If you shouted "gravity of the situation" out loud at this scene while watching Wild Blue Yonder for the first time, like me, I friggin' love you and may your Christmas be 99.9% awesome.
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Eve to the Serpent
Stretched on tiptoes, knowing
your eyes are flickering over me –
at my sex especially – look
how I twist the stalk
and snap – pluck it carefully,
because it is precious,
unblemished, and wrong.
I’ve never been more curious
than this. I think about the skin,
how my teeth will rip into it,
about the flesh, how clean
and white it will be, how luscious.
You told me, didn’t you? –
it will be the most delicious thing
I’ve ever put in my mouth,
its juice a drizzle of nectar.
It will do me so much good.
I might just stand here with it
in my hand, while you writhe
and sweat in your ornamental skin,
your tongue quivering. This could be
the longest afternoon of our lives.
By Catherine Smith
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Argylle (2024) review
Mr Cavill, you sir are fine class gentleman. But that flat-top haircut is a disgrace and you know it.
Plot: Reclusive author Elly Conway writes best-selling espionage novels about a secret agent named Argylle who's on a mission to unravel a global spy syndicate. However, when the plots of her books start to mirror the covert actions of a real-life spy organization, the line between fiction and reality begin to blur.
I have noticed critics have really been harsh on this movie, with as of this writing Argylle holds a 35% review approval from Rotten Tomatoes. It’s not that bad. In fact it’s really enjoyable. Yes, it’s really dumb, but it’s also fun. Director Matthew Vaughn’s latest is gladly a crowd-pleasing action spy flick that is full of twists and bombastic set pieces, that takes inspiration from the 1973 French comedy The Man from Acapulco starring Jean-Paul Belmondo, where the novelist too was getting mixed into their fictional created spy world. Yes, there are an abundance of twists, so much so that if you really look into it there are so many logical gaps and absurd plot holes, however this movie embraces its silliness and simply tries to out-do each twist with another one, as if in a personal race of wit. Some turns are predictable, some less, but it’s all good fun and every time the story threw another narrative curveball I couldn’t help but have a smile on my face.
That’s really what this movie boils down to - it’s an irreverent over-the-top espionage blockbuster that’s a ton of fun, featuring an all-star cast of famous people, most of whom are only cameos (Dua Lipa fans please reserve your expectations), all of whom are having the best time ever and you’re enjoying the ride alongside them. Henry Cavill does his best Bond impression, however even though he’s the titular character he’s actually hardly in the movie. I’m serious, aside from the opening sequence he pops in maybe 5 minutes total in the whole film? Yep, guess that’s your first twist there. Argylle hardly has any Argylle. Nevertheless Cavill as always is a charmer, but maybe wait till Guy Ritchie’s The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare to get your proper 2024 fill of Henry Cavill. Dua Lipa does a dance; John Cena’s in there somewhere but I couldn’t see him (almost as if he’s, dare I say, invisible!); Catherine O’Hara excels; Bryan Cranston does the evil-dude-in-a-lair trope with the gusto of Walter White for he is indeed the one who knocks, and Samuel L. Jackson is heavily under-used, acting as only a MacGuffin to give the movie’s finale some extra stakes, though that does fall a bit flat. However the main characters of Argylle are Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell. This is their movie. With Howard playing writer Elly Conway with a delightful spark, but it’s Sam Rockwell who’s the MVP, which shouldn’t come as a surprise as he’s great in these type of sarcastic roles. He gets one of the best lines and moments, and honestly he’s on top form.
In terms of negatives, the CGI is bad. Like astonishingly bad. There are some truly cool action sequences, but they were consistently hindered by the overused obvious green screen which was so jarring, and at times it felt like even when characters were standing just talking that they were still enveloped in CGI. Heck, this movie includes a cat which by the way adds nothing to the plot, but it’s there and for the most part it’s a CGI cat, which just looked daft. Also at over 2 hours the movie could have easily cut off a little fat and shortened its runtime, as it did overstay its welcome a little. That being said this is the most fun I’ve had with a Matthew Vaughn flick since his first Kingsman movie, and it was nice to switch off my brain and simply enjoy a silly nonsensical piece of entertainment. Oh, and the soundtrack choices throughout were great. Can never go wrong with a lil’ Barry White.
Overall score: 5/10
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