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#Eveeryones freaking out and im sat here not crying. not freaking out.i feel detatched and numb like its not really Happening.
arcadequeerz · 3 years
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feeling a way but cannot word it hgsg its bad,
#||Dnt Reb/og plz||#self harm ment TW#Cade.vnt#i've run out of ways to be like 'ooo im sad#emotions r fucked up and mhfdmh#my dads in the hospital!! not in michigan. he's in texas cus he went in while on work#hes having trouble breathing. in heart failure n has pneumonia apparently.#n texas' hospitals r. over ran. n everything is a mss.#my entire family is freaking out n i dont know if we'll be going down to texas yet or not if he cant leave the hospital so#who knows maybe i'll be driving to texas  at some point.#I. dont know how to feel#Eveeryones freaking out and im sat here not crying. not freaking out.i feel detatched and numb like its not really Happening.#my mom got mad at me today for not calling him at all n talking to him.#'you may not like how he's treated you but at least he's taken care of you!!!!'#idk how to feel. theres a verty real possibility he Might Die in this hospital.#is it fucked yp to say n oone hand i'd be relieved if he did. that if he died i'd almost feell relieved??? i feel like its fucked up and#im a piece of shit because hes my dad. ad i should be Crying and Upset and Scared because he's in the hospital with all this shit#in the world happening and he could die- i fdeel like i owe it to him and yet im sitting here still not crying#still not freaking out like my family. just sat here in the dark feeling pracically nothing.#n god my family is so??suspicious of me- idk the word-for not being upset- feel like my moms mad at me.#everythings fucked up right now n i feel equally as fucked up.#its 4:16 am and here i am. im a piece of shit.#anyways i was suppsed to go to sleep but i've been awake thinking agout this and ripping my scalp apart with my nails.#i hae blood on my fingers. i hate myself.
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