#Emotional abuse

[furiousgoldfish]

Asking for help when you're being abused, doesn't come naturally. It, in fact, feels counter-productive, dangerous, wrong, bad, shameful, mortifying, scary, burdensome (for the person you're asking), and sometimes the abused person can feel like they would rather keep to themselves forever, than reach out and say what is going on.

This is not accidental; abusers make it so on purpose. They spend a lot of effort convincing you that you're a burden on the entire world, that you're attention hungry and making things up to stir up drama, that you lie and remember things wrong, that you should be ashamed of what was done to you and how you made the abuser do it. Even if not spoken out loud, it is very clear that if you said anything to anyone, you would be punished, shamed, and put trough even worse abuse than what you're experiencing right now. That things would turn around to make you seem like you're the worse one in the situation and everyone would side with the abuser.

So reaching out for help, after a certain point, feels useless. Like you'd be only inconveniencing people around you, showing them how incapable you are, how helpless and pathetic and ashamed you feel, and nobody would be able to help you anyway. Abusers make it seem like they're above law and authority, the idea that just another person could do anything to stop them feels ridiculous. And there's a possibility outsiders will side with the abuser, making the situation infinitely worse for you, because they will tell the abuser and get you into worse trouble.

Not asking for help, and instead just surviving or maybe independently trying to get away, is not a sign of a fault, or a person not trying hard enough and not wanting help. It means the situation is so bad that involving another person might mean extra danger, and doesn't lead to resolving the situation.

When you think about it, what does your average person do to help someone in abuse? There's no easy steps to secure somebody's safety. A person might report it, which might end up just pissing the abuser off. The victim often has no other place to go, so now they're threatened with homelessness. Someone offering you a place to stay might work short-term, while also being dangerous, but victims need more than short-term solutions. They need permanent, foolproof and secure life plan to stay away from the abuser. They need resources that help them access safe places to indefinitely stay in, they need consistent income, and a community to keep them safe. This is not something that anyone can just offer, and even programs that offer some of this help, are temporary.

Sometimes we don't ask for help because we can tell that help is impossible, and sometimes, we're conditioned not to, we have gone trough torture for just thinking of telling someone what's going on. We still want the abuse to stop. We still need to get away. We're still doing our best to survive and escape, while also trying to not inconvenience anyone around us.

#reaching out for help #anti victim blaming #psychological abuse #escaping abuse #child abuse #domestic abuse #surviving abuse #emotional abuse #gaslighting #being trapped in abuse

[feel-stuff-serious-car]

#grace boor #spicy newds #yixing #emotional abuse #radical feminism #wakanda forever #miles tails prower #cleancore #short movie #anorex14 #pokemon scarlet and violet #damon salvatore

[community-bring]

#Shuake #briefs bulge #mustang #grace boor #spicy newds #yixing #emotional abuse #radical feminism #wakanda forever #cleancore #anorex14 #2pac #spiderman into the spiderverse #organization

[its-simply-just-krys]

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

#not mine #dark poetry #dark literature #vent poetry #poetry #tw trauma #trauma vent #emotional abuse #tw abuse #childhood trauma #daddy issues #borderline personality disorder #bpd blog #bpd vent #actually borderline #quiet borderline #deep quotes #dark academia poetry #classic literature

[amaditalks]

Gaslighting isn’t the same as lying.

Gaslighting also isn’t lying a lot, or lying and deflecting the lying by shaming the victim for not believing the lie.

Gaslighting is a long con. It is a practice of ongoing emotional/mental abuse, that doesn’t just involve lying, but manipulating or altering someone’s reality in order to make them question both the truth, and more importantly, question their own mental and cognitive wellbeing.

The reason that it’s called gaslighting is because the tactic was demonstrated in a 1944 film called “Gaslight” starring Ingrid Bergman. In the film, Bergman‘s character’s husband tries to make her have a mental breakdown.

He tells her that she is having blackouts (she’s not) and doing things that she didn’t do.

He steals things from her, and tells her that she lost them herself.

He makes noises in the attic of the house, then tells her that he wasn’t in the house at all.

He steals things from other people, puts them where she will find them, and then tells her that she stole them.

He puts his pocket watch in her purse and tells her that she stole it from him.

He isolates her from the world by telling her that her behavior is too erratic to be safe near others.

He encourages their housemaid to be cruel to her and to repeat his lies about her behavior.

And, to apply the title, he repeatedly causes the gas lighting (it’s set in 1875) in her bedroom to go dim, then comes into the room, and when she says that the lighting is dim, he says, no, it’s perfectly fine.

It goes well beyond just lying. Gaslighting is a setup to make the victim so confused that they’re unable to trust themselves and their own perceptions of the world around them or even themselves.

It’s beyond time to stop calling run of the mill dishonesty gaslighting.

#gaslighting #lying isn’t gaslighting #misused #dishonesty #emotional abuse #abuse #tw abuse

[kaijuposting]

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

#moral ocd #mental health #mental illness #ableism #scrupulosity #scrupulosity ocd #abuse #emotional abuse #communication

[lostmf]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

#sadnees #tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #i'm sad #tw depressing stuff #depressing life #childhood trauma #quotes #poetic #childhood #childhood ptsd #childhood truama #inner child #child abuse #tw abuse #emotional abuse #generational truama #truamacore #wound tw #tw ptsd #ptsd vent #complex ptsd #toxic parents #i am in pain #this is a cry for help #abandoned #kill my life #daddy issues #is it too much to ask #just why

[selfhealingmoments]

#toxic #toxicity #toxic people #toxic relationship #people pleaser #emotional abuse #childhood trauma #dysfunctional family #inspirational quotes #self help #positivity #new beginnings #new life #self improvement #mental health #self reflection #be yourself #letting go #life lessons

[tangledinink]

hey, it's that rat and his daughter again!

✩ the gemini ✩ [ start ] [ prev ] [ next ]

#cracks knuckles. okay... #tw child abuse #child abuse #tw emotional abuse #emotional abuse #disordered eating #tw disordered eating #gemini au #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k18 #rottmnt au #rottmnt separated au #rottmnt sep au #rottmnt comic #rottmnt art #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt disaster twins #rottmnt leo #rise donnie #rise donatello #rise disaster twins #rise leo #rottmnt big mama #rottmnt splinter

[a-sip-of-milo]

Things people label as abuse when it's done to a partner that parents somehow get away with

Hitting/spanking. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but fair discipline when it's a child.

No privacy (no privacy = going through their phone, tracking their location, attending therapy appointments, etc.). Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but good parenting when it's a teenager.

Emotional neglect. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but "not the parents' fault" when it's a child.

Overworking them. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but earning their keep when it's a child.

Doing things to purposely make them cry. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but hilarious when it's a kid.

Breaking their stuff/deleting video game progress. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but fair discipline when it's a child.

Forcing affection when they don't want to. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but teaching them good manners when it's a child.

Locking them in a room that they can't escape. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but "they've got to learn one way or another" if it's a child.

Expecting them to suppress their emotions. Abusive/toxic if it's a partner but teaching them to be mature if it's a child.

Getting angry when they ask a question/challenge your logic/need clarification. Abusive/toxic if it's a partner but teaching them to not talk back if it's a child.

Not letting them eat anything unless it's what you put in front of them (that includes not letting them get anything for themselves). Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but teaching them to be grateful if it's a child.

If you've ever labeled any of these things as abuse when an adult opens up about their experiences but will defend parents who do the same thing, you need to reevaluate yourself.

DNI: Narcissistic/Borderline/Anti-social/Histrionic abuse believers.

#tw abuse #parental abuse #toxic parents #npd safe #cluster b safe #emotional abuse #physical abuse #mental abuse #aspd safe #hpd safe

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

#toxic mom #toxic mother #toxicmommy #toxic family #toxic parents #child abuse #narcissistic abuse #parental abuse #mental abuse #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #actually abused #why my family don't love me? #i hate my family #family issues #dysfunctional family #family #dysfunctional household #dysfunctional parents #dad issues #toxic father #father #toxic dad #emotionally unstable mother #emotionally immature parents #narcissistic mother #childhood trauma

[brok3nvinyl]

Why wasn’t I happy

#vent #ventcore #vent post #vent tag #tw self destruction #emotional abuse #mental abuse #abuse survivor #trauma coping #tw abuse #abuse victim #child abuse #trauma #trauma vent #trauma victim #mentally fucked #physical abuse #depressing shit #anxitey #selfharn

[neon-candies]

Happy Halloween!

Warnings for: Child abuse, emotional abuse, unhealthy relationship

Angel probably has this nightmare frequently after Annie was "born". And he probably tried to avoid talking about it at first. But it gets to a point where he can't even hide his fears and concerns. However that's a conversation for another time.

#annabelle content #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel angel dust #Hazbin Hotel Valentino #radiodust #radiodust fankid #hazbin hotel fankid #trigger warnings #child abuse #emotional abuse #unhealthy relationship

[queerism1969]

#lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer #radical feminists do interact #cool #this rules #cool shit #radical feminism #radical feminist safe #mysogyny #radical feminists do touch #radical feminist community #toxic relationship #toxic people #toxic parents #toxic love #toxic family #emotional abuse #trauma #breakup #divorce #regret #marriage #separation #parents

[tklshtxler]

#trauma #manipulation #parents #mental health #abuse survivor #narcissistic abuse #emotional abuse

[nmolesofadrenaline]

#childhood #childhood ptsd #childhood neglect #abuse survivor #emotional abuse #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxic parents #toxic mom #on father #on fathers #fathers