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#Emmet Culllen
emmettsleftnut · a year ago
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Emmet and Jasper in: Food Shopping for Bella
Jasper: Ok Emmett, we're here, we have a goal, did you ask Bella what she needed?
Emmett: Was I... supposed to?
Jasper: Emmett, that was your one s i n g l e job, asking the human what she needed to eat
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Emmett: Ok so... like meat, right? I used to eat that shit a ton as a human. They dont sell deer, thats stupid, guess we'll go with chicken.
Jasper: Em, she doesnt need 8 packs of chicken.
Emmett: Bro have you seen chickens, theyre so small, I could put an entire chicken in my mouth. Y'know what, I've seen a chicken near home. When we get home im showing you that I can put an entire chicken in my mouth-
Jasper: Emmett please god stop, I don't doubt you can fit a chicken in your mouth, people are staring.
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Jasper: Ok, Edward said Bella likes salad. Do you know anything about salad.
Emmett: Do I LOOK like I have ever eaten a salad Jaz.
Jasper: Yeah fair honestly I dont even know why I asked.
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Emmett: Ok, we have a bunch of leaves, we have... vegetables of some description. What else did Eddie say she liked?
Jasper: Something about mushrooms, like a pasta, he said they had it in a resteraunt in Port Angeles. Lets go to the pasta section then.
Emmett: I am not entirely positive what a pasta is but when I find out, hooooo boy.
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Jasper: Ok so I'm not seeing any mushroom flavoured pasta, Em what do we do thats like... the only thing I can think of that it could be.
Emmett: *looking at a box with a triumphant look* Well, queue the hoooo boy because Jaz, I have found what we have been searching for.
Jasper: Wait, you did? What is it?
Emmett: *holding up box for Jasper to see* It says right here "mushroom shaped pasta" thats like, the same thing right?
Jasper: You are an absolute genuis.
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Emmett: OK, chicken?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Mushroom shapes?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Leaves?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Thats all I can think of, humans just need water and sun then they'll get big and strong, right?
Jasper: Em, thats a plant, youre thinking of photosynthesis. Humans need food and sleep and warmth and happiness and stuff.
Emmett: Ok, I vote that I just improvise a bit and see what happens. Whats the biggest potential issue?
Jasper: Fair honestly, go wild I'll meet you at the register.
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BONUS:
Emmett: Cullens, we have been hunting and we have RETURNED
Jasper: We did great, obviously
Alice, to Edward: Spoiler Alert; they didn't do great
Emmett: Hush Alice, let me show our bounty. Mortal, come to us.
Bella: *wearily walking over* uh.. sure
Alice, mouthing to Bella: Be nice, they did their best.
Jasper: Firstly, we have, drumroll please... chicken.
Bella: Mmm
Jasper: And chicken
Bella: Oh
Jasper: And chicken
Bella: ..
Jasper: And chicken, and some more chicken, and finally, a bit more chicken.
Bella: Ok, awesome, thanks.
Emmett: Please Bella, save your praise for when we're finished.
Bella: Y'know what, sure Emmett, please show me what else you have there, I would personally love to see it.
Emmet: Of course you would. Next up we have... salad!
Bella: Em, that just lea-
Emmett: Bella please, I know youre insanely greatful but as I said, save the praise for once we're finished. I will only accept drumrolling at appropriate intervals. Jasper, next item please.
Jasper: We have mushroom pasta
Edward: Oh, thats actually a good one. Wait, Jasper, what is this?
Jasper: Its mushroom pasta..? Duh
Edward: Did you hear me talking about the thing from Port Angeles?
Jasper: Mhm, we thought we'd suprise her with her favourite.
Edward: Jasper, it's called mushroom ravioli, and she's only ever eaten it once, and I'm like 90% sure it was sub-par at best. Also, this is just mushroom SHAPED, it doesnt have any mushroom in it what-so-ever. I don't even thi-
Alice, smacking edward over the head: Jasper its great, lets just move on to the next thing.
Emmett: Ok, speedround, you ready?
Bella: Absolutely not
Emmett: Cool, 1. Frozen corn 2. thin potatoes in a very large bag 3. An entire bag of B+ blood, no you may not ask where I found it 4. Tiny edible pillow things. 5. Finally... Tampons, idk it felt like a good idea.
Bella: Honestly thank you
Emmett: Also I need to show you something with a chicken I found, wanna see
Bella: Absolutely
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lapushandforks · a year ago
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Headcanon on how meeting the parents SHOULD have been.
“Honey everything needs to be perfect for her,” Esme said as she tried to follow along with the recipes on the show.
“They will be my love just take your time.” Carlisle smiled at his wife, his one true love.
“I know I know, I can’t worry, I mean meeting the parents? That’s scary for a teenager.” She replied.
“You, my darling, are too sweet, shell love anything you cook.” He went behind her and kissed her cheek as she was chopping vegetables up.
“Is she even Italian?” Rosalie said sarcastically.
“Her names Bella.” Emmet joked back at her, trying to cheer her up.
“Woo get a whiff of that. Here comes the human.” Rosalie exclaimed.
Esme whipped her hands on her apron, getting more and more excited to see the girl who’s made her son so happy.
“Bella we’re making Italian for you.” She walked up and smiled at Bella.
Edward went around the room to introduce his family and sat down with Bella as she ate the food.
“Wow, Esme this is delicious!” Bella said eating almost every last bite.
“Good! Oh, I’m so happy!” Esme beamed with joy.
Edward took Bella away to show the rest of the house as Esme and Carlisle cleaned up, beaming with joy their son found happiness.
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