#Don't you come at me saying I should forgive myself for the shit I did as a kid just because I forgave my oc

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fallen {Chapter Twenty Eight}

Alastor x (Fem)Reader

Warning: Kidnapping, Violence (Vox hits reader), Threats Of Dismemberment/Torture (nothing actually happens tho)

A groan left me as the world finally came back into view, maybe a bit too fast, I shut my eyes tightly and tried to fight off the nausea I felt. I inhaled deeply a few times before slowly opening my eyes again.

I was somewhere I didn't recognize, it looked like a empty room. Nothing but a door ahead of me, and a small window on the wall to my right. It was the only thing lighting the room.

I tried to move, but was quickly stopped by a slight tug. I furrow my brows and look up, my arms had been raised above my head, and my wrists tied together by cuffs, held up by chains that were securely tied to the hooks in the ceiling.

I gasped sharply, it was muffled however, by the rag tied against my mouth. I tried my wings next, but the joints were cuffed as well, preventing me from flapping them.

My breathing became forced and erratic as panic finally set in fully. I tugged harshly at the chains, trying to free myself, but it was of no use.

My legs felt weak as well, I tried to move them, but they were about as useful as my arms, despite not being tied down.

What the fuck was happening!? Where was I!?

Suddenly the door to the room opened, and in walked a familiar looking overlord. "You awake?" He asked before flipping the light switch on. "Good...Now we can get to know each other." He approaches me and crouches to my level.

"I know we've met before. But I think we should start over, we're gonna be seeing a lot of each other from now on so..." He chuckles darkly.

"The name's Vox, nice to meet you."

"Aw, don't look so scared." Vox said with false pity. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Not yet anyway." He smirks. "I'm just gonna keep you here until your little boyfriend shows up. That asshole has been screwing around with me for too long. It's about time I put an end to that radio fucker, and you, are just what I need to do it."

I furrow my brows, I was worried of course and no doubt scared for my own safety. But now I was angry too.

"Wanna say something?" Vox tilts his head, he reaches for the rag at my mouth and pulls it down. "Go ahead then."

"You think just because you kidnapped me, that Alastor won't tear you apart?" I ask. "You underestimate him, if you believe that." Vox laughs at my words. "If he doesn't want you loosing a few limbs, he will come here and behave. If he doesn't, well, that'll be one thorn out of my side."

"Don't you dare hurt him. I don't care what happens to me, you can do whatever you want, but do not hurt Alastor." I say, tugging at the chains slightly.

"Oh, I don't need anything from you. Though, my associate might. I'm sure you've heard of him, and I'm sure you know how popular his films are." He could only mean Valentino. Oh god...I would rather die...

"You won't get away with this. Alastor will come here and rip you limb from limb. And telling from this kidnapping act, you like to play cheap. I bet that's why you're doing this. You can't match up to Alastor."

Vox delivered a harsh slap to my face after that. I failed to hold back a yelp as my head was forced to the side from the blow. I could feel the sharp sting blossoming in my cheek.

"Keep talking shit, and I won't be so forgiving next time." He stood up fully and looked out of the window. "I tried to get that dumbass hell hound to bring you here. But I guess he fucked off somewhere."

Hell hound? Did he mean Liam? Liam was in on this? I guess that would explain why he was at the hotel in the first place.

"Anyhow! I feel like we should start moving things along now. I'm sure he's noticed you're gone, so, how about we give him an idea of where you are. Speed things up, you know?"

"Let's see...maybe I could send him a finger or two? Or maybe one of those pretty eyes of yours?" He grins wickedly. I tried not to let my fear show, but it was clear by the shaking of my hands and shoulders. Vox's eyes trailed down. "That'll do."

I follow his gaze, my eyes falling upon my necklace. I gasp and try to move away as he reached down. "No! No, stay away!" I yelled. "Relax, will ya? I'm just taking the necklace. What? Did he give it to you? How cute." He says bitterly before grabbing at it. "No!" I cry just as he ripped it from my neck.

And just like that, my true form was revealed...

"What...the fuck!?" Vox exclaims.

If I wasn't panicked before, I definitely was now. My true form, my angel wings on display for Vox to witness. This wasn't good. This was the absolute last things I wanted to happen. What would he do to me now that knows? I couldn't look at him, I kept my eyes glued to the floor as I drew ragged breaths.

Vox then began to laugh.

"Fucking really!?" He cackles. "Well no wonder he likes you so much! You're an angel! Oh that's priceless!"

Vox's laughter died down slowly. He crouched back down and grabbed my chin, jerking my head up to face him. "You are both so fucked..."

"Alastor!" Mimzy shouts, before dodging a person being thrown her way. "Damn it Alastor! Calm down, you're making a mess of things!" She calls up at the now titanic sized radio demon. Tendrils grown from his back, were the cause of the randomly tossed objects and unfortunate demons in the way.

This had been going on for several minutes. He was beyond frantic, beyond worried. He wasn't thinking clearly, he was far too distraught for that.

"Don't you tell me to calm down!" Alastor yelled back. "Y/nis missing!"

"Well you're not gonna find her all worked up like this! Get down here and use your head!" Mimzy demanded. Alastor knew she was right, though it didn't make him any less frazzled. He did as she said however, and returned to his normal form.

Now it was just them in the empty longue. Alastor did feel a little bad about causing such a commotion in Mimzy's lounge, of all places. He let his anger and worry get the best of him, and it controlled his every movement. Blinded him from what was going on around him.

He was so upset by this...and he was scared...

"Where could she be?" Alastor's voice cracked slightly. "She wouldn't have just left on her own..." Mimzy didn't like seeing Alastor like this. She was worried too, but she knew it was nowhere near what he felt. "Isn't there any way of contacting her?" She asks.

"You know I don't own a cell phone. She doesn't either..."

Mimzy narrowed her eyes. "Isn't she from the modern era? Why doesn't she have a phone? You know what, never mind. Let's just stay calm and focus alright? Is there any place she might go to that you know of?"

"Other than the hotel, no." Alastor answers. "Alright, let's start there." Just as Mimzy said that, her phone rang. She looks at it then to Alastor. "Speak of the devil." She answers it. "Hello?"

'Hey, Mimzy? Is Alastor with you?' It was Charlie on the other end. The two had exchanged numbers the last time Mimzy had visited the hotel, to see Alastor.

"He is." Mimzy tells her.

'Well, a package showed up for him here at the hotel. It's pretty weird looking...We didn't want to mess with it. But I think it's from VoxTek, which is why it's weird. Alastor isn't really tech savvy you know?'

Mimzy hold the phone away from her to speak to Alastor. "It's Charlie, she says you have a package at the hotel, from VoxTek."

The loud screech of a record skipping made Mimzy wince. Before she could get a word in, Alastor had sunken into the shadows and disappeared. She sighs before speaking into the phone again.

"He's on his way. A word of advice, when he shows up...stay out of his way." Rage couldn't even begin to describe what Alastor felt the moment he opened that package. It was small, small enough to hold the necklace along with a few white feathers inside.

Vox knew...and now, Alastor wanted nothing more than to rip his soul apart, for even daring to lay his filthy hands on his beloved.

He should have known. Of course it was that bastard. Of course he would do something like this. Alastor swore right then and there, that he would invent a whole new form of pain, when he got his hands on that flat-faced motherfucker.

#hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #kidnaping #abuse

[decolonize-the-left]

(to preface this, i am white. figured i should make that known off the bat) i wanted to come bounce an idea off of you that i've been rolling around in my head for a bit. i have this pet theory that, for the population ill call here "white progressive queers who know very little about poc and racism", a large underpinning of this group's interaction with poc is a Fear of Fucking Up and more generally, moral purity thought. they (maybe even "we"- im still hopefully learning myself) get so paralyzed by this idea and line of thinking that goes something like this: "1) since i know nothing about poc & racism, then 2) clearly in discussions about these topics, i will fuck up and say something wrong or perhaps even Bigoted, which if i did 3) makes me an Irreparable Ontologically Evil Racist, hence 4) i should just be quiet and never ask questions/speak on these topics" which then results in said White Progressive Queer and those around them never learning. i wanted to know what you think abt this and tell me if im on the mark or not

also thank u for the work u do on this blog, ive found so many helpful resources through you

You're right. In my experience that's exactly how it is.

I want to add tho: yes they're uncomfortable that they might fuck up and be considered racists sure, but a huge part of that stems from the massive inability to place the discomfort where it belongs. Which is with their own guilt.

Instead they blame the conversations for making them uncomfortable.

And let's take some worthy notes here: this is not how white people feel all the time. Because white people are not uncomfortable making these fuck ups in front of other white people.

So it's not that the conversation is uncomfortable. They are made uncomfortable. And they are made uncomfortable because even when discussing anti-racism they step into the role of oppressor (the little fuck ups or accidentally bigoted comments) so naturally and God forbid other (not white) people can See how easy it is.

My advice for white people that are like this (that nobody asked for) is

Your fuckups do not define you but how you react to them does

Listen, respect, learn

That's it. That's the whole list. Say something bad? Apologize, but don't over-explain yourself. Ask how to fix it. Google how you fucked up so you understand why it wasn't okay. Google again to get idea of how your fuck up hurts people. Google some more to make sure you don't do it again. Go to some safe space and ask some clarifying questions. Listen, respect, learn.

Maybe the people you fucked up with don't forgive you and that's okay, they don't have to. But YOU won't ever make anyone feel bad or less than in the same way ever again and that's what matters.

Having one less person making racist comments matters even if it's a struggle for that person to get to that point.

I need y'all to understand that none of you are gonna just wake up being suddenly perfect anti-racist allies. And we will literally never ever have allies like that if y'all refuse to even sit with your own discomfort.

•°•°•

This weird morality issue white people have over looking racist is also just such a non-problem. Like if y'all want a PoC perspective: white people are already being racist ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ ....we Already see y'all as racists. And also I'm gonna experience racism anyway so I'd rather it be because someone was just being ignorant on the path to anti-racism.

Y'all are so worried about how shit Looks that you can't be bothered how really things are? Like you're so afraid of looking racist you'd allow yourselves to continue being actually ignorant and casually racist. And to avoid what? Being uncomfortable for a minute? Being called-out? A mean comment?

We are trying to stop hate crimes and genocide. Like that's what we are dealing with okay. Accountability for your actions is an acquired taste but I think y'all can handle some discomfort considering.

#every time im confronted with the idea that white feelings are why BIPOC are being killed daily i get umhinged tbh #like i might die if i call the cops cuz YOUD feel bad if you talked about racism? AND YOURE JUST KEEP NOT DOING IT?? WHY #asked #answered #sorry #some asks just like #do this to me #white people like this make me wanna shake them back and forth viscerally #whiteness

[buccini555]

— 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

𓄹 ⊹ ᳝ ࣪ 𝟎.𝟏 — 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡

𓄹 ⊹ ᳝ ࣪ You ended up having an argument and after they said something harsh to you, you left and during the night they found you drinking in a bar with someone else, but they took you home afterwards and in the morning they were still by your side

𓄹 ⊹ ᳝ ࣪ H e a d c a n o n s!

𓄹 ⊹ ᳝ ࣪ 𝑭𝒕. Rindou Haitani, Kokonoi Hajime, Izana Kurokawa, Shinichiro Sano, Hanma Shuji and Kisaki Tetta

tw: morning after drinking, hangover, bad words

𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

The next morning, you woke up with an unbearable headache, immediately noticing Rindou's presence, you could only remember the argument you had.

He would be extremely worried about you and your condition, so he would do his best to make all the hangover go away.

"Are you awake? Do you even remember what happened yesterday?" Rindou questioned you, giving you some cut fruits to feed you.

"We had a fight and then you got drunk on some guy you don't even know, fuck it, do you know how worried I was about you?" Rindou said in a serious tone, shaking his head in denial.

"I hate giving lectures, but, don't ever do shit like that again, if I hadn't found you and taken care of you, something bad could have happened and I honestly wouldn't forgive myself! And, I'm so sorry for our fights..." Rindou would hug you and sincerely regret every word he said, despite that, he wouldn't stop scolding you for your behavior.

𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐢 𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞

"What the fuck were you doing in that bar yesterday?" As soon as you woke up, it didn't matter if you were hungover or not, he would question you.

"I hope you at least remember the guy who was drinking with you, I shouldn't even be looking at your face, but I'm here like an idiot taking care of you!" Kokonoi would definitely still be hurt and jealous about the whole situation, however, he would also take care of you the next morning, not forgetting to give you several lectures for drinking more than you could handle.

"Don't ever do that again and promise me you'll never step foot in that kind of local alone!" He would make you promise, Koko actually worried about you even after they argued, somewhat ignoring his jealousy for your well-being.

"... Forgive me for our argument, I know it was me who caused such damage, I'm sorry for my words, they weren't true." After he calmed down, he would apologize for such an argument earlier.

𝐈𝐳𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

"Holy shit, I thought you would never wake up, what the fuck did you want to do? Go into an alcoholic coma because of me?" Izana would question you the next morning, completely ignoring your headache and hangover.

"Do you realize that I found you in a bar drinking with a guy? I wanted to leave you there or in the middle of the street, but no! I preferred to take care of you all night!" Still jealous, he would say without thinking too much or being careful with his words, for Izana, that situation really was stressful and worrying at the same time.

"Don't make such a fuss again, I should have kicked that guy's ass but I was busy worrying about my irresponsible darling." Izana would definitely not fail to give you the worst lecture you've ever heard, besides, he really wouldn't have any desire to apologize for the argument before all that mess, even though he belongs taking care of you, he would ignore you most of the day and he would throw in your face the fact that he had wasted his night trying to cure your drunkenness.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐨

Shinichiro would stare at you in silence, making you eat light food and take medicine in the morning to cure your hangover, after a while he would find the courage to talk about what happened.

"Seeing you with that guy makes me feel so fuking sick, even more drunk, I didn't need to see that." He would say, still indignant and disappointed with his behavior.

"... Something bad could have happened to you if I hadn't looked for you, I don't want to come out as the hero of the story, I know I caused this, but, don't ever do that again." Despite being hurt, he would be understanding, leaving his jealousy aside, even if he still felt uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you with some of my words in our argument, I hope this all serves as a lesson for both of us, I want our relationship to be healthy, you understand?" Shinichiro would sincerely feel sorry and wouldn't hesitate to apologize to you, even so, he would still feel strange for a while thinking that you would easily leave him for another man without even thinking twice.

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐦𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐣𝐢

"What the hell were you looking for in that bar yesterday? I'm glad I found you, I've never been so angry in my entire life, I'm so hesitant." Hanma said as soon as you woke up, he was still angry and hurt by your attitude, even so, he gave you some medicine and made you eat.

"I spent the night awake taking care of you, I cursed you a little, the shit you did still hasn't entered my head." He would definitely take out some of his anger on you, still jealous, Hanma felt threatened to see you with another man.

"Who was that son of a bitch that was with you? Or do you not even remember that disgusting face?" He would question you about the person who was drinking with you, even if you claimed that you didn't know him, Hanma would still remain suspicious of that whole situation, at the same time, he would feel relieved that he took care of you even though he was angry.

"... Let's not fight anymore, please." Hanma wouldn't apologize, but he would definitely regret that argument.

𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐓𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐚

"Good morning, are you feeling better? For a moment I thought you weren't going to wake up... You really drank too much, you know that, don't you?" Kisaki told you as he made you drink water and eat, despite being angry, he definitely didn't want to treat you rudely.

"... I know I hurt you in that argument, but don't ever do that again, understand? Something bad could have happened to you, you know you crossed the line, I don't want you to do or think about doing that again." Without elaborating too much on the subject, Kisaki would say, leaving his jealousy aside at that moment, he was sincerely sorry, even though he was a cold person, with you he always tried to be a sweetheart.

"Taking care of you will never be a problem for me, it's my obligation to keep you safe and well, but don't do shit like that to yourself again, damn! That was so ridiculous." He wouldn't stop scolding you like that, however, he was just doing it out of concern.

#rindou haitani #rindou headcanons #rindou x reader #tokyo rev #tokyorevengersheadcanons #tokyorev x reader #tokrev #tokyorev headcanons #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x you #tokyorevengers #tokyo rev hcs #kokonoihcs #kokonoi headcanons #kokonoi hajime #izana kurokawa #izanahcs #izanaheadcanon #izana headcanons #tokyo revengers shinichiro #sano shinichiro #shinichiro headcanons #shinichirohcs #tokyo revengers hanma #hanma tokyo revengers #hanma headcanons #hanmashuji #shuji hanma #tetta kisaki x reader #kisaki tetta

[crookedaverse]

Im sorry but there are a few things that have to be said when it comes to Hazbin fans.

1.

Some-(NOT ALL. DO NOT FUCKING BASH ME.)-Huskerdust shippers need to stop stereotypicalizing their dynamic.

Husk isn't racing to rescue his damsel in distress all the time, Angel can take care of him fucking self, that was the whole point of his development; realizing he can stand up for himself. He isn't a little princess who's weak and needs saving, he's a mob-boss for satan's sake. How did you guys twinkify a twink???

Husker is not this innocent kitty cat. He was a fucking over lord and likely had several souls under his belt himself, so if you hate Alastor automatically because he was a big-fat-meanie to your pookie you need to grow tf up.

If that is the first thing that makes you immediately turn on Alastor you need to sort out your priorities, because if you ignored all the other bad shit he's done you should be able to forgive him for lashing out when a sensitive topic is touched on. Alastor has feelings too.

Which brings me to my next topic.

2.

Alastor is aroace, but aroace is an umbrella term and its a spectrum. Most writers seemingly make their characters aroace to prevent people from shipping them with others but it never works.

Now, i'm not saying Viv is one of those people at all, hell, she even condoned shipping him with people! She gave permission!

But as an aroace person myself I have to say, I hardcore ship Alastor with Lucifer. Like, not qpr, i mean full on tongue kissing and shit. Idc. It's what I like.

So if you're aroace and you're trying to get people to stop shipping Alastor ships because "Oh BuT iT's So DiShEaRtEnInG-"- shut up, you don't speak for ALL of us aroace people.

We need to not shove ourselves into that little box of "sex repulsed, touch repulsed, romance repulsed" stereotyping. Stop stereotyping yourselves!

It's ok to not like a ship, but if you're that upset you need to go watch some fucking paint dry or some shit.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, have a nice day.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #radioapple #huskerdust #aroace

[respectthepetty]

Pit Babe Colors Ep. 7

I'm challenging myself with this show and seeing how good my color skills really are, so I'm doing my normal thing of watching it double-speed on mute, but now, the captions are off also. It's just colors and vibes here.

If I see this necklace on Charles later, *dragging finger across throat*

There is a barrier between y'all, so I'm hoping one of you has decided to come to your senses and tell the truth to Alan and Babe. Jeffrey is seeing accidents, so Jeffrey, hopefully you are seeing the light of truth too and will confess to Alan!

I like you, Way. I like you too much knowing damn well that you are lying, but you don't seem as red as before. It looks a little hot pink-ish now. Maybe because you're sad that Babe doesn't love you.

Get hit with the blinding light of love for this Blue Boy sitting next to you who has apparently been in love with you for years according to that pink from the last episode.

Peter, I TRUST YOU! Don't do me like this! This is pink, right? RIGHT? It's pink. You're in love with Waymond, and this is pink, not red. Pink.

I'm ignoring the Gucci red watchband because the way Peter is looking at Waymond and the fact that he put blue on Waymond is all I need to know that Peter sits at the same table with Kimberly, Kenta, and Alan as the people I trust.

How long have you been in love with him, Pete? The pink already snitched on you. Just tell me! Or did you leave it on the note? That'd be too easy. But that note better have said "Hey, I just 'met' you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe?" I ship it!

Kimberly! You've been a lot less red lately. The blues are gonna need a driver soon if Jeffrey's vision is right. You should apply!

KENTA IS RIGHT THERE, KIMBERLY! Lose focus and have a consensual workplace relationship.

Wait a minute? It's Decanus and . . . there's only one man who consistently wears black, but I refuse to believe that he would meet with Decanus. No. That's another man in black. I cannot see the faces clearly, so I will not accuse *sobs* Kenta.

These two are best friends. I can tell.

AHHHH! Charles is meeting with Big Red, yet he is wearing blue! Is he being kidnapped? No. He just walked away. But now he is surrounded by blue. Charles!!!!! I know you are lying, but the blue is saying . . . something! But Big Red is listening.

Oh thank, God! Way is turning over a new leaf and committing to being a blue boy. Good.

No. NO! Barbara, I know you are upset at Charles for lying (which your super spidey senses should have alerted you about because the red was there), but why do you keep doing this to Way? He was committed to the blue! Pete likes him. Stop!

NO, WAYMOND, NO! JUST LET BABE BE SAD AND MISERABLE. DON'T DO IT!

Tell him to get his hands off of you, Barbie! That's how they keep getting you! Do not fall for his bullshit!

Is this story about Charlie?! OH SHIT! *telenovela fall to the floor*

I don't want you to get slapped, Kentana, but there is only one man who wears black consistently, and that's you. You ARE planning something with Decanus, aren't you?! Do. Not. Hurt. Barbie. I trust you!

Oh shit! Barbie is realizing it's the touches! I tried to warn you, homie. I did. I said, "Barbie, don't let them touch you!" Now, figure out that Waymond keeps touching you too. Don't get dickmatized again. I need you to stay focused! BARBIE, FOCUS! Waymond. Superpowers. Punch them!

Barbara, the dick is not that good for you to forgive him already! Barbara, I'm so mad at you right now. I'm only rooting for Kimberly and Alan now. You and Kentana are on my shit list.

Did the note from Peter ask for a date?! Waymond, horrible choice of red roses with a red ribbon for a date with Peter or . . . is this your villain era? No! This is a date with Peter! *dances happily*

I mean this from the depth of my soul - Whatever happens now, you're on your own, Barbara. You figured out what Charles was doing to you, and you are just cool with it? I know he, too, had a crappy childhood, but he did all that without your consent, and you're okay with it? The red is still there! He just took from you something you can't get back, without your consent. This is metaphorical, and I wish you, a fictional character, could see that.

Did Peter really not show up for y'alls date?! Did something happen to Pete?! WHERE IS HE?! Did Big Red kidnap him?! Wait, Peter can text but not show up for a date? I don't believe it.

I'm gonna break my own rule, and translate the text messages because I have no colors to guide me, and I'm very confused why Peter would not show up when he has been in love with Waymond for awhile. The colors don't lie. Peter would show up!

Google Translate: "Sorry, I just finished clearing things up with Charlie" Wait a minute. Charlie? Was Waymond texting Babe because he was sad Peter didn't show up for dinner? This still doesn't make sense.

Or . . . Waymond's at his and Babe's restaurant, and Babe said "sorry." It wasn't a date with Peter was it? This was a date with . . . oh, you have to be shitting me. PETER IS RIGHT THERE IN LOVE WITH YOU, PENDEJO!

I'm in no mood for North and Sonic's color shenanigans. I'm too pissed off to even yell at Sonic for wearing red over the blue. Whatever. Be a back-stabber too. No me importa.

WHAT THE FUCK?! NOT KIMBERLY!

If anything happens to Kimberly, I'm burning down this whole site! He's a good one! Kentana, you better get your shit together and save your man! If Kentana and Barbara save Kimberly, I'll take them off my shit list. Even Charles will get some leeway.

Whiny Winifred, why are you pointing a gun at . . . SONIC AND NORTH?! I know I wrote I didn't care about y'all earlier, but I do! Y'all can't die until I figure out what the deal is with y'alls colors!

Barbara is wearing the same outfit in the previews that he is wearing when he punches people in the hallway!

Mission: Save Kim Possible!

#Kimberly better be alive #pit babe #pit babe the series #the colors mean things #and they will guide me the whole way through #color coded boys in love #episode 7 #I'm so upset #I'm upset for Way #I'm upset AT Way #I'm livid AT Babe #but all I care about right now is Kimberly! #SAVE HIM!

[fanficsformyfaves]

I Tolerate It, So Don't Blame Me

Loki Laufeyson x Fem Ex!Reader

WARNING: SMUT 18+, ANGST, Hickeys, Marking Kink (R Receiving), Oral Sex (R Receiving), P in V Sex, Exhibitionism, Rough Sex, Body Worship (R Receiving), No Protection (This is fictional, you are not, WRAP IT UP) Mentions of Break Ups, Turbulent Relationship, Confrontations, Insecurities

PREFACE: You were not only the God of Mischief's ex and the mother of his child, you were also the love of his life. So, it should've come as no surprise to you when his new girlfriend showed up to your apartment building, angry after finding out he was still in love with you

A/N: Flashbacks In Italics!

Loki was recruited into the Avengers and Sylvie is his new girlfriend in this A/U!

Sylvie deserves better :,(

And yes, this is combining 2 Taylor Swift songs cause it goes so well…all too well

I had just put my son to bed, when his tired little voice asks me something.

"Mama, is daddy coming this weekend?"

I look up from tucking him in with surprise.

"Um, I'm not sure"

I was...or I thought I was. Loki and I were together for over a decade and had our son four years ago.

Our relationship wasn't perfect, but we made it work. In spite of the long nights that consisted of screaming matches and the other going to bed angry, we would eventually talk it out and get right back to normal. Was it easy? No, but we knew that we made each other better people. Nothing in life that's worth keeping was gonna be easy.

Our main issue was him not making enough time for me and our child. I understood splitting his time between working with the Avengers and going back and forth from Asgard would take up a lot of his days, but we always got through the rough patches together.

You miss a couple dinners and forget some errands, sure, I could forgive that...but the final straw was when he'd forgotten our son's birthday.

Long after the party was over and everyone had gone home, I still sat in the living room in tears, after having had to put my own crying child to bed.

"He forgot. He really forgot", I thought to myself.

Just then, I hear the front door open and in walks Loki, making his way towards me on the couch.

"Hi, darling", he kisses my cheek.

That's when he noticed the popped balloons and confetti scattered all across the floor.

"What did I miss?"

"What did you miss?", I repeated,

Standing up.

"Loki, do you know what day it is today?"

"Friday"

I close my eyes, sighing before wiping my eyes.

"October twenty-third"

He takes a moment to think, when the realization hits him.

"Shit", he whispers to himself,

"Yeah...shit"

"(Y/N)-"

"He was so excited to blow out the candles with his dad", my voice shakes.

"I know-"

"Do you?"

Not having anything else to say for himself, he simply muttered.

"I'm sorry"

"It's not me you should be apologizing to", I say,

About to walk off, when he takes my arm.

"I'll make it up to him-"

"You always say that, but you never stick to your word. Look, I'm tired of being second place to your job, we both are. Do you even remember the last time we had dinner together? Or even tucking him in for bed?"

I could see the tears beginning to pool in his eyes. I shake my head, before pulling my arm away from him.

"Time got away from me, the team-"

"I don't care about the team! I care about us! Our family!", I yell,

Catching him off guard.

"I've stood behind you on everything and this was the one thing that I needed you to show up for. I've put up with your shit for too fucking long and I can't do it anymore. All we do nowadays is fight and I can't tolerate being taken for granted over and over again. I won't"

"What are you saying?", he whispered,

"I'm saying I'm done", I shrugged.

His gaze softened and his shoulders dropped.

"(Y/N)-"

"You need to go", I sob,

"Please, don't do this. We can talk about it, we can work things out, I promise, I will do better-", he tries pulling me into an embrace,

Only to be pushed away.

"We tried and nothing's worked, even if we go to bed now, I'll still feel the same way in the morning-"

"I don't want to leave-", he says,

Wrapping his arms around me, as I kept trying to push him off.

"Loki, go"

"I can't"

"Please, go, I can't do this again"

"I can't!", he cried,

"GO-"

"I CAN'T!", he shouts,

Slowly falling to his knees, as he held onto my legs and hid his face in my stomach.

"I can't", he wept.

My hand goes over my mouth to muffle the sounds of my sobs. I eventually pull away from him and walked back towards our once shared bedroom. It was the hardest walk of my life. Knowing I was walking away from him.

"When I wake up", I say over my shoulder,

"Don't be here"

It's been almost a year since then and it still hurts to think about. It didn't help that our anniversary was coming up either.

I often fall back into wondering if I'd done the right thing. Did I? Would I ever know?

"But, I promise I'll ask"

"Does daddy not love me anymore?"

It shattered my heart to hear him say that.

"No! Baby", I say,

Softly cupping his cheek.

"Your father loves you so so much. It's just his job that keeps him busy"

He sticks his pinky out, making me chuckle. I intertwine mine around his, after wiping away a stray tear.

"Never think for one second that we don't love you"

Just as I placed a kiss atop my son's head, I hear someone yelling outside my apartment building.

"(Y/N)!"

I recognized that voice. It was Sylvie. What was she doing here in the middle of the night?

"Mama?"

"Shhh, go to bed, baby, I'll be right back", I shushed,

Leaving the apartment and locking the door behind me. The elevator takes me all the way down to the lobby and I made my way outside.

"Sylvie-"

"What did you tell him?!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid with me, what did you tell Loki?"

"Nothing! I haven't spoken to him for weeks!"

"Horse shit"

"I haven't!"

She sighs, holding her forehead.

"Why? What happened?"

She sniffles and using her sleeve to wipe away her tears.

"Sylvie, I know we aren't friends, but you can tell me"

She scoffs, looking back at me.

"You can", I reassured.

She shakes her head, taking a seat on the curb. I let out a deep exhale, before joining her.

It was tense. I could tell she was holding something back and it only added to the anxiety that was making my stomach turn. After a few deep breaths, she finally breaks the uncomfortable silence.

"He said your name in his sleep"

I'd never felt my heart drop so fast. My eyes widen, as I turn back to her.

"What?"

"Last night. I heard him", she nodded,

"Sylvie", I exhaled,

Shutting my eyes, whilst shaking my head.

"So either that means he's been sneaking behind my back with you or-"

"He hasn't, I swear"

"...Then what I'd been suspecting is true", she muttered her breath.

My eyebrows meet in confusion, wondering what she meant by that. She finally turns to meet my gaze and in the street lamp's glow, I could make out her defeated tired eyes looking back at me.

I knew that look. I had that look not too long ago, which meant what she had to say was nothing short of painful.

"He still loves you", she wept,

Causing me to shake my head.

"No-"

"Then why?", she shrugs.

How was I possibly meant to respond to that?

"You know...whenever he tells me that he loves me, I would be so overjoyed...but for some reason, in the back of mind, I never truly believed him", she confessed,

"And then I thought to myself 'Well, why would I? She was his first love and the mother of his child. How could I ever compete with that? She's beautiful and smart and strong'. Deep down, I always knew that what we had wasn't real, as I am still fighting the ghost of you that will forever live in his memories"

I was speechless. To hear her say all of this was gut-wrenching. She didn't deserve this and I knew that.

"I am so sorry"

"You have nothing to apologize for", she says,

Getting back on her feet, as I did the same.

"Sylvie, I assure you that whatever we had was over the moment we broke up"

"Maybe...but not for him", she smiled sadly,

Giving me a tight embrace, before walking away.

I couldn't just go to bed after that. I had to talk to Loki myself. Whatever he did to us was one thing, but Sylvie didn't deserve this. I went back up stairs to get my son, not bothering to get dressed and dropped him off at my parent's house on the way to the Avengers Tower.

I submitted my personalized key pass, which allowed me inside and took the elevator all the way up to Loki's quarters. I pushed past the double doors and find him standing at the floor to ceiling windows.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", I spit,

Walking up to him.

"I'm assuming you heard", he says,

Without looking away from the city.

"Sylvie didn't deserve that. She loved you!"

I was met with nothing but silence. All I could do was sigh in frustration.

"Why?! Why did you have to ruin another good thing for yourself?! She was perfect-"

"But she wasn't you!", he snapped,

Turning to face me.

"You of all people should know that no matter what happens, I would always choose you"

I could feel the tears gather in my eyes.

"I tried to let go, but I couldn't", his voice goes quiet,

"Despite my best efforts and even while being with someone else, all I found myself doing was wishing it was you"

I shake my head, as a lone tear made its why down my cheek.

"You should've thought about that before you took me for granted"

He cups my face, resting his forehead against mine.

"That was my greatest mistake...and I will never forgive myself for it"

"Loki-"

I couldn't stop myself from growing weak at his touch.

"I love you. This has always been true"

"I never knew what I had until I'd lost it", he added,

"You hurt me...and you hurt our son", I wept,

"And for that, I am so sorry. I will never stop regretting the things I'd done to you both and if given the chance, I'd change before it was too late, but I am begging you now. I will never forsake your hearts again, please", he pleaded.

There were so many emotions coming at me from all directions. Anger, sadness, confusion...but also a sense of solace. Solace in knowing that he had finally recognized his mistakes.

"If you'll have me...I will never hurt you or our son ever again"

"How can I be sure you mean it this time?", I questioned.

In that moment, the God of Mischief pulled away and kneeled before me, placing a hand on his heart. I couldn't help but feel a strong sense of Deja Vu.

"I meant every word", he reassured,

Taking my hand into his.

"I've lost you once. I will not make that same mistake again"

I searched deeply into his eyes and all I could find was sincerity. For the first time in a long time, I was finally sure.

"Loki"

I pulled him back onto his feet and cupped his cold face.

"I love you too...I don't think I ever stopped"

He chuckles slightly in relief.

"That's all I've ever wanted to hear", he says,

Before pulling me in by the waist and pressing his lips against mine. The kiss started off mellow and soft, but it quickly grew heated. He picks me up by my thighs and effortlessly wrapped them around his waist. He ended up

My fingers sneak into his black locks, grasping at the roots and causing a delicious groan to escape him.

Using his godly strength, he lifts me up higher into the air, now throwing my legs over his shoulders. With a flash of his magic, I was now completely naked up against the glass.

"People will see", I say out breath,

"Let them", he grinned,

"Let them envy the way I ravish your beautiful body, knowing they will never get the chance"

I could feel myself grow wetter at his comment.

"By the looks of it, you don't seem to mind either", he teases,

Before kissing the inside of my thighs, slowly making his way towards where I needed him most. He wrapped his soft lips around my bundle of nerves, making me gasp at the sensation. I was being tasted like I'd be the last thing he'd ever have. A man on death row, savoring his final meal.

"It has been to long", he mumbled against me.

"It has", I whined,

As his skilled tongue drew circles over my clit again and again, till the knot in my stomach began to tense. I missed how easily he made me melt.

My fingers snuck into his hair once more, holding on for dear life. His own rubbing up and down my slit, before slipping themselves inside and pressing against my sweet spot. I could feel him grin at the wanton cries and moans that spilled out of me.

It was more the obvious that I was already about hit my peak.

"Close already?", he teased,

Continuing his ministrations.

"I must taste your release at once. Come for me, sweet girl", he demanded.

That was all I needed to hear.

I came with a moan so loud, I was thanking my lucky stars the walls were sound-proof.

Still, coming down from the euphoric high, he lets me down gently. Firmly holding my weak frame to steady me. Once he realized it was going to take a while for my legs to calm from there incessant shaking, he picked me up and laid me down on the sofa.

"Tonight, I will make up for lost time", he mumbled against my lips.

"I will show you just how deep my everlasting devotion for you lies"

With the help of his magic once again, he causes his trousers to disappear, along with his boxers.

His hard cock aching for attention.

"Do you see what you do to me? How desperate and needy I am for you?", he growls in my ear,

Causing my skin to raise in goosebumps. He takes the tip and rubs it up my already throbbing entrance.

"I've missed this so much", he confesses,

Before thrusting into me and ripping a cry from the depth of my chest. Without giving a moment to adjust, he began pounding into me at a merciless pace.

By this time, the sun had already began to peak from the horizon and the room smelt of sex and sweat. It was now his turn to yank at the roots of my hair, exposing my bare neck for his hungry teeth.

"I will mark you and claim you as mine once more", he mumbled against my warm skin,

As he repeatedly slammed into my g-spot. It didn't take long for my next orgasm to build, as my legs were already threatening to snap close and all I could do was scream out his name again and again like a fallen prayer.

I could tell by the rhythm of his hips faltering that he wasn't far behind either.

"Meet me there, darling. Come for me", he groaned,

As we both were thrusted over the edge. He spills himself inside my clenching walls, letting his head fall back at the overwhelming pleasure. Out of breath and well-spent, he collapses on top of me and wraps his arms around my waist.

We lay in the comforting silence for a moment, till he found the strength to pull out of me and lay me atop his chest.

"Yours"

I look up at him, as he brushed away a hair stuck to my forehead.

"Always"

#loki laufeyson #mcu #loki laufesyon x reader #loki laufeyson oneshot #loki laufeyson fanfic #loki laufeyson fluff #loki laufeyson angst #loki laufeyson smut #tom hiddleston

[silvershiningtarot]

❤️❤️Pac18+ Channeled Letter From FS ❤️💋

* take a minute to get into the mood of this reading. These are Five Piles. All channeled Messages from your Spouses. Some of them were irritated but sweet but a lot of them were funny as hell. They made me laugh. But anyway Take what resonates and what doesn't leave the rest alone. Enjoy them. Inhale and Exhale.. 🥲🥲💋

Dear My Love,

Damn, I've been missing you all day today. I'm sorry I haven't got back to you lately. I've just been busy as always. Did you get my message? I hope that you've been working on yourself and not nobody else bullshit. I wanna make up for all those times I've missed with you. Again thank you for being my rock. I know it is your energy. I can feel it. Make sure you're working out, and staying out of trouble. I'm tired of you doubting our connection. We are meant to be. Don't you feel it? I'm coming home soon. I know don't see it yet but at least try to act like I'm there. I know right who tf am I say that that right. I want someone to complain to right now. There's a lot of pain I've been holding onto that I wanna let go. I can't. I can't even cry right now because I have to make sure my family and others are well. Of course, I wanna meet you. You're my wife. I don't know what the future holds for us. But let's not tend to look over there right now. I know I get caught up in the future as well. You are my favorite person in the world to me. I can't say too much it seems like I am supposed to keep quiet about this. But I just wanna say thank you for holding your ground baby. All the negative people don't pay them any mind because, in the end, they won't even matter anymore to us. I know I sound like I'm shitting on myself but I feel like you are so damn perfect I'm just me. Will you be my bride-to-be? Haha 😂🤣 I know I'm rushing. I just wanna get to know you already. Your energy fulfilled me. You and I are made for each other. What can I say? That I love you, my starlight. You shine so much on your own and you don't even know it. I'm giving you so much credit! You should give it to yourself more often. I can see the potential in you. Always look up at the stars and count them I'm right there looking at them too. Rose is red, violets are blue, I wanted to say, baby, forgive you. I know I suck at rhyme but that's all I can think of. 🤣. Anyways thank you for letting me air out my feelings for you and a little bit about my life. Thank you, my dear. Yours truly Best Friend.

SIGH, My cupcake 🧁

My sweet darling cupcake, Where have you been all my life? Just sitting around. May I be completely honest with you? What the fuck happened to you? I mean I've missed you in my dreams. I don't see you anymore. Are you mad at me or something? Tell me what I did wrong so we can fix the issue. Like Tuh, TODAY! I hope you do not purposely ignore me. That shit is unfair. I’m sorry, I didn't mean to come off as a dickhead but you're being a dickhead to me. So what are you talking to someone else? Is there someone else on your mind? That's right I can say I'm irritated by you. But you're so damn lucky I can't stay mad at you it's so hard for me to stay mad at you. I mean look at you. You're my fucking cupcake. You are the most precious person in the world to me. I get overly possessive over you. I'll hunt someone down if they hurt you! Just say the magic word, my love. I'll fucking do it. You look so goddamn beautiful. You are a fucking goddess to me. My everything, my soulmate, my soul family. Yes! I've been dying to say that but I gotta little choke up for a second. But How are you doing? Are you okay? Whenever you're not feeling okay think of us. Think about our house together, marriage, babies, etc. Whatever you can think of us. Do it! I don't like it when you are feeling down it makes me feel down. Thank you for walking beside me, and now it's my turn to walk beside you. It's okay give me your burden. I'll carry them for you. I know I come off as aggressive, and dominant but that's just me being overly protective and worrying about you. You know damn well you would do the same for me too. Anyways I have to go. But I'll talk to you soon. Keep your head up. Don't let anyone disrespect you at all. Keep it pushing, if the people in your life were meant to fall off then fucking let them don't pick them up after they fucking fall. I'm sorry 💔. Let me catch my breath. I love you my sweet cupcake. (excited) I get so excited saying look at me all giggly now hahaha!!! Always keep your head up. My cupcake, you are forever mine never forget that. Please. Make sure to take it easy on yourself why don't you? I like it when you dress up all pretty. I love your body, face, and everything about you. I just wanna kiss your body. All up and down.

Dear My teddy bear 🧸🧸

Ahhh, I wanna fucking scream 🙀right now but I'm cooling down right now. Okay, I'm calm now. I'm just so excited to talk to you. I don't know maybe it's me or it's just your fucking energy getting me all work up. I love when you are excited and work up like I am💋. Always teddy bear. How are you? I've missed you today. It seems like I haven't talked to you all day today. But what's been going on with your life? I hope you having a good day today. Make sure you are smiling too. I love it when you smile, shoo you probably smile right now as I'm talking to you. Can you hear me? Reach out to me. Oh, there's so much I have to say to you. I do. The first thing is. Did you eat today? I hope you did. Get your strength up. Did anyone fuck with you today? Like trouble you. I get it you have your difficulties to face, but I'm still here. I wanna be your knight and shine Amor. I know I sound like a fairytale dream guy or whatever but here's my thing though! Even if I'm so type of fantasy to you. You can pull me out, right? Whatever that stupid saying you die in the dream you die for real obviously not! Haha, but what I'm trying to say is if you are dreaming about me❤️‍🔥 that means I'm real to you. I'm manifesting you come into my life. I may know your face but I felt you before and your energy. It's is always the same I can tell that it's you. If that makes sense. I know I'm a fucking goofy ball! I think it's your energy I told you it's YOU!! HA! I love it though. But my sweet teddy bear! I wanna cuddle next to you. That's right I am a cuddle! Since I'm tall I like to get a cuddle. That's why I call you my teddy bear. You're so soft and warm 🔅. Whenever you're laying in your bed, you are not alone. Like Michael Jackson's song “You are not alone, I'm Here with You. Though far away I'm here to stay🍒. Because you are not alone.” some shit like that. Well, that's the song that came into my head I wanna send that to you. Holy snap! I think that I just put our wedding song Oops yikes my bad. Or you don't mind. ❤️❤️🧸❤️❤️. My gorgeous darling. How can I ever repay you? Not money but I wish I can snap my finger. You can fall into my arms just like that. Haha! Only like a fairytale movie. To be real! I like the villains more than the heroes. Do you ever realize that? Huh? Funny isn't it? They always make the villains describe our reality. Man! That's hilarious, isn't it? But anyways I wanna send you all the kisses! In the world, I hope you can feel them. Love you! I am coming to you in your dream so gear up. Love ya!

My Hero

Oh, my hero girl! I've been missing your touch lately. This red string is meant for you. I can't attach it to someone else. It's not there, to begin with anyway. I know that I've to overthink a lot about things. I got bad supporters, people, and businesses that have just been fucking me over. I'm trying to wrap my head around this what I'm doing wrong. Do I deserve what I think I deserve? I know deserve you but then I don't sometimes. See! Overthinking again. Maybe if you were here then I won't be feeling this way doubting myself and our connection. I feel that we have something together. I mean look at you and look at me. Would date someone like me? Would you be with someone like me? After everything from my past that you heard all over the blogs, social media, and news. Would you? I know I wouldn't. I'm competing with myself. All the time. The more I think about the bad, the more I trap myself. I wanna wake up from this nightmare I've been working on. My hero, I haven't been okay lately. I had fallen sick not like that if you know what I mean just depressed lately. I've been wanting to talk to you but I figure I wasn't strong enough to do it. Well, I'm here now so that counts. I have a mindset of wanting new beginnings for myself. Because I deserve better than this. You understand me, right? Am I talking too much? I don't want to annoy you. Just want someone to talk to and understand me just for once. I isolated myself away from people. Going through a lot of ups and downs with some business stuff. Don't worry my little hero I got this. I thank you for your concern for me. That's one thing that I love about you. Everything about you is so special. We are match-made from heaven. We were to incarnate down here to be together. Maybe it's time for us to finally meet. What do you think? I mean if I'm toxic for you then stay fuck away from me. If I'm in a dark place why the hell would I want my hero involved with that? I would be hurt because these are my demon to face. But anyway. Can I tell you about my dream about us? I saw us on a beach just laying down on the sand holding you while hearing the beautiful breeze of the ocean. I think back at those dreams all the time. Sorry, I can't tell you to rest because I don't want to give the rest out right now. But my little hero is always here to save my day. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I think that sometimes I've burned myself out all the time. But I'm working on myself even more. I'm slowly freeing myself. I feel like someone is betraying me I don't even know who it is. Ugh, you're right. I won't pay them any mind at all. I'll try not to. Again thanks for letting me share my side. Now it seems like I've seen you before. Where did I see you? Hmmm did you go to the same school as I did? Or work at the same place before. Your face I can't get out of my head. I can never get rid of your beautiful face of yours. Yes! See!! Haha, I'm smiling 😂🙃😛you brighten up my day. I hope I did the same thing for you my hero. I love you and take care of yourself, please. Muah 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

My Moonlight

When our fingers touch, my body goes into shock. Can you feel it? I sure can. There's no doubt in my mind that you are the one for me. I think that I've dreamt about you before. I dedicated songs to you before. Yours and mines are the same our soul. Once the two of us get together we are each other’s perfect match. You are the pieces to my puzzles and I am yours. The way you say things got me all twisted. Whenever I see your face I tried to find you again. But then I go back to sleep you're gone. My moonlight where did you go? Why did you disappear on me? I know isn't your fault. But I think that's crazy to say but you and I are Twin Flame or my other half. I love hearing your voice in my head. I daydream about you all the time. You come to like nobody's business! Don't worry I'm not ashamed of you. I tell my friends and people about you, but they all make fun of me like you aren't real. But to me you are real. I had vivid dreams about you. All the time. The way you say my name is so beautiful. Do you sing opera? It is so magnificent. I love it. When our soul combines. They are singing that we are each other’s forever. I never doubt that for a second. I know I got some bad friends, etc. But I don't pay those bitches no mind. Because they ain't my concern. I am! So you are my favorite person. I don't care if people think I'm crazy, or I need help because I talked to myself. Who doesn't talk to themselves? I'm sorry, I went down to an angry place let me breathe this out. Okay, anyways I look at the stars, I wish all the time for you to come into my life. I won't lie my life sometimes fucking boring. Ha 😂 I know you feel the same way too. But I know that I've been working to hard get my financials shit up. So I won't be able to talk to you. But whenever you're looking at the moon, you'll find me staring back at it. Because when the moon shines on your eyes that's my eyes glimpsing back at you. I know you can't feel me physically but feel me emotionally, and spiritually. We have a spiritual connection between you and me. I know you can feel and so can I. It may not be what you want all the time but it is worth the risk. I don't think you know how much you mean to me. You mean everything to me. I'm so proud of the work you've been doing for yourself. Let me give you around applause 👏🏾👏🏾 that's how much I'm proud of you. Thank you for being that much amazing to yourself. Don't feed into that anger. Whenever you are feeling angry or a negative thought came to mind burst that fucking ego. Shout it out if you have to. Shit call me and we’ll do it together. We are a partner no matter what. I know I come off as this softy but I don't care. I don't want anybody else touching you, or talking to you. I know sound possessive. I don't care I care about you so much. I can be a real fucking dickhead if I want to be but I choose not to be. Make sure you meditate and always remember what I said SELF-Control is important! Man, I gotta start making up homework for your ass! 🤣🤣😂 Anyways my other half I know you mean well. But I just wanna tell you!! You are my favorite person in the world. The Universe already blessed me enough with your light and energy. I'm just ready to enjoy it in person. How amazing you are. Thank you for choosing me. I'm glad you're my other half. Doesn't matter if we are soulmates, twin flames, or whatever. You still are my MOONLIGHT!! Forever & always. Promise me that you'll take good care of yourself. No matter what. Don't be surrounded yourself by toxic people, or energies if they try to block them. Like I said call me I’ll help you push them out of the way. I love you my darling, you already know. 🧸💋💋❤️🧸

#pac reading #tarot reading #free tarot reading #fs pick a pile #tarot cards #divination readings #intuitive readings #love reading #pac reblog #pick a pile #18+ only #only adult #adult only #channeled message #future spouse #message #paid readings #free readings #free tarot #love #dynamic reading #welcome post #welcome page #happiness #energies

[holylulusworld]

Big girls don't cry (4)

Summary: You are no stranger to heartbreak.

Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x Plussized!Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, strong reader, mentions of former heartbreak, arguments, regret, fear of commitment, abandonment issues,

Big girls don’t cry masterlist

Part 3

“Stevie, go in there and talk to her,” Bucky groans. “I didn’t almost get killed by your angry girlfriend only for you to chicken out now. Go—”

Bucky shoves his friend toward the door.  

“What if she doesn’t want to see me? Y/N hates me now, and I can only blame myself. I let my insecurities and fear of commitment get the best out of me.”

“Yeah, you fucked things up big time, punk. Now go in there and fix things with your lovely lady. You love that woman, right?” 

“I had the ring, and the proposal planned and chose the easy way out. I got scared. Scared that she’ll laugh at me. Or even worse, say no. I saw her throw the ring in my face and run off. I’m not worthy of her love.”

“Y/N is a great person. She’s kind, smart and caring. I can’t imagine her doing such a thing. If you are honest with her, she’ll not break your heart,” Bucky smirks. “Maybe she breaks your dick with her baseball bat, though.”

“Buck,” Steve reaches for the door handle, “whatever happens now. Thank you for trying.”

“Just don’t chicken out or get your dick out,” the brunette chuckles. “I can tell, women don’t like it when you get it out after a fight.”

“What?” Steve side-eyes his friend. “What did you do, Buck?”

Bucky shrugs. “It was a case of miscommunication. I thought she wanted to have make-up sex, and she wanted to break up with me.”

“You’re unbelievable. I can’t believe I asked you for advice on relationship problems.”

“Hey, what can I say? The ladies love me?” Bucky grins. “But enough of me and my perfect face, and dick. You should go inside and finally talk to her. People are watching.”

“Hi, uh- thank you for letting me come here. Bucky said you will hear me out,” Steve awkwardly stands in the middle of the empty bakery. “Not many people around today.”

“We are renovating,” you quip, not even sparing Steve a glance. You practiced this conversation in front of the mirror and can’t show weakness. “I told you so a month ago.”

“I didn’t know it was this one,” he licks his lips. “You scared the shit out of Bucky.” He chuckles. “And I can tell, Bucky never gets scared.”

“He’s a baby,” you snicker. “Your friend almost peed his pants when I got the baseball bat out.” It feels awkward being around Steve again. “You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“Maybe…you could start,” Steve stammers. “I know you are angry and hurt. And you have every right to be angry. What I said was awful, and I know now that you went through so much in the past that you cannot forgive me. I just wanted you to know that I—”

He hesitates. Steve looks at his shoes, shaking his head. He takes a few deep breaths. “Sorry, I need…shit…” 

“What do you want to say, Steve?” 

“I-I love you,” he almost yells. It’s the first time he has said it with fear in his eyes. “I know that I said it before, but I wanted you to hear it one last time.”

“Steve, I thought we wanted to talk. This was more like a monologue. I wanted to talk about the things Bucky told me about your past. Why did you never tell me about the people bullying you.”

“I could ask you the same,” he gives you a cracked smile. “I-I was ashamed, I guess. I wasn’t always like this. Back then, I tried so hard to fit in. It was never enough, though. Not once was I good enough for anyone.”

“Boys always treated me like I’m not good enough to be seen with them,” you sniffle. “When you said all those things, I felt like the little girl who got her heart broken for the first time.”

“Y/N…” He fights the tears. “I was a weak and thin boy back then. Sick too. No one wanted to be my friend but Bucky. He was tall, cocky, and popular. They didn’t understand why he was my friend. I didn’t get it myself. He could’ve been friends with everyone.”

“He’s a nice guy,” you wipe your eyes and sniffle. “And a good friend. He almost got hit by a baseball bat for you.”

“When I liked a girl for the first time, she punched my nose and called me a loser. I was like six or seven.” He sighs deeply. “I know, this is no excuse.”

“It is not. I got rejected all my life too, but I would never do such a thing to you. I loved you so, and then you say something like that,” You push the tears away. “I was so happy, and you broke my heart.”

“I’m so sorry, doll. All my life I tried to forget about my past, and the weak boy from back then.” Steve takes a step toward you, holding out his hand. “In my teens, I fell in love with a girl. I believed she liked me too.” 

“She told everyone about it, didn’t she?” You softly ask. “Bucky told me about it. What was her name?”

“Peggy Carter,” Steve winces when her name leaves his lips. “I realized she only liked me as long as I helped her get better grades.”

“Same here,” you take his offered hand to squeeze it tightly. “I was twelve. At least I shoved the bastard against the wall and called him a dipshit.”

Steve grins. “I’m glad you did, doll.”

“Do you want to hear a fun fact?” Steve places your hand on his chest. “I met her two years ago. She didn’t even remember me. Imagine, Peggy was all over me and tried to get in my pants.”

“No way.”

“I turned her down, though. She got mad. I bet Peggy Carter never got turned down before. Well, I told her it’s payback for what she did to me when I was a kid.”

“Good for you. I mean, that you go the chance to pay her back.” You glance up at Steve, feeling unsure of how to proceed now. You’ve missed him so much, but you are scared to give in to him only to get hurt again. “Steve, I can’t go back to what we had so easily. I need…”

“I know, baby doll,” he wraps his arms around you to at least hold you one last time. “Please never believe you are not worthy of love, or that you should settle for someone who’s not worthy of your love. I wish you love. A love that will give you everything you’ll ever need…”

Part 5

Tags in reblog.

#steve rogers #au!steve rogers x reader #steve x you #steve x y/n #ceo!steve rogers #plussized!reader #steve rogers x plus size reader #Big girls don't cry (4)

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 5

i’m sorry i wasn’t here, not just tonight, but every day. i haven’t been here. i know that now.

i know that you just needed me to listen, to hear you. 

maybe you should take a break. and… get help.

where did you find that kind of courage?

i thought if i just kept my head down and followed the rules, everything would be fine.

these people kill with false hope.

sometimes what's painful in the moment is what gets you where you need to go.

i enjoy being better at things than everyone else.

i haven’t felt at home in this world.

remember, i’m still betting on you.

okay, but what about me? i’m not ready.

i would give anything to not give a shit, but i do.

time to forgive yourself, kid. you got a future. you gotta see that now.

some nights are so damn dark. and then they still manage to get darker. 

every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone.

it’s like i was living for the first time. and once you feel that, you’ll do anything to keep feeling it.

i don’t want you guys to die for me.

i got my rep as the strong, silent type to think about.

we have to be brave in this life we have, simply to exist now.

they can’t hurt me. there’s no one left that i love.

fuck you, you really hurt my feelings.

all we have is what we carry on our backs.

do you trust me or not?

that’s the thing. if they don’t know it was a lie, they get to just live.

i wanted to be brave. i wanted to be more like you.

i’m not brave. i’m a shit person who does shit things because i don’t give a single shit about anything.

so you feel like you didn’t do enough then, now you have to do everything for everyone.

your head is shoved so far up the future’s ass, you’ve completely abandoned the now.

i haven't had a family in a long time, but i have one now.

i fucked it up because i’m fucked up.

you want me to be scared of you. but i’m not.

you shouldn’t come in here. it’s not safe. i’m not safe.

you’re like the most put together person i know.

you can be charming when you’re not angry or hungry.

i didn’t ask for you to rescue me. you did that, for you. 

i’m normal. this is what normal looks like when you’ve had my fucking life.

i don't think it's something you get away with. you still have to live with what you've done.

i’m in this now, and i need to know everything. you owe me that.

how come you never choose me?

you had the guts to do something brave. 

people go through all sorts of stuff, bad things, and they don’t tell anybody.

i worry myself, too.

i just know that i need to make my life count. it’s all i can do.

might’ve been shitty parents, but they’re still your parents.

when we get there, we’ll be different. we’ll be ready. 

you missed me that much?

a lot of hope is dangerous.

i don’t wanna be who everybody thinks i am here. 

it’s the things we love most that destroy us.

you're a good person even with all your bad qualities.

see? we’re good together.

you really think the world’s gonna end?

i’d like for the time i have left on this earth to mean something.

i don’t give a shit anymore. i just want to be a good person.

what if you just want something, and you want it so bad?

i guess we both got what we wanted.

you’re a fucking creep, i’m a fucking catch.

we walked into the darkest place there was, but we did it together.

you’re not bored. your heart’s broken.

i don’t pity you, like at all. i wish i was like you.

she took me straight into the fog of war.

you don’t know everything. and you can’t control me.

you can lie to everyone else, but you can’t lie to me. 

you’re fucking badass.

i love you. can you handle me saying that?

i make a habit of expecting the worst so i won’t get hurt.

i know this is too little, too late, but i’d really like us to be friends.

i sure hope you catch me when i fall. 

why focus on what’s wrong and not what’s right?

your lies, you can’t even keep track of them.

love is a kind of killing, and none of us get out alive.

maybe something good can come from something bad.

there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls. 

remember half an hour ago when you wanted to murder me? 

that’s all we are the whole time, shells with nothing inside.

please, can you just talk to me? anything you need, just say the word.

i keep blaming everyone, but it was me. it was my fault.

yeah, maybe fire and gasoline can hang out.

it is so easy to find yourself in dark places.

what’s right is that i feel something for you that i just don’t feel anywhere else with anyone else.

i’m going to have to take that risk.

you said it yourself, you don’t remember what happened. is it so hard for you to believe you might be innocent? 

you know what the worst part is? i really thought i had good instincts.

you’re right, you don’t owe me shit, but i’m asking you anyway. 

i could’ve been nicer. i could’ve been less of a monster.

we grew apart from each other. we’re two different people now.

you’re both sad and lonely. you’re a perfect match.

maybe we just needed to work through the bad to get to the good.

you were right. everything is cursed.

god, you are so gruesome. 

you take me for everything i’m worth.

it’s okay if you’re scared.

are you trying to get me to forgive and forget?

#sentence prompts #* #ask meme #ask prompts #rp ask meme #rp sentence memes #rp starters #sentence starters #rp sentence starters #meme

[un-love]

drunk voicemails – 1

tw: implications of death in joshua's

reblogs are appreciated :D

seungcheol: honey, i'm on my way back from work and i saw this new flower shop around the corner. something good will happen to you today. that's what the sign in the window said. naturally, i thought of you. you'rw the good in my life. SO i stopped to get you something and that's when i realized i don't know what your pick is. is it lilies? did you know there's something called blue orchids? they also had that. how do i not know your favourite flowers? if i had to pick flowers that remind me of you, i would pick sunflowers. they're yellow and warm and welcoming. everything that you are. i think that's what prompted me to buy y— shit. the bus is here. i'll see you tomorrow. tell me what your favourite flowers are

jeonghan: i wasn't expecting this to go to voicemail, what should i do? i'm a little drunk, baby. but i would've wanted to call even if i weren't. i want to ask you to come over, i want to run my hands through your hair, kiss the dimple beneath your eyes. are you sleeping okay? i'd give anything to see you fall asleep in my shirt again. haven't touched it since you threw it on my bedroom floor. your skin peeking out from in between the hem of my shirt and the blanket you refused to sleep without. do you still sleep with the air conditioner on? are you still listening? i'm sorry there's so much i didn't say.

joshua: do you remember promising to take me to your hometown? i couldn't sleep and ended up thinking about that. the bucketlist i made for us is still tucked away in my bottom drawer. i wanted to tuck us away too. t-u-c-k. protect you from everything, you see. now i catch myself thinking, 'was that too ambitious of me? would something have changed if i hadn't insisted on leaving game night early that friday?' all the moments of you i would've held. infinitely mine. i dream about it, sometimes. how you would've laughed showing me the love letters you received back in high school. if you would've taken me to your favourite waffle shop back home. i heard they're taking it down soon, i can't decide if i should go alone. maybe i will. i have to go now. this is my last message to you before they discontinue your cell service...yeah. i had to call. i love you.

jun: i knew you wouldn't pick up but hearing the beep hurt more than i thought. what do i do? i thought we were okay. that we finally made it through the mess. i almost saw a faint white light at the end of our tunnel. guess i was wrong, huh? i don't know if we'll ever forgive each other for what we've caused. never knew disasters could feel mind numbing and still look beautiful from afar. are you happy? i will never forgive myself for bending over backwards to let you walk over me again, and again, and again, and again, while you bled me dry. i keep replaying the night in my head, the final minutes before my whole world collapsed in on itself. i swear i felt time move backwards. but it's all the same to you, isn't it? i don't know why i called–

soonyoung: hey, it's .. uh, it's me. i saw that you called. i'm painfully aware of the probability of it being an accident, but here i am, hoping that it wasn't. want to be more than an accidental call to you. what does that make me? no, it's pathetic, i know. i just wanted to hear your voice anyway. maybe you'd have been surprised to see my caller id and said my name out loud, you know? did you delete my number? that would be a bummer. i was hoping to catch you brfore passing out, always liked how my name sounded on your tongue. anyway, this went straight to voicemail. it's alright. i'm alright—[beep]

wonwoo: are you okay? i never really knew with you. brought you flowers and left them at your doorstep when i know you needed me, but i couldn't give them to you myself. i should have come in. i should've held your heart in my hands and counted stars with you till we both fell asleep on the fading blue mattress in your balcony. did it rain that night? i remember wondering about the flowers, if you left them there or if they sat safely upon the table top, in that glass vase you bought at the local market. i think i left my heart at the doorstep next to those flowers–[beep]

woozi: hey, you. um, so..i finally got it down. 영원한 사랑이 있다면, 그건 당신이겠죠*. the post chorus was seeming too empty and now i've got it. took a bottle, or two, but hey, we're here. i don't know how i'll feel about this in the morning but i think i'm done with the songs now. i couldn't wait to show you ... hear what you think of them, that's why i'm calling. it's funny, thinking of the time when i hesitated to display even my finished works. haven't i come a long way? i know i always had help along the way but something's changed recently. they haven't listened to this one yet, and..i still have a feeling they will like it. i think it's you who did this to me. no wait, that sounds menacing. i've yet to come up with a title. i promise i will let you listen to this one before it comes out.

i wrote it to you.

*(if there's an eternal love, then you're that person)

#cheol's: yes it's the sign from my liberation notes #woozi's: a snippet from to you #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #seungcheol x reader #jeonghan x reader #joshua x reader #jun x reader #soonyoung x reader #hoshi x reader #wonwoo x reader #woozi x reader #seventeen reactions #seventeen imagines #svt angst #svt fluff #svt scenarios #scoups x reader #jeonghan seventeen #joshua #junhui #svt hoshi #jeon wonwoo #woozi fluff

[milkywaydrabbles]

You did such an amazing job with angry! It was so much fun to read. But now I must ask a question😏 not so much of a request but again me picking your brain. Which tokyo revenger characters do you believe would be the overly jealous type (like anyone taking your attention away is already a major crime) vs the silent jealous type?

-🐇

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I hope it was okay, it was a little hard to figure out how to write it but I think watching the newest episode helped kind of remind myself of his personality?

In terms of this question....it's hard to say. Because I think they'd all be both depending on their mood but I think I'll break it down in a mini list for each.

Overly jealous type: | ♣ Draken, Rindou, Mochi, Sanzu, Nahoya, Takeomi, Benkei, Shinichiro, Baji ♣ |

Silent jealous type: | ♠ Mikey, Ran, Koko, Inui, Wakasa, Hanma, Souya, Mitsuya, Shion, Chifuyu ♠ |

I think they're overly/silently jealous for different reasons.

Where I think Draken, Rindou, and Shinichiro for examples, are overly jealous because they make it very well known that you are taken--it makes their blood boil when they see someone trying to capture your attention in any way. Shinichiro and Rindou (seperately) in gangs should care people off on their own, whereas Draken (time skip) is just a big dude who owns a body shop should be enough. So it makes their eyes twitch when someone tries something. On the other end, there's people like Sanzu who don't really know how to regulate their emotions when it comes to jealousy so they're very aggressive about it. I think him, Nahoya, and Rindou are the type to rip you away from whoever is talking to you mid conversation, regardless of what it's about. It's not important to him, and he doesn't like their tone. I think Takeomi might get like that when he's in Bonten, the syndicate already takes so much that even the slightest thing like that would set him off pissed. I think Baji and Benkei are just loud, so they'd make it very well known in that moment that you're very much taken, thank you.

To the silently jealous type I think it shows up in different ways. Wakasa, Koko and Mitsuya I think have the largest threshold of patience when it comes to jealousy, so they're always the quiet ones about it. It doesn't mean that it doesn't bother the shit out of them but they do try to keep it together enough (although you'll see them scowling and pouty and can't help but tease them a little bit--they got nothing to be jealous about!) Koko especially finds it stupid to be jealous but he really can't help it when he sees how people look at you sometimes. Then there's Inui, Souya, and Chifuyu who will take the time to be jealous but then it slowly turns into an ugly form of self hatred. Because how can they blame anyone for looking at you? You're too good for them, you should go after someone else. I think Inui has a really hard time with it. The jealousy turns sour really fast for him, and in turn sometimes it pushes itself onto the way he treats you, and you have to claw your way back into his bubble to reassure him. Then there are the nightmares like Hanma Ran and Shion. I think they like to play a little bit. I think if they had personalities like Rindou or Sanzu they'd be just as intense with it but I think the jealousy forms itself real ugly with them. They'll see how you react, and if you're not spitting in their faces, even if you're just trying to politely turn away, it's not enough. Sometimes, they'll toy with whoever's flirting with you and pretend like you're not together, eyeing you up with them and letting them say the nastiest things to you. (The person might end up dead, who knows!) I think you'll take the brunt of it though, being either edged or overstimulated (or both!) for hours until he has you begging for forgiveness with tears running down your face. He'll give you a big smooch after though!

Mikey is, I think, the biggest wild card. I put him in the silent jealous because I think it depends on the time of his life? I think dark impulse/manila Mikey and even Kanto Manji Mikey would be the self-loathing type, to think you deserve better. And he might disappear for a few days/weeks depending on the severity of it. If you thought getting through Inui is rough just wait for this bad boy! But I think if it's Bonten Mikey, YIKES he's worse than the trio above. He's terribly jealous, but quiet about it. But he'll absolutely merc whoever was flirting with you or looking at you. He won't let anyone know how jealous he is, it'll just happen. And then would take it out on you the worst. It wouldn't be abuse, of course it'll be consensual (you have a safe word for this reason) but he'll be harder than he normally is, slapping you across the face or spanking you harder than he has, or leave a shit ton of bruises. You'll be apologizing in no time, but he'd gag you after and continue just for funsies. ( I think he'd feel bad after and make it up to you just a little bit, but you'll be more careful with the people who are around you if not for their own sake)

#milk rambles #I be thinking about them too much now #tokyo revengers #shion madarame #angry #smiley #nahoya kawata #kawata nahoya #benkei #shion #madarame shion #arashi keizou #keizou arashi #sanzu #sanzu haruchiyo #haruchiyo sanzu #kawata souya #souya kawata #haitani ran #haitani rindou #rindou haitani #ran haitani #takeomi akashi #akashi takeomi #mikey sano #manjiro sano #sano mikey #san manjiro #tokyo revengers mikey #draken

[multifamdomfan]

Hi, if requests are still open and if you still write for Hamilton could I request an imagine where the fem!reader was Alex’s wife, they met and fell in love during the Winter's ball. And, she first met him when she was in the war (dressed as a man) but Alex never knew it was her until he found out himself. And maybe has a near-death experience fighting in a duel for any reason you want. And years later, she maybe becomes a lawyer/statesman or whatever as long as she's not a housewife and she finds out Alex had an affair and she like goes to Laurens for comfort but he ends up confessing he has loved her since day one when they met at the Winter's ball but saw she was so much happier with Alex (and it's kind of like an Angelica situation.) and how he would have never if he knew that was what Alex was going to do to her. And finally, he asked her to be with him. Also, could you please make the reader Washington's adopted daughter? I know it's a lot but even if you don't do it, thank you for just reading it. I just kinda wanted a lot of angst followed by fluff but since I can't stand the thought of having been with some who cheated on me and didn't love me, could you please make Alex still love the reader but realize if he wanted her to be happy, he would have to let her go and as soon as the Reader is thinking "You know what? I should forgive." He just dies. I feel bad for the Reader, not gonna lie. Thank you again. <33

Prompts: "May I have this dance?" (Hamilton to Reader) "Shit, are you bleeding?!" (Hamilton to Reader) “You need to leave. Right now.” (Reader to Hamilton) “You need to let her go.” (Anyone who seems right to Hamilton) "Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?" (Laurens to Reader) But hey, it’s up to you, I'm just giving suggestions on what I was thinking.

Note: And yes, in my fantasy world, Laurens doesn't die and is still alive in Act II.

😮😍 I love this request! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I hope you don't mind but I'm turning this into a two part.

warning: angst,character death,cheating

Why does love hurt so much? Pt. 1

I was reading my book in my room when my dad, George Washington, knocked gently against the door. Well if you want to get technical he's my adoptive dad. My biological parents when I was young and was sent to the orphanage when George and his wife ,Martha, adopted me. I closed my book and put it down and called out "Come in!" When Dad came in I immediately knew that something was wrong. He was fiddling with his hands and his eyes cast down onto the floor looking frantic. "What is it father?"

"Y/N I need to tell you something," I looked at him curiously while Dad was looking like he was trying to find the right words to say. "There is really no way to say this but I'm going to go to war." He said this quickly and nervously watching to see how I'll react.I didn't respond, not at first I looked at him with a blank expression trying to comprehend what he just said.

"What?" He remained silent like he was waiting for me to tell, scream, or do something. "Let me come with you, I can help!"

"No! You're not coming, it's too dangerous."

"But you're going! You will be there to look after me and you taught me to use a gun since I was ten!"

"I won't always be there to look after you, I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you. Just promise me that you won't follow me."

I sighed in defeat "I promise." Dad came up to me and hugged me. I hugged back thinking about how I lied to his face.

I put my hair that's now shoulder length and tied my hair up. I looked down at myself with my uniform on with bandages over my breast to flatten them out. I nodded at my reflection in approval before walking out of my tent. My dad found out that I was pretending to be a man to fight in the war immediately but he kept my secret.

I approached my friends Lafayette, Hercules, John, and Alexander. We became friends quickly, and no. They have no idea that I'm a woman and plan to keep it that way. There is one problem, I developed a crush on one of the four men. It's Alex, I couldn't help it. He's passionate, smart, and kind. "Hey James!" Hercules called over to me.

Yes James is the name that I chose because it was my biological dad's name. "Hi." I responded, lowering my voice and octive to keep from sounding too feminine. I sat next to Alexander and joined in on the conversation before we heard a loud noise. We all turned our heads to see what it was. It was the red coats, we sprung into action grabbing our guns.

There was death all around us with an overwhelming smell of blood but we had to keep moving I killed a couple men before they could kill me first. Then I was a man aiming for Alexander about to shoot, without thinking I shoved him out of the way and took the bullet. All I could hear was a distant yelling at the word "James!" He quickly rushed over and got in my field of vision. "Shit, you're bleeding."

"You need to leave. Right now." I responded not wanting him to find out. Alex ignored what I said and ripped my shirt off and saw the bandages being soaked with blood. He looked shocked at first but knew it wasn't the time to talk about it and used my shirt to apply pressure to the wound and rushed me to the medics.

#alexander hamilton #alexander hamilton x reader #hamilton x reader #hamilton musical #hercules #marquis de lafayette #john laurens #john laurens x reader #george washingdad #martha washington #george washington

[aspd-culture]

aspd and adhd(/possible autism) culture is realizing only once you're out of high school "ohhhhhhh wait, so i thought i wasn't abused growing up, but actually i was and it only stopped due to covid, and that resulted in my osdd system and aspd?"

buckle up, this is Long and definitely classifies as a Vent. honestly, you can ignore the middle section and jump to the next blank line of space if you want.

jesus christ. i was punished more harshly than my peers, i struggled to make friends, i was put into a little school program where board games were used to reinforce good behavior in problem kids which i only realized two months ago, my memory issues (which were always there, but only noticed in fifth grade) got me into so much shit with every authority figure ever, i broke a window using one of those mechanical hamster things that were popular at the time by accident but i didn't care at all, that's just scratching the surface

memories of things have been coming back to me lately. according to my mom i was such a nice little kid, always shared and was polite and highly empathetic, all the goods.

school came along, flipped everything on its head. i remember harassing and hurting animals, and people, and sometimes telling those people not to tell—not because i felt bad but because i didn't want to get into trouble again, it was an inconvenience. my home life was pretty good but other kids left me out of things a lot and sometimes called me names, even the neighbors' kids i liked to hang out with would make me the monster of their games and that does something to a kid (one of them is also the reason i'm a victim of cocsa). when i did something wrong or bad there was only punishment because i "should know not to do that" and so i had to teach myself how to be a functioning and good member of society. i got good at lying towards the end of third grade, the skill got better from there with every punishment i faced

when a former friend told me "hey, you have aspd traits/might have aspd" i went and found the checklist, because thorough research is how i work, went through it. at the time i didn't think it fit very well because "yes, i experience that but that's pretty normal for people, i learned how to manage it under several layers of creating a socially acceptable person just like everyone else"

i've gone back to it a couple times since and wow, surprise surprise, everything applies! the "this doesn't apply to me because i have a system to help with this thing" mindset means the thing still applies! there's some stuff, namely the destruction and truancy, that i didn't do but that's solely because i knew i couldn't get away with it and therefore didn't bother trying. so thanks to aaaaaaall that stuff and more, i definitely grew up with both conduct disorder and odd, and now it's aspd

i can't say i'm mad about having aspd? it causes problems in my life, yes, but i've spent so long wrangling myself into a form small enough to fit into society's box that it's not the worst thing anymore. i think i'm more mad at society, my peers, for not helping me with this and being kind where they should've, especially my mom as of recently

that said: it is fucking hard-wired into me that there's only good people and bad people in the world. harmful behavior towards me (or someone else doing something i can't forgive) is automatically met with hammurabi's eye for an eye. the coping mechanisms i use work very well, are generally healthy, and people who don't do anything to calm themselves down and think rationally tend to piss me off. i have been fighting those things for a while but they're the ones that simply won't go away. hamburger help me.

aspd-culture-is

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

Plain text below the cut:

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #tw sa mention #tw abuse mention

[dogydayz]

I think one of my favorite parts of the "autistic Shadow" headcanon is the fact that he's designed to be the Ultimate Lifeform. I don't mean this in an annoying, "autism is a superpower" dumb way (even if I do find my own autism to actually be quite helpful at times, the whole concept of calling it that is stupid and used to hurt people like us), I mean it in a "Shadow was genetically engineered to be an Ultimate Lifeform, he's designed to survive and be able to do things no one else can, yet he still struggles with something that could be classified as a disability in his daily life." I dont know if im wording it properly, but there's something about how he's still viewed as that Ultimate Lifeform despite dealing with something that many people would immediately label as a trait that makes someone "inherently" less capable of survival. I know that many folks struggle with autism in way more severe ways than I may (though much of me saying this is kinda me repressing and refusing to acknowledge that it IS still a disability for me, but still, i recognize others DO deal with more severe aspects than I do), however I really just dislike how autistic characters get labeled as inherently "unable" to live "right". He's a character whose whole thing is that he makes his own path for himself, he fights even if the world hates him, he doesn't back down and even when it looks like he is, he's just playing it smart. Even if he does have these struggles, he IS able to find a life for himself, he isn't held down by expectations or what people tell him he is. In fact, that's ANOTHER whole part of him as a character, that he breaks free from what others say he should be. Even if he were confirmed to be autistic, he wouldn't be "the autistic character". He'd still be himself, he'd be Shadow, they'd be confirming that he has certain struggles, but he'd still be /himself/.

His story wouldn't change, he wouldn't be bound by the chains of what people think an autistic character in media should look like, he wouldn't be "the character who's autistic" (as if they aren't all already autistic, but that's a whole different topic lol), he'd just be Shadow, and Shadow would just happen to be autistic.

Again, I may be wording this wrong and if i am PLEASE forgive me, I'm trying so hard to put my thoughts into words,,,

I think this is coming a bit from a place of me seeing Prime Sonic and thinking to myself "holy fucking shit he's got ADHD but it's not shown as all of him". Of course they havent truly confirmed Sonic to be ADHD but like, i think they probably did do it purposefully here, but maybe that's just me? I just see him do stuff and think "wow yeah, I've done that before! And I do it because i have ADHD! and he has some of my struggles!! But his friends still love him even if they're annoyed by him at times, and he still isn't a bad person even if he did fuck up! Any they handle it with nuance that real people experience in life!!"

And that's how I'd see autistic Shadow being handled. He already has a lotta the traits, but they don't confirm it being based on things like sensory overload or whatever, despite the fact that they really could. And even if they did, he'd be handled just as if it were another trait. It wouldn't be some defining attribute to him, him being autistic wouldn't be some selling point, there wouldn't be any "look! There's now an autistic character in this media!!".

But back to the main point.... Basically, him being autistic doesn't make him any less of the Ultimate Lifeform, and I think that's about the most extreme way to get across the point of "being autistic doesn't make you any less of a person or any less important". He was GENETICALLY ENGINEERED. Yet he still is autistic and it was decided "yep we succeeded in creating the Ultimate Lifeform!", so much so that the military wanted to use him as a WEAPON. Nothing about his potential disability made him any less of a success, or any less of a protector to Maria, or any less of a wonderful creation to Gerald, or any less of anything else to anyone he knows.

Something about that is just... a really nice idea to me. Maybe not for everyone, but to me that's inspiring as fuck, and reassuring to, to think about...

#sonic #sth #sonic headcanons #sorta #shadow the hedgehog #character rant #autism posting #autism rant #actually autistic #long post #text post #autistic shadow

[footballfanficwriter]

Fights turns into nightmares

Summary:where Jude and the reader get into a fight

"Why do you always pester me Jude"

"I'm not, I'm just asking questions"

"Why do you not trust me, I promise you it was nothing"

"It didn't look like nothing y/n he had his hands all over you"

"Yeah but I stopped him from touching me"

"You looked like you enjoyed it"

"If I enjoyed it I wouldn't have stopped him"

" it still happened though and I'm not happy about it"

"Did you think I was happy when I saw that girl's hands all over you huh?"

"That was nothing"

"Exactly, just like this event that took place it was nothing"

"But it's different"

"How is it different"

" because he could easily take advantage of you"

"Yeah but he didn't"

"But he could've"

"Jude, you're overeating"

"I'm not overreacting"

"For goodness sake Jude stop, what is the matter huh?, it seems like you've got a problem with everything I do nowadays, if it's not me cooking then it's the fact that I forgot to fold the laundry, if it's not that then it's me not spending time with you, what do you want from me?"

"I want you too do the things you're suppose to do"

"Oh yeah and what is that exactly"

"I bring most of the income in this family, I pay a huge amount of money to sustain our way of living"

"Really is that what we're doing now, comparing our salaries?"

"Mine is higher than yours, so yeah"

"Ok, the reason why I forgot to fold the laundry, cook and spend time with you is because, I've had a shit ton of work that needed to be done, I get pressured and stressed by my boss then I come back home to a person whose upset with me, it's not fair Jude"

"I get stressed as well, you know"

"That, that right there is why I can't approach you anymore and am scared to Express my feelings ,you always turn the conversation back to you and make it about yourself"

"All I said was that I get stressed as well, what am i not allowed to be stressed?"

"That's not what I'm say"

"Then what are you saying"

"I'm saying that when you feel stressed or when you feel down, I always comfort and make sure you feel better about yourself, but when the shoe is on the other foot, you can't do the same"

"How am I suppose to comfort you, if I don't know you need comforting"

"Well maybe if you asked me how I am, you'd know, everytime I try and tell you about my feelings, you always shut me down"

"WELL, QUIET FRANKLY I DON'T CARE, I'M TIRED OF YOU, YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS"

There's a silence between us and I look at him with a hurt expression and he looks at me with a shocked one

"Babe I-I didn't mean it, that's not what I meant to sa-" he tries to step closer to me and I pull back

" yeah but you still said it"

"Babe I didn't mea-"

"I think we should get some space from eachother for a while"

"Y/-"

"I'll sleep in the guest room"

I walked to our room and grabbed my pajamas and all the things I might need for a few days and went to the guest room

As I open the door to leave I find Jude standing there

"I'm sorry" he says

" ok" I say and walk past him

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He asks as I walk away and slam the door

I go to the guest bedroom where I do my night routine

After doing that I make the bed so I can sleep and get comfortable

I get into the bed and try to fall asleep, but recent events keep replaying in my head, preventing me from sleeping

After a while I find myself unintentionally crying not knowing where the tears have come from all of a sudden

It's been 2 hours since I got into bed 30 minutes later I hear Jude screaming from the other room

I quickly get out out of the room and race to see what's happening in the room

When I enter I see Jude sweeting and him tossing and turning and mumbling words

.

I'm frozen for a second but quickly snap back to reality and attempt to wake him up

"Jude"

"Jude wake up"

"Jude come on"

After not being able to wake him up I make him sit up and shake his body, all that seems to do the trick because he wakes up with sweat on his forehead , wide red eyes and heavy breathing and panting, just like a dog would

"Y/n you're here?"

"Yeah I'm here, where would I be"

"I-I thought I had lost you, it was so real it all felt so real"

"Well it's not ok it wasn't real"

A-Are you crying" he says noticing my red eyes

"N-No, I'm not crying"

"Y/n stop, you don't have to pretend that you're not hurting" he says

"Jude, I'm perfectly fine"

"No, you're not, I've hurt you so much in our relationship,that you don't even feel comfortable coming to talk to me about your feelings, I'm so sorry I truly am, and I didn't mean what I said, when i said I don't care about your feelings"

"It's ok"

"I'll do better, for you, it's the least I can do considering everything you do for me"

"Are you ok?" I ask

"Yeah I'll be fine, I guess it was just a nightmare"

"About what?"

"I dreamt that we had an argument, that ended up with you dead because- because I had killed you, I just I don't want to be a monster, I don't want to you to end up being afraid of me"

"I'm not afraid of you Jude, I just want you to be there for me the way I'm there for you, I know you're stressed with everything that's going on right now, but I feel like you're neglecting me or that you don't want me anymore"

"Ofcourse I want to be with you babe, i just never thought you needed all of the attention, you seemed to be doing just fine with everything happening in our lived, I just didn't think you'd want my attention and affection"

"I do Jude, I really do"

"And I'll give it too you"

"Thank you"

I get of the bed and start walking towards the door

"Y/n"

"Yeah?"

"Please stay, babe, please stay with me"

"Ok I'll stay with you"

I walk to the bed and get into bed and snuggle up to him and he puts an arm around me and kisses my forehead

"Goodnight Babe"

"Night Jude"

#football fanfic #romance #world cup #x reader #fan fiction #football #love #soccer fanfiction #imagine #reader #jude x reader #jude victor william bellingham #jude #jude bellingham fanfiction #jude bellingham #judebellingham #bellingham #romantic #reading #lovers #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fic #soccer fan fiction #football fanfiction #xreader #jude bellingham x you #englandsquad #england #hot footballers

[imaginexwwe]

SPRING BREAK 5 - Roman Reigns

TIME SKIP (MINOR)

•

REAL NAMES WILL BE USED

•

A GUILTY Y|N IS ON A MISSION TO TRACK DOWN HER BABY DADDY AND APOLOGIZE (🤣)

•

PART 4 (×)

•

"This is so cool." Tori squealed, as we pulled closer to the stadium where Extreme Rules 2016 was being held. "Like so cool."

I giggled at my best friend's excitement, playfully rolling my eyes as I glanced back at her from the passenger seat. "Calm down."

"Calm down?" Tori repeated, her words in the form of a question instead. "This is our first time seeing wrestling in person and it's at a major pay per view. So no." She added, poking her tongue out at me. "I will not calm down. You should be getting more excited if anything."

My giggling slowly eased as I sighed.

I wish I could be excited.

This is my first, well me and Tori's first pay per view like she said.

And the both of us have been getting more and more into wrestling lately after taking the time to actually admire the craft of wrestling entertainment and all.

But I'm scared.

I'm scared to see Joe after how I basically snapped on him for no reason after breaking up with Austin for good.

And it definitely doesn't help that I hadn't talked to Joe.

I mean, it's not like I called him or anything.

I've actually been too scared to call him, but still.

I'm carrying his baby.

You'd think he would call me or at least text.

Something.

"I'm sure he'll be happy to see you." Tori said bringing me out of my thoughts.

It was almost as if she knew what I was thinking.

"I hope so." I mumbled, as Colby brought his rental car to a stop.

I just...

I really, really like Joe and now that I don't have my ex breathing down my throat, clouding my judgment, I could see us being serious.

Like a real couple.

But of course it's not just up to me.

Joseph still has to forgive me.

As soon as my brother parked and took the key out of the ignition, the three of us were out of the car.

And within minutes we were walking through the arena, surrounded by wrestlers and backstage workers.

A few wrestlers I had quickly become familiar with over the couple months I'd been watching wrestling and a few that I either weren't familiar with or just wasn't a fan of.

"Oh my god." Tori half yelled, half whispered, pulling on my arm, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. "That's The Usos." She gasped out trying to low-key point to Joe's twin cousins without being caught. "I've never been one to go for brothers but those two -"

"Are happily married." Colby said, laughing as he cut my best friend off, earning a scoff from her in return.

"I was joking, idiot." Tori verbally spat at my brother as he again, led up through the crowded hallways eventually coming to a stop when we reached a area with a lot of tvs, more wrestlers and a few backstage workers.

All of whom seemed to be tuned into the current match that was taking place.

Wait.

That's Joe, I mentally confirmed with a smile forming on my face as I watched the father of my unborn baby kick ass inside the ring.

This is so cool, I thought, silently echoing Tori's earlier words.

Ugh.

He looks so good out there in his element.

His hair wet, and falling around his face.

His muscles flexing as he preformed move after move.

That sexy, yet extremely cocky smirk on his face because he knows he's the best and no one else is on his level.

And don't even get me going on his body.

"God, I love that man..." I mumbled to myself.

My eyes getting wide after I realized what I had said.

Did I actually mean that?

Do I love Joseph?

Or was I just getting lost in the moment as I stared at him through the screen infront of me?

"I'll be right back." I heard Colby say, looking from me to Tori as he snapped me back to reality. "Stay right here." He added, before quickly disappearing through the crowd of people moving in both directions.

Shit.

Did he hear that?

I bit down on the inside of my cheek.

It was a habit of mines when I'm nervous.

"I heard that." I heard my best friend whisper in my ear with a giggle as she nudged me with her elbow.

Of course.

If anybody were to catch me slipping it would be Tori.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shot back, continuing to focus on the screen, rather than the stupid smirk I know Tori was displaying on her face right now.

"Bullshit." Tori giggled even more.

Before I could think of something to say back, the sound of applause was heard through backstage and Tori and I both found ourselves joining in.

Joe had won the match against his opponent and was proudly holding up his titles in both hands, as he stood over his latest victim.

That smirk of his...

No, Y|N, I thought, mentally slapping myself.

You can't spiral again.

"Hold up." Tori spoke up again, probably taking note of my silence. "Why are they booing?"

"Apparently it's what the crowd does for the character he's playing." I answered with a shrug. "Some heel thing, I think." I again spoke up, explaining to her what my brother had told me a few weeks ago when I was curious about the boos that were noticeable louder than the applause.

"Oh, okay."

I nodded, unconsciously placing my hand on my belly to rub circles into it. "I guess Joe will be coming back here in a few." I said, looking over at Tori.

"Yeah." She replied, nodding before looking around. "I wonder where your brother went though."

Yeah...

Where did my brother go?

"He did say he'll be right ba-"

Before I could finish what I was saying, an all to familiar theme, that I had gotten to hear plenty of, over the last month or so, rang throughout the arena.

Gasps being heard from people close by and those that occupied the crowd.

Colby.

My brother, Colby was sprinting towards the ring as Joe stopped his celebration taunting to the audience, to glance over at the entrance, a surprised expression now replacing his previous cocky one as he watched Colby come closer and closer to the ring.

Wait.

When did he have time to change into his wrestling gear?

"Holy shit." Me and Tori said, simultaneously as we continued watching, both our eyes glued to the screen.

Colby finally reached the ring, taking no time to slide inside of it, soon standing eye to eye with Joseph.

The two men exchanged a few words to each other, neither man backing down from the other.

Then in the blink of an eye, my brother had taken control of the moment, grabbing Joe and preforming a pedigree on him.

Why didn't Colby tell us he was going to be back in action tonight?

Or at least me?

I'm his sister for goodness sake.

As the drama continued to unfold out in the ring, Joe's cousins Jimmy, Jey, and Solo Sikoa could be seen coming to the aid of their Tribal Chief as Joe's wise man Paul Heyman stood outside of the ring, a look of disbelief on his face.

And only for what seemed to be two or three seconds, my brother held up both of Joe's titles, dropped them, then disappeared through the crowd, just before the Usos entered the ring tending to Joe.

Barely escaping far into the crowd before Solo could catch him.

This was not how I imagined my first pay per view but I must say, I was not disappointed.

•

Colby was the first to come through the curtain that led back into the backstage area and me and Tori wasted no time fighting for the chance to be the first to congratulate him.

Well more like excitedly question him.

"Why didn't you say your knee was healed enough for you to get back in the ring, Colby?" I asked, throwing my arms around my brother in a hug.

"If I told, it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Well that was a pretty awesome surprise, Colby." Tori said, joining in on the hug.

After a few more seconds, hugging my brother I pulled back, glancing up at him. "So, what..." I stuttered out. "What did you say to Joe out there in the ring. I mean, I couldn't really hear but it looked like it was a heated exchange."

"We were just in character." Colby said nonchalantly, with a shrug. "We weren't being Colby and Joe in the ring we were being Seth and Roman. Don't worry. I told you I was cool with you and him."

I nodded, biting down on my lip.

But you also said you were gonna kick his ass in the ring. I thought remembering my brother's words from a couple weeks ago.

Did he already have his plan in motion that night?

Or is all of this just a coincidence?

And again I'm just over thinking.

Fuck!

I just wish I knew what was sa-

Oh there's my man.

I mean my Joe.

Ugh, there's Joe.

"Hi, Joe." I called out to him, waving my hand like an idiot.

I probably looked like Forest Gump when he was waving down Jenny.

What is wrong with me?

"Hey." Joe replied, as he made his way over. "What are you doing here?" He asked awkwardly as his eyes locked on mines.

His beautiful brown eyes.

"Colby brought us out."

This is awkward.

Like this conversation spells awkward.

But why?

This isn't like us.

Me and Joe were practically strangers and we had a better conversation then, compared to this one.

Is he still mad at me?

"I uhm..." I again found myself stuttering on my words. "I've been texting and I even called a few times but you hav-"

Joe grabbed my hand, pulling me away from my brother, Tori and his cousins who weren't exactly in arms reach, but still close by.

I'm not sure they were close enough to hear but I guess Joe didn't want to take chances.

As me and Joe walked off, I noticed he was lost in conversation with his friend and fellow superstar Bayley.

There was no way he knew Joe had dragged me off.

But Tori had of course.

She stood off to Colby's side, giving me two thumbs up with a huge smile on her face.

But back to my brother...

Why was he seeming off today?

First he was quite the ride here.

Then the surprise attack on Joseph.

It's just, for someone who's supposedly okay with me and one of his best friends, he's hadn't been acting okay.

I don't know, maybe he was just trying to get back into his Seth Rollins mind set.

Cause if he wasn't, he would have brought us out with him.

No matter how much Tori and I had begged.

"Where are we going?" I asked Joe, realizing we'd been walking for what seemed like forever in a five month pregnant woman's mind. "Joe?"

Still, ignoring me, Joe finally came to a stop in an empty room.

A dark empty room.

Why are two of the men that means the most to me being so strange today?

"Sorry about that." Joe said, finally speaking up for the first time since he pulled me away from my best friend and brother. "And I'm sorry I was ignoring you. I was just still pissed from you snapping on me a couple weeks ago." He explained, making me feel guilty all over again.

Joe flicked on the lights and all of a sudden my eyes had to adjust to the brightness, as I slowly looked around, immediately realizing this was the room Joe is sometimes seen in backstage while he's either yelling at his cousins or watching his cousin's on going match.

Well one of them anyways, considering Smackdown isn't filmed at just one arena so there's no way it's just one room.

His private locker room.

Yeah, that's it.

"Can I?" I asked, pointing to one of the chairs, practically power walking to it the second Joe nodded.

"How are you?" Joe asked, sitting down in the empty chair next to mines. "How's the baby?"

"I'm good." I answered, looking down at my belly. "And the baby's good." I said, answering Joe's second question. "He or she actually kicked last night." I giggled, glancing over at Joe.

I felt my lips turn up into a smile as I remembered that amazing feeling of those little kicks.

It even had me questioning if I still wanted to go through with the adoption.

Or if I wanted to keep this baby.

I mean, as much as I hate to admit it because I was so sure of my plan...

I have been getting used to this pregnancy and the idea of having a mini Joe.

Or even a mini me.

"Could I feel?" Joe asked as I quickly nodded.

"Of course." I verbally answered him, watching as he stood from his chair and came over to squat in front of me. "But don't expect to feel anythi-" I stopped talking, as a gasp escaped my lips.

The little kicks were back.

Okay wow.

Scratch that.

That was a big kick.

"That's our baby." Joe gasped, smiling up at me as I smiled down at him. "We made that."

Again I nodded, feeling tears stinging at my eyes.

Yeah we did.

"Either it doesn't want daddy's hand on me or it is excited to finally feel your touch, cause that's the biggest kick I've felt so far." I joked, giggling again while also making Joe laugh.

"I'm gonna take it as it likes my touch." He replied, as he continued rubbing my belly.

I sighed dreamily as I continued to watch Joe. "I love your touch too." I sighed out, my eyes widening for the second time today as I realized I had embarrassed myself yet again.

What is it with me and this man?

At least I didn't make a mistake and admit my love for him again, in front of him this time.

Tori hearing me was enough.

And maybe Colby if he'd heard.

"Please ignore that." I mumbled, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. "I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"I'm happy I did." Joe replied, standing up again and going back to the chair he was previously sitting in. "With how you been acting these few months, I was starting to think I was more into you than you were into me."

I shook my head.

How could he think that, when he looks like he does?

You'd think that man never has to worry about a girl being into him.

And don't even get me started on how great of a personality he has.

Basically Joseph's the whole package.

And more.

"I'm sorry." I finally apologized. "Especially for the way I snapped on you a couple weeks ago. It's just even though I wasn't really into my ex, I still, for some reason was hurt finding out he was still cheating on me and when you asked if I left him for you, it just set me off. And I know you didn't mean it like that, when you asked, I just couldn't help but take it that way." I rambled as Joe quietly listened. "Can we just blame it on the hormones?" I asked, with a playful pout.

"This time." Joe answered.

And for a few minutes everything just seemed right between us again.

Joe and I were laughing.

Catching up on what's been going on in our lives

It was like my last day in Miami again, before I had to say bye to the man I've quickly come to love.

"There's something I've been meaning to ask." I said, still looking over at Joe. "Why didn't you tell me that you had talked to my brother about us..?"

Joe raised an eyebrow at me, giving me a confused look.

Like, a really confused look.

"I don't know what you're talking about, babe."

OMG he called me babe again.

I don't think he's called me babe since Miami or when I last saw him at my house.

It just feels so right hearing him call me th-

Wait.

Did he say he didn't talk to Colby about us?

"The last time you were in Iowa, Joe." I said, nervously. "Colby said you came to see him at Black and Brave and told him about us." I added, hoping to jog his memory.

"Y|N." Joe replied, letting go of my hand that he'd been holding for a while now, using his thumb to stroke small circles onto it, his facial expression showing signs of nervousness also. "I didn't know your brother knew about us, that's why I brought you in here so we could talk. And if he does, he definitely didn't find out from me. I haven't even talked to him since I've been back on the road."

My heart rate began increasing.

And my throat all of a sudden felt dry.

Very dry.

This would explain why Colby had been acting weird since the second Tori and I had asked if we could come to the show with him.

I'm betting he wasn't as okay with me and Joseph like he said he was to me that night.

He probably didn't really want me to come here because he was worried about me seeing Joe but knew it'll be more suspicious to say we could come with him.

Colby had lied.

But why?

And if Joseph didn't tell him...

Who did?

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