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henry-blake-offishial · 2 years

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I know I'm late to the party but anyway

Quarantining with the squad

Hawkeye Pierce: you’ll experience the worst ten days of your life. He laughs. He cries. He wants to have sex. He talks about a random topic nonstop. He’ll play poker and chess with you. He quotes antique philosophers and talks about history. He rearranges the furniture. He can’t sleep at night. He reads the newspaper aloud. He is bored out of his mind and you are exhausted and overstimulated. Calls Trapper, BJ and Henry via Zoom for „online boozing“

Trapper John: he’s insufferably annoying and angry with having to isolate. Any fun activity won’t entertain him for long. He starts pulling pranks on you and it’s irritating af. You wanna suffocate him in his sleep. It’s better after he worked out and got rid of some stored energy, and you’re a part of his workout routine (wink wink).

BJ Hunnicutt: BJ just has a good time and chills! He spends his time cooking and reading and cuddling with you to watch movies. No way this throws him off tracks in any way. He even is sad to have to settle into his usual routine once this is over. Plays online games with Radar and starts to write poems

Henry Blake: quarantining with him is many things but not boring (except for when he wants to talk about fishing). You either watch movies or play board/card games or he loves to spend some time on his own by reading his sports magazines or watching American football on TV. You run out of snacks on day two, out of booze on day three, and out of fitting trousers on day seven (he orders pizza a lot to eat in front of the TV). Does nothing in the house and is incredibly lazy. Shaves only twice a week. Sleeping in separated rooms is recommended due to his snoring

Sherman Potter: you’ve never been so relaxed in your whole life! He doesn’t mind the quarantine at all as he spends a lot of time with his and horses on his ranch anyway. He goes horse riding on his land, brushes his beauties, cleans the stables… no big change for him. In the house he enjoys reading and watches western movies. Also he entertains you with stories from his past. He’s super chill and relaxed because he knows he’s had worse in life.

Frank Burns: delightfully, you open the big package from Amazon with the bottle of chloroform, the pickaxe and the spade

Margaret Houlihan: you honestly though it’d be worse! She declares quarantine her personal wellness spa time. You do manicures and pedicures together, she loves to take long baths and you watch cooking shows and other stuff together. But she won’t tolerate any dirt or chaos in the house and sticks to her usual discipline of when to get up, have meals, healthy lifestyle etc. (good thing she doesn’t have to quarantine with Henry/Hawkeye/Trapper bc one of them wouldn’t make it out alive)

Radar O’Reilly: you wouldn’t even notice that you’re in quarantine bc taking care of Radar’s animals is pretty time-consuming! He owns quite a bunch and they need to be fed regularly, same with their cages and such. You’d spend much time watching and playing with them. Apart from caring for the pets, you’d read comic books together. You have to order groceries regularly as Radar has such a huge appetite, also the animals eat much vegetables. To stay connected to the outside world, Radar starts Zoom calls regularly, and you’re amazed how skilled he is with anything technical

Max Klinger: Klinger doesn’t need much to be happy. He makes dresses, watches TLC and does a lot of online shopping. You won’t see him a lot. Except for when you want to visit the bathroom where he needs longer to get ready for the day than you. His collection of creams, lotions and other care products is astounding and he gives advice for your daily routine. Sometimes you can catch him sending selfies to someone but he doesn’t tell you who he sends them to

Charles Emerson Winchester III: oh boy. 10 days?? Charles listens to his favourite composers a lot (don’t you touch his record player!), watches documentaries (don’t you change the channel!) or calls his sister (be quiet when he’s on the phone!). In case you’re interested in a good, LONG game of chess or philosophical discussions, you might be allowed to talk to him. He enjoys reading complicated old books. And cooking! He starts opening up after a few days and relaxes a bit more. Pro tip: get him drunk! He’s a lot more funny then.

Father Mulcahy: always the optimist, Francis focuses on the good aspects – the slow movement, the absence of stress and appointments, and he just wants to spend a few cozy days. He enjoys gardening when it’s sunny and reads when it’s rainy. He’s calm and you never have an argument once. He’s joyful and practices mindfulness. In addition, he insists on a good diet and yoga to restore his health. He never stays up late. If you’re interested, he’s happy to talk about religion with you, but he never tries to persuade or force you to. He gains strength from praying.

Sidney Freedman: SIDNEEEYYY MY BELOVED! 😍😍 A lot of deep and interesting philosophical conversations await. Sidney is very intelligent and has a lot of knowledge and subjects to talk about. He loves to watch documentaries and old action movies. His humour is brilliant and so are your poker games. Best bluffer you ever came across though so be careful. Also likes to play poker online with the boys. He enjoys a good, huge jigsaw puzzle, does crossword puzzles and such. But not averse to binge-watch a good show on Netflix. Tries to help Hawkeye to calm down a bit. Sings arias in the shower.

Col. Sam Flagg: pure horror. He’s unbearable. You never know who you’re talking to. Of course he likes to play shit like pantomiming and games that include switching into roles. If you accuse him of having done something it’s always been another of his countless personas. Always over-reacting. Can’t watch a good crime movie with him because he can’t stop guessing who’s the delinquent. Watches you in secret and makes notes and fails in being subtle about it. You can never feel relaxed in his presence. Try to ignore him as well as possible.

Bonus:

Captain Jonathan Tuttle: he leaves traces. A wet sink. Bread crumbs on the table. Worn clothes in the laundry bin. But you never ever see him. He’s like a mystery. You know he’s there, and you know he’s living here with you for the moment, but you fail to catch him. Sometimes you feel his presence, and you turn around, but he’s not there. You start to question your state of mind. Is he? Is he not? Where is he? When is he? Whomst is he? Who are you? When are you? Are you you at all? You call Sidney for help, but he can’t speak to you, he’s on the phone with Tuttle. Henry sends you a screenshot of a joke Tuttle sent him. Hawkeye sends you a recipe he tried, recommended by Tuttle. It’s delicious. You receive a package from Trapper, addressed to Tuttle. You learn to sleep with your eyes open. You never listen to music, afraid you wouldn’t hear him. But he never shows up. You wake up. Sidney sits by your side, in a cold white room, and you’re stripped to the bed. He tells you that you burned your house down. Hawkeye is mad because you attempted to kill his childhood friend. But you can hear him laugh, in your mind, that unmistakably laughter that belongs to Tuttle.

#m*a*s*h #M*a*s*h Humor #Mash 4077 #hawkeye pierce #trapper john mcintyre #henry blake #radar o'reilly #colonel potter #bj hunnicutt #charles emerson winchester iii #frank burns #margaret houlihan #maxwell klinger #father mulcahy #Col. Sam Flagg #Captain Tuttle #Tuttle #sidney freedman

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