Alfred's Boy Part 3
Bruce rarely had a full night's rest. In fact, he thinks that it's been a full two years since he last had more than eight hours of consistent slumber. Unlike Tim, who just forgo the recommended sleeping amount, Bruce found time to take naps throughout the day because, as much as he hates to admit it, he's not as young as he used to be.
This is why Bruce is rather displeased to be awoken when he finds himself with a chance to have a full night's rest. It felt like he barely closed his eyes at the tender time of nine o clock pm- with no cases waiting for him, his children agreeing to take his patrols, and the wonderful tea that Danny had poured him to help with backpain-he thought nothing would ruin it.
He forgot he had children for a moment.
At three in the morning, he woke to Tim, half in his Red Robin uniform, crouching like a cat about to leap, his unmasked face staring a few inches away from Bruce's nose. It took everything in Bruce to not react on instinct and take a swing at his son.
He only just bites back the scream by sheer willpower. His son doesn't seem to notice his heart trying to leap out of his chest as the boy leans back, sitting on the pillow Bruce likes to use to build a protective wall against the other side of the floor.
Tim's voice was raspy with sleep and maybe even hints of madness. "Oh good, you're awake. I have an emergency."
"Wha?" Bruce asks, half unsure if he is hallucinating. "What's wrong."
"Danny found his photo album."
"Danny has a photo album?"
"Yes. I made it. I took all the pictures."
"Okay? Why is that bad, chum? Was it supposed to be a surprise present for him?"
Tim tilts his head, his somewhat unfocused eyes staring at Bruce, and for one moment, he wonders if Tim got a concussion out in the field. He disregards the idea a moment later. Alfred would have notified him, and if not, Danny wouldn't allow Tim to wander alone.
Bruce could still remember Duke's wide eye awe as Danny followed him around when he got hit a little too hard a few weeks ago. The butler in training had even slept in his room- on the floor on an air mattress- and Duke had looked mortified and smug for as long as it took to get over his injury.
Alfred had to make it very clear no one was allowed to deliberately get a concussion to his other love-struck children.
Tim's nose wrinkles as a slight blush appears on his high cheeks. "No. He didn't know I was taking pictures of him. That's why it's bad he found the album. "
Bruce closes his eyes. He loves his son, he really does, but he can't handle this right now. He takes a few blissful seconds to pretend he never became a single dad of nine before he pushes his eyelids apart to give one of his middle children a firm scolding. "Tim, chum, the light of my life, that's a crime."
"It's not! I didn't follow him around outside the manor." Tim argues.
Bruce reaches a hand up to rub the space between his eyes. "Tim, you can't just take pictures of people without asking them."
"Why not? I've done it before. To you, Dick, Jason, Steph, Alfred, Damian, Harper, Cullen, Duke, and Cass, but she usually catches me and poses so it doesn't get her in her authentic state of being like I usually want to get but-" Tim says, counting the people on his figures before he seems to realize that he was sidetracked and shakes his head. He gives Bruce a pitiful pout. "He doesn't even mind. He said they were lovely and artistic!"
Of course, Danny wouldn't even blink at a creepy photo album of himself hidden in one of his employer's rooms. That boy didn't care that he found the Batcave while dusting, so taking everything in stride was a default.
"Tim, it's still not okay. You have to ask him from now on if you can take pictures." He holds up a hand when Tim opens his mouth to no doubt argue. "You can ask him if you can take pictures of him throughout the day to capture his authentic side without it being a crime. Now explain what the emergency really is."
Tim's teeth snapped close with a snap. "That was the emergency. He found it, and now I have to leave the country. Go underground for a few months. Maybe fake my death."
"You literally don't have to do any of that. Danny said it was okay right? He isn't one to sugarcoat things. He wouldn't claim it was fine if he didn't feel that way."
"No, Bruce, you don't understand. He already thinks I can't swim. Now he finds a book of him covered in hearts? Tim Drake needs to die." Tim says, dragging his hands down his face, and Bruce flips the covers back.
Gesturing to them, he deadpans. "Tim Drake needs to sleep."
"But my fake death needs to be planned-"
"Cullen and Harper get back tomorrow. Do you want to stress Danny more by adding your fake death to this?" Bruce watches the moment his argument wins because it's as if all fight leaves Tim's body, and his son slumps to the side. His head falls on a pillow, and he's already fast asleep.
He had been running on fumes again, it seemed.
Sighing, Bruce man hands his son into a more comfortable position, unclips his cape, and tucks the blankets around his son's shoulders. He settles back into his side of his bed- Ever since Dick came to live with him, Bruce had, over the years, claimed the right side of the bed so the left would always be open for any of his children suffering from nightmares.
He closes his eyes; Tim's peaceful face snuggling into Bruce's softest pillow reminded him why he became a single father of nine. His heart swells with love as he gives back into sleep's warm arms.
A few seconds later, his door is kicked open by Harper. She puts all her lungs into her greeting. "What's up, Old man! Who's the new kid!?"
Bruce glances at his clock and realizes it's now eight in the morning. Harper and Cullen had arrived hours earlier than planned- probably because Harper had refused to sleep and completed the drive home. He looks at Tim and finds his son curled into a ball, still dead to the world.
"That's Danny," He says in a hushed voice, gesturing to her adoptive brother. When Harper sees Tim, she visibly quiets, ensuring her heavy metal boots don't stomp on the ground as she walks over to him. "He's Alfred's foster son. He was removed from his last home because his parents were dangerous to his safety. Alfred will house him as a favor for his old contact. The contact code name is Clockwork. Danny talks about him a lot so you may hear that name for a while."
"Whoa. " She says, sobering up. Bruce can see memories of her birth father playing behind her eyes as she frowns. "That's shitty. Poor guy, no wonder he seemed sad to the bone."
"You met him?"
"Yeah, he jumped Cullen and me in the main hallway."
Bruce's mind buffers for a second. "What?"
"I know! The dude has skill, but it makes sense if he is Alfred's. He thought we were breaking in and took us out before I realized we were in danger. Once he got a good look at our faces, though, he practically threw up apologizing." She pauses. "Is he straight?"
No. Bruce thinks feeling cold, not another one.
"I believe he's bi. Why?"
Harper shrugs, smiling. "I think Cullen may have a crush on him. I was iffy about it since I thought he was another of your kids. You technically aren't our dad since I'm still Cullen's guardian, but you let us live here for free, so you like a dad? Glad it's not an issue."
Bruce wants to cry. What was it with Danny and seducing his children (in the eyes of the law or not, Cullen is Bruce's boy)? "There may be an issue. See, Danny has a few admires right now and he's- "
"That sounds like your issue, not a Cullen issue," Harper says, narrowing her eyes. Bruce winces when he notices her arms crossing over her chest as when firmly plants her feet a few inches apart. She only stands like that when she's protective of Cullen, which means she finds his comment offensive.
"I'm not saying Cullen doesn't have a chance." Bruce corrects realizing where the issue was. Harper's arms loosen slightly. "I just meant that right now, Danny isn't in the right mental state to be dating."
Harper's arms drop. "Yeah, I wasn't interested in dating after I became emancipated, either. Had a lot going on. I'll talk to Cullen about it. Make sure he gives Danny space."
Finally, one of his kids is on his side! "Thank you, Harper."
She waves a hand dismissively. "Don't mention it. Hey, how did Clockwork and Alfred meet anyway?"
Bruce shrugs. "I never asked."
"Why?"
"It's Alfred. " He says like that is an explanation enough, and it is. Harper accepts it as such, nodding along. She tilts her head back and mentions wanting to shower, then take a long nap. She leaves the room as silent as a shadow, but not before telling him Danny and Cullen are making pancakes for everyone.
Bruce doesn't want to get up, but he must be the period romance villain and rip his son away from the staff. He slips out of bed with great effort and prepares for the day. A quick bathroom break, and a change into a casual suit, lead to Bruce walking down to the kitchen.
There he spots Danny smiling gently at Cullen, who is in an excited rant about his latest reality tv show. Around them is a spread of breakfast foods- Danny always cooks the food of various cultural backgrounds. He apparently learned from Clockwork and found it important everyone had at least one piece of home per meal.
It's heartwarming domestic. Bruce needs to ruin it.
"How did Alfred and Clockwork meet?" Cullen asks, stopping Bruce from dramatically bursting into the room. It's mostly because he has been wondering the same thing for weeks, and Danny seems to know.
"Alfred got haunted when he picked up Clockwork's pocket watch in an antique store," Danny responds.
That answer didn't explain anything. In fact, it just created more questions. Bruce wants to wait a little more, see if Danny adds more information, but he watches as the bulter in training places strawberries on heart-shaped pancakes and then drizzles chocolate. He puts the plate in front of Cullen, and the other teenager swoons.
Yeah, Bruce needs to stop that.
"Good morning, boys." He calls, watching the two turn to him. They each give him a greeting, but Danny is noticeably more polite. Danny moves away from Cullen to serve Bruce. He adds blood pudding alongside his Batarang-shaped pancakes as Cullen sulks about losing Danny's attention. Bruce takes a bit of those first, closing his eyes in bliss.
Blood pudding, just like Alfred used to make.
Speaking of Alfred, his loyal butler arrives then. Seems like Bruce wasn't the only one catching up on a night of undisruptive sleep. His oldest friend gives both boys a once over, Danny pouring tea and milk and Cullen staring at him lovingly- and raises a brow, leaning down to whisper in Bruce's ear.
"I say, it seems Danny has collected another one."
"Please don't."
"Denial will not make it less true. It's how I wound up haunted."
"Alfred, what does that mean?"
2K notes
·
View notes
Batfam fanon stuff I hate
Asian Tim/Hispanic Jason from white people (Blasian Tim not included)
"Tim killed hundreds of people"
Cullen being one of Bruce's kids (have they literally ever had a private conversation. Have they met.)
Bruce being a business idiot and Lucius basically running WE for him
Cass being completely mute
Tim hating Dick and never forgiving him for the Robin thing
Damian never repenting, changing his personality and morals, and becoming close enough to Tim to proudly admit he's his brother
Dick not having any relationship to Kara Danvers (THEY. ARE. FRIENDS. WITH. ROMANTIC. TENSION.)
Babs being Cass's mom (I've talked at length about the sexist undertones here). Sisterly relationships are not "less important" than motherly relationships, and unless I'm missing something, I've never been able to find a single instance of Cass calling Babs her mom
BatJokes, Bru/Harvey, BatMask (specifically when the author has it canon in their AU that one of them seriously hurt his kids like in canon)
SlaDick. I just...don't like it. I really don't.
Jason and Tim never making amends (honestly don't know why everyone wants Tim to hate his siblings lol)
Duke innocent uwu boy
LADY SHIVA NOT FUCKING EXISTING
Edit: I was wrong about Cass not calling Babs mom, and someone corrected that. Thank you for correcting me, and I apologize for putting that on this list.
I still hate it very much, but its canon. So it shouldn't be on this list.
Also: these are personal opinions. I am not the arbiter of fanfiction. Write whatever you want forever I do not care. These are things I dislike. Don't take it personally.
206 notes
·
View notes
HC Jason dates Artemis and he hesitates to introduce her to his crazy family (rightfully so) and the second he does, everyone attempts to steal her away from him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steph: Oh my God, you are so pretty, full homo.
Artemis: Thanks.
Steph: Listen, when Jason inevitably disappoints, you know where to find me.
Jason: Hey-
Cass: Want to spar?!?!
Artemis, eyes glinting: Hope you don’t mind losing.
Cass: *Beams and drags her to the training deck*
Jason: Wait! *Has to watch his sister and his girlfriend have an extremely homoerotic sparring session*
Steph, smirking up at him as she slings an elbow onto his shoulder: Hope you don’t mind being single again.
Jason: You little shit-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dick: Nice to finally meet you, Artemis.
Artemis: It’s nice to be met.
Dick Grayson, local redhead-sexual: Say, by any chance, is that your natural hair colour?
Jason: Imma stop you right there-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim: Hey, Artemis, Cassie’s told me a lot about you. Blink twice if Jason’s holding you hostage and forcing you to date him.
Jason: Hey!
Artemis, snorting: No, surprisingly I chose to date him of my own accord. If this is an attempt to ask me out yourself, I have to inform you that three of your other siblings have done that already.
Tim: Nah, I have a boyfriend. Bernard.
Jason: *Lowers his gun*
Bernard, walking in: I thought I heard someone say my name?
Tim: Oh hey, Berns. Meet Artemis. She’s a part of Wonder Woman’s family, and Jason’s girlfriend.
Bernard, eyes glinting: Wait you’re dating Jason?
Artemis, amused at this point: Yes?
Bernard: For real? I mean, no judgement or anything, just that Jay’s like, the poster boy for daddy issues- not that I can talk, but, I digress. He thinks he can solve any problem by pointing a gun at it and I have a ton of embarrassing photos of him in my camera reel.
Artemis, sitting up excitedly: Do you?
Bernard: Yep. Here, what’s your phone number?
Artemis, as she and Tim hold back an infuriated Jason from tackling Bernard: Hold on, let me just-
*A Few Minutes Later*
Artemis, cackling: Oh my God, Jay, how did you end up falling face first into a pool filled with salad dressing?!
Jason, red-faced: Cullen and Duke are both menaces, and I’m gonna fucking kill them both the second I see them again!
Artemis, wiping a tear from her eye: Gods, Bernard, these are hilarious.
Bernard: Right?? And this is kinda random buuut, since I already have your number and all... what are you doing next Friday night?
Tim: Bernard!
Artemis: I-
Jason, pulling out his gun before she can finish: I should’ve finished you off when we first met-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jason: *Sighs and hangs his head on the kitchen counter*
Oracle, chiming in on his phone: What’s wrong, Jay?
Jason: Everyone in this stupid family keeps trying to steal away my girlfriend.
Oracle, searching her database: You mean… Artemis Grace, Amazonian Champion of Bana Mighdall?
Jason, snorting miserably: The one and only.
Oracle: Woah, those abs are insane, what’s her workout routine?
Jason, narrowing his eyes suspiciously: Where is this going…?
Oracle: Has she accepted anyone’s offer yet?
Jason: *Throws his phone across the room*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duke, watching Jason sulk: Everything alright, Jay?
Jason, tired with everything at this point: I introduced my girlfriend to this stupid family and now everyone’s flirting with her.
Duke: All of them?
Jason: Practically everyone except you.
Duke: Does this count as better or worse than when you dated Kyle Rayner? Because they all had the exact opposite reaction back then.
Jason: Fuck it, I’m just never introducing anyone I date to you people ever again.
622 notes
·
View notes