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cirrius-akiyo · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/? Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)/Original Female Character(s)

Sometimes, Buck wishes he was born a female, then maybe he could easily confess his undying love to his best friend.

Or,

A feeling realization fic loosely based on Conan Gray's "Heather".

---------------------------------------------------

"You're still coming over tonight right, Buck?" Eddie asks while his head still stuck halfway inside his locker, packing the last of his things before going back home for the day.

"Sure. I'll just need to make a quick stop for gas and I'll come over with the pizza." Buck replies, not even lifting his head from where he is tying his shoelaces.

Eddie chuckles in elation. "Oh good. Thought you'd cancel on us with the storm." Eddie says as he locks the locker before joining Buck who is already standing at the door of the locker room with an umbrella waiting in hand.

"I'll storm the weather just to spend some quality time with Christopher, you know I will." And with you. But Buck just let the words die on the tip of his tongue.

They both carry on to walk side by side in sync towards their designated parking spaces located next to each other.

It is one of many moments that Buck loves. These small chances to be with Eddie. Call him selfish, but Buck will seize any moment to be in Eddie's space, the man that he comes to love so hard. Not that Eddie knows. Moreover, his best friend is as straight as the umbrella he is holding.

"Triple cheese and classic pepperoni, right?" Buck chimes as Eddie slides into his truck, angling the umbrella so that not a drop of rain touch his best friend.

"You know the drill." Eddie smiles while igniting his monstrosity of truck (as Buck described it) up.

"See you in a bit." It feels so intimate, bound by their little promises as if they are in their own little world, speaking their own tune and having their own routine. Buck allows his heart to relish in the present a bit longer.

///

The storm is not a merciful one and between the gas station and the pizza place, Buck is already halfway soaked to the bone.

Standing in front of Eddie's front door, Buck grimaces at the puddle forming under his shoes, feeling a little guiltier as the water follows into the doorway.

Eddie immediately comes with a towel in hand before taking away the pizza boxes. "You're soaked." He comments.

Buck takes the towel gratefully. "Thank you, Eddie. That is very observant of you." He quips jokingly while patting his body dry, not that the towel could dry much with how soaked he already is.

"Come on, let's get you in the shower. I'll lend you some of my sweaters later." Eddie pulls Buck's hand and drags him towards the guestroom. Buck shudders, some from the rain, but mostly from the warm touch of Eddie's hand in his. He immediately wills his heartbeat to calm down, because this lingering touch surely is to be missed greatly later on.

The shower is a quick one, just enough to warm him up. Stepping into the guest room, Buck can see Eddie already laid out a change for him, consisting of Eddie's favorite sweater and sweatpants.

Buck immediately feels giddy thinking how Eddie could simply lend him his favorite one just for Buck to sleep in and that tonight he'll be sleeping surrounded by something that smells of Eddie.

"It looks better on you," Eddie says from the doorway.

That immediately snaps Buck from his creeping minds. "What?" Buck stutters sheepishly. Real smooth, Buck.

"The sweater. You look good in it." Eddie compliments again. "But I want it back. That's my favorite." Eddie teases lightly.

"We'll see if you get it back." Buck retorts relieved Eddie didn't catch him daydreaming.

"Come on. Christopher is whining the pizza is getting cold." Eddie grabs Buck's hand again, and his treacherous heart starts to thump heavily again. This is all platonic, Buck. Buck chases his wishful thinking again.

They settle in front of the television and proceeds with the dinner and movie, just like every Friday night when both of them off from work. As usual, Christopher is nicely squeezed between the two man, delighted that his Buck is staying for the night due to the storm outside.

///

They are halfway through the movie when Christopher finally can't keep his eyes open anymore.

"I'll get him to settle for the night." Buck offers, already guiding Chris towards the bathroom to wash up. Eddie just hums appreciatively, taking another swing of his second beer.

Moments later, Buck returns to the living room, all satisfied that Chris is out in a blink. The school must be tiring for Chris today, who is usually vibrant with so much energy.

"Hey." Eddie greets when Buck steps towards the couch.

"Hey to you too. Are you planning to let loose tonight?" Buck shots up an eyebrow, seeing Eddie cracking up his third beer. Eddie is not the one usually getting all hammered up. In fact, he is the 118 designated driver every time they went out together, alongside with Bobby or Athena.

Eddie hums, relaxing more into his drinks. "Just feel like it. With you here, I think why not just a few more. We're both off tomorrow." Eddie smiles more widely to Buck, the alcohol is starting to affect him.

Buck knows he needs to take Eddie's words on face value, just the literal translation of them. But his mind just read the words as; "I trust you to watch over us when I am drunk." And that trust, Buck will wield them proudly.

Eventually, both of them focus back to the movie playing on the screen. But then, after the movie almost done, Buck could feel Eddie is slowly inching toward him on the couch and he immediately stiffen, not daring to hope.

"Have I told you, you look stunning in that sweater?" Eddie whispers in a hoarse voice.

Buck stammers, not really knowing what to do or say. Yet, Buck dares to turn his head to face Eddie, observing the flushed cheeks and hazed eyes. Eddie is clearly drunk.

"Eddie..." Buck warns as Eddie leans in, not wanting to take advantage of the situation despite his heart is raging hard against his ribcage, rivaling the storm outside.

Eddie stops with their lips barely touching each other at Buck's admonishment.

"You're drunk," Buck states, trying hard to level his voice and hide his nervousness.

Eddie scrunches his face in confusion, not understanding the implications.

"But I want to kiss you," Eddie says like it is obvious and Buck is the one not making any sense.

Buck knows Eddie and this is not his normal behavior. "Kiss me when you're sober." If you remember this moment.

Buck has been wishing for this for a long time, but he wishes Eddie was sober.

"If I am sober, I don't think I'll kiss you," Eddie says in a hushed whisper. "Sorry." Eddie continues to take another gulp of his drink like nothing life-altering situation just happened between them.

Stunned, Buck just agrees even though the fact that Eddie literally just confessed that he doesn't want Buck in his waking moment just shred his heart to a pulp.

Buck goes to bed that night with a heavy mind after shuffling a very much drunk Eddie to his room.

And as he predicted, Buck couldn't sleep a wink that night even though Eddie was able to drift away as soon as he hits the pillow.

When the morning comes, like Buck also foresee, Eddie doesn't remember a thing, and so, life moves on just like it was before, leaving Buck in his broken mess.

---Read the rest on AO3---

#911 fanfic #911 fics #911 fic #911 fox #Buddie #buddie fanfiction #buddie fic #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #Cirrius-Akiyo's bunkdump #cirrius-akiyo's bunkdumps #shamless reblog

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cirrius-akiyo · 3 years

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FOCAL POINT

Remember this fic? Yeah, the fic that I last updated on 19 September 2020.

Guess what, I’m about to update another Chapter because Buck Begins finally provided me with some twisted inspirations, and I’m so hyped in writing ‘em.

So happy to share with you guys soon ^-^

#911onfox #911 fanfic #911 fics #911 fic #Buddie #buddie fanfics #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfiction #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #eddie x buck #buck x eddie #christopher diaz #fic-recs #self-promote #Cirrius-Akiyo's bunkdump #i'm a slow writer #but i do my best

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cirrius-akiyo · 3 years

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Could I please request 78."You’re worth it.” from the angst/fluff list?

Thank you Lovely Nonnie!

This is from the Fluff/Angst Prompts List

Read this on AO3

LOVE & AFFECTION IS A GOOD CONSIDERATION

///

Blinking himself awake, his mind sluggishly wonders what wakes him up in the first place, disturbing his restless sleep.

It was then his bladder reminds him that he needs to pee, forcing him to finally move.

Eddie groans as he stiffly kicks the cozy blanket away that somehow got twisted alongside his body, shivering as the cold air kiss his clammy skin. He honestly doesn't feel well rested at all, but it's better than puking his guts out like he did the day before.

As he forces his achy limbs to work, Eddie silently applauds his self-restraint for not dragging the blanket together with him to the toilet (which would be greatly frown upon by Buck).

Speaking of Buck...oh wait, thinking of Buck, Eddie suddenly remembers why he was colder than before; he vividly remembers that his personal heater was not beside him when he woke up.

Finishing his business in the toilet, Eddie returns back to the bedroom to confirm his suspicion all along.

True enough, his boyfriend is not in their bed.

Buck's side of the bed is void of any trace of body heat and the bedding is undisturbed at all, save for some wrinkles, which probably by Eddie's own doing with all of his restless twisting and turning.

Feeling like he won't keel over anytime soon, Eddie decides to grab his tossed blanket and haphazardly wraps himself in a makeshift burrito before leaving the room to search for his missing lover.

Out of habits, Eddie stops by at Chris' room to check on his son, but refrains himself from passing through the doorframe. God knows how much Eddie misses his little Superman. That poor boy had not been in close vicinity with him for the last two days, to prevent him from catching whatever it is Eddie is having.

Buck has been diligent with sanitising, spraying and wiping clean everything Eddie has touched (or even looked at) for extra preventive measures, not wanting to take any chance.

Oh...thinking of Buck, again, Eddie now remembers the reason why he was standing in the hallway in the middle of the night, depriving himself from the tranquility of sleep.

To find his missing Buck.

His son needs to learn to share; his jumbled mind supplies.

Eddie wanders down the hallway and towards the living room with careful steps, his blanket still heavily draped over his shoulders.

Lo and behold, on the couch there lies his slumbering lover, completely dead to the world.

Eddie smiles at hearing the occasional soft snores while taking in the view displayed around him.

The television is switched off, but beside the couch, there lies the book that Buck currently is fixed on, forgotten on the floor. Looking at the table lamp that is still on, Eddie assumes Buck had fell asleep reading his late night fill, a habit that usually done in the privacy of their bedroom, underneath the warm sheets.

Picking the book up before setting it down on the coffee table, Eddie then plops down on the floor clumsily with his body leaning onto the side of the couch, directly facing Buck's sleeping face.

Under the glimmer of the yellow light, Eddie could see the haggard lines on his partner's face. The two days old stubble and the unkempt curls are enough proof of how Buck was on his toes these couple of days. Eddie had called in sick two days ago, and Buck has been taking care of him right after getting off from his 24 hours shift one day earlier when he should have spend his day off decompressing. Eddie knew Buck's last shift was not an easy one the moment he stepped inside their home if judging by the tired lines and rigid stance, but his strong headed boyfriend had insisted that everything was fine, and that they should focus on to get Eddie better soon.

Selfless idiot.

And an adorable idiot too, drooling all over the couch cushions.

Buck is laying on his side with the fleece throws tangled down below his knees, and his right arm somehow got tucked underneath his sleeping t-shirt, effectively dragging the fabric upwards, revealing sufficient amount of abs that makes Eddie's mouth water.

The small patch of happy trail does makes Eddie happy regardless of his current ailments; come sniffles or smiles.

Eddie doesn't realize when he had scooted down along the couch and closing in to Buck's torso, but the view is magnetic. The hard lines of the abdomen, perfectly contrasting with the softness of Buck's skin is so inviting.

Blaming his health condition and his scrambled state of mind, Eddie swears he could feel the comfortable warmth radiating from Buck's exposed belly, and without much thought, he places his head against the exposed skin, feeling completely blissful and content with the heat. Eddie nuzzles deeper into the warm skin, inhaling the musky smell that is definitely Buck while savoring the coziness and soon enough, Eddie is feeling himself falling asleep.

But it shouldn't be like this.

While it pains Eddie to wake Buck up, his better judgement knows that their current positions are not going to be kind for both of them. Their couch is not big enough to contain Buck's long limbs, and Eddie wouldn't want to spend his recuperating day listening to Buck whining about his achy joints.

His not so better judgement then decides that the best way to wake the snoring man up is by a very unorthodox method.

And without lifting his head up, "bruuuuuuurrrrrrrrhhh," Eddie blows raspberries hard against Buck's belly as long as his congested nose allows.

"Whuzza?" Buck startles awake, his body jerking back against the couch with clear confusion drawn on his face. His hand that was tucked underneath the t-shirt automatically moves downward to rub his tickled stomach.

Eddie smiles in triumph, satisfied with the outcome.

Buck looks around the living room, trying to find his bearing as he blinks rapidly, chasing the sleep away. His eyes finally falls upon Eddie who is sitting cross-legged on the floor parallel to his stomach, wearing a shit-eating grin.

"Eddie, what are you doing out of bed?" Buck croaks, still rubbing at his slightly wet skin. "Wait, did you just blew raspberries on my belly?" His eyebrows pinched and nose scrunching in confusion.

Eddie grins wider, shrugging his shoulder in dismissal, refusing to admit or deny any crime committed.

"You menace. You could just wake me up like how a normal human being would." Buck groans as he stretches across the couch, cracking and popping his back. "You should go back to sleep." Buck chastises as he settles down again, as if readying himself to actually sleep out in the living room, on their short-ass couch.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Eddie retorts, frowning as Buck does not move to get up.

"I was reading." Buck answers simply, stating the obvious fact.

"You usually read in our bed." Eddie counters as he throws his body onto the little space that is left on couch, pressing their bodies together in order to fit. Buck welcomes him and pulls Eddie into a warm embrace.

"I don't want to disturb you with the light." Buck replies in earnest, tightening his hold against Eddie's warm back, noticing that Eddie still has some temperature, but not as worrying as yesterday.

"But I'm sure you must be tired taking care of me and handling Chris, especially after a 24 hour shifts." Eddie looks up to meet Buck's soft gaze.

"You're worth it."

The open expression of love got Eddie shies away, burying his head at the crook of the taller man's shoulder. He is not used yet with the fact that someone actually cares for him, loving him so readily when he himself still a broken mess.

Both of us got baggages, Eddie. Maybe it is time for us to help carry each others' so the burden won't be too heavy.

"Your back will hate you tomorrow." He mumbles instead, trying to lighten the mood.

"That is for my future me to worry."

"Future you will whine for at least a week." Eddie scoffs at Buck's ridiculousness.

"I don't whine." Buck retorts, whining.

"Come back to bed. I need my personal heater back." Eddie tugs at the collar of Buck's ratty t-shirt.

"Now I know my place in this relationship. You only use me for my body heat."

"Don't forget the sex. And taking care of my son. And cooking." Seeing that Buck does not make any move to get up, Eddie burrows his nose against the man's chest, drinking in the scent that is Buck with every breath.

"Good to know your fever doesn't strip away your asshole-ness." Buck tighten his grasp, squishing the sick man in mock tackling all the while tickling lightly on Eddie's side.

Hearty laugh escapes from the brunette.

"You should be happy I'm coherent enough to have this conversation." Eddie looks up once again while catching his breath.

"I'm happy with you everyday." Buck leans forward and bridging in their gap, fully intend to go for a kiss.

Eddie places his hand on the apple of Buck's cheek to stop him from going any further. "You sap, and while I am very much interested in a kiss right now, but we couldn't risk for you to get infected." Longing colours Eddie's expression as he speaks, regretting not being able to catch Buck's breath, warm against his own lips.

Buck smiles his soft smile. "You. Are. Worth. It." He parrots his assurance from earlier, stressing each and every words.

Buck gazes into his lover's unsure eyes and leans forward to kiss Eddie's chapped lips chastily, silencing any incoming protest from the man.

"Worthy enough for you to get sick?"

"You know, in the law of contract, love and affection is a good consideration. So this love is always worthy."

Eddie blushes deeper, but blaming it on his fever.

"Are we contract boyfriend now? Am I a boyfriend for rent?" Eddie quips to deflect although he understands every weight behind Buck's analogy.

Buck snorts at the prospect of renting Eddie as his boyfriend. "No, but how about in the future, both of us enter into a contract of marriage?"

The room stills in deafening silence, and both of them seems to hold in their breath, neither want to break the moment.

After long seconds passed, finally Eddie dares himself to speak.

"Are you...proposing?" Eddie's cracked voice wavers, unsure of the implied meaning, not daring to let the budding of hope blossoms in the pit of his stomach.

"Not now...I uh...I want to do it properly, but that's definitely what future you and me would be getting into. I guess." Eddie could see the stiffening of Buck's shoulder as he turns his face sideway, away from facing Eddie, refusing to meet his eyes.

It pains Eddie that his response has cast a doubt in his boyfriend's voice. With their upgrade in relationship to live-in couple is still relatively new, it dawns on him that Buck's insecurity about his place in their home is still rearing its ugly head. Buck would think that things between them are going too fast, when in reality Eddie has always wanted Buck that way.

"Not if I propose first."

Buck's whole face immediately lit up in a dazzling way that could possibly blind Eddie, but that is enough for him to see the tension melts away from the blonde.

And even if Buck's bright smile could blind him in reality, Buck is definitely worth it.

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cirrius-akiyo · 3 years

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In light of the recent episode, I'm planning to open my ask box for fluffy/soft/comfort/flirt Buddie Drabbles Prompt by way of song fic.

Give me a song and the prompt.

I'll NOT write it in a karaoke-night-esque style.

The song is more like the BGM.

If you want to, you can quote your favourite lyrics to be specifically included.

See you soon!

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cirrius-akiyo · 3 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Additional Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Porn with Feelings, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Not Beta Read, Bury me under my grammatical mistakes, Fluff and Smut, Romantic Fluff, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, They're so in love with each other, Romance Series: Part 5 of Cirrius-Akiyo's Bunkdump Summary:

Buck always marvels at how easily he fits in Eddie's hand, and Eddie has always handle him with the outmost care.

Or..

A fic where Buck has feels with Eddie's hand.

Dear @novemberhush, here it is. 🙈/

///

Grounding.

That's the best word Buck could come up in describing Eddie's hand the first time he patted Buck's shoulder after saving the man with the live grenade stuck in his leg. Both of them were still high with the raging adrenaline and Buck swear he could float around if not because of the grounding hand on his shoulder, earthing him. And after the earthquake, seeing Eddie hugging his son so tightly, that was when Buck knew, albeit unsure, that he has fall in love with the man.

---Read the rest on AO3---

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cirrius-akiyo · 4 years

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KALEIDOSCOPE MIND

-Sequel to "Hold On (Let's Go Home)" & "Unpack the Baggage"-

____

Eddie has been told that the journey of recovery for his husband is a long one. Buck is still at various state of consciousness, drugged up to the point that he is befuddled in his wake or in and out of nightmare fueled doze.

They are still far from passing the crucial point in determining whether Buck will come out of this without deficit or not. Everyday is a waiting game for them.

Everytime Buck is awake, he will just simply look at Eddie as if he is trying to commit Eddie into his memory. Not a single word has come out from his mouth, just small smiles that have carved his lips and occasional hums. Eddie tries to convince himself that Buck needs the rest. That his brain has been injured and it will take some time to heal.

Eddie just want his husband back. They haven't really talk about the cursed night. Maybe it is his selfish desire to avoid anymore guilt and continue living on knowing that he might be the cause of his husband's death, but Eddie really despise the universe as much as himself for putting Buck in this state. He is so terrified to think that there's a possibility that Buck will die with the thought of Eddie's infidelity to be the last thing on his mind.

Their family and friends have come and go, providing neverending support and encouragement to both of them although he can feel like they are directed to him more than Buck. Carla has been bringing Chris from time to time, letting the boy to cuddle up with his Buck. Between the two of them, he feels like Chris is the pillar of strength that's supporting Eddie from crumbling down now that his foundation is currently fighting for his life in hospital bed.

Holding his husband limp hand in his grip, Eddie sometimes think that maybe...just maybe Buck doesn't want to wake up into this reality. That maybe Eddie had hurt him so bad that it pains him to wake up. Maybe Buck is happy to stay in the solace his mind had created.

"Lover of mine

Maybe we'll take some time

Kaleidoscope mind

Gets in the way

Hope and I pray

Darling, that you will stay

Butterfly lies

Chase them away

Hmm"

///

Eddie is at his side, thumbing the beautiful birthmark that he has comes to love while whispering soothing words into Buck's ears. Buck looks peaceful today and he's so beautiful like that despite the garish surrounding.

"I love you, Evan and I've missed you. I've missed you in our bed, in our home sweetheart." Eddie murmurs to the back of Buck's hand. The house seems like it has lose its colour. Chris had since been staying with Abuela or Carla and Eddie had went back only once to pack a bag for them.

The mind is a complicated thing, Eddie tries to ingrain the mantra into his belief. Buck is scheduled to be transferred out from ICU in day five post surgery. Today is day four of his stay.

Suddenly Buck's hand twitch in Eddie's hold, just like he had done sometimes before. Eddie is expecting to see another bout of Buck silently gazing at him while still swimming in the haze of sleep like he always do in his waking. What Eddie doesn't expect is for the hand to continue twitching and Buck's whole body suddenly jerking in an awful uncoordinated movement.

Seizure, his mind supplied. Buck is having a seizure. Eddie screams for help to the doctors outside while pleading for the twitching to stop. All the little progress Buck has made now might as well be useless.

Doctors and nurses come spilling into the room with one of them pushing Eddie out to the corridor. After a while, the heinous jerking stop and his husband is wheeled out of the room.

"Where are you taking him? Is he okay?" Eddie tries to follow through when a nurse stopped him from doing so.

"We'll do everything in our power to help him," the nurse said, not really a promise.

Just like that, Eddie is left alone again to wait. Unable to follow to where his husband is going.

"Dance around the living room

Lose me in the sight of you

I've seen the red, I've seen the blue

Take all of me

Lead to where your secrets are

Where we've been a thousand times

Swallow every single lie

Take all of me"

///

Buck had suffered another small ruptured aneurysm and now they are back to square one, maybe even backward. Now he is on ventilator again and just like that the timer restarts.

Eddie feels like they were hurdled back ten yards with every ten steps forward they took.

Their family and friends have come running when he told them the news, preparing for the worst.

Chris is a welcomed weight on his lap that is doing a great job at keeping Eddie grounded. While Eddie's one hand is keeping Chris steady on his thighs, the other is playing around Buck's wedding ring between his nimble fingers.

Both weight assuring his tired mind that Buck will come back from this. He must be...he should be because Eddie doesn't know what will happen to him and Chris if he doesn't. Shannon's death had been devastating but Buck... No, he will not let his mind spiraling down there.

Instead, Eddie let his memory drifts to the moment Buck had said yes. The twinkle of his eyes can easily light up the highest skyscraper there is. Eddie knew then that he had made among the best decision in his life at that exact instant. And the twinkles make their appearance again when Buck walked down the aisle with Bobby giving him away. But the twinkles were even brighter when the judge decreed Chris' adoption paper.

The twinkles never really stop. Buck keeps showing them in different ways. When he calls them for dinner. When Chris hums in delight with every bite. When Chris says his goodnight. When Eddie compliments Buck's new shirt or sweater. When Eddie says the 'I love you's.

What he would give in order to see those bright twinkles again.

"I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made that mistake

If my name never fell off your lips again

I know it'd be such a shame

When I take a look at my life

And all of my crimes

You're the only thing that I think I got I right

I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made

Already made that mistake"

///

"S'hurt." Buck whines into Eddie's soothing caress. He stubbornly shuts his eyes close with a hand, sluggishly trying to block whatever light flashing at him.

"I know sweetheart, but Dr. Stevenson needs to test your cognitive functions so they will know you're okay." Eddie tries to comfort his distressed husband. Light sensitivity is to be expected but it still hurt Eddie to see Buck constantly flinching in pain.

"Alright Evan, can you tell us your full name again?" Dr. Stevenson then proceed to ask.

Buck huff in annoyance. Why can't they leave him alone to sleep? He already told them his name yesterday. He's so tired, why can't they see that?

"Evan..." Buck tries. Huh. Weird. He should know his name. "Diaz...uh," Buck's face contorted in panic as he tries to jog his memory. "...Buck." He cries in frustration. He should remember his name. Why can't he remember his name?

"Hey, hey Evan. It's okay if you can't remember now. You'll get it right soon." Eddie calms his upset husband while Buck kept whimpering in anguish.

Despite the initial scares, Buck's prognosis has been quite promising. He's off the ventilator and has been moved out from the ICU relatively quick. It took him some time to properly speak and even longer to open his eyes without flinching.

Most of the times he will be asleep, passed out from exhaustion from doing simple cognitive exercises. He is still experiencing memory gap and fogginess but that is all to be expected. His motor function is also improving despite the mild numbness.

"Eddie, m'scared." His voice barely a whisper. Confusion lacing his whole face. His head feels heavy and the fatigue just doesn't seem to go away.

"Come here." Eddie slides into the hospital bed, wary of the wires and IV snaking around Buck. Buck automatically latched himself to Eddie's side while Eddie wipes some stray tears that are staining Buck's cheek away.

"Tired. Hurt." Buck sniffles brokenly, face nuzzling deeper into Eddie's neck.

"I know. I know. But you are doing so much better, sweetheart." Eddie gingerly tracing patters on Buck's back, feeling the warm puff of breath cradling his own neck.

Comfortable silence slowly stretched between them with Buck is finally at the edge of sleep. Eddie pulls Buck tighter into his embrace, anchoring Buck to his chest.

"Don'wanna forget you n'Chris," Buck mumbles, already half asleep.

It never gets easier to see your supposedly strong and healthy husband broke down in tears for not remembering his own name. At how he was defeated by his own mind.

"Lover of mine

I know you're colorblind

I watched the world fall from your eyes

Ooh

All my regrets

And things you can't forget

Light them all up

Kiss them goodbye"

///

After three weeks of camping at the hospital, Buck is finally home. Little by little, the colours are coming back to their little house.

Buck amazingly had come out relatively unscathed after two brain surgeries aside from frequent dizziness, mild exhaustion and occasional numbness.

Abuela has moved in with them temporarily despite Buck's protest, arguing that Carla is still going to be there from time to time and that he'll not be left alone for more than one hour at most. That Chris is also capable to call for help if anything (God forbids) happen.

Meanwhile, Eddie has returned back to work albeit reluctantly. Shifts, long or short are never the same without Buck sitting next to him in the rig or at dinner table. He was mulling over some chores when suddenly his phone pings with new notification. With Buck stuck at home, Eddie never lets his phone out of sight in case if emergency.

The content of the notification put a wide grin on his face. It was a shaky image of Buck sleeping on the couch while holding what seems like Eddie's t-shirt from last night. Which Eddie knows has been put into the laundry basket. Eddie can't really make out the details of Buck's features with the image being so blurry. Not that he'll tell Abuela that if he wants to keep receiving them in the future.

As for now, he has another six hours to go before he can go back to cuddle his awaiting husband.

///

The house is silent when Eddie returns with darkness washing over every corner, save for the night light coming from Chris' room.

Naturally, Eddie skips over to Chris' room first to check on his son and found him safely tucked in bed, deep in sleep. A soft smile cracked on his lips.

He then proceeds to check on Abuela who is residing in the guest room. Abuela is making a habit of leaving the bed room door cracked open a little, in case Buck or Chris need her.

Satisfied, Eddie slowly enters into his and Buck's bedroom, tip toeing on his feet as to avoid disrupting his sleeping husband. Instead, Eddie is met with an empty room. Confused, he checks the bathroom but only to find it unoccupied.

Worry starting to creep into his gut when the couch in the living room is also vacant. He double check to confirm Buck's jeep is still parked beside his truck.

Eddie is ready to tear down the house and even the street to find Buck when from the corner of his eyes, he can see the light in the backyard patio is on.

Lo and behold; there lies Buck, sleeping on the patio swing, snuggled between a thick blanket and fluffy pillow. The book he was reading long forgotten on the wooden deck. Eddie can't help from smiling.

Another side effect that come out from this is Buck's ability to fall asleep almost anywhere at anytime seems to be amplified.

He's lucky the night is not as chilly as usual or he'll get a nasty scolding from Abuela (and Carla, even Athena and Maddie, Hen included, oh and not to forget Bobby's disapproval and Chim's teasing) if he's able to get a cold cause he 'foolishly' slept outside instead in their warm bed.

Eddie steps forward to his husband, expertly avoiding any creaking wooden planks before kneeling in front of the slumbering man. He can't help himself but to stroke the soft curls casing Buck's face. Days without any products bring about the glorious wave of hair. Buck needs a haircut sooner than later, or he'll fuss over his hair being unmanageable.

"Evan." Eddie calls softly, trying to pull Buck out of his sleep.

"Hmm." Buck ends up snuggling even deeper under the cocoon.

"Let's go to bed, darling." Eddie coaxes.

"Don'wanna."

"I promise you, you'll regret it tomorrow." Eddie threatens passively.

"But it's so comf'able, Eddie." Buck whines, all bleary-eyed.

Eddie sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. Buck can be stubborn if he wants to, no matter how adorable he might look doing it.

Gathering all of his might, Eddie scoops up Buck, still swaddled in his blanket. Surprisingly, no protest is coming out from his husband. Rather, Buck nestles his face into Eddie's chest while his hands embracing Eddie's neck like a koala. Eddie can't stop but to notice how much weight has Buck lost. They'll work on that later.

Eddie then cautiously deposit Buck onto their bed, fixing the blanket and fluffing his pillow. Just like that, Buck is off to his dream land again.

Buck is a constant ball of energy. Bright, bold and loud. Seeing him sleeping so much is disheartening even though Eddie knows he needs it.

Encassed in the deafening silence of the night, Eddie chest tightens whenever he thinks about how he almost lost this. Sense of dread envelopes him everytime he remembers how Buck almost slipped from his hold.

Pulling Buck tighter against his embrace, Eddie renews his wedding vows silently under his breath.

"Dance around the living room

Lose me in the sight of you

I've seen the red, I've seen the blue

Take all of me

Lead to where your secrets are

Where we've been a thousand times

Swallow every single lie

Take all of me"

///

They are in the kitchen, trying to decide on dinner now that Abuela has returned back to her house. Not before leaving lengthy strict instructions for both of them with quarter of them related to their 'rumpy-pumpy'. "That boy needs his rest, Edmundo." She had quipped before leaving.

Giving his husband a quick glance, Eddie feels like it's the time to address the elephant in the room.

"Evan, we haven't exactly talk about that night." Eddie starts, trying to fish out Buck's attention, whose face currently deep inside the freezer trying to formulate the course of dinner.

Buck closes the fridge and slowly turns to face Eddie, expressionless. Eddie can't help but to reminisce how Buck's face was frozen on that fateful night. Tingling sensation suddenly wash over his whole being.

"I know you were in pain, perhaps still are but...please tell me how can I make it up to you." Eddie continues when Buck remains silent. He then delicately pulls Buck waist towards him, embracing into the warmth.

After a beat, Buck lets out a deep breath, returning Eddie's hug and settling against his chest.

"I was angry at you Eddie, I'm not gonna lie." Buck starts. That got Eddie all wide eyed. He tries to loosen the hug, but Buck keeps him at his place.

"When I was under, I thought about how Ana could replace me in your and Chris' life." Buck whispers into the crook of Eddie's neck.

"How easy for her to fit it in. How easy for Chris to love her. How easy for you to love her. How she's able to give you a child or two if you want to. How perfect the picture will be. How easy I am to be forgotten." Buck forlornly confess. The ominous shadow of his mind is not some place inviting.

Eddie frowns with guilt and shame but as he tries to say something, he is quickly cut by Buck.

"But then, I woke up to your voice, your hands warm against mine. And when I am able to see, watching you sitting there beside me, all of my insecurities fly away. I know I must have look horrible but you still stay. Laying in the hospital bed is not exactly sexy, you know." Buck chuckles, tightening his hold against Eddie's strong back.

Eddie laughs lightly but it was hard to imagine how Buck must have felt at that time. Confused and in pain. Unable to control his body and mind.

Eddie then slowly moves his hand upwards to cup Buck's face, short stubble soft against his palms.

Gazing into the baby blues, Eddie can see the uncertainty storming under the irises. Eddie tenderly brush the bottom of Buck's lips with his. "Evan, no matter what condition you'll be in the future, I promise you, I'll stay. I've made a mistake and I'm going to make it right by you if you let me." Another soft kiss lingers.

Eddie's fingers later find themselves cupping Buck's neck and Buck melts into the kiss. Before they know it, they keep kissing like their lives depend on it.

"I actually thought if I was killing you with my confession. Whether it was better if I just keep my mouth shut." Eddie admits a bit later, with their foreheads against each other fighting for a breather.

"Hey, don't do that to yourself. If anything, I'm partially to blame. I've been ignoring the signs, dismissing them as stress or lack of sleep." Buck tries to balm Eddie's guilt. "And it's better for the news to come out from your rather than hearing it from someone else."

Nevertheless, Eddie still can't forget how limp his husband body was laying against him in the station's locker room. At how pale his husband has been. No matter how hard Eddie tried to rouse him, Buck's eyes had remained shut.

Easy silence washed over them, swaying together in a tight embrace to the mute music only they can hear.

"Evan, I am sorry."

"I know."

Eddie paused. "No, seriously. I am so fucking sorry."

Buck smiles fondly. "And I seriously fucking know it."

"Just don't do it again." Buck parroted what Eddie had previously said to him with a sly grin. Oh God, the sexual tension back then had been overbearing.

Just like that, Eddie feels like the axis of his world sets to right again, spinning gracefully. Not as halted or indented as before.

"I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made that mistake

If my name never fell off your lips again

I know it'd be such a shame

When I take a look at my life

And all of my crimes

You're the only thing that I think I got I right

I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made

Already made that mistake"

(Lover of Mine - 5 Seconds of Summer)

#cirrius akiyo's bunkdump #buddie fanfiction #buddie #buddie fic #eddie x buck #buck x eddie #911 fics #911 fic #911 fanfic #Rambler not Writer #evan buckley #edmundo diaz #songfic

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cirrius-akiyo · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Additional Tags: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Songfic, Sickfic, Sick Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sick!Buck, Light Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not Beta Read, Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Worried Eddie Diaz, Caring Eddie Diaz, Sleepy Cuddles, Medical Inaccuracies Series: Part 5 of Love in the Dark Summary:

Eddie is not much a religious man, but he has always pray for God to take him first instead of Buck.

Or,

A soft fic with the two being so disgustingly in love with each other.

#Yup finally did it #911 fanfic #911 fics #911 fic #911 #buddie #buddie fanfiction #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #evan buckley #edmundo diaz #disgustingly in love with each other #cirrius-akiyo #bunkdump #cirrius-akiyo's bunkdump #songfic #sickfic

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cirrius-akiyo · 4 years

Text

HOLD ON (LET'S GO HOME)

"I kissed Ana." Eddie confessed.

Buck stopped arranging the pillows on the bed and shifted his body so he is facing Eddie. His face remains unreadable.

"Were you drunk?" Buck simply asked as if that will explain Eddie's behaviour.

Eddie tries not to scoff. Even during this moment Buck is still trying to find any loophole to excuse Eddie's behaviour.

"No, Evan. How can I get drunk at a parents-teachers meeting." There is no excuse for what he did. Ana leaned in and Eddie allowed her to. The kiss was chaste, more like a peck, but still a kiss nonetheless. A kiss that should not had happened because Eddie has a husband that is coming home tonight from a long shift. Although he literally ran away after admonishing Ana, he still can't help feeling like he had cheated on Buck. Maybe he already did.

"I wasn't thinking." Eddie takes a step towards Buck who is still remain completely stoic at the end corner of their bed. He pulls Buck's hands into his, intertwined their fingers together. "And I am so sorry. For my behaviour. For causing you pain. I don't know what got into me when she leaned in. I did not reciprocate but I did not stop her either. Not that excuse myself but I just..." His apologies fell short when he saw Buck's eyes are brimming with fresh tears.

At that moment Eddie resolute himself to make up to Buck for as long as he lives.

"Loving and fighting

Accusing, denying

I can't imagine a world with you gone

The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of

I'd be so lost if you left me alone"

///

The day after his confession flees without any major event. Buck had cried himself to sleep while curling into Eddie's side that night and Eddie had hold him through it all, showering Buck with endless apologies and sweet nothings. Not that Eddie got much sleep himself. Partly because of the guilt, and partly because he is afraid that Buck might leave while he was asleep.

When the morning comes, Eddie kissed Buck awake. Trying to rewrite the foreign imprint of Ana's lips with his husband's. Buck had smiled softly at him, and for a while, Eddie believed that everything will be okay.

They still work seamlessly that morning, falling between peaceful silence and hectic small calls. Buck is still a constant presence beside him, putting hope in their relationship. Buck is not pulling neither is he pushing Eddie away and Eddie take that as a good sign eventhough he is still berating himself for taking Buck's kindness and forgiving nature for granted.

It was short moment, but sometimes Eddie can see his husband scrunching his eyes shut as if in pain. Maybe the night-long crying finally catching up with Buck.

"Are you okay, Evan?" Eddie coaxed. Hand creeping up to the crook between Buck's shoulder and neck, feeling the stiff muscle there.

He can see Buck wills the pain away again. "I will be." Buck assures him.

It's funny to see how now Eddie seems to need the assurance when he knows Buck must have felt invalidated. That Buck must have thought that his inadequacy that prompted Eddie to kiss Ana. Or letting Ana kissed him, but that doesn't matter. He's guilty and that's the fact he needs to live with from now on.

But the pain doesn't seem to go away. Buck looks paler as the day goes by, stubbornly evading any prodding from Hen or Chimney.

It all come down when Buck all but running towards the toilet stall, retching whatever lunch Bobby has whisked up that afternoon. Eddie stood vigil beside him immediately, hand hasn't stop stroking Buck's back.

After a while, the retching stop and Eddie helps his husband to the sink.

"Maybe it's migraine." Buck supplies after rinsing his mouth. He is leaning sideway on the sink with Eddie's firm grip still tight on hips.

Eddie might had agreed for a moment there, until Buck's eyes rolled back into his skull as he slumped forward, falling into a heap while Eddie barely catching him.

Eddie knows he yells and scream for help as soon as they hit the floor. But it felt like eternity from when the help arrives and him straddling his unconscious husband in his lap.

"You locked yourself in the bathroom

Lying on the floor when I break through

I pull you in to feel your heartbeat

Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me"

///

Time feels like it was stretched to eternity during the ambulance ride to the hospital. Buck was in and out of consciousness, alternating between throwing up biles, haze unresponsiveness and sudden screaming in pain. His pulse is getting weaker but they still don't know what is wrong with him. With his history of medical scares, it could be anything.

"Evan, can you hear me, sweetheart?" Eddie has asked when he saw Buck's eyes were opened albeit in small slits, searching for any sign of recognition. It was futile.

"Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Hold on, I still need you"

///

It was an aneurysm.

The MRI confirms it and in less than one hour, Eddie needs to sign the consent to surgery form.

Eddie knows fear. Eddie knows death. He had made peace with them even since he enlisted for the first time. It has been so long since Eddie feels this terrified. Terrified for his husband if something goes wrong, and if he survives, the complications that often warranted with this illness.

"A long endless highway, you're silent beside me

Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from

Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin'

Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones"

///

After four and half grueling hours, Buck is back in ICU. Now all they can do is to wait for him to wake up, and from there, Buck needs to reach a two weeks mark without any or minimal complication to be on the safe side. Even when they reach the point is still a no guarantee that his husband might come back scatheless from this.

Eddie tries to think to the moments that lead to this. Was he the breaking point of Buck's ruptured aneurysm? Had his confession literally killing his husband softly from the inside? Was it better to keep his mistake hidden?

Eddie slowly took sight of his husband still form. His sunken eyes. His pale skin. Had he caused that? If he thinks he feel enough remorse and guilt yesterday, he doesn't know what is he even feeling right now.

"Evan, I don't know if you'll hear me, but please, find your way back to me. Please don't leave me, darling." Eddie pleads and begs to every deity there is for his husband to come back home.

"They took you away on a table

I pace back and forth as you lay still

They pull you in to feel your heartbeat

Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"

///

Buck wakes up sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, screaming silently in pain while fighting against the tube in his throat.

Eddie continue to hold his hand afterwards, never letting it go. As if that would prevent Buck from slipping away because God knows he is not prepared. He'll never be.

Buck is still not lucid enough to hold a proper conversation. He is still high from the medications, but Eddie will take anything the universe throws at him as long as Buck's alive and awake.

"Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Hold on, I still need you"

///

Buck had showed signs of recognition of his surroundings. He hums when his name is called. He smiles when Eddie calls for him. Leaning his face into Eddie's welcoming palm when Eddie is caressing his jaw and Eddie could cry. Hell. He is crying for God's sake.

These few days is a rollercoaster of emotions. Eddie was literally shown among many ways he could lose Buck, be it from his stupidity or to this terrifying sickness. Proving the point that tomorrow is never guaranteed to any of them.

But for now, he is not letting his husband go.

"I don't wanna let go

I know I'm not that strong

I just wanna hear you

Saying baby, let's go home

Let's go home

Yeah, I just wanna take you home

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you"

(Hold On - Chord Overstreet)

The Parallel is here:

https://cirrius-akiyo.tumblr.com/post/622092568072798208/unpack-the-baggage-parallel-to-hold-on-lets-go

Sidenotes:- I was finishing drafting a client's divorce petition when this song came up in the mix. It is so sad to see how couples drift apart to the point that they hate the idea of the other exist in the same space with them. It is an accumulation of small things that either strengthen the bond or slowly chipped it away. Hence, small things do matter.

#songfic #cirrius akiyo's bunkdump #911 fics #buddie #buddie fanfiction #buddie fic #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #grammar don't care #rambler not writer #sickfic #buck!whump

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cirrius-akiyo · 3 years

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Hello!! From the angst/fluff list may I please request 18. It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?” and 86. "Don’t be scared, I’m right here.”? Is it possible to combine them, if not that's fine. Your fanfics are amazing ❤❤❤

Thank you my lovely! This took longer than I thought, but thank you for bearing with me.

This is number 18 and 86 from the Fluff/Angst Prompts List.

You can read the full version here at AO3.

Or you can read half of it below (it's too long to post all of it here):

Peering Through the Veil

Staring down at his half empty mug, Eddie silently curses the chamomile tea for failing to calm his jittery nerves. So much for false advertising.

It is past 1.00 a.m. and the rest of the crews are all in their respective bunks, saves for a few who are still wound up with residual adrenaline from their last call, Eddie included.

But Michael and Shawn are off onto the rooftop searching for some fresh air, leaving Eddie alone in the kitchen with his thoughts.

Long minutes passed when Eddie hears the heavy footsteps climbing up the staircase leading to the loft. Thinking it is either Michael or Shawn, Eddie doesn't turn around to acknowledge their presence.

"Eddie?"

The familiar gruff voice got Eddie to swivel his head around, and his gaze falls onto Buck, whose eyes are still droopy from sleep. His hair curls haphazardly on the top of his head, a menial proof that at least someone got a good rest.

"It's late. Shouldn't you be asleep?" Buck breaks a yawn as he heads towards the cabinet, reaching for his favourite mug and fills it with water. Chris was the one who gave Buck the mug, insisting that Buck is the Mr. Red Hot Superhero and Eddie didn't have a heart to explain to the boy on the double entendre and that 'red hot' might implied something else. Yet Buck had happily received the mug and has been using it ever since, and even got mad when Billy had used it that one time.

Eddie shrugs. "In a bit. Finishing my tea first." He explains, lifting his half full lukewarm tea for Buck to see.

Buck seems to contemplate his simple answer while taking in small sips and Eddie swears he could feel Buck is peering through his mind.

Sure enough, Buck plops down onto the chair opposite to Eddie.

"Is everything okay?" Buck asks, one hand is playing with his mug, swirling the clear liquid around.

Who is Eddie kidding? Of course Buck could read him like an open book. They've been attached to the hips since Eddie's day one, and still going strong despite all the unsavoury circumstances they're stuck in, recent develoments included.

Risking a glance towards the other man who is still clearly anticipating for a reply, Eddie wipes his face harshly in search for some composure, and lets out a resign sigh.

"Hey, just because our relationship is on hold, doesn't mean I stop caring about you, Eddie. You are still my best friend. So what's up?" Buck leans forward, expressing his attentiveness.

Eddie sighs again. "Chris has been asking why didn't you stay the other night." His kid is too smart to not not noticing the shift in their schedule.

Buck bites his lower lip, worrying the tender red flesh. The lips that is not for Eddie to kiss anymore.

"Do you want me to talk with him? And if you wanted me to, I can sleep on the couch." Buck hesitantly offers, clearly not wanting to overstep the line Eddie had drawn himself.

"You'd do that?" Eddie's eyebrows shot up at Buck's suggestions.

"Sure. Anything for Christopher." The simple answer manage to gnaw on Eddie's core.

The small smile that adorned Buck's face pains Eddie, tugging at his heart over and over and making it aches. All because he could still see the longing and hurt that still linger underneath the blonde's concrete mask. The mask Eddie himself had forced Buck to put on, albeit indirectly.

They do read each other openly.

"Buck..."

"Don't worry Eddie. I understand. I won't overstep." Buck stands up quickly after making the promise, rushing to put away his mug and hastily making a run towards the bunk room, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts all over again.

Isn't this what Eddie wants? For them to take a break? Then why watching Buck leaving hurt Eddie so much when he was the one who left first?

* * *

"I think we should take a break." The words that came out from Eddie's mouth caused Buck to stiffen, his smile fell off his face. They were in the station's parking lot, ready to call it a day, and although Buck looked forward to seeing Chris, an invitation from Eddie never came.

"Are you...are you breaking up with me?" Buck timidly asked, not really looking at Eddie in the eyes. He just kept playing with the hem of his shirt, trying so hard to will the tears from falling.

"No. No. I love you Buck. But I don't think I am where I want to be yet. Chris loves you so much that I am afraid for things that might be...if we take our relationship further this fast." Eddie felt like a jerk for putting the devastating look in Buck's eyes. But in all honesty, that was not all the reason.

"I don't understand Eddie. What did I do wrong?" Buck whispered brokenly, slowly, so slow that the sound had tugged hard at Eddie's heart, making it ached with wants. "Was it because I told you I want to marry you someday? Was it too much?" Buck rambled on, trying to find the logical explanation for the uncalled situation.

Eddie stepped forward to put his hands on the younger man's shoulder, cutting his rambling short. "No, no, Buck. I promised you, you did nothing wrong. It is all on me...I...uh," Eddie struggled to find the right words, when in reality he had already single-handedly shattered the pure heart belongs to the man he loves.

"I just wish we have more time to navigate this newfound dynamic. My parents are coming down in few weeks. They are staying until Christmas and I don't want to spring this news to them. We're not in the best terms yet. I just don't want them to come out with more reason to force us, or worse, to move Chris back to El Paso." Excuses, excuses. That's all Eddie thought of when he heard himself sputtering the words out.

"So I was thinking, let's put this on hold first and see how the circumstances goes. They will be staying here for about three weeks, and you should be having a fun Christmas without needing to meet my parents." More excuses. Sad, sad case of flimsy excuses.

Eddie honestly thought Buck will put more fight, but...

"Okay." His flimsy excuses got Buck to resign dejectedly with one simple word, and Eddie had never hated himself more for causing Buck's glow dimmed.

"Just so you know, I'll be here and I love you." Buck tugged his shoulders free from Eddie's hold and start to walk away towards his Jeep without giving Eddie another glance. He loves Eddie too much that if Eddie truly wished for this, he'll gladly do it even if his heart shattered beyond salvation.

* * *

It has been two whole weeks from the fateful night of them taking a break from their relationship. Or Eddie forcing them to take one. Buck and Eddie still work fluidly side by side as if nothing has changed between them. Buck still jokes and let himself be carefree around him just like before, making Eddie feel like he has been thrown back into the past, before the day when Buck had declared his undying love to him.

Back to the status quo of being just best friends.

And Buck is doing a damn good job at being one.

They would still have the movie nights and weekend outings with Chris, but that's about it. The kisses, the lingering touches and the warm embraces of them making love are completely absent from their routine. Buck would dashed out of their home once Chris is tucked in, never stayed long enough for a beer or two, leaving Eddie completely lost for words.

Eddie knows he should be more proactive to insert normalcy into Chris' life that doesn't include much Buck-Time before his parents arrive, but honestly his heart can't look at the face Chris or Buck made if he told them that their plans are cancelled.

Eddie looks down from the loft, his gaze searching for a tall blonde that was not his. Buck is downstairs at the rig, trying to polish whatever dirt is there tainting the already shiny metal.

"You'll regret it if one day someone come and sweep him off his feet. He has the right to move on you know, even though he's quite firm of waiting for you." Hen suddenly piped up beside him, biting into her apple nonchalantly.

"You know?" Eddie sputtered. While they did come out to the team when they first got together, the pause in their relationship is not a public statement. They still live in each others' pocket when they're at the work, just devoid of small kisses and hand holding here and there.

"He told me because he doesn't want us to make things awkward between you two with our unwelcome remarks. To treat you guys like before both of you got into the relationship. And from what I see, you guys really did." She explains, a sad chuckle thrumming through her throat.

Eddie just nods. He doesn't really know what to say to that. Buck still look after him even he doesn't have to, just so Eddie wouldn't be uncomfortable from the peering eyes and gossiping smiles.

"That boy wears his heart on his sleeve and we all see how he loves you. He still does. I know because he has this look when he thought nobody is looking. He's good for you, you know. Not just you, but for Chris too. And I see how you look at him too. Just hurry up to catch up, or you'll regret it soon." Hen pats his shoulder firmly before walking off to throw the pit, leaving Eddie to soak in the sage words she left behind.

Gazing back down to where Buck is, Eddie couldn't help but to feel a spark of jealousy at seeing Buck chatted animatedly with Gillian who is pawing at the man's bicep nonchalantly. Eddie purses his lips. The audacity of some.

Hen doesn't need to remind him, he already regretting their little arrangements the moment he went spewing those nonsense that night in the parking lot.

///

Staring at the shift schedule written on the white board, Eddie couldn't help but to frown, feeling the unsettling nerve bubbling up from the pit of his stomach. And the Christmas songs playing on queue in the background only help to fuel his misery.

Of course he would see Buck's name listed on Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

"Did the white board offend you or something?" Chimney pipes up from his side, blowing bubblegum in his way of picking at Eddie.

"Or something." Eddie grumbles, skimming through the names that will be joining Buck later, grimacing when Gillian's name listed on both days.

"Ooh, pissy. Does this got to do with the fact that your parents are in town or the fact that you won't be spending Christmas with Buck?" Chimney continues to taunt him, jabbing where it hurts.

Both, okay! Eddie wants to scream at Chim who is looking extra smug for being able to push on his button. And for the love of everything holy, Eddie should see this coming. Chim and Hen might not tease them, but Eddie should know he wouldn't be spared from some ribbing, especially for putting Buck through this arrangement. Buck is their little brother after all, blood ties or not.

Deciding that while he loves Chimney, Eddie could strangle him to death with his own bubblegum if he stays any longer, so Eddie walks away towards the gym in search for the source of his troubling thoughts.

Buck is on the treadmill running gracefully at full speed, and Eddie stops on his track to admire the view for a while.

Buck has always been beautiful, graceful in everything he does, and Eddie has witnessed them countless times, admiring the nimbleness, either fully clothed or not. But now the later seems like a distant memory at the back of his mind. And Eddie is reminded again at how his sheets has been so cold these past weeks.

Buck must have notices him from the corner of his eyes and immediately slowing the machine to a stop before stepping down to meet Eddie halfway. Pulling out his earbuds, Buck throws a smile at Eddie as a greeting.

"Hey." Buck huff, still catching his breath. "You need a spot?" Buck glance at Eddie up and down before noticing that the older man is not in his gym attire and smiles sheepishly at that, murmuring an apology. Eddie could painfully hear the dwindling eagerness in the blonde's voice.

"I saw your name on Christmas shifts." Eddie whispers, not wanting to push Buck away with unnecessary argument. "You didn't tell me you're working. I thought you have this year's Christmas off." We're both off.

Buck rubs the back of his head, the tell-tale sign of impending lies or deflection.

"I uh... I owe Jake to cover some of his shifts."

So a lie then. Eddie knows very well Buck doesn't owe anyone to cover their shift this half year.

"You don't have to do this Buck. I'm sure Cap will find somebody else to cover his spot. You've been working on Christmas for three years in a row now." Eddie tries to talk Buck out of it, partly because he doesn't want him to be in a 24 hours shift with Gillian and her unwelcome pawing, and partly because a tremendous guilt is clawing on his conscience.

The little voice in his head is niggling at him that this year is supposed to be their first Christmas as a couple, and Buck must have look forward to it. But his stupid ass had put themselves through this mess and Eddie now has to lie on the bed that he had laid. Just peachy.

"I do, actually, have to do this." The cut off tone in Buck's reply just confirms his thought.

That Buck decides to work throughout Christmas because he doesn't has anything to do or anyone to celebrate with, since Maddie and Chim will be out of town to celebrate with his adoptive parents. And Buck does not want to be left alone. A notion Eddie should be familiar with. Or the one people he does want to be with had pushed him away.

The hurt look on Buck's face crushes his heart, because he knows damn well he had put it there himself.

"Look, you at least deserve a time off." Eddie tries again, but with each seconds passing as he stand before the heartbroken man, Eddie knows it is futile. It's too late now.

Eddie Diaz has single-handedly robs Christmas and all of its joy and happiness off Buck.

///

Turns out it did not take another person to swept Buck off his feet, but a broken beam.

And Eddie couldn't believe the news when Bobby first told him, his Captain's voice echoes against the ringing of his ears. Eddie could hear Bobby's frantic voice on the line asking if Eddie still there.

No. Eddie shouldn't be here because he should be there.

No.

Buck should be here instead.

Buck should be here, celebrating Christmas morning soon with him and Christopher. Buck should be sitting down with him watching Chris tears open every presents with glee. From the kitchen, Eddie's wild gaze falls upon a meticulously wrapped box among the arrays of gifts under the tree, remembering Buck has passed it through Carla to give it to Christopher, earning Eddie a disapproved glare from the iron lady.

"Yeah, I'm here Bobby. Where are they taking him?"

///

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cirrius-akiyo · 4 years

Text

It is the third day of their four consecutive 24-hour shifts off and like any sensible person who finally got some spare time, Eddie cleans.

He was midway through cleaning the extra/guest room when he found it. After testing and confirming that it is still functional, Eddie sets his steps to search for his subject.

The subject who is currently content lazying around on their inflatable bed in the living room, binging on Avatar the Last Airbender. "This show is wholesome Eddie. They're not just cartoon."

Eddie stops in front of Buck, effectively blocking the television.

"You're blocking the view, man." Buck groans, stretching his head to look past Eddie's legs. One hand is trying to push for him to move.

"I found something interesting. I think it is Sophia's. Perhaps she left it here the last time she came to visit." Eddie swings its handle before Buck, albeit menacingly. "I'm sure this thing is clean." Eddie's sure she would clean this to perfection, his sister is a clean freak.

Buck eyes widen at the long and formidable object. It has been few years since he saw one, the last time being Maddie's when he accidentally stumbled upon it residing in her drawer.

"Eddie, for the love of God, get that shit away from me." Buck takes a sharp intake of breath, face contorted in abject horror.

Eddie continues to grin devilishly. "That's blasphemous, Buck." He continues twirling the cord in wicked and teasing manner.

Buck gulps, swallowing hard, eyes never leaving the thing in Eddie's hold. "And I'm hella serious, Eddie. Do not come near me with that thing switched on." Buck moves away, his back hitting the couch. Buck would run if he could, but now he's truly weak at the knees.

"Why don't you give it a try, Buck." Eddie brandish it like a sword, wiggling it before Buck's eyes.

"No. That thing is a torture device that will never come near me." Buck tries to swat it away.

"Just try it once, Buck. Perhaps you'll feel good about it." Eddie turns to persuade his very stubborn boyfriend with a good time, giving Buck a very suggestive smile.

"Why would I feel good about it? I'm not Sophia. I'm not consenting, Eddie." Buck crossed his arms against his chest, defending his dignity.

"I'll even do it for you. Or you can do it to yourself, but I'll watch over you." Eddie presses.

"No. I'm dumping you if you do."

"Buck, I'm experienced."

"Still a no."

"I've done this lots of time before. Adriana and Sophia often made me do them."

"No. I'm not ironing my curls out."

Maddie used to have his curls ironed out a bit when they become too difficult to manage, but one time she burnt his ear off, Buck swears he's traumatized for life.

"I promise you, they are not permanent. Your curls will be back latest by tomorrow morning tops. They're usually gone with one wash." Eddie promised. Sophia usually pressed her hair in the morning before school and usually the curls were already returning when she came back home.

"No. You'll burn my hair off. Worse, you'll burn my ear off. Even worse, you'll burn my face off. Then you'll dump me because I'm not as pretty as I am now."

Eddie's eyebrows shot up in amusement. That is quite a stretch there.

"I will not. I promise, Evan."

"You give me your word?"

"With my life."

"Don't make it too hot."

"Alright."

"Don't burn me or my hair or my face or my ear."

"Sure."

"Make me look good."

"Promise."

"Make me feel good later."

"Your pleasure is mine to fulfill."

Read on AO3 y'all filthy minded people!

#cirrius akiyo's bunkdump #evan buckley #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #edmundo diaz #911 fics #911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fanfiction #buddie #buddie fic

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cirrius-akiyo · 4 years

Text

YOU ARE MADE OF STARDUST

(Part 1/?)

Evan: I'm craving for cheesecake. I'm going out to get some. Do you want any?

Eddie is helping Hen stocking up the ambulance after their last call depleted 'em dry when the notification came in. His eyebrows shot up after reading the message.

Eddie: You know you are not allowed to drive yet. I'll get you some later.

Evan: :( But the doctor said I'm clear for light activities. I'm driving. Not running there. :<

Eddie: Which is still a bad idea with your condition.

Evan: But I'm dying for a cheesecake. How could you. :(

Eddie: You will not die from a cheesecake craving.

Evan: Meanie. I'll have the bed for myself tonight. >:(

Eddie can't help but to let his eyes roll so far, he thinks he saw his brain back there. He can actually hears how Buck is huffing in displeasure right now, looking like a kicked giant golden-retriever. He knows Buck is joking with the "d" word, but after experiencing how near death is always lurking around, the word just send shudders to his spine.

He can hear Hen snorts in amusement beside him. "Already looking for trouble, that husband of yours?" Hen teases in mirth.

Eddie just shakes his head in resignation. "According to him, he's dying for a cheesecake and wanted to drive out to get some. And now I'm the bad person for not allowing him to." Eddie rants, hands swinging around to make his point.

Eddie understands the house rests are driving Buck crazy. Not allowed to do everything he usually does himself must be frustrating. If anything, Eddie is actually proud with his husband for not throwing much tantrum in the course of his healing. Eddie's eyes proceed to linger on his phone's wallpaper, the recent image of Buck and Chris snuggled in their blanket fort acts as a reminder for him that Buck is still here.

Hen, blessed the patron of observance that she is, notices how Eddie's facial expression suddenly falls. She gingerly moves closer to Eddie, patting his back in an consoling motion. "Eddie. Buck is okay. Little scratch there, but he is fine." Hen enunciates to Eddie slowly, like she usually would when comforting the distressed victims during calls.

That makes the wall Eddie has build so thick and high crumbling down.

"But he almost not be." Eddie chokes on tears. "He almost leave us, Hen. Buck almost died." Eddie swallows the bitter taste on his tongue. Oh God. Saying that out loud just make the whole ordeal more concrete. More tangible than Eddie had previously perceived. He was in a state of constant obscurity after the doctor delivered the news when Buck was admitted to the hospital. Feeling like the color of the world seeped out from the corner of his eyes, leaving only grayish fog in his view.

Hen is now hugging Eddie, letting him to cry out his burden away. "Hey now. It's okay. Everything will be just fine."

"But what if it's not? I kissed another woman on the night before he collapsed, Hen." Eddie admits. He never tell anybody about that night, too ashamed of himself. But also afraid of the judgment that may come with it.

Hen stalled. Her face morphes in confusion.

"But isn't that the night of the parents-teachers conference?" Hen frowns, recalling her memory to that day. It's not like Eddie goes to a bar or something.

Eddie nods weakly.

"Who?" Hen queries. Her face returns back to neutral and it make Eddie queasy in his stomach even more.

"Ana."

Oh boy. Hen knows Buck is insecure about Shannon, uncomfortable with the thought that he is replacing her in the Diaz's household. Hen also knows other women that Buck are still insecure about are Lena and Ana, both of different reasons but it is not her place to say.

"Have you talk about it?" Hen then pries. She is still regretting the day she decided to cheat on Karen with her ex, and the downfall Denny might has to suffer. She knows what had happened between Karen and her was bad, so she is confident Buck and Eddie will come back from this, seeing that Buck didn't kicked Eddie out of his hospital room once he woke up actually lucid.

"He forgives me, Hen. Easily." Eddie sighs. He still feels like he doesn't deserve love from Evan Buckley. Evan Buckley-Diaz now. "He forgives me too easily." Eddie murmurs under his breath, not intending for Hen to hear, but she heard them anyway.

"If Buck forgives you, then maybe you need to start forgiving yourself too." Hen offers.

"We're only humans floating on a rock

But I think that you are made of stardust

Unconditional, you put up with so much

I can never repay the way you love

Back to the sky, we all have to fly back home, back home

The sweetest goodbyes are never with smiles at all"

///

Eddie swings open their house door without any grace, blaming his occupied hands. He can hear the clacking sound of his son's crutches and the stomping of Buck's socks-clad feet coming towards him. Within seconds, his once full hands are left empty when the box exchanged ownership. The duo are gone as fast as they come, robbing the cake away from Eddie.

"Well hello to both of you, too." Eddie huffs in mock annoyance.

The boys are too busy in deciding which flavor of cheesecake to start off with to even acknowledge Eddie's jeer. Eddie just smile fondly, not slightly bothered. He then snakes his hands around Buck's waist and pulls on his stomach so that Eddie's chest collides with his husband's back, tendering a chaste kiss to the corner of Buck's full lips.

"Kiss later Daddy. Pops and I need to choose now." Chris admonishes him, as if Eddie just disrupt their very top-level mission.

"Listen to our son. You know how much this decision is important to both of us. And you have me tortured all day craving for these." Buck teases, fluttering his eyelashes sinfully.

"Well, sorry for missing my husband." Eddie pulls his lips downwards, feigning hurt but tighten his hug regardless.

"You know I miss my cheesecake more than ever today. So can you please go take a shower while we plate this. You stink." Buck continues to bat his eyelashes, poking fun at Eddie.

Loosening his hold on his husband, Eddie reluctantly walks over to their bedroom, ready to wash away the day. Being alone in their room, Eddie remembers what Hen had said. Forgiving himself. Eddie never thought that is an option until Hen had spelled out to him today. It is a nice concept. Nevertheless, Eddie cannot see himself doing just that yet. Eddie feels like if he ever forgives himself, then whatever Buck has endured is meaningless. Eddie does not deserve the salvation, what more from himself no matter how nice the sentiment is.

Eddie is brought back to the reality when his phone vibrates in his back pocket.

Evan: Better be quick. I'm not to be accountable for a sugar-high child tonight. ;)

Eddie lets out a chuckle, his self-loathing forgotten for a moment.

***

Showered and shaved, Eddie steps out to the kitchen where Chris and Buck are still sitting around their plates of half-eaten cheesy and sugary goodness, chatting about something school related. Seeing Eddie, Buck immediately stood up and walks towards the oven, pulling out Eddie's share of dinner, still perfectly warm when Eddie took the plate from Buck. What has Eddie done in his previous life to deserve this man.

Sitting down next to Chris, Eddie can see the anticipation bubbling from Buck's face as he scoops up a hefty serving of lasagna with his spoon. Eddie doesn't need to pretend. He actually honest to God lets out a huge appreciative moan when he took the bite. No offense to Bobby, but Buck is surpassing the Captain in no time in the cooking department.

And there are the twinkles again.

The twinkles that Eddie has longed before and now seeing them making their comeback just make Eddie's appetite that somehow was lost to grow.

"I love you." The words automatically fall out of his mouth, despite being loaded with food. He can imagine Abuela scolding him for talking with his mouth full.

Buck's cheeks tinted with pink. "You only love my cooking." Buck flusters, eyes looking everywhere but Eddie. His forks keep poking the remaining cheesecake in his plate. He's used with Eddie's declarations of loves, but often they are done privately. Other time is just chaste exchange of kisses and hand-holding or sometimes they were said in playful banter. Not in serious manner as how Eddie just did.

Chris, blessed his innocent soul supplies, "No Pops. Daddy really loves, loves you. He's very sad when you're sick." Oh. Buck knows Eddie must be worried, but he is good at masking his emotions especially in front of Chris. For Chris to be able to see that, Eddie must has shown his vulnerability, which is unusual. Now the pink has changed to red.

Eddie think it is impossible for Buck's cheeks to get redder than this. Eddie can actually see the flush travels down his neck to his chest and he tries his best suppressing the urge to imagine how far the tint goes like they usually does when they are in their bed. A child is present, Eddie.

"I, I... I love you, too." Buck finally confess shyly.

Chris cheers in delight while finishing his last bite of cake in one inhale.

"Am I still on the couch tonight?" Eddie wiggles his eyebrows seductively which only successfully making Buck to blush deeper.

"You are."

"But when our lives are running out

And your heartbeat has taken the draw

Could you try to look around?

I'll be there to pull you back up

I'll be around you

I'm nothing without you

I won't leave you alone

'Cause when the stars are falling down

There's love in the dark (I'll be there) (I'll be there)

There's love in the dark (I'll be there) (I'll be there)"

///

Eddie in fact did not end up on the couch.

Waking up to some delicious smell is not foreign in the Buckley-Diaz household now Buck has taken over the position as their chief chef. Buck literally is their savior, saving Chris and him from the damnation cereals, frozen meals and takeouts.

Eddie rubs the sleep off his face, still feeling the leftover fatigue from yesterday. A 48 hours shift will never get easier no matter how accustomed his body might be.

No matter how inviting the smell is, he knows he needs to wash up first or else Buck will dismiss him from the kitchen. "We don't mix filth and food at this table, Eddie." Not that Buck really mind when Eddie christened the kitchen, making Buck bending over the dining table some times ago.

Later Eddie will find vast array of baking ingredients on the kitchen counter still unpacked in the shopping bags.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asks once he steps into the kitchen.

Buck turns around from the stove. "Erm...French toast?" He then expertly flips the toast to its other side. "Yours will be ready in a minute."

Eddie shuffles closer, stroking Chris' hair who is happily nibbling at the toast Buck had prepared for him.

"No, Evan. I'm talking about the baking ingredients. Did you go out to buy all this?" Eddie's voice full of concern.

Buck proceeds to transfer the toast to an awaiting plate before turning off the stove. "What if I did?" He challenges defiantly.

"Evan, you know you shouldn't drive by yourself. Not yet." Eddie pulls Buck's hands into his.

Buck's face breaks into mischievous grin. "No, you worrywart. Carla brought this over when she stopped by this morning."

Eddie doesn't realise he was holding his breath. "Why didn't you ask me to buy them for you?"

Buck actually scoffs. "Because you will mess with the list, opting sub-standard brands in favour for cheaper ingredients. Which I will not tolerate because this is too important."

"And what is this that is too important to not have subpar ingredients in them?" Eddie knows Buck loves to bake, more than cooking actually. But the amount of ingredients on their kitchen counter is almost equivalent to what a bakery needs daily.

That only makes Buck to grin even wider. "Tell your Daddy, Chris." Buck calls out.

"Bake Sale!" Chris shouts in excitement from his chair, hands high in the air cheering to the news.

///

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Eddie chance a glance to Buck who is still unpacking the ingredients from the shopping bags, separating them from dry to wet. They have enough ingredients to bake almost anything, so Chris is in the living room, tasked to research on what will they bake for the school's Bake Sale.

Buck looks at Eddie with confusion etched on his face. "Why wouldn't I be?" Buck asks without hesitation.

Eddie exhales. "Ana will be there." Now Eddie wish for a hole to swallow him down so he doesn't have to face his husband scrutinizing eyes.

Buck pauses. "So? Why is that a problem?" Buck replied back, tone almost challenging.

Eddie doesn't really know how to react to Buck's questions. He then clears his throat. "I...I don't want you to get uncomfortable." He stutters, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

A beat of silence wash over them.

After a moment, Buck closes their distance, pulling Eddie forward. Buck smells like cinnamon and powdered sugar.

"Maybe I want to be there." Buck honest to God smirks at him. "Maybe I want to stake my claim." He whispers behind the shell of Eddie's ear, making him shudders in delight and terror. "Maybe I want to show her that you're mine. That I'm yours." Buck continues boldly, slyly.

Eddie feels the heat burning him all over. He takes a shuddering breath, all while thinking about Chris in the living room to prevent him from grinding their hips together. Oh God. Is this how Buck will punish him from now on? To let him succumbs to blue balls?

"Pops, I found it!" Christopher pipes in from the living room, yelling in delight.

"I'll be there in a second, buddy." But Buck's seductive smile doesn't falter. In fact, he proceeds to wet his red lips sinfully before kissing Eddie deeply. It takes all of Eddie's willpower not to moan, but as fast as the kiss start, Buck breaks apart with teasing grin and a wink. Eddie's mouth went dry.

Dear, Lord.

Eddie then is left alone in the kitchen with a hard on. Why does Buck likes to torture him this way? If this is the path to his salvation, dear God please help him.

///

Just like the weather forecast had predicted, it's raining cats and dogs that night. Eddie leaves the couch and walk towards Chris' bedroom to check on his son in case he is woken up by the thunder and lightning dancing outside their windows. Seeing that Chris is still sleeping undisturbly, he decides to settle for the night, switching off the television and checking at all the locks again.

When he enters their bedroom, he can see Buck's messy curls poking out from under the duvet. Buck is sleeping in the center of their bed, leaving little to no space for Eddie to squeeze in.

Eddie stroke the soft curls lovingly. Usually that does the trick to wake Buck up. "Hey, darling. Move over a little will you." Eddie pulls down the duvet, but Buck doesn't budge.

"Evan, you need to move over a bit so I can slide in." Eddie slowly shakes his husband gently, trying to rouse the man. Still no response.

Worry immediately creeps into Eddie. He ungracefully kneels beside the bed, half of his body on the bed. "Please Evan, open your eyes. Hey, Evan. Wake up." Eddie craddles Buck's head in his hand, tapping his cheek firmly. Yet Buck's eyelids remain glued shut.

"Sweetheart, please wake up. Please." Eddie pleads brokenly, still shaking Buck's shoulder. When Buck's head lolled back, his features slack and unmoving, Eddie can feel his heart stutters.

No. Not again. Not yet. Not like this. God. Oh God.

"I'd do anything to relive our memories

And listen to your songs play in my head

'Cause I hate the silence, it's the only thing I get

I wish I could hear your voice once again

And your heartbeat, all of the small things, oh, oh

The sweetest goodbyes are never with smiles at all"

///

#cirrius akiyo's bunkdump #edmundo diaz #evan buckley #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #buddie #buddie fic #buck!whump #buddie fanfiction #911 fics #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 fox #rambler not writer

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