My favourite characters in Pretty Little Liars, I want to be like them so bad! Being a mixure of them…
How will I achieve this,
~ Lose 50lbs
~ Read for 1 hour a day (currently readying Pride and Prejudice)
~ Be the A+ student STUDY STUDY STUDY
~ Learn French
~ Work your ass off, be the best at everything!
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Stop Stop Stop. Thats enough.
I've gotten really big, right now I'll weigh at least 55/56 kg, and it's too much, I can't accept it.
My thighs rub when I walk, and for the first time in a long time, I no longer have the thin gap.
Now I have to think about what to do, but I have to start a diet again. I can't go on like this anymore, I hate myself, I'm huge and I suck.
.
.
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Codependensea
Look at me! Look at me!
I'll be all you want me to be
I'll style my hair, I'll buy new clothes
Show you the new persona I chose
All for you, my dearest love
Infesting like rats, graceful like doves
I'll change myself to get to you
Perhaps I'll change my gender too?
Become a person I am not
So you think I'm cool and nice and hot
I dedicate my life to thee
The only thing that's real to me
I'll be everything you want me to
Or tear myself to nothing for you
It's only with ME I want you to be
I'm all the fishes in the sea.
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You know, something you said you loved about me is how much I talked, and how I also used that to make space for people who wouldn't do it for themselves
But tonight, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. After going to the movies and seeing a movie and finding people who also wanted to analyse it, I couldn't bring myself to interrupt or say my opinion if literally anyone else spoke. I would just shut myself down immediately
Of course, it was a room full of neurodivergent people so they kept interrupting each other and I couldn't find it in me to talk over them, so I basically didn't say anything.
But they were cool people. People I like. People I love. Like you were.
And so, I treated them like you. I let them talk, and I didn't interrupt, and I shut myself down so they (you) would have space
It's the first time that's happened in a while, but now I've seen it I can't unsee it.
It hurts more, now. Now that I know your break up reason wasn't about me. Because I knew it, logically. That breaking up with me because I didn't prioritise the games/shows/movies you liked but wouldn't tell me about was fucking nonsense.
But after that? After being reminded of you? After shutting myself down constantly to give other people space because god forbid someone feel like I'm not giving them space?
I. Didn't know there were things I'd changed for you. I guess I was so desperate to hear what you had to say when you would voice it that I'd shut myself up the second you tried.
Don't worry. I won't make that mistake again. For you, or anyone else.
- 🌙
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surrounding myself with a bubble of diversity and self love and body positivity online and then being exposed to normies who actually care about conventional beauty standards feels so fucking bizarre. like you people just live like this??? are you not tired???
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The feeling when the person who loves you says you look beautiful and nothing is wrong with your body is truly heartbreaking when all you want to do is change the way you look.
Feeling selfish for wanting to take away something they love.
But what does it matter if I don't love any of it...
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I wanna do something nice.. say something you appreciate about the person you reblogged this from!! even if it's smth as small as their profile photo :)
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Change. Change. Change. Change.
That’s the only thing that I can think about.
Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.
Because I can’t change to be good enough.
Even good enough for me.
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