#Dina x Ellie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chappellroansdreamgirl · 17 days

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ellie with a mean gf!

(prjoecting like a mf rn...)

a/n - i have been very unmotivated to write full-fleshed stuff so i'm deciding to write drabbles/headcannons for now. also THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ATTENTION ON CH.1 OF GOOD LUCK, BABE! it makes my heart smile that you guys love it so much... also😭😭...: @sweetcici11 srry that i lied and said ur fic would be out a few nights ago. i'm really trying to finish it but i don't want to rush it and it be shitty. i really want it to be enjoyable and as good as it can be. but i PROMISE you it WILL be posted... sooner or later! i also have a few more drafts to finish too, so, i hope you guys like them when they come out!!!!!

content warnings - fluff, i'm a bitch and i want to feel loved and think that someone can put up with my cuntiness😝😝 , over-usage of commas probably, i think they're low-key kind of toxic?!?!?!?! , guys i promise i'm not this bad i've just been pretty insufferable these last few days and need an outlet 😭😭 .

i wrote way more than i thought i was going to...

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- you both hated each other at first. ...well actually, you hated her, and she was like, "😞😞" and then got used to it after a while and started being mean back 2 u!!

- dina introduced ellie to you when you both were hanging out with her. "you guys are going to love each other🥰!" ... you didn't 🤗 !

- ellie said hi to you and all you did was look her up and down, stare at her for a few seconds and then turn your head.

- everytime ellie would (attempt to) strike up a conversation you would give an overtly enthusiastic response or just stare at her like she had two heads or just blatantly ignore her. dina is over there like, '😟😟 . can we not have one good day...' when dina would leave for short periods of time and ellie was sure that you didn't like her, she would just talk about anything to get your blood boiling, our girl lllloooovvveessss to push buttons, we know this to be true.

- it got worse yet more tolerable after that. whenever she'd see you at gatherings or parties, you'd do your damnest to stay away from/avoid her. and she'd do her damnest to get you as upset with her as possible. it always ended with not-so-playful not-so-friendly banter!

- you were talking with jesse about something on the couch, and ellie came over and DELIBERATELY, DELIBERATELY... interrupted you 🤗 ! :

you shoot daggers at her face with your eyes, your jaw set hard and your eyes narrowed.

ellie tried to feign innocence, raising a brow at you after she looked over to see your facial expressions long after she felt them.. "what are you looking at me like that for🤨🤨?" , "i was fucking talking, you're being rude." , "if i have to get used to you being a bitch, you got to do the same." , you just huffed at her response and crossed your arms before walking off a few minutes after, realizing that the conversation you were having with jesse earlier was indeed over. ellie smirked to herself, victory was her's!

- she started calling you the nickname brat out of the blue... it blindsided tf out of you. here's the origin story!:

you look at ellie with a disgusted look on your face as she exhales smoke. her glazed over eyes meet yours before she offers the joint to you, out of genuine kindness. "want a hit?" she asked, forgetting how much of a bitch you were for, like, 0.2 seconds. you glare at her for a moment longer before plastering a sarcastic smile on your face, snatching the joint from her fingertips and dropping it onto the floor. you kept her eyes on yours as you stomped and smushed it into the ground.

now she remembered.

she stood up instantaneously, she was pissed. "what the fuck?!" she shouted, earning a few looks from some friends across the room. they strained their necks for a little bit before they saw you, it made sense now, and then turned back to the conversation.

you close your eyes for a slight second as a satisfied smile graced the corners of your lips. "you know i don't smoke, ellie." you responded with in a condescendingly sweet voice.

she didn't even argue with you. "you're such a fuckin' brat." she muttered under her breath before walking away. you had to try your very best to ignore the heartbeat in your pussy. (🤗!)

- she didn't get to see how much effect that title had on you that night, but she noticed afterwards.

- one time you didn't say anything to ellie during a hangout, distracted by someone you disliked more than her. ellie kind of missed it☹️☹️ .

you were brought out of your thoughts when you felt her cold hand touch your shoulder. when you noticed it was her who was doing it, you pulled back with a furrow of her brows. ellie smiled. there she was.

"you haven't said one mean thing to me since i've gotten here. are you dying?"

you scoffed as you pointed in the direction your anger was radiating from. it was a girl ellie saw here and there in jackson, sometimes she was paired with her during patrols, she wasn't crazy about her but she paid no mind to her existence.

"what?- what does this have to do with me-"

"what it has to do with you, is that you should feel honored that i can tolerate you... can't fuckin' stand that bitch."

ellie scoffed before speaking up once more, "oh, c'mon you're being dramatic. don't be a brat."

your eyes went wide for a second and as you turned away, she could see the cheek that was facing her turn an embarrassing shade of red. she found your weakness.

- when you guys started dating, no one, and i mean NO ONE, believed it. (i don't feel like writing how u two got together maybe if y'all like this enough i'll make a full-fleshed oneshot abt it😭.)

- joel saw you guys together... like, not arguing, and HER head on YOUR shoulder... he thought he got laced with acid for a quick second there... jesse felt like he missed a couple chapters and felt very sad that he hadn't caught onto it quicker... and dina was so proud of herself, "told you, you guys would love each other 😁." she's so smug, I LOVE HER!

- she constantly has to reprimand you like you're a child when you guys are around someone you obviously don't like for whatever reason. once whoever left the room, ellie'll pinch your shoulder or your thigh, whatever skin is on display at the moment, not too hard, just to get you to wince a bit. you'll make a face at her afterwards. "ow, what the fuck was that for ellie?" , "we can talk shit when we get home, don't make a scene🙄." you stress her out sometimes...

- just bcs you guys are together DOES NOT mean your attitude has gone away.

whenever ellie and you have gotten in an argument, you're always being extra sarcastic and EXTRA BITCHY just to get on her nerves.

"baby, have you seen my gun?" she asks you, breaking the silence voluntarily as she's two minutes from being late to patrol.

you don't look up to her, you keep on looking at the pages of an old magazine. "idk ellie, did you check to see if it was shoved up your ass."

she just stands there for a second like this 🧍‍♀️ , before sighing and walking somewhere else to find it. "i'll fuckin' deal with you later." she mutters under her breath, obviously annoyed. you smirk to yourself as you flip another page.

- she does love, however, that you've gotten gentler with her since the relationship blossomed between you two. very few people (dina and ellie... sometimes jesse.) can get you to stop, and ellie is proud of herself that she could add beast-tamer to the top of her list of many skills and talents.

- sometimes she has to calm you down, sometimes all it takes is a stare in your direction. ... well, it's oftentimes a glare... you're your own woman/person and a relationship will not restrict you from showing off your talents!!!!!

- ellie has to constantly keep you from getting into arguments that could harm you physically. although your craft of bitchery is amazing, you can't fight to save your life.

she'll be pulling you back like an angry barking dog on a leash.

"i could've fucking took h-" , "you overestimate yourself a lot, baby."

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caprinyres · 12 days

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her gay ass was so fucking happy 😭😭

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toritea · 1 month

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ellie williams the type of girl to say “this is for you!” only to miss a basketball shot.

#the last of us #ellie williams #the last of us part 2 #lesbian #dina woodward #dina x ellie #ellie tlou #ellie x reader

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abbysthighs · 8 months

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When Ellie gets a green light she's such a good flirt.

#tlou2 #tlou2 photomode #fav #the last of us #virtual photography #queer #lesbian #ellie williams #ellie and dina #ellie x dina #dina nolastname #dinellie #dellie #dina x ellie #elliedina #dina tlou

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angelkhi · 9 months

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lavender haze - a.a

pairing: abby anderson x f!reader

summary: you find yourself at abby anderson's house party, turns out she's a really attentive host. (no outbreak au)

warnings: SMUT 18+ (minors DNI) mentions of alcohol (they both have like 1 beer, 2 max) and smoking, abby (she's a warning), owen (he's a trigger warning let's be real), fingering, pet names (pretty girl, baby), semi-public sex, biting, slightly mean abby but like in a hot way.

word count: 2.5k

a little note: first abby fic, low-key nervous👀 not beta’d cause i’m sleepy. part two to little miss sunshine is coming but also i’m being lazy. anyways this is for my fellow girl kissers, love u bye x

A heavy beat thumps through the floor as you move through the crowded kitchen. Flashing lights and grinding bodies envelope your senses and you grip your bottle a little tighter, pushing through the crowd until you're practically tumbling out of the back door.

You round the corner, finding comfort in the shadows and take a deep breath. The evening breeze and cool brick soothes your warm skin, the slight drip of condensation from your bottle dripping down your fingers.

You hadn't expected to spend your Saturday evening amongst a sea of sweaty bodies and smoke, but Ellie had forced your hand, refusing to let you spend another weekend cooped up on the sofa.

The same Ellie who had conveniently ducked out on you the second she saw Dina.

You're no stranger to this type of thing, but recently the solitude of your home has outweighed any desire to go out partying. Even now, in the throes of it all, a minute alone away from it feels good. You tilt your head back, eyes closed trying to extract just a moment of calm from the screeching and playlist of 90's throwbacks.

"Hey stranger."

Even in the dim light you can tell she looks good. A tight black tee stretches across her broad shoulders, moulding to her trim waist. Her arms bulge slightly when she takes a sip from her beer, eyes never leaving yours.

"Hey Abs."

Abby Anderson. Friend by proxy, craved by default. She'd worked her way into your silly little brain the day she met you with her coy smiles and rasping voice. You still remember her knocking at your bedroom door, her body taking up most of the frame as she asked for the code to the wifi.

Why Ellie couldn't just give it to her you don't know, but you couldn't complain. She'd hunched over your shoulder, repeating every digit bsck to you as she typed it into her phone. Then, before she left she gave you a simple friendly pat on the thigh and said “thanks pretty girl” with one of those half tipped smiles.

You spent the nights following face down in your pillow, riding your fingers imagining it was her strap pushed deep inside you.

She continues watching you, skin tinted purple and half concealed by the shadows. The silence stretches to an almost uncomfortable width between you and you clear your throat.

“Nice party.” Maybe you should’ve stayed silent. Abby just shakes her head and smiles, clearly amused by your futile attempts at conversation. For a while she just stands there, nursing her bottle, always watching you.

“You’ve been avoiding me?” She speaks after a moment. Abby loves this, making you squirm. Making statements and disguising them behind questions. You take a special interest in your scuffed shoes avoiding her gaze, because beneath her insufferable cockiness, she’s not lying.

Being in her presence alters your brain chemistry piece by piece until all that swirls around you there is Abby Abby Abby. Still you don’t give her the satisfaction of an answer, settling on shrugging your shoulders instead.

She takes a step closer and suddenly the brick against your back feels icy rather than soothing. You’re trapped beneath her gaze and her slow approach.

“C’mon pretty girl, you not gonna give me an answer?” There she goes again with that pretty girl. Questions that aren’t really questions. Maybe if she was less everything you’d be able to function like a regular human being around her.

“No apologies? No sorry for making you miss me Abby, huh?” She’s so ridiculously close to you now, making her demands. She’s putting her cards down on the table, waiting, pushing until you pull and unravel the thread between you two.

“What are you doing Abs?” You feel the ghost of her knuckles tracing your arm, leaving a burning fire in their wake. She takes another step closer, until your shoes bump one another.

“Tell me to stop.” She puts her bottle down, resting her now empty palm against the brick, inches above your head. “You tell me right now to turn around and walk back into that party and I will.”

“I-“

She’s everywhere. In your dreams when you sleep, on your mind when you wake. And now she’s here. In the flesh. She smells like pine and alcohol, sweet with a bitter edge, grounding you in what you’re struggling to believe is reality. Your words die on your lips. Of course you don’t want her to leave, you’d do just about anthony to make her stay.

“Hm, that’s what I thought.”

Her broad nose nudges your cheek, cold against your burning skin. She presses a chaste kiss to the corner of your lips, a taunting smirk lighting up her features as you keen for more. Her forefinger and thumb grip your chin ever so lightly, eyes trained on your lips, making you stew in the unrelenting tension.

Finally, her lips touch yours, slow and exploring at first, as though she wants to savour the moment as much as you do.

Her hands grip the glass bottle as your hands go lax at your sides, placing it next to hers on the old rusting barbecue.

Then her hands are on your hips, rough yet soft, commanding your movements and giving you the chance to back away all at once. You don’t.

Abby has never been a patient person. She always takes what she wants when she wants it. You can’t complain though, she does it do damn well. It takes a moment for your brain to catch up with your body. Abby Anderson is kissing you, not in some dream where she evaporates into the harsh morning sun, not in some shower time fantasy that runs up your water bill. She’s here. Tangible. Kissing you.

She tastes faintly of mint and cheep beer, her soft tongue moving harshly against yours as she all but claims you in a kiss. Her thumbs stroke the soft skin of your stomach, the rough pads of her fingers a source of electricity.

You rest your hands in the nape of her neck, pulling her impossibly closer. Her soft blond hair tickles your fingertips and when she nips your lower lip, your back arches, moulding you perfectly into her.

Her thumb strokes just above your bellybutton, small torturous circles sending your stomach into spasms and your thighs clenching. It’s impossible to stay as calm and collected as her, especially as she pops the button on your jeans, taking her sweet sweet time to pull down the zipper.

Her lips suckle on the sensitive skin of your neck, leaving a pretty purple mark. It’s so visible, unable to be hidden by your shirt. No matter where you go tonight, everyone will know that Abby Anderson has claimed your body. Not that she didn’t already own your mind and soul.

Her rough fingers, tracing the your damp cotton panties, not giving your enough pressure to truly feel her. But she’s there. So close to where you need her.

“Please.” Your voice is quiet and hoarse, every function of your being focused on getting Abby to touch you. You desperately push your hips into her, gasping from the small bit of pleasure that’s not nearly enough to give you relief.

She pouts at you, removing her hand entirely and you wonder how she could be so cruel and give you so much at the same time.

You’re surprised you don’t fold there and then, that single touch enough to have you needling against her lips. She presses her fingers against your sensitive clit, rubbing in small circles, trailing down to your sipping hole and back up. She keeps you like that for a while, on the edge of pleasure, desperate and doe eyed all for her.

Maybe it’s the way you whisper her name like a prayer, or the soft dazed glint in your pretty eyes, but she relents sliding a finger inside of you right to the knuckle, pressing her lips against yours to quieten your soft sounds.

You grip the tight material of her shirt, anchoring yourself to her as you get lost in her taste, her scent, her sounds.

“More. Please Abs. Need to feel you.” She didn’t think it would take so little to get you babbling like this, half way to sinking into her like a rag doll. She presses another of her digits into you, groaning as your tight wet channel greedily sucks her in.

“You’re so good for me baby.” Her lips are warm and soft against your cheek when she pecks you, a stark contrast to the images she has of you floating around her head, or the way her hand moves between your legs.

“Gonna let me stretch you open, ruin this perfect little cunt?” Another demand. One that has you clamping down on her. You nod, the only words on your lips her name. Abby Abby Abby over and over.

The pads of her fingers nudge something inside of you when she curls her fingers, palm smacking your clit with the force of her thrusts. She actually chuckles when your eyes roll back into your head and your mouth opens. You look so pretty like this, bent to her will.

She alternates her thrusts, keeping you panting from her unforgiving pace one moment and whining from the slow grinds the next.

But it’s not enough for her, for either of you. Her hands make quick work of helping you yank your t-shirt up and bra down, exposing you to any prying eyes.

The image would startle anyone, Abby’s build frame hunched over you, her hand down your trousers as she sucks at your exposed breasts, barely concealed by the shadows, not even 10 steps from the porch.

"Such perfect tits." The light breeze picks up slightly, brushing over your sensitive nipples, wet with Abby's spit.

“Abby, fu-uck” Your voice breaks off into a harsh moan when her teeth sink into your flesh. It’s barely enough to hurt, but it leaves a small mark, like her own personal claim on you. You buck your hips further into her hand, almost buckling when the rough callous of her thumb presses against your clit.

She has some type of power over you. The kind where your brain takes a while to catch up with the rest of you, leaving you to blurt out stupid things.

“Imagined you fuckin me dumb on your strap, making me take it.” Your breath catches in your throat when her wrist flexes, changing her angle slightly. “Feels so good.”

A triumphant grin breaks out on her face and she tilts her head slightly, swallowing down her own moan.

"You think about me when you're playing with this pretty cunt of yours?" She whispers, breath hot against the shell of your ear. “Don’t go all quiet on me now.”

You’re a babbling incoherent mess, bent to her will. Your body moves as one with hers, your lips move when she tells you, your brain turns to mush as she wishes. In this moment you’re hers. All you can do is nod.

“Did you leave your door open on purpose? You want me to catch you lookin so pretty with your ass in the air, huh? Whining my name like a bitch?” There’s a condescending edge to her voice that spurs you on more than you’d like to admit.

Any initial embarrassment you’d felt is washed away the instant you realise that she had enjoyed it just as much as you. Abby Anderson enjoyed perving on you as much as you enjoyed the thought of her using you into the mattress.

“You love it don’t you, knowing I watched you fuck yourself.” You can’t contain the whine that bubbles up and out of your throat, paying no mind to the fact that someone could be listening.

She laughs again.

“Yeah, you fuckin do.”

You rest your hands on her stomach, her muscles rippling beneath your fingers with each precise movement. You let your hands roam, wondering if she'd let you pin her down and rub your puffy clit against each perfectly sculpted ridge.

"Abby!" a voice calls from somewhere around the corner, "Abs where are you?"

Your head turns quickly, seeking out the disembodied voice in the dimly lit garden. You should push her away, maybe pull your shirt down and have some decorum. But of course she’d never let you, instead pressing her body closer to yours, keeping you exactly where she wants you.

“No no no, eyes on me, thats it pretty girl.” Her fingers grasp your chin, forcing your eyes away from where the vaguely familiar voice had called out to her.

The sound of her fingers fucking into your messy cunt is downright filthy, drowned out only by the spike in music when someone steps outside. You grip her braid when she hunches over, tongue flicking at your nipples again. Her lips are soft yet torturous when she suckles on them, pulling wanton moans from you.

She hooks her fingers, grinding her palm down on your clit, shifting her other hand from your chin to your lips, muffling your cries.

“He doesn’t get to see you like this.” Your nails dig into her biceps when her pace becomes bruising. “C’mon baby, use me, cum all over my hand.”

You have no choice to comply. There’s no way you couldn’t when you’re practically riding her hand, her thick fingers so perfectly hitting every spot you need them. She pushes her palm flat against your sensitive clit, teeth scraping lightly over the marks on your tits and you’re done for.

You press your hips into her hand, riding out your orgasm as the world becomes a little hazy, a slight ringing in your ears as you all but gush all over her palm.

Gazing up at her barely illuminated face, she looks about as wrecked as you feel. Her pretty cheeks are tinted pink and her lips are a swollen cherry red. She looks so pretty like this. A slight bit of jealously sets in your stomach when you consider anyone else seeing her like this. It’s stupid but it should be for you and you only.

She presses her sweet lips to yours, letting you grind down on her once more and removes her fingers from your wrecked panties. The kiss is messy, the two of you moaning into each others mouths like there isn’t a party going on a few feet away.

She pulls back, only slightly, enough to take in your half lidded gaze and swollen lips. Her thumb traces your bottom lip as she mutters under her breath "fucking Owen," listening to him call out her name but making no effort to move.

When his voice grows closer she steps away from you, sighing. He's not going to let up. She tentatively pulls your shirt down and helps you fix your trousers, pressing small kisses to your cheeks.

"Come find me later, yeah?" It's not so much a request as it is a command. One you find yourself easily obliging to.

Then she's gone, stepping into the glow of the purple lights, surrounded by tendrils of swirling smoke from someone's cigarette. She follows Owen for a few paces and pauses.

She's nonchalant when she turns to you and presses her fingers to her tongue, sucking your slick from them with a barely there smirk.

You watch as she follows Owen inside, leaving you slumped against the wall, jeans unbuttoned, body just as hot as when you stepped outside.

in conclusion i love my wife 🫶🏾 (also hc/drabble recs are open for now 😘)

#abby anderson #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x reader #tlou smut #tlou fic #dina x ellie #ellie williams #tlou

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elliesmistress · 17 days

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EPISODE 1: PILOT

WARNINGS: 18+, heavy drug usage (cocaine, weed, alcohol, etc), oral sex (R, E, D, A, ETC), tribbing, overdoses (reader), mentions of overdoses, angst, EVERYONE WILL BE IN COLLEGE AS EUPHORIA IS SET IN HIGHSCHOOL!, mentions of self harm, Jules will be transgender (same in the show, except sex won't be with her), shoplifting, mentions of death, NATE and his family will most likely be left out of this completely and set with new characters that are less toxic, dealer!ellie (sometimes), drug deals, swearing, less abusive relationships but still toxic, mentions of rehab, rehab (detox), death, degradation, toxic sex, rough sex, strap usage, strap sucking, mentioning of 9/11, lmk if I missed anything please!

a/n: this will be VERY similar to Euphoria, you will be RUE (Due to it being "your" story I will be writing it with 'I' as Rue talks). I just need to figure out where abby, dina, jesse, etc will fit into the story. I do know abby will be CAT very likely all the characters will be the exact same (besides from Nate and his parents) I've struggled with a few of the problems in Euphoria and I've written my own fic about MY addictions but I figured I'd do Euphoria too hehe, I will be removing the SA parts of the story because that's just something I don't want to have on my page. Please let me know if you want to be on the taglist whilst I actually have inspo to write :) 3.8K WORDS, spell checked and shit idk man it's like 4 hours past my bed time and 1am

I WILL BE MAKING A EUPHRIA PLAYLIST FOR EACH CHAPTER!

Taglist: @snowy-vee , @vqxen @pedropascalsbbg

PRESENT DAY

"I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own private primordial pool." I am standing in front of hundreds of people who are here listening to my story—to say the very least, I was nervous. I always have been a fucking addict, and now I'm telling my story of how I recovered from this fucking disease that ruined my fucking life.

"Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, I was repeatedly crushed." I blink my eyes, looking at the floor, struggling to find the right words: "over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Grace."

"I put up a good fight, but I lost, for the first time, and definitely not my last... I was born three days after 9/11."

Memories flood back to when I could hear the TV going on the day I was born.

"I can hear you; I can hear you; the rest of the world hears you; and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon." The unknown man says on the TV that hearing the words "USA, USA!" being chanted over and over again made me cry as a baby. Those chants will forever haunt me.

"My mom and dad spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching the towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness." I shift uncomfortably in the silence of the audience, glancing at my good friends Jesse and Ellie, who indicate for me to keep talking. A soft chuckle comes from my lips as I continue on with the story.

"And then," I take a deep breath, "without warning, we moved to a friendly neighborhood in the suburbs, to where a middle-class child, me to be exact, was looking up at the ceiling, counting those fucking numbers like I could fucking see them. Over and over again. 'thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen."

"My mother looked up at that ceiling like I was fucking crazy; the words she said echo through my dumb brain still: 'What are you looking at, y/n?'" "I kept counting, trying my hardest to ignore her. She said to me, 'y/n, look at me."

I chuckle. "I bet you all know where this is going. I kept counting, but from the start," and my smile dropped immediately.

"I remember breaking down and crying when my mother tried to snap me out of it. I wanted... I had nothing but to cry, so that's what I did. I sat in a doctor's office a few weeks later with my mother crying next to me as the doctor said I could be suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder, and possible bipolar disorder." I put my hand up close to the mic to cup it. "But I was a little too young to tell," I said in a joking tone, cracking a laugh from the crowd. "Y'all get me; y'all fucking get me."

"With this being said, I was put on medication to treat half of the disorders I had, and to be honest, I don't remember much between the ages of 8 and 12. Just that the world moves fast and my brain moves so fucking slowly."

"I would sit my fucking ass in class every day and try my hardest to listen to what that fucking teacher was trying to teach, but sometimes I would focus on my breathing a little too hard. I'd die. That teacher held a bag to my mouth to calm my breathing, though it never really helped. I remember trying to outrun my anxiety every day, looking in the mirror and trying to push my stomach in so I wouldn't look "fat."

"I would constantly get messages from people telling me they wanted to kill me, drug me, make fun of me, and bully me. My mother knew something was up and constantly asked me what was wrong, but I always gave the same response: 'I'm just fucking exhausted."

AGE 19 (college years)

"You said the doctor was in our network. How could he suddenly be out of network?" I hear my mother say as I walk out of my room into the kitchen, "I can't afford it" Grace says.

"did you see the beauty queen who got acid thrown in her face?" My sister says as I begin to lean on the dinning room table. "Mm, what? No" I say, turning my attention to her and out of my trance. "it's pretty fucked up." She says holding up her phone. "Hey, Mom, you got any tampons?" I turned my head to face her as she looked at the documents in her hand, I knew full well I wasn't going to be getting tampons but she didn't need to know that shit.

"in my bathroom, under the sink." She replies back, I swiftly make my way to the bathroom.

I enter her bathroom and cough as I open her medicine cabinet to take a few of her Alprazolam (XANAX) pills.

I would do this countless times, and surprisingly at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want in life.

I pretend to flush the toilet and I look at the picture in my mother's bathroom- it had my dad and my Mom on it on their wedding day.

I look at myself in the mirror washing my hands and putting on sunglasses to hide my pupils that are almost as big as my actual eye itself- I get out of the bathroom to go back into the kitchen

"alright, Jayda, let's roll." I say to my sister as she looks at me and frowns, probably these fucking sunglasses.

"y/n, did you eat breakfast?" Grace says, moving the phone away from her mouth. "I had coffee!" I yell out, opening the front door and making my way out.

Jayda and I begin to walk down the sidewalk, she turns her attention onto me and asks what's with the sunglasses.

"what sunglasses?" I say and chuckle, Jayda laughs with me.

We both make our way to the bus and wait for it to arrive, once it arrives we get on the bus and make our way to the back of the bus.

I guess... I showed up one day, without a map or a compass... Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice. And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what? I didn't build this system nor did I fuck it up.

I was sitting at a party, with a galaxy book to my knees and a line of cocaine, holding the perfectly rolled 5 dollar bill that had been rolled by some rando.

I snort the line of cocaine and immediately felt the pain in my nose, moving my hand up to my nose and applying pressure to where it is painful, making my breathing hitch, then speeding up my breathing in order to get rid of the pain.

My pupils immediately shot big, looking around—everything felt good, my mind at ease and nothing to worry about. I sit up with the most unreal experience, an out-of-body feeling as I struggle to get up.

"y/n, you good?" My friend Ellie attempts to hold my shoulders to steady me as I wobble slightly, I giggle and smile at her, escaping her grasp. "I'm good!"

I walk past people- everything is in slow motion, my body feels slow, my mind feels slow, and suddenly I no longer feel as high- I find another unknown substance and waste no time snorting it, sitting down on the couch.

I sat back up from the couch I was sitting at, getting offered yet another line of cocaine. I snort that cocaine as well, that leaves it hard for me to breathe, every time I take a breathe out. It feels like I'm breathing out all the oxygen I have.

And then it happens. That moment when your breath starts to slow, and every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have. And everything stops: your heart, your lungs, then finally your brain. Then everything you feel, and wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks. And then suddenly... You give it air again, give it life again, and that's what leaves you needing more.

I smile at the figure I see besides me, her face is blurred but she's speaking to me, I feel scared. "I want to call an ambulance" I say in my mind, "but I don't wanna ruin everyone's time"

"dude get her fucking legs" I hear muffled voices, slowly waking up. It was Ellie and Jesse dragging my body to Ellie's bed, after I had passed out on the couch at that random frat party-

I stand in a church with my hands behind my back, looking up at the ceiling waiting to graduate from rehab. Slowly making my way up the steps, I look at the lady and give her a smile and a nod before exiting the building.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Echoing in my mind over and over again as I make my way to Ellie's car.

"Hey!" I see Ellie running up to me. I drop my bags as she pulls me into a tight hug. I smiled at her shoulder. She squeals, letting go of me and looking at my face, pulling a hair strand behind my ear.

"I've missed you," she admits. "I've missed you too."

"What about we go back to mine and we can watch a movie?" Ellie suggests that, honestly, I wanted to get home and get out to my fucking dealer. I never had intentions of staying clean, but she didn't need to know.

"Uh yeah, sure," I say, quickly breaking myself out of my own stance. She helps me with my bag, and she puts it in Joel's old, beat-up truck, and I get into the front seat. "Everyone's missed you, dude, Abby, Dina, Jesse, and Maddie. Fucking everyone, dude."

I chuckle.

I cuddle up with Ellie in her dad's garage as we watch Jurassic Park. I'm on top of her, listening to her breathing—she's relaxed; she's always around me.

I find myself nuzzling into her neck. She moves her head to the side, so you have better access to her neck. I softly kiss her neck; she's always so soft.

Her eyes flutter shut as I start to suck on her neck, her hands finding their way to my ass, slowly rocking me back and forth to grind on her. Ellie let out a choked moan as she felt my clothed cunt rub against her clit.

"Y/N, fuck," she moans. I smile against her neck and make my way to Ellie's lips.

I kiss her slowly, but Ellie starts to become desperate, whining into my mouth as I refuse to give her what she wants. I move my hand underneath her hoodie to find her tits; of course she's not wearing a fucking bra or shirt under her jumper. It's Ellie.

"Wait," I say, pulling down her pants and boxers in one go. I look at her swollen cunt, slowly moving my head downward to lick up her slit, making my way to her clit.

She bucks her hips up into my tongue, I moan into her cunt, and she tangles her hand in my hair, slightly tugging upwards, making me groan loudly.

"S-sh-it," her voice is choked. "Fuck, just like that," she moans, rolling her eyes back, her toes curling in her socks. "Hmm? Feel good, baby?" I say to her, slowly lifting my head up, abandoning her swollen cunt.

"Fucking don't," she threatened, and I chuckled. I push my middle finger into her soaking pussy as I attach back to her clitoral area; her breathing gets faster, and I feel her tighten around my fingers.

"F-FUCK!" She moans loudly, and I feel her pussy conract on my finger as she cums, her fingers tugging at my hair. "A bit loud, don't you think?" I tease after letting her ride out her orgasm, and I move up to kiss her sweaty forehead. "Shut up"

"got another in you?" I smirk, taking off my pants, t-shirt, and bra. Ellie takes off her jumper, leaving us both naked. I allow Ellie to get up and let her go on top of me.

Ellie aligns her clit up with mine and moans quickly, filling the room each time Ellie moves her hips. I start to dig your nails into Ellie's back, making her groan in pain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ellie chants from the overstimulation. "C'mon, baby, I know—fuck, I know you can do it." I praise her as I feel a knot in my stomach, threatening to come undone.

Ellie moves her shoulder closer to my face. I take this as an opportunity to bite down on her shoulder, which makes her wince in pain.

"I'm going to fucking cum!" Ellie moans out. Hearing Ellie say this triggers my own orgasm, and we both cum together.

I sit up in bed watching Ellie sleep, and I take out my phone to look at the time.

4AM

"Fuck it," I think before opening Ellie's window slowly, climbing out her window, and making my way to my dealer's house.

"There's a new girl in town I think you're going to be friends with." I stand in front of my dealer, who's sitting down in his chair. "who?" I question.

"shit... I don't know, man. She came in yesterday lookin' all Sailor Moon and sh*t. I'm thinking to myself, "You look like somebody you would get along with."

"Ah, real nice, dude. Really nice, where's ash?"

"I thought you went to rehab?"

"Doesn't that mean I stayed sober?" I smiled, walking towards Ash's room with a smile. I opened his door to see him eating cereal. He puts down his bowl and looks at me.

"Shit, I thought your ass was dead."

"I thought you had Asperger's till I realized you're just a prick." I insult him. "This is a fickle industry. Y'all come and go." He chuckles.

I ask for what I want, and he hands it to me. "Sure, you don't want to try anything new?"

"Like, what?" I asked, pulling the hair out of my face.

"2-C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT." "I have no idea what the fuck you just said, Ash."

"Doesn't matter, dude, this sh*t. Is fucking lit?" He holds up a bag with two unknown pills. "It's a fast-acting psychedelic. I have some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual and shit, but still a sense of distortion... I don't know what's been blowing up in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck on it."

"okay, yeah." I say, putting all the baggies in my pocket, "That'll be 120."

"Fez said he'd spot me."

"Fezco, don't spot anybody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him." I say, pointing the middle finger at him, opening his door, and leaving.

"Do you think my areolas look weird?" Dina says to Abby, "What the fuck, no?"

"Just the edges."

"Dina, they're fine," Abby says, taking a puff of the weed Cassie gives her.

"Fine, like, they're weird, kind of weird, or fine, like, nobody but me would ever notice what I would notice?"

"Fine, like, shut the fuck up, Dina," Cassie says, sitting up, grabbing her vape, and taking a puff. Dina scoffs, pulling up her t-shirt to cover her boobs.

"Hey ladies!" Jesse walks in. "Hey baby," Dina squeals, running to Jesse and hugging him. Abby cringes.

"Straight people, ew," she thinks to herself, looking at her phone. "Yo, you got out of rehab."

"Didn't she die?" Dina asks, and Abby shrugs.

"Yeah, I swear she died. I don't know, is Ellie coming to the party?" Jesse questions, to which Dina nods.

I get off my bike at home, slightly drugged up from the drugs I took earlier.

I walk into the house, softly shutting the door.

"Where were you?" My mother says, sitting at the table, Why the fuck is she up at 6 a.m.? You thought to yourself: "I went to eat," I lie. "What the fuck do you mean, you went to eat?"

"what?"

"what?" She mocks, "Don't walk away from me." She sits up from her seat, walking towards me as I walk towards my room. "You know what, y/n? I don't trust you."

"I don't know what you want me to say." It's true; I didn't know why she wanted me to say it. "I want you to tell me where you were," she says, walking quickly as I walk to my room.

"I just said I went to fucking eat!" I yell at her, "Don't you talk to me like that!" Grace says as I slam the door on her face. "Don't be slamming my doors around here."

"It was a fucking accident!" I yell out, holding my body in front of the door. "I don't care. You're not leaving this house until you take a drug test."

"I just peed!" I yell out, "Slam another door."

"Shit," I say, making my way to my bed, not knowing what to do. Every option I could do is unsafe as fuck.

Niacin, maybe. I don't know fuck, I think to myself, putting out my phone to look at the side effects.

Google

Side effects: skin flushing, extreme dizziness, vomiting, rapid heartbeat, and sometimes death.

Fuck, I can't.

"No drug site recommends doing this" I whisper to myself.

The other option is to get a non drug-addicted friend to do it for me.

About 20 minutes later, I show up at Dina's door, knocking.

"y/n!" Dina says, opening the door, smiling and hugging me, "I thought you died."

I laugh. "Can you do me a favor?" Uhm, I'm serious, bro."

"Sure, what is it, y/n?"

"Can you, uh, piss in this cup for me?" I whisper to her . "You're fucking with me, right?" She responds back, and I laugh and shrug.

Dina agrees to do it, and I enter her house to see Jesse and Abby.

"Sup Jesse," I say, fist bumping Jesse, then Abby.

"We thought you fucking died, bro. How was rehab?" Jesse says it with a genuine tone. "Yeah, it was good." I turn to Abby and ask, "How's football going?"

"Yeah, good. Thanks, uh, are you coming to that party tonight?" Abby asks, "Uhm, yeah, maybe."

"y/n" Dina grabs your attention, you move away from Jesse and Abby, and she swiftly hands you the bottle. "Here's that eyeliner."

"thank you"

I quietly climb through my window, grabbing my baggie of crushed cocaine, tipping some out onto my shelf, grabbing my 5 dollar note, rolling it up, and snorting a line.

"Argh," I groan, feeling it hit my nose. The same pain I've always experienced with snorting was still there—just muffled out. By this point, my nose was completely fucked, and I could hear the sound of the drugs eating away at my nose.

"Mom! I have to pee."

"I wish we could do this in a way that wasn't a complete invasion of my privacy." I say, cup in hand, struggling not to smile at her due to the drugs I had taken earlier on.

"Well, you lost your right to privacy after your overdose," your mom says, staring at you in the eyes.

"That was an accident." I smartly talk back, "Don't be flippy, y/n."

"Could you, at least?" Your mom turns around and says, "Thank you."

I sit down, and before "peeing" in the cup, I swiftly change it with Dina's urine as she talks. I wasn't listening to whatever the fuck she was saying... I was high as fuck, and I didn't care.

I gave her the urine sample, and she put the drug test in the container, and all of them came out negative. "I'm sorry for slamming the door earlier."

"it's okay. I forgive you. Come here." My mom says, pulling me in for a hug.

I guess... Like I said before, you get to choose who you want to be and how you want to be- the way the drugs cancelled out all my emotions was what I was looking for, no person, no nothing could compare to that feeling. Besides from drugs.

"I'm gonna stay at Dina's tonight" i say to which she agrees.

It's now 7PM, I don't know how the day went by so fast- but it did and it fucking sucked. I get a text from Ellie.

Ellie: Yo, noticed you left this morning you okay?

Me: yeah, I'm good bro. You alg?

Ellie: yep! Wanna come over tonight? Dont have to if you wanna go to the party instead

Me: I'll come over around like 11?

I find myself making my way to the party that Jesse, Dina, and Abby are going to.

Jesse and Dina have fucked off somewhere else, probably making out or fucking, and you find yourself next to Abby.

"How was rehab, y/n?" She says, breaking the tension, although I can barely hear her over the music, "Yeah, it was good!" I yell over the music.

I stand up, looking for the bathroom in an attempt to snort more, but people were already in the bathroom. "Shit," I think to myself, not paying attention to where I'm walking, accidentally bumping into this lady.

"fuck!" I yell. Looking at her, she looks like the girl Faz mentioned. "Hey, sorry." I retrace my steps.

"You're good; I'm, uh, I'm Jules," she says, and I smile, holding out my hand to shake hers. She accepts and shakes my hand.

She's got one of the most beautiful smiles you have ever seen; her smile is so bright it could light up an entire dark room, filled with nothing but sadness.

"I'm y/n" I introduce myself, to which we exchange numbers, and I make my way to Ellie's place, feeling overwhelmed from the party.

I knock on her door for Joel to answer; my pupils are dilated, and obviously I've taken some sort of drug.

"y/n... Hey, Ellie's in her room." I smile stupidly. These fucking drugs, man, I can't stop smiling . I swiftly walk past Joel and see Ellie. I smile at her, and she smiles back. "Dude, are you high?" She scoffs, "I thought... I thought you quit."

"I'm not high, Ellie, mania." I giggle; she obviously doesn't want to assume, so she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you coming back to college this month?" She questions. "Yeah, probably." The truth was, I didn't want to. But I knew I probably had to.

I shall leave it at this due to how many words, etc. and idk if people will like this 😭😭