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#Dungeons and Dragons Quotes
ooc-dnd-quote · a year ago
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Out of Context Quotes #108
‘I could tie the dagger to the rope as I shove it up their ass’
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dismayadoes · a year ago
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I loooved playing the meme character because it allows me to do shit like this:
Cult Priest: She had cost us dearly! She has killed many of us!
Cassie, Human Swarmkeeper: Has she though? You seriously kidnapped her in her sleep defenseless?
Cult Priest: You don't understand! She's killed many of us!
Cassie: Are you sure that you're not just mixing people up? She's just the magic shop owner? I mean, I still don't get this whole thi-
Cult Priest: Well, our god demands a sacrifice!
Cassie: Yeah, I get that, but why her? Don't ya' usually go for adventurer-
Cult priest: Silence! You talk too much! You'll join her soon!
Cassie, with +4 Dex and the Alert feet with 15 rolled initiative, 24 total, shooting her longbow and summoning a flock of magpies for extra damage: Haha, I don't think so~
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frowningfox · 2 years ago
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That constant D&D mood
Player: I’ll try thinking one more time.
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insomnia-productions · 2 years ago
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some wacky quotes from d&d
I found some quotes I wrote down from a campaign last year. I feel like the internet needs to see them. 
DM: *tells us to choose between two paths*
Druid: okay but which path smells better
[she did this five times]
~ ~ ~
Rogue: *finds a mysterious gauntlet*
Rogue: I’m putting this on because I have ADHD
Rogue, five minutes later, now with a steel gauntlet permanently attached to her hand: Fuck, this was my handjob hand
~ ~ ~
Cleric: *getting attacked by plants* 
Rogue: *singing* na na na na na, I'm vegetation
~ ~ ~
DM: [trying to explain what the plants are doing] It just kinda... neeeee
~ ~ ~
idk the class but she was 10 years old: *kills a monster* 
DM: the other monster starts crying. The monster you just killed was the only being it ever loved... 
10-year-old: 
10-year-old: *finger guns*  ha, dweeb
~ ~ ~
Rogue: [in response to questioning] Nothing bad!! I just wanted to have sex with him!
~ ~ ~
Barbarian: [to the king] I’m going to need the OPCVL of your sources
~ ~ ~
Druid: I’m going to the cathouse because I want to make friends with the cat
~ ~ ~
[We agree to split up and meet back in 4 hours. The cleric goes to a brothel for information and ends up sleeping with someone there.]
DM: okay, well, he’s going to be having a wild night--
Cleric: Night? We agreed to meet up in 4 hours!
Cleric: I speed-fuck him
~ ~ ~
And, of course, the Greatest Meme of the campaign, the thing that had us in stitches for four straight minutes... the bag of holding.
The Party: *faces a mild inconvenience* 
The Party: stick ‘em in the bag of holding 
--It got to the point where we started putting NPC’s and even annoying party members into the bag of holding.
And, after we ended the session... 
Me: Guys, I want to invite someone into the game. 
DM: Sure, but how should we write him in? 
Me:
DM:
Party:
Me:
Me: ...we find him in the bag of holding
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dungeonmastereyeroll · 3 years ago
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Guest characters make for a fun mix up part 2.
TL DR: Some people can win with a head butt.
So context, after breaking out of their cage, Feldspar the Earth Genasi Paladin decided fight the lizard folks unarmed in their Fantasy Underarmour.
Feldspar: I run up to the lizard and head butt them in the face! *hits unarmed strike roll*
Lizard Folk: *falls limp to the ground*
Solana: So is he dead?
Feldspar: I HEADBUTT TO KILL!
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ooc-dnd-quote · a year ago
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Out of Context Quotes #134
‘I use her hair as string and wear her ear like a necklace’
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dismayadoes · a year ago
Me: So if you want to make complicated story arcs with your PC, talk to your local DM.
Our DM: Yeah, talk to your DM.
Me: Talk to your local DM.
Our DM: Fuck your DM, please.
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frowningfox · 2 years ago
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Dnd quote from last night:
“Not everyone who needs help is a sickly baby orphan, sometimes they’re a sickly baby orphan with a knife.”
(it was an out of character oversimplification of the principles of my paladin’s Oath)
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incorrect-dnd-classes · a month ago
Artificer: I have a science headcanon.
Wizard: Can’t you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person?
Artificer:
Artificer: So my science headcanon is-
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