#Breakup advice

[conscious-love]

Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt.

Michelle Obama

#Michelle Obama #healthy relationship #relationship #dating #marriage #relationship advice #dating advice #marriage advice #breakup advice #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #recovery #healing #love #conscious love #quotes

[sk-lumen]

since i have no one to share this with, i’m sending it to you. i just can’t get over someone i had a toxic relationship with. we haven’t contact each other in five years, but even so, this person continues to disturb my thoughts and dreams. i’m tired of having to go through this and i feel pretty lonely cause i have no one to count on. while the person is moving on with their life, i remain stagnant in the same place. :(

Hi darling,

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate as I had a similar experience when I was still in my anxiously attached energy and attracting (and accepting) toxic relationships.

I'm going to get into the nitty-gritty details of all the things I did to move forward, make sure to bookmark or screenshot this for future reference.

Pull out your diary and offload all your thoughts, feelings, fears, frustrations etc until you feel emptied and clear-headed. It helps immensely, trust me.

Go no-contact. This means deleting or even blocking their number, social media, Spotify, you name it. Remove their name and messages and photos from everywhere. This is non-negotiable. Out of sight, out of mind. As long as you keep seeing their name pop up, it'll be like a trigger reopening a painful wound.

Write a list of all the toxic things they did or ways they hurt you. Use this as reminder and objectivity for why they are to be avoided.

Write down a list of why you're drawn to this person, and where the attachment is coming from. You might realize it's not even about the person, but what they represent to you, and you don't want to let go of that particular metaphor/symbolism/ideal in your head. Realizing this helps you let go.

Do a cleansing ritual where you visualize an energetic chord between you two being cut. Afterwards repeat the following mantra: "I call of my energy back to me, may it return to me cleansed and whole, amen".

Another releasing ritual is to write their name on a paper and visualize your intention to let them go, then burn the paper and watch as it fades into nothing along with your connection.

Use prayer, ask for God / your guardian angel to cut any chords between you too and free you from their influence.

Write down a promise to yourself that you'll never again tolerate or accept XYZ toxic things the way he did to you, and that you're done with him and want nothing to do with him (genuinely).

Go to therapy and listen to professional advise/guidance from the licensed professional. They often have great advice in how to heal and move on from people.

Whenever the emotions get too strong, reach for a healthy hobby/outlet like weight-lifting at the gym, or cardio, painting, kickboxing, etc. It's healthier to release the tension than to keep it blocked in your body as that way you're not actually letting yourself heal.

I hope some or all of these help you move forward from being stuck on this ex.

Much love,

-Lumen

#breakup #dating tips #relationship tips #breakup advice #writings #ask

[loverln]

when TØP said metaphorically i’m a whore, yeah that’s what the first crush after a long term relationship feels like.

#relationship advice #relationship #breakup advice #breakup #twenty one pilots #twenty øne piløts #tøp #vent post #crushing #crush #Spotify

[absolute-chaotician]

Breakup Advice.

You can’t stop yourself from having hope. You shouldn't try. Accept what is. Obsessing over not wanting to have hope will only bring you anxiety.

New experiences are your best friend. Start saying yes to things you’ve never done before... when you’re ready. Stay home and cry for a few days if you want to. After you're over the shock and panic, try as many new things as you can. Build your life so big that the grief becomes smaller part.

Get real about your ex. It's natural to romanticize a relationship after it ends. To avoid putting your ex on a pedestal, make a list of everything that bothered you about them and your relationship. Reread it often if needed.

Don't force dating, but don't give up on connection in general. Dating will be fun again someday. Especially for those with BPD like me, reflect on your relationship and use it to make yourself a better person before you put energy into dating someone else.

When you think about your ex, redirect your thoughts to yourself. Focus inward. Think about what you'll have for dinner, a friend you haven't texted in a while, a workout you'll do today.

Don't try to control your emotions. Remind yourself that they are temporary. It's annoying, but this too will pass. Surrender to the waves of emotions and ride them out.

You might fuck up "no contact" with your ex. Don't beat yourself up. Think about how you feel after you reach out to them. Making yourself feel bad doesn't change the past and shame doesn't make you any less likely to fuck up in the future. Let go of pointless browbeating.

There is no timeline for getting over your relationship. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You are responsible for doing whatever helps you move on, but sometimes the only way you can know what makes you feel better is by trial and error.

This advice is adapted from u/Wegmansgroceries on Reddit.

#breakup advice #relationships #heartbroken #heartbreak #breakup #love #loss #despair

[femmefatalevibe]

Why do I always obsessively think of my ex? Even tho I try to stop his thoughts, but the thoughts come outta nowhere in the back of my head. I think it has become a pattern for me, thinking of him, daydreaming stuffs that would never happen. How do I stop it?

Hi love! While there could be several reasons for this that only you could verify as truthful, I'm sharing my two cents based on my observations of people I know who've ruminated about their exes over the years.

You were in a codependent relationship: While partnered, you believe that your partner is your "other half." Without your partner around, you feel like a piece of you is missing because you enmeshed parts of your identity with someone else's personhood.

You see being in a relationship as a success metric and a source of personal validation: In a patriarchal society, women are socialized to believe that finding "the right guy" is a marker of success and a milestone they need to achieve to be desirable or considered "stable" in every sense of the word (ick!). So, while you may not believe this sentiment to be true at face value, you may still idealize the idea of partnership and being single as an inherently "lesser than" status. In this case, you might be projecting your ideal partner onto your ex and fantasizing about the false potential of a relationship that would've existed if you stayed together.

How to stop it? The simple answer is to begin focusing on yourself and decentralize men from your self-worth and life goals.

Hope this helps xx

#femmefatalevibe #q/a #breakup advice #sex and relationships #patriarchy #women's empowerment #female power

[interiordesignofthemind]

Does anyone have any tips on how to move on from a breakup 😭😭😭

#breakup #breakup advice

[souled-out-2023]

Breakup: treat yourself better

Getting out of a relationship feels like losing a big part of your life. It’s incredibly overwhelming when a piece just sort of falls out of place, the way someone falls away from you in a breakup. It becomes easy to stress about the things that you miss, from routines you had with your partner, to gifts they gave you, to the foods you shared, the places you went, things you did. It’s difficult to reclaim those routines that were important to both of you when often, those reminders of your ex fill each experience. However, when you’re ready, do those things again. Create new memories with new people, and make the things that you shared, yours. No one is stopping you from being there again, when you feel prepared. No one can tell you not to get a coffee from that cafe, not to play your old favorite game, not to go back to that basketball court, beach, batting cage, or boutique. I circle back to this: you deserve happiness without your ex. You deserve to reclaim those things, to get excited about those small routines again. 

A similar vein of thinking leads to this advice. I’ve heard it a number of times before, and I’ve found it to be true: treat yourself the way you want a future partner to treat you. Give yourself the things you miss from your ex, and then some. If you miss getting flowers from him, buy a $10 bouquet at Target once in a while. If you miss the kind words he said to you, say them to yourself, even write them down. If he didn’t like you going out with your friends, then go. Tell yourself the amazing things you deserve to hear. Treat yourself with the kindness and thoughtfulness you’d expect from a fantastic partner. If you do all this for yourself, you’ll create independence, and lift your standards. Why would you compromise for a mediocre man, when you have the tools to give yourself so much more happiness alone than he could ever promise? 

So, the point: give yourself the things you miss from your ex, plus what they failed to do for you. Make your greatest partner, you. 

A

#relationship #breakup advice #breakup #life advice #healing

[justkenz]

How can I break up with someone who loves me so much that they have nightmares about me leaving them? I know I will be happier if I leave, but they are so depressed, and they treat me like the only good thing in their life, so I have no idea how they will react. They've never done anything wrong, but I feel nothing. Every advice I've seen relies on some sort of relationship ending mistake. What can I do if there is no mistake? Also, is it bad to have a moral support pal at the break up site?

Hey! I think you have to do what is best for you. It can be really hard to leave when you know someone is struggling/will struggle once you leave, but you are not responsible for their actions. You have to take care of yourself. Maybe if they have a friend or someone they trust, you can let them know after you’ve broken up that your ex might need some extra support, etc but be prepared for them to not have a nice response once you do end things.

Honestly, there is no nice way around these kinds of conversations, but you shouldn’t stay with someone because you don’t want to hurt them. If you continue to hand in there for the right time, you’ll be waiting around forever.

You have to take care of yourself, and it will suck, and they might not handle it well, but you are doing this for you, and that’s okay. Do not stay because you feel obligated, you are not doing benefiting either of you if that’s the only reason you stay.

I hope some of this helps! Good luck🤍

#asks #queued post #breakup advice #relationship advice #mental health advice #take care of yourself

[rrelationshipadvice]

so, like, what is the best way to get over a break up? i've never been very good at getting over people, due to the semi-traumatic ways i have been broken up with (cheated on and blamed for it, as well as ghosted twice). all if my past relationships have been manipulative and horrible on my mental health and my current girlfriend says i have ptsd, but im hesitant to claim as much and i dont really agree. she is the only healthy relationship ive had and she is incredibly patient with me. anyways, certain songs or items often remind me of the few good times i had with these people and i end up missing them horribly, even though they were horrible to me. i want to move past it but i don't know how.

.

#advice #relationship advice #breakup advice

[deftonesrunt]

mb for not posting hehe i was dead. anywayss i jus need sum of yall opinion on somthing.

do you guys think breaking up with someone over msg is bad? if so why? if not, why not?

#breakup #black shifters #heartache #breakup advice

[babyoileel]

Heartbreak in your 20's

Anyone out there have any advice for managing heartbreak when you're in your mid-20s, lived with them, got a dog together and then suddenly they discover they can't be with you right now because of their dwindling mental health?

Anything to make the pain subside for even a second would be much appreciated <3

#heartbreak #heartbroken #breakup #life advice #advice please #heartbreak advice #mental health #breakup advice #heartache

[2-trashi]

Need some advice on how to get over an ex? Ok! Here’s a reminder, they probably just took the grossest shit ever rn. Congrats, now your over your ex! 🎊🎉🎈🥳

#breakup advice #fnaf security breach #mapbot #advice #map bot

[loverln]

sometimes you choose to love you friends endlessly, because platonic love is so fulfilling and worthwhile.

#relationship #relationship advice #breakup #breakup advice #crushing #crush #lovers lane #vent post #love #lovers #friends #best friends #found family #platonic relationships #platonic #platonic love

[absolute-chaotician]

Overcoming Abandonment Issues.

People who have experienced abandonment feel lost, undesired, discarded, insignificant, and helpless.

Abandonment is a traumatic shock to your emotional system because you are suddenly cut off from a significant relationship.

Life post-abandonment involves searching to fill this emotional void.

Relationships turn into a minefield of rejection triggers.

Your fear of abandonment runs the show and drives your partner away.

You are sensitive, clingy, rigid, manipulative, anxious, and obsessive.

The more you overreact and need, the more you despise yourself.

You feel ashamed of your desperation.

To cope with your chronic insecurities, you increasingly become fused to your partner.

Emotional fusion means you depend on people to regulate your self-image and emotions: “I need you to feel good about me so I can feel good about myself. I can’t handle you getting upset with me because that means I am bad and you will desert me.”

Because you rely on your partner for stability, you live defensively reacting to whatever your partner does.

Basically, life feels out of your control, and you look to your partner to calm the storm.

You depend on someone else’s reassurance to be your source of peace.

5 areas of responsibility to take charge of to break codependency and develop a solid self:

Clarify Emotional Responsibility. When your abandonment paranoia gets out of control, do you expect your partner to calm your anxiety? If you struggle with abandonment issues, you probably have an intense desire to feel taken care of. This feeling is completely legitimate; however, it will distort your paradigm of personal responsibility. The deep emotional chasm you feel inside compels you to look to a relationship to be the answer to your problems. For example, you manage your fear of abandonment by placing the responsibility on someone else to behave a certain way to make you feel secure. You panic if that person doesn’t perform perfectly. Your partner becomes your anxiety reliever, and his reassurance is the basis of your security. Consequently, when your partner is having a bad week, you are an emotional wreck. To stop this emotional reactivity, you need to assume complete ownership of your feelings. People will trigger your insecurities, but it’s not their job to make you feel better about yourself. It’s your responsibility to cultivate a healthy mind that believes the best of yourself. To insist that your partner be emotionally responsible for you is asking that person to take on something that is not within their power to do. Accept 100% accountability for your reactions instead of blaming someone else for your anxiety. * *

Correct Idealistic Expectations. Do you approach relationships with a consumer mentality? Do you assume it’s your partner’s job to fulfill all your needs? Subconsciously, people with an abandonment history are continuously looking to compensate for what they lost in childhood. When people are hurt, they feel like they are owed something. Enter unrealistic expectations. The burden to repay the past emotional debt is often placed on the significant other. That person is put on a pedestal and clutched tightly. The relationship becomes addictive because that person possesses something you “need.” Fear of abandonment and love addiction go hand in hand. Love addicts search for that constant “fix.” They use people to make them feel whole. They rely on their partner to be their source of well-being. Unfortunately, the relationship “high” only medicates pain temporarily. For one, this expectation puts an immense amount of pressure on one person. Secondly, you will encounter disappointment because no human being can satisfy every longing in your heart. To break this toxic dependency, you must change the way you primarily get your needs met. What would it look like if you took full responsibility for your happiness? You need to invest in yourself and purposely create the life you desire. For some, this looks like seeking spirituality, working with a therapist, joining a small group, traveling, exercising, creating new life goals, learning a new skill, diversifying relationships, or starting a new career. * *

Learn to Self-Validate. Most people who struggle with fear of abandonment are highly reliant on external validation to make them feel confident. They operate from the belief, “I need constant reinforcement to verify that people love me so I can feel good about myself.” Abandonment wrecks your self-esteem so naturally that there is a huge appeal to look to other people to be your primary source of validation. A deep yearning resides inside your soul to be told, “You’re okay.” There is nothing wrong with accepting affirmation. The problem lies when you cannot function without it and continually need people to resuscitate you emotionally. Do you crumble when your partner disagrees or disapproves of you? Do you spin out of control when you get criticized? The fact is, sometimes we don’t receive the positive feedback we desire. What would it be like if your mood was not controlled by people’s words and behaviors? Don’t give people the power to determine your self-worth. Learn to anchor yourself instead of relying on others to prop you up. Approval-seeking is a fruitless endeavor; it will never satisfy. Besides, no amount of praise will convince you of your significance if you don’t believe it yourself. When you self-validate, it will force you to get clear on who you really are instead of defining yourself based on how people treat you. * *

Be Authentic. Have you discarded your true self? Do you misrepresent yourself or hold back in relationships? Abandonment can disrupt the development of a person’s individuality because they believe the lie that says they are not good enough. As a result, they adopt counterfeit identities, and their sense of self becomes fluid. They often adjust themselves to fit the desires of people around them. Individuals who struggle with fear of abandonment are afraid to be authentic in relationships because they think their differences will threaten the stability of the connection. They are willing to lose themselves in exchange for approval and attention. Instead of genuineness, they aim for a watered-down, palatable version of themselves to achieve “sameness.” They appease their partner to avoid causing waves. They believe one wrong word or mistake could cause the relationship to end. People pleasing will result in a lifetime of walking on eggshells and putting up with bad behavior. Don’t compromise your originality. Abandoning yourself is a toxic preservation strategy. Resilient relationships are created when two differentiated people come together. Hold onto your sense of self in close relationships. Be brave enough to clearly define your identity. Commit to valuing yourself enough so you don’t sell out any longer. * *

Practice Self-Confrontation. Have you sacrificed your integrity to “save” a relationship? Most of the time, the worst in us comes out during conflict. Hurting people hurt others. Individuals who fear abandonment are masters at control. If they can manipulate people, then they can reduce their anxiety of abandonment. Do you lie and tamper with the facts when your partner finds you at fault? Do you play the victim role to gain sympathy? When your partner confronts you, do you pretend to be confused? Do you shame your partner into spending time with you? Do you attack your partner’s weaknesses to get your way? Most people would rather turn a blind eye and tolerate their depravity than acknowledge its existence. It’s much easier to blame your partner. “If only he noticed me.” “If she would just listen to me.” The first person you need to confront is you. Individuals with a strong self admit when they are wrong. To heal from abandonment, you need to become a person who daily self-confronts and takes responsibility for how your actions hurt people. Self-confrontation is a time of reflection where you examine if your attitudes and behaviors are out of alignment with your core values. You correct personal flaws and take ownership for bad behavior even if there are costs. You change not to get a “certain response” from your partner but to maintain your self-integrity. The best in you stands up when you confront the worst in yourself. In return, you will gain much self-respect. Resolve to stop dodging responsibility because of your past. Stop blaming, justifying, or making excuses for bad behavior to save face. Just own it. Take inventory of how unfairly you treat your partner. Boldly admit your culpability in the toxic relationship dynamic. Don’t accept more responsibility than is due, but own your part. Humbly confess your offenses to your partner. No doubt this move will disrupt the status quo, however, sometimes upheaval is necessary to create traction in areas of relationship gridlock.

Tolerate discomfort for the sake of growth.

Building a strong self will stir up your anxiety. But each time you abstain from reassurance seeking and controlling behaviors, you strengthen your emotional muscles.

Use your relationship insecurity as an opportunity to learn how to transfer your pain into personal growth. This abandonment wound is an invitation for you to reorganize yourself into a resilient person. When you test your capacity, you will discover your strength.

#mental health #abandonment #ptsd #breakup advice

[femmefatalevibe]

This is the first time ever asking like this, but I really need advice…

I’m a girl, (21) and I have a crush on this guy (30)

We’ve both dated before, and separated due to long distance (different countries), but recently came back into contact.

Long story short, we both still really like each other, have thousands of things in common, and similar views.

He works constantly to afford food and such, so barely has time to chat, and due to some past tragedies, can’t bring himself to open up as easily as he wishes he could. He’s lost many people before and is scared to lose me, and not only that, he thinks I should find someone better, and someone closer to my age.

The problem is me, I don’t know how to move on, I love him so much, everything reminds me of him, and can’t move on, but I don’t want to push him away.

What do I do?

Hi love! This sounds like a difficult situation to move from. With the information you've shared with me, I would consider two important takeaways I noticed that might help you reframe the situation in a way that leaves space for acceptance, introspection, and growth past this stage of your grieving this relationship.

Firstly, if a man (or woman, etc.), ever tells you to find someone else, believe that they see some incompatibility with you that is likely out of your control. When someone says they don't want to make it work, believe them.

In terms of moving on, I would consider that, while this man may hold a special place in your heart, he clearly has a lot of things to sort out in his life. As the adage goes: You can't pour from an empty cup. When you feel resistance to moving on from this man, consider how much of a negative toll an unhealed person's baggage would put on you and your potential relationship with this person. It is a good sign that this man recognizes that he is not in a place in his life where he has the capacity for a romantic relationship, so I would use this information as an acknowledgment that you have his blessing to move on.

Aside from the mental gymnastics that this inner work entails, on a practical note, I would consider using this transitional stage to journal out what you've learned about yourself from this experience and how it will influence your standards/boundaries/expectations from future dates/potential partners. Take out a fresh piece of paper or document page and reflect on the following:

What about this person keeps me feeling drawn to them? What qualities do I find attractive? What aspects of this person's character are compatible with my life goals and the ideal partner/relationship I see for myself? What red flags am I ignoring for my own sake? How much of this person's appeal is based on an idealized, potential, or real-life acknowledgment of this person's character and capacity to be a great partner in my ideal relationship?

What has this experience taught me about myself and what I'm looking for in a partner? Green flags, red flags, dealbreakers, and non-negotiables?

How can I work on living the life that would align with my ideal partner? Who do I need to become to feel like my ideal person's equal and "perfect match"?

Finally, I would say take some time for yourself to socialize without focusing on partnering up necessarily. Get out there, and meet new people – whether it's platonically or to casually date until you're certain that you're ready to open your heart again to a new person/relationship or find someone worthy of this commitment. Evaluate any prospective partners against your revision criteria and standards. Be decisive according to the person standing in front of you, not their potential. What you see is what you get – nothing else is guaranteed.

Hope this helps xx

#femmefatalevibe #femme fatale #dating #relationship advice #dating advice #breakup advice #it girl #high value woman #female excellence #the feminine urge #dark feminine energy #dark femininity #high value mindset #female power #queen energy #dream girl #level up #self reflection #level up journey #healing journey #girl advice #girl talk #interpersonal relationships #q/a

[urfavoritearies]

Mentally unbalanced and deranged.

Freedom at last. For once I feel free. I feel like I can breathe. All by leaving what no longer served me.

He made me feel so congested.

It’s like my nasal’s were swollen just like my heart. I don’t mean to be corny.

#breakup advice #unhinged #writer #poem