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#Emmett Cullen
amozon28 · 2 days ago
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Rosalie: i have incredibly high standards *finds a himbo fist fighting a bear in the woods* Rosalie: i want that one
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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 2 days ago
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How would the Cullens act during karaoke? Assuming everyone's gotta sing something, yanno... to keep up appearances?
I mean, this could be something they do for funsies on their own. Now you just have me picturing Carlisle who has been dragged to a work karoke bar function and is awkwardly trying not to sing by his colleagues then pushed up there to sing "Uptown Girl".
Caveat
This is a very headcanony question so the below is based entirely on nothing. Or at least, on very little. We never see the Cullens do karaoke.
Alice
Alice is completely into it but only ever sings catchy pop songs typically performed by female singers or all female bands. She thinks it's great fun.
Bella
Bella's horribly embarrassed and refuses to do it. She's mortified. If pressed, she'll try but is so mortified that even as a vampire it just comes out as squeaky mumbling. Edward assures her she sounded wonderful.
She knows she didn't and refuses to do it ever again. (Especially when Emmett laughs at her and uses it as his ring tone.)
Carlisle
I imagine he finds the whole karaoke thing a bit strange. He gets forced into it though and probably defaults to the same John Denver song every time.
(He did David Bowie once and it got too weird. He never did it again and the family never mentions it.)
Edward
Edward is above karaoke and finds it pedantic and stupid. Much like Christmas. He'll indulge the family if forced to and goes out of his way to show off how vast his musical knowledge is and force you to listen to his rendition of some artist he believes is niche and unlikely to be known by many.
You're listening to Edward do Linkin Park songs.
And telling him he did a great job.
Emmett
Emmett gets so into it, too into it, and deliberately picks the worst songs. I imagine there's a lot of "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go!", "What's New Pussycat?", "Delilah", "I Will Survive" and basically every ridiculous karaoke number you can picture.
Esme
Doris Day. So much Doris Day. All Doris Day. I imagine a lot of "Que Sera".
Jasper
Japser has no idea what he's doing, and he can't sing. Every attempt at karaoke is painful. Somehow, he's worse than Bella.
He ends up sticking to Neil Diamond songs as then he can sort of talk instead of sing.
Renesmee
Renesmee gets very into karaoke as it's a glimpse into the human world and is fascinating for it. As a result she picks the worst songs and weirdest fucking music as she has no idea what any of these songs are.
I imagine a lot of accidental Bollywood numbers are selected.
Rosalie
Rosalie does duets with Emmett and has herself a grand time.
Lots of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"
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panlight · 52 minutes ago
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Keeping Up with the Cullens - Episode 20, pt 3.
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railmerosalie · 8 months ago
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If the people of Forks made memes:
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Edit: yes there is a typo here, pls stop mentioning it
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This took so fucking long to make, but please do enjoy
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vampiresintheattic · 3 months ago
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I really would’ve liked if Bella had a special interest in history and fashion and antiques cause like imagine the Cullens don’t get discovered by solely because of Edward but because Bella notices shit about their clothes and how they talk and is like “huh.” And also I think the Cullens forgetting how time works since they’re immortal and don’t sleep is just a funny concept
- she’s like “hey Edward does your family go antiquing” and he’s like “uh no why do you ask” “oh it’s just your sister Rosalie’s broach is from the 1957 spring collection of-”
- “why is your edition of Macbeth from 1911?”
- “does it bother you that your brother Jasper calls it the war of northern aggression like wtf is that”
- “yknow Emmett asked me if Charlie was a soldier in World War II”
- “Alice just asked me if I watch I Love Lucy on the tube? Is she being ironic?”
- “Ever notice how your dad says thou sometimes?” And “When I was at the hospital I saw him cross ‘hysteria’ out of my patient notes”
- “your mom must really like Gibson girl updos, she’s always sporting one at the store”
- “I’m like sixty percent the sweater you’re wearing was dyed using arsenic”
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edwardsshinyvolvo · 3 months ago
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them: are you ok you look out of it
me: yea sorry just tired
my brain:
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bellasforgottenjansport · 10 months ago
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Carlisle after receiving a call from the school saying that Emmett drop kicked Edward across the football field while Jasper did 58 consecutive backflips in the cafeteria and Alice and Rosalie had a dance off that leveled the Gym:
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bellasuglyskirt · 6 months ago
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castieltrash1 · 3 months ago
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Poly Emmett+ Rosalie+ fem reader or poly Alice+ Jasper fem reader nsfw headcannon please 🤍 Also happy Valentine's day love 💕
anon ur mind 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i decided to do both bc i have no self-control when it comes to horny thoughts abt vampires and i have many ideas i want to share !!!
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fem!reader, smut/fluff, 3-person sex, oral mentions, dirty talk, mentions of being both human/vampire!
rosalie and emmett are very dedicated and somewhat domineering lovers. rosalie calls most of the shots whereas emmett tends to get lost in the pleasure and passion of the situation, leading to him doing whatever feels right in the moment. put these two together and prepare to melt from how flustered they’ll get you. their forms of teasing differ but impact you all the same, leaving your skin warm and your thighs clenched.
“look at her,” rosalie hums, tracing a perfectly manicured nail down the side of your leg. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen her this needy, have you?” she completely ignores the expression of embarrassment that crosses your face, waiting on her other lover for a response.
“begging for it,” emmett agrees, with a grin.
+ rosalie loves riding faces and will take the opportunity every time, squeezing emmett’s or your cheeks between her thighs. she also enjoys telling emmett exactly how to touch you and instructing the two of you for her own pleasure. emmett’s favorite time is whenever you both tease and play with him (or each other) and spoil him rotten. if you’re still human, expect unending gentleness. if you’re a vampire, especially newly-turned, prepare to not leave the bed for a week. lastly, get used to the nicknames “honey” and “baby” since they’re all you’ll be hearing ♡
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fem!reader, smut/fluff, 3-person sex, fingering mentions, dirty talk, jasper’s sensory powers!
alice and jasper have two different modes when it comes to sex: playful and the physical representation of a mindfuck. when they’re playful, expect lots of giggles from alice and flustered smiles from jasper, who is always left a little light-headed from the outpour of emotions that fill the room. there are lots of kisses, breathy moans, and teasing on days like these. but when they’re in a mindfuck mood, prepare for your soul (if you still have one) to leave your body. alice knows exactly how to pick you apart and jasper can crank your arousal up to an almost unbearable level, leaving you desperate for every ounce of attention they give you.
“shh, dearest,” alice soothes you, dainty fingers circling your slickened core. you’ve lost track of just how many times she’s brought you over the edge, but your body quivers with the anticipation of another orgasm. 
jasper kisses your temple with a lopsided smile and you feel the rumble of his voice against your skin. “s’alright darlin, we’ll take care of you.”
+ alice and jasper are very clingy in the bedroom and you’ll often find yourself sandwiched between them and their wandering hands. they also need to see your face and will always position you in a way that gives them full access to all of your expressions and provides them with the sensual eye-contact they adore so much ♡
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✧・゚: *✧・゚:* [valentine's day headcanons/ships 💌]
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jstwilight · 16 days ago
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Who hell made this-
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pixielike · a month ago
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smeyer: Jessica Stanley is EVIL, she is a two-faced bitch and a pervert!
Jessica, a literal normal average teenage girl:
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twilitty · 20 days ago
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The fact that Edward was the only cullen to not have a bed in his room is so funny like I just know Emmett bullied him nonstop for that
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i-shitpost · a year ago
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My taste in men is ✨ Fictional ✨
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infictionalwonderland · 2 months ago
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Can you write the twilight characters with a shy gf headcannon please
of course! the reader is still going to be perfectly badass however, i hate the assumption that shy people cannot be badass.
warnings : swearing, insecurity, mentions of blood & vampirism etc, anxiety, overthinking, fem reader
characters included : emmett, rosalie, jasper, alice, carlisle <3
emmett —
so, emmett is just a naturally loud person who has no problem with being obnoxious and borderline annoying to some
but you’re a collected, quiet person who’s movements and actions are all thought out thoroughly in fear of judgment
and weirdly your relationship just works
he’s quieter when your around ( in public ) he knows how much you hate attention and the last thing he wants is for you to be uncomfortable
you’re comfortable around emmett, coming out of your shell and joining in on his loud laughter, joking, just fun
you both bring out sides to each other no one else knew existed prior to your relationship
he’s also, despite popular belief, quite observant: well, when it comes to you.
somethings wrong? bear hugs and loving kisses all around
you’re not feeling up for something? don’t worry about it, plans r already cancelled
very affectionate 🤍
if you don’t like pda that’s fine but he jus needs to be close to you at all times
yes, he’s clingy, if you haven’t already noticed
doesn’t force you to meet new people, knowing how your anxiety spikes heavily
he becomes your sort of therapist weirdly enough— though he’s far from professional
all in all, he just wants to make sure your happy and comfortable
you’re his precious girl <33
rosalie 🧎‍♀️ —
her >>>>>>
will glare at anyone who dares look at you a little too long
has and will threaten people who make you feel embarrassed for your anxious and shy behaviour
is so so patient with you <3
she’ll wait as long as you need her to for you to open up, you’re all she cares about.
absolutely adores you
you being her favourite person >
the ‘i hate everyone but you’ trope
she’s so soft with you 😩
reassuring hand squeezes when she sees you fidgeting anxiously
coming from a shy person myself, i admittedly stutter a lot 😒.. and she’ll never got annoyed at your stutter
in fact she’ll love it, it’s just another part of you and what’s not to love about you
you’re perfect to her
you two r so fucking cute omd
will get teased by her siblings about going soft
and she, evidently, could not care less
the most understanding gf <3
jasper —
AWWWWW
you and him >>
the most superior couple tbh
despite your anxious behaviour, you can calm him down with just your presence
a smile from you and suddenly the blood lust isn’t as strong anymore
so understanding!!
doesn’t push anything, just stays with you and holds you when you need it
he’ll wait for you to open up, as well, will not push for anything you don’t feel prepared to give
communication is key in your relationship
probably the healthiest couple
you ever feel insecure, he’s there with kisses and passionate reassurances
literal speeches about how fucking beautiful you are and how he doesn’t understand how you don’t realise it
is always there for you
finds how you can go from a bright, bubbly person to a blushing bumbling mess absolutely adorable
tho if you’re sincerely embarrassed bout something yk my man will step in
oh yeah, he’s hella protective<3
hands down best bf ever
alice —
my love😩😩
alice is actually surprisingly protective— anyone’s being rude or even slightly patronising, she’ll step in with a glare on her STUNNING face
actual sunshine who lights up your life
you’re more laidback around her, and it makes everyone happy to see you confident when she’s around
definitely helps you work on your confidence
is determined to build it up
not in a bad way! she just wants to see you confident in yourself and happy with who you are, able to speak your mind
loves everything about you
reassures you all the time with kisses all over your face!
her life’s mission is to make you smile
mentally counts how many times she’s made you smile in a day, and whatever made you smile, she’ll repeat it all to see your smile again
finds your shyness endearing.. unless you’re being shy and meek cuz someone embarrassed you, then we’ve got problems
your protector<3
not that you need it, you’re a bundle of badass-ery under your shy disposition
carlisle —
he’s always making sure that you’re okay
constant check ins, you can’t blame the man, he gets worried for you
unlike the reaction most people have towards your personality, your timid disposition actually drew him in
it was refreshing to meet someone who wasn’t arrogant and unapologetic
will forever reassure you you’re more than enough and that he’s proud of you
never gets tired of seeing you blush
genuinely his favourite sight
he doesn’t pressure you into opening up, and that’s something you’re really grateful for
absolutely and undoubtedly in love with everything about you
hugs and kisses constantly
he’s not too big on pda, but definitely hand holding <33
most heartwarming couple honestly.
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long-lost-cullen · 3 months ago
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Painting the Cullen Boys nails [headcanons]
Carlisle
-he will need a little convincing, but only the smallest amount (only because he was worried about his work at the hospital) 
-but you’re his biggest weakness, he will never refuse you
 -will how much he’s seen in his life, he recognizes how little this “feminine” thing matters
-he’s very comfortable with his masculinity so he doesn't mind having some nail polish on 
-he’s always proud to have his nails done by you because they're done by you
-he's very supportive of your interests and hobbies 
-so when you came to him excited to paint his nails, he didn't even think of saying no 
-he very much enjoys and values that quiet time you get together when you paint his nails 
-it's usually filled with quiet conversations and light music coming from somewhere in the house 
-the ambiance of sitting quietly with carlisle is very peaceful and comfortable
-when you ask him to paint yours, he does surprisingly well 
-he has very steady hands, so no need to worry about him messing up 
-he doesn't care about the color, he just cares that you're the one doing it 
Emmett
-when this king is in love, he’s an absolute simp 
-he never refuses any of your stupid antics 
-for being so masculine and strong, you thought he wouldn't like the idea of painted nails but he welcomed it with open arms 
-he actually is the one to paint your nails after you paint his (without even being asked, when his are dry he excitedly grabs the bottle and one of your hands saying “your turn!! :D”) 
-he’s not very good at it, but you both enjoy it
-he prefers darker colors like black or blue but loves whatever you do to him 
-he will proudly flaunt his nails and if anyone says anything negative, he will stand up to them and offer to kick their ass 
-if they ever chip while he’s hunting or something, he will run to you asking to fix them
-you think it's really sweet how much he loves them and how much you both have fun painting your nails together
-he has painted nails the most often
Jasper
-he needs some convincing but when you start painting he honestly could care less 
-it's not that he loves it or hates it, he prefers the actual painting process because he gets to be close to you 
-i mean you literally have to hold his hands to paint his nails, so of course, you're close
-he also is completely weak for you
-anything you ask, ye shall receive 
-including this old cowboy wearing some nice nail polish
-but damn does he look good, you think he somehow looks hotter than normal 
-and you're not shy to voice that 
-he loves your attention and praise, so he's very willing to let you paint his nails again in the future
-he doesn’t really like to paint your nails because he doesn’t like to mess up. But will do it if you asked him to
-the second most likely one to wear your nail polish 
-he likes black polish the most
Edward
-the most reluctant out of the bunch 
-it took him a lot of convincing but when he saw how happy it made you, there's no way he could refuse 
-he doesn't love it, he's very old fashioned and doesn't really enjoy such feminine things
-but he likes being close and having a quiet intimate moment 
-the only part he likes about it is seeing your focused face and feeling your hand hold his
-he enjoys hearing the random little thoughts you have while focusing
-he doesn’t like the time it takes for his nails to dry, so when you’re not looking he’ll shake his hands around at vampire speed to dry them
-also he doesn’t hate the compliments you give him, especially how nice hinds hands look when he’s playing piano
-prefers the fancier, more elegant colors (like gold, or muted tones)
-would have his nails done the least
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SMEYER: Well let’s just have Jacob imprint on Bella’s baby that way we can wrap up his love life and he stays in the story.
Everyone else:
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machikono · a year ago
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stregoni-benefici · 17 days ago
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do you think Emmett jumps into tornadoes just for fun?
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axhicleos · 2 months ago
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I like to think that Edward Cullen hasn't known a day of peace since Bella became a vampire because every single day looks like this
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