Teenage Kunikida just on the verge of a mental breakdown as his plans for life and his whole future is destroyed.
And than there's Ranpo slowly walking over like "so about the Detective Agency."
That's how I imagine it.
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I'd like to imagine Kunikida coming across his ideal woman who meets all 58 requirements, fits all his fantasies and more just for him to confess and be rejected.
Kunikida pours his whole heart out, having planned his confession for what feels like hours in the mirror and writing down every little detail (down to the time).
"You're the one ideal woman I've been searching for my whole life. I wish to spend forever with you, my angel, and love you endlessly."
The woman sweetly smiles and responds "Yeah, sorry," in a sheepish tone "You're not really my type..."
Kunikida, looking absolutely dumbstruck, stands with his jaw wide open as he processes the darling womans words. Both stand in awkward silence before the woman speaks up and points to Dazai, who is watching the scene unfold.
"But your friend there is pretty cute. Is he single?" With a small blush creeping onto her cheeks.
Divider credit to cafekitsune ♡
Dunno why I think this is funny cause I'm guessing Kunikida hasn't thought about whether his ideal woman even likes him back lmao. Although one of his ideals probably states that the woman returns his affection. Maybe. -Love, Kennedy 💜
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Any kunizai hcs that you can share? All your bsd hcs are spot on
Thank you for thinking my bsd headcanons are on point!!! Yes, I have lots of kunizai headcanons, I think Kunikida is such a crucial pillar in Dazai's polycule.
Kunikida has a sex towel that's a different color than the other towels, but still part of an overarching and cohesive scheme because he needs to be able to tell when Dazai has grabbed the wrong towel but it also would distract him if it clashed too badly with the rest of the towels.
Kunikida keeps Dazai's dorm stocked with gummy vitamins mixed with actual gummies because Dazai will just eat them all as a meal if he doesn't feel like making himself food, and it's a waste of vitamins if he eats them all at once.
Dazai won't take medication if it's inconvenient or gross, so Kunikida will press his thumb into the hinge of Dazai's jaw and pill him like a cat. The first time Atsushi saw this, he was perturbed. The second time, Kunikida taught him how to do it too.
I think a lot about how personally and deeply Kunikida takes every life lost under his watch, and how Dazai is watching him, waiting for him to collapse beneath the pain, only for Kunikida to consistently bounce back anyway. It's a well of hope and healing for Dazai, and he relies on Kunikida, not for what Kunikida does for him, but for who Kunikida is despite everything. I'm not saying that Dazai would lose it without Kunikida anchoring him, but I have read Beast, so. Maybe that is what I'm saying.
This isn't a headcanon so much as it's actually canon, but Kunikida's nagging and browbeating are his sincerest show of affection and Dazai knows this and irritates him because when Kunikida throttles him over it, it's affirmation that Dazai doesn't often receive when he acts out. Chuuya is also good for this.
Speaking of which, Chuuya and Kunikida remind Dazai of each other for their stalwartness, their commitment to their values, their loyalty, their disgust for authority they don't respect, and their reactivity. Their ferocity is soothing to Dazai.
Kunikida sees Dazai as impossibly coquettish, provocative, and sensual, whereas Dazai finds his own sexuality brutish and like an imposition. Dazai's startled during the moments he sees himself through Kunikida's perspective, but he likes being surprised by Kunikida more than he hates himself. (Which also startles him, the first several times it happens.)
Kunikida, holding Atsushi up by his armpits: stinky
Kyouka: no!! don't be mean!!
Kunikida, swaying him: stinky bastard man
Kyouka: no!!!!!!
Dazai, not looking up from the pornographic magazine he's reading in the office: naughty boy. brat cat.
Dazai thinks he's keeping that he and Kunikida are sleeping together from Fukuzawa, namely because he sees himself as a corrupting influence and is avoiding the rejection he's certain he'd receive if he sought Fukuzawa's approval. Kunikida has already disclosed to Fukuzawa and received the appropriate paperwork from the law firm on the first floor of the Agency's office building. Dazai doesn't read the things Kunikida asks him to sign, so hasn't realized.
Kunikida says no to Dazai and not to Ranpo, so Dazai pays Ranpo with difficult-to-obtain sweets in exchange for Ranpo's cooperation when Dazai wants Kunikida to do ridiculous things about which Kunikida is liable to tell him no.
This isn't a headcanon, but related to the above, please enjoy this audio drama clip of Kunikida hyper-realistically meowing like a cat because Ranpo and Dazai are horrible imps [skip to 3:19 for Kunyaakida].
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[Post-canon AU?]
I don't know how to tag this, so whatever
In many movies it's said that Dracula's wife always reincarnates, so that was the inspiration for this (Fem!Kunikida looks like a Barbie, I love her)
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