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i-am-bitterly-jittery · 2 years

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Five Times Someone Mistook Roman And Remus (And One Time They Finally Met)

+1. They Finally Meet

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] •

Word Count: 1834

Rating: Teen

Pairings: Dukexiety, Roceit, Logicality

Warnings: hangovers, swearing, mild suggestive language

~~~START~~~

Virgil’s plane landed at ten thirty a.m. and he got home less than an hour later.

He wasn’t surprised to find Patton passed out on the couch — he knew that Patton and Remus had gone to a club the previous night to celebrate Remus’s 27th birthday, and it was no surprise that Patton would choose to sleep here rather than trek all the way home after dropping Remus off.

What was a surprise was that the man sleeping in his and Remus’s bed was not Remus Duke.

Deciding that he was way too jet lagged to deal with this right now, Virgil ignored the sleeping Roman Prince, and headed for the bathroom instead.

He just needed a shower. Once he’d showered, he’d come out to find that it really was Remus and it was just the exhaustion getting to him.

He was sure he would.

He just needed to shower.

Half an hour later (it was really hard to leave the bathroom when you were afraid of what you might find) the man in the bed still wasn’t Remus.

Great.

~~~

“Good morning, Janus.”

Janus just hissed in return. It wasn’t fair, Logan had been way more smashed than he was last night! Why was he perfectly wide awake and put together while Janus had a massive hangover! Logan should have to suffer too!

Of course, Logan did go to the trouble of preparing omelets, toast, and fruit, so Janus couldn’t be too mad at him. He could try, though.

“We have a slight issue,” Logan said once Janus had had a little bit to eat.

“I don’t do issues until after noon,” Janus mumbled, shoving more eggs into his mouth.

“It is one-thirty in the afternoon,” Logan pointed out, rolling his eyes. “And I believe you will agree with me that this is an issue that will need to be rectified sooner rather than later.”

He gestured to Janus’s living room, so Janus reluctantly followed his hand.

Janus’s first thought was that there was nothing of note about the living room. Logan must have taken the couch when they’d gotten home from the club, so Roman would have just slept on the ground. And that was where he was, sprawled face down on the ground in the same position he must have fallen asleep some hours previous.

Janus’s second thought — which he would never ever admit to — was “the butts don’t match.”

The man currently passed out on Janus’s living room floor was, as Janus remembered observing last night, not wearing the same shirt that Roman had gone to the club in, but now that he was really looking at him, he wasn’t wearing anything that Roman had gone to the club in. He had on an acid green crop top with a mesh shirt underneath, black booty-shorts with the word “JUICY” across the ass, fishnet stockings, and bright green platform boots.

It was a difference he should have noticed last night, but he chalked his inattention up to the alcohol.

“Remus!” He groaned, face planting onto the table. “Fuck.”

“Quite,” Logan agreed. “I have sent a text to Roman asking if he went to his own home, but so far he hasn’t replied.”

“Fuck my life!” Janus whined into the table. “This is your fault.”

“You are the one who brought the wrong man home, I fail to see how this could be my fault.”

“A, you didn’t notice either and you were with me the whole time, so don’t think you can pin this whole thing on me; and B, you were so drunk last night that you took up all my limited attention!”

“I was not that drunk,” Logan sniffed defensively

“Of course you weren’t. You just keep telling yourself that. You were dead sober last night, noticed that I wasn’t bringing Roman with us, and just decided not to say anything; how very thoughtful of you.”

Logan glared.

~~~

Of all the places Roman expected to wake up, this was not one of them.

It looked like he was in the bedroom of a teenager who was deep into their emo phase. The walls — the parts that he could see anyway — were painted a dark purple, band posters and depressing art covered nearly every wall and the ceiling, but the thing that really gave away where he was were the photos of a man who almost looked like Roman (if Roman were an evil twin) covering the empty spaces on the walls.

He slowly made his way out of the bed and onto his feet, groaning the entire time — alcohol was evil!

Unsure of what to do he left the bedroom and found himself in a kitchen, face to face with two people — one he recognized and one he didn’t.

“Hey Roman,” Virgil sighed, sounding exhausted.

“Um, hi. Look, I don’t know how I got here?”

“I think Patton can explain,” Virgil looked expectantly at the other man who looked like he was about to be crushed by guilt.

“I’m sorry!” The other man — Patton — cried. “Remus and I went to a club last night, and then my glasses got broken, and I couldn’t see very well, and you didn’t protest when I dragged you out, and–!”

“Pat.”

“Right, right. I’m sorry I kidnapped you Roman.”

“It’s– uh, it’s fine. I mean, I don’t really remember. Uh, so then what happened to Remus?”

“Your friends took him home,” Virgil explained. “I’ve already talked to Remus, we’re doing a prisoner exchange in like half an hour, so I’ll get you some breakfast, and you can freshen up or whatever, and then we have to leave.”

“…yeah okay.”

Weirdest day ever. At least he was finally going to get to meet his mysterious doppelgänger.

~~~

Best. Birthday. Ever!

Remus vaguely remembered seeing Snakey and Specs at the club and going to say hi. He remembered Snakey calling him Roman and thinking that it was funny, he thought he’d corrected the other man, but apparently, he hadn’t since Snakey took him home with them.

Now he was on his way to the park with Snakey — whose name was Janus — and Specs — Logan — because Patton took Roman home instead of him, and apparently both of them needed adult supervision to make it back to their proper places.

When they got to the park, Virgil was already there along with Patton and a man who must be the mysterious Roman.

Ignoring Virgil for the moment — even though he really wanted to have a nice snuggle — Remus walked straight up to his doppelgänger. Roman seemed to have the same idea, and the two of them met in the middle. They regarded each other for a minute, tilting their heads this way and that before each declaring “I don’t see it!” before glaring at each other for daring to have the same thought.

“I swear, Virgil started. “If you two are actually twins and this whole thing has been some elaborate Parent Trap–!”

“When’s your birthday?” Roman asked him, still scanning him skeptically.

“Yesterday, I’m twenty-seven, the same age Kurt Cobain was when he died!”

“Oh, definitely not twins then; my birthday was a couple weeks ago and I turned twenty-nine.”

“Good,” Remus replied. “I wouldn’t want to be twins with a prep.”

It was mostly a joke, but he enjoyed the way Roman’s face turned red and twisted with anger.

“Well I wouldn’t want to be twins with some emo goth!”

“Excuse you, I am punk! Thank you very much.”

“The similarities are uncanny,” he heard Logan observe behind him.

But he didn’t pay Nerdy Wolverine any mind, he’d met Roman, and now there was only one thing on his mind. He bounced right up to Virgil and dragged the shorter man into a kiss.

Then, once he felt Virgil relax, he dipped him.

Virgil hissed, clawing at Remus’s shirt in a desperate bid to keep from falling — as though Remus would ever let him fall.

“I hate you!”

“Nah,” Remus cackled. “You don’t.”

Logan was shocked when the man he’d been talking to at the club turned up with Roman at the park. His mind thought back to the writing still present on his hand, a phone number followed by “if you want to keep mooning over the stars I’m all lightyEARS <3”.

Patton seemed to notice him too, he smiled brightly and made his way over.

“Logan! I didn’t know you knew Roman!”

“Nor did I know that you knew Remus,” Logan answered, somewhat dumbly.

“All roads lead to Rome, I guess,” Patton joked. “I really goofed last night; I don’t know how I didn’t realize he wasn’t Remus, even without glasses.”

“Yes, well Janus and I did not realize that Remus wasn’t Roman either, so you are hardly the only one to ‘goof’ here.”

Patton chuckled. “Aww sweetie, you’d had a lot to drink, I’d’ve been pretty surprised if you noticed.”

“I wasn’t that drunk!” Logan insisted (why did people keep saying how drunk he was? He was fine last night, it would not have been safe for him to drive, but he was in complete control of his faculties!).

“No, you were cute!” Patton reassured him quickly. “You’re really smart, I could listen to you talk about stars for hours. In fact, I heard that there’s a new planetarium opening next week… maybe we could go together?”

“I– um, that is I–” Logan stuttered.

“Say ‘yes’, moron!” Janus hissed behind him.

“Yes!” Logan blurred out quickly, flushing slightly.

Patton smiled and kissed him chastely on the cheek. “Then it’s a date.”

Logan’s blush grew darker, and Patton’s smile only widened.

“What!?” Screeched Roman. “Since when does Logan have a boyfriend! I want a boyfriend!”

That was the end of Janus’s patience. The time to act was now, while they were both sober and he was certain this was Roman.

He grabbed the collar of Roman’s shirt — the scarlet button-down he’d worn to the club the previous night — and yanked him down into a kiss.

Initially, Roman just stood there like a limp noodle, but just as Janus was about to pull away and apologize, he suddenly reacted, twisting his hand into Janus’s hair and deepening the kiss.

Someone was wolf-whistling, but Janus didn’t care because fucking finally!

It felt like an eternity before they were pulling away.

“Wow,” Roman murmured, stunned.

“I’ve been trying to do that for weeks!”

“Are you two quite finished?” Logan asked, having regained his own composure.

Janus’s only reply was to detangle one hand from Roman’s shirt to flip him off.

“That was cute and all,” Remus drawled. “But Roman and I need to fight now, I need to prove my dominance!”

“Oh, you think you’d win in a fight?” Roman demanded, fully pulling away for Janus, much to the other man’s annoyance.

“I know I would!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Fine! You, me, right here, right now, thumb-war, let’s go!”

“You’re on!”

“Why are you like this?” Virgil and Janus both demanded at the same time.

~~~END~~~

And so the fic is over, Roman and Remus will continue to be confused for each other, but Virgil Janus Logan Patton and Remy will know the doppelgängers well enough not to mistake them again

Doppelgänger taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @knight-shives @misunderstood-shadowling @minamishipsit2 @kaira-the-yellow-turtle

#sanders sides #ts sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #dukexiety #intruxiety #roceit #princeit #logicality #doppelgänger au #thursday writes #my writing #sanders sides fanfiction

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i-am-bitterly-jittery · 2 years

Text

Five Times Someone Mistook Roman And Remus (And One Time They Finally Met)

1. Austin

[Original post] • [2] [3] [4] [5] [+1]

Word Count: 701

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Intruxiety

Warnings: shouting, accusations of cheating (no actual cheating), swearing, shitty (ex)boyfriends, panic attacks

Also just to be clear Roman and Remus are not in any way related in this, they just happen to look a lot alike

~~~START~~~

This was only their third date, but Remus really liked Virgil.

They’d originally been sent on a blind date by their mutual friend, Patton (who, Remus later learned, had had to bribe Virgil with cookies so that he’d even go), and had hit it off immediately. Remus was an artist whose work focused heavily on horror; Virgil was a fashion designer whose work could be called “Hot Topic-Chic”.

But it wasn’t just their mutual participation in counter-culture and fascination with the darker things in life that made Patton certain that they were “soulmates”. No, it was the way that most of Remus’s favorite pieces were about finding hope in the darkness; it was the way Virgil lined his favorite clothes with a cute kitty-cat patterned fabric; it was the way Remus had named his dog Mr. Snuggles; it was the way Virgil’s apartment was filled with cuddly plushies that he made himself.

And quite frankly it was the way that both of them had horrendous taste in eye makeup.

But no matter what reason Patton had for setting them up, Remus couldn’t be happier about it.

For their third date, they’d gone to Patton’s cat-theme café (which didn’t have any real cats in it since Patton was allergic), and then they’d taken their hot chocolates (since both of them were on medications that prevented them from having caffeine) and donuts to the park across the street. It had been threatening to rain all morning, so there weren’t too many other people out and about, but now the clouds were starting to clear.

Remus wasn’t really sure what had happened — one minute he and Virgil were discussing the darker themes in cartoons, and the next there was a very irate man screaming at them.

Or more specifically, screaming at Remus.

“I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!” The man screeched. “YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!? AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU!? AFTER I ATTENDED THAT SHITTY PLAY LAST MONTH!? Oh, don’t tell me, you actually are sleeping with that actor guy? I knew it! That ‘stage kiss’ had way too much chemistry! So, who’s this? Your third side-hoe? Fourth?”

“Okay first of all,” Remus seethed; he had no idea who this man was, but clearly Remus resembled someone he knew, and clearly that someone deserved better. “Back the fuck up! Secondly, I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you have problems, dude. Thirdly, Vee is my only hoe, so write that down!”

“Oh, grow up!” The man sneered. “You think gluing some shitty fake mustache to your face and changing your clothes makes you unrecognizable? Newsflash Ro, it doesn’t, so stop pretending you don’t know me, and let’s have a real conversation like grownups!”

The man reached out to pull at Remus’s mustache, but Remus slapped his hand away before he could make contact.

“Maybe you need to grow up and stop yelling at strangers in parks,” Virgil hissed, but the man fully ignored him.

“You know what? We’re through! Your singing sucks, your acting is hacky, and it is weird that you’re a full-grown man who’s still into Disney! Lose my number, I never want to see you again.”

The man shoved past Remus — knocking the cocoa out of his hand — and stormed away.

“The feeling’s mutual!” Remus shouted at the man’s retreating form. “HE’S BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU! What a turd.”

“Y-yeah,” Virgil stammered, drawing Remus’s attention to the fact that he was shaking.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, taking Virgil’s hand gently. “I swear I’ve never seen that man before in my life! I would never–”

“I believe you,” Virgil cut him off, breath hitching. “I do. I’m just bad at confrontation.”

“Okay. Do you need to sit down? We can go back to Patton’s. Or there’s a bench over there if you want?”

“Bench!” Virgil gasped.

Remus led him over to the bench, and sat patiently while Virgil went through some breathing exercises.

“So?” Virgil asked once his breathing had evened out. “I’m your only hoe?”

Remus cracked a grin. “Oh absolutely! Nothing could compare to that ass!”

Virgil lasted exactly two seconds before he was doubled over laughing and wheezing with Remus close behind.

“You’re my only hoe, too.”

~~~END~~~

I don’t think I’m quite sold on the title, but I had trouble finding a short way to word what this is (technically I don’t need to put “Five And One” but shut up)

This is my first attempt at Dukexiety as a pairing, and I’m not exactly sure I’ve quite hit the vibe, but to be fair, it is a new relationship soooo

(I picked Dukexiety mostly so I could have Virgil go “who are you and what have you done with Remus?” to Roman)

General taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @knight-shives @misunderstood-shadowling

#sanders sides #ts sanders sides #virgil sanders #remus sanders #dukexiety #intruxiety #roman sanders #patton sanders #doppelgänger au #thursday writes #my writing #sanders sides fanfiction

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