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#Edward is a moody bitch
cannedbeefaroni · 6 months
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songs i associate with different paul dano characters teehee
Edward Nashton:
Cubicles by My Chemical Romance
Mr. Self Destruct by Nine Inch Nails
Disarm by The Smashing Pumpkins
Timothy Klitz
High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup
Cat and Mouse by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
The Birds and the Bees by Breathe Carolina
Joby Taylor
When I Get Home You're So Dead by Mayday Parade
I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me by Fall Out Boy
I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace
Calvin Weir-Fields
She's My Man by Scissor Sisters
The Bitch Of Living from Spring Awakening
Nice Guys Finish Last by Cobra Starship
Burt Fabelman
Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA
Nights in White Satin by The Moody Blues
Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads
Louis Ives
Petals by Hole
Let You Break My Heart Again by Laufey
Real Men by Mitski
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houseofbrat · 1 year
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I have always found Charles to be shallow, vain and weak. However, he has accomplished a lot of good through his projects and interests. I have no issue with him being King, as this is his time.
I am concerned that in relation to Moaning Markle and Ginger Bollocks he is being shallow, vain and weak. Is he?
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Perhaps you should add a book by Edward S. Herman to your reading list in the near future. 
The Charles-hasn’t-chopped-Harry-&-Meghan’s-heads-off angle works great in manufacturing outrage in the press. Fleet Street knows they can print the most apocalyptic drivel and get people such as yourself reading their articles and commenting on them. 
Charles knows exactly who Harry is and has always known that. To quote @nycrealroyal-blog from two days before their wedding:
The sermon on Harry yesterday from PoW was harsh. On her today too. 
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Charles, William, and the rest of the BRF have long known Meghan and Harry are a problem. They’ve long known Harry has problems and is a big problem. 
The plan the BRF--which includes CHARLES in case you forgot--had for dealing with Harry was for him to be in the military for at least 20 years. If it had worked out that way, he’d still be in the military right now. However, the problem is that Harry shouldn’t have ever been an officer because he isn’t that smart. The BRF has always known this. But because Harry is a royal, it would have been considered too embarrassing for him to be enlisted. When Harry was faced with having a desk job, he quit the military. The BRF then had to scramble to construct his life as a working royal. Edward Lane Fox probably deserves a Best Original Screenplay Oscar because he clearly spun gold out of the walking nightmare that is Harry. 
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This fantasyland thinking that Charles doesn’t know what kind of problem Harry is ridiculous. Charles has always known that Harry is a few fries short of a Happy Meal and a moody bitch with a big ego. 
I sense that a lot of people are going to be in shock when Harry goes home to the UK after a divorce announcement is released by the palace. Too many people buy into the outrage that Fleet Street publishes to make money. 
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bellasdumptruckass · 2 years
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emmett and alice @ edward whenever he’s being a moody bitch pre-bella
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lukevangelista · 8 months
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if connor mcdavid is bella who are jacob and edward?
leon draisaitl is edward that moody son of a bitch
no idea about jacob
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huraiyra · 9 months
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HI! TELL ME ABOUT QUARTZ I BEG YOU!
IM IN LOVE WITH YOU NO ONE'S EVER WANTED TO HEAR AB MY OCs *CRACKS MY KNUCKLES*
... Im so sorry I have autism and can't shut the fuck up when I write (essay incoming)
so Quartz is my babygirl and my favourite OC. fun fact he was originally a straight love interest in a CYOA story I was writing on gotoquiz.com in like 2012. how our stories grow with us
Quartz is an emo scene adult (30) with black and white hair that falls over his eyes and he has the all the lip and eyebrow and ear piercings and striped shirts under band t-shirts thing going on.
his edgy boi angsty backstory is that his mom was my worst nightmare ending for myself (forced to get married and have children and hating all of them forever and trying and failing to be a good mom and eventually just falling apart) and so his childhood sucked due to a mixture of neglect, abuse, and having to take care of himself and failing. he had a bestest friend named Hollis, and a little brother named Jade who was the light of his life, until he gets killed in a hit and run bc mom couldn't be bothered to pick him up after extracurriculars. this is Quartz's villain origin story so he ends up stealing his mom's shit and leaving home at age 16 to go off himself or die or whatever the fuck but then he gets possessed by a dude (Edward) who thinks he is pretty cool :)c Edward helps Quartzie murder the guy who killed his brother. Edward is also a 700 year old freak and jackass who ruins his life more by egging him on to steal shit, do whatever he wants (namely whatever drugs he can get his hands on), fight people who bug him, knife himself but not die, and also possessing and unpossessing him and leaving his body half immortal and half mortal (checkered, like his hair).
he goes to check in on his mom one day and finds her dead on the couch (either killed herself or wasted away, unclear) which understandably ruins his life (again) (x4)
after a good decade of alternative highs of possession and lows of freezing on the ground on Canadian winter nights, Edward decides to bring Quartz to a home for other similarly possessed people (my childhood dream of living in a house with a bunch of friends à la Teen Titans) who all love him to bits despite him being broken, moody, violent and dirty. they don't really see him like that, even though that's all he thinks he is. they see a guy who never got to be a kid whose actually really adorable and decent and has cool interests (see: his backpack full of drawings Hollis gave him, stolen metal and rock CDs, comics, tokens from his brother, his 8 pocket knives, etc), who gets excited about new things, who tries to clean up after himself and treat people with respect, and who might shove you but apologizes immediately afterwards.
theres a trans man who takes a lot of naps and gives really good hugs, a magician who accidentally became his mom friend, a strange famous bald girl who likes being as much of a bum as possible, a genius bubbly girl who decides everyone is her bestie, and a genuine and hopeful but miserable man (Dominique) who was just recently possesed and lost his fiance on the way to his uni grad.
Quartz is a deeply scarred human being by this point and wouldn't mind if they ALL blew up and died, and spends a long time running off and ditching them and having some weird toxic friendship with miserable man.
Dominique is weirdly drawn to him even though he's Magna Cum Laude and well-off and never known pain, but he loves how underneath all the jagged edges this guy is genuine and not mean and the way he talks ab things he likes makes him like it too. Quartz is weirdly drawn to what he sees as a melodramatic priviledged bitch who is really smart and cute and sweet and handsome and kind and adorable and nice to me and nice to everyone and I want him to smile forever FUCK.
Dominique uses the magic power he gained from the possession to heal his suffering just a little (through a mind link). Quartz becomes somewhat addicted to this until Edward convinces him it's fake and bullshit and doesn't matter and on the other hand Dominique's benevolent possessor is like are you fucking kidding me your Summa Cum Laude fiance just died and you're mosying it up with this freak and EDWARD??? (theyve always hated Edward) (but never did anything about it to keep the peace) you should be ashamed of yourself
it takes Quartz a LOT of help including having a home and food and peace, having tv and junk food and homemade food, having people who like him and dont hurt him, just being unpossessed and trying to detox and thinking and thinking and thinking and also a chance meeting with the suicide spirit of his best friend Hollis (not chance) (they were looking for him) to make him realise that even if everything in the world sucks and he sucks and pain is eternal, there's no way out of existence and becoming a suicide spirit will just result in endless cycles of rumination and torture and no way out. LIVING on the other hand? it guarantees always another chance for small joy and if there is any source of joy in the world including friendship, he should embrace it. there's no way out so you might as well try to ease your own suffering and enjoy the good. because there IS good
(ps. I spent 5 years writing the scene where he decides he doesn't want to kill himself, because I was going through the same shit, and it finally came to be when I stopped being actively suicidal. unfortunately unlike him I'm still miserable. hey whats my other name besides Sumi again...)
so he tells Edward to fuck off, has a big fight and Edward leaves for good, and then tells Dominique's possessor to fuck off, and it works and they are humbled and apologize and agree to stop being nosy and resume their promise to being kid to Dominique (and by extension, Quartz) forever again.
Dominique and Quartz end up able to talk and get to know each other and Dominique nurtures him and Quartz teaches him to loosen up and they end up little soulmates in that house and get married!!! everyone else is super supportive and love their two new additions, a smart genuine hopeful and loving man who studies a lot like Genius Bubbly, and a jaded but good man who needs a lot of help but is learning to live again
currently my beloved Quartz is taking antidepressants and going to therapy (it's working for him) and spending each day with a friend or reading (my love never finished high school) and chilling with his husband.
ummmmm tl;dr Quartz. I love him and cannot shut the fuck about him. I'm sorry. thanks for reading (or not reading)
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rat-cigars · 2 years
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Damn Bitch You live like this?
(a/n: okay they pull up. Yoo we making it wild in here, big things are a foot. Edward isnt in this one as much, but he is brought up a few times. Mostly a reader and bruce chapter, setting up for the time jump ) 
masterlist
**Edward POV}
*Reader POV)
(TW: cryin, moody,  )
Wc: 1216
Possible Spoilers in this chapter 
Afab!Reader (she/her) pronouns
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Chapter 13: The Mansion
*It was a huge mansion, the pictures you'd seen couldn't compare to the view before you. “Holy shit..” You muttered under your breath, pulling your jacket over your shoulders. You'd be able to stop and grab a bag of items to bring with you beforehand. 
Luckily the press has not tracked you down there yet, but it was only a matter of time before they did. Hoisting it onto your back you exited the vehicle in the giant garage, it was filled with at least 12.
Probably more, but you didn't care to count them all. Walking into the kitchen area that leads out to the main room, Alfred began to speak, “So Mr.Wayne will be with you shortly, in the meantime I'll take you to your room.” He offered with a smile. You gave a kind smile and a nod, “Thank you sir.” You sighed and followed him, taking in the true mass of the mansion.
 Gold details trickled across the room, varying sizes of art covered quite a bit of the walls and huge elegant curtains covered many of the windows. 
“Quite beautiful isn't it?” Alfred chuckled, noticing your glances. “Mr.Waynes parents always had quite a nice taste with their furnishing and decor.” He slowed as you reached the end of the first floor's long hall. 
“They must've spent.. Well millions on this home.” you mused, stopping beside him. “Of course most of it was charity events and the usual galas.” He replied coolly, opening the door to show the massive room. It was about the size of the hotel lobby itself. “Holy shit!” You giggled, never seeing anything like it before. The walls are decked out with more art and some shelves that hold a few trophies. 
“I assume you'll be just fine in here?” He raised a brow, but his voice was kind. Probably used to this reaction to the guest room. “Yes, Thank you.” You laid back on the bed setting down your bag, then hearing his feet move away you shot up, “Oh Mr. Alfred?” You called and he paused by the door turning to you to listen. 
“Is Bruce Wayne gonna be back anytime soon?” He nodded, assuring that he would be with you shortly before leaving you to your own thoughts. It was the first time of the night that you had been fully alone, no wandering eyes, no chaos from the press or club, just yourself and a well needed amount of privacy.
 It finally erupted and you broke down into a mix of sobs and whines. Were you crying over the embarrassment? The press? Edward rejecting you? It wasn't clear but you laid there in a pool of tears until you heard a sudden knock at the door.
 “ Y/n” Bruce's voice hits you like another kick to the gut from the night. “Fuck..” You hissed under your breath and wiped off your face. “Y-Yeah?” You called back to him, a bit nasally as you spoke. “Do you mind if we talk..?” He sounded unsure and kind of gruff.
 “Yeah, uh. I'll be out in a minute?” you stood grabbing on your jacket from the floor, pulling it tight around yourself.
 Walking out with your eyes down you bumped into Bruce immediately, him gently catching you before you could fall. Everything kept moving so fast, this was truly a night to remember. 
“Sorry..” You huffed as he released you quickly, his catch wasn't like Eds. Edward had been entrancing, smooth and maybe it was the small crush but, he was objectively better with the romantic moments.
You followed Bruce down to the dining room, sitting at the end of the table besides Alfred. You were confused as to why he would sit in, but you didn't mind it. 
He had been working for Bruce's family for decades, so you deemed him trustworthy just based on that fact. Bruce began first, with a firm but kind and gruff voice, “Miss, y/n. The Wayne family would like to formally apologize for any issues or uncomfortable situations I have put you in tonight,” You twiddle your thumbs as he continued.
 “ Tonight was an unforeseen event and we would like to offer you comfort here until the media dies down.” Alfred opened his mouth, following up, “We understand if you'd like to reject the offer but..” He turned his phone to show you, “The media seems to have found not only your employment, but also the apartment you reside in.” Alfred seemed just as annoyed with the press as the rest of you.
“Well, I don't know what else to do. I still need to work for my rent, and I can't just stop going out like you.” You spoke gesturing towards the overgrown emo at the side of you.
 “I don't mean to be rude, but what if it doesn't die down. What if they keep pushing and-” You began to cry, tears splattering onto the large table you sat at. “And what about my own life. I appreciate your help but I have a life outside of this. I was on a date for god's sake.” You groaned, burying your face into your hands.
 Oh god what was Edward thinking right now? On the first date you had been pulled into a tabloid romance. Or the accusations of a romance with Bruce Wayne. Then the Batman, you didn't even react to the large figure but he had shown up to help you, causing even more questions than you had answers to. Pulled from these thoughts Alfreds voice faded in, Shit..
He had been speaking and you didn't even notice. Catching the end of his sentence he turned from Bruce to face you, “- that's why a public fight would work for both of you.” He seemed pleased with his idea but you and Bruce weren't too excited. 
“Public Image, I don't want you guys risking that because I'm a little emotional.” You sat up straighter in your chair, cleaning off your face again. 
“Plus Bruce and you have things to attend to yourselves.” You sighed and looked at your phone, it was getting too late for this.
“I can just stay here a few days and who knows, maybe theyll get the idea?” Bruce had scoffed at your idea. “Well we are delighted to have you and when you're ready to go home just let me know.” Alfred spoke kindly, and you returned his words with a smile and nod, “Yes, I just need a ride to work.. But preferably something not so flashy..” you teased him a little, growing more comfortable. Bruce stood silently and left, walking up the massive stairs.
Alfred agreed and you stood as he once more showed you to your own room, once again leaving you to think alone in the large bed.  
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always-andromeda · 2 years
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Heyo lovebug🐛♥️ I hope ur having a great day, congrats on 500 u deserve so much more bbs!! I was wondering if I could request Louisa for Paul dano characters pls
Btw sorry if this is messy I’ve never done this before…..
I’m 19yr, I’m petite and very pale ( I look like a vampire lowkey) my height is 5’2 I use she/her pronouns, 99% sure i have ocd but it hasn’t been confirmed yet, I have short brown hair with highlights ( it used to be pink highlights but they’re gone now loll) I wear glasses, I would describe my style to be kind of 80s a bit mixed with goth and a hint of  cottagecore my aesthetic is so weird, I’m tomboyish but also a girly girl at times too I loveeee wearing baggy shirts and some sweat pants ( it’s my go too) I also have a few ear piercings, I love reading comics and playing video games ( lost of us is probably my favorite), and puzzles too I’m probably the biggest nerd you would ever meet lolll ( I like collecting figures and comics)  I’m obsessed with music I could talk about it for hours if given the chance too, the song I’m currently obsessed with is bad habits by Steve lacy ( my favorite band is mook of course 😤and my favorite artist is Mac DeMarco) , I hope to pursue something in art in the future,I like to think I’m a creative person and oh I’m a movie nerd too
how I would describe myself : I’m the mom/funny friend, I’m ambivert but leaning into an introvert ( for some reason I’m not shy around introverts i suddenly get this boost of confidence… Idk tbh) I like having a small friend group, when u first meet me I’m shy and quite but when u get to know me I’m a total goofy ball lmaooo,I’m a very good listener, I’m also very supportive and loyal ( im the friend u can call when u need to bury a dead body loll ) i do have a resting bitch face sadly so I look intimidating it makes it hard for people to approach me🥲 ( i promise im nice cries) I’m very goofy I absolutely love making others laugh I thrive on it , I’m very determined person once I set my mind on something I have to do right , I’m very protective over my loved ones I would literally kill for them😀 I’m such a hopeless romantic I like listening to lovey dovey songs and create fake scenarios in my head ( I live in my head 24/7) a few of my bad habits is that i don’t know how express my emotions well anddd I hate crying in front of others…… I’m also very moody too ( I’m working on it I promise 🥲) oh my god I loveeeeeeeee showering people with complements and love I’m very affectionate towards my loved ones I love animals especially cats and birds,I like to think that I’m a very responsible person, I’m a very honest person too ( i don’t really like sugarcoating things but I have to at times) I can be really stubborn at times too, I would consider myself to be really chill, calm and lowkey sensitive.
Hobbies: reading, painting I can knit a bit but I’m better at crocheting ( I like making mushrooms for some reason) baking and cooking too I also used to play the piano but I stopped, ( I ALMOST FORGOT I ADORE FLOWERS SO MUCH ONE DAY I WANNA OWN A HUGE GARDEN) I think that’s it ( I’m a sucker for riddles I ain’t the best at them but I love how it keeps me thinking) I hope this is enough luv please take ur time and don’t forget to take breaks!!
Thank you!!!!!!!
Author's Note | first of all, you adding on your love for Hot Freaks in that separate ask wasn't dumb at all because I gave them a listen and now I'm in love with them too!! seriously, your vibes are fucking immaculate?? like fuck dude I wanna be your friend?? thank you for giving me so much to work with here!! I really hope you enjoy your matchup!!
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I am pairing you with ✨ Edward!! ✨
You and Edward would be adorable together, I know it. For one, your loyalty and support would mean a lot to him (you did say you're the friend to call when a body needs to be buried /j). Truly, though, your love, honesty, and kindness would make him so incredibly happy. Edward is an introvert but he would feel so comfortable with you.
Edward would come up with different riddles for you to solve. And if he thinks up a particularly good one, he has to write it down. Even if you can't figure it out, he'll gently nudge you in the right direction every time. He just loves watching the cogs turn in your mind as you decipher something he put together since he's a huge geek himself.
Decorate his life with your crocheted mushrooms, comics, and figurines. He'd properly adore and cherish every mark that you've left on him in a way only Eddie can.
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lindsaywesker · 1 year
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Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day.
Some days, I get angry with the lies and the corruption, and some days I just feel sorry for the people that read a snotty, Nazi rag like The Daily Fail. It’s amazing to think that relatively intelligent people read that nonsense and actually think it’s news. So, today, I’m not seething with rage, I genuinely feel sorry for those that flounder in ignorance. What must that be like? It must be like listening to a conversation and not really understanding what people are saying? One of my new year’s resolutions is not to have conversations with idiots. My time is precious, I can’t afford to waste it.
So, today, I’m going to keep it bright and breezy. You know what I’ve realised? Everyone – and I mean everyone – has something going on in their lives. Maybe they’ve had a health scare? Maybe they have an actual health issue? Maybe they’re having problems with their partner, with a sibling, with a child, with a parent? Maybe they hate their job? Maybe they hate they body? Maybe they hate their sex life? Maybe they feel a failure? Everyone – and I mean everyone – has some kind of issue in their lives AND, because of that, we must all tread lightly, be respectful, be sensitive and cut people some slack.
Me? I admit it. You know me; I’m an open book. Of course, I have issues! You see me smiling and laughing, and you hear me joking, but of course there’s all sorts of distressing sh*t going on in my life. And that’s perfectly normal. Most people are like a bull in a China shop! They’ll look at some woman and say, “She’s a moody bitch, isn’t she?” Little do they know, yesterday she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Who knew? Fortunately – and I am the luckiest bastard on this planet – my life is FULL of beautiful people and I feel loved. Yes, there are people and things in my life that seriously trouble me, but I would never complain. In relative terms, life’s been good to me so far.
And, down the years, I’ve had people in my life that have just changed! Literally, like a light bulb switch. On one second, off the next. But you have to allow people to go through changes. As I say, maybe they have issues you will never know about? When these people have dealt with their issue(s) and want to talk to me again, I will be here. Same as ever. Do I ever change? How long have you known me? Do I ever change?
At 7.30, I will leave this house, walk a mile to the station, Overground from Willesden Junction to Highbury & Islington, another mile walk from the station to the school; first lesson begins at 9.30. Luckily, I’m teaching a subject I love: music industry, media industry and all points between. And we get proper nerdy! I asked one girl what kind of music she made. “Garage!” she replied. “UK or US?” I asked. “UK, of course, but I love Todd Edwards!” That’s not what I meant but I didn’t get into it. I meant the original US garage: Phase II, Blaze, Degrees Of Motion etc. We’ll get into that another day. See what fun I have?
Have a throbbing and thrusting Thursday (with hopefully a few thrills through your thoroughfare?) I love you all.
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alystar00 · 2 years
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This will be a list of the things I said on instagram while watching Twilight for the first time in my life. I should warn you that I watched it in Italian, so I will translate the dialogues by myself back to English. I’m sorry for the inaccuracies (actually not that much).
I won’t put the pictures and I won’t probably show the actual scenes. Have fun trying to figure out the scenes. I will put some red comments when needed.
Enjoy
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I am doing it. (For contest, until I put it on I didn’t decide if I was gonna watch it or not).
The four of them are embarassing. Update: she almost hit Jacob with the car door.
Between the dramatic fan and him like this I am laughing. No, upgrade, he’s creepy.
What does it mean he’s not there, I wanted her to confront him (I cannot really translate what I said here)
What the hell, is he in heat? He keeps looking at her like a maniac.
I didn’t really get it but. “You had black eyes and now they’re auburn.” “Yeah it’s ✨ the lamps ✨”.
In the meanwhile Edward very clever to destroy a car to save Bella- YOU COULD LITERALLY JUST PULL HER AWAY AND NOTHING ELSE, YOU DRAMATIC BITCH. 
The doctor goes directly to PTSD- yeah okay calm down
“How did you get there next to me?” THIS ONE DESTROYED A CAR WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND THAT’S WHAT YOU ASK HIM?
Ah alright she asked him now.
Edward looks like a bad boy made in a bad way, I already hate him
“To the ball. The ball where you have to dance. Yeah, it’s not for me”. Mood Bella, mood. (Spare my google translator english please)
“What are you going for in Jacksonville?” “How do you know?” “Can’t you answer my question?” “You don’t answer any of mine”. BELLA HAS A PAIR OF BRAIN CELLS THAT DO WORK. I don’t really like Edward, he’s that mysterious and ugh-
Summary of the first half hour of Twilight:
Bella: *exists* Edward: 👀
If his problem was only his change of humor dear, he’s stalking you
“And if I wasn’t the hero? And if I was instead the villain?” Dramatic bitch
She didn’t actually invite him, right? PLEASE BELLA YOU HAVE HIGHER STANDARDS
✨ You are in my reserve, Bella ✨
Jacob and his friends with long hair makes me laugh
NO BUT BOTH JACOB AND EDWARD ARE TRYING TO AVOID UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS AND BELLA KEEPS ASKING BECAUSE SHE’S SO CURIOUS
The guy confused by two that appear out of nowhere is the only one that look realistic and not stupid
JaMeS dO nOt pLaY wItH tHe fOoD
Anyway I’m asking myself if she’s connecting the dots with the “The Cullens disappear when there is the sun”
They should have set it in the UK.
Bella that sneaks off in a library to avoid shopping is literally me
GO BELLA, PUNCH THEM
First good thing about Edward: he pulled out of the way there guys. THEN HE TRIED TO KILL BELLA WITH HIS SHITTY DRIVING, BUT LET’S IGNORE IT
Not him “You cannot know how disgusting their thoughts were”. But do you hear yours?
“You should give me an answer” “Yeah… no…”
“I FEEL PROTECTIVE OF YOU” BUT HOW CREEPY WAS HIM WHEN HE SAID THAT? CREEPY BITCH
“I tell you that I can read minds and you think there is something wrong with you?” Sorry Bella but this time he’s right.
“Was he killed?” “Yeah… by an animal” LIAAAAAAAAAR
She connected the dots, good girl
Creepy and spinning shot
“Say what I am” A SANITARY NAPKIIIIIIIIIN (in Italian it sounds better)
“You will not hurt me”. She’s so chill with a vampire, okay girl
“They looks like diamonds” SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOOOND
Throwing a tantrum, dramatic bitch
“I am a murderer” [...] “I trust you”. Bella please
“IT’S LIKE YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE QUALITY OF HEROIN” I’M CRYING
He’s moody, not a joke. First he says he love her. Then that she should hate him. And he jumps everywhere like a grasshopper. And he’s dramatic. My god how much I don’t stand you
I’m sorry for this commentary of Twilight but it’s like reading a cringe book and I must comment every part of it. But I must go fast because everything happens fast. Also, I am waiting for Supermassive Black Hole. (I basically watched it for this song alone, Muse is my favourite band)
He’s a special child, he's the only one that can read minds.
“CAN YOU BEHAVE LIKE A HUMAN? I HAVE NEIGHBORS”. I want a book with a human and a vampire like that
Bella that is afraid she won’t be liked by Edward’s family and him like “They’re vampires. That’s your fear?”
Okay evidently they share a brain cell and you know who’s keeping it by what they say
 “What did you expect? Coffins? Dark caves? A moat?” “Not the moat” “... Not the moat.”
Anyway, Bella already has their complexion
Jasper looks like Kylo Ren
Everyone happy beside the blond one, crying
Eris is nice (Yeah it took me the whole film to understand her name was Alice, don’t mind me. Also, in italian "Alice" is pronounced different and I am stupid)
The game of graduating, oh my God. I agree with Bella, being 17 years forever sucks.
I remembered Spiderman different
“Do you trust me?” “In theory” Mood
Well the hing with the piano was cute. Robert plays it good
“I like to watch you while you sleepy” YOU GIVE ME ANXIETY BRO
But like, the simple fact that he goes into hero room - in the last two months - and nothing else- bro no
Now they’re kissing hard
“Isn’t he too old for you?” “...No?” ;););)
HE LOADED THE RIFLE TELLING BELLA TO LET IN EDWARD, I’M CRYING
The baseball match is going to start, I was waiting for this moment
There is really Supermassive Black Hole here, I’m crying
The drama of all this match
What are you? A boyband?
The gaze with which Bella watched Edward- she avenged every look he gave her during the film
He panicking so much oh my god
He did a really evil move, let’s hope it works
She’s so furious oh my god (the blond). Eris tho>>>
“BELLA YOU ARE MY WHOLE LIFE NOW” bro no
Effectively being three they could think they would have found her mother but okay
I’m intrigued, I want to see what happens now
“I do not regret the decisions that  have brought me this far [...] They also brought me to Edward” If you’re happy sis
He’s creepy but he intrigues me
The action scenes make me laugh, they look like looney tunes ones sometimes please
It’s all so dramatic. No but it’s them that are cringe, dad vampire and Eris are sensible. Also the bad guys.
They invented that she fell out of the window and she was like “typical of me”. How badly you are that such a thing is plausible?
Oh my god she fell in love badly. 
Normal life is too mainstream, what can I say
No but they paid him 20 dollars to say her that they keep an eye on her? Alright?
THEY PAID HIM TO MAKE HIM A MESSENGER, IT’S ALREADY FUNNY LIKE THIS
They just took a picture. In this version vampires are photogenic? Mhmmm
Well it’s clever to take her up and dance with her keeping her like this. Especially if she can’t dance and if she put on weight. Well, it’s a clever idea, do it more often.
Anyway “I won’t be the one who will take away you like” Drrrrrrrrama
My DrEaM iS tO aLwAyS bE WiTh yOu
I don’t believe he will bite her
In fact he did not bite her, tactic kiss on the neck
Well, they do a good couple. Shared braincell etc etc
Hi Victoria
I FINISHED IT
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I have also commented the whole New Moon film but I don't know if I will put it here. Let's see
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emmettsleftnut · 2 years
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The Cullens do Halloween
Happy Spooks, since I haven’t posted in a while here is what the Cullens would dress up as for Halloween :))
Emmett: The guy from midsommar in the bear suit
Rosalie: Florence Pugh covered in flowers (to match Emmett obvi)
Alice: I feel like she would wear a super detailed fairy costume
Jasper: He would dress as a vampire because he and Bella thought it was funny
Bella: Would dress as Dracula to match Jasper
Edward: said dressing up is stupid and cried over Bella matching Jaspers costume instead of not dressing up with him
Esme: Marge Simpson
Carlisle: Wasn’t super hype about dressing up but went as Homer because Esme was excited
Youre welcome
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simping-for-fives · 3 years
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I don't understand how anyone spent time and effort arguing over Team Edward vs Team Jacob when you all should have been on Team Carlisle.
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mccoyyy · 3 years
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moving this to my new blog so I can pin it again lol
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@stregoni-benefici you are completely correct but I just wanted to expand on this a little bit - also i’m putting this under a read more cause this got a lot longer than i originally thought it would be
sexism: smeyers treatment of female characters throughout the entire series is extremely problematic. like you don’t even need to read deep into the books to see that. the backstories of all her female characters all involve some form of trauma and are significantly more violent than the male vampires (Rosalie and Esme enduring physical/sexual assault meanwhile Edward dies of the flu and Emmett gets vibe checked by a bear).
she also creates the idea that a woman isn’t complete without children/being a mother. every female vampire in the series is desperate for children yet can’t, its mentioned in pretty much every book and extreme emphasis is placed on how tragic this is. a female character wanting children isn’t wrong or sexist at all but the way its written in twilight makes it seem like its something a woman has to do in order to be happy and smeyer pretty much cements this idea by making Bella suddenly desperate to have Renesmee despite showing no interest in children/audibly voicing her thoughts against having children in eclipse and the start of breaking dawn (i’m pretty sure Bella has a line of dialogue in the books where she says something like she didn’t realise it was something she wanted/needed until it happened bit I’m not sure I try not to read/think about breaking dawn)
there’s also the way she writes female characters, specifically Rosalie. its mentioned throughout the series that Rosalie has extreme mechanical skills and multiple degrees in STEM fields but its barely ever shown, and instead her characterisation focuses on being obsessed with her looks (first couple pages of this, written by smeyer for new moon), and being a ‘stereotypical bitch’. for the first three books most of her character/dialogue is based on being cold and rude to Bella. She is unnecessarily painted as the villain for having different views on Bella (quite literally) giving up her life and future to be with a man (which is a whole other can of worms). the same is done to the character of Leah in eclipse/breaking dawn. Leah is a woman in the Quileute Tribe, she has been severely affected by the Cullen’s presence in the area and is painted as a character that the reader is supposed to dislike simply because she doesn’t like Bella/the Cullen’s despite having extremely valid reasons not to
anti-Native - smeyers treatment of native tribes is horrendous. she has profited fr years off of of native american culture for years and has done so without any acknowledgements. furthermore, she also demonises native american teens (especially in new moon) by calling them wild, violent, dangerous and out of control and then uses these stereotypes to create a contrast between the self control and patience of the Cullen’s and make them seem more like the good guys, and the wolf pack being lesser. She does this again with the treatment of Jacobs character in new moon and especially eclipse.
Jacob starts off in new moon as Bella’s best friend. he helps Bella come out of a severe depression caused when Edward left at the start of the book. however in eclipse his character makes a complete flip and he becomes moody, temperamental, argumentative and disrespectful of Bella’s boundaries. his character becomes unrecognisable and despite smeyers claims of a love triangle, it is obvious what the outcome will be. I have seen countless instances of people on this site claiming they hate Jacob because he is a dick/disrespectful/just as unhealthy as Edward. this was done on purpose by smeyer as she uses Jacob to make Edward seem like the obvious and correct choice for Bella. if you need more proof of this, take the scene where Jacob kisses Bella without her consent and she breaks her hand when punching him, Edward swoops in and almost gets into a fight with Jacob for touching Bella without her consent. this is an obvious attempt to make Jacob seem like the villain and Edward the white saviour
there’s also the treatment of the native characters by the white characters in the books. multiple times in the series, the native characters are called/compared to dogs/brutes and have a distinct unpleasant smell. I don’t think I need to explain how this is racist. the pack also helps the Cullen’s/saves Bella’s lives and never receive any acknowledgement/are treated any better by the Cullen’s/anyone really. the pack are only ever used as a way to make the Cullen’s look better.
there’s also some pretty obvious similarities to colonisation with the Cullen’s entering Quiluete lands which then forces them to start phasing into wolves (and I’m pretty sure none of the pack actually want to start phasing). also, remember Leah? the only female member of the wolf pack? because of the change she effectively can’t have children? that has implications.
and to top it all off, after doing all that, smeyer has never once addressed this or even acknowledged the Quileute Tribe.
pedophilic - I mean even without mentioning breaking dawn its pretty awful. first of all you’ve got the blatant sexualisation of minors throughout the entire series. Edward is 17 throughout the series and smeyer is writing literal paragraphs about his chiselled abs. Jacob is 16/17 when she has him running about forks topless with a 6 pack. this is way more apparent in the movies but its still a huge issue in the books and lead to Taylor Lautner being confronted by adult fans trying to get him to sign their underwear, and being forced into being shirtless for most of the movies which made him extremely uncomfortable (Elizabeth Reaser (Esme) briefly talks about this in the ID10T podcast on spotify). and just as a reminder, Taylor was 16 when the first one was filmed and 17 for the second.
Breaking Dawn is a whole other can of worms. the glaringly obvious issue is Jacob imprinting on a literal newborn baby. now the concept of imprinting itself has racist elements to it, but its heavily implied in the series that imprinting will inevitably lead to a romantic relationship. Jacob imprinting on Renesmee and waiting until she is old enough to enter into a romantic relationship (never mind the fact that shes ‘old enough’ she will still technically be 5) is pretty much grooming. The same happens with Quil and his imprint, Claire (a two year old) where I’m pretty sure there’s a scene in breaking dawn where Jacob and Leah are watching Quil play with Claire and talking about how Quil isn’t going to date anyone because he and Claire are ‘pretty much inevitable’ (i might be wrong though, like I said I try not to read/think about breaking dawn)
smeyer has also written a spin off book (its like 250 odd pages) called the short second life of Bree Tanner (Bree is that newborn vampire killed after the battle in eclipse by the Volturi btw). In this book, Bree is 15 almost 16, and another character Diego is 18 which is definitely pushing the boundaries of ok. (also as a side note, funny how Bree and Jacob are literally the same age and smeyer states multiple times how Bree deserved better and is only a child (who straight up kills people), yet when it comes to Jacob he has to be a responsible adult and is vilified for every mistake he makes)
racist - smeyer refused to let Catherine Hardwicke (director of the first twilight) have a diverse cast because she ‘imagined them a certain way’ (white) and it was a fight to get Edi Gathegi cast as Laurent and had to compromise with smeyer to make Bella’s friend group more diverse. this woman straight up refused to hire more diverse actors and only agreed to when they were side characters/villains.
Also in the official companion book/guide to twilight, smeyer literally writes that vampire venom makes you white
‘the venom leeches all pigmentation from the skin into a more indestructable vampire form…regardless of original ethnicity a vampires skin will be exceptionally pale’ (official illustrated guide pg.69)
this is a whole lot of bullshit cause she is literally whitewashing characters, but when you pair this with the idea that vampires possess inhuman levels of beauty it becomes extremely problematic and implies that being pale/white is more beautiful than darker skin tones.
also, if we go back to Laurent’s character for a second. so Laurent is one of the only characters who isn’t described as white (in the books he is described as having a pale olive skin tone) and in the first book he comes across as pretty reasonable (warning carlisle about James/Victoria, travels up to Denali and tries out the veggie lifestyle) but in new moon, his characterisation pulls a 180° (sensing a theme here) and is suddenly trying to kill Bella as a favour to Victoria and is Evil™ despite in the first book he literally says to Carlisle he didn’t particularly like travelling with James/Victoria and was only really doing it for convenience. where did this undying loyalty come from? yet again, smeyer is completely disregarding established characterisation in POC characters specifically to villainise them.
and finally, we have Jasper. for some reason (that reason being that she is racist) smeyer decides to make Jasper a confederate soldier in his human life. if you don’t have a lot of knowledge on the american civil war, the confederacy were the side of the US that seceded from the union in order to keep their slaves. Jasper was a confederate soldier, and not just any soldier, but a major. Jasper was a major in an army that fought for 4 years to keep the existence of slavery (and don’t even try to say that slavery wasn’t the root cause of the civil war. states rights aye? states rights to do what). now there’s an argument out there made by certain fans that a lot of people joined the confederate army out of pride/were forced into it cause of conscription to try and head canon the racism away but like that doesn’t matter. there was literally no need to make jasper a confederate in the first place. if she was so desperate to have a civil war vampire then she could have made him a member of the union. its been common knowledge that the confederacy was racist for a long time now, smeyer has absolutely no excuses here.
a lot of these issues overlap and I have probably missed heaps of issues (so feel free to add on) but hope this helps explain why smeyer can *ahem* get tae absolute fuck
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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years
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I absolutely love your headcannons! Could you do some Bella + Edward ones please? 🍎
I sure can! (Apologies that this is ages late)
I think Edward learns to loosen up a little bit with Bella
She essentially bonks him every time he’s overly anxious or upset or broody (Hey, who said operant conditioning never worked on vampires)
They still go on dates, even if they can’t really eat anything
In my headcanon Rasputin doesn’t exist so they aren’t forced to be parents
Bella gets turned the way she wants and it’s something she cherishes (she won’t tell Eddie tho bc that’ll send him into a moody tailspin)
Bella reads to Edward even though he’s already read the books and knows what happens
He tries to make her laugh by guessing ridiculous plot twists
In this headcanon we’re going to say that when Bella met the Denalis for the first time as a vampire, Eleazar clocked her gift right away
And she was able to begin working on controlling her shield, not because of an imminent fight for her family and friends’ lives, but so she can share her thoughts with Edward
I think Bella wouldn’t make it a big deal, just one day she’d let her shield down and think “You know I love you, right?” and Edward would flip out
He’d be so ecstatic, not only that he can read her thoughts, but that she let him read her thoughts
He’d also be happy that she can keep her privacy and is working towards expanding her shield so that other people in the house can keep theirs as well
Every time they have to move to a new school, they kinda reenact their love story, albeit more straightforward than the first time
They just enjoy falling in love over and over again bc they’re sappy bitches
Edward takes Bella traveling, showing her places that she couldn’t have gone to as a human
Bella gets to go to college and gets as many degrees as she wants
She becomes an author of paranormal romance
Or a historian
Edward is more than happy to be the trophy husband (picture the John Mulaney “That’s my wife” gif)
Back when Bella was a human, if she ever got sick, Edward would have a meltdown
He’d stay far away from her, maybe handing her things with like those fake hands on a stick
He’d make her tea (He had a few failed attempts at first)
He’d also go and buy all of the over the counter medicines. The clerk gets suspicious and calls the authorities, but when they realize he’s Dr. Cullen’s son, they let it slide. 
Bella literally just wants to cuddle him but he refuses
And if she never got her flu shot and got a cold?
Edward would never let her forget it
I also think that Edward would buy Bella an apartment in a big city for times where she doesn’t want to be in the PNW
Maybe in New York or Chicago
Bella loves to visit Chicago because that’s where Edward’s from
He takes her around and gives her a tour, telling her how things used to be back in his day
Bella and Edward have a happily ever after that they get to repeat over and over again, which is all Bella ever wanted
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pasiveagressive · 4 years
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Spill Your Gut // Harry Styles
You are a famous actor/model/singer and your manager signs you up to do the one segment you don’t want to. 
I mean no offense to Rihanna or anyone who likes her. I do think that she is extremely talented, but I have no idea what is like as a person, I just needed a famous singer to use.
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You hate your manager for signing you up to do this. You had argued with him for two hours after he told you what was going to happen. 
“Will! I told you never to sign me up to do something like this!” you exclaimed he simply rolled his eyes at you,
“I remember what you said, I also remember you saying that you love James and would do anything for him.” You huff 
“I don’t understand how that translates to this…” 
“Really? You don’t understand how playing a game on James’ show translates to doing anything for him?” Will askss with raised eyebrows
“Obviously I understand that, but why does it have to be, ‘Spill your gut or fill your guts’?” Will just gives you a look and you roll your eyes but say “Fine.”. 
Now you were in your dressing room waiting to be called up for the segment. Someone who you assume is an intern knocks on the door. 
“Come in!” you call out.
“Ms. Y/L/N you are on after the commercial break so it's time to head out.” The girl says.
“Thank you so much, would you actually be able to lead me out? I always get lost back here.” you admit, the girl nods 
“Whenever you are ready I will lead you out.”
“Thank you, we can go now.”you smile at her. You never want to have the reputation of a diva or a stuck up bitch so you always are kind to everyone, even someone who might seem insignificant to other people. 
The girl whose name you learn is Sierra, leads you out to the set where there is a table set up with three chairs and nasty looking food around it. You make sure to thank her again and go greet James. You hug him.
“Hello James, thank you for having me.” 
“ ‘ello love, don’t play with me. I know you don’t want to be here.” He replies with a mischievous smile.
“Fine then, I won’t be pleasant for the whole segment.” you smile back
“Oh please, like the Y/N Y/L/N could ever be unpleasant.” James laughs 
“I can too! Just ask Will, he deals in my moodiness all the time.” 
“Alright, alright, lets go sit, Harry should be arriving any second.” You feel your eyes get wide.
“Harry as in…” you trail off
“Harry Styles of course, Will was supposed to tell you.” James says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. But William had definitely not told and you know exactly why. He is fully and smuggishly (is that a word? You aren’t sure but who cares)  aware of your gigantic crush on Harry Edward Styles. 
“Oh yeah! He did, I just forgot for a second. Silly me.” is all you say, trying to cover up your shock and slightly spike in anxiety. 
A few minutes later you are sitting at the table of doom with James and Harry. James is looking at the camera. You hear an intern count down,
“5,4,3,2,1.” Then see him point to James.
“ Welcome back everybody! Tonight at my table we have the lovely Y/N Y/L/N, and the ever handsome Harry Styles.” the crowd cheers. “And we are playing Spill your guts or fill your guts!” the intro to the game plays. “Alright on the, what did you call it again Y/N?” James asks
“Oh the Table of Doom.” you smile and try to hide your fright behind some humor.
“Oh that’s right, so on the Table of Doom tonight we have a delicious assortment of goodies. Let’s see, cow tongue, bird salvia,” you kind of gag a little
“Are you alright there love?” Harry asks. You nod your head no,
“Let’s just say whatever is asked to me tonight will be receiving an answer.” James laughs and continues
“We have a water scorpion.” the crowd makes a disgusted noise, 
“Yeah eww.” Harry says 
“Salmon smoothie,” James goes on “Here is some worm spaghetti, pork blood jelly, a bull penis,” that one really gets the crowd going, why you have no idea “there are fish eyes, and finally everybody's favorite a shot of hot sauce.” The crowd claps “Okay so here is how it is going to work Y/N will ask Harry, Harry will ask me, and I will ask the lovely Y/N. None of us have seen these questions correct?” you and Harry both agree, “Okay Y/N, since you are the guest-”
“Hey what am I chopped liver?” Harry cuts him off you giggle
“Well Harold, yes in fact you are.” James sasses “Anyway back to what I was saying, Y/N will answer first, or maybe eat first, who knows?” James spins the table “hmm I will give you the… bird salvia that you seemed so keen on earlier.” You pick up the glass and smell it, causing you to gag again. “Okay, Ms. Y/N, you have been featured on several big named artists albums including but not limited to, Halsey, Niall Horan, Twenty-One Pilots and Ariana Grande.”
“I have.” You agree
“Who would you never want to work with again?” James asks and you suddenly feel very nauseous. 
“Um, well I know who it is right away.”
“You do?” James askes,
“Yeah and well I think I will just say it, Rihanna.” the crowd gasps and cheers. “The woman is insanely talented but she is the biggest diva around.” you grimace James is laughing hysterically and Harry’s jaw is on the floor,
“I can not believe you just said that.” James is able to get out through laughs. 
“Okay Harry I will give you, worm spaghetti.” He inspects it closely. That's when you look at the question and want to laugh “ Harry, you have dated Supermodel Kendall Jenner who just so happens to be one of my best friends, rate the girls in hers/my friend group from best looking too worst.” You see his face get red and eyes go wide “If you need to know who those girls are, it would be me, Kendall, Gigi, Daya, and Dua.” you smile at him.
“Oh wow. You see I could definitely answer, but do I want to seem like an ass or not is the real question.” he rubs his face
“Oh just do it.” James says then the crowd cheers.
“Well of course you want to know.” Harry exclaims and the crowd laughs “Okay from best to worst, Y/N, Kendall, Zendaya, Dua Lipa, and then Gigi Hadid, who I still believe is gorgeous by the way.” He kinds of laughs off the fact that he just said that he thinks you are better looking the Freaking Zendaya Coleman. You feel your face get hot, but luckily it seems as though Harry doesn’t want to dwell on that either and moves on.
“James, James, James what to give you. How about the pork blood jelly.” James picks up his fork and stabs it holding it up, 
“I am not a fan of this consistency.” he says
“Okay James, you have been asked this before and wouldn’t answer, Who has been the worst behaved guest on your show?” James palm faces
“Are you kidding?”
“Not at all mate, that's what the card says.” Harry laughs and you join him.
“Well it has actually changed, however I still won’t say.” He picks up the jelly and takes a big bite. You  have to look away. He wipes his mouth, and starts choosing for you. “Hmm, what should I make you eat? I think that Salmon smoothie looks right up your alley, what do you think Styles?” 
“Yep looks good James.” harry nods and you whisper 
“Bastard” under your breath making him laugh. 
“Okay Y/N, you have been on almost every talk show including, Ellen, Kimmel and Fallon. Which of those three did you like being on the least.” You pick up the smoothie glass and inspect it.
“You know James, if I could say yours this wouldn’t even be an issue, but I like all those people so I guess a drink it is.” The crowd cheers when you say this. You take your spoon and scoop yourself out a bite then before you can think too much shove it in your mouth. Immediately you spit it back into the can that is sitting beside you. You wipe your mouth and take a drink. “Okay Harry, you are going to eat cow tongue, how does that sound?” 
“Honestly disgusting.” He replies 
“Good. Harry, your question is why did you turn down the role of Prince Eric in the upcoming-” before you can even finish the question he is biting off a piece of the cow tongue. He swallows it, and sticks his tongue or to prove it. 
“Last Question James and you are going to eat the shot.” James gets a sour look on his face
“That's what you get for making me eat cold salmon.” You stick your tongue out at him like you are five. Harry laughs
“Okay James, who is your least favorite member of one direction?” The crowd oohs and James does his nervous laugh. 
“Um well.” he thinks then picks up the shot glass and throws it back. He looks at the camera,
“Ah, that was Spill your guts or fill your guts and we will be right back!” 
You walk back to the dressing room with Harry. 
“I meant it, you know?”
“Meant what?” you ask
“That you are the most beautiful in your friend group.” he says and you blush.
“Yeah well you're not so bad yourself.” You giggle. You then walk in silence for a few minutes and he speaks up again.
“Would you go on a date with me?” this takes you by surprise,
“What?”
“Will you go on a date with me?” he repeats you feel your face get hot for the thousandth time tonight. And shake your head
“Yes I would love that.”
“Yeah?” He asks
“Yeah” you confirm 
“Well here put your number in and I will message you to work out details.” you take his phone and do as he says. 
“Okay I am looking to hear from you.” you hand him his phone back and kiss his cheek walking away into your dressing room. You close the door behind you. Hmm, you think, maybe playing spill your guts was such a bad idea after all. 
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bogusavathepit · 3 years
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More on Jasper Hale--Why He Exists in the Story
As part response/explanation to @vegavoiddestroy​, who commented this on one of my earlier Twilght psuedo-essays:
Maybe she wanted to make a flawed character i just don’t get why he had to be a confederate soldier like why not make jasper have anger issues or something
This thought piece goes more into Jasper Hale.
Making a Flawed Vampire Character if They are a Cullen. Racism’s Part in It
I agree with Meyer wanting a flawed character. I also think she had to give Jasper some kind of purpose and meaningful role in both the story as a whole and in the Cullen coven and their ideals, which supports their existence. 
However I also think that there’s even more sinister than that.
The Southern Vampire Wars as a Narrative Device
There’s not much to Jasper before Eclipse.
We understand him to be an outsider, even being in the coven and with/“mated” to Alice. Meyer reveals the “why” of his fringe existence through his past of abuse, extreme violence (even for the average non Southern U.S.A. vampire), and emotional manipulation. 
If one were to make a flawed character and you wanted one in the context of ruthlessness of many territorial vampires (because vampires in general are very territorial and fight first before asking questions even aside from the Southern vampires) who have no regard for human life and little more for other vampires', you find that you need emotional AND extreme physical violence to make such a character. You need to up that stakes. You need to show victimization and abuse and manipulation. Organized war, as opposed to smaller conflicts between individuals and smaller groups, is a great device for that upping in the Twilight context.
And we could have had just a personal dispute, yes, but: 
We want and needed to see what vampires are like outside of the small stage of Forks. Meyer did fight to have a 4-book series instead of a twofer.
It would have left Jasper as a fringe member without explaining the why of it.
It’s not enough for the stakes Meyer wants to raise regarding Bella’s choice. What does being a vampire mean? (Retroactive maybe)
As a writer/storyteller, we (Meyer) want to have a solution for the challenge the newborn army that Victoria raises is. 
We got that the world was bigger with the Volturi’s mention in Twilight and their direct presence through New Moon. But when the books came out, we didn’t have knowledge of some members of the Cullen family that would explain why they are the way they are: Jasper, Rosalie, and even Emmett a little bit.
Anger issues wouldn't have satisfied the "why" of Jasper, his and they "why" of him and Alice. It would have made him just a moody bitch with no depth, and for no reason. Just because. Knowing that, Meyer decides to make him mean something in the context of Bella x Edward and Bella's entry into vampirism. And vampirism has to be something more than single nomadic vampires fighting each other, like in Twilight. Bella has to make her decision with the knowledge that vampires can be cruel not just to humans, as James showed, but how they can be to each other to the point where they make tools of them. something that Meyer hoped to do by hinting at the Volturi and Edward expressing his fear and disdain for the Aro “collecting” gifted vampires like objects.
Jasper provides the entry of more background of vampire culture/society. Because Edward, who doesn’t ever want Bella as a vampire, didn’t seem to like to even discuss vampire history and stuff without being prompted by Bella’s questions or big event like the incoming Seattle newborns. RIP Bree and Diego.
Jasper the Redeemed
Jasper tried to kill Bell, our protagonist and narrator, in New Moon. Yes it was an accident and Bella immediately forgave him, but it was the catalyst for Edward to leave Bella earlier and for her to go deeper into a depressive state of self-abandon. 
Jasper has already been cast as the one vampire of the Cullen coven that can’t fully count himself as a Cullen because of his lack of self-control. Yes it was because of his past, but we don’t get to know that until Eclipse.
Jasper has also been cast as the scariest Cullen and the most emotionally distant from Bella herself because of his lack of control. In the entire series, we know that the goal is for Bella to be attached to her choice of lover and family forever. Jasper is a huge concern to keeping her alive until she can by herself by becoming a vampire because she smells delicious to all vampires. Any danger or hostility towards the survival of “BellaxEdward Forever” is cast as “bad” or not treated with as much sympathy as BellaxEdward--as we see with Rosalie and Leah and the entire Quileuete werewolf pack.
But there’s a problem still. As long as Alice, Bella’s best vampire friend and the Cullen’s second darling, stays with the Cullens, Jasper is a permanent fixture that Bella will inevitably have to live with for the foreseeable future. So there has to be a reconciliation of Bella’s interests and Jasper’s presence. It was an issue Meyer had to resolve soon and she chose to do it by making him the spearhead of the Cullen defense in Eclipse.
Race and Slavery (Historical Context)
I can see what Meyer was trying to do with Jasper by making him a soldier in his past life at least, before we think of which war. 
It appears that she was trying to validate him by showing us how useful he is to the Cullens and imply that he has his own trauma, which is supposed to tie the Cullens together.
But why a Confederate soldier? Why the American Civil War at all? She could have could have had the War of 1812, the Mexican war, etc. if we wanted that war device and/or one that involved U.S. citizens. 
So how does the Confederacy figure into that, as she makes it? 
This is the support to my headcanon: 
A)
Part of why rich white plantation owners were so successful was that they spread the idea to white poor people that they are better than Black people because they are white. This was so that the poor whites wouldn’t perceive themselves as being in the same boat/having similar experiences as Black people when we’re talking about the economics of the South. 
And poor whites were in a similar position, as rich white people sought out laws to use poor white labor with little legal compunction. There was a concern for the two groups to form together in various ways to resist planters’ political actions against them. (Like the traditional indentured servitude, but worse because little money was put into the infrastructure that poor white used to support themselves.) 
B)
Now like Edward, Jasper lived during the time of war (character in war used again because reasons above). He was 18--young, and a young man/older boy at that. 
As a rule and no matter the time period, young adults and teens are more impressionable than their older counterparts in various aspects. Young men/older boys--as N.American various, official, face-to-face, organized wars were waged more more frequently and simultaneously before the 1950s and men held all the average and higher positions of legitimate power--were eager to prove that they could, should, and did have a say in politics to their peers and authority figures. 
To show they have the ability to be a part of their affiliated group’s maintainence and development but also be a part of something that will decided the course of the entire social group and/or a particular group’s political position. 
But also do it in a during an event/doing certain actions that has/will have a lot of attention for the potential of wide acclaim/admiration/approval. Young people were/are more compelled to want to be “heroes” or be seen as distinctive persons who embody their society’s values. In the case of wartime young men/older boys, society shifts focus to the defense of the society’s ideology/values or existence. In come in the eager young men. 
And sometimes the kid doesn’t have to believe in the ideology/values wholeheartedly, though of course many would.
Even now, this same pool of people [including more women] are seen to be the most eager to be part of something that will get them the most public attention and test their physical, if not survivalist, capabilities.
(Take a look at earlier reality TV shows. Do not these people, most actually including older people acting like teenagers, seek a sort of attention or fame through consenting to put themselves through challenges for everyone to see and judge, disapprove or approve and stew in the visual enactment of their social values?)
Aside from that, many young men wanted/want to participate in their society’s politics, and the way to do that during wartime is to join the war on the side of their particular sociopolitical group, which also happens to house their individual/everyday life. Or on the side they believe the cause of. 
C)
So I can imagine Jasper being that poor, white, young man who wants to prove his worth AND prove/gain political power. I can imagine Jasper being convinced by the propaganda because it suggests power that previously wasn’t available for poor whites. If human Jasper was even a poor white. And if he wasn’t and was a planter’s son or some rich man’s son, then he’d still want to ensure his own economic and political inheritance and uphold Southern “nationalism”. Which all involves owning people and forcing them to work to death.
But one major problem is that if I am right and Meyer intended this, then Jasper is even more problematic and needs a moment of clarification of whether his stance is either wholeheartedly racist, apologetic (defensive), guilty but still subtly racist, indifferent and still subtly racist, or anti-racist. [Below]
HOWEVER, any answer wouldn’t even be satisfactory enough because she still put a maybe-racist in a position of power or authority in Eclipse as if redeeming him before we see him going over his own wrongdoings.
Plus, this headcanon/imagining is coming from me and not th e original writer. Meyer simply either can’t or won’t clarify/make up for it properly.
What This Means for Jasper as a Redeemed Flawed Character
A)
Say that Meyer did know of this one crucial phenomenon of U.S. history.  I think if Meyer knew about rich-white-planter propaganda, she wanted to make him not just a victim of personal abuse, but a victim of political greed--thus creating a stronger sense of his being a VICTIM. So that he has a place in the Cullens and their lifestyle. In twisted way, that would make Jasper even more a !VICTIM! of other authorities’ (Maria specifically) abuse and manipulations. 
Poor, white youth wanting agency + power-hungry agent = TRAUMA and ABUSE. 
Meanwhile, what about those Black persons I definitely believe him believing he was superior to on the basis of his race? Those he literally fought to keep enslaved to other white men similar to himself? 
Why should Jasper get so much of the sympathy and forgiveness when we don’t even know how he made up for his wrongs?
It’s like we’re pushed into focusing on how his decision to be a knight for slavery got him into trouble rather than how he should journey to repair wrongs or do something that will heal the descendants of those he helped to be wronged.
And Jasper’s not feeding on animals because he believes in the importance of human life. He’s doing it so that he can have a little more inner peace. And because Alice wants it all--a family and a mate. And he’d do anything for Alice, she’s his emotional anchor. 
So even though Jasper’s truly an abuse victim (but Maria, a POC woman, rme) and benefits from the veg lifestyle, his human past still makes us suspect his matching with the Cullens by ideals. And I can’t help but think that part of why he can’t heal is because there is a guilt present that he hides himself from and refuses to inspect and question....can you see where I am going with this?
B)
Jasper is also a means to emphasize how good the Cullen lifestyle. Eclipse also sets his background to show how his ruthlessness establishes him as a comparison/foil to Edward, Carlisle, and the entire Cullen humans-are-not-objects lifestyle.
Like Rosalie, he’s emotionally dependent on the lifestyle, so yes I think that it’s good for him for him to find some sort of stability. No one is going to try to jump him to kill him if they are also worried about posing as humans, shopping, saving lives even.
But for both characters that’s because of TRAUMA, not due to having a moral compass. His and Rosalie’s self-oriented contradictory interests and values to Carlisle’s selfless moral compass makes him repulsive to the reader in the context of human-are-people-too--or is supposed to. And Carlisle is the moral compass as well as originator, support, and director of the coven’s lifestyle.
But again, Eclipse also leaves us with the impression that Jasper, at one point, believed in slavery and the white man’s supremacy over the entire human population, esp. Black people. You could argue that it was mainly to just prove himself, but the South’s social/economic/political structure was built upon slavery. Specifically that Black people needed and deserved to be the perpetual subjects of white people. Even if it is the case of a young man led wrong, why are we ignoring that he has obviously done wrong and to know that he did we had to think deeper about his past? Why didn’t Meyer just come out and provide his racist-status?! 
Answer: the event is one of the most, if not the most, provocative, contentious and familiar of American history. 
A Confederate as a hero? With how they are trying to claim that Confederates weren’t fighting for slavery and that slavery “wasn’t that bad?” No, too dangerous a concept, which tries to minimize the egregiousness of slavery itself.
Jasper couldn’t have participated in the politics/looked for heroism without acknowledging slavery/white supremacy as the means to get that feeling of being a hero/amazing citizen. The fact that he did run away from home to join the Confederate side of the two main sides suggests what he thought was more important or/and true.
But Meyer skips all that, never showing how (if) he had changed his priorities and racial views. It’s up in the air, as if it’s not important by principle, if not by narration. 
As if race doesn’t matter.
Which tells me that Meyer doesn’t know or care about knowing the deeper motivations of the poor whites of the South and its affect on young white boys’ attitudes. about racism. Or she agrees with some or most of them consciously and/or subconciously with little compunction.
Which tells me that this suggestion/theory I have of Jasper never entered her consciousness as she wrote Jasper’s character. 
Which means that she also couldn’t do her job of characterization nor did she truly realize her goal of making Jasper more real as a person when she herself decided to fit him in a specific, ugliest, bloodier period in American history.
I had to be the one putting possible instrumental depth into her character and address the obvious, yet silent question: who is Jasper Cullen and is he racist? It’s looks cowardly because she stepped forward with and provocative background only to ignore its more immediate implications and possible questions. And older children who aren’t necessarily applying history in a meaningful way are reading the books or have read them. Processing the dynamics and characterizations and developing values based on what they find attractive. Still learning how to critically think and do research and understand the value of doing both.
Ugh.
What this Means for Twilight as a “What-Could-Have-Been”
Again, we’re discouraged from looking at Jasper apart from his role as savior of the Cullens, their eternal foil, savior of Bella x Edward, and as a possible racist shit even though he’s critical to the Cullens surviving Eclipse and saving Bella in Midnight Sun. While his past seems to humanize him as a person, it shuts down critical consideration of how racism, sexism, etc. plays a role in determining his character. How the Cullens themselves are made from sexist/racist/etc. principles.
And it’s a missed opportunity to explore how racism, sexism, etc., when added to the sheer indestructability of Twilight vampires, can be a recipe for disaster. What is a racist vampire determined to further the “Southern cause” like? Or the fundamentalist Christian bent on subjugating women once and for all? Would the Volturi stop them from doing anything, since that would be a breach in the no-telling-humans rule? Or would they be fine with a vampire doing this privately, like the sexual violence that was part of the “harem” situation with Siobhan and her creator? 
But Jasper’s Just a Fictional Person! And Twilight’s just a Fantasy or Wish Fulfillment Project. It’s Not That Serious. And Why are you Ruining my Twilight-Fantasy?!
While I certainly believe that writers should be able to write whatever they want however they wish as long as they do it well, I also know that what we consume has the power to introduce and/or validate feelings, ideologies, beliefs...based on the angle in which we’ve observed and interpreted what was given.
For now, in our current late 2010s to 2022 political climate and education system, critical thinking is....on a critical low amongst the internet population, let’s say.
Both antis and pro-shippers have a point, at least to me. (At least the non racist persons of each, or those who don’t present racist arguments.)
I’m not exempt from buying into some of Twilight’s dangerous nonsense or being swept away with its action. However, I still like Twilight for its crazy vampires, I find the composition of the romance fascinating and I think that liking the lore is fine as long as you like or approve or advocate for the things that aren’t elemental to promoting degrading dynamics. 
Creative projects, be they “trash”, classics, or so-so, still have psychological influence--thus political power. Books, TV, movies, games, they all have a hand in inspiring their users to look at their world a certain way because they also have their power by being creations inspired by real-world motivations and events. There is no such thing as a creative work that doesn’t draw from the real world, even when it comes to fantasy (the literature genre). 
And there’s a difference between a primary genre, subgenres, and the motivations/chosen elements behind such categories. Wish fulfillment as a kind of psychological fantasy can mean, “I want to create a world where I win” rather than a legitimate genre, “This is what I see is wrong and/or interesting with the world and there are the consequences due to those wrongs/interesting things/struggles/paradoxes and I may or may not produce a happy ending but I sure am going to make thrill while also respecting the gravity/significance of those wrongs/struggles by telling as much truth and giving as much clarity as possible”. Whether it’s by actual real life scenes, like the fictionalized lives of geisha, or how the writer personally feels about them. 
You cannot separate the two into two independent, autonomous and exclusive entities. 
Conclusions
To me, Meyer is using racism/a Confederate past to create troubling sympathy for Jasper that should be focused on a long-ignored group of people.
Despite the fact that Meyer is devotedly Mormon and Mormons have a rabid history with the Catholic Church, there are still some shared ideological principles her writing reveals. 
Here is the medieval Catholic/martyr-inspired idea of what a “hero” is: where a knight/man fights for God, a supreme deity, in the face of annihilation and hostility from nonbelievers to protect the Word of Christ/the Church. While Jasper fought for white supremacy’s dominance and not Christianity’s “survival”, I don’t doubt that Confederates felt that their racial dominance was sacrosanct enough to believe it made their entire personality and their inherent value as humans. Just as the Church/Christianity was primary, white supremacy was/is primary. Plus, the Christian martyr-knight convention of a “hero” appears to inspire the idea that one has to sacrifice themselves for the well being of a political-ideological cause in order to be considered a real “hero”. A hero uses their body as a sort of shield; this specificity doesn’t truly apply to Jasper since he’s more offensive than defensive (human and vampire) and more to Bella (human and vampire), BUT it does cast Jasper as the protector of something. I wager it was first white supremacy, then it was Maria, then it became the Cullens and Bella x Edward.
Jasper, a young, impressionable man looking to prove himself is manipulated by a Mexican (gasp! a non-white?!) woman into becoming one of the most violent vampire against his own mental health. Aside from the sexist/racist connotations of Maria’s character, our victim is a Confederate?! Yuck! What are we supposed to do with this? We (often, but not always, passive racists or unknowledgeable nonBlack folk) can’t hate him that much because he was clearly taken advantage of. But we can’t root for him without restraint because he also clearly doesn’t see much point in humanizing humans just because they are beings with value of their own, nor is his thoughts about race  clear. Meyer uses suggested racism to both reduce Jasper in order to make him the essential protective function of Bella x Edward, the supreme storyline of the series. 
We live in a logically limbo state with his character because we’re not given the nuance we need to see how who Jasper is NOW (living with the Cullens) because living as a Cullen is supposed to be the best version of living for anyone, including Bella. Amongst a coven of relatively good-at-self-control vampires (Carlisle, Alice, Edward, Rosalie) there’s the implication that Jasper is a failure who makes the Cullens look that much better. Though Breaking Dawn has Edward musing that Jasper has begun to feel it’s possible to do better and that he is not a total slave to his impulses, Meyer clearly made Jasper Edward’s/Carlisle’s opposite, or foil. And to make these two/the Cullens the “best”, Jasper can’t be too complicated; just enough to explain why he matters. Eclipse gives us why, but it still doesn’t show us the present Jasper; rather Jasper’s past is what creates his role and justifies his presence. And he’s not the only one. We’re not given enough of present Rosalie, Esme, Carlsile, Emmett, etc. until Midnight Sun, a full 12 years after BD’s publication! And even then, some of the coven members’ interactions with each other are minimal in the event where Meyer puts so much attention on just Bella nd Edward. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing (narrative-wise) if there weren’t 6 other people to get to know!
Meyer already established that Jasper’s lack of self control emphasizes the Cullens’ nonveggie supremacy. In Eclipse, it seems she sought to make his presence less...repulsive when he showed himself to be a danger to Bella x Edward in New Moon. He “redeems” himself in Eclipse--& retroactively in Midnight Sun--when his experience and everlasting trauma becomes a tool for the Bella x Edward fantasy to persevere.
What she ends up doing--by sacrificing a better and a more nuanced and necessarily nuanced characterization--is diminish how racism makes a person and how that person affects others by their racist principles. She makes as if racism is a cheap and insubstantial influence when she uses a complicated collective, inherited, social trauma (of Black people) to create a single person’s trauma (a white man’s) in order to make him both a   
Black people--the victims who have their legal, economic, social, political trauma-- have their struggles swept under the rug for his personal trauma! Not a peep about that, nada, zilch, zero! Meanwhile, we got at least 3 pages of Jasper’s past--not even his present! Who is Jasper NOW! And where, oh, where, are the Black vampires in this fucking series?!!! Laurent’s dead, we need fucking Nigerian people fucking up this here story, I mean c’mon!
As a storyteller, trauma is a great tool to create motivation and drama; however, Meyer also used discrimination to make Jasper the victim-hero, when he himself was the perpetrator of violence against those who continue to be legally victimized to the point of poverty and desolation by their race. And Meyer fails to acknowledge that discrimination a she treats it like some air pump for her drama.
Jasper could still  be racist. Likely still believes the nonsense. And then what does that say about Alice? About the rest of the Cullens?.....
Not that vegavoiddestroy said anything about that part of pop culture. Thought this would be something necessary to add to my answer to their thoughts. 
To keep the ball rolling and provide more to consider. 
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notquitetwilight · 3 years
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Out of all the vamp powers in twilight which would you want the most and which the least?
I would absolutely hate to have Edward’s mind reading gift like I already hate having to listen to my own thoughts imagine having to listen to an endless chorus of other people’s??????????? Honestly no wonder he’s such a moody little bitch all the time
Idk whose gift I’d want most. Alice’s psychic abilities could be helpful and reassuring on one hand, or could instil a sense of fear or helplessness in you on the other? I kinda feel like having Kate’s or Benjamin’s super obvious powers would be cool because you’d feel like a superhero or airbender or some shit and who wouldn’t want that
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