#CHEESE ON CRACKERS I FINALLY GOT THIS THING DONE!!

[moonionraccoon]

IT'S HERE!! IT'S FINALLY HERE!!

This dub is coming out in parts! As to not stress anyone out (and it saves me time because I used my phone to put this together)

Lil Gyiel is voiced by me, despite my lack of a Maine accent

Lil Wambus is voiced by @mapleykin

Music made by a friend not me

Later down the line we have voices by the music director, Skrapz as Wambus, and Emlene's voice is by my own mother (you'll hear those later)

LIKE ALWAYS!! BROTHERS OF THE SEASIDE ECLIPSE BELONGS TO @orb-the-watchman

Thank you again Orb for letting us do this dub!

#CHEESE ON CRACKERS I FINALLY GOT THIS THING DONE!! #bugsnax #brothers of the seaside eclipse #bugsnax wambus troubleham #wambus troubleham #gyiel scratchback #bugsnax dub #dub #Youtube

[lovelyela]

she looks like fun || theodore nott x fem!reader

synopsis: new years eve party, based on she looks like fun by arctic monkey. part 2 to she's thunderstorms :)

ela’s note: ignore the fact that it takes place on new years eve and we are half way into january LMAOOO. i wanted to use this song cause it was fitting and my friend suggested it :c

warnings: use of y/n, mentions of smoking, oblivious friends to lovers, cursing, mentions of drinking/alcohol, kissing, confessing, kinda cringe? lazy ending (again), mentions of parties, bad attempt at writing british people.

word count: 1.5k

・❥・

7 months, 30 weeks, 212 days, and a couple hours and a few seconds was how long ago you and theo met.

"aye, mate! ready for the party?" mattheo walked out of the bathroom, towel hanging low on his hips while steam flowed out of the shower.

you were throwing a new years eve party for the students at hogwarts who didn't go back home. mattheo and theo were getting ready.

theo's friends had long known about his new liking towards you, if you could call it that.

after the party in may, the two of you became close friends, finding time to study together, hang out, do projects in classes, and more. because of your guys' new memories and stories, he found himself falling for you even more day after day.

"course i am." theo said, scrolling mindlessly on instagram. your 2023 recap post came up on his feed. first, it was a picture of a sunrise, then one of a cheeseburger you had in italy or some other romantic-looking place. swiping more, he saw pictures of you and your friends, your achievements of that year, you with animals, and finally you snowboarding.

he even made the cut with a secretly taken picture of him staring at a thunderstorm with a blunt in his hand from the night you two met.

mattheo quickly got dressed and polished himself up before the two boys walked to the gryffindor common room.

the party hadn't started yet, but theo and a few other slytherin boys were helping you set up final details.

"hey guys!" you greeted mattheo and theo.

enzo was already helping, and draco and blaise went home to their families so it was just the three for now.

theo felt weak in the knees when he saw you. you were all glammed up for the new year, with your hair done nice and a silky emerald green dress to match the color of 2024.

you wore shoes that were much more elegant than the ones you usually wear, but they were still comfortable to dance and be in.

"you look stunning." theo said without much thought, simply just admiring you.

"thank you." you blushed, face heating up under his gaze. what theo didn't know was how you felt the same.

the times he glanced at you from across the room, the times he laughed at all your bad and funny jokes, the times he did little things for you like holding the door open, all those times did not go unnoticed.

he loved you, and the feeling was mutual.

"what can we help with?" mattheo smiled after a few beats of you and theo smiling each other.

"you can help lorenzo, i asked him to put out the snacks and drinks." you pointed to the other boy, who was putting his heart and soul into a cracker and cheese charcuterie board. mattheo went to him, and began pouring different chips into different bowls.

"and you," you focused your attention back to theo, "you can help me put up streamers."

theo smiled and followed you to the staircase, where golden streamers were put up half-way.

"i'll give you 20 galleons if y/l/n and nott get together tonight," enzo grinned at mattheo.

"i doubt it, they're both too shy to actually tell each other about their feelings." mattheo shook his head. "you know i'm always up for a bet though."

everyone saw it. the professors, your friends, even the paintings and ghosts of hogwarts. they all saw the way you and theo looked at each other, the way you two are always together. they've heard both of you talking about one another like you were desperately in love.

they also knew how oblivious the two of you were. how one of you could yell "i love you," in the other's face and brush it off like nothing.

the 4 of you finished the setup at 8:32, the perfect time as the party started at 9. people already started piling in and chatting with each other.

at 11 pm, you poured yourself a tropical drink, and you got onto the dance floor quickly with your friends and a smile on your face.

30 minutes later, theo was alone, watching you subtly from afar. mattheo was finding a girl to kiss for the new year, and enzo was with his girlfriend he met at the party in may, which actually turned out to be one of your best friends. the italian was debating whether or not to go for a smoke break again.

he decided why not, and went to a hallway empty enough. he cracked open the window and sat on the floor.

he pulled out his only blunt and lighter, but before he could even spark the steel box, your voice interrupted yet again.

"you have to stop running from my parties to smoke some weed," you smiled and set your drink on the windowsill before taking a seat in from of theo.

"and you have to stop showing up to my smoke breaks unexpectedly." he scoffed lightheartedly before putting the lighter and blunt next to your drink.

"but you love it when i do that." you frowned jokingly. "do you have another one?"

"no," he sighed, "i should stop smoking so much this new year." he said.

"maybe." you shrugged. "are you having fun?" you questioned, tracing shapes on your knee.

"i always have fun at your parties," he said, "you're lots of fun."

"i'm flattered." you smiled, "did mattheo and enzo ditch you?" you questioned. you saw enzo and mattheo inside, so you could only jump to conclusions.

"not necessarily ditched." he said, "riddle is flirting around and berkshire is with his girlfriend."

"they're cute!" you said, "they're almost at 6 months, right?"

"i think so," theo shrugged. "they're really a good match."

"i wish i had a match like that." you said, "they're so great together, they have each other's humor, they're both loyal and secure, they let each other live their own lives and be independent, they're fun to be around, just like the perfect couple."

theo bit his tongue. he couldn't tell you, he couldn't have you knowing how he felt.

you couldn't know about how you made his day. you couldn't know how your smile or gaze alone made his heart flutter. you couldn't know about how he loved your guys' cloudy day hang outs. you couldn't know how he thought about you every waking second. hell, even when he slept, he dreamt of you. you couldn't know about how he loved sharing every whimsical thought that entered his mind with you. you couldn't know about how much fun he had with you, talking shit about people who did you two dirty and being dickheads. you couldn't know.

"i think we'd be a perfect couple."

shit.

"what?" you were taken aback in the best way possible.

"i meant-" he tried explaining, but just like a cheesy romcom, your best friend, enzo's girlfriend ran outside for you.

"it's agora hills!" she said, taking your hand and pulling you into the room.

theo was speechless, it happened so quick, and your reaction was not promising whatsoever.

he almost started panicking, but he had to clear the air. the secret was out, and even though it might end the friendship, you had to know.

he entered the common room, searching for you in the crowded room. he saw mattheo with some slytherin girl, and enzo was talking to some guys in ravenclaw.

he ignored them and kept looking for you.

the same way he's looked for you his whole life.

agora hills stopped and a minute timer came on, people started cheering and it was evident. 1 minute until the new year.

he finally found you after you emerged from the crowd, you were so happy he was tall enough for you to easily scout him out.

"y/n, let me explain." theo pleaded.

"no need, theo." you smiled.

"30 seconds!" someone said in the crowd.

"i've liked you for so long. since you approached me in may, i was interested in you. i've been falling for you everyday since then. these past 7 months were so fun, and i know it'll fuck our friendship up, but i can't miss this opportunity." he yapped, rushing.

20 seconds.

you smiled, your heart becoming warm after he confessed after nearly half a year of waiting. "theo, i like you too." you said.

"10!"

theo blinked at you, not processing the information.

"9!"

"can i kiss you?" you asked.

"8!"

"what?" he asked back, caught so off guard since he was fully ready to be rejected.

"7!"

"can i kiss you, idiot!?" you smiled again, knowing he thought he was dreaming.

"6!"

the question you asked finally registered in his brain.

"5!"

"..are you sure?" he questioned.

"4!"

"yes, im sure, theo!" your grin grew wider.

"3!"

he smiled from ear to ear, heart fluttering when he realized this was real. you felt the same way.

"2!"

you both leaned in, eager to make you two official.

"1! happy new year!"

and you two kissed. sparks flew and it could be compared to magic.

the two of you pulled away after a few moments, and smiled.

"woah."

・❥・

reblogs, likes, and replies are ALWAYS appreciated <3

dni if you support pro-life, racism, homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, sexism or anything along those lines!

#theodore nott x fem!reader #theodore nott x y/n #theodore nott x you #theo nott x reader #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott #theo nott x y/n #theo nott x fem!reader #theo nott x you #slytherin boys x fem!reader #slytherin boys x you #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin boys #theo nott

[thetriumphantpanda]

the gift that keeps giving | marcus pike

Summary | Isn't it just your luck to get the office hottie as your secret santa this year?

Pairing | Marcus Pike x F!Reader

Word Count | 1.4K

Warnings | Just... Marcus Pike being Marcus Pike, some flirting and general office banter and a steamy kiss but nothing explicit!

Authors Note | To my Cheese & Crackers. My Darling Friend. I hope this makes your festive season that little bit lighter. I hope you love this because I love you, to the moon and back and beyond. Thank you for making 2023 that little bit easier. Happy Christmas @undercoverpena 🧡

“That’s looking a little worse for wear.” Marcus, stood at your desk, waiting for his report, finger pointed at the very much dead succulent on your desk.

You look up from your desk, fingers still flitting across the keyboard as you race to finish the notes he’d asked for.

“It’s looking dead, Marcus.”

“I was trying not to rub it in,” He shrugs, running a finger over one of the branches, a look of remorse on his face when he snaps off and lands on the white of the desk, “But yeah, that’s very much dead.”

“Frank deserved it.” You shrug, eyes never leaving your screen.

“Frank?”

“Yes, Frank,” You nod your head towards the succulent, “You’re meant to name plants, makes you more attached to them, more likely to care properly for them,” Another shrug of your shoulders, “Now look at him, showing me up as a bad mother.”

Marcus can’t help but chuckle a little, “You’ll have to get yourself another.”

“If I can’t keep a succulent alive,” You sigh, fingers slowing ever-so-slightly on the keyboard, “There isn’t much hope for anything else.”

“I believe in you.” He offers.

You stare at him through your lashes, a look that warns him that he needs to be quiet, “You know, the longer you stand there distracting me, the longer it’ll take me to type these notes up?”

“I always thought you thrived on pressure?” He teases, reminding you of a conversation a few months ago where you’d admitted that the best work you produce is always to a time crunch.

“Marcus, respectfully,” You finally look up at him properly, “You need to leave me alone, if you go and sit down in your office and leave me to it, this report will be on your desk in the next twenty minutes.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re late.” Your voice is monotone as Marcus hurries out of the elevator.

“I know.” He’s stressed, twenty minutes late to his debrief meeting.

“I told you last night what time you needed to be here.”

He runs a hand over his face, taking the manila file from your hand, flicking through it to make sure he knows what the fuck is going on right now.

“I’ve just moved.”

You sigh, shake your head, but keep up his pace as you race through the office, “What’s that got to do with you being late?”

“The fridge magnet,” He offers, as if you’ll know exactly what he’s talking about, “I lost it when I moved.”

“Am I supposed to make the link myself?”

He stops at his desk, blindly opening drawers, rooting through papers to try and find something, “I used it to pin important things on the fridge, like when I need to be in to speak to the big boss.”

You shake your head, trailing behind him again as he starts walking again, “You can get a damn fridge magnet on every street corner, Marcus.”

“I know,” He says, a little breathless, as he finally comes to the meeting room door, “I’ll get around to it eventually, promise.”

There’s a small gift bag sitting on your desk when you come back from the Christmas lunch. There are an array of other gift bags and small wrapped presents on everyone’s desk. You sigh, flopping into your chair. Someone from the finance team is already passing around glasses of something fizzy, work clearly done for the day. Someone is hooking their phone up to the a speaker. You look left and right, making sure that no-one is looking, before you pull open the top of the back and peer in.

You can’t quite believe it, reaching your hand inside to grasp the pot, pulling it out. A scoff leaves your mouth, a small cactus sitting in a pot that’s been painted like a Christmas jumper. You shake your head, a laugh escaping as you drag a finger over the little spines, like you always do when trying to choose a new plant. You push the bag out of the way, setting the small plant down on your desk, right where Frank had been before.

You use your fingers to turn it around, setting it perfectly in place, when those familiar legs come into view, perfectly pressed trousers right in your eyeline, but it isn’t the legs you’re really looking at, although you do sometimes, it’s his fingers, pressing a fridge magnet onto your desk, sliding it across to you, a magnet that is now so familiar to you, having stood in that damn gift shop for almost thirty minutes try to choose the right one. One with a watercolour painting splashed across it, one that you know he likes, never shutting about what the colours mean and how it makes him feel.

“Oh my god,” You feign surprise, “Does this mean you’ll be on time from now on?”

“It looks like,” He’s got a smile on his mouth when you look at him, “Also means you’ll be able to get off my case.”

You smile back at him, “I’m pretty sure I’m the only reason you still have a job after your timekeeping this past month,” You tease, “But sure, if you want me off your case that bad, I’ll leave you alone.”

His attention moves from the magnet to the cactus already having pride of place on your desk. He picks it up, annoying you slightly as you’d just got it in the right position for you, “What are you going to name it?”

You raise your eyebrow, a knowing look in your eye, “It’s your gift, Marcus, you should name it.”

Marcus drops his head, a snort of a laugh breathing from his nostrils, “That obvious, huh?”

“About as obvious as this.” You bring your fingers to the fridge magnet.

You hold his eyes, watching as he thinks for a second, before he offers his name, “Vincent.”

There’s an actual laugh that drops from your mouth now, “You’re so predictable, Pike,” You shake your head, “Of course it would be an artist.”

He shifts from foot to foot a little, “You know,” His hand comes nervously to the back of his neck, “If it wasn’t for the damn $5 cap, I’d have gotten us a gift certificate to this restaurant downtown that I like.”

You breath catches in your throat slightly, because there’s no way, there’s no way that means what it means, “Us?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you’d like it of course,” His nervous hand running up and down the side of his neck, “I don’t need a secret santa to take you out.”

You shake your head a little, bite your bottom lip, “It’s funny, because if it hadn’t been for the $5 dollar cap, I would have got us tickets to the new exhibition at the gallery.”

Your words sink in, him realising you want him just as much as he wants you, outside of this office and the professional relationship you have.

“And what if dinner came with a kiss?”

“What if the exhibition came with one too?”

He’s taking hold of your wrist, dragging you from your chair, back out of the office and down towards the privacy of the alcove near the elevator. Your back, pressed against the wall, Marcus’ hands on your waist as his mouth finally slants over your own. It’s exactly how you’d imagined it for all these months, soft but sure, warm hands seeping through the layers of your clothes. And he tastes exactly as you thought he would, slightly sweet, considering his sweet tooth, and you can taste the beer he drank at lunch. It’s intoxicating. You slip your hands under the shoulders of his suit jacket, gripping the broadness of him as he pulls away.

“Gotta keep your hands to yourself,” He whispers against your mouth, “If you don’t we’re gonna be sat with HR in the morning.”

You bite your lip, leaning towards him a little to press your lips gently to his own, “Don’t threaten me with a good time, agent.”

He looks at you, fire in his eyes, “Go and get your things,” It’s a strict order, that floats straight to settle in your tummy, “I’m sure I can get us in for dinner somewhere.”

“Yes, sir.”

#space sisters secret santa 2023 #Marcus Pike x reader #Marcus Pike x you #Marcus Pike x female reader #Marcus Pike x F!reader #Marcus Pike #Marcus Pike fic #Marcus Pike fanfic #Marcus Pike fluff #Marcus Pike smut #Marcus Pike fanfiction #Pedro pascal #Marcus Pike Pedro pascal

[pulisicz]

have we been here before? - mason mount

i guess things have come full circle

summary - you and mason used to “date” back in middle school, which then led to a more serious relationship in high school, but due to mason pursuing his football career, you two spilt.

now, years later, you two are reunited.

♡︎

pairing - mason mount x fem!reader

song inspo - n/a

warnings! - none, this is straight fluff

word count - 1.5k

note - i will 100% be making a part 2

-

mason had had a long day. getting back into the season had been hard, especially after the heartbreak of what happened at the world cup.

another loss…

it was hard on all of the guys, but that doesn’t mean that they could just be all sad and not give it 110% for their club teams.

it was, however, nice to get back with the team.

mason had missed all of them a lot, but mainly his two best mates, christian and ben.

“i hate to be the one to say this, but there’s always next time. we had a rough fight, but we did well, lads”. harry maguire says as they all get situated in their plane seats.

after the long plane ride, the boys were finally back in england. yes, loosing the world cup sucked, but being back home was nice.

mason’s sister, stacey, and his mom, picked him up from the airport.

“oh my god, stacey, what are you doing here?” mason said, being more shocked than ever.

his sister lives in australia, and after she and her family came to see mason play, she was supposed to go back to australia, at least that was the plan. but stacey had wanted to surprise mason by visiting england for a little.

the car ride home was nice. he got to catch up with his sister, which was much needed. he also got a moment of peace from all of the craziness in his life, which was very refreshing.

mason didn’t have to go back to chelsea training for another week, so he got to rest and do whatever he wanted for a good while. although mason was excited to spend time with his family and friends, the only thing he could think of at the moment was getting into his bed to take a much needed nap.

-

you were almost done with your errands, the only place left to go to was the grocery store. you went over your list to see what you needed and headed into the store, list and pen in hand.

apples

grapes

saltine crackers

lemonade

lettuce

tomato’s

shredded cheese

caesar salad dressing

croutons

granola bars

you didn’t need much so it shouldn’t be a long trip.

you were almost finished with your list, only a couple items left when you realized you needed to grab more bread.

you are carefully going over your list and assessing what you had already gotten as you turn to the bread aisle, not paying attention to your surroundings. you collide with someone else’s cart, which shake you from your focus.

“oh shit, i’m sorry! i wasn’t looking where i was go-ing…. mason?”

you stand there, unable to think, but trying to think at the same time.

what is he doing here?

“what are you doing here?” you ask, as if it’s not the most obvious answer. he’s obviously getting groceries.

“i’m getting groceries, and you?”

your mind is racing. it had been 5 years since you last saw him. 5 years since the two of you were dating. 5 years since you were your happiest self.

“doing the same. um. how have you been?”

you really had no idea what to say. for someone you used to know so well, you’re acting as if this is your first time meeting.

“i’ve been good. i just back into town today and wanted to run out to get some things. nothing much though. what about you? are you still into photography?”

photography… he remembered

“yes i am! i’m actually studying photography at oxford, along with english. it’s been a really cool experience. — and what do you mean by not much, didn’t you just get back from the world cup? that’s insane mason! you did amazing!”

“thank you. i tried”

-

mason couldn’t believe he ran into y/n. all the memories flooded him.

she still studies photography…

mason remembered everything about her. he remembered how she always wanted to be an author, but had the biggest passion for photography. he remembered how oxford was the only school she wanted to go to. he remembered that she had started writing a book their senior year.

her book.

“did you end up finishing your book?” mason asked remembering about her book.

the book was something y/n had put all her time into. she was not passionate about writing it, and mason was ecstatic for her, but she was still in the very early stages of it when they had broken up, so he never got to see it really come together.

“my book?” y/n seemed puzzled. did she forget about it? did she finish it? does she have no idea what i’m talking about? masons mind started wandering. was it weird that i asked?

y/n stood there think for a few more seconds before her eyes lit up.

“YOU REMEMBER?!”

“how could i forget? you poured your entire heart into that book. i never got to see it come together. did you end up finishing it?”

y/n’s smile faded just a little.

“sadly not. i had to put it on the back burner to focus on my studies, and even now i only work on it from time to time. i still want to finish it though.”

this made mason smile a little. hearing that she was still working on her book made him happy. it was like nothing had changed. y/n was still y/n. the only thing is, is that mason is now a world famous footballer, and y/n is a student at oxford.

“i hate to break this reunion up, but i have to finish my grocery shopping and get back to my dorm. my roommate is going to kill me if i’m not home soon. it was so nice to see you mason”.

no.

no.

mason couldn’t just let her leave like he did to her 5 years ago.

“y/n?”

y/n turned back around before leaving the asile.

“can i get your number? i have gotten a new number since senior year and i really want to get together with you some time”.

y/n walked over to mason and he gave her his phone so she could put in her number.

“i’ll see you later, mason”. y/n said, putting a little emphasis on his name.

the second y/n walked out of the aisle, mason did a little celebration dance before composing himself to finish shopping.

—————————————————————————

“would you want to go to the 49 cafe for brunch tomorrow?”

mason had typed and retyped his text about 5 times. why was he so nervous? is just a date. it’s not even a proper date, it’s just brunch, nothing fancy.

delivered.

-

you were at your desk studying for your upcoming exam in your psych class when your phone lit up.

mason was the name on your screen and your heart skipped a beat. you had hoped he would text sooner than later, but certainly not this early, although you weren’t complaining.

as you read the text you couldn’t help but blush. you pull your knees up on the chair to lean your chin on as you text mason back.

“i would love to! what time?”

you saw the three dots show up almost immediately, which only made you blush more.

“does someone finally have a little boyfriend?” your roommate, emily, asks in a giddy, yet, sarcastic tone. emily has always pushed you to go out more, but being the introvert you were, chose to stay home writing, studying, or editing photos from your photo shoots.

“hmm? oh, no. i just saw a funny video”.

lies.

you had never ever lied to emily, but you couldn’t tell her that you were going on a date with mason mount.

“you’re lying, i know you too well”.

emily hops off her bed and makes her way towards you. you knew you were a bad lier, but no matter how good the lie was, emily would always see right through you.

“so, what’s his name?”

“mason”

emily starts smiling and jumping up and down.

“y/n finally has a boyfriend” emily says in a sing-song type voice while skipping around in a circle like a 5 year old.

“i don’t have a boyfriend, em. it’s just brunch”.

well, i did have a boyfriend.

you hadn’t told emily about mason yet, and you weren’t ever planning on telling her, but being reunited with mason might have to bring you to tell her, but that was a problem for another day.

you look back at your phone to see if mason had texted back the time for tomorrow, and as expected, the blue bubble has appeared.

“11 AM?”

you look at your schedule to make sure you definitely don’t have any classes at that time, and after seeing you have nothing, you text him back.

“works for me”

“perfect. i’ll see you tomorrow, y/n”

#mason mount #mason mount fanfic #chelsea fc #chelsea #fanfic #pulisicz

[bluejay-writes]

Puppy Love Picnic

Fandom: Ikemen Prince Pairing: Silvio/Airin (OC) (You can also read this on AO3 if that's your jam!)

This is a gift for @airin-queenz for the My Ikemen Valentine Gift Exchange hosted by @ikemenlibrary. I hope you like the story!!

Silvio had been planning the perfect picnic. Everyone knows that the perfect picnic starts with a prime location. Then, add a super soft blanket, good food, and delicious drinks.  He’d be set.  There was no way that Airin could get a better date anywhere. He’d bet on it.

The location was the hard part, but Silvio had gotten Emma to show him this hill that overlooked the entire town, her “secret place”, and she promised him she would stay away from there on Saturday.  She’d loaned him her favorite picnic blanket and basket, giving him a wink and telling him not to mess up his date with her best friend.

He’d even bribed that idiotic mutt to get Yves to make the food. The cat’s cooking was far better than anything he could get in town, and while there was nothing he could do directly to convince him to put together picnic foods and desserts, he knew that Rio was entirely capable of making it happen.

Drinks were something he didn’t need help with. He’d brought some of his favorite bottles with him from home, and he just knew that the sparkling white he’d been saving was perfect for this occasion.

Once he had everything settled, all he had to do was find the girl in question. But for some reason, every time he got anywhere near close to Airin, she ran off, or someone else needed his attention.  It was to the point where he was starting to lose his mind over it.  He hadn’t gotten to see her in days, and he was starting to think maybe he’d read her wrong, and she wasn’t interested in him.

Finally, he ran into her in the hallway, or well, she ran into him. His mind was elsewhere, and suddenly the Mad Dog of D’Avalos was pinning him to the wall. All 4’10” of her, but still she had him contained. He flinched and drew back from her before he realized who it was, and then relaxed all at once with a laugh.

“Spend your Saturday with me, Airin.” He said, just as she said,

“Your Saturday Night is mine, Silvio.”

They blinked at each other, and then laughed like idiots.

“Okay, two more steps. One more… and stop.”

“Silvio, what are we doing out here?”

Silvio chuckled and stood behind Airin with one hand protectively on her lower back before taking the blindfold off, the whole of the city arrayed before her in the afternoon sunlight. The soft sound of her gasp as she took in the view made all of the planning and the stress worth it.  The picnic itself was all a bonus after that, but it was still a bonus he’d worked hard on.

“Can’t a man just do a nice thing once in awhile?” He half-growled in irritation.

“No. He cannot.” Airin laughed, turning to look at the picnic spread out in front of her. “What is all of this?”

“Shut it, dog. It’s a picnic.” He answered, looking at her like she was an idiot as he settled himself on the blanket with a muffled jangle. “Come, sit. I have a particularly nice sparkling Moscato to drink.”

Airin settled herself on the picnic blanket and smirked at him, trailing a hand down his arm, causing him to startle and flush slightly.

“Do you want the wine or not?”

Airin held a hand out, and Silvio poured two glasses before handing her one and setting the bottle aside.  Next should have been offering her food, but Silvio found himself distracted by the satisfied smile she wore after taking a sip of the wine. At least he knew he’d done one thing right for this picnic. For her.

After a potentially awkward amount of staring, Silvio shook his head to clear the cobwebs, and offered her some of the food that Yves had made.  There were various kinds of finger sandwiches, various fruits and nuts, a small spreadable cheese with lovely crackers to spread it on, and even small meat pies.  For dessert he’d sent some honey-pistachio layered triangles that looked like a sticky mess that he couldn’t wait to lick off of her fingers, if she’d let him.

Over the course of their picnic they fed each other bites of food, sometimes laughing over a touch or a fumbled bite, but neither spoke much, until Airin met his eyes.

“Did you plan this yourself, Silvio?”

“I did.” He said, smirking. “Does it meet your expectations?”

“And then some. How did you get Yves to cook for you?”

“I called in a few favors.” 

“For this?”  Airin looked dubious, but was wearing that flirty smirk that he adored. Not that he was likely to admit that to her. Ever. Silvio pouted as he realized the wine was gone. That meant they were running out of time for conversation, and were going to have to pack everything up and head back. He hadn’t even managed to steal a kiss yet. Where were his priorities? 

“For you.” He clarified gruffly. “Wanted you to have something nice, instead of all the hell you’ve been going through with Eyepatch lately.”

Airin smiled in a way that lit up her face, and Silvio felt himself relax just a bit. Ah, right. That smile. That was the priority.

When they returned to the castle, Gilbert immediately arrived, sent a look to Airin that Silvio could in no way decipher, and then turned to Silvio himself.

“I need your help with something, jangler.” Gilbert said, before turning and walking off, assuming that he would follow, the tap-tap-tap of his cane infuriatingly regular.

Silvio winced and turned to Airin. “I know you claimed my attention this evening…”

“Go. We both know what a bother he can be if he doesn’t get his way.” Airin muttered. “Just… come by my room when you’re free?”  She reached out and tapped his nose, smirking at the way he startled from her touch, and then ran her finger down his neck to his shirt collar before turning on her heel. “Get going, lover boy. You know he’ll keep you longer out of spite if you dawdle.”

She turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Silvio no other choice than to follow where Gilbert led.  Great, just great. Now eyepatch is making me go back on my word with Airin, too.

A few hours later, interminably filled with Gilbert going over numbers and expectations about business situations that normally would have been interesting challenges for Silvio but were instead something he simply needed to get through in order to keep a promise, Gilbert stops talking and stares at him.

“Why are you so useless today?”

“You’re forcing me to break my word to Airin, eyepatch.”

“Oh, did she have something exciting planned?”

“Perhaps. She asked for my time, and I promised it to her.”

“Did you not spend all afternoon in her company?” Gilbert smirked knowingly.

“Yes. That was a favor she did for me, and I would like to return it and not be in her debt.”

“Ah. So she has something she wants you to teach Emma again, I presume.”

Silvio paused.  That was usually, in fact, what Airin had in mind when she asked for his time.  Something that Emma needed, or to help Emma understand how royals worked.  The two were very good friends, which made sense for the Belle of the Kingdom of Roses and the Rose Lady of Benitoite.

“Princess…” he sighed, mostly under his breath.  He’d hoped for some time alone just the two of them after the lovely picnic they’d had, but if she needed his help with something for Emma, he was still going to happily provide it.  Well, with his usual veneer of snark, anyway. Wouldn’t want the girls getting too comfortable after all.

“Are you done torturing me?” Silvio grumbled, looking over at Gilbert with irritation. “I should go see what Airin and Emma want.”

Without waiting for a response, he stood, and stalked out, heading for Airin’s quarters at the fastest pace his dignity would allow.

Silvio knocked on Airin’s door, startling slightly when he heard her call out instead of opening the door. “Silvio, is that you?”

“It’s me.” He said. “Answer the damn door.”

“It’s unlocked. Come in.”

He was going to have some choice words with this woman about leaving her door unlocked at this time of night, Silvio reasoned.

Of course, reason went right out the door when he saw what was waiting for him on the other side.  Airin, bedecked in lingerie that showed almost more than it hid, lay posed in perfection on top of her blankets like some kind of feast.

“It’s time for the second half of your picnic.”

#ikemen prince #silvio ricci #ikepri silvio #silvio x oc #my ikemen valentine gift exchange

[breannasfluff]

On Dreams and Birthdays

Collaboratino with @twilightangel83!

Hylia has mercy on the Chain because it’s the day before Twilight—and Wild’s—birthday when the portal opens to Lon Lon Ranch. The air holds the heat of late summer, but there’s a crisp scent from the leaves starting to turn. Fall is approaching.

Part of birthdays is doing gifts and Wild shows his best through cooking. He wants to make something special for Twilight; a reminder of home. The Ordon goat cheese stored in his slate is a start, but cheese alone isn’t going to cut it.

Wild needs backup.

On the day of the birthday, the champion pulls Malon into the kitchen. There wasn’t time to ask the day before and he needs time to work without Twilight finding out about the surprise. With a final glance out into the hall, Wild shuts the kitchen door and locks it.

Malon giggles at his antics. “What’s so important we need secrecy?”

“I’ve never done a birthday before. At least, not that I can remember.” He ignores the way her face falls. “But I talked to the boys and one of the common themes was cake. I’ve made cakes at home, but not birthday cakes.”

“Well, a birthday cake doesn’t have to be a specific kind of cake, although it can. Did you have something in mind?”

He nods and grabs his slate, tapping to bring out his prize. “I’ve got this soft goat cheese from Twilight’s era. He loves the stuff and is always talking about how the flavor of the grass and feed comes through in the goat milk. I want to use it to make a cake but…”

“What cake takes cheese?” Malon guesses.

He nods. “I was hoping you could help? Or have a recipe?”

Wild may not remember his mother, but her smile must be similar to the one Malon gives him. “Let me look through my cookbooks. I think I might have just the thing.”

Wild stares at the recipe he’s presented with. “Cheesecake? Isn’t cheese…savory?”

She arches a brow at him. “Aren’t you the one always experimenting with food?”

With a laugh, he nods and looks over the list again. Most of the ingredients are already in his slate. Cheese, sugar, eggs, cream—Malon pulls down the spice jars and he starts sorting through for what he needs.

“I noticed the recipe listed variations on flavor.” Malon pulls the recipe book over again and flips a page, skimming notes. “Twilight likes pumpkins, right?”

“Oh yeah. Always going on about how great they are in stew and stuff.”

“Do you have any?”

Grabbing the slate, Wild flips through the screens to check. “I don’t.” Some of his excitement fades. “I bet he would have liked that.”

Malon claps her hands together and gives him a bright grin. “Not to worry! I happen to have some special pumpkins I just picked up. It might not be Ordon pumpkins, but it will be a little taste of our home.”

Time truly did find the very best wife. Wild nods and sets the spices aside. “What do we need to do?”

“Well, first we need to roast pumpkins—and for a while. Do you mind scraping them out for me? We can season the seeds for a snack.”

Pumpkin cheesecake, it turns out, is a more in-depth process than Wild was expecting. First, they have to make the pumpkin puree, then bake the spiced crackers to be used for the crust. Then they are crushed and mixed with more ingredients and baked for a few minutes to form the crust.

By this point, Wild is eying the angle of the sun coming through the kitchen window and thanking the goddesses they started early.

The filling, including the softened cheese, is mixed until light and fluffy, then poured into the dish. The trickiest step is transferring it into another dish filled with water. The instructions say it will keep it from cracking.

“It will be okay, Wild. Twilight will love it either way, I promise.”

The champion looks up from where he’s glued to the oven, watching the minutes on his slate tick by. “But what if it cracks?”

“We’ll cover it up with whipped cream.”

“What if it’s underbaked? Or overbaked? What if it tastes terrible? What if I ruined it with the cheese?”

“Hey, come here.” Carefully, Malon pulls him away from the oven to sit in a chair. She sits next to him, holding his hands. “I know how much you want this to be perfect but Twilight will like anything you make. It’s because you made it with him in mind. And sometimes mistakes make the best memories.”

He nods, but the thought of anything less than perfection is bitter.

“Sugarcube, it’s your birthday too, remember? I want you to have fun with this, not stress.”

“It is fun.” Wild ducks his head, suddenly shy. “Baking with you. It’s like…being with family.”

“Absolutely.” Leaning forward, Malon gathers him into a hug. “I promise, Wild, you will always have a family with us. You deserve whatever you want on your birthday.”

The tips of his ears are burning. “My dream is to spend it with my family.”

“Then we’ll make sure that happens.”

The cheesecake doesn’t crack. It cools, goes into the icebox to chill, and Wild stretches across the kitchen table with a sigh of relief. They did it. Hopefully Twilight likes his surprise. Actually…he glances at the closed kitchen door. It’s been pretty quiet today. Where did the others go?

He’s about to get up and go check when Malon pulls out some glasses. “Want some fresh juice?”

Nodding, he settles back at the table. He’ll check on them soon. For now, it’s time to relax.

Read the rest here on AO3!

#flufftober2023 #dreams do come true #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu flufftober #breannasfluff #mywriting #lu wild #lu twilight #lu malon

[homicidal-slvt]

Dating Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick

-

MDNI | MY BLOG POSTS NSFW CONTENT

-

SFW Head-Canons

-

GN|Y/N

Civilian|Y/N

Warnings: None

-

Likes PDA but only sweet little things like hand holding and maybe a light peck on the cheek or lips.

If you're smaller than him he will absolutely pick you up and twirl you around, hell even if you're bigger than him he's gonna give it a shot.

Constant cute pet names, has probably done the thing before where he goes a whole day calling you food pet names except they just keep getting weirder. "My little cheese cracker~" "Kyle- what the fuck-?"

Is so happy when he's finally able to come home to you, just scoops you up and wants to cuddle for a few hours straight. Please humor him. He missed you and just wants to be held.

If a mission went REALLY badly when he comes back home to you he's just- so much more quiet than usual. He tries to smile and not let it spoil your time together. Just hold him. That's all he needs for awhile. "Kyle... I don't know what happened but I know you. I know you did your best." "Thanks, Y/N..."

This man loves any and all kisses from you but forehead kisses especially hit him right in his soft spot. Just give him a little forehead kiss and watch him melt.

Constantly tells you how gorgeous you are and he MEANS it. He will walk in on you sitting on the couch in sweat pants or something and just sigh so dreamily. "There's my gorgeous, Y/N" "Kyle..."

-

I'll probably do more of these for him and some of the other guys sometime. I just recently got into COD men thanks to my friend and dove down the rabbit hole. I just HAD to create a Gaz post. He deserves it. Lmao

-

{More Content}

#gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle 'gaz' garrick x reader #kyle 'gaz' garrick #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick #cod x reader #Vee's COD works

[chicky-sammich]

Sunday-March 26-2023

The last day of my recent gorge

I had been stuffing myself all weekend full of absurd amounts of fat and calories. It had been days since my belly wasn’t almost fully bloated, and the constant churning of my belly was something I had become accustomed to.

I woke up early around 6am for work, and my belly was still bloated from the bombardment of food I’d eaten the days prior. Somehow I was hungry, but didn’t have the time to eat, so I put on my uniform and drove to work. The whole way, my shirt felt tighter than usual, and I could see the outline of my belly the entire time.

The work day was fairly normal, except for the multiple glances from customers towards my protruding belly. By the earliest time I could take my lunch break, I leapt at the opportunity. I quickly made a double chicken and fajita quesadilla with a large sour cream, then sat and ate in my car

As fast as I could, I gobbled down the cheesy, creamy goodness, letting sour cream drip down my chin. The whole thing was gone in 5 minutes, just in time to be back at work.

For the rest of the work day, I could feel the quesadilla bubbling in my gut. I was insanely bloated and gassy, and was soooooo turned on from how much my belly sloshed as I worked.

Once work was done I was absolutely starving again. I was invited to Cracker Barrel by some coworkers and just had to take advantage. I ordered a huge plate of country fried chicken and gravy with macaroni and cheese and hash brown casserole.

They watched as I devoured the entire plate, leaving myself so stuffed I had to waddle out of the restaurant. Everyone stared as I went, and it only fueled my gluttony. After sitting in the car for almost an hour rubbing my poor tummy, I went home. I should have been done at this point, but my gluttony got ahold of me.

Laying in bed, all I wanted was my engorged belly to be even larger, and in a gluttonous, horny haze, I ordered a pizza. I waited in anticipation for it to arrive, and somehow my tummy began to rumble for the delectable fatty feast. When the pizza arrived, I immediately grabbed it, and started to dig in.

Slice after slice was forced into my poor aching belly. It was so delicious and hurt so good. I could feel my stomach expanding like a balloon full of liquid concrete, pushing out further and further. Cheese and sauce covered my face but I didn’t care. I dipped ever piece in ranch and garlic butter, making sure to cover every inch. I ate and ate until finally the pizza was gone. I sat on the couch, cradling my engorged aching gut. I listened to the violent roar of my belly as it hopelessly tried to digest the days food. I was finally content.

I sat on the couch for a while longer until I could feel my eyelids start to droop. The effects of the food coma were coming. I slowly pushed myself off the couch and waddled to my bed, exhaustedly falling into it. My belly rose above me like a mountain of pink flesh. I could feel it pulsate with every heartbeat and raise up farther with every breathe.

Finally, resting my arms atop my massive tank of a gut, I fell asleep, dreaming of being even bigger the next day.

Thank you guys for reading! I’ll be posting some pics from after the stuffing soon!

#feederist #fat belly #feedee belly #inflated belly #belly expansion #feeding kink #chubby #sexy belly #so stuffed #fat piggy #obese belly #vore belly #full belly #cute belly #hairy belly #fatboy #fatty #fatass #gaining weight on purpose #looking for a feeder

[yelenasdiary]

Cheese Boards & Kisses

Pairing: Florence Pugh x Reader 

Summary: It’s been a long day & all you want to do is go home and cuddle with your girlfriend. 

| Fluff | 0.9K | Warnings: mentions of stress.

AC: Idea came from the recent Florence interview! I missed her so much!! 

Finally, the clock struck 5:30pm, home time! You gathered your things and signed out, saying your goodbyes to fellow co-workers on your way out. Fridays always seem like a drag and you’re just glad to see the back of the business until Monday. Afternoon traffic meant that it would be at least another 45 minutes to an hour until you were finally home.

You’ve been awake since 5am, having a healthy breakfast and a mug of coffee before taking Billie for a morning run and then returning home to shower and get ready for work by 8:30am. Florence had recently came home from doing a few scenes for an upcoming movie and doing some pre-recordings for press so recently the time between the two of you was a quick good morning or a see you when I get home and a kiss for the road. 

Pulling up in the driveway you smiled knowing you were finally home. Walking into the shared home instantly warmed you, it was winter, and Florence knew how cold you could get so she always made sure the heater had been home for a while before you came home. 

“Hi darling” Florence smiles as you dumb your work belongings on the dining room table and kicking your heels off. “Hi baby” you returned the smile. “How was work?” She asked, placing freshly sliced cheese onto a large wooden board. “Stressful and boring” you sighed, “I’m just glad to finally be home” you added, wrapping your arms around Flo’s waist, and resting your chin on her shoulder. “Are you okay? Do you want me to run you a relaxing bath?” She offered. 

“I’m okay, I’ll be better once we get through this new set of clients. They’re so needy and pushy. They expect us to have everything done within 10 minutes of delivering the documents!” you rolled your eyes, “but for the bath, I just want to take a shower and watch movies or something with you” you added, placing a kiss on her left cheek. 

“I think that sounds like a lovely idea, babe. Go get yourself comfortable and I’ll meet you on the sofa” she smiles as your lips touch her cheek once more. “I won’t be long” you wander to the bathroom. 

After a steamy shower, you joined Florence on the large L shaped sofa in one of your favourite hoodies you basically stole from her. “Mmm” you hummed at the sight of the large board covered in different cheeses and crackers, “I’ve been so stressed at work today I totally forgot how hungry I am” you added, helping yourself to the platter. “My poor baby, please eat up” Flo says, turning the television on.

The two of you start watching some of both of your favourite movies while clearing the cheese plater between each other. Florence grabbed a large throw blanket and covered the two of you with it. “I’m so full!” You looked down at the platter that still had plenty of contents for leftovers. “I’ll put it away for later” Flo smiled. You pouted at her as she got up, missing the warmth of her body keeping you cozy. “Do you want a tea or anything darling?” She called from the kitchen. “I’m good thank you baby” you replied just wanting her to return to the sofa quicker. 

When she did return, the two of you decided to lay down instead, you got comfortable, resting your head just above Flo’s stomach where she quickly started running her fingers through your hair. It was small moments like this that made staying in over weekends so much better. “Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” You looked up at her, she shook her head, “just spending time with you” she smiled, scrunching her nose a little. “What should we do?” you replied with excitement that you’d finally have some quality time with Florence given the recent weeks of barely seeing her. 

“Well, I thought maybe we could pack the leftover cheese plater and take Billie to the park, maybe take a picnic blanket and some cushions” 

“That sounds like a great idea” you smiled at the thought. 

“I thought you’d like that” she smiled back at you. “I missed you so much, just being able to see you for more than five minutes has already made me so happy” you explained. “I know darling, I’m sorry work has been full on recently” Florence brushes a lock of hair behind your ear, “but I have some time off now and I just want to spend it with you” she adds. 

Without saying another word, you lend upwards towards her and kiss her soft pink lips, “I can definitely get used to that” she smiled against your lips, “yeah?” You kissed her again, her right hand cupping your face gently to deepen the kiss. “I love you darling” she whispers once the two of you pull away for air. You felt like a kid all over again, butterflies giving you a fluttering feeling as your cheeks felt warm. “I” you kissed her lips again, “love” another kiss, “you too” another kiss planted on her lips. 

Florence’s left hand drew random shapes on your back when you snuggled closer to you, pulling the throw blanket over the two of you a little more, completely sinking into her hold, her warmth, and her love for you. She played with your hair until she heard faint snores come from your tired body, she placed a soft kiss on the top of your head, “goodnight darling” she whispered 

#florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #fanfiction

[grape-icing]

horuss zahhak oiled up and ready

Ok bruh here it is!!!

Also horuss’s matesprite is rufioh but y'all can pretend it's anyone.

(idk how to write smut and this is like my second fic ever so sry if it's bad!! Also I'm not the biggest fan of him so mb if he's ooc)

(I'm also taking requests! I will make a post about that later!)

Solo horuss fic!

Words: 725

Horuss went to his room and changed out of his day clothes and into his pajamas. He decided to call his loving matesprite to make up for the time they didn’t spend together earlier. Horuss grabbed his cell phone and dialed up his wonderful matesprite, which (of course) didn’t answer. He called a few more times before concluding that they were asleep…even if it was only 7:30. He sighed and climbed into bed. Although he still felt…well he wasn’t quite sure, it was kind of like a needing feeling. He shook it off and tried to sleep but it just wouldn’t go away. Horuss sat up “Fiddlesticks. I need to do something about this feeling.” But how? Horuss thought.

He had only felt this when he and his matesprite did-……oh. It clicked. Horuss got out of bed and grabbed his phone to call his matesprite like he did every time he felt similarly like this. Horuss was about to call when he remembered all of his previous failures earlier “Right, well I suppose I will have to solve this little problem myself. Unfortunately.”

Horuss set his phone down and headed right back to his bed. Horuss got covered up and then settled his mind on just getting it done and over, he was already tired so it made sense. Horuss slipped a hand under his sweatpants and boxers then gently started touching his aching bulge. “Oh god,” Horuss whispered. He reached his free up to pull at his hair, whimpering as he did. Horuss knew this wasn’t going to satisfy him. He sat up, moved over to his side table then pulled out a small bottle of oil. He began taking off his clothes. Horuss thought about it for a minute and wondered if he really should be doing something this scandalous without his lover. On second thought if his matesprite wanted to join then they should have answered his calls!

Horuss grabbed the bottle, opened it, and started pouring the oil all over himself. “Snickerdoodle! That's freezing.” Horuss said while shivering. He quickly started rubbing the oil everywhere. He grabbed his bulge and started to pick up where he left off. Stroking it as he moaned out but Horuss knew this wasn’t going to be enough. He needed something inside of him. He reluctantly stopped and went back to the nightstand where he pulled out a large, blue, horse-cock shaped dildo and a bottle of lube. He laid back down and squirted some lube on his fingers. Slowly he pushed one of his fingers in. “Oh biscuits.” Horuss groaned out. He was quick to slide another finger in and was even quicker to start fucking himself with them. Over time he ended up with four fingers up there when he finally decided he was ready enough to take the huge thing. He doesn’t use it much, well much on himself that is, his matesprite on the other hand always wanted Horuss to pound them with it.

Horuss took the fingers out of his rear end one by one and sat up wobbly, he grabbed the horse-cock shaped monster and poured a hefty amount of lube on the damn thing. “Cheese and crackers, is this even going to fit inside of me? Well if they can I suppose I can as well.” Horuss muttered as he questioned himself.

He clutched the object nearest to him as the tip went into his little hole. “G-god this feels excellent,” Horuss said as he shuttered between his words. He slowly pushed it in deeper and deeper until he hit the base. He couldn’t wait, he was so eager to get fucked. He pulled most of the dildo out and roughy started to fuck himself with the toy. Little by little he picked up the pace, building him up to his climax slowly.

He was already close when he started thinking about his matesprite, god that was it, the final straw. Horuss pushed the dildo in roughly for the last one before cumming. “That was exhilarating!” Horuss said before sighing.

#fanfic #horuss zahhak #homestuck #smut #homesmut

[hilarychuff]

goodbye earl in my stranger things au graphic series

Heather and Chrissy were the best of friends all through their high school days. Both members of the cheerleading team and active in the cooking club, they were hardly ever apart outside of classes, no matter that they were in different graduating years. After Heather’s senior year, she left Hawkins in search of a bright new world. Growing up in a small town, she knew needed to find herself, that her friend wouldn’t be far behind — but when Chrissy’s own graduation day came, she found herself with a ring on her finger and Jason Carver’s arm around her shoulders. 

Well, it wasn’t two weeks after she got married that Chrissy started to see a new side of her husband. More often than not, she found herself wearing dark glasses, long-sleeved blouses and makeup to cover the marks he left behind. When she finally got the nerve to file for divorce, she thought it would all be done. She thought that the law would handle it. But when Jason heard the news, he walked right through a restraining order and back into their home.

After she got the phone call from the hospital, Heather was on the first red eye flight from LA. It didn’t matter that she and the girl who’d once been her best friend — more than that, something more that they’d never named — had fallen out of touch. By the time the plane touched down, Heather finally knew how she felt. So as she held Chrissy’s hand, as she stroked her hair and her cheek and admitted things she’d never even admitted to herself, they worked out a plan. It didn’t take them long to decide on the most crucial part: Jason had to die. 

The dishes from dinner were still in the sink when the cops came looking for Jason. They wanted to bring him in, arrest him for violating the restraining order, for what he’d done to Chrissy, but Heather assured them they hadn’t seen him. And as the weeks went by and spring turned to summer and summer faded into the fall, it seemed that no one had seen him — that he was a missing person that no one missed at all. 

So Heather and Chrissy bought some land and a little roadside stand out on the highway. Together, they spend their time making fruit jams, packaging picnic baskets with ham and cheese and crackers. They don’t need rings to know they’re going to spend their lives together. And when they eat black-eyed peas or sit down by the lake or go for a ride hand-in-hand in Heather’s car, well, they don’t think about Jason at all. 

ft. chrissy as wanda, heather as mary ann, jason as earl, hopper and callahan as cops

just under the wire for @strangerthingsfemslashweek!!! i hadn’t planned to write anything to theme, but when i saw “women’s wrongs” again today, this au came to me and i just knew i needed to get it together on time

#cheerguard #chrissy x heather #heather x chrissy #chrissy cunningham #heather holloway #stranger things #stranger things au #stranger things au series #my graphics #my au graphics #stranger things goodbye earl au #tw abuse #tw domestic abuse #tw domestic violence #just in case #it is goodbye earl after all #but also #it is goodbye earl so

[alexiusgoesrogue]

Status Update: Emirates and Dubai (DXB)

The check-in at the gate was a mess and easy at the same time. The announcer voice did not make it very easy to hear whether Group B or Group E would be boarding next. But with that sorted out quickly, with delay thanks to the Lufthansa strike, I was on my way down into my first ever shuttle ride. Meanwhile dad watched from the rooftop of the car park since the viewing platform was closed off for construction.

And of course, I got “lucky”. Two crying infants/toddlers just a row ahead of me. I at first tried to sleep through the flight, like the girl sat to my left did, but even noise cancelling headphones have their limits, and I can’t sleep upright. I am yet to figure out how to kick back my seat.

Curious thing I noticed, the monitors in the seats occasionally show when the next prayer time would be for muslims according to the local timezone, with a graphic showing the direction of Mecca. Also, there’s three cameras on the plane which I could switch between freely to look around outside. I just barely used the feature, it was mostly pitch black for my night flight.

Before flying over Bucharest, food was served. I was asked whether I’d like beef or chicken. But the constant language switching today made me not realize that I asked “nochmal?” in response. The curious look the steward gave me made me realize my mistake.

I chose beef, and was handed a full tray just a minute or two later

Food Ranking

Noodles: 4/5, a weird taste for noodles, but tasty nonetheless, and the bell pepper (?) was a good touch

Main Course: 5/5, first time eating what I assume to be spinach. In itself, not my thing. But with the side dish (no idea what it was, tasted like a tasty, decently spiced, coarse version of mashed potatoes), it was absolutely tolerable. The meatballs and sauce were great, too.

Cheddar: 3/5, a bit unusual texture and taste compared to non-airplane-food cheese, but fine.

Bread roll: 4/5, totally fine to eat on its own when failing to realize there is also a piece of butter on the tray

Crackers: 3/5, basically just a softer version of tuc

Belgian Cookie: 2/5, very soft baked, yet a gooey (?) texture, and a strange, at most tolerable taste

Cheese Cake: n/a, I was too stuffed to try it

***

Another interesting discovery, when the canon is dark, the ceiling has small lights to look like the night sky.

Additionally, I watched a few available episodes of Bluey before takeoff. The headphones provided would make a fine video on Dankpods for sure, and not to be praised.

What I take away from this first leg of the tour done:

-don’t store your bag under a seat, or you will have no legroom. And six hours suck with my busted knees.

-figure out the seat position feature before everyone has boarded

-avoid switching between English and German, only do it if necessary

-never again settle for a middle seat. Go window or aisle, either is far better than the awkward middle.

The flight has been survived though. As of writing, I am currently waiting at the gate for my next flight, twice the length. Send help

The Dubai airport (DXB) is big, yet it doesn’t feel that way. Genuinely, you only feel the size when you see how far up the elevators go, or when you have to take a small train to get to your gate. London Stansted is several times smaller, yet feels endlessly long.

Next achievement I unlocked was finally paying with credit card in person. Only took five tries, but I got my food after all. And I am still unsure whether I like the different taste of McDonald’s food in Dubai.

#new zealand #travel #dubai #get ready for round two

[mariacallous]

Today was our office/team holiday celebration (I brought a party tray with ham and turkey and cheese and crackers) and I and some other staff set it up and helped do some more coordinating and planning. The overall team director was AMAZED at everything (which I predicted) and brought a small amount of homemade cookies. It went okay but I wasn't too much in the mood to socialize and I helped clean up (after said director felt like we should just keep stuff out for another hour or so in case anyone wanted it and then came back later to go "so where are we at with things?" to which the response was "We're done").

I had several meetings which all went well, at least for my part specifically. Tomorrow is the new staff event I was asked to coordinate and organize - my supervisor wanted to put some time on today to "plan activities" for the event but that never happened, and I'm not sad that it failed to happen because I hate doing icebreakers and shit like that anyway. For tomorrow I picked up chips and dip, plus some sodas (3 for $4 at walgreens!) and napkins cups and plates and utentils just in case because I don't trust my supervisor or the overall team director tbh (moreso the latter than the former) and we had lots of stuff leftover to use anyway which was good.

I left work a little early because I was just done and didn't want to be there any longer but also because I needed to get an earbud replacement and also check some stuff out. I went to Union Square both for the Barnes and Noble (no ukrainian language books there save for a picture dictionary btw, but their quilted velvet tote bags are VERY nice and I couldn't resist, plus some more books on Russia/Ukraine and a new one about the IRA's fight against Margaret Thatcher) and then I checked out the holiday market in Union Square which was nice but too crowded and I hit my limit with crowds and tight spaces very quickly (so no empanadas or raclette or anything for this moi) before finally getting on the subway and heading home.

Some stuff my sister and family sent me got held at the post office so I have to go either tomorrow or Friday morning to get it, which is not great.

[look-at-the-soul]

The Photoshoot (Part 22)

Cillian Murphy

Previous parts here

⚠️ Warning: a little make out and smut

If you liked the Lake District, you will like this too (I think). Photo credits for the Blasket Islands: Expedia and Airbnb.

🌻 It took me a while to post this part because I know they -and you too- have been through a lot lately, so this getaway seemed to be perfect timing. If you enjoy this story remember I’d love to read your thoughts, ideas, suggestions 🤗

The flight from London to Dublin went smoothly, almost an hour, she now knew every gate at the airport, every store around. Walking past security, Yael called Cillian to let him know she arrived, now just needed to move around to the departure area to find him. When he told her over the phone that Frankie leaked the news on the internet of him having a baby, she knew she had to be there for him.

The previous night, she contacted her client to let her know she had an emergency -named Cillian-, and wanted to see if it was possible to reschedule the shooting. Fortunately, her client, Rochelle wanted to reschedule as well since she got some allergy and her skin was paying the price, they both agreed to talk again as soon as Yael was back from Dublin to check the dates again. It was perfect timing for her to pay Cillian a visit one more time.

There he was in a corner seat by a large window with a book in his hands. He was easy to spot, at least for her, Cillian had some kind of magnet that allowed her to wander around, but in the end, she found herself being pulled to him. As if sensing she was close, Cillian looked around, a wide smile spreading on his lips when their eyes locked.

“Hey… I missed you.” She pulled him for a hug, his hands ran up and down her back and he whispered that he missed her too. “And you too, you too my boy.” She told Scout, who was in the cage. Wriggling excitedly to see her.

“So, are you ready to finally go to Kerry?” He had his focus on her, as people walked from one gate to another.

“Been waiting for this.”

“This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done.” He admitted.

After Cillian told her about the Frankie issue, and she suggested traveling for a quick visit, he asked if she was up for a last-minute getaway. It was an impulse, but he needed to go away.

“If you think about it too much, it spoils the fun.” She was excited to go to Kerry but mostly spend time with him.

“The flight straight to Kerry was longer right?” A small smile appeared as he passed his arm behind her, resting it on the top of her seat.

“Yeah, around five hours.”

Cillian’s eyes followed a plane that was taking off. “Just don’t expect much, I think the Lake District had more accommodations. And the place you found it’s only a little apartment.”

Yael shrugged. “I really don’t care.” Taking the book in his hand, she started to read the back cover. “Another murder?”

Blushing, he tried to defend himself. “The bookstand didn’t have a lot of options.”

“I’m not reading it this time, the last one you gave me, made me have nightmares for days.”

“Not my fault, you didn’t stop reading it.” He laughed a little, she missed that sound, with everything going on about the baby, he barely laughed these days.

Lifting her nose up, she admitted: “If I start a book I need to finish it, couldn’t live without know how it ends.”

He laughed again. Feeling more relaxed now that she was around.

“Got your crackers with cheddar cheese.” He got the package from his bag.

Thanking him, she went to wash her hands but as she approached him again, there was a couple standing next to Cillian.

“Everything okay?” She watched him while taking a bite of her cheddar cookie sandwich.

“Yes, just wanted to ask about the cage.”

As he was about to start teasing her for the cookies, their flight was announced over the speakers.

***

Given that it was a week day, they were allowed to find one of the three cottages available for their stay at the Blasket Islands. Just as Cillian told her, they had to bring food enough the two-day trip. Yael packed comfortable shoes, a rain coat and another things they might need, after the small boat stopped, the captain helped them on the dock, they decided to walk to their cottage after being on a plane and a ferry.

The view was absolutely breathtaking, Yael haven’t seen anything like this before, she couldn’t believe a place like this existed on earth.

“Are you feeling dizzy after the boat ride?” Noticing she was behind, Cillian stopped walking.

She shook her head. “Actually no, I was just admiring the view.”

“I know you like my ass, but can you keep moving? I want to piss.” That sounded more like him than he had been in last days. So, she hurried to his side in record time.

Scout trotting between them, tongue out.

“I love the fire place. Think it still works?”

With the smile she loved and made her knees go weak, he answered: “Only one way to find out.”

She was surprised to see him light the fire.

“What posh girl? Didn’t think I would be able to do it?” His smile grew bigger. “I did this with my dad for ages.” He winked at her.

“Look at this… like really look.” Taking a look outside, they had the sea in front of the property.

“I know, it’s beautiful.” Cillian wrapped his arms around her waist, wanting to make it last forever. “We can go for a walk at the beach if you want.”

“Yes, just let me take a shower first, after two flights and a ferry I need to get freshened up.”

“Need a hand with that?” He asked with an eyebrow arched.

“Why are you even asking that? Of course I do.”

***

“Are you sleeping?” He asked after feeling her relaxed breathing against his chest, couldn’t see her face since Yael was sitting between his legs facing the sea.

“Mhmm… no. I was just away in dreamland.” The sunset had the most beautiful colors, the sky in tones oranges and pink, the moon about to show up.

With his arms hugging her tight, Cillian kissed her hair, until Yael turned her head around to find his lips.

Planting gentle kisses, without breaking their union, Yael turned her body around to face him. Feeling complete in his arms, their lips speaking a language of its own, showing the other how much they meant, dancing in sync.

“When was the last time you were here?”

Cillian placed a lock of hair behind her ear. “A long, long time ago.” He smiled as the memories appeared in the back of his mind, like a movie. “The last time I came there wasn’t electricity, there are modern accommodations now.”

Scout sighed loudly next to them, he had been running all day long.

“This place is how I got this.” He pointed at the back of his head, his Peaky cut barely covering a small scar.

“I was running around, slipped and my head hit one of the pointed stones, the owner of the place sew me because there were no boats around to take me back to the town until the next day.” Yael was speechless. “She was a nurse, knew what she was doing.”

“At least you didn’t faint or lost a lot of blood.” She caressed his head gently.

“I was so scared, I think I paralyzed myself the blood from coming out.” He chuckled.

Yael smiled at the sight of Cillian smiling. “But you didn’t slow down, did you?”

“We would come here during the summer breaks, both my parents were teachers, since they were always busy during school days, we would spend some quality time here, my brother and I would run all over the beach chasing after the birds and the seals.” His eyes seemed bluer, if possible with the sunlight. Or maybe it was the spark was over the memories. “I remember one time I told one of my sisters a seal took Pad to the sea, he was hiding and fell asleep on the beach, behind a rock, but my sister freaked out and started crying, she told my mum and she made the guards look for my brother for hours.” He laughed.

“What happened then? He was sleeping all that time?” She saw Cillian nod. “And for how long did you keep the lie?” Yael could imagine the chaos and worry of looking after a missing child.

She loved listening to his childhood memories.

“A couple of hours, he woke up and one of the guards found him.”

“You are terrible! Tell me what happened next, did you get scold for that?”

The smile reached his eyes. “He never told my parents it was me who suggested him hiding.”

“You got away with it since you were a kid.” Yael took one of the strawberries she cut for their picnic, there were sandwiches, cookies, fruit, lemonade…

“Gimme.” He pointed at her mouth and pressed his lips against hers, his mouth open, his tongue invading, until he reached the slice of fruit and she passed it to his tongue. “And no… I don’t always get away with it.” Looking into the sea, he admitted out loud something that had been on his mind. “You have no idea how much I wish the baby was yours.” Touching her cheek, he leaned in to brush her lips slightly, he meant what he said.

“Me too, trust me.”

She had thought about it too, she had imagined how it would feel to have his little seed inside of her, growing. But adding another baby right now into an already complicated situation would be a bad idea. Yael hugged him, breathing in his scent. The sound of the waves crashing down the shore was the perfect background music.

“My mum showed up before I went to the airport.” Yael broke away from his embrace. Things were tense between Cillian and his mother the last time they were together, she told him it would be a mistake leaving that child without a family. “She wanted to apologize to you, asked me to tell you she is sorry for the way she reacted.”

“The next time you call her, please tell her there is no nothing to apologize for, we all had a hard time digesting the news.”

Cillian smiled. “I told her you would say that.”

“She finally made peace with the fact that you aren’t marrying her?”

“My dad played a big part in that, but she understands this isn’t something she can decide, she can be part of it, but that’s different.”

Rubbing his shoulders and arms she encouraged him. “I knew it was a matter of time. And I’m glad you two left that behind.”

“She still is having a hard time with the raising the baby part, there isn’t a divorce in the close family and to have a child without being married is something she will need more time to deal with.”

“Why do I have the feeling you are the rebel of your family?”

“Because I am?” He laughed as they strolled back to the cottage. “When I told them about the pregnancy, I went back in time to when I told them I was leaving law school to pursue my acting career. I thought they were having a heart attack.”

Back in the cottage, the room was warm thanks to the fire he lighted. Scout went straight to his bowl of water and walked to the room to rest. Cillian beckoned her to come close, sitting on the floor over some cushions.

“Can I ask you something hoping you are totally honest with me?” His eyes searching for the answer in hers.

“Always.”

“I know you chose to be with me… despite all.” Cillian looked down, at the union of their hands. “But do you really think this is something we can do together? Are you willing to share with me the co-parenting of this child? I don’t want this to be something for a short period of time Yael, I want us to be together well, for as long as life allows us to be.” His voice deep, honesty in every word. “And I don’t mean to make it sound like trying to put some pressure on you, but you know, this is not a game for me, I know exactly what I want for my future; you.”

“I want you too, Cill, now and for as long as I live.” She kissed him softly and moved away a little to look into his eyes. “And I’m going to love that child with all my heart. As if the baby were mine.” She wanted to tell him about her dad, he didn’t know yet Bryan wasn’t her biological father, she wanted him to understand why it was so easy for her to say those words and actually mean it, because she experienced that kind of love for most of her life. But she didn’t want to ruin their beautiful moment with the tragedy hidden behind that story; the accident her biological father caused for his irresponsibility the day he decided to drink and drive while part of his family was in the car with him. An accident that almost left her unable to walk again, and how it made her mum make the decision to divorce her father. She wasn’t ready yet to pour that part of her soul out to him.

Tonight was about his happy memories on the island. Of the happy memories they were creating together. They both wanted to left behind the baby drama, the incident with the photographer and the confrontation with his mother. She, on the other hand wanted to leave behind the pain the absence of her father caused for years.

No, that night was about them, about their love, how much they meant to each other. And that is exactly what she was showing him. Yael took the lead, on her knees in front of him she got rid of his jacket and shirt, quickly making Cillian lie on his back on the floor to take off his jeans and briefs while she kissed his chest. Making up for the time they had to be apart. Her clothes following, once completely naked she found the condom in his jacket, they had been using them since the pregnancy news.

Opening the package with her teeth, Yael smirked as she took his shaft in her hand to put on the condom. Cillian gasped and closed his eyes at the now familiar contact of her hands on him, she knew how and where to touch him to make him go wild. Bringing her to his lap, his fingertips started tracing lazy circles on her opening making her close her eyes while her mouth hung open. Yael didn’t need much preparation, it took only one look, one touch from him to start a fire in her he was the only one able to extinguish.

Their chests touching, his hands sinking on the skin of her hips guiding the movements up and down on him, the perfect rhythm, the perfect pace, just like they both wanted. She was lost in thoughts watching him disappear inside of her body. Moaned in pleasure every time he got all the way in and sighed in disagreement every time she was moved upwards, as she felt empty inside.

“Look at me.” His words like a soft whisper, it could have been a pleading, or an order. But she looked into his eyes and after a few minutes of holding his intense gaze, Yael leaned in to capture his mouth. Cillian sped up his thrusts meeting her hips every time she moved down, one of his hands traveled north, his thumb deliberately touching under her breast, outlining the curve. Yael threw her head back, giving him access to pleasure her upper body part with his mouth. Cillian took the invitation and alternated between each breast, kissing, nibbling, feeling them bouncing against him just to instants later, pull her back, her chest against his, their lips found one more time, the new angle hitting the soft spot inside of her, again and again, until she saw stars and exploded around him. Panting, he felt his release fill the condom.

Both of them surfing through the little waves of pleasure shaking their bodies until it subsided completely. Cillian kissed her shoulder, moving along to the point where it joined her neck, then up her jaw and chin, until his lips reached her mouth.

“I love you.” He whispered wrapping his arm around her back to hold her body.

Yael was still trying to come down from her high. His words, the way he touched her feeling like too much, there was only one possible answer to all of that… “I love you more.”

***

“What kind of coffee do you want? Black or super black?” He smiled while taking a seat in front of her at the picnic table.

“Super black.” There was something magical about the island, everything was so rustic, so basic, that it made her think if she really needed of all the things she had back home. “This island and the Lake District are the happiest I have been.”

“Don’t insist too much, I’m so close to start looking for a desert island.”

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Are we going to start with the thank yous? Because I have a long list.” She took a bite of her toast outside the small café. “But thank you really, for making my life better, for helping me carry the burden.”

“Isn’t it how it’s supposed to be?”

Covering her hand with his, he smiled. It was, but he was still grateful with her.

#That’s what Cill said #cillian murphy #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x oc #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillianmurphy #Cillian #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy smut

[kalpasio]

Working From Home

You Better Eat That While It's Fresh

A shorter Kalpas x reader fic based off the Golden Courtyard mentioned in the summer event. Chapter 2 below the cut!

A week had passed since you started working in your apartment. You expected to get a plate of food at lunch as you always did, but instead there was a lunch box shoved in your face.

“Take it,” Kalpas growled. “You’re always running back to work anyway. Quit taking up space in my cafeteria.” There was plenty of space for all the residents to eat, but most of them were at work or out right now, so there was absolutely no reason you couldn’t eat here. He was right though, after lunch, you usually had a meeting, so you had to book it to your room to make it back in time.

“Thank you Kalpas, that’s very thought—”

“Scram. You better eat that while it’s fresh!”

“Aye, aye captain!” you gave a mock salute and ran before he could start throwing things at you.

When you opened the lunch, it was the same meal everyone else had gotten, but the salad on the side had carrots cut into the shape of flowers, and one of the rice balls was in the shape of a little bear head (with ears and a face!) It was all so cute, you felt bad eating it, but everything tasted amazing. Kalpas was always complaining about you not eating vegetables, if this was his plan to make you eat more, it was working.

At dinner, you thanked Kalpas for the lunch, but he just brushed you off and handed you your food. Despite his lackluster response, the next day he gave you another packed lunch. This one had little rabbit shaped cucumbers, with tomatoes in the shape of stars, and you were living for it.

When you found out your job had picked up a new project, everyone was happy. When you found out the project had to be done on short notice and you were all forced to crunch, everyone was not happy. Kalpas included, apparently.

You missed dinner for a week straight and were really only eating in your room. The coffee maker in your kitchen was nearly as overworked as you were, and as much as you hated to admit it, there was at least a week’s worth of unwashed dishes. Your whole apartment was a mess, papers scattered on every table, post-it’s sprawling along the wall. It was so bad, when you finally had a chance to breathe, you dreaded picking everything up.

So, you went down to get a good nine pm snack. When you got down there, you heard angry muttering, and you were hesitant to go in. Kalpas stood at the counter, kneading dough and didn’t hear you come in over his grumbling.

“Hey, can I just—” you spoke hesitantly and when Kalpas’ head shot up so he could glare at you, you froze. His glare was more intimidating than you had ever seen, and you suddenly thought that maybe cleaning the mess in your room might be better than being here. “Why are you so angry?” you asked. Really a great question in your opinion.

“I’m always angry,” he snorted. He made a fair point.

“I mean, yeah, but you’re about to turn your bread dough into rubber you’re kneading it so hard.”

“Shut up,” he punched the dough, and you heard the counter groan from the force. “Have you eaten,”

“I was just going to grab a snack—”

“Yes or no.”

“Sort of?” you received a glare and corrected yourself. “No…”

“Sit down. I’m making you dinner.”

You weren’t going to argue with him at this point. Sitting down at what was essentially a bar in the kitchen, you watched as Kalpas put the finishing touches on his dough and placed it in the oven. After that, he quickly placed a snack in front of you and started preparing a full meal.

“This is really good!” It was a small snack, just some crackers and cheese, but you could taste the quality. And you were hoping Kalpas might be less mad if you complimented him.

“Of course it is,” he scoffed. “Stop moving around. If my bread doesn’t rise because of you…” he didn’t need to finish the sentence to send a chill up your spine. After you stopped wiggling however, he actually let you talk to him, and the both of you made light conversation while you ate. The smell of fresh bread was perfect and accented by the fettuccini alfredo you had for dinner.

It was late by the time you thanked Kalpas and left the kitchen. Back in your room, you were mildly disappointed that the mess hadn’t disappeared while you were gone, but at this point you were too tired to care.

The next day you got to cleaning and finished a few hours before dinner, just in time to hear excited yelling. Opening your door, you were able to identify Pardo’s voice. She really got excited over everything, but the only thing that could get her this amped up was Kalpas’ baking. Since you didn’t really have anything to do, you decided to go check it out (and maybe snag a sample if you were lucky).

“Oh? What brings you down here?” Elysia asked while giving you her signature smile. It didn’t surprise you at all to see her here, she and Pardo were always the first to know about Kalpas baking.

“You can hear Pardo from a mile away,” you laughed, “I figured I’d come see what’s cooking.”

“Orange glazed cheesecake! Doesn’t it look amazing?” Elysia always knew what was going on, and you were glad she answered. Once he was focused, Kalpas would rarely speak unless it was to snap at someone.

He was sprinkling some sugar on top, and just when you were about to agree with Elysia, he pulled out a blowtorch and all that came out of your mouth was a very concerned ‘um.’ There was definitely a maniacal grin. You couldn’t see it under his mask, but you were positive it was there. Pardo let out a shriek and Elysia just clapped her hands as though it were a show.

When Kalpas turned the blowtorch off, you were able to get a good look at the cheesecake. The sugar had hardened, and the once completely orange glaze now had brown streaks that reminded you of a certain mask. The dessert was distinctive like It’s creator, and you had no doubts the sugar would add a texture that made the piece all the more delicious.

When Kalpas started cutting the cheesecake, you felt your mouth water and the two girls next to you were no better off. Elysia tried to charm her way into the first piece while Pardo was determined to beg until he gave in. The disappointment was clear on their face when he placed the slice in front of you.

He said nothing, but you knew he was waiting for your opinion of the taste, and there was only one correct answer. Nervously, you picked up the fork and took a bite. The flavor was perfectly balanced, not too much sweetness from the cake, and just enough bitterness from the orange. The glaze melted in your mouth rather than being slimy, and even the crust had a pleasant taste, not just something there to hold the cheesecake.

You could feel his gaze as he waited for your assessment, but there really were no words for how good this was. “Kalpas, this is…it’s just…I could die happy having had this. Holy shit. It’s beyond amazing and brilliant, this is perfection.”

“What’d you expect. I don’t make bad food.” He scoffed, but you could hear the grin in his voice. Now that he knew the dessert was up to snuff, he readily gave the other two a slice. They both agreed with your opinion of the cake and ended up finishing it off before you even got another slice.

My weeb is showing with this lunch I am sorry. Also thank you for dealing with me spamming the Kalpas x reader tag I promise I'll slow down for a bit. I have to fucking post on ao3 first not just because I want to link it but if I copy straight from word to tumblr, it brings in weird shit and it's just easier to copy from ao3.

#kalpas x reader #honkai x reader #azaryawrites #tamalethebear #cross posted on ao3 #sorry for spamming these tags

[morningstarlucemon]

RP Starters And Prompts Based On Stupid Shit Me And My Friends Have Said On Discord Calls (NSFW)

Adapt as needed~

Oh that's great! Encourage children to go out and grab neurotoxin lizards.

Cat-Litter Cooch sounds like a B-list Batman villain...

Biting me in the arm will not fix Japan's declining birthrate, Seven.

You have a very visible butthole.

Empty not thine bowls in the can into with thine brother screams.

Yo dawg can your clitoris run DOOM?

A tooth-brushing amount of mustard.

I want to smash my [redacted] against your [redacted].

Broke: bonding over kinks; woke: coming together.

X, NO THOSE ARE TEH ANAL BEADS!

... and send me your pp.

Thankfully, it was parasites.

Normal brain: fear boner; galaxy brain: dangerection.

Excuse me, sir. Would you like some Pineapple Fuck-Off?

Oh wonderful there's crop tops.

Why does his face look so familiar when he's compressed like that? I feel like I've sold onions to this person at Wal-Mart

I will ass-vore you, I swear to god.

SOULEY WOULEY.

"Ya good?" "NO!" "Oh, good, my work here is done then."

Dipple-fucking-docus.

Forethought, schmorethought.

Cannibalism can't solve all your problems, but it can solve one of them, i guess. Might create some more...

If the thing you're eating can have babies with you, not taking gender into account, then yes, i think it's cannibalism.

Oh no, my Adderall!

Panic! At The Mystery Flesh Pit National Park.

Listen... fuck you. I'm gonna sneak into your house in the middle of the night and place a Kraft cheese single on your forehead.

Broke: agnostic; woke: religion't.

Nidhogg Anal Beads.

What if Fazi Bear was a Pacman Amogus?

3 am A-and-B-got-left-alone-in-vc things.

Develop a Jacobson's Organ, 4head.

X enters: “The great cataclysm, faithfully recreated.” Y, immediately: *sneezes three times.*

Does Hoisier call his dick Hooshel?

Don't use the Tokomon as a fleshlight.

Fish the giant hole.

“  -- before he came out as Ishgardian--”

A: I fucked ur mom, shitlips. B: *just fucking vanishes* A: Oh no.

X takes a sippy.

New Autism just dropped.

Mommy Merlwyb said it's my turn with the strap!

A: *presents a jar to B* Get in. C: What on earth are you all doing?

They’ve gone to the jar.

X: *leaves, then comes back* THE CUM AR IN THE SKY.

Use your inside teeth.

Literally never seen you hop into something faster.

X: *asleep in a designated corner with a sign over it saying “X is asleep”*

Y: *points at X* asleep.

Head day.

Do Harry Potter, Starwars, or Shrek qualify as mythology?

UwUterus.

WHY WOULD YOU PEEL AN AU RA???

Tell your mom to redo you...

Don't sing hymns to my ass.

Lord fart-quad.

Can you re-route the piss tube to your mouth?

A: Speaking of piss, I'll be right back.; B: Oh he's gettin' it STRAIGHT from the tap.

Naughty Elezen get sent to the Praetorium to atone for wolf crimes.

Are you immune to smallpox?

Someone remind me that I am an adult and can eat as many enemas as I want.

Scream all you want, the moogles can't hear you from here.

This truly is the Aurum Vale of conversations.

It's MY Ixion, and I'll objectify him if I WANT to!

So Aymsy-waymsy. ya wanna run the fuckin' country?

They're like jello. -- (about catboys)

X: "It's gonna get loud in here I gotta crinkle" *crinkles* Y: "I expected it to be louder" X: "DID YOU WANT IT TO BE LOUDER" Y: "YES" X: *CRINKLES LOUDER*

And, finally,  A and B Slowly Losing Track of Their Singular Collective Braincell at 4AM the album, containing such hits as...

 "She wears snorp snirps, I wear sneep snops..." 

 "UwU ... Sussy Baka, walkin' down the street..." 

 "Your own... personal... Nitwit..." 

 and the classic... "Animal crackers in my Ass..."

#rp starters #rp prompts #starters #prompts #funny #stupid shit #discord #me and my friends are all insane