Every time I shitpost about Dungeons & Dragons I get a bunch of folks in the notes going “ACTUALLY that’s wrong, how it ACTUALLY works is” because the thing I’m clowning on isn’t true of the one specific iteration of the game that they’re familiar with, and they’re assuming that the edition history of Dungeons & Dragons consists of small variations on the same essential core and not half a dozen completely different games stacked on each other’s shoulders in a trenchcoat.

Your players are on the search for a gnome cast out of their village, who formed an alliance with a goblin shunned even by it own kin.

When they find them the two are sat there in suits, reading newspapers and discussing fine art. They despise pranks, loath rambunctiousness and have finally lived their deeply taboo dream of setting up a respectable law firm called Squangles and Lillypoppers. 

I was in a high-speed car chase which was also a wizard duel. A friend and I were in the backseat casting D&D spells at the wizards following us while Gandalf from LOTR was giving us instructions. It ended on an instruction from Gandalf to, “Light them up, girls,” and we created a big explosion that ended the dream.

Some drawings of my Aasimar light domain cleric! 

It's organised chaos, I swear!

Wanna spice up your D&D game? Completely toss away set alignment for monsters. Have a Pit Fiend be a doctor. Let a Beholder be a teacher. See that banshee over there? She protects orphaned children. Open up your world to all sorts of possibilities!

I think I may have done this before but here is a ranking of classes by "how fucked are you if your entire party is made of this class, with whatever official (non-UA/homebrew) subclasses you want, but no multiclassing" with "hahaha you're in danger" at the top and "the DM will have to throw a tarrasque at you at like...level 7 just to put you in danger" at the bottom.

Rogue

Wizard

Fighter

Barbarian

Monk (assumes you have a Way of Mercy monk in the party)

Sorcerer (assumes you have a Divine Soul sorcerer in the party)

Ranger

Artificer

Bard

Warlock (assumes you have a Celestial warlock in the party)

Paladin

Druid

Cleric

Evasion

class ability

Rogue, Monk

When you’re running an talking-animals game of D&D it’s usually pretty obvious which animals would be which character classes, but you can make a plausible argument for a parrot being literally every class, and every possible outcome is equally terrible.

Player Home: Tolva’s Hearth 

Home is where the hearth is. Be it cozy cottage, grand keep, or meager roadside fire, kindness and magnanimity will always stand against the cold and lonely dark. 

Setup: With their current adventure coming to a close, the harvest brought in, and snow looming on the horizon, it’s time for the party to start thinking about where they’re going to hunker down for winter. No sense trying to delve ruins high up in the mountains and risk getting buried under an avalanche, the treasure and monsters will be there come the spring thaw. 

Why not let them get used to their new home base during a restful bout of  cabining, letting them warm their feet, prepare for future festivities in the village, maybe get involved in a snowball fight or two? For whatever their need, Tolva’s hearth is there to provide, built with sturdy walls to keep out the drafts and deep cellars to ensure they’re well provisioned through the darkest months. 

Adventure Hooks

Why was such a quaint little cottage left abandoned for the players to buy/inherit/be rewarded with? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that the valley that the home and it’s associated buildings occupies happens to be within the territory of a particularly vicious dragon by the name of Ryngale, who scared off the previous inhabitants after devouring most of their livestock. Like most adolescent dragons, Ryngale spends whole months or years hibernating, awakening to raid and gorge itself for weeks on end. Just after the players have settled into their home, Ryngale ends up being awoken by a group of local hunters and terrorizes the surrounding forest and settlements desperate to find something to feed on in the lean winter months. 

There’s a door in Tolva’s hearth that just won’t stay closed, as each morning the party finds that no matter how securely they barred it, it’s always furled open, letting snow, bone-chilling wind, and once a very daring wolverine into their home. The culprit of this constant disruption is a housefey by the name of Skelter, who took up residence in the hearth after it was abandoned. Skelter is mousey and shy, and is so conflict adverse that he’d rather try and drive the party out by being a nuisance then actually introduce himself to his new housemates. 

While moving themselves in to their mostly furnished new domicile, the party finds an old, weathered table in one of the basements. Long enough for an entire family to sit at, it appears to have been carved with what can only be a treasure map leading up into the mountains. Surely they can wait for the passes to clear and the soul-stealing blizards to die down before they set off in search of buried riches, right?......Right?

If you’d like to use Tolva’s Hearth as a break between major campaign arcs, consider running a small number of oneshots framed around the idea of the party and their winter visitors telling stories around the hearth, allowing you to dial in on different aspects of worldbuilding. These stories can be anything form personal flashbacks to fantastical fables to local legends, perhaps even allowing other players to run for short adventures of their own. 

Features & Upgrades: 

Players who explore the grounds around Tolva’s hearth will find a number of charms and bells hung between the trees, providing an already festive charm to their new home.  These trinkets are however part of a now deteriorated ward that covers the entire property. If the fallen sections of trinkets are salvaged from the dirt under the snow, or replaced, the whole property becomes affected by the Hallow spell, granting resistance to cold, immunity to fear, and lessening inclement weather that falls upon the area. 

The valley around Tolva’s hearth is famed for it’s hunting, providing bountiful meat and furs throughout the year. Or At least, it’s supposed to. Unsurprisingly having a dragon use the area as it’s personal buffet every other year has affected the local wildlife. Slaying Ryngale will have the area flourishing in no time, and may even lead the party into some more fantastical hunts later on

Investigating a derelict (seemingly haunted) building deep in the woods reveals a generations old attempt to set up a sugarshack, a processing house for  making delicious sugar and syrup from the numerous maple trees that fill the valley. Fetching the right materials and hiring workers could take some time, but it could lead the party into a lucrative side gig and a lifetime supply of pancake toppers. 

Reverse barbarian.

They’re constantly punching everyone all the time, but can calm down and make polite dinner conversations 4 times per long rest.

Bill Hannan’s cover art to The Dragon #1, June 1976

The Princess Bride as D&D

Credit to @lizardsister

This guy invented and DMs pony D&D you can't change my mind

Bearhound Large monstrosity, neutral good Armor Class 14 (natural armor) Hit Points 133 (14d10 + 56) Speed 40 ft. Saving Throws Dex +5, Wis +5 Skills Stealth +5, Survival +5, Perception +5 Damage Resistances cold Senses darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 15 Languages Common, Sylvan Challenge 7 (2900 XP) Keen Smell. The bearhound has advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on smell. Magic Weapons. The bearhound's weapon attacks are magical. Trackless Step. The bearhound can’t be tracked except by magical means. Hunter's Savagery (3/Day). As a bonus action, the bearhound can add 1d10 to its next attack or damage roll with a melee weapon attack. Actions Multiattack. The bearhound makes three attacks: one with its bite, and two with its claws. Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 15 (2d8+6) piercing damage. If the target is a Large or smaller creature, it must succeed on a DC 17 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone. Claw. Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 10 (1d8+6) slashing damage.

Bearhounds are elusive loners, such that they are considered a myth by many. They live alone, hunting and keeping to themselves, only rarely finding a cause worthy of their attention. In these cases, they make for powerful allies. These creatures stand 6-1/2 feet tall and weigh around 2000 pounds.

Originally from the Monster Manual III.

Wildshape

class ability

Druid

Source: u/Eyalunya on reddit