#Christmas 2019 everything that could ever go wrong was going wrong and I went to this city with my dad and sister

[equallyshaw]

(i might do a blurb on his pov during those lost years)

YES!! i love seeing other povs!!

this takes place during 2018 christmas, june 2019 & summer 2023!

warnings: swearing! jack being immature lmao

send in more thoughts pls!!

everything that kailey did, annoyed the absolute crap out of jack. luke nor quinn had ever understood why, and jack never wanted to explain why. this christmas in particular was difficult, and missing a cherished member of the hughes family. kailey had been having a difficult time in highschool thus far, her sophomore year with luke. she decided that she was gonna fly up to upstate new york, to get away and be in a different environment. and truth be told, while she was dealing with bullies at school she was also dealing with a bully at home, and could never escape them.

☆

christmas 2018-

it was the day before christmas eve, and quinn had just flown in while kailey was flying out. he got into jims car and he could sense that something was wrong or off, "whats going on dad?" he questioned, nervous that it had to do with kailey. and he was right. "kails went to go visit my folks in upstate new york. she'll be back on the 2nd." he said and quinns eyebrows crinkled. "she's- she's having a really hard time at school and we already know that jack isn't helping. id rather ship him off if he didn't have practice." jim muttered and quinn sighed. "what is wrong with him? I've already spoken to him a lot this summer and he still isn't getting it." quinn said pulling out his phone to text kailey, "you're mom has about had it." jim said getting onto the expressway.

_

as soon as quinn walked in, he quickly went to go find jack who was with luke downstairs. "what the hell is wrong with you?!" quinn asked turning the tv off. "hey!" both younger brothers exclaimed, and quinn shook his head. "what is wrong with you jack, huh? why do you keep driving kails away!" quinn demanded but jack rolled his eyes, standing up. "no!" quinn said pushing him back on the couch, "tell me right now why our baby sister had to fucking flee because of you!" quinn exasperated, while luke stayed silent. luke knew exactly why.

jack shook his head, "do you not realize how bad it is at school? do you not realize the amount of bullying she gets, for you to only add to it here? what is supposed to be her safe place, is not!" quinn fumed and jack sighed. "if you don't say, i know luke will tell me exactly what i need to know. im giving you a chance to come clean." quinn said standing his ground. jack was silent, "what is it?!" quinn screamed one last time.

jack sighed once more, "its always about her, kailey this kailey that, when is it my turn?" he questioned and by the look on quinns face, you thought he was about to kill his brother. "seriously? you're jealous of your sister? you're jealous of somebody who doesn't play hockey, doesn't skate, plays her own sports and gets bullied? you're jealous of your sister who does whatever she can to blend in? are you stupid?" quinn said angrily. luke rolled his eyes, "he's just upset because mom and dad make sure that they are there for everything of hers. he's upset that she has more freedom, and gets the most support out of the two of us." luke butted in and jack glared at him. "you're an idiot, an absolute buffoon jack. last time i checked, you chose this. you chose to play hockey." quinn said shaking his head. "you are the reason why you guys moved here. she may be upset at that fact, but she's moved on from it. you give her so many reasons to not like you - but shes a better person because she still wants to do right by you. she wants to prove to you that she can be a good sister. do you not realize how much shit she puts up with from you, because she wants you to be her friend at the end of the day? and don't deny it, but i heard about the 'she's literally just a roommate' comment to the boys." quinn finished, before looking at luke. "i expect more from you luke, i expect you to stand up more to this idiot." he finished before walking upstairs to find his mom. he had a plane to catch to new york.

☆

june 2019- nhl draft.

kailey wanted to be anywhere but here. yet, her parents and quinn had convinced her to come to vancouver with the family. kailey would do everything in her power, to not stand out because she couldn't step out of line or else jack would throw a fit. it had been hard the past few months, but she kept assuring herself that she wouldn't have to put up with him for much longer. ellen pulled her daughter into a hug the morning of the draft, as kailey began to sob. kailey had been experiencing anxiety attacks for a while at that point and only her and luke knew about them. this morning she woke up in a panic, as soon as the alarm went off. she called her mom in a panic, from the next room door and she quickly rushed over. "i - i cant do it, i cant i wont i wont." she sobbed into her mom's chest. ellen rubbed her hand over her daughter's back, holding on as tightly as she could. but she knew that if she didn't give jack the attention is so craved, she'd also never hear the end of that. "i cant mom, i cant!" she exasperated, pulling away and sitting down on the bed. ellen sat down across from her on the extra bed, waiting for her daughter to say something. "im sorry, i cant do it. i cant support somebody that tears me down every chance he gets. i literally breathe and he finds an issue with it. im over it, im not making my self physically sick anymore." she said beginning to cry again. ellen and jim could never say or do enough to get him to stop, and none of the boys would say why exactly he had done what he'd done. they'd had it with him, taking away things and grounding him but none of it did a damn thing.

ellen had a sneaky suspicion of what it was, but would not hear the truth for awhile longer.

the family had just finished getting ready and were in jack's suite, filming as well. kailey on the other hand was in her bathroom, sitting on the tile floor puking her guts out. she had made herself so physically ill the whole day, and this was the only way for her body to dismiss it. quinn knocked on the door with luke before walking in, and realized that the room was empty. luke knocked on the door, and he quickly whipped it open when he heard gagging. "oh my god!" he said kneeling down in front of her, pulling her hair back as she puked. she sat back against the bath tub and the boys took in how hollow her eyes were. her skin pale, and exhaustion plagued her features. "whats going on?" luke asked pulling her against his chest. she shrugged, as quinn texted their mom. her eyes began to refill with tears, as luke pulled her in as close as possible. "i cant go. i wont allow myself to." she whispered for only luke to hear. "he doesn't deserve my support, anymore. i cant support somebody who doesn't love me or even like me." she said louder and quinn picked it up. he left the bathroom and room, and headed over to the suit that his parents and jack were in. as soon as he walked in jack smirked, "wheres the drama queen?" he mused, making sure his tie looked good. "she's sick." was all quinn said leaning against the wall next to ellen. ellen looked over at him, and she could tell what she was exactly sick with. "sick? i doubt that. she just needs the attention on her." jack said cockily, and quinn could kill him right there he thought. or, one chance to take a swing at him. "lukes with her?" ellen questioned, and quinn nodded. ellen walked out of the suite and walked over towards kaileys.

luke wiped kaileys tears, and smoothed down her wavy hair with his other hand. she had finally reached the end of her effort, she didn't have it in her to support the brother who always thought of her as less than. her personal bully had won, and was getting rewarded for it that day.

☆

spring 2023- may

quinn looked over at jack, who was busy typing away on his phone. quinn had just gotten back from brunch with kailey in detroit, and he was relieved to see how kailey was doing after her sophomore year of college. she had just gotten back from study abroad and had absolutely adored her time there. she had also spoken about how she was thinking about doing a semester at sea but wasn't exactly thrilled about the cost. but quinn wouldn't hear it, he was gonna make his baby sister as happy as he could, and make up for the lost years.

"listen, youre gonna help me do something for kails." quinn announced, without giving jack a choice. jack looked up from his phone, and gave him a 'wtf' look. "yeah right." jack said, returning to his phone. "no! you're gonna do this with me asshole. you are gonna make up for the lost years. you are gonna do right by kails, and you're gonna do this with me. she deserves to be happy, you didn't see how happy she was today. i haven't seen that big of a smile since we lived in canada man. i haven't see her so content. and you are not gonna fuck this up." quinn explained, and jack set his phone down while sitting up.

"why would i help her? last time i checked she doesn't speak to me or support me." he said like it was obvious. quinn rolled his eyes, "if you weren't so thick in the skull you'd realize just how much she supports you and how much she wants you to be happy. y'know she keeps up with all your stats, and watched games with luke this season. she asks me and luke all the time how you're doing, and whats going on with your life. maybe if you'd give her the time of day, she'd open up to you and she'd show you how much she loves you. these past three years away from you has given her perspective and grace, and you don't deserve any grace. but that's who she is, always looking for the benefit of the doubt and ever the optimistic person." quinn paused, "you're gonna be a nice brother and play the part, and you're gonna do this with me." quinn said not taking no for an answer. "she has no idea that were doing this, so don't give me the "shes gonna expect more of this." but you know deep down that she isn't that person. mom and dad didn't raise her to be that way, so wipe that thought." quinn said with intuition, knowing what was going on in jack's mind.

jack sighed, "what is it for?" and quinn smiled. "semester at sea. she wants to go to europe and asia, for the spring semester. we still have time to pay for it. she got accepted but was gonna decline when she saw the final amount after scholarships and financial aid, etc." quinn said pulling up the email he got from ellen. after he left brunch, he headed over to his parent's house to talk to them. they were more than elated that quinn wanted to do this for her because let's be honest. she deserves the absolute world.

_

a week later.

"quinn?" kailey called out after stepping into her parents house. she had received a text from quinn if she could meet her there, that afternoon. what she did not expect, was to see jack there with quinn. they two were in the living room, hanging out with everybody. "hey sweetie, come here!" ellen said patting the spot next to her. kailey eyed jack, as she walked over to the couch. he hadn't seen her in three years almost, and she had changed. changed for the better of course. "yes?" she questioned as the family looked at quinn and jack with smiles. "we wanted to do something for you, kails." quinn began. "think of it as a token of our brotherly love." jack said and quinn elbowed him, "you're in on this?" she questioned jack. jack swallowed hard and nodded, "umm." she said not sure how to respond. "here." quinn said standing up and handing her the envelope. it was a confirmation slip for the semester at sea and a flight to europe for docking. she took the envelope, and opened it up slowly. she saw the ticket before the confirmation slip, "oh my god? oh my god!" she said standing up and freaking out. her eyes filled with tears of gratitude, and hugged quinn. "thankyou thankyou thankyou." she said into quinns chest, and the family only laughed in response. "oh my god, i could cry." she said pulling back and looking up at her brother. "don't cry kails, it isn't necessary." he said and she shook her head. "ill repay you guys i promise! it might take awhile after graduation, but ill get there!" she said looking between jack and quinn, but they shook their head. "no! you arent repaying us a dime. we want to do it for you, we have the ability to so you don't need to worry." jack finally spoke up. worry was her middle name when it came to jackson.

"dont worry blondie, you deserve the opportunity to go, so you're going." quinn added and kailey frowned. "alright." she said softly before luke stood up and wrapped his arms around his sister. "you're gonna have to text me every day, send me all the pictures in the world. im gonna have huge fomo." luke mused and quinn second that. "come here." quinn said wrapping his arms around the other side of the girl, and she felt the weight of them. "god ii swear to god if you make me fall over." she said as the two boys laughed. quinn waved jack over, and jack fought with himself. he didn't know what to do. "get over here princess." kailey announced, and jack sighed standing up.

ellen snapped a quick picture of the four's group hug. ellen and jim looked at one another thinking the same thing, they hoped that this was the beginning of a new chapter between kailey and jack. and hoped that jack wouldn't screw it up.

hope you enjoyed!!!

also quinn and luke to the rescue 🥺

#jack hughes #luke hughes #quinn hughes #connor bedard x k hughes au #star crossed lovers au #new jersey devils #vancouver canucks

[got-svt]

the road not taken

summary: you live in la, he lives in seoul. you don’t think it’s ever going to work out, but he believes otherwise. especially when every year on the holidays, both of you rediscover that your hearts are still in chicago. aka the conversations that had you rethinking your relationship.   pairing: johnny suh x reader genre: angst, friends with benefits (but only on the holidays lmao — implied sex, so no actual smut), some fluff at the end kinda word count: 2637

part of my tales from the lakes series inspired by taylor swift’s ‘tis the damn season

___

Truth be told, despite the fact that you were neighbors and your parents were quite close with his, you didn’t know much about Johnny in the years you spent growing up in the suburbs of Chicago. Sure, you caught glimpses of him from your bedroom practicing whatever song or dance routine he felt like he needed to improve on. More often than not, you’d find yourself laughing as he accidentally bumped into a shelf or slip and fall over on the floor. And he would be lying if he said he hadn’t taken a peek out his window to watch you running lines, a script in you hand as you paced around the room, a smile creeping on his face as he watches you shake your head every time you forget a line. In a way, you both formed some sort of a relationship as you silently cheered the other on in whatever endeavor you put your minds to.

He wanted you to succeed just as much as you wanted him to succeed. 

But when he moved to Korea to pursue a career as an idol, and you to LA for acting, there were little to no opportunities to actually begin a proper conversation. 

It wasn’t until in December of 2017, when both of your parents decided to have a joint Christmas dinner in celebration of both their children coming home for the holidays for the first time in years. They thought it was time for you two to meet, having settled in your respective career paths. Maybe they also wanted to see how the two of you would get along, but they would never admit it even if you ask. 

“I don’t think we’ve ever formally met.” He told you once he entered your parents’ house and offering a hand for you to shake, “I’m Johnny.”

“Yn.” You replied, taking his hand in yours, “And, trust me, I know exactly who you are.”

He raised an eyebrow at your statement as he let go of your hand, you shivered at the immediate loss of contact, your hand immediately growing colder at the absence of his. 

“NCT?” You asked tentatively, testing the waters of what could possibly be an exciting new friendship.  

“Ah yeah,” he sheepishly smiled, reaching a hand to scratch the back of his neck, “I guess there’s no use in pretending I don’t know who you are either.”

It was now your turn to raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “Hmmm?”

“I’ve seen pretty much every show you’ve ever been on.” Johnny clarified, but his tone suggested a bit of embarrassment on his part, “The other members don’t believe me when I tell them I practically grew up next to you.”

“I guess I could say the same.” You replied with a shrug, but you offered him a reassuring smile “Nobody really believes me when I tell them a Kpop star used to be my neighbor.” 

“Perhaps we need better friends then.” He joked, but your gaze was fixated on the way the curve of his lips moved with each word that left his mouth. Johnny had always been attractive, whether it be through your bedroom window or your computer screen. But now here he stood, in front of you, bare faced in black jeans and a gray sweatshirt and somehow he had never looked more alluring. 

Johnny noticed you watching him, but he never called you out on it. Maybe because he was too busy thinking about how soft your hand was when he shook it, imagining how it must feel running over his skin. Or how your hair seemed fall perfectly, framing your face in a way that was enticing him for reasons he couldn’t exactly figure out. 

“Care for a drink?” You asked, breaking the brief period of tense silence that had fallen between the two of you, leading him to the makeshift bar your parents had near the kitchen. 

He smirked, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, “I thought you’d never ask.”

And maybe it was because of both of your parents deciding to turn in early and the three bottles of wine that was shared between the two of you that had you pinned against the wall of your childhood bedroom, quietly giggling into his lips as he went in for another kiss. He drunkenly mumbled words that you couldn’t quite understand, but he was telling you to keep quiet. You knew you should have stopped him the second planted his lips onto yours, and he knew he should’ve pulled away when you started taking off his shirt. Maybe then you wouldn’t have woken uncomfortably cuddled up on your twin-sized bed and sneaking him out of the house before your parents could wake up. 

But both of you enjoyed the way your bodies seemed to be made just for the other too much to stop, and thus, a tradition of sorts was formed. 

2018. 

One particular night the following year had you driving around the city, Johnny had one hand on the steering wheel while the other held yours, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on the back of your hand. But it did everything but comfort you or himself. Since the previous year, you and Johnny grew much closer than either have you had anticipated. You thought it would all end after that first night or maybe when you flew back to LA, and him back to Seoul. But it had been seemingly impossible to move away from whatever relationship that began to form, as both of you sacrificed nights of well warranted sleep to call or text the other, soon enough both of you were in too deep to easily get out. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked, taking note of how the streetlights perfectly illuminated his face. He had been unusually quiet and you were growing tired of the Christmas songs that had been blasting on every radio station for the past few hours. 

“It’s nothing.” He sighed as he turned to an unfamiliar street, you knew better than to believe that it was truly nothing. But you also knew him well enough to not to push it. 

“Where are we going then?”

Johnny replied with a shrug, continuing down the foreign path, he knew neither of you had been to this particular part of town but at that point he’d do anything to even remotely extend the time you spent together. 

“And if we get lost?” You asked, your voice almost challenging him to turn back, but he didn’t give in. 

“Then we get lost.” He replied without missing a single beat, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards to form a smile, “You know, the road not taken tend to be the most exciting.”

“Oh wow,” You let out a laugh, and Johnny feels his heart skip the slightest of beats, “and where did that immensely profound quote come from?”

“My brilliant mind.” He grinned, briefly turning to face you. 

Johnny wished he had a camera to capture the absolute spectacle that was you. How you stared out the window, at the unfamiliar road, eyes alive with a certain curiosity. Your finger drawing little stars on the car window, pouting when it doesn’t quite look the way you wanted it to. It was at that moment he knew, you were all he wanted. 

“What are we?” He asked, causing you to jump a little in your seat, Johnny had never brought up the nature of your relationship before. 

“Friends?” You said, at an attempt to offer him an answer, but even you sounded unsure at your response which made Johnny grow hopeful. 

“Yn, friends don’t kiss.” Johnny responded, grateful that he had to keep his eyes on the road. He didn’t need you seeing right through his pretend confidence, “They sure as hell don’t sleep together”

“Sure, they do.” You joked in an attempt to lighten the mood, maybe even change the topic to something—anything— else, “I do it all the time.”

“Well, acting is different.” He let out a scoff, annoyed at the thought of you not taking the conversation seriously,  “You know what I meant.”

“I like where we are now. It’s easy.” You explained, wanting to make him understand where you were coming from, “Relationships are messy, given the industries we are in. There’s no pressure with this. With you and me.”

“But what if I wanted something more—”

“It’s never going to work.” You cut him off before he could even make his case, before he could ask you to be his. 

“Now, why do you say that?” There was a slight tremble in his voice, and you had never heard him sound so nervous, scared even. The feeling of guilt slowly crept up your system, but you shook it away before it even had the chance to fully settle in. 

“Time, distance, to begin with. Not to mention both of our very busy careers.” 

“Then I guess this is good enough for me.”

For now, he added in his head, determined to make you see otherwise. 

You smiled at him, glad to have the conversation over with and thinking that this would be the last time you’ll ever speak about it. 

2019.

Johnny wanted to prove you wrong, show you that both of you could in fact make it work. You just needed to try. Which came with more calls and texts than normal as you got to know each other more than you already did, flowers sent to you on your birthday, several little gifts every now and then, and even slowly introducing you to the other members of NCT. His efforts did not go unnoticed, but it definitely left you more confused. 

When both of you went home for the holidays that particular year, you knew something had changed. Johnny was more reserved than usual, and you would usually have to be the one to initiate sleeping together. 

“Don’t you ever get tired of doing this?” He asked, turning to face you, as you lied side-by-side on his childhood bed. 

“Doing what?” You asked, feigning confusion, preparing yourself for the inevitable conversation you had been dreading for the past few months.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” His voice was calm, but it chilled you to the core. 

“What do you want me to say, Johnny?” You snapped, the tone in your voice letting him know how exasperated you were as you shut your eyes, “That I like you? That I want to be with you?”

“Don’t you?”

You let out a sigh, still keeping your eyes shut. You didn’t want to look at him, he’d know if you were lying. You didn’t know if you had it in you to lie. Instead, you focused on the sound of his breathing, steady and almost reassuring. You imagined the rise and fall of his bare chest, covered by the thick white blanket. 

Johnny knew to drop the subject when you didn’t even make an attempt to answer his question, he probably didn’t want to know the answer anyways. But Johnny knew he loved you, and part of him knew you loved him back. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have let this little charade go on for as long as it did. You just needed time. And he was more than willing to give it to you. 

“A year.”

Your eyes opened at his words, your head turned to face him,  “What?”

“I’m giving you a year.”

You didn’t have to ask again. You knew exactly what he meant, what he wanted. He wanted an answer. 

“Is this an ultimatum?”

He takes your hands in his, “It’s me letting you know that I’m serious about wanting to be with you.”

“Johnny—”

He kisses the side of your head before you could even finish your sentence, an action so tender that it caused you to forget every single coherent thought of protest. 

“Hey, you don’t have to answer me now. Just think about it. Please?”

“I will.” 

And with those two words, you stood and gathered your clothes off the floor and put them back on. He gave you a small nod as you turned to leave his room, going back into the freezing cold and leaving the warmest bed you had ever known. 

2020.

Neither of you could come home to Chicago that year. 

And so you both had to settle for a reunion through a screen. You wished that circumstances were different, but at the same time you were grateful that you didn’t have to give him an answer in person. Mainly because you didn’t have one. 

When his face appeared on your computer screen, you couldn’t help the ache that crept up in your chest at the sight of him. 

“Hey, yn.” He greeted with a smile.

You missed him.

After the exchange of pleasantries and a bit of small talk on both ends, Johnny wasted no time in getting to the purpose of your call, “I believe you owe me something.” 

“Johnny—“

“Before you say anything, I want you to know that for me, it’s always been you. After all this time, even with all the distance between us.”

Johnny moved his face closer to the camera, as if that would somehow help his point come across more genuinely. You had to stop your hand from reaching out to try and wipe the single tear that fell on his cheek.

“This is the last time I’m going to ask.” He said, trying to keep his voice from faltering too much, “After this, I won’t try to push it anymore. But I want you to tell me the truth. Don’t you wish—“

“It’s not going to work.”

“We haven’t even tried, Yn.” It almost sounded like he was pleading, begging you to give him and the two of you a chance. He wasn’t there with you in person, but he didn’t have to be for you to feel the sincerity in his words.

“I’m scared.” You whispered, finally choosing to truly let him in for the very first time since you met, “What if it doesn’t work out? I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to.”

Johnny said it with such conviction, such confidence, that you felt like you had no choice but to believe him. Your eyes studied his face, looking for any sign of wariness or doubt. Only to find none. You could only find hopefulness, and maybe even love. With one final review of his features, you had made your decision. 

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?” He asked, just to make sure, but he made no attempt in holding back the grin that slowly spread across his face. The sight of which made your heart flutter. 

“We’ll try. I want to be with you.”

You let out a breath that you didn’t you had been holding as the final word left your lips. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, the floodgates in your eyes releasing the tears it had been holding onto for months now. Nervousness still coursed through your veins, but it was mixed with a different kind of emotion: excitement. 

“You’re smiling, but you’re also crying. I’m not sure if I should be concerned.” Johnny joked, the crinkles in eyes becoming much more apparent as he stared at your face through the screen. 

“I’m still scared,” You confessed, “but I’m excited.”

Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle at your confession, waiting for you to wipe your tears away before he continued speaking, 

“Well, Yn, didn’t I tell you the road not taken would be the most exciting? Trust me, it’s looking really good now.”

#nct 127 #nct imagines #nct johnny #johnny x reader #johnny suh imagines #johnny suh angst #johnny suh fluff #johnny suh fanfic #johnny suh x reader #johnny suh scenarios #nct 127 imagines

[dearingbooks]

The Difference one Woman can make.

Late Friday night in June, we had stopped for a burger on the way to the cinema, we used to do family movie nights at the cinema when a new film came out that the majority of us wanted to watch, this time I was the one who was reluctant to go, sadly we do this significantly less now.  So, stubborn 2015 me, rolling her eyes and dragging her feet up the cinema steps to find our seats to watch the new Jurassic World movie. Pathetic! I thought, why pay money to watch a movie about a dinosaur theme park! My parents had completely lost it! Huffing and puffing I took my seat on the aisle and sipped my blue raspberry slushie and looked up at the big screen. Ugh! I wanted it to be over, quickly. I sat down and shut my mouth, despite not wanting to watch it, I wasn’t going to spoil it for the others; but I didn’t get why they would want to watch it, I watched the trailer before going, was not impressed, it looked dumb!

However, as much as my pre-Jurassic self would not like, I found who I was during that movie, I discovered a whole new admiration for actors and movies. I found that I related to the main female protagonist, Claire Dearing. She did not need a man, or children, she was so focused on her career and let no one boss her around. She was top dog, and I completely fell for this fictional character. I evolved through that movie with her character, I felt content with being a strong female who put career over family. I wanted to embody this fictional woman; I wanted to be her.

On the journey home I typed ‘Claire Dearing actress’ into google and saw this stunning redhead- Bryce Dallas Howard. I immediately recognised her from movies I had watched prior, and I was completely astounded at her range of characters she can portray and portray them well. After scrolling through her Wiki page and reading news articles about her, I learned that she is the daughter of Ron Howard, one of my parents’ favourite people in film.

“Dad, that woman in the movie is Ron Howard's daughter”, I needed to inform my family that my now favourite woman in film is the daughter of my parents’ favourite people in film. My parents were shocked that I enjoyed the movie despite my loud vocalisation of not wanting to watch it.

Googling ‘Bryce Dallas Howard’ became my new after school routine, learning that she applied to acting school as Bryce Dallas to avoid people knowing she is the daughter of an already famous actor and director, and she had met her true love at nineteen and is still happily married to him. Yet what most stuck out to the self-conscious, body hating 2015 me, was that Bryce wasn’t a skinny twig of a woman that you see in most movies, she had classy curves and promoted body positivity despite some backlash the media gave her. I made a connection with this woman I had never met because I too received negative comments about my figure, yet Bryce took that on the shoulder and learned to love herself. I wanted to feel that self-love about myself that she acquired.

After watching Jurassic World, I explored many more fandoms, and from there I became obsessed with movie franchises and TV shows, actors and directors. I could not give you a full list of all of the fandoms I am in, there are too many to count, and they have all played a role in helping me evolve to who I am today. All because I latched onto one character from one movie I did not even want to watch, one film got me hooked on this life: it’s like a drug. I cannot stop. I also went back and forth with my hairstyle due to this woman; in the movie Bryce has a stunning ginger graduated bob with a fringe, however I never had the guts to go ginger until now; shame the hairdressers are all shut.

Now, almost six years later Bryce Dallas Howard has had great success in directing two episodes of The Mandalorian. Over the Christmas break I watched the show with my dad, sat on the sofa, fire lit, the chocolate Labrador curled up between us, peach vodka and diet lemonade in my hand, hot cup of tea in my dad’s. We binge watched both seasons in a week (it’s amazing) and he was shocked to see ‘Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard’ at the end of one, let alone two episodes. “Shit, she’s come far in the past few years” he said putting another episode on.

Bryce allowed me to find my best friend, Iz, through Instagram; Bryce has brought so many people together it is so surreal. And when I found out that Iz was going to Southampton University in 2019, a 20-minute drive from my house, I was finally able to meet her, because of one woman we both adore. I was friends with Iz for three years before I was able to meet her, I asked my school friend to come along with me so she could film the moment Iz, and I met! We got pancakes and watched the second Maleficent movie at the cinema, it was one of the best days of my life. I was so thankful that I met a truly hilarious and loving girl through this one actress! Because of Bryce Dallas Howard, I have made so many other friends from all over the globe as they too idolise Bryce and together we have created the ‘BDH online family’. A small group of us do regular zoom calls to catch up and chat about the recent photos and updates that Bryce has posted on Instagram, talk about Covid-19 and the types of restrictions and lockdown rules each of our countries has. During one of our calls, we had the craziest idea- Invite Bryce to one of our zoom calls. Bryce said yes! And after a few months of organisation, we had the date. The date was-

My.

Birthday.

The day came around and I was so nervous, it was 11pm exactly. The Wi-Fi had cut out fifteen minutes before the call. I was in tears. Mascara down my face, puffy eyes, I joined the call with a few minutes to spare before Bryce joined it. My mum hung around off camera for the first 5 minutes to double check the Wi-Fi was stable, luckily it stabilised. The other girls had never been so glad to see me, everyone was panicked for me; I could not miss it for the world (despite telling my parents, in floods of tears, that I cannot join and that it’s the end of that).

“Kat! You’re here!” “Happy birthday!” “Are you okay? The Wi-Fi sorted?”

They all chimed, happy to see my little face in the bottom right corner of their computer screens. Luckily Iz was there, otherwise it would have been extremely awkward with only one of us since we are known as a duo in the online family, we have to do everything together, we come in a pair and there can’t just be one of us.

“Shit girls, that was stressful”

I hadn’t realised I was holding my breath until I exhaled the large breath when my    Wi-Fi settled, and I was on the call, I fixed my makeup and was ready to meet Bryce.

The few minutes we had before Bryce joined were intense, two of the girls left to get a drink and we weren’t sure if they would be back in time, luckily they did return.

“No way!” One of them, Anna who was hosting the call, gasped “Bryce is in the waiting room!”

We all freak for no more than 10 seconds, we compose ourselves then our faces are reshuffled, and we see this stunning glowing face that we all admire smiling at us. Omg, it's her.

“Hi girls!”

I have never smiled for so long in my entire life, my cheeks hurt afterwards. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining at all, it just hurt as I thought I would only be smiling for half an hour, since that is how long we were told Bryce had. However, we were speaking to Bryce for nearly an hour and a half, she just kept talking and asked us questions! She was so lovely to talk to, so relaxed; it was if I was talking to a friend that I had known for years!

“Before we go I want to all sing Kat a happy birthday!”

My idol wanted to sing me a happy birthday! The other girls were really ecstatic for me, I still can’t believe to this day that The Bryce Dallas Howard wanted to sing to me!

It was both the best and the worst happy birthday song that has be sung to me. It was the best because, well my idol was singing to me! And proposed the singing! It was the worst in terms of the actual song as they were all out of sync and lagging, it was bloody hilarious!

At 10:27pm the next evening, watching a rerun of Game of Thrones on Sky, I got a notification ‘Brycedhoward just posted’, I clicked the notification then see our smiling faces on her page, she posted a screenshot of our call on her social media! The call was supposed to be a secret so other fans weren’t upset. There’s a few snotty comments on the post, but they’re just jealous and to be frank, I don’t care! My smiley face is on her page forever! All ten of us have printed the screenshot of Bryce’s post off and put it in a frame, one day all ten of us hope to congregate somewhere, most likely in America, and sign the backs of all of our photos. I’m still in utter awe and shock-  How many celebrities have you seen that would do a free zoom call with some fans? Not a lot, and that amount is even slimmer when they talk for an extra hour than scheduled. Bryce truly is one of a kind and the best idol anyone could ever hope to have.

Compared to a zoom call with Bryce herself, the few times she has liked my comments on her posts feel like nothing in comparison! I remember being so excited, running downstairs to my parents.

“Mum! Dad! Bryce liked my comment! She knows I exist!”

“Was it actually her? Remember when you got a Facebook request from Robert Downey Jr and it turned out it was a fake account?”

I rolled my eyes at her, it was Bryce, it was her verified account. The comment was a book recommendation I had for her, she posted on her hashtag BDHbookshelf and I thought I’d take a chance and comment a book recommendation I had for her, and the chance paid off.

I cannot wait to see what the future holds with Bryce, she has been such an inspiration to me for the past few years, and she promotes such wonderful causes and body positivity! I hope to one day meet her and thank her in person for changing my life for the better, and I think I’ve come up with the perfect opportunity to meet her- Iz and I have decided to travel up to London for the Jurassic World Dominion premiere in 2022 (if Covid lets us!), we’d get a hotel and actually meet Bryce in person, as well as meeting other members of the online family!

Words cannot fully contain the admiration that I possess for Bryce, her soul is utterly and truly exquisite, she has been such a visionary while I’ve been transitioning from a girl who had no idea who she was with no dreams or aspirations, to a woman who has now found so many new friends and now knows who she wants to be.  

#bryce dallas howard #claire dearing #jurassic park #jurassic world #jurassic #blog #owen grady #chris pratt #marvel #Claire Dearing fanfic #bdh #bdh online family #writing #celeb #Jurassic fanfic #june 2015 #film review #favourite films

[the-other-art-blog]

Me ranting about Little Women 2019 (part 1: Laurie, cause damn this movie has a lot of problems/disappointments)

So, I watched again this movie, because Christmas. This movie was actually my introduction to Little Women. Up until the first trailer appeared, I had no idea this story existed. And I loved the movie, I really did. It was amazing!

However, as I began reading about the book and then myself reading it, I realized, it’s not as perfect as some people think. Let’s start with Laurie.

Laurie as the OG ally, are you shitting me?!!?

Greta and Timothée went on and on about this in the press tour. Let me tell you, it’s such a misinterpretation and basically bad reading. It so plainly written that Laurie thinks like every other boy of that time. So, if Greta thought of Laurie as an ally after reading the book, she just did selective reading.

He is friends with the girls, that doesn’t mean he has  progressive values.  When I saw the movie I was like what a great guy, he’s so perfect!. On  the contrary, not only is he not an ally, he is quite misogynistic!  He’s super flawed! Laurie has other friends besides Jo, he actually is very popular and even brings his friends from college to town. He’s spoiled and privileged and acts as such. He mocks at girls with Jo. He loves flirting with every girl that comes across, but then he also thinks of them as fast and rejects them.

Between ourselves, Jo, some of the girls I know really do go on at such a rate I’m ashamed of them. They don’t mean any harm, I’m sure, but if they knew how we fellows talked about them afterward, they’d mend their ways, I fancy.’

So he wants to flirt with all the pretty girls, but then he wants a saint as wife?? I say fuck him! When Jo rejects him, he becomes a man-whore. And when Amy scolds him, he is so annoyed that he leaves. He’s kind of a jerk to Amy the first time he’s with her at Nice. He expects all women to be kind to him and pet him because Jo broke his heart. He also refuses to give Amy credit for her advice, until it’s too obvious he has fallen for her.

So, no. He’s not perfect, but he has potential to be a great man. He has everything in his favor, money, talent, beauty and health. Amy knows it and that’s why she pushes him so much in Valrosa.

Laurie never plays or talks about music

My sister was so confused when Laurie said he was writing an opera, because he never express his love for music in the whole freaking movie! I knew it, because I read a few spoilers. Greta moved the girls’ castles in the air and mixed it with the Christmas scene, hence Laurie couldn’t be there. Let’s be honest, the main characters in this movie (and in the book, to me) are Jo, Amy and Laurie. That scene would have been perfect to highlight why they are connected to one another.

The three of them had ambitions larger than society’s expectations. They wanted to be famous artists. It would have also served as a connecting point between Amy and Laurie, because unlike Jo, they did gave up their castles or rather transformed them into something else and, dare I say, better suited for them. It also shows a contrast between households. While Orchard house is a space where the girls can express freely their artistic personalities, Mr. Laurence doesn’t approve of Laurie’s musical side and prevents him from playing piano.

But it would also serve to contrast him with the girls.  Laurie barely tries and quickly realizes he doesn’t have what it takes. It contrast how privileged Laurie is, that he can go on effortlessly about life, because he is a wealthy man. Meanwhile, Jo and Amy have to work hard and make sacrifices to pursue their crafts.

And what a beautiful scene would have been when Amy and Laurie become each other muses.

Laurie has no arc, he’s just the love interest!

What the hell! Together with Amy, Laurie gets the best character arc in the book. But in this movie, you barely get a grasp of his personality. If Greta would have showed him as a amateur composer, she would have been able to show his growth. There’s a beautiful moment in the book where Laurie realizes he’s just prolonging his suffering instead of feeling actual pain towards Jo’s rejection. He puts Jo’s letter on a drawer with the ring she gave him and moves on. Not only that, he realizes that Amy is right and he ought to do something productive in life. He craves hard and earnest work. Even Mr. March is proud of him when they get back to Concord.

He also has deep identity problems and issues with his grandfather. Plus he goes from selfish, privileged, childish young boy, to matured, hard-working and altruistic man.

The problem was that Greta altered so much the 1869 timeline, that she couldn’t do all of that. As a consequence, Laurie ends up characterized as a trophy husband at the service of Jo and Amy.

So there it is. If you haven’t read the book, please do. Laurie is so much more than what the movie tells us. He’s also struggles a lot to overcome his flaws, so when he finally decides to be a better person, you’re so proud of him.

One more thing, Laurie’s physical appearance

Don’t get me wrong. I love Timmy. I seriously can’t help but smile every time I saw a photo of him. He looks as if he was molded by a Greek sculptor, which plays really well in the movie because of course Amy would fall for such a beauty.

However, Louisa does describe Laurie as having darker skin. Greta whitewashed the character, as every director before her. It’s hard because I love Timmy and his chemistry with Saoirse and Florence is on point, but he’s still the whitest man ever. Having someone a little less pale would have been incredibly interesting. The book doesn’t say much about Laurie’s mother nor why Mr. Laurence hated her so much, but I think there were four main reasons:

She’s Italian, and they had always had a bad stereotype among other Western Europeans and Americans.

She probably had dark skin, and passed it to Laurie

She was a musician. Artists, as acclaimed and famous as they could be, they were still seen as employees at the service of wealthy patrons. Even more, a working woman might not have been Mr. Laurence first choice for a daughter in law. Most probably she wasn’t that rich and that’s why she was able to pursue a career.

She could have been Catholic.

It gives Laurie another dimension. Even in the north, people were quite racist. Laurie was wealthy and handsome, so that saved him. But it would mean so much that the Marches accepted this boy as part of their family. Even more, that Amy would have married him.

I’ll be posting about Amy and Laurie next.

Did I missed something? Let me know your thoughts

#little women #little women 2019 #greta gerwig #louisa may alcott #laurie laurence #amy x laurie #laurie deserved better #timothée chamalet #timmy chalamet #theodore laurence #theodore laurie laurence

[cloveroctobers]

• JENIFER “JEN” MARLOWE •

IG Info/bio: @/justjenw1n | 220k followers | Fashion | just a LUVer who owns a lovely blog that you’re more than welcome to check out here... astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk 🪞🛍🪄

22 (24) (25 in 2021) years of age

From London, England

Her family has French origins

Tends to visit once a year mainly with her family

For her 18th bday, her parents also sent her to Paris with her bf that she’s been dating since she was 14

they broke up since he wanted to stay in Paris to pursue his dreams and she felt like she needed to be back home...which she felt Paris was not

Extremely close to her parents, some may say a little TOO close...

See, I feel like jen comes from a family that spoils her where her parents did everything and took care of everything for her. She had the privilege and didn’t have to work too hard to get things she wanted so that made her a little bit different than a few of her friends, hell—even her bf

Didn’t have to work until she reached her twenties

She also didn’t have too many friends because her parents felt like her cousins and/or her sibs were really only allowed to hold that title

However her parents had some sort of a soft spot for her when they allowed her to date her bf at 14 since he came from a nice background...

And to have at least 1-2 best friends...

I can’t decide if I see her having 3 other sibs with her being the second eldest, or her being the eldest with a younger sister? I can also see her being a only child too? Idk y’all can decide

Because her family is a tight knit one, she values everything they say and do...which is canon/evident

She got her thigh tattoo in Paris and even thought about asking her parents permission but her bf talked her out of it

she later showed them that night while he was in the shower. Her mother openly disapproved saying it was, “unladylike or unclean” while her father was more lenient towards it 

Her mother even scheduled her for laser appointments but this was one of the things jen was sure of, she loved her tattoo and she didn’t want to erase it from her body which led to her mother not speaking to her for about a month—even tho they live in the same household

I feel like she looks more like her dad with her mom’s hair and smile

Got into fashion due to her maternal grandmother who seemed to live a extravagant life as a old time actress, she always had and owned the finest of things

Jen loved having sleepovers there, it felt like she had her own personal Liz Taylor inside of her nan...but better!

Definitely found inspiration through Liz Taylor, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, and Naomi Campbell

she had no clue what she wanted to do in life (she never had to think too hard about it until now, it’s true what they say about your twenties) and she made the choice not to continue thru with uni & I’m not going to make her out to be the stereotypical “dumb blonde” I think she did well in school—so she kinda just chilled after it was all over

Her first job at 20 was probably working in retail where she learned all about the bs you put up with but she loved clothes! That never changed

So she decided 6 months into her job that she was going to make a fashion blog

she made one separate from her tumblr but kept it under construction since she needed to brain storm what exactly this blog would entail

It didn’t take too long to her to figure it out by how she wanted the blog to look then discussing pieces from celebs/models then slowly discussing her own wardrobe + advice

She didn’t immediately gain success for it —altho she did have a good 1k people follow her thru her tumblr where she also provided the link to her separate blog... but she worked/works hard at it, hoping one day it’ll get her somewhere and that maybe she can get paid for it too?

Retail fucking sucks and people are horrible twats so when she was approaching 21 she deff quit with her parents still hammering...more so her dad on what she needs to do with her life but she found happiness in her blog and no one was going to take that away from her —not even her parents

‘What’s the use of working if it doesn’t make you happy?’ She thinks but again! she has the privilege of living under her parents roof and not having to pay bills so she didn’t have to worry too much rn she knows they’d never kick her out right?

she has two bunnies named “bugsy” and “Lola”—u know the reference right?

I feel like she values the flinstones & jetsons because it was something her dad loved watching as a kid and still does , probably has the dvds showcased in her room that she watches when she feels sad

Seems like a smiley person but when she’s sad? It kinda sucks to see cause she turns into a whole different person and she always seems happy with a smile so wide that turns her eyes squinty

If she disagrees with something, she’s 100% giving her opinion whether you like it or not? Wrong is wrong. But when the shoe is on the other foot? She hates being wrong LOL or doesn’t view herself being wrong. Doesn’t take accountability well...at all!

She’s also showed her ass by being a gossiper and fake as hell with Allegra about mc with the whole, “let’s pretend like we’re there for her” if you’re not fucking with somebody just say that or SHOW it sis cause that snakey shit will come back to bite you in the ass (I forgot about this lol as I’m replaying)

she’s all “mega resting bitch face” until she breaks out into a large smile

Libra sun? + Virgo moon? + Gemini rising?

I feel like she only knows what she wants when it comes to relationships but not with the rest of life?

Lol she was very determined with levi in the beginning, explored shit with jake, (I can’t remember if that was after you/mc showed a interest in him or not in that route? I’m doing a talia/Rohan route rn But that’s kinda foul if she’s smiling in ur face and then boom goes and does what she wants but hey that’s the game right? Fck that tho) and then stood by Tim after only some time?

She wasn’t feeling him in the beginning either cause he thought she was too posh for him and snakey which he’s right to some degree but she’s also right if she finds him too immature for her liking

To you jim? Ten? Stans— Idk what their ship name is but it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run either because I don’t see both of them wanting to change themselves completely to satisfy the other. (Tim tried) Sure if you’re showing unhealthy behaviors and are open to diminishing that for yourself then trying to work on your relationship then that’s great! But they already started from the jump not liking each other’s personalities/characteristics....

And hey! Ofc I know people grow to like things they might have disliked about you in the beginning but you can also find yourself not fully accepting it in a relationship and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try

+ it’s been hinted at that they’re not endgame & if you love yourself some Tim not platonically then this works in ur favor. if not? Then you can keep them endgame by all means! For me? That endgame shit is a no! For those that don’t gaf about either of them that’s fine too lmao

YES I feel like they were both hurt over the breakup and it probably happened right around the holidays or either a couple of months after Christmas/New Years 2019

Jen is probably the type to keep checking up on her ex, not necessarily talking to them but finding out who they’re with now

and if it’s Tim with mc she’s definitely gossiping about the shit with erikah and Allegra or making shady tweets or posts on IG for sure

“5 outfits to wear when you run into your ex” type posts on her blog looool

She hopes if she runs into Tim, she’s looking her best and she would 80% go up to him & mc/his new girl if not mc and be all huggy with him and holding conversation before she even thinks to acknowledge mc/new girl and when she does it’s a shady convo with fake smiles

Absolutely loves watching housewives so she was prepared for that moment if it ever does come

Her parents openly didn’t like Tim which made him feel like shit since it seemed like jen never defended him in front of them but again, she values her parents opinion and always wants their stamp of approval that’s just the way the girl is/ was brought up

She owes them everything but deep down knows that in her relationship with Tim she could have been a little more understanding of his needs like he was with her love for her parents...but she’ll never admit that

Doesn’t get over breakups as easily as it may seem like her exes do in her opinion.

It sure didn’t take long with Tim to date mc/new girl months after they broke up! Which was like a slap in the face

The ex bf she spent time w in Paris who looks like Matthew Noszka is now engaged, lives in AMERICA—& of all places??? California to be exact, and just released his debut album!! She knows which songs are probably about her, it’s a nice album she screamed about it for hours into her pillow and cried for what felt like weeks

Lost her voice over that breakdown too

Her mother even went as far as sending a nasty letter to this ex bf’s new address...since ya know? jen’s dad is a private investigator & all!!! but dad had no knowledge of this being done

She’s still fond of Levi and jake but not like in love with them? Like she thought/felt she was with Tim but she still considers them her mates

Maybe in 2021 she’ll be open to dating again and hopes erikah and Allegra will be her wingwomen when the time comes BUT she’s focusing on her blog rn and it’s the best it’s ever been!

She had the show to thank for that now that she has a manager and is getting paid for running her blog now! That’s right this girl is officially employed!

“At least one good thing came from the show ;) 🧽🥐🥂” type of tweets

There’s never not a moment where she’s not connecting her posts whether thru ig or Twitter to her blog: astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk!!!

Both erikah and Allegra talk a little shit about that together...WHEN they DO talk, the pair only really socialize when jen initiates it but if one pisses the other off?? they’re going to gossip about it with the other forsure

She doesn’t look that tall to me? Taller than erikah? 5’2-5’5 the 5 is pushing it for me? Maybe? lol I’m still deciding between her and Allegra far as height and I’m too lazy to go back and see what I put for her

Hates straightening her hair, that pin straight look is not cute to her. She loves having waves and body to her hair

Get her eyebrows micro bladed since she doesn’t have much hair up there to begin with

Adores French cuisine, always has since she was a little girl. Bisque used to be her fav back then and all that she would eat

Loves spring season especially pastel colors when it comes to her wardrobe

The type to say one thing and do the complete opposite

I feel like she probably has a little bit of lisp and it’s not really noticeable until she says some words, she’s insecure about it and thought it had something to do with the structure of her teeth and begged her parents to get them fixed but it literally had nothing to do with them

Yet she still got colorful braces in middle school even tho her teeth were pretty straight. She didn’t have to wear them for a whole year, thank goodness

Went to speech therapy to help

Has stacks of fashion magazines even from the early 90s all over her room: her night stand, her vanity, her closet, underneath her bed etc...

Adores the Hadid sisters, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, & Georgia May Jagger

Makes the best white chocolate chip (that’s right, white not just regular chocolate) banana bread but cooking/baking? Isn’t really her thing

Early riser

Loves yellow: yellow phone case, yellow laptop, yellow room, yellow tulips, yellow shades, etc...

Getting Prada shades was probably one of the best things that happened to her, s/o to her nan for granting her this wish

Words of affirmation is her love lanaguage, this girl is a talker and a bit of a thinker too I mean duh? She runs a blog

Likes bright colors on her toes but nude and clear polish on her hands?

Loves a good mascara but she also loves magnetic lashes but is trying her best to grow her lashes out rn! Thanks to erikah for sending her some good ol’ coconut oil!

Smokey eyes? Set her up

Gets a belly ring, and two more tatts one in between her boobs and the last on her ankle & that one she shed a tear over!

Maybe she’ll start changing her physical attributes more so than the way she carries her life at first? (Or ever) She’ll cut her hair below her collarbone to the top of her chest, and maybe she’ll try a light light LIGHT brunette (she loves being a natural blonde) with blonde highlights? Who knows

loves espadrilles and wedge sandals

Loves going wine tasting and visiting vineyards, if she’s vacationing? You can bet ur ass she’s looking for a vineyard to visit

Deff a lightweight

Here’s her unpopular opinions on s2: Thought Felix was a wannabe Tim and hates the fact that he follows her, thought graham was unattractive and said so to Allegra who snickered, thought marisol’s clothing choices were rather boring,

didn’t feel 100% bad for Hannah but disagrees with the way Gary and noah spoke about her + the way Gary tried to slide back over to Hannah on her comeback episode

but doesn’t feel like Lottie is wrong for choosing Gary after Hannah left

isn’t a fan of priya but is glad she’s doing fashion since jen strongly believes in if something isn’t making u happy then u need to let it go

Thinks Hope should have won and cannot tolerate Bobby. Feels he’s WORSE than Felix,

would be open to dating Ibrahim or Carl from that szn

has spoken to Harry from s3 due to his drunkenness and actually made a friend out of him? But low key wants to get to know seb? Take that info as u will 👀

Her anthem: Michelle — SUNRISE

#litg #litg jen #litg tim #litg mc #litg oc #litg erikah #litg Allegra #litg Levi #litg jake #litg headcanons #litg headcanon #litg moodboard #happy new year lol I I’m back at it? #personally didn’t hate her but also wasn’t crazy about her after she said that shit cause it’s like? I can’t trust anything u say #yet Idk why I feel like Allegra will try to regrow herself first over jen #jen just seems like she’s stuck in her ways idk #litg2 #litg s2 #litg3 #Litg harry #litg seb

[maylovexhs]

everytime - FINE LINE(Chp. 43)

Author’s Note: Merry Christmas to all that celebrate! This is the second to last chapter. You know what that means . . . this one is pretty special. Hope you enjoy as always. It’s been my pleasure writing for you. Love, May.

Catch up on everytime here

December 13, 2019. 1 PM.

His album was finally out. From people’s reactions on Twitter, everyone was happy with it. I was happy with it. Harry was happy with it. I took it he was from him making margaritas in the morning. I couldn’t tell if he was happier that the album was out or he was performing at the Forum tonight. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was if Harry was happy with it.

“I'm going, oh, I'm going” Harry sang while playing his guitar. “I'm going, oh, I'm going”

I took out my phone, beginning to record him on the stage.

“I'm going, oh, I'm going home. Hey!” Harry sang more.

Harry bent down to me as he strummed his guitar. He stuck his tongue out at me. I stopped recording. Harry and the band stopped playing. I clapped for them. Harry smiled at me.

“Thank you” Harry said to me.

“Pleasures all mine” I responded.

Harry looked to his band.

“Take ten?” He asked them.

“Yeah, yeah” Adam said.

Harry gave his guitar to a crew member. Mitch and Sarah talked to Naomi and Charlotte. Adam went on his phone. Harry got off stage, walking over to me.

“Question . . .” Harry said. “Pearls or no pearls?”

“For tonight?” I asked him. “Didn’t you have pearls on the album?”

“Should have” Harry said.

“Mhmm,” I hummed as I thought.

I stared at the pearl necklace Harry had on. “Why the hell not?” I said. “Might as well wear them now”

Harry smirked at me.

“Have I ever told you I love you?” Harry said.

I looked at him, surprised a bit.

That was a quick change of topic.

“You mentioned it at least once” I said.

Harry smile slowly turned into a prideful smirk.

“Well, I’m happy I said it again” Harry told me.

I blushed a little, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

I still didn’t say it. I wanted to tell him I love him the other night but I couldn’t get the urge to. I knew Harry wouldn’t care if I said it now but I did. I was scared if it was too early. Scared that I was going to ruin our sail soothing because I said it too early. It happened to me before. I didn’t want it to happen again.

“I took a little glimpse of everyone outside” Harry told me.

I blinked at him, snapping out of my thoughts.

“You did?” I asked him. “When?”

“Before I came in” Harry said. “They’re just sitting outside”

“So, from two hours ago?” I asked him.

Harry nodded, looking to the side.

“I could never get used to it” Harry said. “That they actually came out for me.”

I smiled at him. It was cute he was nervous. It made two of us.

“Me either” I said. “I always think things could never get better but every now and then, I’m proved me wrong”

Harry looked down as he thought.

“I just never thought of myself as someone that special” Harry said. “Even though I’m here and I’ve made it, I never believe I did it. I feel like I deserve none of it”

I felt my lips slowly form into a smile.

Why did that sound like the most romantic thing he ever said?

I stared at him. I sighed, taking his hand in mine.

“Of course, you deserve it” I said. “Why shouldn’t you? You helped more people than you ever could know. Look at me, I’m one of them.”

Harry looked to me, a smirk growing on his lips.

“Listen, all I’m saying is if you don’t deserve it, they wouldn’t be here” I continued. “They love you, I love you. Of course, they would come out”

Harry blushed, his eyes lighting up with surprise.

“You said it” Harry told me. “You said I love you”

I did?

Oh, shit. I did.

“Oh . . . I did” I said. “Did I make you more nervous?”

“No, no” Harry shook his head. “I just didn’t expect you to say it so soon. I had a feeling you were going to the other night.”

I looked down, smiling to myself. I looked up to Harry.

“Well, I wanted to” I said. “But I thought it was too early”

“It wasn’t.” Harry said. “You could have. The kiss would have been less surprising”

I nudged Harry.

“Sorry, sorry” Harry said.

I shook my head, looking down.

“I should have though” I admitted.

There was a little moment of silence between us. I looked to Harry, knowing he had something on his mind.

“What?” I asked him.

“When did you find out?” Harry asked me. “That you loved me?”

I looked down to my hand.

“Doesn’t my sprained hand make it obvious?” I asked him, raising my bandaged hand up.

“It does but . . . how?” Harry asked me.

“I always knew I loved you” I told Harry. “I just didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until Ali told me I was letting you walk out of my life that night that I knew how much I loved you. I didn’t want to lose you. Not again”

If Harry couldn’t smile even more, he just did. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him. He kissed my forehead.

“I don’t want to lose you either” Harry said.

I smiled, blushing.

“I could use a drink” Harry said. “Do you?”

“Hmm. . .” I hummed as I thought. “I’m really in the mood for orange juice”

“I think I remember there being a bottle in my dressing room” Harry said. “Let’s go”

Harry and I started to walk together, his hand still around me.

“So. . .” Harry said. “What do you think of Anguilla?”

11:30 PM.

“That’s what makes you beautiful!” Harry sang.

I watched him as he danced on the stage. The crowd became louder for the hundredth time tonight. I smiled, standing in the balcony. I stood next to Glenne, Jeff, Tom and Jenny.

So far, Harry was doing amazing. Despite the album being less than a day old, the whole crowd sang along with Harry. It was something I never saw before. I knew how dedicated Harry’s fans could be but this . . . this was something else. I knew how thrilled Harry was to hear his fans singing his album right back to him.

I felt Glenne poke me in the arm. I looked to her.

“We’re going backstage” Glenne said. “You wanna come or later?”

I looked back to see Harry on stage. I smiled.

“I’ll come before Kiwi” I said.

Glenne nodded. She left with Jeff, Tom and Jenny. I crossed my arms as my attention focused back on Harry.

I could have just left with them but I didn’t. I’ve watched Harry perform more than I could count but I had to watch him tonight. Tonight was special to him. And I was his girlfriend now. I owed it to him to stay. Besides, there was only a few minutes left before the show would end. How couldn’t I miss it?

Fifteen Minutes Later . . .

*HARRY’S POV*

I waved goodbye to everyone as I walked down the stairs. I followed Naomi as we went backstage. I immediately took off my sound mic and handed it to Derek, one of my crew members. I saw Jenny and Tom walk towards me. I smiled at them.

“Did you hear them?” I asked Tom. “They sang every word back”

“I did!” Tom said. “I couldn’t believe it”

I hugged Tom.

“We did it” I told him as I wrapped my arms around him.

“You did it” Tom said, patting my back.

I let go of Tom and hugged Jenny.

“Oh, you’re sweaty” Jenny said.

“You’ll get used to it” We heard Jeff said.

I looked behind Tom, seeing Glenne and Jeff walking towards us. Y/N wasn’t with them. Where was she?

“Proud of you, H” Jeff said. “Everyone is”

I nodded. I looked down the hall, hoping to see Y/N. I looked back to Jeff and Glenne.

“Where’s Y/N?” I asked them.

“She said she wanted to stay till the end” Glenne said. “She should be coming now”

She wanted to stay till the end. She could have just missed the ending but she didn’t. All my friends did but she didn’t.

“Back to the dressing room?” Jeff asked me.

“Yeah” I said. “Glenne, can you text Y/N-“

“Don’t worry, I got it” Glenne said, whipping out her phone.

“Or you can just tell her yourself” Tom said, pointing down the hall to Y/N.

I smiled as I spotted her. I ran towards her, surprising her with a hug. I spun her around, lifting her off the ground for a second.

“Okay, I’m dizzy” I heard Y/N say.

I let go of Y/N, setting her down.

“Sorry, I didn’t make it in time” Y/N said. “I wanted to see everything. I left in the middle of Kiwi but some fans spotted me and-“

I cut Y/N off, giving her a quick kiss. I cupped her cheeks in the palms of my hands.

“Thanks for being there” I told her.

Y/N’s cheeks slowly became red.

“It’s what we do” She said. “You’d do the same for me”

I nodded. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

“Let’s go home?” I asked her.

“Yours or mine?” She asked.

I looked at her.

“Yours” I said. “Where else?”

#harry styles imagines #hs imagines #hs imagine #harry styles imagine #everytime HS #everytime chapters #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #hs one shot

[joezworld]

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Next from the mind of Joe - a Sudrian tale about The Most Wonderful Time of The Year, Past and Present.

Ghosts of the Past 

Wendell the works diesel was a very happy engine most of the time, but around Christmas, he always seemed... well, quite unhappy, for lack of a better term. 

Because he lived in the Crovan’s Gate Works, which shut down for the last two weeks of December except in emergencies, most engines never saw this side of the otherwise cheerful blue diesel, and those that did assumed that it was due to him being shut up in the works over the holidays, away from his friends. 

December 24, 2019

Gordon sighed as the workmen rolled the door shut behind them. Of all the days to fail! He thought to himself with irritation. Christmas Eve! Damn that replacement fireman and his improper training! I shall miss Christmas and New Year’s!

A quiet snore behind him brought him out of his ruminations. Wendell was fast asleep behind him, lifted into the air on jackstands in one of the maintenance bays, with one of his traction motors in pieces around him. 

Gordon was surprised. Wendell had the same excitable temperament as Thomas and James, and Gordon would have assumed that the works diesel would be up until the crack of dawn, waiting for Father Christmas. To see him asleep before eight at night was out of character, to say the least. 

Although, the express engine thought as he settled in for the night, he might be onto something. 

The works were warm - almost toasty when compared to the biting December winds outside, and the excess holiday traffic had meant that all the engines on the Island were feeling exhausted by the 25th. 

Furthermore, with no other engines to keep him awake by asking inane questions about ‘what Father Christmas might bring’, Gordon might actually wake up decently rested on Christmas morning, and wouldn’t that be a miracle?

Electing to follow Wendell’s lead, Gordon shut his eyes, and quickly fell asleep. 

-

Have yourself, a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light. From now on, all our troubles will be out of sight...

Gordon stumbled back to wakefulness to the sounds of singing. As he blinked the sleep from his eyes, he looked around the works in confusion. 

It was still dark outside, and a digital time clock by the break room showed 23:38 on its face. He hadn’t been asleep for more than a few hours. 

Searching for the source of the singing, his eyes eventually landed on Wendell, who was slowly singing an old carol to himself. 

“It’s a bit early for singing, isn’t it?” He called across the room jovially - there was no need to be rude so close to Christmas. “We’ve still got half an hour!” 

Wendell started, clearly unaware that Gordon was awake. “What?” 

“It’s a bit early to be singing, Christmas isn’t for a half hour!” 

“Oh.” The diesel said morosely. “I suppose it is.” 

That was not the reaction Gordon expected.   “You suppose it is? Wendell, it’s Christmas Eve - a time for good cheer and goodwill among us all! How can you be so glum?”

“I don’t like Christmas.” The class 47 said simply. 

“What?” Gordon said with faux outrage. "What did the holiday ever do to you? Did you get coal in your stocking?”

“I have bad memories of Christmases past, okay?” Wendell snapped, sucking the levity out of the room.  

Gordon’s face fell. “My apologies.” He’d thought that the diesel was being difficult, not having an actual emotional event. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“No,” Wendell looked pained. “But staying silent hasn’t helped either.”

Without waiting for Gordon to respond, he began his story:

December 24, 1981.

They retired the Deltics at the end of ‘81. All through December and November, they’d run them ‘til they failed, then sent them off to Doncaster to be cut up. I think the ones that survived were retired in January or something - I wasn’t around to find out. 

I was waiting, at York, I think it was? - No, it was actually Doncaster, I remember now. 

Anyways, I was waiting - I’d brought in a fast goods up to this yard from London, and I was going to take a rake of old coaches that were being transferred to a new Depot to the west.

The coaches were coming in on the night express, and it was getting later and later and still the train didn’t come. The men were readying me to go out and rescue the train when it finally limped into sight. It was a Deltic, being towed along by a Class 37. The poor thing had failed halfway out of London, and they’d just hauled it along with the train, because they sent the 55s to Doncaster anyway when the end came. 

And they just dumped the train there on a bay platform - backed the consist in so the 37 could be taken off, and then just left it there. 

“That’s terrible,” Gordon said. “To be left like that. Especially on Christmas Eve.”

Oh yes. And it managed to get worse: it was so late by the time that they got in that my crew had gone home! So I was just left there on a siding until boxing day, right across from the Deltic - who had blocked in my coaches too! 

And,

and,

And she doesn’t say a word for almost the entire day after her crew left her. She said goodbye to them, wished them a Merry Christmas - which I am still shocked by to this day - that she was able to do that without crying, and then said nothing all night or the next day - Christmas day. 

Wendell paused to collect himself. Gordon noticed, but didn’t say anything about the tears beading up in the diesel engine’s eyes.

She was totally silent, until maybe a bit after eleven that night? Probably right about what time it is now, actually. And, there was a family, who was walking home from some party - and they had a radio on as they were walking by the station, and all you could hear in the bleak, snow-covered station was the Sinatra version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. 

And then, the Deltic - who hasn’t said a word to me all day, just slowly opens her eyes and says “I love that song”, and then just closes her eyes again. 

*sniff*

The next day, my driver had me pull the Deltic to the out of use line before we took the coaches. 

I pushed her in between three rows of her sisters and brothers, all covered with snow and ready to be cut up, and then backed away. Just before I’m out of sight, she opens her eyes, and starts singing that damn song to me. 

it

It

*sniff*

It echoed through the yard, and I could hear it until we left. I think a few of the other Deltics started too. 

They had beautiful singing voices.  

-

2019

“It wasn’t your fault, Wendell.” Gordon wished that he could offer more comfort than that. 

“I know.” Wendell said after a moment. “That’s not why I hate this time of year.”

Gordon raised an eyebrow. “Then what is?”

“It’s that I could have done more.” Wendell said, tears streaming silently down his face. “We - we were running late as it is - my engine was cold and wouldn’t turn over. My second man and the signalman just wanted me to take the Deltic with me so I wouldn’t miss my path - and then stick her on the back of the next goods train to Doncaster when I got to wherever I was going.”

He paused, his voice thick with guilt. “But, I had just spent two days next to this - this- this living corpse, and I didn’t want to be that close to her for that long. And I didn’t know any better - I was fourteen years old at that point - BR could do no wrong in my eyes, and if they wanted me to shunt that engine to the out of use lines, then shunt her I would. So when my driver said that my second man was daft, and the signalman was dafter - I - i - I didn’t argue.” 

“Wendell -” Gordon began. 

“I’m not finished.” The diesel cut him off. “Don’t offer me sympathy just yet.”

He continued. “And I didn’t want her with me, because I didn’t know where I was going! It was some obscure coach depot that I’d never heard of before - what kind of a name is Tidmouth, anyways?.” 

The penny dropped in Gordon’s mind. “You didn’t come to Sodor in January of ‘82, did you?” 

“December 31, 1981.” Wendell said sadly. “I came here on an empty stock move and got asked to stay forever, because The Fat Controller thought I looked like a useful engine. Imagine what he would have done if I’d dragged a wounded Deltic along with me?”

He would have kept the both of you and told BR to go hang. Gordon didn’t need to vocalize that thought - he could see in Wendell’s eyes that he was thinking the same thing. 

There was a small *chime* from the digital clock on the wall - it’s red numerals now read 00:00. 

“Would you look at that,” Said Wendell bitterly. “Happy Christmas, Gordon. Did you ask Father Christmas for anything?”

“Not this year, no.”

“Maybe it’s for the best - he never gives me anything either.”

“What do you ask for?”

“The chance to do it all over again. To agree with my second man and the signalman.”

“Wendell, as crass as this may sound, but perhaps you need to move-”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Wendell looked pained. “For most of the year, my troubles are miles away, and my heart is light.

But for right now Gordon, please don’t ask me to have myself a merry little Christmas night.” With that, the Works Diesel closed his eyes and fell asleep. 

Gordon - more than a little stunned by the night’s developments, took quite a bit longer to fall asleep - the digits on the clock reading 02:10 before he began to nod off. 

His last thoughts before he finally went to sleep were directed at Father Christmas: 

I don’t know if you’re real, and I don’t know if you can do what the children claim that you can - but please help Wendell.

-------

December 26, 1981

55 010 was barely conscious. There didn’t seem much point to it now - she’d meet her end whether she was awake or asleep, wouldn’t she? 

The 47 had shoved her into the sidings between Ballymoss and Highlander, but they were long gone mentally. A few of her family had been able to join in the singing, but most were nothing more than cold, dead metal. 

She supposed that she might have had a name once, but she'd forgotten it - BR had taken away everything else, so it was only fair that she got to take something as well. 

The yard was silent for a few hours, until an engine approached from the end of the line. It looked like the same 47.

--

Wendell was having the dream again. He was back in the dead lines at Doncaster, rolling among the silent locomotives like a spectre. He knew where he would eventually end up, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it - right in front of 55 010. 

If he was lucky, she wouldn’t start singing again. 

If he wasn’t, well, Gordon had already seen him cry once tonight. 

He rolled over the points at the end of the siding, his wheels screeching against the old rails as he trundled down the long line of dead Deltics - somehow there had been two long rows with an empty line in the middle - perfect for a long and heart-wrenching approach to a diesel that he’d condemned to death.

The engine’s eyes opened slightly as he drew near. 

“Weren’t you just here?” She said dreamily.

“Probably.” He whispered - she’d never spoken to him before. 

“Why have you come back?” Her voice drove into him like a cutter’s torch. That she didn’t even seem accusatory made it all the worse. 

“Because I’m sorry.” He said, voice barely audible. 

“Whatever for?” 

“For putting you here.” He didn’t stop rolling until his buffers were fractions of an inch away from hers. 

“You didn’t do that. I failed. I know why I’m here.”

“But I did. I could have taken you - taken you away from here. To Sodor. They would have saved you.” He was openly sobbing now.

The Deltic had opened her eyes fully, and was looking at him not with anger, hatred, or even pity, but instead downright bafflement. “What do you mean ‘would have’? I’m not going anywhere.”

Wendell tried to explain - to tell her that she was a figment of his imagination, that she should hate him, or be angry, or something...Anything...

But instead he broke down crying, his sobs echoing across the works yard. 

-

010 stared at the 47 in total confusion. Nothing about the last few minutes made any sense, least of all the grief(?)-stricken engine in front of her. 

At a total loss for what to do, she remembered something that Alycidon would do when someone in the shed needed to be calmed down. 

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Alycidon might have used Vera Lynn, but had always stressed that the emotion of the song was more important than the lyrics. 010 sang the song low and slow like a lullaby - cribbed from seeing hundreds of mothers calming their babies on station platforms. Each verse took much longer than normal, but it was very soothing. 

Let your heart be light

The 47 began mumbling the lyrics of the songs through his tears

From now on, all our troubles will be out of sight

Neither engine noticed the sparkling white mist pooling around their wheels

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

The 47 stopped openly weeping, but kept singing with his eyes shut.

Make the yule-tide gay

The sparkling mist was now encircling both engines completely. 

From now on, our troubles will be miles away...

The mist covered both engines entirely. As the word ‘away’ faded in the wind, the mist dissipated. Neither engine remained. 

Silence fell over Doncaster once more. 

-----

December 25, 2019

Here were are as in olden days

Gordon awoke to more singing. He mentally groaned and cracked an eye open, assuming that Wendell would once again need a friendly ear in the middle of the night. 

Happy golden days of yore

Sunlight was streaming in through the windows. Perhaps Wendell had managed to sleep through the night. 

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gordon’s other eye slammed open as he realized that the singer was female. 

“Gather near to us onc-What on earth?!” The singer abruptly stopped singing. 

Gordon looked around wildly for the source of the voice, his eyes practically spinning around in their sockets before landing on -

on-

on- a Deltic. 

A Deltic who had been singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. 

“Excuse me,” he said in what he hoped was a calm tone. “But who are you?”

The Deltic opened her mouth to speak, and was cut off by Wendell, who had opened both of his eyes, realized that he was back in the works, discovered who was in the works with him, and began screaming so loudly that he fell off of the jack stands and crashed to the floor. 

The resulting clamour brought the Works’ security officer, who saw the engine that hadn’t been there last night, and called The Fat Controller. 

--

Stephen Hatt was experiencing many different emotions, most of them at the same time. 

The baffling appearance of previously-scrapped Deltic in his works - in factory fresh condition no less! - with no sign of how she got there, was not how he wanted to spend Christmas morning. 

Even more baffling was the story that Wendell, Gordon and the Deltic told him - none of which made any sense whatsoever. 

“Maybe it’s a Christmas Miracle?” His wife suggested over the phone. 

“Yes, and maybe I’m secretly the Easter Bunny.” He said back to her. “I’m not looking forward to finding out who this engine belongs to.”

“You can do that after Christmas dinner, dear.” Helen said in a tone that meant there would be repercussions if he wasn’t home ASAP. 

Hanging up the phone, he took another look towards the Deltic. Something was wrapped around its buffer...

Upon closer inspection, it was revealed to be an elegant piece of red silk, tied into a bow, and a note. 

The note was done on heavy, cream coloured paper, and the text seemed to have been done with an old fashioned dip pen. 

Dear Wendell,

I apologize for the late delivery of your present, but I hope you understand that some presents require more work than others. Hopefully this will ease your slumber. 

Santa Claus. 

Stephen goggled at the note for a moment, before reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone so he could take a picture. His fingers didn’t close around his phone, instead grasping a small round object. 

Pulling it out of his pocket, he was shocked to see that he was holding a small, but beautifully decorated Easter Egg. 

#long #sodor #story #fic #fanfic #ttte #ttte headcanon #this is totally headcanon #sodor headcanon #ttte gordon #ttte wendell #ttte fat controller #merry christmas #christmas special #deltic #oc: daphne

[waywardfangirl]

Both @captain-aralias and @palimpsessed ​did really nice posts to share their fics from this year as well as their thoughts on what they wrote, and I enjoyed reading their posts (and their fics!) so much that I thought I would take them up on their open invitation to do one too! I’m a big believer in keeping lists of your accomplishments to look at on days when self-doubt creeps in, so I encourage anyone else who might be interested to do this too! (All the questions are copied from @captain-aralias)

List of Completed Fics this year:

I wrote ten fics this year, as well as starting a ton of WIPs, which is amazing to me, considering I have only written fic once before in my life!

Slow - General, 3k

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore - Teen, 28k

Promises - General, 3k

A Privilege to Love You - Teen, 7k

Early Riser - General, >1k

Write This Down - General, 3k

As You Wish - Teen, 13k

The View from the Veranda - General, 4k

Down By The Sea - General, 2k

Just Want You to Know Who I Am - General, 1k (written in 2020, posted in 2021)

Total: 10 fics, 67k words, 100% Snowbaz

Pretty good for what is truly the first year that I have been an active participant in fandom!

Questions answered below the cut.

Best/worst title?

A Privilege to Love You is my favorite title, because I think the line is just so sweet, and it makes my heart melt.

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is definitely my worst title, because that was just the placeholder name I gave the WIP, but then I got so used to it I forgot to change it to something better before posting. I still cringe a bit at that one.

Best/worst summary?

l am horrifically indecisive, so I have a few summaries that I like. Just Want You To Know Who I Am is short and sweet, and I think it conveys exactly what I want it to:

Baz is fine. He's fine. Everything is fine. (It just isn't.)

~A fic about being loved in all the little ways~

But I also really liked the quotes I pulled for The View from the Veranda, As You Wish, and A Privilege to Love You.

Early Riser also has a summary that I let break my heart:

Baz wakes up early now, even though Simon doesn’t.

I does very little to convey what the fic is about, but after reading the fic it hurts like I wanted it to, sooo.....

I think that Promises has the worst summary though:

Inspired by the song "Promises" from the musical Hadestown.

Simon and Baz have spent the last three years working on themselves and on their relationship. Now it's time for their next step together.

Best/worst first line?

Baz says it best to open The View from the Veranda:

I am not a man accustomed to enduring want.

However, Simon deserves an honorable mention for starting us off right in As You Wish:

Baz is such a prick.

As for worst opening lines, I don’t really think I have any. I have some that stand better as an opening paragraph than an opening line, but I place a lot of importance on the first line of a story, so I like to make sure all mine are strong.

Best/worst last line?

I am not going to spoil any last lines for anyone (I cover up the last page of books when I read to reveal it slowly, word by word, so I take last lines seriously!), but I will say that As You Wish has an adorably predictable last line that I love.

For worst last line, I have to say Slow. I liked the line itself when I wrote it, but then I learned later that people were interpreting it in a more steamy way than what I had intended, and because I feel like Slow is such an innocent fic and really highlights how important it is for Simon to not be rushed into every decision he makes, I don’t like that it sounds like he and Baz rushed into something else. (I just meant that they talked and maybe kissed a bit! That’s it!)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

On December 31st, 2019, I was pet sitting when I came across a prompt for a Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement Snowbaz AU. I impulsively started to write, even though I had only written one other fic in my life (Check, Please!), and I had never written Snowbaz before. I kind of thought that maybe I would write one fic and that would be all, and that maybe one fic is all I would ever write, but I am so happy to have been wrong about that! I wrote way more than I could have predicted, and I even did NaNoWriMo! (I failed NaNoWriMo too, and I’m okay with that, because I want writing to be something I do for fun, not something that stresses me out.)

As a fun side note, Carry On is a fandom that I have returned to many times in my life, and it seems to have a special place on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day for me. I was given Fangirl as a Christmas present, and started reading it on New Year’s Eve, only to finish it and realize that the new year had arrived while I was engrossed in the book. I have spent multiple New Year’s Eves since engrossed in a reread of the book, or reading fic, and so it feels really fitting that I got into properly writing fic for Carry On as the year turned over.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Literally all of this was unexpected, as I never planned on writing any more fic, but I think I am most surprised to have written multiple songfics. I never read many songfics, and didn’t often care for them, but I wrote Promises off of the song from Hadestown, Write This Down off of George Strait’s song, and then Just Want You to Know Who I Am because Caity got the Goo Goo Dolls stuck in my head.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

My favorite might actually be my most popular, so I’ll go with my close second favorites (it’s a tie)

A Privilege to Love You is a soulmate au, and those are my favorite things ever. I also received some of the best feedback on this one, and I feel like I did a lot of things that worked really well in this fic.

The View from the Veranda is just so wonderful for me though, it combines my love of history with absolute silliness for a friend (I love you Liz!!!), @krisrix did some INCREDIBLE art for it, and I just had so much fun writing it.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

As You Wish was the most popular, hands down, with more hits, kudos, comments, and bookmarks than any other fic I wrote. It’s also the fic of mine that I reread the most, because it makes me so happy and I love all the silly moments.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is probably the answer here. This isn’t entirely backed up by metrics, since it does have more hits and kudos than some of my other fics, but for how long it is and the work that went into it, I think it only got a portion of the attention I was hoping it would. That’s mostly my fault though! It was the first fic I wrote for this fandom, and so I have definitely grown as a write since! Additionally, while I feel like it has a lot of great moments and fantastic lines, I have some lackluster bits too, and it really suffered from not having a beta (I was too shy to ask anyone back then). It’s also an AU of a movie that isn’t as widely viewed as I previously thought, so that didn’t help either, and as I already said, this fic could have a much better title.

All that aside though, the people who have read and talked to me about this fic have really seemed to like it, so I’m glad that I did right by my fellow Princess Diaries 2 fans! (and all of the wonderful people who read it and commented nice things having never seen the movie, y’all rock!)

Story that could have been better?

Everything I wrote before asking someone to beta. I just talked about what I would improve in We’re Not In Genovia Anymore, but Promises could use some work too. Having a few wonderful friends help me edit my fics has really improved what I post!

Sexiest story?

Oh gosh, I am not someone who writes sexy things.

Having said that, The View from the Veranda was written in the style of a bodice ripper, so I think that makes it the sexiest story by default. Kris’s art also enhances its sex appeal by at least 200% (I laughed out loud when I was making the list at the start of this post, because I had entirely forgotten that fic is rated G - honestly, that tells you everything you need to know about me, my romance novel fic can be read by children haha) (I might give it a T rating at some point, just because I feel like it should have that)

**I just remembered the bonus chapter for As You Wish.... that might be the sexiest thing I’ve written haha 🤣

Saddest story?

Early Riser - I am a big believer in giving everyone who deserves it a happy ending, but this one is just an interlude of sadness and depression without any resolution in sight.

(If you read it though, please know that in my head they do get therapy and things do get better! Snowbaz always has a happy ending in my fics, even if I don’t write it out fully)

Most fun?

As You Wish - this one to me feels like the happy chaos of running and sliding around a big house in stocking feet, and I don’t have a better way to describe it than that. There’s a tiny bit of angst from Baz, and a little bit of panic from Simon, but I was smiling and having so much fun while writing this fic, and I really think it comes across.

Story with single sweetest moment?

A Privilege to Love You - I’ll let you decide which of the many sweet moments is actually the sweetest ❤

Hardest story to write?

Promises, no question about it. I had written two fics by that point, and people had been so nice, and some of you lovely folks had even started tagging me in WIP Wednesday posts and in Six Sentence Sunday posts, but I felt like I had no inspiration left and I kept worrying that I wouldn’t be able to write again. So, I forced myself to write something, and it felt like pulling teeth (and it honestly wasn’t very good), but I gifted it to the person who had been my biggest cheerleader and who had tagged me a million times, and that’s how @foolofabookwyrm and I became friends. Writing the fic sucked, but her friendship is worth it, a million times over 💜💜💜

Easiest/most fun story to write?

The View from the Veranda. I’m a historian, and I work a lot with primary sources and spend time speaking with others in 18th century language, so once I got into my “work mindset” the words just flowed. This was also a silly, happy story for me, because I included a lot of jokes for Liz, and there are a ton of details that are just hilarious if you work at the same place I do (sorry that none of you do, but let me just tell you, the descriptions of Simon are all based off of my most attractive colleague, and at least 15% of this fic is silly quotes from work). I think this was only supposed to be about a thousand words long, and I messaged Kris multiple times while writing just to tell him that it was getting out of control and I couldn’t stop writing 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Writing for Agatha in We’re Not in Genovia Anymore really made realize how much some of her (canon) story resounded with me, and I liked the deeper character study I ended up doing for her. I’m still always going to be the most in love with Baz, but I have a deeper connection to Agatha now too.

Most overdue story?

It’s still overdue. I have so many WIPs, at least seven of which are soulmate AUs, and I just keep starting more. In terms of actual planned release date though? I started writing a The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue AU for NaNoWriMo, with the intention of publishing it in January. It’s already the longest fic I’ve ever written, and I don’t think I’m even a quarter of the way done with it. I wasn’t happy writing for NaNo, because I don’t do well with creativity on a deadline, and I chose to pause work on that fic so I can actually enjoy writing it and end up with something I like once I finally return to it. Apologies to those who are anxiously awaiting the fic, I do hope to finish it this year, and I won’t post until it’s all done, so you’ll get a very rapid update schedule when it does come out!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I signed up for my first fandom event! I participated in the Secret Snowflake event, and wrote Down By The Sea for the wonderful @fight-surrender (and ended up with ideas for some other new fics too)! Even though I was actively failing NaNoWriMo when I signed up, I did manage to complete my fic on time, and I learned that it wasn’t quite as daunting as I was expecting it to be. (My biggest problem was my laptop breaking and having to do almost everything on my phone - I also learned once again just how amazing Liz is, as she helped me format and post to ao3, since I couldn’t do that properly without a computer)

I struggle with being creative on a deadline, but wanting to write a little over 1k in a month was much more achievable than feeling stressed about writing 50k in a month!

This year’s theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

I like the idea of the inevitability of love. I adore soulmate AUs, because I love the idea of a universe where not only does someone have a perfectly matched other person, but that there is a surefire way to find them. Even though I only published one soulmate AU this year, I feel like every time I write Snowbaz I am writing about a couple where love will, inevitably, win. In my mind they are always going to have a happy ending somewhere down the line where they are just purely in love. Even though love doesn’t magically fix everything, it’s still incredibly powerful, and I only want to create stories where Simon and Baz truly love each other.

Of course, with that as the theme, A Privilege to Love You has to be the fic that best demonstrates the idea of inevitable love - it’s a soulmate AU and a universe where Simon exercises his free will.

What are your fic writing goals for next year this year?

Finish and publish my Gentleman’s Guide AU

Finish and publish more soulmate AUs (I have so many WIPs you guys)

Plan more before writing

Work on improving dynamic scenes and the overall flow of my fics - I sometimes feel like I have too many lulls, and I want to write in a more engaging way

Promote my own work more! I am partially doing this post because there are multiple fics that I never shared on here! I plan to make banners for all of the fics I write this year, and to post them on tumblr at the same time I upload them to ao3.

The last few years have been a time of tremendous personal growth for me, and I really feel like I’m starting to understand who I am as a person, settle into myself, and like who I am. I’m thrilled to discover that fandom is still part of who I am and what I enjoy, and that I have more creative outlets in my life now than I ever expected to. My biggest goal is just to keep building on all of that, to use fic to explore who I am, to reflect what I like, make myself happy with my writing, and to hopefully make at least a few of you happy with my stories too!

#2020 fics #my writing #about me #year in review #fic masterpost #fanfic year in review #my fic #snowbaz #carry on

[unmaskedagain]

Of Promises and Sands of Time

   I don’t know who you are, anon. Or the brass you have to request this. But I’m calling you; what the hell? Gabriel Agreste; do you live to torture me? I debated doing this prompt for a weeks; kept staring at it in my asks. Mocking me; questioning if I have what it takes to pull this off. And you what? Probably not! But I tried anyway. Some of you who are friends of THE FLASH will recognize some of the dialogue below. It’s my favorite scene of the Flash in the history of the show, and I thought it fit well here. To my readers, please understand I never, EVER, set out to do a redemption!fic for anyone. It just happens. I don’t think I redeemed Gabriel here, but I think I made him a bit human.

“You promised,” The voice hissed in his ear. “You promised!”

           Gabriel sat at his desk, in home office, alone, twirling a glass of whiskey; trying to ignore the voice he’s never been able to escape.

           It had been a long day. Ladybug had dismantled his Akuma in record time. Adrien was more rebellious than usual. He had been in back to back meetings for a week; with barely a break in between. Gabriel was tired. He was done for the day.

He didn’t need anyone to tell him what he already knew. He was a monster.

           So what? He already knew that.

Gabriel Agreste was a monster. He knew he was a monster. He set out to be a monster. There was no denying it, and he never tried to.

           When it was done and over with, and Emilie was back to the world of the living; Gabriel would be the first to say there was never an excuse good enough for what he did. He knew the world agree. But he didn’t care about the world. He cared about his family; his son and his wife.

           Still, he knew his son would never forgive him if he found out. He knew his wife would never forgive him if he ever succeeded in waking her up. In fact, he had divorce papers ready to go for that exact reason; not the ones his lawyers thought were for given the rumors of Emilie walking out on him.

           He hoped. He prayed. He wished. Every minute of every day to have his family whole again. That he, Emilie, and Adrien would be a family again. It was the second thing he wanted more than anything else in the universe. The first was just Emilie back.

           Emilie had been his best friend before she had become the love of his life. Without her, there would’ve never been a Gabriel Agreste. Or his fashion empire. She helped make him who he was. Since they were children, Gabriel knew that even if they didn’t end up together; never got fell in love and got married, Emilie would still be the other half of his soul.

           Gabriel couldn’t live in a world that she wasn’t in. He just knew he could just barely manage to live in a world where they weren’t together.

           Because there was no coming back from what he’s done. Or rather what he didn’t do. And Emilie would never forgive him for it.

           Every time he looked at the shell of his wife, saw his son’s bright green eyes, every time he adorned the mask of Hawkmoth, every time he was alone with his thoughts just long enough; it was like Emilie’s ghost was standing right next to him. Giving him the look she always she always did when Gabriel went too far; crossed one line to many.

           It was a look of disappointment, betrayal, hurt, anger, and sadness. Sadness was the worst. It was like he could see Emilie’s heartbreaking in front of him.

“You promised.” The phantom would whisper every time. “You promised me that you would be there for Adrien.”

           He had promised. When Emilie had slowly started to get sicker and weaker due the effects of the broken Miraculous, she had made him promised to be there for Adrien; be a good father to him, love him, remind him every day that he is loved. Never, ever let Adrien feel for even once second that he wasn’t loved.

           Like their parents had made them feel.

“Promise me,” Emilie had begged. She had been barely able to get out of bed. Her life force seemingly draining out of her, more every second. “Just please, Gabriel. Please.” There were tears in her eyes; whether it was from the sheer amount of pain she was in or the thought of leaving her family behind, he didn’t. Maybe it was both.

           Gabriel held her hand tightly, willing the gods to let him trade his life for hers. He never asked or prayed for anything before. And he never would again if they just grant this one thing, this one wish. “I promise, Emilie.”

           When Emilie fell asleep and didn’t wake up that day. Or the next day. Or the many that would come after that. Gabriel found himself waiting at her side, sure that the day would be the one where she’d open eyes. And if she opened her eyes, she’d want to see him there. She need him. He couldn’t just not be there for her.

           He found himself skipping meals and sleep just to sit near her. Gabriel found himself telling Adrien he was working late; ignoring his son’s questions about his mother’s whereabouts. Some days just ignoring his son altogether.

“You promised.”

           Even when Nathalie snapped him out of his, and he got back to work; tried to spend time with Adrien. He found himself still by Emilie’s side, wishing she was back. Then one day he remember Emilie telling him the story of Ladybug and Chat Noir and wishes.

           That was when Gabriel wondered: what if? What if he could use those two miraculous to make a wish; a wish to bring Emilie back. He had no idea where to start, where to even begin hunting them down. Until he realized the best way was to get them to come to him. He knew it took powerful magic to undo Nooroo’s creations. And according to Nooroo there were only one Kwami strong enough to do; the kwami of creation. And you couldn’t have one without the other; where creation went, destruction followed.

           He became HawkMoth the next day.

           It didn’t take long for Ladybug and Chat Noir to appear.

And Gabriel’s life had a new dedication. He would get their miraculous’ at all costs. Emilie would return.

“You promised!”

           And as for Adrien, Gabriel was so busy with the brand and being Hawkmoth that he let his relationship with his son fall through the cracks. Instead, Gabriel always made sure to keep his schedule busy so he’d never have time to question where Gabriel was. Or where mother was. Gabriel tried to just give him the best of everything; the best education, the best modeling career, everything he could. Except his time.

           Nathalie and Gorilla became Adrien’s main caretakers. Nathalie became an expert in giving excuses’ on why Gabriel couldn’t come to breakfast or dinner. Why he worked on Christmas, on Adrien’s birthday Why he couldn’t make any of Adrien’s piano recitals. Or come to his fencing tournaments. Why Gabriel never told Adrien goodnight like used to. Or do anything to show he was loved.

           Like Emilie had made Gabriel promise that he would.

“You promised,” Emilie’s specter whispered sadly.

“I know,” Gabriel murmured back.

           The ghost didn’t understand. He had a thousand other choices, and Gabriel knew, before he even made it, that he chose the wrong one.  He did that on purpose.  It wasn’t an accident. He needed Emilie back. He wanted her back. She never forgive him, take Adrien and leave him forever, but Gabriel knew she’d understand.

           He was the first person he ever loved; romantic or otherwise. Gabriel had loved her, even before he ever learned to love himself. Through her he learned to love himself. Then he loved his family, his friends, his son, all of Paris.

           Without her, he didn’t know to love anything.

--

--

           In retrospect, he when he decided to divert suspicion off himself once again by having Nathalie be Hawkmoth for today, Gabriel probably should’ve have run after letting Ladybug “Save him”.

           However, Gabriel just stood there, watching Ladybug, wondering if just for a split second, if he could get the earrings himself.

           The Akuma was named Sandy; Nathalie was known for worth ethic, not for her creativity. It seemed to turn people into sand.

           Or at least Gabriel thought.

           He was so distracted he didn’t see the Akuma attack coming. Neither did Ladybug. They were hit at the same time.

           And suddenly, they weren’t in Paris anymore. Or least not least not the Paris, they knew.

           It was like a scene from a dystopian movie. The streets were mostly abandoned. Building were wrecked. Debris everywhere. Smoke and the smell of ash filling the air. No sign of life anywhere.

           No sign of any kind of life. Or even the Akuma.

           And if there was no Akuma, there was no way for Ladybug to stop it and get them back home.

           It was why when Ladybug said they should stick together, he accepted.

           They went to his home. It was miraculously still standing, more than a little worse for wear, but still standing.

“Welcome to my home,” Gabriel nodded towards the hero as he opened the door for her. They were words he never imagined saying to his nemesis.

           Ladybug seemed to hesitate at what to say, “It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it though?” Gabriel said.

           Except the Gabriel who had walked into house with Ladybug that said it. A different Gabriel walked down the stairs, a cane in his hand.

           The new Gabriel was older, but only by a couple of years at most. Not much about him had changed; except his hair was long, his eyes lifeless, and there was an air of misery to him that seemed to fill the entire room. He was dressed in a simple blue suit that seemed to hang of his thin frame.

           He stopped on the stairs, and looked over the two, “Why are you?”

“We’ve for help,” Ladybug said. “Somewhere to rest while I look for Akuma.”

           Gabriel wanted to snap at the foolish girl. Clearly this wasn’t real, just a mirage the Akuma had created.

           Older Gabriel’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, “Akuma? I haven’t heard that word in years.”

“What year is it?’ Ladybug asked curiously.

           Gabriel rolled his eyes, “its still 2019. This is all an illusion from the Akuma; some dream world, clearly.”

           Ladybug frowned, “I’m sorry, Mr. Agreste, I thought you knew. Sandy wasn’t a dream Akuma. She’s a time Akuma. She blasts people forward or back in time,” She explained. “It happened to Chat; he ended up meeting the Maria Antoinette, before her head got cut off that is.”

           Gabriel blinked in shock. A time-travel Akuna? Could it be? Could they be in the future?

“It is the year 2022,” Older Gabriel said. “Call me Gabe, it will lessen the confusion.”

“Three years,” Ladybug whispered. “How did Paris become this in three years?”

           Both Gabriel and Ladybug’s mind immediately went to: War. A nuclear. Something terrible, and devastating.

           But Gabriel still had a bit of hope. “An Akuma perhaps,” He guessed. “If it is, it can still be undone.”

           Gabe looked at his younger self, “You're from before she dies, aren't you?” He shook his head. “You can't save her. You can’t bring her back.”

“Yes, I can.” Gabriel hissed. “And I’m going to.”

“No, you can’t,” Gabe stated. “You never did. The plan didn’t work like you thought it would. You got them but it didn’t work the way you hoped. Go home. Let her go. Or you’ll lose everything.”

           Ladybug looked between the two Gabriels with confusion. Something was really wrong, she knew, and she had a terrible feeling about what it might be.

           Gabriel stepped forward, “Just tell me what I did wrong. What you did wrong? And I can’t fix it.” He was sure of it. His future self had made a mistake, Gabriel would take step to avoid making it. It was that simple. “That’s all I need. You tell me that. And I’ll bring her back. I’ll fix this.”

“There’s nothing you can do.”

“Yes! There! IS!” Gabriel shouted, face red. How could any future him ever give up? How could he betray Emilie like this?

“Do you see the world outside?” Gabe asked. “Did you take a good hard look at it? That’s not just Paris. That’s world now. An Akuma didn’t do that,” He said. “You did.”

           Silence filled the foyer. Ladybug unconsciously took a step away from Gabriel.

“What?” Gabriel asked. “I didn’t do this. I’d never do this.”

           Paris was destroyed. Everything had burned. Bodies had been everywhere. He didn’t do that. He would never do that. He was a monster but he wasn’t… He wasn’t?

“He’s Hawkmoth,” Gabe told Ladybug. “I’m Hawkmoth. If he’s here that means Nathalie is covering for him. She did it every time, he thought you or Fu were starting to suspect him.”

           Ladybug snarled, forcing herself not to jump at Gabriel Agreste and beat him within an inch of his life.

“I can’t help you,” Gabe told Gabriel and Ladybug. “You came all this way for nothing. Chat Noir will figure how to stop the Akuma soon enough; he’s a good hero.”

           Ladybug just glared. Gabriel was still wondering how he caused the destruction of the world.

“You want some advice; go home.” Gabe walked down the stairs and looked his younger self in the eye. “Give Ladybug Nooroo, and never be Hawkmoth again. Bury Emilie. And even if you don’t. Even if you decide not to listen to me. Still, do what you promised. Spend as much time with Adrien as you can. Because pretty soon you’ll never see him again.”

           Gabriel stumbled back in shock.

           Gabe looked at Ladybug, “I knew you were from the past the second I saw you,” He told her. “There's no hate in your eyes yet.” He looked away. “You have to stop him. Stop me. If there’s even a shred of hope of saving her, he won’t stop on his own. Help me.”

“I am not you friend,” Ladybug hissed. “My family! My friends. What happened to them? What did you do?”

“Dead,” Gabe answered. “They’re all dead. Adrien, Nathalie, Gorilla, every friend you had left, your mother, your father, your grandmother, nearly everyone in Paris; they are all dead.”

“How?!” Ladybug roared. “How did you do this? How could you do this? What happened to Chat Noir?

“I made a wish,” Gabe answered, bring Gabriel out of the shock state he was in. “I just wanted her back. I wanted Emilie back. There was a cost; a price. Chat Noir was a part of it. Or should I saw Adrien was a part of it.” A small smirk appeared on his face. “He was more like Emilie than I ever realized. It was the greatest shock of my life. My Adrien was Chat Noir.”

           Both of listeners’ mouths dropped.

“Adrien,” They chimed together. Ladybug shot Gabriel a glare, “Adrien is Chat Noir.” She stated as if the words were taste strange on her tongue.

“He was,” Gabe answered. He swallowed hard, and seemed to struggle with saying his next sentence. “You two became best friends; somehow you became the family he always wanted. You were his sister. He was your brother. Adrien died protecting you. He died in your arms. I’m so sorry I did this to you.”

           Adrien dead. His son was dead.

“The wish had a price; a cost,” Gabe said. “It cost us everything. Despite what those we read said, it can’t bring back the dead.”

“She’s not dead!” Gabriel shouted. “She asleep; magical coma. She’s not dead!”

           Gabe shut his eyes for a moment, “Yes she is. Magic is just barely keep her heart going but she had been for a long time. She had been gone for a long time.”

“NO!” Gabriel roared, fury once again fueling him. “I will bring her back!”

“Why?” Gabe asked. “What do you think will happen? Do you still hope you a family again if you do? Adrien dies because of you. Because of me,” he said with anguish filling his voice and sorrow in his eyes. “Because of what we did. And even if he leaves; Emilie still wouldn’t forgive you.”

“She’d understand,” Gabriel snapped. “She, of all people, would understand.”

“Understand what?” Gabe asked. “That you abandoned your son. That you abandoned him and everybody else? You made a promise!”

“That I couldn’t keep!” Gabriel roared back. “Not after everything I lost. I was just as broken as Emilie was. I needed her back.”

           The older man looked at his younger self in disgust, “At what cost. How many have we hurt? How many of our akumas killed people? Even if Ladybug brought them back. How many died? How many innocent men, women, children wake up screaming in the middle of night because of what Akumas did to them. Or what they learn they did as Akumas? How many people suffer?”

“I don’t care!” Gabriel snapped.

“You will!” Gabe scoffed. “You will.” He sighed. “You want answered, Gabriel. How’s this? You will go back. You will do everything that you can think of to save her. You're even going to create an army of akumas; thousands, but Ladybug and Chat Noir and their team are going to stop them, mostly. But they won’t be enough. Queen Bee dies first; Chloe a girl, you’ve known, since she was diapers dies in front you. Artic Fox dies next. Viperion and Carapace.  Ryuko and BrightRoar; all kids. All dead. Chat Noir and Ladybug overpowered.”

           The two listened to man speak, horrified looks on their faces.

“And then on the night of June 23rd, 2020,” Gabe said, “you make your wish to bring Emilie back. It doesn’t work. The Ladybug and Chat Noir Miraculous are destroyed. The world still goes to hell for it. Nathalie tells you Adrien is hurt; badly. You go to him. You run to him. And see Adrien in Marinette’s arm, in Ladybug’s arms, and you reach him just in time for you to see him die.”

“No!” Gabriel yelled.

           Gabe took a step forward, his grip on his cane so tight the wood cracked, “And in that moment that he takes his last breath, it’ll feel like an eternity. And it will break you.” He looked between the two. “It will break you both. And when the night is over and passed; they’ll be barely anything left of the world.”

           Silence reign in the room.

           Gabe swallowed hard, “She is the love of your, Gabriel,” He agreed. “She was the love of my life. But Adrien was my world. You fail him. I failed him. I failed Emilie. I failed everyone. You won’t be there when Volpina, when Lila Rossi kills Nathalie and take Duusu from her; and becomes so much worse than we ever were. You won’t be there when demons and monsters discover the holes between the realms that your action created and they run free on this earth. When a monster named Trigon comes for what’s left of humanity. You won’t be there when a monster rips Gorilla in pieces. For Felix, when he uses the Ox Miraculous, to save people; encounters the wrong monster and ends up a soulless husk. You won’t be there for anyone. But that’s what you do best. What… I did best.”

“I’ll stop him,” Ladybug swore, lowly, finding her voice again. “I promise, I’ll stop him.”

           Gabe nodded at her, “You’ll try. Somehow you and I; the last of miraculous users team up and seal the holes in realm; we just couldn’t undo the damage.” He looked his younger self. “Everything that you've ever loved is gone. Including you. Go home, Gabriel.”

           As if on cue, the world around them turned to sand, and Ladybug and Gabriel Agreste found themselves standing in the spot they left. Chat Noir looking at them with a wide grin on his face, and butterfly in a jar in his hands.

I should’ve known, Gabriel thought, Chat Noir has Emilie’s smile.

“Chat Noir, we need to talk,” Ladybug said seriously. “Now!”

           And then the heroes were gone, leaving Gabriel to wonder if he was about lose his son anyway.

           When he got back to his home, he didn’t know what to do. He waited a bit for the police to show but them never id. He waited for Ladybug and Chat Noir to burst through the door to finally defeat Hawkmoth but they never showed up.

“Adrien said he will spending night at his friend’s Marinette house,” Nathalie told him. “I tried to convince him to return home but-”

“Its fine,” Gabriel cut her off. “Let him spend time with his friend. Take the night off, Nathalie. Tell Gorilla he can to do. I’d like to be alone tonight. In fact take the weekend. Just go. Go.”

           An hour after Nathalie and Gorilla had taken off for the night, Gabriel found himself sitting on the stairs; in the same spot Gabe had stood. Alone. He did that for a while, just trying to consider what he should do, what plan to take. Then he went to sleep, got up, and found himself back on the stairs the next morning.

“You promised,” Emilie’s voice whispered in his ear.

           He sat there for hours. Alone with his thoughts.

“She couldn’t have wanted this,” Ladybug’s voice suddenly broke through the silence. “She couldn’t have wanted you be some magical terrorist just to get her back.”

           Gabriel looked up to give her a rude reply but stopped when he saw it wasn’t Ladybug, or least not really. It was Marinette Dupain-Chang; the girl behind mask. “Come to arrest me?”

“No,” Marinette said bitterly. “Apparently I need you. I asked Tikki, my kwami, and she says Trigon’s bad news. He’s been trying to get to our world for centuries; destroy and conquer like he’s done to thousand others. In fact, they created the miraculous just stop him. Somehow in the future, you and I managed to do it. And seeing as Tikki says Trigon is destined to come sometime between now and the next ten years, you’re not going anywhere.”

“And how does my son feel about that?”

           Marinette shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t told him you’re Hawkmoth yet. Because you are. He deserves to hear it from you. He deserves to hear everything from you.” The bluenette shook her head. “But first you are going to talk to a little old guy named Fu. You are going to bring him Duusu, tell him what happened to your wife, see if there’s anything he can do. And if there’s not, you are going to accept it. Because this is over, do you hear me?”

           Gabriel just looked at the girl as if seeing her for the first time.

“It’s over,” She repeated. “The akumas, hurting people, the whole Hawkmoth thing, ignoring Adrien, breaking a multitude of child labor laws; it’s all over. It’s done, Gabriel. You’re done.”

“And if not?” Gabriel asked. “If I don’t stop, what will you do, young hero?”

“I’ll kill you,” Marinette said. “I. Will. Kill. You! One Akuma, that’s all it will take. And I will take you done. I won’t lose family and my friends, Adrien, just because you couldn’t deal with your own loss.”

           Gabriel stood up, bringing him to his full height. “You’re forgetting Adrien. How will Adrien feel when he learns you killed his father?”

           Marinette took a step forward, “Before I do it; I’m going to tell him everything. And he’s good hero; the best partner, brother I could ever have. And the Adrien I know, the Chat Noir I know will never stand for your villainous ways to continue; not for anything. He’ll volunteer to bring you down himself; end you for good. But I won’t let him. I won’t let him live with knowing he killed his own father. I’m a better friend than that. He deserves better than that.”

           For a moment, Gabriel felt a bit grateful to the girl for refusing to allow such a thing to happen. She, too, reminded him of a younger Emilie. Emilie who would’ve stepped up to kill him herself if she had too.

“I got your number from Adrien,” She told him. “I sent you text with a location, be there in one hour. It’s your last chance, Gabriel.”

           And then Marinette was gone.

           It took nearly half an hour after she left for Gabriel to find the strength to move. He knew what he had to do.

           When Gabriel walked into the small café, he quickly spotted Marinette and Fu, as they were the only occupants in the café. At all. There weren’t even employees present.

           He sat down across from the two, and dropped two brooches on the table. Nooroo and Duusu flew out.

           Marinette looked at him with a hard gaze, but nodded.

           Fu took the miraculous off the table. He hadn’t let himself entirely believe Gabriel would show up. However, after the future Marinette had told him about, of Trigon and the impending they face, Fu was willing to take a risk. There were great evils coming their way. And they would need all the help they can get. “You are Hawkmoth.”

           Gabriel nodded slowly, “I was.”

“No more,” Fu stated. “No more people will be hurt as result of your actions. Instead, you will save them as you are meant to do.”

           Gabriel that night with the knowledge that Duusu and the peacock miraculous could be fixed. Its effects on Nathalie could be undone. Emilie was too far gone to save. There was nothing anyone could do. He wanted to rage and break things; swear vengeance. But anger never came. He just felt hollow.

           The next day, when his son finally came home, he took Adrien down to see his mother and told him everything. From the moment he and Emilie met to going to the future with Ladybug; about being Hawkmoth and causing the end of the world. Everything.

           When he was done, Adrien just stood there in shock; hurt written all over his face.

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel Agreste finally said to his son, to Emilie, to the ghost haunting him, to world, to himself for never being strong enough to let go. “I’m so sorry.”

           He’ll be better, he swore to his son. He’d do better, he promised.

           And this promise, Gabriel decided, wouldn’t be broken.

“I promise, Emilie.”

#ml salt #ml fic #marinette dupen chang #adrien deserves better #gabriel agreste

[linkfms]

☠️    *   what  is  up,  party  people  !    i’m  jojo  (  she/her  ),  23,  and  in  the  pst  timezone.    it’s  been  a  while  since  i’ve  been  in  a  group  so...  pls  bear  with  me.    anyway,  under  the  cut  you’ll  find  more  info  on  resident  emo  boy:  link  !   i’m  so  excited  to  write  with  u  all,  and,  if  u  ever  want  to  plot  give  this  a  lil’  like  or  send  an  im  over  @  yea right#4256  !

lincoln  “link”  seong  was  spotted  in  the  fashion  district  adorning  prada  combat  boots,  with  some  airpod  pros  on.    they’re  most  likely  listening  to  when  you  were  young  by  the  killers.   you  may  know  them  as  @hyperlink  or  as  that   jeon  jungkook  lookalike.    their  twenty - fourth  birthday  just  passed.    while  living  in   tribeca,   they’ve  gained  a  bit  of  a  reputation.    they’re  known  to  be  erratic  but  on  the  other  hand   vehement.    wonder  if  they’ll  be  the  next  person  to  hit  the  headlines.   (  cis male  &   he/him  )

↳     THE  BASICS:    STATISTICS.

full  name:   seong  hyunjae  (  성  현재  )    /    lincoln  seong.

nickname:  link,  and  will  probably  only  answer  to  link  !

age  &  date  of  birth:   24  &  november  21,  1996.

hometown:   born  in  busan,  south  korea,  but  moved  to  jefferson,  connecticut  in  2006.

current  location:   tribeca,  new  york.

education:  completed  high  school  and  attempted  first  semester  of  university,  but  decided  to  pursue  music  instead.

occupation:   drummer  for  indie/alternative  rock  band,  my  time  (  sound  is  similar  to  bands  like  the  killers,  the  1975,  and  paramore  ).   also  is  an  affiliate  with  an  esports  organization  !   doesn’t  play  competitively,  but  streams  and  creates  content  for  them  weekly.

sexual  orientation:   pansexual  &  panromantic.

gender  &  pronouns:   cisgender  male  &  he/him  pronouns.

↳     THE  BACKGROUND:   BIOGRAPHY.  (   tw:  mentions  of  alcoholism  &  abuse  )

seong  hyunjae  (  later  given  the  english  name  lincoln  seong...  thanks  linkin  park  !   )   was  born  in  the  heart  of  busan,  south  korea.    his  parents  married  at  the  age  of  21,  due  to  the  cultural  expectations  of  having  a  child  born  out  of  wedlock.    while  things  seemed  to  be  smooth  sailing  for  a  while,   the  couple  realized  the  real  struggles  of  adulthood.   financial  issues  came  into  play.   stress  from  working  multiple  jobs  every  single  day  took  a  toll  on  their  mental  health,  as  well  as  their  relationship  with  each  other.   link’s  mother  began  to  develop  an  alcohol  addiction,  and  her  abusive  behavior  came  following  after.   their  home  was  falling  apart,  with  four-year-old  link  falling  asleep  to  muffled  screaming  and  glass  being  thrown  on  the  next  room  over.   his  father  was  able  to  withstand  it  for  a  while,  but  he  drew  the  line  after  coming  home  from  work  to  see  large  cuts  on  the  side  of  his  son’s  thigh,  and  a  bruise  forming  across  his  cheek.   that  was  when  he  knew  his  wife  was  dangerous.    so,  one  night  when  lincoln’s  mother  as  at  work,  he  packed  his  belongings,  grabbed  link,  and  left  without  looking  back.

for  a  while,  it  was  just  the  two  of  them.    they  found  ways  to  make  it  work,  and  despite  the  fact  that  it  was  a  constant  struggle,  his  father  never  wanted  link  to  lose  his  childhood.    in  fact,  his  father  gave  him  everything  he  could  give   —   but  most  importantly,  as  cheesy  as  it  sounds,  his  unconditional  love  and  support.    as  someone  who  lost  his  own  parents  young,  he  made  sure  that  link  would  never  feel  like  he’s  being  deprived of  that,  ever.   they  created  this  tight-knight  bond  because  of  that,  which  can’t  ever  be  broken.   and  now,  link’s  fondest  memories  always  involved  spending  time  with  his  father.    one  favorite  memory  of  his  involved  morning  jam  sessions  after  breakfast.    link’s  father  was  previously  a  lead  guitarist  in  a  garage  band  with  a  few  of  his  high  school  friends,  so  while  he  was  playing  riffs  on  his  electric  guitar,  eight-year-old  link  would  be  banging  the  coffee  table  with  plastic  straws.   

when  link  was  about  ten,  he  and  his  father  sold  all  of  their  belongings  and  moved  all  the  way  to  jefferson,  connecticut  for  a  job  offer  that  he  couldn’t  refuse.   fast  forward  a  few  years,  and  he’s  a  teenager  in  high  school.    growing  up  link  was  more  of  an  introvert,  and  would  spend  his  time  in  the  computer  lab  playing  video  games  or  browsing  in  online  forums.   he  was  a  regular  in  this  my  chemical  romance  forum  (  under  the  username  @hyperlink  ),  and  made  a  lot  of  his  lifelong  friends  over  there.    one  of  his  online  friends  jokingly  suggested  one  afternoon  that  they  should  start  a  band  over  their  nightly  skype  call,  and  while  it  was  initially  shrugged  off  as  dream  more  than  an  arm’s  reach  away,  my  time  was  born.    link  had  to  endlessly  plead  his  father  to  buy  him  a  secondhand  drum  kit  off  of  craigslist  for  christmas.   but  once  he  found  it  under  their  tree  that  year,  it  sparked  this  drive  in  him  to  learn  and  practice  nonstop. 

their  first  official  band  practice  happened  a  day  after  link’s  high  school  graduation  (  which  was  also  the  first  time  everyone  saw  each  other  in  person  !   ),  and  they  spent  that  entire  summer  making  music.   at  first,  link  only  thought  of  it  as  a  hobby...  since,  he  was  attending  his  first  year  of  university  that  fall.   but  after  playing  their  first  few  shows  and  making  all  these  memories,   he  couldn’t  keep  the  band  in  the  backburner.   he  dropped  out  not  too  long  after  to  pursue  his  music  career  full-time.   moved  out,  spent  the  next  few  months  working  long  shifts  at  the  local  amusement  park,  and  shared  one  two-bedroom  apartment  with  his  bandmates.    one  of  their  songs  went  viral  one  crazy  night,   and  the  next  thing  they  knew,  they  were  being  signed  into  a  record  label.   now  ?   they’re  one  of  the  biggest  alternative/indie  rock  bands  out  there  with  multiple  platinum  records,  sold  out  world  tours,  and  millions  of streams  each  year.   their  time  finally  came.

↳     THE  INSIDE  LOOK:    PERSONALITY.

link  definitely...  gets  babied  a  lot   (  by  his  bandmates  and  his  fans  ),   and  he  uses  that  to  his  advantage  :]   because  of  that  he  gets  away  with   a  lot  of  things,  but  it’s  usually  with  things  that  are  small  like  eating  the  last  slice  of  pizza  and  it  would  be  justified  with  “  no  he  is  a  growing  BOY  he  NEEDS  it  !  ”

that  being  said,  he  eats  nonstop.   the  guy  carries  a  sandwich  bag  full  of  cheerios  wherever  he  goes.   his  friends  know  that  if  they  can’t  finish  eating  something,  they  can  always  donate  it  to  link  for  a  good  cause.

when  my  chemical  romance  announced  their  reunion  tour  in  2019,  he  threw  his  phone  across  the  room  and  cried.   my  chemical  romance  (  with  green  day  and  linkin  park  as  a  close  second  !  )   are  his  all-time  favorite  bands,  and  a  lot  of  my  time’s  sound  is  heavily  inspired  by  them.

when  i  tell  u  that  this  man  is  so  chill,  i  mean  it.   like  things  could  LITERALLY  be  on  fire  and  he’d  be  like   “  just  throw  some  water  on  it  it’ll  be  fine  😎  ” ...  he’s  not  the  type  to  worry  about  things,  and  is  more  of  a  go  with  the  flow  type  of  person.   he  doesn’t  even  need  to  be  zooted  to  be  like  this.   KJFGDG

being  in  the  band  and  a  part  of  the  entertainment  industry  caused  a  small  shift  in  his  personality.   maybe  he  just  blossomed  ?   who  knows  !   but  because  he’s  been  exposed  to  the  rockstar  life,   he  was  able  to  open  up  more.   he’s  always  seeking  thrills,  big  or  small,  and  won’t  have  the  time  to  think  about  the  consequences  for  his  actions.  

because  the  my  chemical  romance  forum  that  was  once  his  second  home  shut  down,   he’s  since  moved  on  to  reddit.   social  media  isn’t  really  his  thing  (  and  his  fans  always  get  mad  at  him  for  posting  a  selfie  once  a  month  then  dipping  ),  but  catch  him  on  subreddits  making  comments  or  starting  fights  for  the  sheer  entertainment  of  proving  someone  wrong. 

this  might  sound  bad  but...  he  still  can’t  wrap  his  head  around  the  fact  that  he  isn’t  ?   financially  struggling  anymore  ?   even  if  he’s  already  bought  a  house  and  two  luxury  cars  for  his  dad,  he  still  gets  ticked  off  if  he  sees  something  small  like  an  APPLE   that  is  marked  a  dollar  and  a  few  cents  over  the  usual.   he  catches  himself  using  things  until  they’re  ABSOLUTELY  worn  out,  and  still  leeches  off  of  his  bandmates/friends  when  he  can.  <3   also,  if  something  is  broken,  he’ll  be  the  type  to  figure  it  out  and  fix  it  himself.

people...  don’t  exactly  remember  the  last  time  he’s  slept.   it  could  be  the  insomnia   (   it’s  definitely  insomnia,  thx  childhood   trauma  !   )  but  it’s  almost  gotten  to  the  point  where  he’s  afraid  to  fall  asleep  on  his  own.   he’ll  always  try  to  find  ways  to  sleep  in  someone’s  company,  even  if  it’s  just  him  crashing  on  a  couch  while  someone  is  watching  tv  right  there.   if  he’s  alone  though,  he’ll  always  try  to  find  ways  to  distract  himself  like  stream  for  10  hours  straight.

speaking  of  trauma...  he’s  also  scared  of  relationships.  after  witnessing  the  way  his  mother  treated  his  father,  he’s  cautious  of  history  repeating  itself...  but  with  him.  so  whenever  he  catches  himself  even  falling  for  just  a  little,  he  dips.

his  life  revolves  around  the  4  m’s:   marvel  movies,  minecraft,  music,  and  my  chemical  romance.   that’s  it.

a  link  😏   to  his  pinterest  !   also,  i  don’t  have  any  wcs,  but  if  we  plot,  i  promise  i’ll  use  my  big  brain  to  brainstorm  something  with  u.  <3

#wealthyhq:intro #the way i spent too much time writing this.................

[arsonist-chicken]

Lockdown Tag game; I got tagged by @we-are-not-amoosed thank you! I keep forgetting you know I exist, also I hope you had fun being drunk at midnight on a Tuesday hjhjhj.

First of all, a big FUCK YOU to tumblr, because I was at the LAST QUESTION and opened ONE NEW TAB to look up the word windmill, and when I went back to tumblr, my post was GONE, so here we go again. If an answer seems short of half-answered, it’s because I didn’t feel like typing everything again.

Are you staying home from work or school?

HA. Yes. Love that for me. Not at all. My university opened for 1 1/2 weeks in March 2020, then for another 4 weeks in November, and it has been closed ever since. I’m in my dormitory in the town I study in, not home home at my parents’ place though, because that would Not end well. The internet connection sucks though, that’s really annoying with distance learning. When I go into The City for A Thing, I usually cycle past my department and it makes we Yearn to go back in there, which is a thing I didn’t think would ever happen, but one pandemic later and suddenly everyone would kill for the change to go back to work/school in person, wouldn’t we?

If you’re staying home who is there with you?

I live in a dormitory, so technically, there’s a lot of other people there, but I don’t really talk to any of them except for when we meet in the hallways or the kitchen or wherever, so really it’s just me, the stuffed animal my friend got me last year because I kept whining that I didn’t have a cat like her at her boyfriend’s place where she basically lives now, and the birds who come to eat from the bird house I put on my balcony.

If it makes you feel any better @we-are-not-amoosed, not that I think it will but hey, who knows, my twin sister is moving out in December, so I will be the only child at home with my parents during summer/Christmas/Easter break, which will be Not Fun. I’ll take another 1 ½ years for my degree, and another 2 if I do a master’s, so that’s about... 1-3/4 years I’ll be alone with my parents while my perfect sister gets to move out and move on and live Adult Life fully respected as an Adult working with renewable energy, as opposed to the Disappointment who takes 5 years for a 3 year degree in a field that’s hard to find employment in and never Does Stuff like my mother wants me to Do Stuff.

Are you a homebody?

I’m with @we-are-not-amoosed there, I didn’t know what that meant, but Pons says “Stubenhocker”. A bit I guess? I’m definitely fine being home by myself if I’m unbothered there (read: not at my parents’ when they are home) and I do need time by myself to recharge. But probably like everyone else, I crave and enjoy social contact a ton more than Before. I meet a friend fairly often (aka the only friend still here instead of home for distance learning), and today we worked together (handing out flyers which idk why the company pays us to hand them out, like 95% of them get thrown away immediately, but hey, we’re getting paid 🤷) and then went to sit by the river, and there were SO MANY people there, it was not *entirely* corona-compliant (but outside with town-typical wind, so it’s fine I think, with my non-existent knowledge about spreading of viruses and such), but honestly? I just couldn’t be bothered to care in that moment: it was warm and sunny, I was there with a very close friend, people were laughing and dancing to good music, it was just so GOOD to be there, almost as if Corona didn’t exist. The police even drove by like they always do to check for people smoking weed and didn’t say anything like usual, so hey. It was just so good, okay? So, homebody? Within reason, I guess, but less than Before, probably.

An event you were looking forward to that eventually got cancelled?

Oh boy, SO MANY. The one I’m most bitter about was a very prestigious international interpreting event, that would have involved me interpreting in the actual European Parliament building in Strasbourg. But there was also a festival week with my best friend I was looking forward to, maybe even a second festival with another friend, my company’s ten year anniversary party, etc. And Prides! I came out to my family in 2019, and was like “Yay, I can finally go to Prides now!” but well 🤷

DUDE SO MANY ARE YOU KIDDING ME

CONCERTS: 5SOS (I SHOULD HAVE heard “Old Me” in a crowd full of other people getting nostalgic for their past selves, but NO), Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Rock im Park aka GREEN DAY AND RISE AGAINST (I have been trying to see Rise Against for YEARS and ALWAYS something gets in the way!), one or two small local artists.

ERASMUS: I should have gone to Russia for a semester to improve my not-too-great speaking skills but Corona said FUCK YOU you will study ALONE and LONELY in your ROOM like a child on TIMEOUT

PRIDE: none in particular, just generally it would have been nice to go, maybe even with a friend to the one in Vienna

Also just general stuff like birthdays and get-togethers with friends, and my club’s annual get-together was cancelled too, and it would have been my friend, sister and my’s 10-year-anniversary, so that sucked to get cancelled.

What movies have you watched recently?

Movies? Pfuh, I don’t know, I’m not really into movies anymore, tbh. TV-series and games are more my jam.

Descendants 1 +2, I finally watched those after I read so much fanfiction that I knew the plot without having watched a single scene that isn’t a music video that youtube kept showing me. They’re nice enough, if you overlook the fact that they make a 16-year-old king while there’s still perfectly capable adults but whatever, there’s a lot of cute moments (Carlos and Jane omg) and a lot of funny ones (UMA. Is HILARIOUS), the music kind of slaps ngl, and arguably Mal + Evie are queer and in love. I still want to watch the third soon, and rewatch The Hunger Games since it showed up on my dash recently.

What shows are you watching?

Rewatching Julie and the Phantoms forever until the end of time (or until season 2 comes out @netflix, and I started Brooklyn 99 again for background noise/low-energy background watching. A friend recommended Ginny & Georgia and it’s okay enough, but it’s written in a way that makes you want to keep watching because there’s just such whack stuff happening that you want it explained; it’s 1h episodes though, that’s a bit hard on my attention span. I want to rewatch FMA:B some time, too.

What are you reading?

@we-are-not-amoosed said “tumblr posts and the texts I translate at work” and if that isn’t a Mood. I’d love to read more, but my attention span is shit and my reading comprehension even worse. I *am* reading “Explain to me like I’m 5” atm which explains stuff easily, like, well, you’re 5 years old, so you’d think a 23-year-old could understand, no? No. I read it, I vaguely understand some stuff, I close the book, and it’s G-O-N-E, not a single thing left. Literally the only thing I remember – and this is why I had to re-write ^^^all that because I needed to look up the English word for Windräder, if that’s even what they’re called in German but whatever I’m tired – is that insects and birds die a LOT in windmills when they get too close and get sucked in and can’t escape anymore, which is one of the reasons windmills aren’t as environmentally friendly as we thought when we built them. Anyhow, I’d love to read more, but idk, there are a lot of posts on here, some I’ve reblogged, that are like.. something something reading fanfiction is easier because you already know the characters and universe something something less mental energy something something idk. Yeah I mostly read fanfiction these days. I hope I’ll get back to reading books sometime soon-ish, I have a long list.

What are you doing for self-care?

Hm. I meet my friend I mentioned above pretty regularly, and I have a notebook that I write stuff in that was nice or made me happy when that happened (like today: working with my friend and then sitting among people by the river in the sun with said friend). I’m getting a tattoo next week (3 cat paws + 1 dog paw = technically my two cats and my late cat and dog, but well, two of them are dead, so I asked two friends for a paw print of their cat and dog, so I’ll always have those two with me, too). I try to make a to-do-list each day, but I rarely stick to it. I apply eyeshadow and body glitter if I want to, I dye my hair bright colors (think pink, purple, blue, red, maybe orange next). I always have chocolate in my room meaning I stopped depriving myself of food I like/food in general because it’s “healthier”/”I need to lose weight” etc. all that you know all those great reasons. I went to a doctor about my knee and it ended up being useless but I went, so.

I also went to see a therapist but she is very useless, like “ended our first session telling me well she doesn’t know how to help me/if she can help me at all/if therapy would even help me” kind of useless; I’ll go again next week and see if that changes or if next week will be the last week and I’ll go back to Dealing Like Before, which is not great but whatever. I’ve lived until 23 without therapy, surely I can keep doing it. Therapy’s expensive if it’s not covered (which this doctor IS which is why I went to her but it’s still a waste of time) and if it’s not gonna work/not gonna help me apparently or if there’s nothing actually wrong OR that therapist is just like, bad at her job, what’s the point of going yk?

Uggggh, I hope the swimming pools and Zumba class will be open again soon, Zumba (also with said friend) is AMAZING, easy fun exercise you don’t need any knowledge or skill for and you can hang out with your friend by the street after for an hour and say goodbye five times and then remember one more thing you wanted to actually still mention and stand there for another 20 minutes hjhjhj. Best times, truly.

Idk this is probably not self-care but I got a small job working with Austrian German and it gnetflix the chance to save up a bit and add it to my resume and also hopefully get my mother to shut up about my non-existent job prospects for a bit, so that’s kind of helping in making me feel a bit more like I’m Being An Adult (also because it means I have to learn how to change my insurance and finance department stuff now, yey).

Tagging: @languages-and-else @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @the-real-daddy-van-der-bellen @sunsetcurveofficial if you feel like doing it, also sorry @we-are-not-amoosed it became such a rambled long answe on almost everything hjhjhj

#tag games #me talks #covid-19 #swearing #It’s a post about corona there Must be swearing

[theepost]

My Video Game Journey | Discovering Games & Game Play

When COVID-19 hit and the whole world went into quarantine, it felt like almost every single young adult was playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. People who never normally played video games were buying gaming consoles just to play. Personally, I have never found a game that I enjoy and want to continue playing until my fiancé suggested this game. 

I am probably speaking for a lot of people here, but New Horizons is addicting. Don’t get me wrong I definitely had times where I felt very burnt out, but I still played every single day with only a few days missed between now and when I started playing in May 2020. That is pretty consistent, especially for someone who has never really played video games on a regular basis.

Growing up with parents who are against video games.

When I was younger, my parents did not allow us to play video games. Don’t get me wrong we were allowed to take turns playing games on our family computer, but we were never allowed to have a gaming console. My parents felt it would be a distraction from school and homework.

I'm not a parent, but I know there is a lot of back and forth about this topic between parents. Some think it's completely fine and helps kids learn how to manage their time between school, homework, and their personal lives. Other parents allow it, but are very strict about when their kids can use it. Then their are parents who are completely against it.

The way I look at it, however you want to raise your kids and teach them life lessons and life skills is completely up to you. Obviously don't abuse your kids, but whether they are able to play video games or not is completely fine either way. It's the parents choice and no one should be giving them a hard time about it. Well, unless you are the kid who wants to play video games and your parents tell you that you can't. I think at that point there is no avoiding the tantrums.

Getting my first handheld gaming console.

When I was in middle school or when I just starting high school, I asked my parents for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance SP for Christmas. I remember thinking they were never going to get it for me because they were so against my sisters and I playing video games. To my surprise, "Santa" left me a Nintendo Game Boy Advance SP under the tree that year.

The games that came with the Game Boy was Crash Bandicoot: The Huge Adventure and Need for Speed: Porsche Unleashed. Since I had never really played any video games before I wasn't on top of what games were new and trendy at the time, however I absolutely LOVED Crash Bandicoot: The Huge Adventure. I remember when I finished all the levels, I played them all again so I could have a perfect score.

I purchased a few other games after getting my Game Boy and The Simpsons: Road Rage was another game I enjoyed. If anyone ever reads this they are probably going to be completely surprised by what I am about to say, but I never really watched The Simpsons growing up. I know a lot of people did, but I never really got into it. For some reason though, I wanted to get The Simpsons: Road Rage. I played that game a lot, but I do not think I played it nearly as much as Crash Bandicoot: The Huge Adventure.

Around my senior year of high school I slowly stopped playing on my Game Boy. I was either at school, doing homework, working, or hanging out with my friends. There wasn't as much free time to play anymore. I am now 25 years old and to this day I still have my Game Boy. Cannot remember the last time I played on it, but I do not think I will every get rid of it. It was my first handheld gaming console, there are a lot of good memories with it, and it still works! I see no reason why I should or need to get rid of it.

Discovering Animal Crossing.

After I stopped playing on my Game Boy, I never really found a game that I consistently played. Usually when I found a game I would play it for a couple weeks to a couple months then would grow very bored of it and eventually uninterested. However my fiancé was big into playing video games and was mainly playing them on his Xbox One. If he was growing tired of a game, he usually had another one lined up.

At one point the Nintendo 2DS was very popular and was sold out everywhere. My fiancé really wanted one so he could play Pokémon Moon. Somehow, I managed to get my hands on them and surprised him for Christmas. He played that game for a few months to a year then he slowly stopped playing. One day I asked him why he stopped playing and he explained that he just grew tired of it. I completely understood because I have also been in that situation before with the games I played on my Game Boy.

To avoid having the 2DS sit and collect dust, I asked if he wanted to get another game for it. He didn't seem interested in any of the 2DS games they had to offer at the time, but he suggested a game to me that he thought I would enjoy. That is when he told me about Animal Crossing: New Leaf and Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

At the time, there was only Animal Crossing: New Leaf and Animal Crossing: New Horizons was scheduled to be released in the next few months. I believe this was around the end of 2019 and New Horizons was scheduled to release in early 2020.

After doing some research on the game, I was VERY excited. I purchased Animal Crossing: New Leaf for the Nintendo 2DS and I played all the time. Any downtime I had, I was playing. I LOVED this game! After playing for awhile, Animal Crossing: New Horizons was released and I wanted it so bad.

At the time, Nintendo was completely sold out of the Nintendo Switch everywhere. They were insanely popular because of the new game release and since everyone was forced to quarantine due to COVID-19 everyone was stuck inside with nothing to do but play video games. The only console that was available was the Nintendo Switch Lite.

What is the difference between the Nintendo Switch and the Nintendo Switch Lite? The Switch can used when connected to a TV in the docking station provided, as a handheld, or as a tabletop display by using the kickstand on the back of the switch. The Switch Lite can only be used as a handheld.

Since I was so excited for the game and wanted to play so badly, my fiancé got me the Switch Lite as an early birthday gift. I really wanted the Switch, but since I am so impatient and Nintendo was not clear on when they would restock I decided that the Switch Lite would be perfect because I was use to using a handheld anyway.

Playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

When I finally started playing the game I played nonstop for hours a day. Collecting supplies, catching bugs, digging up fossils, popping balloons, catching fish, planting trees, planting flowers, designing the island, inviting new villagers, expanding my home... You name it, I was doing it. Anything to get a five star “aesthetic” island that is considered Pinterest worthy.

Like a lot of other people, I have completely redesigned my island countless times. There is nothing better than completely changing everything up to design a newly styled island. I have also completely restarted my island two times. Which I mainly did this because I did not want to go through the whole island and tare everything down, I didn't really like the villagers I had, and I also just wanted to experience the game again from square one. I have always enjoyed designing spaces and have always been really into art, so it feels like this game was made for me.

My future with video games.

When COVID-19 hit and the whole world went into quarantine, it felt like almost every single young adult was playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. People who never normally played video games were buying gaming consoles just to play. Personally, I have never found a game that I enjoy and want to continue playing until my fiancé suggested this game.

I am probably speaking for a lot of people here, but New Horizons is addicting. Don’t get me wrong I definitely had times where I felt very burnt out, but I still played every single day with only a few days missed between now and when I started playing in May 2020. That is pretty consistent, especially for someone who has never really played video games on a regular basis.

Now that I have been playing New Horizons for about a year now, I feel like I am going to continue to play it for awhile. I will admit when I first got the game, I was playing it way too much. Recently I have been so much better about it and only play for about an hour a day. On days I feel very lazy and do not really want to do anything, I'll play for longer than an hour, but it also depends on what I am doing in the game at that time. I'm just glad I'm not spending all day playing anymore.

For me, I think video games are fun and good to play in moderation and I am not planning on cutting video games out of my life anytime soon. I know there are people who play video games hours daily or do it for a living. After that, on completely the other side of things, there are people who have never played video games and completely hate the idea of video games. Then there are people out there that say that they have tried playing video games and never enjoyed it, but I personally think they just haven't found their game yet. If you happen to be one of those people and you are reading this, do not give up on finding your game! Once you find it, you will be so happy you kept looking.

At the end of the day, do whatever makes you happy. I am just another person on the internet telling their story. If anyone ends up reading this, I hope you enjoyed and continue to read my future posts. There isn't really a plan on when I will be posting or what I will be posting about, but I do know I will be posting regularly.

- E

#TheEPost #Video Games #Nintendo #Nintendo 2DS #2DS #Nintendo Game Boy Advance SP #Game Boy Advance SP #Game Boy #Crash Bandicoot: The Huge Adventure #Crash Bandicoot #The Simpsons: Road Rage #The Simpsons #Pokémon Moon #Pokémon #Animal Crossing: New Leaf #New Leaf #Animal Crossing: New Horizons #New Horizons #Animal Crossing #Nintendo Switch #Switch #Nintendo Switch Lite #Switch Lite #Pintrest #quarantine #COVID-19 #COVID 19 #COVID #My Video Game Journey | Discovering Games & Game Play #Discovering Games

[caughtinkorea]

Along the Way

This is such a weird point in time. I’m just thankful for stability. This is looking like it will be a year of hopefully progress and moving forward.

Lately guys are becoming a more ... pushed?... placed?... apparent...? I don’t even know how to conceptualize what I’m trying to say.

Guys... okay, I’ll just start there... I guess. My brain is all over the place.

When I’m in the US I feel no sense of urgency to date let alone meet up with people. I’m an EXTREME introvert and rarely go out. I’m a homebody like probably no one you’ve ever met before, to the point that my friends and family get angry that I rarely leave the house. They tell me to go out so at least I could potentially meet someone. Most days the thought of guys annoys me. It also pains me that I’m attracted to men. Talk about embarrassing T_T

The last couple of years I was in Korea I made attempts to shed my introverted nature and actually went on a decent number of dates or just met up with people. Some of the meet ups/dates were good, some bad, some meh. Ulsan being in the mix. I’ll get back to him later.

I went on a date with a cop. It was actually a really good date. He was very sweet, conversation was great, and he was gentlemanly. There just wasn’t a spark between us like that. Side note: If you are going to date a Korean guy, officers are the only group I recommend. The ones I have met have been the only consistent category(?) of guys there. Usually super gentlemanly, morally upright, and sweet. I would have never expected it, but that’s been the case for all the ones I have met. During my last winter there I just stopped going out or hanging out with people really. That was such a lonely and trying time for me in Korea. My stress was unreal with everything going on with me. It was during that time I met a chaebol. Let me just say it was NOT like that. We just became fast friends foreal. He wasn’t no regular degular chaebol either. Think Hilton of Korea.

It was a whirlwind friendship when I think about it. He reached out to me and we hit it off like nobodies business. We would message each other at all times of the day. There was one day we both woke up and sent each other the same message at the exact same time. We laughed about it because it showed at this point we maybe were a little too obsessed with talking with each other lol. I appreciated his humor and he appreciated mine. He was super well traveled and highly educated. Studied in Singapore and the US as a child until adulthood. He’d use words that I’d never heard people say in everyday speech, but also understood American slang, humor, and nuance. He invited me to India which I contemplated but didn’t end up going to. Everything was good until it wasn’t. We got into a fight because of misunderstandings and petty nonsense. I had to walk on eggshells in order not to say things that may offend him unknowingly. Sometimes I thought he was joking at his offense, but later things became apparent that he felt a ways. For example one day we were talking about something or another and I said “Oh, you rich rich!”. You know the way we Americans have been jokingly emphasizing certain things by doubling words over the last few years. It doesn’t even mean anything, it’s meant to be jokey way of chopping it up. This guy says “I don’t want to talk about my finances.”..........

........................................................

Literally nobody was talking about your finances. That’s not what that was meant to be. Ok... so...... now I know he doesn’t completely understand American jokes and nuances. Things just kinda snowballed from there. It became apparent to me that he was a very paranoid person. It seemed he lived a very sheltered life growing up and wasn’t able to do a lot of the things other people did. So maybe he was paranoid as to why people would approach him and their real intentions. The friendship burned out just as quickly as it started. I still wish him well. I just kinda feel bad for him because with all that wealth I still wouldn’t want to trade places with him. Imagine always having to put your guard up in that way. Plus his life seemed a bit isolated and lonely.

I would stick my toe out to go on a few dates and meet ups from the spring onwards, because I just couldn’t stay cooped up at home. Nothing serious because I would be leaving soon.

Around 2-3 days before I left Korea I met up with the one my friend calls Piano Man lol. He was the one who made an amazingly beautiful song for me. I wanted to say goodbye before I left so we met up for dinner. He gave me a present of some really strong Chinese alcohol he had bought for me in China. I still haven’t drank it, but I brought it back with me to the US. He told me he’d always wished we’d dated but the timing wasn’t right since that’s when I had a bf. We wished each other well and I was back off to the US.

I came back in 2019 and just kept busy with other things. Then I went to Nigeria for Christmas season. When I first got there me, my sister, and one of my uncles were walking to the hotel we were staying at after eating dinner at a restaurant nearby. Some guy who was also at the restaurant caught up to us to profess his interest. My sister was super excited about this for some reason while I was mortified this happened in front of my uncle. He was asking for my number and my sister jumps in front of me to tell him if he comes to my aunt’s shop the next day to buy a bike he’ll get my number. So, you’re not gonna ask me?

Kill two birds with one stone I guess lol. Though he was really cute I was just not interested. To my surprise he showed up the next day at my aunt’s shop. He didn’t buy a bike though lol. We talked for a bit and my aunts were kinda rooting for him since he was from their area of town. Nothing became of that, plus he was too young for my liking. I’d bump into him from time to time to which he said was destiny. Not mine, but good luck with that.

Later on I ended up meeting a friend of a friend. I will admit I was cold to him when first meeting. I was actually mad at his friend which made me be cold and standoffish because of his association. But he never threw it back at me. Rather he was unbelievably sweet and caring towards me. Over the next few weeks we hung out and got to know each other more. He was an engineer who worked for a big oil company in Nigeria. Really intelligent guy who was the youngest supervisor in his company and played chess as a hobby. He would be going on a business trip to China soon after we left Nigeria. I had mentioned wanting to visit China in the future so he took me, my mom, my sister and her fiancé out to eat at a Chinese restaurant a couple days later. In case you don’t know, Chinese restaurants are super expensive in Nigeria, and they’re not even buffet style. He then took us out for ice cream and karaoke afterwards. He’d come and visit me every couple of days and take me out to different places. My mom really liked him. He was a really mild-mannered person that balanced me out well. He wanted to take me to visit China with him and offered to pay for the trip to join him. His trip ended up getting cancelled because that was the time this whole virus mess started. He was amazingly sweet to me. I have nothing bad to say about him. Even when I talked about starting a business he offered to pay for it and help me register it since I didn’t know my way around starting one in Nigeria. When I came back to the US we talked everyday. He had planned to visit the US since he was going to be one of the invited speakers to the oil and gas conference happening in Houston. Because of his position he would be able to go back and forth to the US if need be without much visa complications. He had talked to my sister about possibly finding a job in Texas sometime in the future and moving over to be with me. That’s when things started getting too real and I just wanted to slow everything down. The virus kinda made everything come to a halt. Thankfully for me. Don’t get me wrong. He is a great guy. Brilliant and sweet. Plus he’d be able to get a great position relocated to the US for his company making a lot more money than me, so those wouldn’t be a worry at all. I just wasn’t at that wavelength at the time. Borders closed and I don’t do cross-continent long distance. I definitely would have been in a relationship with him if I lived in Nigeria though.

Fast forward to the end of 2020. I enjoyed being single for the year, but apparently an uncle of mine doesn’t like that lol. He’s not really my blood uncle, but that’s how we refer to them in African culture. He reached out to me and introduced me to 2 guys. He tells me I need to find someone special so he introduced me to these guys from really well off families. Like REALLY well off. Think chaebols of Nigeria. I talk to them from time to time, but I’m not really interested. I just can’t do this distance thing, plus I need to get to know you first. In person. I appreciate this uncle though because he seems to really like me and want well for me. He told my aunt that he doesn’t want to see me suffer in life. I think it’s super sweet of him to think of me that way.

Life is so weird. When you want something, it doesn’t come. But when you don’t want it, it comes flooding in.

So, now back to Ulsan.....

To be continued

[wondertrashh]

Life Line

A/N: It’s finally here! I know I promise this a month ago, but with everything that’s been going on in the world life been kinda wild. This is a LOOONG one, so get a snack and drink. Let me know if you guys want an epilouge (I have a strong feeling you will). As always reader is gender neutral so everyone can enjoy!

TW // Blood, death

Summary: Reader knew the day they were going to die since they were young. They told themself that they would not be involved with someone when the date comes. Well, that's what they wanted to do until Lena came into Reader’s life.

Lena Luthor x Alien!Reader

Word Count: 4,183 (This one definitetly got away from me)

May 21st, 2019. That was the day you were going to die. You have known this since you were 10 years old. You found out after you pissed off a witch you met while playing in the woods. You never told anyone about this information. At first, you didn’t believe the witch thinking that she told you a random date just to scare you and you let her know that. When you told her that she decided to show you that she wasn’t lying by predicting several things that would happen throughout your life. She predicated your first girlfriend at age 14, the death of your parents at age 16 and even what college you would get accepted in. Every time one of her predictions came true you became more freaked out. After your first girlfriend, you tried everything you could to make sure that the witch’s last prediction didn’t come true. However, after you received a full-ride scholarship offer from that exact college, you practically had a mental breakdown. 

---

August 21st, 2018

You are currently on your way to LCorp to meet up with Lena so you guys can go out for lunch. You two have been having lunch together every Wednesday for almost a year. You almost canceled today because it was the 21st, meaning that you only had 9 months left. You have accepted knowing the date a long time ago. You were perfectly content with your life and had made peace with it. That was until Lena came into your life over a year ago. Lena made you feel things you never felt before. Lena made you feel alive and happy to see another day. You fully intended on breaking things off with Lena in the beginning of the year. But, the more time you spent with her the more you fell in love. When the day you finally built up the courage to end things was the same day Lena confessed her feelings and you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. So, now you guys have been dating for almost a year and she makes you the happiest person in the world. Which in turn makes you slowly freak out about your quickly approaching death because you would do anything to not leave this wonderful woman. 

----

December 25, 2018

“(Y/N), are you listening?” Lena questioned. You turn to look at Lena as she was currently driving back to her place from Kara’s. Lena and you have spent Christmas with the superfriends and Eliza, considering how you two don’t exactly have any family. Lena is looking at you expectedly with a raise in her eyebrow that clearly means ‘So, are you going to answer or not?’

“No, I’m sorry, babe. I zoned out what were you saying?” You apologized. You knew better to lie to the raven-haired girl next to you. She sighed exhaustly as she turned right and you gave her a confused look because this wasn’t the way to get to her apartment.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“I’m dropping you off at your apartment.” Lena replied while keeping her eyes on the road.

“What? Why? I thought we agreed to spend Christmas together. I still haven’t given you your gift.” You questioned becoming more confused. You can tell Lena was mad, but you didn’t know for what reason. Yeah, sure, you zoned out while she was talking, but it’s not like you did it on purpose.

“Because, (Y/N), you obviously have more important things to attend to. I mean for the last month you have been acting strange. Canceling dates, ignoring my texts and calls, hell, you never zoned me out in the last 2 years we have known each other than you have the last month! I have tried to be patient with you and let you tell me what was wrong on your own terms. But, the more I wait the more distant you are becoming. So, I’m going to take you home since you clearly don’t want to be bothered with me.” Lena replied coldly and you just sat there staring at her with your mouth opened. You must admit you were acting distant towards Lena, but that had nothing to do with her and more to do with the fact that you have been spending almost all your free time at the DEO. 

Last month, you told Brainy and Alex about your death date. You told them about how you didn’t believe it at first, but then all the witch’s predictions started to come true. You told them how you were accepting of it until you met Lena and now all you want in life is to survive that day because you weren’t ready to let Lena go. So, you guys have been trying to find ways you can avoid your impending death. You guys have tried finding the witch to just discover that she died 2 years ago. Brainy tried to look at the Legion’s database and found nothing. Everyone found it strange that they couldn't find anything about you. It seemed like after May 21st, 2019 any trace of you disappeared. 

“Lena, it’s not like that, I promise. I do have a lot on my plate right now but it has nothing to do with you and I’m sorry for taking it out on you. I would like to make it up to you. So, when you drop me off I would hope that you come in too.” You apologized. Honestly you don’t know why you didn’t just come out and tell her the truth. You know that if Lena knew then she would do everything in her power to help. Hell, you knew that she might come up with a solution. But, what if she doesn’t then what? Keeping you alive would be Lena’s main goal. She would become obsessed with it. It would consume her whole existence; and when you finally do meet your demise, then Lena would blame herself. Thinking about how you died because she didn’t do enough or she wasn’t smart enough. No, you couldn’t put her through that. However, you know Lena enough to know that after you die and she finds out from Alex or Brainy that you knew this was coming and you said nothing, she would be upset. 

So, the next day after Lena's reluctant departure, you sat down and started on your parting gift for Lena.

---

May 20th, 2019

Today’s your last day. Today is your full day with Lena. You begged Lena months ago to take today off. You didn’t tell her why anyways she asked every time you begged, but you just kept telling her that you just want a day for just the two of you. So, now it is currently 5pm and you two are laying in Lena’s bed, exhausted from the day’s events. You made sure that Lena had a great time. You had Kara take you two to Rome and you spent the day wandering around and visiting all the tourist places and eating at the tourist restaurants. You knew Lena always wanted to go somewhere and be treated like a normal person and that’s how she was treated today. You looked over to Lena and found she was already staring at you with the look that she always gives you. The look with so much love and admiration like you’re the reason why the sun rises every morning. Usually this look would fill your heart with so much happiness that it feels like it would burst. However, today wasn’t the case. This time it made you burst into tears.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Lena exclaims worryingly. She doesn't know why you are crying. You two had a fabulous day together. You went all out for her today and Lena fell even more in love today, even though she didn’t know that was possible. Now, you two were in her apartment enjoying the rest of the day and one look from her made you cry.

“It’s nothing babe. I’m just thinking about how beautiful you are and I’m happy that I can spend my life with you. I love you so much.” You confessed through the tears. It’s too late to tell her what the day truly meant for you. How does one tell the love of their life that this was their last day together? 

---

May 21st, 2019 8:15am

You woke up to a weight on your chest. You look down to find a pool of black hair spilled on your chest. You rarely get to wake up before Lena considering she likes to be up by the crack of dawn. However, when you do wake up before her, you tend to cherish the moment. You look down in awe. You spend the next couple of minutes outlining the lines on her face. You take note that Lena's mouth is slightly parted when she sleeps or how her skin tends to glow in the morning light. You even note the small puddle of drool that has collected on your chest below Lena’s mouth. Seeing that made you chuckle. You know that if you told Lena that she was drooling in her sleep again that she would adamantly deny that she drools and that the water on your chest obviously came from sweating. 

Unfortunately, not everything can last forever because you remembered what today’s day was. You remembered that it was the 21st of May. The day that would surely be your last on this Earth. Your last with the love of her life. Upon this realization, suddenly looking at Lena’s sleeping form didn’t bring happiness and love to you. Instead, all that welcomed you was desperation and heartbreak. You tried your hardest to figure out how to avoid this, but it seemed that every solution you, Brainy, and Alex came up with had a flaw in it. It seemed that it was impossible to escape fate. 

So, now you wonder what would happen to this sleeping form on you. Would she let today destroy her? Or would she come out on top stronger than ever? Would she be mad at you? Would she be mad at herself for not realizing sooner that something was off? Would she fall in love again? Jeez, you really do hope Lena could find love again in the future. You wanted her to be happy. You wanted her to move on and live her best life. To date, love, marry, and have a family. You wanted her to do everything you two talked about. It breaks your heart that it won’t be with you, but at least she would have those things.

“So, were you going to silently stare at me while I was sleeping or were you going to wake me up at some point, darling?” Lena groggily asked me while rubbing her eyes. You smile at her, forcing out the thoughts in your head, and replied back, “Depends. Were you going to stop drooling on me?” Lena paused her stretching and glared at you.

“I would like you to know that CEOs of multi-billion dollar companies do NOT drool in their sleep.” She strakly said back.

“Well, there must have been a drop in LCorp stocks because you definitely do.” You shot back and laughed. Lena hit you on the shoulder which made you laugh harder. 

“I don’t know why I put up with you.” She mumbled under her breath before she shot you one last glare before she got up and made her way to the bathroom.

“Maybe because you love me.”

“Yeah that gotta be the reason why.” Was the last thing you heard before Lena closed the bathroom door behind her. Yeah she’ll be okay after today. She has to be.

---

May 21st, 2019 11:30am

You and Lena have been lounging around her apartment all morning. You two are currently watching Lena’s favorite movie, Moana. You weren’t really paying attention, only singing the songs with Lena when they came on. You were too busy texting Alex. Alex is persistent on sending DEO agents or Kara over to protect you for the day. You refused because if she did that then Lena would obviously have questions and you would break down and tell her the truth. That would ultimately cause your last day together to be filled with tension. You didn’t want that. You wanted Lena to remember the last moments you spent together to be good ones.

You have decided to not let Alex’s worrying take up anymore of your time. So, you sat your phone on the table and finally sat back and gave your full attention to the tv to enjoy the movie. 

However, enjoyment didn’t last long because suddenly the tv went black cutting the movie short. When the tv cut back on it wasn’t the movie that greeted you and Lena. No, it was a man and woman with caramel skin. They had white hair, the man’s hair was short and carefully styled while the woman’s was braided into an intricate design. They also had pointed ears and blue dots painted on their skin in a pattern. They wore what looked like Victorian styled royal clothing. You stare at the pair on tv and the feeling of dread and familiarity was all that met you. You felt like the pair looked familiar, but you didn’t know from where. 

Your pondering was cut short when the pair finally spoke.

“Greetings to the inhibats of National City. We are the King and Queen of Azltan and we have come looking for one of our kind that has been hiding among you. If you know of the one named, (Y/N) of the (L/N), please bring her to us at the tallest building. We will give you till the yellow sun meets the ground, then we will deploy our soldiers to find her, and they will find her within any means necessary. We hope you do cooperate with us and let this interaction between our species be as peaceful as possible.” The Queen spoke.

You listened to the TV frozen in place, unaware of the world around you. You didn’t notice that Lena has gotten up and is now calling your name over and over. You didn’t notice Kara entering your apartment as Supergirl and had started formulating a plan with Lena. You didn’t even notice that Kara had picked you up and taken you and Lena to the DEO. You didn’t notice any of this. You were completely shocked at how today was unraveling. 

You didn’t snap out of your state of shock until your head snapped to the side and your cheek was suddenly hurting. You blinked a couple times and bought your head back up. You were met with Lena standing in front of you, breathing heavily with tears in her eyes. It then registered to you that she had slapped you.

“Did you just slap me!?” You exclaim bewildering.

“Yes I did! Everyone has been trying to get your attention for the last hour and have been completely ignored! We are trying to come up with a plan to keep you safe but it’s hard to do so when the person we are trying to protect is ignoring everyone!” Lena yelled back, blinking back tears.

“Well, I’m sorry, Lena if I’m not exactly presented right now. I did just find out that an alien race that I never even heard of has come to National City looking for me. Then, on top of that, they claim I’m one of them!” You shouted while standing up so fast that the chair you were sitting on hit the floor. You were in Lena’s face, breathing wildly and looking into her eyes. How dare Lena put this on you? This wasn’t your fault. It just wasn’t seemingly possible to save you. Today was the when and the how finally showed itself. 

You were ready to tell Lena off some more until you saw something in Lena’s eyes that you never seen directed towards you; fear. You step back and look behind Lena to all your friends and see the same look in their eyes. You sigh, close your eyes, and pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Look, Lena. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to take that out on you. None of this is your fault. But, I don’t want to put all of National CIty in risk because you guys want to hide me away. I suggest we invite the Queen and King to the DEO and see what they want with me.” You suggest suddenly feeling a strong urge to meet them.

All your friends protested this idea. Saying how bad of an idea that was because they knew nothing of these people.

“Which is why we invite them to the DEO. This is one of the safest places I can be in National City. There are armoured guards everywhere, Supergirl, and Lena’s wrath.” You joked hoping to lighten the mood.

“National City and I would be safe. Maybe, we can convince them to leave Earth in peace because this has to be a misunderstanding.” You say hoping that you can convince your friends to go along with your plan.

After about two minutes of silence, everyone eventually agreed that this was the best course of action in keeping you and National City safe.

--

May 21st, 2019 2:00pm

Brainy sent a message an hour ago to the Queen and King’s ship, telling them to come to the DEO to meet with you. As time passed by you felt increasingly eagered and scared of what was to come. Lena hasn’t left your side since your little outburst. You, of course, felt bad for yelling at her, but you just suddenly felt a strong desire to defend yourself against her claims. Sure, you understood Lena’s perspective. You knew that under her collected demeanor that Lena was stressing out about your wellbeing and the intention of these otherworldly visitors. Your guilt increased greatly when you remembered that Lena has no idea how this day was going to end for you. You put your arm around her and pull her into a tight hug.

“Hey, listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. You will be okay, stop worrying so much.” You whisper against the top of Lena’s head. You hoped that Lena didn’t catch on to the fact that you said that she was going to be okay and not that you two would be okay. You need her to look back at this moment and remember these words of affirmation. 

Lena hugs you back and opens her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by a huge beam of light touching down in front of the huge opening that Supergirl usually uses as an entrance. When the beam of light dissipated, it revealed five figures. Three of the five you don’t recognize, but by their demeanor you can tell they had to be some type of guards. Behind the three figures you saw the same two people that you saw on your TV just a few hours before.

When you met eyes with the Queen’s identical ones, you were overcome by familiarity and something else. You didn’t know why, but for some reason you felt the need to close the distance between you and the King and Queen. So, you took a step forward. However, when you did two very distinct things happened at the same time. The first thing was that the Queen also stepped forward. The second thing was that Kara was in front of you and every DEO agent in the room had their weapons pointing at the five aliens. Which in turn made the three guards in front of the King and Queen jump into a defensive stance. 

The room stayed like this for a tense minute before the King cleared his throat. “Hello, My name is Stul of the Van Kol and this is my wife, Luzu of the Van Kol. We are the Queen and King of Azltan. We are not here to cause any harm, so it would be very appreciated if everyone would lower their weapons.” The King said with booming authority in his voice.

The DEO agents look around nervously unsure what to do. Nobody lowered their weapon until Alex gave the signal to. 

Anyways the weapons were lowered, the tension stayed.“You say that you guys aren’t here to cause any harm, yet, you went on TV to tell the whole city that we must give up one person by the end of the day if we didn’t want to be invaded.” Lena speaks up in her CEO voice. You knew that Lena didn’t buy a single word the King said and she had a great point not to. However, something told you that the King was telling the truth.

The King lets out a hearty laugh and says, “You have a great argument there, Miss. For that we are sorry, however, it was quite urgent that we found (Y/N) as soon as possible. Their safety heavily relied on it.”

The last sentence sparked everyone's interest. “My safety?” You question. You step out from behind Kara since you didn’t believe you needed to be protected from the aliens in front of you. 

“What does us meeting have to do with my safety?” You ask again. Obviously they knew something you didn’t and frankly you are getting fed up with today. 

“I believe it would be better if we discussed this somewhere with” The King stops talking and looks around the room before continuing, “less people.” He finishes with a strained smile. You can tell that he is trying to keep the peace, but he really isn’t happy with the predicament he is in.

“No. We will have this discussion right here, right now.” You state sternly. 

“Please, my child. It is really not safe for us to talk in the open.” The Queen pleads softly. 

“What do you mean, your child? You two are not my parents. My parents passed away years ago, and I’m not moving from this spot. You either hurry up and tell me why I’m in danger or you guys can leave and not come back.” You are getting increasingly frustrated as the minutes ticked by. This conversation wasn’t doing anything but giving you more questions than answers. 

You look between the King and Queen and notice how nervous they seem to be getting. The Queen is wringing her hands and looking around anxiously, while the King is developing a noticeable film of sweat on his forehead. 

“How am I in dang-” You slowly enunciate every word. However, before you can finish your sentence, you feel a very intense pain and next thing you know you were on the ground. 

Lena got to you first. At least you think she did. You don’t really know because all you can focus on is the boiling, hot pain that was radiating from your stomach. Your hands reached for where the pain was coming from. When you reached the area it was wet. Everywhere you touched was wet. Filled with confusion you bought your hands up to look at them. Your hands were completely red. That’s when you realized that you were bleeding a lot.

Lena grabs your shaky hands, “Hey. Hey, (Y/N), you've been shot, but you’re going to be okay. Okay? Just stay with us and you’ll be okay. Alex is about to apply pressure to your wound, okay?” Lena says with a shaky voice, tears unshed. You both knew that you were not going to be okay, but you nod your head anyways.

The moment Alex pressed her hands against the place where the bullet had entered you let out a blood curdling scream. 

“It’s okay, (Y/N). You’re doing great, just hang in there.” Alex coos softly. You can hear a twinge of dread in her voice. She knew that this was the moment that you guys have tried so hard to avoid. You also knew that anyways you were certain that there was one way this could end that Alex would try to save you until your last breath.

Everything was starting to get more fuzzy. The pain was fading into nothingness and you felt a heaviness settle behind your eyelids. You look up at Lena for the last time. You wanted to remember everything about Lena. You wanted to remember how green her eyes are or how her nose crinkle when you tell a really bad joke or how anyways she’s not afraid of any man, yet, she still begs you to kill the bugs in the apartment. You wanted to remember everything about this goddess above you.

You put one of your hands up to her cheek, vaguely remembering there is blood on them. You use the last of your strength to smile up at her and say, “You are going to be okay, Lena. Just know that I love you.”

#lena luthor x reader #lena luthor imagine #supergirl imagine #DC imagines #lena luthor #kara danvers #alex danvers #alien!reader #Life Line Imagine #lena luthor fic #lena x reader

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

I saw you reblogged a Peter Pan gif set; what are some of your favorite older Disney animated movies?

Ooh thank you for the question! I really love that you asked this since I just got Disney+ last weekend!

I think it depends on what your definition of “older” movies is - like I know that some that may seem “old” to me aren’t actually that old compared to other Disney films. Like some films from the 80s and 90s might not be considered that old but they seem that way to me since they were made before I was born!

The Golden Age (1937-42): I wouldn’t say these are my absolute favourites, but I do like Snow White and Bambi!

The Silver Age (1950-67): I LOVE Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland - 2017-2019, my family and I went on holidays each year to Disneyland Paris, and all three years I met Peter and Wendy, and then for both 2018/2019, I met Alice and the Mad Hatter as well! (To be honest though, my Wonderland love is mostly because of the mature video games by American McGee!) I also absolutely adore Lady and the Tramp and 101 Dalmatians to be honest - I’m a sucker for dogs! (Also I had Lady and Tramp plushies when I was young so that’s lovely!)

Bronze/Dark Age (1970-1988): So these are seen as the bad ones but honestly? I love the Fox and the Hound so much, I even still have my Todd plushie on my bed from when I went on my school’s French immersion trip to Disneyland Paris when I was 15! I also really loved The Black Cauldron growing up - I know that that’s probably an unpopular thing to say because I know now that there’s books and the film apparently did no justice to them (I got the whole series for Christmas so I’m hopefully going to start reading them soon!), but I honestly really liked that film as a kid. I really think Eilonwy is an underrated princess, and I already like the relationship between her and Taran (also Gurgi is cute in the film!), so hopefully I’ll love the books even more!

Renaissance (1989-1999): these probably aren’t classed as “old” but I’ll include them anyway! I love pretty much every one of the films made in this period, but my ultimate favourite - and it’s my ultimate favourite Disney movie to this day - is Beauty and the Beast. I remember being so happy and excited as a kid watching it because Belle was a princess who loved to read, and I loved to read so much as a kid (I still do when I have time), and it’s such a beautiful movie in every way - the story, the songs, the animation... I love it so much. I also really love Tarzan (I used to do that knuckle-walking thing when I was little and so the Tarzan cry, plus I had a Terk plushie), The Lion King (I had a Simba and a Nala as a kid), Mulan, Hercules (the fact her name is Meg is icing on the cake, plus it gave me the idea to use her full name “Megara” for my Skyrim/RPG characters!), Hunchback of Notre Dame, Little Mermaid... I absolutely love this era of Disney.

I’ll end the list there since 2000 onwards is definitely considered “modern”, but there’s quite a few ones from 2000 onwards I enjoyed! (If you do want to hear about my favourite Disney films from 2000, just ask!)

Speaking of Peter Pan though, while I love the Disney Peter Pan, I acknowledge that its depiction of Native Americans (I.e. the Indian tribe) is not okay. Even in the book, the depiction is really bad and offensive. I happen to just love the idea and story in general of Peter Pan though, the whole flying away to Neverland and Lost Boys stuff (and obviously Hook/pirates). I just love Peter Pan in general! I even have a Peter Pan tattoo that’s a silhouette of Peter and the Darling children flying, and it’s the Disney one - not just because I love Peter Pan, but because my Nan used to take me to see Peter Pan at the pantomime growing up (I saw other pantos of course but the Peter Pan ones were my favourite), and I wanted to get something in memory of her that she wouldn’t haunt me for (because I’m 100% certain she’d have haunted me for life if I’d gotten her name or something similar tattooed on my body). It’s a subtle nod, and it’s not just because of her, but it’s still a nod nonetheless. I feel I should add though that the Disney adaptation isn’t my favourite adaptation of Peter Pan (though I do love it, don’t get me wrong - I love meeting Peter and Wendy at Disneyland, and I have Peter AND Wendy dolls on my bed): my absolute favourite version of Peter Pan is the 2003 one (which isn’t Disney but still). The Disney version, however, is more easily recognizable as silhouettes, plus it’s easier to get merch for Disney stuff than anything else!

(PS: if you ever get the chance, I highly recommend going to a Peter and Wendy meet and greet - they’re so much fun and they give great hugs! There are pictures somewhere on this blog but I look awful so I won’t add them here 😅 the pictures are there though, and I tag everything so you could probably easily find them by looking at the Peter Pan or Disneyland tags on my blog. Also Alice and Hatter are a riot as well - we mimed having UnBirthday tea and they asked if my flower tattoo spoke to me!)

#disney #peter pan #this was longer than I expected it to be tbh! #disneyland paris #disneyland

[troop-scoop]

Mistakes & Regrets V

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (like, a really slow burn)

A/n: Italics are memories!

•••

You were scared, and alone.

The star and moonless sky sent chills up your spine, and the cold made you feel like it was winter. But this place didn’t have any seasons. It was just cold, and empty. And slimy.

It always felt like your feet were slipping whenever you tried to sneak around whatever those things were around you. They were terrifying, growling, and faceless.

And you made a big mistake, you’d ran away, you broke the rule of never going into the woods alone. This was on you. And you wanted nothing more for your phone to work. To be able to call your dad, either one of them. You wanted to apologize for being an idiot, for not being responsible.

You were hiding, holding your keys. They were too loud. All the keychains you had on it were jingling drawing attention. You were trying to take them off of the ring as quietly as you could, the first one to go was your Millennium Falcon keychain, quietly slipping it into your backpocket. The second was the Avatar keychain, that one being slipped into your hoodie pocket. You needed to seperate them, keep it so the jingle was no longer there. So you could get by them easier.

The last one you hesitated on. The rose quartz crystal keychain your brother had bought you from the dollar section in Target for your birthday. You didn’t really have an opinion of crystals, you thought they were pretty, so you kept it on your keyring.

You hesitated, before deciding against it, holding your pepper spray as if it would do anything, the pale pink can being gripped in your hand, fingers wrapped tightly around it, your nail polish a dark shade of purple, contrasting the pink, even in the dark.

“Could you find a way to let me down slowly.” You sang as quietly as possible, holding the keychain in your hand, trying to calm your down as much as possible. They’d seen you once. You didn’t want to risk it again. You’d lost your skateboard along the way, having dropped it the moment you saw one of those. . . things.

“A little sympathy I hope you can show me.” Tears were close to going down your cheeks as you grabbed your bag, holding it to your chest as tightly as you could. Your phone died a day before. And you’d been here a total of two. Evading the creature’s, never really getting a good look at them. Just knowing that they towered over you and looked emaciated, and their hands were huge, if you could even call them hands. They looked more like claws. And reminded you of the Windigo from that one video game whose name kept slipping your mind. And that’s what you called them, because that’s what they looked like, even if they weren’t because you knew these things had to be a different species, not a cannibal turned monster from Native American lore.

“If you wanna go then I’ll be so lonely.” Your low voice cracked a bit as your grip on the

sketchbook inside of your bag tightened. Your knees meeting your chest as you held the red material of the Jansport bag.

“If you’re leaving, baby, let me down slowly.” A loud noise came from down the street. Away from where you were hiding. Looking from the tree branches to the dark uninhabited houses you saw one of them moving. But you moved quicker. Hopping down from the tree and carrying your bag while you ran

•••

You didn’t know where you were going, you were pretty sure you were just running. Maybe there was something behind it. Some reason you were going towards the center of town, like a gut instinct telling you that you needed to go, run away from the motel you’d been living in for the past months.

The second the bowl had shattered and Linda snapped you out of it, you’d ran, going for your room again, and packing a few things you thought were necessary, and you went running down the street, it’d been 15 minutes now.

And at the end of those 15 minutes, you turned a corner, and almost ran straight into an older woman, who looked upset, and frazzled. An unreadable look on her face. But you knew it wasn’t a happy one. Maybe one of being deep in thought? Contemplation maybe.

It took everything in you not to call her what you knew her as, but you also knew that would get a strange look before she left. But as she steadied your by grabbing onto your shoulders, you grabbed her arms.

“Mrs. Byers! I was just looking for you.” Realization struck, your instincts telling you to run into town, where Joyce would be at the coroner's office, to tell her that Will couldn’t possibly be dead, because you were still there, you hadn’t disappeared like in all of those movies where something bad happens and someone was never born.

Or this could be like in Avengers, where something caused another timeline to happen. But then what would that mean for you? For the rest of your family here? For Will? Would he really be dead?

You refused to believe that. It didn’t feel right.

“I’m sorry? Do I know you?” Joyce looked more confused than she could have ever been in the entirety of her life.

“No, you don’t.” You spoke sadly, looking down to the ground, blinking away quick tears before looking back up to Joyce. “I’m new to Hawkins, just please listen, this is about your son-”

“If Jonathan told you anything-”

“There’s no way he’s dead!” You interrupted, grip on her sleeves growing tighter before she slowly pulled her hands away from your shoulders, eyeing you cautiously, almost as if you’d found out a secret.

“Wh-what?”

“You’re going to think I’m crazy, like, psych ward level crazy, like needing to be so heavily medicated that I wouldn’t be able to function normally-”

“Sweetheart, I’ve been the crazy one in town the past few days. I’ve seen it. . . What’s going on?”

You felt your heart swell a bit when she called you ‘sweetheart’ because that was what she’d always called you. Dad called you ‘baby’ and she always called you ‘sweetheart’. You blinked away more tears as you tried to muster up the courage to speak, but you couldn’t.

Carefully, and almost hesitantly, you pulled off your bag, and opened it. Taking out the large notebook and closing the backpack again, flipping to the page you were looking for, the image you and your dad had drawn together. You handed over the  sketchbook, and you saw her eyes widen a little as she looked down at the carefully drawn image.

“This is- this is Will’s Dungeons and Dragons character-”  

“Will the Wise, Right? A Cleric, a healer, he’s clever and smart, and he helps people! And that’s my character that he helped me make when I was nine, she’s a half-elf rogue, I named her after Elizabeth the first!” You explained.

Growing up, you played D&D with your Dad and uncles whenever they came to visit or you went to visit them. They weren’t actually related to you, but rather the kind of uncles that everyone else had, the uncles that were your parent’s best friends. They all helped you make your favorite character.

“When you were nine? Will’s only been playing with his friends for a year and a half? Right after he turned 11, he asked for the set for his birthday, there’s no way, and he doesn’t know you. He has three friends.”

“Check the date. Upper right hand corner.” You told her, watching as he eyes darted to the date on the paper, and you watched as her face fell before she looked back up at you.

“January 21st 2019? That’s. . . like 40 years from now-”

“36, actually.” You corrected quietly, a small shrug given when her face now turned into a scowl at how you corrected her.

“What are you saying?” She asked cautiously, flipping through the sketchbook. “I know I have no right to say someone else is crazy, I mean- I’m talking to Will through my christmas lights, you being from ‘2019’ sounds more believable.”

“There’s no way that Will’s dead, because I’m his daughter.” You admitted to her.

“Tell me something about him then. Only someone who knew him would know.” She demanded, closing the sketchbook and handing it back to you.

“He has a birthmark on his right arm, I had the exact same one, but then I burned myself on a pan, and it went away. . . Um- His favorite song, it’s ‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’ from The Clash. Uncle Jonathan introduced him to it. Dad introduced it to me.”

Joyce’s face was once again, unreadable as she stared at you, eyes tracking over your face carefully, catching every detail, and everything that was asymmetrical. Everything that made you look like a Byers.

“Oh my God. You’re not lying.”

•••

“So, I’m your grandmother.”

You nodded as you grabbed the boombox, setting it down on the table, examining the christmas lights she’d put up around the house. It looked like something a crazy person would do. Put up this amount of christmas lights. And paint the alphabet on the wall.

“And you have two dads?”

You turned your head to her, giving her a look. You’d explained everything to her, how your dads had met, how you’d been conceived and born, how you’d grown up, and who your brother was. How close you were to your Uncle Jonthan, and that your favorite non-related uncle was Uncle Lucas, which sold her even more into the fact that you were really from the future, and were really her son’s daughter.

“Yes, I have two dads. But I’m biologically Will’s.” You explained once again.

“Okay.” She said quietly, taking the tape out of the boombox, rewinding it with a pencil. “Alright, one more question.” Joyce started again, making you sigh. “How’d you get here?”

You paused, looking down at your dirtied and almost ripped converse. You didn’t quite remember. All you could remember was running into the woods after getting away from Enzo’s, trying to take a short cut to the motel, and then you fell through the ground, into something cold, and gooey. What you imagined it would feel like to stick your hand into a dead body for an autopsy. But you didn’t remember anything after that. Just waking up, in dirty clothes laying on the ground in the woods, backpack on, skateboard gone. And you had gotten up, legs feeling weak, and wobbly, before you’d found yourself back in town, but it had all been different. You hadn’t realized that it had been a different century until you’d gone into Melvad’s and saw something with the expiration date of ‘November 28th 1983.’

“I don’t remember. But I remember I made a mistake, and I ran off. And I regret it. If I could take it back I would.” Looking back up you noticed she was looking up at you, sympathy written on her face, and you knew what she was thinking. And you knew that one day her sympathy or your situation would turn to empathy for your Dad. Who would be going through what she was now.

You reached down and pressed ‘play’ before standing up straight again, giving her a soft smile as you looked up at the lights. This was not the house you’d assume belonged to a perfectly sane woman. And yet, it did.

“Come on Will!” You yelled “Do your weird magic bullshit!” Joyce started a bit before standing up.

Banging came from the wall, and you turned your head to look over. Joyce stopped the music and went to the spot on the wall where the banging continued, with you following shortly after.

“Mom?”

Joyce gasped. “Will?”

“Holy shit.” You murmured

“Mom?” The boy asked again, banging on the walls continuously as if trying to get through. Something told you that it wasn’t as easy as Joyce thought it was by running outside while you placed a firm hand on the wall, nails digging into the wallpaper and peeling it away.

“Will?” You questioned.

“Where’s my Mom?”

“Will!” Joyce yelled, running back inside seeing that the wallpaper in her living room was ripped off and you were staring at what looked like a thin layer of skin. Maybe a membrane. You didn’t like it, and that feeling came back, of being on a roller coaster drop, but the drop never ending. It was a bit sheer, and you could see the outline of the small boy banging against the membrane.

“Mom!”

“Will! I’m here! I’m here!” Joyce yelled back.

“Hello? Mom?”

But when she put her hand over the membrane you froze up, standing and watching in terror, because all of a sudden, you knew how you got here, and the growling of something getting closer to Will made a shiver run through your entire body, goosebumps showing up on your skin.

“Mom, it’s coming!”

The image of what ‘it’ was was fuzzy, but you saw it, like a memory. Almost ten feet tall, and so skinny their bones protrude, and almost sickly pale, white skin stretched out over the body. And the claws. You could almost feel the scratch of one of them against the back of your neck.

Reaching a hand up to your neck you could feel a skinny and elongated bump in your skin

that had never been there. But it felt like a scab. Like a scab over a healing scar.

“Tell me where you are! How do I get to you?” Joyce cried, her hand over Will’s.

“It’s like home, but it’s so dark. . .It’s so dark and empty. And it’s cold! Mom? Mom!”

You couldn’t even attempt to hold back the tears that were burning at your eyes and making

your vision blurry as you could hear the echoes of your own voice, calling out for an older version of him, the version that knew you the entire time you’d been alone. You’d been scared, and freezing in just a t-shirt and pair of ripped jeans. Holding a broken skateboard that you’d landed on in your fall.

It came to you briefly, running into the woods after Pa had yelled at you at Enzo’s. But then the rain had gotten worse, turning into the thunder, and loud noises never really scared you, it was the lighting that was a little too close to you that had you running, searching for any way out, yelling and screaming for both of your fathers, for anyone.

And then you took one wrong step, in the wrong direction. And you fell into the ground, instantly feeling cold, and as if the temperature was going to kill you. It felt like falling through cold slime before you’d landed on your skateboard, breaking it in half.

Everything there had echoed, and it felt like the entirety of the town had been placed inside of an infinitely large and inescapable cave. You’d cried out even louder for your Dad, getting no response. You’d begged and pleaded for the nightmare to go away, but it never did. You remembered screaming out “Dad! Dad please, I’m sorry!” And then you remembered waking up in the woods, sun shining down on you, a real sky in view.

•••

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