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himbodemon · 3 years

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HC: The brothers as KPop Stans

I have an itch to scratch.

Purely self-indulgent headcanons that sprung from the thought of Asmo dancing to HyunA like yes king serve it up

DISCLAIMER: All are fully fluffy/SFW except for Satan’s which is mildly suggestive.

LUCIFER:

Not a fan AT ALL. Finds it too loud and flashy & cannot understand why so many humans are infatuated by it

Gets wee woo by pristin stuck in his head and is FURIOUS about it

You’ll be hanging around in his room while he works, scrolling through your D.D.D when you hear him breathe out a deep little “we are pristin...” followed by a painfully disgruntled groan of annoyance. You try so hard not to laugh and fail.

Might end up occasionally listening to acoustic / orchestral covers and arrangements of some of your favourite songs so he can try and connect with you / understand your interests.

If you forced him to pick, Fave singers / groups would be AKMU, IU and Hwasa (The instrumentals aren’t really his style but he finds her singing style / voice soothing and also she’s... gorgeous wow...)

MAMMON:

Yeah the music’s fine and all but people are paying $50 for Photocards!?!?!?

One of those people that buys like, 200 albums to get into a fansign, only to sell off the fansign ticket for an extortionate price

I fully believe that Mammon would like to visit MC’s room whenever he’s stressed out or overwhelmed, and they’d just sit and listen to music together - maybe subtly dancing along with their shoulders or tapping their feet but mostly just silently enjoying each other’s presence

You’re doing that one day when he tells you to play “That one song he likes”. You immediately know it’s ‘HYLT’ by Blackpink

Probably in love with the flashy MV’s, every time he sees a new model of car in the background he wants to buy one for himself

Fave groups would be BLACKPINK, BTS and EXO

LEVIATHAN:

100% in love with cutesy girlgroups

Will listen to Twice’s ‘candy pop’ on a loop for 12 hours straight because it’s so precious and bubbly and the girls are so cute??? plus he can pretend they’re still 2D waifus that way

Walks into your room to show you the new lightstick he just ordered, only to see you practicing the choreography to ‘cheer up’. Immediately flares up in a blush and BOLTS out at record speed

Please don’t dance around him his little weeb heart can’t take it

Every time he gets into a new group, it only takes him about a week before he’s fully memorised their online profiles and knows every single fanchant

Might get a little upset if you compliment an idols looks/visuals/talents because he’ll start comparing himself to them, says things like “W-Why would you be interested in me?? I’m not exactly Jungkook now am I???”. He knows it’s hypocritical with how overly invested he gets in idols but he is the avatar of envy after all, it can’t really be helped

Fave groups would be TWICE, K/DA (not his music style but pretty 2D catgirl makes his brain go brrrr) and Weeekly

SATAN:

You’re sat in the living room watching KPop MV’s, he walks past you and just so happens to see the AOA ‘Like a Cat’ MV on your D.D.D

You’ve successfully piqued his interest

Would ask you lots of questions about the industry, different groups, what you like about it etc..

Would do a lot of research into significant figures of the genre and probably knows every single detail about KPop Slave Contracts, if he’s feeling argumentative might ask how you can enjoy a form of media that treats its artists so badly

Any group with a jazz / sultry aspect is immediately going in his playlist. I know a lot of people put Satan down as a metal-lover and while I fully agree, I could also see him appreciating some nice brass music now and then.

Will never stop pestering you to dance to ‘Like A Cat’. From the first glance all he could imagine was you dancing to it in their stage outfits and... wow.

Fave groups would be AOA, Mamamoo and EXID

ASMODEUS:

Absolutely 100% a KPop stan. He finds the experimental fashion, showy choreography and grandeur aesthetics so enticing and it’s 100% his style.

I HC Asmo as a big big dance fan, I think he’d adore how it can be dainty, strong or elusive fully depending on the way you perform it. He probably already knows tango, salsa, pole dancing and ballet and spends a bunch of his free time learning his favourite choreographies (the main ones being Chungha’s ‘gotta go’, EXO’s ‘Love shot’, Red Velvet’s ‘bad boy’ and HyunA’s ‘how’s this’ or ‘Lip & Hip’)

Diavolo decides to hold a Devildom talent show at the end of the semester to celebrate the exchange program going well. Asmo IMMEDIATELY calls you asking you to perform ‘Naughty’ by Irene & Seulgi with him. You both rehearse it in secret and fully tear up the stage when the talent show rolls around. You win, which he fully expected, and leave the brothers in a mix of confusion, adoration and embarrassment.

Thirsts over the idols as if his life depends on it. The prettiest idols for him to look at and fantasize about are BTS’ V, Weki Meki’s Doyeon (Only in the stuff she performed as an adult post-IOI), EXO’s Suho, (G)I-DLE’S Soojin and SNSD’s Tiffany

Fave groups would be: Every Single SM Group he’s such a whipped SM Stan

Red Velvet are all beautiful, SHINee’s vocals are delicious, EXO’s discography is... the perfect level of lewd for him, F(x)’s unique style is beautiful and WOW Luna’s solo work is just his style, but his most most loved SM group is Girl’s Generation and he will NOT hesitate to bust into a fully rehearsed performance as soon as he hears ‘the boys’ on your playlist.

BEELZEBUB:

Has never heard of KPop before you introduce it to him. You were both cuddling together in his room while he snacked on the gummies you’d bought him, listening to you excitedly ramble about this new KPop group that you thought he’d like!

A die-hard metalhead, can’t enjoy any music that doesn’t hurt his ears a little bit, so he’s already mentally preparing how he’ll pretend to like it and is just grateful that you were thinking of him, when suddenly his eyes are met with Dreamcatcher’s ‘Chase Me’ MV

And wow. Wow. This isn’t what he was expecting at all. Electric guitar? drums?... NOT bubblegum pop?

Doesn’t become a major fan but definitely adds a lot of the heavier songs from their discography to his gym playlist, still happily listens to your excited ramblings and talks about other groups, but will probably pay a bit more attention if you mention a Dreamcatcher comeback.

Fave groups: Exclusively Dreamcatcher, but also likes ‘Clap’ by seventeen as an exception since he finds the guitar riff mixed into the instrumental cool.

BELPHEGOR:

Not interested. Similarly to Lucifer finds it too loud, too bright and too in-your-face

Not a huge music lover in general, but can tolerate some easy-on-the-ears gentle songs. Has a soft spot for Melanie Martinez & Lo-Fi.

You can try all you want to convince him to enjoy it, show him whatever cutesy MV’s you want, as many live stages or variety shows as possible, even the sweetest most gentle kdrama OST, he’s not interested.

You send him ‘ZZZ’ by LimeSoda jokingly and tell him it’s his theme-song, he’s not amused.

Fave groups: None.

Songs he’ll tolerate if you’re listening to them: Pporappippam - Sunmi, Why So Lonely - Wonder Girls, Butterfly - LOONA, Night Rather Than Day - EXID, Kazino - BiBi

#obey me #obeyme #obey me shall we date #swd #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me stan #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #kpop #KittyPosts

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luvbotclub · 4 years

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stay — part one: mark lee.

it’s not me, it’s you— you had a change of heart. what kind of change of heart was that and why didn’t feel it? or in which mark doubts himself as an idol, a boyfriend, and a person.

content warning for angst, i’m sorry markzens. 4,867 words.

this can be read as x reader or x oc since i didn’t give mark’s girlfriend a name (this applies to the other parts as well). the other parts may be a little delayed since i’m working on some other fics as well, but i’ll try my best to finish this series! i hope you will enjoy reading this one :D

the sun was shining outside his window. the sunlight seeped through his silk curtains, and for some reason, mark lee didn't feel like sliding them aside and welcoming the april warmth with open arms today, or any other day to be honest. he didn't bother getting up and cooking himself some delicious breakfast, nor did he get up and at least fix his appearance a little bit. he was so disheartened to do anything ever since she left.

but mark has been feeling less like... well, mark nowadays, so there was no question as to why he was acting the way he is. but who could blame him? almost five months has passed and he has made close to no progress with moving on from her. her departure and the demise of them has impacted mark in the worst ways there is to exist.

mark has managed to go out with taeyong and jaehyun for some coffee two days prior to this unfortunate saturday morning without somehow making everyone around him feel burdened by his troubled presence.

mark hated that feeling the most ㅡ the feeling that he’s slowly becoming a burden to the people around him. and perhaps he is, indeed, starting to become a burden to the people around him.

he's tried. he's tried so hard. but it hurts, so so much. the feeling of her warm embrace and the sound of her laugh and the way she smiles are all fucking imprinted in his mind. there was no escape from her torturous murder. the poison she uses is cutting into his skin… slowly, leaving a trail of rotten memories behind.

maybe if she hadn't left him so harshly, mark would've dealt with her farewell a lot better than he is doing right now. maybe, just maybe, if she hadn't been so cruel enough to just tell him straight in the face that it's not me, it's you, you had a change of heart; mark would've forgiven himself faster. his chest would have been filled with something other than guilt and confusion to what he's done wrong, why did she leave, who made her leave, what kind of fucking change of heart was that and why in fuck's name didn't he feel it.

mark has tried to spend more time with her. he really did try, but success came for his group faster than nct and sm entertainment had expected, and he trained longer in the practice room for six days per week for their tour and comeback to make a bigger impact than before. but, in the end, when he's back in their shared apartment, it feels like everything he did wasn't enough. the awards he won, the effort he put into dancing, each lyric he sings out every blurred, sweaty night just for millions to hear. they weren't enough to make her smile reach her eyes. they weren't enough to make her satisfied with him.

they weren't enough for her to stay.

sometimes, mark would think. maybe he's really the one to the blame. maybe he should have just taken more breaks and spent more time with her ― cook lunch with her, cuddle with her on the couch, give her massages while she ranted and ranted about the rude customers at her workplace, the marais. maybe, instead of sweating and singing his heart out, he could have stayed home. maybe he should have been a better boyfriend. maybe he wasn't good enough.

for the past few days, mark's mind has been filled with maybe's and what if's and i'm never going to be good enough's. it was strange. he felt all this remorse ― he even blamed himself because he was doing what he had been wanting to do for a long time ― and all this confusion because of a girl who has sent his friends snapchats of her playing just dance with her workmates a day after she said goodbye, because of a girl who left him on a living room floor with a heart that fell into pieces and the echoes of his pleas for her to please stay with me in each corner of the room ㅡ haunting him, crawling to his skin like the remnants of a bad dream.

it was selfish for mark to think, nor to say aloud, but a despicable part of him wished she felt somewhat guilty for leaving him behind in the dust like this ㅡ or even be concerned about his well being. but no. she left in the first place without a care ㅡ why would she care about whatever’s happening in mark’s mind, now that she has a great life without an idol boyfriend who's always dragging her down?

but today. today. it felt like the day to start living his life again, to live like mark lee who could make people smile just by the sound of his laugh alone. he's disappeared for exactly two weeks from television appearances, family dinners, and friendly get-togethers ㅡ even company parties, he couldn't attend. he was in the stage of denial in the first week, like he was mourning over a death of a loved one. fans have left comments, questions as to why he disappeared all of a sudden all over nct’s twitter and instagram pages and they’ve started to worry whether mark was doing okay or not. his family grew concerned for his well-being, so did his fellow members. they sent him food with stupid little hearts taped to the lunchbox (taeil once sent him naengmyun, along with a paper heart with a classy dad joke and his well wishes scribbled on it). they sent him encouraging messages almost everyday ― the fans, his family, his fellow members. they're all there for him, because they knew that mark isn't okay.

mark decided to get up from his bed an hour after he finished the piece of toast and cup of coffee he both made in a haste. he didn’t even bother putting anything along with the toast, and it was burnt. everyday, his breakfast gets worse. but he needed to put something in his stomach ― he's not going to be in this state forever and he still needed to take care of himself.

mark's grip on the plate was tight, knuckles white as he rested the ceramic plate on the sink. he turned his head after washing his hands and saw the shoe and coat rack by the front door. it was strange to see her newly bought pair of nikes and her ivory coat gone from the racks ― they were her least favoured articles of clothing. maybe she could have left them with him, so he could have something that reminds him of her presence.

but, no. that's way too cruel, isn't it? she did mark a favour of not leaving a single trace of her behind, even as little as a speck of dust from her belongings or a smear of her red lipstick on his favourite white mug. she knew she was practically death itself to him ― her name a lethal spoken curse, her scent a guilty pleasure, her voice a melody so deadly. to love her will be a death wish, but he feels and loves her without a single trace of fear that it'd harm him one day. he loves her. every inch, every night spent watching stupid random shows in the tv, every kiss, every parent joke they've cracked together. he misses them. he misses her. and sometimes he didn't even care if it were his fault or hers ― because either way, she'll still leave an empty shell in his chest, a shell that longed to be filled with her love again.

mark lee never thought it was possible for his heart to ache for someone so much.

he closed his eyes and breathed out a heavy sigh, wanting nothing more than to scream out his frustrations and drink some good fucking coffee right now. but the coffee maker was broken, and mark didn't feel like going out to town and buying a new one. it might sound like it was a stupid reason and he knew perfectly well of the fact, but he doesn't want everyone to see him like this... whatever he is right now.

is he even human at this point? he feels like someone ripped half of his body and soul and he just feels the opposite of the caring mark everybody adored. he feels like he doesn't even have a heart beating right now as his eyes are closed to the darkness — just an empty chest and an empty head.

mark wants to be somewhere else other than this damn apartment. it was way too depressing and he finally got sick of being burdened by it all — it was way too exhausting to be so burdened all the time, to have your head weighed down by thoughts of what could have happened. maybe he can go to a clear field with a nice, baby blue sky, or the coffee house in town where soft jazz played. he didn’t even like jazz. maybe anywhere, just to get away from this place. even the recording studio sounded inviting right now.

the roar of mark's ringtone ripped through the silent room, and it took him a few seconds to recover from the small jumpscare he got before he grabbed his phone that was in his sweatshirt pocket. mental note: put your phone in silent mode next time.

it was a text from jeno.

[jeno]: hi hyung. you up for coffee later with jaemin later? XD

mark suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at the emoticon. jeno could be really ridiculous (and cringy) sometimes, yet he couldn’t ignore the letters that were practically glowing at his eyes, screaming for his reply to be fuck yes i am up for this, but as mark was somewhat in mid reply (and it was an awfully nonchalant yeah, sure with no stupid emoji to support his message), his fingers stopped typing.

would it be worth it, though? he doesn't even have the mental energy to go out and buy his own food, let alone go out for coffee (even though he's succeeded once...). a small part of him felt bad for jeno. all the boy wanted was to drink coffee with his members, but mark's fucking sadness is stopping him. it's not even jeno's fault mark turned out like this these past few weeks.

after a few seconds of contemplating, mark continued typing his message, feeling a little afraid of making jeno think he was uninterested.

[me]: yeah, sure. 😃 can you pick me up?

he tapped the send button, instantly regretting that he added the smiling emoji at the end (because now he sounds so enthusiastic to go, even if a part of him really did) and the fact that he just asked his friend to do him yet another favour. mark felt bad for jeno, he really did, but he didn't even know where the coffee shop was, and, knowing mark, he gets lost sometimes because the boy had no sense of direction whatsoever. jeno's response came a few seconds after, which amazed mark for a bit since jeno was never the fastest replier.

[jeno]: geez, hyung 😒

[jeno]: i'll be there around 1, jaem had to run some errands so he’ll be a lil late. see you later!!!

feeling relieved jeno didn't pry any more into the subject, mark locked his phone and put in his sweatshirt pocket. he felt more fresh, somehow, he felt like his steps won't be heavy and that his life will actually improve today. like an imaginary weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. maybe he should treat jeno and jaemin with lunch one day, if the day went well.

after a few hours of sitting in the sofa and listening to a bunch of songs taeyong has sent him over the past few days, mark went to take a nice, warm shower and changed into his “outside” clothes (...which were the same as his stay-in clothes) and waited for jeno and jaemin outside his locked home, foot tapping on the pavement out of habit.

as promised through his text, jeno arrived at mark's place at the same time when the clock in mark's phone read 1:00 pm. mark felt like grabbing jeno and giving him the biggest hug he's ever given to another member once he jumped off of the black van he arrived in ㅡ the boy's done so much for him ㅡ sending lunchboxes, agreeing to meet up with him in 3am nights where mark couldn't sleep at all, and, now, agreeing to pick mark up right on time even if he probably had million of things going through his mind right now, with nct dream's comeback slowly approaching them.

“hey, hyung,” greeted jeno, brown hair swept to the side messily. after a very long time, there was a genuine smile on mark's lips ㅡ he was happy to see a familiar face in the midst of this chaos. “you ready to go?”

mark gave the younger man a nod, and pocketed his phone in his pants.

a few minutes of catching up led them to full time story-telling, which is totally typical of the parent-like pair of friends. mark was smiling the whole time, because, again, he was with a familiar face and he hadn't been able to speak his mind to another person for a few days, constantly insecure of what others would think of him and his thoughts.

they were overcome with surprise when the driver pulled up on the pavement since they were too caught up in their conversation to pay attention to their surroundings, signalling that they've arrived in the said café. it seemed like the other cafés he's visited before. it had treats and specials lined up by the baby blue tinted window, ranging from strawberry cream puffs to the manager's favourite mushroom pizza. mark looked at the café’s exterior in astonishment and glanced back at jeno. jeno had good taste.

mark looked at the café one more time. he still had a few moments before they went inside; jeno was taking too damn well to adjust his facemask. it was perfect ㅡ black tables at the patio with white chairs as a contrast, fancy little plants lined up just by the café's entrance.

it was all fun until his eyes darted over to the shop's logo, etched in a fancy script font and a mighty golden colour. the light in mark's eyes faltered and the smile plastered on his face dropped in desultory, as the letters made his throat go dry.

the marais.

singing is a stupid thing now. he doesn't feel like singing a bunch of twisted words just for millions to hear. no. he doesn't feel like doing anything. getting scolded at for not singing a note properly is getting tiresome. constantly redoing certain parts because the producer didn’t like it is getting tiresome. thinking of her at any given opportunity is getting tiresome. doing this, whatever it is... it's tiresome.

“i hope you’re happy today,” came the soft muse of donghyuck through his headset. it was strange that mark felt something strong snap in his chest just because of these words. they were going through the songs in the album and mark didn’t know why he was even required to be here for that — he wasn’t even in make your day.

when he heard his dongsaeng’s verse, he felt like crying again. he’s gotten so bad — this was just all so fucking tiring. all he can think about is the way she looked that day in the café, stunned to see the two tall idols in her sight and soon seeing jaemin rush into the shop without much care if he was causing a ruckus or not. she didn’t think that she would see him ever again, thinking that she’s ran away from all of that, the exhausting world of mark lee and being constantly shoved to the side.

“i'm ― i'm sorry," his voice is weak. the words were strained coming out of his throat. he couldn't breathe, but he had to do this. “i can’t do this. not today, no.”

am i really doing this?

mark's heart skipped a beat. yes.

he removed his headset quickly, the song cutting off just as jaehyun’s part began. mark grabbed his cap and mask from the table and put them on. he felt no feeling of hesitation or remorse from his actions as he stared at the producer and members, all staring back at him and obviously stunned. mark shook his head and turned his back on them, ignoring donghyuck’s tired and annoyed stare burning at the back of his head. he really tried to be okay for one day, but he can't do that. the closure she gave wasn't enough — well, was there ever any closure in the first place? he had to give his own closure, or else he'll explode from all these feelings burning his insides with guilt that he didn't even have to feel in the first place if he just became a better boyfriend, a better person.

“mark, come back here,” taeyong’s tired drawl came, echoing through the halls. mark stopped walking but didn’t face his hyung. “you’re really going to skip a recording just for a girl who doesn’t even want to see you anymore?”

taeyong’s words stung, but mark swallowed and gave a firm, “yes.”

as he walked down the hallways and ignoring the incredulous burning stares of the crew, wondering why the hell he was out in the hall instead of being in the recording studio like his schedule declared so, mark thought of all the things he'll say. they need to make sense or else skipping a recording session will all be for nothing and the scolding from taeyong would make him feel even guiltier for the rest of his entire life. i love you, you heartless prick. no. that's way too blunt. i love you, and i don’t need you to say the same thing. i just want you to say goodbye one last time.

that’s all mark ever wanted.

that’s all mark ever needed.

he called a taxi and immediately got in, telling the driver his destination which was the marais. a frown was evident on the young idol's face as his phone vibrated text message after text message, all either from taeyong or taeil telling him he has the next two hours to get his ass back to the studio or else they were telling the ceo about it. it was tiring. he was debating whether to ignore them or reason it out like the adult he was, because he was feeling annoyed at their lack of understanding and at the same time he just wanted to be mature with them.

both of mark’s options sounded too far out of his reach when the taxi driver suddenly stopped his car and told him they were already at his destination, and he was forced to lock his phone instead, ignoring the constant vibration of the device.

he started shaking as he gave the driver money, and his hands became sweaty when he exited out of the car and slammed the door shut. mark walked over to the café with a heavy heart, his legs wanting nothing more than to retreat to the studio and spare his ego the embarrassment, but he was here now. there was no point in turning back. he’d embarrass himself anyways if he came back to the studio, he could practically hear donghyuck cheekily saying “i told you so” and the small knowing smirk on the younger’s face. mark shuddered at the thought.

as he went through the door of the shop, he instantly got a whiff of the strong coffee they were brewing — their bestseller and the same coffee she used to bring home for mark to drink. the boy only swallowed the fear in his throat and shook the memories off.

he walked up to the counter, legs still shaky as the employee working the cashier looked at him with a bright smile, “um, hi. i’m looking for someone who works here? is—”

“mark?”

mark looked up at the sudden voice, his words cut off halfway. if his heart was already beating fast even before he'd seen her, mark was pretty sure it’d jump right out of his chest as he made eye contact with the woman who got him into this predicament in the first place. he exhaled heavily and bowed his head to the employee behind the cashier, apologizing for the interruption before walking over to her who was standing just by the kitchen door and dressed in the white coat she hated so much. the sight made mark want to go home for some reason.

“what are you doing here?” she laughed nervously as he came closer. “aren’t you busy? i heard you guys are having a comeback?”

mark shook his head, ignoring the urge inside of him to tell her i skipped a recording for you. he knew it wouldn't matter to her anyways. “i’m not busy at all. i just want to talk to you about something. is that okay?”

she nodded yet the look in her eyes clearly said she really didn’t want anything to do with him at all. “sure, do you want to step out for a bit?”

mark only noticed the stares of the customers at the pair of them when she glanced around the room, and he immediately nodded. the last thing he needed was for someone to recognize him and spread rumours (even though he knew that was practically unavoidable at this point—people were already starting to point). she took hold of his hand and led him out of the coffee shop, ignoring the incredulous whispers of everyone.

once they were outside, mark was the first to pull his hand away from her grasp in such a haste. he almost apologized when he saw the brief shock emerge in her face at the brash action, but at this point, he didn’t have time for games anymore — figuratively and quite literally, since he only had an hour left before taeyong and taeil will call the ceo on him.

“so what is it that you want to talk about?”

“i wanted to talk about us,” mark exhaled, finally feeling a weight being lifted off of his shoulders. he saw her face contort a little, obviously displeased at the topic. “i just — you gave your closure. but i didn’t.”

“mark, it’s been months,” she laughed, the sound coming out as breathless. “you still haven’t moved on?”

“how could i do that?” mark started laughing too, albeit humorlessly. he ignored the pang in his chest as he realized that she found the entire situation funny. “everything i see, everyone i talk to. everything reminds me of you. i can’t even do anything right, i can’t even live normally anymore, because i keep thinking, why? why did she break up with me? was i a bad boyfriend?”

“mark— no,” the smile on her face dropped. “you weren’t a bad boyfriend. i just—”

“then why did you tell me i had a change of heart?!” mark was enraged. he didn’t want to be angry. he didn’t mean to raise his voice like that. he didn’t mean to let his tears cascade down his cheeks. he probably looked so pathetic right now, practically seething at the image of himself, tears falling and eyes pleading for an answer, for anything. “i didn’t. i didn’t have a change of heart. if i did then i would have been the one who ended things. if i was such a good boyfriend, then why did you leave me? right when i needed you most?”

mark didn’t even let her open her mouth before he spoke up again, the pain in his voice raw. “i tried so hard. i’ve always tried so hard but you made me feel like i didn’t. i’ve always protected you from everything and everyone. i’ve always defended you. you made me feel like everything i’ve ever done, for myself, for you — they weren’t enough for you. i always thought that maybe i wasn’t good enough to make you stay. i guess i was right, wasn’t i?”

“i was scared,” she answered calmly. “i fell out of love with you and i didn’t want to admit that. it was my fault. all of it. i only said that so i wouldn’t feel terrible about leaving you but i didn’t realize it was too harsh of me to say that right away. i’m sorry, mark, for everything. please stop blaming yourself.”

mark only nodded, wiping at the tears that were on his cheeks and blinking away the ones that threatened to fall. he got what he wanted. he got the truth. he gave his closure. so why did it still hurt? why did it still pain him to see her, looking at him like he was the saddest, most pathetic person to ever exist? the pitiful stare she was giving him made mark feel so sick in the stomach that he had to look away so that the feeling won’t resurface.

“just know,” mark breathed out shakily, fingers trembling and aching to brush the stray hair that fell on her face aside. he bit the inside of his cheek to stop the urge until he tasted blood. “i still love you and i don’t think that will ever change. even if you hurt me. even if you broke my heart so bad to the point that i didn’t know if i’ll be fine by the end of it all. you became a part of my life no matter how bad it got in the end.”

“i love you too, mark,” she smiled warmly and mark knew she was lying straight to his face right now. but he didn’t care. it felt good, strange almost, to hear those words tumble out of her lips again. “i don’t want to leave you like this but i have to go now. i made some plans with a friend. maybe we can hang out together soon? i can call you?”

“it’s okay,” mark shook his head. “i’ll be busy anyways. enjoy your day. thank you for everything.”

he was pretty sure his friends had already deleted her number from his contacts (it was either johnny or donghyuck who did it). after this, he was going to back to the studio and suffer the consequences of his actions, he’d have to put up with the hyung line staring at him with disappointed glints in their eyes during the entirety of the car ride back home and donghyuck bombarding him with questions about what happened once the younger boy has cornered him somewhere in the dorm. but he wasn’t bothered or even annoyed that he’d be experiencing these things soon.

mark was about to turn away and find a taxi when a tall man approached them, his long arms soon snaking around her shoulder and pulling her into an embrace. mark was quite surprised but shook his head — he was going to stop caring about her from now on. whatever business this man had to do with her, he didn’t care.

“who’s this, babe?” the nickname caught mark off guard.

“hyunwoo,” she mumbled under her breath, obviously uncomfortable at the current situation. “this is mark. remember? i told you about him.”

“oh, the idol?” ‘hyunwoo’ turned his head to mark and the shorter boy nodded. “nice to meet you! i heard you’re quite acquainted with my girlfriend here. she told me a lot about you.”

“oh, girlfriend?” mark was surprised at the cool tone of his question. “well, yeah. i used to be quite close with her.”

“we’re not dating or anything,” she tried to laugh off, but the nervous glint in her eyes screamed otherwise. “i’m just friends with hyunwoo. it’s like what it looks like, mark—”

“it’s okay,” mark smiled warmly, looking at her then back at hyunwoo. “i don’t care who you date. it’s not like you owe me an explanation of any sort.”

“i—yeah, of course,” she mumbled to herself, looking down at the ground before looking back up at mark. “it was nice talking to you. we’ll get going now. keep in touch, okay?”

mark nodded and the warm smile on his face didn’t falter even for a second. after the two had walked away, mark stayed in the same spot. he didn’t miss the way the two shared a short kiss before hyunwoo opened the car door for her and helped her inside before hopping in the driver’s seat and driving away. once they were gone, mark’s phone began ringing, calls from taeyong flooding his missed calls.

mark only smiled to himself, pressing the call button on taeyong’s number while his eyes were still fixated on the spot where hyunwoo’s car was previously parked.

i’ll forget about you, someday.

#mark lee #mark lee imagines #mark lee prompt #mark lee angst #nct imagines #nct prompt #nct angst #nct #nct series #( writings )#out of all the parts i think mark's is the least sad #but it's still sad nonetheless

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jcmorrigan · 4 years

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Right, since you asked me questions about my f/o, I'll fire some at you now! 1. Favourite place to go with them 2. How do you care for them when they are ill and vice versa 3. Had any playful arguments that you look at and go 'what were we doing??' I'll slide these over here and be on my way ;3

All right! So, as a reminder, I have three (3) romantic f/o’s - XR from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, Tony Dracon from Gargoyles, and Giovanni Potage from Epithet Erased. And for this exercise, I am going to answer all three questions FOR ALL THREE OF THEM! (If you’re following me for something other than selfship and you don’t wanna see me ramble for three pages, please block the tag “selfship” now)

1. FAVORITE PLACE TO GO!

I hadn’t realized until I thought about it, but it always seems to come back to a rooftop in the city. You think I like city lights or something? I do. I love city lights. I love cities.

Anyway, with XR, I decided right away that our favorite planet is Trade World, seedy underbelly and all. We can kill time there forever (and probably waste all our money on stuff that isn’t important). I haven’t written it yet, but one of the ideas I had for writing us was that after the big love confession, we’d have our first date on a rooftop restaurant there and watch the lights come on as the sun set, at which point I very sappily draw a connection between my love of city lights and XR’s eyes.

As for Giovanni, I have this whole oneshot about our first kiss that revolves around us trying to find the most perfect and fittingly dramatic place for it, and I ended up putting us on a rooftop at the edge of town where the Sweet Jazz skyline would be our background in all its luminescent glory. I imagine we’d go back up to that building again and again to talk about things if we’re not chilling at home or a base of operations. Just watching the night.

Then for Tony? I admittedly hadn’t given it too much thought, but I immediately got an image of us on, guess what, a rooftop, but of a skyscraper in downtown NYC. Now, Gio and I had to break onto ours by scaling the fire escape ladders; Tony would bust locks and we’d just take the stairs up from the inside. And that’s where we slow-dance when we want to be alone. Bring up a whole portable stereo and a mix of the schmaltziest love rock-ballads (think, like, REO Speedwagon or Journey). Come to think of it, I actually don’t know whether he’s made the connection that the Gargoyles operate out of the Eyrie, so we would definitely look at the freaking castle above the clouds and go “Next target” without knowing the law and order of the town that plagues our existence roosts there.

I’m also working on an AU that is compliant with my “Taking Back the Crown” crossover universe, and in that one, I’m thinking I’d be polyamorous with all three. While I haven’t picked a favorite spot, I do know that particular s/i would live in Twilight Town, and since Final Fantasy is piecemeal AU’d into KH logic (whereas none of those three are from canon KH worlds but it’s an easy crossover gateway so their worlds would just be intact), I actually have this design that Rabanastre from FFXII would be the capital of the nation Twilight Town is in and a few hours’ train ride away, and the four of us just LOVE heading over there and probably scaling some rooftops.

2. CARING FOR THE SICK!

Let’s start with me, in general. I’m a huge hypochondriac. I fear germs. I’m not really that good at taking care of sick friends/family, but for a romantic partner, I’d try to step up my game. I’d be on call. Now, if they were just ordinary sick, I might see if they’d be okay staying home while I got work done, with the caveat that I have my phone on me and can answer whenever. They’re stricken with debilitating nausea and can’t leave the bed? I’ll play hooky. But I’ll try to keep a reasonable distance whenever possible (chatting with them from across the room, where I am planted in a chair that is far away from the bed) and use a surgical mask and gloves whenever approaching. Yes, that may sound heartless, but I still wanna be available to bring them whatever they need, just with my armor on. And I’m not me unless I’m a raging hypochondriac who thinks she’s coming down with what her boyfriend’s got every five seconds. The exception, of course, is XR, who I envision would get sick as a visual gag of having a “computer virus” and exhibit all the symptoms of a head cold without actually being contagious.

Tony is low-maintenance and insists he doesn’t need to be babied, so he’s not gonna even ask me for that much except company. Giovanni and XR are both absolutely complainers and going to whine at me every five minutes, which will inevitably make my heart melt.

As for when I’m sick…

XR loves playing “nurse” (kinda like I had him in this oneshot where I sprain my shoulder) and will get me everything I want. This is for somewhat selfish reasons so I will talk up how great of a boyfriend he is when I’m sick. Also, there’s a good chance that any medical supplies he brings me might be “borrowed without permission” from Star Command’s med bay. He WILL bring me illegal narcotics, and I WILL turn them down. He’ll also call in sick to work himself to take care of me - and also because it gives him an excuse to not turn in to work. We’ll likely end up binging shows cuddled up together if I’m not sleepy or too nauseous.

Tony isn’t all that attentive; he knows I’m a grown-up and can mostly handle myself. If I’m seriously incapacitated, he’ll watch over me, but in most cases, he’ll take off to get his own work done, same philosophy as me: call me if you need anything. He’s not gonna rush to bring me things, but he will do smaller gestures - brushing my hair back if I’m asleep before he leaves, etc. After business is taken care of, if I seem stable and not contagious, he’ll assist me in setting up on the couch with blankets aplenty on one end while he sits on the other, and really, all my f/o’s know that when I’m sick, I just wanna binge TV shows, so that’s what we do.

Giovanni freaks out. He also wants to get me everything I need, but he’s kinda not used to taking care of sick people, so he’ll be running around like a headless chicken asking me if I need various medical supplies that don’t at all apply to the kind of illness I have (such as a splint or a tourniquet). And soup. He will bring me so much soup. Hey, he’s good at making it, so I’m not gonna complain. He also does unfortunately think cuddling will make things better, and want to sit in bed next to me or kiss me for reassurance. I tell him over and over and over that that’s just gonna get him sick. Less than 24 hours later, he’s caught what I have, and I’m just “GEE, I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED.”

3. PETTY ARGUMENTS!

XR and I are built on petty arguments. He fulfills my fantasies of a relationship based on tsundere rivalry. We will find things to argue about for fun. This is how we get our kicks. I call him a dumbass, he calls me a narcissist, we don’t mean it (…mostly). He once caught me singing and dancing, thinking I was alone, and taped it and circulated it as a meme. He thinks it’s hilarious if I trip and fall. Conversely, I think it’s hilarious if he runs into things when he’s not looking where he’s going. I keep a running record of stupidest spelling mistakes he’s made and will trot them out whenever appropriate. At the end of the day, though, we set it all aside. Don’t let anyone know we’re actually nice to each other behind closed doors!

Tony and I basically argue about one petty thing: the fact that he CANNOT DRIVE. Is there canon precedent to this? Not really, except for the fact that his henchmen always seem to be driving the getaway car. But I have it in my head that the people in our operation who should be driving are me, Pal Joey, and Glasses. The person in our operation who should not be driving is Tony. Guess which one of the four asks most often to drive? Yeah. And sometimes he wears us down and we have to deal with him nearly killing us by driving 20 mph above the speed limit. IN DOWNTOWN NEW YORK. THE POLICE CHASE HASN’T EVEN STARTED. If there is one thing that is the subject of our married-couple spats, it is THIS.

Arguing with Giovanni is more of a minefield because we both have a habit of pretending we’re not sensitive about certain things until one of us rags on that certain thing and then it explodes. I have a oneshot idea, may or may not write it, in which he insults my “nerd glasses” like he always does with Sylvie, and I’m legitimately hurt but trying not to show it, so I engage in a rivalry argument with him that lasts all day, up until he jokingly says that I have delusions of grandeur and I just say “Well, at least I don’t think I’m qualified to be captain when I’m not” about myself when I realize that my lack of filter made it sound like I insinuated he wasn’t qualified to be captain, at which point he will actually start crying and insist to me that words hurt. Everything’s made better when we sit down and have an honest talk about what we said that hurt each other and then hug it out.

#selfship #electric love #xrach #death by cupcakes #i'm at soup!#four of hearts

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twistednuns · 5 years

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July 2019

This was a weird month. I felt like giving up. I didn't give a fuck anymore and engaged in self-sabotage and destructive behaviour. It seemed as if I wanted to punish myself, desperately trying not to feel anything. The self-love I used to have for myself is mostly gone and I got into the vicious circle of compensating with food, alcohol or cigarettes for my bad feelings and obviously hating myself more for that. But even though I felt like shit most of the time I actually had a lot of fun. Having no fucks to give and drinking wine by the bottle makes for some epic nights out tbh.

A trip to Pilsensee with Lena and Sash. Missing the train, getting a Das Goldene Blatt crossword puzzle book and some artificial cherry water. Playing card games (Lovecraft letters!), eating flatbread from the Turkish supermarket. Making weird videos with witchy Bugle-fingers. In the evening it got so windy that the lake looked more like a sea. Falling in love with wind-surfing. Picking a lily. Trying to identify all kinds of wild plants and flowers on our way back to the train station.

I loved spending time with Micha. Going to Boulderwelt West, fooling around in the gym room. Trying to solve a Kreuzweise puzzle in bed. Giving him a huiuiui tattoo. His delighted laughs whenever I act in a strange way (most of the time). Making out, cuddling. Leaving the house in the morning with him still lying in bed.

Eating at Saigon Deli. Twice in a week. Not cheap but very tasty. I wish I could find an apartment in Haidhausen...

Taking lots and lots of pictures. On the one hand it draws my attention away from living the moment but on the other hand it makes me appreciate my surroundings more. I'm able to find something beautiful and interesting almost anywhere.

Some nice new dresses from &otherstories (the perfect rusty red, a shiny, thick fabric - and it was 50% off) and Monki.

Meeting Elsa and Franzi with their babies at the playground. Eating fresh berries from the garden.

Having pizza with Steffi. Listening to her stories about her sabbatical and her on-and-off relationship with Verena.

Drawing daily pictures for the Potter Week art challenge. I need to do that more often.

Hearing the neighbours' kid Felix genuine excitement about the fact that his mum had decided to take him to kindergarden by bike that morning. Juhu!

Bright red petunias against a deep blue sky.

Experimenting with gouache and pastels.

The kids making donuts and pizza with papier mâché.

Getting a new record player from a tech blogger I found via eBay Kleinanzeigen.

Reading a book about emotional eating. Realising how much work there is still ahead of me.

Kinderspaghetti ice-cream.

Cooking and baking. Vegan Bergsteigerbrot. Ginger lemonade.

Thinking about the concept of basic income guarantee. I'm pretty much convinced that we really need this. I actually even started donating a small amount of money as a Crowdhörnchen at mein-grundeinkommen.de.

Spending time at playgrounds. At night, with Lena and Sash. Riding the tire swings. Or the carousel in Westpark with Andre. Hanging out with Marks and Victor, watching the others climb the trees.

Attending a gender conference about diversity and trans/inter rights. Super interesting and very impressive speakers. I love the atmosphere at those events. Always very respectful. You can feel that all of the people attending work in the social sector. Oh, and you always get the best merchandise there. Examples: an eraser ('erase sexism') and soap bubbles ('Antifeminismus zum Platzen bringen').

Taking pictures with my analogue camera.

Hanging out with Frank instead of going CSD clubbing. Discussing feminism and basic income. Simply forgetting to go out.

Painting stones with gouache.

Getting a massage.

New avocado plant babies.

Westpark!!! It's my favourite park in Munich. Highlights: Entity Theatre (Romeo&Juliet) with Frank. Watching the couple in front of us cuddling with someone else's Golden Retriever. Waving my flag for Team Montague. Ending up at Gans am Wasser again. Andre had taken me there a few days before and we talked about life and love by the like until the early morning. Also, it's one of the most photogenic places I know, especially during twilight.

Reading Laurie Penny's Bitch Doktrin. My daily dose of feminism. Perfect.

Charlotte Roche's podcast Paardiologie. I love her husband Martin's voice.

Lazy days with my students. Getting ice-cream. Hanging out in the park and the English Garden. Playing Privacy. Ahem. At least I didn't just show them a movie, eh? Visiting Skyline Park for the first time (36°! White-water ride! Iced coffee! GOATS!). Missing our train, hanging out at McDonald's in the middle of nowhere. Watching Yesterday at the cinema.

Shopping for art supplies with Doris.

Drawing with chalk pencils on rough black paper.

Joining Miri's goodbye party with old colleagues from Munich II. Ending up at the gay table. Loving it. Dancing on the benches and drinking 1l happy hour cocktails.

Visiting the ADBK semester exhibition with Sash. Drinking red wine straight from the bottle. Dantebad afterwards. Pizza and Vietnamese food (rice noodles with Thai curry sauce and fresh fruit!) inbetween.

True&12 ice-cream. Truffle pizza. Nightsinging. Sitting by the river next to Müller'sches Volksbad. Watching people swimming in the middle of the night. The playground. Some outdoor jazz.

Attending a VR workshop. BEST job training EVER. It was just the two of us and all we had to do was play around with the VR goggles. So much fun.

Pizza picnic with the colleagues at the Isarauen. Jumping into the river in underwear. Pink sunset. Singing a few songs, ending up sitting on the floor of the subway station with Andre.

Playing around with my new iPad. I'm obsessed with Garage Band.

Backstage with Manu and Isi. Jaya the Cat. Making out with him because I felt like it. Walking home in the rain, topless. Waiting for the train. Lying down on the ground, regardless.

Skunk Anansie. Damn good voice. Meeting Manu L. and finding out he had just become a dad! Frank hadn't told me...

#present perfect #personal #things i love #july #2019 #july 2019

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