"I love you's"
Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley, Background & Cameo Characters Summary: Eddie cheeks were wet. Why was he crying? Then his brain cought up with what his heart was about to make him say: "I love you".
All the times Eddie almost said "I love you" to Buck and the time he actually said it.
[Sorry for the long post but I don't know how to put the "Keep reading" thing]
1. After the boombing.
The first time Eddie was about to say "I love you" to his best friend was after the boombing. The nurses had just brought Buck back in his room after a surgery and Eddie had sneaked inside before even Maddie could.
He knew he didn't have much time so he didn't even bother to get a chair. Buck looked so peaceful while sleeping. Eddie was scared that he could wake him up if he touched his hand so he didn't. He stood there at end of the bed, watching his best friend.
《Hey, Buck, the surgery went well. You will walk again. After some physiotherapy, of course.》 Eddie didn't know why he was even talking since Buck couldn't understand him in his sleeping state.
《You know, I'm really happy you are okay. When I saw the ladder truck explode I don't think I've never been so worried in my life. And then I saw your leg stuck under it and I couldn't come to help you, just like I couldn't help Shannon and I was losing my mind thinking about losing you. I can't bare the thought of losing another important person of my life, because Buck, I -》 he stopped.
His cheeks were wet. Why was he crying? Then his brain cought up with what his heart was about to make him say: "I love you".
Eddie had fallen in love with Buck without even noticing. That part of himself that he had forgotten after marring Shannon was coming back on surface. And if he thought about it, it probably started coming up again in his mind after a few shifts at 118 with Buck.
He was about to open his mouth when he heard quick footsteps behind him and when he turned Maddie was storming into his little brother's room, but stopped when she saw Eddie standing there. Eyes red from crying, cheeks stained from all the tears he had shed without realizing.
《Oh, Eddie.》 The woman said, trowing her arms around him in a warm and comforting hug. 《Evan is going to be okay.》 She added, strocking his back trying to calm him down, while he was silently crying.
He knew Buck was going to okay, but would Eddie be?
Now that in that hospital room he had given his heart the control, how could he keep it from ruing the best friendship he had got since years?
He was crying for himself, but he nobbed to Maddie after breaking the hug.《Yeah, he will. Just all the adrenaline crushing down on me, I guess. It was a pretty scary situation out there.》 He told her, drying his cheeks and giving her a small smile.
Maddie studied his face a bit with a intorrogatory expression - Buck did that face often so Eddie deduced it's a Buckley thing - before she decided to take that as a good reply. She didn't ask him anything more, not even how he got into the room before her or the real reason he was crying. She understood it wasn't her business. What was her business was telling Eddie to go home and have some rest and that she would have kept him updated. And that's what Eddie did. He went home, took a shower to wash away everything that had just happened, gently woke his son up and asked him if he wanted to sleep with him tonight. He hadn't even finished the question that Christopher was already kicking the blankets off of him to go cuddle his dad.
Both the house phone and his cellphone on the nightstand next to Eddie, close enough so that he could reach them in case Maddie called him from the hospital.
2. After the tsunami.
Eddie was conflicted when Chris asked him to call Buck around 3 in the morning. The kid had woke up having yet another nightmare, Eddie had already lost count of how many times he had to rock his son back to sleep after one of those since the tsunami. Usually Chris would relax pretty fast and he just had to remind him he was safe, inland, in his home, on his bed. But tonight it was different, the kid seemed to have no intention of calming down to sleep. He just wanted Buck. But it was the middle of the night, Buck was sleeping for sure.
After trying to convince his son to let their friend sleep with no success, he went to his room and took his phone.
《Hey, Eddie. It's everything okay?》Buck's voice came two seconds after the first ring. He sounded wide awake, not like a person that had just been wake up from a call.
《Yeah, everything it's fine. Sorry if I woke you up, but do you mind coming over? I know it's late but it's important.》 The question came out more shyly than expected.
《I'm on my way.》 It was the only thing Buck replied before ending the call.
Eddie looked at his phone. So many thoughts in his head. Why Chris wanted Buck so bad? Why was Buck awake at this hour? Why was he so nervous about is best friend coming over in the middle of the night? He scrolled his head to send away all the questions and went back to his son that was still sitting on his bad, waiting for news.
《Hey, mijo. Buck is coming, okay? I'll go make some coffee for us in the midtime, do you want or need anything?》 He asked leaning on the door frame.
《Nothing. Thank you, dad.》Chris replied, shaking his head with a small smile on his little face knowing Buck was coming.
They didn't have to wait long before Buck was letting himself in using the spare key he always found on the same spot under a pot. Eddie could've just given it to him since it was basically his from how many times he used it.
《Eddie?》 The young man called softly just to make sure he didn't wake Chirstopher up.
《Hey, man. Thank you for coming. I called you for Christopher.》 Eddie said, going to greet him.
《What happened? Where is he? Is he okay?》 Buck asked looking around and Eddie could read in his tone and eyes that the was starting to panic.
《He just had a nightmare, he is in his room and he is okay.》 He replied placing both hands on his friend's shoulders in attempt of calming him down.《He is having nightimares about the tsunami almost every night since then, and usually he goes back to sleep after seeing he is safe in his bed but tonight he asked for you.》 Eddie explained and Buck's eyes were on his as soon as he finished the sentence, a sad smile on his face.
《He is in his room?》 Buck's asked to confirm he had heard right.
《Yes, in his room, waiting for you.》 Eddie replied letting go Buck's shoulders.
The younger man nobbed at him and made his way to the kid's room, Eddie close behind.
《Buck!》Chris cheered as soon as he saw his friend coming inside his room.
Eddie looked at them hug, smiles on their faces that caused him to smile too. Seeing them so close had such a weird effect on him, he could watch them all the time and never get tired. And it was like this even before realising he had feelings for Buck, every emotion he felt before was just twice bigger now.
《I- I will let you two talk.》 He announced taking a few steps back.《 I'll be in the kitchen if you need me.》 He added pointing to the room and gaining a nob from Buck and Chris and closing the door behind his back.
He was curious to know what they were going to talk about, but also wanted to give his kid privacy. He would have talked with him when he was ready.
He went to the kitchen, poured two cups of coffee and sat at the table lazily drinking while waiting.
Buck came out of the room fifteen minutes later more or less, it wasn't like Eddie was counting. He heard his best friend stopping and sniffing before turning the courner of the room.
《Chris is sleeping again.》He informed walking inside and taking a seat in front of the mug of coffe Eddie prepared for him.
Eddie nodded and allowed himself to observe his friend carefully for the first time since he had arrived.
Buck was wearing a pair of grey short sweatpats and a t-shirt. Something that he usually wore at home when he had nothing to do and Eddie wonder if he had rushed out to go to them without changing and it was logical since he had arrived pretty fast.
His attention went to Buck's face then. He still hadn't shaved the short beard he had grown during his recovery, he must have taken a shower because his hair were curly and it made Eddie smile. He really liked Buck's little curls. His smile dropped when he looked his eyes. They were dull and tired with black shadows under them. The deep blue not as joyful as it always was.
How could he not have noticed how bad his friend was feeling? How could he haven't thought that Buck was probably having trouble sleeping just as much as Chris was? They had both lived the tsunami. That's why it took Buck seconds to reply to the phone, because he was already awake.
《You probably shoundn't be drinking coffe.》 Eddie spoke breaking the silence. 《You look like you haven't slept well in days.》 He added after receving a confused look.
《Yeah, well. I'm - I'm...》Buck's tongue seemed stuck.
《You're having nightmares too.》 Eddie finished for him and the other man just nobbed lowering his eyes.
《I had just woke up from one when you called me.》 Buck said after a bit.
《You should have tried to go back to sleep, I would have understood. And Chris too.》 The Eddie said giving the other a small smile, but Buck shook his head.
《You said it was important. So I came.》 He said firmly putting down his mug.
Eddie couldn't help but smile. He was so happy his son had found someone else that cared for him just has much as he did. He was so happy to have found someone like Buck himself, someone that was so easy to love.
《He dreamed of you.》 Buck spoke again, pullimg him out from his thoughts. 《You were at the pier with him and the water divided you and he... and he couldn't...》and he told him Chris's nightmares.
Eddie noticed his eyes watering, his breathing becoming faster and faster and in a second his hand was on top of Buck's.
《Buck, Chris is going to be okay. You will be okay.》He said, caressing the other's hand with his thumb. 《We all be okay》
《He isn't even traumatized by the water, he is traumatized by the fact that I lost him, Eddie. He must have been so scared out there on his own and it's all my fault if now he is scared to lose you and that he won't be able to find you.》Buck started ranting and without thinking he turned his hand to hold Eddie's.
Eddie felt his cheeks turning red, luckily Buck's eyes are on the mug or anywhere that isn't Eddie's face.
《He told me that he didn't want to tell you because he didn't want to make you sad. And that I was the only person that could understand how scary that was.》 He continued and Eddie could feel his heart breaking with each word.
Both of their heart were breaking and Eddie had to mentally stop himself from getting up and hug his friend. Sure it wouldn't be their first hug, but this time it would have been difficult for Eddie to let go.
《Buck, like I told you, it was not your fault. You kept Chris save as much as you could, and you searched for him even if you were tired and hurt. And yeah, he is traumatazed by being alone, but he won't because I'll be here, and you will be here as long as we can. He will overcome all of this.》 Eddie tried to reassure Buck by slightly tightening the grip on his hand and cheasing his gaze.
《I don't want to leave him.》 Buck replied, finally watching him and Eddie could read in his face and voice his determination.
《You won't. You are my best friend. You are part of Christopher's life, he loves you, I -》 He started but stopped as soon as he realized he was about to say 'I love you' - even if he was sure that Buck wouldn't have take that in romantic way. Eddie coudn't say that. Not yet, at least, he hoped one day he will be able to, but not now. 《I was thinking you should stay here tonight. I can't let you drive with the risk of falling asleep on the wheel.》 He added, before Buck could ask anything and letting Buck's hand go.
He felt so stupid to feel so embarrassed for a hand holding between friends. He felt like he was back in high school asking his crush out.
《Are you sure?》Buck asked and Eddie sensed almost the same amount of embarrassment in his friend's voice.
《Yeah, you are already dressed for bed.》 He pointed, getting up and putting the mugs in the sink.
When he turned to Buck again he was watching his outfit like he had just noticed that he didn't changed before going out. Eddie found him adorable while he was checking if he had any holes or stains.
《Also, I'm sure Chris will be thrilled to see you are still here tomorrow morning.》Eddie added to make his best friend watch him again and when Buck did, he was smiling big.
《I can make him breakfast.》 He happily informed while getting up as well.
He was so close Eddie could smell his detergent and his shower gel and his shampoo. He was kind of too close in Eddie's opinion; he could do something stupid like kiss him.
《Of course you can, but first you have to get some sleep.》He laughed, making his way out of the kitchen.
Buck followed him close behind.
《You take the bed, it's more comfortable and closer to Chris' room. I will stay on the couch.》 Eddie informed while opening the door of his room and letting Buck in.
《Eddie, no, you -》 Buck wanted to protest, but Eddie didn't let him finish.
《I took my decision. I don't want to hear complaints. I just need my pillow.》He said, crossing his arm.
Buck sighed, understanding he had no way out of this.
《Thank you, Eddie.》 He said, heading the pillow to his host.
《Thank you, Buck. For being here for Christopher. I truly appreciate it.》 Eddie hoped Buck understands how much. He didn't know how to show it completely. 《Goodnight, Buck.》He said, watching him take place on the bed.
《Goodnight, Eddie.》 Buck mumbled with a smile and it took Eddie a couple of minutes before taking away his eyes from the man on his bed and going to sleep himself on the couch. Both of the rooms doors were open a few inches in case Chris or Buck needed anything.
The morning after he had waken up by Chris and Buck in the kitchen giggling together. He was happy he didn't have a shift and could stay home and enjoy the company of his son and Buck.
3. During the lawsuit.
Eddie frozed when he saw who rang the bell. Buck.
He shouldn't have bene there, his stupid lawsuit didn't allow that.
《Before you say anything, I know I shouldn't be here, but I couldn't stop thinking about what you said yesterday at the shop. About Christopher missing me, and I miss him so much too.》 Buck spilled out all in one go with a big sigh before adding《We don't have to talk to each other but can I please see him?》The last part sounded very much like a beg.
Eddie tried to play though. He wanted to tell Buck to go away because he was still angry, but he missed him too and knew how happy letting him in would have made Chris. And Buck was staring at him never breaking eye contant, and Eddie just felt like his blue eyes were washing away his anger.
《Who is at the door, dad?》 Chris shout from the living room.
Eddie mentally thank his son for unintentionally stopping him from hugging and forgiving the man in front of him.
《You have 10 minutes. Then you are out of here.》 He decided to go for a fifty-fifty concession, where his son could have enjoyed the company of Buck and he could have still play the pretend as he was angry with him.
Buck seemed to be okay with that because he hadn't even finished talking that his face opened up in a huge smile and he was entering the Diaz house before Eddie closed the door and changed his mind.
《Hey, buddy.》 Buck greeted happily when he arrived in the living room.
《Buck!》Eddie heard Christopher scream full of joy.
He'd have loved to go and enjoy the scene that was happening, but he knew that if he saw them hugging he wouldn't let Buck go after his 10 minutes time, so he decided to go in the kitchen and keep himself busy.
He couldn't control his ears tho, and it seemed like they wanted him to hear the giggles that were coming from the other room loud and clear, the only solution was to put his headphones on and listen to some music.
10 minutes later Buck was pocking his head in the room. Eddie could sense he was being watched and turned around.
《My time is up. I wanted to warn you so you can go back to Chris.》 The young man explained once he was sure Eddie had paused the music.
《You can stay. I have stuff to do anyway. Keep him company.》 Eddie said without actually thinking.
He turned back to the dishwasher and took the plates out. He didn't press play to the music this time, he wanted, he needed to hear them while they were playing and having fun. He had missed Chris genuine laugh that he only seemed to have when he was with Buck. And Buck. He missed having Buck there.
He almost forgot that he was angry at him and by the time he saw the other man again he was entering the living room after tyding up Chris' room, his room and had done the laundry.
Buck passed his gaze from Eddie to the clock behind him. 2 hours had passed. He got ready to be kicked out of the house but Eddie didn't seem angry. He simply gave him a nob to the door.
《Okay, I have to go now, buddy.》 Buck announced putting down his controler on the table in front of them.
《Aren't you staying for dinner?》Chris whispered sadly and Buck shot a look to Eddie almost begging him to let him stay for dinner.
And Eddie had to use all of his self control to not give up.
Buck lowered his eyes to Chris after he saw Eddie shaking his head "No"
《Sorry, I already have plans with Maddie, tonight.》 He lied and Eddie can clearly see his heart breaking. 《But we will see each other soon, okay?》 He added stealing a little smile from the kid that happily nobs in agreement.
Eddie was waiting by the door while Buck and Chris shared their goodbyes.
《Thank you.》 Buck said as he joined him. 《For letting me stay longer then 10 minutes.》 He added locking his eyes with Eddie's.
《Don't thank me. I never planned to actually let you stay only for 10 minutes. I -》 "Can't stay angry at you for too long, I love you, you idiot." His eyes widened at what he was about to say. He really needed to learn how to control his thoughts or he would have end up outing himself.
Apparently he was lost in his mind a bit too long because Buck was looking at him in confusion.
Eddie cleared his throat pushing back what he actually wanted to say. 《I knew Chris would have hated me if I had kicked you out.》
Buck gave him a sad smile and opened the door to leave. When he turned to look to Eddie he seemed torn between going back in while the door was still open, beg his best friend to make him stay or just leave.
And the last option it was what he chose. Buck gave him a nob and went to his jeep.
Eddie closed the door but stayed there until he heard his best friend drive away. And maybe a little longer until Chris called him to prepare dinner.
Eddie missed Buck so much, but couldn't forget and forgive him for what he was doing to Bobby and the 118. He sighed and faked a smile while joining his son in the living room, pretending he was okay and hoping Chris wouldn't understand.
4. After the well accident.
It was a bright sunny Sunday in LA and Eddie had taken advange of Christopher's free day to take him to the park. It was also Eddie last day before going back to work after the well accident. After that day Bobby had given him a week off so that he could spend time with Chris. And Eddie had accepted that happily and even had his son skip school once to have more time.
Buck was with them at the park. Of course he was, why would't he? He was family after all.
The young man was still dressed in his job attire having just finished his shift. Every kid was amazed to see a firefighter and they all started asking thousands of questions at the same time. Buck had them all sitting in a circle, Christopher on his right, and answerd all of them.
Eddie watched the scene from a bench, he could only see Chris' side profile when he turned to watch to Buck, and his son had one of the biggest smiles he had ever seen.
In that moment, seeing Buck surrounded by kids, Christopher proudly telling everybody that the man was his friend, the two laughing together, Eddie knew he had make a good choice.
On Friday morning after the Show and Tell he had done for his son's class, he had gone to his lawyer office and had changed his will to make Buck Chris' legal guardian in case he couldn't make it home from work. The idea had come to him while he was stuck meters underground fighting to come back.
He knew that Buck would have stayed by Chris' side, taking care of him and loving him like his own. He was already doing so.
《Chris' father is also a firefighter. He works with me.》Buck was telling the kids cathing Eddie's attetion.《Eds, come here, join us.》 He screamed at him turning around to watch him causing Eddie to almost melt because of how cute he looked with his blue eyes half closed because of the sun.
Eddie took Chris' bag and walked to them sitting behind Chris.
The kids around him started asking him just as many questions they had asked to Buck curious to know a different anwers.
Slowly the parents started calling their children to leave and each of them said thank you with a huge smile.
Eddie waved goodbye to the last kid and turned around just in time to see Chris and Buck yawn at the same time.
《Okay, it's time for you two to have your dinner and to get some sleep.》 He said ruffling his son hair and getting up, Buck and Chris only nodding in agreement. Too tired even to talk.
After securing Chris half-asleep in his seat, the kid mumbles goodbye to Buck and leave Eddie close the door.
When he turns Buck is standing close arms crossed a small on his lips. Eddie has to shake his head a little to take away his gaze from his friend's lips.
《It was nice today. Sorry if we couldn't talk a lot, you know I can't say no to kids.》 Buck apologizes with a small laugh and Eddie was ten seconds away from kissing him. 《What did you want to talk me about?》 Buck asked gaing his attention again.
Eddie blinks a few times. He had completely forgot that when he had texted his friend about the park he had also told him he had to tell him something. He had to tell him about his will.
Buck yawns and apologize softly while he waits a relpy and he looks adorable robbing his eyes.
《I-》 Is the only thing Eddie gets to say before he cuts himself off biting his tongue. 'Eddie you can't say I love you!' He yell at himself. He can't tell him about his will either, Buck is too sleepy to understand right now.
《I forgot.》 He lies rubbing the back of his neck. Buck laughs.
《Diaz you are lucky I love being with kids otherways I'd be pretty pissed you made me come here just to forget what you were supposed to tell me.》 He is not angry, actually he is smiling while talking and Eddie feels his shoulders relax.
《So, I'll see you tomorrow at work?》 Buck asks happily and EddIe nods with a huge smile, he missed being on the field with his friends.
Eddie watches has the young one walks to his jeep and swear to have seen him slightly turning around to watch him every now and then.
They both start the engine at the same time and the wave at each other before taking differents roads to their houses.
5. During the quarantine.
Eddie didn't like beeing away from Christopher for longer than his 24 hours shifts, but this time it was necessary. With a global pandemic happening he couldn't risk to bring that awful virus at home and he couldn't stop working because firefighters were still needed. The best option was to stay away from his son.
Chris would have stayed with Abuela and Pepa while Eddie would have stayed at Buck's appartment along with Chimney and Hen.
The four people had established rules for a peaceful coexistence, and they worked just fine most of days until one of them had a bad one which leaded to arguments, but no one had killed no one.
It was their sixth month quaratining together and it was one of those days where Eddie could have killed someone to see his son.
He knew Hen was missing Denny and Nia, and Chim was missing Maddie and her baby bump so he always hid his frustation. He stayed quite during argumets and avoided talking to his room mates during his bad days.
Eddie had tried avoiding sharing the bed with Buck so hard but Hen and Chim had better reasons then him. 《There is only one Buckley I'll ever share a bed with and it's not him.》and 《As much as I love Buck I can't stand that he wears socks in bed.》he had tried saying that the house owner snored but it was the weakest excuse because apparenty everyone snores in some positions according to Hen.
It was like turture to watch the man he had fallen in love with do his night routine in the bathroom and then having him laying so close to him every night. Many times he had to get up in the middle of the night and hide in the bathroom to cool himself off after the youngest had slightly touched him under the covers in his sleep.
《Hey, Eddie, are you okay?》Buck asked that night turning around.
The older man shifted a little to put some more space between them and only ummed in response.
《You know you can always talk to me, right Eds?》The blond man spoke softly again reaching to touch the other's shoulder sending involutarily and unknowingly shivers down his spine.
Eddie took a deep breath and turned to face Buck that was waiting with a small smile.
《I miss Chris.》Eddie ammited chocking in a small sob.
《Oh Eds. It's normal. It's the longest you two have been divided since you moved to LA, I was wondering how long it would have took you to breakdown.》 Buck replied placing one hand on top of his friend's and then moving to dry a tear from his cheek.
Eddie just lets him do, he needs comfort and Buck is giving him exactly that.
《You will see him soon. Things are getting better and you will be able to go back to him, to your own bed soon. And then the vaccine will be ready and you both have the priority.》 Buck's voice made him open his eyes he hadn't notice he had close under the gentle touch.
《Thanks Buck.》 It was the only thing Eddie could say squeezing his best friend touch. 《Dios mios I-》 He started speaking again lost in the blue of Buck's eyes. "I love you so much." his heart wanted him to say. 《I'm such a mess.》 His brain luckily acted faster, making him laugh a little and dry the rest of the tears.
《No, you are not. It's normal to miss people this situation. We all have our moments. Chimney cried yesterday after a call with Maddie and Hen was crying this morning cause she was missing brushing Nia's teeth.》and then Buck was telling him of everytime he had saw their other two room mates crying. Eddie was truly closed in his pain that he hadn't noticed his friends were suffering just as much.《I cried in the shower just half an hour ago because during a call I saw a pragnant woman and I thought it was Maddie. And I miss Chris too.》
Buck's words were like knifes into Eddie's heart. This pandemic wasn't just killing people physically, it was also killing people mentally.
《Like you said, we will have the vaccine soon. And will we will all meet again.》 It was Eddie's turn to reassure Buck that gave him back a beautiful smile.
《We should sleep, now.》 Eddie commented before he could do something he could regret.
Buck yawned in response turning his back at the older man.
《Goodnight Buck.》 "I love you" he adds in his mind, because that's how he wishes he could end every single one of his days. Telling Buck he loved him.
(+1) 6. After the shooting.
It has been two months and a week since Eddie has been shot, and he was finally free from the sling.
Buck had stayed over the Diaz's house the entirity of his recovery, claming that he wouldn't have let his best friend do all the house work one handed. Plus, he claimed that, as a legal guardian of Chris, he had the duty to stay with them to save the kid from Eddie's tantrum because he was an horrible patient.
Eddie didn't mind at all. It was nice waking up and finding Buck still asleep on the couch when he didn't have an early shift, saying goodnight to each other before going to bed, hearing him come home after work, having him handle him his meds or helping him change the bandage. Thay had found a routine that Eddie was hoping it would never end.
But with the sling off and him being able to do almost everything on his own it was time for Buck to go back to his house.
He was in front of the door while looking for his jeep keys, a trolley with all his clothes next to him, while he was instructing to Chris and Carla where Eddie's meds were and what, when and how many he had to still take. Eddie was watching him with his heart - and probably eyes - full of love.
《I love you.》He breathed out panting, words falling from Eddie's mouth with no way of stopping them.
Buck's head snapped up to watch him, eyes wide open staring right into his.
Chris and Carla, next to him, left out a small gaps, but Eddie didn't pay much attention to them.
《Chris, sweetheart, I thing we will should go to your room to give the lovebirds some space.》 The woman spoke and in his trance state Eddie could hear she was trying not to laugh and Chris was definetely laughing at the "lovebirds" part.
Eddie noticed them walking fast between them to go to Chris's room but his attention wasn't on them, it was all on Buck. It was always on Buck.
He hadn't moved a inch, one hand keeping the bag open and the other still inside to search the keys.
"Eddie, breath, you can do it." He pep talked himself into moving, doing something, but he was just as stuck as Buck was.
The noise of keys falling back inside the bag from Buck's hand made both flinch.
《Evan, I don't want you to leave.》 Eddie spoke again, never breaking eye and taking a few step to get closer to Buck, trying to read the other expression.
But the blond man's face, usually so easy to read, was hiding somenthing behind the shook and Eddie couldn't understand what.
He was ready to see his best friend run away as fast as he could and never turning back, or for a second he though that himself could run away with Chris as fast as he could. His head playing all the types of worst cases scenarios where the best thing in his life could end right there.
He was also sure the other could hear his heart puonding, he was so nervous. But he had no other choice, he was suffering too much. He took a few deep breaths before continuing his speech. 《Seeing you in the hospital bed after the ladder truck accident made me realize that I couldn't lose you. That you mean too much to me. You brought back a part of me that I kept locked away for so many years. It's so easy to love you, I should have known that it would have ended up with me falling in love with you. I fell in love with you for the way you care deeply about everyone around you, I fell in love for the way you are always doing researches about the most random things, I fell in love for the way you wear your heart in your sleeves, I fell in love for the way you are with Chirstopher, I fell in love for the way you always have my back. I fell in love with everything about you, Evan.》 Eddie felt like he was running, his heart beating faster and faster at each word.
He was laying out all of himself, allowing himself to let out all of the feelings he had been keeping a secret for too long. A huge weight was lifted off his shoulder while he took a few more steps. 《There were so many times I wanted to tell you all of this, but I've never been strong enough to actually do it because I was so scared that I would have ruin our frendship because I really need you in my life.》
Eddie watched as Buck opened his mouth a couple of times before closing it again without saying anything.
《If you want to run, please do it, but I can't stand the silence.》 He added sounding more desperate that he wanted to.
《Are you really in love with me?》 Buck's voice was shaky, insecure. Eddie didn't expect that question. He cleared his throat, unsure if he truly had heard a bit of hope in his friend's tone.
《Yeah.》 Eddie replied scratching his neck. 《And I'm sure I just listed a few reasons why.》 He added lowering his eyes for the first time.
《I love you too.》 Buck stated after seconds, minutes, hours, days, years.
Eddie didn't know how long had passed before Buck had opened his mouth again. Now was his turn to snap his head up in shook, not sure he had actually heard that or it was just what his heart wanted to hear.
《I can't exactly tell you the moment I knew I had fell in love you, but I did. And I've been too scared to tell you too for your same reasons.》 Buck talked fast putting down his bag. 《Eddie, I don't know if anyone ever told you but when you got stuck underground I lost my mind. Bobby physically stopped me from digging in the mud. I needed to reach you cause I couldn't loose you. You mean too much for me too. I love everything about you. I love you so much.》 He added closing then gap between them, his hands landing softly on Eddie's hips to pull him close and resting his forhead on Eddie's.
The older man tentatively put his hands on Buck's chest to make sure he was really there holding him close and telling him he loved him too.
《Is this really happening?》 Buck asked, wispering like he didn't want to ruin the moment.
《It is happening.》 Eddie replied with a smile, bringing up his hand to cup Buck's face.
The younger man basically melted under the touch closing his eyes and tightening his grip on Eddie's hips lightly.
《Can you try something?》 Buck asked opening his eyes, a little smirk on his lips.
《What do you want me to try?》 Eddie was geniunely confused by the question.
《Can you try to kiss me?》 Buck questioned, his smirk bigger and his eyes danced from Eddie's eyes to his lips repeately.
《Yeah, I think I can try that.》 Eddie softly laughed out moving his hands in the back of Buck's neck and pulling him down.
Their lips matched perfectly together, like they were pieces of the same puzzle. There was no rush in the kiss, they were learning to know each other like this, slowly and calmly.
Buck's hand slided on Eddie's back hugging him even closer and to keep him steady.
Eddie was sure there was only one other time he felt this happy and it was when Christopher was born. After that he always felt like something was missing. And maybe, that missing part was Buck. And he was kissing him back with so much love he never wanted it to end.
《Eew, gross.》Eddie jumped back leaving Buck mid-kiss as soon as he heard his son's voice.
And Eddie was about to start panicking again. Maybe he should have talked with his son before jumping in the arms of another man, ask him if he was okay about it. But then Carla was laughing and Chris was giggling and when both, he and Buck, turned to watch them they were picking their heads out of the kid's room.
《Are they going to be always like this?》Chirs asked looking up to the woman.
《I hope for you they will not, kid.》 Carla laughed.
Before anyone could say anything else, Buck burst out laughing, causing everyone to laugh. Eddie let a sigh of relief escape his lips. His son wasn't disgusted by the idea of him and Buck kissing, he was digusted by the idea of kissing in general.
《I guess my services won't be required anymore. At least not until Buck's next shift. I'll now head home.》 Carla spoke after catching her breath. 《Buck will take great care of both of you. You will take care of each other.》 She added reaching them, Christopher close behind, pulling both men into her arms for a hug.
《Carla, are you leaving me alone with them? They are going to kiss, I don't want to be alone with them when they kiss.》 Chris asked, making everyone laugh again.
《I promise we won't kiss in front of you, okay, mijo?》 Eddie promised, picking up his son and with his surprise Chris let him, even if he was too big to be picked up - Chris's words.
《Okay, Dad.》 The kid replied hugging him.
They all hugged Carla once more and then she was driving away.
《Let's go sit down on couch and talk, okay?》 Eddie suggested putting down Chris that stormed to the couch.
The man was nervous again and he could feel Buck was too by the way he took his hand and squized it.
《Dad, you and Buck kissing means Buck is not leaving, right?》 Chris asked as soon as Eddie sat next to him.
《Do you want him to leave?》Eddie asked looking to his kid and then up to Buck that was standing next to the coffee table, shifting on his feet and biting his fingers nails.
《No!》 Chris replied so fast and determinated. 《I want him to stay with us forever.》 He added saying "forever" a bit louder.
Eddie thought for a second Buck could have faint at hearing Chris' answer and he was sure the blond dryed a tear just before he looked at him.
《You should ask him if he wants to stay forever yourself, young man. I can't do all the job to keep him with us.》Eddie jocked, pocking his son side, trying not to start crying himself.
《Buck.》 Christopher screamed like the man wasn't standing a few step away from them, making his dad laugh.
《Uhm, yeah, I'm here, buddy.》 Buck strumbled on his feet and went to sit on the coffe table in front of the kid.
《Do you want to stay with Dad and me forever? Because we want you to.》 The kid asked all serious and Eddie nobbed next to him when Buck watched at him like asking for approval.
《Yes, I want to stay with you two forever. I'll do my best to take care of the two you. I'll do everything in my power to make you two happy.》 Buck was so honest while looking at the Diaz, chocking sobs in and tears traveling down his cheeks.
And Eddie was definitely crying too when he ended.
《Dad, he is going to stay. He is going to stay.》 Chris yelled happily boucing up and down the couch before slowling getting up and pulling Buck in a hug.
Eddie watched with a soft smile on his face. His life was getting back on track. He was finally happy with himself again. He hadn't felt this complete in a long time. And most important, Christopher was happy too.
He was lost in his head when Buck's strong grip pulled him into the hug with them with a ecstatic 《Sandwich hug.》.
Chris was laughing so hard while trying to get out of it, and it was the best sound in the world.
They let him go eventually and the kid asked Eddie for his phone.
《What do you need my phone for?》 He asked eyebrows forrowed while pulling Buck on the couch with him where Chris was before.
The blond man slipping an arm behind his head as soon as he was sat.
《I need to call Harry and Denny to tell them I have two dads now.》 Chris informed like it was obvious making Buck chock on his own spit and Eddie laugh.
《It's on the kitchen table, buddy, go ahead.》
Eddie turned his attention to Buck and placed an hand on his cheek to make him turn to him. And when Buck did he was meet with watery blue eyes full of love. He leaned foward to kiss him and Buck was ready to do the same.
《Dad I'm still in the room. Remember the promise.》 Christopher spoke breaking their little bubble causing them to laugh.
《You are right, sorry, mijo.》 Eddie said trowing his hands in the air in surrender.
《I'll go to my room to call.》and with that Chris was out of the room.
Buck made sure to hear the door close before turning and smashing his lips into Eddie's. Now that they had started why wasting time?
Eddie laughed into the kiss at Buck's hunger, and he would have loved to keep going until they could hear Chris' crutches - for the first time in his life he was happy his son had them because they were loud enough to be heard and give them the chance to stop before getting caught making out on the couch - but Buck's phone started vibrating in his pocket. Eddie tappend his hand on his chest and pushed him away making him groin, disappointed.
《It may be Maddie, you should reply.》 Eddie explained at Buck's questioning expression.
Buck rolled his eyes and took out his phone, sitting up properly. It was indeed Maddie.
《Uhm, hi Mads, can I call you in a bit I'm in -》Buck started but his sister didn't gave him the time to finish.
《Evan, I'm happy for you and Eddie.》 She cried into the phone loud enough that even Eddie heard it.
《How - how do you know?》 Buck asked giving Eddie a confused look.
《Hen was on the phone with Chim when Chris called Denny and she overheard the conversation and told him.》 She explained. 《Put me on speaker so Eddie can hear me too.》she added serious.
Eddie gave Buck a worried look. Maddie was about to give him the whole "If you hurt my brother I'll hunt you at night" speech, wasn't she?
《If Buck makes you go crazy, please tell me.》 Maddie said gently.
《Hey, I'm your brother, you should be warning him about not making me crazy. Not the other way around.》 Buck replied offended making the other two laugh.
《Let's say that you both can come to me if the other makes you crazy, okay?》the woman proposed.
《That's a better deal.》 Buck nodded, now content.
《I'm truly so happy you two found your way to each other, I love you both so much.》Maddie spoke breaking into tears again. Hormons.
Eddie watched Buck that was already looking at him a fond smile on his face.
《We love you too, Mads.》Eddie repiled never breaking eye contact if not to look down to Buck's lips.
《We will come visit soon, promise, but right now my phone is dying, I gotta go.》
It was a weak excuse from Buck's part since he had his charger with him but Maddie seemed to get the real reason because she laughed, told them once more how happy she was for them and closed the call herself.
Eddie watched as Buck placed the phone on the coffe table - face down - before turning to him with a huge smirk on his lips.
They were seconds away from starting from where they had left when Chris was making his way into the room, Eddie's phone in hand still on a call.
《Dad, aunt Athena wants to talk to you.》The kid informed handing him hia phone.
Eddie and Buck exchanged a look.
《Hey, Athena, how are you? Is everything okay?》He asked cleaning his throat from embarassment.
《Bobby and I want to invite you and Buck for dinner at ours tomorrow. Bobby told me Buck doesn't have a shift. It will be in your honor so you can't back down.》 She explained.
《I never say no to your cooking.》 Eddie agreed to the dinner and closed the call.
《That was the fastest a news has ever traveled across the 118.》 Buck commented helping Chris on the couch next to them, laughing.
They both checked their phone and they both had "congratulations" text from all their loved ones. Hen, Chimney, Karen, Micheal - and David -, May, even Josh and Sue.
《Why does it seems like we just got engaged with all these congratulations texts?》Eddie laughed while typing another 'Thank you' on his phone.
《Wait a second, using my favorite Diaz to ask me to stay forever wasn't your proposal?》 Buck asked pretending to be shooked, Chris giggling next to him.
And Eddie couldn't do much but to laugh with them. 《I guess it could look like one.》 He admited putting his phone away.
《You have time for a real one, I got everything I need and love right here.》 Buck said taking Eddie's hand in his and pocking Chris on the cheek.
《I love you both so much.》 Eddie admited bringing Buck's hand up to kiss his knuckles and ruffling his son's hair.
That night, after tucking Chris into bed together they had fallen asleep in each other arms in the middle of Eddie's bed.
After beakfast they drove to Abluela's house like was in Eddie plans for the day and decided to take this as an opportunity to give her and Tia Pepa the news.
They weren't surprised as much Eddie expected them to be and welcomed Buck officially in the family with bear hugs.
They had just had lunch and were sipping iced tea in the back yard while Chris had kidnapped Buck into reading him informations about Abuela's plants and flowers and of course he couldn't say no.
《I'm happy you finally found a good love for yourself Eddito.》Abuela spoke making him stop starring his two favorite people. 《He is really an awsome guy.》 She added smiling softly at his grand nephew and his new nephew. Buck had tried to call her Ms Diaz but she had quickly told him to call her Abuela.
《He is.》 Eddie proudly agreed.
《Definetly better than that teacher.》 Pepa intervened with no chalant sipping her drink.
《Tia, Ana wasn't that bad.》 Eddie said in her defence recievening looks from both women. It was true. Ana was a great woman and it was nice having her around, but after Carla speech about following his heart and not Christopher's and the whole shooting situation, Eddie understood she wasn't who he wanted by his side. She was even nice after he had broken up with her offering to still help Chris with his homework from time to time. Eddie truly didn't understand why his Abuela and Tia didn't like her.
《Eddie, you were trying so hard to move on that you clearly didn't see behond her being good looking.》 Pepa explained confusing Eddie even more. 《She was nice, yes, but I never liked the way she treated Chris like he was made of glass and less than other people because of his CP. She was always making comments about how Chris couldn't do some stuff instead of trying to help him find a way for him to do it.》 She spelled out for his nephew that was left shooked. How could he not notice that point of view? He always thought she was just being careful, but now thinking of some of the things she had said to his face too he could see what Tia was pointing out.
《Like Buck does.》 She added pointing to the two with his head and bringing Eddie back in the conversation.
《I'm sure Shannon would be happy that you two have found someone like Evan to make you happy.》 Abuela said reaching to take Eddie's hand in his.
Buck and Chris joined them after that and Chris started repeating every single fact Buck had just teached him.
While Christopher was taking a nap before going to dinner at Bobby and Athena's, Abuela and Pepa took Buck to the kitchen to give him all of Eddie's favorites family recepies, something they only did with in-laws, making Eddie think that maybe they were truly engaged but neither he or Buck knew.
When that night they arrived at Athena and Bobby's house they found the entire 118 family was there as well. It definitly felt like they had just got engaged, and it felt nice. You could feel love walking inside that house.
Bobby presented them HR's paper with the notice to give them back signed as soon as possible to avoid Eddie being temporarly transfered when he could go back to work; Athena thanked them for making her win some money on the "Will Eddie and Buck ever get together?" bet the firehouse had going on for about a year now; Chimney and Hen teased them for how slow they were to understand their feelings; Karen ranted to them about how she knew this was going to happen cause it was in their astrology or something - Buck definetly watched him with a "I told you the universe was screaming at you" look; Maddie locked them in thight hug and almost cried again; Albert didn't waste any time in asking Buck if he could stay at the loft since Buck was going to move at Eddie's place.
And again Eddie felt happier then ever. Their choosen family was there for them, loving them and supporting them and it was everything he needed.
And Buck was at his side the whole thing, a huge smile on his face telling animatedly how awkward but amazing their moment was to everyone.
The drive back home was nice. Christopher had fallen asleep and Buck and Eddie enjoyed each other company in silence to not wake him up.
Buck had insisted on driving after seeing Eddie flinch in pain because of driving too much reminding him that he still wasn't 100% healed.
After putting Chris to bed and doing their night routine together, they slipped in their bed wasting not time to cuddle up close to each other,
Buck laying softly on Eddie's chest.
《I love you.》 Buck said before yawing, voice thick with tiredness.
《I love you too.》 Eddie replied and everything was so natural to make him want to cry tears of joy.
He had finally found happiness again.
No one was surprised when two weeks later Buck officially moved to the Diaz house, or that six months later Eddie was dropping on one knee - Chris by his side - to ask Buck to stay with them forever, again, and Buck said yes, again.
Note: I hope you like this, please ignore any mistake, English is not my first language 😊
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