Executive dysfunction sucks. My hair has been so greasy that it's physically bothering me for like the past 3 days, but have I been able to motivate to take a shower? No
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ive learned im not friendly, actually
unless the social interaction has been initiated by me - in which case i go out the gate with a "hi im emily, this is how we know each other, this is what im hoping to achieve through this convo" - im suspicious as fuck lol
someone requested a dm on discord. i accepted bc of course i did, im nosy af. usually those end up in unsolicited advertisement or some scam attempt but one time someone was very entertaining in demanding i buy them nitro, so thats up on the table
theyre from a server i never talk in but i figured they might have a valid reason for contacting me - its a writing server and i am a writer, so maybe thats how they know me?
but they. refuse to state their goal? "r u up for a lil chat" well that tells me nothing? whats the topic? "hru" mate i barely exchange pleasantries for the sake of my family, just get to the point already?
"what are you doing" - see, i answer this question differently based on who asks. i tailor the response to what i think would interest my friends the most. i do a ton of shit, always flitting from one activity to another, so i cater my response based on which activities and fandoms i share with the person in question
but i have no idea who you are, so how do you expect me to be able to answer?
ive asked them straight up if they had any particular reason for dming me or if theyve just gone down the users list in the server. 20 minutes ago, actually. theyve yet to respond, when all their previous messages were sent in a matter of seconds lol
ill give them until i come back from the grocery run and then im closing the dm and forgetting that ever happened
so yeah unless i know 1. who you are (just name is fine) 2. how you know me (there's gotta be some reason why ur in my dms) and 3. what your end goal is (shared fandom? just friends? want a favor?), im not wasting my Being Nice energy on ur ass akjsdghkjafshjka
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if you wanna listen to naddpod you should know this about the hosts: brian murphy is a straightman to his inner most core and he's the funniest person alive, these things exist simultaneously and would not exist without the other. emily axford is clinically insane to a point where it's easier to not try to follow her logic when she says things. jake hurwitz is a certified cool guy but he's the biggest loser in a room of nerds playing dungeons and dragons. caldwell tanner can only be described as exactly what a 1930's cartoon describes as a rascal. three of them are a throuple and the fourth is their boss.
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He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
Emily Brontë / Wuthering Heights
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Emilie Preyer (German, 1849-1930): Still life with peaches and grapes on a white tablecloth (via Lempertz)
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I'm done with therapy it's only been making me feel worse and worse and not solving anyone problems.
I know this means I'm probably going to end up killing myself
But it honestly feels like going to therapy is speeding up that process
I've been in the mental health care system for 17 years and I'm worse than I ever was
No one can provide any answers or help
Everything takes too Damn long
I've been in crisis since early November. It's now April and it's only gotten worse
And no one can help me. I've tried. I've tried and tried to get help and it just gets worse
And my biggest trauma is from a psych ward so psych wards can't help me and I can't fucking trust therapist not to call the fucking cops on me. So I can't trust them with my mental health
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brains are so fucking weird. yesterday, everything was fine. the whole week, hell, as far as i can remember (which, to be fair, isn't that long, just a couple weeks or so) i was relatively happy.
but today? i feel like everybody hates me. which, like, LOGICALLY i know is not true. but it doesn't stop me from feeling like absolute shit
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