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rchtoziers · 4 years

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69 (nice) + reddie 🥺

69. “We finish it the same way we started—together.” (nice)

kenna i give u permission to k*ll me because i took so so so long to answer this and i’m SO SORRY but i love u and i hope you enjoy it i tried to make it fluffy and funny xoxo

also i know it’s february but fuck it they’re at a carnival also pennywise doesn’t exist because fuck that clown

“Oh my god,” Richie gasps. He tugs on Eddie’s arm, stopping Eddie from walking any closer towards the Ferris Wheel. “Eds. We have to. Please. I am quite literally begging.”

Eddie sighs, mostly just for show, because god knows he always gives in to Richie’s antics, but when he turns to see what Richie is pointing at his heart drops into his shoes.

“No. Fuck no. Absolutely not, Richie!”

Richie lets out a high-pitched whine that has several people turn to look at him. Eddie tugs him away quickly. “Baby, why not?! It’s the perfect excuse for us to cling to each other for thirty minutes. Maybe we could even sneak off and find a place to make out.”

“I’m not making out with you in a haunted house!” Eddie snaps. “Those places are health hazards enough as it is, especially shitty ass haunted houses that come along with carnivals, and it would be a waste of our tickets because it won’t even be scary!”

“If it won’t even be scary then why does it matter?” Richie challenges. “Eds, please. I’ll buy us more tickets. We can go on the Ferris Wheel after. I’ll even bribe the guy to stop the thing while we’re at the top so that we can have that movie-perfect kiss I know you’re hoping for.”

Eddie’s cheeks go red. “That’s not what I was hoping would happen,” he lies. “I was gonna push you out.”

Richie lets out a wounded noise, covering his chest with both of his hands like he’s been shot. His eyes go all wide and his face is so obnoxiously hopeful that Eddie knows he’d be an idiot to refuse Richie this at this point. He knows it’s a little bit pathetic, but if he’s being honest with himself there’s not anything he wouldn’t do if it meant making Richie happy.

“Fine,” he says with a sigh. Richie whoops loudly and actually pumps his fist in the air. Eddie’s so in love with him he feels like he could die on the spot sometimes. “We can do the stupid not scary haunted house if we really get to go on the Ferris Wheel after. And you have to win me a stuffed animal at one of those arcade games.”

“They’re rigged,” Richie protests.

Eddie raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll win you the best one I can, though,” Richie says, and a happy grin splits his face. That makes all of this worth it. Eddie ducks his head so it’s not obvious how hard he’s grinning back, and he lets Richie take his hand as they both start towards the haunted house.

Eddie looks skeptically at the painted zombies on the side of the building, cartoonish and gory in a laughable way. He wrinkles his nose. If anything, this just proves how fundamentally not-scary this whole thing will be.

“Keep an eye out for rogue zombies, and don’t let yourself get bitten,” monotones the bored teenager who takes their tickets. He doesn’t even look at either of them. “They’ll keep you in there forever.”

“Terrifying,” Richie says solemnly. Eddie stifles a laugh behind him and smacks Richie’s arm to make him walk forward.

About halfway through the house, Eddie realizes he probably should have taken this whole thing a bit more seriously.

He’s in the middle of swearing up a storm and cursing Richie out for allowing them to come in here in the first place when a zombie waits for Richie to pass before jumping out at Eddie, screaming at the top of his lungs. There’s a prop axe in his head and, somehow, his eyes are glazed over. Eddie screams back and shoves Richie forward, desperately rushing towards a corner that looks safe.

“This shit is way scarier than they advertised,” Eddie hisses, leaning against a wall. “And it’s just getting scarier the further in we get, I fucking hate this. How the fuck do we finish it?”

Richie gives Eddie a corny grin that still makes his heart flop in his chest. Eddie’s almost charmed when Richie reaches forward and twines their fingers together, but then Richie says, “We finish it the same way we started—together.”

Eddie snorts, unable to stop it. “Okay, Harry Potter, calm the fuck down.”

“Harry Pott—how very dare you ruin my romantic moment by comparing me to fucking Harry Potter? You realize that makes you fucking Voldemort, right?” Richie asks. “Harry Potter. The audacity. I was trying to be sweet.”

“Richie, I know for a fact you can be more romantic than one corny line in the middle of a haunted house at a carnival,” Eddie says. He tugs Richie forward by their clasped hands and grins wolfishly when Richie’s body practically presses him against the wall.

“Why, Edward,” Richie drawls, in his worst Southern accent yet. He trails his free hand up Eddie’s side, underneath his jacket but over the shirt. “Don’t tell me this haunted house has got you all riled up.”

Eddie huffs. “It’s not the haunted house, jackass, it’s the moron taking me through the haunted house,” he says. He lets go of Richie’s hand so that he can pull Richie closer by grabbing on to fistfuls of his shirt. “Now we probably only have a few minutes before the next group comes by, and this might be the only place where there’s no fucking zombie waiting to jump out at us. Are we gonna make out or not?”

Richie’s grinning when he leans forward to capture Eddie’s mouth in a kiss.

And it’s worth it, again, even when they do get caught not even five minutes later. It’s worth the blush on Eddie’s cheek as he tugs Richie through the rest of the haunted house because the second they’re outside, Richie is still grinning from ear to ear and he laughs loud and boisterous and happy and it’s enough for Eddie.

#reddie #richie #eddie #my writing #kissrichie #answered #i don't know what the hell this is i really don't!!! but i hope it is cute #me vs never knowing how to end anything i write ever #ANYWAY KENNA #I LOVE U #I HOPE U ENJOYED THIS XOXO #THANK U FOR SENDING ME SOMETHING TO WRITE IM RLY SO SORRY I TOOK ONE BILLION YEARS TO DO IT

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b-u-c-k-y-b-a-r-n-e-s16-12-1991 · 5 years

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MCU Hogwarts AU, Pt. 1 - Gryffindor

Notable Alumni: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Carol Danvers, Peggy Carter, Thor Odinson, Peter Quill, Valkyrie, Clint Barton, Darcy Lewis

Prefects: Carol Danvers, Steve Rogers

Quidditch

Chasers: Valkyrie, Peter Quill, Carol Danvers

Beaters: Thor Odinson, Bucky Barnes

Keeper: Steve Rogers

Seeker: Clint Barton

- Bucky badly injures his left arm in a Quidditch accident, to the extent where it can’t be fixed by magic, so Madam Cho (Helen Cho - school nurse) gives him a magical silver one (like the one Voldemort gave Wormtail). Needless to say, he now looks ten times scarier and the first-years avoid him AT ALL COSTS.

- The chasers are good, but Quill is the worst. And he thinks the exact opposite, and, as such, is always trying to impress the other two chasers (which is pointless because Valcarol). Anyway, Quill’s good, but too clumsy and not serious enough. How many times has he been kicked off the team? A lot.

- Thor hits the bludgers too hard, and tends to cause more injuries to the crowds than the other team. He causes the team a lot of fouls.

- Steve is a great keeper, but... The other teams hate playing against him. Why? Because of the shield charm, of course! It’s literally his go-to in every match and no one is better at it than him.

- On the other hand, Steve is way too easily distracted during matches, and this balances out his freakish skill. Why is he so easily distracted? Well, due to the nature of Bucky’s position, he has a tendency to leave his post and play the hero if a bludger is coming at Bucky, even though it’s literally his JOB to get rid of the bludgers. Although Steve won’t admit that he does this, of course.

- Overall, probably best team in the school, very strong and ruthless. Won the last three quidditch cups? Gets a lot of fouls though.

Lessons

Transfiguration

Peggy is the best in this class.

Quill is the worst in this class.

Admittedly, Quill is a bit of a class clown.

Carol needs to calm down a bit with her spells. Has the same sort of effects with a wand as Seamus Finnigan.

Steve is also good at this class. Steve is good at everything.

Bucky hates him for it (except he doesn’t).

Thor breaks a lot of stuff, but he loves this class because it means he can break as many mugs as he likes and keep replacing them.

Clint doesn’t see the point of this class.

Valkyrie acts like it’s no big deal and that she’s naturally gifted at transfiguration, but she actually spends hours studying because she just can’t wait to learn to transfigure something into a sword. Or a horse.

Darcy is good at transfiguration but doesn’t realise it. Tends to get things right accidentally.

Potions

Nobody likes this class and nobody pretends to.

Steve actually tries because he’s the Golden Boy.

Nobody behaves in this class because pfft who cares it’s just potions! Also who doesn’t love winding up the professor?

They lose a lot of house points in this class.

A lot.

When he can be bothered, Clint is actually really good at it (he’s very precise).

Thor knows more about potions than he’s letting on, and while everyone else barely scrapes through with a pass, he actually knows most things about potions. (Valkyrie suspects he gets his info from his brother but doesn’t mention it).

Carol only listens when it’s for her own benefit.

Defence Against The Dark Arts

Guess who’s best at this one.

It’s the Golden Boy...

Steve Rogers. The Star Spangled Boy Man With A Plan.

Bucky actually pays as much attention as he can in this class, because he feels like the knowledge is something he really needs (more on why later).

When they practise duelling, you don’t want to get in the way of Peggy. She is literally probably a million times more dangerous than any of the teachers.

Also when they practise duelling, Valkyrie and Carol always team up, and so do Steve and Bucky, but they have completely different dynamics.

Valkyrie and Carol spend the whole time being snarky and teasing each other and actually trying to win...

Whereas Bucky and Steve are constantly apologising to each other even though they’re doing what they’re supposed to and neither one wants to hurt the other.

Thor needs to calm down.

So does Darcy, but for entirely different reasons. She’s kinda... overexcitable.

Also, on the rare occasion that they do pair up, Thor and Carol are a terrifying sight to behold while duelling.

Again, they need to calm down.

More than once they’ve broken something or injured someone.

Clint’s okay at this class, but gets frustrated because he doesn’t feel like he’s as good as everyone else.

Other:

Bucky was taken/recruited/brainwashed/indoctrinated into following Hydra (Death Eaters/Voldemort).

He’s really not okay about it and just tries to get on with his schoolwork and focus on things like quidditch.

But a certain Steven Grant Rogers does not make it easy.

He’s always trying to get Bucky to open up, after or during quidditch practice, in lesson, in the Great Hall, in the dorm, in the common room, any time he thinks he can catch Bucky off guard.

And slowly, although Bucky absolutely hates the fact, it’s working.

Not only is it working, he’s falling for the stupid pretty boy.

(Not that Steve has had a crush on Bucky since first year or anything and he now seriously doubts himself because back then he was a tiny, skinny, sickly little thing and now that he’s had a massive growth spurt Bucky is finally paying him any attention but that can’t be it, right? He likes him for more than his looks, right?)

Valkyrie and Carol are very obviously in love with each other and everyone knows it, even though they’re both far too proud to admit it.

They’re the queens of the Common Room and are always bantering back and forth to the extent that it’s become a form of nightly entertainment.

Quill is the idiot of the house (and no matter how annoyed with him everybody gets, they all love him really).

He’s the one that enchants snowballs to attack the windows of the tower.

In regards to Hogsmeade

Bucky and Steve are definitely the ones who have no permission to go and yet sneak out anyway. They never get caught.

Darcy actually believes the rumours about the Shrieking Shack.

Quill has been banned from Hogsmeade more than once (not that anyone’s Valkyrie and Carol been keeping count, but at the moment he has a grand total of 27 times).

Clint throws snowballs at unwary villagers below.

In regards to Christmas

Bucky, Quill, Carol and Valkyrie stay behind at Christmas. They’re the only Gryffindors that do.

They get up to a lot of mischief exploring the castle, and because it’s Christmas, the teachers let them off.

Christmas is the only time when Valcarol are actually sweet with each other and don’t spend as much time bantering as they do breathing.

Maybe the last day of term before the Christmas break is when Stucky have their first kiss. Just a goodbye kiss, initiated by Steve, before he leaves, and Bucky is just like. oh. no.

Fortunately, Valcarol are on hand to a) offer advice and b) offer a distraction from his angst.

And then Steve has the audacity to come back after Christmas and act like nothing has happened. The audacity!

Also, Thor got a new broom over Christmas. Hence, everyone needs to take cover.

Peggy’s parents are muggles, and, although she won’t admit it, she’s infinitely happier at Hogwarts, because, to be honest, her parents just don’t get it, and here are people who won’t doubt her sanity or ability.

Clint actually has a really great, supportive home life but his friends literally know nothing about it. For all they know, he lives in a cave with a troll (although they know that he probably doesn’t).

Darcy also has muggle parents and so brings to Hogwarts her new iPod that she got for Christmas. It explodes the minute she enters Hogwarts, as the magic messes with the wiring, and she gets in quite a bit of trouble before the teachers realise just how oblivious she is and that she really meant no harm.

Ok, so that was a lot. I’ll do one for the other three houses and then other stuff, and I get people might not agree with how I’ve Sorted certain characters, but it’s just my opinion of where they should be.

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mossarchives · 5 years

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The Things We See in the Dark

Fandom: Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery

Notes: In which my witch, Kenna Viento, is afraid of something a lot worse than Voldemort. Looking at you HPHM for cheaping out on the fear vault.

TWs: Violence, Burns, Manipulation, Panic Attacks

~~~

Kenna was terrified. The figures of Voldemort hovered around her, her friends frozen in their clutches. Her blood felt like ice as it roared in her ears. She had to do something despite the fear tearing her apart. Her eyes fixed on Barnaby, his hands clawing at his throat as Voldemort kept him in the air. Several memories flashed through her mind: The resignation on his face when he talked about his parents, the excitement he showed learning she was an animagus, the shock she felt about him jumping in front of Ismelda’s blast, the determination in his face as he started the two of them down. An overwhelming sense of anger and protectiveness washed over her, melting the ice in her blood.

Her feet splashed water onto her robe as she darted forward, planting herself between him and Voldemort, “Let my friend go.” She snarled, casting ridiculus with a sharp flick of her wrist. The second Barnaby was released, Kenna lunged to steady him. She caught his arm and kept him upright as he reeled and caught his breath.

“Are you okay?” She asked, voice sounding brittle in the unusual space.

Barnaby scrubbed his free hand across his face and blinked a few times, “Yeah, I think so…” He looked past her to where Voldemort had been and tilted his head, “What did you do?” Kenna spun around, wand instinctively coming up. A cartoon-esque balloon with Voldemort's face floated where the Dark Lord had been, his voice high pitched as he yelled threats.

Barnaby chuckled, “I can’t believe you made him a balloon!” At the sound of his laugh it burst into red confetti that fluttered to the murky water below.

“Stay behind me,” Kenna said, tightening her grip on his wrist, “Watch out for more Bogarts.” He nodded, face masked in that same determination he’d shown facing down Merula, and she pulled him towards Bill.

Seeing Bill, strong, powerful, Prefect Bill, cowering before Voldemort nearly brought all of Kenna’s fear back. She was running on pure adrenaline and panic, hyper-focused on her friends. Shoving away her fear, Kenna planted her feet and cast the spell again.

“Ridiculus.”

Bill shook himself, blinking rapidly as the figure of Voldemort in front of him shrank to the size of a soda can. Before either of them could react, Barnaby darted forward, nearly yanking Kenna with him, and kicked the small figure as hard as he could. The act startled a violent, nervous laugh from Kenna, enough to make it explode into sparks as it flew through the air.

“Kenna!” Bill turned to her, eyes wild, “What happened?!”

“No time!” She shoved her wand between her teeth and grabbed his sleeve, dragging the two of them behind her through the waters towards Tulip. There was no hesitation in her movements this time as she released them and pulled the wand from her teeth, casting in the same motion.

Tulip stumbled away from a now Clown-Voldemort into the group, enough of a gasping laugh escaping her to defeat the final Bogart. On edge, the four of them backed into the center of the room again.

Still trying to catch her breath, Tulip squeezed Kenna’s shoulder, “Thank you.”

“We’re still here.” Kenna’s voice pitched and she clenched her trembling hands into fists, “Why are we still here? What are we supposed to do to get out?!”

Tulip brushed her hair aside, visibly running through ideas in her head, “What if we have to say our biggest fears?”

“Worth a shot.” Bill offered, “My biggest fear is losing my family.”

“Mine is Merula.” Tulip added in a rush, letting the words spill out before she could chicken out.

“Clowns!” Barnaby's eyes were wild despite the incredulous look that Tulip gave him, “The last Bogart was scarier after Kenna cast ridiculus!”

“I’m scared of Voldemort.” Kenna finished, voice confident despite the shaking of her hands. They waited with baited breath, hovering on the precipice of escape.

“It’s not worki-“ Mid sentence Barnaby was sucked down, under the water. Tulip yelped, reaching for him only to meet the same fate, quickly followed by Bill. Kenna screamed for them, panic filling her as she found herself alone.

“It’s too late, Kenna.” A voice floated around her, achingly familiar.

“Jacob?” She whispered, eyes wide.

“It’s already within you.” This time the voice sounded from behind her and Kenna spun, nearly dropping her wand when she saw who was behind her.

Her brother stood a few paces away in a tattered Hufflepuff uniform, his dark hair messy, his eyes haunted and dark. On his left arm curled a dark tattoo, a snake slithering from the mouth of a skull. The wand in his hand was made of dark, twisted wood.

Jacob smiled at her, the expression dripping with malice, “Hey, Kenna, it’s been a while.”

She stepped back, terror turning her limbs to lead, “J-Jacob?” Kenna shook her head, orange curls falling into her face, “No, this isn’t real, you can’t… you can’t be here!”

He held out his arms, circling her, “Come on, I thought you’d be happy to see me, Hermanita.” All she could focus on was the mark on his arm, the coiling symbol of the Dark Lord. The horror and reality of it settled into the pit of her stomach like a heavy weight. The rumors were right, her brother was more than just a disgrace, he was a traitor.

“I…” Her heart ached so much she couldn’t breath, “I don’t- I don’t know…”

Jacob frowned and paced forward to put his hands on her shoulders, sending a fear through her so paralyzing that she felt dizzy, “I’ve heard about what’s been happening, that Merula girl and her little minion, Ismelda.” He smiled again, a motion that made Kenna want to scream and cry simultaneously, “They dont ever have to hurt you again, Kenna. I’ll take care of them, I promise.” He pulled her into an embrace, and every nerve in her body rioted in resistance.

Tears spilled past her lashes and burned trails down her cheeks, “Stop it, please, stop it-“

“The Dark Lord could make you so powerful, Kenna! With everything you’ve accomplished, you could be amazing!” His voice bled with passion, “The power of the Cursed Vaults could let you rule the world.” She couldn’t take it anymore, the fear, the feeling of his words burrowing under her skin, the poison that radiated off of him.

Kenna slipped her wand from her sleeve and jabbed it against her brother’s side, “Depulso!” Jacob went flying back, water spraying up around him as he slid to a halt.

There was an evil darkness in his eyes as he raised his head, “Oh, Kenna, Kenna, Kenna. Why would you do that to your brother?”

“You’re not Jacob!” She spat, “You’re just a nightmare made to look like him!”

He clicked his tongue, “What does the little voice in your head say, Kenna?”

“Stop it,” Her hands shook on her wand, “stop feeding my paranoia.”

“You know that's not true.” He began to circle her again with a lazy, malicious ease, “That’s just Dad’s stupid muggle word. It’s intuition, Hermanita, you know that.”

“It’s not-“

“I mean, just look at your friends.” He continued, “You’ve already got all of them under your thumb, willing to do anything for you. That easy manipulation would serve you well in the Death Eaters.”

“I…” Kenna broke off, curling her arms around herself with a dawning horror, “I didn’t manipulate them, they’re my friends because- because.”

“See?” Jacob pointed at her, “You know I’m right, Kenna.” She felt sick and dizzy, the already shifting space around her spinning even more. Kenna dropped to her knees, her hands pressing against her ears to try and block out the sounds. Thoughts like poison stormed in her brain, corrupting everything that passed through her mind. It felt like she was falling apart.

She was no better than Merula, wasn’t she? She’d pulled Tulip and Barnaby into searching for the Vaults, endangered Rowan’s dream of being a professor over and and over, forced Ben and Penny into dangerous and terrifying situations. Tonks and Bill had risked so much for her, like detention and ranks.

Now Tulip, Barnaby and Bill were stuck in this vault, destined to a terrible fate unless Kenna could get out of this mess. That was enough to rouse her to her feet, one arm curled around her stomach while the other shakily held her wand.

Jacob watched her with a grim disappointment, “What are you doing now?”

“Fighting back,” She breathed, “I started this mess and I need to finish it.”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow, his expression tired, “You know what I said was true.”

Kenna managed a shaky grin, “I never said you were.” She lifted her wand, “Petrific-“

“Expelliarmus!”

Jacobs spell interrupts hers, ripping her wand from her hand and casting it off into the dark water. Before she can swear, a second spell sends her flying backwards and she landed hard on her left shoulder. Her brother is on her in a second, one boot pressing down on her chest to hold her there.

He leaned down, resting one arm on his bent leg, “I expected more.”

Kenna growled, fishing the broken pieces of Jacob’s old wand from her pocket, “First mistake.” She managed to get her hand around one of the pieces and yanked it from her robe, “Incendio!” The fireball pushed Jacob off of her and burned her hand nearly down to her elbow. She hissed in pain, plunging her arm under the water while her other hand searched the bottom for her wand.

In a timely miracle she managed to get her fingers around the twisted wood of her wand. Kenna stood, soaked robe swirling around her and bronze hair flying from her ponytail as she raised it high.

“Ridiculus.”

The figure of her brother screamed for a split second before his figure exploded with light, hundreds of golden butterflies fluttering from where he used to stand. They fluttered around her, brushing delicate wings against her cheek.

There wasn’t enough emotion left in her to laugh, but the half strangled sob that left her throat seemed to count. The mystery space around her dissolved, leaving her standing before her three friends. They stared at her, her hair a disaster, her robe still dripping water and the burn that laced down her arm.

She looked down at herself, and then back up at them, “Well...That was terrible.”

“Kenna,” Bill was staring at her arm, “What happened?!”

She tugged her singed sleeve down to cover her hand, “I don’t want to talk about it, lets just close this vault.”

#BDG Voice: YOU MADE ME WRITE HARRY POTTER FAN FICTION #That being said I actually really like the game #I just don't think Kenna would do a lot of the things that the game has you do #harry potter mystery #Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery #What even is the name #My writing #moss writes #Kenna Viento #jacob's sibling #Hufflepuff #Hogwarts mystery

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mavwrekmarketing · 7 years

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The Lego Batman Moviewould never skip leg day. Never.

The new movie which is fantastic also doesnt skip a beat during more than 90 minutes of jokes and references, some even at the expense of its parent studio, Warner Bros. Its padre, as Robin might say. Its papa.

The infamous moment happens later in the movie. Before heading off to save Gotham, Batman takes a shot at another Warner Bros. movie, Suicide Squad, saying that using criminals to fight criminals is a dumb idea.

Suicide Squad, though a commercial success, was berated by critics, a fact thats not lost on Warner Bros., nor the moviescast and director. Lego Batman throwing shade at its own makes the moment stand out from the rest.

And people noticed:

The Huffington Post talked with director Chris McKay about the surprising moment. He said Lego movies are all about getting away with stuff:

I cant remember if that was one we really had to run up the flagpole or not, or just the executives who were on the movie saw it and were OK with it, but that was just us kind of riffing in a voice booth, said McKay. It was me [writer] Jared Stern and Will Arnett. It was one of those things where we gave Will an idea, and he took it and made it his own. I love working with him. Hes amazing, but being able to get away with stuff I think is kind of one of the things we do well in all of the Lego movies. You feel like youre sort of getting away with it.

In an interview with Build Series, the director also commented on the matter, saying, Because were approaching these characters and this movie with a lot of love, people kind of let us do some things that maybe we couldnt do.

Will Arnett, the voice of Lego Batman, also chimed in, saying, Its kind of incumbent upon us in this position as the in a certain way, as the absurdist Batman, to take those shots. If we dont, then were sort of missing our own point.

In addition to talking with HuffPost about the Suicide Squad jab, McKay also cleared up some of the movies unanswered questions:

In the movie, Dick Grayson (later Robin)asks Bruce Wayne if he should get experimental surgery on his eyes to make him more appealing. Does he get the surgery?

No, I think hopefully Batman and Bruce Wayne persuaded him from doing that.

Robin calls Batman tons of variations of father. How many different words for father did you go through?

There were a lot more. We had to cut [some]. At one point, we even translated Hebrew. We used all languages we possibly could to say father. But it was one of those jokes where we have to keep the movie moving. But, at one point, I think we recorded Michael Cera doing everything.

Will Batman ever get to hang out with lady activewear models?

We know hes hung out with ballerinas in Christopher Nolan movies. Yeah, I think in a sequel. The thing were looking at with every one of these movies is hes got a different girlfriend.He has very limited relationships. Theres an expiration date on his relationships. Its always something like that. I really wish, in a future movie, we can see Batman hang out with lady activewear models.

Ralph Fiennes, Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies, voices Alfred in Lego Batman. This movie has an appearance by Lego Voldemort (Eddie Izzard). Was there any talk of getting Fiennes to voice Lego Voldemort?

[Fiennes] is great, and hes amazing to work with. Yeah,at one point I wanted to do that and suggested it to the studio. Fora coupleof reasons we decided not to, but I think the main one was unless youre gonna put Alfred and Voldemort in a scene together, unless youre gonna do something with it … its going to end up on the cutting room floor. I think thats kind of the main reason why we didnt do that. I think also J.K. Rowling was really generous obviously in letting us use Voldemort and Dumbledore in the first movie. I dont wanna step on too much of what theyre doing.

Did J.K. Rowling have to approve Lego Voldemort?

Yeah,not on the cast, but just to show her the stuff we were doing, and she was super positive and really helpful and actually gave us spells that we should use.

Why does Batman always have a deep voice?

When you boil Batman down, he stopped developing when he was a little kid, so everything he does is what a little kid would think is scary. Its like, How do you stop crime? OK, Im gonna learn karate. Im gonna dress up like a giant bat, and Im going to scare criminals with my big scary voice. I think that is the solution of a child to a real problem. I love Batman. I think its kind of funny to take a step back and look at our heroes and find some kind of loving critique.

Is there anything scarier than snake clowns?

The only other thing [is] in dreams, you can add to that waking up naked at a test. Being late for a test and you dont have any clothes. I think that would probably the scary dream triumvirate between clowns, snakes and nudity.

How important is it not to skip leg day?

You gotta even it out. Actually, youll fall over, so you gotta get your legs. People try to blow it off, but it really is important.