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#Fear Neither Death Nor Pain {Headcanons}
thefanficmonster · 6 months ago
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can i req for a re8 ethan x reader headcanons where ethan meets a very pregnant reader that reminds him a lot of mia when she was pregnant with rose in luisa's house and triesnto save her? ur choice if he succeeds or not
Of course dear! Enjoy 💕
Pairing: Ethan Winters & Reader (Female) [Resident Evil Village]
Warnings: SPOLIERS for Resident Evil Village, Pregnancy, People in danger, Death, Fire
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
- As Ethan's eyes adjusted to the darkness in the packed room, he carefully began identifying the people's faces as well as physical and mental states
- He kept an eye out for any potentially lethally wounded looking people as well as children who'd be his first priority to maneuver elsewhere in case of an emergency
- That's when his eyes landed on a woman who was clearly struggling to uphold the calm exterior she was presenting
- That woman also happened to be very pregnant which made her ability to keep calm and rational even more impressive
- She wasn't worried about herself though, she was worried about her unborn child that she could bring into this world at any moment if bad went to worse
- She was in complete shambles, hair a mess, clothes dirty and torn, eyes hollow, void of any emotion except the slight glint of fear that she hid well
- She reminded Ethan a lot of Mia in her last two months of her pregnancy with Rose
- She always complained about how big she had gotten and never could stop gushing about how impatient she was to finally hold her baby girl in her arms
- It pained him to remember his late wife in one of the happiest moments of their lives now that he had neither her nor his daughter
- But unlike this poor woman, she had a safe environment to give birth in
- This woman has never been more in danger in her entire life
- Ethan carefully approached her, choosing to strike up a conversation as a distraction from her visibly worsening thoughts
- "Hey, are you ok? I mean, apart from the obvious, how are you feeling? Are you hurt? Is the baby ok?" He asked tenderly
- The woman scoffed but not in an ill-willed manner, just sighing the tiredness and fear out of her lungs, "I'm not hurt, I got to safety on time, but this little one is kicking hard. It's probably sensing that mama is in danger." She chuckled, finally making eye contact with him, "Thank you for your concerns, kind stranger. My name is Y/N, by the way."
- That's when shit hit the fan
- Leonardo, the father of one of the women, Elena, started falling victim to the infection of a lycan bite
- Ethan recognized the change in behavior immediately, shooting up and grabbing Y/N by the wrist immediately
- Elena instructed them to run out of the room and down the corridor and the man wasted no time following that instruction, leading the woman alongside
- He stepped in front of her putting himself between her and the room that was quickly engulfed into flames that were soon spreading throughout the entire house
- It all happened in a blur, Y/N can barely remember what went on in the moments before that frightful moment in the hallway to the moment she found herself away from the scorching heat of the fiery disaster and out in the cold of the Romanian winter
- Her eyes seem to be deceiving her, or maybe not, she doesn't even know anymore but she does get a rude awakening when Ethan shakes her by her shoulders to bring her out of her catatonic state
- "It's ok, you're safe. It's over...." He can't even convince himself, he knows that this ordeal is far from over
- This danger is never-ending from this standpoint
- “T-thank you...you saved my life. You saved my child’s life. I can’t thank you enough.” She expresses her gratefulness still in a state of distress that has her looking so heartbroken, Ethan can’t help but bring her in for a hug
- “You don’t have to thank me, Y/N.”
- As comforted as he feels by the soon-to-be-mother’s presence, he cannot shake the feeling that he’s wasting precious time
- After all, his daughter’s counting on him
- “Group with the survivors and get to safety asap....Stay strong Y/N, for yourself and for your child. I-I have to go find my daughter.”
- With that he turns and prepares to take off running but then...
- “What’s your name?!” She calls out after him, “I wanna know what to name it if it’s a boy.”
- This brings a solemn feeling of wholesomeness to Ethan’s chest as he feels his heart swell and tears well up in his eyes
- “Ethan...” he replies, giving her a brief look over his shoulder, “If it’s a girl...name her Mia!”
@artlovingbre  @megandaisy9   @le-cat-nipp  @laurensxox
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tolkien-feels · 5 months ago
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Now you have to tell us your post-Thangorodrim Curufin & Maedhros headcanons, you can't bring that up and not follow through with it
Tagging @twofoursixohjuan who asked this too.
Um, ableism tw with overtones of victim-blaming, and just general post-Angband tw (though nothing graphic), so I'll put this under a cut.
The tl;dr though is that Curufin copes with pity and guilt as well as Feanor copes with grief and loss, which is to say with simmering anger directed at the wrong targets.
Basically, when they last see each other before Maedhros is captured, Curufin respects, almost admires Maedhros. They don't have much in common but they work well as a team, and Maedhros is an authority figure because if Feanor trusts Maedhros to be a mentor to his siblings - which he does - Curufin would see as disloyal to question Maedhros's authority. Which means Curufin looks up to Maedhros as much as he knows how to look up to people who aren't Feanor. If Maedhros says "Jump off that bridge" Curufin says "This is a stupid idea, here is a better one" but he says it as he's walking to said bridge, just in case Maedhros is right. He trusts Maedhros, which is just about the highest degree of love as far as Curufin is concerned.
Now, when Maedhros comes back from Angband, he's permanently changed. First of all, physically. Curufin is bad at looking at Maedhros without feeling sick. He automatically starts coming up with possibilities for how Maedhros got each scar. Remember how Curufin scares the whole of Nargothrond so bad they never go to war again? He manages to do it to himself. He has an entire Angband-themed movie in his head and every second of it increases his horrified guilt. All of Maedhros's brothers feel guilty, of course, but Curufin can't stop looking for minute details the others miss, because paying close attention to vulnerabilities is what he does, and he can't turn this skill off. (He also feels a little bit like he deserves to be horrified, but he's actively pretending he's not feeling that.)
Anyway, although horrible, this would be quite possible to overcome as Maedhros begins to heal, except that the way Maedhros looks becomes a symbol of the psychological changes which Curufin hates even more. There once was the beautiful Maedhros who Curufin loved, and now there's this... stranger who neither looks nor acts like his brother.
You see, the way I headcanon it is sort of a feedback loop. Maedhros is initially uncomfortable around everyone, because his ability to interact with others has been severely impacted by his captivity and everything that entails. But where, say, Maglor is still basically familiar and there's some comfort in that, Curufin has changed a lot in the time Maedhros was in Angband, as his grief over Feanor's death festered into something dark and cruel. He's both cold and volatile now, and Maedhros can't help feeling jumpy around him, because even though he rationally knows that's his brother who wouldn't touch him, he keeps picking up on things like microexpressions and body language and automatically expecting pain. He doesn't want to think Curufin is anything like Sauron but something about the way he smiles when he's frustrated with Maedhros's slow recovery is eerie.
Curufin, who reads people so well, as I've mentioned, keeps in turn picking up on Maedhros's fear of him, and that makes him feel all sorts of things he can't cope with, so he turns it all into anger, because - like Feanor - anger is how Curufin handles every negative emotion.
And this sort of reaction makes Maedhros even jumpier and pushes things past what he can mostly disguise, and watching Maedhros go pale because Curufin raised his voice slightly only makes Curufin feel worse, and he begins to rationalize it as Morgoth having broken Maedhros, which turns into victim-blaming very fast. And yes, broken is very much the word he uses in his head. I have yet to think of a situation that could make him say that to Maedhros's face but I think Maedhros gets the idea even if he never actually hears the word.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is that Curufin just doesn't know how to both pity and respect someone at the same time. He really, really wishes Maedhros had died instead, because revenge is something he knows how to deal with. Watching his brother try to relearn everything from how to use a sword to how not to flinch at random noises is... something which requires empathy Curufin is scared of even trying to employ. He'll blame every being in Angband, he will blame Maglor for not acting, he will blame Fingon for not having broken rank sooner, he will blame Maedhros for not being omnipotent, he's even once blamed Feanor for dying, but he just cannot face the situation in any way that isn't just about picking targets for his anger.
What Curufin really wants is to destroy things until Maedhros isn't hurting anymore, but you can't destroy your way into healing, and the powerlessness is just driving him crazy. So it's easier to tell himself that Maedhros is a pathetic shadow of his former self, all the pride of their House gone. However, if anything, Maedhros is handling the pain of it all better than Curufin is, if only because he's facing it while Curufin is running the other way.
So long story short, initially, Maedhros looks at Curufin and feels fear, and Curufin looks at Maedhros and feels pain. That doesn't last forever, but it lasts enough to positively destroy the relationship they used to have. And then even when they can look at each other without hating everything, they find out they have irreconcilable worldviews and goals. They both want to fulfill the Oath and they both want to be productive as they bide their time to get their revenge, but they can't find any common ground whatsoever wrt what that means. Of course, by then Feanorians are used to disagreements, but while everybody accepted Maglor's authority (often unhappily, but they did), Curufin simply can't bring himself to obey Maedhros anymore without fighting him every step of the way, which they both find exhausting and pointless. As much as they can, they basically spend the rest of their lives staying out of each other's way, and only come together if they can find a common goal. Don't get me wrong, they still love each other and would jump in front of a balrog for each other, but if they can possibly avoid being alone in a room together, they absolutely will
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armenelols · 12 months ago
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There isn't enough appreciation for Elrond's and Isildur's friendship.
I think much of this comes from the movies, where our only image of Isildur is his 'no' and Elrond yelling 'Isildur!', and then we see him die because he dives into the river while running away from a battle because the One Ring falls from his finger. Sure, there is some scroll Gandalf reads, but it only makes Isildur seem even more obsessed with the Ring than he already seemed. Add to that Aragorn's rambling about how he and Isildur share blood and weakness and you've got the perfect receipt for evil Isildur and 'cast it into the fire' memes.
Movie!Elrond's 'men are weak' really isn't helping.
So to start with, I think it is necessary to say that I am talking about book!Elrond and book!Isildur here, and while I don't recall either of them calling the other friend, it's a headcanon I have and it is to some extent supported by the books.
In the chapter The Disaster of the Gladden Fields in Unfinished Tales, Isildur shares a few exchanges with his son, Elendur, that I would like to show here.
Elendur went to his father, who was standing dark and alone, as if lost in thought. 'Atarinya,' he said, 'what of the power that would cow these foul creatures and command them to obey you? Is it then of no avail?'
'Alas, it is not, senya. I can not use it. I dread the pain of touching it. And I have not yet found the strength to bend it to my will. It needs one greater than I know myself to be. My pride has fallen. It should go to the Keepers of the Three.'
And later in the chapter:
'My king,' said Elendur, 'Ciryon is dead and Aratan is dying. Your last counsellor must advise, nay command you, as you commanded Ohtar. Go! Take your burden, and at all cost bring it to the Keepers: even at the cost of abandoning your men and me!'
'King's son,' said Isildur, 'I knew that I must do so; but I feared the pain. Nor could I go without your leave. Forgive me, and my pride that has brought you to this doom.'
Earlier in the chapter, we also get this passage talking about Isildur:
When he at last felt free to return to his own realm he was in haste, and he wished to go first to Imladris; for he had left his wife and youngest son there, and he had moreover and urgent need for the counsel of Elrond.
Nearer to the end of the chapter, when talking about Isildur's death, Tolkien writes this:
There suddenly he knew that the Ring had gone. By chance, or chance well used, it had left his hand and gone where he could never hope to find it again. At first so overwhelming was his sense of loss that he struggled no more, and would have sunk and drowned. But swift as it had come the mood passed. The pain had left him. A great burden had been taken away. There he rose up out of the water: only a mortal man, a small creature lost and abandoned in the wilds of Middle-Earth. But to the night-eyed Orcs that lurked there on the watch he loomed up, a monstrous shadow of fear, with a piercing eye like a star. They loosed their poisoned arrows at it, and fled.
And last from this chapter, this bit about the Ring itself:
It was little more than two years since it had left his [Sauron's] hand, and though it was swiftly cooling it was still heavy with his evil will, and seeking all means to return to its lord.
So what does this tell us? And in addition, where was I coming to with Elrond & Isildur friendship?
1. For all of Isildur's refusal to give up the Ring after the war ended here:
'Alas! yes,' said Elrond. 'Isildur took it, as should not have been. It should have been cast then into Orodruin's fire nigh at hand where it was made. But few marked what Isildur did. He alone stood by his father in that last mortal contest; and by Gil-galad only Círdan stood, and I. But Isildur would not listen to our counsel.
' "This I will have as weregild for my father, and my brother," he said; and therefore whether we would or no, he took it to treasure it.
- The Council of Elrond, Fellowship of the Ring
Isildur realized he was wrong. The Ring was still at its most evil, and it wanted to corrupt him, it wanted to go back to Sauron, yet Isildur resisted enough to be able to almost give up the Ring willingly or at least consider it.
When he was slain, he was already taking the Ring to Elrond. Whether he would have the strength to do it later, he resisted the Ring enough to at least consider it. How many would be able to do so? Of course, there was the factor of the very touch of the Ring paining him, but compared with the Ring's will, that's hardly enough to convince a man to give it up.
And at last, when the Ring slipped from his finger, he did not dive after it. He gave it up, and swam away; and even as the orcs killed him, they killed him a free man.
2. He was bringing the Ring to Elrond. At the very beginning I said this post is about Elrond's and Isildur's friendship, and finally, I am talking about it.
It should go to the Keepers of the Three, Isildur says of the Ring - and for that, he would have to know who the Keepers are, or at least know of someone who knows. And it is said repeatedly that he seeks Elrond's counsel, that he goes to Imladris; did he know Elrond has Vilya?
The location of the Three is one of the greatest secrets kept from Sauron, and it is said many times that almost no one knew of it. Did Isildur know, suspect? In addition to this, Elendur seems to have the same knowledge, which, as he is repeatedly called Isildur's greatest confidant, isn't much of a wonder.
All in all, Isildur either connected the dots well enough to realize that out of all high elven lords, it is Elrond bears a ring of power (and Isildur is clever, this is a possibility); or Elrond was not careful enough and Isildur figured it out from his missteps (which, considering Elrond's experience with cursed jewellery isn't very likely); or Elrond gave him hints on purpose; or he just. Straight up told him.
The last two options seem to be most likely to me, which brings me to Elrond trusting Isildur enough to reveal such a secret to him, which leads me to my Elrond and Isildur are friends agenda.
Should the first option be true, props to Isildur for figuring it out by himself without any clues from Elrond other than him being important. Should Isildur be bringing the Ring to Elrond in hopes that Elrond knows who the Keepers of the Three are, without knowing Elrond is one of them, it still shows Isildur trusted Elrond enough to bring him the Ring even for temporary keeping.
(there is also the matter of whether Isildur knows the other Keepers of the Three, as he mentions them a few times, but never enough to indicate if he knows who they are)
3. Parallels. It is said that Elendil and Gil-galad, the two high kings of their people are friends. Is it really so unlikely that Elrond, Gil-galad's herald (and possibly heir, even though he took no crown), and most trusted advisor besides Círdan; and Isildur, the heir of Elendil the Tall and his second in command, would strike a friendship?
The Isildur we are presented with is both bold and wise - he saves the fruit of the White Tree of Númenor alone because it needs to be done, and then he does it again, and he does it because it's the best for his people. He takes the Ring, and tries to make it listen to him, and realizes he made a mistake; he tries to fix it, and wants to bring it to Elrond.
The Isildur we are presented with has courage, and wisdom, and hope.
Do you know what does this remind me of?
Edain. Their ideals. The reasons why they got the gift of Númenor, greater wisdom, longer lives.
They resisted the evil, no matter how strong; they were loyal, true to their beliefs, brave and courageous.
Elros was chosen as the king of the Edain and really, I highly doubt Edain would choose him as a king just because of his heritage, or because someone told them to do so. Sure, someone could have pointed out Elros to them and say 'hey, look at this dude, he could be a nice king, what do you think?' but in the end, while they might start following Elros because someone else told them, I doubt they would let themselves be led by someone who wasn't the best representation of them. In Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth, Andreth does not shy away from telling Finrod her beliefs, the beliefs of her people. And I don't think that changed with time.
What am I trying to say? I think Elros and Isildur were both similar in many ways, in ways that made them the leaders they were - and that in a way, Elrond saw Elros in Isildur, as well as himself; for Elrond still connected strongly with his mortal kin, and as I mentioned earlier, their political positions were similar.
And while Isildur was his own person and had done things neither Elros or Elrond would have done, and had his own good and bad qualities, it doesn't erase the similarities.
4. Aragorn was raised in Rivendell, by his mother and Elrond and his people. Of all the people there, it is easy to see which ones would influence him the most: Gilraen, Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir. It is repeatedly shown how close he was to them. To some extent we may include Glorfindel, for they were friends, but not as much as the above mentioned four.
Now, as Estel, he wasn't aware of his heritage. He is shown to be proud of his heritage, of his descend from Isildur; and yes, this could be a simple pride in one's ancestors. It could have been that he simply liked Isildur as a historical legendary figure and it became greater after he learnt of his descend from him. Or it could have been that he was told many tales of Isildur, of his deeds and personality, and his family, and decided I want to be like him, and like Elendil, even without knowing he was in any way related to them.
And really, when it comes to the above-mentioned people, who would be the most likely to tell him stories of Isildur? Gilraen who only knew him from stories, or Glorfindel who was never mentioned around Isildur in the books, or Elladan and Elrohir, born after Isildur's death, who could have any number of first-hand stories about hundreds of Aragorn's cool ancestors but not Isildur himself?
All I am saying is there is a potential for Elrond to be telling stories of his old friend Isildur and Elendil and Gil-galad to Estel, and Estel loving them.
There is also the fact that in the chapter The Disaster of the Gladden Fields, Elendur, Isildur's son, is said to be very similar to Aragorn. And I love the idea of Elrond's and Isildur's sons paralleling each other, in a strange way, thousands of years apart.
5. In the books themselves, we do no see Elrond speaking about Isildur much. (I checked almost every mention of Isildur in most of my Tolkien books. So yeah.) On the Council of Elrond, Elrond talks about Isildur the most, but it is mainly in historical manner and 'the Ring should have been destroyed that day' manner, as you can see in the passage from the book I mentioned above in point 1.
This doesn't tell us much about their relationship, much less their friendship - and thus as a source for my image of them as friends, I give the place to The Disaster of the Gladden Fields, thinking they would make a good duo, and the potential of how Isildur's death may have had affected Elrond.
Isildur's death was unexpected. No one expected the road not to be safe - there is a reason why Isildur and his men were unprepared for a battle. They were simply journeying on a familiar road, to Rivendell and then Arnor. Not even the Orcs that ambushed them knew of the Ring. In Rivendell, they learnt of what happened only thanks to Ohtar, Isildur's squire who survived; and even then, the specific circumstances of his death were not revealed until Aragorn found Elendilmir and the chain which bore the Ring among Saruman's things.
In all honesty, I don't think even Elrond knew Isildur planned on giving him the Ring. I do not doubt he expected him, for his wife and youngest son were in Imladris - but I found no reason as to why he might know of Isildur's plans with the Ring.
That could give him a reason to speak ill of Isildur, couldn't it? Yet when he speaks of him, he only speaks of facts and what should have been done - he doesn't call Isildur too weak to give up the ring, or power-hungry, or proud - and by the latter, Isildur calls himself several times (as can be seen here, in the passages I used above)
It needs one greater than I know myself to be. My pride has fallen.
And here:
Forgive me, and my pride that has brought you to this doom.
And yes, it was a formal Council - Elrond had no reason to speak of his personal feelings towards Isildur. Yet I think the little he said reflects his thoughts well. He might have felt some bitterness towards him, especially as he later learnt what the Ring's nature truly was; and especially as he had no knowledge of Isildur being willing to give the Ring to him, for better or worse, whether he would find the strength to do so or not.
Still, once Elrond learnt of the Ring's Nature, I think he might have understood Isildur better - especially as he himself did not dare to even touch the Ring.
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iamanartichoke · a year ago
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Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.
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I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao
So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.
In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.
When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.
I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.
Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.
So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.
People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.
I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.
THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.
Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).
It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?
So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.
And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).
I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."
Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)
So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.
I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.
Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.
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thedragonnerd · a year ago
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Rayaari headcanon - travel through the emotions with tears
(inspired by this lovely anon)
Tears of sorrow and pain
Raya is so young when she loses her mother, that the concept of death is difficult for her to understand. The reality doesn't strike her until bedtime, when she slowly begins to realize that Ma will never again be there to sing her a lullaby, or hug her fear of the monsters away. Benja is unable to stop the tears for hours, as Raya screams and cries and hits her small fists on the bed. Finally, she upsets herself so much she throws up, and her crying trails off to quiet whimpers instead. For months afterwards, Benja and Raya both dread bedtime, for this is when sorrow hits the hardest for her.
Namaari is nine when her Ba dies. Death is not an unknown concept for her, unfortunately. She has already begun to see its cold grasp ensnaring Fang citizens as famine begins to sweep the lands. But nothing can prepare her for the news the young soldier delivers of her Ba's accident, nor the expression on Ma's face when they both realize he won't be coming home. She doesn't cry for the first week after his death, and people whisper about how stoic and brave she's being. In reality, she is too shocked and numb to demonstrate any further emotions, until one night she awakens to find Ma has crawled into bed next to her, hugging her close in her sleep. Hot tears fall down her cheek, and she burrows into her mother's embrace as she cries silently.
After the Druun return, after she loses her Ba, Raya finds herself scared and all alone in the world, besides faithful Tuk Tuk. During the day, she wraps herself in false bravado, learning how to be a confident young woman instead of an easy mark for people with questionable motives. She employs a 'fake it until she makes it' approach to life, and it carries her through well enough...except at night. At night, she can't help but remember both her parents, and in the darkness she softly sings her mother's lullaby to soothe herself as the tears fall.
When the magnitude of what she has done by trying to take the Dragon Gem hits Namaari, she is horrified with herself. She cries quietly at night for weeks on end, reluctant to talk to anyone about her guilt. And then one day, she wakes up and decides she has no right to cry over it – she should step up and be responsible for her own actions instead, and be the best leader she can be. For several years after that moment, she refuses to let herself cry. Then one scouting mission, she loses her first soldier to the Druun, watching him turn to stone over her shoulder as they flee. She manages to hold it together as she tells his family how brave he had been; then, she goes to the kitchen, stealing as much rice wine as she can carry. She hides with her serlots, drunkenly crying into their soft fur until she can barely breathe. After that, she allows herself to cry sometimes, but only ever when alone.
The first time Raya visits Talon, she is fourteen and half-starving. The market place is loud and confusing, but it’s also full of food and wonderful scents. Unfortunately, she has no jade pieces and the soldiers patrolling the stalls do not seem like people with whom she should risk get into trouble. She almost walks away instead of trying to buy anything, but her stomach cramps just at that moment, and she almost gasps in pain. It breaks her heart, but she slowly hands over a ring of gold in order to buy some food – the only thing she has with her that belonged to her mother. ‘You know, that vendor scammed you,’ a young boy tells her with a snort, as she walks away. ‘You should have gotten far more product for the worth of the ring.’ The food tastes like ashes in her mouth after that, and hot tears slip down her cheeks as she tries to choke down the rest of her dinner.
Namaari’s scouting party is ambushed, not by the Druun, but by angry citizens from Spine. She loses good people that day, watching in horror as they are overwhelmed by Spine’s army, still acting as good soldiers trying to protect their Princess until the end. The last warrior screams at her to run, and even though it is against her instincts, she turns and flees into the forest, not even stopping when a sharp pain pierces her side - an arrow hitting its mark. She collapses some distance later, crying in pain and fear. For the first time, she fears she will die alone, bleeding out amongst the trees. Then she remembers her mother, remembers her duties and the promises she made to herself, and staggers upright. Her serlot finds her as she slowly makes her way forwards, and when she finally manges to crawl onto her back, they take off towards Fang.
‘You’re a traitor to your people,’ someone snaps at Raya, as she tries to mediate between two disagreeing Heart citizens. ‘You try to tell us what to do, but you’re a Princess who doesn’t even know half of her own culture. Too busy cavorting with binturis from Fang and other lands to bother with your own.’ She can feel the tears coming on as the words cut deep into all the fears she has about herself – how she isn’t a good leader, how she lost so many years where she should have learnt about Heart and her role as Princess. A hand lands on her shoulder squeezing gently, yet the voice behind its owner is cutting. ‘Gentlemen, I suggest you leave now before you make me do something I regret,’ Namaari says, and when the men depart angrily, silence falls. Namaari doesn’t say anything at first, drawing Raya into an embrace instead. ‘You’re a better leader than they could hope to be,’ she whispers into Raya’s hair, kissing her head gently. Raya clings to her tightly, arms wrapped around her waist.
‘You’re not welcome here, binturi,’ comes the accusation thrown into her face, and Namaari flinches, much to her own disgust. The celebratory gathering is supposed to be for all the lands to come together, but she can understand Fang not being so warmly welcomed. She is trying though, trying to atone for her mistakes, and after a long day of talking herself into having the confidence to attend, she is now just feeling overwhelmed with their cutting remarks. She simply nods and tries to walk away while hiding her face, but Raya is already pushing past her, getting into the personal space of the other women with a snarl. ‘She’s more welcome here than you currently,’ she growls. Then she spins around, holds out an arm gallantly to Namaari with a smile, and says ‘shall we?’ with a wink. Namaari links their arms, and they walk away with their heads held high.
Tears of laughter and joy
There is something charming and fun in watching Sisu learn more about people and their odd behaviours. Namaari is still slightly in awe of dragons in general, but she finds it easier the more she spends time with Sisu and watches her do ridiculous things. Sisu often brings Tong, Boun and even Noi along to visit Raya, and Namaari loves this time especially, because Raya will go and join in on the fun, laughing at her friends’ antics until tears stream down her face. Namaari sits and watches them with a smile, until Raya runs over and grabs her by the hand, dragging her over to the group.
Raya likes to think she is excellently athletic and nimble on her feet, and to a certain extent this is true. Unfortunately, she has a rather clumsy side to her also, and she spectacularly demonstrates this in front of Namaari by mistake. She is trying to demonstrate how smooth her mounts and dismounts from Tuk Tuk’s saddle are, and even goes so far as to try and show off by standing up on his back. And yet, she slips sideways instead, arms windmilling in the air before she drops onto the floor. ‘Are you alright?’ Namaari calls, and as soon as Raya answers in the affirmative, she can hear a cackle of laughter. Namaari is laughing so hard that there are tears shining in her eyes, and Raya can’t feel too embarrassed by her tumble when it brings Namaari such joy.
At the end of a very long day of Council meetings, Raya wants nothing more than to escape the political grandstanding and disappear into the night instead of staying for dinner. She manages to grab some food from the kitchen before it is even brought out for the guests, and then steals Namaari herself as company. They sit under the stars, enjoying their picnic and complaining about the day. Namaari does a wonderful impersonation of the most annoying Councilor in the meeting, and Raya startles into loud laughter at how realistic it is. Soon they are lying next to each other, giggling loudly until they are both crying from laughter.
Namaari kisses Raya for the first time during a sparring session. They are fighting in a casual manner for once, not trying to be highly competitive as usual, but preferring to shoot as many teasing remarks towards the other as punches, enjoying the moment. Raya manages to pin Namaari down on the ground, leaning forwards slightly to highlight her triumphant and teasing expression, and instead sees Namaari staring up at her with a soft smile. Namaari brings both hands up to slide her fingers through Raya’s hair, drawing her down until their lips are touching softly. Raya feels tears welling up behind her eyes at she feels the love emanating from Namaari.
Raya proposes after two years of dating and several days of angsting over whether she has the correct words to say or the correct proposal gifts. But when it comes to the moment, she forgets everything, and just blurts out ‘I love you. Marry me?’ Namaari stares at her in shock for a moment, before stepping forward to kiss Raya. ‘Yes, yes of course,’ she says, her voice shaking from her emotions. Raya cups her cheeks in both hands, gently wiping away her tears before they kiss again.
When they marry, neither of them can get through their vows without some tears of happiness. No-one judges them for it though – most of their family and friends are crying also.
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fallstreakfeathers · a year ago
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[More] Obey Me Headcanons
[ I didn’t edit this at all, really, but I have around 30 headcanons so far that I’m using for my fic and would like several backups- so, I’m posting it here.) 
The ‘Devildom’ is a planet that is larger than ours. ‘Hell’ refers to a part of each territory the Avatar’s govern that is reserved for retaining and torturing human souls. These areas are actually quite small compared to the rest of the land. Each environment is unique, with its own native flora, fauna, land formations, climates, and dangers.
The Devildom resides on a tall, mountain-ringed plateau that towers over the lands around it. It is not the tallest point in the demon world.
Demons have elemental affinities that also define certain weaknesses. A demon that’s used to the heat and gasses of flowing magma would have difficulties in the colder parts of the world, or fighting against a demon or creature who uses a lot of freezing attacks.
There are many places in their realm that even Demons refrain from going, or simply cannot. One such area is a vast frozen land in the far northeast that drops to temperatures low enough that even demons that are developed for icy area’s cannot survive without magical assistance. However, this also makes the area a great place for criminals and the exiled to live should they be able to fight the cold. Demons and such that failed to pass the test of the cold are frequently found encased in the tall, pointed ice spires that jut from the ground- trapped in an unending preservation until the end of days.
There’s a massive crater in one part of the world, in the land Mammon governs, that’s referred to as the ‘Fear Pit’. It’s the aftermath of a massive battle between two demons, and the entire area is cursed with illusions that prey on your fears. It gets worse the closer you are to the bottom. Demons occasionally travel to test their own resolve, though few ever make it to the center- usually opting to turn back before their fear drives them mad.
Beelzebub dislikes thunder because it sounds similar to some sounds he heard in the war
Demon’s are immortal only in that time cannot destroy them, They can still die from wounds and even disease.
Not all demons can speak human languages. There’s plenty in the Devildom/Hell who’ve never set foot in the human realm and have never bothered to learn the realms languages.
On that note, there are more than a few specific demonic dialects spoken in the devildom. The Avatars and most high nobility are required to be fluent in the most common 3 demonic languages.
Demons who came to the Devildom by falling from the Celestial Realm are not considered ‘true demons’, and many have challenged the Avatars solely because of their origins
Demons may have pacts with multiple humans. If a demon who has more than one pact is ordered to do something by multiple pact holders, the demon will obey whoever has the strongest bond with them OR the orders will cancel each other out.
Many species found in the Devildom/Hell and the Celestial Realm are not exclusive to one or the other- dragons and unicorns are found in both, for example, but with different traits and personalities. Dragons in the Devildom are ugly things that spit an acidic venom, while those in the Celestial Realm are sleek and able to shoot blasts of fire from their throats. Some creatures remain the same in each realm, but are referred to by different names. Many mythic creatures from every human culture can be found in both the Devildom and Celestial realm
Though their human forms look rather perfect, everyone who fought in the Celestial War bears a great number of physical scars, some of which affect their human guise as well
Belphegor's right eye is completely blind in all his forms. He tends to hide it in his human appearance because it’s sometimes seen as a weakness by other demons who might try to challenge him. He has the most trouble with demon’s attempting to fight him because he’s often seen as the weakest Avatar due to his sleeping habits and general outward appearance. This is, of course, a massive mistake.
Belphegor frequently wraps his tail around himself (like a hug) for comfort- particularly when he’s alone
Belphegor’s horseshoe was broken during a fight with a demon who wanted to challenge his title/status.
Demons don't usually bury their dead because many simply disappear upon death. How they disappear depends on their primary sin (Wrath erupts in a blast of fire)
Leviathan changes the order of the smiley pins on his clothes depending on his mood (green for happy/content, yellow for neutral, red for angry/upset)
Satan dislikes chocolate
Demons are practically infertile. Children born naturally (human standard) are extremely rare. As such, all demon children are cherished and protected by modern demonic societies as a whole, and intending to harm one is punished harshly.
Lucifer may have birthed Satan from rage, but a demon can create another being from any emotion so long as it’s powerful enough (love, envy, etc). This is much more common than the physical way of creating children. The offspring will generally exhibit whatever emotion spawned them and will behave accordingly to whoever the emotion was directed at. After their birth, they grow very fast until they appear 10-15 years old, and their growth slows immensely.
A specific ritual is required for a demon( or angel) and human to crossbreed with each other, as they are completely different species. It would be like trying to cross a dog with a giraffe. These births are always extremely dangerous for the human mother. There are a few exceptions to this, such as Incubi/Succubi but successful crossbreeding is still extremely rare.
The older a demon is, the more horrific their true forms are. Anyone who has existed before the Celestial War is referred to as an ‘Ancient/Old World’ demon. Those born after and those who fell are considered ‘New Age/Modern’ demons. There are a handful of creatures referred to as ‘Primordials’. These beings are neither demons nor angels, but are immensely powerful and are very secretive. Not much is known about any of them, and they rarely show themselves. They also rarely partake in the social/political conflicts of the three realms. They did not have a presence in the Celestial War.
These titles have no bearing on how civilised someone may be.
There are technically four realms known. The Celestial, Devildom, and Human realms are commonly spoken about but the fourth realm is known as ‘Oblivion’ and isn’t so much a world as it is multitudes of platforms floating throughout a nebula. It’s useless overall but is used as a prison and punishment for the worst of demonkind. Few have ever made it out, but those that have come back a blubbering, maddened shell of who they were. Diavolo and Barbatos both are capable of opening a portal to it.
All demons/Fallen have the capability to return to a monstrous form, but Ancient demons have a particularly difficult time making themselves look human again (some Ancient’s are incapable of returning at all). New Age demons are able to transform much more freely, but if the transformation is brought on by strong negative emotion (rage, fear, or a physical reaction such as pain), it takes much longer to change back
The final stage of demonic courtship involves seeing each other's truest self. This display is a form of trust in the highest regard, the goal being total acceptance of each other. It should never be taken lightly. Not every couple goes through this, but those that do form a deeply personal and permanent bond.
A demon in full form is rare outside battle, though some choose to remain in their appearance as a way of showing off.
Some demons (nobility and such) have several forms outside of their human/humanoid guises
Demons are compelled to chew on things. There are several businesses specializing in ‘demon chew toys’. Gnawing on these can release both stress and anxiety and also helps maintain healthy teeth.
Demons shed their horns, scales, teeth and fur, and will often use these shed materials in their own clothing, jewelry, and other such items. Shedding season differs for every demon- it happens to some every half year, year, couple years, or even centuries. Being given an item made from a demon’s shed is considered a personal gift
Demons can tell the basic emotional state of any human they have a pact with. Whether they react to it or care is another story.
Despite the common opinion that the Devildom doesn’t have a sun, the sky brightens every 3 human world days thanks to the passing of a dwarf star. However, it would be a mistake to believe that the demon world is devoid of light without it! There are plenty of natural light sources that provide the lands with a way to see (for those without night vision), such as glowing crystals and mushrooms, magma, etc.
The Devildom’s planet’s core burns hotter than ours, which counteracts how cold it would be otherwise (though it’s still quite chilly in many parts of the planet)
When Diavolo ordered that no human be harmed in the Devildom again, he also banned all media portraying humans as prey. These books, videos, and movies are now sold on the black markets and hoarded by those who disagree with Diavolo
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agvhell · 3 months ago
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Giant!Shuichi Headcanons
Oh god this is like the fastest and less edited writing i’ve ever wrote holy shit-
Anyways, here’s some giant!Shuichi headcanons as promised (It’s not a lot, I know, but it’s the only thing i could come up with til now)
Warning: If you do not know what Danganronpa (V3) is, i suggest you not to read this (contains mention of death/execution/killing ) AND this contains huge spoilers for the game (esp chapter 1)
also I still haven’t entirely finished watching the game’s playthrough, so sorry if something here is written wrong according to canon.
- after Kaede's death, as promised, the other's get a punishment too, for not finding who the real culprit is; and the punishment is for Shuichi(since his problem will cause problems for others as well) to slowly grow to a gigantic sized human in the class trial.
- he feels sudden pain in his kneecap (caused by the growth ray ill explain what it is in the continue of the HCS) and he then starts growing.
- everyone start freaking out as Shuichi himself panics too, since he doesn't know why his eyes' distance with the floor grows further and further without a warning; though his head doesn't hit the ceiling and the era around him and his classmates doesn't get cramped for neither him nor his classmates, he feels dizzy and crashed under the confused and scared gaze of the other students, the pain in his body caused by the sudden and huge growth, and the anxiety feeling in his guts.
- after his growth is done, both him and the others are confused but Monokuma says that the class trial is over and they should get out; Kaito tries to start a fight with Monokuma since he thinks he is the reason why Shuichi suddenly grew (well yes but no, Tsumigi shoot shuichi w/ a growth ray when no one was looking since all of them were horrified by Kaede's execution), but Maki and Kiibo stop him from doing so.
- Tsumigi actually does this as a motive for the next murder attend(s) too; Well obviously her plan fails since Shuichi has no interest in killing any of his classmates.
-Shuichi doesn't show it, but sometimes he thinks about how his family and friends from the outside world would react to his new towering size; Will they disown him? Will they act like he is some sort of a monster, or rather a beast? Will they even give him a chance to explain what has happened to him? All these frightening thoughts, rarely give him mid night panic attacks and he don't know weather he can vent to his close remaining friends about it.
-As a normal sized, Shuichi usually avoids conversations and communication since he is introverted a lot; And as giant, his avoidant increases just as much as his height has increased. Although he doesn't mind being comforted b his close friends (Like Kaito and Maki, but mostly Kaito since he is the Ultimate Therapist and a Bro to Shuichi), thus he fears he might hurt them, so he usually keeps a distance between him and others.
-Now that he is a giant and can't even fit his arm through a door, he usually gets help from Kiibo when it comes to investigations; How? Kiibo and Shuichi asked Miu to install a filming function on Kiibo; Although when Miu was going to install the program, she realized there's already a filming function installed in Kiibo's eyes, so all she had to do was to connect Kiibo's filming function to a monitor so when Kiibo investigates something, Shuichi can see it through the monitor; Miu also installed a function on the monitor so Kiibo and Shuichi can communicate with each other during an investigation.
-The first person Shuichi gets to be around after his sudden growth is Kiibo; Since he is a robot and there's less chance of him getting hurt then the other students. Kiibo on the other hand tries to assist any sort of help to Shuichi, and Shuichi is grateful about it.
-Kaito is the second person Shuichi would trust himself with him (probably not because Kaito doesn't care whether Shuichi wants him to be around or not since he wants to comfort his friend in any way possible lmao). He sometimes brings up the fact about just how tall Shuichi has gotten and jokes about that he can totally reach the moon with just raising his hand up; It eases Shuichi to see how his friend doesn't seem to see him as a dangerous monster or something.
-When Shuichi grew to a giant, Tenko was terrified; She literally tried to get all the women in the class behind her to protect them while shouting "YOU F*CKING MALES!" because she thought Shuichi was going to hurt them; And in confusion, Shuichi tried to reach for his classmates behind Tenko's back causing her to become more feral (thankfully after that everyone realized that Shuichi has no intension of hurting anyone).
-Kokichi will try every single opportunity possible to freak the hell out Saihara; Fake crying about how Shuichi hurt him, giving him heart attacks and scaring him to death; Although after a few times of lying Shuichi doesn't fall for it anymore, but it doesn't stop the panta boy from making up crazy and unbelievable lies.
aand thats it for now lol, i know gtronpa fandom is probably dead, but damn i enjoy writing gtronpa
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mellowswriting · a year ago
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Sweet but Fierce S/O
**some of these are more blurbs than headcanons... what can I say, it got away from me
Mando: 
The duality is something Mando sees often with you, and he can’t deny that he loves it. You aren’t just sweet and soft with him, an experienced bounty hunter who by definition was the opposite of soft, but you were so good with the Child. You could get him to sleep like you had cast a spell over him, fed and played and talked with him as if you could actually understand his babbling. Soft and sweet wasn’t something Mando saw often in his life and now he can’t get enough of it.
But Mando is familiar with fierce, and seeing the way you protect the Child and his beskar-clad father? It honestly turns him on beyond comprehension. How can the same hands that provide comfort and care so readily also viciously break the bones in the wrist of someone unfortunate enough to have made a grab for the Child? How can the same hands that make warm, delicious food for your little clan (a habit you picked up after balking at Mando’s tendency to survive solely on ration bars) also steadily hold a blaster to the temple of an idiot who tried to remove Mando’s helmet?
As a Mandalorian, he is so used to the world being black and white, either or. Every bit of you is refreshing to him - the considerate gestures, the soothing touches, the biting need to protect those you love. It’s a precious quality. 
It’s also incredibly attractive. Mandalorian culture is based in caring for and protecting children, so seeing you so fiercely loving?? Basically it makes him want to rail you into oblivion, but that’s neither here nor there. 
Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales:
Frankie could use a little sweetness in his life. It’s been a tough time, coming back from all that shit that went down in South America. He was closer than ever with the boys of course, but something was missing. He needed something more. So when Pope introduced you to him at his barbeque, Frankie was beyond interested.
It was a whirlwind, falling in love with you. You changed his life in the best ways; taught him which yoga poses would help with his achy back, filled his house with soft blankets and delicious coffees, listened to him ramble on as he drove. And the way you talked about your work, your career? It’s enamoring. 
Your work is how he gets to see that fierce side. The two of you were out to lunch when your phone rang - it was one of your clients, apparently dealing with some sort of crisis. Frankie couldn’t deny you when you asked him to drive you to her home, especially since he had driven you to the small restaurant. Frankie leans against his car door as you go up to her house. 
Apparently her landlord was illegally trying to evict her. You have no issue getting in his face and telling him with a terrifying kind of calm that you have no issue calling the police and your company’s lawyers. You’ll have him buried in litigation and fines for the next decade if he doesn’t stop being a greedy piece of shit and go about his day elsewhere. If that wasn’t enough to have Frankie wide eyed (and drooling just a bit tbh), you seem to fall right back into your sweet self as you calm your client and reassure her that all will be fine. 
Hell, maybe Frankie could use a little spitfire in his life, too.
Javier Peña:
How? Just. How?
Javier doesn't understand how you've managed to be so sweet when surrounded by the shit you both worked with everyday. Your eyes are so bright and soft, your smiles easy and pure, every gesture full of unwavering kindness. Working in admin meant you saw all of the reports, all of the gruesome pictures of the aftermath of Escobar’s men. So again: how?
Christ, you always offer to get coffees for him and Murphy on those endlessly long days where every lead seems to fizzle out and he wants nothing more than to put his hand through a wall. Your presence is a bright spot in the office, even when the rain clouds hang heavy around his head. 
Javier seeks you out on those bad days. It isn’t intentional - usually, at least. He’ll tell Murphy he needs to go for a walk before he starts throwing things and will find himself at your desk with you looking up at him with those big, soft eyes and asking if you can help at all. If only he had the words to tell you that your presence was helpful in and of itself. 
Eventually Murphy gets onto him about it, tells him to just ask you out already because he’s tired of the longing. So Javi bucks up and makes his way to your desk with a surprising amount of nerves in his stomach. Fuck, how long had it been since he asked someone on an actual date and not just out to drinks as a prelude to fucking?
The sight of Agent Buchanan perched slightly on the edge of your desk gives him pause. The man is obviously laying on the charm and Javi is about to turn on his heel when he notices how uncomfortable you look. Javi’s eyes narrow because seriously? This dude is gonna fuck with the one literal ray of sunshine in the office? Buchanan leans forward and places his hand on your thigh and that’s when Javier is marching forward to break his spine in fucking half…
Before he can even get to you, you slip your fingers under his and give him that soft, sweet smile… and Buchanan’s middle finger is shoved back at a vicious angle. Over his pained sounds, Javier can hear the anger in your voice. “I said no thank you, asshole.”
Holy fuck. If Javier was interested before, he’s downright obsessed now. 
And as always, the honorable mention of Javier’s innocence kink. 
Ezra: 
At first Ezra thinks it's some sort of bluff, the charming and easygoing nature you portrayed. When you came across him in the Green wounded and in dire need of a new filter and probably a meal or two, you just… helped him. His very own partner left him for dead, and here you were, offering him a lifeline without expecting anything in return.
Yeah, no. That’s not something that happens, especially not in the Green.
He isn’t afraid to call you on it, either. This man is straight and to the point in every aspect of his life, might as well do the same in his death instead of getting jerked around. But you just… grinned, all conspiratorial, and whispered, “I’m actually just using you for good karma. This is a selfish act, don’t worry.” 
Huh.
It takes Ezra a moment to be assured that you aren’t playing some kind of long con as you nurse him back to health. You still clean his wounds and force him to take medication to help his lungs recover from the toxic air with confidence and ease despite his untrusting looks. Once he gets over his fears, there’s no getting rid of him. Ezra likes you. He likes the sweetness, the gentle touches. That’s why he offers you his partnership and beams when you accept.
Besides simply liking you, your kindness is a rarity that sparks a deep need in Ezra to keep you safe, protected. The idea of you harvesting on your own with no one to watch your back makes him feel sick to his stomach.
It’s the third day he’s out harvesting with you that he realizes you absolutely do not need his protection. You hear the duo approaching before Ezra does and immediately shove him into the raised, gnarled roots behind a tree - and the shot that would’ve caught him in the chest flies harmlessly past. Before Ezra can tell you to stay put and let him handle it, you’re scrambling out from behind the tree and he can hear the sound of your thrower discharging and a body crumpling to the ground. 
Ezra shoots out to help but you’re trying to wrestle the other man to the ground and Kevva damnit, he can’t get a clear shot with all that writhing about. Just as he goes to jump into the mix, whatever hold you have on the man straightens his arm out behind his back in a harsh, unforgiving line. The man’s thrower slips from his incapacitated hand and the sight of you snatching up midair and firing it right through his helmet has to be the most erotic thing Ezra has ever seen.
You can expect this man to wax poetic about the twofold of your personality for hours. Goes on and on about how he loves seeing the different ways you light up: in passion, in pleasure, in anger. It’s downright titillating. 
Marcus Pike:
Working with you gives leaves Marcus in the perfect position to see both sides. You’re so compassionate with the victims as you guide them through the legal processes but you also look ridiculously hot with a gun in your hand. Or while you pull on your bulletproof vest. Or when you’re strapping a holster to your thigh.
What can he say, Marcus can’t get enough of you either way. 
He loves when you give him that grateful smile when he brings you a coffee. The shoulder rubs you give him when he’s been sitting at his desk for too long leave him hazy with a mix of love and pleasure. The way you open your arms up for him to crawl into bed, still half asleep but still wanting him against you… it was pure heaven. 
Marcus also loves the hard edge in your voice when you’re interrogating a suspect. He loves the fire in your eyes when he wraps a hand around your throat and growls out exactly what he’s going to do to you, that bratty energy radiating off you and filling him with the need to break you down until he gets to see the pretty, begging glimmer of his sweet little thing again. 
Max Phillips:
Max is the kind of man who loves having a pretty, wide eyed thing beneath him, watching their face morph into that surprised pleasure. That’s exactly what he’s gonna get from you, too. He just knows it.
You’re the kind of person everyone loves working with, always offering a smile and kind words throughout the day. You work so hard and so diligently, that work ethic is something that leaves you offering your assistance when you’ve finished up before closing time. Max thrives on those moments where you peek into his office and ask if there’s anything he needs - maybe a coffee or some help with some paperwork. 
One day he decides, fuck it. Throws caution to the wind because hey, this is Max fucking Phillips we’re talking about here. So he waves you in when you pop by, lets you sit in one of the chairs on the other side of his desk, and whispers “You can help by bending that pretty little ass over my desk.”, his hands braced on either armrest. 
The last thing Max expects is a harsh smack across his face. He stumbles back, eyes wide as you stand and glare at him. “Go fuck yourself, Phillips.” 
Okay, yeah. He deserved that. The great thing about him, though? Max also loves the chase. And what could be better than slowly but surely convincing you that the best thing for you is letting him rail you into oblivion? 
Pero Tovar:
Before he sees that fierce side of you, Pero keeps his distance. He’s a sellsword for god’s sake, he feels he has no business around such softness. He’ll hurt you, he’s sure of it. But that doesn’t stop him from looking. Pero often sees you in the market and every time, you take his breath away. You could usually be found aiding an elder in gathering their shopping into their carts or kneeling down to speak with the local children running amok.
As a man who spent his life surrounded by battle and hardship, it was a nice change.
It wasn’t long until he caught your eye, and Pero floundered. He didn’t know what to do with that first small gesture - he just stared at you when you offered him a small bundle of cheeses and meat to aid him on his two month long journey he was about to set off on. Of course he later cursed himself for the stunned silence he offered in response to your well wishes and the small wave you gave before you left him standing like a fool next to his horse. 
Pero would thank you properly when he returned, that was the resolve he came to while away. You deserved to hear the words at the very least. He takes a moment to clean up before he sets out to find you, not wanting you to see him covered in grime, and as always, he spots you within moments of entering the village. Except something is… off. Your face through the shop window lacks it’s usual brightness, your eyebrows pinched together, something akin to fear replacing the brightness your eyes usually held. That’s when Pero realizes there’s a man holding a dagger to the shopkeeper and demanding the man's coin. 
By the time Pero has his own dagger in hand and shoves through the door, the man is already crumpling to the ground from the harsh kick you landed at the back of his knee. Pero watches in  awe as you take advantage of his confusion to snatch the blade from his hand and point it at him with your foot pressed firm to his back. 
Despite just how amazing you look like that, Pero takes over quickly, wanting you out of harm’s way immediately. The assailant is taken care of after a small struggle and when you rush towards him to make sure he isn’t hurt, a fire lights in his belly. As you fret over him, your soft hands searching for any harm to his scarred, calloused skin, Pero knows. He’s found his person, he can feel it in his gut, deep in his bones. 
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myonepiece · a year ago
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Shanks, Doflamingo, Mihawk headcanon- Reaction to falling in love w/ you but finding out it was an order from your captain so he could take them down
They’re kind long but I promise they’re worth it, I got a little too into it with Doffy’s ;-;
Warnings: angst, death, ab//se 
TW
Shanks
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Shanks had never felt this happy, he felt as if he could do anything, like he truly was the king of the world. You meant everything to this man and it could be seen by everyone- the way he looked at you like you were the only thing that he could see. The way you talked to him and held him made him feel safe but also like he had to protect you with everything he has
He had found out about your mission from one of his subordinates who had caught you conversing with your captain. In front of his crew he wouldn’t bat an eye, he wouldn’t let anyone see the pain and sorrow that consumed his every waking thought
He went to you and asked if this was true, begging you to say it was not, that it was just a misunderstanding. But Shanks was smart enough to know what he had to do, he had to protect his crew
Shanks would not kill you himself, but he would have one of his crew (most likely Benn) do it. He wouldn’t watch, only ask if it was done. 
He had never felt so disrespected and betrayed before. Very breath he took pained him and every thought was interupted by thoughts of you. He gave everything to you, he gave you money and jewels and gifts and his whole heart, and yet you threw it all away. 
He grew an intense hatred towards you, sometimes wishing he could’ve been the one to end your life. Your name was not permitted on his ship, the whole crew knew of the woman who had managed to break their captain, and all despised you and everything relating to you.
Shanks would not love again, he would have one night stands and fool around, but everytime he would compare the woman to you, and everytime they could not measure up.
He still loved you, this much was true. It was love buried deep behind his feelings of hatred and disgust, and he would not let anyone know. But when Shanks zones out, his eyes lost in the stars and a small heartbroken lovesick grin plastered on his face, his closest friends knew exactly who he was thinking of
Doflamingo
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Doffy had never planned to fall in love, but his armored and fractured heart had been captured by you. His mind no longer only swam with sadistic thoughts of pain and self-loathing, instead a small sparkle of light would enter growing so bright it blinded him. He trusted you with his everything, and it terrified him yet made him fall even deeper into the bottomless pit of your love, the pit which did indeed end up having a bottom- a bottom lined with spikes and spears that prodded at his body as he reached them
Doffy’s subordinate had brought back letters exchanged between you and your captain, telling of your cruel plan to claim the Heavenly Demon’s heart and use it to break him. Doflamingo did not bat an eye, neither screams nor anger escaped him, instead an eary silence swept over him encapturing the world around him. 
You had felt a chill run down. your spine as you took in the horrifying silence, the atmosphere reminding you of the calm before a storm. A storm that wore a fluffy pink coat.
Doflamingo had bursted into your room, no creepy smile accompanying him this time. His voice was kept completely level as he spoke each and every awful insult he knew, all limits were crossed. He used all of his strength to strike you down, hitting you over and over again as iinsults continued flying from his mouth. He watched as the color drained from your blood covered skin and the light that he loved so much, finally left your eyes. Only after you took your last breath, did Doflamingo smile.
He told all of his subordinates to wait outside and retreated to his bedroom, locking himself in, then took the rest of his anger out on his surroundings, crushing everything he could get his hands on. And as he sat in the midst of the destruction, he doubled over in pain as he let out a bloodcurdling cry of anguish. He let the tears roll down his face as he mourned the loss of the one sweet and innocent thing he had, the one thing holding him back from total madness and insanity. 
He had finally reached his breaking point, spending the next few days killing each and every person who had the slightest meaning to you, including your real crew and captain. He would never again let someone into his life, no more love for Doflamingo, no more. happiness or sense of security in your arms. He forbd the mention of your name, anyone who mentioned it would be swiftly killed without a seecond thought. He built the walls around his heart 100x stronger. He made everyone think he had forgotten you and completely erased you from his memory, but in the dead of night when the silence was too much, he would sit in darkness as he cried while clutching the diamond ring that once belonged to you 
Mihawk
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Mihawk thought of you as the center of his universe. The mature man had turned into a lovesick boy who followed you around like a lost puppy. You’re sweet and innocent personailty brought light to the darkness of Mihawk’s life, bringing feelings he had never felt. The two of you had spent nights together walking the grounds of Kuraigana island, dancing in the moonlight, sipping wine together while you both sat upon his throne. The safety Mihawk found in your embace was heavenly and the feeling of protection towards you overwhelmed his sensess, it was like a dragon guarding its treasure.
Mihawk was told of your mission by Shanks who had run into your crew. He knew Shanks would never lie to him, especially about something like this, so he knew he would have to put an end to your love. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t considered forgetting about this and continuing the heavenly lie, but his pride would not allow it. The direspect, rage, and betrayal he felt was rivaled by nothing. As he cornered you by the fireplace, you could see no emotion in his eyes, no fear or sadness. 
Mihawk knew he could not kill you, so he simply pointed towards the front door uttering a simple “leave”. As the sound of the door closing ssounded throughtout the now empty castle, he could’ve sworn he saw the moonlight grow darker and the shadows close in. He sat in his chair and drowned himself in wine, trying to forget the searing pain throught his body. 
He had Shanks hold your Captain hostage so Mihawk himself could kill him. Joinging Shanks on his boat, Mihawk put on a mask hiding his emotions away, he wanted to return to his castle and lock himself away from the world, but Shanks would not let his dear friend be alone in this time. 
Shanks handed Mihawk drink after drink trying to help him cope with the loss of his love. Everyone knew how much you meant to Mihawk, and all of the Red Haired Pirates now dispised you and reacted to any mention of you with disgusted faces and harsh insults. Shanks held a rage for you stronger than that of his crews’, for he could see the pain you were causing Mihawk and he was sure that if he ever came across you, he would do the one thing that Mihawk could not.
Only when Mihawk returned home to harrowing silence and emptiness of Kuraigana Castle, did he feel his exterior break. He fell too his knees by the door, covering his eyes as the tears he had been holding in for oh so long finally escaped. His broken sobs bounced off the walls. For hours the only sound that could be heard was the strangled sobs of a man who had lost his heart, because when you left you had ripped his heart out of his chest and carried it away with you, leaving a fierce warrior crying in the dark 
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pyroxeene · a year ago
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Some thoughts about Sukuna
I guess this is something akin to analysis and theories? Not sure. I'm trying my best. But note, these are my personal interpretations of Sukuna based on the canon I've been given and given how little we actually know about Sukuna it's totally valid if you have a different idea of him. This post is meant to explore his character, not discredit anyone in their interpretation. These might sound like a bunch of hot takes but hear me out
1. Sukuna is nihilistic rather than actively sadistic
You may ask yourself how I would come to that conclusion. Let me explain. He dislikes nothing in particular because he doesn’t really care about anything other than himself, as stated in the fanbook. I’d say that includes whether a person is happy or in pain. He compares humans to maggots and seems bored with most people (+ he’s canonically very bored in general). He also stated whether one person dies or another person doesn't make any difference to him, aside from Megumi. I don’t think he sees much merit in making anyone suffer on purpose. He just doesn’t care. This is backed up by the fact that he never does this in canon. Quite the contrary: most of the people dying at his hand in JJK are instant-kills, the exception being the occasional prolonged fight that isn’t extraordinarily cruel from what we usually see in shounen. He doesn't try to torture or humiliate anyone before he kills them. Sure, he can find amusement in other people’s suffering, as proven with how he laughs about Yuji grieving over Junpei. But he himself doesn’t actively go out of his way to put anyone through some sort or prolonged suffering for his own enjoyment. The death of Sukunas victims is either completely sudden or unexpected or they die with their dignity intact like Jogo. Sukuna is by no means merciful or cares about whether someone suffers or not but the simple irrelevance most people have to him prevents him from being the type to squash your head into the concrete with his boot and call you petty insults before he slowly watches you bleed to death. I'm 100% convinced that if Mahito was anywhere near as powerful as Sukuna he'd do a lot more collateral damage than him, simply because their intentions and outlook on other people are vastly different. Sukuna doesn’t care about people's feelings. He doesn’t care about their actions. Sukuna is nihilistic in a sense that he sees no meaning in other people’s lives, in social structures, rules, hierarchies or morals. The only exception to this is Sukuna himself and anything relating to his plans. Still he’s obviously evil and does a lot of damage, which brings me to my next point:
2. Sukuna kills as a power display
When Sukuna got reincarnated his first intention was to kill women and children. Back in his time it was most likely men who were in a position of power. Marriage and having children was the norm. So what more could really piss off those men than killing their wives and offsprings? What else could make them fear him the same way? As time goes on Sukunas kills become even more performative. They're actions where a lot of people would stare in awe at with how much ease he ends the lives of even high-ranking and strong opponents as well as causing mass-destruction. Sukuna got reincarnated into an era where people's understanding if him often does not go beyond a couple of legends. Many non-sorcerers are unaware of his existence. He's stuck in the body of a 15 year old and most of the people Yuji interacts with on a regular basis are sorcerers who hate his guts rather than show him the respect he thinks he deserves. He basically entered a global playing field where other factions have already established their power and are striving after their own goals (Mahito, Kenjaku, the sorcerers etc.) whereas he is being treated as more of a hostage than a king. Sukuna has been treated akin to a god or an emperor in the past, now he's suddenly put in a position where he has to make himself seen and establish exactly why he is the strongest first if he wants any chance at regaining his former glory.
3. Sukuna wants to be challenged
We see this on multiple occasions. Sukuna is bored out of his mind and has little regards for those significantly weaker than him. However he gets visibly excited whenever he is faced with an opponent who can hold their own against him and whose strength he acknowledges. Gojo is one example. The Cursed Womb in the detention center he hardly acknowledged but he did remark how they were both qualified as Special Grade in this age and taunted him to see what he was capable of. The same thing happens later with Megumi and in Shibuya with Jogo. He actively encourages them to come at him and try to land hits on him. He smiles and seems thrilled when either of them display strength. He also appears way less hostile towards them than other people, even complimenting their strength and telling Jogo to be proud despite killing him. I feel like Sukuna is so bored and powerful that he doesn't want people to defeat him but he does humor the ones who can put up a good fight against him and who have powerful techniques.
4. It was never his intention to kill Megumi
At least not necessarily. I'm pretty sure that if Megumi had proven to not be as strong as Sukuna expected him to be after their fight he would have killed him. But I don't think that was his motive when he talked about luring the cursed womb outside to fight against Megumi. Sukuna is smart and a good judge of someone's strength. I always get the feeling he's trying to test people's strength and endurance, like in Jogos case. As I said, he doesn't go out of his way to humiliate anyone in a fight but he does humor them for a while to see what tricks they have up their sleeves. So him wanting to lure the cursed spirit to Megumi and attack simultaneously was likely intended to see how much Megumi can take and whether he has any chance of defending himself against that first and foremost and to kill him secondly. So yeah I don't think killing Megumi was at the forefront of his mind even when he said that. We saw how easily he knocked him through buildings and could severely injure him, yet at first he entertained some hand to hand combat with him and even went as for to let himself get captured by one of his Shikigami before destroying it. He wanted to see what would happen if he gradually pushed Megumi to his limits.
5. I don't think Sukuna has a sense of self-fulfillment in life
Sukuna is classified as a vengeful spirit.
1. They're literally called vengeful spirits
2. They're humans who became cursed spirits after death
3. Jujutsu Sorcerers have to be killed with cursed energy so they don't come back as a vengeful spirit
4. Jujutsu Sorcerers usually die with regrets
This makes me think that perhaps a vengeful spirit is someone with lots of cursed energy who died with regrets. They become a curse and usually have some sort of resolve that has to do with whatever unfinished business they have and the circumstances of their death. We see this in the case of Rika, who wanted to stay with Yuta and marry him someday but lost her life way too early. She now sticks around with Yuta and protects him. I don't fully remember the legend of the Kuchizuke-Onna but there was definitely something about her seeking for approval, so this is true for that cursed spirit as well. I do believe that the nature of a vengeful spirit is restlessness. They're searching for something that's incredibly hard for them to fulfill. They're never satisfied. Rika can protect Yuta but she can never have the life with him she wanted. One day Yuta will die and Rika might be left there, incapable of finding her peace. What if something like this happened to Sukuna as well? That whatever he wants is hardly reachable for him and whatever he's planning is an attempt to fill the void he has inside of him. His regret might not even have been anything positive. But perhaps the existence as a vengeful spirit isn't exactly an easy one. Nor is it natural. Humans are said to transcend death, only few come back as curses. It definitely isn't how death is supposed to go for them. Plus, we have seen that curses and humans are very different. They have different needs, different instincts, a different perception. So to be one and turn into the other may not be an easy transition. I have the headcanon that that's the reason why Sukuna turned to cannibalism. Food didn't do anything for him anymore. Any of the passions he had or things that used to satisfy him stopped working for him, so he went to the extreme on this one in attempt to feel something. Anything. He might be forever stuck being neither human nor curse fully, doomed to roam the world trying to find a way to feel content and fulfilled again.
6. What are his goals? What purpose does he think he serves?
So now that we got that out of the way, it might be that Sukuna can never fully satisfy whatever regrets he had. He might not even know what it is that will set him free. But I do believe that somewhere along the way, in attempt to have a sense of purpose, Sukuna started perceiving himself as something akin to a god. That if he transcends both humans and curses, if he has the world in his palm, he'll feel satisfied. There's a bunch of symbolism associated with deities surrounding Sukuna as well, for example the buffalo skulls in his domain. He never really acknowledges himself as human or curse either. Maybe he wants to be on top of it all, the one to ultimately decide in which direction the world develops. Some type of fucked up guide for humanity. A god. Maybe it's also revenge. Or a plot to restore the life he once had. However I don't think that if his plans succeed he'll really feel happy.
7. How would Sukuna hypothetically function in a relationship?
I write a lot of self-insert content after all so I decided to throw this one in here as well. To answer that question let's assume Sukuna is capable of falling in love like a regular person. I do think in that case if he ends up in a relationship it'd be an equal one. "Now she's completely lost it", you may think. Hear me out. Again, nothing bores Sukuna more than a person who will do exactly what he expects of them. Sukuna likes to be challenged. If he considers you interesting and you got him to a point where he agrees to be in a relationship with you, it means you can stand up for yourself and make it out alive. However Sukuna doesn't like to be ordered around either. He believes he comes second to no one. So a relationship on equal ground is the only way I can see him functioning in one at all. Any of the two extremes would make him kill you and I don't think Sukuna would even start anything romantic with you if he felt like he would have to kill you soon enough. It's hard to get him to that point but when you do, I think it'd be a type of "they're the only person I perceive as an equal" dynamic.
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tayaminaka · a year ago
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headcanon, dazai, Fukuzawa, kunikida, chuuya and poe that S / O ends up dying in the birth of his daughter and ends up being born with a fragile health that in many times almost died as he goes about dealing with the death of his s / o? And the fear that your daughter will die? (Maybe I'll send more headcanons because I really like your writing ♥ ️ ♥ ️)
Authors Note : Finally I finished the oldest request. Sorry for the long waiting and thank you for your patient.
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Dazai Osamu
Dealing with your dead was already difficult for him but knowing that his little light might die too, terrifies him, even if you can’t see it
The first months after your dead your daughter slept with him in your once shared bedroom. He watched her sleep with empty, nearly dead eyes and hoped that every breath won’t be the last
Dying along with you would be a great option for him, than slowly rotting on the inside. But the thought of your daughter suffer alone and be fully on her own holds him back, letting him suffer with her
He would always fool around with her. Play pranks on Kunikida and then run away (everytime he catches them, Dazai becomes all the beating),telling her random things about people they see on the street or simply vibe with her
But the Agency sees that something is missing in his eyes, that something has changed but he will try to act like he acted before by pulling a smile on his face and acting like a fool
After the usual treatment in the hospital they both would go to the arcade and play games together. He would mostly let her win but not without a little challenge
When she gets sick he would sit beside her bed for hours, pat her head and give her either water or warm tea. But if your daughter has enough from the bed he would bring her to the couch, laying her head on his lap while covering her in a warm blanket. He would mostly either be half asleep or won’t sleep at all if she’s too sick
Every time your daughter is in a nearly dead state, he’s barely holding himself together. Mostly he just lays at home, while drinking himself to sleep, trying to silence the pain
But there is no day he misses the visit time. Even if there are days where he barely holds a smile up, he’ll be there to at least hold her little hand
On evenings, when he finished work, he would give her piggyback rides home. Most of the times she would already be asleep, leaving him with the sunset and the silence
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Fukuzawa Yukichi
Will hold her always close to him. Holding her little hand while they both walk, let her sit on his lap and hug him while he’s doing paper work or let her play in his office while he’s at work. As long as he can see or hear her everything is fine
Especially in winter and autumn months he would be extra careful. He knows that even a little cold can turn into a high fever so he will often, very often, pull the extra warm jacket out or put two pocket warmers in her pockets
But he still would go for a walk and pet cats with her. It is their favorite thing to do, especially after a stressful day at work or a boring visit at a hospital
If your daughter is upset and starts to cry because she needs to go to the hospital again to receive her necessary treatment he would put her on his lap, hug her while patting her head
He would always give her a little treat for every medical treatment she gets. Of course some treatments are painful and for everything he would get her a plushie. Her eyes always shine when he gives her a new plushie and that makes her day a little better
When his daughter is in a near death state he would brush her hand with his thumb, telling her that it will be fine and promising that the pain soon will be over
He won’t cry neither at work nor at home but if you look closely you can sometimes see a blis of sadness in his eyes. But every time he looks at your daughter something in him aches heavily
Sometimes your daughter would just fall asleep on his shoulder and he would cover her with his haori ,remembering how he once did it with you
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Kunikida Doppo
With a serious face he would try to hold himself together, don’t letting any emotions out. But on the inside he’s a complete wrack and mess
The director gave him some weeks off so he could collect himself a bit, even if it’s hard for him. The first days he tried to follow his usual routine but even that became difficult
He’ll always be really patient with her, allowing her to do with his ideals and schedules what she wants. Usually he’s really strict with that but how can he say no to her if she’s asking him for something
A walk is a must after treatments. Both have enough from the sticky medicine smell of the hospital so a walk on the fresh air is really pleasant, especially after rain
But will be really strict with her health. Will run always after her, be it telling her to take her medicine, put a scarf on or eat healthy
He will always be serious in the hospital and with the doctors. Somebody might say he doesn’t care at all, but your dead affected him deeply because this one time he hadn’t even the chance to save you
But every time his daughter is laying on that damn hospital bed crying, be it being in pain or because she’s upset, he’ll hold her close to him and stroke her hair, patiently calming her down
On some points he would just sit down, take off his glasses and just cover his eyes with one hand, questioning everything and thinking what he should do
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Chuuya Nakahara
Deep anger and sorrow spread trough him as he heard the news. How could this happen? Everything was fine, wasn’t it? But now it’s already too late and there is no turning back
For him it’s like somebody threw him in a cold sea without teaching him how to swim, watching as he slowly drowns in his hopeless thoughts
He would become colder at work, less talkative, more quieter and sometimes even absent-minded, dreaming about stuff that won’t come true
But on the field it’s the complete opposite. He’s more aggressive, letting out his anger and frustration on the enemy’s, only to go back to his usual quite state
Mostly if she’s sick or in pain he would take her in his arms and slowly walk around the house, humming a soft melody and whispering that everything will get better
After treatments at the hospital he would carry her home, pat her head and tell her that she did well and that he loves her. He would also do whatever she asks him, even if he’s busy. Be it let her float around the house or play with her for hours, he will let his paperwork lie on the table and spend his time with her
On rare nights were your daughter just can’t fall asleep he will put the warmest coat over her pajama and go for a little walk with her on his arms. He would land near the next wending machine and buy her a little snack or her favourite soda, even if it’s already past midnight
When she’s nearly dead, he would sit beside her, talk with her or play with her for hours even at night but when he’s at home he would just drink and smoke most of the time, not knowing what to do to distract himself.
And when the point comes that even the best medicine doesn’t help in his daughter, he’s ready to lay down his pride and enmity and ask the Armed Detective Agency’s doctor for help
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Edgar Allan Poe
His eyes are widened and he can’t even find words to say something. But when he realizes what he just heard you can see small tears fall from underneath his hair
He started to sleep and eat less, only taking care of your daughter. He stopped writing novels, so even Ranpo became concern about his state
He was lost and terrified about your daughter so he stopped everything, trying to fully concentrate on her
Only after a long time he started to write again. Your daughter would sit on his lap, curiously trying to catch his pen and making him smile with that
At night he would sit beside her bed, writing another novel of his. Your daughter always sleeps much better with the writing noises of his pen
Would fall into full panic if your daughter forgets her scarf or hat at home. He’s too afraid that something might happen so he would even run after her
Will go up and down in the hospital hallway, nearly having a mental breakdown of not knowing how to help your daughter if she’s in a nearly dead state
Sometimes if everything just won’t get better he won’t go out from his mansion rather just lay in bed all day.
When he visits her in this state, she’s gonna pat his head with her weak hand and teary eyes and tell him that everything will be alright
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Yandere!Crowley Headcanons (SPN)
Requested by a sweet darling Anon: Omg you said yandere which I love!! Is it possible to do a yandere supernatural? You can pick which characters?!? If you dont like the idea that's cool?
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First things first, it would definitely take a special time and kind of human for Crowley to fall for someone
It would most likely only happen after he starts feeling human emotions again
If he were to meet you during that time - a beautiful specimen of a human, so innocent and pure and simply perfect - and if he falls for you, then may Chuck be with you, because there is almost no way for you to get out of that
Crowley is the king of hell for a reason, he is cunning and clever and damn manipulative - not to mention that he has quite the experience tricking humans thanks to the winchesters
So he has hundreds of ideas and plans how he can get you
Don’t even think that he’d do any less that stalk you (or rather have his minions do it) and kidnap you (one way or another)
He neither has the time, nor the risk of getting to know you, only for you to potentially reject him - not to mention that the longer he waits and the more interest he shows, the more at risk you’ll be for others to try to get to him through you
So he’ll have his minions find out everything about you and report it to him - Your likes, dislikes, hobbies, routines, second crush of Kindergarten, e v e r y t h i n g
and then he’ll use it against you
Someone very, very close to you suddenly falls ill with no doctor knowing why or how to cure it in time? Maybe someone who you befriended recently offhandedly mentions that she knew someone who claims he helped his father by making a deal with a demon? Who knows
Of course you’ll most likely not take it into consideration immediately, but when things just seem to get worse? What else were you supposed to do?
Crowley will be more than happy once you summon him (no matter who you actually summon he’ll be the one to arrive) and make a deal
He’ll confuse and manipulate you and no matter how good you thought everything through, it will end with you literally kissing your soul away
Also, just to mention, for Crowley that first kiss is basically your marriage ceremony - your soul belongs to and with him after that - no matter if you’re aware of that or not, even though he might have another more classical wedding once you’ll get “used” to your new life
But he’ll still have your anniversary on the date of this first kiss
Once the deal is done - congratulations btw you’re now more or less officially the queen of hell - he’ll take your soul with him to hell and have your body conserved and hidden
Just another measurement to make sure you won’t try to run away before he even had the change to (manipulate) love you
To his defense, Crowley treats you very well though
Even though he’s the master of torutre he’ll never physically hurt you, he didn’t take you to make you miserable, he took you because he wants you to be his queen
That doesn’t mean you won’t be punished for misbehaving though, if you do something against the very clear and strict rules Crowley gave you then you’ll earn a punishment fitting the crime
Most of the punishments consist of isolation and since you’re just a soul he can actually leave you completely alone for weeks or months (in hell time) until he can’t stand not having you in his arms anymore
You’ll have a pretty nice life in hell though if you behave - be a good little queen for Crowley and so what he says and he’ll read your every wish right off your lips
You’ll get everything you want as long as it doesn’t involve leaving him or meeting someone who’s not him
Generally speaking he’ll be the only person who’s allowed to speak to you, even though you do see other people (read: demons) who are stationed at your quarters, but they are under strict orders not to talk to you or answer you, because if they do they’ll end up dying a very slow and very painful death
It’s not (completely) that Crowley wants to hoard you to himself, it’s more that he wants you to be completely dependant on him, that you’ll see him as a unescapable, fundamental part of your life that will always be there and that you’ll always belong to
So for a few decades (at least in hell time) he’ll literally be the only person who’ll talk to you
And after that you’re definitely his perfect little queen and maybe if he feels really, really generous he’ll turn you to a demon - so that you have the power to fulfill your role at his side - and give you back your body
He might even let you out of hell for a few trips to earth after that - you’re completely devoted to him after all
The only thing that he really doesn’t want to risk is you meeting the Winchesters, even though sooner or later they’ll definitely find out that you exist
But can I be honest with you guys, I think his fear is unfounded, maybe at some time the two of them would have tried to save you, but by now they only wonder if you’ll stand in their way or not and if you don’t - and if Crowley doesn’t act up so that they’d have to use you against him - then they’ll leave you alone
All in all Crowley is definitely not the worst kinds of Yandere there is in the Supernatural universe, I’m sure that there are some that are worse by a lot (*cough cough* Chuck *cough cough*), but he’s definitely one of the more permanent and inescapable of the bunch
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yourfinalbow · a year ago
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hi lol this is totally random but based on a harry potter post you just reblogged and you can completely ignore me if you want, but do you think snape deserved better, or are you a quote unquote "snape apologist"? I'm genuinely curious cuz I've come across a lot of different opinions on severus. Again, feel free to ignore :)
This ended up way longer than it needed to be, and I apologize for that lmao.
Hi! Hmmm I have many mixed opinions on this. First we have to talk about which Snape. Book!Snape is actually kind of an asshole, and not in the fun way. (Way more than I remembered.) But but but Alan Rickman!Snape I like a lot.
And no I'm not mentioning Snape from TCC. That was not Snape and that world was not Harry Potter.
Snape is an interesting character because of how flawed and layered he is.
(Putting a cut because it's so long, and tw for non-detailed mentions/reference to abuse, as well as both trauma and death.)
He wasn't born in a very good household, which I can definitely see as being a reason for why he is who he is. (A reason, not an excuse. Those are two extremely different things.) You look at Sirius, who also came from a horrible household, yet he managed to dig himself out of the mud and make his own path for himself. (Though I have many angsty headcanons for the thoughts he has and being afraid of what he will do and in turn his own mind. WolfStar solidarity. Neither one of them know what they are truly capable of, and both are completely afraid to find out.
Ahem sorry I got a little distracted there.
During the Marauder's era, Snape wasn't a good person in general, but he tried to be nice to Lily. (One of the only exceptions he made.) That being said, (sorry, going on a tangent again), it does not excuse what the Marauders did. As much as they are, in my humble opinion, JK's greatest creation, they should be held accountable for both the prank, and dangling Snape upside down. (Though Remus does make a few good points in their defense later, it's still not an excuse.) Two wrongs never make a right.
Snape doesn't deny Lily's claims at him wanting to join a supremacy group, nor does he say he isn't friends with Death Eaters.
It's clear through the flashbacks we're given that Snape is apathetic in the face of innocent people dying, but once again Lily is the exception.
Dumbledore defends Snape by saying it wasn't his fault that Harry's parents are dead. I actually semi-agree with this. On one hand, he was directly at fault, but on the other hand he had no way of knowing. As a severe Loki apologist, I do not blame Loki for Frigga's death. He may have led the dark elves to her, but he didn't know it was her she was sending them to. That's the comparison I make in my mind, and so I don't completely blame him like other people do. (One could also make the argument that Sirius is to blame. Sirius, who is 100% my favorite character in the entire franchise, gave the secret keeper job to Peter, thinking it would be safer with him. However, he had no ill will or malicious intentions towards Lily, James, and Harry, so I don't blame him.)
All that being said, Snape not only would have been fine with random people dying, he also didn't care whether or not James and Harry lived.
For context:
(Dumbledore is speaking, right after Snape comes to him for help.)
"You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child?" They can die, as long as you have what you want?"
Snape said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore.
He has a strange relationship with Lily. He obviously loves her, but not enough to want to stop Voldemort from killing the two things that bring her the most amount of happiness. It's clear he doesn't care about anyone except for Lily. Which on some level, I can understand why. When people have traumatic childhoods, they tend to hold on to a person that was there for them. Sometimes it can be the hands of the person who caused them pain in the first place, but other times it is another person who was there for him. He holds Lily's opinions of himself higher than anybody else, and he holds Lily above anybody else, and I think this can be attributed to some sort of trauma response, which is why his love for her is so unusual. That doesn't mean I think he should be fine with killing innocent people.
On the topic of trauma, I think joining the Death Eaters was another response to this, as well as a result of what kind of family he had.
Similar to both Harry and Voldemort, Snape much preferred Hogwarts to where he lived, and such the castle became his home more than his house ever was.
The Death Eaters could offer him something he had never been offered before. He belonged to something. In his own, twisted, traumatic mindset, he might have even almost seen the Death Eaters as a family. Not consciously of course, but there was definitely a feeling of belonging they gave him.
And there's something to be said about the fact that many serial killers in real life come from an abusive family. I don't pretend to understand the minds of someone who can do something so vile, but I have watched enough Criminal Minds episodes to know what they long for is control.
So being apart of this supremacy group, even though he was a half-blood himself and undoubtedly didn't entirely share Voldermort's racist beliefs, gave him both control and something he belonged to.
It's not an excuse, but it's a reason.
Alternatively, you can look at it through a quote from the most recent episode of Loki.
"It's part of the illusion. It's a cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear."
So it's also possible that when he was a kid, he thought being a villain was the only way to prevent others from being one to him.
Ok sorry, back on the chronological track.
So he agrees to change sides and work with Dumbledore. (Who must see just how distraught Snape was over Lily's death, to trust him immediately.)
Snape spends most of Harry's time at Hogwarts humiliating his own students. He particularly calls out Harry and his friends a lot, but I can definitely see this being a defence mechanism. He assumes Harry is James and reverts back to what we talked about earlier. (Becoming the villain so nobody else has a chance.)
But but but, he does a lot of good throughout the books. Snape mutters the countercurse, saving Harry from Quirrell during the Quidditch match. He then actually referees at the next match, preventing anything from happening altogether.
In retrospective, we see that he spends most of the first book helping Dumbledore by protecting the stone, and helping Lily by protecting Harry.
Now I could go through and list the goods and the bads of Snape throughout the entire series, but I have neither the time nor the patience, and I think you get the point.
(Except I would like the mention that Snape becomes a double agent for Dumbledore in book four, and risks his life every single day by constantly betraying Voldermort, and never once does he use this as a way to double cross Dumbledore. This was actually probably really hard on him. You can assume that having to pretend to be a Death Eater means he had to do some despicable things just so he didn't blow his cover. If he really has changed by this time, which I would like to think he has, is a lot of added guilt to live with.)
(I would also mention that he tried to save Sirius in book five, but... *falls on floor dramatically* I don't want to think about it.)
Severus Snape's time comes to the end in book seven. At the hands of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, his death is a valiant act of sacrifice. Protecting the living and defending the honour of the fallen.
So, he has done a lot of bad in his lifetime, but by the time we as readers get to know him, his fundamental set of beliefs have begun to change. Through the eyes of what started as an eleven year old boy, you can definitely see that even after this he wasn't necessarily a good person.
And that's because his good is behind the scenes. He's good on a larger scale. He's chosen the light over darkness, but in his everyday life he's still the scared, traumatized little kid he's always been.
And him being this way has reasons, but these reasons are not excuses.
Sorry anon, this kind of turned into a long winded review of the entire character. I know that's not really what you asked, so I'll sum it up in a final few sentences sentence.
Yes. I wish Snape had gotten to live. Not because I'm necessarily a "Snape apologist", but because I find his character interesting, and seeing his reaction to his sacrifice could have been a really good read. Also Harry coming up and thanking him would have been really touching, and as a cherry on top maybe we could have gotten to read Harry apologizing for his father. Maybe even Snape sharing memories of Lily?! (Sorry that might have gotten a little to fanfic-y.)
That being said, his death being a final sacrifice towards the good of everyone, and a final testimony to his change of heart, was -- and I'll give JK credit just this once -- good storytelling, and a good way to end it.
Also I like movie!Snape because fuck yeah he's just so awesome.
If anyone has anything to add/take away, or they just want to discuss the wonder that was Alan Rickman, let me know! (Ask/Comment/Reblog/Etc.)
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outofangband · a year ago
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After years of being the Enemy’s prisoner, Maedhros is shown something within the fortress few others of his kind have witnessed (and survived) 
For @mega-ringsandthings-world
(author’s note at the end about language/canon accuracy as well as connection to other headcanons of mine)
Tolkien dragon board (requested to accompany) masterlist of stories, masterlist 
(CW: mention of chains/restraints, collars, implied injuries, implied psychological abuse, themes of war)
Maedhros was not set in any shackles today as he was led down the darkened underground path to an unknown destination. Only the iron collar affixed around his neck, not even connected to a chain as was usual. He supposed this was for the most part symbolic. He was walking with a dragging limp, pain radiating through his legs upon every step and this brought some comfort because it was a physical limitation that impeded the escape that the chains normally prevented. Not that it was certain he would have done anything had he been in good health. But he did not want to think that he was viewed as broken. Let alone harmless. He was not yet. 
The lack of outward signs of impatience from his escorts worried him. He could not quite tell if they were nervous or pleased enough to ignore his slow gait. Neither option boded well for him. He had less experience in these parts of the fortress but they were no more pleasant, nor did they fail to invoke a sense of dread. If anything this was heightened. And few occasions could fill him with dread in Angband so much as the unexpected, the surprising, and the new. After having been locked in something of a routine, if not a comforting one, for an extended period, what he was currently experiencing was all of the above. 
They stopped in front of a set of iron doors from beyond Maedhros could see yet another a little way downwards. The Maia who accompanied the guards tapped at the lock with a long finger and then pushed him forward. He didn’t even know what exactly it was he feared. He certainly was not afraid of death and, despite knowing better than to even silently raise the challenge, he had trouble thinking of a particular indignity or abuse he had not yet suffered.
He was standing just in front of an enormous enclosure. Outside of the throne room and great hall, he had never seen such an open space within the fortress and this was without competition the biggest. Far too large to get a good idea of the scale, Maedhros could still tell that there were similar enclosures lining the halls with the other sets of iron doors. It took a few moments for the words to sink in. Enclosure. He was not alone here. Knowing that the eyes of his escorts still lingered upon him, feeling rather than seeing the curling of the Maia’s lips, Maedhros forced away the frantic urge to find what it was, merely allowing himself to adjust to the change in lighting before slowly searching the area around him. It was not long before he spotted the first movement, his heart catching in his throat. 
“These are raised to be set upon thy kin.” The almost casual framing broke through his reverie. 
Maedhros knew he was being watched for a reaction. He did not know whether showing emotion or lacking it would be more of a defeat anymore. He focused instead on the creature itself. There was a thick column in the center of the enclosure where a long, scaled tail had coiled around, culminating in a sharp spiny end near the very top. The body of the beast was lurking on the other side. Slight, almost undulating movements rippled along its form. The lighting was dim yet Maedhros did not have the words for each shade of color he saw along the sheen of scales. He took a few steps further into the gloom and with a start found himself meeting the creature’s eyes. He had not noticed when it tilted its head with all the tiny ripples of its body.
They were pale and luminous, almost like the silmarils though the glow was not quite so intense. He could see a vague shape within them that he understood to be his own reflection, thin and haunted. 
The lack of violence from the beast rather startled him. It was enormous, though he could sense its agility. In moments it could have struck out at him, unless of course it was being kept as weakened as he himself was. He might have walked still closer if given the chance. 
“My Lord has ordered for thee to be prepared for use in the next stages.”  
(bonus, some time later)
The hatchling let its claws dig into Maedhros’s leg as it fell from its poor attempt at flight. He winced, carefully removing it and setting it back down next to him. Undeterred, it spread its flimsy wings out once again, making the elf sigh in frustration. He couldn’t really blame it, he supposed. Curled in the corner of the cell he had been left in, this time with chains in addition to injury keeping him relatively immobile, there wasn’t much he could do but watch. A part of him wanted to enjoy it; the part that had been starved of any contact apart from his captors. This little one was going to be raised to stand with them as they destroyed what surviving kin he had. But it hadn’t yet. And he wasn’t broken enough to hide the twitch of his lips as it lifted itself again. 
( author’s note: so it’s an idea I’ve had for awhile that many captive elves were used to feed some of the creatures of Angband literally. But a small selection had their Fëar fed upon by some of the most unique creatures. It’s a complicated and weird process I have many ideas on but won’t go into here because this is just supposed to be Maedhros in awe of dragons, sorry mega-ringsandthings-world for this derailment!!)
(second author’s notes: which dragon this is is up for interpretation. as is whether or not this one ended up being used in the attacks or if it was, eh, a work in progress. we know from references in The Silmarillion as well as LOTR and The Hobbit there are drakes and other variants that do not play specific roles in the stories but still managed to cause havoc.)
just an interesting little note here on various Quenyan words for dragon. As this is not something Maedhros has really seen up close before, he doesn’t have a word for it. 
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snapeysister · a year ago
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Vulnera Sanentur
New one-shot consisting of 5 different time episodes about Severus Snape’s signature healing spell. My headcanon is that the spell had been passed down to him by mother Eileen and not having been used before by any other wizard except those from the Prince family. // This and other one-shots can be found on my newly opened AO3 account https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayalee8 <3
_______________
 "Watcha sayin', mummy?"
His voice sounded feeble, dropping with exhaustion. Just a short while ago, his shrieks of pain and terror had been filling the room; now, however, a soothing dizziness took over, his mother's quiet singing voice lulling him into sleep.
"Be silent, darling, it's almost over. Just a wee bit and I'll be done. Don't move yet."
Gentle fingers continued tracing along his naked back, and he obediently held still, and yet wanted an answer to his question.
"But watcha sayin'?.."
His mother sang a few last tunes, voice trailing off, the words turning almost into a whisper.  Her movements stopped and she rose from his bed which she had been sitting upon for the last minutes.
"Something good, something very good, Sevvie. It's a song which makes your back feel alright again. It's not hurting anymore, is it?"
"Nah, it isn't, mummy."
"I'm happy, darling. Now let's make sure you're going to sleep well, shall we?"
He wanted to protest, as he always did, he never wanted to sleep, he hated being left alone and the nightmares only increased the fear; but his lids did not obey him anymore.
"I see you won't need a calming draught this time", he heard his mother chuckle quietly, "good night then."
He felt being tucked in and a light kiss on his forehead, yet was too tired to even smile back as he usually did, as his mind traveled off into the land of dreams.
***
"Please, please come! She's going to die, you have to heal her!
"I can't."
"Please, she will die!! You know how to do it, you always know!"
"I said I can't, Severus."
"But why!? Just come and sing that song, you've just been doing it on my arm when father hit me yesterday, why can't you now?!"
"Just let it go."
"No!! I won't! If you don't want to, I'll do it myself! Tell me the spell!"
"It won't work."
"Because I don't know how to, but you do, mum! Help me save her!!"
"Be quiet, Severus."
"I won't! That's evil! She doesn't deserve to die!"
"I said be quiet!"
"You are just as evil as him!"
"Shut up, will you!? Is it my fault that your retarded father had to kill this sodding cat?! The spell doesn't work on animals! Besides, he cut her throat; she must have bled to death already."
"I don't believe you!!"
"Leave me alone, now!!"
***
Severus riffled through the drawers in desperate urgency. Nothing. The bookshelf didn't have anything to offer either. The floor was littered with papers and pencils and books and whatever else he had thrown around in his frantic search. He hadn't still mastered the spell well enough to be able to follow the exact sequence of melody and words, but his notes could help him out, they most definitely would, he had no doubt in his abilities, he just needed to find those notes. The ones he had scribbled down after having listened carefully to his mother performing it on his body, following yet another broken bottle having been thrown in his direction, slicing up his skin. He didn't want to ask his mother as she would inquire  in turn what he would need it for, or even worse, for whom... Severus had no intention whatsoever to elaborate on who he had been sharing his magic with the past weeks. Never were they to know who he was meeting with during those lazy afternoons filled with absolutely nothing but him sitting behind the bushes, staring at the road behind them and waiting for the tiny figure with the long, wavy red hair to approach the playground and whistle three times. Then he could leave his hiding place and allow himself to smile and be him, actually enjoying his existence, for the next few hours, until the darkness fell and they both had to leave, each one to what they were able to call home.
Severus threw himself on the bed. The notebook was nowhere to be found. And yet he had promised it to her. That he would help her get rid of the ugly red scar on her leg, the result of the recent tryouts of their magical abilities. How he hated himself for that stupid idea of his. What was he thinking, attempting to cut that bloody orange with her sitting right next to it? To be honest, neither of them had deemed it possible to actually make something happen just by staring at it and doing imaginary cutting movements with the fruit knife. When she had tried it, nothing at all happened, whereas him... Of course it was Lily who had kept her nerves and swallowed the pain and the tears and promised she wouldn't tell anyone how the knife ended up slashing her leg instead of the orange.  And that she didn't believe he did it on purpose, like when the branch had fallen on Petunia back then, before she got to know who he really was. Severus, devastated as he was about his lack of damage control, and astonished by her bravery, gave his most sincere and heartfelt promise to find a way to make it disappear. So Lily could attend her first day at Hogwarts without this disgraceful injury, the screaming proof of him having failed her in both his abilities and their rightful application.
Their first day was due tomorrow. Lily was waiting at the playground for him to arrive and fulfill his promise before the sun would set and she had to go home and prepare for her big day. And here he was, in his bloody room, all his efforts in vain, the notebook gone and so the healing spell.
Severus sighed deeply.  Never before had he dared taking anything of his mother's, neither ingredients which she kept  in a box in the storage room, nor vials or lotions she used to store in an empty cupboard in the attic. But drastic times called for drastic measures. He had to make up for the spell somehow, and if he remembered correctly, dittany was another way of healing scars. Luckily for him, his mother was at work. Severus quickly climbed the ladder to the attic. He had no time to lose. Thankfully enough his mother knew how to keep things in order. Every vial and bottle were meticulously labeled. He grabbed the bottle with "Dittany" written on it and stormed down the ladder and out of the house. He would take care of the chaos in his room later and if his father arrived before him to see it and punish him for this, so be it. Perhaps he'd get another chance then to listen to his mother singing the spell and would write it into another notebook. Right now, Lily was what mattered most.
***
"He must have it written somewhere!"
"We've searched through all of his stuff so far, there is nothing here!"
"Who told you he really knows how to do it?! Perhaps it's just a rumour!"
"A rumour? Are you daft?! I saw him perform it with my own eyes, on Evans! They were practicing with their brooms and she flew into the Whomping Willow by accident and had her face and arms cut badly. Snape rushed to her and began moving his wand up and down the cuts and do some singing, so by the time the patrol arrived the cuts had disappeared and she was walking on her feet with him leading her up to the castle."
"You are the daft one, Prongs; isn't it clear then that he must know it by heart??"
"It still has to be written somewhere. He could've hardly made it up on his own, could he?"
"Yeah, rather not; it's Dark magic the git is into, not healing spells. He must have found it in the library and written it down."
"What for then?"
"To impress Evans? He fancies her no less than you, Prongs, and that's the sort of thing she'd appreciate, mind you, so he can cover up for all his Dark stuff."
"Oh shut up and search, Padfood, the class will be over soon and we've got to get out of here before everyone comes back!"
"What if we don't find anything?"
"We cannot let anyone know it was Moony who scratched the boy. If there won't be another option, we'll drag him personally to the hospital wing to make the cut disappear."
***
This was not the enemy he had invented it for. This was not the spell he would have expected to make its way into the halls of Hogwarts, of all places. And even though it was by far not the first time he had to resort to Vulnera Sanentur to heal cursed injuries of students or colleagues or Death Eaters, he would have never thought it to be possible that he had to use it to undo the damage caused by his very own curse, casted by Lily's son, of all people.
Of course he believed Potter. He could have never known what force the curse carried. If Potter knew, he certainly wouldn't have applied it. As much as Severus felt repulsed by the boy, he knew that Potter was as far from Dark magic as the Dark Lord from valuing mercifulness, or love. He contemplated if a simple detention had been enough an appropriate punishment to bestow upon Potter. If he should have made him to return the book, which Potter undoubtedly had laid his hands upon, regardless of the lies the boy had told him. His apparent leniency for the infliction of such a powerful curse by a student on another was obvious, and it worried Severus. Sectumsempra  had by far not been the only dangerous spell he had written down in his book. On the other hand, he reasoned, as easily impressible as Potter was, the messy result he had created would probably serve as a deterrent, powerful enough to keep him from attempting another tryout with any of Severus's spells. At least not without the knowledge of their counter-curses, first and foremost Vulnera Sanentur, which Potter had not the slightest possibility of mastering.  
Vulnera Sanentur. Such tremendous power in only two words, reversing unforgivable, unfathomable harm, healing what would've never been expected to heal. A song of life, the melody of which he had inherited from his mother to be able to put a stopper in pain and destruction and death. This time it had saved the soul of his godson and his former enemy's son alike, the one from being killed, the other from becoming a murderer.
Where would he meet it again, waiting for him to be evoked to secure the survival of another miserable being? How would that fateful crossroads look like, where would the paths it offered lead to? There was one thing he knew with dreadful certainty - it would not be destined to save the Headmaster's life. And the more he thought about it, the more he felt his other conclusion to be affirmed - neither would it save his.
Severus sighed, feeling a wave of exhaustion overpowering his senses. Before he closed his eyes to gain a few hours of sleep which were left for him until the break of dawn, a peculiar thought crossed his mind, perhaps for the first time in his life: If his mother had mastered the healing spell for a human body and taught it to him, wouldn't it have been assumable she had  knowledge of a spell to relieve the pain of a human mind as well?  And if she had, would there have been a reason not pass it down to him? If only...
His mind drifted off, and so did the thought.
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bellamyblake · a year ago
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I dont wanna be mean but I Have been rewatching lately and I realized that Clarke's live is tragic it is but Bellamy's more Fucked up
in many ways i agree with this mostly because i’ve been thinking about it since he died a lot. 
and yes i do think clarke’s life is very tragic but what i do think also happened to her is that the SL itself punished her unnicessarily especially in the last season, in ways that...if you count all of eliza’s scenes, about 80% of them are her crying and it honestly got very very exhausting. even to watch. as good as she is and she is great, it gets repetitive. she sells it but you start wondering gd why?? you become indifferent at some point to it all.
that aside, i do agree because of a few major points.
bellamy’s never had a happy childhood. 
of course we don’t know what his life was like before O.ctavia was born. i like to think that maybe there was a glimpse of hope there. i think and hope too that bob wanted his filipino heritige respect though it never was but in my headcanon land he had a filipino dad who loved him dearly and who died tragically after which things went very wrong. but i believe he was loved dearly. 
yet canon and the writers i think tried to instill the idea that aurora slept with random men so neither his nor o’s father are known. however i do believe aurora must’ve loved him a lot when he was born and i think he was a mama’s boy before O was born and everything concentrated solely on her.
so yes, he’s had a very unhappy childhood. a childhood marked by mostly FEAR and that is no way for a child to live and whilst Clarke has had a tragic life we have seen her past and we know she had a family-a dad and a mom, a father who loved her dearly, she was clearly a dada’s girl, the apple of his eye, he understood her, they were connected, which is why she sees him so often in memories or when she is in situations where she almost *dies*. and as complicated as her relationship with her mother is, it’s clear abby’s love for her is very strong even if their relationship was strained by Jake’s passing.
so clarke had a family, she lived in Alpha where we know conditions were better and she was best friend with the chancellor’s son. i’d say up to the point where her father died things were probably pretty rosy.
meanwhile bellamy became a parent more or less at the age of seven. a child was placed in his hands in the way a mother passes a newborn to her husband, and he becomes responsible for a life that technically-
is not allowed to exist.
just let that whole part sink in cause that’s the tragedy of him.
he lived in absolute fear of the worst happening.  forced to become a guard so he could protect her, share rations with his forbidden sister so she could live and help his mother out.
then his worst fear happened.
because of HIMSELF!
the one moment he dared reach for happiness it was taken from him. and it killed his mom who he clearly loves very much and locked his sister who we know he loves beyond himself.
a year of absolutely lonliness, guilt-rideness and pain passes.
then he goes to earth and his sister who’s finally free decides to have a life of her own and split like every child does at some point, from her family. be free because she’s been locked up all her life and he’s left..confused?? doing irrational things, trying to control what he no longer can control.
trying to hold on to love.
because in all the pain and suffering he did have a family-his mom and his sister.
but now it’s gone.
then he grows to love and care for the 100. for clarke.
and he goes into a mountain to save them.
but instead ends up committing genocide.
meanwhile his sister runs off with a grounder (which...i have thoughts on o’s love life but i wont go there now).
and then he’s left alone by the one person he still had in his life. and let’s be real i love the blakes but they were never truly resolved. they came close to it in season 6 but it wasn’t truly done well. so i think it’s fair to say that from the moment he touches the ground, even though he does it for his sister-
he loses her.
and he only has clarke left.
but clarke leaves.
so he’s loveless, empty, broken and absolutely destroyed by the fact that he killed a mountain full of people some of whom were good and tried to save them.
he’s destroyed inside.
and then on and on-the pike manipulation, the massacre, more guilt, more pain. the death wave and a weightless loseless fight that bears no meaning but he tries he tries he goddamn tries
though he doesn’t know why, surely not for himself. for O? for clarke? for the others? for his people?
what is there left for him to do.
aurora blake raised no suiciders. no losers. he can’t kill himself as much as death seems alluring.
what i find the saddest is that he has no real love in his life. yes he has clarke and yes we know they were written as romantic but it was never canon canon so he doesn’t have this great epic love story that all the other characters have-clarke with L, o with Lincoln, raven with f/nn, jasper with maya, monty with harper, lastly john with emori which i think was the best written one.
and that is the tragedy indeed. 
because he IS the character who is the MOST heart even at his *head*-est and yet he is denied love. he’s denied a great love story (again bellarke-aside here). he is DENIED his heart being loved the way it loves, he is denied the gentleness of a soft, kind, filled with extremes-ups and downs, or even challenges, love.
he’s denied it.
the heart is denied love.
i don’t count e/cho. im sorry but that just as clarke killing him was done purely out of spite. there was no real love there, no emotion, no romance. it was a time jump relationship just like his one with gina. he’s REFUSED a great love story. 
he has it with clarke. but he’s denied actually going there too. 
i find it sad because love spills out of him in waves, all of himself he gives out, all of his softness kindness, even his flaws, he lets out in the open and says this is me, i am not ashamed of myself. i may hate myself but i love. 
and there’s no one to love him back.
and then in the end of course im saddest because we’ve seen the craziest shit on earth and he’s still denied understanding from his friends. but i wont go there because it hurts too much.
so yes clarke lost a lot. she lost L and she lost madi in a way and she lost her dad and her mom. but she’s had happiness in her life, she’s had a family, she’s had great love, she’s even had the cutesy teenage drama romance with f/nn and then a good love and then yes death and pain. she is separated from her friends, she is punished unnecessarily like he is too.
but she’s known it.
and she’s known the peace from those 6 years on earth. peace he craved and strived towards in the end. she’s had that with madi. whilst he’s spent that punishing himself over leaving her behind and once again trying to keep their people together in her abscence to honor her.
i’m sure he’s had happy moments. maybe glimpses. like bob said, glimpses of peace. maybe he’s had glimpses of happiness too. when he was baby boy and his mom picked him from his crib or his dad carried him arround or when he carried O around and talked to her. or when he was hugged by clarke.
but he should’ve had more. 
he deserved more. 
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rwriting · a year ago
Text
the last victim // sayu yagami (deathnote)
description: gosh, i love sayu yagami so much. i have so many headcanons for her –  it’s a little embarrassing… i really wanted to write this piece! it’s post canon with a few dark themes. i’m of the opinion that sayu’s a character with so much potential, so little of which is explored in the canon. hoping you all enjoy! 
word count: 1.6k
content warnings: light yagami (ha, ha…), implied self-harm, self-hatred (?), the term psychopath (ableism), magazines being gross, sibling and parent death, bullying… sorry, i know that’s quite a lot to bear with. please take care of yourself!
 Breathe.
She’s trying, she really is.
Breathe.
Her hands spasm and reach for her throat.
Breathe.
She forces her hands to her sides.
Breathe.
She opens her eyes.
Sayu Yagami stares at the ceiling of her apartment, head fuzzy with… she wants to say the remnants of a dream, but perhaps a nightmare is closer to the truth. She can’t quite remember. Besides, her waking, no matter the night she’s experienced, is never pleasant. It always involves too much breathlessness, too much begging, too much… emotion.
Sayu feels torn about that. Too much emotion. It seems weird to think that she could be overwhelmed with emotion, when she spends so much time simply without it. She’s not sure what is worse: drowning beneath the waves, or feeling as if she’s dying of thirst.
Maybe I deserve them both, she thinks. It’s a recurring thought – she can never be rid of it. It sneaks up behind her, holds her hand. Offers comfort, somehow. There’s a reason for this, it whispers. Sayu thinks she likes reasons, likes logic, likes… explanations. That’s understandable, they all say. You want to know how one of your own hurt so many others.
I don’t, thinks Sayu. She doesn’t know if it’s a lie or not. How odd to not even know if you yourself are telling the truth.
Desperate not to get stuck in a loop of contemplation as she’s prone to (she’s spent days like this before; lying in bed, pondering and pondering and pondering), she swings her legs off the bed and plants them on the cold, cold, floor. The sensation of the frozen tiles and the jolt they send through her is oddly pleasant; it’ll prevent her from falling back to sleep at the very least.
A quick walk to the bathroom and she considers herself fully awake. Well, as awake as she gets; too many days of hers are spent in a daze, a state so distanced from reality she can hardly call it a state of being awake. A state of dreams and disillusionment.
She takes in her face in as she stares at the mirror. For a terrifying moment, her eyes gloss over her own reflection as if there is nothing there – as if it the face of someone else, or simply a smudge. Or a ghost… she thinks, and smiles in spite of herself. A ghost. That is what she feels like so often, floating from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day… or place to place, though she rarely leaves her home. The high rise apartment with its large windows and intimidating staircases isn’t exactly comforting, but that doesn’t mean she’s not enamoured with it – obsessed with the way it makes her feel. The way it makes her feel. Calm, mysterious. Like she has a plan. Like him.
She focuses once again on the mirror, on her reflection. All her features are accented, more obvious, more vivid. No. All of his features are more accented, more obvious, more visible, no, wait, all of a sudden they’re the only ones there, and he’s here in the mirror, she can see him, she can touch him, she can let him out!
The mirror cracks as Sayu’s fist makes contact with it, the sound loud and unforgiving. Unforgiving also is the gift it gave her – an open wound, leaking blood. She watches the blood trickle slowly, dripping down into the sink. She doesn’t bother to wash it away. Somehow, to do so would feel like a betrayal. To what, she’s not sure. Maybe she wants evidence. This happened. Or maybe it’s to do with the blood – maybe she considers it proof her existence, her being, her living.
There are other ways to see that blood you know…
The thought is not so much a thought as a temptation; a beg disguised as a calm offer. No, she thinks sternly. She almost wants to say it out loud, but there is something sacred in the silence. Even her footsteps seem more quiet than usual, the sound of her bare feet not muffled by socks but just by the air itself.
Her feet take her away, to kitchen, where she reaches up to a shelf, to grasp in her hand (the one free of blood) a small medical box, filled mainly with bandages and gauze. She tends to her hand, and for a few seconds wishes she had someone to do this for her, with her. It’s a bad idea, a bad thought. Not only is it a foolish longing, but it leads to a reminiscing; an unearthed memory which she wants to hold dear. If only it weren’t so tainted.
Her knowledge of how the memory will make her feel, her warning to herself – none if it seems to help, to stop it as it takes shape in her mind. She’d have been eight when it had happened. She’d planted some flowers on her windowsill and had cut her hand on one of the small terracotta plant pots. Downstairs she’d gone, tears welling in her eyes. And there he was, washing his hands in the sink, turning to meet her with a small smile on his face. Okay, what’d you do this time?
She’d stuck out her hand to show him, and his eyes had widened almost imperceptibly. That looks a little serious, Sayu. Despite the pain, she’d stuck out her tongue at him cheekily, at which he had offered a slight grin. Alright. Sit at the table and I’ll tend to it. Even at eleven, he’d had a presence – a sort of commanding aura which made one want to heed his words, hold them close. Obey him. She hadn’t though it dangerous then, it was hard to think of it as anything but now.
My brother. It’s the only way she can think of him. His name… his name invites too much. Personal effects gone through, a computer dragged away by two men in suits. And headlines, so many headlines. Who knew how the press got hold of the information; who cared. All it mattered was that she could no longer see his name - in her mind or written on paper – without every article she’d ever read crashing down on her, words, words, words. Genius. God complex. Misguided youth. Psychopath. Saviour. Killer. Kira. That one hurt almost as much, despite how impersonal it was, a moniker started by… who even knew? The internet was a cluttered, anonymous, graveyard and, beyond that, a mystery. Who cared enough to track down the first person to gift her brother with this title, to find them out?
She thought of this annoyingly often. Maybe if her brother had been given a different title, no title at all, things may have progressed differently. It was so, so foolish. She knew this. It sounded like a time traveller’s pathetic attempt to change the future without destroying the past. Pathetic. The word repeat itself a little in her mind, echoing.
There were articles on her too, of course. Complicit? they said, the question mark seeming more for show than anything else. Yagami sister involved in killings? Imagine that. Her, an accomplice to the Kira killings, and not questioned by the great detective L simply because he thought her young and girlish. Complicit… the word reverberates and she questions it, pulls it apart. Was she complicit? Did she know of her brother’s actions before they were revealed in the news? She was more observant than anyone gave her credit for, but Light (LightLightLightLightLightLightLight) ‘s change in demeanour could have been down to any number of factors, including adolescence, or even his father’s work. Our father’s work, Sayu corrects herself. He belonged to both of them. And now he belonged to the earth.
I lost you both, Sayu thinks. Although she’d previously envied her father and brother’s strong sense of justice, now she felt quite thankfully to not share it. In a way, it led them both to their deaths. One at the hand of the other.
As she looks out the wide window of the apartment, she feels lonely. There are a few precious memories involving both her brother and the night skies, but they’re not what evokes this emotion. Seeing how much there is out there, the bright lights of all the other people living lives like hers, makes her realise how few people there are in her life. She’d maintained no friendships from her school or university, nor her bonds with her mother. Not that the former had many any effort on their own parts – any interest displayed in her was as ‘the sister of Kira’. She could recall so many times, the insensitive questions, the pulling of her hair, the tearing of her clothes. They’d scream at her.
Did my uncle deserve to die, you stupid girl? Did you agree with your brother? Did you go to sleep every night knowing what he was doing in the next room? Did you care?
Her own thoughts, both then and now, are a mirror.
Did my brother deserve to die? Did you disagree with him? Did you wake up every morning to watch the news and fear for your life? Did it scare you?
They’re ugly thoughts, but anger doesn’t need to be beautiful. Neither does justice.
And there’s no justice, she thinks. There never was.
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