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subrosa03 · 1 month

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More Enterprise x text posts/tweets because although I’m watching Voyager atm I’m ALWAYS think about these mfs!!

#star trek enterprise #star trek #captain archer #t’pol #trip tucker #malcolm reed #hoshi sato #travis mayweather #doctor phlox

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princesscolumbia · 7 months

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Star Trek Captains, A Review and Categorization

Star Trek is a show about a Neo-military organization that has rank structures, ships, and fights wars, so naturally there's plenty of captains to talk about, but for this post I'll be highlighting specifically the main cast captains, in something resembling chronological order. (But, I mean, this is Star Trek, so even that's kinda up in the air)

Captain Archer

That Guy who had to hand crank the warp engine up-hill both ways in the blinding ion storm. We don't need no stinkin' Prime Directive! Remember The Alamo Pearl Harbor 9/11 Florida! But...uh, maybe don't be dicks about it, not everyone who looks like the ones responsible for that thing we're never going to forget actually wants us dead. Got transformed into an alien, got possessed by another alien, slept with a couple more. Never got pregnant, though (that was his chief engineer)

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Wars started: 0

Wars ended: 3

Times on screen naked: 1

Nazi facilities destroyed: 1

Category: Grampa

Captain Pike

Midlife crisis? What midlife crisis? Everything's fiiiiine. Now eat something, it'll make you feel better. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. Number One, don't tell me I can't adopt more kids, I don't care that they're from the future they're mine now. Besides, we've already got a whole ship-full, what's two more?

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 2

Violations of the Temporal Prime Directive: -3 (yes, it's an irrational number, we're talking time travel, people!)

Musical Numbers Participated While On Duty: 3

Hair: Really Great

Category: Dad (or DILF if you swing that way)

Captain Georgiou

You will be captain when you can snatch the stone from my hand.

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Protege's who required a redemption arc: 1

Awesomeness: Transcendent

Category: Gone too soon, also, MILF who can kick your ass

(Edit: Courtesy of @cheer-me-up-scotty for pointing out an oversite on my part)

Captain Burnham

Cosplays as a Vulcan 'cause she's jealous of her adoptive brother. Accurately called an audience-stand-in-self-insert-mary-sue (shut up, Star Trek fandom invented the Mary Sue, it was a term coined by women fans, so shut up!), but by season 2 she actually gets interesting.

Scorecard

Mommy Issues: Has a subscription

Moms: 4

PTSD inducing life events: Like, all of them

Ships commanded: 3

Mutinies led failed: 1

Category: That One Cousin who married surprisingly well and made something of herself in spite of all expectations

Captain Kirk

Golden retriever energy, would be the Useless Bisexual Himbo if he didn't have so much game. Probably smarter than he lets on. Polyamory King and certified Alien Fucker. Boyfriend is a half-space-elf, main sometimes-girlfriend will go on to create the deadliest super-weapon ever built by humans by accident.

Scorecard

Number of Klingon Bounties on his head: [CLASSIFIED]

Number of women he's slept with: [CLASSIFIED]

Nazi regimes toppled: 1

Number of times he should have had a test that determines if you can stick your dick in it that got named after an upstart from that other science fiction show instead: 1

Ships Commanded: 3

Ships He's Stolen: 3

Category: Slut(affectionate)

Captain Kirk (the other one)

Golden Retriever that got left behind when his family moved away and had to lead a ragtag team of a crotchety older dog and a wet cat on a journey...

No, wait, hold on...

Right! That's the one!

Scorecard

Times he should have been kicked out of Starfleet: At least 4

Ships commanded: 3

Ground transport destroyed: 2 (that we know of)

Number of middle fingers given to Admiralty: 2

Category: Bad Boy

Captain Picard

You know that guy who you see going to the library all the time and always seems to have his nose in a book and always seems to be telling people off for breaking the rules and doing dangerous shit? You'd never know it but he used to be That Guy in college who got, like, ALL the girls and is going to be the Hot Grampa that you don't know how he has that much game, but he got it.

Scorecard

Ships lost in the line of duty: 2

Number of times he married and then estranged his best friend's wife who named their son after her dead first husband: 1

Number of toxic omnipotent and omniscient boyfriends who are obsessed with him and spends their spare time playing with ponies: 1

Category: Inexplicable Sexyman

Captain Badass Sisko

The Cool Dad with baggage. He's got game, but he's got priorities as well, and DON'T mess with his son or you won't even exist anymore to regret it. BLM before it was cool. Led a civil rights riot two centuries before he was born. Space Jesus who can make the best jambalaya you've ever had. Fought and won a war, punched a god, then became one.

Scorecard

Civilizations saved: 4

Native Cultures Treated With the Respect They Deserve: Many

Times He Bent the Rules so his CMO could get some nookie from a Cardasian spy plain, simple tailor: The counter broke

Successful black-ops assassinations completed: 1

Category: BAMF

Captain Janeway

THE single most decorated captain in Starfleet history. Successfully dropped the hammer on dozens of petty tyrants, oppressive regimes, roaming mass murderers, and the Borg. What Prime Directive? Your Mom. Also, probably slept with your mom, that's how much she is the Domme-est of Dommes. She told the Borg to use the safe word...and they DID!

Scorecard

Borg Daughters: 1

Times she told the Borg to step off: 3 (or 4...or 5? Honestly, with the time travel shenanigans it's hard to know for sure)

Nazis she's personally shot: 1

Category: Mistress, but it's "Ma'am" to you

Captain Freeman

She's angry AND disappointed! She's just as good as all the other captains in the fleet, and the good ones know it, but all the rest? They see "cali class" and assume all they're good for is the jobs nobody else wants. But jokes on them, because thanks to that attitude her crew are the flippin' Jacks and Jills of all trades and are more capable of fixing AND fucking AND "fucking" shit up than damn near anyone else!

Scorecard

Times the ship has nearly been destroyed but she and her crew got through it: ...uh...how many episodes are there? And then there's the times that get casual mentions that we never get the details on!

Daughters who should probably be captains now if they were at least a LITTLE more respectful and didn't actively try to piss off Admirals: 1

Times the Cerritos has had to be rebuilt to the point it might as well be called "The Ship of Cerritos Problem": At least 4

Category: Your mom...get back here, I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!

Captain R'El

Cinnamon Roll, just let m'boy into Starfleet! He just wants a home and a family! I'd like to see full-grown captains who can keep up with half of what this Best Boy is capable of!

Scorecard

Number of species his genetic code is made up of: All of 'em. Even the GODDAMN Q!

Number of Janeways he impressed the socks off of: 2

Quality of his Janeway impression: Bad

Number of Ferengi he out-Ferengi'd: 1

Nazis punched: Give him time...

Category: Teenage Boy Who's NOT GOING THROUGH A PHASE, MOM!

Should I do Captains Shaw and Seven? How about Alternate Timeline Tripp or Future Chakotay? (Going too far down that rabbit hole will eventually lead to Imperial Kirk and Captain Spock from the movies.) Let me know in the comments.

Next Post in this series

#captain r'el #dal r'el #captain janeway #captain picard #captain sisko #captain kirk #captain pike #captain archer #captain georgiou #captain burnham #captain freeman #Star Trek Captains - Review and Category

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weyounthevorta · 6 months

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These two, amirite?

#shran #thy'lek shran #commander shran #jeffrey combs #star trek #star trek enterprise #captain archer #they’re totally besties #scott bakula #jonathan archer #enterprise

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myenterpriseisparked · 1 year

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which captain, in your opinion, is most likely to come back from a class field trip with every attendee that signed up and which is most likely to have lost some along the way?

Okay here we go:

Archer: He lost Trip. Straight up. He's nowhere to be found (he wandered into the shark exhibit and made friends with the shark keepers and is now helping feed the sharks). The zoo has to call Archer before Archer realizes he is gone.

Pike: His kids keep wandering off but he knows them well enough to find them. He's exhausted and the bus returns to school 2 hours late because Uhura and Spock found some fun exhibits to look at, but everyone makes it home.

Kirk: All his students make it home but he does not. He got distracted talking with a museum guide about 1 interesting statue and waxed philosophical about it until the bus drivers got sick of waiting for him and left with the kids.

Picard: Try as he might to lose them, he makes it home with every student because they absolutely refuse to leave his side.

Sisko: All of his students make it home, but they are all slightly traumatized by the things they witnessed so are they really home? Can anyone every truly go home????????

Janeway: Would have lost Tom and Harry had it not been for the intervention of her co-teacher, Chakotay.

Freeman: She lost all of them except for Ransom and is 100% not going back to get them. They can figure it out.

Shaw: Got tired of everyone wandering off so he put his co-teacher, Seven of Nine, in charge.

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robbiebear540 · 6 months

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#star trek #star trek enterprise #porthos #shuttlecraft #cheese #dog #captain archer

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astralbondpro · 30 days

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Star Trek: Enterprise // S01E01: Broken Bow

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dax9616 · 9 months

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THEY MENTIONED ARCHERS AND THE NX-01!!

Love how they poke at the parallels of Pikes crew fawning over Archer’s crew!

#star trek #star trek strange new worlds #strange new worlds #spock #snw spock #erica ortegas #lower decks #star trek lower decks #brad boimler #ensign boimler #beckett mariner #ensign mariner #captain archer #nx 01 #star trek enterprise #snw uhura #star trek uhura

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drmenma · 1 month

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The lower decks in the "Chestnut Street" event.

#star trek lower decks #lower decks #lwd #star trek lwd #star trek enterprise #beckett mariner #brad boimler #d'vana tendi #samanthan rutherford #t'lyn #t'pol #captain archer

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spocks-husband · 5 months

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The fact that the canon reason that the Ferengi aren't seen in TOS is bc Jonathan Archer scared the fuck out of them so bad that they didn't come back for like three generations

#so fucking funny #i love him #queue the miserable #star trek #ent #enterprise #star trek enterprise #ferengi #s1e19 #acquisition #archer #captain archer #jonathan archer

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anotherstartrekblog · 3 months

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NEED NEED NEED A FIC where Cap. Archer and T’pol through some shenanigans find Kirk and Spock on their ship and just the utter chaos of ‘I don’t talk about my family’ Spock getting the shock of his life that in face he’s not the first Vulcan In star fleet and he’s not even special because his grandmother was the first Vulcan science AND first officer on the first Enterprise

#star trek #star trek tos #spirk #james t kirk #star trek strange new worlds #Spock #enterprise #t’pol #captain archer

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holodeck-enthusiast · 1 month

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As far as I've known myself, if I were a starfleet cadet or acting officer, I'd be kicked out of the starship within a week for severe and frequent disagreements with the captain and other senior officers. I wonder what my profession would be in the Star Trek Multiverse. Probably a chaotic freelancing artist, with a lego collection of every planet that's been successfully charted, without actually being on one except my homeplanet. Lol that's me.

#star trek #star trek the original series #star trek tos #star trek the next generation #star trek tng #star trek strange new worlds #star trek snw #captain kirk #captain picard #captain janeway #captain pike #captain archer #star trek enterprise #starfleet #starfleet academy #uss enterprise #starship #trekkies

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subrosa03 · 2 months

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So sick of the Captain Archer slander. Having nerdy hobbies and a casual attitude towards the rules is what MAKES a Starfleet captain. I think he’s cool.

#star trek enterprise #captain archer #star trek #jonathan archer #scott bakula

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enchantingedosianorchid · 3 months

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Here are some drawings I made a while back. They were my first Star Trek drawings and the first time I had drawn faces in a very long time. I've thought about redoing them (T'Pol at the very least) but the urge just never hits. More to come!