#Cycle Complete

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking. #nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference #anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose. #isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #isat loop #isat siffrin #isat bonnie #isat nille #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #doodlebyte #---------------------------------------------------------------------- #anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!) #which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around) #and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but #They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt) #and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good #(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit #distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally #stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine) #the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly. #but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief) #as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur #BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule #which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation #ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.

[eternalchemy]

adam making up a version of himself thats successful in regular traditional society and desperately trying to distance himself from magic and art and ending up a liar and realising he cant escape it and trying just makes him miserable even tho he thought it would keep him safe. oh did i say adam? i couldve sworn that was declan

#i think about their parallels every day #and i think both of them are reluctantly aware of how very similar they are #but they obviously dont want to think about it #ronan however is completely oblivious to this similarity #god they make me sick #the dreamer trilogy #the raven cycle #trc #adam parrish #declan lynch #td3

[daeyumi]

au Ganondorf 🪷

ngl i am Very proud of his design

#zelda #zelda au #ganondorf #au ganondorf #legend of zelda #loz au #zelda fanart #daeyumi art #cycle of the stars #cycle of the stars au #i sat on the wip of his ref sheet for 2 & a half months then finished it in 3 days lol #very on brand for me tbh #tho it’s not as bad as me sitting on my only completed drawing of him for a full YEAR before i even started on the ref 🤡 #even tho I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do with his design basically the entire time #anyways i took heavy inspo on this design from my design for the rehydrated ganondorf trend back in 2019 LOL #i won’t show that design here rn tho bc OOF it was rough 😂 #maybe someday i’ll do a comparison tho lol #anyways the last ref sheet i have to finish for rn is zelda’s #then i’ll have all 4 of the main cast #and i’ll feel better about drawing more actual pieces for my au after that

[kelliealtogether]

Gansey is so charming he got the staff of Henrietta’s hospital to violate HIPAA.

#it's completely possible Adam gave them permission #or that the staff/doctor ruled it was in Adam's best interest #but i prefer to picture Gansey strolling into the hospital and coaxing someone into giving him information about Adam #the raven cycle #adam parrish #gansey

[elasticitymudflap]

they are common-law souls that timeshare a place in the 37th dead world and go on "reincarnation adventures" together every so often…. to me 🥺

#fionna and cake spoilers maybe #my art #sometimes u just need a couple life times apart to find urself again #eventually its like... 'find each other in the next life and complete the cycle of doomed yuri speedrun any %' #petrigrof #in my heart this is why theyre not in 'together again' - bc they decided to go on another life adventure togetherrrr

[smeltbracket]

whatever it was. you hate how you came to love it. admirable lunatic

#solar opposites #solaropposites #korvo #my pookie princess whos extremely repressed and in a constant state of emotional turmoil #my poor wet soggy cat who has no compassion for himself with a complete inability to fathom being loved by anyone in a genuine sense #urrrgrgrrrgh the way korvo's whole thing with being obsessive over tradition has less to do with glorifying shlorp #and more to do with the fact that it gave him structure and purpose #he cannot form an identity out of love as he cannot comprehend himself as a person worthy of it #just a constant cycle of guilt #over not being a good enough team leader not being a good enough shlorpian not being good enough at living on earth etcetc #korvo lost and farting 0 stars for you my boy

[zenosanalytic]

I love the idea that the Homestuck Multiverse has a built in autotranslate that's just really super-lazy, making it simultaneously both Really Good and Really Shitty? Like:

ala This Comic you say a human name to a troll and its completely incomprehensible to them, because names refer to particular individuals and their meanings(or lack of) are very culturally and historically contingent and your language is utterly alien to them, but if you say "Troll![Name]", you've provided the translator with a Context, so it just searches for some person in Their culture who is contextually similar to YOUR person, and gives them that name instead XD

#biweeklydavekat #Homestuck #Homestuck Fancanon #Homestuck Languages #Computer Game Logic #Universal Translators #Context #Transliteration #Our Staff #zA Posts #zA Headcanons #The Cycle of Stupid is Complete

[ravennhearted]

Me (whispering to myself as I hit play on Merlin s1ep1 once again): And like the cycle of the year, we begin again

#Merlin #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #and like the cycle of the year we begin again #is this how the format works? #idk #but this is all I could think as I was hitting play #because I JUST finished my last rewatch like a week ago #am I mentally well right now? #no #am I trying to watch Merlin to fix it? #yes #is watching the most devasting #heartbreaking #completely soul crushing show going to help? #ya know we’ll find out

[penguins-umbrella]

i better not see anyone claiming queerbait on tomgreg btw them having a physical fight after greg accidentally betrays tom immediately followed by tom putting a sticker on greg’s forehead & being like “don’t worry i got you” is literally the gayest thing in television history

#tom’s love for greg is literally canon atp #he pushed shiv down the stairs castrated greg & married him #the cycle was complete #succession #tomgreg

[variksel]

taking a DEEP BREATH yeah but have you considered that taylor broke the cycle in the exact way than his friends did, through love, and his character development might have been more subtle yeah but it was still extremely there and taylors ending was SUCH a good addition to the message at the core of season 2 because it says "hey your parents fucked up and YOU DONT HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM"

taylors character development was realizing that his dad FUCKED UP massively. and maybe he had justified reasons for it, even. just like the other dads, he had reasons for why he did what he did. but that doesnt erase the fact that it was fucked up, and that nicky hurt taylor, and that the damage is irreversible. and taylor doesnt have to forgive that, he doesnt have to put up with it.

i think its so good and important that linc and norm for example forgave their dads and love them at the end of all of s2. they chose their fucked up dads and they broke the cycle of fucking up, but its equally as important that taylor did that too by choosing to NOT forgive his dad. and at the end of the day he broke it by choosing love, by seeing who his dad really is and choosing to love his mom who was always there for him instead of the deadbeat with good intentions

"this is as good as it gets." and for taylor, that wasnt good enough

#DEEP EXHALE #there we go another dramatic close boy analysis!!!! #i feel like these are my brand now #and now ive done one for each of the close boys! the cicle continues and all lmao #but ya as someone with parents who have shit parents #(like full on extremely abusive ones #and my own parents completely broke the cycle which is why s2 REAALLY hits for me i love it a lot) #i think taylors message is also SO important #sometimes your fucked up parents dont actually deserve second chances. and sometimes they do #and whether or not they do depends entirely on the person it affects #ANYWAY #i loved the finale a lot #dndads #dungeons and daddies #shitpost #lgbt #glenn close #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 #dndads season 2 #taylor swift #taylor swift (not that one) #lincoln li wilson #normal oak #scary marlow #scary marlowe #grant wilson #ron stampler #henry oak #dungeons and daddies s2

[dennisboobs]

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #charden #dennis reynolds #charlie kelly #frank reynolds #frank cycled through a whole range of emotions in this moment #utterly disgusted by his sons' pda #the completely incoherent noises dennis makes in this scene take me out #ada speaks #ada's videos

[longlivetv]

Every time she gives the coping mechanism Champagne Problems speech I become more and more convinced TS11 is coming a lot sooner than I would have thought even as recently as a month ago (and frankly sooner than SHE thought)

#it just seems like she’s really realized that whatever she’s doing in the studio is helping #but that sharing whatever it is will complete the cycle of healing or whatever #and she doesn’t want to draw that out for the sake of having finished the tour or the re-recording projects first

[tblsomedoodles]

Just a young Rider with his baby dragon. Nothing bad will happen to them. honest.

Rereading Eragon (b/c reading fourth wing and Iron Flame only succeeded in making me want to read something that actually focuses on the dragons/dragon riding aspects. b/c that's why i was there) and thought, hey this would be cute to draw for a speedpaint.

My computer thought otherwise and decided to shut down when i was almost done, corrupting the video.

The doodle got save (thank you csp for your recovery feature!) but yeah, no speedpaint to go with it.

So back to the drawing board. Literally. (and the speedpaint is already late too : / )

#the inheritance cycle #eragon #saphira #my doodles #i miss this series so much #i read these in like middle school #and absolutely adored them #it's funny #reading it is reminding me of the old fanfics i mentally wrote for this series #ones i completely forgot about until now #i wasn't physically writing or drawing much at the time #they were only planned stories i'd tell myself on repeat when i was bored #so there's nothing to reminisce over really #it reminded me enough to tell me they were once there #but not enough to completely recall them #actually kinda sad now that i think about it #anyways #have this failed speedpaint #i'll try another one soon

[alagaesia-headcanons]

Very unfair of Paolini to write Morzan as an abusive, contemptible jackass, then proceed to describe him in the sexiest way possible.

Like I'm sorry, no one else in the series is as hot as him. It's not even really that close.

#Smash. #eragon #inheritance cycle #morzan #its the missing finger that really completes it

[natjennie]

I said something along these lines when s5 came out too but I'll say it again in hopefully a more coherent way. I think the christmas special finale was beautiful. who knows maybe I'll change my mind later but for right now I think it really perfectly highlighted something that I think a lot of people in the fandom don't acknowledge, which is that the ghosts exist without alison.

robin has been alive for thousands, tens of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of years. the ghosts' story was never just about alison. we were introduced to them before we were introduced to her. she was our "main character" as much as she was because she was alive, but what the fuck is the title of the show. they "lived" for decades and centuries before her and will continue to decades and centuries after her. the show opened on them living their.. deaths. fairly happily. they had clubs and talks and sat together and played chess and lived. without her. if it had just ended with them all relying on her for everything for the rest of her life in that house, it wouldn't have meant anything.

and if you think of alison as a personification of the audience, of fans, and the ghosts as a personification of the show, it is literally directly a goodbye. alison leaving button house was not an end, just as her inheriting it wasn't a beginning. the ghosts' yknow. lives. didn't begin when she walked in the door, and they're not over just because she's gone. we just stopped getting a peak into their story. I mean for god's sake, we didn't see them when she went to her room and started talking to them. she closed the door on us. we as an audience aren't privy to their world anymore. that doesn't mean they're not still there.

and also development as people, kitty's jealousy, thomas' infatuation, fanny's judgement, it didn't all magically disappear because that wasn't the end of their story. they didn't miraculously become perfect people, that's what the whole fucking show has been about. that you can be loud and obnoxious and fuck up and not be there when you should have been and be overbearing and lose your cool and forget something important and it'll all come out in the wash. that you're always constantly growing and learning and trying to be a better person, for yourself and the people you call family, and they will still love you because how can they not. that saying goodbye doesn't mean the love wasn't worth it and that endings are never really endings. that the love lives on. it's what the whole show is built on. she visits them. and they live. that's it.

#that's all it needed to be!!!!!!! #and. not to say that im a genius. but. #if you think about that post i made about the house as a symbol of her relationship to her family #they completed the cycle. she has her own family now. biological and otherwise. and the house has completed its transformation #bbc ghosts #anyway #ghosts spoilers