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#Diomedes is Greek! The Greeks (technically) won!
chronomally · 2 years
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Kind of obsessed with how much everyone who fought in the Trojan War hates it
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murfpersonalblog · 5 years
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The 7 Greatest Heroes of Greek Mythology - Mythological Curiosities - See U in History
Heracles of Thebes
Achilles of Thessaly
Odysseus of Ithaca
Theseus of Athens
Perseus of Argos
Jason of Thessaly
Bellerophon of Corinth
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Cool video, but my Heroes list is very different. They’re all amazing, or they wouldn’t be heroes, but IMO the most impressive heroes are the ones who persevered despite a series of what would otherwise be insurmountable odds. Their greatness is not just due to their general popularity, but the greatness of the obstacles they overcame. You have to beat the best to be the best.
So my TOP TEN Greek Heroes list is:
Heracles of Thebes
Odysseus of Ithaca
Jason of Thessaly
Cadmus of Thebes
Perseus of Argos
Theseus of Athens
Diomedes of Argos
Honorable Mention: Bellerophon of Corinth
Honorable Mention: Achilles of Thessaly
Honorable Mention: Atalanta of Arcadia
1) HERACLES: because obviously. Son of Zeus, strongest man alive, he bested the 10 (or 12) Labors, plus his 9 Minor Labors, his numerous feats with the Argonauts, his critical role in winning the Gigantomachia on Mt Olympus, freeing Prometheus, rescuing Theseus, fathering a effton of babies, etc etc. He was literally worshiped as a god, one of the only Greek heroes to live on Mt. Olympus after his death. Even Hera had to back down and respect his gangsta. #Iconic #Legendary #YourFaveCouldNever
Hercules sets the bar for the 4/4 main criteria for what makes MY IDEAL top-tier Greek mythological hero:
Monsters: Defeating mythic creatures/beings on epic adventures
Underworld: Going to Hades and back
God-Tier: Divine patronage/assistance, lineage, apotheosis, etc
Legacy: Founding cities, dynasties, etc
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2) ODYSSEUS: smartest Greek hero EVER, and biggest liar/trickster. Odysseus’ adventures were OP. Despite not even being a demigod, just a mortal man (blessed by Athena but cursed by Poseidon), he still survived the entire Trojan War, Scylla & Charybdis, the sirens, the Lotus Eaters, Polyphemus the Cyclops, Circe, the Laestrygonians, and numerous shipwrecks & storms; went to Hades and lived; got shapeshifted into an old man; and still reclaimed his place as king of Ithaca by taking out all of Penelope's suitors cuz he’s a #BAMF archer and warrior, too. Odysseus also has the 4th highest kill count in the Iliad (after Patroclus, Diomedes, and Achilles). It took 20 years, and he lost everything but his life & his wits, but he made it home. (4/4)
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3) JASON: Leader of the Argonauts, the most boss collection of heroes ever -- Hercules, the Gemini Twins, Orpheus, Nestor, Pelops, Meleager, Theseus, Autolycus, Atalanta*, Peleus, etc. -- #SquadGoals. Their adventures together are literally the stuff of legend -- the Crashing Rocks, fought harpies, sirens, giants, fire-breathing bulls, Talos the automaton, AND the Colchis Dragon guarding the Golden Fleece (and an army of Spartoi, sown dragon-teeth -- see Cadmus). Jason survived it all, and his travels and feats were effing impressive, designed explicitly cuz King Pelias KNEW finding the Golden Fleece was 100% impossible -- but Jason beat the odds and did it anyway. 
Jason was a mortal man, blessed by Hera, and husband of the sorceress Medea. #JusticeForMedea, Jason did her dirty, ditching her for some rando chick (Hera’s classic trigger). Hera renounced Jason cuz he broke his wedding vows to Medea, and Hera’s sacred stern on the Argo brained him to death (AKA: Eff your heroics, if you’re a scrub). One of his & Medea’s sons, Thessalus, managed to escape Medea's carnage, and Jason’s kingdom of Thessaly gets its name from him (or one of Heracles’ sons of the same name, depending on your source) . (3/4)
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4) CADMUS: the very FIRST Greek hero, founder of Thebes, brother of Europa, defeater of the Ismenian Dragon, sower of the Spartoi (dragon teeth warriors), ancestor of Dionysus. I am super biased when it comes to dragons and dragon-slayers (Hercules, Jason, Cadmus). A mortal man from Phoenicia, Cadmus was blessed by Athena, favored by the other gods, but was cursed by Ares for killing the Ismenian Dragon (Ares son), and depending on the source was killed or turned into a snake, etc.
Jason benefited entirely from knowing what Cadmus did before with the Dragon and Spartoi. But I rank Jason higher than Cadmus, because although Cadmus killed a dragon first, and adventured before ALL of the other Greek heroes (Heracles included), he did relatively less than they did. Heroes (and their storytellers) were all trying to one-up the feats of the heroes that came before them, so Cadmus’ bar naturally lowers in light of that. But IMO I still see Cadmus as a more impressive hero than some others, because Cadmus set the bar for Heracles, Jason, Odysseus, everybody. Cadmus 👏  Did 👏  It 👏  FIRST.👏 (3/4)
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5) PERSEUS: Son of Zeus and a mortal woman; slayer of Medusa the Gorgon and Cetus the Sea Monster; founder of the Myceneans; ancestor (and half-brother) of Hercules. Out of the pre-Heraclidean heroes (Cadmus, Perseus, Aeacus, Bellerophon, Pelops & Oenomaus, Oedipus) Perseus’ adventures were the scariest, IMO. The Graeae, the Gorgons, AND Cetus? Yikes. However, Perseus only managed to kill Medusa cuz she was asleep the whole time. All those depictions of him facing off against her in some thrilling battle? Pop culture fabrication -- it never happened, he crept up on her like a ninja. (#JusticeForMedusa) And thanks to the frikkin Renaissance, people think Perseus tamed Pegasus, which he never did either, that was Bellerophon vs the Chimera.
Still, he’s awesome. On top of his #Iconic armor set (sword, helm of invisibility & winged sandals), Perseus has a lot of similarities with Hermes (god of, amongst other things, thieves and liars), cuz his opponents were literally impossible for mortals to face otherwise. Perseus needed all of those sneaky wiles to steal the Graeae’s eye, and sneak past the other Gorgons, and nab Medusa, run off with her head without the other Gorgons tearing him to shreds, and make it back home. But he only managed to kill Cetus & rescue Andromeda & reclaim his birthright as King of Argos because he had Medusa’s head.
So...cool adventures, great story, sweetest god-tier gear EVER (#Deus ExMachinaRealness), and really impressive monsters. (3/4) (Perseus never went to Hades & back, but some sources interpret the Cave of the Gorgons, Graeae or both as a chthonic journey, too.)
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6) THESEUS: Son of Poseidon and a mortal woman (his step-father’s King Aegeus, whom the Aegean Sea’s named after -- a really sad story that’s Theseus’ fault), Theseus is the founder of Athens & the Acropolis, and slayer of the Minotaur. (3/4) But I have to explain a few things:
Monsters: IMO beating the Minotaur is Theseus’ most impressive feat. That was a legit monster. Theseus also caught & sacrificed the Cretan/Marathonian Boar (sire of the Minotaur), and killed the man-eating Crommyonian Sow. But compared to Dragons & Gorgons (asleep or not), IMO I can’t rank Theseus’ defeat of the Minotaur over heroes who killed a lot more than that. According to Ovid, Theseus also slayed the Centaur King Eurytion, who started the Centauromachia vs the Lapiths, but AFAIK he’s the only one who says so. Theseus also went on many adventures, slaying bandits and pacifying barbarians in his 6 Labors, which established Theseus as an official Athenian folk hero well before his battle in the Labyrinth. But again, I’m can’t rank bandits over an army of draconic spartoi.
Hades: Theseus technically gets (4/4) on my criteria, but I deducted that point cuz he only hit it just barely. By the skin of his butt-cheeks. LITERALLY. Theseus’ jaunt to Hades was one of the BALLSIEST examples of hubris and straight up idiocy in all of Greek mythology, IMO. Theseus decided that being the wingman in his BFF Pirithous’ harebrained plan to kidnap Persephone for a bride was a good idea. O_O The only reason Theseus made it out alive (spoiler: Pirithous did not) is cuz Heracles RIPPED Theseus off his seat, allowing Hades to get his literal POUND OF FLESH from Theseus’ arse in appeasement. That was not heroic on Theseus’ part at all; he was crying like a baby the entire time, TRAPPED in Hades for MONTHS until HERACLES happened to go there to collect Cerberus. POINT DEDUCTED! #sorryboutit
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7) DIOMEDES: Diomedes 👏 Gets 👏  NO 👏  Respect 👏 . Omg, where is the Hollywood blockbuster featuring MY BOY? Other than Heracles, name another Greek hero who fought against not one but TWO OLYMPIAN GODS and WON? O_O Diomedes, a mortal man, King of Argos and founder of several Italian cities, was a hero of the Trojan War. After Patroclus, Diomedes has the 2nd highest kill count in the Iliad. He managed to wound Aphrodite & her son Aeneas at Troy, AND left Ares -- THE God of WAR -- screaming & hollering like a toddler with a tantrum when Diomedes & Athena wounded him, making Ares retreat from the battlefield like a wuss. Ares, y’all. ARES. Diomedes didn’t KILL any gods, no, but he’s still thebomb.com.
Blessed by Athena, Diomedes was the 2nd most clever warrior after Odysseus, and after Achilles died, together they came up with the most iconic plots against the Trojans: creating the Trojan Horse, and stealing the Palladium. In antiquity Diomedes was venerated as a god as part of his hero cult, but his fame was later supplanted by Achilles & Odysseus, to the point that in today’s pop culture Diomedes is rarely ever mentioned. #UnderratedAF (3/4)
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Honorable Mentions
8) BELLEROPHON: A mortal man, grandson of Sisyphus, Bellerophon was falsely accused of rape, and as punishment the king (the lying heifer’s father) sent Bellerophon to kill The Chimera (a 3-headed FIRE BREATHING monstrosity) to clear his name (knowing full well it was impossible). Blessed by Athena, Bellerophon was able to tame Pegasus (Medusa’s son by Poseidon’s rape), and reach the Chimera’s lair. He lathered himself in fire-proof oil, and stabbed the Chimera in the frikkin throat till it choked on the melted metal from his speartip.
Unfortunately, the king didn’t believe him, and sent Bellerophon on a series of labors to kill Amazons & pirates, which Bellerophon did, with Poseidon’s help. Unfortunately, his glory went to his frikkin head, and when Bellerophon tried to fly Pegasus up Mt Olympus Zeus struck him dead with lightning bolts for his hubris. (2/4)
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9) ACHILLES: Achilles is THE greatest hero of the Trojan War, leader of the Myrmidons and Greece’s best warrior EVER. He had mad skills. But by my 4 Main Criteria, I can't rank him above the other heroes. Achilles is a great icon for warriors to aspire to, and in many ways is the most realistic hero of the bunch, IMO, but that’s just it. He did a lot of incredible things. But not impossible things. He’s too normal for me, compared to the rest. :\ (2/4)
Monsters: All the other heroes on my list faced off against gods, giants, the brood of Echidna & Typhon, unnatural beasts, etc. Achilles’ greatest foe is Hector, Troy’s greatest warrior, yes, but who is another mortal man. Achilles did defeat Amazons (like Penthesilea, daughter of Ares), but so did Bellerophon, on top of the Chimera. And as far as kill count goes, Patroclus killed the most people at Troy, while Achilles pouted in his tent! Diomedes killed a effton, as did Odysseus (who earned Achilles’ armor rather than Ajax), so.... Imma need some gods & monsters, Achilles. :\
Hades: When Achilles died he went to the nicest place in Hades, in the Isles of the Blessed/Elysian Fields. Not exactly the Greek Valhalla, since the gods don’t live in Elysion, but close. But several heroes ranked higher on my list came back from the Land of the Dead (I’ve seen some Heroes Lists put Orpheus, another Argonaut, in the Top 7 cuz of the Orphic Cult & having been to Hades and back). Achilles chose to fight at Troy and die young & heroically; but when Odysseus spoke to Achilles’ ghost in Hades he told Odysseus he regretted his decision. XD
Divinity/Assistance: Achilles is the son of the water nymph Thetis -- whose wedding to Achilles’ mortal dad started the Apple of Discord & Judgement of Paris which caused to the Trojan War -- so he’s not 100% human, but he’s not the son of an Olympian, either. Thetis had Hephaestus craft god-tier armor for Achilles, and made him invulnerable to further injury (sources vary on if he was lathered in ambrosia lotion; or dunked in the River Styx; or was slow-roasted on a magical fire). But Achilles was still mortal, as seen by that little ankle problem of his. So I wonder which demigod would win in a fight, Achilles, Perseus, or Theseus? (Hercules beats everybody, duh.) But I gave Achilles 1 point here.
Politico-Religious Legacy: Achilles’ son Neoptolemus founded Epirus, and the line Alexander the Great’s mother Olympias hails from, thus making Achilles Alexander’s ancestor (depending on who you believe). That’s dope. Another point. (2/4)
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10) ATALANTA: AFAIK Atalanta’s the only non-Amazonian mortal warrior woman Hero in Greek myth (Cyrene & Callisto were nymphs). A mortal woman, Atalanta was abandoned in the woods at birth for being born female, and was nursed by a she-bear. A SHE-BEAR. In the WOODS, y’all. Atalanta was found by hunters who took her in, and grew up to be a fierce huntress. She took part in the Calydonian Boar Hunt, and was THE FIRST to actually wound it, while the other heroes were busy shaking in their sandals. She got to keep the pelt as her prize. Depending on your source, she did or didn’t join the Argonauts, or was only with them briefly. She also beat Achilles’ dad Peleus (another Argonaut) in a wrestling match. She also slew two Centaurs who tried to rape her. Atalanta was NOT to be trifled with. 👸
Thanks to the impiety of her husband (from Atalanta’s famous race with the Golden Apples; his name varies depending on the sources), both he and Atalanta were cursed by the gods (precisely which one varies by sources), turned into lions and slaughtered. #SMDH.  (2/4)
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