#Bruce you dick

[redsray]

the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?

Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??

Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.

Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.

Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.

#batman #batfam #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #stephanie brown #dc comics #icb i posted this w/o tags the first time #what is wrong w me #superman: where do you find these kids #bruce: they just show up tbh #especially tim. he LITERALLY just showed up #anyone: so which one is really robin? #bruce: they are all really robin. #bruce: dick wanted to kill a man. #jason tried hijacking my tires in CRIME ALLEY. #tim just appeared and made himself robin that was NOT me #stephanie also wanted to kill a man. #damian did kill a man. or two. #YOU try to parent these kids then come back to me clark

[ditzybat]

jason: what’s your darkest secret?

tim: i wrote the most kudos’d superbat fanfic on ao3

damian: i was his beta reader

jason: first you steal my costume, now you steal my spot as most kudos’d fic?!

#bruce: at least they haven’t maimed eachother - this is good bonding right? #dick: uh sure - whatever the voices tell you B #dc #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #bruce wayne #clark kent #red hood #robin #red robin #batman #superman #superbat #batfam

[fact-dogsarehappiness]

Another reason why I’m a firm believer in letting Bruce get old is because the idea of him looking and his dark haired children without his glasses on and genuinely not being able to tell them apart is unparalleled

#i can clearly see him staring at one of the kids and deciding to just play roulette #bruce internally while not wearing glasses: dick?cassie?jay?tim?damian?dick?cassie?jay?tim?damian?dick?cassie?jay? #bruce finally making a choice: tim can you grab that file #jason: i’m disowning myself again #dc comics #batfamily #batfam #batman #nightwing #orphan #black bat #red hood #red robin #robin #bruce wayne #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne

[comics-centalx]

Dick and Jason's responses are the only correct ones

#dc universe #dick grayson #nightwing #dc comics #robin #batfam #damian wayne #red robin #red hood #love jason #jason todd #tim drake #bruce wayne #batman #batfamily #batbros #bat family #amazing artwork #not my art #Art credit: im not sure if you know let me know and ill add it

[stormy-skyzzzzzz]

i adore these two.

anyone who says they don’t act like brothers doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

#batfam #batfamily #comics #jason todd #red hood #dc comics #dc robin #the red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #batman #bruce wayne #jason todd and dick grayson #they’re brothers your honor #i love them #dick grayson being a cop makes me cackle #it’s just so funny #idk why #love him tho #you slay baby #batman comics #dc comcis #dc red hood #dc nightwing #brothers

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Alfred: Injury report?

26-year-old Bruce: All the blood is on the inside?

Alfred:

Some years down the road

Bruce: Injury report?

Tim: I left no DNA behind.

Cass: I can still beat the rest of you.

Jason: Haven’t died again.

Dick: No bones are visible from the outside.

Damian: I won.

Duke: I think I discovered a new power.

Steph: You’re not my dad.

Bruce:

Bruce:

Alfred: And how *is* Karma doing today, Master Bruce?

#batman #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #batfam #batkids #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #stephanie brown #damian wayne #cassandra cain #duke thomas #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

[arunneronthird]

pov you just tried to express an opinion in a wayne party. youre a super

#i think keeping the sunglasses for alfred was relevant to the narrative #the only person having fun is jason cause he craves chaos #oh god the tags #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #alfred pennyworth #jason todd #dc comics #my art #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

[abisalli]

detective work 🔍❓

#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #dc comics #my art #digital art #this started with Chibi batman and then I just kinda kept going #I've been looking into opening my own sticker shop lately because I have accumulated a bunch of sticker designs #so coming march or april you may be able to get your very own abisablli sticker designs :) #batfamily

[redsray]

I love the idea of the Wayne kids dropping extremely vague and disturbing comments during galas. Especially when in uncomfortable situations or if they're just bored. They pull out things from their nightlife too. Other times they just make shit up.

Socialite: Oh, dear, your cheeks look so sullen! Who sucked the life out of you?

Tim, dead serious: An old man with a goatee.

Socialite: Uh... what?

Dick: Once I broke my knee so badly that I swear I could see part of the bone sticking out.

Socialite: Good lord. How on earth did that happen?

Dick: Just clumsy gymnast things ^^

Socialite: The white streak is certainly a bold fashion choice.

Jason: I saw someone get decapitated once, so I could be doing worse in terms of what's on my head, yknow? At least I have one.

Socialite: What's your favourite colour, sweetie?

Damian: Red.

Socialite: Oh that's lovely!

Damian: Like the blood of my enemies.

Socialite: Oh.

Socialite: You must be new to these kind of events.

Duke: Uh, yeah, they're kind of scary. But I've had worse.

Socialite: Worse.

Duke: Well I've been left on top of a skyscraper before with no way down just to 'get over my fear of heights' so, yes.

Socialite: You don't talk very loud, do you? I can barely hear you.

Cass, with a straight face: If I spoke any louder every glass in the room would shatter.

Tim, behind her: I can vouch.

#batfam #batman #cassandra cain #damian wayne #dc comics #dick grayson #duke thomas #jason todd #tim drake #they make bets on who can freak out the most stuck up socialites #its a very fun game for them #bruce just lets it happen #he secretly finds it funny #sometimes even plays along #socialite: so how did you end up with so many kids? #bruce: they were brought to me by an alien

[ditzybat]

dick, who just got black mailed by 12 year old stalker tim: scary, that tim kid has a spot on bat-glare despite not spending anytime with you whatsoever, i mean the resemblance is uncanny

bruce trying to figure out if he ever slept with janet drake: very scary…

#bruce: i’ve slept with jack for sure - janet? that woman scares me too much #dick: but isn’t that your type? women who could and will destroy you? #bruce: oh my god.. #dc #bruce wayne #dick grayson #tim drake #robin #red robin #batman #nightwing #janet drake #jack drake

[bruciemilf]

“Bruce is emotionally incompetent and can’t step outside his own morality” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“Dick is extremely stubborn and thinks he’s right all the time” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“Jason has hypocritical tendencies” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“ Tim is entitled and doesn’t think about people when seeking results, and often acts uncaring” yeah it’s a character flaw.

“Damian is rude and bratty” yeah, it’s a character flaw.

Also, some people may not even regard everything listed above as flaws.

Having negative traits allows incredible flexibility within your characters, what makes them intriguing, what makes them easy to relate to. If you want to write people, then write people. But they can’t be good and clean all the time.

#bruce wayne #dc comics #dc #batman #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #I’m really glad we’re growing out of the ‘my favorite is flawless because they’re a good person who has done both wrong ever’ phase #you can absolutely enjoy media that has imperfections and blemishes. these characters should be flawed. they should get to be shitty people #sometimes. they should get a chance to grow and extend and evolve as individuals. because I think that’s what we need to see more #it’s not about being a shitty person. it’s about STAYING a shitty person #text #meta #batfamily

[feyburner]

Guess who got hit with a de-aging beam 👍🏻

Page one text:

Dick: Let’s see, you’ve met ✨me✨, Duke, Dami, Al… who else is around…

Dick: Oh hey! It’s Jason!

Jason: Uh.

Timmy: Jason………. Todd?

Dick: That’s right!! (Wow, good memory!)

Jason: Hi.

Dick: T-TIM?!

*

Bonus:

#tim drake #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #bat family #dc #droring #sometimes you’ve already had a very long and confusing day and you are simply not prepared to meet your hero 😔 #this was a groupchat concept that rapidly spiraled out of control. see also: mammutblog #timmy au

[trashmakerarticle]

Everyone thinks that dick was the golden child when in reality it was Jason.

Clark: Bruce who was your favourite robin?

Dick: obviously it’s me?

Tim: it’s dick

Damian: I am superior robin, it will be me.

Bruce: it’s Jason

Everyone: WHAT?!?!???

Bruce: why are you so surprised? He didn’t jump on too my chandeliers which I had to replace each week

*everyone looks at dick*

Bruce: he didn’t drop out of school

*everyone looks at tim*

Bruce: I didn’t have to stop him from killing everyone who annoyed him

*everyone looks at Damian*

Bruce: in fact, he enjoyed school and handed all his homework in on time, we would spend hours in the library reading his favourite classics. He even helped Alfred with most of the cooking, He was my little boy

Jason: stop spreading lies, I hate you go away

Bruce: my precious little boy

#jason todd #Bruce Wayne #dick Grayson #Damian Wayne #tim Drake #clark kent #Batman #alfred pennyworth #Bruce: he my little baby #jason: I’m 6’2 and have the ability to kill you if I wanted #Bruce: my baby my little son #jason: GOD YOURE SO EMBARRASSING DAD #jason was probably the most behaved child before he went boom boom and I stand by that #he enjoyed school #most likey hated it when he missed it #and he loves classic literature??? #bros a huge nerd #yea dick is all smiles but probably gave Bruce’s near death heart attacks everytime he swung from chandeliers and rooftops #jason just wanted to live his life in the library reading his fav books and homework

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Here’s how I want robin in the next battinson movie:

The very first scene is Bruce and tiny Dick Grayson sitting across from each other at the dining table, staring each other down in silence, both clearly grumpy about it. Alfred is in the background watching them with concern. The silence lasts about 20 seconds before Dick speaks.

“Let me fight crime.” (said with all the petulance of a pouty 10 year old)

Bruce replies immediately. “No.” (this is clearly an ongoing argument)

Immediately cut to the next scene where Dick, wearing the iconic Robin suit, is having the time of his life swinging across the city while Bruce frantically tries to keep up with him while yelling at him to be careful like an anxious mother

#just a whole movie of bruce being bullied by this small child he just adopted #being forced to take on a ‘if you’re going to drink then id rather you do it with me’ style of parenting #just back and forth between falling in love with his new son and going ‘why tf did I adopt a child?!’ #batman #robin #battinson #bruce wayne #dick grayson #dc #dc comics #mine

[dragonpyre]

I mean, Jason has a point...

Commission info ko-fi

#batfamily #batfam #batkids #batsiblings #batdad #fanart #fan art #my art #comic #dc comics #dc #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #duke thomas #bruce wayne #batman #consistency? in MY art? is less likely than you think

[excalisi]

it's a fun hc of mine that during dick's robin days, he went through the "omg i wish i had a cool secret language so i can have secret conversations with my friends" phase all kids go through. but one of his closest friends at the time also happened to be the batman, a guy with possibly the most bizarrely diverse arsenal of skills in the world. bruce sees the merit in the entire idea of a coded language to communicate rudimentary information when they can hear but not see each other. so why not make a code built on bird vocalizations? it's pretty much incomprehensible to anyone without a trained ear or comprehensive knowledge of birding and impossible to even passably mimic without proper training, so while the chances of interception are high, the chances of someone understanding it enough to interrupt during the middle of a bird-convo and feed false information are not.

it also, batman and robin come to realize, feed into the "holy fuck our vigilantes are cryptids" idea. bird sounds that come from seemingly no determinable location (ventriloquism) come to mean batman and robin are nearby. to the goons of gotham, bird song becomes inextricably connected to getting your ass kicked by the dynamic duo. the real reason why criminals don't operate during the day is because they get skittish and jumpy about if the sounds of birds chirping are real birds or some masked vigilantes lying in wait to rock your shit, and it's just easier to commit crimes during the night when all the birds are asleep so you know for sure.

ornithologists have boards on their bedrooms dedicated to the bird-bats of gotham. they've written dissertations.

the bird language becomes a bit of a batfamily bonding connection. teaching each other how to do different clicks and whistles, making up slang so bruce and barbara can't complain of clogging up comms with non-mission relevant talk, searching up birds to associate them with different people, psychologically terrorizing the criminal populace of gotham by chirping at them...

how the bird code works is that there's a bird assigned to each one of gotham's major heavy hitter criminals and vigilantes, and a few assigned to heroes out of the city (by which i mean the ones the bats associate with often enough to have a sign to address by). the only birds i've got so far are the robin (for robin. self-explanatory) and the glistening-green tanager (for the joker). i only have one for the joker bc i wanted to reference this hc in one of my fics and so searched up green birds to find the most eye-searingly annoying-to-look-at green bird i could find, and the glistening-green tanager was the closest one to fit the bill.

#dc #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #dc robin #robin #batfam #batfamily #you're a goon in gotham wondering in terror where the hell those menaces are so that their chirping echoes from everywhere at once #and red robin is just snidely insulting your haircut while red hood laughs at you