#Dear diary

[a-dreamersjournal]

Can you hear me?

Listen to me, please. I have been talking to you since forever. Way before there came concepts of This and That, Here and There, Life and death...prior to space and time there used to be US. The magic of YOU and I. Remember how we could never tell where you ended, and where I begin? An eternal truth of a majestic existence.

I want to remind you of the truth, why won't you listen? Why won't you Notice me?

Why after all this time, do you continue to cry? I am here. I am here, right?

Why do you still wait for a sweet escape, why do you not look at me? I am always here. I am in all of those NOWs which make up that fantastical Always.

Look at me, hear me, touch me, but not with your Body. You know we will reunite when you see beyond the veil of everything you think you Understand about me. About Us. A love like ours transcends every logic, look deeper within you and all you will find is me.

Come back Home, to me. Let's be whole again, let's drown in love again.

An Infinitely boundless unconditional Love.

#poetry #literature #spilled ink #prose #spilled thoughts #academia #dear diary #original writing #journal #writers on tumblr #writ #writing #writerscommunity #writeblr #the tortured poets department #exc #excerpts from book i'll never write

[desifleabag]

Why do I always feel guilty and embarrassed all the time ? It's not like I kill people every hour and bury them. Fucking annoying to live with this inherent guilt and embarrassement

#thanks to my brown parents #desiblr #desi shit posting #desi #desi academia #dear diary

[prince-liest]

Gonna be a bummer for a bit! (CW fish illness)

Lucy started pineconing slightly a few hours ago and I feel really shitty about it because I don't know what I could have done for this to not have happened, but I'm sure there was something.

Her fin rot visibly and dramatically worsened over the weekend despite a second dose of the antibiotic treatment I was using, and I even had a second medication arrive today, but she was already lethargic and not really eating. She's just been floating in the front corner of the tank where I usually feed her with her belly somewhat swollen, not really moving except to take breaths every once in a while. And then as of the past couple of hours, her scales are popping up a bit, which, in combination with the belly swelling, pretty much guarantees end-stage renal failure resulting in fluid retention, which is a death sentence for a fish.

She's always been such a lively fish full of way more personality than you'd expect from, y'know, a little aquatic creature, and I have been so convinced that she'd live a good life of at least 4-5 years of chasing shrimp around, but here I am with her probably-dead barely a year and a half into her life. It just feels shitty, because this isn't, like, a random death - there's clearly a disease process happening - but I don't know how to fix it or what I should have done to prevent it, except maybe realize that it was happening earlier. I still don't know if the red splotches she developed months and months ago were signs of a latent bacterial infection or just her changing colors like bettas sometimes do.

I've done water changes. Her water parameters are pristine. There's a thriving and reproducing population of adult and baby shrimp in her tank, which are all notoriously bad at handling crappy water. There's no other fish in there to stress her. There are so many plants. I only feed the highest quality betta food I could find based on extensive reviews. I added shrimp for enrichment and snacks. The water is heated. Even a few hours ago, I was convinced that I could get her through this. What happened?

I guess now I just mostly feel bad because barring a miracle, I'm probably going to find her dead tomorrow and it's going to be fucking horrible. Her poor fins look so awful right now. At least she's in a comfortable and familiar place. She's moving around a little more, now, and the pineconing is less obvious in the new light...I'm going to at least hope that I'm wrong about this.

Swim in peace, Lucy, if you don't make it the night.

#personal #dear diary #petblogging #cw animal illness

[soahbee]

Every day he asks/says: "Have you eaten today?" "Come eat with me" "If you don't eat properly, you will lose even more weight" "I'm worried about you"

R is like a grandma and damn I'm in love with this old (granny) man🥺

#he so kind #he is my everything #i really like him #teacher crush community #tc community #teacher crush #tc crush #teacher x student #male tc #male teacher crush #male teacher x female student #teacher love #male teacher #teacher attachment #student x teacher #girlblogging #my tc #my diary #tc love #dear diary #femaledaily #oldermen #older man younger woman #older guys #older dad bf #older daddy #just girly things #im just a girl #just girly thoughts #just girly posts

[oddishfeeling]

nothing is ever happening to me bc i don’t do anything 😭 i go to work and i finish class assignments so that i can do nothing!! on my days off, i usually do chores around the house bc i find it extremely soothing even if it is just a different type of distraction. and by the time im done with that, im tired. 😴 idk how to find time for my soul needs when it seems to require so much of me to keep on top of these things. i feel like there’s a sacrifice to make every time and i tend to pick the practical route bc im always going to need clothes to go to work. so i do laundry. i’ll need to eat. so i do the groceries and i make dinner. i do the dishes. i get 10k steps in and then watch too many episodes of a show i dont particularly like. i’ll shower and wash my hair. i’ll do my skincare. i’ll take the magnesium supplements before bed. and i hope and pray for a good nights sleep. also it’s worth mentioning that i don’t think there’s anything wrong with this little life. there’s beauty in and all around it. i get to share it with my partner and our cat and our dog. dotted and sprinkled with quality time spent with my friends and my family. but i would be lying if i said that i didn’t want more, that my soul is being pulled firmly and more intensely everyday. that i have no idea where to or to what or who i’ll be where i finally find it. but truthfully it’s just a feeling that washes over me, like the suds on a dinner plate. like shampoo down the drain. like the flies trapped by the daddy long leg in my kitchen window. they just come and go. they don’t interfere much except when i’m still and i’m quiet between tasks. then i feel like it like a draft. like an old friend from the future. inviting me to a place i belong but haven’t been to yet.

#words #dear diary #rant

[angeliestangel]

HIII ANGELS, SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING IN A WHILE! i was soooo busy with exams, its exams seasons... i have a math one this thursday and im TOTALLY STRESSED OUT about it !! howve you all been? is it finals yet? mine are in about a month or so, i think? I'm studying right now, so tirinnngg but i love it! quote of the day isssss...*drumrolllsss*

"- you might regret not studying,

but you'll never regret studying. "

#this is a girlblog #girlhood #girlblogger #girlblogging #this is what makes us girls #just girly things #academia #i love being a girl #studyblr #just girly thoughts #study notes #study motivation #hell is a teenage girl #dear diary #journaling #academic validation #chaotic academia #dark academia #light academia

[cntctchmnw]

15th April 2024

I used to come home from work sweating and hungry to sit in bed and smoke for hours. I wouldn't eat because I still believed someone would love my mouldering body more that way. More than anything I was hungry for you. You used to get upset that I'd talk so desperately about him but I needed something to detract from you. I needed some conduit for the ache I felt for you. I sat in wait for every response and I squeezed every possible meaning from even the smallest of words. Nothing you'd say was ever enough and all the nights I was crushed under it all I'd hope you'd wake up and come save me. In retrospect, I thought of you more as some great omniscient being or angel who'd come to plaster my shaking pieces back together than as a living creature. Sweet angel, you were broken too and all I could think of was how you would save me. I take fragile things and crush them in my weak palms until they shatter and lacerate me in the process. I used you to maim myself over and over again until my hands were too mangled to hold or pick you up anymore.

You used to shake me awake from nightmares of you dying. I watched your sweet soft body crack and break and pieces of me would fall away with it. Do you remember when we'd lay awake before bed and listen to the radio? Occasionally, moments with you overwhelmed me so strongly with contentment that I felt myself leave my corporeal form and sit somewhere soft and quiet in the metaphysical with you.

#writing #words words words #spilled words #spilled ink #poetry #poem #prose #writeblr #love #loss #diary #dear diary #journal #journalling #on love #on loss #longing #yearning #poetic #lit #literature

[vegaseatsass]

I missed GMMTV part 2 weekend and I am going to be late for work if I watch any of the other Change2561 trailers now but I'm The Most Beautiful Count is making me SOB. Ever since I fell head over heels in love with Nut Supanut I have been dreaming of even a slim sliver of something like this, and here he is getting to do the whole damn cake, femme gnc time travel tropeyness and ALL the boyfriends just like he demands and deserves, this is spectacular I am genuinely truly sincerely bone-deepedly overwhelmed

#i'm the most beautiful count #nut supanut #dear diary #driveby posts #(lmao yes this overshadows pit babe s2 for ME) #(ALL I CARE ABOUT IS NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! way died so nut could THRIVE)

[worthless-misery]

I wish there was a way to delete these memories that haunt me everyday...

#dear diary #personal #trauma #ptsd #heartbreak

[selfdemolishingdoll]

I changed my name today. Well, I actually sent a document saying I wanted to change my name. And I'm waiting for a result if my reasons are acceptable.

My reasons are quite obvious. Dad gave me a religious girl name. And I'm a man. But I had to say more than that cuz the names I chose were uncommon where I live.

Also, a pop-up showed up after I wrote down my chosen first name: "The name you choose are normally used by opposite sex. please check if the name is correct." That kinda made me happy. And when I wrote down my chosen middle name another pop-up popped up: "The name is usually used as a first name. Please check if the middle name is desirable."

I actually checked how common my chosen names are where I live. Apparently, only 20 people have my middle name (as their first name). And around 300 hundred people have my first name. I like that. I don't want to have a name that half of the population have too.

I can't wait till I get my new ID with correct gender and names.

yyyyy

#diary #might delete later #personal #my diary #dear diary #trans #trans male #transgender #transmasc #trans man #transmasculine #name change

[vanillacreambunny]

I like how my phone thinks I'm two different people when I'm dressed up and when I look like a slob lol.

I need to cut and dye my hair ahhh. It's two different colors right now. And I need bangs flkdsijflds. I've thought about cutting most of my hair off for a while now, but I'm not sure if I can pull it off.

The rain made my hair a mess too.

#i'll delete later #dear diary

[lesbiansagainsttheatre]

3 signs a wizard has inflicted a curse on you:

vibrator dies mid use

roll a shitty joint

realize part way through your favourite song you weren't paying attention

#dear diary #wizardposting

[llsadgirl]

-from Pinterest

#low self everything #body image #depressing shit #diary #tw depressing stuff #i hate my existence #thinner is better #sewer slide #dear diary

[ithinkiwishedonamirage]

#Calla Quinn #quote #words #dear diary #spilled thoughts #thoughts #read #aesthetic #quotes #life #mood #life quotes #quoteoftheday #a e s t h e t i c #poetry #poem

[elonomhblog]

who is she? dream girl journal prompts

how does she dress?

what does she look like?

what are her wellness habits?

what are her weekly routines?

what are her boundaries?

what is her mental diet?

where is her focus?

where is she living?

who is she dating?

what is her careerr?

what does her social profile look like?

what shows does she watch?

what successes/accomplishments does she have?

how much money does she make?

what does she consume on social media?

how do people treat her?

who does she aspire to be?

what does she spend her free time doing?

who is she inspired by?

what has she let go?

#elonomh #elonomhblog #productivity #that girl #becoming that girl #it girl #it girl mentality #it girl aesthetic #it girl energy #girl blogger #girlblogging #pink pilates princess #vanilla girl #pinterest girl #latte girl #motivation #journal prompts #journaling #diary #digital journal #my journal #journal #dear diary

[cntctchmnw]

18th April 2024

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to think about you this often. I have learned not to act on these thoughts, though every time you fall asleep next to me I want to shake you awake and let them spill out of me and all over your warm chest. But am I allowed to think of you this often? And do you think of me this often? You mentioned you'd laid in bed and held another girl for three days straight once and I felt like I was going to throw up. I can count all the people I've held on one hand - one of them being you. The more I want to talk to you and the more I want to see you, the more disgusted I am with myself. The ache is a deterrent - I look everywhere for things to dislike about you. I undermine and criticise everything you say and every act of kindness because I search for any and every reason not to trust you. you've done this with other girls, I wait long and hard and lonely seasons for my next human fix. I wait desperately and I tend to the gaping hold in my chest as I wait. have you come to fill me back up again - to make me whole? I waited for you. you didn't wait for me. you reached out and grabbed onto anything that would fill the void. you're not like me. I view your meagre attempts to escape yourself as desperation. you're manipulative and you're going to leave me more broken than you found me. But you hold me very tightly and you kiss me when I'm sick. You spent an hour making me dinner last week and it tasted like home. I search for your scent every time I leave the house and I fill up your water bottle every time I leave yours but I'm not sure if you've noticed yet. Please leave now before you become disgusted by me too.

#words #words words words #on life #on love #lit #poetry #poem #prose #spilled ink #poetic #journalling #journal #diary #dear diary #spilled words #writeblr #longing #yearning #love