#Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spacebarbarianweird · 3 months

Note

OK OK you just gotta hear me on this one,, Astarion and gn reader where reader is little spoon and Astarion can *sense* just how relaxed reader gets. Instead of their pulse racing from his touches they slow down. Muscles relaxed. Happy little sighs.

^^ he can’t handle this btw he’s absolutely fucking bewildered

A Person to Hold

Synopsis: Fluffy post-game epilogue

Tags: fluff

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

He looks at you, unable to stop smiling.

"They deserve happiness. We all do. And I will forever be grateful to have found it with you," Astarion says.

You make a step forward with open arms. Astarion hugs you, closing his eyes like a content cat.

A mere half year ago these hugs scared him. It was weird. It was scary. What did you want? Did you want to hurt him? Did you want his body?

No.

None of that.

You taught him not to be afraid. You hug him daily and if he occasionally flinches you don’t let him go. You hold him in your arms when he has nightmares and kiss away his tears when it's just too much.

"I feel bad keeping you all to myself! After all, I get to see you every night."

"Are you sure? You won't be bored?"

You kiss his cheek and leave. In a few seconds, you look back, trying to see if he hasn’t changed his mind.

"Darling, I can spend some time with myself. Go on, go and mingle. And I will be there, when you’re ready. I will always be here, my love."

He hasn’t. Astarion sits down beside a campfire sensing its warmth.

He doesn't feel like talking. He didn't manage to make friends with the others and now can sense hostility from them. He is a vampire. His strength isn’t suppressed by the tadpole and apparently once the vampire's master is dead, spawns become lesser vampires. Astarion doesn't feel the difference, to be honest, but he knows people feel something is off with him.

Well, it doesn't matter. What matters is that he feels good. He has never thought his head might be so clear. He can make a working ambush plan in a blink of an eye and it won't lead to a disaster because he actually can think everything through. He can walk on ceilings and walls again, he regenerates before you manage to notice he is wounded.

He has the world to explore, places to see, things to do. He is going to make up for all these decades of misery, to bury them under the pile of happy memories.

And he has you.

Probably the weirdest thing that could happen to him.

You, who forgave his lies and manipulations, who gave him the second chance when it was the stupidest thing to do. Who made him believe the world isn’t an evil place.

You are the first person he sees when returns from his reverie. Your breathing soothes him, so does your heartbeat.

Astarion never had anything. Everything he had a right to was stripped away from him including his own life.

But now he has you.

To hold, to kiss, to talk.

To travel together, to hunt monsters, to be independent adventurers. You are there to save him from nightmares. And he is there to save you from death.

How could he become so happy?

“I am going to sleep, are you with me or do you want to hunt?” he feels a soft “pat” on his shoulder.

How come he has you?

You are a bit drunk and very sleepy.

“Let’s go to the tent.”

“Good, I got used to sleeping with you by my side.”

Astarion looks around as if ashamed of what he is going to do and, having made sure no one sees you, takes you in his hands bridal-style.

You are weightless to him thanks to the vampiric strength. He could walk many miles carrying you and not getting tired.

In the tent, you get to your bedroll and immediately cover yourself with a thick blanket. Then, you open it a little, inviting Astarion to join.

He takes his clothes off and crawls to your side. The night is warm, so are you. But since you have to share your body heat with him, you sleep under the thickest fur blanket.

You are his and he is yours. If a year ago someone told him that would be his future he would bitterly laugh.

Astarion presses your back to his chest, placing the chin on your shoulder.

Your muscles relax, the pulse slows down. You are falling asleep in his arms.

"My love, thank you" he whispers in you ear, tugging you closer

“Hm?”

“Thank you for finding me."

You squeeze his hand. “You were worth it.”

He doesn’t want to meditate. He wants to hold you like that until you wake up. Astarion concentrates on your breathing and heartbeat. You are already sound asleep.

“Sleep well, darling,” he kisses your cheek. “We still have plenty of things to do together.”

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion romance #baldurs gate 3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion angst #astarion drabble #astarion short fic #spacebarbarian fics #astarion fluff #astarion comfort #baldur's gate post game

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quotefeeling · 17 days

Quote

I'm not everything I want to be, but l'm more than I was, and l'm still learning.

Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

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supernovafics · 3 months

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𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔

"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist

pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 2.9k words

warnings: explicit language, (slight) jealous!steve, brief mention of blood/injury (reader has a lil fall)

summary: in which everything has changed for steve after that night at the bar and morning in your bed, but he hasn’t admitted that to you yet. being honest is much harder than he thought it would be and no moment feels completely right, so he continues to pretend that nothing has changed. but, a day at the park playing basketball with you makes it feel a thousand times harder to keep the secret

author's note: the slow burn will end one day (eventually) (i promise) i just love dragging things out for absolutely no reason<3 (i’m sorry!)<333 anyways enjoy this very slight jealous!steve moment! he’s a bit of an asshole in this but also like not really and it’s only kinda for a second

general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Winter 1986

It actually wasn’t all that surprising when Steve asked you to go to the park— that Saturday marked the first slightly warm day in months.

And maybe saying that he “asked you” was a bit of a stretch because this felt more like a hostage situation; one that you technically orchestrated since, as one of his Christmas presents, you promised that you would play basketball with him one time. And today, on one of the first few days of March, he decided to drag you out of the apartment and to the park that was a quick drive away and had semi-nice basketball courts.

You changed out of your typical Saturday attire, which simply consisted of a hoodie and shorts, and into a cream-colored t-shirt that said, “Sports Suck. And you do too” in black lettering, Steve got it for you for your birthday, and it felt almost too fitting for this moment. You also had on a pair of black athletic shorts that had been your usual attire during high school gym class.

“You’re the only person that I would ever subject myself to doing this for,” You said to Steve as you stepped out of his car and grabbed the basketball that had been sitting at your sneaker covered feet during the drive. “So, I hope you understand how huge of a deal this is.”

Steve laughed a bit. “I know, and I feel honored that you’re risking your life by doing this for me right now.”

“You say that jokingly, but I brought a first aid kit just in case this ends badly,” You said and handed the basketball over to him. “So, what’s first? A riveting round of HORSE?”

“Before we play any games, and I beat you at all of them, let’s just shoot around for a bit so you can get used to it. Was the last time you played basketball really at my eleventh birthday party?” He asked, shooting the ball from a little bit in front of the three-point line as he spoke and making it almost too effortlessly.

You grabbed the ball as it bounced on the court and then took a shot. You were standing much closer to the basket than Steve had been but still missed.

“If that didn’t just answer your question, yes, your birthday party was the last time I even thought about playing. I actually think it was that day that made me realize I should stay away from all sports.”

“You hadn’t been that bad back then.”

You gave him a look. “Steve, I hit your grandma with a basketball. I missed a shot so bad that it hit her.”

It was that day that you were banned from using the basketball hoop in Steve’s backyard, rightfully so.

“Okay, yeah, but she was fine and forgave you immediately. And even made sure you got an extra piece of cake when you started crying because of how bad you felt,” He said, tossing the ball to you so that you could try another shot.

“Still doesn’t change the fact that I’m horrible at this,” You said before taking a breath and shooting the ball. You missed again, but it at least hit the rim that time.

“That’s progress,” Steve said and gave you an encouraging smile.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Exactly twenty-three minutes had passed, and the only reason that you were keeping close track of the time was because when Steve had dragged you out of the apartment, you told him that you’d only be playing for an hour; unless you somehow turned into a prodigy.

You had lost count of how many times you shot the basketball, but you knew that the number of times you successfully made a basket was four. It was an embarrassingly low number, and you definitely were not a prodigy, but each time you surprisingly made a shot, you’d gasp in shock and Steve would whoop happily and give you an enthusiastic high five while saying that the pointers he was giving you were working. You weren’t entirely sure that was true— and it wasn’t because he was a bad teacher, you were just a bad student. You were certain that each shot you made was based on pure luck and simple probability; if you kept shooting the ball, you’d eventually end up making something.

And when you told Steve exactly that, he only shook his head at you. “No, you made those four shots because you’re good.”

How happy and positive he was being about this entire thing was the only thing that made it bearable.

You laughed a bit. “I love you and your encouragement, but that is such an overstatement.”

“For someone that hasn’t even touched a basketball in eight years, you are good.”

“Thank you,” You said with an amused smile on your face instead of rebutting his statement. “I’ll make sure to try out for the local rec team when the time comes.”

“That’s a great idea. I’ll coach you to help you prepare,” Steve said jokingly, and you only laughed in response.

You were about to ask him to toss you the ball, but a group of guys walking past you two, probably headed to the empty hoop on the other side of the court, caught your attention for a second instead. There were four of them and one smiled at you as he passed by you and Steve and he was kind of cute so you smiled back.

You were completely unaware, but there was something about that smile you gave the guy that made Steve have to look away from the entire nonverbal interaction and focus on the basketball in his hand instead. All too quickly he wanted to blurt it all out, everything that had hit him so abruptly that morning in your bed barely two weeks ago.

I love you. I’m in love with you.

For the most part, that thought was the only thing that consumed his mind these days, especially when you two were together; which of course was way more often than not.

There had probably been at least a hundred moments where he almost accidentally let it slip. Hours after it all had hit him, you two were sitting on the couch mindlessly watching some random sitcom and you leaned your head on his shoulder and he was so close to simply whispering it to you. And then when you two were in your Film and TV history class that Tuesday and writing unserious notes back and forth to one another in the margins of his notebook, he wanted to just write the five words down and slide the notebook back over to you. And just last night when you two were driving to the movie theater to see something with Robin and Eddie, he felt the urge to say it when a stupid love song that felt as if it cheesily summed up exactly how he was feeling came on the radio.

However, he would always bite his tongue right before he told you because he was waiting for that perfect moment to be honest with you, and nothing felt entirely right just yet. And it especially didn’t feel like a good time in this moment where you were smiling at some guy that wasn’t him and a certain feeling that could only be deemed as jealousy sat in the pit of his stomach.

Steve cleared his throat, bringing your attention back to him and then he tossed the ball to you. “Your turn.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The first round of HORSE was started and finished barely fifteen minutes later, quickly ending with Steve winning. Even though you could tell that he was going very easy on you and trying to let you win, you still somehow managed to lose.

“This loss feels so much more embarrassing knowing that you were trying to let me win,” You had said after you missed your shot and got an “E.”

“I wasn’t,” Steve told you with a shake of his head and you only gave him a look that said you didn’t believe him.

You reached down to grab the ball and stop it from rolling away, but you somehow tripped over nothing but your own feet and landed hard on the ground.

You yelped as you collided with the concrete. Luckily, you thought fast enough to put your hands out so that you didn’t completely faceplant. “Ouch. Shit.”

Steve was by your side in an instant and started helping you up. “Are you okay?”

You could only shrug in response to his question at first as you stood up with the help of his hand on your arm.

“Okay, just kidding, that moment was a lot more embarrassing than losing the game,” You told him. When you looked down and saw the deep scrape on your knee and the blood already starting to rise from the wound, you immediately had to look away from it. “I put the first aid kit in the backseat.”

“What? You actually brought it? I thought you were joking,” Steve said, keeping an arm around you as he helped you walk over to the car and opened the passenger side door so that you could sit down.

“Of course, I wasn’t joking. It felt inevitable that something like this would happen,” You said as you sat sideways in the passenger seat so that your feet were on the ground, and then you grabbed a couple napkins from the glove compartment to place it on your knee and help stop the bleeding. “Honestly, I’m surprised this didn’t happen in the first five minutes.”

Steve grabbed the first aid kit before kneeling down in front of you and you looked at the four guys down at the end of the court. They were playing a two against two game and the one that smiled at you earlier just made a shot at the three-point line.

You stopped looking at him and instead focused on the top of Steve’s head. “Ugh, I can’t believe I just fell in front of that cute guy.”

“Maybe he didn’t even see,” Steve mumbled with a quick shrug.

“I doubt that,” You said and then sighed. “These last few weeks have been very humbling. First, things immediately going downhill with Jamie, and now this.”

Steve didn’t know how things had ended with Jamie, you had yet to tell him the exact reasoning, but selfishly he had been glad that they did. Although he couldn’t find it in him to tell you the truth just yet, the thought of now having to see you with anyone else annoyed him.

You tapped his shoulder so that he would look up at you. “It would be a bad idea if I went up to him and asked for his number, right?”

“Yeah, it would,” Steve answered, pulling his eyes away from yours and focusing on grabbing something from the first aid kit instead. His words were a lie, for the most part— he personally would’ve thought it was cute if a girl did that to him. He immediately felt like shit for lying to you, but not enough to go back on what he said.

You nodded at his response. “Okay.”

You kept your eyes away from what Steve was doing as he cleaned up your knee, looking up at the sky instead until he was done and placing the large band-aid over it.

“Thanks,” You said and smiled at him.

He looked up at you for a brief moment before standing up and simply giving you a small nod. He went over to grab the basketball, which had rolled into the grass, and then put it in the backseat.

The drive back to the apartment was quiet and it felt more like Steve’s doing than yours. He suddenly seemed distant, maybe even mad at you, and the abrupt shift felt so odd.

You looked over at him. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

It felt pretty clear that he wasn’t fine, though. You could tell that he was annoyed at you for reasons that you couldn’t decipher and that only made you annoyed as well. You didn’t even play with the radio during the drive back to the apartment, you just sat there with your arms folded across your chest as you stared out the window.

You wondered if the prevailing silence bothered him as much as it bothered you, but then that question didn’t even matter because he was pulling into the parking lot of the apartment building and parking in the usual open spot next to your car, and you were unbuckling your seatbelt.

“What happened with you and Jamie?” Steve asked before you could open the door and step out of his car. “You never really talked about it.”

The abruptness of the question surprised you; and it wasn’t even the question itself that was the surprising part, it was more so the timing of it. Was that why he decided to randomly get mad at you? Because you never told him what happened on that dumb date? And why the hell would it even matter at this point?

You weren’t even entirely sure why you hadn’t told Steve the full extent of what happened. When you came back from the date that night, you only said that things had gone badly.

You turned to look at Steve. “He didn’t like you.”

His eyebrows furrowed at that. “What?”

“Well, not you necessarily, but us; our friendship,” You said, looking down at your band-aid-covered knee. “When me and him went on the date, he asked about what my emergency was and why I had to cancel the date the first time, and I told him about your accidental phone call and you being drunk at the bar and me having to go get you, and he didn’t see that as much of an emergency; especially since you had wanted Eddie to pick you up. He thought it was a little weird how easily I canceled plans to go do something for you, and the whole night kind of shifted awkwardly from there.”

You remembered that entire conversation perfectly, and you honestly couldn’t even get that annoyed with Jamie when he said any of that because you didn’t think that your priorities would ever be able to change. Steve would probably always be at the top of your unwritten list, and you had come to the conclusion that whoever else wanted to be in your life would just have to deal with that.

“Oh.”

You looked at him curiously. “What?”

“Nothing,” Steve shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Hearing him say that only confused you. “Sorry for what?”

He was quiet for a long moment before sighing. “I don’t know…”

“Is that why you were mad at me just now? Because I didn’t tell you what happened on the date?”

“No, I don’t even know why I brought it up right now, I was just curious,” He said with a shrug before meeting your gaze. “And I’m not mad at you for anything. I promise.”

“Okay…” You said as you found one of his hands and gave it a light squeeze. “So, what’s up with you? Clearly, something’s wrong, right? Is it something with your parents?”

“No, nothing with them,” He responded, which was an answer that only confused you more. It looked like there were a thousand things going through his head right then, and you couldn’t seem to decipher any of it, which felt foreign to you— you were so used to reading him like a book. “It’s just… it’s kind of hard to explain right now.”

If it really had nothing to do with his parents, you were unsure what else it could be and what else would be difficult to talk to you about. In your head, there wasn’t supposed to be anything that you couldn’t talk to each other about; you were best friends for a reason. It was easy to joke around and playfully banter with one another, but it had also always been easy to have the types of deep and honest conversations that neither of you would ever have with anyone else.

You decided not to push him further in this moment, though. Whatever was going on with him, you knew that he’d tell you eventually.

“It’s okay. Tell me whenever you want to,” You said softly and then decided to say your next words jokingly to shift the mood a bit. “But stop being weird about whatever it is, or I will think that you hate me or something.”

Steve only shook his head at your words at first. “I could never hate you.”

Maybe that was when you should’ve seen it, when you should’ve realized how he felt about you. There was something about the way he said his short statement— so certainly, so truthfully— that should’ve made you connect all of the dots. But, that was the last possible thing on your mind. You would’ve thought that he wanted to move out of the apartment for some random reason before you even considered thinking that he had any sort of romantic feelings toward you. You two had been friends for forever so that just didn’t sound like a plausible thought.

Therefore, instead of any sort of “aha!” moment hitting you right then, you smiled playfully at Steve and said, “Good.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know ur thoughts<333

(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader #stranger things fluff #stranger things imagine #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x reader smut #steve harrington series

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lovingmattysposts · 4 months

Text

You don't know me 8

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30 P31 P32

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: mentions of a toxic relationship, cursing, suggestive

The morning came fast after last night. Chris walked me home, we were mostly silent. There was no more almost-kisses that were almost exchanged before we came to my tree. He kept his distance and I kept mine. I looked at him before starting to climb the tree. I watched from my balcony as he walked down the street, until he disappeared out of my sight.

Leaning back against the doors that opened into my room, I regretted how that went down between us. There were too many moments that almost caused me to slip again. It was like I couldn't control myself around him. Like it were almost impossible, and I hated myself for it.

I forgave Max early this morning when I woke up. The irrationality woke me up at 6am. I had to forgive him because of all of the things I was guilty for doing. I almost kissed Chris last night. I shook my head at my thoughts. This was ridiculous. I needed to control myself. No matter how bad things get with Max and I, that does not give me the right to cheat on him again. I already feel bad enough about everything already.

I stood up out of bed. I need to start getting ready. Max was going to be here in 30 mintues to come pick me up. I needed to look good. I needed him to notice the effort I was putting in for him, especially after our fight. I walked over to my desk before turning on the light and pulling out my makeup. I just needed to forget about Chris for a while.

By the time I was walking out of the door, my hair was curly, my lips were glossed, and I was drenched in perfume. I smiled when I saw his car. I walked over and opened the door before getting in. Max smiled at me. I just looked at him smiling, waiting for him to say something.

"It's a three hour drive so I don't mind if you get some sleep, I know it's early" He said as he backed out of my driveway. My eyebrows furrowed, but I shook my head. "I'm not tired, I fell asleep early last night" I lied. I was up until past midnight. I looked down and straightned out the bracelets on my wrist and looked back at him. He sighed and shook his head. "I did not" He said. I just looked at him.

"Cayden had me taking shots until after three" He groaned. I didn't say anything and looked down. I bit my lip. "I know Sydney told me" I mumbled. Max looked over at me, but I didn't look at him. Silence filled the air for a second. "I-I didn't know she was going to be there" He lied. I knew he lied because of what Sydney had texted me. I nodded and looked down.

"And I meant those texts y/n/n, I am sorry for the way I acted" He apologized. Maybe he was sorry. Maybe he was sorry for screaming at me over the outfit, or for almost killing me in the car, or intentionally uninviting me to hangout with our friends, but I didn't really care if he was actually sorry or not. All I cared about is that he never acted the way Chris acts towards me.

Chris was right, Max wasn't a nice person, but he was my person. Or at least he used to be. All that mattered was that he was kind to me. I don't know why I didn't care if he were kind to other people until now, but I do.

I guess I was just scared to lose him. I'm still scared to. The only thing that changed was now I wasn't only scared to lose him, I was too scared to stand up for myself. Because now that meant all the unkindness he showed to others, he showed to me. That's what scared me.

"It's okay Max. I just want to know that were okay" I whispered. He sighed. "I love you, you know that" He said looking at me. I stared at my lap. "Hey" He said softly. I looked up at him. He grabbed my hand as he glanced from the road to me. "You know that right?" He said looking at me. I nodded. I want to believe that at least. He smiled and brought my hand up to kiss it.

"But" He breathed. I looked up at him. "Can you agree that you might have stepped out of line a little bit too?" He asked. I sighed and looked down. No. I didn't step out of line. "I know, I did" I forced out of my mouth. He smiled and put his hand on my leg. He just didn't want to be the one completely in the wrong. I had to be somehow wrong too. Either way it's not worth fighting about, and I knew it. I knew it all too well.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly. Max looked over at me. "It's okay, I forgive you" He smiled. How did I end being the one apologizing? He lifting his hand off my leg. I was just ready to get back to the old Y/n and Max. The dynamic duo that everyone loved. That I loved.

I looked up at him and smiled. "Do y'notice anything different about me babe?" I smiled brigthly at him. He smiled and looked at me, then the road. He squinted his eyes. "That smile" He smiled. I rolled my eyes. "Okay, anything else?" I said looking at him. He looked at me again and shook his head. I frowned.

"I put on eyeliner and I used a different perfume" I pointed towards my eyes. He looked back at my eyes. "Oh yeah, your eyes do look darker" He said. I looked back towards the road. "I like when you put on makeup for me babe" He said putting his hand back on my leg and squeezing it. I looked up at him and smiled lightly.

"It makes you look hot" He smiled. I looked down. My favorite compliment, hot. Not 'my beautiful girl' or 'you look so pretty baby'. Nope just hot. I nodded. His hand slid higher on my leg. I looked down before looking up at him. "I so glad were not fighting anymore" He said looking over at me. I smiled. "Me too" I finally let a truth slip out of my mouth.

"If we win tonight, do you think we could celebrate?" He smiled. I pursed my lips. "I think you did enough celebrating last night" I raised my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes before squeezing my leg again.

"No I mean- just me and you" He said sliding his hand higher and attempting to push it up my skirt. I put my hand on his stopping it. "Max" I said through gritted teeth feeling my face go red.

"What?" He smiled over at me. I pushed it down towards my knee. "We'll see" I said looking out the window. He hummed. Ah sexual favors, like always, but it's never my turn.

The game started a few minutes ago and I sat alone against the cold bleachers since Max's parents were out of town. Instead I just played with the bracelets on my wrists. With Max on the ice and Sydney still dead asleep at Cayden's there was nothing on my phone. Instead I was trapped with my thoughts. Every time I let my mind race like this, it always went to Chris. I don't know why it did, but it always did without a doubt.

I knew I shouldn't let my mind run like this, but it was only place I could think about Chris and not feel guilty. Well I shouldn't say that. I do feel guilty, but the more I think about him, the more I can't control it. He's all I think about, and I don't know why.

Max's hand on my leg, I imagined it was Chris's. I saw a guy smoking a cigerttee when we walked in, I thought of Chris. As I felt the cold air outside, I thought of Chris's warm fire and blankets last night. As I was even getting ready this morning, I imagined I was getting ready to see Chris. My thoughts were getting out of control and I didn't know what to do.

I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a breath. I wondered to myself if I had just leaned forwards a little bit last night, if I would have regretted it. I wondered if Chris would have blamed me. If he was just testing me to see if I were the type of girl who would cheat on Max again, to see if I was full of shit before.

If I had just leaned forward.

I put my hands on my knees and my face in my hands. I needed to control myself. Chris would have never done what Max did to me. I wondered also if Chris thought about me as much as I thought about him.

He definitely didn't.

He's not even the one in a relationship right now. Is it wrong to think about another man the way I think about Chris? Is it wrong that I can't stop thinking about the way he held my hand as we walked through the woods? Or the way he looked down at me as I looked up towards the stars? Or the way he just listened to what I had to say?

Is it wrong about how much I think about how blue his eyes were when he talked? Or the way he licked his lips? Or the way I stare at his lip ring? Or the way he makes my heart beat when I'm around him? Or the fact that I'm sitting at my boyfriend's hockey game imaging the way his tongue would feel as he-

"Hey"

"Jesus!" I yelled putting my hand against my chest and looked up. Chris looked down at me laughing lightly. I looked away from him feeling my face go red. Did I accidentally summon him with my thoughts?

"Are you okay?" He laughed as he sat down next to me. I still didn't look up at him, feeling how red my face was. "I thought I told you to stop doing that" I said quickly, trying to calm down my heart rate. He smiled and looked off towards the ice. I sighed and finally looked up at him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. He took some skittles out of the bag before eating some and looking at me. "Someone had to drive Nate" He pointed towards the ice. I looked off and saw Nate skating down the ice for the puck. I sighed and nodded. Of course, Nate. "Right" I breathed.

"Are you alright? You look a little flustered when I walked up" He smiled at me. I looked away from. "I was just thinking" I breathed. I felt his gaze on me as I stared forward. "About what?" He asked as he chewed. I looked at him and then at the skittles in his hands.

"Skittles? Really? Those aren't very healthy" I said directly conversation back on him. He looked down at the skittles and then at me.

"Oh because I'm just the king of health?" He smiled, making me smile and shake my head. I looked down at my shoes. Chris cleared his throat. "So you and uh... Max made up?" He asked motioning towards the ice. I looked over and saw Max standing on the ice. I looked down at my hands and shrugged. Chris just looked at me. Why was I embarrassed to say yes? Chris nodded and looked down.

I wish I could tell him everything, but I can't. I didn't want to disrespect Max and I didn't want to tell him that I wished I would have kissed him last night. That makes me a bad person and I didn't want to be a bad person. Not to Chris.

"So he wouldn't care if he saw me sitting next to you right?" Chris smiled down at me. I smiled at him. I knew he said it as a joke. Chris could care less if Max saw us sitting together or not. This boy is full of trouble. I looked out towards the ice and squinted. "He can't see us from all the way over here right?" I smiled at him. Chris smiled and shook his head.

"You're bad" Chris whispered making goosebumps go over my arms. I put my hands over my arms, rubbing them away. Even my body reacts to him. He looked over at me. "Are you cold?" He asked looking at me. Freezing. "I'm okay" I whispered. "You've got goosebumps" He pointed out.

God, this man notices everything.

"Here" he said as he shrugged off his jacket. I quickly looked at him shaking my head. "No, No, It's okay Chris really" I whispered, but he already shrug off the jacket and was attempting to hand it to me. I tilted my head at him.

"What?" He smiled. I looked off towards the ice and then back at him. He looked at the ice and then back at me. "What?" He smiled. "Would he be more okay with you being cold?" He raised his eyebrows. Yes actually. I sighed and took the jacket and pulled it around me. Chris looked at me. I glanced over at him as he looked at me.

"What?" I smiled. He smiled. "You did your makeup different today" He stated. I felt my cheek flush. Everything. I looked down, putting my hand up to my face. "Yeah I-I don't know I just-" I started to say. "You look pretty" He cut me off. I blushed and looked down.

“You always look pretty” He mumbled as he went back to eating his skittles. I turned my head away from him, attempting to hide my smile. This wasn't making my thoughts about him better.

I turned back towards him, watching him eat his skittles, but he was intentionally leaving the green ones out. I looked over at him with furrowed eyebrows. He looked up at me. "What?" He smiled. I shook my head.

"Why are you leaving out the green ones?" I asked pointing towards the skittles. He looked down at his hand "I hate the green ones" He said shaking his head. I gasped. He looked up at me.

"Chris those are the best ones" I argued looking at him. He raised his eyebrows and looked down at the green ones before grabbing my hand and placing all the green ones in mine. I looked down at them and the back at him. He just looked up and watched the game. I smiled and held them and looked at him.

"You're missing your boyfriend absolutly bomb on offense" Chris laughed looking forward. I pushed him slightly before looking towards the ice. I sighed letting go of my breath. Chris's knee bumped into mine. I glanced down at our touching knees but didn't move mine, but he didn't move his either.

Chris looked down at our knees and then to me, but I stared forward pretending not to notice them. It was like us silently saying something without saying it. Like if anyone were to notice they wouldn't look at us twice but we noticed. With him it was like everything was intentional.

The rest of the game Chris continued to eat the skittles and continued to hand me the green ones when he poured them out. We talked about how hockey was boring to watch but we were both forced to go to all the games.

We talked about Nate and their friendship and all the things Nate did to annoy Chris, but Chris loved him anyway. We talked about school and which teachers we hated. We talked about the students we thought were annoying and the students who we thought deserved more attention.

It was nice.

Talking to Chris causally about anything and everything because I could. There was no pressure, no temptations, because we were in public, even if that many people weren't even there. I wondered if Chris appricated this as much as I did. I smiled and looked down. I felt guilty I was barley even watching the game, before I knew it, it was the last quater.

"Was Nate upset that I stole you last night?" I asked looking at Chris. He looked over at me. "Are you kidding? He was dead asleep in my bed with a pile of food by the time I got inside, I had to sleep on the couch" Chris laughed. I smiled and shook my head.

Silence filled the air between us for a moment. It was the first time either one of us mentioned last night. I played with my bracelet and he looked down at my hands.

"Hey Chris?" I asked quietly, but he was already looking at me. I looked up at him. "Do you think what happened last night was wrong?" I asked softly. We just looked at each other. He looked at me like he was searching for an answer within himself, but also looking for mine. He bit his lip ring and looked down.

"I don't want you to think i'm a bad person Chris" I whispered, almost inaudible. "I don't think you're a bad person Y/n" He said back looking down at me. I looked at him, then back down quickly. "I'm sorry if I overstepped" He said. I bit my lip. "That's the problem Chris" I said looking up at him. He looked at me.

"I don't think you overstepped" I said shaking my head. "I wished-" I bit my lip and looked away from him. "I wished you had leaned forward" I whispered so quiet I didn't even know if he had heard me.

But the way his eyes burned into the side of my head, I knew he had. The whistle blew, making both our heads fly up. I stood up quickly and looked for Max on the ice. All of their heads hung low, I knew we had lost and I was barley paying attention.

I looked back down at Chris who's eyes hadn't left me. I shrugged off his jacket before holding it out for him, but his eyes didn't move towards the jacket, no they were locked on mine. "Take the jacket Chris" I whispered looking down at my feet.

He stood up, towering over me. I looked at him as he looked down at me with an unreadable expression. I swallowed. It was as if we were the only to people around, but we weren't. I turned my head and saw Max start to skate off the ice.

"Chris I don't know if I can control myself enough not to lean forward next time" I whispered looking towards him. He just looked at me. "Maybe we should create some distance? For a little while" I whispered. I choked out of my body, forcing myself to say it.

"I don't want to do that to him, I'm sorry" I whispered shaking my head and pushing the jacket into his chest and walking past him and down the bleachers. I didn't turn around to see his face as I walked down off the bleachers. My heart was beating out of my chest.

My head was so clouded I didn't even see where I was walking, I was just walking. I finally blinked when I saw Max. He smiled sadly at me. I felt my heart return to normal. I smiled back and walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into a much needed hug.

"I'm mad" Max mumbled against me. "I know you are baby" I whispered back before finally letting him go. His hair was wet from sweat. I reached up pushing his hair out of his face. He smiled. "You played amazing" I said even though I didn't watch nearly two minutes of his game. "I didn't and you know that" He said looking down at me. I frowned. He glanced up towards the bleachers.

"Who were you sitting with?" He asked looking back at me. I felt my face flush white. This was the first time Max mentioned Chris to me. I looked back towards the bleachers, Chris was gone. I looked back towards him.

"Just some kid in my class" I shrugged. He just looked at me. I stared back at him, silently begging him not to push it. "Okay well, I have to go talk to coach really quick" He said leaning down and kissing the top of my head. I nodded and smiled up at him. He reached in his pockets and handed me the keys.

"Go wait in the car" He said turning and walking away. I let out a deep breath once he walked away. I couldn't help myself from looking around to my surroundings. How was Chris so good at disappearing? I sighed before walking towards Max's car.

Was I too harsh? I was being honest. I can't control myself around him, how am I ever suppose to be loyal to Max while also being Chris's friend? I can't do both. As much as I want to I can't. I put my hand on my forehead. This was all too much. I didn't know what to do.

"Labraut"

I quickly turned when I heard someone shouting my name. My heart dropped when I realized it was Chris walking up to me. His jacket still in his hands. He did not look happy. I swallowed as he approached me. My mind racing.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He asked as he stopped in front of me. I just looked up at him, while also glancing at the people making their way to their cars. I looked back up at him. "What?" I asked suddendly feeling my face go red.

"What you said. What does that mean?" He asked looking down at me. I couldn't tell if he was angry or genuinely confused at my statement. "I-I-" I tried to say as my eyes turned, searching for Max to walk out of the rink at any moment. "Y/n" He snapped my attention back to him. He glared at me.

"After everything, you just 'don't want to do that to him'?” He asked shaking is head. “You want to 'create distance'?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows at me. I swallowed looking up at him, closing my eyes.

"One minute you're telling me things you've told no one and the next your walking away and leave me thinking I might never see you again" He said shaking his head. I bit my lip and looked down.

"It's not fair. What you're doing-" He said closing his eyes and shaking his head. I just watched him. "I-" He sighed and looked up. "Fuck Y/n, I don't want to lose you" He said looking down at me. "And I-I don't know what you want from me" He said shaking his head.

"You walk away from me apologizing, then the next day you show up at my doorstep" He laughed lightly shaking his head, but nothing was funny.

"Chris you have to understand what position i'm in-" I started to say, but he stopped me. "Oh I understand completely what position you're in" He said hovering over me. I bit my lip and looked down, like a child being lectured by their parent when they know they've done something wrong. It's suffocating. It's deliberating.

"You just want to stay in the one that's the easiest for you" He whispered. I felt tears brim to my eyes. "Chris you know that's not true" I said looking up at him. He just stared down at me with a hurt expression. I turned my head when I heard footsteps and saw Max approaching us with a confused look on his face. I swallowed and looked at Chris.

"Don't act like i'm not the one you don't run to when shit gets bad for you" He said through gritted teeth before turning and walking away. I sighed and looked at the ground. I felt Max walk up to me and put his hand on my back.

"Is everything alright? Why was that kid talking to you?" He asked looking down at me. I swallowed, trying to contain my emotions. "Something about the homework" I lied. He looked off in the direction that Chris walked off in.

"Come on, get in the car. We've got a long drive" He said walking towards the drivers side.

tag list:

@rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking @iloveneilperry @chalametbich @dsmja @bernardsleftbootycheek @lovingsturniolo @aoxash @idrkk-123 @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @babagurlrichey @d3adlyclassrat @iammattsturniolo @1201pm @urfavstromboli @that-chris-girl01 @lovingsturniolo @aoxash

#sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets

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theambitiouswoman · 8 months

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The wrong people in your life will teach you how to do everything all by yourself. The right people will know you can, but will still help you so you don’t have to.

You do not have to do everything. Just because you can does not mean you should. It is okay to let people help you.

I can do absolutely everything on my own. I’ve built everything on my own. I had a lot of bad people in my past that forced me into that position.

It left me hurt. Defensive. Angry and tired.

If you read my posts you know that this is not conducive to happiness or a positive driver to confidence.

Change started when I realized that they were the wrong people. And when I decided to take accountability for the role I played in that dynamic. When I forgave myself for those experiences and when I stopped living life on hurt mode from past experiences. When I learned to choose better people, and expect better of people. When I stopped holding on to negative dynamics and knew that it wasn’t good for me so I let them go without guilt or fear of loss. Because I knew I deserved better for myself.

#advice #personal improvement #personal development #self esteem #self improvement #self development #self healing #healingjourney #healing #self love #selfmade #self awareness #self worth #self help #self care

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thoughtkick · 11 months

Quote

I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.

Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

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asoftepiloguemylove · 7 months

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to be loved is to be changed

Haruki Murakami South of the Border, West of the Sun // Robert Bly In the Month of May // Ocean Vuong On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous // art: unknown quote: Fyodor Dostoeyevsky The Brothers Karamazov // @x2s (via @llovelymoonn) // Bianca Sparacino // Noah Kahan You're Gonna Go Far // Katja Kemnitz Too Much Love // Charlotte Eriksson Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

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lucidloving · 6 months

Text

Charlotte Erikson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself // Keaton St. James, "September Affirmation (Don't Be Afraid)" // Ocean Vuong, "Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong"

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thebookquotes · 4 months

Quote

I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.

Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

#Charlotte Eriksson #books and libaries #book quotes #bookblr #quotes #lit #spilled ink #poetry #literature #original #zitat #thoughts #writing #words #text

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surqrised · 8 months

Quote

I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.

Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

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acewritesfics · 5 months

Text

Change of Plans | TOMMY SHELBY

⚠️ I (@rainydayteacups) NO CREDIT FOR THESE FICS. ALL CREDIT GOES TO ACEY (@dlmlufics). She decided to step down and allowed me to take over this account. We found out we can transfer side blogs between main accounts. So that's how we did it.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Fic Type: Imagines

Request: from @rainydayteacups.

Prompts: romantic dinner, dancing and staying in.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 840

TOMMY SHELBY MASTERLIST

"Tom?" Y/N says, hoping to find her husband inside his home office but is surprised and a little confused when she doesn't find him in there. He cancelled their valentine's plans when something came up at work. It needed to be sorted out right away, according to him.

So here she is, alone on what is deemed the most romantic day of the year. The kids are with Polly until tomorrow and Tommy, so she thought, was caught up in work.

"Maybe I should run myself a bath," she sighs as she leaves the office.

"Mrs. Shelby," Mary, one of the maids stops her on her way to her and Tommy's bedroom.

"Hello Mary, I thought I gave you the night off?" she greets the younger woman.

"You did, Mrs. Shelby," Mary confirms. "I was on my way out when Mr. Shelby asked if I could tell you that he needs to see you in the bedroom," she adds with a blush to her cheeks.

"Thank you, I was just heading that way now," she thanks her. "Now go and enjoy your night with your husband. I'm positive he has something magical planned for the two of you."

"You too, Mrs. Shelby," she nods and leaves.

Y/N continues towards the bedroom and walks inside finding the bedroom empty. Confused, she calls out to her husband once more before noticing the bouquet of her favorite flowers lying on the bed.

"Walking over to the bed, she picks up the bouquet, smelling the beautiful flowers before picking up the note that sat in front of them.

"To my beautiful wife, meet me in the dining room. Love, Tommy." She reads the note aloud.

Deciding to not keep him waiting, even though she's tempted to get back for him cancelling their original plans, she makes her way to the dining room and is pleasantly surprised by what she finds.

The room is lit with candles, music is playing softly in the background and the table is set with flowers, food, more candles and a bottle of their favorite whiskey. Tommy is standing at the head of the table, in his best suit, a content smile on his lips, his blue eyes vibrant and filled with love for the woman before him. Tommy has never been so grateful for having such a large home and managing to get this done without her suspecting a thing.

"Oh, Tom," she breathes taking everything in.

Tommy walks towards her and takes her into his arms with his thumbs stroking her hips. "I felt terrible about cancelling our plans."

"It's fine, Tommy," she assures him.

"No, it's not," he sighs. "Today was meant to be about us and I put work first."

"You're certainly making up for it though," she says having forgave him as soon as she walked into the dining room, seeing the surprise he had for her. She wasn't one for surprises but made an exception for this one. Cupping his face in her hands, she brings him into a kiss. "And I much rather enjoy this than our original plans."

"This is just the start of it, My Love," Smiling, he places a soft kiss on her lips before leading her over to the table. He pulls out her chair for her and slides it back in after she sits down.

"I'm getting the full treatment tonight, aren't I?" she teases, grinning from ear to ear, fully enjoying this side of Tommy. It wasn't often they did something like this. Tommy showed his love for her in many ways but doing something this romantic was rare and has been since the war. Moments like this transported her back to how they were before their world was turned upside down by violence, grief and trauma.

"You deserve it, Love. I promised you the world and I'm giving it to you," he tells her.

"You are my world, Tommy," she reminds him, "and our children, of course."

He leans over the table kissing her again. "I love you, Mrs. Shelby."

"I love you too, Mr. Shelby," she replies, returning his kiss.

After eating and a couple of glasses of whiskey, Tommy stands up and makes his way into the living area, turns the music up and returns to his wife, holding his hand out towards her. "May I have this dance, Mrs. Shelby?"

"You may, Mr. Shelby," she says placing her hand in his.

He helps her stand and leads her into the living area. Turning to face her, his arm slips around her waist as he pulls her close, his hand taking hold of hers as her free hand rests on his shoulder as they begin swaying to the music.

"Polly won't be dropping the children off until the late afternoon and I've told the others that if anything comes up, they are to deal with it themselves," he tells her, once again surprising her. "Tomorrow, I'm all yours."

"All mine?" she says making sure she heard him right.

"All yours," he smiles kissing her.

CREDIT: Razorblade and dots dividers made by me. Peaky Blinders divider made by @/firefly-graphics. Support divider made by @/cafekitsune.

TAGGED: @forgottenpeakywriter | @rainydayteacups | @bernelflo

#acewritesfics repost #tommy shelby x reader

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