#Dumo has my heart

[hiding-from-reality-56]

You Could be My Second-Best

I wrote this in 20 minutes while procrastinating working on my main WIP,,, Have some angsty Dumomoto with past McYam, as a treat!

Rated Mature for sexual content, no graphic depictions are included however.

Drabble begins below the cut!

He misses Connor.  Kailer chastizes himself for thinking about his past situationship while he’s actively riding Dumo, whose ridiculously large hands rest on his hips, his thumbs finding the edges of Kailer’s belly button, digging in gently on each downstroke. He’s done everything in his power to get over his two year ‘fling,’ if one might call it that, going so far as to ‘accidentally’ grab the wrong jersey for practice, to jokingly come up with a ship name between him and Brian. It had set the wheels in motion for whatever this is. The sex is great, Kailer has to admit. Brian definitely knows what he’s doing. He can also cook, like, really cook, and his vast knowledge of wine hasn’t failed Kailer yet. He’s a genuinely great guy, his eyes light up when discussing his interests, his quiet presence in the locker room is grounding and steady. And let’s not get Kailer started on those ridiculous cheekbones. But he’s no Connor, with his goofy little smile, his genuine modesty despite being the best player in the world, his stupid fucking yellow jock shorts which Kailer had affectionately called ‘dick curtains,’ his repulsive socks, and his occasionally awkward sense of style. In many ways, Brian is the polar opposite of Connor; smooth, sophisticated, laid-back, with a refined palette and a passion for wines, cheeses, and everything gourmet.  But there’s something in his heart that aches whenever he gets yet another notification from Bouch, with another link to an article about another milestone, another record from his old teammates. Most are Connor’s, as one might imagine.  If only Kailer had just pushed through his injuries a little better, scored a little more, gained a little more weight in the offseason; then maybe, maybe he could’ve stayed. He can feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, silently begs them to go away, not right now, not when he’s so close- Kailer breaks.

I also posted it on Ao3 if you wanted to go give it some love <3

#kailer yamamoto #brian dumoulin #connor mcdavid #dumomoto #mcyam #light angst #ao3 #hockey rpf #my writing

[givemetherapyimawritingtravesty]

@noots-fic-fests

Me? Scheduling this one to post ahead of time? Sometimes I get a win okay lol

I've had this idea since the moment I saw the prompt and knew it's what I wanted to write. I don't feel like I did it the justice it deserves but the idea is too bitter sweet and I hope y'all have enjoyed my too short ramblings these last 13 days.

Remember: spooky season isn't over! It's a state of mind *taps temple pointedly*

Remus made his way upstairs quickly, having waited for Sirius to lay out their Halloween costumes and call him up. He took the stairs two at a time and made his way the the bedroom where the door was cracked open. He pushed it open as he entered the room and saw Sirius standing next to the bed, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt nervously.

“What do you think?”

Remus’ eyes wandered to the bed where two costumes were laid out; a striped referee shirt with a whistle and a yellow fireman’s uniform, hat included.

“I was thinking maybe we have a bit of a resurrection. Of the old ones. But this time you’ll be the fireman.”

“Baby,” Remus breathed, his heart doing a funny thing in his chest. It was doing loopty-loops as his brain tried to figure out what to think about the suggestion. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I want to. And you know the team has been asking how and when we- you know. And it was then. Halloween night. That I finally… that we talked. Kind of got together.”

“You consider Halloween the anniversary of that? Not your birthday dinner?”

“I mean, kind of? The Halloween party was first, and for me, that was a bigger step. Confessing how I felt. Learning you felt the same,” Sirius made his way over to Remus, taking his hands in his own. “Besides, we can’t give Dumo the satisfaction of confirming it’s because of him we got together. We would have sorted ourselves out eventually, I knew that for sure after that night.”

“You know they have bets going on when we first got together? I guess we never did officially explain that. You know, since we never really got to tell them anything at all…”

“I know. Which is why I want to share this, now. Something back in our control that we can tell them. Share with them. I want that. And I want to see black soot smudged on your face while that white shirt hugs all your new hockey muscles. You have no idea what you do to me. Not that I was any less attracted to you before you bulked up, but merde, loup.”

Remus laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss. “So that’s your nefarious plan. To oggle me all night.”

“And throw flags on the play when you’re too hot… oh wait, I think there should be one right now…” Sirius trailed off, tugging Remus towards the bed.

“You are devious. We still have to clean the house and cook before the party tomorrow–”

“Worry about it later. Give me an hour, then you can go back to your vacuuming.”

“Fine,” Remus says, though he’s holding back a smile. He willingly let’s Sirius pull him down onto the bed and cover him in promising kisses.

#sweater weather lumosinlove #coops #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #fic-o-ween #and thats a wrap for this year

[eusuntgratie]

🔀 sid and dumo maybe? 🥺

😍love this one, thank you nonnie!

Sid’s not used to playing with boys his age; he’s been playing up for years. But there’s a new kid on his team, just moved here from some little town he’s never heard of, and he’s only a year older.

He’s big, and he’s good, and Sid’s having a hard time keeping his eyes off of him.

He’s quiet. He’s got a sweet smile that he tries to hide; he seems to be wary of the other boys. Not exactly like Sid is, maybe, but he’s…different, in the locker room. He’s always nice, will join in for some chirping but never takes it too far, and always has a kind word or a compliment for anyone who stops to talk to him.

“My Dad says he used to be incredible. He was gonna be good, maybe play in college or even go pro. But he broke his ankle and now he fucking sucks. I don’t know why the hell they keep playing him.”

John Vetta, an insufferable asshole whose father is even worse, is spouting shit about Dumo when Sid comes into the locker room.

“He doesn’t suck,” Sid mutters, surprising himself.

“What’s that, Crosby?”

“I said he doesn’t suck. Dumo’s good. That’s why coach keeps playing him with Kris. Kris plays better with him, too, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Better than what, asshole?”

“Better than when he was stuck with you. It’s hard to play defense without any help.”

“Oh, fuck off, you pussy,” Vetta barks, storming across the locker room in half his gear, but Dumo picks that exact moment to swing open the door. He stares Vetta down until he heads back to his bag.

“Whatever,” he mutters.

Sid tries and fails to hide his smile.

After practice, Vetta clears out quick so he can whine to his dad and the coach and try to get everyone he doesn’t like kicked off the team. Again.

Dumo catches Sid in the locker room.

“You don’t have to do that,” he says quietly. “But thank you.”

His small smile makes Sid feel a little wobbly. He’s got pink cheeks, and his dark hair is curling from the sweat, and he towers over Sid, even out of his skates. His heart’s beating a little too fast.

“All I did was tell the truth.”

Dumo smiles even bigger.

“You really think I’m good?”

“I know you’re good. I watch you every week. And you really are the best d partner Kris has had. He’s great, but he’s been carrying defense by himself for too long.”

He bites into his lip before he can let “you’re pretty when you blush” slip out of his mouth.

“Thanks, Sid. You know… the shit they say about you, it isn’t true either.”

“What did they say to you?” he asks, torn between wanting Dumo to like him and therefore not wanting him to hear all the shit his teammates, their parents, fucking everybody says about him, and needing to know.

“It’s stupid. You know it’s stupid.”

“Yeah.”

Dumo sighs and looks up at the ceiling before saying, “just dumb shit. That you’re a crybaby. That you can’t fight. That you get special treatment from the refs. Stupid shit we both know isn’t true.”

“I don’t care what they say about me,” Sid says. He mostly means it.

“I don’t either.”

“Good.”

“I- I just wanna play. I’m happy I can still play.”

“Is that all you want?” Sid asks, voice low.

His smile is a little shy, but it sure is pretty.

“Maybe not,” he answers in a whisper.

“Wanna come over? We can shoot some pucks in the basement.”

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

send me a ship and 🔀 and i'll shuffle my playlist and make an au

#siddumo #what #men's hockey rpf #hockey rpf #shuffle prompts #grace writes #thank you nonnie any excuse to write dumo i am 🥺😍🥰

[ttylfedora]

Pie Face

This made me so incredibly happy writing, I hope it makes you smile too!!

Characters belong to the wonderful @lumosinlove

Enjoy!!💚

“Papa, non, you have the be quiet!” Katie whispered, emphasising her point by placing for pointer finger against her lips. “Ssshhhhhh.”

Pascal chuckled at his daughter but nodded anyway. He looked over his shoulder to find Remus barely containing his own laughter, whilst attempting to hold a phone still so that he could record.

“You remember the plan, mon Princesse?” He asked his youngest. She nodded eagerly.

“We go in, you pour water on him and I pour glitter in his hair!” She whispered back, eager to get going. “And then Lolo puts whipped cream on his face and Re records! C'est un plan parfait!” At this point she was practically burning a hole in the carpet with how much she was bouncing up and down on the spot.

“Parfait, Princesse, parfait. You ready?” She nodded as he lifted her into his arms, picking up the glass of water on the side, along with the glitter to give to his daughter. Logan squirted a sizeable amount of whipped cream onto a pie base and nodded to Remus to begin to record.

They opened the door to the sitting room quietly, to reveal a sleeping Sirius, dead to the world on the couch in the middle of the Dumais’ front room. One of his arms lay on his chest next to his phone, indicating he fell asleep while he was scrolling through social media. The other fell across his eyes to block the light coming in. Light snores could be heard from the French-Canadian.

Katie could barely contain her quiet little giggles and Dumo crept closer to the sleeping captain, with Logan in tow and Remus a bit further behind, so as to catch everything.

Dumo turned to the camera, and whispered, “I thought you would have learned your lesson about sleeping in the middle of the day when you’re babysitting.” He started laughing quietly, tears in his eyes from holding it back. He placed the water down on the side and carefully extracted Sirius’ phone from his chest, mindful not to wake him.

Katie uncapped the glitter, her eyes filled with joy as her father picked up the glass of water again and poured it over Sirius’ face, Katie quickly pouring the glitter over him too.

“QUOI-“ Sirius awoke with a start, lashing and falling onto the floor. Dumo stepped back quickly, doubled over with laughter. Sirius quickly stood up, and still in his state of shock, Logan struck.

The whipped cream hit the captain with such a force, it sprayed everywhere, coating the walls, the couch, the coffee table, some reaching far enough to splatter the TV. Katie was in stitches.

Sirius was still stood, arms out as he was at a loss for words. He removed the pie from his face and rubbed the whipped cream from his eyes. Before him stood, Dumo, with Katie in his arms, both with tears streaming down their faces as they howled with laughter; Remus, who had to hold the wall for support so that he could keep the phone steady; and Logan. Well, Logan wasn’t really standing, he was crouched on the floor, his knees weak from the laughter shaking through him.

“Cap, your face-,” Logan started, unable to continue as another cackle left his body.

“Mon Dieu-,” Dumo, like Logan, couldn’t find coherent words to finish his sentence, as he placed Katie down and placed his hands on his knees as he laughed all that much harder. A hearty dad laugh that was way too obnoxious but homey at the same time.

Sirius was still stood there in shock, betrayal etched onto his face as he looked over at his boyfriend holding the phone. “These two,” he motioned towards Pascal and Logan, “I’d expect it from. But you!” He pointed his finger to the curly-haired boy, who still couldn’t seem to stand up straight off of the wall.

“Papa, it’s on.”

#sweater weather lumosinlove #prank #Sirius black #Coops fluff #Dumo has my heart #coast to coast lumosinlove #lumosinlove

[fruitcoops]

oooo maybe you could write one where sirius parents bash him before a game and we see sirius, the team, parents reaction

This fic was pure catharsis. Thank you for the ask <3 SW credit goes to @lumosinlove

TW for past parental abuse (canon for Sirius' parents), attempted physical abuse, confrontation, emotional fallout, cutting ties with toxic family

And how do you feel about your youngest son’s decision to go to college?

Sirius taped his socks down with a black roll. The rainbow stared up at him from his duffel, unused and judgmental.

We’re very disappointed in Regulus. He’s throwing away an irreplaceable opportunity and we expected better after everything we’ve done for him.

Her voice had been controlled and deadly soft, with just the right amount of regret. She almost sounded sad, if that was an emotion she could feel.

And Sirius—

We don’t speak of Sirius, his father had interrupted. The interviewer had faltered in silent surprise. He’s made his choice.

He’s been very supportive of Regulus to the media—

He’s always been stubborn and contrary, ever since he was a child. The coldness Sirius remembered well from his childhood had leaked into his mother’s voice, taking away the false disappointment and replacing it with a cruel edge. He would say anything to go against us.

The interviewer had looked between them like a rat caught between two mountain lions, finally realizing the gravity of his fuckup. Sirius applauded him—it took him seven years to figure out just how dangerous that house was, and only thirty minutes for this stranger and his microphone.

Do you keep in contact with Sirius?

And then came the kill stroke. His father’s face like stone, and his mother’s nose high in the air as she spoke like the hissing snake. Sirius Black is the greatest regret of my life.

The interview had ended less than a minute after that statement. The reporter didn’t seem to know how to respond, and Sirius didn’t blame him. It wasn’t every day one was told point-blank someone’s parents wished they’d never been born.

A hand brushed his shoulder blade and he swiped his sleeve under his nose. Left skate, right skate, get up. Get up. Get up, play the game. “Mon fils?”

Dumo would be looking at him like he needed to be pitied. Revulsion rose up in his throat at the idea. “Ouais?”

There was a rustle as Dumo crouched to his level, turning his face away from the rest of the silent locker room. Shutting Remus out and ignoring everyone’s texts in the two hours since the video’s release had been difficult, but necessary. They had a game to win. He didn’t need people spilling their sympathy all over him about something he already knew, no matter how hollow he felt.

The hand on his shoulder squeezed gently. “Are you alright?”

“Let’s win this thing.”

“Sirius—”

“They didn’t exactly hesitate to tell me that to my face for eighteen years, Pascal,” he bit out, staring at the floor. He couldn’t bear to meet that kind gaze. Not when he needed to muster some anger to fuel him through the game. “I’ve known I was the family disappointment for years and it hasn’t stopped me yet.”

“Please don’t bottle this up.”

“It’s fine.” He sniffed again, though no tears threatened to fall. “This has always made me stronger.”

“You didn’t have to be strong,” Dumo said quietly. He sounded like his heart was breaking. “You were supposed to be safe and loved and—”

“None of that was an option, so I did the best with what I had.” A tremor was building in his stomach and he swallowed it down, gripping the edge of his seat. “I’m going to go warm up before anyone else starts pissing me off.”

It was a cruel thing to say. Something that his mother would do before guilt-tripping him. But at the moment, he’d rather ask for forgiveness later than fall apart like some poor, lost child who had finally reached his limit.

He took his stick and marched past the rest of his wary-eyed team, intent on burying the pain in a few good slapshots to get his head back in order before the fans arrived. Maybe he could ask Remus to sneak away for a quick, heavy makeout session or some other distraction that would ground his thoughts. He couldn’t afford to go into a game with his whole life tilted on its axis.

The door flew open before he even got a hand on the knob—he flinched as an armful of person fell into him and the door slammed closed again. Fingertips dug into his upper arms almost painfully as Regulus stared up at him. “Maman est là,” he hissed.

Maman est là. Words offered as a warning and an olive branch less than a year prior, words Sirius hadn’t heard since a canyon of ice and six years of separation sat between him and his brother. Even after everything they had been through, his stomach still leapt into his throat; finally, with a heave and a groan, the dam of hurt gave way to anger. “Where?”

“I saw them coming in. Nobody’s allowed into the rink yet, but they were going that way and I think they were at your house and they know I’m home from school and they’re looking for me.” Regulus was shaking as he clutched Sirius’ arms. There was an old fear rising in his gaze.

Sirius could feel his heartbeat in his ears. “How do you know?”

“La vidéo. They know they lost you, but I’m still fair game. They were coming for something, and I’m the only thing they have left.”

Sirius Black is the greatest regret of my life.

Sirius took a deep breath through his nose, holding Regulus’ shoulders loosely as he choked back the urge to hide. They had always been good at that—for all its faults, Grimmauld Place didn’t lack for nooks just big enough for two small children to curl up in. “You’re okay,” he heard himself say. He should have known better than to think his mother would give up that easy after All Stars. “Stay here. I’ll take care of it.”

“Cap, we can handle them,” Talker said quietly behind him. The weight of their eyes pressed heavy on his shoulders.

Sirius stayed silent for a long moment before running a hand down his face. He could wait for security to kick them out of the rink, or for his teammates to be bravely stupid and fight that battle for him. He could hide with Regulus, then go out and lose a game. That was safe.

And yet safe had never been an option for Sirius when it came to his parents, and he was tired of walking on eggshells around them. He was tired of running away, of pretending like they didn’t haunt him, of constantly wondering whether they would slip back into his life when he least expected it. He had loved them, once. He liked to think they had loved him, too. But he was done clinging to the scraps.

“I’ll take care of it,” he repeated with a reassuring squeeze of Regulus’ shoulders and a kiss to the top of his head. His footsteps echoed in the empty hallway as he made his way out of the locker room, lonely and cold until they were joined by others tumbling over each other. “I didn’t ask you to come with me.”

“Don’t even start,” Remus said dryly. James just scoffed.

“I don’t want you to come with me,” he tried again, though his courage surged at the sounds of their voices.

“Say bad things about captain, say bad things about team,” Kuny said. There was none of his jolly humor in his deep brown eyes when Sirius glanced back. “Wait to meet assholes for very long time.”

Two black-clad figures—mon dieu, the drama never stops with them—stood stark against the red and gold stands as the six of them entered the rink. His heart stuttered in spite of himself. They were arguing with a pair of security guards, but his mother stopped when she saw him. Her pale hand rested on his father’s arm, and then Sirius was bearing the full weight of their combined gazes for the first time in over a year.

He was seven, and got caught sneaking an extra glass of juice from the fridge.

He was freshly ten years old, and Andromeda had put her sparkly hair clips in his too-long bangs as a joke that his parents didn’t appreciate.

He was fifteen, and desperately keeping back tears while their silent disappointment filled the car in a choking cloud.

He was twenty-three, and Thanksgiving went from bad to worse and he knew he couldn’t hide that mark from Pascal.

He was twenty-seven, and he had five members of the best family he knew flanking him. Not fighting his battles, but supporting him.

A slender hand touched his lower back and he let out a slow breath. “We’ve got you,” Remus murmured.

Every step was steady as they crossed the ice; the shush of half a dozen pairs of skates soothed him. “Orion,” he said as they pulled to a stop. “Walburga.”

Her thin lips twitched. Of all the features they shared, he was grateful he had skipped that particular one; he’d rather not spend his life looking like his favorite hobby was sucking on lemons. “Sirius.”

Next to him, James’ breathing was tightly controlled. “Why are you here?” Sirius asked. Straight to the point. Give them nothing to bite at.

“We’ve come to take Regulus home.”

“He’s not here.”

“Liar,” his father snapped. Sirius clenched his jaw around a flinch. “He’s not as sneaky as he likes to think.”

Sirius kept his chin high. “You’re not allowed to see him.”

“Oh, petit, you sound like me,” his mother cooed.

He took a deep breath to calm the tide of snarling fury. “Get out.”

“No.”

One of the security guards stepped forward. “Mr. and Mrs. Black, nobody is allowed in the stands for another—”

“I wasn’t addressing you,” Walburga said icily, not breaking eye contact with Sirius as she held her palm up to the man. “Speak when you are spoken to.”

The poor man seemed baffled, and Sirius offered a slight shake of his head when he looked over. “Neither of you are welcome here and you know it. You made your feelings toward me perfectly clear earlier today. Rest assured I will not contact you.”

Manicured nails, sharp as claws and twice as deadly, curled around the boards as she leaned forward an inch. “We’re not here for you, mon regret.”

To his right, Leo’s breathing went shallow. “Get out of this rink,” he said, voice low like Sirius had never heard.

“I wasn’t speaking to—”

“Drop the attitude,” Remus interrupted. Sirius’ chest hitched with instinctive fear, but he stayed put. “You’re no better than anyone here, Walburga.”

Her steel grey eyes flickered over them before settling on Sirius again; he reveled in the faint pink flush of anger on her cheeks. “Control tes chatons et ta pute before they shame you further.”

“They’ve been more of a family to me than you ever were. Get out of here before you shame yourself.”

“You’re a failure and a disgrace.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“We’re not leaving without Regulus,” his father said. The warning in his tone reminded Sirius of an avalanche siren, inevitable and familiar, marking the moments before cold pain set in.

Sirius gripped the bench in front of him until his knuckles were white. “Over my dead body.”

Movement flashed in his periphery and he caught his father’s wrist half a foot from his face as five shouts cut off behind him. Adrenaline flashed to his heart like lightning—he had never stopped a hit before, just taken them and then moved on. Bones and joints flexed under his fingers and shadows covered his father’s brow. “You—”

“Lay a hand on me again and I swear to god this whole country will know what selfish, cruel, and disgraceful excuses for parents you are.” A shaky feeling spread all the way through Sirius’ abdomen. His father’s wrist felt surprisingly fragile in his loose hold. “I will drag your name through the mud and I will enjoy every second of it.”

“Is this how you repay us for everything we gave you?” his mother hissed through her pearl-perfect teeth. “Everything we did, we did to make you better.”

“And it was never good enough,” Sirius snapped. He knew his voice was louder than he had tried to keep it, but the fear was fading and the anger was dimming and he just wanted it to be over. He wanted to be done with the dance he had been forced into since he was too young to understand. “Nothing I did was ever good enough for you, and you made me think it was my fault for falling short of your bullshit expectations.”

“Watch your language when you address—”

“Shut the fuck up.” Soul-sucking silence fell over the room and Sirius felt his heart skip a beat before something like glee bubbled in his stomach at the sight of his mother’s abject shock. “For once in your life, shut the fuck up when I’m speaking to you. Are you listening to me now?”

He took their lack of response as a ‘yes’.

“I’m not your property,” he continued, releasing his father’s hand. “Regulus is not your property. You have no claim to either of us and I will be damned before I see you take his happiness away. I have a family. You have nothing. Get out.”

“You are an ungrateful child and always have been.” Walburga had returned to her lethal softness, but it didn’t scare him as much as it had when his life felt as if it was in free-fall. “You would rather throw your lot in with cheaters and thieves before returning to your family.”

“You threw away your chance at being my family the second you started treating me like a profit instead of your son.” Sirius swallowed hard as the words left a bittersweet taste on his tongue. “I didn’t ask them to come here with me, but they did it because they care about me. I am not a successful hockey player because of anything you did. I am successful because there are people in my life that love me without my skates and that is something you have never understood.”

Simpering disdain tilted his mother’s mouth, like it had when he said he wanted to be a firefighter at age five. “Nobody will remember you for anything but your name.”

A grin tugged at the corners of Sirius’ mouth until he stopped trying to hold it down, letting the sheer hilarity of that statement slip free for just a moment to watch the triumph on their stern faces wane. “And when people hear that name, they’re going to think of your queer, married son and his queer, college-educated brother and they won’t remember a damn thing about either of you. Now get out of my rink.”

“Don’t speak of debasing yourself—”

“I debase myself damn near every night—”

“You spit in the face of everything we—”

“You didn’t do—”

“Regulus was the only loyal—”

“Regulus is happier without your claws in him—”

“Do not interrupt me again!” his mother shrieked, grabbing him by the arms and yanking him close.

Three different hands grabbed his jersey to pull him back, but her nails couldn’t bite through the sleeves. Sirius smiled. “You are nothing without Regulus and I, and that’s your own fault.” He glanced toward the security guards, each of whom had one of her elbows. “Could you get them out of here, please? There’s a game tonight and I don’t think they have tickets.”

And Sirius watched as his parents were led out of Gryffindor Arena boiling with rage and utterly helpless, left with nothing but bluster to their name. A familiar weight fit against his side like a puzzle piece and he lifted his arm to rest over strong shoulders. “Proud of you,” Remus said with a light kiss to his wrist.

James cuddled under his other arm and Sirius held him tight as a sigh fogged up the bottom half of his glasses. “Can we still drag their names through the mud?”

“I could go for some mud-dragging,” Leo agreed.

Talker snorted. “Throw a little slander in there and it’s a party.”

Kuny’s hand was heavy as he ruffled Sirius’ hair with a light sniffle. “Strong man, captain,” he said, uncharacteristically quiet. “Good man.”

They headed back to the locker room together, all wobbling the second their skates came off the ice, yet unable to fall as their looped arms kept them steady. Sirius felt his bones beginning to shake from the dimming adrenaline. Regulus looked up from where Kasey was braiding his hair and smiled like the sun itself when he saw Sirius’ face.

Collapsing into Dumo’s hug felt like coming home.

#sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #regulus black #pascal dumais #kuny #talker #thomas walker #leo knut #lions #walburga black #orion black #sweater weather #vaincre #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #hurt/ comfort #angst #past abuse #standing up to toxic family

[icantswim-03]

Jake N Bake: Jake Guentzel

Busty Rusty: Bryan Rust

Sumo Dumo: Brian Dumoulin

Lebang: Kris Letang

No Kap: Kasperi Kapanen

Pickle Jar: Tristan Jarry

The Zach Attack: Zach Aston-Reese

Bluey: Teddy Blueger

Simon Says: Dominik Simon

IAMSCORE: Evgeni Malkin

SC87: Sidney Crosby

The Other Brian: Brian Boyle

Dan’s Not My Dad: John Marino

Dach: Chad Ruhwedel

Zuck You: Jason Zucker

Hot Rod: Evan Rodrigues

#1 on the ice #1 on ur heart: Casey DeSmith

Petty: Marcus Pettersson

Jake N’ Bake has created a group chat!

The Pen Den

Busty Rusty: wtf is this

Jake N’ Bake: U know exactly what this is

Sumo Dumo: but why tho

Jake N Bake: mostly because I wanted to see what ur guys usernames are

Busty Rusty: well now u saw can we leave

Jake N Bake: no

Sumo Dumo: why

Jake N Bake: I wanna know who everyone is

Pickle Jar: actually same

Jake N Bake: who tf are you

Pickle Jar: Tristan…

Jake N Bake: Tristan?

Jake N Bake: ohhhh jars

Busty Rusty: Jake low key scares me sometimes

The Zach Attack: felt

Jake N Bake: shut up with your lame ass username

The Zach Attack: well idk what else to make it

Jake N Bake: gee I don’t know Zach

Jake N Bake: maybe REESE’S PIECES

The Zach Attack: no those are gross

Bluey: BITCH YOURE GROSS

The Zach Attack: talk to me when your username isn’t a kids show

Simon Says: wait you don’t like reese’s??

The Zach Attack: not the pieces

No Kap: Wtf why not

The Zach Attack: idk they’re like peanut butter skittles

Sumo Dumo: bruh you just ruined reese’s pieces for me

The Zach Attack: plz never “bruh” me again

Sumo Dumo: bruh

Busty Rusty: bruh

Jake N Bake: Bruh

No Kap: ~bruh ~

Simon Says: bruh

Pickle Jar: bruh

IAMSCORE: BRUH

Sumo Dumo: lol even geno “bruh” ed you

IAMSCORE: WHO IS ED

Jake N Bake: ...anyways

Jake N Bake: how about we figure out who everyone else is?

Sumo Dumo: well I gotta assume that SC87 is Sid

Jake N Bake: seriously SC87

Jake N Bake: what? did you steal that from Cristiano ronaldo?

SC87: Hey! Maybe he stole it from me

Lebang: doubt it

Jake N Bake: sounds like somebody needs to try a little harder

Busty Rusty: you better watch how you talk to Sid or he might get you traded

Jake N Bake: nah I’m too important to the future of this franchise

Busty Rusty: damn, cocky much

Jake N Bake: ha you said cock

Sumo Dumo: you are a literal child

The Other Brian: jake..

Sumo Dumo: dang you have all the Brian’s coming after you

Jake N Bake: wait! we have like 3 of them

Busty Rusty: you just realized??

Jake N Bake: pshhh of course not

Sumo Dumo: sure

Jake N Bake: ANYWAYS back to figuring out who is who

Jake N Bake: who the fuck is “dans not my dad”

Busty Rusty: who the hell is dan?

Sumo Dumo: Potash maybe?

SC87: or Bylsma

Jake N Bake: I literally have no clue who either of those people are

Dan’s Not My Dad: DAN MARINO

Dan’s Not My Dad: SO MANY PEOPLE ASK IF IM RELATED TO DAN MARINO

Jake N Bake: literally no one has ever asked you that

Sumo Dumo: one elderly lady on the street asked him about it and he’s held onto ever since

Lebang: anyways before johnny throws a fit

Zuck You: can we all appreciate my name?

Sumo Dumo: it is pretty sweet ngl

Busty Rusty: meh

Busty Rusty: I’m kinda feeling dom’s tho

Simon Says: thx bro

Jake N Bake: but is it pronounced like the game or like your last name

Busty Rusty: his last name you dumbass

Jake N Bake: there is no need to call be names asshole

Busty Rusty: you wanna fight

Jake N Bake: you wanna have more points than me?

Busty Rusty: I was out more games than you, bozo

Jake N Bake: excuses excuses

Sumo Dumo: okay but who’s dach?

Dach: me

Jake N Bake: DONT TELL ME I WANNA GUESS

Dach: k

Jake N Bake: bitch did you just k me

Dach: yuh

Jake N Bake: bitch ass

Jake N Bake: is it petty?

Sumo Dumo: petty’s name is literally petty

Jake N Bake: hmm is it my man E Rod?

Hot Rod: look at the last word you said and the last word of my name

Jake N Bake: dang that’s tough

Sumo Dumo: is it Casey?

Jake N Bake: NO SHUT UP IM GUESSING

Sumo Dumo: dang kid chill out

Busty Rusty: no it isn’t

Busty Rusty: Casey is ‘#1 on the ice, #1 in ur heart’

Jake N Bake: geez why is that so long

#1 on the ice #1 in ur heart: you know what else is long?

Jake N Bake: …

#1 on the ice #1 on ur heart: my blockers you gutter minded fool

Jake N Bake: good thing you didn’t say your dick

Jake N Bake: cuz we all know that isn’t true

#1 on the ice #1 on ur heart: Jake why were you looking at my dick

Jake N Bake: I wasn’t

#1 on the ice #1 on ur heart: then how do know

Jake N Bake: umm

Jake N Bake has left the chat!

#nhl #nhl players #pittsburgh penguins #hockey #evgeni malkin #sidney crosby #jake guentzel #bryan rust #brian dumoulin #kris letang #marcus pettersson #chad ruhwedel #tristan jarry #casey desmith #teddy blueger #zach aston reese #kasperi kapanen #dominik simon #brian boyle #john marino #jason zucker #evan rodrigues #group chat #crosspost #aos

[achliegh]

Mistletoe Madness: Day 1

Santa's Kinda Hot…

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

James was chasing everyone around the locker room wearing a headband with mistletoe dangling off a stick right in front of his forehead. He has already snatched a couple cheek kisses from Sirius and Dumo, he was currently working on Logan. He was collecting all the French-Canadians’ first for some reason.

Leo was watching, finding it absolutely hilarious when Logan gave James an extra sloppy smooch on the cheek when an arm is slapped around his shoulders.

“Hey Leo, I have a job for you.” Remus smiles at him and Leo knows exactly what he is going to ask.

“Nope, I won’t do it.”

“Everyone on the team has, except you.” Remus sings at him, reaching up and pinching his cheek moving his hand back and forth so Leo’s head shakes. Slapping his hand away and rubbing his cheek Leo reluctantly agrees but only if Remus promises not to take pictures.

The next week he found himself being giggled at by his boys, Remus and a bunch of kids' mothers as he pretended to be Santa for the baby team Remus still coaches even if he plays now. Kids hopped up in his lap and would always comment on how he didn’t have a beard but when Remus’ had him try it on a few days ago it gave him a terrible rash, so they decided to just say:

“I’m a Santa in training, I’m actually the big man's son and am practicing to take over for him.” All the kids seemed to accept this. Going about telling him their mile long lists of things they want all while he himself was thinking about what to make for a meal later.

He was thinking chicken and rice soup sounded amazing.

“What do you want for Christmas?” Leo asks a relatively large boy who sat on his knee after the fastest talking child he has ever heard ran back to his mom.

“I don’t know… What do you want for Christmas, Santa’s son?” Leo looked at him for a moment, he wasn’t really asking for anything this year. As he got older he realized making gift lists for holidays or even his birthday was getting harder and harder. He didn’t really want material things. His gaze wanders from the young kid on his knee to the two goofballs putting ripped pieces of paper in Remus’ hair hoping he doesn’t notice. He smiled a little at them, his heart thumped a little harder and he could feel his cheeks warming just a bit.

“I have everything I could ever want.” Looking back at the child who was fiddling with his thumb. “A new blender would be nice though.” The child's mom snorts in front of them and both he and the kid smile at each other.

“I think I want to be able to visit my grandma, I haven’t seen her in a long time and she lives very really far away. I miss her.” Leo ruffles the kids floppy blonde hair.

“That's a good gift, but a hard one to deliver.”

“A new remote control car would be nice too.” They laugh together as the kid hops off his lap and goes back with his mom. He was expecting another kid to sit on his sweaty knee but instead he got a Logan on one and a Finn on the other.

“That was the last sticky-fingered gremlin! Ready to go?” Finn kisses his cheek putting his arm around his shoulder.

“You know, this Santa costume makes you look very handsome.” Logan is fixing Leo’s fluffy white collar and cupping his neck once he is happy with the adjustment.

“I agree, Santa is kinda hot. In a weird mystical way. Also in Rise of The Guardians he was sexy as hell.” Finn stands up and snatches Leo’s hat, putting it on his head. “I think you look way better.” He winks before walking over to Remus to ask what they have to do next.

“I don’t think I’ve actually seen Rise of the Guardians.”

“Me either, let's get you out of this costume and go home to make some soup or something.” Logan stands up helping Leo up and slapping his ass when he walks past towards the other two delinquents. Winking when Leo turns around to playfully glare at him.

He’d get him back.

#leo knut #finn o'hara #sweater weather #logan tremblay #o’knutzy #lumosinlove #coast to coast

[hockeylvr59]

Collide Part 2 || Sidney Crosby

Summary: Life as a single foster mom and a pediatrician didn’t leave much time for dating. But when Dr. Erin Lancaster becomes the pediatrician for Pittsburgh Penguins Defenseman Brian Dumoulin's baby boy, her association and quick friendship with his wife Kayla turns her crazy but quiet life upside down. 

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Apparently my brain is just on a Sid kick lately. First a blurb update, now this one. Let me know what you think. 

Warnings: alcohol consumption        Word Count: 2,001

~~~~~

The weeks leading up to the holiday season were usually some of the best as a foster mom. The kids that I called my own, even temporarily, generally didn’t have a great experience with family holidays in the past and it was always exciting to teach them the magic of the season. The joy of watching the Macy’s parade and then football before having a big meal, going looking at Christmas lights, and everything else that filled the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

This year though, this year was tough. A few weeks ago, just days after my trip to the hospital, the seven year old I was fostering was moved to another placement. More biological siblings had popped up in the system and taking them would have placed me over my permitted limit. So instead, the rambunctious boy I was finally starting to make strides with was moved so that he could be with siblings he had never met, all because of the preference of keeping siblings together. A week later, my five year old was transferred back into the care of his mother who had successfully completed a rehabilitation program. I wasn’t sure the woman could be trusted but the court had decided she was fit enough to regain custody and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Finally, yesterday, my newborn had been deemed stable enough to be placed with a paternal grandmother now that he was completely off the drugs. I had done my limited job of making sure that he got elevated care and now he was in the placement I knew he’d end up in all along. 

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and for the first time in a long time I didn’t have any kids under my roof. Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t have any kids placed with me, it had been that long. Yesterday, it had been easy enough to ignore, I went into the office to catch up on paperwork, I picked up dry cleaning and went grocery shopping before drinking half a bottle of wine and falling into bed exhausted. 

Today though, things were quiet and now that the world had stilled around me, my normally thick exterior cracked and I found myself sobbing steadily. I loved being a foster mom, I really did, but it was heartbreaking to know that these kids would never be mine for one reason or another. That while most days my house was full of laughter and as much love as these kids could manage, days like today would always be waiting at the end of it all. 

While drowning my sorrows with a pint of ice cream I definitely didn’t need to be eating at 11am, my phone buzzed beside me with a message from Kayla Dumoulin. She had texted more than once over the past few weeks with worries such as whether Brayden’s cord was healing normally and whether she could cut his nails because he didn’t like the mittens but she didn’t want him to cut himself. Through our text conversations she had learned of my rapidly emptying house and her message this morning was just to check in and see how I was doing. 

She was such a sweetheart and I replied with a shrug emoji declaring that if sobbing over a pint of ice cream at 11am was normal then I was doing just fine. The phone rang a moment later and I sighed seeing her name pop up because the message wasn’t intended to make her feel guilty or anything, it was just genuine honesty. Still, I answered the phone, setting the pint of ice cream aside for a moment. 

“It sounds like you need some baby cuddles.” Kayla stated, the sound of soft chatter coming through the line. “Why don’t you come over. Brayden wouldn’t mind seeing his favorite doctor.” She suggested. 

“That’s sweet but I’ll be okay.” I assured her. “I don’t want to impose. I’m sure I can find something to do.” 

“You’re not imposing.” Kayla insisted. “Me texting you at 2am with a breastfeeding question was imposing.” Her voice was teasing and I sighed softly remembering being up with my own newborn when she had a question about hers since Brian was on the road. 

“Seriously.” She continued. “Come over, snuggle Brayden, and give my husband a second opinion on this bottle of wine he just got since I can’t drink.” She suggested. Sensing that she truly meant it, I sighed and agreed reluctantly telling her to send me the address. 

____

45 minutes later, I had cleaned myself up so it didn’t look like I had spent the last few hours sobbing. After putting on some light makeup, I had thrown on some black jeans, a striped long sleeve tee, and a tan pullover before deeming myself decent enough to head out. 

Plugging the address in my phone’s gps, I drove over to Kayla and Brian’s neighborhood, parking down on the street in front of their house. It didn’t even register that there were approximately a half dozen cars spread between the driveway and the street already as I made my way up to the front door. 

Kayla greeted me after just a minute and I gently teased that if I didn’t know better I wouldn’t believe she just had a baby as she let me inside. That made her smile, and as she guided me to the kitchen for a glass of wine I realized that there was a significant amount of noise coming from the living room. It wasn’t until she was murmuring for me to make myself comfortable that I realized the living room was occupied by almost a dozen Penguins players, football pregame on tv. 

“Alright Muzz, you can give my baby back now.” Kayla declared half-joking, half-serious. As soon as the goalie handed the baby over, Kayla was crossing the room back to me and handing off the little boy who just snuggled into my chest as soon as he was placed there. “There...baby snuggles.” She murmured. 

“Thanks.” I whispered, resting a hand over the infant’s back before taking a sip of wine feeling slightly uncomfortable as eyes slowly landed on me. 

“Hey doc.” Brian greeted appearing from somewhere else in the house. “Let me know what you think of that wine, not sure if this brand is a keeper or not.” He stated simply portraying the feeling that I wasn’t at all anywhere I didn’t belong and that this was a normal occurrence. Nodding I promised to do so before just focusing back on the baby in my arms. The physician portion of my brain noted that he was doing well and had certainly been growing while the rest of me just found myself relaxing at the feeling of a baby’s steady breaths. 

Most of the guys paid me no mind as the game started. Yet I felt one pair of eyes linger. As I stepped outside after handing Brayden off to feed just before halftime, a four legged companion joined me and I chuckled petting the Dumoulin’s dog Roo while sitting on the steps of their patio nursing my second glass of wine. 

The patio door slid open and then shut before a body slid down next to me on the steps. 

“So where are your foster kids?” A familiar voice asked and glancing over my eyes met those of the Penguins Captain. 

“With another foster family, with their mother, and with their paternal grandmother.” I whispered, quickly taking another sip of the wine to try and push back another round of tears. “The sucky thing about being a foster mom is they always go away in the end.” 

“I...I didn’t know.” Sid mumbled after a moment and I waved him off petting Roo and wiping at my eye with the back of my hand. 

“I didn’t expect you to.” I stated simply. 

“So that’s why…” Sid trailed off, stopping when I nodded. 

“Baby cuddles to try and make everything better.” I shrugged. “To fill the three new cracks in my heart. It’s been a long time since I was childless.” I whispered. “I’ve been trying to recall when it was and I honestly can’t remember. I feel like it had to have happened at least a few times but I really can’t recall not having anyone since I became a foster mom in the first place.” 

“How long is that?” Sid asked, tone softer now than it had been that day at the hospital. 

“Two...almost three years. I applied to become a foster parent toward the end of my residency.” 

“Can I ask how many?” Sid questioned. 

“36.” 

“In three years? That’s...wow.” Glancing over I could see the genuine shock on his face. 

“I don’t know what the turnover rate is generally but I’m fairly certain my rate is higher than average. I get a lot of the drug addicted babies because of my skills and they’re generally only with me 2-3 weeks until it’s safe to move them into a more permanent placement, often with other family members.” 

“How do you handle that?” He murmured, reaching down to pet Roo as well who had rolled over onto her back for belly rubs. 

“Usually I just focus on my patients, on the kids that I do still have with me because they deserve all of my love and attention. This time? Crying over Ben and Jerry’s at 11am until Kayla insisted I come over.” A smile cracked Sid’s face and he apologized quickly declaring that this isn’t something to smile about. 

“No it’s okay. You can find it amusing, I know it wasn’t the most healthy coping method.” 

“Are you going to be okay?” He inquires softly. 

“Yeah. Well, I should probably lay off the wine. Dumo has really good taste.” Sid’s eyes crinkled a little bit and he looked at me like be serious. “I will be. I mean it’s only a matter of time before I get the call that another child needs me.” I assured him. “I just...sometimes...days like this...they make me wonder whether I still want to do this, you know…” 

“Go on…” Sid urged. 

“I just...it’s so hard. Never knowing whether I’m going to wake up and have to say goodbye again. Constantly giving away pieces of my heart that I’ll never get back. Days like today make me just want to be a mom. Not a foster mom but a mom. To have my own kids who won’t be there one day and gone the next.” 

“I get that feeling.” Sid murmured after a moment. “Not the ‘here one day gone the next’ part, but uh, wanting your own kids part, that I get.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke before dropping his hand back down to pet Roo, his fingers brushing against mine. Immediately my mind flashed back to the feeling of his hand wrapped around mine and I quickly pushed that aside. 

“There you are!” Kayla exclaimed, popping her head out the door, her eyes shifting back and forth between you and Sid and noting how close you were sitting. “We just put out some food if you’re hungry and want something other than ice cream.” She grinned, dipping back inside looking like she was about to burst with what she just saw even if it was absolutely nothing. 

When Sid stood he offered a hand out to help you up, murmuring for Roo to come inside and he’d see if he could find her a treat. The bulldog was eager for that and followed after him as you brushed yourself off and picked your wine glass up moving to rejoin the group. 

Ridding of your buzz with some food and water and more baby snuggles you finally headed home with the feeling that there was something more to your conversation with Sid that you hadn’t put your finger on.

Outfit: 

#sidney crosby #sidney crosby imagine #pittsburgh penguins #pittsburgh penguins imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #ppenguins #019

[futurebicon]

Dusk Till Dawn

I was gonna post this later but I physically can not wait any longer.

Apologize in advance

CW- death, panic attack, screaming, crying, fighting, accidental slight domestic abuse, self-harm, depression, anxiety, mention of child abuse, food, suicide attempt, hospital, dissociation, grief, hurt, blood, overdose, surgery

Remus didn’t know what to do or how to help.

All he could do was hold Sirius as he kicked and screamed and cried and punched and gasped for air.

“I’m so sorry,” Remus whispered even though he knew his husband wasn’t processing what he was saying. “I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down his face.

Remus didn’t know how much time had passed since they got the call.

Heart attack.

Overworked with physical activity.

Celeste had called them crying.

It was at least an hour later when Sirius collapsed against him, exhausted from the meltdown.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Remus kissed the top of his head.

“I can’t, Re. Please,” Sirius gasped out quietly. “I can’t.”

“Shh, I know. It’s gonna be okay.” Remus held him tighter.

“I don’t want. I don’t want to.” He sobbed.

Remus had nothing else to say until his phone rang.

“Hey, Logan.” He asked the call.

“Did Celeste tell you?” Logan’s voice was a broken sob.

“Yeah,”

“Okay, uh, is Sirius okay?” He asked.

“Not at all. Are you?”

“No.” He sobbed. “No.”

“Logan I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

Dumo had been a father to everyone on the team but it was different with Sirius and Logan. They had lived with him for years, had breakfast with him in the morning and dinner with him at night, watched TV together, talked to him about what was going on in their lives. He was truly their father.

Even more so for Sirius.

Sirius never understood what a father was supposed to be like until he met Dumo.

He knew they weren’t supposed to hit their kids but he didn’t know that they were supposed to love them.

Dumo was the first person to truly, truly care about him.

Yes, Regulus loved him and cared for him but that was different.

Sirius didn’t know what love was so he ran away from it. Not joining in on dinners, staying in his room, not speaking unless spoken to.

But Dumo never let him get too far. He didn’t push Sirius to join them or talk with him but he didn’t let him think he was alone.

Slowly Sirius stopped trying to escape it and instead started to welcome it.

It still took a while for him to truly open up, but Dumo was always there.

Dumo was always there.

He didn’t leave when Sirius would flinch away from his touch or fast movements or loud sounds.

He didn’t leave when he walked into Sirius’s room while the teenager was having a full-blown panic attack that left him paralyzed.

He didn’t leave when Sirius gave him a black eye because he was trying to wake him up from a nightmare.

He didn’t leave when he saw the bandages.

He never left.

Even when Sirius moved out he was still there.

Remus didn’t know who Sirius would call or what he would do without Dumo.

“Arthur’s gonna call us all in tomorrow and tell the rest of the team.” Logan pulled him back to reality.

“They don’t know?” “No, uh, Celeste only told me, you, and Arthur.”

“I’ll see how Sirius is but I doubt we’re going to be able to go” Remus looked down at Sirius, who had fallen asleep after exhausting himself.

“Yeah neither of us have to go. I still don’t know if I’m going to.”

“Let me know if you are.”

“I will,” Logan told him. “Alright, um, tell Sirius I’m here if he needs me.”

“I’ll tell him, but know that we’re here for you too.”

“I know.” Logan let out another sob he had been holding in and hung up quickly.

+++

Sirius and Remus stopped when they walked into the conference room.

“Hi,” Celeste sadly smiled at them, obviously exhausted.

“I did-didn’t know you were coming.” Remus stammered.

“I can’t stay long. I just had to come by and help write the statement to give to the league.” Celeste met Sirius’s eyes as she explained.

Sirius quickly looked down at the ground.

“Hey, Sirius.” She said softly.

“I can’t.” He looked up with tears streaming down his face. “Celeste I don’t know- I can’t.”

Celeste wrapped him in her arms as he fell into her sobbing.

“He loved you so much, Sirius. He was so, so proud of you.” Celeste told him as everyone left the room to give them time alone.

“I don’t know what to do.” He pulled away.

“Come talk,” she led him over to the table.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with me. You should be with your kids.” Sirius wiped his eyes but the tears were still falling.

“You’re my son just like Marc and Louis are. Now talk to me.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.” He admitted.

“What do you feel?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It’s like I can feel all the emotions but I’m also numb to them but not fully numb because they still hurt.” He sobbed. “Celeste it hurt. It hurts so fucking bad. It hurts.”

“I know it does sweetheart. I know.” She hugged him again.

“I don’t think I can do this.” He shook his head. “I can’t handle this feeling. I need it to stop.”

“Hey, none of that.” She cupped his cheek. “Adele and Katie and Marc and Louis already lost their father, they don’t want to lose their brother too.”

“I don’t want them to but I can’t take this.”

“You can Sirius. You’re strong. It’s going to get better. I know we’re all gonna miss him more than anything. But it will stop hurting so much.”

Sirius could only cling to her and sob.

++++

“Hi, baby.” Remus hugged Sirius as he walked out of the room with Celeste.

Sirius curled into his chest.

“I’m gonna head out,” Celeste told them with a sad smile. “The kids are with their grandparents and the team’s already here.”

They said their goodbyes and walked into the main lounge where half the team was already gathered.

“You okay?” James asked Sirius who could only shake his head and collapsed onto the couch, letting Remus pull him onto his lap.

The previously happy energy in the room dulled as they waited for the rest of the team to trickle in. The energy rose slightly as they cracked jokes to lighten the mood.

“Alright now that you’re all here-”

“Dumo’s not.” Nado pointed out.

“I know,” Arthur said sadly.

“Hey if he gets to skip why couldn’t we?” Kasey protested.

“Make him do extra laps tomorrow,” Thomas told Arthur.

All of their remarks stopped as they looked over at Sirius as he sobbed into Remus’s chest. Logan had his arms crossed on his knees and head buried in his arms his body shook as Leo and Finn rubbed his back.

“Coach why’s Dumo late?” James looked at Arthur. The coach had tears streaming down his face.

“Why is Dumo late?” Kasey asked through clenched teeth.

“Celeste called last night.” He started to explain. “He had a heart attack.”

“No” Thomas shook his head.

“Oh god,” Lily threw her hand over her mouth.

“They tried to bring him-”

“Stop.” James shook his head in shock.

“I’m so sorry.” his voice broke.

The room filled with silent sobs.

“The league’s going to release a statement tonight,” Arthur told them before falling silent, letting them all process the news in silence.

“Celeste wants us to clean out his locker.” He said a few minutes later. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, she just wants to get everything out of it so she can keep some things. She said you can have anything you want from it.”

The team stood up numbly and walked into the locker room.

“You sure?” Remus asked Sirius as he climbed off his lap. Sirius nodded and grabbed onto his hand.

It was only silent whispers and cries as the team pulled things from his locker and stall.

“Stop,” Remus’s loud voice cut through the silence. “Sirius stop.”

They watched as Sirius punched Remus’s arms that were wrapped tight around his waist to hold him back.

“Let me go.” Sirius snarled, getting lifted off the ground when he tried to kick Remus’s legs. “Let me go.”

“I’m not gonna let you go until you calm down.” Remus held him tight.

Sirius didn’t stop.

The team watched their captain in shock and overwhelming sadness.

“Sirius, you have to stop. You’re going to make yourself sick, baby.” Remus tried to calm him.

Then Sirius is screaming.

Just screams.

And screams and screams.

They’re terrifying sounds. Torturously filled with panic and grief and sadness and desperation and anger and pleas.

He screams until his voice wears out and he can’t fight anymore. He turns around in Remus’s arms and screams with what little voice he has left.

Remus was shaking with sobs as he held his broken husband. Wishing he could fix everything that broke him.

Remus picked Sirius up as his knees gave out and carried him out of the locker room. Leaving everyone in silence.

++++++

It didn’t truly hit Remus until the league released a statement.

Then it hit hard.

They had breaking news on all the sports channels to explain his death and what it meant for the team.

Once the tweets started he made sure Sirius was still asleep after exhausting himself from breakdowns last night and quietly left the bedroom.

As soon as he stood in front of the sink he started shaking.

Moments later it all hit.

He sank against the wall with silent sobs.

He had lost people before, his grandpa, an uncle, but he wasn’t close with them.

He was close with Dumo.

Hell, he’s the reason he’s married to the love of his life.

His first thought when they got the call was Sirius.

And that’s who he had focused on since the call.

All the effort it took for him to try and be there for his husband, left little time to think about anything else.

But Sirius was asleep and all the tweets he was being tagged in that told him that they were sorry for his loss. Now he could process it.

He cried for Dumo, and Celeste, and Adele, Marc, Louis, Katie, the team, the fans, Logan, Sirius.

He cried for all of them.

He cried until he felt someone sit down beside him and pull him into their chest.

He was going to apologize for waking Sirius but his mind was racing too fast and all he could do was let Sirius hold him and cry.

+++3 Days Later+++

“Sirius?” Remus shot up as he felt the empty bed beside him. “Sirius?”

He ran out of the room calling his husband’s name with no response and, fuck, this wasn’t good.

“Sirius? Sirius.” Remus stopped as he looked into the ice rink in their basement.

Sirius was shooting pucks into the goal. Each shot more forceful and more powerful than the last.

“Baby,” Remus called out, getting his attention. But the black-haired man just shook his head after making eye contact. And went back to hit the black rubber.

“Baby.” He called out again. “Come back to bed. Please love?”

Sirius dropped his stick and stood in the center of the ice panting.

Remus could see the tears now that he was standing still. He was wearing simple grey sweatpants that he had stolen from Remus. But his heart jolted when he saw the hoodie.

It was Dumos lucky hoodie.

As much as the older man said superstitions were stupid, he never played a game without wearing it.

The once bright blue fabric was now a dull blue-grey color.

The red letters barely readable after too many washes.

The small New York Rangers logo was only noticeable if you knew it was there before.

The team always chirped at him for wearing it. “That’s betrayal, Dumo.”

Celeste had given it to Sirius earlier but he had refused to even touch it until now.

Sirius skated over to the side and took off his skates quickly before pushing past his husband.

“Sirius” Remus followed him up the stairs. “Hey, stop.” He grabbed his arm.

“Leave me alone.”

“Sirius calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Sirius seethed and hit his hand away.

“Calm down and I won’t have to tell you to.”

“I fucking hate you.” Sirius gritted his teeth and pushed Remus in the chest.

“Don’t push me,” Remus told him firmly.

“I don’t know why I married you.” He pushed him again, with more force as tears streamed down his face.

“Stop pushing me.”

“I hate you.” He pushed him hard, Remus’s back hitting the wall.

“Sirius don’t fucking push me.”

“I HATE YOU.” He screamed and raised his fist.

“Don’t you dare,” Remus grabbed his hand before it could connect with his face before grabbing the other and holding them in a restraint. “You can scream and cry and tell me you hate me or that you don’t love me all you want, I’m not gonna stop you.” He told him firmly. “But I am never going to let you hit me.”

Sirius seemed to snap out of his trance and collapsed into Remus. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He sobbed and screamed.

“I know. I know you’re sorry. I know you didn’t mean to but no matter how angry you are, you can’t physically hurt me, or someone else, or yourself.” Remus held him.

Sirius could only sob.

“This doesn’t mean you’re your parents, Sirius.” Remus could read his mind. “Your parents hit for no reason. You tried to hit me because you’re angry and scared and devastated and so many other emotions that you don’t know how to handle.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“No, it doesn’t make it okay. But there was still an understandable reason for it, meaning you aren’t your parents.”

“I didn’t- know- I- was- do-doing-ing it,” He gasped. “I don-don-t know-why- I- di-did- i-i-it-t-it.” He was hyperventilating at this point. His knees gave out and dragged both of them to the floor.

“You need to take deep breaths for me, baby. You’re going to pass out if you don’t slow your breathing down.” He kissed his forehead. “Try and match your breathing with mine.” He put Sirius’s hand over his chest.

Sirius choked and gasped for a few minutes before sobbing. “I-I can’t.”

“I know it’s hard but you’ve got to try my love. Breath with me okay.” He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Repeating it until Sirius started to follow his rhythm.

“Good job baby.” He kissed his forehead again as his breathing slowed.

“I don’t know why I did it.” He hiccuped slightly.

“Baby you grew up in a world where abuse was a sign of emotion. If your parents were angry they hit. If they were disappointed they hit. If they were hurt they hit. You learned that if you’re hurting you make others hurt. Not verbally like some people do but physically. That’s what you had always known and accepted. And yes you aren’t controlled by their tactics anymore but your mind still remembers those lessons that you didn’t even know you learned.” Remus rubbed his back and rocked him slightly as he explained.

“Right now you are hurting more than you ever have before. And you are devastated and panicked and angry. And those are all normal and perfectly okay to feel. But your mind doesn’t know what to do with this level of emotions so it goes through everything that has happened when you felt these emotions until it thinks it’s found a way to get rid of them. In your mind anger had always and only meant pain and hurt. It’s not your fault baby. It’s not. But we’re gonna have to figure out a way to stop your mind from thinking that.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know you are. And just because it’s not your fault and that it’s not really you that’s doing it, does not mean I’m going to allow you to hurt yourself or someone else.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sirius sobbed again.

++++++++ 2 months later ++++++++

“And with 5 minutes left of practice, they come calling.” Arthur pulled out his ringing phone. “Hey, Loops.” He put the man on speaker. “Where are you?”

“The uh, um,” He sounded dazed and disoriented.

“Remus? Are you okay?” Arthur asked.

“Hospital. At the hospital.”

“What? Why?” James asked.

“Sirius, he, he, uh, ki- tried, cut. He tried to ki, ki-” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Oh god,” Leo breathed.

“Is he okay?” Logan asked.

“They pu-pumped his stomach.” He trailed off.

“Remus?” Arthur asked after a short stretch of silence.

“Sorry. He’s in surgery, on his, uhm, wrist. Was too deep.”

The team all stood in shock.

“Do you want us to be there?” Arthur asked him.

“Please.” Remus gasped.

“Okay. Yeah, we’ll be there soon. Do you need anything?”

“Clothes. There’s blood. Clothes?”

“Yeah someone will grab you a change of clothes.”

“In bag. Locker. Sirius’s. Clothes.” Remus seemed to be getting more and more disoriented.

“Alright, we’ll bring them,” Arthur told him as Finn dug through Sirius’s bag and pulled out a change of clothes.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.” Remus hung up.

“Fuck” James collapsed into his best friend’s stall, sobbing.

+++++++

“Oh, shit” Kasey breathed when they turned the corner into the waiting room.

There was blood on Remus’s clothes.

Sirius’s blood was on Remus’s clothes.

“Hey, Loops.” Finn walked in and handed him the bag of spare clothes to change into.

“Hmm?” Remus blinked. “Oh, thank you.” He took the bag from him and stood up.

“Woah,” Finn caught him as he staggered. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Remus stood up and tripped out of the room on shaky legs.

He took one look in the mirror and ripped off his clothes, chucking them in the garbage. Quickly putting on the clean clothes that smelled like his lover, and started to wash the blood off his arms.

He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until he felt the faucet turn off and the soap taken out of his hands.

“It’s off, Fruit Loops,” Thomas told him softly.

“I’m gonna lose him. I’m gonna lose him.” Remus whispered around the sob stuck in his throat.

“No, you’re not. You’re not gonna lose him. We’re not gonna lose him.” Thomas said firmly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“No need to apologize.”

“Um, thanks for, you know, coming to check on me.”

“I got your back Loop, we all do.” Thomas threw an arm around Remus, in support and to keep him upright, as they walked back to the waiting room.

“Remus.” Lily was there when they walked back in. “God I’m so sorry.”

Remus let her pull him into a hug and sobbed into her neck.

++++++++

Remus looked up when someone new walked into the waiting room.

“Hey,” He stood up as Celeste hugged him.

“How is he?” She asked when he pulled away, tears streamed down her face.

“I don’t know. Last thing they said was that he was in surgery.”

“What happened?” She asked softly as they sat down.

Remus let out a sob. “It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Celeste told him along with the rest of the team.

“It is. I knew something was off. I knew something was wrong.” Remus couldn’t hold back his sobs any longer.

“When he woke up he said he was going to get a drink but was going to come back to bed and I fell back asleep for a few minutes and he wasn’t back so I went to the bathroom cause the light was on but the door was locked and he wasn’t answering and I kicked down the door and he was pale and he wasn’t moving and the cuts kept bleeding and they wouldn’t stop. I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. They wouldn’t stop bleeding. There was so much blood and he wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t stop the bleeding.” He was hysterical by the end. Celeste pulled him into her arms and shushed him softly. “He had no pulse. He was dead. He kept dying in the ambulance. He wouldn’t stop dying.”

Celeste squeezed the distraught man until he calmed down.

“Fuck, sorry.” Remus pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I don’t know why I freaked out like that.”

“Remus, your husband is in the hospital. You’re allowed to freak out.” Arthur told him.

Everything stopped as the doctor walked in.

+++++

Remus’s breath hitched as he stood in the doorway of Sirius’s stale hospital room.

His husband looked up at the noise.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius gasped. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, my love.” Remus rushed over to Sirius and leaned his forehead against the others.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The distraught man kept repeating as tears fell fast.

“I love you. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay.” Remus cupped his cheek and cried along with him.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius couldn’t stop repeating.

“Shh, shh. Don’t apologize. Baby, please don’t apologize.” Remus pressed his lips to his husband’s forehead, letting his lips linger on the warm skin.

Sirius’s words slowly and quietly faded out until only sobs left his mouth.

Remus pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed. He took Sirius’s hand lightly and tried as hard as he could to ignore the white bandages wrapped around his wrists.

They sat in silence as Remus rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand.

“Please say something,” Sirius pleaded.

“I thought I lost you,” Remus whispered.

“I'm sorry,” Sirius’s voice was worn out.

“I thought you died.” He gritted his teeth. “And I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t know if I was going to live while you weren’t.”

“Please, please don’t say that,”

“It’s the truth, Sirius. You don’t want to live without Dumo and I don’t want to live without you,”

Sirius stayed silent.

“I have never felt so purely hopeless than I felt when I was in that bathroom. There was nothing I could do.”

“I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this.”

“Stop apologizing,” Remus begged.

“It was so stupid of me but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I was two feet away. You promised you would come to me when you felt like this.”

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” Sirius wouldn’t meet his eye.

“What?” Remus breathed out. “Baby why would I be ma- have I done anything to make you think I would be mad?”

Sirius shook his head and stared down at his lap.

“Sirius, please. What did I do?”

“Nothing I promise that you didn’t do anything.” Sirius met his eye and looked back down.

“I will never. Ever. Be mad at you about something like this.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Remus pulled him into his arm, praying that he would never have to let go.

#I'm sorry #lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #coops #oknutzy #pascal dumais #celeste dumais #i cried #IM SORRY I WAS SAD AND THEN IT WOULDN"T LEAVE MY BRAIN

[lumosinlove]

Coast To Coast

Hi Hazelnuts!! The final chapter of Coast To Coast! The technical end of the SW universes. I can’t even believe it. Thank you all so much for loving these three boys--and all of my OCs. When I first started writing Sweater Weather, I didn’t expect people to care about the rest of the team. I am so thankful that you do. From me, Leo, Logan, and Finn, thank you, thank you, and bitch ass moves.

Love, Haz

part ix

tw: brief minor panic attack

Finn could relive it when he closed his eyes.

They’d ducked into a dark room at Hogwarts stadium, empty save for some spare equipment. The noise had been loud even from within, or maybe it just rang in Finn’s ears. He’d hoisted the Cup. They’d won on home ice. He’d pressed his lips to Logan and Leo’s cheeks out there—and some others, for good measure—and now all he wanted was to do this. Finn had not so much gotten his breath back before he had been kissing them. He could feel Leo and Logan, their hands gripping his uniform just as tightly as he held theirs.

“The Conn Smyth,” Finn remembered saying into Logan’s mouth. The kisses had been beyond sloppy, and Finn had everything. The Cup. Logan. Leo.

He had everything. Right then, he didn’t even mind that no one knew it. He knew it. His family knew it. The people that mattered knew it.

Leo’s mouth had dragged up Logan’s neck and met Finn’s in an effort to kiss Logan, too.

“Hat trick,” Leo said. Leo had stripped himself of his goalie pads, and knelt, right there on the rough carpet, long legs jammed between Logan and the door. He had pushed Logan against the shelves and undone Logan’s pants, pulling his jock aside and his spandex, getting at his cock. Logan was already a little hard when Leo took him in his mouth, nose bumping the swell of his jock. When he moved, his jersey rustled against his padded pants, mixing with Logan’s breathing. Logan leaned into Finn’s side, a moan punching out of his mouth.

“Leo—”

“Shh, baby,” Finn said, and turned Logan’s head so that he could kiss him, mumbling into his mouth. He reached down to cup his balls, thumb stroking Leo’s lip. “Kiss me now.”

Logan did, Finn silencing his sounds. Their fingers were tight in Leo’s hair.

Logan had been shaking a little under their mouths. He was half-laughing, half-panting, green eyes bright and pupils blown. He’d whined low in his throat as he came, as they both kissed his neck, fingers in their damp hair. His skin had tasted like the champagne from the locker room, and when Finn kissed Leo, Leo’s mouth had, too—from drinking it out of the Stanley Cup.

The Cup.

There had been Pascal’s, too, and kisses without having to hide, and clinging clothes in the pool. And then they were home, alcohol filtering out of their systems and still wide awake, at four in the morning, stripping off their clothes for a hot shower. And everything had lulled. Finn thought about Logan’s head on his chest, Leo’s, from behind him, on his shoulder. The hot water pounding around them.

Finn blinked away from the memory and back to the warm light of their bathroom, where he was sitting on the counter now, Gryffindor turned to summer outside and Leo between his legs.

“Hold still,” Leo said.

“I’m trying,” Finn said. He tapped his heels against the back of Leo’s knees. “Logan’s making me laugh, yell at him.”

Logan held up his hands, one holding his phone. “What? I’m just standing here.”

Leo ducked closer, his fingers gentle on Finn’s jaw as he carefully scraped the last of Finn’s stubble away. Finn hummed when Leo wiped the last of the shaving cream with a warm towel.

“There,” Leo ran a hand over Finn’s jaw. “Done.” 

“Perfect, should I do you now?” Finn grinned, moving his hands to Leo’s ass. “Oh, wait—”

Leo flicked Finn’s freshly shaven cheek.

“—Baby face.”

“Lo, you’re up,” Leo mocked glared and Finn laughed, pulling him in closer.

“I like baby face,” Finn said, and made a show of biting at the skin of Leo’s jaw with a growl.

“Don’t turn him on,” Logan said, shoving at Finn. “I want this thing off of my face.”

“I’m a little turned on,” Leo said.

Finn kissed Leo’s neck twice before sliding off of the counter, letting Logan take his place.

“That was so hot,” Finn said.

“What?” Leo said, spreading cream onto Logan’s cheeks.

“I don’t know, everything.” The equipment closet, the bathroom at Dumo’s, getting home to their bed. “I was just thinking about the Cup night. It was pretty fucking perfect.”

“Just think about when we have the Cup,” Logan said.

Leo shook his head as he tilted Logan’s chin up with his fingers. “I don’t even want to think about what the thing has been through, it is not going in our bed.”

“We can clean it before,” Finn said and Leo just scoffed.

“When does your plane leave tomorrow?” Logan asked, messing with a piece of Leo’s hair.

“Pretty early,” Leo started on Logan’s other cheek. “I’ll leave for the airport at seven. What about you guys?”

“I go to New York on Thursday, my Cup day is on Friday,” Finn said, looking up as he remembered. “And then I’ll meet Lo at Harvard.” He grinned. “And then we’ll meet you in good o’l New Aw-leens after that for your Cup day, and then to Canadia for Tremzy.”

Logan snorted. “Canadia?”

“I always want to say that because of Canadian. America gives you Americans, but Canada doesn’t give you Canadans.”

“You’re so weird.”

“Shaving cream always looks like it would taste good,” Finn continued, as if he didn’t hear Logan. He reached out and swiped a finger along Logan’s jaw, gathering some of the white foam. “But it really doesn’t.”

“I could try doing it with whipped cream,” Leo said.

Logan just looked between them, bewildered. “Just get this thing off.”

Seeing Leo’s bags by the door did something to Finn’s chest. He knew exactly where he was going, and knew he was coming back, but it caused a thin string of worry to begin to unspool itself in his chest. Hockey wasn’t the securest job in the world, and he knew they were all highly valued by the Lions—they had just won a Cup—but still. Finn worried. He would always worry, especially now. He was in love now. He was locked in.

Leo looked up from counting through his wallet, ID, and printed out ticket.

“Alright,” he smiled. “See you there?”

“Call us when you land,” Logan said. “You have to call us when you land or else I’m gonna, like…”

“He’ll freak out,” Finn said.

Logan smushed Leo’s cheeks with his hands. “I’ll freak out.”

“I’ll text you before the wheels even hit the ground,” Leo said, leaning down for a kiss. “How’s that, Lo?”

Logan leaned into Leo’s body, into the kiss, and Finn loved that. “Okay.”

When the door shut behind him, Logan sighed. “I’m going to be all alone in this apartment until my flight.”

Finn smiled, wrapping his arms around Logan from behind. “That’ll be, like, four hours.”

“Still.”

Finn’s hands traveled down to below Logan’s sweatpants band. He was still warm from being in bed, from taking Leo’s cock that morning. “At least you have something to think about until we’re together again. And then we’ll give Nut something to think about until we get to Louisiana.”

It made Logan smile. “Yeah…”

“Come help me pack,” Finn said and kissed Logan’s neck.

“You suck at packing.”

“I know, that’s why I need help.”

Finn laughed when Logan groaned, but followed him into the bedroom.

~

They were bringing the Cup back to Harvard. Finn had spent the majority of his day with the Cup in New York City. His parents were there, and Alex, and there was a parade. He’d wanted his boys with him, though. And now Logan was here, waiting for him in the summer night heat in front of an already rowdy OKN that was anticipating the Cup’s arrival.

The last time Finn had stood in this driveway, Logan had said goodbye. Finn had pulled over the second he had gotten off of campus because he couldn’t see. Standing there, in front of their old house and holding the Cup, the flashbacks of sitting and crying with his forehead against the steering wheel, feeling like his lungs were trying to burn up, wasn’t exactly welcome.

“Mon coeur,” Logan whispered as he approached Finn. He clapped a hand on Finn’s shoulder, a perfectly friendly gesture to any onlookers who couldn’t feel the way his fingers slipped beneath the neck of Finn’s t-shirt. “I know.”

Finn looked at him, flexing his fingers against the Cup’s rim. “I love you, Lo.”

Logan was wearing one of his old Harvard hats, flipped backwards. He had a gray t-shirt on and black shorts that cut just above his knee. His Nikes were ones that he’d had since Freshman year. He looked just like he had then. He looked just as he had when Finn couldn’t have him.

“I love you,” Logan said now.

Most of their old teammates were there, having traveled back just for this, and were already well on their way to drunk. Finn forced himself to push the feelings aside—he was used to doing that in this house. He raised the Cup above his head and shouted along with the rest of them, with Logan. Finn could hear his own heart more than he could hear the shouts of welcome and elation. He could feel the sweat beading down his back and temples more than he could register himself setting the Cup down on a high table, among beer cans. Most of the guys here wouldn’t dare touch it out of bad luck, but they started up a round of We Are The Champions anyway. Finn felt too hot and too cold all at once, looking around at the familiar house. Logan was shaking people’s hands, people were shaking Finn’s hand, and clapping him on the back. He walked around and he was smiling, and laughing. He was handed a drink, and then another, and he was cracking jokes to make others laugh. And something felt like it was blocking part of his throat. What air he could draw was clammy. He had lost Logan about an hour in. The Cup was gleaming on its card table pedestal. It looked too bright. Everything looked a little too bright. He put his drink down.

“Where are the drinks at?” he asked a sandy-haired guy. He needed water.

“Kitchen, man,” the guy grinned. “Knock yourself out, you deserve it.”

Finn looked for Logan, but still didn’t see him.

“Thanks,” he said instead.

The kitchen was only more shouts and bodies, more back slaps. It felt even hotter with the sun completely gone outside, like there was nothing except this house, nothing except this feeling. Most people were too drunk to really talk to him, though. There were girls, too. Girls kissing his cheeks, their hands on the back of his neck—

And there was Logan. He had a bottle of rum in one hand, in the middle of pouring it over some coke and ice, and there was a girl pressed along his side. She had her hand on his chest, twisting his fleur-de-lis pendant in her fingers. Finn could see plainly that Logan was carefully trying to extract his body from hers. He had that slight smile on his face that he got when he was uncomfortable. He set the bottle down when he finished pouring his drink and stepped away, willing to talk, but that was all. There would be pictures, probably.

Finn remembered seeing Logan kissing a girl. He remembered a mouth against his own neck while he watched, and then Logan’s mouth against his, for the first time. He remembered Logan leaving, and he remembered going to sit in the car, waiting for him to come out—and sitting in the pulled over car, leaving Logan for Gryffindor, his stomach churning, memories blurring, he wanted him and he couldn’t have him and Logan said no—

Finn stumbled back a step just as Logan looked up. Harz. Finn watched Logan’s mouth say the word, but he couldn’t hear him. Finn turned, walking until he found a dark hallway, somewhere near the back of the house with the trash bins and dusty cleaning supplies. His fingers were shaking as he took out his phone. It only rang twice.

“Leo?”

“Hi, Harz,” Leo said. “Sheesh, big party, huh? I didn’t know college parties actually sounded like that.”

“I—” Finn wiped sweat from his forehead, pushing his hair back. He sort of wondered if he was going to pass out.

“Finn?” Leo said, more carefully this time.

“Leo—”

“Hey, sweetheart, hey, what’s wrong?”

Finn blew a breath out, glancing around the corner to make sure he was still as alone as he could get before ducking his head to his chest. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong, I should be having fun. I tried to have fun.”

“Okay,” Leo said. The music was making his voice hard to hear. “That’s okay, is Lo with you?”

“Yeah,” Finn rasped. “I mean, no—I mean, he’s here somewhere.”

“Can you find Lo and then somewhere quiet for a second?”

“What the fuck is wrong? I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Harz, I think—I think it’s just tough on you being back at that house. I was thinking it might be, actually.”

“The house,” Finn repeated.

“Yeah,” Leo said. “Finn, I really want you to find Logan, okay? Logan can help you better than I can right now. Especially now. Okay, sweetheart?”

“Sorry, Knutty, you’re—” Finn dug his fingers into his eyes. “You’re with your family—”

“No, no, no,” Leo said. “I love you. Love you so much. Call me always, okay?”

“Okay,” Finn said. “I’m—”

“Harzy?”

Finn looked up. Logan was standing there, green eyes bright from the street lamps outside.

“Finn, ça va?”

“Lo’s here now,” Finn said into the phone. “Bye, Nut. Love you. Call you later.”

“Love you,” Leo said, and then hung up.

“It was Nut,” Finn said. He swallowed over his dry throat and shoved his phone back into his shorts. He pointed to Logan’s drink. “Can I have some of that?”

Logan glanced behind them, but the hallway was empty. He walked forward and handed Finn the plastic cup, hand between his shoulder blades.

“Harz…” Logan’s voice shifted into concern. “You’re burning up, what’s—”

Finn took a long swallow. It was all too sweet. “I’m just—it’s hot. I’m really thirsty.”

“Let me get you water,” Logan said. “Stay here, don’t move.”

Finn barely had time to set the cup down before Logan was back, cracking open a bottle of water for him. It was slick with condensation, and Logan held it to his lips when it nearly slipped out of Finn’s hand.

“Your heart’s pounding,” Logan said, hand still between Finn’s shoulder blades.

“I don’t know,” Finn said, and finished half of the bottle in one go. Logan’s thumb caught a drop from the corner of his mouth.

“What can I do?”

Finn let his head thunk back against the wall. “I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Logan said. “Okay…”

“I’m…” Finn began. He was sorry, he knew he was freaking Logan out. He could see it on his face.

Logan shook his head a little, but was quiet. He moved his palm from Finn’s back to Finn’s neck. It was cool from the water bottle and Finn rolled into it. He looked at Logan, and then reached forward and took the Harvard hat from his head. It made his hair fall forward, dusting gently near his eyes. It eased Finn’s heart.

“I need to breathe,” Finn said, and Logan seemed to know what he meant.

They were suppose to go to the roof. Finn needed air, he needed to not be in this stuffy house anymore, as seeped in hard memories as the carpet probably was in alcohol. But they both paused at the top of the stairs. The door to Logan’s old room was ajar, the one he’d had as a Junior. The year Finn had left.

“I asked about it,” Logan said hoarsely into the silence. “What’s-his-face said the guy living here’s abroad this semester.”

Finn could only nod.

The music from downstairs seemed far away as they walk inside. The bed was in the same place. The dresser, everything. There was the same metal trash bin. The whiteboard above the desk had never even been erased. It still had some guy’s schedule across it. Finn remembered the flight scheduled for Thanksgiving that he always chirped Logan for never erasing.

Finn turned away and only barely quieted the first breath of tears. They surprised him as much as a trip and a fall would.

“Finn,” Logan’s voice came out pained. “Finn…”

“Sorry,” his breaths were hitching too fast for his words. “It’s just a lot—like, looking,” he gestured vaguely to the bed where he’d held Logan for what had been the last time for a long time. A long time. “Looking at it all. Fuck, sorry.” Finn pressed his hand over his eyes, his other arm going around his stomach.

Logan was there in a moment, though, pulling his hands away from him, like tearing a wall down, and he held Finn tightly, pressed up on his toes to wrap his arms around him. Finn clutched him, crying into his neck.

“Lo.”

“I’m sorry,” Logan was crying, too. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to,” Finn began, but he really couldn’t speak. He could feel himself shaking only because Logan was so steady in that moment.

“Yes,” Logan said. “Yes, I do.” Logan pulled back, hands slipping to Finn’s neck and jaw. “I knew you were hurting. And you were hurting more than I was because you were okay with what you wanted. I wasn’t. I—on the phone, after you got to Gryffindor, you were crying.”

Finn shook his head, not to say no, or stop, but just against the onslaught of memories. They ached.

Logan wiped his eyes on his sleeve and then his hands were gentle on Finn again, wiping his wet cheeks. “I knew you were, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything.”

“It’s—”

“It’s not okay,” Logan said fiercely, then pressed forward and kissed Finn quickly. “It’s not okay. You never stopped being my best friend. Not for a second, and I should have been there, even if it was only as that. We should have talked. Like you wanted to. And I’m—” Logan’s voice broke. “Finn…”

~

Finn’s contact photo was one that Logan had taken of him secretly. In it, Finn was reading, slouched in a library chair across the table from him, his glasses on and his hair messy from a long bus ride, coming home from an away game. Logan had acted like he was on his phone, and snapped the picture, blushing despite himself.

Logan loved that picture.

Now, he could barely look at it.

It popped up, along with Finn’s name.

Call me when you get there. Logan wished he’d never said that. He took his headphones off and pushed his laptop screen down. And stared at his phone. It rang again, and again, and then Logan jolted and picked it up.

He opened his mouth to say something and froze again, breathing through his heartbeats. Maybe it wasn’t Finn, maybe he just wished it was and some robot spam voice was going to—

“Lo?”

Finn.

“Hello?” Logan managed, which was stupid, as if he didn’t know who it was. That was not how he answered Finn’s phone calls, ever.

“Hey, Lo,” Finn’s voice sounded soft, and so tired. “I’m at the hotel. In Gryffindor.”

“You made it.”

There was another handful of painful seconds, then, “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Logan breathed. “Yeah, good. Good.”

“Meeting some of the guys tomorrow.”

Logan nodded, eyes staring. “They’ll—love you.” The words choked him.

Finn didn’t respond for a long time, but Logan knew he was still there by his breathing. It was…it was like—

“Yeah,” Finn said, finally, and his voice was raspy, barely there. There was a sharp sound of breath.

Finn was crying.

“Yeah, it’s good,” Finn said again, and it was muffled, like he had a hand over his mouth.

Logan had a sudden, horrible image of Finn sitting in a hotel room, all alone, hunched over at the end of a cold bed, cheeks flushed beneath his freckles from tears, hand locked over his mouth so Logan wouldn’t hear.

Logan threw his hat off and pushed his hair off his forehead. He felt too warm. He needed to respond. They were just sitting there, on two ends of an invisible line.

“Tremz—” Finn started, and then there was another rush of breath through the speaker, like Finn couldn’t finish the sentence.

And Logan was still stuck, listening. He couldn’t listen to Finn cry. He couldn’t do it.

“Tell me what Black is like,” Logan said. “Call me later, if you want—” Logan clamped his mouth shut, briefly closing his eyes. “I—I’m really proud of you. You know that, though.”

Finn was really, really quiet then, like he’d pull the phone away entirely. Logan put a palm over his eyes. His head hurt. His chest hurt.

“Yeah,” Finn said. “Okay.”

“Bye, Harzy.”

There was an exhale that maybe had a goodbye in it somewhere, and then the line went dead.

Logan lowered his phone from his ear and stared at the screen. The call had lasted all of five minutes.

He clicked it off, closed his computer, and curled into his bed. He fell asleep, finally, with the lights still on.

~

Logan was stroking his hand through the back of Finn’s hair gently. Finn’s breathing had calmed, but he didn’t hold Logan any less tight, bent to tuck his face against Logan’s neck.

“I love you,” Logan whispered. “I loved you then and I love you now.”

Finn whispered it back.

“I’m sorry I pretended. I was scared.”

“I know. I was scared, too,” Finn replied.

He straightened, then, and looked at Logan. His head hurt a little, but he felt clearer. Logan looked ready to pull him back in again, and Finn would have let him—if they were really alone.

“Come to me tonight, okay?” Finn said. His nose was a little stuffed up from crying. “At the hotel. After we’re alone, and we’ll call Peanut, and just—sleep next to me.”

Logan nodded. As if he could do anything else.

“What do you want to do now?” Logan asked.

Finn sniffed, wiped his red eyes, but smiled. “Let’s go downstairs. We have the Cup, and…despite it all, this is where I found one of the loves of my life.”

Logan smiled and let Finn kiss him slowly.

“Let’s go enjoy this.”

“Finn,” Logan said before they left the room. “Tell me if you want to talk about it. Ever. Tonight. I will, I’ll talk about it with you. I don’t want you to feel what you just felt downstairs.”

Finn turned back around and took Logan’s face in his hands, kissing him soundly. “I don’t think that was about you. I think that was about me. You hurt me, and I hurt you,” Finn softened the words with another kiss. “But now we’re what helps each other. Yeah? Some people aren’t that lucky.”

Logan nodded. “Yeah.”

~

Logan knocked on Finn’s door about ten minutes after they had arrived at the hotel. It opened to reveal Finn wearing a gray Gryffindor t-shirt and sweatpants. Logan stood in the doorframe for a minute, socked-toes digging into the hotel carpet.

Finn stepped aside, closed the door once Logan had stepped in, and Logan tucked his fingers up and under Finn’s shirt, resting his cheek against his chest.

“Oh,” Finn laughed a little. “Hi.”

“They have video games on this TV.”

Finn scratched Logan’s scalp lightly, his other hand resting on his hip. “I’d own you, but you’re tired.”

“Non.”

Finn chuckled. “I can hear it in your voice.”

“You smell good.”

“Me?”

Logan nodded. “Like you.”

Finn rested his cheek in Logan’s hair. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

“It is,” Logan said. “Let’s call Nut.”

When Leo answered the phone, he was somewhere noisy, but he smiled when he saw the two of them sprawled out.

“Hey, baby,” Finn said. “Partying it up?”

Leo looked between the two of them knowingly and smiled. “I’m glad you two talked.”

Finn laughed. “How’d you know?”

“Logan’s got that look. It’s basically his I-just-scored-a-goal look, but it goes for this, too.”

Logan rested his head on Finn’s shoulder. “How are you?”

Leo looked around. “Good. Just at a family get-together. Eating, celebrating,” he tilted his head in the way Logan loved. “Missing my lover boys. Especially now that I’ve seen you. How are you?”

“Our party was…intense,” Finn wrapped an arm around Logan and kissed his temple. “We’re glad to be chilling, I think.”

Logan nodded, palm over Finn’s heart. “We miss you.”

“We really miss you.”

Leo pushed a hand through his hair. “Well, text me, okay? After you’ve,” Leo snorted. “consummated the hard talk.”

Logan laughed loudly, jostling Finn. He couldn’t deny that Leo was right. Logan needed that closeness right now. And by the way Finn held him closer at the words, he thought Finn did, too.

“Not during,” Leo said. “As much as I want it, I’m surrounded by cousins and shit right now.”

“If you’re sure,” Finn grinned.

Leo opened his mouth to respond, when the camera was yanked away from them to reveal a smiling Eloise Knut.

“Hi, boys! Oh, aren’t you two cozy.”

“Hi, Eloise,” Logan smiled. “Ça va?”

“Honeys, we’re so excited to have you coming to stay with us. Leo’s glaring at me for the phone.”

Finn laughed. “We’re excited, too.”

The screen was pulled back to Leo. He was closer now, and half-whispering a rush of words. “Okay, I love you, text me, feel free to send me pictures later, I’ll be all alone in my room.”

Finn touched his fingers to the phone camera, as if to touch Leo. “Love you, Butter.”

“Can’t wait to see you,” Logan leaned in close to the camera. “You look tan already. Fuck.”

Leo grinned, dropped a devastating wink, and hung up.

Finn set his phone down on the bedside table and looked at Logan. They were both quiet for a minute. The overhead light buzzed a little, but other than that, it was just them.

“Should we be cheesy and order champagne?” Finn asked softly, smile teasing.

Logan shook his head. “I don’t want to see anyone but you all night.”

Finn sighed, a sated huff of breath. “Lo.”

Logan reached up to brush his fingers along Finn’s jaw. “Viens ici.”

Finn didn’t seem to need a translation. He came, leaning forward slowly to brush their lips together. He stopped with a gentle laugh.

“Quoi?” Logan said, tilting his chin forward to press his mouth against Finn’s cheek.

“Why does it feel like I’m kissing you for the first time?” Finn murmured.

Logan looked at him, pulling back only enough to do it. Finn’s eyes were still closed, dark eyelashes ending it a lighter, reddish blond color. He opened them then, looking back at Logan. Logan pushed Finn’s hair away from his eyes, a little long with the flurry of the playoffs, and smiled.

“It sort of does, yeah. Better than our actual first kiss.”

“No, I love our first kiss,” Finn eased Logan back into the pillows and crawled over him. “Knocked my fucking socks off.”

“I saw you with that girl,” Logan said, pushing his hands under Finn’s t-shirt. “I don’t know, I just…I couldn’t let you go. We had just pulled that all nighter, remember?”

“I thought about that today,” Finn said. “When I was…freaking out, I don’t know. And of course I remember,” Finn bent to press a kiss to Logan’s neck. Logan’s eyes slipped closed at the feeling.

“We made coffee at, like, three in the morning,” Logan whispered, holding Finn closer. His skin was warm, his mouth familiar. “We were in the kitchen.”

“I said you put too much sugar in your coffee,” Finn moved to the other side of Logan’s neck, kisses wet and loving.

Logan smiled at the memory, brows drawn together as he felt Finn’s teeth against his skin. “And I said,” Logan pushed Finn’s shirt up further, his other hand going to his thick red hair.

Finn laughed into his skin. “You said, I’m sweet, Harzy.” Finn drew back, then, eyes bright. “And I said, yeah, you are.”

“And you were standing right here,” Logan said, and tightened his thighs around Finn’s hips.

Finn dropped back to a whisper again. “And I swear to God, I almost kissed you.”

“I wanted you to.”

“I wanted you to want me to.”

“And then I went and left you in that room at the party.”

“You don’t get to fault yourself for those things,” Finn said. “Okay, baby, listen to me.”

Logan let Finn pull him into a sitting position, let him pull him into his lap. Finn lifted Logan’s shirt off, throwing it somewhere in the room, and then picked up his fleur-de-lis pendant and kissed it, then kissed where it rested on Logan’s chest.

“Fucking girls touching this thing all night,” Finn grumbled, and Logan watched him kiss it a few more times with a smile before looking up.

“I love you. I love you and it’s okay now. It’ll take time, but it is okay,” Finn smiled when Logan kissed the words in his mouth. “I love you so fucking much, it’s insane.”

Logan kissed Finn’s lower lip gently and let it bounce back into place. “I’m never going to leave you like that.”

“I forgive you,” Finn whispered. “Can you forgive me?”

Logan paused. “What do I have to forgive you for?”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “Takes two to tango.”

Logan shifted. “Finn…”

“We went through it. Let me love you instead of us punishing ourselves for being, you know. Scared.”

Logan tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of Finn’s neck. “You’re so smart,” Logan said. He watched as Finn played with the necklace again, letting it rest against his palm. “I wish people who think they know you knew that.”

Finn let the pendant go and finally kissed him. Logan felt the silver fall against his chest. He tightened his grip around Finn’s neck as Finn eased him back into the pillows, mouth all heat and insistence.

“This could be our first kiss that we’ve forgiven ourselves for,” Finn said.

Logan kissed Finn again. “Yes.”

“You get quiet when you know I’m right.”

“You get loud.”

Finn laughed into their next kiss, and Logan did, too, and Logan liked that the best.

“Love you,” Finn said softly. His eyes were happy, and if Logan was still worried about him from earlier, it was gone with that look. He could feel Finn’s cock through their sweatpants, could feel his heart when he pressed his lips to his neck.

Logan stroked his hands down Finn’s broad back. He grabbed the hem of Finn’s shirt and pushed it up until Finn himself had to sit up, tugging it over his head. He was pale, and a little burnt at his neck and biceps from parading the Cup around New York in the summer. Logan had to sit up and kiss the pink skin.

“I got burnt,” Finn said.

“No kidding,” Logan huffed out a laugh, but he kept his kisses tender. “Is this what love is? I find it cute that you got sunburned?”

“Yep,” Finn smiled. “It’s also wanting to get fucked by your sunburned lover.”

“Well, yeah,” Logan tilted his head up, arms around Finn’s hips. “I thought that was obvious.”

Finn laughed and rocked back onto the bed so he could get his pants off, but Logan beat him to it, lunging forward and bracketing him in with his arms.

“Oh, hi,” Finn said. “You wanna do it for me?”

“Yes,” Logan said, and bent to press his lips to Finn’s chest. He kissed down the center, then over to one hip, and then the other. He rubbed Finn through his sweatpants, heart quickening at the glimpses of the trail of red hair he got, leading down to his hard cock. He rubbed the heel of his palm along Finn, the material of his sweatpants dragging taut. Finn let out a breath, head falling back on the mattress for a moment before he reached to tangle a hand in Logan’s hair.

“I used to think about you all the time when I got off,” Logan said, and pulled Finn’s sweatpants down just enough to mouth right above his cock. “Even when you were just across the room in your bed.”

Finn smiled, then pulled a lip between his teeth. “I’m pretty sure we heard each other more than a few times.” 

Logan remembered it well. The soft shifting of sheets in the dark, Finn’s short pants of breath, and himself plumping up in response. Hearing Finn like that had been as much frustrating as it had been a relief. Logan remembered pressing his cheek into his pillow, trying to keep himself silent when he could tell the exact moment Finn was about to come, and the moment when he did. It was like being able to tell when Finn was going to pass to him, or score. There was the sharp intake of breath, his hand froze, and then he would make a single, soft noise, and pick up his pace again. One night, when the moon had been bright and Logan had been facing the right direction, he’d been able to watch Finn’s chest heave with it, pale in the milky light.

He didn’t have to be quiet now, and he could look all he wanted.

Logan pulled Finn’s sweatpants down and wrapped a hand around his cock. He looked up at him as he wrapped his lips around the head and then closed his eyes. A moment later, he felt Finn suck in a breath, felt his thumb brush over the delicate skin under his eye.

“You’re gorgeous, you know?” Finn said softly. “Oh—”

Logan sunk down further, hollowing his cheeks and relishing on the heat that spilled on his tongue. He got his knees under him more, cock throbbing with each brush of his own thigh, so he could raise to suck just the head into his mouth, then lower, just for a moment, until his lips brushed Finn’s balls. He pulled back and off for air and smiled a little, cheeks flushed. Finn had his head tilted back, his mouth open, panting with the brush of Logan’s throat.

“You’re so good,” Logan said, and sucked Finn down again. Finn moaned, hips pushing into Logan’s mouth. Logan sputtered a little but hooked his arms under Finn’s hips when he went to pull back and kept him there, bobbing his head faster.

“Logan,” Finn’s voice was tight, his name ending with a loud punch of breath. “Lo, baby, oh god.”

Logan pulled off with a gasp and leaned down to lick at Finn’s balls, taking one into his mouth, then the other. His cock was making a mess inside his own sweatpants as he took Finn down again. He was a warm, solid weight on his tongue, and Logan wanted him inside. Logan sucked hard once more, then looked up at Finn.

“Fuck me,” Logan said. “Harzy.”

  Finn’s arms looked a little shaky as he pushed himself up into a sitting position and when Logan laughed, Finn slapped his chest before pushing him onto his back.

“I love you,” Finn said, and hovered above him. He was on his forearms so that his hands could stroke through Logan’s hair, and his kisses were open-mouthed and sloppy. “Oh, I love you.”

Finn was dripping on Logan’s thighs, darkening the material of is sweatpants.

Logan reached blindly in the direction of the bedside table. “Lube.”

“Let me get it, I’ll get it,” Finn was breathless, pink from his cheeks to his neck.

Logan let Finn roll away, and brought his ankles up to kick off his sweatpants. On the way back down, Finn was back and he caught Logan’s ankles, grinning as he pulled them to rest on his shoulders.

“This is new,” he said.

Logan laughed. “Kinda hot, too.”

Finn tilted his head to kiss along one of Logan’s calves. He bit lightly at the muscle on the inside of his knee.

“Didn’t know I had a thing for jocks, but…” Finn ran his palm over the swell of Logan’s ass appreciatively. “Between Leo and you…okay, then.”

“Hm,” Logan hummed, pressing his calves down on Finn’s shoulders to lift his ass up towards him. His cock was a dark, neglected red against his stomach. “You look so good, c’mon.”

“Keep telling me I’m good and I might just come.”

“Non, don’t.”

Finn pushed his hips forward so that the wet tip of his dick dragged messily against Logan’s entrance. “Non?”

Logan’s eyes slipped closed and his grin felt a little drunk. “Harz.”

Finn smiled, kissed the inside of Logan’s ankle, then wrapped his arms around Logan’s legs to keep them there while he clicked open the lube. “Okay, here we go.”

Logan settled back into the pillows. “I used to pretend it was you when I did this to myself.”

Finn’s fingers worked slowly and Logan bit his lip.

“When?” Finn’s voice came softly.

“Shower,” Logan said. “Sometimes—sometimes at night. With you right there. My stupider decisions.”

“I knew it,” Finn said, and twisted his fingers just so, making them both smile when Logan let out a low moan.

“Accidentally said your name once.”

Finn’s gaze snapped to his, his fingers stilling. Logan could remember it almost perfectly. The blood-chilling dread that had followed after he’d let the word slip into their small room. Finn.

“Did you,” Logan curled his fingers over Finn’s thighs, voice dropping. “Did you hear me?”

Finn’s nod was slow, and his voice even softer. “Yeah.”

And then Finn was leaning forward, Logan’s legs falling against his sides so that they could press together.

“Say my name now,” Finn whispered.

Logan’s breath hitched as he felt the head of Finn’s cock at his entrance. “Finn.”

“Say it again,” Finn’s mouth dragged up his neck, and Logan still didn’t know what it was about that. It made him crazy.

Logan clutched at him. “Finn.”

Finn pressed inside him slowly, and Logan didn’t need him to ask again.

“Finn,” Logan’s voice rose, and then broke over his name as Finn drew back and then into him again, and again. 

“This is what I pictured when I heard you,” Finn murmured, shoving their hips together in slow, long rocks. “God, Logan.”

Logan wound his legs and arms around him. His palms slipped on Finn’s slick back. Finn smelled like sweat and himself. Logan had fallen asleep to that scent on bus rides when he couldn’t touch him, he scored goals to that scent when Finn, soaked with sweat and adrenaline, would crash him into the boards. Logan heard himself make some sort of broken sound, because Finn was going to be all over him after this, inside of him.

“I love you, Lo,” Finn said, arms around Logan’s back and shoulders, his knees against his hips. Finn fucked like he never needed to stop, like they were wound together so tightly they’d never separate.

“I love—” Logan’s back arched up against Finn on its own when Finn jammed his prostate. “Ah—”

His cock ached with every brush of Finn’s chest against his own, until Finn finally reached between them and wrapped a hand around him. Logan’s breathing hitched and his eyes felt suddenly wet.

“I love you.”

Finn forgave him. Finn forgave him.

Logan held on tighter, finding Finn’s mouth with his own, and said it again. “I love you.”

Logan came between them suddenly. Finn licked into his slack mouth, but Logan pressed him closer when he stilled, moving to pull out.

“Non, stay,” Logan panted, voice pitching up at the end of his word, then giving out as his orgasm shook through him. “Stay.”

Finn stayed, smiling. “You’re never one-and-done, are you?”

Logan’s smile felt delirious. “Good thing I have two of you—fuck, do that again.”

Logan’s fingers tangling into Finn’s sweaty hair, and they kissed as Finn rocked into Logan gently.

“Think about when we’re all together again,” Finn whispered.

“Stay,” Logan said.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Stay.”

“Shh, baby,” Finn whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth. His movements were gentle, and small enough so they were never apart. “I’m here.”

Logan’s cock dripped steadily between them as Finn brushed his prostate over and over, and Logan felt wound tight and boneless, all at once.

“Oh, Lo,” Finn groaned, and flexed his hips into Logan harder.

Logan kissed Finn’s neck, teeth scraping into his skin. Logan felt surrounded by him.

“I’m coming,” he found himself saying, because it felt like he still was. Finn’s cock was rubbing up consistently against his walls, and his own cock was red in the tacky pool of come on his stomach. Logan could hear himself panting for breath. His muscles still felt tight, his toes curled against Finn’s calves. He groaned, head falling back against the pillows instead, pushing himself up against Finn’s cock, heavy inside of him.

“Logan,” Finn’s voice was shaky. “Lo, I’m gonna—” he said, and then wet heat filled Logan up. Finn fucked in one more time and stayed there, forehead pressed to Logan’s.

The heat that tore through him made him dig his nails into Finn’s back. Finn was making soft noises as his cock pulsed, and Logan could feel some drip down between his thighs.

Finn was stroking his hair back from his forehead, sweaty and hot, and kissing his jaw. Logan tucked himself against Finn. He was too big, too broad, really, but Finn covered him up with his body, kissing him and all but melting them together. Finn pressed in one last time with a low sound, and then fell against Logan’s chest. They breathed hard against each other in the aftershock, kissing slowly, languidly.

Finn pulled out when he was too sensitive, and Logan rolled them over, thigh thrown over Finn’s hips to kiss him some more. He kissed Finn’s cheeks, and his neck, and every part of skin he could reach without having to pull away. He left marks, smudges that said he had been there—even if no one else would know. He would know. He would be proud, and he would be happy.

Finn, unusually, melted back against the sheets and let Logan do as he wanted. He lay back when Logan told him to. When Logan went to the bathroom and cleaned them up. When Logan came back, pulling the covers over them and laying on his back, it was Finn’s head against his chest and Logan’s hand stroking through his hair.

“Today,” Finn began, and then hesitated. “Today freaked me out.”

“I know, I could tell,” Logan said. “You’re allowed to be freaked out. You’ve watched me and Leo both freak out and been there for us. Let us be there for you. What can I do?”

Finn’s fingers were fidgeting with Logan’s necklace. “I think I’ll be okay. I just didn’t know that would happen.” Finn raised his chin to look up at him. “We’ve come a long way from hard nights,” he smiled. “Not to say there won’t be more but…”

Logan cupped his cheek. “We can talk to each other. We can say that we love each other.”

Finn smiled, just a little. “Says the boy who hates talking.”

Logan smiled, too, leaning in to brush their lips together. “Yeah, but I love hearing you talk. And read. And moan my name—”

Finn tilted his chin up to kiss some more before pulling Logan more firmly against him.

“We get to see Nutter tomorrow.”

Logan hummed. “Think he just walks around naked because it’s so hot?”

Finn snorted. “Probably not. It’s a nice thought though.”

“Thinks he has a million bookshelves?” Logan smiled at the thought, of Leo curled up in his childhood room, of Leo showing them everything he had ever loved before he loved them.

“Oh, definitely.”

“Yeah. What did he say when you called him?”

“Told me to find you,” Finn raised his head. “Listen, I didn’t call Leo because I didn’t think you could help. I just…I need him just as much as I need you.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Logan hushed him. “I’m the same. And also I’m…I don’t know how to say it other than, I was part of the problem.” He kissed Finn softly. “I know.”

“Okay,” Finn said, and pressed back against Logan, nose against his neck. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?”

Logan just held him tighter. “I won’t.”

~

They were both groggy from the plane. Logan had his headphones around his neck and his hat shoved into the elastic side pocket of his backpack.

“I can feel the humidity already,” Logan said. “Where’s Nut?”

Finn took out his phone. “He can’t exactly get through security. Arrivals, probably. I texted him that we landed. He didn’t—oh, he said he’s walking from parking now.”

Logan jumped once, keeping in pace with Finn. “I want him. How long do you think we’re going to be surrounded by family? Not that I don’t love them but fuck.”

“Stop it, you’re getting me going.”

Logan sent him a sleepy smile as they followed the signs to arrivals.

And there Leo was, standing in a t-shirt and shorts with a backwards hat on—not Lions colored, as if that would help him not get recognized if someone knew what they were looking for. His sunglasses were folded into his shirt and he was searching the crowd in his careful way.

“Oh, fuck me,” Logan heard Finn breathe.

Logan gave Finn a small shove. “C’mon, let’s see how close we can get before he sees us.”

Not very close. A second later, Leo was grinning at them. They walked forward quickly and stopped right in front of him. Logan’s heart was pounding.

“Hi,” Leo sounded breathless.

Their hugs weren’t what they would have been away from prying eyes, but Finn clutched Leo as hard as he could, whispering in his ear.

“We missed you so much. So fucking much.”

Logan watched them for a moment and then Leo was turning to him.

“Hi, Tremz.”

Logan wanted to kiss him, wanted to curl his fingers under his shirt to the small of his back where he was always warmest. Instead, he let Leo pull him in for a quick hug.

“Flight was okay?” Leo asked, and took their suitcases from them. When they looked at him, he laughed. “What?”

“Nothing,” Logan said softly, and he and Finn shared a look as they watched Leo lead the way outside. They loved him.

Logan froze after they stepped out of the airport. He held his hands up, as if testing for rain.

“Are—” he began, then looked up. “Are we under a heater?”

Leo laughed. “No. That’s NOLA for you.”

“Oh god,” Logan said faintly.

Finn, however, walked right into the sunshine and tilted his head up. “I will never be cold again.”

“You’ll get sunburned, though,” Logan grumbled.

“Aw, Harz,” Leo said, then more softly, “Love you. C’mon, boys, car’s this way.”

Leo lead the way towards the parking lot, and walked ahead a little when he got out his keys and his car lit up.

Logan felt his steps slow, and Finn’s beside him.

“Leo—Leo drives a Jeep,” Finn said softly to Logan.

“Leo drives a Jeep,” Logan repeated.

“I’m…”

“Yeah.”

The top was open to the air, windows down. Leo swung the suitcases into the trunk, and Logan watched his muscles move beneath his shirt.

“I want…” he grumbled and Finn laughed, squeezing the back of his neck.

The moment they were in the car, Leo in the driver’s seat with Finn beside him, Logan leaned forward from the back and wrapped his arms around Leo the best he could, burying his nose into the place where his curls fanned out around his ears. Logan hummed, pressing kiss after kiss there.

“Tremz, you’re killing me here,” Leo laughed, then turned his face, shaded by the car and some thick trees, and let Logan kiss him. The angle was awkward, and Logan knew he was using way too much tongue, but Leo melted back into his seat for it. Finn reached forward to put a hand on his neck.

“You are tan,” Finn said. “How do you do that?”

Logan had a sudden urge to see where the sun hadn’t reached.

“Okay, okay,” Leo laughed between kisses. “Let me get us out of here.”

Logan just dipped his head down a little farther and nipped at Leo’s neck, just over Finn’s fingers.

“Tremz,” Leo said, leaning into it.

“D’accord,” Logan said, and sat back. “That’ll be okay for now.”

“Well, don’t I get a snack before dinner, too?” Finn said, and then pulled Leo in and kissed him—albeit more gently than Logan had.

“Hi, Butter,” he smiled.

“My name is just slowly devolving into food products,” Leo smiled. “Hi.”

Leo unfolded his sunglasses and slid them on, pushing the button to start the car. “Ready?”

“So fucking ready,” Finn said, and put his sunglasses on, too.

Logan tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting the overwhelming heat sink in. “Allez.”

Leo’s house was bright and large, all creams and whites. There were thick, white columns, and the entire front was framed by two turreted, oriel windows. There was a gate, and then oak trees, cypresses and small white flowers that cascaded over the porches and steps.

“Well Jesus,” Finn said, standing up a little in his seat. “Not what I was expecting.”

Leo glanced up at him as he pulled through the round about. “No?”

“I mean…” Finn laughed. “I don’t know.”

“C’est très beau,” Logan said, pushing himself up using the back of Leo’s seat. “Fuck me, it’s hot.”

Leo turned the car off. “Let’s get out of the sun. I’m sure my mom—”

“There they are!”

They looked up to one of the great, wooden doors opening. Eloise and Wyatt stepped out, Wyatt more calmly than his wife. Eloise was waving to them with both arms.

“Yep,” Leo laughed. “C’mon.”

“Oh, Finn,” Eloise said when they climbed the porch steps and into the shade of the overhang. “You won’t last a second in this sun, honey, let’s get you inside.”

Finn smiled. “Yeah, sunscreen is big in my family.”

“Logan,” Eloise smiled and hugged him, too. “I’ve got some iced tea and lunch all ready.”

Logan stared up at the entrance hall, all high ceilings and clean tiles and dark wood. There were shawls hanging on hooks by the door, mingled with leaning hockey sticks. Logan recognized Leo’s favorite Nikes. He was suddenly very aware that Leo lived here. It was sort of like getting used to coming home to him everyday. But this was Leo’s, and it had been Leo’s for years and years. Logan wanted to walk through every room and look for little signs of him.

“We have the dining room, sure,” Wyatt smiled, gesturing to it. “But, I don’t know, we always liked the kitchen better it being just the three of us and all. Come on through, boys.”

“We’ll eat, and then you can take showers or a nap or whatever you want,” Eloise said.

Oh, yeah, Logan thought. Whatever we want.

“This looks amazing,” Logan said as they walked into the kitchen.

The table was half surrounded by chairs, and half by a curved window seat in one of the oriel windows. The table itself was laden with pressed, pork paninis, along with what looked like creamy side dishes, and vegetable salads.

“Thank you, Tremzy,” Eloise’s smile was wide. “You all sit down, me and Wyatt’ll get the silverware and the pie.”

It was cool inside and Logan let out a breath when he scooted into the window seat after Finn had, and then Leo. He watched them smiling at each other as Leo put two sandwiches on Finn’s plate and poured him some tea. It made Logan smile, too. He was about to reach for the sandwiches when Leo turned to him.

“You want two, too?” Leo said softly. His accent sounded stronger, maybe from being around family.

Logan nodded, feeling helpless and in love. “Yeah, sure.”

“You want tea?”

“Ouais.”

“You two okay? You’re all quiet.”

Logan looked at Finn, who laughed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been better in my life,” Finn said.

“Well—good,” Leo said.

Logan glanced at where Leo’s parents were coming back over.

“We’ll tell you later.”

The food was delicious, but what Finn really loved was how, when they were done, Leo helped bring all of the plates over and then began silently sort of trying to wave them out of their seats and towards the main staircase.

“Alright, well, see you boys, then,” Wyatt laughed. “Leo, I don’t want you to have the boat out too late, so keep that in mind.”

Eloise smiled. “Oh, they have time. It’s a big house, don’t worry about anything.”

“Mama,” Leo said. “And dad, you just ruined the surprise!”

Wyatt whistled. “Oh, damn, sorry…”

“We’ll be over at the Bailey’s next door for drinks, okay? See you boys when you get back,” Eloise said.

Leo groaned and took one of both their hands, pulling them towards the stairs. “Okay, okay, we’re going now.”

Finn sent Eloise a last grin, which probably didn’t thwart her ideas at all, and let Leo pull him away.

They climbed the stairs too close together, their feet barely missing each other.

“This house is so cool,” Logan said. “I see why you miss it. It feels like home.”

“Yeah,” Finn said, eyeing the bookshelves that lined the hallway they were going down, caught in dusty light between windows. “I like it here.”

And they were finally alone.

Finn used Leo’s hand to pull him into his chest, and kissed him hard. Leo sighed into it, and Finn felt Logan at their sides a moment later.

“Leo,” Logan urged, and then Finn was watching them kiss. It was like breathing.

“Missed you two,” Leo panted when Logan finally let him go. “Jesus.”

They stood there between the sun streaks coming through the window, swaying a little together.

“Lo, do you want to take your shower?”

Logan raised his head from Leo’s chest and looked up at him. “What?”

Leo nodded his head in what Finn assumed was the direction of the nearest bathroom. “You take showers after you go on planes.”

Logan’s expression went soft.

“You can,” Leo said. “But then we’re going out.”

Logan’s eyebrows drew together. “Out?”

“Yeah,” Leo’s smile was slow and he began tugging them down the hall. “I wanna show you guys stuff. Take you out to dinner.”

“But I haven’t seen you in…” Logan asked. “And I need to go out into public right away?”

“Not that we won’t have time for that,” Leo stopped in front of a door. “But that can happen at dinner. You think I’m not dying, too?”

“At dinner,” Finn repeated, then looked at Logan. “He says we can have sex at dinner, Leo, how the hell can we have sex at dinner, where are you taking us?”

Leo grinned and sat up. “You’ll see. Lo?”

“I don’t want to shower, I want to have sex at dinner apparently,” Logan said, then pulled Leo closer. “I just want to be with you.”

Leo toured them all around, drove them through wide and narrow streets, watched as Logan purchased some sort of rum-filled, sugary drink that Logan forced Finn to take a sip of. There were beads hanging from trees, colorful and glinting in the sunlight.

The sun was beginning to lower in the sky, the heat receding a little, when they pulled up to the docks.

It made Leo golden as he pulled two coolers from the trunk, and then walked them down the boards. Logan couldn’t look away.

“Here she is,” Leo grinned, and gestured towards a small motorboat, glossy white with wake-boards hooked to the top, and leather seats. “Our restaurant for the night.”

“Oh,” Finn said. “I see.”

“Sex on a boat,” Logan nodded.

“Dinner on a boat,” Leo said.

Logan walked forward and wrapped his arms around him. “You on a boat.”

Leo smiled before climbing carefully aboard and setting the coolers down by the steering wheel. “C’mon.”

Finn gave Logan a little shove as he was climbing into the boat, but laughed when Logan flinched, holding tightly onto his shoulders.

“Mais, non!” Logan laughed as they jostled each other onto the slightly more solid ground. He shoved him back once they were on firm footing. “Harz.”

Finn laughed and fell back onto one of the leather seats, warmed by the sun. “Now I see, we’ll be in the surrounded by water. If some type of water police catches us, is that bad?”

“Water police?” Leo laughed. He sent Logan a soft smile when Logan began helping him untie the ropes and bring the buoys in.

Finn grinned. “Well, now you’re both going on sailor on me. Untying rope.”

Leo snorted and threw a loop of his rope over Finn’s head, pulling until it pulled Finn’s neck forward lightly.

“Sailor, huh?”

Finn smiled lazily up at him. “Yeah.”

Logan wished they were out on the water already, so he could kiss Leo like he wanted to, but instead he settled for helping him push the boat away from the docks while Leo started the engine. He’d flipped his sunglasses down over his eyes, and Logan followed.

“You’ve been on a boat before, Tremz,” Leo said when Logan came to stand beside him at the wheel. Leo was perched on the top of the chair, long legs stretching down to the ground. He looked relaxed and happy.

“Yeah, at home. My friend had one growing up. We’d go out on the lake in the summer. Fish sometimes, or swim.”

They were pulling away from the land, and every second made Logan happier. The wind picked up with the engine until they were flying. Finn shouted over the roar and Logan looked back, squinting in the sun as he tried to smile for the phone Finn was holding up. He probably looked stupid, but he didn’t care. Because now the docks were small, the shore was far away, and he could push against Leo’s side. The wind was cool, and Leo’s chest through his t-shirt was sun-warmed. Logan pressed his nose against him. He smelled like the sun, too. Leo kissed his forehead, one hand on the wheel, and one around Logan’s back. Logan hoped Finn was taking a picture of this, too. Logan had never really hoped for pictures before.

“Love you,” Leo said, voice close to his ear to be heard.

Logan tilted his head against Leo’s chest and reached out to trace the muscles in his forearm that flexed as he steered the boat.

“Love you, too,” Logan replied.

Leo smiled and drew the speed down until the motor was a steady bubble, and the heat warmed the goosebumps on Logan’s arms from the wind.

“This is nice,” Finn sighed and Logan looked back to see him sprawled over a flat, padded area at the back of the boat, eyes closed.

There was some type of board walk in the distance, but mostly they were shaded by a ring of gnarled looking trees that made a U-shaped little cove. Leo dropped anchor, and they had it all to themselves. The sun was lower but still hot, and Leo pulled out a canopy from somewhere among the equipment above, pinning to the sides of the boat so that it stretched like a tent above them. It offered shade. Seclusion.

“Pre-dinner swim, what do you think?” Leo asked before stripping off his shirt.

“What?” Finn sat up. “I didn’t wear—”

The words died in his mouth, though, when Leo, practically smirking, undid the buttons of his shorts next. Logan felt his pulse jump at the sound of Leo slowly pulling his zipper down.

“Oh,” Finn said, then laughed.

“Yeah?” Leo asked.

“Ouais, ouais,” Logan said. “Leo.”

Leo grinned and reached for Logan again, pulling his t-shirt over his head for him, then leaning down for a kiss, hands on Logan’s chest. 

“I’m just having fun imagining you planning this,” Logan heard Finn say. “‘I’m gonna get Finn and Logan on my boat, and then I’m gonna get them naked, in the water, and then I’m gonna feed them dinner.’”

“You’ve never been skinny dipping before, Fish?” Leo said, pulling away, eyes lingering on where Logan was kicking off his shorts, too.

“Nope,” Finn said, rolling onto his back to push his shorts off before standing and ridding himself of his shirt. “But I’m extremely open to it. Sunscreen. I need sunscreen.”

Leo walked forward and wrapped his arms around Finn, tucking his hands right into his briefs to cup his ass. “Sun’s never seen this, huh.”

“First time for everything,” Finn said after a moment, and kissed Leo soundly as he pushed his briefs down.

Logan, to his own surprised, didn’t feel exposed standing there naked on Leo’s boat. The sun was orange, low enough to turn the clouds pink, and it dappled through the trees, making the water look smooth and inviting. He put one foot on the side of the boat and looked over. He could see the bottom, sandy and rocky, but it was deep enough to jump.

“I’m dating a couple of Greek gods,” Finn sighed. “Fuck, Tremz, you look like one of those statues. My own Patroclus and Achilles.”

Leo laughed. “Who does that make you?”

Finn looked into the water, too, before stepping up onto the padded back he was dozing on before. “Apollo, come to crash the party.”

And he jumped, making the boat rock.

Leo pressed up behind Logan, all skin on warm skin. “Ça va?”

“This heat’s gonna kill me,” Logan grinned, looking back and up at him. “Allez.”

Finn surfaced, shaking his hair out of his eyes. “Come on, it’s perfect here.”

Leo pressed up and over the side of the boat like a jump over the boards, before tucking himself neatly into a canon ball and giving Finn a face full of salty water.

“Come on, Lo!”

Finn and Leo looked up at him, and Logan could barely believe it all.

Logan didn’t jump into anything except fights. Throwing the gloves down was easy. There were time limits to the consequences, and they were never anything more than a few minutes. Everything else—who knew what would happen. Logan wasn’t a jumper. Finn was. Finn always had been. While Logan watched and waited and thought and didn’t, Finn loved and went and acted and did. And Leo…Leo jumped more than anyone gave him credit for. Logan hadn’t been eighteen when he got to the NHL, and he didn’t know how he would have turned out if he had been.

“It’s super nice,” Leo called up.

Finn splashed the water. “C’mon, baby.”

Logan smiled, looking down at them, and jumped. The water was beyond relieving. The salt stung his eyes a little, but it felt good, in the way salt water did. Logan knew it would dry on his skin later and feel even better. When he came up and shook the water from his eyes, Finn had dived down to touch the bottom and Leo was smiling at him.

“Nice?”

Logan pushed forward until he could wrap his arms and legs around Leo. He felt—clingy, he guessed. Since being apart. He could feel every part of Leo against him and Leo made a pleased sound.

“Very,” Logan said.

Leo let them float for a minute before they sank under the water again. Leo kissed him, surprising Logan with his eyes closed, and Logan had to come up for air and to laugh.

Finn floated beside him, the sky darkening a little and revealing the first of its stars. Logan looked up at the anchored boat, and thought about how they had all night.

“The Cup arrives tomorrow,” Finn said as they floated together.

Leo grinned. “Crazy. They’re throwing a parade for me. I think it’s gonna be insane.”

“You deserve all the parades,” Finn said.

Leo rolled his eyes but smiled. “I just wish…” he looked between them.

“You deserve that, too,” Logan said. “Whenever it comes.”

Leo’s smile was still happy, if not wistful. “Yeah.”

“I can’t believe we’re here,” Logan said. “And I mean here here, but also…here.”

“Better start believing it,” Finn tread closer and pulled Logan back against him. Logan laughed, but it was true. He did feel like he was starting—starting everything anew.

This could be the first kiss we forgive ourselves for, Finn had said.

And—Logan did. He forgave. He loved them.

They climbed up the ladder at the back of the boat a while later, limbs tired from racing and treading water, and Leo pulled towels out for them from under a seat. They were big and well-loved, and Logan got as much water out of his hair as he could before draping it over the front seats to dry and stepping back into his underwear.

“Just three naked dudes on a boat,” Finn said absentmindedly as he pulled his shorts back on. “It’s getting dark.”

“That’s why we have these,” Leo said and produced two lanterns and a few candles from another compartment that Logan hadn’t noticed. He hooked the lanterns to the ceiling and turned them on. They bathed everything in a soft, yellow light.

“Hungry?” he asked while lighting the candles.

“Yes,” Finn sighed. He grabbed Logan’s hand and pulled him down onto one of the seats, gathering him against his chest. Logan sunk back into it.

“Hey, Lo, smile,” Finn said, and then he had his phone out, camera flipped to show them. Finn ducked so that their cheeks were pressed together and pressed a palm over Logan’s heart. With Finn’s chest pressed to his back, Logan could feel Finn’s. They both looked sun-tanned and, even to himself, deliriously happy.

“Tremz, can you pull that part out there? It’s like a little table from the back just beside you.”

Logan leaned forward and found the plastic divot that Leo was gesturing to. It slid out from beneath the cushion and into a temporary table, which Leo, underwear now on, set the coolers on top of. He looked at the two of them.

“I’m about to blow your mind.”

“You do that often,” Finn said, fingers drumming on Logan’s thigh.

Leo smiled. “No. Really.” He opened the cooler and brandished it towards them. “Crab.”

Inside the cooler was ice and crab legs.

“Crab,” Finn repeated.

“The mind blowing part comes when you eat it. It’s in season. Now, here we’ve got potatoes and some corn and hopefully some of it’ll be warm but…I wanted it on the boat, so…small sacrifices. Got some beer, too, if you want it,” Leo pulled it out from below the ice, setting things on the table as he talked. Logan was going to kiss him.

“And I’ve got strawberry shortcakes,” Leo said, and he was blushing a little. “For my strawberry and my…”

“Shortcake,” Finn laughed.

Leo laughed and leaned down to kiss Logan’s scowl. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I laugh every time I think about it I had to, you’re not short, really.”

“You sound so convincing.”

“You’re not, but you sure are a cake,” Leo kissed him again, squeezing his thighs, and Logan smiled this time.

“I guess I can live with that,” Logan said, and kissed him back.

“Cream’s on ice, too, so that’s good. And…yep.” Leo reached into the cooler and held up what looked like a hammer. “Y’all know how to eat crab?”

“Why…is that hot,” Finn said, and Logan nodded. Leo just smiled.

They made a mess on top of the table cloth Leo had set out, laughing as they cracked the shells and sucked out the meat.

“I’m so bad at this,” Finn said, picking his way through one of the last bits.

“Here,” Leo leaned over and broke into the shell with practiced fingers.

“How?”

Leo smiled and shrugged.

Logan watched the two of them, finishing off his own. He looked around them in the darkness. They were lit by the candlelight now, and the lanterns. The sky still had some light, but the sun was below the horizon and it would soon be gone. It was like it was only the three of them in the world. The stars were plentiful and vast from where they were sitting in the back, but the lantern hanging in the center of the little canopy Leo had set up made it look like their own little tent, private and out of sight.

“Where did you fall?” Finn asked.

“When did I fall?” Leo said. “For you? Um. Probably when you—”

“Non, non,” Finn laughed softly. “Where. Where did you hit your head?”

Leo tilted his head. “What? Oh! Oh, getting onto the boat.” He pointed to the side, and then towards the steering wheel. “Hit my head on the windshield corner.”

Finn hissed through his teeth. “Ouch.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t pretty,” Leo said, but smiled as Logan reached out to touch the lighter hair.

“When did you fall, though?” Logan asked, and Leo smiled.

“I don’t know, exactly,” Leo kicked the cooler out from beneath the table and retrieved the strawberries and cream he had pointed to before, as well as three fluffy looking biscuits. “I guess just…doing stuff together.” Leo laughed as he prepared the desert, scooping strawberries onto the breads. “I sort of thought it was just adrenaline at first. Me wanting you, I mean. But then we were roommates, at home or away, and then we starting hanging out off the rink and…well, I loved you.” Leo pushed the plates towards them. “I loved you both.”

Logan tilted his head back, heart feeling tight again. 

“I know we went back to Harvard,” Finn said suddenly. “And I know what you said about feeling like you missed out a while back. I don’t know, I just want to make sure you know that we missed you the whole time.”

“How,” Leo began, looking between them. “How are you now?”

Logan wasn’t sure which one of them he was talking to, but he looked back at Finn who tightened his arms around him.

“We got some stuff out,” Finn said, then laughed a little. “And I guess I sort of…let some stuff in.”

“And I said sorry,” Logan said.

“And I forgave you,” Finn kissed his cheek. “But also you forgave you.”

Logan rolled his eyes but smiled as he took a bite. “Yeah, I know.”

Leo leaned back in his seat, smiling at the two of them. “Good.”

Finn sighed. “And then this one came, like, three times.”

Leo laughed out loud. “That is his way.”

Logan groaned. “I can’t help it.”

“Oh, baby,” Finn laughed. “We don’t want you to help it.” Then, he looked back up at Leo. “But, really. We missed you, Peanut.”

“We don’t like being without you.”

“Me too,” Leo said softly. “I don’t know, I just…it’s funny being in the NHL, in Gryffindor, and then coming home to aunts and uncles and older cousins. Like, to them, I’m still just sort of nineteen. And I am nineteen, but…I don’t know I’ve been feeling like I used to feel. Being home. Being without you.” Leo looked out at the water. “Like I’m right back where I started, not out to anyone except my parents, just some kid with this really tedious dream and sort of—ready to be lonely forever.”

“Leo,” Logan said.

Leo looked at them and laughed a little, pushing his hair back. “That was my long way of saying that I missed you, too. And in saying that…” he bit his lip and stood. “I have something.”

“You have something?”

Leo waved his hand as he bent at the floor, popping up a storage pit. “Planned, I have something planned. That I’ve always wanted to do with…well, with a boyfriend. Boyfriends.”

Logan looked back at Finn. “Boyfriends.”

Then, Leo started pulling out blankets. And pillows. His smile was giddy as he lay them out beneath the canopy, the boat rocking gently, and the pillows piled high. Leo gestured to it with both hands when he was done.

“Sex on a boat.”

“That sounds like the name of a tropical drink,” Finn said.

Logan nodded. “I’m in.” He stood, the blankets soft beneath his bare feet as he walked over the bed to pull Leo to him. “You’re so…”

“Sweet?” Finn said, and Logan smiled.

“Oui.”

Finn took one step up and then fell into the center of the blankets, stretching out on his back. Leo took Logan by the hands, sitting down and pulling Logan down with him. Logan sank slowly, knees straddling Leo’s hips, laying his head against Leo’s chest.

Finn turned onto his side so he was closer to them and ran a hand through Logan’s hair. “Leo hog.”

“Va te faire,” Logan grumbled and raised an eyebrow when Finn made a face. “You don’t know what I said.”

“Tone of voice,” Finn laughed. “Move over a little, then, I missed him, too.”

Leo put an arm out for Finn to roll into, face tucking against his shoulder. “I’ll just sit here watching y’all fight over me.”

Logan leaned down to press kisses to Finn’s face at the same time Leo did, and Finn made a soft sound.

“Look at you,” Leo laughed and wrapped his arm more tightly around Finn. “Letting us snug you.”

Finn laughed a little, too, but it was different somehow in Logan’s ears. Something was bothering him. “I let you snug me.”

“Yeah, for a second, and then you snug us.”

“We snug each other.”

Logan snorted and met Leo’s eyes over Finn’s head.

“Well, fine, fine.” Leo stroked Finn’s hair, cheek resting at Finn’s temple. “This is nice, though.”

Finn just pushed closer and Logan reached out a stroke his fingers over his neck. They were quiet, full and sun-tired and sated, until Finn sat up on the blankets and turned to face them, cross-legged.

“Guys,” Finn began.

“Hm?” Leo responded.

Logan pushed himself up onto a forearm on Leo’s chest. Something was wrong.

“I was thinking…” Finn cleared his throat. “I was thinking.”

“Who, you?” Logan tried, seeing if Finn would smile. When he did, Logan’s chest eased a little.

“I was thinking about trying something.”

“Okay,” Leo said. “Sure, what is it?”

Finn let out a shaky breath. Then, he looked between them.

“You and Lo,” Finn began. “You two like it when I fuck you and…I don’t know, maybe—I’d…like it, too.”

Logan felt his entire body flush with a spike of heat. It was a like his heart tried to slow down and speed up all at once, like a full-force tug. Oh.

Finn looked down at his hands. The top of his nose and cheeks were a little red from the sun, his hair curly from the salt, and he wanted—

Logan let himself drop back down, forehead against Leo’s shoulder. He was turned on. He was dizzy with it.

“Finn,” Leo’s voice was faint, his fingers pressing into the skin of Logan’s bare back.

“We don’t have to tonight,” Finn said. “I’d seriously be happy, more like fucking elated, with any and all, I was just—”

“Would you want to, though?” Leo asked. “Tonight, I mean? Because I…I’d want to.”

“I might not like it,” Finn said. “But yeah. Yeah.”

They both looked at Logan and all Logan could do was stare at Finn.

“You…” Logan was already nodding. “Finn.”

“Lay down, lay down,” Leo sat up and took Finn’s hands, pulling him until Finn was on his back again.

Logan pushed up from Leo to settle on Finn’s other side, hand going to rest above the zip of Finn’s shorts. Finn glanced up at him while Leo got up and reached for the glove box.

“Since when?” Logan asked Finn, leaning down to press a kiss to his mouth.

“I don’t know,” Finn said, hips pushing up gently against Logan’s hand, which was rubbing him gently through his shorts. “It’s not like I never thought about it, but I never…thought thought about it until…well, the night we won the Cup.”

“The Cup?” Leo said, settling back down between Finn’s legs.

“Yeah,” Finn tilted his head to the side, eyes going a little foggy. “It was just—a really intense night. I mean all of it, winning, the parties…”

“The sex,” Logan finished for him, and he was dizzy all over again. It had been intense, making their way back to their apartment and falling into Finn’s bed. The night had stretched forever. It had been fierce, rolling into each other, keeping each other weighted down, close and safe from floating away with it all.

Finn smiled. “Yeah. You two. I…I like being that close to you. And I thought maybe you could be that close to me, too.”

Leo put his hand over Logan’s. It pressed Logan’s palm harder against where Finn was growing stiff in his clothes. Leo popped the button open and leaned down to kiss over the hard muscles of Finn’s stomach.

“Just tell us how it goes, okay?” Leo said. “We can switch it up if you want.”

“Literally,” Finn laughed, but it was breathless.

Logan could tell he was nervous, could feel his heart beneath his palm. He leaned over, the pendant of his necklace falling onto Finn’s skin, and kissed over where his palm had been.

Leo pulled Finn’s shorts off while Logan kept him busy with hard, lingering kisses. Leo looked up at them and felt as surreal as ever. Ever since the Cup, Leo had been waking up every morning and reciting the list of events to himself, almost making sure they still felt real.

Finn. Logan. Falling in love. Making best friends. Coming out to them. Winning a Cup. Falling more in love. Taking Logan and Finn home. Knowing they missed him. Experiencing a sort of trust that he’d never even known before.

Finn’s skin was soft beneath his hands. There was salt dried on it, and he bent to taste the clean scent of it. It mixed with Finn’s arousal, making him ache. Finn’s cock was half hard, twitching as Leo eased his palms around it, not quite touching. He hadn’t been sure if Finn would ever want to be fucked. He and Logan had talked about it a few times, wondering if they should ask again, but they had decided to let Finn bring it up, if he wanted. And now—

“Lay back,” Logan was laughing, palm on Finn’s chest.

“I want to see,” Finn said.

Leo snorted. “You’re not really going to be able to see anything yet.”

“But…”

“You’re such a baby,” Logan sighed, but stood, kicking his clothes off and then sliding behind Finn, cradling him between his thighs and arms. Finn was still slumped low, and Logan smiled at Leo, resting his chin on Finn’s shoulder as he wrapped a hand around his cock. “There.”

Leo watched them, getting out of his shorts and squeezing his hardening cock, and then Finn looked up at him.

Finn gave him a smile. “Okay, cool, ready.”

“Cool,” Leo laughed, but instead of reaching down, he pushed forward onto his hands and knees, hovering over Finn’s body. “That’s not what you do for us, though, is it?”

Finn blinked. “What?”

Leo bent to kiss Finn’s neck, pressing their hips together so that Logan could wrap his hand around both of them at once. Finn gasped and Leo fucked into Logan’s fist, their cocks rubbing together in his tight hold.

“You make sure we know how much you love us first, Harzy,” Leo said. “Right?”

Leo felt Logan bend to kiss the other side of Finn’s neck. “Right.”

Finn was breathing harder now. “Right…”

Leo leaned back to capture Finn in a kiss, muscles tensing as Logan jacked them quicker.

“You’re gonna come so much, sweetheart, I know it.”

Logan laughed gently. “We’ve talked about it.”

“Talked about it?” Finn asked, hands moving down to press into Leo’s ass. “When?”

“Sometimes,” Leo smiled and reached down to stroke over Finn’s thigh. He leaned back, out of Logan’s reach, his cock hard falling heavily against his thighs. “Don’t get him too good, Tremz.”

Logan retrieved his hand, stroking them down Finn’s sides instead. Finn’s cock was red and sticking straight out, wet at the tip.

“Fuck,” Finn breathed.

Leo uncapped the lube with one hand and bent to suck Finn’s cock into his mouth while he warmed it between his fingers.

“Leo…” Finn said, and then cut off when Leo gently pressed his first fingertip in.

“D’accord?” Leo heard Logan whisper, and Finn whispered a yes back. But Finn was tight, every muscle Leo could feel taught around him.

“Relax, mon rouge,” Logan whispered. “You’re okay, we’ve got you.”

Leo pulled off his cock and sat back, working his finger gently.

“I’m just not used to it,” Finn said, glancing down to try and see. “I think I need something to do.”

Logan snorted. “Of course you do.”

Leo looked up from his fingers. “I have a Rubik’s Cube around here somewhere.”

Finn laughed out loud, his head falling back into Logan’s chest right as Leo pushed in a little farther and—

“Oh,” Finn jolted, smile going slack. “Oh, fuck.”

Logan smoothed his hands down Finn’s chest. “Yeah?"

Finn’s hand reached down to grip Logan’s wrist as Leo brushed inside of him again, a strangled breath punching out of him.

Leo bent once again to suck him gently. He himself was aching and trying to starve off thoughts of pressing inside of Finn, just to calm down. Finn was panting, mouth open. He had planted his feet on the blankets and pushed back when Leo added a second finger. His cock drooled a sticky strand down his chest.

“Merde,” Logan said faintly. He reached out with his finger tip to trace along a vein in Finn’s cock and Finn jolted. “Do you like it, Harzy?”

Finn’s laugh tumbled out of him. “I guess. Leo—”

Leo had added a second finger. Finn laughed again, throwing an arm over his eyes. “Oh, fuck.”

“I didn’t know you would laugh through this,” Logan said.

“I didn’t know it would feel like this.”

“So you’re laughing?”

Finn tilted his head back to look up at Logan. “I’m between my boys who are all naked and pretty and warm. I’m happy. Fuck, Leo…”

Leo smiled. “Aw, Harzy. Can I add another? Is it okay?”

Finn nodded. “Okay, okay. What’s that, three?”

“Three, sweetheart,” Leo smiled, leaning down to kiss his hip, then the base of his cock.

“Sweetheart,” Finn breathed nonsensically, smile still on his face even though his eyes had slipped shut. “Yeah, yeah, there…”

Leo looked up at Logan and they smiled at each other. Logan’s cheeks were flushed, hair curlier than Leo had ever seen it from the salt water. His eyes were hooded and he was holding Finn against him, hips rocking forward gently.

“Still okay?” Leo said. “I think you’re ready, what do you think?”

Logan ducked down to kiss Finn’s cheek. “Want Leo, mon rouge?”

Finn nodded. “Yeah. I want Leo.”

Leo tilted his head as he gave Finn one last push, crooking his fingers up to make him groan.

“Okay, Harz,” Leo said and leaned forward to kiss him, licking into his mouth. He pulled back just enough to see Finn, eyes closed and waiting for another kiss. “This makes us feel so good,” Leo mumbled, and kissed him again. “We love you like this.”

Finn made a soft noise, eyes opening. “Good.”

Leo nipped his lip gently and pulled back, reaching for the lube again.

He pushed into Finn careful, so slowly, stopping at the first press.

“Fuck,” Finn’s palms pressed into the blankets, fingers curling for something to hold onto. He pushed back against Logan. “Fuck, fuck.”

Leo went to pull back.

“No, no, no, no,” Finn said. “Go, go, go.”

Leo took a shaky breath and pushed forward again. He watched himself sink into Finn and then had to stop, half way into the tight heat and breathing hard. His cock pulsed with the feeling, with the visual and the knowledge that this was Finn. 

“Okay, Harzy?” Logan said.

Leo could hear the waves lapping at the boat as Finn nodded. Finn reached forward for Leo’s hip, guiding him the rest of the way.

Leo rocked forward and the boat seemed to rock with them. Finn’s heels slipped against the blankets and he let out a low whine that Leo had never heard before. Finn wasn’t loud.

“Shit,” Leo closed his eyes and then looked at Logan, who was practically holding Finn up. He pressed in harder, making sure he pulled all the way out before sinking in again. Finn wasn’t like Logan, who pushed back as good as he got. Finn went a little boneless, head thrown back against Logan’s shoulder and his eyes closed. Leo clutched his thighs for leverage and fucked him.

“Yes, yes…” Finn kept saying, words slurred together.

Logan whimpered and his head tilted back in a way Leo knew all too well. He was coming, hidden behind Finn, probably from the pressure of Finn’s back rubbing against him—probably from Finn’s harsh breathing.

Finn’s eyes flashed open when he felt Logan’s heat streak his back, and his cock jumped.

“Leo,” Finn said. “Logan—”

“I know, sweetheart,” Leo fucked in faster. “Lo?”

Logan just bent to mouth along Finn’s neck. Leo could see his hips fucking forward as he rode out his high, clutching Finn against him. When he stilled, he turned Finn’s head to press a lingering kiss to his mouth.

“Lay back now, Harzy,” he said, and slid carefully from behind him.

Leo smiled into the kiss that Logan knelt to give him, palms smoothing over his shoulders. Logan looked soft and sated in the lantern light, all gentle curves and broad muscles.

“J’adore,” Logan murmured.

“Tremz…”

“Guys,” Finn panted.

Leo leaned forward and kissed him where he was against the pillows, red hair wild and splayed out. Logan stretched out beside them, hand looping around Finn’s cock.

“How does it feel?” Logan said. “Knutty’s so good.”

Leo groaned, the words spreading heat right through him. He had been feeling strange lately, being home after so much change had been getting to him. But seeing them, stretched out in front of him, and feeling Finn around him—Finn, who had always taken care of him… Leo knew he had changed. And not even being home, something he loved so much and was so comfortable with, could change him back.

“Does it always feel like this?” Finn murmured, then looked from Logan to Leo. “Do I feel like this?”

He pushed into Finn again, grinding close. “Yeah, Harzy. This is how you make us feel.”

Leo pushed in twice more, and then Finn was coming, seizing up around Leo and dripping over Logan’s fingers in hot waves.

“Fuck,” Logan’s voice broke. “You always come so…”

Finn just made a soft sound, the tendons of his neck going tight as he let out a breath. “Keep—”

Logan’s hand sped up around him, Leo pushing into him at a steady pace. Finn let Logan run a hand through his hair, coaxing him through it. Then Logan looked back at Leo, reaching a hand down to feel where Leo was pushing into Finn one last time until he stilled when Finn’s breathing seemed to calm. Together, Logan and Leo smoothed their hands over Finn’s hips as Leo pulled out carefully, shiny from the lube and his own precome. Leo ached with the loss, but Finn was twitching away now, sated and oversensitive.

“So?” Leo said.

“Huh,” Finn sighed, eyes shut. He cupped a hand over his cock, opened his eyes, and smiled sleepily. “I see now.”

“Is this a new thing?” Logan asked.

“Yeah,” Finn said, then bit his lip. “But I think I like doing it to you guys more.”

Leo tilted his head against Logan, enjoying the way Finn was looking at them. Like they were his. Like he was theirs.

They pressed Leo back into the blankets and got him off slowly, and Leo felt like it was forever before his sweat was cooling on his skin, and he came to with his hands in their hair, their mouths kissing along his chest and shoulders.

The night was cooler now, too, and Finn brought the blankets up over them. He was propped on one elbow and Leo watched him stroke light fingers down Logan’s arm, then reach to brush Leo’s hair back.

“I love you guys, you know?” Finn said. “I didn’t really think I’d ever want that…but I don’t think it was actually that, I think it was more…”

“Trust?” Leo finished when he trailed off.

“Yeah,” Finn said softly.

Logan nodded. “Knutty, you’re…”

“You make us trust,” Finn said, and Logan nodded again. “Trust ourselves, trust each other. Trust the world.”

Leo opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t know what. The boat rocked beneath them from some unseen wave. It brushed them closer, all soft, sunned skin.

Logan saved Leo the trouble. He seemed to just know and cuddled himself closer beneath the blankets. They would leave for Canada soon, for a last, wild ride with the Cup. Then, they would spend the remainder of the summer in Gryffindor. But it didn’t feel like a remainder. None of it did. It felt like the rest of Leo’s life.

Leo looked at them, and looked at the stars. He didn’t need the far away things anymore to feel like he was home.

#coast to coast #sweater weather #coast to coast lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #o'knutzy #finn x leo x logan #finn o'hara #lumosinlove ocs #Logan tremblay #Leo knut #smut #o'knutzy smut #harry potter #Harry Potter fic

[lavendersblue32]

that’s my family

ok so little preface. I love love love the idea of coops with a daughter and her growing up with the biggest, sweetest family ever, so I made Thea. I’ve never posted on tumblr, let alone released my own writing so bear with me, but I had to put the idea down, so here it is. all characters are the incredible creation of @lumosinlove, but thea is mine :) <3

“Mr. and Mr. Lupin, welcome! I believe we've met before, on back to school night?” 

Remus reached out to shake the teacher’s hand. Sirius gazed around the 3rd grade classroom. Art projects and geography posters plastered the walls. The teacher’s name, Ms. Bernard, was printed in copper letters on the front of her desk, to match the students name tags on the front of their desks. Sirius found Thea’s desk, smack in the middle of the front row. He smiled at the thought of Thea’s hand shooting up ambitiously at any question she knew, thrilled to share her knowledge. 

“Yes, I believe that’s when we last met.” Sirius said, sharing a nod with Remus. 

“Well, please come have a seat.”

Sirius pulled out one of the 3rd grade sized chairs sitting around a table at the front of the room.

“Oop, not quite hockey player sized.” Remus laughed, as he sat in the tiny chair, his knees barley fitting under the table. Ms. Bernard grabbed a folder off her desk, and joined them at the table. Sirius couldn’t help but feel anxious about the reason they were there. The teacher had only sent a brief email, asking him and Remus to come in for a meeting regarding Thea. He didn’t think Thea was in trouble. She couldn’t be. Or had he made a mistake as a parent? 

Sirius felt Remus’ hand brush his own, linking them together under the table. Remus could tell Sirius was anxious. 

“By the way, and I should’ve told you in the email, but Thea is absolutely not in any trouble.” Remus let out an exaggerated sigh. 

“Thank goodness, we can call the boogey man and cancel his visit.” He smiled, as Sirius laughed heartily, his anxieties eased. 

“In fact,” Ms. Bernard continued, “It's quite the opposite of trouble.” She pulled a typed paper out of the folder. “This past week, I gave the students an assignment to write all about their families. I’ve made it a point as a teacher to teach students about the importance of understanding and respecting our differences, and wanted to begin with the different types of families there are. It’s also a way for me to get to know the students since we’re only a few weeks into school.” She slid the paper across the table towards Sirius and Remus. 

“Everyone did great with the assignment, but Thea...Thea’s family essay blew me away.” Sirius picked up the essay, scooting his chair closer to Remus so they could both read it. Thea was a smart kid, but what could be so phenomenal about a 3rd grade essay that the teacher had called the parents in? Remus began to read out loud. 

“My Family

By Theadora Celeste Lupin

My name is Theadora but everyone calls me Thea, just because. Family is very important to me, because it’s always around me. My parents are Remus and Sirius Lupin. They are both my dad’s and I love them to the moon and back. They play hockey for the Gryffindor Lions. They drive me places, help me get better at hockey, and help me grow. Most kids don’t have two dads, or think it’s weird, but I don’t. They love me more than anything else, and that’s all that matters. My Papa’s mom and dad are Celeste and Pascal Dumais, and they are my grandma and grandpa. Meme Celeste teaches me to cook, and bon papa Dumo coaches my hockey team. My dad’s parents are Hope and Lyall Lupin. I call them hopey and lemon. We make the best pies together. 

My papa’s brother, my uncle Regulus, is super smart, and he always helps me with my homework. He always watches movies with me too. My dad’s brother, my uncle Julian, always takes me to the park and lets me have ice cream before dinner sometimes. My uncle Leo calls me darlin’, and has a funny southern accent. We talk in french sometimes to confuse uncle Finn. Uncle Logan always braids my hair for me, and lets me wear his hats. Uncle Finn always has dance parties with me, and we build pillow forts when he babysits me. 

My aunt Lily takes me shopping for clothes, and takes me out for girls days. She knows the girly things that Papa and Dad don’t know. Uncle James taught me Mario Kart, and always lets me win. Harry is James and Lily’s son, and he’s like my big brother. He always looks out for me, and lets me skate with him and his friends. My aunt Natalie and Uncle Kasey and Uncle Alex are so much fun. Aunt Natalie is a really pretty singer, and Uncle Alex can play the guitar. Uncle Kasey has long hair like me, so he lets me put it in crazy hairstyles. 

There are a lot of people in my family, but everyone means a lot to me, and everyone means something different to me. I love my whole family to the end of infinity. My family may be different than yours, but it's still a family. And I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”

A tear rolled down Remus’ cheek, and dotted the paper he and Sirius were still holding. 

“Wow.” Sirius let out, desperately holding back the tidal wave of emotions threatening to spill. 

“It’s really think it’s special how much love she holds for so many people.” Ms. Bernard smiled at them softly. “I thought it would be best if I shared it with you two before she reads it to the class. I think Thea has a wonderful perception of others emotions and a great capacity for empathy, she’s an incredible kid.”

Sirius’ heart felt like it would burst with pride. In this moment, the doubts he had about himself as a father, becoming like his own father, disappeared. 

“I’ll send you home with this copy, so you can share it with your family, it needs to be shared.” She put the paper back in the folder and handed it to Remus.

“Thank you for having us in, it’s comforting to know how well Thea is doing, she’s in the hands of a great educator.” Sirius shook Ms. Bernard's hand, and waved as he and Remus left the classroom. 

“I’m going to give ma fifille the biggest hug I’ve ever given her when we get home.” Sirius wiped tears from the corners of his eyes. 

“You think you’re a mess? Just wait until we let James read this.” Remus linked arms with his husband, who let out a knowing laugh. 

“We have the best kid.” Remus mused, and leaned over to kiss Sirius’ cheek.

“We sure do.”  

#coops #o'knutzy #oc #cute #family #o'darwin #sweaterweather