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runwithwolvcs · 3 years

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You Know I'm No Good - ten

you matter to me

Warnings: Drinking/drug use, Arguing, implying sexua! assau!t/tendencies

Authors Note: I have not added a tags list due to the trigger warnings, it will be back in the next update.

there are two types of tired i suppose

the one in need of dire sleep;

the other is a dire need of peace

Tallulah tried her best to fly under her family's radar leading up to Friday and she had her plan all set for her to go out to Port Angeles and still be home in time for her curfew. She had spending whatever time she wasn’t in school with Paul, helping him with little things around Uley's Bookstore, whether that be painting structures or filling shelves with books, Tallulah made sure on Thursday to tell him she would be hanging out with August and Rory on Friday so that if her dad asked him where she was he would be unknowingly involved in her lie.

After school on Friday, Tallulah quickly changed out of her school clothes into a striped, oversized crew neck and navy blue tennis skirt. Throwing her hair into a slicked back ponytail before rushing down the stairs, telling her dad she was off to see her friends, which wasn’t a lie, she just didn’t specify which ones.

Tallulah was practically shaking with excitement as she pulled out of her driveway, whether it be because she was excited to see her friends for the first time in 2 weeks or because she knew she wasn’t supposed to be seeing them, she was unsure of.

The drive to Port Angeles, Tally spent feeling unnerved. All the confidence had left her mind as she exited Forks. Something felt wrong. It’s not like she’s never snuck out and lied about her whereabouts before, the feeling felt different from the adrenaline that usually accompanied her. Out of the corner of her high she could see her phone light up, the incessant dinging of incoming text messages. She ignored them, telling herself it's because she knew better than to text and drive but mostly because she wasn’t prepared to read them. Had her plan already been ruined? Her phone ringing shook her from her thoughts, she grabbed it and checked the caller ID: Paul Lahote, its bright white letters. She wanted to let it ring, to just ignore him, but she couldn’t. Answering the phone and putting on her speakerphone, setting it on the passenger seat, she said as calmly as possible, “Hey, whats up?”, only to be met with an anger, “Where are you?”.

Tallulah was caught off guard by his tone of voice, she would have never expected it from him in the slightest.

“I’m just driving to August’s” she lied, she could hear someone telling Paul to calm down on the other end, with an angry laugh, he asked, “Oh yeah? Since when does she live off the rez?” before she could even respond, he continued, “Where are you really?”

“Why does it matter to you where I am?” she bit back, “Why does it matter?” he repeated her question, “Because you matter to me, Tallulah!” he all but yelled into the phone before the sound of the phone being dropped rang out into her silent car. She could hear the background commotion, but nothing was coherent to her as she was still trying to process what he had said.

“Tallulah?” a feminine voice rang through, “It’s Emily. Where are you, sweetie?” she asked calmly despite the audible commotion that had just occurred on her end of the phone. She wanted to lie again. It’s what she really wanted, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. “Port Angeles,” Tallulah said quickly before reaching over and hitting the end call before Emily could ask any more questions knowing she wouldn’t be able to lie anymore.

Pulling into the parking lot of the club they were all meeting at, she could see her friends standing next to Xanders sleek black car that he had been gifted on his 16th birthday. She thought she would feel more excitement when seeing Lina, Kit and Xander for the first time in weeks but all she could feel was the ache in her chest, or maybe it was regret. Parking her car, Tallulah quickly got out, grabbing her bag and shoving her phone in it, the onslaught of text messages she had received remaining unread.

She could hear Linas squeals of excitement before both her feet had touched the ground and two pairs of arms wrapped her up in a group hug, “I’ve missed you guys so much” she said as Kit and Lina let her free, big grins on all three girls faces.

“What about me?” a deep voice teased, she looked over to see Xander leaning against his car, smirking at her.

“Of course I missed you, just not as much as them.” she joked, making her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug before kissing his cheek as she let him go. “You’re a lot harder to replace than I thought you would be.”Tallulah said, earning her a scoff from him, “You would never want to replace me.” Xander spoke in all seriousness, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Everything was just like she left it, and she loved that. The group of friends got into the building no problem, the perks of looking older than you are, Tallulah thought to herself.

Lina and Kit went to get drinks for everyone while Xander and Tallulah found an empty booth, his arm never leaving her shoulders. They sat beside each other in the booth and she looked up towards him as he said, “I have something for you.”

She furrowed her brows, she could barely remember the last time he had given her something that wasn’t a holiday or a birthday, “You did?” she asked to which he nodded his head, digging into his jeans pocket, he pulled out a slick, thin grey rectangle. “Li said you dad tossed yours. Hide it better this time, yeah.” tallulah nodded her head in agreement before taking it from his hand, but if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t feel the need to have one anymore. She had no cravings for it, and no stressors that made her even want to use it, it would just end up collecting dust somewhere in her room until she could find an excuse to use it.

“I missed you too, y’know.” he said with a toothy grin, “Nothings been the same without you.” Tallulah smiled at that,glad to know her friends weren’t doing better than she was with the sudden change.

Lina and Kit found their table, four drinks with them, placing one in front of Xander and one in front of Tallulah, “In celebration of the crew being back together,”Lina said with a big smile on her face. Tallulah knew she shouldn’t drink considering she was driving but sipping the crisp alcohol would at least keep her friends off her case, so that's what she did for the next thirty minutes as they all caught up.

Before she knew it, Kit was pulling out onto the dance floor to dance with her and anyone else they could find. The music was loud and the adrenaline was pumping. She felt hands on her waist as someone came up behind her, her hips swaying with the music, she turned her body towards the person holding her firmly, turning to see Xander, she smiled brightly wrapping her arms around his neck, he bent his head down and said in to her ear, over the loud music, “You should come back with us tonight, you can crash at my place.”

Tallulah shook her head, “My dad would literally kill me, Xan.” he laughed nonchalantly, and she became very aware of how close their bodies were, “It’ll be fine, Luie, live a little. I really want you to.” he wanted her to, she thought to herself, looking up at him. He never tells her what he wants, he just does it. “I can't,” she said while standing on her tippy toes to say it into his ear, before she could flatten her feet he had turned his head and pressed his lips to hers, in a rushed, sloppy kiss. Much like the ones they had shared many times before. He pulled away first, “Xan, that's not gonna change my mind.”

He pouted like a little kid about to throw a tantrum, “But I’ve missed you so much and we don’t even know when we will be able to see each other again” he rationed to her, and Tallulah just shook her head, it’s not that she didn’t want to, it's just that this is how they always were together. One minute all over each other they next not speaking, “I haven’t even heard from you in the past two weeks besides that one phone call”

Xander rolled his eyes at her statement, “I can’t spend every waking moment talking to you, Luie, just relax,” he said. Before she could even respond his lips were on hers again, but all she could think about was how cold he felt. Not abnormally cold, just cold. It was uncomfortable.

Pulling back, she said, “We should go find the others,” to which Xander shook his head, “Come on, I haven’t seen you for weeks,” his hands were firm on her arms holding her in place as he leaned in again. Turning her head, his lips connected with her cheek. Now he was pulling back, taking a deep breath, trying not to lose his cool with her, “Really, Luie, you’re doing this again?”

“Doing what again? Is it such a crime that I don’t want to makeout with you in some dinghy club?” she asked him, annoyance laced in her tone. He shook his head, his shaggy hair falling in front of his face, “You always do this!” he exclaimed, “You can’t just act the way you have been all night, and then turn around and say never mind.”

Tallulah looked at him like he was out of his mind, “Yes, I can, Xan. And I am.” she said, standing her ground with him. “But Luie,” That fucking nickname, she thought to herself, “We don’t know when the next time we will see eachother is,” He used the same excuse as before. His hand was now on her lower back, holding her flush against him, “Stop, Xan.'' She tried to push him away, but with the awkward angle of her arms she found it hard. “You’ve always liked this, Luie,”he whispered in her ear, his lips brushed up against it as he spoke, “Get off!” she shoved at him, and before she knew it, he was being yanked away from her. Taking a few steps back to steady herself, she didn’t recognize the boy who had pulled Xander and as he took a step towards her, asking her if she was okay, she took a step back. Blood was pounding in her ears, lookin at Xanders retreating figure, no doubt going to find Lina.

A hand rested on her shoulder, the comforting warmth of it gave away who it was before she had even turned to look at him. Paul. Once she had turned to him she wrapped her arms around his waist, wanting nothing more than to feel the safety of the heat emitting off him. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.” She spoke quickly, and shakily. His arms encircled her, one on her back, the other in her hair, holding her head to his chest, holding her to him, “It’s okay. You’re okay.” he murmured to her softly.

“Embry, you take my car. I’ll drive her home.” Tallulah heard Paul saying, not lifting her head away from his chest. Embry. That must’ve been the boy's name who had pulled Xander away from her. She twisted her head and gave him a grateful smile as Paul gave him his keys before looking up at Paul, who was looking down at her. She could see the worry lines near his eyes and wanted nothing more than to smooth them out with the pads of her fingers. “Alright, let’s go.” his tone was serious, and she knew he was mad at her but trying really hard not to let it show given the circumstances.

“I need to tell my friends.” she spoke to him as if she was walking on thin ice, which she was.

“That guy-” Tallulah cut him off before he could finish what he was saying, “Not him, Lina and Kit..” she reassured as she let go of him, but he held onto her hand tightly, not wanting her to get lost in the sea of people.

It wasn’t hard to find Lina, who was subsequently also looking for Tallulah, “Hey! What happened with Xan, he stormed…” Lina trailed off, one look at Tallulah's face and she didn't need to put into words what had happened. She has seen this look on her best friend before. Like she’s just woken up from a terrible nightmare.“I’m going to head home, Li.” Tally spoke softly, she watched as Lina looked Paul up and down, trying to decide if Tal should go with him, “He’s cool, I promise.” she said while letting go of Paul's hand to wrap her best friend in a hug, “Call me when you get back to Seattle.” she said, before allowing Paul to lead her out of the dark club. She held onto his hand tightly, only letting go once they had reached her car, handing him the keys they both got in silently.

Tallulah only spoke up once they had left the parking lot and were heading towards the highway back to LaPush, “How did you know where to find me?” she asked softly, pulling her sleeves down over the palms of her hands.

“It’s a long story,” he said stoically. Tally furrowed her brows at his response, not satisfied with it at all, “We’ve got time.” she said looking at him, watching his face as he focused on the road.

“Well for one, there's only a few clubs in Port Angeles that allow minors to waltz through their doors.” he said angrily, but it didn’t feel like it was directed at her. “Please, don’t do this again, Tal.” he said looking directly at her, causing her to look away.

“I just wanted to see my friends.” she mumbled, looking down at her lap.

“You could’ve gotten hurt and no one would’ve known where you were because you told everyone you were somewhere that you weren’t.”he said, she could tell he was trying to keep his volume in check. To not yell at her like he had earlier in the evening.

“I was fine..” she pressed, which in her head, she was fine.

“Fine? You were fine?” he laughed. He really laughed, “That kid could've hurt you if Embry hadn’t gotten to you.”

Tallulah shook her head, tears pricking at her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, only children cry and she was not a child. “Xander wouldn’t have. I would’ve handled it, I always handle it.” she stressed, chewing the inside of her cheek as if it would keep her tears at bay.

It was obvious Paul was out of his depth here, so he let go of the steering wheel with his right hand, placing it in her lap. Letting her make the decision if she wanted to hold it or not, and she did. He had two small hands on either side of his large one, fingers clasped between. “You matter to me too, you know.” she said quietly, his voice from earlier in the evening replaying over in her head as it did all night long. He squeezed her hand as a response, letting the soft music from the radio takeover the silence between them.

#tw sex assault #paul lahote fanfic #paul lahote x oc #paul lahote #paul lahote imagine #twilight wolf pack #twilight wolves #chapter 10

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aragonparagon · 3 years

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So I'm tormenting myself, have an angsty headcanon: Jane literally never tells anyone she knows her 'new' body is barren... they only find out when she snaps at Kitty that she knows she's not a kid but she's all she can ever have. annnd.... from there IDK? maybe Lina/Cathy gently try to make her feel better? bonus angsty Kit all 'Ahhh crap I broke mum... how do I fix it?' and panicking at the other chaos triplets all 'HELP ME DAMMIT???'

Jane owns my heart and this made me sad. This is also a lot longer than I thought.

I think when Jane realized she couldn’t have children in this new life, she was devastated. This was supposed to be a second chance at life and then perhaps a second chance for a family of her own.

She wouldn’t dare tell the other queens. Not that she didn’t think they’d be supportive, but she couldn’t bare to talk about it.

Kitty and Jane grew very close almost immediately after they met. Kitty was someone who needed a guardian/protector and Jane was someone who needed to take care of someone. So naturally they got along very well.

However sometimes Jane would overstep and although Kitty loved Jane, she needed her own space. It only started out as a little disagreement between the two queens. Kitty wanted to go out with Anne and Anna on a night on the town but Jane felt Kitty wasn’t ready for the crowds. Quickly the argument became a fight in which Kitty was starting to raise her voice at Jane.

Now Jane is very patient, that’s what makes her the mediator of the house. However Jane had been thinking more and more of her baby boy lately and sleep was escaping her more and more every night. So Jane was very tired and not as patient as usual.

“ Jane I can handle crowds! I’ve been doing so much better! Even my therapist told me so!” Kitty had crossed her arms over her chest and wore a frown on her face. Jane rubbed her temples in an ill attempt to keep herself in check.

“ Kit Kat....Honey I know, but I really think it would be better if you stay home tonight, you know how Anne and Anna get when they go out” Jane pleaded. She was worried that Anna or Anne would lose sight of Kitty and who knows what would happen??

“ You’re being so unfair! You never give any of the other queens so much trouble! You let them do whatever they want!” At this point Kitty was yelling and quickly becoming too much for Jane who was struggling herself at this point.

“ Because I just want to make sure you’re safe, please Kit Kat, I’m really not trying to ruin your night,” Jane was slightly shaking now causing a small waiver in her voice.

“ You don’t need to protect me! I can look after myself!” Kitty finally screamed causing Jane to flinch.

Finally Jane couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“ YOU’RE ALL I HAVE LEFT!” Jane yelled finally letting all the pain and sorrow she had bottled up inside release. Tears began to stream down her face. Kitty at this point was silent and staring at Jane with wide eyes.

“.....You’re all I have left Kitty, I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” Jane’s voice was quiet and almost hard to hear.

Suddenly Catalina appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. It took Catalina a few moments to take in the sight before her. Jane was trembling in her spot with a steady stream of tears falling while Kitty was silent with a look of shock on her face. Catalina decided to take the reins.

“ Alright Kitty, why don’t you go to your room? There a always next weekend to go out with Anne and Anna.” She said with a tone that left no room for negotiation. Kitty just nodded and walked to go upstairs to her room but turned back to look at Jane one last time before walking upstairs leaving Jane and Catalina alone.

Catalina quickly made sure Anne and Anna had already left before helping Jane sit down at the dining table. Jane had yet to say anything at this point and Catalina was worried.

“ Jane what on earth is going on? You don’t usually make such a fuss with Kitty?” Catalina asked softly, she gently took Jane’s hand in her own and started rubbing small circles with her thumb on the top of Jane’s hand.

“ I....I don’t even know how to start,” Jane croaked out. A slight squeeze in her hand made her finally look up at Catalina who offered a comforting smile. This encouraged Jane to continue.

“ I-I guess it started with when we did our check-ups at the doctors when we first came back, to check our immune systems and all that. I had asked the doctor privately if we could check something for me,” Jane takes a deep breath to keep the tears away so she could finish.

“ I found out that I-I.....I can’t have children,” Jane began to sob and released Catalina’s hand to bury her face in her hands. Catalina couldn’t help the look of shock on her face. Immediately she felt her own heart break for her fellow queen. Everyone knew how much Jane loved children, and in a cruel twist of fate, she had the shortest time with her only child.

“ Jane.... I’m so so sorry,” Catalina moved closer to Jane to engulf her in a hug. She could feel the smaller queen trembling in her arms as sobs wracked her body. It took a full 10 minutes before the sobs subsided and left only sniffles. Finally Catalina began to speak again.

“ Jane I want you to look at me please,” With a gentle hand, she lifted Jane’s chin to look at her. Jane’s eyes were red from the tears.

“ I’m so proud of you for telling me this. I’m also so grateful to know this information. Do you know why?” Catalina asked softly with a small smile.

Jane’s eyebrows furrowed and shook her head.

“ It means I get to help you heal, that you don’t have to face this alone. I’m so sorry you’ve had to do that for so long. I know you don’t want to hear this, but things will be better,” Catalina finished before pressing a kiss to Jane’s forehead. All Jane could do was bury herself in Catalina’s arms.

Although she wouldn’t believe it in that moment, Jane was going to heal with the help of her fellow queens.

#six the musical #jane seymour #catherine of aragon

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lexartsstuff · 3 years

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You'll Always Have Me

Word Count: 3,925

“So, Ari, excited for your big day off tomorrow?” Anna plopped her tray on the table, the red plastic rattling as she threw her leg over the bench.

Catalina looked up from her sushi, raising a playful brow at the two meat lovers’ pizzas on Anna’s tray. Returning to her food, the woman said, “Yes, I am actually.”

“No, you’ve only been raving about it for a week!” Lina shot a glare at Anne, who gave her a smug grin in response. She wasn’t wrong, though. Lina had been hyping herself up for this all week. It would be a day to have all to herself. No work, no house cleaning, nothing. She was free for the whole day.

Cathy rested her chin on her palm, a knowing smirk on her face as she said, “She’s gonna spend it all day sleeping, you know that right?”

A collective nod went around the table. Even Lina couldn’t deny that she’d sleep until noon. “I’ll sleep until one and then I’ll spend the rest of the day watching movies,” Lina said. “Me-time is all I need.” A small moment of silence fell over the group, before a tray was set down on Lina’s left. Rose scent drifted lightly into her nose and Lina’s chest warmed.

“Sorry, the line was long,” Jane apologized, sliding in to sit beside Lina.

“For yogurt?” Anne asked, looking up from Kat’s phone.

“They don’t just have yogurt, Anne.”

As the group tucked into their food, Catalina began rethinking her previous statement. While, yes, she did want to spend some time to herself, there was a certain someone she really wanted to spend the day with. Casting a look to her left, Catalina noticed Jane sweep her blonde hair back over one shoulder, lifting her spoon and savoring her parfait. It was undeniably cute, to which it had no right to be.

Lina was a woman of her word, and denying a crush was far beneath her. If she were in any other situation, she’d have asked Jane out by now. Problem is; Jane isn’t open. She’s been dating some guy named Henry for four years now. It sunk Catalina’s heart to see the sweet blonde around the pompous jerk.

“So, we all know what Cath’s gonna be up to,” Kitty began, “anyone else have any fun plans?”

“I finished my project for Monday,” Anna said nonchalantly. “I’m just gonna work on my wall tomorrow.” Kat brightened upon hearing that, leaning over to Anna with her classic kitty eyes. Anna chuckled and booped the younger woman’s nose. “Yes, you can come over and help.”

After shoveling a forkful of salad into her mouth, Anne said, “I will be working out tomorrow. So, Lina, if you wanna join-”

“Don’t call me Lina,” Catalina enforced, tightening her grip on her chopsticks and fixing a glare on the shorter woman. Anne raised her hands defensively, swallowing her mouthful.

“Just know the offer’s out there.” Anne returned to eating, occasionally eyeing Lina suspiciously. Cathy chuckled, sending her cousin a knowing look.

“Oh, yes! Lina, what are your plans for tomorrow?” Jane asked, placing a hand on Catalina’s arm.

“Wait, how come she-”

“Sleep and watch movies.” Lina interjected, ignoring Anne’s declaration. Turning to Jane with a soft smile, she continued. “It won’t be exciting, but it’ll be relaxing.”

Jane nodded, a sweet smile on her face. It amazed Catalina how interested Jane could seem about anything. It wasn’t fake interest either. Lina could sit and describe paint drying and Jane would look at her with interest dancing in her wide, azure eyes.

“What’re you gonna be up to, Janey?” Kit questioned, leaning on the table. “I’m sure Ari doesn’t wanna be alone all day.” The way she glanced at Lina was far too teasing to be accidental. The worst part about her crush was how apparently obvious it was. Anna and Cathy were the denser of the group, and they figured it out first.

Jane’s smile faltered, and it turned anxious. She prodded her yogurt, nudging a blueberry around silently. Dread befell Lina as a tense silence fell over the table.

“You’re kidding, right?” Cathy’s eyes were firm as she asked this, fixed on Jane solemnly. Anne did her best to hide her disappointment, hiding her face behind her curtain of hair. “I thought you were gonna drop him!”

“I was.” Jane pushed her blueberry under the yogurt, refusing to meet her friends’ eyes. “I told him Tuesday, and he asked for another chance-”

“And you gave him one?” Anna demanded, causing Jane to flinch. The red clad woman frowned and sat back down, folding her arms. Lina could understand her friend’s frustration. Jane had come to Anne’s on Monday night, sobbing about how she’d caught Henry sending texts to another woman, asking ‘what to bring’ and ‘Jane won’t know’. The group had had a talk that night, and Jane promised to stick it to Henry the next day.

However, as per usual, Henry squirreled his way out of a break-up by promising to “make it up” with a date.

“Look, he seemed really genuine,” Jane reasoned. No one missed how soft her voice had gone when Anna had raised her own. “If he gets too drunk tonight or makes an excuse to cancel, I’m dropping him. He hasn’t forgotten all week.”

Lina’s heart clenched at Jane’s broken tone. She was convincing herself that Henry would show, rather than her friends. She hated hearing Jane’s attempts to salvage the tiny pieces of her relationship with Henry, but she hated putting Jane down even more.

Placing a hand on the blonde’s, Catalina said, “Just be safe, okay? If anything happens, call us.” She fixed her gaze on Jane, trying to steady her breathing. As much as she hated it, the date was going to happen. She just had to be ready to catch Jane when it fell out.

Jane widened her fingers. Not by much, but just enough for Lina’s fingers to brush in between. The action sparked warmth in the taller woman’s chest, and she watched Jane nod slowly. “Thank you, Lina,” Jane whispered. She looked up, azure eyes void. “May I excuse myself?”

“Of course, querida,” Lina replied, shifting to allow Jane room to leave the table. The blonde gave her friend a tiny smile, before retreating to the restrooms.

Upon looking back at the table, Lina noticed all her friends staring at her, dismay in their eyes. Cathy’s expression said it all, and Lina let her defeated sigh slip. There was no point in trying to fix the problem anymore. There had been a time when Lina would purposefully make plans ahead of Henry, or ask Jane to things first, which kept Henry at a safe distance. Her attempts had declined over the years upon seeing no improvement in their relationship.

Anna laid a hand on Lina’s shoulder, to which the curly-haired woman simply nodded.

Tomorrow felt much less exciting now.

Lina had been right. She’d slept in until one on Saturday, and only got out of bed when her stomach growled at her for food.

She slumped around her house in a hoodie and sweatpants. She had ordered take out for lunch, which she then had delivered to her flat. She’d never done that before, which made her realize why Anne loved lazy weekends.

Lunch was followed by a short yoga session. Lina had picked up yoga in her second year of college. Sitting all day was awful on her back and joints, and she definitely didn’t get enough exercise from just walking to and from campus. Kat had suggested yoga, and Lina was rather impressed with the results it had. Her posture had improved and she no longer felt the need to fidget in her seat.

“How’s the wall coming along?” Lina asked, face buried in her arms as she reached for her toes.

Anna’s voice came through the phone. “It’s halfway done,” she answered. “There’s paint all over me, though, and Kat’s not helping.”

“Excuse me!” Kit’s voice came from somewhere else in the room, making Lina chuckle. “It’s not my fault you put so much stuff where I can’t reach.”

“Anyways,” Anna continued, “how’re you holding up? Being lazy must be so hard.”

Lina sat up, letting out a breath of air. “I don’t know how Anne does it,” Lina replied, feigning exhaustion, before reaching down to her other foot.

Anna laughed, disappearing from the screen as she continued painting.

That call had lasted the hour Lina did her yoga. Anna had hung up when she and Kat ran out for food, waving bye. Lina rolled her mat up and tucked it away in the corner of her living room. With a final stretch to loosen herself up, she changed back into a hoodie and sweats.

The next couple hours were spent napping and scrolling through her phone. A gentle rain had begun to fall, pattering on the windows. Lina checked her phone. 9:43. I should eat something.

She headed for the kitchen and began rummaging for something to heat up. She pulled out a container of mac n’ cheese, shrugged, and popped it into the microwave.

Wine goes with that, right?

Looking back in the fridge, Lina took notice of the wine bottle. It wasn’t until she pulled it out that she realized something.

This was the bottle Jane had given her for her birthday. It was a Spanish red wine, similar to what her abuela used to drink. Lina had tugged Jane into the tightest hug, thanking her over and over.

As one memory of Jane took hold, more and more began to flood Lina’s mind. Memories of school musicals, dances, mall outings, amusement park trips. Every moment with Jane was held close to Lina’s heart, which was breaking with each memory remembered. The thought of her being held by that pig of man was worse than someone ripping Lina’s heart out.

“I should check up on her.” She had gone to reach for her phone, before thinking better of it. No. I don’t wanna piss Henry off by texting during their date. While the thought of Jane on a date with Henry was far from pleasing, it was better than thinking about all the times Jane had looked at Lina as if she were the sun. Lina knew if her mind strayed to Jane, she’d be tense the rest of the night.

Shaking her anxieties off, Catalina poured a glass of wine and waited for her food to finish heating up. She watched the rain drops race down her windows, the rain picking up outside.

The microwave dinged and she pulled the mac n’ cheese out, hissing as the bowl burned her hands. Setting it down, Lina retreated to the living room to search Disney+ for a movie. She settled on Lady and the Tramp, placing the remote back on the coffee table.

And no, not because it was Jane’s favorite.

Lina ran back for her dinner, tucking her phone into her sweat pockets before carrying her bowl and wine out the living room. She reclined back on the arm of the couch, wine glass on the end table and bowl cradled in her lap.

It was halfway through the movie when Lina felt something vibrate against her stomach. She groaned and dug around for her phone. She had just gotten into the perfect position where everything was stretched just right.

She pulled her phone out, took one look at the contact, and her adrenaline shot up. She slid the green button and quickly held the phone to her ear.

“Jane, what’s wrong?”

There was silence on the other end, aside from rain and the faint sound of breathing.

“Lina…”

Catalina was already pulling her coat on with that one word. Jane had sounded shattered on the other end, her sniffles coming through the rain.

“Stay right there, bebé,” Lina ordered. “I’m coming to get you. Where are you?”

“Lina, I-I’m so sorry. H-He-”

“Hush, querida, don’t speak,” Lina interrupted, grabbing her keys and hurrying out the door, forgoing the slides that sat at the door. “Are you home?”

A choked sob echoed in the phone before Jane whispered, “Yes.”

“Alright, hun, I’m on my way,” she assured. “Just stay on the phone, please.”

A whimpered ‘ok’ was all she got to confirm Jane had heard. Catalina watched the rain smack off her window, and she gripped the steering wheel tighter. She could only assume two things, neither of which she wanted to dwell on. Jane’s broken tone was already enough for Lina to rip the steering wheel right off the dashboard.

“Don’t worry, Jane, I’m almost there,” Lina murmured, taking the turn at the intersection.

It was a fight to not go over the speed limit, to which she was already surpassing. All the while she spoke words of comfort into the phone, Jane’s sobs echoing in her ear.

She pulled to a stop in front of Jane’s apartment complex, and through the heavy downpour, she took notice of a petite blonde. Lina leapt from her car, hurrying to Jane’s side. She was seated under the small overhang of the building, but she was absolutely drenched.

Mascara ran down Jane’s cheeks in rivers, the rain water spreading it over her face. Her blonde hair, which Catalina could only assume had once been wavy and conditioned, was soaked and mattered. Blonde strands plastered to Jane’s face, and her chin quivered as she forced back tears.

“Oh, cariño,” Lina gasped, taking notice of Jane’s dress. “Usaste el nuevo.”

A sob broke through Jane’s lips and she buried her face in her hands. Lina knelt down, gently pulling the blonde to the ground, and tucked the sobbing woman into her chest. Jane’s hands fisted into Lina’s coat instantly, and she cried into her friend’s neck.

“Oh, Lina, I-I’m such an idiot!” Jane cried, knuckles jabbing into Catalina’s chest. “I should’ve listened to you! You were right; you were all right! I’m so stupid!”

“No, no, querida,” Lina soothed, pressing Jane closer to her body. “You’re not stupid, never say that.”

Jane shook with another sob. “B-But if I had just listened to you-” Jane paused to sniff, another sob choking out. “I-If I had just dropped h-him like you said, then you wouldn’t have to be h-here in the rain with me.”

“Jane, no.” Lina sat back, holding Jane back to look her in the eyes. “It doesn’t matter what day it is, nor the weather. I’d come to you in a blizzard on foot if you needed me.” Shrugging out of her coat, Lina pulled the garment over Jane’s shoulders and pulled her in. “Now, how about you come with me? I have wine.”

Another sniffle followed by a nod against her chest was all the confirmation Lina needed. She took Jane’s hands in her own, helping her to her feet. Catalina pulled the coat over Jane’s head while she opened the car door.

Holding the door open, Lina helped Jane duck into the car. Once she was situated, Lina ran to the driver’s side and quickly dove in. The rain was pounding the roof of the car, the window being splattered with drops faster than the wipers could clean them.

Jane was shivering in the seat, clutching Catalina’s coat tight to her body. Lina’s heart sank and she offered her hand to the woman. The blonde took it immediately, silent tears still flowing down her cheeks. The drive home was silent, golden eyes fixed ahead while azure focused down, hands intertwined.

Lina scooped Jane out of the passenger seat, carrying her to the door and setting her down only to open the door. Jane kept her face tucked into Lina’s neck until they reached the bathroom.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Lina whispered, cupping Jane’s sticky cheeks. Jane nodded weakly and Lina began searching for the make-up wipes.

She pulled the wipes out and gently swiped it over Jane’s cheek. The blonde tensed, but slowly relaxed into the movements. Lina tossed the now-black wipe and pulled another out. This time, when she wiped Jane’s cheek, Lina felt her press into her touch. Her cheeks warmed with a pink dust, and she was thankful for Jane’s shut eyes.

“Do you want to get a shower?” Lina gently brushed Jane’s arm, noting the goosebumps trailing up her skin. Jane nodded again, and Lina pulled a white towel out from under the sink. “You’re favorite color.”

A tiny, watery smile tugged at Jane’s lips, and Lina mentally patted herself on the back. “I have an extra loofa in there, it’s the black one, and you can use my body wash and stuff.”

She moved to leave the bathroom, when Jane let a small noise escape. Lina looked back and her heart melted at the sight of Jane brushing through her wet hair. “C-Can you wait outside? I don’t want to be alone…” Her voice drifted off towards the end, and Lina returned to her friend’s side.

Taking Jane’s small, shivering hand in her warm ones, Lina looked sincerely into Jane’s eyes. “I’ll be just beyond the door, alright? You can shout to check.”

Jane’s eyes softened, and a new emotion flickered in them. Lina slowly released the blonde’s hand and retreated from the bathroom.

She stood outside of the bathroom for the entirety of Jane’s shower.

Not once did Jane check if Lina had stayed.

The bathroom door creaked open, and Lina stood up from the wall. Jane stepped close to her, wrapped in the towel. Her hand brushed Lina’s, and the taller woman took it gently. “I have a fresh load of laundry in my room,” she said, leading Jane to her bedroom. “I’ll get you something warm.”

Lina found a sweater and pair of sweats that would hopefully tie tight enough for Jane. She left the blonde to change, and her jaw nearly hit the floor when she came back in.

The sweater fell down to Jane’s mid-thigh, hanging off one shoulder. Lina’s face flushed and she coughed into her hand, attempting to hide her gay panic. Stop it. Jane needs you. Swallowing, Lina stepped into the room. “How’re you feeling?”

Jane looked down, bringing her hands up to clutch her forearms. “Better, I guess,” she mumbled. Her drying blonde hair fell over her face in a curtain.

Lina made her way towards the blonde. She placed a gentle hand on the small of Jane’s back. Suddenly, arms looped around Lina’s neck and tugged her in. Jane’s nose brushed the column of her throat, causing a blush to spread up the taller woman’s cheeks.

“Thank you, Lina,” Jane whispered, voice tight. Lina smiled, wrapping her arms around Jane’s waist and setting her chin on her head.

“Anytime, mi querida,” Lina murmured.

They ended up on the couch, Lina reclined against the armrest once more with Jane cuddled into her side. Both nursed a glass of Spanish wine, eyes fixed on the TV. Lina threw occasional looks towards Jane, checking to make sure the blonde was okay.

In truth, Lina wanted to ask her exactly what had happened. Jane was always down after dates with Henry, but never was she so upset to the point of crying. Taking a sip of her wine, Lina turned her gaze on Jane. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jane took a long sip of wine, lips remaining pressed to the glass. Lina bit her lip and set her glass down. “You don’t have to,” she added. “I just think it’d be best if I knew a little.”

“No, you’re right,” Jane said, clutching the neck of her glass. “You deserve to know.”

Lina set her hand on Jane’s shoulder, pulling her a bit closer. “Jane, I’m always gonna be here for you, alright?” She fixed her eyes on the blonde. “If you’re not ready to talk, that’s perfectly okay. I just want to know at some point.”

Jane nodded, taking a small sip from her wine. Silence followed, to which Lina picked up her own glass and returned to watching the movie. If Jane didn’t want to share, that was fine with her. She’d wait for years if that’s what Jane needed.

“He left me there.”

She nearly choked on her wine, spitting it back into the glass. Jane looked at her with worried eyes, placing a hand on her side. Lina set her glass down and sharply turned to face Jane. “He what?”

Jane bit her lip, averting her eyes from Lina’s. “He said he’d pick me up at nine,” Jane said. Her voice was tight with sadness and underlying anger. “He promised me. He kept telling me all week that it’d be great.” She faltered, staring down at her drink.

Lina’s dread was replaced by rage. Jane had sounded so sure that Henry would make it up to her. She sounded far from excited, but she was hopeful. Even Lina had a tiny spark of hope that Henry would make an effort for Jane. But he hadn’t even bothered to show up!

“I should have listened to you.” Jane sounded defeated, her fingers tapping the glass. “I guess that’s one thing he was honest about. I really am an idiot.”

Lina slid off the couch and took Jane’s hands, holding them to her chest. “Jane Seymour, you listen to me.” She waited until Jane’s azure eyes met her golden ones. “You are a wonderful woman. You’ve been my dearest friend all my life, and I would rather freeze hell over than listen to you speak horrible things about yourself. You are such a kind woman, with a heart undeserving of the cruelty in this world.

“You are not an idiot, and I will keep telling you this until you realize it’s true.” Lina moved her hands to cup Jane’s face, brushing her cheek lightly. “So please, all I ask of you, is to remember how truly remarkable you are; both inside and out.”

Jane’s eyes glittered with tears, small streams glistening down her cheeks. She cupped one of the hands on her cheeks, pressing into it as she nodded. Lina smiled softly, stretching forward onto her knees to touch her forehead to Jane’s.

“You’re so kind to me,” Jane murmured, a watery smile appearing on her face. Lina chuckled and kissed the blonde’s forehead.

“Only ever for you.”

The soft look of trust that flushed over Jane’s eyes, along with the tiny giggle, was enough to melt Lina’s heart. She pulled herself back onto the couch, and giggled as Jane snuggled back into her. As Jane’s head settled beneath Catalina’s chin, the blonde whispered, “Thank you, again, Lina. For everything you’ve done.”

Lina pulled the blanket over the two and held Jane close. “I’ll always be here for you, querida.”

The two stayed close, cocooned in the blanket as the Disney movie carried on quietly. Lina melted into Jane’s presence, burying her nose in soft blonde hair. She felt Jane smile against her neck and Lina placed another kiss on the crown of Jane’s head.

“I love you, Lina.”

Jane’s breath tickled Lina’s neck as she spoke. Her words sent goosebumps up Lina’s skin, but she replied without hesitation. “I love you, too, Jane.”

And though she knew they both meant different things, one of platonic origin and the other romantic, Lina knew that Jane meant it. That she loved Lina as much as she loved Jane. And that was enough to make her forget about destroying Henry.

#six the musical #aramour #catherine of aragon #jane seymour #anna of cleves #katherine howard #anne boleyn #catherine parr #fanfic

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pikapals16 · 3 years

Note

Some OTP3 fluff for Anna x Kat x Cathy?

sorry this took so long but here it is!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30790808

here it is in full if u want:

Kat groans in frustration. Of course poly relationships aren't allowed to get married. When will people ever not be jerks? Not anytime soon unfortunately.

And Kat can't wait that long.

In her second chance at life, it was hard for her (not to say the other queens didn't have it hard too) to accept certain things about her past life and subsequently, her character in this life.

It was really Anna and Cathy who helped her with most of that. She never had a significant relationship with either in their first lives, being strictly cordial, but having known presences made her stick to them a little more.

Then a little more into friends. Then a little more into best friends. Then a little more into crushes. Then a little more into 'what actually are we'. Then a little more into girlfriends. Now hopefully a little more into wives, except they actually can't get married.

None of them are actually sure how their crushes on each other developed, only that it happened, and after talking things through, they took that next step. They also choose to ignore the teasing from the first three queens about how oblivious they initially were.

It just....feels right. The three of them together. And Kat wants to make sure they know she feels that way. Which is why she wanted to get married, but laws. Law prevents it.

You know what? That's not gonna stop her from telling her two loves that she wants to spend the rest of eternity with them. She's gonna do it. She's going to propose to them, whether the world likes it or not.

Cathy sneaks out of her bedroom and into the kitchen to sneak in a cup of coffee before going back to work. So much she has to get done in so little time, and curse her mind for getting creative outbursts at night.

She needs to get this done though, so it's coffee to the rescue. Her savior, other than her girlfriends of course. The last queen had just turned on the coffee machine when she hears a cough behind her.

"What're you doing?" Anna's tone is partially humorous as she already know what her girlfriend is up to. And the silence that follows shows that Cathy knows that she knows. "Cathy, what did we say about coffee at night?" The blue queen sighs.

"No coffee at night..." Smirking, Anna walks over and embraces the shorter girl, in which the latter absolutely melts into. Tilting Cathy's head up she connects their lips in a sweet kiss, and maybe stealing an extra in the process.

Then another presence enter the kitchen, who doesn't bother announcing herself and immediately walks over to latch herself to the others. No secret as to who this is...

"Hey Kitten." The pink queens smiles at her girlfriends, before letting out a large yawn. "And what're you doing up?"

"It's cold." Kat simply puts. "I want cuddles." And just like that, Cathy lets out a yawn of her own. "Sleepy cuddles..."

"I'm not...." Yawn. "sleepy..." Anna chuckles at her lovers' sleepiness, but if she doesn't wrangle them up soon, they're going to pass out standing in the kitchen, which would make things more difficult.

"Sure you're not. Come on, to bed with both of you." Kat's a bit more capable of walking, where Cathy is almost fully leaning against Anna as they walk back upstairs, into the blue queen's room. The fifth queen makes it to the bed first, pulling the fourth and sixth queens down with her.

Cathy gets smushed in the middle, Kat and Anna on either side of her. All three are about to fall asleep when they hear Kat mumble.

"I can't wait to marry you girls."

When Kat wakes up the next day, Cathy and Anna are staring at her. So, naturally, she tilts her head in confusion, as if she's done something wrong.

"Is...something wrong?" The red and blue queens share a look, before the former explains.

"Nothing's wrong, just... last night, you said something." Kat's eyes widen for a second, thinking she'd said something embarrassing. "You said 'I can't wait to marry you girls'." Oh god. Of course she had to ruin her surprise.

"Kitten, you're thinking out loud again." Kat mentally slaps herself at the sometimes good, sometimes bad habit of hers. She has to come clean now.

"I was just....okay." She takes a deep breath, and repositions herself so that she's kneeling, no better time like the present--8 am on a Saturday. "You two mean the absolute world to me, and there's so much about both of you I love I can't possibly put it to words, other than perfect. And I really really wanna spend the rest of my life with you two. I don't have rings, but...will you marry me?"

Anna and Cathy stare at the youngest queen, jaws open and eyes wide. Neither of them had expected to be proposed to, and judging from Kitten's thoughts earlier, she didn't expect it either.

"Kit, of course we want to marry you." Cathy finally states before adding on. "But, are we allowed to? I mean, you know how it is." Kat purses her lips before shaking her head.

"Unfortunately, we can't-"

"Legally." Their attention turns to Anna, who had interrupted. Her eyes are trained on the bed, lips slightly open--a sure sign that a plan is brewing. Whether it's chaos or not is the question. "Who says we need the government to get married?" Her head snaps up. "Screw them, we'll have our own wedding."

"Yes! Let's do that." Kat's eyes light up as she starts spitting ideass. "Now, do we want Lina ordaining, us? OOH! And Bessie could be the flower girl? Cathy what do you think?" The blue queen has a goofy grin of admiration spread across her face. She loves seeing her girlfriends getting excited about something. No matter how irrational.

"It sounds great. We'll do what you two want." Once again, Cathy gets squished in between her two energetic girlfriends 'fiancées'. While Kat kisses her cheek and thanks her, Anna smirks, and leans in to Cathy's ear to whisper one word.

"Simp."

"I'M NOT A SIMP-"

Obviously, the queens and ladies were more than ecstatic about the idea, and almost immediately started to throw ideas out, before finding out that the three (really two, with minimal add ins from Cathy) had done the planning already.

So what they really helped with was preparation and actually setting up their 'wedding'. Which turned out to be kind of stressful since the last three queens were impatient and wanted to get married the next day.

But now it's perfect. Or, as perfect as a fake wedding inside your house that you bought minimal things for to not be suspicious and such can get.

Anne's fighting back sleep as she made a point to wake up at exactly midnight to separate the trio from their previous spooning, so that they wouldn't look at each other all day. Meaning she, along with Maggie, acted as bodyguards so no contact was made.

Everyone's clothes are simply the most formal thing they had in their closet, so there's really no set color scheme, other than the white from the tablecloth, culinary, and assorted flowers. Their arch is placed a few steps away from the bottom of the stairs. Lina had tried her best to make it given the materials they had, in other words, cardboard, colors, and a plastic tube.

Jane and Joan had taken care of the cooking and baking, and Maria is leading the wedding--she was already ordained, but obviously that fact isn't that needed in their makeshift wedding.

Now it's time for it to actually start.

Since they ran out of people, they turned to the dogs for some parts. Roxie walks down as the flower...dog, as she is the youngest. Then the presentation of the brides. Bessie walks Anna down, then Anne for Kat, and finally Lina for Cathy.

Once everyone is in position, Maggie calls down Wolfie and Magic, who are playing the part of ring bearers. And with that, Maria begins the 'ceremony'.

#six the musical #six fanfiction #fanfic #anne of cleves #katherine howard #cathy parr #polyamarous

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exauhstedsunflower · 3 years

Text

In The Light Of The Moon

In which Cathy has a nightmare, Kitty takes her to Catalina for comfort, and they all get some rest as Cathy ponders the moon.

Cathy shoots out of bed, flinging herself to the window in a moment of adrenaline. She catches herself on the wall beside the window and looks desperately to the moon in an attempt to ground herself. That dream was bad, not just a normal nightmare. This one left her absolutely terrified, so much so that the panic allowed her to practically fly across the room.

This isn’t new, just a bit inordinate. But sometimes she’ll wake up so scared that she falls into something. The first night she was able to sleep after reincarnation she knocked over the lamp on the bedside table. Usually though, she just sits up with her heart racing and her eyes squeezed shut in a vain attempt to protect herself from the horrors.

But tonight she didn’t hurt anything, nor did she break any of her possessions. That counts as a win, she thinks to herself, feeling her heart rate slow to a reasonable pace. Still not a healthy pace, but one that she’s confident won’t send her to the hospital. She slumps against the windowsill as she feels the flight response slip away from her. The shaking hasn’t subsided, likely won’t for a few hours.

Reflecting on the dream isn’t something Cathy wants to do. No, she’d rather never think of it again. But he looked so angry, and she was so scared she couldn’t speak-

She pulls herself back up off of the wall, looking at the moon one more time. The same moon from her first life. That moon saw all of the things she sees only in her dreams now. She wonders what the moon would say about humanity, if it could speak. Maybe it would be angry; or maybe it would be tired. Or would it cry? Would it too be too afraid to speak? After all, Cathy hasn’t seen half of what it has and nearly all of her fight has left her.

Either way, it still comes back around to provide light. Will Cathy have to come back again and again, like the moon? How many cycles will she have to go through before it ends? Before she can stay in peace?

Perhaps that’s a selfish thought, she reasons. Because the moon has been doing this since the beginning of time, and it isn’t complaining. Cathy has only been at it for two lifetimes.

She looks away in shame, as if the moon might hear her thoughts. Attempting a shaking breath, she walks back over to her bed. But she doesn’t get back in it, she starts rifling through the blankets for her phone.

Slightly damp, I need a shower.

She finds her phone and checks the time. 1:23AM, she’d only slept about twenty minutes. Her dream had felt like a lifetime though. A lifetime of him grabbing my wrist and screaming-

Grabbing her towel on her way out of her room, she makes her way to the bathroom. She just puts the flashlight on her phone, not bothering with the light. It would be too harsh. It would make everything a little too real. There’s something that makes her feel protected by the dark. If the light is on it would make reality too loud, not that that makes any sense. She knows that her reasoning makes no sense, and yet here she is, setting up the shower with shaking hands in the low light of her phone. She puts her hair up into a bun so as not to wet it, and steps in.

The rhythmic feeling of the water against her back is so calming that she loses track of time. She hasn’t even picked up the soap yet, has just been standing there taking in the warmth. Maybe she misjudged how tired she really is, maybe she should have gotten back in bed and dealt with this in the morning. Because this is all so relaxing, and her adrenaline is wearing off, and she’s feeling a crash coming.

A knock on the bathroom door nearly sends her to the grave one again. She catches herself on the handle they attached when she sprained her knee. Useful, that handle was.

“Cath? Are you okay?”

Kitty, it’s just Kitty, She reassures herself. She isn’t sure who she was expecting, but hearing Kitty’s voice through the locked door makes her visibly untense.

“Y-Yeah, I’m good Kit.” She replies, kicking herself when she stutters. No way Kitty will believe that.

“Can I come in?”

The question causes Cathy to tense up again. Normally she has no issues with being naked in front of the queens. She knows they aren’t going to try anything, and she’s not the one with the sexual trauma. But right now she doesn’t want to be vulnerable, even in front of one of the people she trusts most in this house.

After a moment of careful contemplation, (Does she really want to admit that she doesn’t want to be seen right now? What would that imply?) she decides to ask Kitty to give her a moment. Only a moment, nothing more. If only to give her time to unlock the door. If only to give her time.

Forgoing any actual washing, she gets out with one quick rinse of her body. Her hands make quick work of putting her towel on as she curses the fact that she forgot to bring any actual clothing with her. She takes another small moment to prepare herself to open the door.

Are you preparing to greet the cold air? Or preparing to greet your friend? She imagines the moon is asking her these questions. It sounds calm, genuinely curious even though it knows the answer.

Perhaps all of the sleepless nights have gotten to her, she knows she isn’t as sharp as she is made to be in this life. But, to the moon’s questions- Cathy does not know the answer.

Kitty looks only concerned when Cathy opens the door, holding tightly onto the edges of her tightly wrapped towel. She’s holding a bundle of clothing out to her.

“You never remember to bring clothes with you. I brought sweats and a jumper.”

Cathy thanks her, and selfishly asks for one more moment to change. Kitty grants her the moment.

When she finally emerges from the bathroom, freshly changed into clothes that are definitely Kitty’s, not Cathy’s own, Kitty immediately takes her hand. Cathy doesn’t pull away, she doesn’t flinch or squeak in fright or pale in fear. She would like to have reacted in any way that would make Kitty not touch her, but she doesn’t. She’s never been good at saying no.

She allows for Kitty to pull her through the hall, although they aren’t heading toward their rooms. No, they’re going straight to Catalina’s tonight.

It was a given, of course. Kitty must have also had a bad night. Cathy almost feels bad, since she’s started going to the others for help at night it’s only increased the amount of interrupted sleeps Catalina gets. Kitty can’t always help, and Cathy has half the mind to put her own worries aside to comfort the girl.

She won’t; because she is a coward and can hardly speak at all. But oh, would she absolutely love to. Usually she would, too. She’d also love to pull her hand out of Kitty’s grasp, because it is beginning to feel increasingly claustrophobic.

Kitty doesn’t knock, she just opens the door and heads for Catalina’s bed. This is unlike Cathy’s usual routine because Cathy usually waits for a quiet noise of acknowledgment from the other side before walking in. Her usual is also different because she doesn’t go for the bed right away. She goes for the window, checks that she can still see the moon, then slides into bed without much of a word at all.

“Lina?” Kitty whispers, sitting on the edge of the bed. Catalina wakes up immediately, only slightly aware.

“Hm?” She looks confused, clearly very tired. Cathy spares a thought of guilt as they wake her up.

“It’s Kitty and Cathy, Lina.”

That gets her up. “Are you alright?” Is always the first thing she says.

Cathy nods, she always does. And then Kitty elbows her lightly and disagrees. The only difference with tonight is that Cathy flinches.

Kitty immediately attempts to apologize, which causes Catalina to fully sit up in concern. And in turn Cathy completely shrinks in on herself at the attention she’s receiving.

Catalina, ever so gently and slowly, reaches over and pulls Cathy’s hand out of Kitty’s grip and replaces it with her own. Cathy tries her best not to look relieved that she’s not being touched anymore. Although she thinks she failed, because she can see a slight look of curiosity cross Kitty’s face.

“Nightmares?” Lina questions softly, receiving two timid nods.

She tuts softly at them, murmuring something involving mis hijas and hermosas. Of course Cathy blushes at the cooing, whereas Kitty just absolutely melts. Lina’s hands make their way up and down Kitty’s arms, almost in a petting motion, as she maneuvers her into a comfortable position tucked in tightly under the covers. It isn’t long before she’s dozing off to the tune of Spanish murmuring. Cathy nearly fell asleep watching the display.

When Lina’s attention turns to Cathy it’s unexpected. It shouldn’t be, she’s here in Lina’s bed after all. It’s just that Cathy had gotten so caught up in being the third party, she’d forgotten she came for comfort as well.

Does it count as her coming for comfort if Kitty all but pulled her here?

Lina’s soft gaze melts right into Cathy in the dark. Just the eye contact feels warm, like a hug.

“Oh, mija. You must be exhausted.”

She can only nod, because she is so exhausted that she isn’t fully able to form words. Lina then stands, much to the confusion of Cathy. When Cathy doesn’t stand with her, Lina looks at her kindly to explain.

“Up you get. You haven’t seen la luna yet.”

It had never occurred to her that Lina might have picked up on her habit of looking at the moon. She never says anything as Cathy stares out the window. Cathy had always assumed that she’s too asleep to notice the movement until Cathy got to the bed.

She stands on shaky legs to sluggishly move to the window. Lina doesn’t touch her, just follows her with one hand ready to catch her if she falls. She isn’t sure how much longer she can stay up for. It’ll be really bad if she starts falling asleep mid walk. Cathy won’t be able to explain that away, and Lina will have seen it so she’d freak out. Cathy might actually need to seek medical help if that happens. She’s unsure what the medical support would do, but it’s always been a scary but steady option.

They make it to the window, and she doesn’t sit like she usually would on the window seat. She wishes she had one of these in her room. Although to be fair, if she had one of these in her room she wouldn’t use her bed.

The moon is still there, still watching. It’s a comfort to know, in the midst of the night terrors and chaotic waking, that there is always that peaceful looking constant. She wonders if the moon knows, if that’s the reason it keeps itself looking so regal and calm. The moon is, and always will be, a comfort to humanity.

They don’t stay by the window very long before Cathy is crying softly. Catalina immediately moves into action. Not touching, but speaking.

“Estará bien. Lo sé. Lo sé. Oh, querida, it's okay. We are here.”

She continues her reassurances until Cathy can properly breathe again, and her crying has slowed to a minimal amount. Cathy tears her gaze from the window and moves it to Kitty, who is still sound asleep in Lina’s bed.

She’d been so tired. Has been tired since they wed, why can’t he see that she’s tired? Why won’t he let her go?

In a small bit of bravery, Cathy grabs Lina’s hand. This goes against everything her body is telling her to do. Her mind is telling her to run far, far away from any human contact. Her body is telling her she’s going to get hurt. Her heart says that she’s being stupid.

But Lina just gently caresses her thumb across the top of Cathy’s hand and leads her back to the bed.

Lina gets in first, Cathy suspects this is so she can be in between Kitty and her, and then she urges Cathy under the covers as well. She doesn’t pull her in, but on the other side Kitty immediately snuggles into the woman.

It’s all so gentle, loving. A stark contrast to Cathy’s dream. Her wrist was in so much pain and he didn’t care. He may have broken it. She’s not going to be able to write like this.

“Mi hija, what’s going on?”

Cathy flinches once again when she is broken out of her flashback. The steady breathing of her godmother truly is relaxing to listen to in it’s own right, so she focuses on that to calm herself down.

“I’m sorry.” She apologizes, because this is ridiculous. She should have a handle on this by now. It’s been a month since she’s let Catalina and the other queens help her and nothing productive has happened. On top of that, she can’t even stay in the present. She keeps thinking about the past, about him.

And in that moment, she thought, ‘Oh lord, I’m going to have his baby. This monster is the father of my daughter.’ She could not leave him.

“Don’t be, mija. It’s quite alright.”

She pulls her hand out of Lina’s grasp and instead grabs at the women's nightgown. Nevermind the fact that she feels like a child as she does it, she needs this right now. Lina gets the hint, because of course she does, and pulls Cathy in. Cathy tries to explain, she does, but all that comes out is a mess of my baby and he hurt me.

She feels an explanation is more than needed, but apparently Lina doesn’t, because the woman just shushes her and rubs her back soothingly.

And, under the slight light of the moon, in the embrace of a trusted family member, Catherine Parr finally falls asleep. When Catalina wakes up in the morning, she’ll be warm and held together by two content sleeping figures. Her daughters, so she calls them. They needed her, still need her. And so then she will go right back to sleep, allowing the two girls to catch up on some much needed rest.

#Six #six the musical #Six the musical Fanfiction #six ff #Catherine Parr #Katherine Howard #catherine of aragon #same universe as “There is a reason for every little thing we do’#If you wanna read that series as well on ao3 #its a lot like this but longer #okay thanks for reading this #if you got this far #❤️

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seven-homosexual-dinosaurs · 3 years

Text

Don’t let me go

Chapter 6: More feels hell

Chapter 5 Chapter 4 Chapter 3 Chapter 2 Chapter 1

Comment if you wanna join the tag list

Anne ran through the trees blindly, her mind buzzing with information. Her name was Anne. She had cousins. By the sounds of it, they were close. What did it mean? Jane had mentioned a “Kitty” when she’d entered the house. Was it the same Kitty from the story? If it was, would she remember her?

Coming across a clearing in the woods, Anne slowed to a stop. Panting heavily, she fell to her knees, looking up at the stars littering the night sky. Falling onto her back, Anne stared up at the sky, breathing heavily. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

“It’s nice out here, huh?”

Anne jolted out of her reverie, turning to face the owner of the voice. Catalina plopped herself down next to her, staring up at the sky. Wordlessly, the two stared up at the sky.

“Cathy used to come here whenever she was upset you know? It was her secret spot,”

Anne turned to Catalina, who stared at the sky, a distant look in her eyes. Anne fidgeted with her hands, biting her lips. Should she make conversation? Christ, why didn’t the facility teach her how to talk to people? Would she know what to do if she’d stayed with Jane? What else would she have learned? What else did she miss, stuck in the facility all those years?

“Hey, you okay?”

Anne blinked, turning to Catalina. Raising a hand to her face, she was surprised to feel hot tears slipping down her face.

“....I-”

Anne didn’t know how to answer. Was she okay? Taking her silence in, Catalina spoke up.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Anne startled, staring at Catalina blankly. Talk about it? What was there to talk about? The fact that she just learnt both her name, her family, and how she got to the facility in about ten minutes- oh.

“I’m- I think I just need some time to process,”

Catalina nodded sagely, turning back to look at the stars.

“Cathy used to love looking at the stars, did you know that?”

Anne shook her head no, waiting for Catalina to continue.

“She was so small back then. I used to be able to carry her on my shoulders. She’s grown so much,”

A single tear ran down her cheek.

“She was so scared when she came to live with me. So fragile. I promised her I’d stay with her and protect her,”

“I failed her,”

Anne turned to Catalina once more, startled by the bitterness in her voice. Catalina’s hands curled into fists at her side, shoulders hunching.

“It’s a miracle she doesn’t hate me after what happened,”

“Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me,”

Catalina startled, turning to an annoyed Anne.

“Listen, Cathy could barely shut up about you on the way here. She was so worried you’d think she ran away or that you’d be upset at her she almost didn’t come. She was terrified of facing you,”

Anne continued.

“Listen, I don’t know much about you, but I know Cathy. And Cathy absolutely doesn’t blame you. In fact, she blames herself! Stupid, I know. From what I see, you two are bumbling piles of guilt that just need to talk it out!”

“But aren’t you and Jane the same?”

Anne froze, avoiding Catalina’s critical stare.

“....That’s different,”

“How so?”

Anne looked down, pulling grass up from the ground.

“Look, you and Cathy know each other. I might have known Jane before, but right now, she’s no more than a stranger to me,”

“But that’s not quite true, isn’t it?”

Anne hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on her knees.

“It’s as true as it needs to be,”

Catalina moved to sit across from Anne, placing her hands on her knees.

“Alright, if she’s just a stranger to you, why don’t you tell me what you think about her? Just based off your “first impression”, yeah?”

Anne considered it before nodding, lifting her head off of her knees.

“Well- she seems nice. And hard working, since supporting two kids can’t have been easy. And she seems.... warm. Like home,”

Anne froze, realizing what she’d just said. Warm? Like home? Where on earth had that come from? Catalina smirked, raising her eyebrow at her.

“A stranger, huh?”

“Shut up,” Anne turned back to the ground, blushing a bright pink.

“It’s not like it matters anymore anyways,”

Catalina frowned, eyes twinkling with sadness.

“Well why not?”

Anne’s eyes burned with unshed tears.

“Because she’s a stranger now! It’s not like I’ll ever be able to remember her!”

Anne choked back a sob, wiping her eyes furiously.

“She was so worried. I worried her. Now I’ll never be able to make it up to her ‘cause she’s essentially a stranger now! And she’ll be sad because I can’t remember her, but there’s nothing I can do to help her!”

Catalina hummed in thought, wrapping her arms firmly around Anne. Anne sank into the embrace, exhaling shakily. Muffled sobs filled the air as Anne wept into Catalina’s shirt, her entire body shaking from her heaving sobs. Catalina stroked her hair quietly, murmuring words of reassurance.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. Just let it all out, you’ll be okay,”

And even though Anne couldn’t bring herself to believe her words, they brought her a certain sense of reassurance.

“You know how you said-“

Catalina blushed a bright red.

“You know how you said Cathy wouldn’t stop talking about me? Well, Jane was the same with you,”

“Both her and Kitty. When they moved in, whenever someone said something unexpectedly smart or pulled a surprisingly well thought out prank, one of them would always say: “reminds me of this one time Anne did this” or “just like Anne would say”.

“Every year, there would be one week they’d barely leave the house. They’d get all sad and barely eat or drink anything for the week. When I asked why, Kitty told me it was your birthday week and it just felt wrong without you,”

Catalina smiled softly at Anne, taking her hand in her own.

“Look, even if you don’t remember them, they both love you so, so much. Jane wasn’t upset at you, she was just sad at what you’ve had to go through. We both were,”

Anne sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Catalina squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, prompting her to look up at her.

“Look, I’ll talk with Cathy if you talk to Jane. Deal?”

Catalina extended her hand for Anne to take. Inhaling shakily, Anne took it, wiping the tears from eyes with her other arm.

“Deal,”

-----------------------

Cathy sat at the table awkwardly as Jane’s sobs turned to sniffles and gasps. Eventually, she spoke up.

“So, you knew crow- sorry, Anne before?”

Jane nodded, hiccupping slightly.

“What was she like?”

Jane paused, rubbing her eyes.

“She- she was so smart. A bit too smart sometimes. She once came to me telling me she knew babies couldn’t come from storks and wanted to know where they really came from. That piqued Kitty’s interest as well, and I suddenly had two very curious little girls asking where babies come from on my hand,”

She laughed at the memory, a fond smile playing at her lips.

“She was also one of the most mischievous littles girls you’ll meet. That, combined with her brains, was a recipe for disaster,”

“Oh! And also, she was very protective of me and Kitty. She’d try to carry Kitty when she was sad, not that it worked, but it always made Kitty laugh. She once came home bloody and bruised after getting into a fight with some boys that made fun of Kitty. Scared me half to death too! I tried to tell her off, but she just seemed so proud of herself for protecting her little sister that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. One time, she even bit a man when we were out shopping and he wouldn’t leave me alone. Walked right up to him and bit his arm as hard as she could,”

Cathy laughed at that, the image of Anne biting a man amusing her. Jane gave a little chuckle as her eyes stared at the wall distantly.

“I shouldn’t have been surprised she’d go with the man if it meant protecting Kitty. I really should’ve seen it coming,”

Cathy startled at the hollowness of her voice as her face darkened.

“I should’ve just told the girls to go to our room. I should have kept a better eye on them. I- I should’ve done so much more,”

“But I didn’t. And Anne got stuck in that god-forsaken facility. Now she doesn’t even remember me! Or Kitty! Or even her own name! All because I failed her!”

Jane took a deep, shuddering breath, fresh tears flowing from her eyes. Cathy hesitantly reached her hand over the table, resting it on Jane’s.

“Listen, though she might not remember you by name, there’s something there. I haven’t told her this, but during our trip, she’d often talk in her sleep. At first, I chalked it up to mindless ramblings, but then I noticed she’d repeat herself,”

Jane hesitantly looked up at her, curiosity written all over her face.

“The things she’d repeat most was “Kitty-Kat” or “Kit-Kat”, and also “Janey”. Sometimes, she’d even ask for a “Lizzie,”

Jane looked up, eyes wide with shock.

“Lizzie was the name of her stuffed dog. I made it for her for her fifth birthday,”

Cathy smiled softly at her, squeezing her hand in hers.

“Look, while she may not have you and Kitty in the front of her mind, you haven’t been completely erased from her mind,”

Cathy continued, encouraged by the hopeful glimmer in Jane’s eyes.

“If we could find you and Lina, we can find her memories,”

Jane swallowed, nodding hesitantly. As the silence settled, Cathy bit her lip nervously.

“Erm- if you don’t mind- what has Lina been like since I left?”

Jane perked up, smiling softly.

“Of course love!”

“Well, she used to go to the market every Saturday to look for you in case you came back. She’s been really good with Kitty, which has been a real help. She keeps a little box filled with letters she’d write to you next to her dresser, though I’m not supposed to know that. She always helps Kitty after her nightmares, which I find really lovely of her to do, and-”

Jane froze, a bright red blush creeping across her face. Cathy raised her eyebrow, leaning towards Jane.

“Jane I-don’t-know-what-your-last-name-is, how long have you been in love with my godmother?”

Jane blushed a brilliant red, looking at the floor bashfully.

“Seymour, and I don’t know what you’re talking about,”

Cathy smirked, rolling her eyes playfully.

“You like her!” She teased.

“Do not!”

“You do!”

As Jane opened her mouth to retaliate, the door opened with a creak.

Catalina and Anne walked into the room awkwardly, looking at the pair seriously.

“I think me and Cathy need to talk,”

“Jane, we need to talk,”

#don't let me go #dlmg #six the musical #six #six the musical fanfiction #fanfiction #six fanfiction #parrleyn #parrlyn #parrlyn fanfic #anne boleyn #catherine parr

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sweetestrequiems · 4 years

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Wishing for the Normal

Summary: When Catherine Parr and Anne Boleyn go to Peaks for their open mic night to support Katherine Howard, the couple get pulled up by the young woman to sing a duet. With a giggle, she, and the three other ladies at their table cheer them on. Boleyn and Parr grab the microphones, and just hope for the best from this experience.

Character(s): Parrlyn (Anne Boleyn / Catherine Parr) Katherine Howard Jane Seymour / Catherine of Aragon (Catalina) / Anna of Cleves

A/N: Kit + Soho Cinders + Parrlyn = Ideas.

Moral of the story: don’t leave me alone to think. I will think and it will come out on paper. This is inspired by Soho Cinders’ most iconic number, “Wishing for the Normal.” Because this takes place in the universe of Out of a Book, some of the references and places might not make sense. It will all be explained in due time. And you all can bet your little tails the whole song is written out.

This is also my apology to all of you who dealt with my total chaos earlier. I love all of you and I am so sorry you had to witness me being a huge nerd and evil gremlin.

Tag List: @bchcadcd | @watercolored-lemonade

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Thursday nights were for coffee, laughter, and open mic nights at Peaks Coffee Company.

It was a tradition, for the six ladies to go to Peaks whenever Katherine was back in town from classes. It happened to be the winter break, and the ladies were all excited to go out together. It was about 7 on the dot when the ladies got there. Catherine gently pulled on Anne’s arm, leading her to one of the cozy corners. Close enough that they could see Katherine perform whenever she decided to go up there, but far enough that the two could have a nice conversation. It was bliss for the two of them, as they thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company, even with other people around. “I always love coming here with you, Cathy,” Boleyn whispers, leaning on Parr and resting her head on Parr’s shoulder. “There’s just good memories with this place. I feel like such a saddo for saying that.”

“Don’t. And you’re no saddo! I agree, this place... it has very nice memories,” Parr chuckled. With a glance up, Parr noticed the other ladies approaching. Catalina set one of the mugs down in front of Parr, and another in front of Boleyn. Sitting up, Boleyn nodded as a thank you, a smile coming across the mellow face. Katherine sat right next to Parr, Jane was right in front of Katherine, Catalina was in front of Parr, and Cleves was in front Boleyn. “I swear, I wonder how I would live without you, Lina,” bringing the mug up to her lips, Cathy took a sip of her coffee. Catalina just shook her head, grinning. “You wouldn’t be alive at all. You would literally die from drinking nothing but coffee and not eating.”

Laughter came from Cleves and Seymour.

“Considering all she does is stay in her room, yeah. I don’t doubt it! Sie schläft auch nicht, oder?” Anna gave a cheeky smile, with Catherine’s face being so deadpan at the comment, she just chose to roll her eyes as a response. “I do sleep, thank you very much. It only takes me three hours to fall asleep because I spend two of those writing.” Catalina raised an eyebrow at the response, knowing Parr stayed up late at night unless she had to be up before 8 am. There was more laughter at the table.

“Sleeping is important,” Seymour nodded over at Katherine, “and this one could tell you all about it. You slept last night when you got home, right?” The youngest of the ladies nodded with sincerity. “Yeah! I stay up late sometimes with homework, Miss Parr. If I learned one thing about uni, it’s that balancing sleep and homework is difficult. So I definitely get why you stay up at night. I do the same thing,” Katherine allows her smile to shine, Parr letting out a bit of a laugh. “You’re not wrong. Balancing sleep and work is very difficult. Now, how long are you going to keep us waiting, star in hiding?”

That’s where the mischievous smirk came from Katherine Howard. “I’m not singing tonight, actually.”

The other five women stared at Katherine with wide eyes, in actual shock that the reason they normally came on Thursday nights was not the center of attention. Digging through the backpack she brought, the youngest of the group pulled out a binder, and handed it to Parr. A second one got pulled out, and was handed to Boleyn; the third she kept in front of her. “I’m showing off my piano skills tonight, and you two are going to sing for me while I play!”

The look on Anne Boleyn’s face was one of fear, and the one on Catherine Parr’s face was total embarrassment. The couple looked at each other, and gulped in unison. Boleyn had a blush running across her face, but more notably across her cheeks and nose. “I... Sing? You want us to sing?”

“Why not?”

Parr felt her face lose color. “I... we’re not singers, Katherine.” This was the instance where Parr reached for the coffee and began to down it like water on a hot day. Catalina raised an eyebrow, with a more confused look this time. Anna however, began to actually laugh. She knew that habit of hers all too well. Jane was looking at Katherine with furrowed eyebrows, but her face was full of confusion, much like Catalina’s. Sucking in a nervous breath, Parr stood up, setting the mug down. “Okay, Katherine. I’ll sing.”

Anne Boleyn let out a shaky sigh, but she nodded and also stood up. “I’ll do it too. What are we singing, Kat?”

Standing up, Katherine took her binder and opened it up, skipping to the keyboard up on the stage. She sat down on the chair, setting up with a little too much excitement. All she did was let her right hand play the first few measures of the song. “Wishing for the Normal from Soho Cinders! I’m sure you’ve both heard of it. You’re both English, right?” A rather awkward moment of silence, before the two women nodded. “This will be fun, come on!”

If there was one thing Katherine loved about majoring in music, it was the fact she got to play piano. She loved it. And just to make Anne and Catherine feel comfortable, she slowed down the beginning.

Raising the microphone up to be near her lips, Anne hid the nervousness with a smile. “Just imagine pouring your cornflakes, looking up and someone's there. Someone you have just spent the night with, someone’s life you're proud to share! Haven't put my face on, haven’t done my hair. Haven't had to worry, as it’s her standing there.”

The piano began to pick up a little pace. Catherine was going to match it, with a similar smile to Anne’s. “Just imagine out on the dance floor, turning ‘round and there she is. It's your lady, the one you came in with, three years on, your hand in hers. Living in a semi, maybe have a cat. Nothing that's too fancy, tell me what's wrong with that?”

Looking up from the music for a brief moment, Katherine Howard began to smile.

The couple looks at each other, the nervous smiles seeming to grow into genuine ones. The two nodded, knowing they had to sing on together. “Wishing for the normal kind of dream. Nothing too excessive or extreme. Hoping for the hum-drum, is that aiming high? Others seem to find it, tell me why on earth can't I?”

Catalina’s jaw could honestly hit the floor with how impressed she was. Anna just had a wide-eye expression that screamed her shock for her. Jane was thoroughly impressed by all of this, but mostly by Katherine’s piano playing ability.

“Wishing for the normal kind of dream. Trouble is they're harder than they seem. Am I too ambitious? Am I out of touch? Am I wishing for too much?”

Frantically flipping the pages, both ladies chuckled while the piano kept on going behind them. Lucky Parr, she got to start off this time. “Just imagine cooking lasagna, like those adverts on TV.” And the biggest smile came out of Boleyn with this line. She just felt all warm and fuzzy from the fact she was spending time with her girlfriend. “Sitting on a fake leather sofa, babies bouncing on my knee.”

“Living within reason, loving when I can. Feeling I am someone, not some sad old lass.”

Almost instinctively, as if she knew Katherine would start playing softer, Anne made her voice softer. She could only hope Catherine would follow. The other three at the table began to smile, quietly cheering them on from their spot. “Just imagine mowing the lawn.”

And the hopes came true, because Parr did soften up her voice. “Just imagine popping some corn.”

Even Katherine Howard herself was cheering them on from the piano. She wanted to laugh, but really couldn’t, so... she did what she does best. Giggle it out.

Boleyn’s free hand reaches down for Parr’s, with the two allowing their fingers to interlock. The look on her face said it all, she was smitten by this woman in front of her. “Just imagine breakfast in bed.” “Just imagine owning a shed,” Parr let out a chuckle right after the lyrical line. She was not one to sing, but this was an exception she was happy to have made. Memories were all she wanted, and memories was what she was getting.

“Just imagine doing the school run.”

“Going for picnics.”

“Keeping a goldfish!”

A laugh from the two. They nodded again, allowing themselves to sing right on through to the end. “Wishing, wishing! Hoping for the hum-drum, is that aiming high? Others seem to find it, tell me why, why, why can’t I? Wishing for the normal kind of dream. Trouble is they’re harder than they seem.”

At this point, the table was standing up. Catalina was nodding along with Anna, but Jane? Jane was already clapping. “Go ladies!” The blonde woman giggled, happy to see some of her now closest friends so happy with each other.

“Going to a nightclub, cinemas and such,” Boleyn’s eyes finally met Parr’s. “Eating in a restaurant, happy to go dutch,” the smile on Parr’s face grew from seeing Boleyn’s smile grow as well.

“Am I too ambitious? Am I out of touch? Am I wishing far too much?” And while the two lovebirds stared at each other, their young pianist allowed herself to continue the instrumental, even playing the accompaniment to the last few lyrics they had forgotten. Laughing, Katherine Howard stood up and started clapping. “You two sounded amazing!”

“Go Cathy!” “Way to go Anne!” “I’m proud of you, Kitty!”

The couple just kept looking at each other, with laughs eventually coming from them both. As much nerves as they had to fight, they loved every second of it. Being just a smidge taller, Catherine Parr leaned downwards to peck Anne Boleyn’s lips, but little was she expecting for Anne to actually stand on the tips of her toes to meet her halfway. “You sly little rascal you!”

“You love me.” Anne set the microphone back on the stand, before grabbing the binder off of the stand and walking herself back to the table. Parr just laughed, repeating all of Anne’s actions before sitting down next to her. Katherine Howard, however, remained on the stage and allowed herself to continue to play whatever came to her mind. For the duration of however long they would stay, there would be a newfound sort of joy in the ladies, and the soft lullaby of a piano in the background.

#Out of a Book #Kano Drabbles #Parrlyn #Catherine Parr #Anne Boleyn #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #six the musical fanfic #six ff #Six x Soho Cinders

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ick25 · 4 years

Text

What I think about Inuyasha’s writing.

I used to be a huge Inuyasha fan because I watched it in my teen years (The Latin Spanish dub, not the English dub where I find their voices to be pretty annoying). I would stay awake until eleven o’ clock just to watch a new episode on Cartoon Network and sing along with the translated versions of the intros. My early submissions on Deviantart were fanarts of Inuyasha, I used to draw him like crazy, and the show is even one of my original comic’s main inspirations. So what happened?

I love Inuyasha’s character, but as I grew older, I started hating or not caring about the other characters of the show (Except for Sesshomaru, of course) and grew tired of the story because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere. Inuyasha has good writing, but the pacing and how sometimes you can’t really take it seriously ruins it for me.

I want to talk about this now since I just heard about the sequel that is gonna happen soon with Inuyasha’s Lina Inverse of a daughter and Sesshomaru’s very confused twin daughters, and I’m thinking to myself: “How is Rumiko gonna ruin this story even more”. Don’t get me wrong, the creator, Rumiko Takahashii, is a very talented manga artist and writer, and I respect her, at one point I even saw her as my heroine, but now I want to surpass her.

How can Inuyasha, a story about a half demon, who falls in love with the reincarnation of his ex-girlfriend who can travel through time whenever she feels like it, has a hot demon brother that tried to kill him several times, wields a powerful magical sword forged from the fang of his deceased yet very famous demon father who I want to know more about, a dead human mother who may or may not have been a princess... Where was I going with this? o_o

As an aspiring storyteller/ animator, I want to talk about the problems with Inuyasha’s story, the things I love about it, as well as the bad things in it, and see why Inuyasha isn’t the writing masterpiece everyone likes to believe it is. And by the end, talking about what I would do to improve the story.

This is how I analyze Inuyasha. I never read the manga, so I’m gonna focus on the anime.

1. Inuyasha is a romantic comedy?

Rumiko Takashii is a successful manga artist and considered “The queen of anime”, because her art Style and humor have inspired many of the anime cliches we know today such as the nose bleeds shots, the beach episodes with fan service, and good o’l scenes where the girl calls a boy a pervert before comically sending them flying. She is the creator of another famous work called Ranma 1/2, an anime I used to love as a kid, but now...

I studied how to draw and create mangas and I have learned how to make a good story. After returning to Ranma recently, I have figured out the problem with Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashii’s style is repetitive. Rumiko is capable of writing a good plot and creating very good characters from time to time, but now many of her main characters feel very cliche. In her stories there is always gonna be a pervert, there is always gonna be a bad parent, a rivalry, crazy and or exaggerated situations, goofy looking characters, wise old men or women, beautiful female characters, Japanese or Chinese folklore, fighting, but most importantly, a girl with a love/hate relationship with a dumb, rowdy tsundere boy, where they argue so much that the girl ends up physically abusing the boy and the show passes it for something funny; and those are the ingredients for making a Rumiko Takahashii styled manga/anime.

Rumiko’s forte is in Romantic comedy, sometimes mixing different genres makes a story good and very realistic... If done right, which brings me to my next point.

2. Time travel just for fun.

What is Inuyasha about? It is about a half-demon teenage boy that has to partner with a teenage girl from the modern times, who accidentally travels through time via a magical well that has been in her family’s shinto shrine for generations, to find the shards of a powerful magical jewel that said girl accidentally shatters and scatters all over feudal Japan. This idea alone makes it a very interesting series, either for a book or a TV show.

What went wrong then? I believe the problem started around the third episode were it was shown that Kagome can easily go back to the present, have dinner with her family, take a bath, gather provisions, and even take her god damn bike with her to the past every time she wants without caring about creating a time paradox.

This is played for laughs because of the romantic comedy element, but if you do this in an show with action, deaths, and evil spirits wanting to take over the world, then that fact alone makes the entire story lose credibility, I mean, what is stopping Naraku or any other demon from finding a way to travel to the future through the well to take over a world where demons and magical powers are basically extinct? The fact that only Kagome AND Inuyasha are the only ones who can go through the well? How convenient!

If the time travel well was taken more seriously it could’ve lead to a much more interesting story, but apparently nobody cares about time travel and the effects it could have in the history of Japan. I think there were two instances that I recall from the anime (Before Inuyasha Second Act, because I already stopped caring about the show when it came out) where time travel was or could’ve been relevant; the episode about the man eating mask that had a Shikon shard for hundreds of years, and the second movie of Inuyasha where the whole group was immune to a time stopping spell because Kagome’s medical kit and necklace from the future created some kind of time barrier around them.

And nobody cared about any of those things afterwards! Not the fact that there could’ve been one extra shard, or that Naraku was present during the time barrier incident and never wondered about it. Both the episode and movie scene were just ways to have Inuyasha being the only one who can come to Kagome’s rescue because their love is the main focus. Speaking of love...

3. Frustrating love drama.

Part of Inuyasha’s tsundere personality comes from the fact that he had his heart broken by everyone’s favorite b***, Kikyo.

Kikyo was the young priestess who sealed Inuyasha in a tree for 50 years, at first it looked like the typical holy person trying to protect her village from a dangerous demon, but in reality, she was in a relationship with him and thought that Inuyasha tricked her so he could steal the Shikon jewel from her. This was because everyone’s favorite a**h*** , Naraku, shape-shifted into both of them to trick them into killing each other.

It’s easy to blame Naraku for this, but that actually shows how they didn’t really “love” each other because of how quickly they turned against the other.

I take this as a cautionary tale for first love. Inuyasha was just infatuated with Kikyo because of her beauty and kindness towards him, and when someone falls in love for the first time they don’t think straight, they don’t know what a real relationship entails, and not knowing that is exactly what happened to these two.

There was a special episode in the anime where we see how Inuyasha and Kikyo met and fell in love, in it we get a scene where Kikyo told Inuyasha that she was gonna give him a gift, which was gonna be the subduing necklace that Kagome tends to abuse a lot, however, Inuyasha decided to give her a gift as well, his mother’s lip balm she left him after dying. A very sweet gesture, right? How does Kikyo react to this?

That’s not a look of love, that’s a look of pity. RECIPROCATE, WOMAN! HE OPENED HIS HEART TO YOU AND YOU JUST FEEL SORRY FOR HIM?!

She does end up changing her mind about the subduing charm, but before this, she didn’t saw him as a person, and she was considered a saint by everyone in the village, but I guess that feeding the poor, nursing people, and playing with children is alright as long as they are humans, that’s almost racist. I hate Shippo, but I bet she wouldn’t be so caring about him or his dad if she saw them.

Kikyo absolutely sucks as a romantic partner! She doesn’t express anything, she doesn’t talk about her feelings, she doesn’t show any emotion apart from anger and slight contentment, and based on what we saw after Naraku set them up, I believe she never told him ANYTHING about herself. Unlike Kagome who he got to know very well as a person, Inuyasha didn’t even questioned her motives for attacking him, he automatically assumed that she manipulated him the whole time, and ran to the village to get the Shikon Jewel.

Rumiko wanted to make Kikyo more relatable so we could feel sorry for her and pass Naraku as an evil monster who destroyed what could’ve been a beautiful relationship, by having Kikyo wanting to live life as a normal girl, but can’t because she is the only one who can keep the Shikon jewel from being corrupted, and ultimately falling in love with Inuyasha because he saw her as a normal person (Unlike her with him). Well, it didn’t work, at least not for me.

I did feel sympathy for Kikyo... When she was alive! The series had a witch bring her back to life in a body made out of clay and using part of Kagome’s soul because she is the reincarnation of Kikyo. Why do this? To create drama by adding a love triangle into this romantic comedy of a show.

Feels like Rumiko doesn’t understand how reincarnation works because I think Kagome would’ve died during that ritual, and I really doubt Kikyo would’ve become such a B just out of jealousy; she wanted to take Inuyasha to hell with her, and he was not even dead yet! If this Kikyo really loved him, she would’ve let him go on with his life instead of roaming Japan feeling sorry for herself, taking advantage of a situation to keep Kagome away from Inuyasha, and barely doing anything to stop Naraku which was supposed to be her main goal. All of this made Kikyo unlikable instead of a relatable character trying to fix her past mistakes before going back to the grave.

4. Inuyasha’s background.

Something I absolutely love from Inuyasha’s story is the fact that it is set during a historical time period in Japan but with magical elements incorporated since many of the Japanese myths and folklore originated during those dark times. I love the fact that since everything was so dark back then, people would often see things that weren’t really there and made up stories to explain certain phenomena or just to keep children from misbehaving.

Inuyasha is full of Japanese folktales and magical creatures, and it clearly took inspiration from “Journey to the west”, a classic Chinese novel that’s one of the best adventure/ fantasy stories of all time, and that’s also been the main inspiration for many mangas and animes; it’s one of my favorites too.

Inuyasha’s background is one of the most interesting ones I’ve ever seen, it’s something common in fairy tales and myths where a human falls in love with a being from a magical race, like fairies, mermaids, gods, or in Asian folklore’s case, spirits or demons. In Inuyasha’s case, his mother was a human named Izayoi who fell in love with a powerful dog demon named Toga who was known as Inu no taisho (Dog general), animal spirits or demons can take human form, and the dog spirits are very common in Japanese folklore.

The third movie of Inuyasha shows us what Toga looked like before and how he died, and I’m actually more interested in how Inuyasha’s parents met more than his love triangle drama. In fact, Toga’s story sounds much more interesting because he was built up as this great demon lord who fought countless enemies, he was a gigantic dog monster that stopped a demon invasion from China, he could destroy multiple armies with one swing of a sword he forged from one of his fangs, he had disciples and loyal subjects, but he ultimately lost his status, he let his reputation be destroyed because he fell in love with a woman from a race that was considered inferior, and had a half demon child with her.

One of Inuyasha’s motivation’s (the main one being killing Naraku) is proving that he is stronger than his father who was a full demon, while Inuyasha himself is considered a weak half human who is unworthy of the tittle of being a descendant of Inu no taisho. Every time Inuyasha hears about a demon that his father couldn’t defeat in the past, he gets excited because, with the powerful sword his dad left him, he now has a chance to prove to everyone that he is not weak and that he is stronger than his father was.

Inuyasha never met his father because Toga died the very day he was born, so he was raised by his mother who died when he was still a child. His older brother, Sesshomaru, is a full demon that never really forgave his father for throwing his reputation away because of a human woman, and leaving him a magical sword that can also resurrect the dead instead of the one that can destroy numerous souls in one blow.

I’m not really sure, but I think the Sesshomaru from the beginning of the third movie looked like he was around Inuyasha’s age when Toga died.

Before:

After:

I like to think that’s the case.

Inuyasha’s background alone can hold up the entire series, as well as his tense relationship with his only living relative, however, the main focus is something else, something that I personally find very repetitive, boring, and even lame.

5. Is Naraku really worth it?

Note that I am not defending Naraku, he is unlikable, mainly because of all the bad things he’s done to the main characters, but the truth is that I don’t really hate him as much as I should, granted, he is a manipulative b*st**d and I don’t like him, but he is just evil for the sake of being evil in the story. If anything, I see him as pathetic.

Let’s see his main crimes: He cursed Miroku’s family, for some reason, killed Sango’s entire family by using her inexperience demon slayer little brother as a puppet, he basically conned Sesshomaru in hopes of killing Inuyasha, but most importantly, he is the reason Inuyasha and Kikyo broke up! :0

To me, Naraku is just a coward that likes to manipulate others for his own personal gain, he was born from a bandit named Onigumo who was burned in a fire after betraying the leader of his group of thieves so he could take his place, and allowed his bodied to be consumed by demons in order to get... Kikyo! The gross part is that Kikyo was like 15 at the time while he could easily be in his 20′s or 30′s. Kikyo, being a “saint”, found Onigumo’s burned body and nursed him in a cave, this ultimately made the bandit fall in love with her and allowed his body to be devoured by evil spirits in exchange for power, he was then reborn as Naraku who is basically a half demon like Inuyasha.

I heard that the manga didn’t really mentioned Naraku’s past life, but I think that’s for the best. Naraku became Inuyasha’s group’s ( and other characters’s) main target, but every single time they find him and think they got him cornered, he manages to escape in some way because of how much of a coward he really is. Because this happens over and over and over and over again in every season, it get’s tiresome and frustrating, to the point where I even ask myself: “Is this MF even worth it?!” Anyone would’ve just given up a long time ago. I liked it when they focused on fighting other demons and enemies with different motives, but after a while it was just Naraku, Naraku, Naraku!

At some point I even forgot what started this adventure in the first place, the Shikon Jewel shards that were accidentally shattered and scattered through out Japan! One shard alone can power up a demon, this idea alone makes it an interesting story, collect the shards before Japan is destroyed by overpowered demons and evil spirits, but no, turns out Naraku is collecting the shards too to the point that he already has a nearly complete jewel, well, that saves a lot of time!

I know, killing Naraku will get rid of Miroku’s wind tunnel curse, free Sango’s undead brother from his control, and Sesshomaru and other demons wanting revenge because he tried to use them, but what’s really Inuyasha’s beef with Naraku? Is he just mad because Naraku showed him just how totally incompatible he was with Kikyo? That’s what pisses me the most, to be honest.

As for Kagome, she definitely has no reason to be there, Naraku is the main antagonist and yet, he is kinda indifferent to Kagome. I don’t remember seeing Naraku doing anything bad to her or her family living in modern times that can be accessed through a magical well where he could easily... You know what? I’m done here.

Conclusion.

Inuyasha’s story has so much potential and yet it doesn’t take itself too serious. As I mentioned before, Inuyasha is treated more as a romantic comedy than a fantastical adventure kind of story. there is so much dept to the world building, but when focusing only on Inuyasha and Kagome falling in love, nothing else seem to matter. This could’ve worked if it had better writing. A simple or silly premise for a story can work if it has clever writing, something that Inuyasha really needed at times.

I liked to be surprised with clever writing in movies and shows, but if it was up to me, I’d definitely change a few things.

1. If you want a serious story, make Kagome be stuck in feudal Japan until the shards of the Shikon Jewel are recovered, or if this has to stay, don’t make the the stakes in the adventure so dire, either its a fantastical journey with two teenagers falling in love as the main focus, or a very serious adventure where their love is the only thing that can save the day.

2. Make Inuyasha and kikyo just friends, the love drama is unnecessary, specially since kikyo has almost no personality what so ever, unless you re-write her entire character. Or make Inuyasha fall in love with Kikyo, but Kikyo doesn’t feel the same and just sees him as a good friend, that at least would create some drama instead of the jealous ex-girlfriend that wants to kill everyone because she lost her chance in life.

3. Get rid of Naraku, the ultimate villain troupe gets tired very quickly, specially in a very long show that takes like 8 seasons to end. Or at least write him better and not turn the show into an endless chase for just one guy, specially since the main goal is to collect the shards of the Shikon jewel to destroy it once and for all.

This is just my opinion of course, and if you like the show just the way it is, then that’s alright, but seeing things you like with a critical eye, makes you appreciate them even more.

#Inuyasha #anime #my review #ick25

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aswallowssong · 4 years

Text

Second Child, Restless Child

Chapter 5 - The Devil in Me

@valkyrie-5583

Read on AO3

The second part of a gap fill for 1x13, Poison. TW for illness, hospitals, and drug mentions. Also super minor character death?

After JJ, Reid, and Hotch learn a little more about Kit's family, the nurse-out-of-water feels the effects of the field crash over her. As she and Gideon continue to butt heads, she wonders how this is ever going to work. She's helpful in her own right, but if she can't get the respect and the support of the whole team, how will she ever belong?

The ride to the hotel was comfortable enough. Reid and Kit sat in the back while JJ sat in the passenger seat, and the communications liaison took her chance to pick and pry when Kit couldn’t escape her questions. She’d been trying since the moment Kit had been shuffled onto their team, but Kit had been able to avoid it thus far. She hated ‘get to know you’ questions, as they reminded her of terrible high school teachers and their lack-luster ice breakers.

“So, Kit, do you have siblings?”

Kit nodded, though the woman couldn't see her. She’d play along, of course, and this was an easy question. She loved talking about her siblings.

“Oh, yeah. There’s nine of us.”

Reid made a sound next to her that sounded like choking, but when she looked he wasn’t dying. He was instead, astonished.

“Nine?”

“Yeah,” she said easily, “nine.”

Hotch knew that, he’d read her file, but he asked anyway, “What number are you?”

“Five,” Kit said before smiling, “sort of? There’s Wash, and then Ginny and Seese. Ari, and Monty, and I. Then George, and Alex, and Lina’s the baby.”

“That puts you sixth,” Reid said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and Kit was suddenly ten years old.

Didn’t we just have a pseudo heart-to-heart about being treated like a child?

Kit tried not to roll her eyes before she remembered that the only one who knew about Ari and Monty was Morgan. And, probably Hotch, of course.

“Ari and Monty and I are triplets,” she said evenly, “and technically, I was born second of the three of us.”

“Wow,” JJ said, “triplets? I can’t imagine what that would be like.”

“It’s great, actually,” Kit assured, not being able to stop the spreading smile on her face. “We get along really well. Monty and I are actually monozygotic twins, which means-”

“Monozygotic twins, often called identical twins, are the result of one egg fertilized by one sperm that experiences postzygotic division.”

Reid’s voice was rougher than before, telling of the fact that the medicine she’d given him had worn off, as he effectively cut her off. She tried not to take offense at him interrupting her and telling her about her own fetal development. He’d interrupted others in several conversations. Regardless, she felt her lips tug into a frown.

“Exactly. My Gran used to say that Monty and I have twin souls, though my mam and dad have always said that Ari was one half of the soul, and we were the other half, you know, together.”

JJ turned all the way around in her seat, grinning as she listened to Kit speak of her family.

“So, Ari and Monty are nicknames, right?”

Kit nodded again, frown dissipating.

“Right. My parents immigrated from Ireland, and they spoke Irish, or Gaelic, better than English. They wanted to stick out less, or so they say, so they, well,” she thought for a moment before she couldn’t stop the small giggle forcing its way up her throat. “They thought it would be a really good idea to name their kids after the states. Like, literal American states.”

“Like Dakota,” Hotch offered, and Kit wrinkled her nose.

“Yeah, like Dakota. My family all call me Kody, but I prefer Kit.”

“And Monty is, what? Montana?” JJ asked, now looking determined. As if it was some kind of game.

Kit nodded again, saying, “Exactly. The thing is that some states, like thankfully Dakota, are names. But some…” She shrugged lightly, “Not so much.”

“Can I guess?”

JJ, not surprising to Kit, was giving off a competitive energy that would rival the one she got off Morgan the few times they’d raced at the track.

“She could just tell us,” Reid offered, but JJ just scoffed.

“No way, Spence. You’re just afraid you’re going to lose.”

Reid narrowed his eyes at her, and though Kit could feel his slight trembling next to her, fever burning once again, she knew he wasn’t going to back down. He even gave her and JJ half a smirk before saying, “You’re on.”

In the end, it was Hotch that came up with a surprising upset. Reid was vehemently denying that ‘Seese’ was a nickname for Tennessee, and JJ was still upset that Reid won the “guess what number I’m thinking of” game and got to go first.

“No way that’s fair,” she’d complained when Reid gave a small, raspy noise of victory and guessed that Wash was short for Washington, obviously.

Hotch had gotten lucky and gone second, securing that George was actually Kit’s younger sister, Georgia, and had gotten that Lina was Carolina, the baby of their very large family.

“You went after Carolina right away, Hotch,” JJ said, laughing at Reid’s dejected mumbling. That was the second time he’d lost a game that day.

“Familiar territory.”

“Is that so?” Kit asked, raising an eyebrow at the stern man in the driver’s seat. “Did you work in their field office?”

“No, I worked in their Walmart,” he said simply, turning into the parking lot of their hotel. He didn’t add or give any more about it, and they didn’t pry, though Kit had to fight a grin at the idea that their stern unit chief could be secretly southern.

-----

Hotch checked in and passed them their keys, Kit taking hers with slightly wide eyes. She’d only stayed in a hotel a few times, and the idea that she was now left to her own devices in a hotel she’d never been in, in a state she didn’t know, really got her mind racing. She realized quickly that no one else was feeling the anxiety she was. They were all familiar with this, and it seemed to be easy for them to turn off the part of their brain that was working on the case.

Instead, she was running her brain, trying to think of anything she knew that could help them catch the unsub that was hurting these people. She dealt in people. People were her thing. People were the reason she had been assigned to the pilot position she was in. The reason she was in New Jersey when she could just as easily be home, getting ready for bed while she listened to Ari sing around their apartment as he got ready for his shift.

They would give the profile. The team would give the profile and she would watch with JJ. She would try to help however she was asked, and she would keep an eye on Reid while being sensitive to not treat him like a child.

She followed JJ and Reid up to their floor, Hotch having stayed to give the others their keys, and nodded and responded politely when JJ had wished her goodnight. Reid hadn’t done as much, though she had missed his attempt to get her attention before she’d closed her door behind her.

Once inside she drew what could have passed for her first real breath all day. Between Reid’s sniffling, apologizing to Morgan, the jet, the hospital, taking care of Reid without making him feel like a child, and tiptoeing around Gideon- Which didn’t even work! - Kit was stretched too thin. With the door shut, the only emotions she could pick up on were her own. Which, honestly, we’re never just her own.

Ari and Monty called them Big Feelings; them being the swelling and surging of her own emotions that were kept buried to grow as the day went on. She could tend to the needs of others and keep her own feelings in check, but the thing about Kit was that the more she dealt with others, the more the feelings being buried in her chest compounded. Try as she might, she couldn’t really differentiate between what she created herself and what she took from others.

Most days were perfectly fine. It wasn’t like everyone around her was melting down simultaneously, every single day. But some days, when there’d been so much and there were so many people and so many situations, she absolutely crashed.

In retrospect, she held on for longer than she thought she would, the deep, even breaths she was drawing distracting her from the energy that built. Her fingers working to unzip her go bag. She pulled out her pajamas, shedding her jacket and cardigan before making her way to take a shower.

She took out her contacts. Shed the rest of her clothes. Took her shower. Brushed her teeth. Braided her hair.

She kept her breathing even through every motion, changing into her pajamas and settling cross legged on the bed. Her fingers of her right hand tapped lightly on her thigh while the fingers of her left pulled tightly at her braided, sopping wet hair. The right braid was dripping clean shower water onto her shoulder, the left sending a slow cascade of water down her arm. She sat for five minutes that way, breathing evenly, staring at the blurry white wall in front of her and willing herself not to crash. Not to crash. Not to crash.

And then, she crashed.

All at once, everything in her body felt like it was vibrating. Her breaths came in hitches that were shallow and choppy, her chest heaving sharply with each one. Nothing like the pace she’d been trying to keep for that last fifteen minutes. They sputtered and cut each other off, tears running down her cheeks and falling in large drops, adding to where her braids had already left dark wet spots on her pale yellow tee shirt.

It wasn’t loud. It had never been loud, regardless of the way her mind seemed to be screaming. She was way too warm, warmer than she had been in the steaming water of the shower. Her chest ached with a flurry of feelings that flashed and passed so quickly she couldn’t hope to name them. It left her helpless, hands clenching and unclenching, fingers occasionally scratching up and down her arms or thighs. The emotional overload left her with internal mania and, other than her fingers roaming and tears flowing, external shutdown. She didn’t have to bury anymore. The emotional zombies of the last eighteen hours could come to light.

Ari always let her come down on her own time. Sometimes he held her tightly, and sometimes he left her to her own devices. Most of the time he stayed in the same space. On the couch opposite her. Sat at the kitchen table as she sat on the counter. Cross legged at the end of her bed. He didn’t try to have her put the thoughts or emotions into words. He didn’t press her or tell her it would be okay. That she was okay, because really, she wasn’t. He just let it pass.

She knew it could be as short as ten minutes or as long as forty five. One time, an hour, but that was the first time she’d lost a patient. The time didn’t matter as much to her. Ten or sixty, the number of minutes always felt like an eternity. She didn’t know how long it would take this time, sat in a New Jersey hotel room. Especially when on top of everything else, she felt so completely alone.

As far as Kit was aware, it could have been seven minutes or seven hours when the thing that finally grounded her back to the real world was a steady three-wrap knock at her door. Her hands stilled instantly, the deepest breath she’d taken since the wave crashed over her almost making her dizzy.

Her head swiveled towards the door, and it was a moment before her mind could catch up. She was in her hotel room. Someone was knocking on the door.

Get up and open it. Come on, Kody. Stand up and open the door.

She swallowed thickly, wiping a shaking hand down her face. The bed was close to the door, and while she sat staring at the door, the knock came again. Three wraps in rapid succession. Her brain started to catch up, the distraction pulling her out of the waves she was drowning in.

Hotch? Could it be Hotch? Did someone actually get poisoned this late at night? Gideon was right, she shouldn’t have said anything. Now it was going to be her fault and there would be disappointment and anger and annoyance and-

Stop.

It took longer than it should have for her to pull herself off of the mattress, shaking her head quickly as if to expel the internal debate. Everything in her chest told her not to get up, but her head won and allowed her to quickly scramble from her spot and pad across the room.

In hindsight, she should have checked to make sure she didn’t look like a complete disaster. She never had to worry about that at home, so it hadn’t crossed her mind how she might be perceived as she stood there; pajamas on, wet hair, flushed, tear tracks and red eyes against shaky pale skin.

She squinted at the person on the other side of the door once she all but flung it open. Tall. Dark hair. Tee shirt. Skinny. To her untrained and straining eyes, she was unsure who she was looking at.

Before the other person could speak she held up her hand, still trembling, and turned to dig in her backpack. The glasses she pulled out were seldom used, but she had lost a contact on three separate occasions in the last year, and she wasn’t going to fly half-blind into a crisis.

She turned, unceremoniously shoving the thin frames onto her face, and looked at her offender.

Spencer Reid. Pale as ever, clearly fever flushed, and looking at her with glassy-eyed concern.

“Are you crying?” is what he ended up asking before stifling a raspy coughing fit into his elbow.

Kit narrowed her burning eyes at him, but there were no lasers in her stare. Confusion, and exasperation, but not the lasers she’d set on him all those hours before.

“Do you need something? I thought you went to bed.”

He cleared his throat and winced, swallowing as if it was physically painful before he came up with, “I did. I was. Um, I mean, I was try-trying to? I, um.”

His hands came up to wring together at waist height, his eyes looking everywhere but at her. Uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable. Probably from having come into her personal space where she was very obviously having a very private meltdown.

“You were trying to… oh.” It took longer for her to piece together than it should have. Her mind was still foggy, trying to stay above the waves she’d just been so jarringly pulled from. “You were trying to sleep and you couldn’t.”

“Yes,” he supplied quickly, “Because, well,” he sighed, a hand going to run through his hair. He curled his arms over his chest then, clearing his throat again. “Because my head is pounding and I’m freezing and my throat hurts. And the stuff you had earlier helped. And I was… I was wondering if-”

She did cut him off now, having been careful not to up to that point, but she could feel his discomfort growing the longer he tried to explain himself. He was struggling to be vulnerable, and she wasn’t going to make it worse by allowing him to trip over himself longer than necessary.

“If I had more.”

“Yes.”

“Of course I do, sit down,” she supplied, gesturing awkwardly to the bed she’d just been sat on, taking a breath and straightening her shoulders.

She never had to turn back on after she’d let herself shut down. It was always, always in times where she knew she could be either asleep or a zombie for the rest of the night, and she was trying to fight back to functioning as she dug through her backpack once more.

She heard him take a moment before settling down on the bed, sniffling a few times in a way that made Kit want to scream, but instead just caused her to dig more frantically.

Blue pills. Blue pills. Come on, Dakota, where are they? Why is your bag such a mess? Why are you such a mess? Reid probably thinks you can’t handle this, and how he’s going to tell Gideon, and they’re going to tell Hotch, and-

“Are you okay?”

Her hands froze in between a wrist brace and a bottle of ibuprofen.

“Yes,” she said evenly, though her whole body tensed, “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” he said quietly, “You’re breathing picked up, and when you answered the door, you were crying. And the longer you look through your backpack the more agitated you seem.”

It was quiet for a moment. Kit didn’t resume her digging, but instead turned to face Reid at his spot atop her bed.

“What happened to not profiling one another?” She asked after a moment.

His eyebrows pulled together, searching for a moment before his head tilted, tongue flicking over chapped lips before he offered, “It’s okay if this is hard. Gideon always says that-”

“It’s not,” she said, effectively cutting him off for the second time in the five minutes he’d been in her room. She didn’t care at all what Gideon always said.

He looked unconvinced, suspicion flooding off of him, in addition to the sick feeling he’d already been sending her way.

She could feel her hands clenching, and she closed her eyes for a moment.

He has no idea. He has no idea so you can’t be upset with him. He doesn’t know anything about you. He probably thinks you’re just as incompetent as Gideon does. Don’t give him any fuel for the fire.

“It’s not hard,” she said, just a bit softer than before. “I’m perfectly capable, and I’m tired. Here.”

She turned and pulled the blue blister pack out of her backpack, hand suddenly knowing exactly where it was.

Naturally.

“Take these. I’ll give you the other ones in the morning.”

Reid looked down at the pills for a moment before he worried at his lip, eyes nervous as he asked, “You’re really not going to tell Hotch?”

“No, Reid, I’m really not going to tell Hotch. And I won’t tell Gideon either. No one knows. Go to sleep.”

She watched as he took a moment before nodding at her, standing up and heading for the door. He was halfway through before he turned and shifted his weight on his feet.

“Dakota?”

I might kill this one. Just this one.

“Reid?”

“Thank you,” he said softly, “again. I’m sorry that I intruded.”

She watched him for a moment before she shook her head. She realized that the trembling had stopped, and she didn’t feel as foggy anymore. Having a distraction, even if the distraction sniffled and asked probing questions and used her first name, it had helped.

She let herself give him a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“It’s okay, that’s why I’m here. Get some sleep.”

He nodded gently, returning her half smile with one of his own.

“Goodnight.”

She watched as he closed the door, the room becoming isolated again. She settled back on the bed, only allowing herself to be lost for a moment before she shut the light out.

-----

“We believe whoever poisoned these people was motivated by revenge,” Hotch was saying. They’d met early to give the profile, but it was later than they’d wanted when they were finally able to gather all the officers.

They were all pushed to one side of the room, sitting on various surfaces or standing in the middle where they could easily be seen. Kit had sat on top of the desk Reid was sitting in, wordlessly pressing a cup of tea into his slightly trembling hands. They’d found a moment when they weren’t being watched for her to slip the pills into his hand, but she’d only been able to find a drink just before Hotch had begun.

Morgan was continuing what Hotch had started, and Reid took the moment to slip the medication into his mouth, chasing it with a too-large sip of too-hot tea. Kit had to hold her snicker at the face he pulled.

“The randomness of the victimology - average people in an average-sized town... All points to a local resident.”

“We know that people who poison for the purpose of revenge primarily act alone,” Elle continued.

“However,” Hotch added, “he may have manipulated someone close to him to assist him. The unsub usually disposes of these accomplices when they're of no further use to him.”

Kit listened as they bounced around, all taking a part of the profile to deliver. She paid attention as closely as she could, taking in everything that was being said, and wishing that she could be able to see what they all saw.

She focused on Reid saying, ”This individual was savvy enough to use rohypnol to obstruct our investigation, erasing the memories of the victims of how they were poisoned,” and she felt herself nodding along with him, listening closely to his voice and watching to see if anyone had picked up on what she’d been trying to help him mask.

So far her efforts seemed successful, and she let herself feel good about that. She could take care of this team. Hotch’s faith was well placed.

She focused back on the profile again, her heart sinking when the emotions in the room shifted dramatically. Gideon had said that a lot of people could die, and everyone had flooded the room with varying levels of anxiety.

A lot of people could die, and they had limited time to find him.

JJ came up behind them, drawing the attention of the profilers around her. She whispered quietly to Hotch, though it was quiet everywhere now, and her words caused quick movement in every body that filled the small room.

“We have a leak.”

The small television in the station was turned on immediately, grainy and nearly not loud enough for them all to hear.

“That's right, Steve. Neighbors became aware something was wrong when a local Beechwood restaurant closed early. From inside sources, we learned that representatives of the CDC began testing food inside the restaurant.”

Gideon spoke over the woman for a moment, a wave of agitation flying off of him. “If you're gonna report the story, name the restaurant.”

“Unconfirmed, we were told that some of the food had been tainted with hallucinogenic drugs,” the reporter continued, and Kit understood exactly what Gideon meant.

“Name the restaurant,” he said again, and Kit found herself standing from her spot atop the desk. Spencer raised an eyebrow at her, but she gravitated towards the TV wordlessly.

“Until we do confirm all of this, we will not release the name of the restaurant. We'll only say it's a Beechwood area favorite. This is Suzanne Whang reporting live from Beechwood. Back to you, Steve.”

“Damn it,” Kit said forcefully, surprising herself a bit at the venom in her words. She rarely swore in English, and she went a bit pink at the thought that Irish would have probably been a more appropriate choice.

Gideon was glaring daggers at her, not really looking like he cared much what she had said, but that she’d spoken at all.

“They didn't name the restaurant,” JJ said, not paying attention to anyone else. She sounded dejected, but kept her tone more even than Kit had.

“What is it?” Detective Hanover said, looking confused.

“Call the local hospital, make sure they know what's coming. Excuse me,” Gideon said. Kit started to move before she realized he had been talking to JJ.

Heat welled inside of her. He was asking JJ to contact the hospital when she was standing right there. She understood, of course, that JJ’s job was communication, but she was the one that had been running point with the hospital. Especially the day before, when she and Reid had nearly spent the whole day there. The pink of her face flushed to red, and her hands clenched.

“Where do your 911 calls get routed?” Hotch asked Hanover. His calm determination set her straight back into the throws of what was happening. The restaurant. No name given. People were going to freak out, no doubt in her mind.

“There's a county phone bank. They contact first responders, the fire department.”

“Alert them, too. They're going to need additional personnel and any other backup you've got. Auxiliary cops. You're going to have to call them.”

“But, why?”

Though Hotch was stoic and calm, Kit could feel the tense energy he now had. It would be a mess to get everything under control once the storm hit.

“Because we're going to have a heck of a time just calming people down and we really don't need the confusion to interfere with our investigation,” Hotch answered, calm never failing.

“Do you want me to start making those calls?” An officer asked readily, and Kit watched as that set Hanover right off the edge.

He moved to the center of the room and started yelling, hands in the air.

Here we go.

“No, no, no, no. Hey, hey! Everybody please shut up for a minute. Tell me what this is all about.”

There was a moment where everything stopped. JJ stood with the phone at her ear. All eyes were on Hanover, mostly surprise and confusion around them.

Then the phones started. They all rang, loud and overlapping, deafening almost everything else in the air.

There was a moment before Gideon simply said, “Panic.”

It took a moment for there to be any sort of control. People were answering phones left and right, including Kit, who was back at the desk she and Reid had started in.

“We can’t comment at this time, thank you,” she said for at least the fifth time, hanging the phone up and looking at Reid.

“How are you doing?”

“I’ll be far better when this is over,” he said, taking a sip from the tea she knew was probably now lukewarm at best. He got up and they moved to where JJ and Hotch were, following the lead of Elle and Morgan.

“I just got off with the hospital. They're swamped with over 50 potential poisonings from local restaurants, but no hallucinations,” JJ said, hanging up the phone and looking around.

“Another poisoning?” Morgan asked.

“Or maybe more hysteria,” Hotch

“We've looked into any civil or criminal complaints from employees, ex-employees, Suppliers, regulars at the cafe. Not one good lead,” Hanover said.

He was dejected. The inability to control what was happening to his own town was what Kit guessed had him giving off such a feeling of hopelessness.

“There's got to be somebody connected to that cafe who pops as a suspect,” Gideon said, rifling through some papers.

“Morgan, you wanna go back there, see if we can find another angle?” Elle suggested.

“Couldn’t hurt,” he said.

The two of them turned to leave, and Hotch looked at the three still standing there. “JJ, you, Colghain, and Reid go to the hospital. See if any of the poisonings seem legit.”

-----

When they got to the hospital, JJ and Reid both waited for a moment outside the door. Kit stopped in her tracks, following their lead. There was an awkward moment before she said,

“What are we waiting for? Is someone meeting us?”

JJ shook her head, giving Kit a small smile.

“We’re following you. I made contact with the hospital, but I’m not sure exactly who is the best point of contact in an ER overrun like this. I assumed you do.”

Kit couldn’t help but give a small smile at the warmth that flooded her chest at those words. She and JJ hadn’t talked a lot, but between their guessing game in the car the night before, and the even temper and apt social skills she showed, Kit really respected and liked her. She was good to work with, and clearly knew how to read a room.

“I do. Stay out of the way as best you can and stay close, there will definitely be gurneys going in and out.”

They walked in, flashing their badges as they crossed back into the busy ER. There were gurneys as Kit had predicted, and she was almost overwhelmed by the amount of panic flooding the small ER hallway they found themselves in. She could feel JJ and Reid close to her, and she stopped the first nurse she saw.

“Hi, I’m Nurse Colghain with the FBI,” she said quickly, using a different title than she normally would. The nurse was holding a file, she didn’t have the moment Kit needed to assure her competence.

“The FBI has nurses?” The young nurse said, clearly a little skeptical, but antsy as she glanced towards her assumed destination.

“Yes, ma’am,” Kit said, speaking as she would to any of her nurses back at the clinic. “Where can I find your Head?”

“Nurses’ Station. Nurse Leah. Tall, dark hair. Excuse me.” She scampered off, but Kit had all she needed.

She led JJ and Spencer to the Nurses’ Station and spotted a tall, dark haired woman who was exuding calm, though just beneath it was clear uncertainty.

“That’s her,” she said to Reid and JJ without turning around. “Excuse me,” she said louder, “Nurse Leah?”

The woman turned, searching for a moment before she spotted the out-of-place agents.

“Yes? Who are you?”

“I’m Nurse Cloghain with the FBI. This is Agent Jareau and Doctor Reid. Can we have a minute?”

Nurse Leah shook her head quickly, scowling a bit as the three agents bellied up to the Nurse’ Station wall.

“I really can't talk right now. We just got hammered,” she said, starting to walk away.

“Listen,” Kit said, moving to follow her, “most of these food poisonings are probably psychosomatic.”

“What makes you think that?” Nurse Leah said, her attitude changing to one of skepticism and annoyance.

“A news broadcast just reported a local restaurant was poisoned. Now, it would be a huge coincidence if there was another poisoning right after that aired,” JJ said, her voice shifting from the friendliness she’s used outside the hospital door to the political tightness she used with reporters.

“So what do you want me to do?” Nurse Leah said, her eyes darting between them.

“Help us find out which cases, if any, are real,” Reid said, posture straight, not a tremble in sight. He either felt great, or he was masking incredibly well.

“People are coming in with all kinds of complaints,” she said, “But, there's at least one case that isn't psychosomatic. She's barely breathing.”

Reid’s eyebrows pulled together, “Can you take us to the doctor that's treating that patient?”

Nurse Leah nodded, moving to take them with her. Reid and Kit moved to follow, but JJ started to walk away.

“I'll call Hotch,” she assured, and the two others nodded, letting her disappear down the hallway.

The doctor they were passed off to took them down the hallway and towards the patient’s room, talking all the while.

“When the patient got here, she didn't remember anything about her day. And her speech was so slurred, I could barely understand her.” He said. His body language was favored toward Reid once he’d been introduced as “Doctor,” but they hadn’t gotten to clarify that he was not that kind of doctor. Still, Kit hoped his genius brain could make connections faster than her medically inclined one could.

“It sounds like rohypnol,” Reid said, “Did you test her?”

They walked into the patient's room and Kit’s eyes went wide. She was coughing desperately, the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth doing little to prevent it.

“She was positive for rohypnol, negative for LSD. But, we're running more tests because rohypnol alone doesn't explain her symptoms. She presented with nausea, difficulty swallowing, labored breathing. She was also having trouble moving her legs.”

“How long had she been sick?” JJ asked.

“She didn't know. I could barely understand her when she first got her. Now, she can't speak at all.”

“And she’d been coughing like that the whole time?” Kit asked, glancing to the bed. Her heart ached at the panic she felt coming from the ill woman.

“Yes, consistently.”

“Do you know any biological agents that have similar symptoms: Ricin, Sarin gas?” Reid asked quietly, his back turned to the bed.

“You think this is a biological attack?” The doctor said, keeping his expression even.

“We can't rule anything out,” Reid said, eyebrows raised and arms crossed firmly over his middle.

The doctor took a moment before he said, “I'll order a few more tests.”

Hotch arrived not very long after, meeting Kit, Reid, and JJ outside of the patient, Lynn Dempsey’s room. They bounced around ideas, but nothing seemed to stick. At one point Kit used “finding the restroom” as an excuse to dig out more pills for Reid, and the two of them did a seamless pass off in front of the decrepit coffee machine.

It wasn’t twenty minutes before there was a call for Hotch, the unit chief pulling the phone to his ear.

“Morgan, it's Hotch. What's up?”

JJ’s voice came out sharp, having been looking into Ms. Dempsey’s room. “Guys, I think she's trying to say something.”

The three of them flooded into her room, getting close to the bed as she leaned towards them.

“The en,” she said. Her voice carried almost no weight, though the urgency was obvious.

“The end?” JJ asked, looking at Reid and Kit. Kit shook her head, and Reid leaned forward.

“She may be incoherent from the lack of oxygen,” he said, eyes scanning. Kit moved closer to the bed, leaning in just a bit.

“Can you say it again, Ms. Dempsey?” She said gently. The tone and pacing she used with patients came second-nature to her, and it didn’t take any effort to shift from self conscious BAU draft to Head Nurse.

“It’s the en-” Ms. Dempsey tried again before being cut off by coughs that sounded as if they were already choking her.

“Doctor!” JJ called quickly, panic flooding from her, and Kit turned towards the other two agents.

“Give her some space,” she said, not allowing wiggle room in her tone. She started moving back herself, drawing the other two with her. “Here, let’s give some room.”

The doctor came in, setting down the new tox screen and working quickly over Ms. Dempsey. It was a few minutes before things calmed enough for Kit to ask calmly,

“Doctor, do you mind if I look at that?”

She gestured to the tox screen, to which he nodded quickly. Kit picked it up and started rifling through it, listening as JJ asked, “So, what are the chances that she's not poisoned, that maybe she just got some bad food?”

“Highly improbable. Chances are basically nil,” he said.

Hotch came to stand beside Reid.

“What is the rate of survival?” Reid asked.

“This dose,” the doctor said, “without anti-toxin... Zero.”

“What is it?” Hotch asked.

Kit’s voice came quickly and quietly, eyes darting up from the tox screen. “Botulism.”

There was a moment of quiet before a Nurse said with seriousness, “Doctor, her BP is dropping rapidly.”

“It's sepsis. Give another amp of epi,” he said.

“She's going into defib.”

“She's crashing! Get the paddles.”

Kit watched as the nurses and doctor worked over Ms. Dempsey. She’d been on her share of crash teams, but she’d never just watched and done nothing as a patient started to code right in front of her. They were paging a code blue, starting CPR, and everything in her screamed that she should be helping. She should be doing something. She should be moving, or speaking, or reading charts and screens and percentages. Something. Anything.

The problem was, she didn’t know if she was allowed. She had no idea what the rules were about jumping on a code in a hospital that wasn’t yours. She’d never had to. She’d never talked to Hotch about anything like that. Her job was with the BAU, only assisting on cases that were medical.

This case was medical, but where was the line?

“The test run is over,” Reid said, swallowing hard and heading out of the room.

He jarred her from her thoughts, and her eyes went to follow him as he walked out.

JJ followed immediately, but Kit stood there for a few extra moments before she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She turned away from Reid’s receding frame, looking up to see Hotch. His eyes held the same soft kindness they always did, and he gestured over his shoulder wordlessly.

Kit took one last look at Lynn Dempsey, the doctor and nurses performing CPR on her lifeless body, before turning and following Hotch out of the hospital room.

Kit tried not to think of Lynn Dempsey as a patient dying in a hospital. She tried to think of Lynn Dempsey as a person outside of oxygen masks and heart monitors and charge paddles.

It wasn’t helping that they went back to the police station, where the profilers sifted through her life in an attempt to see if she was a murderer.

“Lynn Dempsey was an executive assistant. She has no expertise with chemicals. She doesn't fit the profile of the unsub,” Gideon said, leafing through some of Dempsey’s information.

Morgan didn’t quite agree. “But the CDC found both LSD and rohypnol in the candy she was replacing at the bank.”

“She must have been an accomplice,” Hotch said, “and when the unsub finished using her to further his attack, he killed her with botulism.”

“So, what does that tell us about the unsub?” Gideon said, finally looking up and around at the team.

Reid leaned forward on the desk, furthest away from them all. “He's far more sophisticated than we realized,” he offered.

Elle was getting frustrated, and she looked at Reid as if she was lost.

“Why is that?”

Reid looked as if he was going to respond, but suddenly cleared his throat in a way that made Kit’s eyebrows pull together. It sounded to her like he was trying not to cough, a small bit of anxiety rolling off of him as she connected the dots.

“The botulism toxin is the deadliest substance known to man,” she said, biding time and giving every bit of information she knew about what exactly the toxin was. Maybe it would help somehow. If anything, it would buy Reid some time. “It blocks acetylcholine receptors, paralyzing the body until it’s essentially choked death.” She looked around, watching as all eyes were on her. Reid had gotten himself back under control, and she gave a small shrug before she ended her spiel. “Without an antitoxin, a lethal dose will kill you in thirty six hours.”

The quiet that followed her information was nearly choking to Kit herself, and she could feel the variety of reactions to her speaking up. Morgan was surprised, but that was all. There was nothing hostile there. Hotch and Elle were processing and spinning again, trying to connect it all together. Gideon was either annoyed or unimpressed, neither of which made her feel any better.

But Reid was grateful, which helped.

“How many people have access to this stuff?” Elle asked seriously, looking at Kit with anticipation.

“I don't know,” Kit said, and she turned her eyes to Reid.

“In New Jersey, quite a few,” he said, “It's the pharmaceutical and chemical capital of the U.S., so that the toxin can be ordered in the form of botox through any chemical or biological lab or botox clinic. It has to be purified, but any chemist or lab assistant has that capability.”

“So, we're looking for chemists and sophisticated lab assistants?” Elle asked.

Reid nodded. “Basically.”

Morgan spoke up from the side of their group. He was the closest to Kit, and she was thankful that he had taken station there. While she tried to stay one step away and isolate, taking as infrequently as she could, it was reassuring that Morgan would choose that spot and keep her in the loop.

“Okay, wait a minute. If the unsub is a chemist with access to the toxin, what'd he need Dempsey for?”

“Well, we don't know yet,” Gideon said, “But, she worked for a, she worked for a company, called, uh,” he started rifling through the papers, “Hitchcock Pharmaceuticals. I think there's a good chance the unsub worked there, too.”

Hotch nodded. “Well, let's start with people who fit the profile who've had a recent stressor.”

Morgan called Garcia, and she found them some names to work with. Kit tried to pay attention, but Reid had settled himself down in one of the desks again, fingers trembling slightly, but nothing else giving him away.

While the team spoke she found herself walking to make another cup of tea, eyes darting to her backpack as she steeped the bag. She retrieved what she was looking for quickly, the honey stick having been tucked in there by Monty as a “just in case” item. Kit had laughed at her then, but she was glad for it now.

When she came back and set the tea down next to Reid, making sure the rest of the team was distracted by the case, Elle was saying, “All those innocent people at the bank.”

Gideon didn’t seem concerned, and that bothered Kit to no end.

“They meant nothing to him. He'll take out anybody to forward his cause.”

There was a moment that Kit wasn’t in the precinct anymore. She was at the hospital, watching Lynn Dempsey die before her very eyes. Her chest constricted, like she was being squeezed in the grasp of a snake. Grieving a woman she had never known.

“Like Dempsey,” she said.

Gideon didn’t seem to feel the weight of her comment the way she did, continuing on as if she’d barely spoken.

“Like Dempsey, and eventually, even himself. Until he finishes taking out his primary targets.”

“We have no idea where he's going to strike next,” Morgan said, expressing the frustration we all had, “For all we know, he could poison the local reservoir.”

“Elle, the local cops haven't gotten any leads out of Dempsey. Why don't you go to Hitchcock and see if you have any luck,” Hotch said, causing Elle to perk up a bit.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding and moving out of her seat.

-----

“This is my job!”

Kit was not yelling. She was speaking to Hotchner with a whole lot of heat, hands clenched by her sides so they wouldn’t tap. Wouldn’t tug. Wouldn’t give away how frustrated she was.

“Colghain, this is going to end in arrest, or suicide. You aren’t needed on this takedown, the profile doesn’t state that he will do anything to hurt anyone but himself.”

“But what if you’re wrong?” she said, “What if the profile is wrong and something happens.”

“The profile isn’t wrong,” came a voice over her shoulder.

Kit closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Gideon was not going to make her lose her cool. Not like in Delaware. She was having a conversation with Hotch, and Gideon could think anything he wanted, but she would ignore him if it meant keeping her words and tone relatively professional.

“I would never forgive myself if something happened to any of you.”

She meant it, and Hotch knew that. She knew he could see it in her. He was the best profiler of them all.

“Nothing is going to happen. I appreciate your dedication to your position, but this is my decision. We’ll have local SWAT with us, and we’re going in last. This will end in an arrest or a suicide.”

Hotch spoke as if to say “and that’s final” once he was done. His tone wasn’t demanding or forceful, but she knew he wasn’t going to give in.

Her shoulders finally relaxed, one hand coming up to rub at her opposite bicep.

“Please be careful,” she said finally, to which Hotch nodded.

“We will. I’d like you to check in with Reid. He’s looking… off.”

“I already did,” she said simply, full intention to keep her promise. “He’s okay. Said he hasn’t been sleeping well.”

Hotch didn’t look convinced, but let that be her answer without more pushing.

“Alright, well, maybe check again. He won’t ask for help.”

“Don’t you have an unsub to go face without me?” She said, and though she was still frustrated, she allowed herself to push it down with the other emotions, giving him a small smile.

He nodded, turning on his heel and setting off down the hall.

Kit took a moment to breathe before she turned back to the precinct. Gideon wasn’t standing behind her. She had no idea where he’d gone, actually.

Wonderful. He wants to be confrontational and Hotch isn’t here anymore. He didn’t let you go on the takedown. Did Gideon get to him? Does he not think I’m capable?

“What are you thinking about?”

“Cac!” Kit jumped, turning towards the slightly flushed assailant behind her. “Reid! That’s the third time you’ve done that.”

“What does that mean?” He asked, voice nasal.

She tilted her head, pulling her eyebrows together as she thought about his question. It felt vaguely familiar.

“What?”

“What does that mean? You spoke Gaelic.”

“Oh,” she said, smoothing out her pants that were not wrinkled, and ignoring the fact that her tongue itched to correct him. Her parents called it Irish, and most people called it Gaelic, but she wasn’t going to get into linguistical nuances with Reid. “I don’t know what I said. You scared me, I reacted.”

“Cac.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, jaw dropping slightly. “What?”

“Cac, that’s what you said. You said ca-”

“Stop!” She all but yelled, her hands coming up in front of her as if to physically stop him from talking. “Okay, yes. I got it. That’s what I said. Please stop saying it.”

He looked confused by her outburst, sheepish even. “Tell me what it means.”

“It’s…” She trailed off, feeling the embarrassment creep across her face. “It’s rude. It’s a rude word.”

“Like a swear word?”

“No, a rude word. Like, that a child would say.”

“Are you trying to tell me that it’s a… bathroom word?”

Kit watched as Reid’s face morphed into a smirk. Was he teasing her? Reid could tease? She hadn’t been involved in any kind of situation that would warrant Reid teasing her. Was he being friendly?

Don’t think too hard about it. He’s Gideon’s protégé, and Gideon doesn’t like you.

“No more questions!” She snapped quickly, turning back into the precinct and stalking as far away as she could. Maybe she could find JJ and be of use somewhere with no Reid and no Gideon until the others got back.

-----

“He let us take him,” Hotch said. “He didn't kill himself. Doesn't fit the profile of a workplace killer.”

He, Gideon, Reid, and Kit were standing in the viewing portion of the interrogation room, the four of them staring through the glass at Hill. Kit hadn’t gotten a chance to ask Hotch why exactly she was needed. She figured Elle or Morgan would have been a much more appropriate choice.

“Sometimes you miss the mark,” Gideon said, hands pressed firmly on the top of the room’s table. “Let's be glad we did. He's our best chance at stopping the next attack.”

“Well, his lab had traces of botulinum toxin, but no clues as to what he's up to next,” Hanover said, walking in the room to stand near Gideon. He sounded listless, and Kit could feel the shift in the room when he entered. He was in over his head and he knew it.

Hotch didn’t look towards him, instead staying trained on Hill. “Our only chance is to make him tell us.”

Hanover didn’t seem convinced. “You think he will?”

“Once caught, these types usually do. They want the whole world to know about their brilliant plan to destroy their enemies,” Reid offered him, not sounding very impressed by Hill’s archetype.

“In case he doesn't give it up, let's play every angle,” Gideon said, angling his body away from where Kit stood at the wall. He wasn’t talking to her, that much was very clear. “We need to re-examine everything we know about this guy.”

Reid shifted on his feet, pressing his hands into his pockets. “I'll check witness reports, forensic evidence, anything that might be a clue to this guy's plan.”

Gideon nodded as Reid turned to him for approval. “A lot of lives could be at stake,” he said softly.

“I can help you,” Kit offered, keeping her voice level. She wanted to check her notebook for Reid’s medicinal distribution times more than she thought she would be helpful with his paperwork search, but she didn’t want to be in the room with Gideon anymore, and she wasn’t really doing anything just standing around.

“No,” Hotch said, now looking away from Hill and towards her isolated spot. “Colghain, I want you here while Gideon and I speak with Hill. Watch from this side of the glass. I’ll need your input when we’re done.”

“Hotch-”

“Sir-”

Gideon and Kit went to speak at the same time, causing Reid’s eyes to widen. He took his leave from the room quickly, and Hotch raised a hand to stop both Kit and Gideon before they could continue their grievance.

“Colghain will stay here and listen in while we interview Hill. Watch him closely.”

Kit hadn’t even been able to look at Hill during their short time on their side of the glass. He was a killer, and to her knowledge, she’d never been in the presence of one before. How one person could feel they were above so many others, that their feelings and their lives were more important, was lost to her, and she had no desire to look at him at all. Let alone watch him for the duration of his interview.

The room suddenly felt very cramped, though they had lost both Reid and Hanover in the moments of situational discomfort. Hotch’s eyes darted between Kit and Gideon, narrowing slightly as the physical tension in the far-too-small space between the two.

“Colghain,” Hotch said again, now gaining her attention more fully. “I want you at the window. Feel him out.”

She took a breath that seemed to catch in her chest, not able to get deep enough to make the feelings of discomfort go away. Her head nodded of its own accord, and her feet seemed to follow suit, moving towards the window and finally looking at the man sat there.

He wasn’t much. Not remarkable. He looked like a dad she would have seen at afternoon pick-up in grade school.

But he isn’t a dad at school, Kody. This man hurt people. Killed two of them, and was trying to kill others. He was using drugs and toxins to harm people. What sort of sick person could do that? Not much of a person at all.

The hatred sat like a weight in her gut, and while it was obvious Hotch and Gideon had no benevolent feelings for Hill, it didn’t belong to either of them. It was all her own.

Her eyes narrowed through the glass, and she took a breath.

“Okay. Yes, sir,” she said. She heard even footsteps pad out the doorway. Her eyes didn’t move from Hill as she continued mumbling, now directly to Hill though the glass, even though he couldn’t hear her. “Go dtachtfadh an diabhal thú.”

“What did you say to him?”

Gideon.

“Sorry?” Kit said, eyes never moving from the window. She’d thought Gideon had left as well and was following Hotch, not staying behind to watch her.

“What did you say? To Hill.”

She took a breath and turned, eyes narrowing at the older man in front of her. He didn’t want her there anyway, she might as well tell him.

“Go dtachtfadh an diabhal thú,” she said, now louder. Each word was enunciated clearly, eyes not moving from Gideon’s. If he wanted to know, she’d tell him. “It’s something my Gran used to say to people with tattoos after she came to America.”

“And what does it mean?” He asked, mouth in a hard line, eyes searching her for an answer.

“May the devil choke you,” she said simply, voice never wavering.

There was a moment of silence between them. Kit didn’t shift. She didn’t fidget or rock her weight. She didn’t move her eyes from his.

“Where’s yours?” He finally asked.

She raised an eyebrow at him, eyes never becoming less severe as she tried to gauge his question.

“My what?”

“Your tattoo? Where is it?”

She let out a breath, shaking her head. She hated the way Gideon felt so smug. How it seemed to circle in the air and choke her.

“There it is,” he said, not waiting any longer for her answer.

“There what is?” she responded, not able to keep the bite from her tone.

“Trouble,” he said simply. His eyes never left hers.

For a moment she considered pushing. Considered defending herself, and telling him that she wasn’t trouble. That she was doing her job, and that he should just let her be.

She didn’t get the chance, though, as he turned on his heel and followed where Hotch had left the room.

Kit stood, staring at the spot Gideon had just been for a long while before she heard Hotch’s voice through the speaker.

She turned back to the glass, watching now as Hotch and Gideon spoke to Hill. She took in his facial expressions. His body language. The feel of his emotions, though it wasn’t easy through the glass.

She did her job.

When they finished and reentered the room Kit was in, Hotch stood next to her, looking in at Hill.

“I called JJ. She, Morgan, and Elle are headed to the party now.”

Kit nodded once, eyes still searching Hill as he sat across the glass.

“What did you notice?”

She took a breath, calmer now that Hotch was there, and that she’d had something productive to focus on. “He’s really… sweaty. That probably sounds stupid, but it’s strange to me. He didn’t give me a feeling of regret. He seemed sure of his decision, I guess, until you started to talk about taking his case. Then less sure, but he was sweating before that.” She waited for him to stop her, but he didn’t, so she continued. “He started fidgeting a lot there at the end. I don’t think it was guilt though. More like… discomfort. Like there was something else bothering him other than the two of you doing your interrogation.”

Hotch nodded, turning to look at her now. “He was sweating before we started?”

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m sure of it. That’s one of the things I look for when I’m watching for patients in distress.”

The three agents watched Hill for another minute before Hotch spoke to Gideon, saying, “What is it?”

“You're right,” Gideon said, “It doesn't make sense. Why didn't Hill take his own life when we had him surrounded?”

“Guys, I think we have a problem.”

Reid walked into the room as he spoke at a brisk pace, all sense that there was something wrong with his health pushed aside by his serious demeanor. “I've been looking over the victim reports. One of the victims that was originally dosed was severely diabetic.”

Kit’s eyes went wide, though Hotch didn’t seem to see the issue.

“And?” He asked.

“He wouldn't have taken any candy from the bowl at the bank,” Kit said, eyes flicking to her, and then back to Reid.

He nodded at her and said, “All of the victims were there. We know that, but how were they poisoned? I started looking at the security footage.”

He turned the laptop he was holding. On the screen was the film from the bank, in which Lynn Dempsey was meddling with the candy bowl.

“We know Lynn Dempsey replaced some candy from the bowl. Look how close that jar is to the deposit envelopes. Now, watch this.” He clicked a button, and the film zoomed in to show Lynn Dempsey’s hand on top of the stack of envelopes, right next to the candy bowl. “See that? Her hand is directly in the stack of envelopes.”

“So, you think the envelopes were poisoned as well as the candy?” Hotch asked. Kit took a step closer, eyes looking carefully at the picture.

Reid continued. “As Lynn Dempsey was dying, she kept saying something like "the end, the end." I think that what she was saying was "the envelopes." I mean, what was Hill actually testing? The rohypnol? The LSD?”

Gideon took a moment before saying, “The delivery system.”

“Exactly,” Reid said, “Botulinum toxin and LSD are the only two substances in the world toxic enough to be effective in doses as small as thousandths of a gram. Small enough to fit on the glue strip of an envelope.”

Kit found herself nodding, though no one was looking at her. She might have added more to Spencer’s finding, but Gideon’s words from earlier stopped her.

Trouble.

She wouldn’t prove him right.

“But, the CDC didn't find any evidence of poison on the envelopes,” Hotch said, face slightly scrunched in confusion. Grasping at straws, just like they all were.

“They wouldn't have. The envelopes were destroyed after the checks were deposited and processed,” Spencer explained. He started to sound a bit hoarse now, and Kit shifted her weight in sympathy of his discomfort.

“So,” Hotch said, clearly needing to process out loud at the speed he took his words. “like the rohypnol, Hill was using the candy to throw us off. To cover his tracks. To distract us from the fact that he was testing the envelopes.”

Reid was still working it over as well. “What I can't figure out is why would he poison the envelopes to test the punch?”

“Because the punch is a decoy just like the candy,” Hotch offered.

Kit turned to look at Hill. There was something they were missing. Something right there, but they just couldn't see it.

What could he still be hiding?

She watched for a moment as he started to go a bit red, Hill’s breathing seeming strained. She heard Gideon speak behind her.

“He's not finished.”

She felt her jaw go slack as she realized what was happening. Hill was choking. He’d dosed himself with the botulism toxin before he could be captured. That was why he didn’t kill himself. He’d already done it. He was dying.

He’s dying.

“Hotch!” She yelled, moving quickly out the door of the room and around the side. She was pretty sure she didn’t have the clearance to be doing whatever she was about to do, but she didn’t really care.

She heard Hotch call, “Gideon!” behind her, but she didn’t stop.

She threw the door open, pulling desperately at the chair Hill was sitting in. The chair was heavy, and with Hill sitting on it she struggled.

Hotch came up behind her, helping pull the chair out.

“Get him down on the floor!” She called. She could feel Gideon behind her, trying to move into her space and take control.

“Get his head back!”

“Shut up!” She yelled, pulling at Hill’s arms to release the hold he had on himself as the toxin paralyzed his diaphragm.

It only took a few seconds before Hill stopped breathing, tongue going slack inside his mouth as his life ended before their eyes.

“He's dead,” Hotch said simply.

Gideon was quick to respond. “He killed himself before we even got to him.”

Kit stood to her feet, slamming her hand onto the table, “Damn it!” She yelled, rounding on Gideon. “What the hell is wrong with you?! What the hell-” she slammed her hand on the table again, “-do you think I’m doing here?!”

“Colghain-” Hotch started, but Kit was already making her way out the door.

“I’m calling EMS!” She yelled angrily over her shoulder, pushing past a dumbfounded Reid standing in the hallway, and leaving all three agents in her wake.

Kit was pacing in the hallway once she finished the call. She expected Hotch to reprimand her, or Gideon to be angry with her. Reid hadn’t even said anything, though by the look of him after his revelation about Lynn Dempsey, he was exhausted and didn’t have the energy to try to unpack what had happened.

She considered trying to help him some more. Pump him full of cold medicine and send him to bed. She didn’t. She just continued to pace, infuriated by the way Gideon had tried to take over. He had no respect for her, that much was clear.

Why am I even here? Why am I here with these people who think I’m a joke? Who have no respect for my job or for me? They don’t care about what I’m doing or who I am. They’re stiffs. They’re all stiffs.

“Colghain, come on.”

She looked up to see Gideon and Reid already setting off down the hallway, Hotch in their wake. Gideon’s body language suggested he was frustrated, but Kit genuinely couldn’t have cared less.

“The victims need to ingest the anti-toxin within four hours of the time they were poisoned,” Reid was saying.

Kit caught up to Hotch, right at his heels. They were moving in a way that suggested action, and she couldn’t pace and fume in the hallway anymore.

“You found the real targets?”

“They’re in the woods.”

“Do we know where in the woods?”

The SUV flew down the highway, and when they got there they were out of their seats in seconds. The four of them vaulted the wall between the car and the campsite, and Kit only slowed when she saw Reid nearly topple over. Was he dizzy? She’d have to check later.

They got to the officers waiting there out of breath, but entirely focused. Nothing but the victims mattered.

“These guys are in bad shape and getting worse by the minute,” the officer that greeted them said.

Hotch almost didn’t let the officer finish before he was asking, “Who's the sickest?”

“That one over there,” the man said.

Gideon didn’t let the officer finish before he was already yelling. “Medic!”

“He’s having trouble breathing. Hyperventilating, I think,” the officer continued, and they moved quickly.

“What time did he lick the envelopes?” Reid asked, just behind where Kit was walking. Gideon and Hotch were already near the man that was sweating heavily, his breaths wheezing with exertion.

“They said around 12:30,” the officer assured.

Kit let out a breath. They had time. They would be okay.

She came upon them as Gideon was starting to speak to the man. His tone was gentle and understanding. Not at all anything like he’d ever used towards her.

The tone she associated with him was scathing. Questioning. When he spoke to the victim, she could have confused him with one of her clinic nurses.

“I’m a federal agent. You're going to be fine. This is gonna make you feel a hundred percent. Relax and breathe. You're gonna be fine.”

“Thank you,” the man said, his voice weak, but the panic flooding off of him reduced to worry.

Kit moved to another one of the executives, speaking softly and assuringly as they were administered the antitoxin. She wished she could be of more help, but the EMS workers had it covered. That was their job. At that moment, she was a federal agent. Just like Gideon.

She settled in the seat across from Morgan on the jet. He put on his headphones and crashed almost immediately, and Kit envied his ability to sleep so easily.

Her mind kept drifting to Hill. To the way he died on the floor of the interrogation room. To Gideon trying to get in her way, or take her job as she attempted to help the dying man. To the way she’d yelled at him.

Ari and Monty would never believe it if she told them she’d lost her temper that way. Monty was their spitfire, at least at work. In the clinic there wasn’t a cooler head than Kit’s. But something about the way Gideon treated not only her, but those all around him, bothered her deep in her gut. She watched as he was gentle with Reid, and people he didn’t know, but never with other members of the team.

Now, she figured he probably didn’t tell everyone else they were trouble. She was trouble. Just her.

Her hands moved to help tuck her legs under her, brushing gently on the tattoo just higher than her ankle. A sprig of holly. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

She waited a moment before pulling her backpack onto the seat with her. She grabbed the blue pills from where she’d purposefully stashed them that morning, and then sat up taller, leaning over the back of her seat to where Reid had all but thrown himself.

Gideon was sleeping across from him, but she could see that their youngest wasn’t asleep at all.

“Reid,” she said quietly.

He opened his eyes and blinked up at her. “Um, yes?” His voice was rough again, sounding almost congested.

“Here. Before Hotch finishes making his coffee.” She passed over the pills and a bottle of water she’d snagged from the nurses station at the hospital the day before. She’d saved it for this exact purpose.

Reid looked surprised for a moment before sitting up, sniffling before accepting the offering. “Thanks.”

“Mhm,” she hummed, turning back to sit in her seat correctly without another word.

She wasn’t mad at Reid. She was mad at Gideon. He made her feel small, and unimportant, and stupid. That wasn’t Reid’s fault.

But Gideon was Reid’s mentor, and she had no room in her emotional baggage to be friends with the pseudo son of her antagonizer.

She scratched down the medication in her notebook before shoving it back into place in her bag. A moment passed before she heaved a sigh, glancing to Morgan and pulling out her own iPod. It wasn’t a long flight. Soon she would be back in her apartment, maybe even before Ari left for the day, and she could process about Gideon. She could process about Reid. She could process about Lynn Dempsey, coding in her hospital bed. She could process about Hill dying on the floor, right in front of her.

-----

Kit got to the metro station in record time. The redline had only three minutes until it was supposed to pick up for the night, and Kit pulled her coat tighter around herself. She’d left quickly, only going up to the sixth floor to grab her thermos from two mornings before. She’d wash it before she was due to be in the BAU the next morning, and Hotch had even told them they could have a soft start, since they got in so late.

She was wondering if she should have given Reid the nighttime version of the medication she offered. She didn’t really think about him having to drive home, and drowsy was probably not the best choice for driving across DC on a Tuesday night.

“Do you have any more water?”

“Cac!”

Kit spun around, hands at the ready, only to find Reid standing two feet behind her. His eyes were wide, nose bright red, and fever flush covering his cheeks.

“Reid! What the hell!”

“I thought you said that was a rude word,” he rasped. No one had really spoken after they got off the jet, and Reid definitely sounded worse for wear.

“What?” She said, eyes narrowing. “It is. What are you doing here?”

A wave of confusion came off of him at that. “Um, what do you mean?”

She raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the metro tracks. “What are you doing here at my metro stop?” She scoffed quietly, not letting him have the chance to lie to her. “You can tell Gideon that I take the metro just like any other person. Monty and Ari and I share a car, and normally I’m leaving the office before eleven. You don’t have to, like, spy on me.”

She watched as his eyebrows hit his hairline. He was confused, but she didn’t care. She was tired and her emotions were starting to creep back up on her. She wasn’t going to meltdown on the metro, and she was not going to meltdown in front of Reid.

Not after what he’d already seen.

“You… what?”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you’re doing,” she continued. Thankfully, the metro pulled up at that moment. She stepped onto the train and turned to face him again, gesturing to his general being. “Also, you look terrible. Don’t come in to work tomorrow.”

“Wait, no, Dakota-”

“Stop.” She said, putting every bit of force into her words, but making sure she didn’t sound aggravated enough for someone around them to try and jump in. The last thing she needed was a good samaritan to misunderstand their situation. “Just stop. Goodnight, Reid.”

He didn’t get a chance to reply before Kit moved away from the door and took a seat. She put her face in her hands and took a deep breath.

She didn’t notice him step through a door farther down, sinking into his own train seat, fevered forehead pressed against the cold redline glass as the train pulled away from the now empty stop.

#Brenna writes things #or at least she tries #Second Child Restless Child #SCRC #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #gaelic/irish #OC #female OC #Can anyone tell I hate Jason Gideon?#1x13 Poison #gap fill #TW illness #TW hospitals #tw minor character death #it's that one lady

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