#But Laura doesn't get nearly as much hate

[specialagentlokitty]

Mr Evershed x daughter!reader - Christmas as a family

Hej, can you please write a Evershed x Daughter story? Mister Evershed learns that he has a daughter. She is also a student at Ackley Bridge. However, she refuses contact with Mr. Evershed because she doesn't want to destroy his happy family life. Christmas is coming soon and Mr. Evershed invited her over a few times. Without success. Maybe you can include the Winter Prompt Number 19. So he visits her to celebrate christmas. Thanks 😊 - Anon💜

19: “Shouldn’t you be with your family?” “They see me every year, I think it’s your turn to have somebody be with you on Christmas.”

When Mr Evershed opened the letter he received in the post it wasn’t what he was expecting at all, and he sat on his sofa in pure shock as he stared at it.

“What is it?” His wife asked.

He looked at her and back to the letter.

“Gaynor I have a teenage daughter..”

“What?!”

She sat next to him and he handed the letter over to her to read.

It was a legit letter, sent from a lawyer to him, and he didn’t know what to do.

Neither of them did, how would they? What where you supposed to do when you found something out like this?

Did he get in contact with the lawyer? Did he leave it and pretend he never got it?

He didn’t know, but the letter didn’t say much, just that they wanted to talk about the situation so after nearly a week he finally agreed.

And he went to the building where the meeting had been set up.

“If I’m being honest I wasn’t sure you were going to show up…” a woman said quietly.

He turned around and looked at her.

“Laura?” He asked shocked.

“Hey Martin…”

They sat down and the woman sighed.

“I’m sorry, I just saw you were in town and I thought you had a right to know about your daughter. When I found out it was too late, we’d graduated and you moved away..”

“I.. yeah.. to further my studies..”

Laura nodded.

“You want to know more, don’t you?”

“Please.”

“Her name is (Y/N), she’s a lovely girl, happy and friendly. I’ve told her as well, she knows. She’s a student at your school, it’s how I found out I saw your name at the bottom of a letter.”

He slowly nodded his head and they talked more about you.

After nearly an hour, he sighed.

“I’m sorry, I’m not saying you would lie but do you have any proof?” He asked.

“We can do a DNA test to confirm it, (Y/N) already asked for one to be done.”

He agreed and then it was the agonising wait for the test to come back.

When it did it confirmed it all, and he didn’t know what to do. Though he spoke to your mum about it, he hadn’t spoken to you.

So, he called you to his office so the pair of you could talk about it and you walked in.

“Yes sir?” You asked.

“I thought maybe we should talk..”

You looked at him, shaking your head.

“I don’t think we’ve got anything to talk about, if it’s not about school I’m not interested in talking about it.” You said.

“Oh.. I see..”

“I don’t want any contact with you, I don’t want to meet your family, I have my mum and that’s all I need.”

With that, you left.

And if he was being honest he felt a little defeated.

He had found out you were his daughter, and he was looking forward to getting to know you more, but you weren’t interested in that.

Every time he asked your mum to try arrange a day that the pair of you could meet up and do something, you declined.

And after weeks of trying he didn’t know what to do anymore.

“I don’t know what else to do Laura, I’ve tried, but (Y/N) wants nothing to do with me. I actually think she hates me.” He said.

“I’m sure she doesn’t, it may be hard for her.” Gaynor said.

Laura nodded her head.

“Exactly, I know (Y/N) doesn’t hate you. In fact you were her favourite teacher when you were teacher her English. It’s just hard for her, all her life it’s been us two.”

“Then what do I do? Because right now it feels like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

Laura sighed.

“Listen, you never heard this from me, but the truth is (Y/N) is worried about your family.”

“Us?” Gaynor asked.

Your mum nodded.

“She doesn’t want to break your family apart, so to her it’s easier to stay away from all of you.”

Your mum looked at her watch before getting up.

“I’m going to be late to work, but just keep trying.”

With that she left and Mr Evershed turned to his wife.

“Ask her over for Christmas, or Christmas Eve.” Gaynor said.

“You’d be okay with it?”

“She’s your daughter Martin, there’s only so long we can put this off. It’ll be nice to introduce the girls to her.”

Mr Evershed nodded his head.

So, the following Monday while he was wondering the hallways he spotted you at your locker and made his way over.

“Can I ask you something?”

You glanced at him but nodded.

“How would you feel about spending Christmas Eve with us at my house?”

“No.”

“Please I’m trying here (Y/N).”

You closed your locker and walked away from him.

He tried again a few days later, and again you turned his offer down.

He had gotten you presents, he knew some things you liked, and got you a few of them, and now he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to give them to you.

The Christmas holidays had started, and he still hadn’t been able to reach you or talk to you.

But a conversation with your mum made an idea come into his head, and after running it by with his wife she agreed to was a good idea.

On Christmas Day, you woke up around lunch time, and wondered into the kitchen to find something to eat.

You knew your mum was at work, so you decided to make something to eat, and sit down watching some crappy Christmas films.

You glanced at the tree, two presents were under it, one from you to your mum and one from your mum to you.

It wasn’t much, but it was always enough for you.

There was a knock on your door, and you got up to answer it, seeing Mr Evershed in the other side and he smiled, holding up a few bags.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas I guess.”

You stepped aside to let him in.

“Mum isn’t in, she’ll be back tonight I think. She’s working.”

“I know, she told me.

“Shouldn’t you be with your family?” You asked.

Walking over to the coffee table, Mr Evershed set the bags down.

Then he turned around to look at you.

“They see me every year, I think it’s your turn to have somebody be with you on Christmas.”

You looked at him with a blank look and he sighed.

“Your mum told me she was going to be working, and she didn’t want to leave you alone on Christmas. I know for the past few years she hasn’t been able to be here, so I wanted to be here.”

“You got family you should be with.”

“And you are family, it’s why I hunted all around town for a pizza place still open, and I got you some presents.”

“What?”

He smiled, pulling a couple of wrapped presents out of a plastic bag.

“Yeah, I haven’t been part of your life I underhand, but I want to be. And Gaynor is alright with it, and the girls don’t know yet but when you’re ready we’ll tell them.”

You sat down on the sofa and he sighed.

“You don’t have to be scared about ruining my family (Y/N), they know that you’re my daughter, and that makes you family as well.”

He smiled at you.

“I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas, and neither does your mum, so whether you like it or not unfortunately you’re stuck with me for the rest of the night.”

He sat next to you, gesturing to the presents and you looked at them.

“Go on, they’re for you.”

You reached over and opened them, admiring the new books and games he had gotten you.

“These must have cost a bomb…”

“Not really, your mum helped me pick them out.”

You nodded.

“Well uh.. thanks..”

He smiled and you sat back to carry on watching your film, happily eating away at the pizza he brought.

It was quiet for a while until you spoke up.

“Mr Evershed?”

“Yeah?”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind getting to know you and your family.”

“We’ll sort it all at a later date, but I’m glad to hear it.”

And that was a start, it was what he wanted. Just a chance to get to know you, and be able to spend Christmas with you

#ackley bridge #ackley bridge imagine #ackley bridge x reader #ackley bridge x you #mr evershed #mr evershed x reader #mr evershed imagine #mr evershed x you

[cleoselene]

the top 5

So I'm not really a film buff. I like a lot of movies, but I'm a tv person. TV is my love, TV is where my passion is. And I've been mulling over the question of what are my actual top 5 favorite TV shows of all time?

I can tell you the top three easily:

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - uncontested favorite show of all time. Perfect characterization. Covers nearly every genre you can think of. Intricate, deliberate, patient storytelling. Gets a reputation for being the "dark" Star Trek but is still loads brighter and more hopeful than anything labeled "Star Trek" after 9/11. The writing is so strong, the characters are so lovingly crafted, there are over 100 incredible episodes to dig into. It doesn't overwhelm you with anything, when the story is very serialized, it gives you a break. When the story gets too intense, it takes a turn and gives you something lighter. I have SO MANY OPINIONS about how fandom kind of lets me down in its appreciation of this show but my appreciation of it is perfect.

Six Feet Under - beginning to end, uniformly wonderful quality. Claire Fisher and I went through a few too many of the same experiences as young women in the early '00s. I think if we're lucky, we find a television show that portrays experiences in a way that are true to us, and Six Feet Under speaks a certain kind of truth for me. Claire and I had the same cynical views, the same confusion in early adulthood, the same flirtations with sinister older men, the same asshole artist boyfriend who got us pregnant and then acted like when she/I had to get an abortion it was all about HIM. That complicated, painful relationship a young woman has with her mother, that's fraught with fighting and pain and a fierce kind of love. And the most perfect, beautiful ending in television history. My only complaint with SFU is that Nate Fisher is an incredibly difficult character to sit through on rewatch (and on first watch honestly) but I forgive it because through Nate we get Brenda, who is the Difficult Woman that fandom always claims they want to have to love but always hates when they get her. Brenda is amazing. I love Brenda.

Twin Peaks - a multi-decade obsession that I don't think I need to get into too deeply here because I have been fawning over it on this blog for months, but a few notes: This show takes a single tragedy and doesn't allow you to get over it, in a television landscape that encourages you to consume a new violence every week and then forget about it, Laura Palmer's death has lingers with us for over three decades because it should. It should be terrible and awful and painful. Twin Peaks also came about when crime media like Silence of the Lambs was telling us that the true evil scary bad guy was a crossdressing serial killer, when television soap operas coded crossdressing as a deviant, evil behavior, and said, "one of our explicitly coded good people is transgender." Twin Peaks told us that the killer is not some weird other, but as it is in reality, someone more familiar and mundane that we try to imagine is a terrifying monster to cope with the brutal mundane reality. And that's just the tip of a massive iceberg when it comes to what this piece of interpretive art is tackling. The wonderful thing about Twin Peaks is that you can read a million theories trying to define exactly what it's about and they can all be correct, because it's not just about consumable tv violence or trying to make monsters out of the mundane, it's about how we perceive our realities and so, so much more. The iceberg's depth is endless.

and then after those top three, I struggle to round out the top five. I have other shows I LOVE, but hesitate to put in with these elite three, for a variety of reasons. I love Star Trek: TNG and Voyager, but the uneven quality I think kicks them off the top five. Voyager has brilliance but some really dog bad episodes, TNG has some whole bad seasons.

HBO's "Rome" is an obsession that was so potent while it lasted that I am tempted, but it was a 2 season show and the quality fell off badly because the plot was majorly rushed in S2. I don't think it qualifies for top five, either.

My most recent sci-fi obsession is The Orville in that it really comes close to hitting the sweet spots the 90s Treks hit within the limitations of shorter modern television seasons, but I don't know if it's a complete work yet. I HOPE NOT. Season 3 was as beautiful and wonderful as modern television gets. It's got major top 5 potential.

Legend of the Seeker is up there with Rome in that the obsession was potent but way too brief: a 2 season affair. It's tempting to put this one in the top 5 because honestly I had almost no complaints about it. It adapted absolutely dog-awful atrocious shit source material and Raimi/Tapert gave it the same magic they infused into Xena to make it a really fun, progressive show. I want to give it a top 5 spot just because IT DESERVED BETTER AND EVERYONE ON IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. Also the fandom was super fun and I made really good friends in it and it was just a really joyful show to watch. It made me feel happy. TV doesn't make me feel happy enough anymore. Usually it makes me feel depressed *cough all the new Star Treks, cough* but Legend of the Seeker just lifted me UP. It was syndicated and I worked graveyard shift and I would get home after working all night at 7am and watch the new episode before bed and it was just. Such a boost of happiness.

Finally, I think Farscape deserves a slot. I don't know where. I am WAY overdue for a Farscape rewatch. After the roommates and I get through DS9 (one of them has never seen it!!) we are going to Farscape next. I always love telling people that Farscape is like Star Trek if Star Trek allowed itself to be kinky. What was that one TWOP description of Farscape? "American man lost in the Australian S&M scene." Roflcopter. Also, John/Aeryn is one of the more epic ships of all time. OF ALL TIME.

#star trek #deep space nine #ds9 #twin peaks #six feet under #the orville #legend of the seeker #hbo rome #farscape #idk idk idk #i'm inclined to say the rest of the top five is farscape and seeker

[tommybowefuneralattendee]

oh 4 from the angry prompts for literally whoever you want that one hurts so good - katie

4. “You think I wanted this to happen? You think I, of all people, wanted to fall in love with you?” 

linked on ao3 || read under the cut || 3.3k, rated gen

It's not a good day. Both of his dads are on one about something or another, at each other's throats and at Augustus's, though to his knowledge Augustus hasn't done anything particularly wrong. It's just a mood thing. Changing of the seasons, maybe. He doesn't have work today, so he heads over to the Agnew household to get away from the yelling, the angry and snapping retorts, the rare breaking of glass. Swear, his dads were better, more even keeled, when he was a kid. He doesn't know what he did wrong. He doesn't know what he did to them, growing up weird in their presence. Because he knows he's weird. He just wishes his dads didn't think so too. They love him. He just doesn't know if they have any idea how to love him in a way he understands.

He knocks on the door of the Chosen's house, pasting on a smile. He likes Mrs. Agnew. She's told him a million times to call her Laura, smiles at him indulgently when he goes on one of his freak tangents, never makes him feel like an intrusion in her house. The same cannot be said of her son, but Augustus knows Chosen likes him. At least, that's what he tells himself.

"Auggie!" Mrs. Agnew says as she throws open the door, fully outfitted in her scrubs. She's either gotta be just home from the hospital or just leaving- she hates staying in her scrubs for even a minute after getting home. He knows Mrs. Agnew. She knows him as well, unfortunately, because he can see when she clocks the falseness of his smile.

"Hello, Mrs. Agnew. I have come to give your son my esteemed company. Is he in?" he asks, knowing that Spencer is. He wasn't on the schedule at the store today, and the boy has some of the worst agoraphobia Augustus has ever seen, and he's him. He knows freak behavior when he sees it. Laura gives him a slow look, still kind but questioning, and opens the door wider for Augustus to step inside.

"He's right in his room, Auggie, I just told him bye. It's swing shift tonight, so I'll be home around 3am if you're still here, kiddo. You two play nice," she says, grinning at him before leaning up to kiss Augustus on the forehead. The affection of the action nearly brings tears to Augustus's eyes, but that would be terribly embarrassing, and so Augustus does not allow that to come to pass.

"Have a good shift, Mrs. Agnew," he says, unsure of what else to say. Mrs. Agnew leans back in the door to say one last thing before she closes it behind her.

"For God's sake, Augustus, just call me Laura!"

Instead of thinking about that, Augustus makes his way down the hallway toward her son's room. Chosen likes to pretend that he does all of his living out of their garage, but most of his belongings and markedly his bed are located in a bedroom right next to his mom's. The Agnew house feels so much more like a home than his own. He's always heard about how sad it was to have only one parent, about how people with both of their parents still should be grateful, and he is, but. There's a but. Laura loves Spencer like she never even tried to learn how to do anything else, indulges him in his oddness, makes sure he has a therapist that doesn't invalidate his delusions. They all know Spencer knows the difference between what's in his head and what's real; it's that talking about himself in the way that he does makes the Chosen feel more in control of the situation. And there's nothing wrong with that.

He knocks again, this time on Spencer's bedroom door. It drifts open slightly as it hadn't been properly closed. That's pretty typical of Laura being the one to close Spencer's door. Moms are like that, he thinks. He wouldn't really know, though, would he? When he pushes the door open, Chosen is sitting on his bed with a book in his lap, sunglasses sitting on his bedside table. His hair is falling in his face and he's utterly focused on the material in his lap. He looks pretty. Augustus taps his knuckles against the door a second time.

"Mother, I thought you had- you are significantly not my mother. What are you doing here, you sloppy idiot?" the Chosen asks, his tone vitriolic and dismissive like Augustus isn't here at least three times a week. Today, Augustus folds under the pressure. Everything is too fucking much. He can't deal with this, with his own best friend hating having him around, when he's already this close to a break. He closes his eyes for a quick second, swallowing as he tries to keep himself from crying in front of the Chosen. He doesn't know if he would survive the Chosen making fun of him for being emotional right now.

"Never mind," he says at a volume barely higher than a whisper, turning on his heel and heading back down the hallway. He doesn't expect Chosen to protest at all, let alone get up, let alone come after him, so imagine his surprise at feeling the other boy collide with his back, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach. It stops Augustus in his tracks.

"I'm sorry," Chosen mutters into the back of his shoulder, "I know I'm a dick, but please don't go." If he's ever heard Spencer sound so unsure of himself, he doesn't know when it was. He puts his hands over Spencer's and leans back against his friend, the Chosen immediately resettling his weight to accommodate Augustus better. They've never been the hugging kind of friends, let alone the kind that hold one another like this. It's nice. It doesn't remove the empty sadness in Augustus's chest, hot like mourning, but it helps. Only a little, but it helps. Augustus closes his eyes again. It makes the world quieter.

"It's not you, Chosen. Just a bad week," he says, his voice still that empty whisper. Spencer squeezes him a little before turning Augustus around, pulling the other boy's head to rest solidly against his neck. Augustus relaxes into his hold.

"I'm sorry to have contributed to the substandard condition of your week. If there is some way I can assist you, vanquishing your foes for example, you must know that I would complete whatever task you asked of me," the Chosen says, and it's really nice to have a best friend that is also autistic. The complexity of his linguistic patterns is fascinating. As much as Augustus tries to distract himself with that line of thinking, tears are still welling up at the corners of his eyes. He presses closer to the Chosen, hoping that the other boy won't be able to feel the moisture of his tears through his shirt. It's a pretty thick shirt. He doesn't know how Chosen deals with that texture. Different autism, he guesses. Back on track.

"Fighting with my dads again. It's no big deal, dude," he assures, his voice muffled because he doesn't lift his head. He really doesn't want to show Spencer his face. He knows he's red, and splotchy, and that his glasses have been pressing into his face for the last few minutes, and he doesn't want to give him any more ammunition for calling Augustus names. The Chosen makes a little confused noise. The fact that it's adorable doesn't even occur to Augustus. (This is a lie.)

"Again? You have not told me about this previously," Spencer says, his tone lingering somewhere between confused and something that might be hurt. Augustus doesn't know. No matter how much he studies people, he still gets it wrong sometimes. It makes a customer service job incredibly difficult. Stay on task, Augustus.

"Why would I? It's not like you care," he says, injecting some humor into his voice given the obvious nature of the statement. Chosen squeezes him a little, not hard but like a reflex, like he didn't mean to do it at all. He loosens up nearly immediately, starting to shift back, but Augustus isn't ready yet. He wants to pretend that Spencer actually likes him, is that so wrong? He knows that Spencer doesn't actually care. He knows that this probably has more to do with whatever happened to Spencer since he last saw him than it does to do with him actually giving a shit. Augustus isn't an easy person to give a shit about. He knows that.

"The magnitude to which I do care has been alarmingly cumbersome in recent months," The Chosen says stiffly, even the vibration of his voice somewhat sharp in nature. Forgetful of his own reasons for not putting space between them, Augustus ducks back to look Chosen in the face.

"What do you mean?" he asks, squinting.

"It seems I have developed... feelings. For you. Against my better judgement," Chosen says, still still, but almost embarrassed now too.

"You're joking," Augustus says flatly, voice empty of all inflection. Spencer rolls his eyes.

“You think I wanted this to happen? You think I, of all people, wanted to fall in love with you?” he asks, and Augustus can't fucking do this. He can't stand in Spencer's hallway with Spencer's hands on him, listening to Spencer lie to him.

"I'm already upset, and you're joking me about the fact that I have a crush on you. This is a new low, Spencer," Augustus says, and the Chosen's heart drops to his stomach. This idiot cannot like him back. With how Spencer treats him? Being attracted to, let alone genuinely liking Spencer seems indicative of some extraordinarily low self-esteem, but it's not like... well, it's not like Chosen doesn't want it to be true. Would it be better for Augustus, probably, but who else is going to keep him safe? With Augustus aware of his feelings, he can be more overt in how he cares for the other boy, and defend him from others without the worry of Augustus reading more from it than he's willing to share. He can do something to balance their scale, which so often goes unfairly in the Chosen's favor; he knows that Augustus lets him get away with fricking murder. And all of this only matters if Augustus accepts his feelings. Accepts him.

"Augustus, I am not joking. I assure you, I would never joke with you about something of this nature. It should also be noted that... I did not know that you have feelings for me. I am not sure how to proceed under these conditions," the Chosen says, his expression quickly betraying how awkward and uncomfortable he feels. Augustus looks at him, head tilted, for several solid seconds.

"Wait, are you serious?" he asks, incredulity palpable as it drips from his tongue. Spencer blinks.

"Do you know me to lie?" he asks, tilting his head in an unconscious mirror of his friend. Augustus sighs.

"Well, like, no, but. I can't... I can't be disappointed again. Can't be disappointed if you never expect much." Augustus says the last part like a mantra, worn from it's repetition. His eyebrows raised but he's not looking at the Chosen's face, so he doesn't see the way Spencer looks like someone slapped him across the face. "You can't stand me. You've told me several times. To my face." This drops out of his mouth with the clunky weight only resignation can tender, as if Augustus had repeated those to himself as well, like if he broke his own heart first, Spencer wouldn't be able to hurt him. Chosen's chest hurts. He wishes the weight of the safety of the world on his shoulders had not hardened him to showing his feelings for Augustus, that he could have told Augustus how much he cares for him without wanting to crawl out of his own skin. Augustus needs this, and so the Chosen will have to be brave. He can do that. He's good at brave. He reaches down and takes Augustus's hand off of his hip (as much as the very sight of it nearly overwhelms him), tangling their fingers together. He lifts their hands to his mouth, looking directly at Augustus as he presses a kiss to the back of the other boy's hand.

"I have been unkind to you, and for that I apologize. If you would allow me the opportunity to make it up to you, I would not disappoint you. No matter your expectations. Expect as much of me as you'd like," he promises, forcing the words out past the hot feeling in his chest, the thing that had always caused him to lash out at Augustus to keep the other boy at a distance. Chosen has no idea what to do with the way Augustus makes him feel. It felt like the world ending when Augustus had turned to leave him. He knows he makes it hard to stay. He just hoped Augustus would anyway. Suspicious still, Augustus has his eyes narrowed once again. At least he's looking at him.

"If there was a new restaurant that I wanted to go to, would you let me be annoying about my review for the entire hour or so we're there?" he asks, looking like he genuinely wants to understand. Chosen drops his shoulders, relaxing more than he typically allows with any other soul in the room.

"I like listening to you talk," he says honestly, dark blush crawling up his face as soon as the words are out. Telling Augustus the truth of his feelings may be even more difficult that originally estimated. He is the strongest warrior in the multiverse. He's good at brave. Augustus is blinking rapidly, his disbelief still plain.

"What if I wanted to kiss you in public?" Augustus asks next, and Chosen knows immediately that his flush has gotten even darker. His face is hot. He brings their hands up to his mouth, leaving Augustus's hand to his lips for longer than a second this time. He clears his throat, moving their hands back down to rest Augustus's knuckles against his chest.

"The idea that you would like to kiss me at all is one I am still growing accustomed to. The idea that you would want to do so in front of others is... I would not object to it, to say the least," he says, stumbling over his words a bit at the end there. The awe on Augustus's face is finally surpassing the suspicion, like what Chosen is saying is finally beginning to sink in. Augustus pulls him a bit closer and Chosen would do anything he asked, he thinks. The unbridled devotion that he had been holding back with the idea that Augustus did not want him like this has truly escaped its enclosure. As long as Augustus would have him, he would be the loyal champion of this boy. Augustus releases a squeaky giggle. He's so fricking cute. This is not becoming of a warrior.

"And if I... if I wanted to kiss you now?" Augustus asks, his eyes large and round behind his glasses, and Chosen loses most of his stoicism, let alone his sense of decorum. Leaving one of his hands laced with Augustus's, Chosen moves the other to cup the other boy's face, pulling him down and into a kiss. It's Chosen's very first. He never thought he would like it, always thought it would be too wet, too intimate, too close to someone else for comfort. Immediately, he thinks he could kiss Augustus for hours and never grow bored. Augustus makes a soft noise as soon as their lips connect, moves his mouth against Spencer's in a manner that is far too close to overwhelming. Augustus has either done this before or he is very naturally skilled in the area. Truthfully, Chosen would not be surprised by either. Augustus, while admittedly annoying, is quite pretty, and he excels at learning skills with expediency. This is not to say that he will be telling Augustus any of this. Even if he's telling Augustus how he feels now, he does not need to have knowledge of his inner monologue. That's none of his business.

"You can kiss me whenever you'd like," Chosen says pointlessly when he pulls away, as if he had not perfectly demonstrated the point not moments ago. Augustus giggles, pressing his face into Chosen's neck again. It's nice to feel his smile rather than his tears. Chosen puts his arms back around Augustus belatedly.

"You really like me?" Augustus says; it takes Chosen a moment to realize that it's a question. He tightens his grip on Augustus and deeply contemplates finding whatever unfortunate souls had caused Augustus to feel such insecurity and introducing them to his blade. Augustus needs him at the moment, so revenge will have to wait.

"I care about you. I would like to be with you. I have never felt for someone else what I feel for you," Chosen says, the last bit more of an admission than he was certain he meant to give. Augustus pulls back to look at him again, the pink glow of his happiness making Spencer feel weak in the knees. He straightens himself to his full height. He cannot be this effected by how Augustus looks at him. It would be particularly distracting should they be in an unsafe situation. This does not stop Chosen from looking up at the other boy like he hung the goddamn moon.

"What if I- what if I wanted to call you my boyfriend?" Augustus asks. Pleasure is a hummingbird behind the Chosen's sternum, winds spread in his chest, fluttering about. Hummingbirds can flap their wings up to eighty times a second. It feels much faster.

"It would be an honor," he says a beat late, bringing a look of amused affection to Augustus's face.

"Oh my god, you like me," he says, grin goofy and wide, and Chosen feels equal parts fond and exasperated. He rolls his eyes.

"You like me too, idiot," Spencer says, and he immediately winces. "Sorry." His voice is quiet, his gaze somewhere over Augustus's left shoulder. Augustus cups his chin and tilts his head up, making Chosen look up at him again. He's pretty. Spencer isn't good at being nice, even worse at being sweet. His mother says that being sweet was something he excelled at as a child; Chosen does not know when he lost that particular skill. Augustus leans forward and kisses his cheek, kissing the other as well. It sends Chosen blinking, unsure what is coming to pass. He was rude. Why is Augustus showing him affection when he's been rude?

"Spence, I figured out a long time ago that you don't always mean what you say. It's often very confusing for me, really, but I know you. You're an ass, but you're not a dick. If that makes any sense at all," Augustus says; Chosen can't help himself. He bursts into laughter, pressing his face against Augustus's shoulder. With his face hidden, he doesn't see the way Augustus blinks in surprised delight at hearing the Chosen's free, honest laugh for perhaps the first time. Something shakes loose in Augustus's chest at the sound, like he had been waiting in want of that laugh even when he didn't know to miss it. Impulsive, he presses a kiss to the side of Spencer's face.

"You are so dumb," Spencer says, but his voice is so saturated with fondness it's dripping with it. It's sounds more like a pleased observation than anything else, like dumb might be one of Augustus's best qualities. Augustus kisses the side of his head again.

"How about we play a game? You might be my boyfriend now, but I'm still gonna kick your ass at Smash," he says, attempting to bridge this new development with the way they've always been. Chosen pulls back to look at him, eyebrow raised.

"Not on your life, my love," he says, taking Augustus's hand and pulling him back toward Spencer's bedroom with him. My love, Augustus thinks to himself. That sounds pretty nice.

#sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for my friend this idea ate my frontal lobe #nintendogs #the chosen #augustus st cloud #nintendogs is a nightmare ship name tagging wise #ask answered #prompt filled #smosh fic #mine

[cellard0ors]

Travis is frozen with fear.

This was a bad idea.

This was a terrible idea.

What had he been thinking?!?

It's not too late. If he carefully backs out now...

"Hi! Welcome to Babies by the Bundle! Can I help you find something today?"

...crap

A cheery store clerk looks at him with a sparkling smile and he wishes more than ever he hadn't given into the impulse to come in here.

But he'd passed the boutique every day on his way to work and curiosity compelled him. Now he's floored by the sheer magnitude of the place. There's baby stuff EVERYWHERE.

And, as far as he can tell, he's the only man in here and this was so stupid, he was so dumb, coming in here...

But he'd wanted to check it out. For Laura's sake, of course. And maybe the baby and it's his baby too and so much stuff everywhere...

"Is this your first grandchild?" The lady asks and he blanches, wishing for a swift death that won't come even as he bristles, "It's... it's mine, actually..."

The lady, to her credit, doesn't bat an eye, "Ah, a late in life father! We've had our fair share in here before. Still, I take it you've never-?"

Travis shakes his head and she gives him a sympathetic grin, "Don't worry about it! A lot of people get overwhelmed when it comes to their first. I know I did! Now, how far along is she?"

Travis just blinks dumbly, but the clerk is undeterred, "Your wife?"

"My-?" Travis starts, but stops immediately, because he was about to say Laura's not his wife, but he's probably already an old weirdo in this sales clerk's mind - he doesn't need to add sinful perv too, so he just rolls with it, "Um, a few months?"

"Mmm, we usually go by weeks."

Travis breaks it down in his head, eyes darting from side to side while he does the math, "Then...I guess, twelve or thirteen?"

"Okay, do you know what you're having?"

He shakes his head, clears his throat, "It's, ah-? Going to be a surprise?"

He hates that he sounds unsure, but the clerk seems charmed, "Aw, how exciting! Are you going for a theme with the nursery?"

"Just-? Green?"

"So, something tropical or woodsy or-?"

Travis doesn't really understand what she's talking about, but, considering he's already sort of lied once, he just continues down his path to hell, "Woodsy."

"Okay, well, if you're getting yourself ready..." She proceeds to lead him around the little shop, showing off pacifiers and bottles and onesies.

The first onesie she hands him proclaims the child was 'Made with Love' and that's just not appropriate at all, so he makes sure to put it back when she's not looking.

However, he agrees to the several warm browns and mossy green onesies as well as their matching caps. It's all so small and delicate and he feels like an ogre with these tiny items in his huge, paw like hands.

Travis remembers helping Chris with his kids, but it had never been like this. Why hadn't his brother warned him? But then Travis had vowed to never love again after Gwen died and now here he is...

...well, it's not that he's in love with Laura. It's not that. At all. Besides, even if he was interested in any way shape or form she'd no doubt be appalled.

There's a long list of reasons why they can't be together and he's not sure which holds the top spot: the age gap, the imprisonment, or the murders. The last two are the most obvious and galling, but he can't discount their difference in age altogether.

He's nearly twice her age. The fact they're having a child alone is just...mind boggling. And that doesn't even factor in the other two red flags: imprisonment and murder - none of it equals to romance, at least not of the healthy variety and that's what this child deserves.

A healthy environment to come into and Travis wants to give them that, more than anything. And if that means that, in the long run, he's not part of the picture...

The woman hands him a stuffed rabbit and it snaps Travis out of his fugue, "Isn't this precious! Such a good gift for a newborn!"

She's not wrong. The white rabbit is incredibly soft, its limbs loveably floppy. The little heart shaped nose and big 'x' for a bellybutton only highlight how cute it is and Travis looks at it fondly.

Something for the kid to remember him by...

He decides to purchase it, full stop. In fact, he ends up with a decent haul he's sure Laura will at least appreciate, if not like - blankets, outfits, pacifiers, wash clothes and so on.

The last purchase is one he can't really avoid, because the clerk opens a nearby flower cooler and pulls out a bouquet, stating brightly, "And here's something for the soon-to-be Mommy! Remember, she's doing a LOT of work! She deserves something nice!"

The bouquet has baby roses (of course) and Travis can't turn it down without looking like an asshole, so he gets it. He loads the entire lot into the backseat of his car, save for the rabbit and the flowers.

He places the rabbit in the passenger seat along with the flowers and starts the ride home. Travis figures he can just toss the flowers at some point.

It's not as if Laura would like them.

In fact, he's sure she won't even accept them, even if he WAS foolish enough to try and give them to her. Travis thinks this but then, the next thing he knows, he's going inside and carrying everything and Laura's in the kitchen and when she speaks up he goes red, "Hey, flowers! Who're those for?"

Travis nearly drops everything. Instead, he avoids looking at her as he places the bags on the dining room table, "Oh, um...I-I-?"

"Wow! Look at all of this! This stuff is great! And this lil guy!" Laura looks through the items with glee before ending on the rabbit, picking him up and making him dance a bit when finally Travis's brain catches up with his mouth, "For you!"

Laura looks at him, eyes wide, and he had looked right at her when he blurted that, so he looks away as he explains quietly, "For you...all-all if it. Well...and-and the baby..."

"Really?" Laura asks quietly and then she carefully picks up the flowers, "Even these?"

Travis just gives a 'mm hmm' and a bob of his head, eyes downcast, and then he feels...a gentle hand on one of his wrists, followed by a swift, soft kiss on his right cheek as he picks up Laura's quiet 'Thank you.'

He nods his head again and ignores the fact that there's a feeling inside him, one growing right in the center of his chest. One he's felt before, so long ago as to be another lifetime.

One he felt and swore to never feel again.

One that, if he's honest, he's worried will do nothing but grow.

#hackearney #travis x laura #the quarry #my writing #unexpected gifts

[equustenebris]

WIP Wednesday - 1/4/2023

IT'S TECHNICALLY WEDNESDAY adsfkjdsfhj I am so tired

SO uhhh I've been yet again working on nothing at all that I'm SUPPOSED to be working on (like fluffy wintery prompts and my freaking ESO fic ahhh), but apparently I just couldn't help myself and I'm writing a follow-up to my last DCA drabble. It is. it is very much out of hand. as in at least 3x longer than I ever intended and it's still going. girl help. girl i am drowning. girl--

So anyway here's a snippet that I liked so far! Reader is at their friend Tim's house to babysit his kids.

She's obviously a bit taken aback; a bank manager is certainly not as used to dealing with animatronics as you (and now Tim) are, and Sun can already be a bit...much. You step forward ahead of Sun to put some space between them. "Sun, this is Laura."

"Sun?" she asks, a bit incredulous. Sun steps inside and pulls his hood down, rays springing out. "...ahh. Okay. I see it."

Tim stifles a snicker and shuts the door behind Sun. "Girls! The babysitters are here!"

There's a soft pitter-patter of rushing feet before Avery stops sharp at the threshold of the living room, Bailey quickly joining her at her side, as they both gaze up (up, up) at Sun. "...whoa."

He gasps, theatrically loud, and immediately bends over, instinctively trying to drop the height difference between them. "Hiiii!" he crows, waving enthusiastically. "Heeello, new friends!"

"What happened to your face?" Bailey asks abruptly, pointing to the gap where his melted rays should be. You tense and go to respond, but Sun is faster, instantly pulling himself up with a twirl, nearly ballerina-like.

"Dramatic pirate battle!" he exclaims, suddenly leaping into a swashbuckling pose. You're pretty sure this might be one of his old theater stories he sometimes mocked up for the daycare kids. "They took one with their cutlass and another lost to the sharks! But it's a small price to pay, I fought my way out and took back my ship from the filthy scoundrels!"

Bailey looks confused, studying him over. "There was a fire, he was hurt," Tim answers softly, honest but a little firm, obviously trying to convey the gravity of that to her. Bailey gasps and covers her mouth.

"I'm sorry," she yelps suddenly.

"Always listen to your parent's instructions when using the stove!" Sun chirrups, bright and unbothered.

Some babysitting hijinks happen. At least I presume they do, that part isn't written yet. :P But later on in the same fic we'll finally get to see another familiar face...

Moon always hated distractions at naptime, so you'll have to play this carefully. "Moony," you try, and this time his faceplate cocks sharply to the right as he takes a bounding step forward. He's at the end of the bed now, too close, much, much too close. You swallow hard and try again. "Their daddy's got to know we put them to bed now. So, uh. So he doesn't wake them up when he gets home. I need to text him so he knows to be quiet." There's no response, so you try again, hoping your intent is clear and your shaking voice does not betray you. "I'm gonna get my phone out now, okay?"

There's a long pause, before he finally hisses out, "Sleeeeeep." You slowly, agonizingly slowly pull your phone from the pocket of your pants and type the quickest text you've ever sent in your life.

Power outage. Put girls to bed. Moon is here. 🔦🔦

You pray it'll be enough to get your point across but vague enough that it won't raise suspicion if Moon decides to read it. "There," you announce, and apparently you didn't have to worry about Moon reading it, as no sooner is the word out of your mouth than Moon grabs your phone crunched between two fingers and tosses it off somewhere in the bedroom. 

"Lights off," he tells you. He clearly permitted the one text, but that's obviously going to be your final warning.

#equus writes #wip wednesday #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf security breach #fnaf sun #fnaf moon

[vvendyreads]

Fake It 'til You Make It by Laura Carter

Abbey thought that she was about to have the best night of her life. Her boyfriend, who was also her childhood friend, asks her to dinner and she thinks wedding bells are coming. She is shocked to find that instead of a proposal he actually wants to break up and he's been cheating on her with someone else. To make matters worse, she then quickly loses her job. Abbey decides to turn things around by spending all of her savings on 6 months rent in her dream luxury apartment building. While there, she runs into her ex, who is now dating someone who lives in her building. She's saved from embarrassment by her suave star baseball playing neighbor Mike, who has been bugging her since she moved in. When Abbey and her ex are both invited to her parent's vow renewal in Canada, Abbey decides that she needs a fake boyfriend to bring. Mike volunteers. What Abbey doesn't know is that "Mike Thomas" is actually Ted Thomas, Mike's brother who has been hiding in his brother's penthouse ever since his fiancée cheated on him with his business partner. After Abbey mistakes Ted for his brother, he decides to pretend to be him, fooling Abbey and everyone else.

Thank you to Boldwood Books and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I had high hopes for this one. I love a good fake dating story. Unfortunately, this one was just not for me. Pros:

Fake dating is always a must read for me. Literally. Tell me a story has fake dating and I'm all in. I love the romantic potential of dating someone you normalize wouldn't in a low stakes way. Even better if the characters initially can't stand each other. How else will they learn to get along? I think this trope is so fun, even if it doesn't really happen nearly as much in real life as media would make us think.

Dual POV: I love getting both characters' perspectives in a story. The great thing about books as opposed to real life, is that you can know exactly what another person is thinking. Especially with how this story goes, I think Ted would have been pretty irredeemable if we hadn't gotten his POV.

Interesting settings: I enjoyed the diversion to Canada. This book was set in New York, which I think is having its moment right now. The author didn't really explore that setting much, so I appreciated that she moved the characters to a different location, so we could at least explore that.

Cons: (Unfortunately, there are more of these than pros for me)

Mistaken identity- I really hate mistaken identity. I honestly wish I had known going in that it would be a part of this book, as I may not have read it. I included it in my summary but the official one for the book only describes Mike/Ted as a "hot neighbor". I would have forgiven the mistaken identity if it had been corrected quickly, but he doesn't come clean (read: get found out) until nearly the end of the book, which made me anxious and frustrated for most of the story. I didn't buy his reasons for keeping up the ruse to Abbey.

Too many Britishisms: I understand that Boldwood Books is U.K. based, so this may be nit-picky and not an actual issue. I would maybe buy that Canadians might have similar ways of speaking to British people and many characters were Canadian, so perhaps those instances were normal. That's all fine, but when the same phrases were coming out of an American character's mouth, it took me out of the story. The American born Ted said things such as "feck" and "join the queue" and "a kilo of strawberry jelly" to name a few. I feel like an editor could have caught this (or hope that one will now!)

Ted was very superficial. He spent a lot of time rationalizing that he wasn't this shallow guy but the brother he was pretending to be is, so he must also act this way to be him. He spends so much time focusing on the looks of the Abbey and his ex and using this as a way to judge them. Ted also spends much of his initial interactions with Abbey deciding that she is superficial for doing really normal things, which felt very hypocritical. He's supposed to be the nerdy, shy guy but he just came off as a jerk. He also repeatedly mocks Abbey's period underwear that she accidentally dropped in front of him, which made me kind of hate him.

The book felt somewhat incomplete. There were story lines that started but didn't go anywhere. For example, Abbey desperately needed a job. A legitimate company wants to offer one and tells Ted to have her contact them, but he never tells her about it. The book also ends pretty quickly. I would have appreciated an epilogue to know how it ends.

Neutral?

I think that my ultimate issue is that this felt like a mid 90s-early 2000s chick lit/romance. The characters fell into a lot of the boxes of this time: the guy is a jerk, the girl is in distress, there's lots of talk of shopping and a glamorous life. This kind of book was incredibly popular and I'm sure that plenty of people will appreciate it. I think there was a lot of potential in this book, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.

3 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️

#fake it till you make it #laura carter #book review

[gardener-ienzio]

Someone: Hey, Marisha did pretty good!

The Crit Role Fandom™, everytime:

#Critical Role #I hate y'all #That comment wasn't even that bad #Compared to other comments she usually gets #But like #What's wrong with y'all?? #There's obviously some old fashion sexism in there #But Laura doesn't get nearly as much hate #I wonder why #Marisha Ray #marisha rays honey heist

[utilitycaster]

1/2 I can't fucking believe some people are saying Keyleth being nearly killed instead of Vex was a cowardly and lazy choice, that TLOVM is just trying to fit Vex in 'strong female character' box, that Vex is never portrayed as vulnerable or needing help, like she didn't spend the majority of the episode struggling and fearing she will have to kill her own brother or that he will kill her. Like she didn't literally beg Keyleth to do something to help because she was so desperate and like she

2/2 didn't willingly move in front of Percy pointing a loaded gun at her and being a hair trigger away from shooting her. Saying that Keyleth 'just bounced back' (yeah, Vax and the group didn't do anything to help with that) and that it doesn't matter cause 'they all keep nearly dying'. DEAR FUCKING GOD! How dense can you be? Like, Vex is my fave VM member and I'm loving how TLOVM is adapting her so far so seeing this kind of takes is so bizarre and baffling to me.

----------------------------

Hi anon, this is going to be a long answer because it allows me to talk about many things I love to talk about, namely, Critical Role, Vex, women in media, the art of adaptation, and how a lot of people are just kind of dumb and there's not much you can do about it. But in short: yeah this is a bad take to have for all the reasons mentioned - Vax and Scanlan both put in a lot of effort to heal Keyleth (also? I mean, TLOVM no longer goes by strict D&D rules, but in the actual campaign Vex rolled enough death save successes to in fact just bounce back without help), Vex is repeatedly shown putting herself in danger, and she clearly is distraught about Vax being possessed.

I will say? I'm unsurprised by the take for a number of reasons. The first is that a lot of people are really giving me vibes of "I've never watched a TV drama intended for an adult audience nor read something that wasn't fanfiction" because I really enjoyed TLOVM but like, there is nothing here that is a deviation from normal capable adaptation and storytelling. Also, some people just hate any deviation from Campaign 1, and will come up with a retroactive and nonsensical reason for why it's bad.

Vex is my favorite VM member as well! I also think she gets misunderstood a lot in both the show and the campaign. I think in part because of the backlash to the female cast members in C1, people are unwilling to admit that Vex is, frequently, a huge bitch (honorific), and it's impossible to really understand her character without acknowledging that while Vax's response to their extremely traumatic childhood is to tell people he loves them as soon as he can because he doesn't know if he'll ever see them again, Vex's response is to never let anyone but Vax see her be vulnerable and to become powerful enough that no one can take anything from her again. That is her whole character arc in the campaign! She is terrified that she will lose Vax to his romance with Keyleth and Laura said as much in the watch party q&a! Like, one of the greatest moments in Perc'ahlia history is when Percy finds her freaking out about her father, quietly acknowledges it without making a big deal of it, and then addresses the problem in a way that shows that he fundamentally understands what she's upset about. ln short: if a pre-Chroma Conclave depiction of Vex doesn't appear vulnerable? That's the whole fucking point.

I also happen to love Vex and Percy as individuals because both have a trait I happen to share, that of essentially, well, walling off one's emotions in a crisis and saving the dealing of them for later, and so given that Percy's breakdown is made a bit more explicit in the adaptation, Vex's stoicism in the face of it is also necessarily heightened.

More generally I think that people that lack the understanding of basic adaptation and storytelling tend to take common criticisms of media that can be valid and then apply them clumsily and incorrectly, because they do not know what they're fucking doing. This happens pretty commonly in the fandom and probably in most fandoms: both Vex and later Beau in C2 get called Strong Female Characters by the very people sanding down the prickliness and flaws that make them interesting; people in general do a very poor job of accurately talking about characters with canonical trauma who don't have neat and picture-perfect responses because they want soft angst rather than like, people being abrasive and unpleasant; lots of people don't understand the slowburn background arcs that Vex, Beau, and Caduceus have (nor appreciate how fucking good those arcs are); and so on.

While I do detest all of these takes, I've found it's best to talk shit on your own blog and otherwise just block unless people are doing it on your own posts.

#every ask like this pushes me closer to rewatching the feywild arc #vex'ahila #tlovm spoilers

[thefirsthogokage]

Time to Hate-Watch Turner and Hooch, Episode 5

Because I am bored. And I hate myself. Of you aren't ok with me hate-watching and commenting, well then this is not the post you are looking for. Please move along.

Ah, yes, reminder of the love triangle they put in a kids copaganda show for the parents. Again. Because reminder: they did that last week.

Ew, bad shaky camera work.

Oh god she was listening to that music as a personal stake out sound track by choice? Like, why?

"You're all hopped up on juice boxes and I don't like it." I did like that line.

Laura is 5 years old.

I do like the theme song.

You know what also is weird about this supposed kids show? The episodes are nearly 50 minutes long. No kid is going to pay attention to that long of an episode.

So much natural lighting and making Hooch very yellow in some scenes and not others.

I'm probably too tired to watch this tonight.

Honestly that poor girl. Such a big crush on a very oblivious dipshit.

Branden is a fucking gift to this show. Again, I am just so glad he kept acting after Power Rangers SPD. Not many former PRs stay in the business, let alone get steady work. I'm really proud of him!

Rain. This show must be filmed in Vancouver. Actually, I vaguely remember hearing it was shot there. ... (Googles)... Haha

I mean, air cold enough mid-day to see their breath + rain had to = Vancouver. I mean I guess Portland too. But either way, California my ass.

Dreary natural lighting. Classic Vancouver. I can't believe anyone could actually think this would look like California.

Having Laura recognize a lot of people so that they could give her information to make her getting the information super easy is certainly a choice... by writers who don't want to work to hard. Then again, I think this is supposed to be a a family friendly show...kind of. Line, this isn't a straight up specific demographic this is targeted towards. They just have done a few things I absolutely would not put in a kids show this day and age. Like, it honestly so bizarre to watch.

I'm not fond of stories like this. Guy is getting married, all aspects of the case have a relation to weddings. It's just too much happenstance in this episode. And I'm tired, I should have very little ability to notice most of the is shit tonight.

Oh god, this would be so painful if I wasn't so sleepy. Like, what the fuck are you doing, Laura. Well, at least this is showing Lyndsy's versatility and expressiveness. My god this is such a different character then Alex on Nikita.

Tired sidenote, my watermelon is very good.

Laura gets up to leave after getting this woman to hang out with her. The woman has to remind her that she doesn't know where she lives. I liked that.

"Thank you for your never-ending aquatic references." Ok, this show does have some good lines.

(This is honestly like kind of watching Lucifer. I hat the show, but occasionally there are so lines that I really like. Though I did stop watching Lucifer because I just hated it too much. I was only watching it out of boredom.)

I am really glad that they have a Native guest star. It's nice to see more Native rep on shows the past couple years.

Messaging: Kids, you gotta stand up for other kids being bullied because you are just as bad as the bullies if you just stand there. I'm really ok with this messaging. Good job, so that I mostly don't like.

I'm sorry, I'm so tired.

"His name was Jean-Luc-" Me: stares at camera in 'Robert Duncan McNeill directed this episode and is the primary Executive Producer on this show.'

For those of you who don't know, RDM was Tom Paris in Star Trek Voyager and a character who's name I can't remember that he also played on Star Trek TNG.

Fun fact, Tom Paris was initially going to be the same character he played on TNG, but something about rights blah blah blah, made that a no-go.

Sorry, back to me hate-watching while tired.

Oh god there are 21 minutes left.

Why is Laura holding a guinea pig? And why does she have a karaoke machine?

Why is Branden's character having a romantic time with his fiance while on a case? Ugh, the unprofessionalism. Like, aren't they only a two hour drive from home? Why is this happening? Do they think of distance like the British? Or people who live in Saint Louis? (Seriously, in Saint Louis some people think 20 minutes is a long drive. Granted, ten minutes is a long drive for me, but the position I have to sit in to drive really aggravates my Interstitial Cystitis (meaning I have to pee so, so bad the whole time I am in the car)).

I want to take this moment to apologize. I am very sorry about the tangents and the personal health and whatnot. But at this point I'm too tired to go bad and delete things or care about what else I'm going to write, so I'm just going to keep going without my filter on. Of you make it through this whole thing with me, bless you you sweet, sweet, probably bored soul.

🎶Ooo Heaven is a place on earth 🎶

Oh god, so much tomato stuff. All over the bathroom. The very white bathroom. Good luck with that...Scott? Is that our main characters name? Scott? I don't care to look it up at th- yeah it's Scott, Laura just said it.

Uh, shouldn't that have been made of metal? Either way, shitty craftsmanship if the dog could break it that easily.

That can't be how you train a bomb sniffing dog.

No way someone who's been a police officer for a few years wouldn't know that there are drugs on literally every bill.

Again, family show why?

Neither of them thought there would be a back door?

This while thing is insane. Not in anyway that I find entertaining. But I'd probably be more pissed if I it was more conscious. You should probably be reading all of my angry sounding things as just very tired and a bit sedate because of the tiredness.

I'm sorry Branden's character was a soldier in combat and he's never been shot? Unless I'm misremembering. But seriously, he doesn't know what getting shot in the vest fells like.

Oh look, the girlfriend fires at vehicles driving towards her too. In the same episode..I hate when things are related like that. Not upper level writing.

Why was the Secret Service also looking for those people? What? That can't possibly be their preview.

(Before I finished the episode, I discovered that for the second time this week, I did not get to the litter box fast enough (as in since this morning) to prevent my cat from moving the liner enough to pee between it and the box. So, at 11pm I had to go clean that out.)

Like this guy wouldn't know that he was copping to extortion by saying that.

God, why are they making this case the dad was working on (stupid arching plot in a family tv show why? For the adults who can tell this show is bad already?) even more complicated? Like, is this going to get Heroes level stupidly complex? Because that shit killed that show. Ok, so it probably won't be that bad...just the kids show equivalent of that bad.

Oh good for you, girl who's name I never learned! Quit the job with the evil boss! Please let her be OH NATALIE! Once again, thank you Laura for saying the name of the character whose name I wasn't sure of. What was I saying... Of yeah, I hope Natalie comes back and wasn't just on one episode. More native characters on TV please!

Oh wait, am I just realizing the girls in the live triangle were both on Glee, or did I remember that in a previous post? I know they were both on Glee from the moment I saw them in this show, but, like, I somehow didn't realize it was a very mini Glee reunion when they were in the same scene?

Wait, where did Scott wash Hooch if it wasn't in his own place the first time? Where was that bathroom? Wait, unless this isn't the bathroom in him home? I was definitely too tired to watch this. That might be saving me on the anger level, but it's certainly making it a bit difficult to keep track of some stuff.

Oh bad edit/consistency moment with the foam on Scott's face. Always hating to me.

Episode over.

Closing Thoughts: This show is still driving me insane with it's not on point demographic aiming and just silliness that isn't really good-silly, more like bad-silly. Also, I'm tired.

#turner and hooch #turner & hooch #disney plus #riley watches tv #long post #even though it's not that long I'm sure some people still consider it as long

[ma-gic-gay]

Three hours.

Three goddamn hours of his life he's never getting back that were completely wasted on making this pros and cons list.

There were so many more interesting things he could've done in those three hours. He could've been doing paperwork, or watching paint dry or spending time with his children. Or all three at the same time. But no, he had to help her make the most extensive list he's ever known to exist.

This is some form of karma for hooking up with her.

"This is my personal hell," the brunette tells her. "It's exactly like a nightmare I once had."

"Sounds like an oddly specific nightmare."

"Just let me know when you're done making this list. I have to go do the far more interesting task of watching paint dry. First, I must find where the paint is."

"Not so fast! This list is complete and now it's time to weigh the options here," Carly says, stopping him from moving.

He glances at the list and sighs, "Certain death is not an actual thing that belongs on this list. The same goes for Earth blowing up and someone randomly stalking us. These are just your nightmares, and that's a whole other list."

Pouting, she crosses them off the list. "Happy now?"

"I'd be happier if you didn't waste three hours of my life making this list."

"Oh stop, you know this is the most logical solution," she waves a hand as though she's truly carefree at this moment in time. "Besides, this is an inclusive list of pretty much every reason you could think of."

"Yes, Elizabeth needed to be on this list," Jason says, rolling his eyes at her. "I'm beginning to think you just want to rub this in her face when she's married to and very much in love with Franco Baldwin, despite my better judgement and many discussions with her on that subject."

"Fine, I'll cross her off the list. But getting little Lizzie mad isn't exactly a con," she agrees, sighing.

"And the fact you hate her because we're friends has nothing to do with this," he says, raising an eyebrow. "Need I remind you of your reaction when you found out I had fathered Jake?"

"You hid that from me! And I hate her, but that part doesn't matter as much," the blonde playfully glares at him.

"Mhm," he agrees, rolling his eyes again. The things he does for this woman. "So, are there more pros or cons on this incredibly long list? Please, don't read them all out loud or I think we'll be here until our deaths."

"Roughly equal, but I don't know how you want to weigh each thing. For example, I assume your kids go above the possibility the world could end because of this."

"Cross that one off the list too. The world hasn't ended yet and we've done much more questionable things. Please, let's only count the real reasons that matter, such as," he pauses, looking at the list quickly, "Sonny."

"He's dead, we both know that."

"We also both know you're in love with him."

"Hard to be in love with a dead dude."

"Sounds like it must really suck. I can't know what you're feeling, of course, but sounds pretty bad."

"What I meant was that I don't entirely agree with that statement you made about me being in love with him," she retorts, rolling her eyes.

"Well, besides you, he's my best friend," he reminds her.

"Yeah, but I'm in first place for best friend," she says, smiling as though she's won a prize when he chuckles and nods. "I'm also not dead, which is a major pro to me being your best friend."

"Yes, livelihood is a good trait to have in a friend," Jason agrees, chuckling to himself.

"Well of course it is! Especially when it's me. Now, let's cross off all things that don't apply. Just look at it and cross off everything you don't agree with being on there." She hands him a pen and looks at the paper as he laughs. "Don't laugh at my genius idea, Jason. It's arguably the best I've had in a long time."

"A genius idea would be how to cure cancer, Carly. This is a Carly plan, god help us both."

"You'll be fine," she says, smiling as he crosses something out. "Hey, that's a very valid point there you're just erasing from it!"

"No, it is not. Your mother has absolutely nothing to do with this."

"My mother loves you!"

"Carly, that does not constitute as something for this list."

"I disagree."

"Too late, I crossed her name out already."

"Give me that pen and I will write it again."

"Carly. Let me cross out invalid points here. You can fight me about their validity later in life."

"Fine," she pouts. "But I don't like this."

"And I don't like that I have this list in front of me."

"Just erase all of my hard work like it's nothing, it's fine. Not like it's the most extensive list with each and every thing we need to consider on it," Carly continues dramatically.

Ten minutes later, half of the list is crossed off much to the anger of Carly. "I put my heart and soul into this list and this is how you repay me, crossing out half of it!"

Chuckling, Jason just says, "You'll be fine. Besides, I think that's the last thing I'll be crossing off."

"Well, now we have to organize each of them in order of how serious they are."

"There's more of a process to this?" Jason groans, already dreading that part of his day. "Can't we just make a decision based off of this list in and of itself so that we don't focus another three hours of our days on this?"

"Fine. What do you think we should do from here, using only this list?"

"I don't know, why don't you have a decision made up in your mind? This is taking a concerning amount of time, especially since it's you," he questions.

"Maybe because I'm thinking of what to say when the kids get back here!"

"You mean the kids that are used to me being in your kitchen with you? Yeah, I'm sure they're going to be really confused and realize we hooked up last night at the sight of us," he agrees sarcastically.

"Alright, you make a good point there. I can't make a decision, though," Carly sighs, agreeing with him in a minor victory for the assassin.

"That was the whole point of this list!"

"I never guaranteed that it would work!"

"Yes, you did. You said it would show us which decision would be the right one," he counters.

"You know what, screw the list," Carly says, ripping it up and throwing it in the trashcan. "We can figure this out without needing a list! We're adults, we can solve our problems on our own without needing any help from that."

"Three hours. I'm never getting those three hours back that you spent on that list, Carly, and for you to just throw it away... You're lucky you're my best friend."

"Shut up and just tell me what you feel."

"At this moment? Like I'm getting a headache and I don't have nearly enough patience for your plan."

"I never called it a plan, you did, and you know that's not what I meant."

"What exactly do you want me to tell you my feelings on, then?"

"I don't know, Jason, what's your feeling about Laura and Cyrus being siblings? I want to know your feelings on what happened last night!"

To be continued because I'm falling asleep rn to Taylor Swift breakup songs

"It's hard being in love with a dead dude." Pick a struggle-

[mytastessuck]

Ween: The Pod

Ah, the album that nearly killed the band. An underrated part of the band's history, this album was recorded when Dean and Gene came down with a mean (Not Mean Ween, the handsome gentleman on the cover) case of mononucleosis which they self-medicated with huffing, explaining 100% of the songs on this album as well as a few flashbacks on future ones. I've always liked a few songs from this album but it took a couple of listens for it to grow on me. But trust me, when you give this album a chance, you will not only gain a new appreciation for music, you can pretty much listen to anything.

1. Strap on That Jammypac

A great way to introduce the album with the sheer what-the-fuckness of the warbling voice that sets you up for a hell of a lead-in instruments tackling you to the floor and beating the shit out of you in the name of the Boognish. Taste the curb, bitch.

10/10

2. Dr. Rock

One of the more recognizable songs from this album. You can clearly hear the guys having fun with this track to the point that it can be seen as a leftover from The Oneness. A great punk track that can kill vermin with how wild it is.

15/10

3. Frank

I know I'm supposed to be thinking about this Frank guy but this song just makes me hungry. My family wants me to cut back on cheese because that's unhealthy all of a sudden. Combine this with the fact that I can only eat fries if I get take-out and it looks like bad times are ahead for your friend. Now I'm sad.

9/10

4. Sorry Charlie

Geez, this Charlie guy sounds like a real sad sack. I feel pretty bad for hi---girlfriend in high school? Wow, never mind. Hope the diddling was worth surfing from couch to couch, Seth Rogen in Pineapple Express. Dreary...for the girl.

9/10

5. The Stallion (Part 1)

Yes...finally a song that lets people know who they're fucking with. Hint: it's the wrong person. Nicely garbled and violently vulgar, I think I speak for ever single American when I say this song should replace the pledge of allegiance.

50/10

6. Pollo Asado

Ah, the wonders of ordering food. Nice back and forth here, real distant and creepy...great, I'm hungry again. And I want lemonade. IT'S MY MONEY, I CONTROL MY DIET!

8/10

7. Right to the Ways and the Rules of the World

A sad song about how the cosmos truly work. Truly full of despair, can't you hear the instruments and the sorrowful voice? Don't pay attention to the laughter near the end. Pay attention to the incense coming from outside. Seems self-defeating, doesn't it? Just like the universe...

11/10

8. Captain Fantasy

My favorite song from the album and the best one to randomly sing to yourself on the subway when you're blitzed on Long Island Iced Teas from Ease. Awesome sound on this track and no other one can challenge that.

100/10

9. Demon Sweat

Surprisingly chill for the sludgefest of this album. I'm guessing this must have been the most difficult song for them to record considering how slow it sounds. An essential listening for people who need to know how nice Ween can jam.

66/10

10. Molly

What a nice fucked track that makes you think you managed to break the device you're listening to it on. I hope Molly appreciates that this song is better than the entirety of what my neighbors blast as they roll past the apartment window. I'm on the tenth goddamn floor. Turn down your fucking music!

17/10

11. Can U Taste The Waste?

Pretty everything is a waste except this song. So dirty, so brown, so good. Send this song through the sewers to battle dragons and rescue princesses instead of that Italian sell-out.

40/10

12. Don't Sweat It

This dude tells me not to sweat it but it's hard not to when the guitar is this violent is the percussion is this taunting. And here you are talking about tea again! I am going to let my family have it at our next meeting.

10/10

13. Awesome Sound

Look, Awesome Sound, I hate to be the one to tell you this but despite how tight you are, you're not best banger on the album. That's Captain Fantasy. Good effort with the strumming though.

10/10

14. Laura

Another beautifully garbled song about a man killing himself over a chick. Or maybe he's gonna kill other people. Tough to tell. Guys and gals, there's always fish in the sea. And one of the most important fish is you. Don't bump yourself off because one or more don't want to swim in your current.

10/10

15. Boing

A tribal (can I say that? I'm black and it sounds wrong) chant over sound drowned beats creates a nice scene to bong mask yourself to. Something tells me this should be the track you listen to when you stare at the album cover in a dark room for several hours.

9/10

16. Mononucleosis

Finally, we get to the root of the madness. Gene croons about the band getting so sick that they couldn't smoke or drink it away or play with their lovely cat. If that was the case, I would pray Komm, Susser Tod too. A freaky sludgy story that can legally give you a fever, do not mess this tale.

11/10

17. Oh My Dear (I Must Be Falling In Love)

My second favorite song that remains juvenile yet more serious than Ween's previous romantic output. Short, sweet and sounding like something SongDrops would put out if they hired better musicians, seduce your boo at your next sleepover with this.

90/10

18. Sketches of Winkle

And we're back to punk. Fast-paced, hard and loud enough to wake up a man that slept for a hundred years, this song will stick in your head for days on end.

50/10

19. Alone

Aaaaaaaaand back to soft. Very mellow, very chill. You can put this song as the ending to Texhnolyze and nobody would be the wiser because it is that much of a downer. Geez, I hope this is as dark as the band gets, eh?

9/10

20. Moving Away

More mellowness. Let's hope this song is talking about the guys moving out of their hellhole of an apartment. Escape the mold, fellas.

8/10

21. She Fucks Me

A bit slower about a girl that fucks. She fucks Gene, she fucks Dean, she fucks me, she fucks all of us. It's I'm guessing the guys were running out of steam at this point but this song is still pretty cool.

10/10

22. Pork Roll Egg And Cheese

A tune that wouldn't be out of place on Spongebob (wink), Ween sings about their love for a balanced breakfast in this nice ditty. Picks up at the tune of the album at the end and sets us up for a doozy.

10/10

23. The Stallion (Part 2)

Come hither for the album closes out by reminding the listeners of who they shouldn't fuck with, mang. Mr. Ed ain't got nothing on this shit where a man reveals that he runs the show. Nice way to close out an album.

75/10

Album Score: 27.7/10

Next week, we will tackling one Ween's objectively two best albums, Pure Guava. See you there.

#ween #the pod #music #review #tw: suicide mention