#December 13th 2021 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

everythingne · 3 months

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out of the woods (ls2) - ch3

After Dhanishka's first race, media goes quite wild. Logan is forced into an unexpected ultimatum. Charles is on damage control, Alex and Oscar help.

logan sargeant x ferrari!oc

fc: iffat marash

warnings/notes: sexual comments, demeaning reporter, blackmailing/threatening, misogyny, logan and charles povs very briefly to sort of carry the story here, blink and you miss it 'marketing ploy' crossover, very long chapter, buckle in kids.

(chapter two) (chapter four)

When asked how they know Dhanishka Dubey, most people will say Trident's 'crashgate' incident that broke F2 headlines in 2021.

While that moment is what most people know Dubey from, it might be what split two drivers apart, and what led to her career in Formula One under Ferrari this season.

Sargeant and Dubey have been noted to have been friendly since as early as their karting days in the 2010s, with photo evidence of a friendship blooming around 2017-18 when both were racing for Formula Renault.

It's believed by most fans the two started dating around that time. Some marking the start of their relationship as the day of Dubey's win over Sargeant that year, while some say they started dating even earlier.

While the speculation of when the pair dated is fuzzy, a hard date of December 13th, 2021 marks the end of the relationship. A Tweet from that day posted by Sargeant, which was retweeted by Dubey, being the only public note of their relationship that was not in sparse live interviews from their racing days.

On December 11th, 2021, Sargeant lost the P2 position in the F2 Championship to Dubey after being forced to retire mid-race due to damage sustained when Dubey's teammate Viscaal rear-ended him during turn three of the lap. Sargeant ended the season P3, beaten out by Dubey and the 2021 champion, Piastri.

During an investigation conducted by the FIA, a Trident engineer revealed hidden documents about the planned accident between Viscaal and Sargeant. While Trident was investigated further, the P2 position was bounced between Sergeant and Dubey before it was determined Dubey personally had nothing to do with the plan. She was allowed to keep her pole position.

This accident is what led to the breakup of the couple, and many fans note Dubey also negatively changed a lot from her last day with Trident in 2021 to her F1 debut this season with Ferrari. Dubey was a shock, as most fans expected to have Albon or Leclerc's brother Arthur as the second driver for Ferrari this season with both being better fit for the team.

Leclerc spoke with Sky News after the race in Bahrain, "[Dubey] is a force to be reckoned with this season, she's coming in here with something to prove, and I think she's shown that already tonight [...] There's a lot at stake for her, I think she's going to continue to surprise us."

Vasseur paired Leclerc and Dubey based on similar driving styles, with fans believing Dubey would be a support to her teammate. Although it will not be easy for Dubey to cement herself among the greats, as she's already under FIA investigation.

During one lap, at turn three, the FIA suspected Sargeant had actually pushed Dubey outside of track limits before she recovered. The FIA is still working on their decision of either letting Dubey keep her podium, or giving the proper points to Norris who was in P4.

While no decision has been made yet, many fans have taken to Twitter to discuss their feelings about the situation.

Many fans have speculated this was done purposefully by the FIA on behalf of Williams as 'payback' for Ferrari signing Dubey. Many fans of Sargeants believe Dubey's signing was done deliberately to get back at the American driver for knocking Ferrari out of the top five positions last season by two points he gained at the last race.

Other fans believe it's simply improper etiquette for the FIA to not charge Dubey with the fine they knew of for around four hours before the fine settled in.

Regardless of opinion, it's the decision of the FIA alone on whether or not Dubey will lose her first podium of her F1 career.

written by Anthony Davis

dhanishkadubey added to her story!

Charles is laying in the sun, the boat motor humming as we come to an idle. Arthur and Lorenzo are bickering, Pascale just whacking her sons with the fan in her hand and waving them over to help pass out lunches.

Charles and I still haven't spoken about Logan.

I had spoken sparsely to Logan in the few weeks that had passed, anyways. We avoided each other like the plague, like if we got to close we'd irreversibly fuck up and not be able to get out of it. Which, I guess was better than actively feuding. He'd apologized for the FIA trying to take my podium away, promised he hadn't done it on purpose. I never thought he had. But I guess he didn't want me to think he was getting back at me for Trident's stupidity.

We were so lucky no one had seen that drunk makeout in the hall, something I still thought of late at night when thinking through all my mistakes.

Charles eyes me in the shade, the book of poems my sister had gifted me right before leaving home making my stomach sick. I'd bookmarked one page, imagining the feeling of Logan's hands on my waist when I'd read it.

'he only whispers i love you when he slips his hands down the waistband of your pants.'

But was that what we were? Or was it what the media would destine us to be if they ever, ever, found out? I wanted to love Logan Sargeant, as impossible as it was in my head. I wanted nothing more than to fall irreversibly in love with him again, to slot back in like I never left, but my own fear held me back. How did I know if he liked me back the same way? The way that makes you feel so light when they are nearby? The way that would make me give him anything.

It felt weak, to admit how much I loved him, so I blamed ovulation hormones with a grimace on my face as I flipped to a new page.

"What is that face for?" Charles finally says, sitting up and rolling to the side to be next to me. I contemplate bothering my teammate with my fucked up love life and go to close the book when Charles slips a thumb into the pages to stop it from moving in the breeze. I swallow and watch him mumble the words.

"I agree with it." He says simply, eyes glancing to the side under his sunglasses before he takes the book from me and drops it in my bag, "and we should talk about that night."

"I was drunk," I counter, "and you have no room to talk about shit relationships."

"I might not have room, but," Charles sits up so he can properly sit next to me on the little shaded bed, "I know men, I know, I am one of the 'red flag' guys, as much as I'm trying to get over that now... and I wanna help you."

"We were drunk, there's still weird feelings there, we made out and then have barely spoken since." I shrug, "If you and Daniel weren't there, it probably would've been a hook up or something similar."

"Gross thought." Charles comments and I can't help the laugh that bubbles out of my lips but it dims when Charles continues talking, "You still love him, don't you?"

"I do." I groan into my hands, "Which is so dumb, because he only loves me back when he's drunk or tipsy."

"Do you know that for certain?" Charles hums and I pause, eyes flickering over to him with a confused furrow of my eyebrows.

"What?"

"Do you know, with a hundred percent certainty, that he only loves you when he's got alcohol in his system? Or is he just bold enough with it to actually do something about the way he feels?"

The boat rocks, Pascale handing us lunches and I make sure to thank her as I tear my eyes away from Charles for a moment. I hear Arthur and his girlfriend laughing behind us, Lorenzo's fiance napping against his chest as he lays on another shady part of the deck and I swallow. Love is all around me, it always has been, platonic and romantic, and it makes my stomach sick.

"No." I whisper and Charles shrugs and nods, rolling to the side.

"So either you do something about it, figure out if he actually wants something or is just leading you on." Charles takes a sip of his drink and then uses it to motion to me, the water on the outside of the cup cold as it flicks against my leg, "and if he's just fucking with you, let me know and I'll like... I dunno, crash into him or punch him."

I laugh, but nod. Swallowing past the guilt of knowing I had led Logan on too, I could've stopped his advances a thousand times over but never did. Pascale sends me a soft smile and hands me a drink she promises is extra strong. I let the gross taste of the vodka wash down my worries.

I'll be fine. It's fine.

"Also, the FIA called Vasseur." Charles hums through a bite of his salad, "They're keeping you in P3. Congratulations."

I nod with a tiny smile even if I don’t feel any level of satisfaction from knowing that, "I hate how remiscent it was of Trident."

"I know." Charles finished off his drink and stood up, “which, maybe your paranoia is rubbing off on me, but I felt like that was purposeful.”

“Assuming Vasseur argued the point that they knew about the violation for four hours before giving me a fine, yeah, that’s shady as hell.” I sigh, relaxing back into my seat as Charles nods as he disappears around the corner. Arthur leans over my seat to steal a bit of my salad and I mock stab him with my fork.

“How is F1, since you stole my spot?” he teases and I shrug, giving him a confident smirk I know is mostly for show.

“Other than everyone still acting like I’m with Trident? It’s been good.” I say, taking a sip of my drink and wincing at just how strong it actually is. Arthur nods, and whatever he said is lost over my head as Charles comes back and waves his brother away, saying I need peace on this boat and he’s not helping. As the two brothers bicker, I laugh, and post a photo of the poem in my book.

Fuck PR for a moment. I loved being petty.

vogueuk made a new post!

liked by charlesleclerc, logansargeant, anyadubey, and 769k others...

vogueuk: "Every day I push 500% harder than any of those men, and I will never be praised half as much as them." Dhanishka Dubey, the first female driver to get a podium finish--on her first race no less, reflects on how media treatment and past mistakes have changed the way she views herself as a top F1 driver.

photographed and written by @ opheliapiastri

dhanishkadubey: thank you so much vogue and thank u a billion times ophie for this <3!!

oscarpiastri: THE f1 crossover of all time

user1: omg oscar’s sister works for vogue??

oaklynnpiastri: motherrr (and my sister.)

user2: DHANISHKA UR HOT!!!!!!

user3: i’m actually in love with her. i need her in a way that is NOT halal. get out of my way logan.

⤷ user5: ‘IN A WAY THAT IS NOT HALAL’ 😭😭😭

landonorris: ophie and dhanishka would actually be a dangerous duo

⤷ opheliapiastri: nah you and olivia are bad enough

⤷ maxverstappen: lando stay out of my garage challenge

⤷ oliviapiastri: my drivers being nice to my boyfriend challenge

⤷ danielricciardo: no get his papaya ass outta rbr ❤️

⤷ landonorris: danny i thought we had something 💔💔

user5: DHANISHKA HOLY FUCK

Dhanishka Dubey is the first woman in Formula One in three decades, and it comes at a cost. Every celebration for her is bogged down by the weight of being shamed her for her past in F2 and simply for her biology. With a long history from karting to moving up the Formula racing ladder, Dubey has the same if not more experience than some of her peers.

But despite that, she's always going to be seen as an outsider.

"It's extremely isolating," Dubey exclusively tells me and Vogue in her sparsely decorated drivers room after her podium in Bahrain, her home race. She's soaked with sweat and champagne, but her waterproof eyeliner and mascara don't smudge. A hint of what she calls a 'craved connection to her femininity' in the masculine world of racing. Dubey's pulling her hair into a braid, running a brush custom painted by her mother with Ferrari's logo with clear inspiration from her Indian roots and she says to me, "Being a woman in this industry, every day I push 500% harder than any of those men, and I will never be praised half as much as them."

Dubey credits her teammate and mentor Charles Leclerc and friend Daniel Ricciardo for making the transition a lot easier for her. Leclerc was one of the people to pull her into Formula One, recommending her to Ferrari. Ricciardo shares a nickname— Danny, which led the two to becoming friends before Dubey was even announced to be in F1.

But despite having two friends before getting into F1, Dubey still feels isolated. Not from her fellow drivers, who she says have welcomed her with open arms, but from the media.

“Everyone still links me back to Trident. I have been blamed for years for causing Logan that P2 position. It’s something that’s been held over my head since I was seventeen."

Dubey is of course referencing the 'crashgate' incident that happened in December of 2021. The accident, planned by ex-Trident Team Principal Henry Davis, had her teammate Viscaal crash into then HWA pilot Logan Sargeant on one of the final turns of the race. This accident, which also took out low-placing Viscaal, caused Sargeant to lose any chance of knocking Dubey out of the P2 position. The drivers were separated by five points, meaning Sargeant did have a chance to overtake her in the championships that year.

Despite the plan being for Dubey's benefit, the Trident team did confirm she was completely unaware. Davis and the head analyst at the time, Alexandre Auclair, being cited as the ones to come up with, and execute the plan with Viscaal. When interviewed by the FIA, Viscaal played voice recordings where he was threatened by Davis to knock Sargeant out "or else." Viscaal himself apologized to both Sargeant and Dubey, who both are now on completely fine terms with him.

As soon as the investigation was complete Davis and Auclair were fired with Trident being fined around￡150.000 for the damages done to HWA's car and the hospital payments for both Sargeant and Viscaal.

With a past that haunts her, Dubey has turned inside herself to stay safe. She cites her treatment at Trident for turning her into the stone cold driver many people have immediately related to Kimi Räikkönen.

"Having a team plan behind your back to harm someone you love, just to keep you in the spot you yourself fought for tooth and nail completely undermines any achievement you would've gotten. If they stripped me of everything after that race, I would've felt the same level of devastation." Dubey speaks with a level of eloquence I haven't encountered much with Formula One drivers. She’s poised and perfect, a soft smile gracing the lips she recoats with her favorite lipstick--Valentino's shade 22R. A gift from her ex years back, and one she claims nostalgia keeps her coming back to, "I turned in on myself and became cold because that was the only way to be safe. It still is. I keep most things to my chest, I don't like sharing about myself unless I feel like I'm safe to do so. It took probably three months for me to open up to Charles about anything despite his insistence."

After the tragedy with Trident, Dhanishka moved to drive for Prema and worked with Ferrari's Drivers Academy alongside Arthur Leclerc. A move she cites helped her transition into F1. Her present in racing, is as she says with a soft laugh into her water bottles straw, "Messy at best."

"Ferrari has been a dream. They welcomed me in and made me feel right at home. Same with the drivers, each and every single one of them on the grid has been so kind. I would love to stay here, to compete alongside these guys for as long as possible. This is a good group."

Dubey already has started her season with fifteen points, and many are expecting her to challenge Verstappen for the championship title. Dubey herself says, "Max is a great challenge and I love racing with him, however, I think Ferrari will have an easier challenge knocking Red Bull out of the Constructors Championship. I can't say for certain what Charles and I have in store for this season, but with a car that got a perfect crash test, we're not going to be easy on anyone."

When I wish Dubey the best for this season, her smile is lined with 22R and she gives me a tight hug before she whisks away in a cloud of Dior's J'Adore and Valentino's Born in Roma. Louboutins clicking along the concrete floors of Ferrari's garage, her little black dress, custom made by an Armani Tailor is tucked under her large Ferrari jacket. It's cold in Bahrain tonight, and Dubey dazzles brighter than any lights we stand under.

written by Ophelia Piastri.

If this guy doesn’t shut his mouth, Logan might just hit him. The cameras haven't even started rolling yet, and this guy thinks he has the audacity to say a lot of shit about how Dhanishka wasn't a good racer and was trying to bait Logan into saying some sort of quote he could horrible misconstrue into some sort of misogynistic hate rant. This reporter, Anthony Davis or whatever, really seemed to have some vendetta against Dhanishka for no damn reason.

It’s been a while since he’d spoken to Dhanishka. Hell, Australia had come and gone with an Oscar P1 by sheer happenstances and maybe a fuck up by Red Bull. They'd gotten drunk, but steered clear this time. For Logan's benefit, as he'd told both Oscar (who, that night, was far too drunk to remember anything going on) and Alex (who was moderately tipsy) to keep him the hell away. It ended up being Charles sending him nasty side eyes that kept him barred back. He wasn't sure what the Ferrari teammates had spoken about but he was glad for the silent memo. He'd meant to message her, to meet up when they were both home, but Dhanishka still lived in Bahrain and he was in London. It would be virtually impossible to meet up in person outside racing weekends, and then he felt too bad to ask.

Or maybe he was just afraid. But that was for him to figure out later.

Miami is hot in May, and it burns into his skin as he narrows his eyes at the reporter in front of him who grins.

“I mean she’s eye candy for all the drivers, right?” The guy says and Logan clicks his tongue and rolls his neck out. He’s so close to clocking this guy. This is every comment thats been said. Complete undermines to Dhanishka's abilities as a driver, equating her to nothing more than some sort of... paddock bunny.

When Logan looks through the reporter with the most dead stare he can muster, trying to look completely unimpressed rather than pissed, the guy clicks him tongue almost like an echo of Logan. Then he opens his stupid mouth to spit, "Logan, don't you think it's a bit odd how well she's performed this season?"

"Dhanishka's an excellent driver." Logan replies, calm and calculated in his tone, "I'm not at all surprised she's bested a lot of us immediately."

"But someone who is as feminine as her shouldn't be able to handle this sport, surely." The man grins, but when Logan doesn't bite the apple he dangles in front of him, the man lowers his mic and steps closer. Logan almost backs up, not wanting anything to do with this guy, eyes searching for Alex or literally anyone who can whisk him away when the man's tone drips with venom.

“C’mon, surely you think so if that hallway in Bahrain is anything to go by?”

Logan's heart drops to his stomach. Or even further. Maybe it goes all the way through the ground, through the core of the Earth, and out the other side. It's probably shot off to the farthest edge of the fucking universe. His blood is ice, his skin is red from the mix of heat and embarrassment, and his eyes finally finally meet the reporters. The camera is still low, still not showing this moment, and Logan doesn't get it.

If this guy, whoever he was, wanted to catch Logan's reaction, why weren't they recording?

"I don't know what you're talking about." Logan keeps his voice flat, mimicking the tone he held earlier, and the man sighs. He tells Logan that his 'secret is safe with me.' and when he lifts an arm in expression, Logan catches the mans name written onto the bright orange tape on the side of his mic.

Anthony Davis.

"Oh, you're joking." Logan finds himself saying before he can even think to censor, "You're Henry Davis' brother."

"That I am." Anthony steps closer, "So either you give me what I want, or I happily send those photos over to my friend at People."

Logan can't think. Suddenly it's like every single decision he ever made is miniscule compared to this. His and Dhanishka's reputations sit on the line of whatever he's about to say, and he finds the world sits with baited breath. Even the trees stop rustling in the wind.

"What do you want?" He asks, immediately jumping to defend Dhanishka. He always had.

"Just a story, just a tidbit from you about what it was like to date someone whose built like a Victoria's Secret Angel." The man licks his teeth and Logan, one again and a bit weakly, resists the urge to deck him.

"The truth? Or some twisted story you decide the narrative of?" Logan asks and Anthony shakes his head.

"The truth, Logan."

He curses internally, but does what he can to save face.

DAVIS: Today I'm with Logan Sargeant of Williams, currently standing in P6, how are you feeling about Miami?

SARGEANT: Good, good. I've got high hopes today, the engineers have been working extremely hard to fix some of the issues we've been seeing so far and I trust they did well.

DAVIS: Good to hear, improvements are always good. You are currently only four points behind Dhanishka, how does that feel?

SARGEANT: Hah, well, she's been giving me a run for my money since we were young so I can't say I'm too surprised to be right behind her again.

DAVIS: Now, getting a little personal here so I apologize, but in the past you and Dhanishka dated, how was that?

SARGEANT: God, mate, uhm... [pause] well, pardon me for thinking this is a bit too personal. All I'll say is we were kids, y'know? Young love, it was really a beautiful thing. I don't think I'll ever regret a moment in our relationship, everything was just perfect.

DAVIS: Yeah?

SARGEANT: Yeah... uhm, we were really close friends before we dated, so everything just sort of naturally clicked into place.

DAVIS: and how about now, is Logan Sargeant back on the market?

SARGEANT: [laughing] Don't count me in just yet.

DAVIS: Ah, still holding your heart close?

SARGEANT: Well, theres only one person whose been able to hold it and I have never loved someone the way I loved her and-- God, I've said too much.

DAVIS: [Laughing] No worries, I also see Alex waving you over so it was nice speaking with you Logan!

SARGEANT: Yes, of course, my pleasure!

Charles is sprinting through the pit lane. Which, isn't a huge surprise, but it is when he's stopping at every person he sees to ask if they've seen Dhanishka. Max is immediately shouting into Red Bull asking, and no one knows. Charles grabs Carlos by the wrist, who points down the lane towards Ferrari's garage. When he passes Logan, he keeps his head ducked. He can deal with him later, he doesn't have time for this. Alex calls after Charles, saying they passed Dhanishka heading towards Ferrari.

Charles meets Logan's eyes and sees something more than just regret. Almost like fear, a trepidation rolling across his skin.

'He's gonna fear me a lot more if he doesn't leave Dhanishka the fuck alone,' Charles decides, but thanks Alex sharply before taking off again.

It's Danny who saw her duck into the Ferrari paddock in tears, and Charles is so thankful he could kiss the guy, but settles for a slap on the shoulder and a hasty thank you instead. He ducks under something, slips past two engineers, and nearly shoves an analyst out of his way. He misses them all telling him to stop, to give Dhanishka air, and just opens her drivers room door.

He thanks the gods above for his reflexes when Dhanishka throws a tennis ball at his head.

"Well this is hardly helping." Charles shuts the door once he's inside, looking around the usually pristine drivers room to instead find it a mess. The season had just started and he knew what had thrown her off so badly. Charles had seen the pictures on Twitter. He knew someone had decided to photograph someone in a vulnerable state and blast it online months after it had happened.

He was literally fuming so badly he wouldn't be surprised if his hair started to smoke out of his sheer frustration.

Hands gently taking Dhanishka's wrists, he settled her down on her PT bed, her anger falling into the form of heaving sobs he knows hurt. She refuses to curl into his side, but keeps hitting his chest with a tight fist. Through tears she choked out angry laments in what he assumes is a mix of all the languages she knows. He picks up on bits and pieces, and what he gets confuses him.

"That damn reporter...Davis--Of course that... Logan should've never spoken to him, you know that?! ... I hate him!"

"Dhanishka, I barely understand you when you speak and cry as is. You gotta throw me a bone here." Charles sighs and Dhanishka rips her box of tissues out of his hand and dots her cheeks with far more aggression than is necessary. He won't be surprised if she has little irritated marks on her face after.

"Anthony Davis, the reporter who interviewed Logan? He's Henry's brother, the old Trident Team Principal?" Dhanishka wipes under her eyes, "and Logan was so nice in the interview but I just know there was some ulterior motive to talk to him! He only asked him about me! Like Anthony was trying--"

"--Woah woah, okay, slow down." Charles grabs her wrists once more and Dhanishka sniffles and her watery eyes meet Charles' panicked ones. Theres more to the story here, more he doesn't know, and he struggles to figure out how exactly to handle this.

So he just bites the bullet and asks, "What interview? I thought this was about the pictures?"

Dhanishka feels her stomach drop, "what pictures?"

And at perfect timing, Dhanishka's phone lights up with a call from Oscar.

Charles is sitting suffocatingly close to me. Alex is leaned against the wall on the phone with someone from his PR team while Oscar sits besides Logan. We all look exhausted, worse for wear, and I can't believe the season that was supposed to be my big start had already crumbled so quickly.

"Well, PRs gonna handle it." Alex's voice chimes as he makes his way over to the couch and tosses Logan's phone back to him. Logan sets it face down next to mine, his plain black case in sharp contrast to my bright red one.

"How so?" I ask, trying to keep any sense of dread from my tone. I have to be optimistic that this will be solved or else I'm going to start spiraling. And no one here will enjoy that.

"Blackmail," Alex hums, and when me and Charles send him sharply confused looks he stammers out an explaination, "No, no, it was blackmail. They're gonna go after Davis' brother under the assumption it was done as foul play to get back at you, Dhanishka. Anthony Davis also literally blackmailed Logan into that interview."

I look over at Logan who's sat silent this whole time. I feel Charles' eyes rest on my face as I shift and lean closer, my knuckle gently tapping against Logan's to get him to look up. When he does, I find theres no normal laughter and light in his eyes, every crease and wrinkle I'm used to seeing on his face is completely gone. Replaced with some sort of stone cold man.

This wasn't Logan. This was me, mirrored in him in the worst way.

"Is that true?" I ask Logan. He just nods, then leans back to adjust the way he's sitting. I sit back against Charles, feeling his body heat through my thin work jacket. I knew he was trying to be some sort of comforting presence behind me but somehow he just felt overbearing. Though, I'd rather feel overwhelmed by support than abandoned, so I lean into it.

"He told me if I didn't do that interview and give him what he wanted, he was gonna release the photos to People Magazine." Logan runs a hand through his hair and I can see the stress in his expression as his eyes fall to mine briefly, then he looks away, "I knew I could control what he knew, so I did the interview. He released the photos to a F1 blog instead."

The room is quiet with his admission and I groan out an irritated laugh as I try to soothe the headache that wants to start thrumming behind my eyes, "wallahi—you should've gone to PR immediately after!”

"He did,” Oscar defends Logan, crossing one leg over the other and sending me a look that reads 'cool it' even though he knows this isn't nearly as tense as I can get, "but that interview isn't the problem. The photos are."

"We can't erase them, they've probably been shared a hundred times over by now." I complain and Charles hums in agreement. We sit in silence for a few moment before Alex is the one to sigh and pitch forward, waving his phone in the air before setting it down on the table.

"I didn't want to suggest this, 'cause it's not my business what y'all plan to do, but... Dhanishka, no one sees your face in those photos. Even if brightened up." Alex looks over at me, then looks at Logan who starts to shake his head, but Alex has already continued speaking, "PR suggested we either say it wasn't you... or you and Logan confirm to be dating again."

"But before you decide anything about this, you two need to figure out what the hell is actually going on between you." Charles butts in, and I expect both Oscar and Alex to decline, to just suggest lying and saying it was someone else.

But all three of them stand and nod. Almost like they'd fucking planned to do this.

"We'll be in the next room over." Oscar hums, looking between me and Logan for a few moments. Charles squeezes my shoulder as he passes and I know it’s a mix of support and his way of telling me to actually talk to Logan. The silence just about swallows us whole. There’s not much to say here, and so I just watch Logan with a nervous look before he runs a hand through his hair and groans. Was that his new nervous tick?

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” He starts as he looks at me from across the table our couches are separated by, “I already did once and I regret it every day. I shouldn’t have assumed you had anything to do with that crash, I should’ve let you explain.”

“Don’t apologize for the past.” I say sharply between his sentences and he pauses, like I’ve cut off this whole big speech in his head, so I keep going, “You hurt me, yeah, you did. I can live with that. What I need from you is what you’re going to do now, what your plan is for us now.”

“If I told you I was on board, that I want to try again, would you let me?” He asks after a moment. His voice is so raw, so nervous, and suddenly I’m transported back to Renault all those years ago.

Logan had approached me once my teammate had slipped off, I was wiping my face down with a cloth when he’d nervously introduced himself and congratulated me.

“I know who you are,” I had laughed, watching as the tension drained from his body and a tiny dorky grin grew across his face. A face still loosing his baby fat. Both of us so young. He’d stammered, blushing hard before he held out an original generation iPhone with Instagram up. The old Polaroid themed icon and original blue bottom bar staring at me as it sat on the search section.

“I wanna keep in touch, maybe talk about racing—or other stuff.” He’d said, “only if you want to.”

I had laughed and nodded, taking his phone and plugging in my information with a tiny peaceful grin. His grin grew twice in size and he thanked me before his Mom had come to pull him back to his garage, moments later my own mother doing the same.

That night, he texted asking if we could meet up before the race to get lunch.

‘Like a date ??’ I had texted, sitting on the floor in the bathroom while I waited for the hotel shower to warm up. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I awaited his reply, and then it came.

‘yeah :D!!!’

I squealed and showed my mom, who had laughed and told me to get ready. And that little date at a shitty race track food cart was still my favorite first date ever, because it was the only one that was genuinely love. I had tried dating after Logan, but never loved those guys, and he had shown me so much love even back then.

And now he sat in front of me, that same shy smile on his lips as he twirled his phone in his hands out of nervous habit.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it.” I say softly, and try to ignore the way butterflies float in my stomach and my arms go all tingly and my cheeks hurt from the wide smile that pokes at them, “but we have to take it slow, be genuine. Not just some sloppy hallway make out, no friends with benefits, a genuine real thing you aren’t stringing me along with. Okay?”

“I can do that.” Logan nods sharply, “Yes. Yeah I—I can do that.”

And as we sit awkwardly apart, it feels like that little first date.

“And this always my intention, even when drunk.” Logan says, the silence between us being broken by his confession, “and we still have a lot to talk about and such, but I figured I should at least give you that closure. I was never going to use you.”

I nod, a tiny smile poking at my lips, “thank you for that. It was… oddly reassuring.”

“I’m glad.” Logan laughs, nodding to himself, “Really glad.”

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