Bard: I accidentally ate Barbarian’s leftovers. How long do you think I’ll live?
Bard: Ten what?
Barbarian, entering the room: Nine.
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Bard: [Rogue], I don't think he's that stupid.
Rogue: You don't know that!! HE MIGHT BE
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DM: Your travel buddy is moving on its own
X: Well that’s concerning, but that’s also a problem for after breakfast
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Bardbarian: I would like to rave.
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You know you’ve won DnD when you make the DM break character.
DM, as some weird fucking eyes entity in a dream: You are a child of no one.
My Paladin, fully literal: Well that’s a bold faced lie. I know how the birds and bees work!
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DND Quotes That Inspire Me to Keep Going
"MY UTERUS IS GONE?!?!" "It's okay, have some ranch."
"I'm gonna loot his magic anal beads-" "MAGIC SPELL BALLS."
"Yeah and his name was CAPTAIN KINKBEARD."
"I'm gonna turn short to talk to the dwarves. It makes them feel homey."
*looks straight into player's eyes* "I am gonna fuck you."
"My name is the Dread Pirate... Matthews."
"10 YEARS?!?! My grandma's probably dead now..."
"we brOIL IT"
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"Do you have potatoes and human females?"
Tabaxi Outlander trying to maneuver human conventions
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I'm gonna get drunk on the good stuff and talk shit about gods
the Kineticist after a long day of smashing oozes
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Meet Jacinth, my most recent DnD character! She´s a topaz dragonblood rogue scout with a breath weapon of her own (real weak one), who tries to be in touch with her draconic side and wants to learn more. Ex-jeweler's apprentice, now accused in attempted larceny of holy relics, she was senenced to spend the rest of her life in a mining colony, where the story takes off.
This is her profile with moodboards and color palette
Starring: Jacinth and our druid Lorelei (c) @minx-iv ^
Jacinth is the shortest party member. She´s very small, skinny and fragile-looking, but agile girl, who is older than she looks. She is not the youngest in the group, however, contrary to the popular belief. The druid in their group, Lorelei, is actually the youngest, and her looks and height (especially height) confuses him a lot, because Lorelei works on a toddler's logic:" if they are taller, they must be older".
Starring: Invisible Jacinth and our divine sorc Lex
Jacinth is a big fan of the invisibility spell. When she was made invisible first, she was over the moon. One must have fun even at a mining colony where they are likely to die.
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''STOP COMMITTING ARSON!''
Our DM, after we almost set part of the Chultan forest on fire...again
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Druid: *excitedly* I found something amazing, do you wanna see?
Rouge: Is it a little bug in a le...
Druid: IT IS A LITTLE BUG IN A LEAF!
Rouge: *trying to hide undying love for druid* y e a h s u r e
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Paladin: *props feet on the table* So I heard you like bad boys.
NPC: What? No?
Paladin: *immediately takes feet off the table* Oh thank the gods, that felt horrible.
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The voice from above is new at this. I'm just a baby god, be nice to me.
The voice from above (aka our new DM)
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DM: Can you chug a pint of whiskey, [PC]?
Toph’s PC: I can’t. Toph might
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“I wasn’t sure what to do. So, to quote Brian David Gilbert, “if I can’t be right, I’m sure as hell gonna be extra.’”
- Our Fighter, right after crashing an airship that we stole from pirates into a tower, full of more pirates, launching us into another 6 rounds of combat.
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“I’ve had my tail grabbed today, which hasn’t happened since I was 15.” -a very tired tiefling sorcerer
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Evil Necromancer: (sends zombies against party)
Vladrek: “Oh no. Oh god. Oh fuck!”
Narrock: “Aren’t you a necromancer? Shouldn’t this, like, not bother you now?”
Vladrek: (forcing vomit back down his throat) “I use skeletons! Clean, sanitary, lavender scented skeletons! Not these-“ (blasts zombies away with a look of disgust) “These- these unsanitary, rotting-“
Zombie: (retches and vomits acidic rotting liquids towards the party)
Vladrek: (shudders and spasm-dances away in abhorrence) “OH GOD THIS IS SO GROSS! GROSS, UNSANITARY, AMATEUR MADE, WRETCHED, ROTTEN, REANIMATED REMAINS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!!!”
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Quote from current dnd session
"I DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THE FLAMING PERSON"
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My players keep trying to remember Renaer’s name, but it’s bad answers only. Behold, the evil twins of Renaer: Render, Renter and Reindeer.
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Some random quotes from yesterday's dnd session
so i run Hoard of the Dragon Queen for some friends and they say some funny things;
"This lizard looks like a stinky man" -artificer
*knocks out a cultist* "You're a meanie!" -monk
"You must have seen people using money from above when you were flying!" -cleric to the monk who, in fact, cannot fly
"I just got struck by lightning twice and died. They better not expect me to pay for a fucking hotel room!" -paladin
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