#Drown me in the whiplash baby I love these books

[phemiec]

Reading The Locked Tomb series like:

Heart wrenchingly beautiful prose-TEN YEAR OLD MEME-descriptive language so visceral and brilliant you feel it through your whole body-HORRIBLE DAD JOKE-a paragraph so original, poignant and resonant it’s like nothing you’ve ever read before, to the point where you’re sure you’re reading the work of a genius, the likes of which have never before- HOMESTUCK REFERENCE. ANOTHER EVEN WORSE DAD JOKE. TWENTY YEAR OLD MEME. FUCK YOUR IMMERSION, GET RICK ROLLED BITCH.

#And I love every second of it #Drown me in the whiplash baby I love these books #the locked tomb #gideon the 9th #tlt #gtn #harrow the ninth

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

Prompt List #7 - Song Lyrics

All Prompt Lists

Blood is thicker than water, but love is even stronger

Another day, another battle

I don’t really care where I go when I die, ‘cause I just found heaven

You can tell the devil that he’s wasting his time

You and I will be a tough act to follow

The warm embrace that no one knows

I want you by my side

I’ve been holding my breath all night, waiting for you

I’m diving into the deep end and i’m not scared

I am an island and you are an ocean

I’d follow you straight to the bottom, not afraid hell or high water

Keep pushing up the river, keep mining for the silver, till you strike gold

So you gotta show a little backbone 

Where your love has always been enough for me

I love you as you are

When you built those walls to keep you safe, it’s like a, prison you can't escape

When the whole damn world don’t know what they got till it’s gone, I love you as you are

The fruit just seem to fall, never had to shave no tree, the door was always opening, didn't need a key

Take me back to the speed of you, doing things that Momma said don't do

The moment I surrender, bury me in the ground, I'd die before you see me take a bow

How can I hurt when i’m with you? 

If a picture paints a thousand words then why can’t I paint you?

You broke me first...

I’ve been thinking about what to say or not to do

So you want to be a man about it

You’re moving faster than me, and I can’t keep up with the things that you need

Like you didn’t hear this melody that calls you home

Can anyone hear me calling out, i’m calling out

Where are you now? Been such a long time, i’ve tried to live without, i’m suffocating I need you to breathe

Even if I shouldn’t i’d lie for you

When I’m gone, when I fade away, is the air I breathe my only legacy

Love is like an energy, rushing in rushing inside of me

Sometimes I worry about the things I can’t control

I see neon lights whenever you walk by

You don’t know what he means to me

Only fools run back for more, being the fool I am I figured in all your plans

That man is like a flame, and oh that man plays me like a game

I’ll be anything you need

Take me in your arms and never let me go, whisper to me softly when the moon is low

Kiss me once again before we say goodnight, take me in your loving arms and squeeze me tight

Everything about you is so God darn sweet

If you can’t find love but you’re still not giving up (can I get a witness?)

And if the eight of the world is on you now, but you know you can turn it all around again

I turned on the lights, the TV and the radio, but still I can’t escape the ghost of you

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say, “Pride will tear us both apart”, well, now pride’s gone out the window, cross the rooftops, run away.

But your jealousy is more blind than your luck, and you could be my enemy, and you could be my judge

You are a call to motion, There, all of you a verb in perfect view like Jonah on the ocean. When you move, I’m moved. 

Your love is a painkiller

Can you imagine a love that is so proud? It never has to question why or how

There’s a hunger in my heart, it’s full of promise, promise. There’s an itch under my skin, under my skin. Cause I just want to feel something real. 

You’re tall, dark and handsome, you’re charming and then some. 

You do everything too fast, you move like a whiplash, you’re missing the romance and I see through it all. 

When I’m on my own, I think of ways to tell you and when it comes out wrong I hope you’d understand.

He talks about you in his sleep, and there’s nothing I can do to keep from crying when he calls your name, Jolene. 

Dear God, I hope you got the letter and I pray you can make it better down here. 

Sorry to disturb you, but I feel I should be heard loud and clear. We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears. 

Deep inside, my heart is breaking 

Never gonna let you take my world from me

I’ve been waiting for so long, now i’ve finally found someone to stand by me 

I really got the feeling that I’ll love you ‘til my dying day

You’re a gentle man and a gentle man is getting mighty hard to find these days and you’re a tender man and you’re man enough to show your love in tender ways.

And I can’t wait to see you again

I need you by side, to tell it’s alright, ‘cause I don’t think I can take anymore

If I fall short, if I break rank, it’s a bloodsport, but I understand. I am all yours, I am unmanned, I am on all fours willingly damned

You might kill me with desire, wind me tighter than a wire

Cause you taught me how to love. It's me who taught you how to stop.

Follow me wherever I go, we're crossing over

You feel like forever

I want to run but I want you most

It's been hard for me to breathe for such a long time, I only stayed so I could ease your mind

When the memories come to haunt you with a sad lie, no one loves you, they all leave you so why even try? Let truth hold you in loving arms tonight

I can't fly but I keep finding myself soaring high above it. I have nothing left, but I keep pouring out like I am endless

Always aiming paper airplanes at me when you’re around

Apples aren’t always an appropriate apology. Butterscotch and bubblegum drops are bittersweet to me. 

I’m not ready to be just another of your mistakes, don’t wanna let the pieces fall out of place. 

And I was making you a wish in every skyline. How big, how blue, how beautiful. 

If you’ve lost your way, I will leave the light on

I know a little bit about a lot of things, but I don’t know enough about you. Just when I think you’re mine, you try a different line. 

Baby, i’m confused about you. You get me in a spin, oh what a stew i’m in. 

Stranded, reaching out, I call your name but you're not around, I say your name but you're not around. I need you right now

Told me to pick my battles and be pickin wise, but I wanna pick em all and I don't wanna decide

I don't mind being lonely, when my heart tells me you are lonely too

You could your way home, but you won't

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

You really, really know me, the future and the old me. All of the mazes and the madness in my mind, you really, really love me

Always thought I was hard to love, til you made it seem so easy

The stretch marks all around my thighs, kiss em til I change my mind

I'm gonna love, I'm gonna love you endlessly.I've never been on to yell surrender so long as you're standing next to me

It's a pity to say goodnight, cause I've never seen stars to bright. But if you've gotta go home, you gotta go home, give me a goodnight kiss

Prove to me that you still feel it before I go start something new. No one knows what comes after this but I've always hoped that it was you.

But we're drowning in the ocean and it's tearing my heart open. Baby we're high then we're low, first it's yes then it's no and were changing like the tides

I could write a book about the way you walk and whisper and look. I could write a prephase on how we met so the world would never forget

The simple secret of the plot is just to tell them that I love you a lot

Just let me adore you. Oh, honey, I'd walk through fire for you.

You sounded so damn worried. You've been tossing, turning, both ends burning, I wanna put your mind at ease again (make everything alright)

Hold me now, til the fear is leaving

My sanctuary, you're holy to me. If you were church, I'd get on my knees

I'm suffocating I need you to breathe, so reach down and pull me but, pull me up before I am buried beneath

How bout a dance, what do you say?

I'm sure the crowd will make room on the floor, when they see you look like you do

#prompt list #writing prompt list #prompt lists

[gerrymike]

OK. commentary on my satg playlist. For reasons

lol it wont let me hyperlink but. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w9pMZtOvP0plqdxT665q7?si=wEFnvdh3Rjaa0p2UX251mQ&dl_branch=1 Plug

1. PIEDMONT (DESTROY BOYS)

Looks like I'm late for the party Everyone knows the attire but me Glass walls separate us Catch a glimpse into different books On different shelves

i.e. teen crisis where u want desperately to live the same life as ppl on the street but also can’t imagine anything worse

2. SWEET ADELINE (ELLIOTT SMITH)

It's a picture-perfect evening and I'm staring down the sun Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head Or any situation where I'm better off than dead

i.e. she’s alive! is that worse or better. also jfc, you fucking hate hospitals

3. ALAMEDA (ELLIOTT SMITH)

You walk down Alameda  Shuffling your deck of trick cards over everyone Like some precious only son Face down, bow to the champion

also

Walk down Alameda  Brushing off the nightmares you wish Could plague me when I'm awake And now you see your first mistake  Was thinking that you could relate For one or two minutes she liked you But the fix is in

i.e. oops it’s two elliotts in a row, sorry. just. about the connection you can form with someone given just a short period of time, and how sometimes it gets ruined by, like, a werewolf. pretty similar to sweet adeline. mx weisglass gets two songs. plus “precious only son” 😬 “shuffling your deck of trick cards” 😬

4. CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS (IRON MAIDEN)

Give me the sense to wonder To wonder if I'm free Give me a sense of wonder To know I can be me Give me the strength to hold my head up Spit back in their face

i.e. for Me mostly because i think the whiplash from elliott to maiden is kinda funny. also the gerry VS twisty animosity, in over-the-top wizardy terms. sometimes you are full of hate and that’s OK 😬 

5. ICU (PHOEBE BRIDGERS)

If you're a work of art I'm standing too close I can see the brush strokes I hate your mom I hate it when she opens her mouth It's amazing to me How much you can say When you don't know  What you're talking about

and

I'll climb through the window again But right now it feels good not to stand Then I'll leave it wide open Let the dystopian morning light pour in

i.e. we’re back in london…and, well, yeah. also, song title! we’re still in sacramento, actually, spiritually, at this point in the story

6. CRY FOR JUDAS (THE MOUNTAIN GOATS)

Feel the storm every night Hope it passes by Hallucinate a shady grove where Judas went to die Unfurl the black velvet altar cloth Draw a white chalk Baphomet Mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get

i.e. crew. i think about him

7. IRIS (THE GOO GOO DOLLS)

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

plus

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

i.e. OK. OK. OK. yeah, OK. damn right all you can taste is this moment…yeah OK. SONGS5

8. KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE)

It's been 8 bitter years since I've been seeing your face And you're walking away And I will die in this place

to

It's been 10 fucking years since I've been seeing your face round here And you're walking away And I will drown in the fear

i.e. ah…the lyrical differences in the chorus…yes…also i love how raucous this song is despite what it’s about. it’s got satg energy!!! “seeing your face”, of course, is not literal 😬

9. ENCHANTING GHOST (SUFJAN STEVENS)

Don't carry on carrying efforts, oh no, oh oh oh oh Somewhere there's a room for each of us to grow And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost

and

Did you cut your hands on me? Are my edges sharp? Am I a pest to feed?

i.e. 😬😬😬

10. PAUL (BIG THIEF)

In the blossom of the months I was sure that I'd get driven off with thought So I swallowed all of it As I realized there was no one  Who could kiss away my shit

and PARTICULARLY

Well Paul, I know you said That you'd take me any way I came or went But I'll push you from my brain See, you're gentle baby I couldn't stay, I'd only bring you pain

i.e. HARROWING TERRITORY!!!

11. PITSELEH (ELLIOTT SMITH)

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you

i.e. sorry. a lot of elliott smith on this playlist. thems the breaks

12. OPHELIA (THE LUMINEERS)

Oh, Ophelia You've been on my mind girl like a drug Oh, Ophelia Heaven help a fool who falls in love

i.e. callbacks to SONGS5…! and more pain

13. CLOUDS (BORNS)

I forget all my dreams I forget everyones name I meet I forget about time and space But I can't stop thinking 'bout your face

i.e. tfw your memory’s shit and also you just threw yourself into the sky and you’re still not over it. yowch!

14. ARCADE (DUNCAN LAWRENCE)

Oh, oh-oh-oh oh Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game

i.e. sorry i heard this song first in a c#tradora edit and i have never recovered.

15. WARS (OF MONSTERS AND MEN)

Yeah, I love you on the weekends But I'm careless and I'm wicked Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war I still have pieces of you stuck on me Pieces of you stuck on me Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war

i.e. PIECES OF YOU STUCK ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the only song of the new omam i’ve heard. i never got around to listening to it. but this one slaps

16. MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Lookin' at the table, all I see is weed and white Baby, you livin' the life, but baby, you ain't livin' right Cocaine and drinkin' with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend

AND

A sign of the times every time that I speak A dime and a nine, it was mine every week What a time, an incline, God was shinin' on me Now I can't leave And now I'm actin' hella elite

AND ESPECIALLY

I want that jet lag from fuckin' and flyin'

i.e. God i love this song. re: avatarhood. YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! not saying it’s like being a celebrity, but it’s like being a celebrity. dual perspectives here with G + his morality regarding the person he loves being, uh, evil? (you live in the dark / i cannot pretend) and M + debt he owes to his god, erosion of his own morals. also, SHEER F*CKING VIBES

17. GEYSER (MITSKI)

You're my number one You're the one I want And you've turned down Every hand that has beckoned me to come

i.e. love songs that serve double as to your god and to your lover

18. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE (BRUNO MARS)

Jump in the Cadillac (Girl, let's put some miles on it) Anything you want (Just to put a smile on it) You deserve it baby, you deserve it all

i.e. this song is here because i say so. a real “sorry it’s been seven years let me make it up to you” vibe

19. RUN AWAY WITH ME (SUFJAN STEVENS)

And I say, love Come run away with me Sweet, falling remedy Come run away with me

i.e. more grand ridiculous propositions. more to come. but they’re born out of a real frustration with the situation at hand! it sucks! also, “falling remedy”,

20. LET’S GET MARRIED (BLEACHERS)

I'm gonna get right for you, honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah I know it's hard enough to love me But I woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let's get married"

i.e. bro.

21. I WILL (MITSKI)

And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

i.e. a lot of these here are self explanatory..

22. ME & MY DOG (BOYGENIUS)

I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool

also

I never said I'd be all right Just thought I could hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter

i.e. title is significant. and yeah. just. recovery’s tricky

23. I FOUND (AMBER RUN)

And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

i.e. this is like a staple song for like. basically. any pairing. but i’m pathetic and it gets me every time. there’s something about it. not sure if i’m going to leave it on this playlist but. hm. yeah

OK that’s a wrap. highly likely i’ll put more songs on this as i go

#talk #i wrote this post instead of working. yay me

[s-horne]

Stony and maybe superfamily au, when tony died he became a star(a star like a god or celestial being of a star) and can only come to vist at night. It's bittersweet, but steve and peter are always glad to see him.

7.30pm

“You ready, kid?”

Steve closed his book and put it down on the table at the end of the couch. He looked over to see Peter standing in the doorway, dressed in his pyjamas and swiping at his eyes.

Steve had the urge to bundle his son into a hug and hold him close, to try and hide him away from the pain of the world as though he were a young, inexperienced child.

“Yeah.” Peter’s voice was rough with sleep. Even though it had been years, there were times when Steve still couldn’t get used to hearing Peter’s deep voice. Peter was still a child to him. He shouldn’t have a deep, low voice like an adult. He was too young to be an adult. “You?”

“Yeah. Blankets are in the car already and the coffee is just about ready.”

“Awesome. Want me to grab your coat?”

Steve heaved himself off the couch with a groan. “Please. And I had a sweater somewhere.”

“By the door already. The blue jeep?”

“No, black. Your–,” Steve paused and coughed. “We’ll take your dad’s.”

“Right. Sick. Can I drive?”

Steve snorted. “Not a chance, kid. I’ll drive. You can pick the music.”

A deep sigh left Peter, but his lips curved upwards anyway. “Fine. Guess that’s a fair trade.”

“Go get your coat,” Steve said with a fond roll of his yes. “You terror.”

 *

9.00pm

It wasn’t a long drive out of the city, from where they’d moved. They tried to make it once a month, battles permitting, just to wait and see if their star would appear. More often than not, it didn’t, and Steve and Peter would wake up huddled together on their picnic blanket with empty flasks of coffee and snack wrappers at their sides, hearts just as hollow.

“Usual spot?” Steve asked, heaving two portable chairs from the jeep’s trunk and slinging them over his shoulder.

Peter gave him a scornful look. “Like we’d ever go anywhere else.”

They’d picked their spot after many months of deliberation. For the first year, they had visited the countryside nearly every two days, checking out different spots to see which gave them the clearest sight of a completely uninterrupted night sky. They’d decided on the clearing at the top of the second hill around the first of Tony’s birthdays that they’d had to celebrate without him.

It was the most beautiful spot; lush and green in the summer and wonderfully frosty in the winter. When it was bitterly cold and snowing, they didn’t stay out all night long, going back a few times a month instead of just once and huddling around a small camp fire.

Despite the bitter temperatures, the winter sky was Steve’s favourite. It was so much darker, a deep, almost shining black that stretched with no end in sight. The stars that shone were like specks of glitter, standing indifferently but able to be connected to a neighbour to create bold outlines of famous constellations.

It made sense that Tony was among them, Steve thought. Not for the first time, either. It was one of his most common thoughts when he just sat back and stared up above him.

*

10.15pm

“Reckon he’ll come out tonight?” Peter asked, hands wrapped tightly around his flask of coffee. He had taken his coat off, but had a thick blanket draped over his shoulders. His shoes were off already and his socked feet shuffled on the picnic blanket.

“I don’t know.” Steve wishes he had a way of predicting when Tony would appear for them, but science had always been his husband’s thing. Not his. “Sorry, kid.”

Peter shrugged as he reached into his bag, fishing around for a bit before removing a bag of Cheetos with a triumphant cry.

“No worries. Hey, did I tell you about my meeting at SHIELD on Wednesday? No? Right, so, Ms. Hill was there with…”

*

11.42pm

Peter had fallen asleep somewhere around the 11pm mark, his hands clutching a bag of Twizzlers and his face half-obstructed by the cover for his foldable chair. The sight left a smile permanently etched on Steve’s face.

The wind had started to pick up a little, but Steve was content to stay there, watching. Waiting. Keeping guard over his boys as he waited ever so patiently for his love to return to him. He had time.

All the time in the world.

*

1.00am

“Oh!” Peter cried suddenly, voice a little hoarse with sleep. “We missed it. Crap, sorry!” Peter threw himself at Steve, hugging him tightly. “Damn, was I asleep? I was, wasn’t I?”

Steve chuckled softly, holding Peter tight. “Don’t worry, kid. You needed it.”

Peter pulled back slowly. “Happy birthday,” he said, looking at Steve as he sat back into his own chair. “I hope you get everything you want. I didn’t bring your present out here. Thought we could go out for dinner tonight and I’ll give it to you then.”

Putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder, Steve nodded. “Thanks, Pete. But you’re here with me right now so, I’m good.”

*

1.14am

“Snap!”

Steve laughed at the outrage on Peter’s face.

“That was mine,” Peter cried, reaching for the pile of cards that Steve took for himself.

“You wish,” Steve snorted, whipping them out of Peter’s grasp. “You’ll have to be quicker than that, Spidey-boy.”

Peter’s eyes narrowed and he leant forward, Tony’s fierce determination written all over his face. “Bring it, old man.”

* 

2.23am

Steve reached down and gently pushed some of Peter’s hair away from his face. When Peter’s nose screwed up and he batted the hand away as though it were a pest, Steve laughed.

“I tried to be nice,” he said before he dug his toes into the soft flesh below Peter’s ribs.

Peter squealed and rolled to his side, eyes suddenly wide open.

“Oh, my God. What’s happening? Are we being attacked?” Peter sat up, looking around him. There was a red patch on his cheek where he’d been lying on the rough material of the chair cover and his hair was a mess.

Steve wished his baby wasn’t so damn old.

“No, you stupid boy. Wake up. You might want to see this.”

In an instant, Peter spun around and almost gave himself whiplash as he threw his head backwards to stare up at the sky.

“Where – I can’t, wait. No, I can’t see it. Can you – oh.”

Peter’s voice trailed off, sounding a little choked up and Steve could sympathise.

“I take it you’ve found him?”

Steve had. It had been almost a year since Steve had last seen Tony’s star, but there he was. Brighter than Steve had remembered, but just as big and as attention-grabbing as Tony had been in real life.

“Hey, dad,” Peter whispered and Steve felt his heart constrict and then grow twice its size. “Good to see you.”

They lapsed into silence, both of them staring up at the sky with equal looks of awe written across their faces. Memories of their time together flooded Steve’s brain; pictures of them laughing at the camera, snapshots of Peter with Tony throughout their lives, from child through to teenager. It pained Steve that he would never have a new sight to commit to memory. 

Soon, the memories got too much for him and he felt like he was drowning. His heart was almost too big for his chest and he felt as though he were about to explode. 

“Tony,” he murmured, relief and love hitting him all at once. “God, how I’ve missed you.”

Tony’s star seemed to shine brighter somehow, sending rays of light into a wide circle around itself. 

“I didn’t know if I’d see you tonight. I hoped, just like I hope every night.”

Beside him, Peter was quiet. Steve knew that he had a raft of things to tell Tony. Even though they had had a small memorial garden set up for Tony shortly after his funeral, it was always a different feeling to speak to Tony’s star. It wasn’t quite Tony himself, but it was close enough.

“You look beautiful, Tony,” Steve said, leaning back in his chair and drinking in his fill of his husband. “So, so beautiful.”

“He’s bright,” Peter commented. His voice sounded a little choked up. “Brighter than last time.”

“He’s making up for the months he missed.” Steve reached out without looking and curled his hand over Peter’s shoulders. “Was just storing up all of his strength.”

“I missed him. Miss him.”

“I know, kid.” Steve didn’t even want to blink, didn’t want to look away from Tony for even half a second. “I miss him as well. But we still have a piece of him. However small.”

*

4.56 am

“–and so that’s why Carol isn’t allowed in the accounts department of SHIELD.”

Steve had heard the story a hundred times in a hundred different retellings by a hundred different people, but he chuckled nonetheless. It was the way that Peter told it that really got to him; the way that he went off on small tangents and spoke in such a way that was entirely reminiscent of Tony. 

Peter’s voice was nearly hoarse with talking for however long straight. It was clear that he was making the most of having Tony around, even high in the sky and thousands of lightyears away. 

Suddenly, Peter yawned widely. “Man, I’m not as young as I was,” he said, stretching his arms up over his head and wincing. 

Snorting, Steve rolled his neck. “You’re not the only one.” He didn’t have much to show for his old age, but he felt it. He felt even older whenever he noticed how old Peter was or when it hit him that yet another year had passed without Tony by his side. 

“Oh, I never told dad about Rhodey! Right, so get this,” Peter said, turning away from Steve and settling back down on the picnic blanket, looking up at the sky again. His eyes found Tony’s star easily and he sunk into his tale, face animated and hands flying through the air to punctuate his story. 

It was another tale that Steve had already heard, but he was more than content to lie back and let Peter’s voice wash over him. Life, in that moment, was very close to perfect. As perfect as it would ever be again.

*

5.28am

The sun had started to rise. It was the moment they’d been dreading all night – or, well, morning. Soon, Tony would fade into the bright sky, his light blending in with the yellows and oranges that would streak across the cloudless horizon.

“That was longer than last time, right?” Peter asked, voice quiet and a little broken. “Seemed to go a lot quicker, though.”

“Yeah.” Steve didn’t turn his head, choosing instead to continue looking up at his favourite star until he could see it no more. He knew his eyes would start to burn as the sun got higher and higher, but he couldn’t bear to look away. “It did.”

Lapsing into silence again, they listened instead to the dawn chorus and the breeze picking up through the trees behind them. They knew they only had around two more minutes before the sun rose fully and the stars were no longer visible.

“He’ll still be there, won’t he?”

Steve smiled despite the lump in his throat. “Of course he will. He’s always there. You just can’t see him.”

“Can talk to him, though.”

“Course.”

The sky was alight with colour. White faded into a pale yellow, which in turn shone into a deep orange and blended out until eventually the sky was finally blue.

“Goodnight,” Steve couldn’t stop himself from whispering, not caring how his voice broke. Peter sniffed beside him and Steve noticed out of the corner of his eye how Peter turned away and busied himself with tidying up. “Goodbye, sweetheart. I’ll see you again. Soon.”

There was a warmth that flowed through Steve and he knew that it had nothing to do with the rising sun. It went from his head to his heart and right down to his toes, flooding his body with a happiness he knew came from only one place.

Despite his very best efforts, there was a sadness there, too. As beautiful as the effect was, the light that the new dawn cast meant that the stars were entirely eclipsed.

No more Tony.

*

6.15am

There was no point in staying there for any longer, but Steve couldn’t find it in himself to move. Even with Tony was gone from view, Steve still had Peter and a flask of almost-warm coffee left to drink.

“Another game of cards, Pete?”

“Sure.” Peter yawned so widely he nearly swallowed his head and Steve laughed loudly. “Oi! You may laugh, but I’m still awake enough to whip the pants off you.”

Steve snorted and shuffled to the edge of his chair, gesturing at the pack on the picnic blanket as Peter swivelled around to find it. “Prove it.”

*

6.59am

“What’s the rules about eating sugar for breakfast?”

Steve chuckled, not opening his eyes as he heard Peter rummaging around in one of their bags. “You’re an adult now, kiddo. Pretty sure I can’t tell you off for eating Twizzlers before 10am anymore. You’re in charge of your own teeth. Use your discretion wisely.”

“Right. Well, in which case, I’m using my discretion to say happy birthday.”

Steve peeked out of one eye, laughing and sitting upright when he saw what Peter was holding out to him. A chocolate cake clearly designed for only two people, twice the size of a single cupcake and no more. There was some lopsided icing threatening to slide right off its top onto the floor and a half-tied ribbon around it.

“In hindsight,” Peter said, “I probably shouldn’t have tried to make it myself.” He shrugged and handed it over to Steve, producing a knife from somewhere. “But it’s the thought that counts. Pretty sure Dad would agree.”

Smiling, Steve swallowed, turning the cake this way and that to have a good look at it from every angle. It definitely wasn’t an even shape and it seemed to be missing part of its base, but Steve’s heart could have beaten right out of his chest at the gesture.

“I’m sure he would,” he said, looking back up at Peter and feeling his smile grow. “It’s perfect. Good use of discretion, kid.”

“Happy birthday, Pops.”

Above them, a twinkle of light shone down, a tiny fleck of white in an otherwise perfectly blue sky.

#i am no brian may so pls let me off if there are inaccuracies with stars and sciencey stuff #i wrote a thing #i like this thing #stony fic #stevetony fic #steve rogers #peter stark rogers #peter parker stark #stony #stevetony #avengers endgame #stony au #superfamily fic #stony fic rec #an april assortment #kassandraescobat

[1zashreena1]

Princess and the Migraine -7

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: When Princess needs his help Murder Panther undergoes a trial by fire and comes out soft and gooey. Like a marshmallow. A really sexy, highly dangerous marshmallow.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and 'the code is more like guidelines' outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

NO SMUT, usage of names, mild groping (he’s still Diego), illness and medical establishments, plus size woman+fit man, secretly competent Diego!, helpless Princess, bad boys with too much money and not enough impulse control, secondary OCs, excessive swearing (???), illegal business dealings... I mean, its DIEGO

A/N:  Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I'm not a fan of "plot" so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic​​ @symbiont13​​ @nicke0115​​ @bunnykjm​​ @rosee-sensuelle​​ @girlpornparadise​​ @mandoplease​​ @heresathreebee​​ @xxsteph-enrixx​​ @jetiikad​​ @joalsglasses​​ @mutantcookiesecrets​​ @demoncatstone​​ @squidlywiddly87​​ @lockedoutofmyotherblog​ @poeedamerons​

gif by @nicke0115​

Diego had received the normal text from his Princess, a simple and efficient 'here' attached to a selfie. This Friday the selfie was in his bed, that mane of ringlets tossed up over the pillow and those deep blue eyes half closed in relaxation. There was nothing sexual about it, hell, he couldn't even see her lips, and it still made him half hard. What if I could see that every day? In person, right next to her? I must convince her to quit that stupid little job.

Groaning softly, he flips the phone to be held horizontally in his left hand while the right presses the heel of his palm into his burgeoning erection. He cannot wait to bury himself into that soft little body; fingers, tongue, dick, anything. She is the softest woman he has ever touched, even her tiny little feet are soft, it is maddening. He slouches down into the backseat to relieve some of the pressure from his pants.

"You want me to stop anywhere, boss?" Bastian asks from the driver's seat. Bastian is a good kid, he follows orders, he is efficient, he even anticipates needs like this, offering to get food on the way home. He looks nothing like his uncle. Julio always did say that his little sister liked blondes and Bastian was living proof.

"No, I will see what she wants to do first." Diego wants to get his hands on Princess more than he wants food.

Julio chuckles from the front seat, "His dinner is already at home, eh?" He's been with Diego for twenty years, he knows how this goes down.

"One can only hope." Diego mutters as he flips through the 'Pretty Princess' photo album in the phone's gallery. Sure, there are the expected compromising pictures (much to his delight, she enjoys posing seductively at any level of undress), but many are shots of her laughing, being excited at a new restaurant, snuggled into his side at some scenic location perfect for a couples' pic.

A couple. Is that what they are? Does he want that? (Yes) Can I have that? (I will).  He hasn't wanted any of what used to be his regular girls in… six months. Sure, Franchesca and, and whatever-her-face-is accompanied him to some club events, he even let Franchesca blow him in the car. But it wasn't until he closed his eyes and saw another gaze, drowning blue and dark as ink, that he came. Vocally. Franchesca at least knew better than to comment. That was the last time.

He wants this. He wants Princess. His Princess. How, he has no idea, but he assumes he'll figure it out. He has figured out how to survive his sister and his profession all the way to age 42. He has figured it out so far and he has no plans to stop now. 

That book about relationships and autism spectrum really helped, maybe there are other similar books that he can get. Is there a book on how to get women to admit feelings? There has to be a book on something so… unusual, yes?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The elevator dings and he steps out before the doors are fully open. The common area is dark and quiet. "Princess?" He calls. Nothing.

Maybe she is still in the bed waiting for me. The image throws him into rapid motion; the jacket is tossed over the back of the sofa and he pulls the gun out of his belt to place it on the breakfast bar as he passes by. With huge strides, he hurdles up the stairs and into the bedroom. 

The small lamp on the nightstand is at the lowest setting, turned to a faint aqua color. She does love fiddling with the ridiculous color options. Her bag is on the floor in front of the closet along with her purse, shoes, and a trail of clothing to the bed.. Odd, she always places everything just so. Never just, just dropped… anywhere.

 Princess is in the bed… but she is asleep. 

Diego pushes his shoes off and pads over to her side of the bed. Her glasses are on the nightstand and next to them the gemstone ring he gave her is threaded onto one of the diamond tennis bracelet for safekeeping. It makes him smile, how thoughtfully she cares for his gifts.

"Princess?" She winces at his soft rumble and cracks one eye open. "What's wrong?" He reaches out to touch her hair and she flinches away. Ouch, what the hell?

She holds out a hand, he takes that instead. "Baby?" Her voice is so quiet he can barely hear her. Something is very wrong. 

Kneeling to the floor, Diego rests his chin on the bed directly in front of her face and waits. He has learned that if it's something physical that is bothering her he can simply wait her out. Each time that he has tried this it resulted in a shorter wait period the next time and a less agitated Princess. He's not sure if he is training her or if maybe it's the other way around.

Her fingers curl around his thumb, small but strong. Finally, she opens her mouth, "I have a migraine. Was fine earlier, but police lights. On whatever bridge. We sat for like ten minutes, Bastian couldn't get out of the traffic. I took medicine, but I need to sleep." She pauses, her eyes closed tightly and brow furrowed. Her breathing is shallow, like she is trying very hard not to cry. "I'm sorry, baby." She whimpers, and then a real tear does escape.

"No no no, Princess. No crying. Please do not." The absolute last thing Diego can deal with today is that pretty little face all red and messy with tears. She sniffles but doesn't move away when he wipes the tears with his thumbs. Those blue eyes are watching him very closely.

"Are--" she licks her lips and tries again, "Are you mad at me?" Her high voice cracks at the end and she blinks back more tears. Apprehension is coming off of her in waves.

Diego cocks his head, trying to understand where this question comes from. "You… think I will be mad at you for being ill?" Slowly, he leans closer to her while she nods tightly with a tiny 'mm hmm' of affirmation. When she huddles into herself, almost hiding under the covers, understanding begins to bloom. "Have other people gotten mad at you for becoming ill?"

Princess swallows hard, her eyes slide away from his. She is embarrassed. Someone has managed to shame her into feeling guilty about a hereditary illness she has no control over. He can feel rage climbing up inside his chest.

"Y-y-yeah. It's really inconvenient. I ruin p-plans like this. I'm sorry." Her voice is muffled by the covers. She picks at the stitching on the sheet, snapping her nail back and forth over the threads in a nervous tic.

Right now, I am doing the training because this needs to be broken. Immediately. He takes a deep breath, "No, Princess. No one can be mad at you for suffering from a condition you cannot control. That is ridiculous. I could never be angry at you for getting sick." He tries very hard to sound soothing and not like he's about to reprimand a ludicrous child. Slowly, he pulls the sheet down until her entire face is visible. Her eyes flick back to him, then away again. "Aqui." She obeys the command thoughtlessly, locking on his gaze. Diego raises a brow in question.

Princess huffs a soft sigh, then whispers, "Okay." Her face smooths out, eyebrows straightening and lips relaxing back to their normal fullness. Her little nose even unwrinkles as she eases. She must decide she buys it, because next she timidly asks, "Will you bring me a Coke?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diego gets her settled with her phone (which he silences) and the small bottle of Coke (opened downstairs so the noise doesn't hurt her). When she pulled herself upright to drink he realized she was still dressed so he got her into pajamas, it was odd putting clothing onto her instead of taking it off. She kept her eyes closed and allowed him to move her around like a ragdoll, relaxed and trusting.

The tightness in his chest only worsened when she crawled into his lap and nuzzled into him with a plaintive, "Hold me." Princess wasn't really a cuddly type of girl, so he knew this was bad. After ten minutes she was done with the 'mushy stuff' as she referred to it. He let her get situated then went downstairs with instructions to check on her in two hours.

Diego spent the time researching migraines, her medication, and other possible treatments. Julio came and went with dinner, cheesesteaks that Princess had mentioned long before the police strobe lights. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The required two hours have passed, Diego swears it was two days long, so he heads upstairs to check on her. Princess is on her stomach, head turned to the left, and her mouth hanging open. His hand lands softly on her shoulder while he calls her, "Princess?" 

Nothing happens.

He tries again, just a little louder, "Princess? Hey, mirame."  Still no response. She is a light sleeper, this is highly unusual. And he is beginning to be concerned. 

Diego nudges her shoulder, then, when he gets nothing, pushes until she rolls over. She doesn't even make a sound. Shit. Shit shit shit. 

"Hey! Bicki! Wake up, come on." Her lashes flutter and she makes a whiny noise. Sitting on the bed, he hauls her into his lap so she leans back against his left arm. Tapping her cheek with his right hand gets a semi-verbal response.

"Dieg.. Where. I'm. Can't." She slurs and burrows into his chest. "Too brigh. Is brigh." Her voice is so quiet he can barely understand her. Her tiny hands are fisted in his shirt, hanging on for dear life. 

He grips her jaw in his right hand and turns her head to face him. "Princess? Can you tell me?" She's struggling through his name, like her tongue is too big for her mouth. "Yes, it's me. It's your Diego. We're home, in bed. You're safe." Her brow furrows as she processes this information. It takes three times longer than it should, he hasn't seen anyone this fucked up in a long time. Its terrifying. 

Finally, her hands in his shirt ease their grip and she looks around the room. "Diego?" She is squinting hard, blinking slowly.

"Right here, Princess." Turning her to face him, he can see that her eyes are completely unfocused, pupils so small they're barely visible in a sea of grayish blue. Her hands come up to touch his face and she makes a tiny noise of distress.

"Baby. Can't see. I can't." Her whisper fades as she goes limp, eyes rolling up. Her breathing stays even, if shallow, so he doesn't panic. Yet. She said she does this, that she will black out. Her whole family does it. Her sisters, her niece, her mom… HER MOM. 

Hit by sudden inspiration, Diego whips around to her phone on the nightstand and snatches it up. Her mom. Her mom would know what to do, right? Easing her deadweight back to the bed, he makes sure she is breathing easily, then turns back to her phone. He unlocks her cell with his left hand while digging his out of his right pocket. There, at the top of her contacts labeled 'Emergency', Mom. Dad. Diego. He ignores the sharp flutter in his chest at seeing himself as her emergency contact, and opens up the Mom item. Before he can second guess himself, he taps in the number in on his own phone and hits the green button. She better know who I am or this is going to be a disaster. 

It rings twice before a remarkably similar voice answers, "Hello?"

Shit, now what?

"Hello, is, is this Kat?" Fuck. Shit. Damnit Diego.

"Yes…?" It really is startling how similar their voices are.

"I do not know if you know who I am, my name is Diego and I--"

"Diego! Ohhh, I know who you are." She laughs lowly, just like Princess. He notes the fact that she recognizes him instantly for later discussion.

"I apologize for calling like this, but I need your help." He tries not to sound scared. He does not get scared.

"What's wrong? Is she okay? Are you okay?" Apparently he failed. Her mom, Kat, knows instantly that something is amiss.

"She said she had a migraine and took her medicine. Now, I cannot get her to wake up fully and she keeps repeating that she can't see. I don't know what to do, I've never seen her like this. Please." It all comes out in a rush, he hopes she can understand his rapidly thickening accent.

"Okay, first of all, take a deep breath." Do I sound that panicked? Should I be panicked?!? "This isn't that unusual for her more severe migraines. As long as she keeps breathing. Is her breathing fairly normal?"

He watches her chest rise and fall at regular intervals. "I, err, yes? It's a bit fast, but even." 

"Good. That's good, Diego. She is not going to like this, but you have to take her to the ER."

"Okay. I can do that. Yes."  Wait, what do you do when you take someone to the ER?

"Okay, listen. You have to tell them that she's had these since she was a kid. She takes the highest tablet dosage of imitrex, tell them what time she took it. She needs the shots, yes she has had them before, no drug allergies. Under no circumstances do you tell them that she blacked out or they will admit her. Also, no chance of pregnancy, they'll ask that. If they think she might be pregnant then they won't treat her."

THEY WHAT.

"What do you mean? Won't give her the shots? If she might be pregnant? What shots?" Diego is very confused. This is a lot of information in a very short time and all of it is very important. Why would that matter?

"Hospitals will not give medications to pregnant women. Only tylenol, generally. And that isn't going to help." Her mom sounds like this topic has been thoroughly debated in their household. 

"Okay. No pregnancy. No black out. Have been having these her whole life, need shots, have had those before. I have the bottle of ...imitrex? I should take it along?" He ticks each item off on a mental list. "Actually, could you text all of... that?" He most definitely does not want them to admit her.

"Of course. And taking the bottle is perfect, that's quick thinking. What time did she take it?"

What time did she take that?? She had already taken it when he got home. "Sometime before seven…? Yes. Between six and seven."

"One last thing, I want you to be prepared. Its two shots, a sedative and a pain medication, but they'll put it in her butt."

That's… interesting. "In her butt?? She won't even let me put something in her butt." He mutters petulantly.

Her mom is sputtering with laughter. "Oh, I see why this relationship works. Wow. This is perfect."

"Err, is there anything else? I've never been to an ER, so. Um." Something about the way she sounds just like Princess puts him at ease, like he doesn't need to worry about impressing her.

"No. I'll text you the list after we hang up. Just let me know how she is tomorrow, okay? I know you'll take care of her, Diego."

"Yes, I will. Thank you." He ends the call and texts Julio to get up here now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ER is pandemonium and Princess is extremely unhappy to be there. She is curled into his side, trying to hide from the noise and the light, while Bastian fills out forms for her. Julio thought to bring her purse, it was a very good idea since her entire identity is in there. When Bastian hands over the forms to the desk the nurse sees Princess's hospital work badge in his hand with her ID and she magically shoots to the top of the waitlist. 

The nurses come to take her into the back, they bring her a wheelchair which she grumbles about but goes willingly when Diego pushes her into the seat. He wants to go with her, but he isn't family. If this were anyone else he would do whatever he wants, but this is his Princess. The thought of breaking her trust by violating her privacy is unbearable, anything like this has never been discussed. 

They barely disappear around the corner before a nurse comes right back.

"Alright. Which one is Diego? She will not shut up and she will not calm down. Come with me." The nurse grabs his arm and practically drags him for a few steps until his longer legs catch up. 

They go into a curtained room where one nurse is trying to manhandle yoga pants down well-rounded hips and another is opening prefilled syringes. Princess is swiping at the unfamiliar hands on her body, unbalanced and jumpy. Little noises of fear escape from her lips in high pitches, her head is down and her eyes are closed tightly against the florescent lighting. Diego suddenly remembers that she can't see. She is terrified.

"Princess?" The second he touches her with one hand she dives into him. Her own little hands claw into his shirt and she tries to mold her body to his. "I'm here. You're safe." Wrapping arms around her, he holds her still tightly. She nods against his chest and relaxes a tiny bit. 

The nurse with the syringes looks pointedly at Princess's butt, then back up at him. Oh. Right. Sliding one hand down her back, he inserts fingers into the back of her pants and eases the elastic waistband down. "Its just me," he whispers into her hair as she trembles in his hold. The strong muscles of her butt twitch, but she doesn't fight him. She trusts me. 

Its over in under five seconds, both shots and both bandaids, one set on each side. She jumps with each injection but can't seem to process what happened fast enough to respond appropriately. 

The nurse doesn't even bother to look up from cleaning the table. "Okay, take her home and put her to bed. She'll sleep for the next eight hours." 

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "That's it?"

"Yep, thanks for your help." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Princess succumbs to the sedative halfway home and Diego has to carry her to bed. She really does sleep for most of Saturday. He keeps going in to check on her, she is completely limp and doesn't change position once. Its a bit disturbing how helpless she is like this. Has she had to do this alone before? Or, worse yet, with the awful ex?

He stays right beside her after that.

When she finally wakes her eyes are normal again and she immediately reaches out for him. "Diego?"

Her little question makes him smile warmly. 

"Right here, Princess. Welcome back."  He rumbles softly, unsure if sound still hurts her. Stroking one hand down her back makes her arch up into his caress. So beautiful. 

She squints up at him through the curtain of her hair. Slowly, Princess rises to all fours, then eases back to sit. "I…" she blinks at him. "I have to pee." 

Okay, so awake but not totally coherent yet. She requires a little assistance in the bathroom, mostly a steady arm to lean on, but they manage it with only mild to moderate giggles and one bruise-inducing bump to the corner of the counter. 

She stumbles back to bed, collapses face down, sticks her left arm out in his general direction, and wiggles fingers at him then back at herself.

"Take the stupid bandaids off. Shit itches."

Oh yes, finally time to touch the butt.

Diego sits on the bed beside her, one hip pressed up against her own. He firmly strokes both hands down her back just to hear her deep moan of pleasure. She arches up when he reaches the curve of her ass. Oh good, she is feeling better. Fuck that, she feels amazing, he chuckles at his own joke but doesn't pause in gently groping her. The silky panties slide easily over her cheeks, the sight makes his mouth water. The pale skin is only marred by the bandaids, so he pulls them both off in rapid succession then smooths fingers over the red marks. 

"Mmmmm," she moans with the gentle treatment, "Thank you for taking care of me. That's the first time someone other than my parents did that for me. How did you know to take me to the ER, anyway?" Her voice is muffled in the pillow, soft and sleepy and content.

Diego absent-mindedly runs a finger down the crack of her ass, feather light. "Your mom told me what to do when I called her."

"YOU CALLED MY MOM?!?!"

Judging by her volume, apparently no, sound does not hurt her anymore.

#damnit diego #actually thank you diego #murder panther #soft murder panther #zash writes #stupid fluff

[its-ashleyreads]

Finished: 27/03/2021

The Burning God by R. F. Kuang

They would take back the south with sheer numbers. The Mugenese and the Republic were strong, but the south was many. And if southerners were dirt like all the legends said, then they would crush their enemies with the overwhelming force of the earth until they could only dream of breathing. They would bury them with their bodies. They would drown them in their blood.

Rating:  ★★★★☆

Summary:

After the Dragon Republic’s betrayal, Rin returns to the south to raise an army and fight for herself and her people. But the Southern Coalition isn’t much better than the Republic, there are enemies everywhere Rin turns and while they may have the numbers, they don’t have the time or the training to win the war. But there is more than one way to win a war, Rin knows firsthand how easy ending a war can be, if you only have the right weapon…

Review:

This review has been a long time coming. I finished The Burning God over a week ago but even after talking it out with my book club, I’m still not entirely certain about how I feel about what happened. The first thing I want to mention though, is that while this was definitely my least favourite of the trilogy and didn’t leave me feeling totally content with the ending, The Burning God was a very good end to this series and I can at least sort of understand why certain decisions were made, even if I don’t agree with them. That being said, on to the review!

To start off with the things I liked, Venka, Kitay, the little nods to moments from the other books in the series, the characterization, some of the battle scenes.

Things I didn’t like, the boring trek scenes that took up approximately 50% of the book, the Hesperians and their gadgets (which were always mentioned but never explained), Nezah, the trifecta, the exact same thing happening for the third book in a row where Rin trusts someone and they stab her in the back, especially since at the beginning of the book she had a whole monologue about how she wasn’t going to let herself be used as a weapon and was going to fight for herself this time. And last but certainly not least, the murder of my innocent babies, Venka and Kitay.

This third installment of the series felt really rushed to me. Although there was roughly three-hundred pages dedicated to Rin making her way somewhere, all of the battle scenes and important moments between characters felt rushed. That whole thing with the trifecta took over half of the book but was over in two short chapters; Rin racing down the mountain after the temple was blown up took longer than the scene with Riga rising from the dead or whatever. Like, I understand that plan not working out, I do, but for how much time and effort was invested in that storyline it really should have amounted more to one boring fight. I personally think that that storyline should have taken a full book and then they could have dealt with the aftermath of Riga in another one but whatever, I’m not the author. Not to mention that Daji and Jiang both felt really weirdly characterized to me. I could tell that Kuang wanted the reader to feel some sort of sympathy toward Daji, and some sort of trepidation towards Jiang, but after two previous works making us think of them one way, it’s hard to make the reader reverse their feelings of them like that. And that’s what’s so disappointing, because Kuang did that. When Nezah betrayed Rin in The Dragon Republic I changed my mind about him so fast I got whiplash, but it just didn’t land with Daji and Jiang.

That scene where Riga is awakened was made all the more odd by the fact that the Hesperian’s just happened to show up? Kuang tried to explain it away by using Kitay and Rin to imagine what Nezah must be thinking but it just doesn’t make any sense, especially when later when they fight Nezah in battle and try to think of all the things he might do, Nezah outwits them? Which is it; are Rin and Kitay mind readers or dumb as bricks? Hesperian equipment was also so advanced and sophisticated but Kitay was able to figure out how all of their stuff worked in just a few minutes, even the weird gold bracelets that Nezah wore, Rin and Kitay seemed to figure out but was never explained to the reader? At least the other stuff Kuang gave half-hearted explanations to. The Hesperians in general were always mentioned but never actually showed up except for in the city where they found Kitay that the Hesperians had essentially converted into a Victorian steampunk city in less then six months. And I think that’s one of the big faults of The Burning God, that there’s not really any villain. I know that the first two in the series are morally grey by the ends of them, but during The Poppy War and The Dragon Republic there is a clear enemy, it’s only after that everything becomes muddled. With The Burning God, yes the Republic and the Mugenese are the enemy, but it mainly just feels like there is no enemy which I also blame on the long trekking sequences; I got so bored at some points I forgot who they were supposed to be fighting.

The real enemy of this book, however, was well and truly, R. F. Kuang since she murdered Venka and Kitay. I have spent all week trying to understand why she did it, but I just can’t. Venka, a survivor of brutal sexual assault, turned general had no reason to die in that way. I could maybe understand if Rin’s paranoia had her kill Venka with her own hand or something, but the fact that she just kind of died felt wrong and disrespectful. It was like the miscommunication trope, something dumb that could’ve been avoided but the author got lazy. Then there’s my sweet, sweet Kitay. Kitay was used and abused by Rin this whole goddamn series. He was apparently a pro strategist, but Rin always did her own thing and never seemed to listen to him. She caused him immense pain every time she called the Phoenix but did it on the reg anyway just to show off. (The scene where she calls more fire than she ever has, so much that it should have killed Kitay and neither of them ever mentions it. Also, what ever happened to Rin’s brother who Nezah may or may not have held prisoner and may or may not have killed? We’ll literally never know). But then Rin started losing her shit. I can understand why she ended up this way, after all of the betrayal this girl has had to face, I more than understand. But once they’re on Speer and she realizes what she has to do, Kuang could have found a way to save Kitay but she didn’t, and that’s what pisses me off. Rin’s story was done, but Kitay’s was not. As the author, Kuang could have had Rin even attempt to release Kitay from their bond but she didn’t even try. And the fact that their deaths happened simultaneously with only Nezah to witness it meant that most of the focus was on Rin, since he loved her. Kitay was given a few measly lines at most and I HATE IT. Chen Kitay deserved better and that is all I have to say about that.

While I seem to have focused on only the bad stuff in this review, I did really enjoy the characterization of Rin and a lot of the earlier stuff in the book. I feel more like I’m going to block parts of this book out of my memory but overall, this series was fantastic and I would highly recommend giving it a read.

#The Burning God #The Burning God Spoilers #R. F. Kuang #r f kuang #rf kuang #the poppy war #the poppy war series #tpw #tpw spoilers #tbg #tbg spoilers #the poppy war spoilers #fantasy #fiction #historical fantasy #ashley reviews #book review #4/5 #book club #kobo

[87devices]

QOAAD

*SPOILERY REVIEW/THOUGHTS* 

I finished QOAAD a couple days ago and I’ll say I have some mixed thoughts on it. I am somewhat disappointed tbh but it also DID have its moments.

I have to say I felt this book had too many POVs. I didn’t like that. I didn’t feel like they were all necessary. All the POVs only ended up with me feeling very disconnected from the story as a whole, and the characters, even my faves at times. I think the POVs where one part of the problem, the other I am not sure. Maybe Cassie has too many projects on her plate or idk but something impacted her writing. Not just for QOAAD but I felt it in Ghosts of the Shadow Market stories too. It had a few exceptions but compared to The Shadowhunter Academy short stories overall, they just weren’t as good. :/ As much as it pains me we gotta wait like 4 yrs for TWP maybe its a good thing? The onslaught of books may have passed and TWP will get more focus. Im just gonna tell myself this to get through the waiting time OTL. 

I will start with thoughts on Emma and Julian as they are the main characters. 

I like both Julian and Emma’s characters, but I think they lost me somewhere at some point in this series as a couple. I can’t say exactly when but reading QOAAD I realized I didn’t care for them as a couple. I’ve seen this is the case for many others too. Was I very intrigued where the parabatai curse would lead? Yes, but that’s it. Now the parabatai curse, I wasn’t too satisfied with how that played out. I kinda was and I kinda wasn’t. I guess I was expecting something bad to happen some consequences but the rune just burned away and that was that. I loved when Julian got his emotions back and went all into head of the institute since I was a child mode. Like I know my shit I know what I’m doing. Then Dru being like “good to have you back, I missed your lunatic schemes” xD I love Julian scheming ok, lol but like with emotions.

I gotta say one of my favorite things about TDA and what I felt like was one of its strong points is that togetherness the Blackthorns had as a family. My favorite thing about Julian was his love for his kids cause they are his kids!! BUT I just didn’t feel it in this book. When looking forward to QOAAD I was looking forward to how they were all going to deal with Livvy’s death. The kids where gonna need Julian so much but he just wasn’t there for them ALL throughout the book which was my BIGGEST disappointment. At first he wasn’t there because he took away his emotions and separated from them, then he got back and because he was emotionless he couldn’t be there for Ty when Ty reached out to him clearly troubled and broken. Now, I don’t blame him. He was emotionless after all, but after he did get them back I feel like he didn’t make the effort to be there for them. It was like he didn’t remember the way Ty reached out to him before and the things he said to him about his plan. After he got his emotions he was all busy with the Horace-Cohort situation and his situation with Emma but what about the KIDS JULES?! ;_;  It was Ty who again sought him but he didn’t really try to pay attention to what was going on with him, during and after their little convo. It felt like 

Jules: oh btw you good? 

Ty: yeah sure 

Jules: ok im here btw 

Ty: K

Jules: K 

And that was it. He never found out about the necromancy or biting and just *sigh*. At least the biting is something he should’ve and would’ve noticed as Dru pointed out. Everyone was on their own basically and then in the end he and Emma are going on a travel vacay. Like what?! There was Helen but Helen is not Julian. She is trying to get to know them but Julian is the one who is basically their parent. There are 2 things I loved about Julian best, one was his willingness to do what needed to be done, and second was his care for his family and like I said, I did not feel it here. :[  I’ll say I do love Julian’s character, and more than Emma’s actually. Emma is just fine, but there is a lot more going on with Julian. Though neither are my faves in this series. But I love Julian xD 

THULE: ok so I was sobbing during this part. I couldn’t control my tears. All this broke my heart when we found out about how everyone’s fates turned out. I felt so sad for Livvy all alone there. Everything was just so tragic ;_;. I do found myself wanting for the POV to switch to see their friends and family freaking out about what happened to Emma and Julian. I’ll say it didn’t make sense to me how Ash went into Thule only like 5 minutes before Jemma and he aged up yrs yet Jules and Emma where there for a pretty long time too and nothing?? It was another reason I wanted the POVs to switch I was wondering if yrs where passing by in their world or what. I’ll say I did enjoy the pain and hurt Thule gave me lol. It was one of those moments where like I didn’t felt disconnected with the characters at all. I was very much feeling all the feels but it also felt like I left QOAAD and was thrust back into CoHF. It felt too much like TMI it was kind of a whiplash, like from TDA i went back to TMI then TDA again. 0.0  

Now to my faves

Ash!: He was one of my favorite things of this book! His character was so interesting. I have high hopes for his character. He is probably not all good or all bad but what I’ve seen of him from boy to teen he is more good and human than meets the eye. Cassie Cassie Cassie! Do we really need a 3rd evil Morgenstern? No, No Nope! He deserves the chance Sebastian never had! </3. ;_;

The way he shook when he was holding that sword with the Unseelie King when he was trying to make him kill Kieran. He clearly didn’t want to and not only that, he questioned WHY, like he thought you can’t just kill someone just because. Then in Thule we had Thule Dru talk about how she noticed he didn’t want to be there for Thule Sebastian’s executions, among the rest of things that happened there.

Now Ash and Dru, omg PLS I ship already! I cant wait for them!  

Ty and Kit!: My other faves, my babies. I am the most invested in them! I just knew they were going to be separated at the end of this. I had a feeling. Then they made that “To never being parted” declaration in the campfire and I knew for sure oh no, they are gonna part. ;_; Their fight in Lake Lyn broke my heart a little bit, tears were shed. It particular broke my heart how while they were both physically fighting, they were crying about it and the whole situation. Though I’ll say I also did like that Kit went to live with Jem and Tessa <3. I feel like he is in the process of finding himself as a shadowhunter and just as a person too. I love that Jessa will be like his family. I cant wait for Jessa being parents! Also the arc of them separating only to meet again yrs later with so much unsaid ugh I cant wait for them either OTL. I could drown myself in feels thinking about all the different scenarios in which they might meet again. ;_; Oh! When they were in the campsite and Kit was wondering why Ty didn’t went inside the tent with him right away was everything. His mind was just reeling with TY scenarios it was the cutest. 

I have to say I hope TY, KIT, and DRU, as they are our main characters are given priority in TWP no 10+ POVs PLS. (Ash gotta be in the POVs though ofc.) We only have 3 books with them. They deserve the focus so we can connect with them the most. Heck if there is no more than 4/5 POVs even better. We can get to know other and new characters without being in their heads as we got to love Ty without his POV in TDA. 

Mark, Kieran, Christina: Other characters I love too. What can I say? I love that this threesome happened. I think the initial delivery coulda been better, but I loved their ending. When I say their initial delivery I mean their coming together as 3. I LOVED that spark they had in LOS when we first could see that there could be something between the 3 of them like ‘OMG what?!’. But in QOAAD I feel like I didn’t get like a full understanding of how and why Kristina and Kieran came to love each other. We could all see the love, feelings, and intense connection between Mark and Kieran since LOS. Also the connection between Mark and Christina, but with Kieran and Christina I feel like it needed more development. They were suddenly very into each other when they hadn’t spent much time together after LOS events and Kieran left with Diego. I’ll say what did help that a bit was that it was actually pointed out by Christina herself, saying how what they might have (Kier+Tina) is probably not close to the connection Mark and Kieran do. Despite this I love how it eventually concluded with the three of them. It was bittersweet, like Kieran my boy <3 ;__; but I liked it very much. Have I said how much I specifically love Kieran and Mark because I do!!

Lastly, woah I did not see that coming with the clave leaving Idris. I’m shocked  they even agreed to that considering how prideful they are of their home. It is also like a safety cocoon for them. Im still processing, this is a huge change. It will be so interesting where the shadowhunter world goes from here. 

#ok this turned out way too long but i just had a lot to say ok #thank you if anyone read it all hehe #qoaad #queen of air and darkness #tda #kitty #kierarktina #julian blackthorn #ty x kit #kit x ty #ash morgenstern #ashthorn #blackstar #ty blackthorn #kit herondale #the dark artifices #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunter chronicles #kieran #kieran of the hunt #mark blackthorn #kieran kingsmaker #text

[fweeble]

Episode 7: The Rich Boy

So if my predictions are on track, everyone will want a friend available to hold their hand this episode, but especially next episode. This is your early warning detection system Fwee working just for you. Pick a calming friend.

*hysterical laughter* THE MUSIC. Shorter, my love, please. I die without oxygen.

Ibe popping out at the last second to take this snapshot is the cutest thing. Weh.

Shorter, no. Are you taking pictures of her. That’s rude. Also, what’s with this bizarrely off-model hands-and-arms action going on, Mappa???

That poor lady.

Please have some pity, Ash. He was in a very emotionally taxing custody battle over his son and now you are all heading to his ex-wife’s. And Jessica is to be feared and respected.

I’m awful and I’m laughing so hard at the fact that Max nearly hurling is what causes the car to careen away from the lady. Good job, Max. Stop Shorter from being skeevy.

*cries* Eiji and Ibe are so cute in this. My heart.

Holy shit, Jessica, your house is gorgeous. I want to live in a house like that. And in the LA area. 

Y’all are heartless. Poor Max. At least offer him a bottle of water. His poor nerves.

*screams* IT’S MICHAAAAAAEL.

My heart. Max’s happy face at seeing his son. Q vQ <3

THIS IS EXACTLY MY FEELINGS.

JESSICA PLEASE. GUNS ARE DANGEROUS AND YOUR SON IS NEAR YOUR TARGET.

Just gonna casually slide these panels in:

Truth in television: most child abductions are by family members (particularly parents if they are separated).

I’d hide behind the car too. Look more worried, Ash.

*cackles at Max’s face*

*even louder cackling*

I love Jessica.

Fair enough.

Max’s adopted kid and his biological kid: side by side.

They tactfully left this conversation out. = u= Poor Michael.

My heart. You’re such a good child, Michael.

ASH. WHY. LOOK AT IBE AND SHORTER’S FACES. 

Have I mentioned how much I love Jessica.

The phone book interruption is marginally better than asking for mustard. @ v@

Oh, Ash. My heart. Why the lighthearted music, this is actually super painful

*clutches chest* This is super rude. Q AQ

Apparently they don’t discuss Abraham with Jessica, huh.

Max, Jessica’s gonna knee you in sensitive bits if you keep that up.

*cries*

Usually I’d be blowing kisses at Mappa, but all I can think about is I want this house, I could have some dogs run free in the front yard.

Shorter, why do you walk like this. You’re gonna kill your back. 

*cries over their protective stances* Sweet children.

*high pitched distressed noises*

I always forget this line. Personally, I never found them very similar. Looks or otherwise.

*screams* STAY HIDDEN ALEXIS, STAY HIDDEEEEN.

They also totally cut out an additional scene in NY with Charlie and Jenkins.

I really love how they don’t bring up Ibe or Eiji, since they both, without a doubt, know that they’re in violation of their visas. Q uQ You’re good people, Charlie, Jenkins.

I LOVE JENKINS SHOWING OFF HIS DETECTIVE SKILLS. Q vQ <3

SHORTER WHY MUST YOU STAND AND WALK LIKE A YANKEE STRAIGHT OUTTA SOME 80′S MANGA. YOU’LL HAVE BACK PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU’RE 30.

*cries* I really do have a type when it comes to favorite characters. Yankees.

Eiji is so impressed. I miss the scene where Ibe and Max are the ones astounded. Good ol’ 80′s.

Criminal geniuses, Max please. Eiji isn’t one.

*cries over how much Ash trusts Shorter* I love these two so much.

GOOD INSTINCT!!!

VERY GOOD OBSERVATION, ASH!!! That’s why you’re the boss.

...of your own gang.

BULLSHIT. I’m clumsy as fuck. I’m like a bull in a china shop. *cries* I will never be called twinkle toes unless it’s an insult.

Bless you, Shorter, for being an inelegant asshole as well. 

Nooooooooooooooo. They cut so much ooooout. But, fair enough. More time for better things later!!!! (Please keep in my two favorite scenes, please!!!)

He had to meet some friends. *emotional*

I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH. Sassy asshole Ash is always my favorite Ash. u vu <3 <3 <3

Eiji is basically Daphne. He finds all the good clues.

Which makes Ash Velma, since he puts those clues to good use. u vu

AWW LOOK AT THESE TWO. They’re gonna develop their own high five. Please give me a scene where Eiji and ash also have their own secret thing. Maybe a handshake that involves hip-checking. Please. 

Look at a certain someone about to spontaneously combust with envy. That’s totally the face of envy and not... outright confusion.

Holy shit, Prof Dawson. Still using XP! 

Nope. It truly isn’t. 

*whispers* Essentially, Nanner Fish is primarily shrooms and LSD.

Prof Dawson, who keeps notes like this. Please revise your notes. At least add commas. And work on formatting. 

*blows kisses at Mappa* Marry me.

This answers my giant question I’ve wondered about for years. Hong Kong, huh. No wonder they spell their last name with Lee. I’ve always wondered why a clan part of the Chinese mafia would use Lee instead of Li.

Hong Kong is one of the few places (besides Taiwan and Macau, I think?) that uses that variation. (ANWAYS, back to the Nanner Fish anime...)

Shorter. Please. Your back. Just take the phone from him, look at it, and return it.

Oh, my heart.

THIS IS NEW AND SO FUCKING RUDE. EXCUSE YOU. *crying* Shorter without his sunglasses. I’m crying. Nadiaaaaa.

*ugly bawling*

FUCK.

*screaming*

*uncontrollable sobbing*

Sonny... Q AQ

Fuck you.

TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM.

(Don’t look at me. I’m fucking. Nooooo.) 

Ooooh, I like this change. Instead of switching between Max-and-Ibe and Max-and-Ash, it just starts with Ash and Max working on the Nanner Fish research together. Nice.

Ooooh, is this a callback to the vivisection password?

*noises* Griff.

*whispers* Papa Max. I don’t care what anyone says. I like to believe that Max guilt-adopted Ash as a son in his heart. He meant to think of Ash as a baby brother, but paternal instincts are strong.

Listen to Max, Ash. Please.

*distressed dying manatee noises*

*loud wounded hippo noises* Just leave me to die.

My heart... *lies drowning in endless sea of salt and tears*

They’re really trying to make him so much more sympathetic in the anime. He was a lot more aggressive and confrontational in the manga. A sample:

*cries* Max...

I tried so hard to get a nice picture, but it was panning so quickly every one of my gyazo shots were blurry. God. How much did this kill Shorter?

CMSKDLFJOIEWJFLDSKF. FUCK YOU.

*HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING* YOU ARE TOO GOOD, TOO PURE AND THE LEE CLAN TOO CORRUPT AND CRUEL. 

SHORTEEEER.

FUCK YOU WITH THE LARGEST BASEBALL BAT WITH THE RUSTIEST LARGE NAILS HAMMERED INTO IT. HOW DARE YOU MAKE IT A RACE THING. ESPECIALLY IN THE 10′S. FUCK YOU.

CMLKSDMFLSDF. YUT-LUNG. FUCK. *cries over the opening* 

MAPPA YOU ARE SO UNBEARABLY RUDE.

Please. Just kill me now.

*cries* I’ve always loved this lovely mood whiplash exchange. I prefer the manga version of it, though. It’s more... slapstick?

Poor Sonny. Q nQ

Why would they put the mark there. That’s not easy to conceal. 

I think they should’ve stuck with the bracelet. Yeah, someone could steal it, but still a lot more subtle than a huge black dragon tatt on Yut-Lung’s neck.

Yup. *sigh* Sadly...

*whispers* And this is why, no matter what people say later on, why I will always hold a grudge against Yut-Lung. Shorter...

Consider this: No. Fuck you.

Oh, my heart. Since Shorter made the comment that Yut-Lung looks like Eiji... I wonder if this is why he makes that comment. Because... Because...

You’re a kid too, Shorter...

*whispers* This is important.

*continues to stage whisper* Also important.

I love the effort Mappa put into all the details. The strangely Chinese-esque artwork hanging on the wall considering this is Alexis Dawson’s house and he’s not connected to the Lee Clan.

Good job, Ibe!!!

Especially since the anime doesn’t bring up your visa status.

m so glad Ibe doesn’t have to fully entertain the notion that he might just have to kidnap Eiji (and how he’ll have to do it). Bless Ash for volunteering earlier.

Poor Ibe. Eiji, you’re gonna make him age 30 years in 3 months.

Also, bonus Max being hot-headed and totally not reading between the lines.

*cries* That’s not true, Eiji! You helped solve the computer’s password! ...In the manga...

YEAH. AND THAT. I totally didn’t forget. *sweats*

*strangled noises* Ash...

What about Shorter. Q AQ

Excuse me as I curl in the fetal position, crying about letters and mountains and leopards and how everything about this is so much more painful in hindsight. 

Eiji... I just... *aggressive hands* All these feelings and nothing I can do about anything.

On one hand: I like the art direction taken.

On the other: Why you gotta be like this, Yut-Lung?

*whispers* They left this out. Truly toning down Ash’s tsuntsun nature.

Every time I read these panels, all I can think of is Shorter internally screaming for Ibe and Eiji to get away. To fly to Japan and never come back. 

If y’all have your friends on hand like I suggested... lucky you.

@freykugel​...

Because I’m in pain...

I love how Max has a higher EQ* than he does in the manga. He truly misses a lot of emotional cues that he doesn’t in the anime.

I miss Max rubbing it in, though. Manga Ash was a lot more emotional and hot-headed. Until...

...

*really fucking loud crying about epilogues*

I really appreciate how much emphasis is put on Max’s guilty conscious in the anime. My heart. 

Cmkalsfsadfljkasfd. NO. Yut-Lung. Just. No. NOPE.

I’m sad they cut out my son’s snark, though.

Rebel! Rebel in every tiny way possible, Shorter! No matter what happens, what anyone says, I know you tried. And I’m so proud of you.

There’s a very valid reason why...

Cmkalsdmflasfd. I just want to see his eyes. I want to see Shorter’s face after he’s been order to commit another betrayal.

God dammit, why do you have to live a billion miles away. I seriously need someone who knows what’s about to happen to be close enough to hold my damn hand already. *weeps*

FUCK YOOOOOOOU.

CMSDKLFMLSDF. FUCK YOU SO MUCH, YUT-LUUUUUUNG.

HOLDING NADIA HOSTAGE.

Oh god. Seeing Shorter’s eyes doesn’t make this better. Cmklsamfdlsafd.

Ohmg, yes!!! They kept this bit in!!!

(How dare Mappa add this expression. How dare they try to make me sympathize with Yut-Lung any more than the manga already tries. How dare.)

This is so much worse than I ever thought it could be.

Shorter.

WHY DO YOU LOOK SURPRISED. WHY.

*strangled sobbing* I wonder if this is a reason why... Yut-Lung obsesses so much... about... 

*intense feelings about Yut-Lung and his feelings towards himself and his family*

Why add this totally unneccessary scene about Yut-Lung noticing Shorter’s tears, Mappa you bastard. *cries*

The same scene in the manga because I’m emotional and I’m totally not biased for Shorter and hoping people don’t start dumping my boy in the trash... Honestly...

(I live in constant fear...)

THIS IS SO CRUEL. 

I’m so torn between: EEE! Michael with his surprise present (that didn’t show up in the manga! Since there wasn’t an excuse of “It’s Michael’s birthday”). Cutest child to ever cute.

But also: Fuuuuuuuck. I was secretly hoping they’d get off scott-free since Jessica doesn’t know anything about them heading to check out Dawson’s house. Whyyyyyyy.

Why you gotta be so observant, Jessica. Q vQ

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Nonono. No. NOOOOO. 

I said NO.

SOMEONE SAVE THEM.

Lay me to rest. Play If I Die Young at the funeral and send me off like like Going Merry. I’m done.

I’m not quite sure how they’re handling the pacing, especially since it seems like my projections are a little off. Still so worried how they’re gonna fit 19 volumes in 24 episodes... especially since it looks like The Episode I Fear the Most won’t be happening next episode like I originally estimated but episode 9 instead...

*Emotional Quotient: google it if you’re curious

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#Fandom: Banana Fish #Banana Fish #Nanner Fish Liveblog #spoilers #tw: spoilers #long post