned back around, “And tell Garcia… No. More. Extensions.”

Spencer timidly nodded as he realized that he just exposed himself to his boss who could see right through his charade. What he didn’t realize was that you were just as drawn to him as he was you. From the shore, you were eyeing him up and down.

Though he didn’t have much meat to him, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t nice to look at. You adored his longer hair, especially now since it was tied up in the back. He was wearing shorts and only shorts as his toned torso was uncovered for the world to see.

“When are you just going to admit that you don’t hate him?”

You sighed, recognizing the voice to be Emily’s, “I do hate him… there’s nothing else to admit.” “Yeah, besides the fact that you wanna fuck him.”

“God, you’re exactly like Tina. I do not want to fuck him and I never will.”

“You’re saying that now.”

You laughed as you headed closer towards the beach and away from the deep waters, “And I will continue to say it for the rest of my life.” You walked up towards the beach chair that had your towel on it, you took it and you dried yourself off while Spencer’s eyes bulged out of his head. He sat still trying to focus on his book but how could he when your practically bare ass was next to his face. His face reddened as the blood also rushed to another place. He started to heat up ten times faster than he did before until he was cooled off by a rush of cold water that came from above.

He stood up quickly while trying his hardest to get any excess water off himself and his book, “What the fuck?”

You gasped quietly, “Reid. I- I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“Look, Reid. I may not like you but I would never intentionally ruin your book.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” he hissed. He quickly gathered his things and left in a hurry, leaving you stranded with your guilt.

You meant it.

You didn’t have any ulterior motives at all. You took out a water bottle from the cooler and tried to open it. Your feats were unsuccessful since you didn’t get one sip of water before it all landed on the genius’ lap.

You looked back to see if you could find him and apologize again but he was gone. You didn’t know why you felt so bad since he had been a pain since he came. Maybe it was because you didn’t want to ruin any of his things, or maybe it was because you actually did like him… but you’d never admit the latter.

—————————————-

You walked past the rows of doors until you stopped at number 437, the room of the one and only Spencer Reid. You stood there for what seemed like hours, debating whether or not you should brave the lion’s den. The decision was made for you when the door swung open, revealing the genius’ leisure attire— sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt with a periodic table joke printed on the front.

“What do you want?” That was the first time you had seen him with glasses. A layer of fog covered the inside as he breathed heavily at your presence.

“I um, I just wanted to apologize.”

“You don’t need to, I know you did it on purpose.”

You opened your mouth to start another argument with him until you were stopped by a little part of your conscience that was telling you to apologize. “No, Reid, I didn’t. It was an accident, truly. I would never want to ruin one of your books, especially one that important to you.”

He quirked his eyebrows. “How did you know that?”

“Oh. I um, I learned a lot from you and your team when we were working the case and I guess I picked up a couple of profiling skills along the way.” The two of you stood in silence as he looked for any sign of insincerity but he couldn’t find one.

You reached into your bag and pulled out the same book you ruined hours before. “I got you a replacement one and I know that it’s not the same but you can just read this for now while I pay for the real one to get fixed. I’m so so sorry, Reid. I really am.” He looked at you with a sneaking suspicion that you had ill intent but decided to trust you anyways.

He took the book from your hands and went back inside his room, leaving his door open while you waited outside. Spencer came back quickly with the book you destroyed. “Get it fixed and give it back to me.”

You looked at him and nodded without a word, taking the book from his hand and giving him one final glance. “I’m sorry, again.”

You left down the hall leaving Spencer with the newly printed book in his hand. He closed the door and plopped himself down on his bed. He was surprised that you realized how important that book was to him, it was one that his dad gave him when he was still around. He may loathe the man, but he was still his father.

Spencer took the book with him as a reminder of the things he had overcome and how strong he was— fitting since the book was Dante’s Divine Comedy. The whole story was about Dante overcoming and witnessing the horrors of the world, ultimately overcoming them and finding his true love.

The first two portions of the book rang true to his life while the third was a pipe dream of sorts. He wished that he had a true love or that he had the potential of finding one, but the odds of something that great happening to him was slim to nothing— at least it was in his mind. He realized that he was constantly undermining himself and letting his insecurities eat away at him from the inside. He worked on loving himself and it worked, but everyone had limits.

Maybe you didn’t really do it on purpose. It wasn’t that big of a deal besides the fact that you practically rendered his original manuscript, the only token of his father’s love that eventually faded, unreadable. Though, it was surprising that you could even pinpoint that it was his most cherished book. Sure it had a worn spine and all, otherwise, it wasn’t exactly easy to tell.

He shook his head and opened up the new copy, flipping through the pages and basking in the scent of the pages and the crisp paper. He stopped at the spot where he left off as his eyes began zooming through the words. He continued reading but it was like he couldn’t absorb any of the words… because even the thought of you was too stubborn to leave his mind.

—————————————-

You ran your hands down the sides of your body to smooth down the dress you decided on wearing to the team outing. You and Tina weren’t a part of the BAU but it felt like it since the two of you were spending so much time with them.

They were welcoming, not that Tina wasn’t. You had been wanting to leave Miami for quite some time, but you didn’t have anywhere to go. You didn’t want to leave Tina and you didn’t have anyone else… so you stayed.

But the more time you spent with the team, the more you were interested in the job. It was something new and you’d have to go back to school but it was worth it if you could do what they did.

You walked into the club as the blaring music almost obliterated your eardrums. You looked around until you spotted Penelope waving her arm at you rapidly. Giggles escaped your lips as you walked over to the little booth Tina and the team had saved.

“Y/N! Hi baby!” She clung to your arm and dragged you to sit by her side, “I’m ssssoooooo gladd you’re heree! I loveee you soo muchh! Oh. I was telling them about how you wanted to go to the academy and hopefulllyyyyy join the team!” She hiccuped, your eyes wandering to find Tina’s. You looked at her pitifully, you felt guilty for wanting to leave.

She raised her shot glass to make a toast, “Finally, she’s leaving the nest!” She gave you an approving and loving glance as she waited for everyone to raise their glass with her. You smiled shyly and raised the drink that JJ had slid over to you a few moments before.

The sound of clinking glass filled your ears as everyone sipped their drink, grimaces appeared on everyone’s faces. All of them except you and Reid left the booth to go dancing. It was awkward but you couldn’t help but admire the way he looked. His hair still tied back as small strands fell and framed his chiseled face while his shirt wasn’t buttoned up all the way.

He looked up from his drink and met your eyes. “What are you looking at?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just um, you look nice.”

“Um, thank you.” You nodded quietly before Tina pulled you out of the booth and onto the dance floor. You looked back at Spencer and he seemed… disappointed.

“Tina, what are you doing?”

“I’m getting you to let loose a little bit. You’re so wound up.” She began dancing in front of you, using her eyes to urge you to do the same. You reluctantly started to sway your hips while the silence between the two of you somehow overpowered the overwhelming music. Guilt was all you felt when you looked at her.

“Now come on. Don’t give me that look, Y/N. Just dance and have fun for once in your life.” You chuckled as you swayed your hips with her. Derek, JJ, Emily, and Penelope eventually made their way over to you, all of you dancing together to the beat of the music.

Spencer couldn’t keep his eyes off you like before. His opinion of you changed when your kind gesture juxtaposed his negative view of you. No matter how much he tried not to, he couldn’t stop thinking about you… about the future he could have with you if the two of you were together.

As more and more time went on, he realized that he was Dante and you were his Beatrice. It may have been too soon to tell for certain, but he knew that he liked you— he liked you a lot more than anyone else he had a ‘crush’ on. It may have been his rose-colored imagination, but he knew he wanted something with you.

You screamed over the overwhelmingly loud music, “I’m going to get a drink. Do any of you want one?” Everyone shook their heads as they continued to dance in between hordes of sweaty people. You made your way out of the dance floor and towards the bar, ordering a drink and waiting for it to arrive.

“Hey, baby. You look stunning tonight.” You turned to the source of the unwanted compliment to see a tall man with a devious smile on his face. “Can I buy you a drink, baby?”

“No, thanks. I- I already ordered one.”

“That’s alright, just bring your drink over to my little table over there and we can get to know each other. Maybe we can get closer, close enough for you to come home with me tonight.” He continued to lean into you, his whiskey-infused breath causing you to cringe.

“No, I’m good.” You looked him straight in the eye as he realized that you were a no-go. He sighed and walked away, mumbling something like ‘your loss’. You scoffed and picked up the drink that the bartender placed in front of you.

After a sip or two, you leaned over and asked the bartender to keep an eye on the drink for you while you went to the bathroom. They nodded and you hopped off the stool, your heels clicking as you made your way there.

You came back a couple of minutes later to see Spencer sitting right next to the stool you sat at minutes before. He was drinking his club soda while not-so-secretly looking over at your drink.

You padded over and got back onto the stool. “Spencer?”

He was startled by your sudden return. “H- hi. I’m um, I’m here for another drink.”

“Right,” you chuckled, “Were you also watching my drink for me?”

“Um. I just, it was right there and I thought that it wouldn’t hurt to stay a little bit longer until you got back.”

“I asked the bartender to watch it for me.”

He turned his stool towards you, “Well, the bartender looks busy. I wouldn’t be surprised if they missed someone slipping something into your drink. I also wouldn’t be surprised if that someone was that creepy guy who came up to you earlier.”

He was watching you, interesting. “That’s fair. Thank you, by the way. For um, watching my drink.”

“Yeah, sure.” He got off the stool and walked back to the booth hastily. You smiled to yourself. It was a stupid decision to leave your drink unattended, though you didn’t exactly realize it in your tipsy stupor. It was a sweet gesture, one that told you a lot about him.

He cared about your well-being enough to get up from his spot and sit next to your drink. Maybe it was something he would have done for anyone, but the act was much kinder, sweeter than anything anyone had done for you before.

He cared.

Your mind was left in a whirlwind thinking about Spencer… thinking about how screwed you were.

The rest of the night progressed normally with the team, you, and Tina drinking and dancing. You were still creeped out by the guy that approached you earlier and decided against drowning yourself in liquor like you usually would.

When the time came for everyone to go home, you were the only one that was sober enough to hail a cab. Tina and Derek wanted to leave in a separate car, probably so they could warm up before they started their activities for that night. The only other cab that was available was one that was shared with the passenger seat taken and the three back seats open.

You ushered JJ, Emily, and Penny in, letting them go home first. Spencer had left much earlier, or at least that’s what you thought. A jacket was draped over your shoulders, you turned around as shock was written all over your face. Luckily, it was Spencer’s coat that he had kindly placed on you.

“I- I thought you left.”

“No, I just went for a walk outside. It was too stuffy in there. Where’s everyone else?”

“I sent them home. There weren’t enough seats so I let them go home first.”

“And you’re waiting outside. Alone. In the dark. Where anyone could sneak up on you and kidnap you?”

You chuckled, “You’re so cynical.”

“I’m sure you’ve seen more than a few cases like that in your time as a detective. What makes you think it wouldn’t happen to you?”

“I- I’ve never had someone look out for me before, aside from Tina, so I do a lot of stupid shit and I- I just don’t want to think that I could get hurt. This life, a life where I fuck random people and find murderers and live alone is all I’ve ever known.”

“Y/N.”

“I only have me and th- that’s enough.” You started to tear up, realizing what you had said. You bared your heart out to him, something you didn’t do— not even with Tina. It scared you.

“I thought that too, but I opened up. You’re not alone. Y- you can let people in.”

You scoffed, “Who? You?”

“M- maybe, yes?”

“N- no. I- I don’t want you. I don’t want to let you in or anyone else. I don’t need you.”

“I didn’t say you did.”

“You implied that I need help. You called me a bitch. God, you’re just like every other man. You pretend to care and pay attention but all you’re really here for is sex. All you do is want to fuck me.”

“No, Y/N-”

“No, you wanna know what I think? I think that you’ve always been overlooked and ignored and picked last. So when someone finally notices you, you fall in love with the idea of them. That’s all you’ll ever be, Spencer… second best. I don’t want you. So whatever plan you have to ‘win me over’ isn’t going to work. I know men like you, I know who you are.”

He looked at you stunned by your heart-wrenching words. “You’re wrong, you don’t know me, Y/N. You don’t know who I am or what my intentions are. I don’t know you either. I thought I did, but I don’t. I never imagined you to be so… so hurtful.” Tears formed in his eyes as he took in your cruel words, “I- I do like you but not because I wanted to have sex with you. I liked you because you seemed kind and dedicated, you proved me wrong. I was trying to protect myself that day in the station. You seemed uninterested so I did my best to make myself hate you, but I never could. When you offered to have my book fixed, I thought you liked me back. I- all I wanted was to try to get closer to you so I could see if you were truly interested. That was all I wanted. B- but I get it now, you don’t want me. That’s fine, but you didn’t have to be so cruel.”

The cab conveniently pulled up to the curb as he opened the door and flung himself in. “Spencer! Wait I- fuck.”

The car drove away, leaving you stranded holding the pieces of your and Spencer’s heart.

—————————————-

“Package for Y/N Y/L/N.” You walked over to your front door and opened it, a delivery man stood there holding a box with the word ‘fragile’ stamped on it. You didn’t know what it was since you hadn’t ordered anything recently.

You cautiously opened the box and found a rectangular object wrapped in bubble wrap. After peeling off all the layers of what seemed like USPS’ version of a Russian nesting doll, you got to the core… it was Spencer’s book, the one that you sent away to be fixed. A sigh escaped from you as you opened a drawer in your kitchen and placed the book inside.

“What’s got you looking like that?” Tina sat up from the couch and walked over to you, examining the cardboard box and abundance of bubble wrap.

“Nothing.”

“Mhm,” she said as she reached down into the drawer that housed his book. She flipped through the pages with her wine glass still in her, landing on the back cover that dawned the words ‘for Spencer’.

She looked at you knowingly. “You screwed up, both of us know that. But you can make this right.”

“No. I can’t. He hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Well, I would hate myself if I said that to myself.”

She rubbed your arm comfortingly. “Y/N, you were scared. Just go to him and apologize.”

“He’s in Virginia.”

“Then hop on a plane and go see him.” You hesitated to say something back to her. “Y/N, I know you’re scared of letting yourself love someone, but you really want this. I know you do.”

“I don’t even know if he’d make me happy, Tina. I barely know him, all I know is that I like him because he’s cute and nice.”

“That’s why you have to see him again, to get to know him. You wanted to join the BAU anyways, what’s stopping you from going besides your commitment issues, hm?”

You looked away from her and down towards your feet. “I don’t want to leave you.”

She sighed, “You’re not leaving me, you’re going after what you want. I’m happy for you whether or not you stay. Plus, it’s not like you won’t get to see me. Derek and I are planning on meeting up every time we can. You’d be able to see me whenever I’m in Quantico.”

“You’re going to visit Derek?”

“Yes?”

“What happened to ‘I don’t need no man’?”

She chuckled lightly, “He’s different, and stop changing the subject. Just go see him.”

“What if he doesn’t forgive me?”

“Then screw him.”

You laughed, the two of you shaking your heads. “Okay, I- I’ll go.”

“Good. I already called Penelope and booked us a flight for tomorrow at 7 in the morning.”

“What? How… how did you-”

“I know you. Now, let’s get you all packed up and ready to go.” She placed her now empty glass of wine down and dragged you into your bedroom. You sat on the bed as she started throwing things from your closet, packing for you as if you were hitting all the clubs and bars in Virginia. You took over, putting back all the mini dresses she grabbed and replacing them with casual clothing.

You couldn’t go to bed knowing that you’d have to face Spencer later the next day so Tina decided to calm your nerves by watching your favorite tv show with you.

—————————————-

The two of you stepped into the Quantico airport and were greeted by Derek. Tina lunged at him while you were stuck being the third wheel in a sense. He politely grabbed all the bags and put them in the car while you and Tina got into the vehicle.

“So, Y/L/N. You goin’ to see Reid today?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“Yes, she’s going to see him today,” Tina blurted, tired of you delaying your inevitable confrontation.

“But-”

“No buts. We’re going to drop our things off at the hotel and then we’re driving straight to the BAU HQ.” You knew better than to argue with her and nodded your head.

You were going to face him… it was going to happen.

The car ride was quiet aside from the insanely loud horniness of the two people in the front seats of the car. Derek pulled into the parking lot and walked the two of you inside to get visitor passes.

Your hands began to shake as soon as you stepped into the elevator, tightly gripping Spencer’s book in your hands. You looked down to see that your hands began to sweat, so you wiped each of them down to prevent the book from getting damaged again.

“Wait! Where are you two going?” You grabbed Tina’s hand, afraid to let go and go in alone.

“I’m going to go show her my office and you need to get your man.” You pleaded by giving them both a pitiful look which they brushed off.

You began to walk away before you turned around, “The two of you are just going to fuck in your office aren’t you?” Tina began to laugh as she dragged him away from the elevator doors. You sighed and shook your head simultaneously, heading towards the large glass doors in front of you.

You pushed them open and peeked your head inside, the bullpen was empty. You walked around until you eventually stumbled upon his desk. There were piles and piles of books strewn across the wooden desk, some of them were even placed in a little basket underneath. One book that caught your attention was the replacement copy of The Divine Comedy… the one you bought him.

You ran your hand down the cover as you opened up the front page where you wrote a little apology. Your heart cracked when you saw little circles of rippled paper, tear stains. You hurt him, so much so that he had been crying over you while clutching the only thing he had of you.

“What are you doing here?”

You dropped both books on the ground after he startled you. You immediately reached down to grab them and stood back up to look at him. You were speechless, your heart began to race as all the words you knew swirled down the drain.

“I um, I…”

“You what? I don’t have time to listen to you profile me again, okay?”

“N- no I- I just.” You held out his books and waited for him to realize what you were there to do, or part of it at least. He took the books out of your hands and flipped through the one his father gave him, it was almost brand new aside from the worn cover. He looked at you. It must have taken quite a bit of money to get it fixed considering it would have taken a restoration professional to erase the water damage from the pages.

“Thank you.” He walked past you and sat down in his chair while he began typing away on his computer. He was honestly just typing down random, incoherent words on the screen as he waited for your next action.

You sighed and began to walk away feeling discouraged. Disappointment filled his hopeful little self until he heard your heels clicking on the ground beside him.

“I- look. You don’t owe me anything, nor are you obligated to forgive me but I need you to know that what I said that day wasn’t directed at you.” He turned around his chair and gave you a ‘really?’ look.

“I mean, the first part wasn’t directed at you,” you pulled a chair from a nearby desk and sat down so you weren’t awkwardly standing over him, “I’ve had bad experiences with other guys before you and I think me feeling comfortable enough to tell you something I didn’t even tell Tina scared me. So I, maybe subconsciously, self-sabotaged and pushed you away by hurting you. I- I was lying when I said I didn’t want you, I d- do want you or to get to know you or be friends or something. And I know that everything I just said does not justify anything I said to hurt you, but I just want you to know that I am so so sorry for what I said, Spencer.”

He didn’t look back at you after your rant-like monologue. After a couple of moments of silence, you accepted your defeat knowing that you tried your all to get back an opportunity that you made disappear.

Hot tears ran down your face as you haphazardly pushed open the glass doors of the BAU. You were about to push the button until a hand stopped you from pressing it.

“I’m just as scared as you, you know?” You turned to look at the man who you assumed was Spencer based on his tone of voice. “B- but I can’t stop thinking of you.”

“I’m sorry, Spencer.”

“I know a- and I forgive you. I just- I’m scared that you’ll hurt me again.” A pang of pain hit your heart, you made him feel the same way as Anthony, Drew, and Dylan.

“And I’m scared that you’ll hurt me.”

He chuckled quietly, giving you his signature white person smile, “We can be scared together I guess.” You laughed as he pulled you into his arms, his intoxicating scent wafting around you. He pulled away from you slightly as his eyes bore into your soul. He was asking if you’d hurt him again, if you were going to leave him…

And the answer was no.

You reached up to his lips by standing on the tip of your toes. He reciprocated and leaned into you, pulling you impossibly closer by using his hands to raise you higher to him and holding you in place.

Emily, JJ, and Garcia slowly made their way back to the bullpen from the hidden stairway in the back. Emily raised her hand slightly, signaling for the two of them to stop talking.

Garcia tried her best to look around the corner but Emily was blocking her view. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Spencer and Y/N.”

“Are they fighting again?”

“Worse, they’re kissing.”

“Reminds me of Will and I.” JJ piped up from the back.

“I swear to god, JJ. If you start talking about how much you love Will again I will physically throw up all the lunch I just had.”

Garcia pulled them both from behind and ushered them towards her office. “Let’s let the lovebirds have their moment.” The three of them started to gossip about the future and make bets as to when the two of you would get engaged or make baby geniuses.

The two of you pulled away from your, literally breath-taking, kiss. He rested his forehead on yours. “Are you staying here or going back to Miami?”

“I want to stay here and enroll in the academy. I- I want to try to join the BAU.”

“I think you’d fit right in.”

You looked at him, stunned. “Really?”

“Really.”

You wrapped your arms around him and snuggled into his chest. “You know. I do need to find a place to stay… and I know it’s quick since we haven’t even gone on a date yet but-”

He stopped you by kissing your lips, “Say no more. You can stay with me.”

You put your hands on his chest and pushed him away slightly, making a confused face. “Oh. I- I was going to ask if you could come apartment hunting with me not-”

“Oh. Oh god, I’m so sorry. I just, sorry.”

You started to laugh, “I’m just kidding, Spence.”

He pouted slightly. “Not funny.”

“I know, but you still have a lifetime with me and my humor.”

He looked into your eyes and snuggled his head into the crook of your neck. “I can’t wait.”

—————————————-

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[therarityoflife]

Wish You Were Sober

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: You spent your whole life trying to forget, and trying to keep people out. Spencer makes it his mission to make sure you always have someone there to see you through the worst nights.

Genre: Angst with a happy ending, Hurt/Comfort,

TW: Allusion to traumatic past (nothing specified), Alcohol abuse, mentions of vomit

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: This is for @boldlyvoid 2k writing challenge. I’m obsessed with their fics and they’re partly the reason I’ve been motivated to start writing again.

It would be a lie to say you’d had an easy time since joining the BAU. None of the team had but you struggled the most. Not with the cases the way everyone else did, but you struggled in your personal life. You’d had a hard few years before joining the team and it left you with a lot of scars. Everyone could see it. Coming into work after having way too much to drink the night before, or the way you’d never let yourself get too close to anyone. There seemed to be an invisible wall put up between you and the rest of the world. They all tried, of course they did, Penelope and JJ would invite you out shopping or to girls night, Derek would mysteriously show up at the bars you’d frequent to keep an eye on you, but it was no use. You were self destructing and you weren’t about to let anyone stop you. Or so you thought.

Your friendship with Spencer had crept up on you. It began with a simple offer to go to lunch. You politely declined the way you always did, but he hit you with the puppy dog eyes and,

“Please. There’s this new cafe that’s just opened a few blocks away and I don’t want to go alone.” You couldn’t say no. How could you when this poor boy stood there with those big brown eyes and a plea to not go to lunch alone. You thought you were doing him a favour. In reality he had noticed your self destructive tendencies, seen himself in it, and decided he had to try and make a difference. So that’s the way it went.

“Hey. So, Derek totally bailed on me for Star Wars night at mine, you want to come over and watch them with me? I made popcorn.” He was trying to stop you going out that night.

“Apparently there aren’t enough rooms for everyone. You don’t mind sharing, do you?” He’d noticed you hadn’t slept the last few days and wanted to make sure you got some sleep.

“I’ve got tickets to see Solaris. I was going to go with Emily but she says she can’t make it. It’s in Russian, but don’t worry I can translate.” He’d caught you crying in JJ’s old office and didn’t want to leave you on your own all night.

Soon enough the pair of you were inseparable. You did everything together from museum trips in D.C to cozy nights in, at one of your apartments. You couldn't imagine your life without Spencer Reid in it.

“Come on. When are you and pretty boy going to put us all out of our misery and get together?” Derek would ask regularly.

“When are you going to accept that Spencer and I are, and always will be, just friends.” You’d roll your eyes. It wasn’t like that with you and Spencer. If anything you were too close for there to ever be anything more between you, plus you just couldn’t let anyone in like that. Spencer knew that. He understood. There had been more than a few incidents in which he hadn’t been able to distract you for a night and you’d ended up back where you always did. In a bar, black out drunk, but Spencer was always there to pick you up and take you home.

“Why wont you kiss me?” You’d ask him as you stared out the car window.

“Because you’re drunk and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“It’s not taking advantage if I want you to.” You’d pout.

“Answer me this first.” He’d sigh. “Would you want me to kiss you sober?”

“No.” You’d tell him quietly.

“Then until you do, I’m not going to kiss you.”

“But I can’t do that sober.” You’d never remember the conversation in the morning, and he’d never tell you what you said. It was easier that way.

He couldn’t always stop you though. Sometimes a case would just be too much and instead of a night in watching Disney films with Spencer you’d fall into bed with a stranger, too drunk to realise what you were doing. You’d always have to do the walk of shame the next morning, and Spencer would always look at you with disappointment and hurt in his eyes. You didn’t want to hurt him, honestly, but sometimes it was just easier to forget than to face everything head on. Those days were the worst. You’d always try to avoid him to avoid the guilt that came along with it, but everyone knew you couldn’t avoid him for long and soon enough you were glued at the hip once again. Albeit with a stomach churning with a mixture of the previous nights alcohol and guilt.

You’d been with the BAU for eighteen months when you decided to get sober. You’d been thinking about it for a while. About the way it no longer felt good going home with strangers. How the feeling of throwing up didn’t satisfy the sadistic need to hurt yourself anymore. How you’d gone from wanting to forget everything for a few hours every night, to wanting to spend them curled up in Spencer’s arm chair reading one of his books.

“Hey Spencer?” You asked quietly one night. You were both curled up in Spencer’s bed. Something that the two of you had ended up doing so naturally many months ago.

“Tomorrow, if we don’t have a case, do you think you could help me look into starting therapy? I want to find a good therapist and I need someone to help me so I don’t get overwhelmed.” You played with the hem of his shirt, not making eye contact.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I can. What brought this on?” He asked and you shrugged. Spencer had been trying to get you to talk to someone for as long as you could remember. There was only so much he could do, and a professional could do so much more. Every time he brought it up however you always shut him down with a,

“I’m fine. I don’t see why I’d have to talk to anyone. I don’t have anything to talk about.” It had resulted in so many arguments between the pair of you. Spencer would try and try to get you to talk, but deep down he knew you’d only do that when you were ready. The issue was that you didn’t know if you’d ever be ready; but here you were saying you wanted to talk, and it may not be to Spencer but it was to somebody and it was music to his ears.

With the help of Spencer and Penelope you found a therapist you really clicked with. It took a lot to actually begin talking about your past, but she helped you with your sobriety and never pushed you further than you could go. She was gentle and patient and she was just what you needed. She reminded you a lot of Spencer. You kept seeing her for a year, talking about your childhood, the previous relationships you’d had, the cases that stuck with you too much, and through it all you stayed sober. The only person who was more proud of you than you were was Spencer. He was practically beaming when you bit the one year mark. Telling you how he knew you could do it and how he couldn’t be more proud.

“You know. Everyone on the team still thinks we’re secretly dating.” You said over take out one evening.

“I know. Which if we were you’d think we’d be more secretive about it.”

“That’s what I said! Garcia said that apparently we’re doing some sort of double bluff where we act really couplely to throw people off thinking we’re a couple.”

“How does that work?” Spencer laughed

“Honestly I was just as confused as you are.” You chuckled. “But it did get me thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Do we spend too much time together? Because I don’t want to be the thing that gets in the way of you seeing other people.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. I just heard some things about how people think I’m leading you on and that you’re going to follow me around forever waiting for me, which I said was completely wrong by the way. But still it got me thinking. You should see other people. Date I mean. It isn’t fair that you don’t get to have a life because I’ve attached myself to you.”

“I like the way my life is.” Spencer said quietly.

“I know. So do I. I just don’t want you to think you can’t go out and do that because of me.”

You hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on their conversation. You’d gone to find something you needed for a case and they’d left the door to her old office open while they spoke.

“I’m just worried she’s never going to let you go. You know she has no intention of dating you right?” JJ sighed.

“I know that and I don’t want that from her. JJ she’s my best friend and she needs me. I’m going to be there in whatever way she wants. I’m always going to be there for her. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that?”

“Spencer, I just don’t want you to get left behind. Do you know the amount of people who have tried to start something with you but they get discouraged because you two are already like a married couple?”

“Okay, so? If they can’t accept our friendship then I wouldn’t want someone like that in my life anyway.”

“I just think it would do you both a bit of good if you took a bit of time away from each other and saw new people.”

“You both keep saying that, but I don’t want to.”

You kept nagging Spencer about seeing other people, about spending less time with you. You didn’t think it would hurt this much when it actually happened though.

“So. You know how you’re always telling me I should start dating?”

“Yeah?”

“Well I’ve met someone. Her name’s Maeve and she’s a geneticist, and we’ve been talking for a couple of months now, and she’s great. I’d really like you to meet her.” He beamed. You couldn’t help the way your stomach dropped. You knew it would happen eventually but nothing could have prepared you for it.

“I’d love to meet her.” You smiled at him trying to keep your emotions in check. That night for the first time in forever you let yourself out of Spencer’s flat.

“Are you not stopping over?” He asked.

“Hey, you’ve got a girlfriend now. I need to man up and start sleeping in my own bed again. I don’t think that bed’s big enough for the three of us.” You joked. In reality you needed the air. You couldn’t figure out why this was hurting you so much, but it was.

Spencer stayed with Maeve for six months, and the two of you had never had a more rocky relationship. It seemed to be every other day now that the two of you were arguing over something. Whether it was disagreements on cases, your one night stands, or the amount of time spent with Maeve, all you seemed to do was fight. You hated Maeve, which made you hate yourself in turn. Maeve was lovely, that was the problem. She was sweet and kind, and she seemed to adore you, but for some reason she just seemed to get under your skin. You didn’t want to hate her, she made Spencer so happy and that should have made you happy. You just couldn’t put your finger on it. With that being said you found yourself slipping back into old ways once again. You had managed to stay sober, but you were once again falling into bed with strangers. You weren’t proud of it, but hey you needed to forget.

It had been a hard case. It hit way too close to home and lasted way longer than it should have. As you got back to Quantico with the team all you wanted to do was curl up in Spencer’s arms and forget about the whole thing. He’d left the BAU before you though. Maeve had text saying it was urgent and off he’d gone. There went your plan for the evening. You made your way home and before you could even think about what you were doing you’d ended up in the bar you used to frequent all that time ago. You needed someone, and they weren’t there so you went to the next best thing. Time slipped away from you as you continued to drink the night away.

“Can I get another one of those?” You slurred to the bartender.

“That’s it for tonight I’m afraid kid.”

“What? No! I’m not even that drunk! You can't stop serving me.”

“Kid, you’re wasted. Plus we close up in twenty minutes, so you need to call someone to come pick you up.” The bartender said sternly.

“Don’t have anyone to pick me up.” You pouted.

“Kid, give me your phone, I’m going to call someone for you.” You rolled your eyes and handed your phone over to him.

“Call Spencer. I want Spencer.”

Spencer arrived soon after. At least you thought it was soon after, everything was blurring together.

“She’s over there pal. Yeah, I can’t close until she leaves but I couldn’t let her leave alone in that state.” The bartenders voice boomed

“Thank you for keeping an eye on her. I really appreciate it.” Spencer. You picked your head up off the bar top to see your best friend walking over to you.

“Come on. Let’s get you home.” He sighed.

“Don’t want to go home.”

“Let’s drive for a little bit then, and you can tell me why you felt the need to get black out drunk when you’ve been sober so long.” He wrapped an arm around your waist and practically dragged you out of the bar to his car.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s selfish. I’m selfish.”

“Whatever’s going on I promise you it’s not selfish. Come on, I'm taking you back to mine.”

“What about Maeve?”

“Maeve left me.” Suddenly you felt incredibly guilty. Spencer had just broken up with his first serious girlfriend and here you were getting wasted to the point where you needed to be picked up.

“What happened?” You asked quietly.

“We were arguing when that bar rang me and said I needed to pick you up. She said I needed to make a choice. Either her or you. I chose you.” You couldn’t believe it. The one good thing Spencer had going for him and you’d gone and ruined it for him.

“I’m going to be sick.”

You woke up alone in Spencer’s bed. Your head was throbbing and you were more than a little concerned you’d throw up again if you tried to move. You sat there for a while thinking about last night, and about all the events that led up to it. You couldn’t understand how you’d gotten to that point. How you had gone from trying to push Spencer into relationships to subconsciously trying to sabotage them. It didn’t make any sense, unless.

Oh.

You darted out of bed to the bathroom, barely making it in time to spew the contents of your stomach into the toilet bowl. You heard Spencer come in behind you. He pulled your hair out of your face and rubbed your back as you continued to heave.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I think we need to talk about what happened last night.” He said gently as he passed you a glass of water. You gulped it down and placed the glass on the floor next to you. “Are you ready to tell me why you felt the need to get drunk last night?” You couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your face.

“I needed you. The case was too much and I tried to pretend it wasn’t, but it was. I needed you but you were with Maeve, and I didn’t want to ruin your night so I thought I’d just go home but then I was there and everything was already so shitting and I couldn’t stop myself. Oh god Spence I’ve really messed up this time. You had to come get me again and Maeve left you and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about everything,” You were trying your hardest not to hyperventilate.

“Sorry about what?” Spencer was now holding you against his chest.

“Ruining every good thing that happens to you because I’m a mess. I’m sorry that I couldn't like Maeve. I wanted to, I really did, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better friend and that you’re always having to pick up the pieces when I self-destruct. I just, I just want-“ You cut yourself off. You couldn’t say it. You couldn’t ruin the last good thing you had.

“What?” He pressed. “What do you want?”

“You… You make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don’t have the words for yet- good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.” You sobbed against his chest. “When I first joined the team I was in such a dark place. I was a shell of the person I am today, and it’s because of you that I’m not anymore. I used to go out and get black out drunk just so I didn’t have to feel anything. I’d go home with random people so I didn’t have to go to sleep alone. It’s because of you that I was able to stop doing that. Until last night anyways.”

“Hey. Hey, don’t do that. Don’t pretend it was all me. You did the hard work, you accepted the help, and trust me that is the hardest part. I just gave you a push in the right direction. A hand to hold onto when it got too hard, and sure maybe last night you messed up but it’s fine. We’ll start again.”

“Spencer. I love you. I don’t want us to pretend we’re just friends anymore; because we’re not, and we haven’t been for a long time. I didn’t realise it at first but I think we’ve both been kidding ourselves if we believe this is just friendship. You hold my hand under the round table, we go out on dates, we both pretend to fall asleep during movie nights so we don’t have to leave each other’s beds. And I think it’s why we both get so jealous when we try to date other people, because it feels like cheating. I think we started dating a long time ago, we both just agreed to never say it.” You were outwardly sobbing now. The words tumbling out of your mouth quicker than your brain could process them, but your brain had caught up now, and the true magnitude of what you were saying was settling in. “And I needed that. I needed it to not be said, because I wasn’t ready to trust anyone like that again. But you’ve buried yourself so deep in my heart and I know if you ever left you’d take the last scrap of my sanity with you, and that’s terrifying. I should be running for the hills at the thought of that, but I’m not. If anything it just makes me want to give you more. I want you to have everything. Everything I have to offer it’s yours.” Spencer was stunned, unable to form a coherent sentence for what you’d just said. You stood in front of him panting slightly after your word vomit of a rant. Eventually he spoke.

“If we’re dating. Does that mean I can kiss you now?” You couldn’t help but laugh. After all that and that’s the response he’d come up with.

“Yes. You can kiss me.”

#boldlyvoidwritingchallenge #spencer reid #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fandom #mgg #jennifer jareau #Penelope Garcia #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #derek morgan

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Stars Around My Scars

*gif: not mine

Summary: The incident with Hotch and the hostage brings up some bad memories for Spencer, but sometimes you fate has a funnily little way of showing you the people that will draw stars around your scars.

Content Warning: Bullying (flashback scene), talk of Spencer's physical and emotional abuse from classmates, physical injuries, cursing

Word Count: 3,028

Author's Note: This idea just came to me! It's more on the angsty side, with a comforting/hopeful ending. This is also for Emily's 2K Challenge. You are an amazing writer and truly have a talent for crafting beautiful worlds. I hope this does your challenge justice. I love you to the moon and to Saturn @boldlyvoid

Stars Around My Scars

Spencer tries to forget the way his side aches as he not-so-nonchalantly limps to his car. He holds his side where Hotch kicked him. He might not have gone to medical school, but he’s read enough textbooks to know that he’s going to be bruised.

He’s used to his skin being covered in dark purples that morph into sickly green yellows. It’s been years, but those are the kinds of wounds that stick around for decades to come. But when they fade all that’s left is thicker skin and a tendency to walk around anticipating when the next hit is going to come. You don’t get used to your skin being a twisted tapestry for the sadistic. You don’t get used to the callus bullies and their vindictive taunts that become sharp punches. And you never get used to the lifelong trauma and the invisible wounds and those-- those are the loudest of them all.

Yet, his feet keep treading on the pavement. They keep moving despite the ache in his side and the gnawing in his heart. He tells himself to get home because it’s already pathetic enough being Spencer Reid, but being the FBI that cries in his car— he can’t go there.

So he goes home, alone.

Spencer hates the crowded hallways. They are loud and sweaty. He’s so much shorter than everyone that if he doesn’t walk fast enough the tide of long legs will carry him away. You’d think that being shorter would make you invisible, but in reality it only makes you a bigger target.

If Spencer had a magic lamp, he’d wish he was invisible. Maybe if he was invisible, his dad would have stayed. Or maybe his mom would suffer so much. After all, you can’t believe your delusions about your son if you can’t see him. And the bullies. If he was invisible, then they couldn’t hurt him.

If he was invisible than would be the bruises too.

But he’s very much not invisible. He walks down the hallway with his head low, trying to predict where the next taunt or punch might come from. But a punch, nor a taunt comes, but a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re that little twerp, right?” the boy says. He looks older than Spencer, which of course he is because everyone here is older than him. He has a wispy mustache that resembles leftover dirt more than it does hair. But that’s something Spencer decides to keep to himself.

He also decides that it’s better not to answer his question. It’s always better not to answer their questions, because he learned early on that everything comes at a price.

“I’m talking to you, you little shit” the boy says, practically grabbing Spencer by the shoulder and dragging him over the empty corridor.

Spencer doesn’t say anything, because he’s learned that it’s better to say nothing.

To be seen and not heard.

“Alexa’s asking for you,” the boy tells him, “she told me to tell you that she’ll be waiting for you by the goalposts,”

“What?” Spencer asks, unsure if he actually heard the boy correctly.

“Jesus Christ, they said you were like a fucking genius or whatever,” he curses, the words making Spencer’s eyes go wide.

“Look dude,” he tells Spencer, “I’m going to be straight with you, a pretty girl says she wants to see you alone, you go. You hear me?” the boy finishes, running off into the now empty hallway.

Maybe for once in his life Spencer can be seen and heard.

***

As it turns out, Spencer doesn’t want to be heard. Or seen.

His arms arch and he knows that the rope that’s tightly wrapped around his hands will leave marks. He can’t tell what time it is because they put a blindfold over him. If he’s honest with himself, he’s grateful for the blindfold. It’s dark underneath it — like nighttime. He can pretend that this is all a horrible dream. He can pretend that his mom will hear him whimper out for her and maybe she’ll hold him as he falls asleep. He can pretend, if it’s dark enough, that this isn’t happening.

But no amount of make-believe will make him forget this. He’ll always remember Alexa’s merciless laughter when he realized she didn’t want to see him. Or the boy’s taunt once they saw him walking across the football field. Their glee when they ripped off his button up shirt, the one that Spencer mended himself, will be imprinted in his mind, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Look at him, he’s even skinnier than we thought”

“Are you sure you’re a dude?”

“I almost feel bad, I mean look at him?”

“Fucking freak”

“Weirdo”

“Just leave him. He’s not even worth the trouble”

Spencer wished that he didn’t have a perfect memory. If he didn’t have a perfect memory then maybe this day would fade with the other bad days until it was nothing but a fuzzy hum of his past. But it will forever be as sharp as any of his memories. The good and the bad. For a second, as he’s strung up on the goalpost freezing cold, he lets himself pity himself because the bad memories outweigh the good.

The worst part is, when he finally gets himself down, he has to keep on pretending that he’s not hanging by a thread.

On the way home, Spencer stops at the mini-mart a couple blocks from his house. He gets two things: a pack of chocolate donuts that were going stale so they were on sale and a calendar. He eats the stale donuts in the safety of his bed while he marks the calendar, desperately hoping that when he can leave this awful place will come.

***

His apartment is always quiet and dark, but it’s just like he left it. Whether it’s dirty dishes in the sink, books cluttered on side tables, or week-old laundry in the bathroom, everything looks the same.

Spencer always tries to be quiet when he walks up the creaky staircase. The fourth step makes a ear splitting sound that’s sure to wake up even Mr. Stevens. It’s the one thing that’s stuck with him into adulthood: been seen, not heard.

He can see that, even now, in the way that he stops himself before he gives his input on the profile. All he does is try, he tries to be good at his job without causing too much trouble. But he’s waiting for the day when they tell him he’s too much. Maybe that’s why he pretended that Hotch kicking him didn’t hurt him as much as it did.

He’s never been a natural, but damn does he try.

Spencer turns on the kitchen light, before looking into his microwave for his stash of chocolate donuts. He sits at his small table, which is hardly enough room for two people, and eats his donuts. It’s too late for coffee, but he knows that he probably won’t be sleeping tonight anyway. He convinces himself to try at least, but then the doorbell rings.

He walks slowly to the door, thinking that it’s going to be Mr. Stevens complaining that he walked up the stairs too loudly. Or Mrs. Patel telling him she watered his plants while he was gone. Either way, he doesn’t expect to find Y/N standing out in the hallway when he peers through the peephole.

Throwing caution to the wind, he opens the door. Y/N looks just as tired as he does, which Spencer supposes makes sense. They did just spend the whole day chasing down a serial killer hellbent on making himself infamous. The adrenaline rush can only last for so long. It’s easier if you don’t go home to a dark apartment and stale food.

“Y/N, did I forget something at work? I mean I’d get it another day. It’s fine, really—”

“You didn’t forget anything, Spencer,” she says, shouldering her go bag. It looks like she came here directly after leaving work.

“No,” Spencer responds, knowing that he didn’t leave anything at work, “I didn’t,”

“I didn’t think you should be alone. Not after today,” Y/N says quietly, standing still in Spencer’s doorway, “no one does, Spence,”

“I don’t know what to say?” Spencer says, unsure of what to say. He hates that he can feel his hands shake with nerves, but it’s impossible when she’s so close.

“Let me in, Spence. Please just trust me,” she asks him, taking the step forward into the entryway. She might be taking a step toward, but Spencer knows she’s practically leaping into his heart and he’ll try his best not to fuck it up.

“Okay,” he says in a breathless breath. It takes a lot to trust someone, especially when that someone is the someone you desperately want to trust.

“Good,” she says, slipping her shoes off and plopping her bag down on his floor as easy as if this is actually her home too.

“I- uh, Y/N you know you don’t have to be here, right? I mean, what I’m trying to say is that I uh, I-I don’t want you to feel obligated to be here with me because—”

“Because we’re almost-kinda dating?” she finishes with a smile that can only be described as wry, “Spence, I’m here because I want to be here. And I want to be here, because I like you, a lot,” she answers, kissing his cheek as she ducks down into the hallway.

Spencer touches his cheek, wanting to feel her in its wake. But he knows kisses don’t work that way. His breath is shaky, just like his hands and knees as he walks into the kitchen. Y/N is there, looking glowy and bright even in the horrible kitchen lighting. She moves around his kitchen easily, some home knowing exactly where everything is. It would be so easy, so easy to have her fit into his life and watch it become their life. It would be so easy if he wasn’t Spencer Reid with a nasty habit of messing good things up.

“Yeah, I mean I like you too, so much,” Spencer whispers, matching her tone. He sits down at the table, that’s now somehow perfect for two. Y/N sits down next to him, reaching her arm out hers is twisted around with Spencer’s. They’re intertwined in the silence with only the hum of the refrigerator to fill the void. The quiet isn’t lonely with her though, it’s comforting. His apartment isn’t dark and empty with someone else by his side.

“How’d you know I’d need you, Y/N,” Spencer asks, rubbing his thumb along the bumps of her knuckles. Her skin is soft, Spencer wonders if she’ll let him use her lotion. He washes his hands so much that his skin is cracked and dry, begging for moisture, “how’d you know that I needed help?”

“First of all Spence, I know you better than you think. And second, give me some credit, we have the same job,” she answers, leaning her head against his chest. He can feel the vibrations from her voice as she speaks, beckoning him to her shores, to her safe harbors.

“Am I that transparent?” Spencer asks, feeling his face flush as he realizes that the rest of the team must know he’s hurting, if Y/N knows. Yet they're not here, and she is.

“No, you’re. But there’s only something that you can see if you’re looking,” Y/N says, kissing his clothing-covered shoulder, “I know Hotch hurt you, Spence. And I know it’s not the first time something like that happened to you,”

“But it’s the job, it’s my job,” Spencer tells her, gripping her hand tighter, “and I’m not a natural at this Y/N. I’m not like you or Derek. I can’t apprehend an unsub, I can hardly use a gun, and have you seen me run? This is my job, Y/N. And I have to try. I have to belong here because if I don’t, I’m not really sure who I am,” Spencer rushes out, saying the words he vowed to never say before he gets too scared to never say them again.

“You’re more than your job, Spencer. And just because it’s your job doesn’t mean you can’t get hurt,” Y/N says, breaking his grip on her hand to rub his back gently. He winces as she touches him, his back and sides tender from getting kicked.

“Sorry,” Spencer says, closing eyes as the pain from his side shoots up around him. She lets go of him, dropping her hand to her side, “It never gets easier,” he mumbles.

“What never gets easier?” Y/N asks, reaching out again to hold his hand.

“Getting hit or kicked,” Spencer answers, “and I know Hotch didn’t mean it. I mean, we had to get out of there but—”

“It still hurts” Y/N answers, filling in the gaps in his sentences just as if they shared the same wavelength, “I don’t need to be a profiler to know that it hurt you, Spence. I just have to pay attention to you,”

A new sensation spreads through Spencer. It crawls up his face and weaves down his chest. It festers inside him and he suspects it’s always been there, waiting to be ignited. He feels Y/N’s hand on his shoulder, yet he doesn’t flinch. He knows that this touch won’t hurt. This touch just might heal.

So he lets it heal. He lets his cheek touch the back of her hand that rests gently on his shoulder. He lets her wrap her arms around his body and hug him. He lets her hold him like he’s never been held before.

“Can I tell you something? I've never told anyone this before. Not even my mom knows,” Spencer says, he can feel his cheeks flame at the thought of rejection. Of all the times he’s tried to make connections with strangers, all end up with him pouring his heart out in a faithless endeavor.

“Of course, Spence,” she says, quietly threading her fingers through his hair. The ease he feels from his head to his toes contrasts the heaviness in his heart.

“I got bullied in high school,” Spencer says, “I mean I got bullied in college and even at the Academy but they were all adults so is it even bullying or is it just me at that point? Anyway, it was really bad in high school. I was only there for 2 years, but being that young in a public school. It was hell, Y/N”

“I’m so sorry, Spencer. I’m so sorry that kids can be terrible,” Y/N says, rubbing tenderly on the nape of his neck. Her hands give goosebumps in the wake of her touch. The goosebumps is something that doesn’t leave scars on his skin, “and you were a little kid,”

“One day, uh this older boy, a senior, I think. He came up to me in the hallway, and everyone knew who I was. I mean, how couldn’t they. But, anyway. He told me that Alexa, she was the prettiest girl in the whole school, wanted to see me. I was 12, Y/N. I thought that she liked me. I know it’s pathetic-”

“Oh, Spencer,” Y/N says, placing the tiniest kiss on his neck. He feels tingly on his neck, all the way down to his fingertips, he wants to give into the sensation, but he continues.

“Uh, she didn’t like me. None of them liked me, but what they did like was laughing at me,” Spencer says, he pushes through, despite the crack in his voice, despite the lump in his throat, and the stingy salty tears in his eyes, “they, uh, undressed and tied me to the goalpost,”

Spencer stops, letting his words fester in the silence. He’s never said this aloud, maybe out of fear that if he says it, it means it actually happened. Spencer hasn’t had someone who he can trust this with, until now. Y/N doesn’t say anything for a second, like somehow she knows it’s what he needs.

“Thank you, for trusting me, Spencer. That’s terrible what happened to you, and those kids. There’s a special place in hell for people that get pleasure and kick out of tormenting little kids. I care so much about you, Spencer,”

“I don’t believe in a god, Y/N, but god, what good have I done in the world that led me to you?” Spencer whispers, thinking that some omnipotent being has to be controlling fate because no one could be this lucky.

“You’re a sweet, kind man. You’ve my hero and I know that one day, I’ll love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” Y/N says, wiping the corners of his eyes.

“You...you make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don't have the words for yet— good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.” Spencer says, turning around so his head rests against Y/N’s chest and his arms wrap around her waist.

They stand like that, her holding him close as he breathes in deeply. Y/N caresses his head, her fingertips pushing his stray hairs from his forehead. She lets him hold her tightly with his fingertips brushing against her back. Y/N holds Spencer like he wanted to be held all those years ago.

“I think that uh, what happened today, it brought up those bad memories,” Spencer says, hating that he feels guilty for being reminded of a past he’s tried so hard to run from, “and I don’t like thinking of my past,”

“It’s a good thing then, Spence,” Y/N tells him, sitting down on the chair next to him, but not letting go of him yet, “it’s good that we have all the time in the world and that you have a perfect memory. Because, that my dear, is a recipe for a life filled with the best memories to even out, the bad ones,”

***

Taglist (link to be tagged)

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[a-mended-pact]

Let the Right One In

A/N: So this is for @boldlyvoid 's challenge. I had so much fun writing this. Even though I'm still super anxious about posting my stories. It's been a pleasure and an honor getting to know you Em. Congratulations on reaching 2k! 🖤

Warning: Mentions of insecurities. Maeve Donovan. Faking a death.

Word count: 2,082

It was midday when I heard knocking on the front door. I was half tempted not to answer. Spencer was away on a case and neither him nor I were expecting anyone. Anyone that would come over at all was away on the case with him or states over. So who could be coming over unannounced? I clumsily headed towards the door. My fuzzy socks are making it difficult to stay balanced on the hardwood floor. A knock came again. It was gentler this time. 

I looked through the peephole and saw a small woman looking around nervously leaning from foot to foot. “Who is it?” I wondered if I could at least get a name. 

“I’m here to see Doctor Spencer Reid. I got his address from Aaron Hotchner.”

  My face blanched at the sound of Hotch’s name. It had been quite some time since anyone had mentioned him. After he went into protective custody with Jack even though the reaper was dead he still chose to stay away. Contact with him was rare and slim. I quickly opened the door and watched her jump back slightly. 

“Who are you?” she asked. She looked around the same age as him. She is actually quite beautiful. I wonder how Spencer knows her? 

“ I’m Y/n Reid.” She tilted her head to the side as she studied me.

 “I didn’t realize Spencer had a sister.” She finally met my gaze and smiled.

 “Is he here or do I need to come back at another time?” A small laugh escaped me 

“No, I am not his sister. I am his wife.” I crossed my arms over my chest and locked my foot in place behind the door keeping it only slightly ajar not letting her see into our home. 

Her face shifted to one of slight surprise. “Oh well I better just go then.” She went to turn away. When a thought crossed my mind.

 “Wait, I can call him if you’d like and let him know you are looking for him. What’s your name?” I was wondering whether this was a good idea or not to even call him but i had already offered and i am already in far too deep to turn back now. 

She stopped not turning to face me again. “My name is Maeve. Maeve Donovan.” 

Maeve. Why did I know that name? Why is my brain going off with alarm bells? But why do I know that name? I watched as she vanished from the hallway down the flight of stairs never turning back around to look at me. 

I slammed the door shut as I racked my brain on if I should mention this to Spencer at all. Especially while he is away on a case. Maybe I should wait until he gets home. He should be home later tonight. At least if the weather was alright over in New Hampshire. He had left me a message earlier this morning to let me know the case was solved and it had started snowing there but their flight wouldn’t be ready till a little later. 

He should be home in about an hour now. I will wait. I’ll definitely wait.

 

~

When Spencer walked through the door he looked sluggish and about ready to just collapse. The exhaustion clearly got to him from not getting enough sleep while he was away. He took off his satchel and his suit jacket. He began undoing his tie as he walked his way into our bedroom. Not even making eye contact with me. 

He came back out moments later in nothing but his flannel sweatpants. “Sorry I know I should have said hello to you. I just felt like I was suffocating in my clothes today.” As he spoke he made his way to the couch where I sat at one end.

 Once he sat down he leaned down and put his head in my lap. I gently started running my fingers through his hair while scratching his head. 

“That feels really nice.” His voice was soft and he let out a quiet sigh as he relaxed into the couch and my lap.

 If I wasn’t petting his head I was gently caressing his back with my fingertips. I know I needed to tell him. I was just so nervous. I knew somewhere deep down this would be stressful to him. The day already has worn him out so completely. It was like he needed my touch to recharge himself. I began biting my lip as my hand stopped on his lower back. 

“Hey, Spence, A woman came by to see you today. She said she got your address from Aaron.” He made a humming noise to let me know that he heard me. “Her name was Maeve Donovan.” I felt his back muscles tense at the sound of her name. He sat up immediately. 

“Wh- what did you say?” He looked at me as if I had just grown an extra head or as if I had just spoken another language.  “Mae-” He cut me off. “No, I heard what you said. I don’t need you to repeat yourself. It’s not possible she was at the door. She is dead. She’s been dead for years.” 

He pushed himself up off the couch, the muscles in his arms flexing more than usual. He was more tense than I have seen him in a long time. The last time I saw him this upset or stressed was when he first came back from prison. We were just dating back then.

“I am going to go call Hotch.” he moved quickly to grab his phone when he finally reached it. It began to ring. He looked at it for a couple of seconds before he answered.

“Hello?” His eyes widened slightly. I watched as he clenched his jaw and tears brimmed his eyes. 

“M-m-maeve?” He leaned himself back against the wall. His breathing became irregular as he slid himself down the cold panel. At the same time I saw a couple of tears leave his eyes.

I sucked in a breath and sighed. Was this going to be the end of us? Now that all the stories Spencer told me of her came back once he said that she was dead.

She was his first love after all. It would only make sense right?

====Spencer’s Pov=====

My vision was blurred beyond recognition. I could hear my blood pumping in my ears as the sound of her voice drifted in and out. This isn’t real. It’s not possible. I watched her die. I saw her. She was pronounced dead at the scene. I mourned her. It’s been years. Nearly a decade.

“Spencer? Can you hear me?” I felt my tears stream down my face, nodding as if she could see me. 

“Yeah, Yeah I can hear you.” My voice cracked as I answered her. 

“Just like old times huh? It’s so nice to hear your voice. I’ve missed you.” My breath hitched at her words. 

I felt my heart hammer in my chest. I glanced up to see if I could find my wife. She was watching me with concern but otherwise she hadn’t moved not yet. All the guards Y/n had torn down throughout the years started building themselves up higher and higher. 

"H-how are you alive? I watched you die." The horrible memories of that fatal day still haunted me. What am I supposed to do now?

Do I still have feelings for her? Is it wrong if I do? I don't know how to handle this. What should I do?

"That's why I came to see you earlier.  It was an idea that I came up with at the last minute.  So I faked my death." Her voice was calmer than my breathing.  I felt the walls Barricading around me to keep me safe. I was suffocating.

I wasn't sure I had heard her right. I could feel my ears ringing as the blood in me ran cold.

"You faked your death and made me believe for a decade that the first person I ever loved died a brutal death because you wanted a new life?" My tone was harsher than I anticipated.

I felt my wife's hands run through my hair in a comforting manner as she lowered herself to the floor with me.

I glanced at Y/n as tears streamed down my face. The memories of Maeve and my feelings for her wreaking havoc on my heart.

"Darling, I think you should hang up. For now anyway." She whispered it as her hand lowered to the back of my neck giving me a gentle message. 

My back stiffened. I was so caught up in my own nightmare I hadn't realized that this is probably a living one for her.

"Spencer. I can expla-" I cut off the call before she could even finish her sentence.  Y/n was right.

"You have a lot you need to process and I'm sure you didn't want to say anything you would regret. I'm sorry if I've overstepped." She looked a little nervous as if I was gonna snap at her the way I had Maeve 

I gently grabbed the hand that was touching me and brought it up to my lips placing a kiss on it.

"Nonsense. You are my wife. You were right. I should have hung up. I just. I don't know how to explain what I was feeling." I could feel my breathing begin to slow slightly as I tried to match her breathing to get mine back to normal.

It was like my world paused for a moment and began to spiral faster than I could catch my balance. I felt air fill my lungs when I heard her voice but yet I was left gasping for oxygen. 

The very thought of Maeve brought back so many things I thought I had dealt with prior to now.  I leaned my head against my wife's shoulder as I just let the tears fall.

I felt awful having her comfort me over another woman. Yet I couldn't bring myself to completely care. She was the one offering me comfort.  

She held me in her arms. Whispering to me that things will be okay. That we'd figure things out.

I truly didn't deserve her. She loves me so unconditionally it's unnerving. That's when my phone went off again.

It was the same number Maeve had called me from.

I glanced at my wife. Who just watched me. That's when I fully knew and decided something that had been bothering me for over the past hour or so.

I let my phone continue to ring as I cupped her face. 

"You...you make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don't have the words for yet— good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.” I pulled her in closer letting our lips caress one another.

"I love you Spencer.  You don't need to say all of this right now. I know you are still-" She tilted her head to the side as if she were trying to figure me out.  "Cluttered and that's okay."

I kissed her harder than I've ever kissed anyone before.

"I’m not in love with her, I’m in love with you”

I have no real idea on if she needed this reassurance all I knew is that I did. I wanted her to know out loud what she meant to me. I couldn't imagine a better partner. A better lover or a better best friend than her.

 I wasn't going to have her doubt everything about us. Not for anything.

I stayed close to her as my phone kept repeatedly going off until eventually it stopped. I was still figuring things out. 

Knowing that Maeve was alive before I met Y/n would have changed my life completely but now? I didn't want anything to change.  For once I was happy. I had someone in my life who put me first. Who cared about me. Who wasn't afraid to hurt my feelings as long as it kept me safe. She loved me for me and all the mess in between who I have yet to become.

She saw me for me. I wasn't Doctor Spencer Reid.  I wasn't a federal agent or a professor to her. I was just Spencer.  The man for some ungodly reason she chose to love. 

#Boldlyvoidchallenge #boldlyvoid *insert mushroom emoji* #2k challenge #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer x reader insert #spencer x y/n #boldlyvoidwritingchallenge

[boldlyvoid]

Boldlyvoid's 2K Writing Challenge

First of all, I would just like to thank every single person who has followed me so far. I’ve been writing in the CM fandom for just over 4 months now and somehow I’ve reached Two Thousand followers, including some of the most loving, kind, accepting and wonderful people in the whole world. I love you all so dearly, I believe you’re all so incredibly talented and I want to use this next milestone to highlight all of the talented people who support me!

Rules:

Use a sentence, or a plot, to build a story. Tag me in your entry use the tag ‘#BoldlyvoidWritingChallenge’

If you submit smut, you must 18+

All entries will be placed on a Masterlist linked in my pinned post <3

Word Count Range: 500-10k

Deadline: September 29th, 2021

Sentence Starters:

“You...you make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don't have the words for yet— good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.”

“I think I messed things up, I’m not in love with them, I’m in love with _____”

“Are they fighting again?” “Worse, they’re kissing.”

“Are we…” “Friends?” “Yup, that was definitely what I was about to say”

Plots:

Character A has been sleep deprived forever, the first nightmare-free sleep they get is next to character B for the first time

Person A has always lived in big cities so they haven’t been able to see the stars well so Person B drives them out, far away from the city, to show them what the stars really look like.

At a Halloween Party: Person A getting super freaked out by Person B’s creepy costume but when B takes off their mask A realizes that they’re absolutely gorgeous.

Topics I won't accept:

graphic rape/non-con

Major character death

Drug use/overdose

Self-harm

Angst without a happy ending

(Let’s keep it happy)

I will accept:

platonic pairings welcomed !! (Example: dad hotch and kid reader, best friends Luke Alvez and Matt Simons etc.)

x reader fics: Spencer Reid, mgg, mgg characters, Aaron Hotchner, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez and Tara Lewis

ships: Garvez, Ralvez, Moreid, Morcia, Hotchness and Temily

Permanent tag list

@ssacalumsg0lden @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxospencerreid @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose @reidsacademia @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @spooky-goob @strawberryspence @thatsonezesty13

#BoldlyvoidWritingChallenge #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #garvez #ralvez #moreid #morcia #hotchness #temily #emily prentiss #tara lewis #luke alvez #derek morgan #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner

[sassymoon]

drunk confessions

pairing: ralvez (spencer reid x luke alvez) summary: spencer wakes up and tries to remember what happened last night and why is there a hand hugging him? genre: can you believe i can write fluff? with happy ending? word count: 1.3k cw: mentions of prison, spencer hates himself (as usual), some kissing. very gay and cute. a\n: i wrote this for the 2k celebration of the angel who is @boldlyvoid. they asked for happy ending so i tried my best, even tho i mostly write heart breaking angst. i used the prompt "Character A has been sleep deprived forever, the first nightmare-free sleep they get is next to character B for the first time". emily my love im so proud of you for your milestone and am proud to call you my friend! hope you like the story xx

masterlist

Science doesn't have a definitive answer to what is the first sense you feel when waking up. Some think its sight, that harsh lights will hit our eyes and wake our body up.

Others speculate its hearing, loud noises will rush our adrenaline and wake the body to an alert state. Some scientists even say that all the senses never really go to sleep- the brain simply ignores them in favor of letting the body sleep and rejuvenate. But this morning, the first sense I felt was touch. I felt a strong arm around my torso, holding me close to them, pulling me towards the body that was pressed to my back.

If it wasn't for the headache and hangover I clearly had, I probably would have figured out sooner how I ended up in this situation, but my mind was too slow on this early Sunday morning.

My next sense to wake up was sight. I opened my eyes slowly and waited for them to adjust to the rays shining from the window, my bedroom window.

Ok, so I'm definitely at my house and not at a stranger's bed. But the question still remains, who does the mystery hand belong to? And why does it make me feel so comfortable i don't want to ever pull away? The brown hand that hugged me started moving, but I was still too afraid to turn around and face them.

Hearing came next, and I heard some yawns and hums from the person behind me. As my mind was still foggy from the alcohol of last night, it took me some time to realize the person was laying small kisses on my neck, and pulling me impossibly closer to them. “Good morning sleepy head, how did you sleep?”

Now that voice I could recognize in any state of mind. The voice of the man I fantasize about in lonely nights, the man who made me feel like I'm safe by just being beside him.

The man that most definitely cannot love me the same way I love him. Turning around to face the curly haired beauty beside me, I looked at him with eyes open wide and shocked expression. “L-luke? Wh-what are you doing here? In my bed?”

The sleepy angel just laughed, and moved his hands from my stomach to my face. The few seconds that went on without him touching me felt so cold, I never imagined I could crave someone's touch that much. “Baby, do you not remember last night?” I nodded my head no and couldn't find any words to speak. Hearing him call me baby turned my brain into mush and I lost all ability to think. How did he manage to do that? Make me melt and lose my wits with just his touch? Luke rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks and a wide smile spread across his face. I wish I could see this smile all day for the rest of my life. His smile radiated so much warmth that I felt like it could produce electricity better than any nuclear plant could ever try. He was sunshine personified and I was lucky enough to get him to hold me.

“Last night, you called me drunk at around 10pm, claiming you couldn't sleep and asked me to come help you.

You said that since prison you haven't had a good night sleep, and you need some company” I nodded along to his story, even though it was very hard to concentrate when his hands were holding me and his eyes looked deep into my soul. I felt like he could feel all of my emotions and he knows me better than I could ever know myself, I would trust my life with him. And I did. “When I came over you were wasted, so I helped you brush your teeth and get into bed. But after I tucked you in and tried to go back to the living room, you started crying. Do you remember why spencer?”

Shit. it all came back to me now. Drunk love confessions and asking Luke to hug me to sleep. Rambling about how close human contact can help relieve nightmares and PTSD and how all I wanted was someone to hug me.

But that was a lie, I didn't want just anyone. I wanted Luke. Ever since I came out of prison all I wanted was to kiss him, but I was too afraid of rejection. I was willing to let my emotions hide forever because I was sure he would never want me back. And here I am, being a drunk mess, confessing my love. I moved away from his touch, even though it felt like I was taking my life force away from me. I had to hide my face from him, my embarrassment eating me alive.

“Fuck luke, I- I am so sorry. I was just drunk and a mess i didn't mean to- to a, you know make you uncomfortable” But I couldn't really get away. His strong arms gripped my waist once again and pulled me close, our noses almost touching. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think about anything but him.

“I guess you remembered how you confessed your love to me, am I right?” My eyes shut and I nodded slowly, bowing my head down. But I couldn't hide my shame much longer, when Lukes fingers lifted my chin to meet him. “Hey, look at me please”

I opened my eyes, and instead of seeing anger, I saw glitter in his eyes when he looked at me. I saw a whole universe waiting for me to discover it, a whole universe who wants me to come and look around it.

“Here is my pretty boy. I think that the alcohol messed up your big brain and you forgot one crucial part”

Lukes face came closer to mine, his lips barely brushing mine.

“You forgot when i said i loved you back”

My breath stopped once again, and I tried to look at him to find any clues to figure out if he was lying. It can't be true, it can't be that a man like Luke Alvez will be interested with some damaged goods like me?

But his eyes were closed, and even though I couldn't see them, I could feel all the love that his touch held, I could feel his heart beating in sync with mine.

“Now if your confession was a drunken mistake and you don't really love me, then I will go and we can forget that this night ever happened. But since I know this is the first night you slept without any nightmares in a while, I feel like you still want me close. Am I right?”

I was still stuck. How can I answer this question? How do I know I'm not dreaming still and in a moment I will wake up in some small hotel room in the middle of nowhere? But even worse, how can I let this man love me, when everything I touch turns into dust? I ruin everything I love, and I can't let that happen to him. “Spencer”

His voice took me out of my reverie and I looked into his eyes, where his pupils were blown wide with love? Lust? I'm not really sure.

“Can you please answer me? I would like to kiss you now”

All I could do was smile and nod, and let myself be embraced by the soft lips of his. I found myself hoping we hadn't kissed when I was drunk because I want to remember every time I get to taste his lips. I want to remember every moment he consumes me with his presence, I want to feel every time he graces me with his touch. I want to belong to him forever and I want this kiss to never end. But even when my Luke ended the kiss, it was only so he could tell me the sweetest words I've ever heard anyone say. “I love you spencer. I can't wait to spend forever with you”

tell me what you think here!

#BoldlyvoidWritingChallenge #ralvez #spencer reid #luke alvez #spencer reid x luke alvez #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #luke alvez fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic

[ssareids-coffee]

gentle

spencer x reader fluff

this is for @boldlyvoid 2k writing challenge !! content is just pure tooth rotting fluff, very safe for work

she was always so gentle with him- not in the way others were when they would walk on eggshells to avoid triggering one of his many traumas. they saw him as this fragile boy, someone who needed to be coddled and protected. but she was gentle because she was in awe of his genius, his kindness, his smile, just him. when they first met he couldn’t believe this kind, bubbly, and gorgeous woman wanted to talk to him- he was even more shocked when she slipped her number over the table to him after they were stealing glances through bookshelves. it took him days to pluck up the courage to send her a message, worried it was some kind of sick prank and he would be laughed at. but talking to her became so easy after the initial fear, quickly falling into a comfortable routine of texting when they could throughout their busy work day, and stealing calls at night where they would fall asleep on the phone. she was so understanding of his busy schedule she didn’t even mind that it took nearly two months to arrange a proper first date, but by that point it felt like they had known each other forever. a coffee shop date didn’t feel like enough for how much they had come to care about each other, stealing touches of each others hands and looking over the table longingly.

he was scared, he had never felt so much for someone so fast. she filled up a part of his world he didn’t even know was empty and he wanted nothing more than to spend every waking minute with her. his phone quickly filled up with photos of her smiling over coffee, peaking over a book curled up on his sofa or her asleep in his arms after watching doctor who reruns. on their fourth month of dating, he wanted to tell her- god he wanted to tell her how much she means to him and that she lights up his life in a way he didn’t know was possible. being this vulnerable was new to spencer, was terrifying even. he could tell she had noticed how skittish he was, rambling at random moments and jumping over little things. she was getting worried, biting her nails and twirling her red hair round her fingers as she looked up at him.

“spence” she whispered, eyes starting to fill with tears.

“um yeah y/n” he replied, trying to calm his racing thoughts, but all he could think about was how broken he would be if she didn’t feel the same way. his mind was constantly filled with thoughts of her, the way she liked her coffee, how she looked when she had just woken up and the way she always smelt like lavender and vanilla. there was no way he could ever get over her, because he knew she was his endgame, his soulmate, and if she didn’t feel the same he didn’t know how he could recover.

“is something wrong, ar-are you trying to break up with me?” she asked, voice filled with emotion as she tried to take a calming breath but it came out shaky and shallow.

“no- oh my god no- i’m just so nervous, You...you make me feel special and good and all these things that I still don't have the words for yet— good things… things I never thought I deserved to feel.” he said, words falling out his mouth before he could stop himself again.

“i have never loved anyone the way i love you, not facts, not books, not coffee and i have been terrified to tell you because i can’t lose you” he continued, gently rubbing her cheek as he rested his forehead against hers.

“spencer, i love you so much, i could spend a thousand lifetimes with you and i would still want more, i ache for you in every second we are apart and you will never lose me. god you couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried.” she cried, pulling him to her mouth for a wet kiss, filled with emotions and relief and happiness.

“i never believed in soulmates, the idea that there is one person that’s perfect for another is statistically improbable. but now i’m with you, and i know your my soulmate. i know that if in this world alongside all the bad things we found eachother and it feels right. for the first time in my life i’m sure this is right, i’m sure we are meant to be and i don’t want to spend another day apart from you.”

this was it. this was his person, his soulmate, his other half- whatever you wanted to call it. he found it, and he wasn’t letting it go. so he didn’t, six months later they found a house, thirteen months later he was handing the team the wedding invitations, two years later they welcomed their first child and everything was good. together till death, spending eternity laid with one another, they were together through this life and the next.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #boldlyvoidwritingchallenge #spencer reid drabble #doctor spencer reid

[boldlyvoid]

hi bb for your challenge i formally volunteer as beta for anyone who wants someone to read over their fic❣️❣️

guys this is my wonderful bestie and girlfriend beth, she's a wonderful beta if anyone needs some help with their entries for my writing challenge!!

#boldlyvoidwritingchallenge #ask #beth #i love you this is so nice of you

[boldlyvoid]

Hey! Quick question if that’s okay. For the writing challenge you mention no drug use, would an allusion to alcohol abuse be included in that or not? I kind got super carried away writing and forgot to double check first. 😅 I don’t want to post it without clarifying first.

it's more for Hard drugs (meth/heroine, that stuff) and overdosing.... thats the stuff i can't read about.

but drinking and alcohol is completely fine, and past tense references to spencer's dug use is also fine! thank you for checking in!!

#ask #boldlyvoidwritingchallenge

[boldlyvoid]

I'm glad you enjoyed my entry for your celebration! I had so much fun writing it :)

i loved it!!! i love fics where they're already married and already have a dynamic and you could really tell that in yours. they were so cute, they will do anything for each other and ugh i just can't express how much i truly loved it!!!

#ask #boldlyvoidwritingchallenge

[boldlyvoid]

hi emily! do you have a post for your 2k celebration? if you do i can’t find it

here it is!!

#boldlyvoidwritingchallenge #ask