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tomtenadia · 2 years

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A Little Braver - 61

Hello!! Another chapter is here. We are slowly getting closer to the end and I am dreading writing the words The End for this story.

In the following chapters Rowan goes through and healing arc. I love how this will develop his relationship with Aelin. They grow closer and I don’t think I can love them even more. I hope you will love the last part of their journey together.

We get to meet Enda and his husband.

In this chapter we also have some Elorcan...yes, you read ir right :)

MASTERLIST // CH. 60

A few months had passed and July had rolled around and summer had decided to make an appearance in Orynth.

It had been a tough couple of months.

Rowan had kept his promise to Aelin had gone to therapy once a week.The progress, albeit slow had started to show. She knew it would take time and was not rushing him. Aelin would wait for him to talk without trying to pry information that he was not yet willing to share. Some days had been good, others he came back home from the sessions and would just stay in silence. It broke her heart seeing him like that, but while he was going at his sessions she had done more research on how to help a loved one with PTSD.

The nightmares had slowed down as well. Rowan had started to sleep a bit more soundly, but some nights he would still toss and turn or just refuse to sleep too scared of closing his eyes. She would hold him in her arms and that seemed to help a lot. One afternoon, while they were out walking in the nearby woods she had realised that Rowan flinched when airplanes passed overhead. A small gesture that she had missed. There was so much stuff she had missed. If only she had noticed the signs before…

In all of that, paramedic school had been progressing well and Rowan had been achieving high scores in all the tests. She had no doubts. He had graduated top of his class at flight academy, had been of of the best students at test pilot school, she was positive he was going to finish at the top at paramedic school too. He had been studying hard and when he was at the firehouse and she was working, he’d hide in her quarters and revised. A couple of times he had spent the night at the firehouse and luckily neither nights dispatch alarm went off. He had been nervous and still did not feel comfortable. Even during the day it was hard, but the nights were his worst fear. Reminiscent of being woken up in the middle of the night while the ship was being attacked.

Aedion was improving too. After Gavriel’s death he had taken a week off and Lysandra did the same to be at his side. Under Lys suggestion, he had started writing letters to his father in a diary. At the beginning he had found the idea crazy, but once he started it had helped. Aedion told Gavriel of his life growing up with Aelin and the bond that formed between them. Then he started telling him about his time in the army. Those had been the most difficult to write. They had stirred memories and experienced that pang of sadness he now felt when he thought about his absent friends. Over the years the pain had dulled but now it had threatened to come back a couple of times. He told his father about him joining fire academy and then meeting Lys. Falling in love with her and realise she was the one. Lys had read the letters too and on a few ones where she was in, she had added post-it notes with her comments, as if Gavriel would actually read them. It had helped, but the regret for having wasted time was still there.

Aelin and Rowan had gone to visit and Rowan had started telling Aedion stories about his father and Aedion had a feeling it was also a coping mechanism for Rowan. On an afternoon everyone was off, the two ladies had left their two men at home alone, both partner agreeing that Aedion and Rowan needed it.

Eventually he had gone back to his station and put himself into work. While at the station he had kept an eye on Fenrys. Given his past problems, Aedion was worried, but the young man had proven much more resilient than him and Rowan. Or probably just in a better place. They had talked and Fenrys had confessed that it was all thanks to his new career as firefighter. It had helped him to combat the bad days and not let them affect him. Losing Gavriel had hurt but he never left the pain overwhelm him.

Aedion had been very proud of him. The whole of south station had been at their side and supported them. They all knew that Fen was an ex airforce pilot and that he had served with Gavriel.

It was a sunny day and the ladies of the firehouse had taken some garden chairs and were suntanning happily. “I wish we could have a nice chilled cocktail right now,” commented Ansel while adding a thin layer of sunscreen on her face.

“Where are the boys?” asked Aelin.

“At the back playing basketball.”

“I wish we could be in Ilium on the beach.”

All the women laughed “perhaps next day off, we can all go and bring all the men too,” suggested Manon “Summers in Orynth are a treat, we need to enjoy them.”

They were all chatting together when a tall figure approached the station. Aelin was the first one who spotted him and elbowed Elide who had her eyes closed. Her friend opened them and focused on the point Aelin had indicated. It did not take her long to recognise the silhouette. She only knew one man who was a giant. He still had his uniform on and a big duffel bag on his shoulder. With long strides he approached the firehouse and that’s when Elide gasped at the realisation.

She stood slowly as in a daze, then she ran. Rushed to the man coming her way and jumped in his arms. He caught her easily, dropping his bag, and lifted his girlfriend off the ground. Elide kept her shouts of joy.

“You are back…” she whispered to him after he kissed her “you are here, and real.”

Lorcan nodded “I am back for good,” he said quietly, while brushing hair off her face. He could not care less if they had an audience, he had missed her.

Elide slowly climbed off him but he was reluctant to let her go. Eventually he did and they approached the ladies, with Elide still holding to him.

“Welcome back, commodore,” Aelin greeted him giving a wink to Elide.

“It’s a good thing that we are off at four,” added Ansel wiggling her brows at Elide “You two can go home and celebrate. Just don’t get pregnant. Lys wants to be the first one.”

Lysandra gently elbowed Ansel “Our Elide is a very responsible lady.”

Elide stole a few crisps from Asterin “Definitely more than our dear captain.”

Aelin stuck her tongue out at the woman and Elide joined Lorcan once more “If you don’t mind I am going to catch up with my man.”

She grabbed Lorcan’s hand and they disappeared inside the firehouse.

Elide pushed Lorcan on the sofa and sat at his side and kissed him again, brushing her hand through his long hair “I missed you so much.”

Lorcan’s hand wound around her waist and pulled her closer “It was no fun without you.” He kissed her “But my resignation is in. I still have to do two months, but it will be an office job, mostly picking up my replacement and all that stuff.”

Elide leaned against his chest “I can’t believe you are out. I thought you’d never leave the airforce.”

He sighed deeply “I have done twenty four years, Elide. After I have seen how Rowan is now that he is free, I realised I want that too. It was time.”

She kissed him gently “I am not complaining. I will enjoy a lot having you home.”

“Con, Vaughan and I might even open a flying school.”

Elide smiled at him “that is a very cool idea. You can drag Rowan too.”

Lorcan shook his head “I have asked him but he passed. He is focused on becoming a paramedic.”

“He is quite good according to what Lys tells us.”

A chuckle left Lorcan’s mouth “of course. He was like that at flight school too.”

Elide was about to add something but dispatch alarm went off and the ambulance got called out “Stay here, commodore, I’ll see you soon.” A quick kiss on his lips and she ran to the ambulance.

Lorcan stood and went to look for the guys. He found them at the back playing basketball.

“Commodore, you are back. Does Elide know?”

Lorcan nodded “she just left on a call.”

“Come, can you play basket, sir?” Brullo threw the ball at him. Lorcan grabbed it and ran to the net and dunked quite easily. He was tall enough that he barely needed to jump.

“My uniform is not comfortable. Let me get changed.”

He came back quite quickly dressed in TAF shorts and a t-shirt and trainers.

“Now we can have two equal teams,” added Nox “come with us. Ress, Wes and I need an extra man.”

Lorcan joined them and the game restarted. He used to play in the basketball team while he was a young pilot, then as he climbed the ranks it became impossible, like everything else.

“Here,” he shouted at Ress and the man threw the ball at him, he ran with the ball, dodged Brullo and Luca both trying to stop him and then stopped and shoot a three pointer from a crazy distance.

His team shouted.

“Hell yeah, commodore.”

Lorcan chuckled “Looks like I still remember how to play.”

They kept playing very hard, enjoying the fact that dispatch alarm was allowing them to have some downtime. It was during a break when they realised the ladies of the firehouse were sitting at the side of the court and were watching them while eating pop corn.

Lorcan noticed that Elide was back and smiled at her.

“Go on, it was an interesting match.” Added Aelin while munching away.

They were having fun when the alarm went off half an hour before they were due to go off shift.

The guys swore loudly and ran to the vehicles to get their gear on.

Aelin jumped on the engine.

“Fire in a tunnel on the motorway,” Nox told her as he took the engine out.

“A quiet boring shift, is that a lot to ask for?”

As they approached the site, the traffic got heavier and they struggled to move forward, even with the sirens on “Move!” Shouted Aelin with her head out of the window. The tunnel was just before a busy intersection and the traffic was blocked all around them. Slowly cars started to peel aside and let them proceed.

They arrived on the scene and saw thick smoke coming out of the tunnel “This is going to be a bitch,” added Aelin as she got ready. Dorian was right behind them.

Aelin jumped off the vehicle and ran to the PD officer walking toward them for an update “What happened?”

The man coughed “Really bad pile up probably two hundred metres in. We have moved the people from the cars here at the front but deeper inside there was nothing we could do.”

Dorian stepped up “Thanks officers, move your men and all these people away. We take it from here,” he turned to his team “Grab all the tools you can carry, spare oxygen, hoses and be also prepared to carry out multiple victims quickly.”

Aelin nodded and started giving orders to engine team while Manon was doing the same for truck.

Dorian turned to Lys and informed that more ambulances were on their way and to expect multiple casualties and get ready for triage.

The two teams started to gather as much gear as they could carry, it was a deep tunnel and could not afford to go back and forth all the time.

They all masked up and finally entered “Lights on guys.” The initial part of the tunnel was not bad. It seemed that the cars had stopped before smashing into the one in front. Carefully they checked and saw that they were all empty. As they progressed deeper they reached the first few pin ins.

“Brullo, Luca, take this car.” Car by car they stopped to help the passenger but as Aelin and Manon got closer to the origin of the fire Aelin started to worry.

Some of her men started tackling the flames with the hoses but Aelin froze all of a sudden. The flames were lilac.

“Stop.” She shouted at Ansel and Kyllian. “Potassium fire.”

Manon looked at her in terror.

Behind the flames they could see a tanker on its side “concentrate the water on the tanks. Keep them as cool as possible.”

“Potassium fires are the worst,” explained Aelin to Manon “They are very hard to put out, they generate their own oxygen and if you hit it with water the hydrogen reacts with the potassium and kaboom. We need hazmat and class D extinguisher.”

“Chief, captain”

“Go ahead Aelin.”

“Potassium fire, chief, we need hazmat stat.”

The two women worked hard with the rest of the team to free the few victims stuck in the cars close to the fire.

“Ress, help here,” shouted Manon as she started climbing inside a car that had crashed into another one.

Aelin in the meantime grabbed another hose and concentrated the water on the propane tanks. If they went up it would create an explosion big enough to level the block and flatten the tunnel with them inside.

“Chief, any updates on hazmat?” And as she uttered those word a small explosion that looked like fireworks filled the tunnel.

“Hazmat is on another call. We have contacted the airport and there’s a van full of class D extinguisher coming your way.”

Aelin swore loudly over the radio “the friggin airport is too far.”

“Keep working, Aelin.”

“Lys, Luca and I are coming out with a few victims.”

“Copy that Brullo, we are ready.”

Aelin kept looking behind her and saw her team taking out victims one at a time. Good. Then another flareup hit and they all went low on the ground “Chief, the propane tanks are going soon, we need those extinguisher now.” The whistling sound had gotten angrier.

“Ansel, Kyllian, get out.”

“No way captain. If you stay, we stay.” Shouted Kyllian over the sound of the propane tanks.

“Manon, are we clear of victims?”

The woman had finished crawling out of the car “this was the last one near the accident site.”

“The extinguisher are here,” Dorian’s voice came over the radio and Manon ran outside as fast as she could.

“Grab one each and get your arses back inside,” she screamed as she grabbed one from the van and disappeared back inside followed by the rest of the team that had brought out people but had been ordered by Dorian not to go back in.

They all ran back in the tunnel and as they arrived at the fire they began covering the lilac flames with the chemical and slowly the fire died down. As they worked, the propane tanks stopped threatening to explode and Aelin stood down and shut down the water flow “Fuck, that was close.”

The team finally relaxed “Blue fire and now potassium fire. Never a dull moment in this job, eh?” The comment had come from Asterin after she abandoned her spent extinguisher on the floor.

“Chief, fire is out but we still need hazmat to clear the area. This is their jurisdiction.”

Aelin ordered east team to collect all the gear and walk out.

Finally out in the sun once more Aelin spotted Alex jumping off his truck so she walked to him “Sorry, to ruin the fun but you guys are stuck with cleaning duty.”

Alex let out a boisterous laugh “Fancy a job in hazmat, captain?”

“I don’t think I would look too attractive in your funny suit. Thanks Alex, I’ll stick to bunker gear.” They joked a bit and then she briefed him on the situation inside and then walked back to her team.

“Lys, what about the victims?’

“All to Med. No deaths. Smoke inhalations, some minor traumas but nothing serious.” Then she patted Elide’s shoulder “And she ran triage like a pro.”

“Of that I had no doubts.”

“Chief all victims are on their way to Med and hazmat has the scene. Permission to return to quarters?”

“Go, I am sure Pete is eager to take over from you.”

The drive back to the station had taken some time. The tunnel accident had caused traffic all along the peripheral road they were meant to take to go back to quarters and since they had no emergency they couldn’t even run the lights or the sirens, so they had to crawl.

“We could have ran the sirens, those idiots would have been none the wiser.”

“Brullo, you are a lieutenant. I would expect such comment from Nox because he is a little rebel.”

“I just want a shower,” he complained.

When they finally pulled onto the apron they found second shift sitting in the sun, joined by Rowan and Lorcan.

“Look at them, we are out working and they are here doing nothing,” joked Aelin as she got off the engine.

“You had my vehicles, how am I supposed to work?”

“The station is all your, Pete.”

She noticed Lorcan walking to Elide and Rowan to her “No hugs, my bunker gear is covered in chemicals and toxic stuff. Stay with the guys and let me get cleaned first.”

He nodded and went back to the guys of second shift. He was having fun with them.

He had arrived early at the station and found it empty safe for Lorcan. They had their reunion and then his friend told him that the team was out on a call.

They had been at the back shooting hoops when Pete’s team arrived and both had started bonding with the other team and the guys from second team joined in in a short match.

“Guys make sure you clean deeply and put your bunker gear for heavy scrubbing, especially those who were close to the potassium fire.”

The team filed in, all eager to get a well deserved shower.

When Aelin’s turn finally came, she spent a bit longer than usual under the water, she felt disgusting. Once she was satisfied Aelin finally left the shower and went to her quarters to change and found Rowan there.

“Sneaking in, captain?”

“Are you less dirty now?’ He sniffed her and kissed the spot behind her ear.

“Not here, Ro. It’s shift change and this is Pete’s space for the next 24hrs.”

Rowan kissed her nose “Good, you don’t stink of smoke anymore.”

She pinched his side and grabbed her bag and took his hand “Come on, captain I want to go home.”

He followed her and on their way out they said their good byes. Lorcan and Elide had disappeared already and Aelin was positive they had rushed home for a proper welcome back.

While Rowan drove, Aelin was focused on her phone “Down at the park they are having outdoor theatre. I thought it finished last month but they still have some shows, fancy going?”

Rowan nodded happily “I have blankets in my trunk and we can stop along the way for snacks.”

“Stop at Emrys.”

Rowan did a u-turn and stopped in front of the restaurant and Aelin ran inside to get an order to go of their favourite stuff. She came back a while later with a big take away bag “Let’s go, I have a lot of food.”

Rowan hummed happily and resumed driving to the park. It was a lovely warm night, something that did not last long in Orynth.

“They have a play on tonight.” she told him the plot.

“Are there any tickets left?”

Aelin looked at him and smiled, “I just bought two. We are good.”

At the traffic lights Rowan leaned over for a kiss “I am glad you checked, we haven’t been to a play in ages and I like the idea of outdoors theatre.”

Her hand went on his knee “I am your official entertainer.”

Rowan laughed and the sound warmed her heart. After the months he had, it was nice to see him like that. She knew he was not fully well yet, he still had days with dark thought and a touch of depression too but she knew that doing things like these was the type of distraction he needed.

Enda and his husband had even postponed their visit. Aelin had explained the situation to Sellene and the woman had then told Enda what happened and that Rowan was not ready yet. Even Sellene had done her best not to be too overbearing and cause him more stress. Aelin had been keeping her updated.

They arrived at the park a little later and saw a busy car park. It looked as if it was a popular event.

Aelin grabbed the food and Rowan went to get the blankets and then started walking to the site.

Tickets checked they reached the open area and found a nice spot that allowed them a nice view of the stage. Rowan spread the two thick blankets and Aelin plopped down on them and tackled the food bag. As usual she was starving. The last call had left her famished, for a change.

Ten minutes later a man popped on stage and announced that the play was about to start.

Aelin moved to sit between Rowan’s legs and later on when he was done eating he held her, arms around her stomach and his chin on her head. It was his favourite position when Aelin sat between his legs. He could held her fully and it felt nice.

He kissed the top of her head and silently thanked the woman in his arms. She had been his saviour. Aelin had stuck at his side through the really bad days, when he had no motivation to get out of bed or do anything. She never left his side and fought with him, day by day. Without her he would have easily spiralled down the path he took when his first student died or worse. He squeezed her and kissed her head once more “This is a nice production,” a soft whisper in her ear.

“It’s funny too.” She added while eating a brownie. Aelin lifted it to his mouth and he took a small bite. Emrys made them with very dark chocolate and they were not as sweet and he could tolerate taking a bite.

It was two hours later when the play finished and the sun had started to set. Aelin stretched and stood “That was awesome, buzzard.”

He took her hand and slowly stood too “I really enjoyed it too. I wished we had remembered sooner, we could have done more shows.”

Aelin kissed him “next year we can try and do as many as we can.”

“Love the challenge.”

Aelin grabbed her phone and saw a text from Sellene asking for an update on her cousin and also saying that Enda and his husband were in town for a while. Enda had found a location for his restaurant and they had decided to fly over and have a look at it.

“Sellene texted me that Enda and Micheal are here. Apparently they had found some premises for the restaurant and have come to have a look and see if they can close the deal.”

Rowan looked at her surprised “He is really doing it.”

“If he is really miserable at his job as Sellene says, why not?”

Rowan took her hand and kissed it as they walked back to the car “you can text Sellene and tell her that I am fine meeting them.”

Aelin looked up at him with a smile “Are you sure?“

Rowan nodded energetically “I am fine and I want to meet Micheal.”

Aelin quickly grabbed his face and kissed him tenderly “That is great to hear, buzzard.”

***

The following day Aelin was off and had spent the afternoon in town running errands and now was walking back to paramedic academy to Rowan. They were scheduled to go to Sellene’s and meet Enda and Michael. She was excited and super curious about their plan for the restaurant. She had been ecstatic when he had accepted to meet them and confessed he was curious too.

As usual she was leaning against the outer wall, keeping an eye for him. Rowan was probably waiting for a strategic moment to avoid Remelle. The woman had been pestering him to no end. No matter how much Aelin marked the territory, she did not seem to be able to grasp the concept that Rowan was not on the market.

A steady flow of students started to exit the big doors and she kept an eye for his head of silver.

His nemesis strolled out and walked to her almost in challenge “Waiting for your man?”

Aelin glared at her.

“And by the way… he is wasted on you. You could never make him happy.”

She had promised. Had promised Rowan not to inflict any kind of physical pain to Remelle, no matter how much she hated the woman. She was stupid and there was no cure to it.

“Oh and you can?”

The blonde woman flicked her hair “I have money, I can give him a life of wealth and happiness. Something a firefighter can’t do.”

Aelin scoffed. How wrong she was. Rowan was not a man for luxuries. He wanted an easy and cosy life. He wanted a family, that was his idea of wealth and happiness and this woman had no idea.

“Well, go and look for a man who wants that because that is not Rowan,” her words came out almost in a growl.

“Of course he doesn’t want it. He was never offered the chance to live a better life.”

Aelin counted to ten. No punches. No punches.

“Rowan wants kids and a family. That’s his idea of wealth and happiness, can you give him that?”

Remelle looked at her horrified and ran away quickly. Maybe she had finally managed to tame the beast.

Rowan arrived five minutes later with a big smile. Aelin pushed off the wall and walked to him, a smug expression on her face.

“What did you do?” at the same time deposited a kiss on her lips.

“I defeated the monster.”

Rowan was confused.

“I think Remelle won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Aelin… I said no violence.”

She told him what happened “And when I told her that your idea of happiness were kids and a family she was horrified and left in a rush.”

Rowan laughed and hugged Aelin lifting her off her feet “You deserve some of my best moves tonight.”

“It’s almost a shame we have dinner at Sellene’s…”

Rowan kissed her again “Prepare to beg…” a delicate whisper in her ear and Aelin in that instant wanted nothing more than going back home with him.

Hand in hand they got to his car and climbed in. Once at the wheel Rowan looked at her “You are right, having a family, with you, is my perfect idea of happiness.”

Gently she brushed his long hair “I know, and I love you for that.”

The kids talk hadn’t come up anymore but for Rowan was enough to know that she was open to that. That she craved a family too. Aelin had only asked for a bit of time and he was willing to respect that.

Sellene’s flat was in a fancy building and Aelin was impressed that it even had a reception “She is fancy.”

Rowan chuckled “her job is paying for it, she’d never go for something this luxurious.”

She spotted the lifts and walked Rowan there “You take the trap, I will walk.”

He looked at her “it’s seven floors, what if I get scared of the naughty trap? I might need my firefighter at my side.”

Aelin kissed him “press the button and I will see you upstairs. I’ll probably get there before you.”

“Fine.” He pressed the button and the doors slid shut and Aelin began her climb. As she expected she got there before him. Apparently the lift crawled through the floors. The doors finally opened and smiled at him “I almost went down and came back up.”

“Menace.”

Aelin took his hand “come on grampa, flat 722.”

They reached the flat and Aelin rang the bell. A moment later a hurricane of silver hair hugged her “Yay, you are here.” Aelin loved Sellene. Her energy and determination. She had become family quite quickly.

Aelin hugged her back while Rowan gave her cousin a kiss on the cheek “Hi, Sel, thank you for having us over.”

“Come in, both of you. We have guests.”

Rowan looked towards the living room and saw Enda and at his side a tall man. He was dark-haired with dark eyes and tanned skin. The man was a good twenty centimetres taller than Enda.

“Hi you,” his cousin walked closer and gave him a hug. Enda was a hugger, it was a family trait. One that he wasn’t so much of a fan of.

The stranger, Micheal, walked closer and extended a hand to him “I am Micheal, Enda’s husband.”

“I am Rowan, their cousin and this…” he pulled Aelin closer “this is my other half Aelin.”

Aelin took the man’s hand and shook it eagerly.

“Come on you both, sit down. Do you want anything to drink? We got nice wine from Wendlyn.”

Rowan shook his head. He had stayed away from alcohol. He had a feeling that because of his problems he might feel a need to indulge again too much and he could not put Aelin through that so he had told her that he was happy to leave it aside and Aelin had supported him and went dry too. He had tried to protest, but Aelin explained that it was another way for her to help him.

“Iced tea?” Asked Rowan and Aelin did the same. Sellene nodded in understanding and that was why that afternoon she had stopped at the supermarket to grab some non alcoholic drinks.

She stared at her cousin with an inquisitive eye and Aelin nodded. The woman had kept her in the loop and she was happy to see him smile.

Enda stood and walked to the kitchen “dinner tonight is my creation.”

Aelin was looking forward to it. Sellene had told her about Enda’s amazing cooking skills.

“So you guys are really doing it? Open a restaurant here?” Asked Rowan as Sellene passed him his tea.

“Yes,” was Micheal’s answer. He grabbed his husband’s hand “we talked about it. I think we both need a change of scenery and this was a good reason.”

“Will you be okay leaving Doranelle?”

Enda nodded “My two favourite cousins are here and both Micheal and I are tired of our jobs.”

“Are you ready for winters here? That is usually the biggest challenge for people when they move here from a warm country.”

Micheal let out a deep rich laughter “I am from the southern continent, Doranelle is cold for me, but I have been in Terrasen for work during winter and I am ready.”

Sellene brought some appetisers and placed them on the table between them.

“So, how is the restaurant plan going?” Rowan grabbed some food.

“Swell,” replied Enda all excited “we went to see the place this morning. It’s in Old Orynth, which is a wonderful location,” explained Micheal with the same excitement “It’s full of artisanal and independent shops and a few family run restaurants. It’s the perfect location.”

“It really is a special part of the city. It has personality. Rowan and I have our favourite bookshop and cafe there.”

“Hopefully soon you’ll have your favourite restaurant too.” Added Enda.

“And I can bring customers. I have a firehouse full of hungry, hungry hippos and I know two more that appreciate good food.”

“You are a firefighter?” Asked Micheal.

“I am, a captain at that.”

“That is so awesome.”

The five of them chatted happily until Enda announced that dinner was ready.

“Enda, this smells and looks incredible.”

The man smiled “taste it first, you may not like it.”

Rowan snorted, there was very little that Aelin did not like. He had even managed to have her eat more vegetables.

Rowan took a bite and the food brought back memories of his mum’s food. Flavours of home brought back flashes of his time in Doranelle, the typical spices that he struggled so much to find in Orynth. Wendlyn’s had a very distinctive richness that he sometimes missed.

“Is this one of my mum’s recipes?”

Enda smiled “Yes, your mum was an incredible cook.”

“Where did you find the spices?”

Sellene raised her hand “I brought a lot with me. I knew I would not find them here.”

The meal had been a success and Aelin had made Enda happy by always asking for seconds. She had told him over and over again that he already had a loyal customer. Rowan had sang his praises too.

Now they were in the car on their way home “that was a lovely night.”

Rowan nodded “I like Micheal, he makes Enda happy.” He sighed “He had a bit of trouble coming out. His parents were not happy at the beginning, and for a while he still kept dating girls. But even after he accepted his true self he… well, from what Sellene told me he had a lot of bad luck.”

“Enda is a lovely, caring man.”

Rowan nodded “I am glad they are moving here. I have missed him a lot, and Sellene too.”

“She should leave her horrible company and join Enda and Micheal at the restaurant. Her food is incredible too.”

Rowan looked at her. He was aware that Aelin was always in touch with his cousin “Did something happened?”

“She is overworked and stressed. Two of her senior partners have called it quits. Her boss doesn’t intend to replace them for now as they are still on probation for a month. And if the branch doesn’t prove to be worth keeping, they might axe it. Sellene is doing her best but she has only one senior lawyer left. She is really considering Enda’s idea. He has offered her a job.”

“How did I miss all this? I was so focused on my own problems that I ignored everything else.”

Aelin took a hand away from the wheel and placed it on his leg “Sellene asked me to keep it quiet for now. She wanted to give you time.”

He gritted his teeth “you all need to stop tip toeing around me.”

When they arrived at the house he left the car quickly and went straight to the door.

Aelin was getting used to his small outburst of anger, they had become far and few in between as therapy progressed. He would apologise pretty quickly and they only had one bad fight. So bad that he had spent the night in the spare bedroom and then she had ran to him when he woke up screaming from a nightmare. That had settled the fight and he had joined her back in their bed.

He was much better, but she still worried about him.

She entered the house and saw him standing at the window.

“Rowan…”

“This is not me,” he whispered, still giving her his back “this anger is not me.”

Aelin took a step and encircled his waist from behind, kissing his back “No, but you are not letting the anger take over.”

He finally turned “I feel like I keep hurting you and I can’t stand it,” his voice broke and hugged her tightly seeking comfort in her arms “Hurting you makes me sick, but that’s all I have done since Gavriel’s death,” he sat on the sofa “I do not deserve you.”

Aelin had a meeting with his therapist. The man had requested to meet her. He had explained that although he was improving, the sessions had been bringing back traumas that he had shoved down so hard that Rowan almost forgot about them. All the losses, the pain, the traumas had been hidden deep down in the recess of his mind. Gavriel death had been the last straw. The therapist had explained that losing one of his closest friend had been the ultimate trigger. A dam had broken and thirteen years of forced down traumas had resurfaced in one go.

The therapist had explained that they were working through loss, trauma, guilt and denial. Slowly he was helping Rowan to grieve and reach closure. Apparently they had covered also the Lyria issue. Drawbacks and bad days were expected and she had been prepared for them. After the meeting she had confessed to the doctor that she had no idea how bad it was. Rowan had been a master at hiding how bad he was. Fuzzy’s death had been the only time when he had crumbled and opened up. She felt like the worst girlfriend ever.

A bit of anger sparked at his words. His sense of inadequacy had come from his marriage with Lyria and his mother in law. They had somehow caused him to think that he was not worth being loved. How wrong had they been.

“Look at me,” his green eyes landed on her “you are worth it,” she kissed him gently “and you are not hurting me, I am here for you. We had a pact and I need you to talk to me when you are not well. We are doing this together. Let the emotions out if it helps, you don’t need to bottle it anymore. Not with me.” At those words he hugged her harder and felt his face in the crook of her neck. It had become his favourite position when he was struggling, apparently her scent calmed him down.

“Come, let’s get into our pyjamas and cuddle in bed.”

She felt him nib at her neck “I think I promised to show you some of my best moves…”

“Ro, we can—” his lips stopped her mid sentence.

“I promised to make you beg,” he took her hand and started walking to their bedroom.

She stopped at the side of the bed and started undressing “Please Rowan…” she breathed in a sensual voice while removing her bra and throwing it on the floor.

“I love you, fireheart.”

That night in Aelin’s arms, he slept deeply and peacefully.

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