Thorin Oakenshield X Fem!Reader
Summary; Together with the Company you fight the dragon Smaug. Yet you and Thorin have never felt more apart.
Warnings; Thorin has the dragon-sickness and get's physically aggressive. Depictions of nightmares/sickness. Blood and injury. Reader is female-body-coded, uses she/her pronouns, and is Human.
Listening to; 'We All Lift Together' by by Freya Catherine + Jack Victor - "Strong, united, working 'till we fall and we all lift, and we're all adrift together."
Part 11 || Part 13
Series Masterlist || Masterlist || Ko-Fi
You knew you were in deep trouble. There was nothing you could do in that moment to shake the chill that pierced straight through your heart.
“You have no idea who you are.”
That was what Smaug said, but despite the startled and frightened frown on your face, you stood tall. You spoke even though your voice betrayed you and cracked under the pressure of being so close to a dragon that you could feel its breath on your cheeks.
“I know exactly who I am,” you said, inching your hand with your sword up higher, “I am one of Thorin Oakensheild’s Company. That ought to tell you who I am, for they are my family."
“So then you have come to steal from me. I almost want to give it to you.” Smaug said, eyeing the glowing Arkenstone. Your eyes darted to the gem, before you fixed firmly on the dragon. Bilbo would sort out the stone, of that you were sure, but the dragon - you could do little, but you would make sure not to get caught off-guard. “Oakenshield will suffer for it. It would bring so much joy to watch it destroy him. For it to corrupt his heart and push you all away. To drive him mad like his grandfather before him. But,”
Smaug fixed his eyes on you and Bilbo, and the hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. You were in danger.
“I think not.” The dragon moved fast, making out to bite you both into his jaws in one fell swoop, but you’d moved away just in time. Then he reared back again, and fire grew in his chest. A burning heat starting in your own lungs, making it harder to run atop the coin under foot.
Shielding yourselves in a hall to avoid the dragon’s fire, you pushed back against the stone with fear heavy in your chest. You'd awakened the dragon, and you'd angered it. Somehow you felt you should’ve known it was going to happen - surely this was what your dreams were telling you. The fire and death and destruction - they were all a warning, one you didn’t heed because you didn’t know it was there.
And the things he said about you and your mother? That wasn't anything like you were expecting. You couldn’t remember a darkness like this in your mother. You couldn’t remember a time it could’ve taken her - perhaps not your own fault, you couldn’t remember a lot about your life before, but somehow you still knew. Even still, if the darkness took her, it didn’t matter.
You were not your mother, and you knew you never would be.
Bilbo tugged at the sleeve of your tunic, trying to usher you both away from danger. You followed, chest heaving and with sweat beading on your forehead - was it always this hot in here?
Ahead of you, Thorin appeared, and Bilbo went up to greet him. His eyes didn’t say long on the Hobbit.
“You’re alive,” he said, clarity shining in his blue eyes before it seemed to cloud again at the sight of the treasure behind you. His face turned back to Bilbo. “Did you bring the Arkenstone?” He was curt, straight to the point, and you didn't like it. He was acting towards you like the Dwarf you met all those months ago in the Shire. He wasn't your Thorin anymore - he wasn’t the person who warmed to you enough to tell you about the glory of Erebor while locked in cells of dirt and stone. “The Arkenstone. Did you find it?” he asked again, ignoring Bilbo’s talk of danger. But Bilbo said nothing, and neither did you.
“We have to get out of here.” Bilbo said, trying to step forwards past Thorin, but was stopped by a blade at his chest. Thorin moved, pushing Bilbo towards the edge of the staircase with the sharp tip of his sword. Immediately you took a step closer.
“Thorin,” you said, voice set in a tone of warning as your own grip tightened on your own sword. One look from Thorin made you stop. It told you if you moved closer he'd put the sword on you instead. He wasn’t trusting Bilbo, but right now he would still hurt you if you got in his way. It was the Hobbit or the gem.
This truly was not your Thorin.
The rattle of coins in the distance made you turn around. You spotted Smaug coming, he’d heard you, smelt you - it didn’t really matter how he knew where you were because he did.
You repeated Thorin’s name again, this time softer, more desperate and more frightened. He turned to where you were looking and from the clarity that reclaimed his eyes it was the shock he needed to regain his head.
The sword lowered, and Bilbo almost tripped over himself getting back behind Thorin. He gestured for you to do the same, to find safely behind him in the smaller halls the dragon would not fit in. Then he too backed away with you both behind him.
“We need to go.” Bilbo puffed - but you saw Thorin had not yet looked away from Smaug, a dangerous thing for now the dragon knew exactly where you were.
“You will burn!”
After that, the rest of the Company seemed to materialize out of thin air, now you all were running for your lives dodging dragon fire, and hiding from the dragon itself.
“This was a bad idea!"
"Shut up, keep running!"
You tried your best to ignore everyone and their constant complaints, but it was easier to listen to them than to spend all your brain-power worrying about the pain in your chest that made it hard to breathe. It was like someone had scratched your throat raw and then poured lemon juice down it. It made your eyes water, and your voice came out raspy whenever you spoke.
No matter what you did, where you ran, you always had to keep something between yourselves and the dragon - pillars, walls of coins, anything - but nothing stopped the dragon fire nipping at your heels. At that point your brain shut off, you were just following where the Company led and prayed to whoever was listening that you’d make it to the end of the night alive.
The Company ran into a cornered off room, with you following just behind on their tail. Thorin pulled you into the hall after him just as Smaug rounded a corner with a hot breath of fire, and used himself as your shield. You both stumbled forward, you with your mouth open - partially in shocked horror at the fact Thorin was literally on fire, and partially because your mouth felt too dry to close.
You watched as he fell to the floor and shed the flaming coat before standing and ushering everyone to the opposite side of the room where more corridors were waiting. It was like he wasn’t just on fire. You wondered how he could shake that off so fast, and if such composure was expected of you.
Despite that, the dragon seemed to have been lost. Everyone was as silent as they ever had been as you walked through the empty halls. The group came to a stop, weary of where Smaug was since he couldn’t be heard anywhere. Some thought the dragon had lost them, others - the more sensible and older ones - knew he was still close, and still searching. You knew from how your hair had yet to stop standing on end that Smaug was still hunting you. It made your stomach ache.
“Where do we go?” Bilbo asked, quietly looking at Thorin and you.
“A way out,” Thorin said, “The Western Guardroom.” He looked back at the Company after he spoke, and you saw his eyes rest on you - the crease in his brow deepened ever so slightly, yet he allowed himself to become distracted away from you.
“There’s no chance that way,” Balin said, stepping forward, “It’s too high.”
“It’s our only chance.”
"Thorin -" you started, stepping forward to protest - something was telling you Balin has sense in his words. Thorin looked at you, shaking his head.
“You know we must try.” He said. You nodded your head, shoulders slumping in defeat. The group moved, quick to leave a space so open and exposed, but you lingered, watching as others passed by. Dwalin, however, took notice, and stuck with you as you followed behind the pack.
“We all know what you’re here for,” he started quietly, intent on making this conversation one between just you two. “Whatever you need to do, whenever you need to do it, I’ll help. It will be for the best.” He took hold of your forearm as you walked, and with a smile you pet it as a signal to let go.
“Thank you, but you need to do as Thorin asks.” Dwalin looked up at you, watching your face, and spoke again.
“You are the future Queen, your voice deserves to be heard as much as Thorin’s.”
It struck you a little, as you processed Dwalin’s words, the situation you’d found yourself in over the course of this journey. You were courting Thorin, King Under the Mountain. The hair bead that beat against your shoulder as you walked proved it. Even though he was acting less than a King in that moment he was still - in all the ways you knew - yours. Just as you were his.
But, as you watched Thorin lead the Company along stone walkways and past pillars, you wondered just how exactly he felt about that now.
“I’m no Queen yet, Dwalin.” you said, and so your conversation lulled into silence, yet Dwalin didn’t leave your side.
The Company reached a bridge, and as they cautiously crossed, a coin fell. It clanged to the floor near Bilbo, and while others all looked towards the small drop of gold on the stone, you looked up. Your jaw dropped open, and your breath caught in your throat. Others followed your gaze, and you pushed Nori’s shoulder lightly to keep him moving, unknowingly mirroring Thorin who was doing the same to those further ahead.
Above you was Smaug - he looked big, you knew that, and although you’d been under him before now seemed different. You didn’t care about being found then - however now you couldn’t think of anything worse.
Luckily the guardroom was close by. Thorin led everyone inside, and they moved quickly. You loitered near the doorway - while everyone else inspected the room, you were still on edge about that dragon. You’d hate to be caught in here, so close to being able to leave. You were determined to listen as little as possible, an attempt to not add anymore reason to be anxious - however a strong hand on your upper arm pulled you away from that goal, and into the room.
Over Thorin’s head you finally caught sight of a hoard of Dwarven corpses stacked upon the place where a way out was supposed to be - remnants of a past group who sought a way out here too, and failed.
“Where is the exit?” Thorin said. He sounded upset, and you didn’t like how close he was standing to you when his eyes looked like that. As his words rang in your ear, you frowned.
“What?” you asked, voice hardly above a whisper, “Thorin you know I don’t know -”
“Tell me!” he yelled, hands holding tight to your shoulders. In front of you Thorin was staring at you intensely. Blinking, you realised this was what you’d been warned about - what he had been warned about - the dragon sickness.
Thorin wasn’t okay, and really neither were you. Across the room, every member of the Company was ready to intervene. Especially Dwalin, and even Bilbo.
“Just tell me!” He said again, and lifted your shoulders off the wall you’d backed into. With a shove, your back hit the wall with force, knocking the breath from your lungs with an unsettling uplift of dust, and a crack as your head hit a piece of decoration.
Before anyone could step in, a growl grew in the back of your throat - but the noise, rather than coming from you, echoed in from the hall outside. As if snapped out of a trance, Thorin backed off and addressed the Company. Acting like a good proper leader, acting as if you never existed in the first place.
“Head to the forges. Split up. We’re killing that dragon.” he said.
“We won’t make it,” Blain said, eyeing you as you rubbed the parts of your arms Thorin held (that hurt more than anything else, his touch seemed to burn hotter than any pain given by a stone wall).
“If this is to end in fire,” Thorin started, turning back to you, catching your eyes, “Then we all burn together.” He moved off, and you watched as Golin and Bilbo followed with a reluctant glance towards you.
“What do we do?” Ori asked, standing by your side timidly as you rolled your shoulder under your palm.
“Do as Thorin says.” you started, sounding weak as you stared off where Thorin disappeared.
“He isn’t in the right mind.” Balin said.
“No,” you said, “He still has a good head on his shoulders, but his heart isn't in the right place.”
“He hurt you -” Dwalin replied.
“He is sick, you cannot see that?” you said, gesturing towards the hall outside, before sighing deep. “Perhaps you are right, but that is not up for debate now. The dragon is a big issue, one we need to deal with. We do as Thorin says. Split up, and distract the dragon to give others enough time to light the forge.”
So, then, after word from you, the rest of the Company moved to action - some, such as Ori and Dori, only went after triple checking you were really okay. Physically you were doing fine - burning lungs aside - however the idea Thorin would lay a hand on you did shake you. But as you said, deal with the dragon first.
You split off with Dwalin and Nori, calling Smaug’s attention towards you when he became too close to Ori’s trio.
“Hey you, lizard!” Smaug turned abruptly, breathing a puff of smoke out his nose. “Yeah you, you cold-blooded coward!” you yelled again, nudging Nori so they'd move out of the way faster than the dragon approached.
As Smaug’s claw clipped at your heels, you realized what sort of mistake you’d just made - namely biting off more than you could chew in terms of mockery. You fell, and rolled to a stop beside a column.
“You think you can run?” Smaug said, red hot heat swelling in his chest once more and you felt a bead of sweat roll down your neck and under your tunic, “You think you can hide? I’ll take you one by one if I must!”
Then Smaug let out fire all over where you were standing, and you could do nothing except tuck yourself further behind the column of stone. It did nothing to protect you from the heat, it seemed to burn hotter than the very sun, but once the flames went away you weren’t hurt. Thank goodness for Dwarven stone architecture. Even so, you barely let out a breath of relief until Smaug moved away and everything went quiet.
Once you emerged from the pillar, it wasn’t just Smaug who had gone. Everyone had. There wasn’t another soul to be heard. The noise from them echoed into where you stood, telling you that the dragon marched elsewhere, and yet you were alone. Really you couldn’t really blame everyone for running while the dragon was distracted - you only hoped they realized you were still alive.
You ran across a bridge and into the adjacent tunnel, following the noise towards where it sounded like the forges were.
Then your foot slipped on a step that was too-damp, and you fell to the ground with a loud thump.
Thorin stood just outside the forges, watching and waiting.
He could feel the dragon's steps coming closer through the way the ground shook beneath him. The forges weren’t lit, they had been too cold for too long, and the best source of fire was coming straight to him.
What he didn’t expect to see, however, was you. Even through the adrenaline of a fight Thorin could tell something wasn’t quite right with you. How long had you been like that? When did you start walking with a limp? When did you carry one arm like it weighed your whole body? Since when did your chest glow, and since when were your eyes red?
He watched, frozen in shock, as the dragon emerged behind you. You seemed unbothered and didn’t flinch, but he did. Smaug walked, pacing himself just behind you, and Thorin felt his blood run cold as both your head and the dragon’s tilted in the exact same uncanny way. But then, as the dragon’s chest glowed brighter, you lurched forward - pain strict across your face with your hand clutched to your chest. The glowing there and in your eyes flickered, and faded.
Then you were on the ground, motionless, and the dragon charged at him.
Thorin did not have a chance to check on you, not even if he felt like wanting to. Instead he ran, and for a while he would completely forget what happened to his One in that hallway outside the forges of Erebor.
You stood above Thorin, and he looked across at you with eyes that were cold and determined. You opened your mouth to speak yet the voice was not yours.
“You will burn!” the voice said, but you did not want that. You weren’t against Thorin. You didn’t want him to burn. The entire reason you were here was to help him.
He then spoke, instead now standing over you, with a sword pointed right between your eyes.
“Just tell me!” But that wasn’t right either. He wasn’t against you. He loved you. He was your One. Wasn’t he?
Then it seemed like a thousand voices started speaking to you at once, all from everywhere in a black inky void.
“- The Arkenstone. -”
“- Help him! -”
“- Stop! -”
“- Thorin. -”
“- Don’t leave! -”
No, no none of that was right at all. You didn’t like it one bit. You didn’t like any of these dreams. You had enough.
You woke, jolting from your place on the cold stone to sit up. Your hand rested on your head, it ached from the sudden movement. You didn’t have to look to know that the warm liquid and partially dried flakes of blood you could feel on your head meant you knocked it on the way down.
But what was that dream? More importantly, where were you?
You shook yourself off, deciding to worry about the dream later, and body willing you’d do the same with your head. You needed to find the others.
A quick swivel on your bum showed you the blazing light of the forges - answering where you were but not how you got there. But more importantly, aside from the hum of the Dwarven machines, all other noise had stopped. How long were you out for? Was the Company all alright?
So you wandered, following your feet. They led you outside the main doors into Erebor and up a nearby hill. Under the cover of night, in the distance, you could see Laketown. Even from there, you could watch as it burnt under the dragon fire from above.
“No.” You shook your head, tears welling in your eyes. “This can’t be right.” You wondered what you did wrong - you wondered why seeing the town burn in your dreams still meant that nothing you did was able to stop it. The innocent people there met with horrible fates - what did you lack of ability to stop that say for what else was to come? How could you save your friends when you weren’t able to save those who mattered less?
“I thought you burned.” Nori said, turning away from the burning town to face you - someone untouched by the same flames. As he looked at you, so did a few others. Thorin was among them. His eyes stayed on yours as he walked closer.
“There is no way you couldn’t have seen this,” he said, refusing to look away even as you shifted on your feet with watery eyes. “You lead us to this.”
“What?” you snapped, “I would do no such thing -”
“I saw you.” Thorin said. He stepped past you, “I saw how it moved, and I saw how you moved. There is no way this is not what you wanted.”
You tried to speak, but your voice caught in your throat. You stepped back, wiping at the blood on your forehead with your sleeve, and took in a deep shuddering breath as you shook your head.
“Even if I knew what you were talking about, you wouldn't listen. I don’t think you ever do.” With that you took your leave, heading further up the mountain to watch Laketown burn. From here there was nothing else you could do. Even now, with much still weighing on your mind for the events to come, you barely believed to hope everything would turn out okay.
Not anymore.
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:: 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 !
' the earth is blessed. do not play in it ' ( ada limon )
' i think we can do whatever we want with our lives ' ( bill watterson )
' i feel it in the pit of my stomach, the shame of it, the feeling that i am getting away with something, living a life i don't deserve ' ( marya hornbacher )
' i'll rewrite this whole life and this time there'll be so much love, you won't be able to see beyond it ' ( warsan shire )
' i'll make it through this if it kills me and when it kills me, i'll come back ' ( slaughter beach, dog )
' i'll never get used to being alive ' ( john steinback )
' i'm like someone who's been thrown out into the ocean at night, floating all alone ' ( haruki murakami )
' home is where the heart begins, but not where the heart stays ' ( hanif abdurraqib )
' it's not what people say so much as what they do over time that reveals who they are ' ( jasmin lee cori )
' i do not know my name sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what i am ' ( virginia woolf )
' you seem like someone worth knowing ' ( ryan o'connell )
' i am making scarcely any progress, i keep wanting to start over again and say everything differently the second time around ' ( rainer maria rilke )
' anyone who says they haven't suffered shame either hasn't lived or else is lying ' ( catherine gildiner )
' i think you've mistaken bonding for love. bonding is not a choice ; it's a biological imperative, necessary for survival. love is a choice ' ( catherine gildiner )
' don't you miss the world? ' ( anthony doerr )
' forgive me, lord : i've died so little ' ( césar vallejo )
' i will love you tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and still many more, so very many more tomorrows ' ( vladimir nabokov )
' sometimes you have asked me where i feel things and i can't even begin to locate them, but today i felt those places very clearly and it made me want to cry in a gentle kind of way ' ( bessel van der kolk )
' ignoring the pain actually deepens it. what is hidden from sight often increases in intensity ' ( mark wolynn )
' where does my body end, where do i end ' ( sara henning )
' i'm tired, can't think of a thing, and my sole wish is to lay my head in your lap, feel your hand on my head, and stay that way through all eternity ' ( franz kafka )
' when i tell you all shall be well, i don't mean that life won't bring you tragedy ' ( sue monk kidd )
' you wanted the world to be better than it was ' ( margaret atwood )
' what am i thinking, fooling myself into the belief that i'm capable of anything at all? ' ( marya hornbacher )
' sometimes you are erased before you are given the choice of stating who you are ' ( ocean vuong )
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