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that-house · 3 months

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Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

#neon-grey-writing #potion vendor faq #my writing #very very very long post lol #click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me #i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023 #that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format

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steviesbicrisis · 6 months

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A Barbie AU where the Kens decide, in order to get some recognition, to get individual names.

Steve, who’s just a Ken very good with kids, is having an identity crisis after his Barbie, journalist Barbie, broke up with him.

Not even picking a name as unique and special as Steve, so much different than Ken, managed to cheer him up.

Everyone keeps saying he should be happy about the change, and discover who he is outside of Barbie’s orbit, but he can’t see what was so wrong in their relationship. He loved waiting all day for Barbie to look at him, even if it was for a brief second.

As if going through an existential crisis wasn't enough, he has to do it under the constant mocking of his archnemesis, Ke- Eddie.

Eddie, with his long curly and annoyingly gorgeous hair, who has a sense of style he would give all of his rollerblades for, and who's always there to notice whenever Steve makes a mistake.

Eddie even has his Barbie still by his side, cheerleader Barbie, and every time Steve sees them together he gets a sick feeling in his stomach, like a tummy ache. Doctor Barbie visited him a couple of times and found nothing wrong with him, he imagines he's a little jealous of Eddie for being with a Barbie.

Steve talks about this with Polyglot Barbie, his best friend, annoying her to death.

"Why are we talking about Ken, again?" she interrupts Steve's retelling of his last encounter with Eddie.

"It's Eddie" Steve corrects her.

"Right," she nods. She's very supportive of their silly-name-thing (how most Barbies call it), but she still has trouble remembering all the names, "why are we still talking about him?"

They're hanging out at the park, sitting under a tree, Barbie's leg on top of his, and they're holding hands. It's nice. Steve is happy to have a best friend like Barbie.

Steve looks up, meeting Eddie's gaze. He's sitting at one of the picnic tables not far away from them, doing nothing besides glaring at Steve.

Barbie squeezes his hand to get his attention back, and Steve looks away.

"Because he keeps tormenting me! he's even glaring at me right now, I'm gonna get stress wrinkles!" Steve finally replies, in a distressed tone.

"You're being dramatic," she says, matter-of-factly, "Eddie isn't so bad with you. You know, he kinda treats you like his Barbie."

If Steve had a beating heart, it probably would've stopped right at this second.

"What?"

"You know, he's always looking for you, he is always giddy whenever you give him a crumble of attention. He hangs out where you hang out... why do you think he's sitting all alone at a picnic table, just staring at you?"

"Maybe he's waiting for his girlfriend" he suggests.

"Are you talking about Cheerleader Barbie?" she giggles, "she's not his girlfriend, trust me."

"But he picks on me! all the time! Like this morning, I tripped and he made a comment about my legs!" He gestures at his legs with his free hand.

Barbie tilts her head to the side "you mean this morning at the beach when he held you in his arms for ten minutes to prevent you from falling and Barbie had to tell him to let you go?"

"… yeah” he manages to say. He hadn’t realized how long Eddie held him in his arms, he was upset about almost falling in front of him, but he also liked the feeling of his arms around him.

Everything feels different now.

Barbie's look softens "How does this make you feel?"

"I don't know" he answers, honestly "I just can't stop thinking about him."

A loud noise at their right startles them off of their conversation. They turn around to see Eddie lying on the floor, a trash can at his feet.

Steve doesn't give himself the time to realize that Eddie has probably heard their entire conversation and has tripped on that trash can because of it, he just rushes to Eddie's side to help him out.

Eddie stammers while Steve pulls him back up, not making much sense.

Steve is used to see Eddie as an intimidating guy, someone to compete with for Barbie’s attention. He never realized how much he liked to have Eddie’s attention instead, nor how he loved to give that attention back in equal amount.

“Nice legs” he tells him, repeating the same words Eddie told him that morning.

Eddie stops his incoherent stream of words when he hears him “what?”

“You heard me” Steve says.

“I did” Eddie admits. He pulls the trash can back up, to have an excuse to not look at Steve when he asks “you can’t stop thinking about me?”

For some reason, that’s the easiest question Steve has ever had to answer to “yes, I can’t.”

Eddie jolts back up startling Steve, the trash can falling out of his hands and hitting the ground once again.

“Cool” he says, using all of his willpower to hide his excitement by keeping a relaxed face, failing miserably.

“I guess” Steve grins. Knowing he has that effect on Eddie is making him the most confident he has ever felt in his life.

“So, since you can’t stop thinking about me…” Eddie repeats, in a tone that Steve would’ve mistaken for a mocking one until few hours ago “…we could hang out on the beach later. I’ll bring my guitar.”

“I’ll bring mine too then” Steve replies immediately.

Eddie panics “We can’t both have a guitar!”

Steve crosses his arms on his chest “who says that?”

Eddie opens and closes his mouth a couple of times then mutters, defeated, “fine.”

“Great!” Steve takes a step forward and gives Eddie a peck on his cheek “I’ll see you later.”

Eddie, who makes a face again trying to hide his excitement, nods and turns away “cool.”

He walks away slowly, towards the park’s exit. Right by the gate, he throws himself into an hedge. Steve can clearly hear him when he screams words along the lines of “FINALLY”, “I HAVE A DATE” and “SUBLIME”.

Steve turns to Robin who has witnessed the whole thing, while Eddie is still screaming random words from the bushes.

“I think I’m in love.”

#I’ve been wanting to write this since I saw the movie #but it never felt right #this is the best I could do lmao #in case it wasn’t clear I’m making fun of Steve for going from basic name to basic name lmao #I love him #I just think they’re neat #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steve and eddie #steve x eddie #platonic stobin #barbie #Barbie au #Steddie au #steddie au Barbie

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shlonguru · 3 months

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Alastor x Fem!Reader x Vox

Summary : You're enjoying your evening at a party when Vox and Alastor take an interest in you and you become the subject of their unspoken challenge.

Warning : 18+, smut, edging, dirty talking, fingering, oral, creampie, oral creampie, cum swallowing, praise kink (kinda), teasing, overstimulation, edging (sort of).

Word Count : 4389 words (take that as you will)

Your friend Charlie said she needed moral support at this event meant to advertise the Hotel and Vaggie was too sick to participate so you offered thinking it was a nice occasion to go out and just look pretty while looking after your friend. This event was very formal and everyone was dressed up, you wore a very elegant black silk dress that was hugging your curves perfectly while still feeling like nothing, the dress' waist is narrow, but it's a comfortable fit, you wore matching black high heels with straps covered in diamond-like stones, the heels were somehow not uncomfortable at all which you felt very surprised by considering you didn’t usually wear any because of how uncomfortable they felt, you had your hair in a fancy updo which again wasn’t something you commonly wore but you felt expensive. You were ready to enjoyyour evening, though you hadn’t met her whole team before and when you were introduced you were either pleasantly surprised or just…surprised.

The party was huge, held in one of the biggest fancy buildings of the city and when you arrived most of the 200 guests had already arrived, Charlie insisted on introducing you to everyone in her team. Angel Dust was the first one she pointed at, he was at the bar and looked already drunk, it seemed like he was hitting on someone who looked like they were too tired for this.

“This is Angel Dust and this is Husk” Charlie said excitingly.

“Nice to meet you.” You smiled at them.

“Hi! Would you tell him that he should always try a blowjob at least once before turning it down!” said Angel Dust in a very serious yet somehow nonchalant tone.

“Hmm, sure…” You said looking at Charlie who was forcing a smile.

“Alright Husk please keep him under control will ya ?” She asked the demon that just stared at her then turned around and asked the bar for another whiskey with a resigned look on his face.

“Alright who’s next?” said Charlie walking around as she searched for someone to introduce you to.

“Well hello there.” You heard a charismatic voice say behind you surprising you as you turned around to be faced with an indeed very charismatic and tall man, you had to look higher than you thought you’d have to to meet his gaze. He looked down at you with an almost arrogant look yet somehow taunting smile.

“Oh hi Alastor! That’s y/n, she’s my friend and she’s come for emotional support!” exclaimed Charlie proud to introduce you. “Y/n, that’s Alastor my…business partner. He’s the radio demon and he’s very reliable!” She said turning to you and smiling.

“Nice to meet you.” You bowed slightly before being surprised as he grabbed your hand and bent to kiss it then looked you straight in the eyes as his eyes were now at the level of yours.

“The pleasure is all mine.” he declared smoothly, making you unconsciously blush as you weren’t expecting that, and he noticed as his grin got slightly wider. He then let go of your hand going back to his original stance.

You were still staring at him when Charlie interrupts the silence to announce “Where is Niffty, she’s the only one I haven’t introduced you to.” She scanned the rooms without any luck.

“She’s probably cleaning somewhere.” Exclaimed Alastor nonchalantly.

“I’ll go look for her, I’ll be right back y/n, you guys can get a drink or chat in the meantime.” Announced Charlie already walking away.

“Wait-“ You didn’t have time to say anything before she disappeared in the crowd.

“Why not both? Let’s get you a drink darling.” Declared Alastor extending his arm for you to grab onto.

‘Shit why am I feeling like this, it’s like my fight of flight is activated but it somehow feels good?’

“Sure…” You replied uncertain as you did just that and realized this man was making you warm, too warm, you were not sure if it was his general demeanor and charisma or the way he talked but there was something about him that made you feel flushed and unable to be your usual comfortable self.

You arrived at the bar and he ordered you a drink that you surprisingly enjoyed considering you had never heard of it before. You both sat down on stools by the bar as you sipped on your drink.

“Easy dear, this drink is stronger than it looks, you don’t want to end up like my tragic fellow.” He said pointing at Angel Dust not too far that looked like he was now trying to kiss Husk who was easily holding him at arm’s length.

You looked at Angel Dust then your drink and started sipping is slower, making the demon chuckle.

Somehow it was very hard for you to maintain eye contact with him, maybe it was because of his piercing and insistent gaze, either way you didn’t have a choice and didn’t want to seem rude.

“So, how long have you known Charlie?” You said, trying to initiate casual conversation.

“Longer than I care to remember.” He replied casually looking away then gazing back at you. “Now more interestingly how did Charlie get acquainted to such a lovely creature?” He exclaimed calmly yet looking like he was devouring you with his eyes.

“We met a long time ago in boarding school and I moved back not too long ago.” You answered realizing you had already finished your drink in spite of your best efforts, though you weren’t too worried and were confident in your ability to hold your alcohol.

“Oh well I guess I’ll get another drink.” You said grabbing the bar menu.

“What is a Demon Roulette…?” You read out loud.

“You’ve never had one? It’s a cocktail made from a very rare liquor that causes different effects on anyone who tries it, it makes some people cry, some people angry and some people suicidal even. It’s a 50/50 on if you’re going to regret its effect really.”

“So…alcohol?” You replied sarcastically.

The radio demon chuckles then pauses. “I guess you should give it a try and you’ll see what I mean dear.”

“I will if you join me?” You smiled noticing a little pause as if you had surprised him with your answer, but the expression of surprise was quickly replaced by a smirk.

“You are bolder than you look, yes, I shall indulge with you, this drink tends to make me…how should I put this…competitive? But I’m sure it won’t be an issue tonight. Two Demon Roulettes sir.” He asks the bartender who puts down your two cocktails in less than a minute.

‘Damn I hope this makes me relax, I want to really enjoy this evening.’ You told yourself hoping the drink will help. Little did you know it was exactly what would happen and more.

You took a sip of the new drink and instantly felt warm, your face flushed and your breath got a little heavier as you gulped.

“Interesting…” You felt Alastor’s gaze on you scanning your body for your reaction to the mysterious liquor and speak as if he’d already figured it out, before yourself even. He sipped on his own cocktail and before any of you could add anything you were interrupted.

“I didn’t know they let anyone in here?” You heard a smirking voice say. You looked for it only to meet the red eyes of another tall man, this time with a TV screen for a head. He wasn’t looking at you though, he was looking at the man by your side who looked his way unimpressed.

“Oh, what an unpleasant surprise.” Alastor replied before looking back at you.

“Where were we dear?” He said ignoring the other man, but before you could say anything the man walked up to the two of you putting himself literally in between you two, leaning over the counter and ordering a drink. You saw Alastor roll his eyes. The man then turned to you, still leaning against the bar, effectively blocking Alastor from your vision field.

“Hello, I’m Vox by the way, the greatest Overlord that hell has ever known, would you like me to rid you of this old timey prick?” He said confidently.

“Hi…” You hesitated, processing the info he just gave you as you kept mindlessly sipping on your drink.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” He continued, scanning your body and clearly enjoying what his eyes met.

“Hmm, I’m y/n.” You said trying to see if you could see Alastor behind him.

“I’m sorry you have to be in the presence of such a rude individual.” You heard from behind only to turn your head and find Alastor resting his hands on your shoulders staring sternly at Vox but still smiling.

His touch sent jolts down your body making you unintentionally tense up. To your surprise you felt his hands tighten as you tensed, as if to intensify the feeling, it almost felt like he knew what he was doing.

“I’m sure she would rather spend the evening with yours truly rather than this Overlord wannabe.” Said Vox looking at you waiting for your response.

You looked at him puzzled and with cheeks now flushed. You realized you weren’t truly paying attention to what he was saying but you had pieced together that he couldn’t stand Alastor. You took a second to look at all of him and realized he was fine. He realized what you were doing and smirked.

“Like what you see?” He grinned.

“Sorry, what did you say?” You questioned, snapping out of your daze and making Alastor share a laugh he tried to hide.

“Don’t push yourself Darling.” The radio demon laughed, letting go of your shoulders.

“I said you can get to know me without this disturbance of a demon around, and let’s just say that whatever you have going on with this hazbin individual, I can give you better.” Insisted Vox looking into your eyes and sipping from his drink. “You don’t deserve the company of such a beautiful creature anyways.” He adds looking at Alastor.

“This isn’t a competition.” Said Alastor, this time addressing the TV Overlord. “But I wouldn’t pass an opportunity to put you back in your place and remind you who’s in charge.” He said in a menacing tone you heard for the first time that sent shivers down your spine and to other areas you weren’t acknowledging yet. “You see this little darling just tried Demon Roulette for the first time and it seemed to have made her more…sensitive shall we say.” He said resting his hands on your shoulders once more, this time earning a quiet moan from you as you jolted and pressed your thighs together. No one seemed to have heard it, that is, besides the two demons by your side.

Vox looked dumbfounded for a second before a vicious smirk appeared on his face. You realized with him that you were hornier than you had ever been in your life, and you were longing for any touch at this point, which was a delicate situation, but the two attractive men being already your type made you feel incredibly lucky.

“Alright you’re on, you stupid old-fashioned bastard. I would love to make sure this beauty spends a night she won’t forget, though she might forget you if I’m being honest.”

“Now y/n, I know we met not too long ago but would you be interested in being the subject of a little experiment?” Alastor declared looking down at you.

‘I guess I won the roulette’ you thought to yourself, you blushed realizing how much you were enjoying the situation and how lewd your mind was.

“Hmm, what kind of experiment?” You asked turning your chair to face Alastor and finishing your cocktail. You felt the chair you were sitting on turn quickly around only to face Vox, his face dangerously close to yours, reinforcing your dirty thoughts.

“Why don’t you leave that up to us sweetheart?” He said, a devilish smile forming on his screen. “But let’s just say it is the type you will definitely enjoy.” He says inches from your face this time resting his hands on your thighs, making you squirm.

“Yup, I’m down.” You exclaim putting down your drink and looking at the two demons.

They both grabbed you by the hands and softly lead the way.

“Were you down when you got here or only after the cocktail kicked in?” Whispers Alastor in your ear.

“Let’s just say the cocktail only reinforced already existing matters.” You wink making the demon grin wickedly.

---------------

Vox opened the door to a room that looked like a boudoir, very elegant with red velvet curtains against the walls with gold lining, fancy red velvet couches and little tables. As you scanned the room you felt the hand which Alastor was holding pull you swiftly only for your body to be pressed against his. The blush didn’t have time to reach your cheeks that you felt his lips press against yours for what felt like the softest yet most decisive kiss. You couldn’t help but moan in the kiss.

“Hey! You can’t get a head start!” You heard Vox exclaim annoyingly as he closed the door behind the three of you.

“Says who?” Smirked the radio demon, after slowly pulling away from the kiss leaving a string of saliva between the two of you. “You couldn’t even kiss her even if you wanted to.” He said taunting the TV demon.

You noticed Vox not responding but walking up to you instead and grabbing your hand, pulling you with him as he sat on a couch sitting you in between his spread legs. You rested your back against his large chest and realized just how tall he really was compared to you. He dragged his hands over your thighs caressing them softly causing your oversensitive body to react, making you yelp and grab his thighs reflexively.

“Maybe not, but I can do this.” He says looking straight at Alastor as he continues tracing your body up to your chest, cupping your breast softly yet firmly. You felt electricity run through your body.

“Indeed, you can.” Said Alastor walking up to the two of you and kneeling only to grab the back of your neck and kiss you deeper this time, making your head spin as you felt his tongue enter your mouth and play with yours. The surprise caused such pleasure you ended up arching your back, driving your ass into Vox’s crotch, causing him to groan.

“That’s it I’m not playing anymore.” Vox exclaimed pulling down the two straps of your dress revealing your plump breasts for all to see and with that he started playing with your nipples, making you moan louder into the kiss. He then sunk one of his hands down your body, reaching in between your legs teasing you lightly and feeling your nether region.

“Wow, you’re so wet you might make me short-circuit.” He whispered in your ear. He sent a jolt of electricity through your lingerie directly on your clit making you essentially roll your eyes back as you realized just how all your sensitivity stemmed from that region.

Alastor pulled away from the kiss to look into your dazed lidded eyes, drowning in pleasure.

“Enjoying ourselves, aren’t we?” He sarcastically asked kissing down your neck. “But don’t get too lost as you will have to decide whom has performed best.” He said smiling before reaching your nipples which is started to lick and suck on, driving away the hand of Vox that was left on your breast which he intuitively laid on your hip. He immediately proceeded to grab it firmly, pulling you tightly against his own crotch so that you could clearly feel his very hard member now resting between your ass cheeks. You moaned louder still with a hint of timidness.

“Moan as loud as you please sweetheart, this room is soundproof.” Said Vox confidently. And with that you felt his fingers entering your pussy not realizing your panties had been pushed to the side, making you moan very loudly and grab tightly onto the jacket of his suit.

“Getting close already, I barely touched you.” He teasingly exclaimed.

Not liking that you were enjoying his rival a little too much but only admitting it through actions Alastor stopped sucking on your nipples only to lick up your chest then gaze into your eyes before kissing you deeply and cupping both of your breasts firmly, pinching your nipples at the same time. Coincidentally it’s the time Vox chose to press hard against your G-Spot, sending you over the edge and making you moan loudly into the kiss and sinking into Vox.

“Oh yeah that’s right, good girl.” He exclaimed proudly as he continued fingering you through your orgasm.

“You see that dumbfuck? I win, she came thanks to me!” proclaimed Vox. Though it felt like the other demon hadn’t even heard him.

Alastor pulled away from the kiss to look at your current state. You gazed at him still twitching from your orgasm and noticed a serious look on his face you weren’t familiar with, you looked down and noticed a bulge pulsating in his pants. You blushed at that sight and Alastor grabbed your hips promptly pulling you towards him and turning you around, your knees on the floor but the top of your body resting on the couch, being faced with Vox’s crotch, looking just as strained as Alastor’s. You felt your panties being ripped then tossed away and your dress being lifted above your ass.

You heard the noise of Alastor undoing his pants and bending over you, his mouth next to your ear.

“Now you’ve done it darling, this isn’t just about the bet anymore.”

And with that you felt the tip of his cock press against your wet entrance, only to be pressed further and further, it felt so good, as though you were coming all over again just from feeling him entering you and you unwittingly pressed your hips against him helping him penetrate you feeling his grip tighten around your hips as you did so.

“Someone’s getting greedy I see.” Declared Vox trying to mock Alastor while trying to look as composed as he could.

Feeling like nothing was holding you back anymore you grabbed Vox’s crotch softly rubbing against the shape of his member and immediately getting his attention back.

“Oh, he’s not the only one I see.” He smirked looking at you and placing a hand on your cheek, his thumb rubbing your lip then entering your mouth. “What do you want sweetheart?” He asked teasingly.

It’s with flushed cheeks that you answered shyly. “You cock, please.”

“Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.” He pushed, knowing he had you cornered.

“Can I please suck your cock, Sir?” You pleaded looking up at him with a completely flushed face and doe eyes that drove him crazy.

“Fuck you’re so hot, of course you can.” He replied then hastily unzipped his pants, revealing his hard shaft ready to be savored, and that’s what you did. You grabbed his member but before you could wrap your mouth around it you heard Alastor talk.

“Alright my dear I’m sure you’re ready now.” And before you could process what he said he started thrusting hard, pounding into your hole, making you moan loudly but you couldn’t drown in the pleasure because you felt Vox’s fingers pull your chin up and look at you with anticipation. “Come on now don’t get distracted.” He expressed as you kept moaning but took his manhood in the mouth nonetheless and started sucking on it with gratification. His hips instinctively started thrusting into your mouth as you sucked. He threw his head back as you sucked and sunk his fingers in your hair.

“Fuck you feel so good.” He moaned resting back as you worked your magic.

You heard Alastor breathe heavily and this immediately made your walls tighten around his cock, making him groan in return, fucking you harder and putting more pressure on your breasts as he did so. You felt the tension building back up in your stomach.

“You’re going come for me like a good girl?” He muttered in your ear before grabbing your hips and pounding you even harder. Making you lose it a second time, he felt you coming around his cock, fucking you good as you did so.

Hearing you moan louder through sucking him off brought Vox’s attention back and witness your orgasm, which would’ve made him jealous he wasn’t the one making you come if the feeling wasn’t drowned in an irrepressible need to fuck you as well.

“Alright my turn, you’ve done enough.” He exclaimed pulling you off Alastor’s cock as if you weighted nothing and grabbing your ass firmly placing you on top of his cock and lowering you making you feel full again. You threw your head back in pleasure, to his delight. He groaned deeply realizing how good he felt at that moment.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He expressed still sinking both of his hands into your ass cheeks rocking you on his cock. You rested your hands on his chest and noticed his nipples were rock hard, you teased them instinctively and noticed his groans getting rougher, but before you could play more you felt a hand cup your face only to turn it to the side and feel a cock slide into your mouth. Without you having to do anything Alastor started thrusting in and out of your mouth rather roughly, holding your head between both of his hands and very much enjoying himself, you would never admit it but so were you, the rough and deep thrusts kept you for getting deep breaths, which made your pussy tighten and made Vox moan feeling you around him. You looked up at Alastor only to be met with a look of pure lust, perfectly suiting him.

“Don’t look at me like that…” teased the radio demon, smiling evilly and throwing his head back as he kept thrusting. Everything felt so good you kept tightening around Vox.

“Fuck are you trying to make me come?” Vox declared now rocking you with one hand and fondling your breast with the other and before you could think you were coming again, melting on Vox’s cock this time, your mouth might have been busy but they both felt you coming, and both enjoyed it thoroughly.

“Good girl !” Said Vox spanking your ass in a congratulating manner, still teasing your nipple.

You looked back up at Alastor and noticed an evil grin on his face as he pulled out of your mouth.

“Pardon me but I’ll take that.” He exclaimed calmly pulling you just as easily as Vox had and positioned you on all fours on the couch, entering your already overstimulated pussy once more, making you feel as if you were gonna lose your mind. He started thrusting immediately this time, making you realize he wasn’t actually going nearly as hard as he could the first time. He grabbed your breasts and teased your nipples as he thrusted harder and harder.

“Open up sweetheart.” You instinctively opened your mouth and felt Vox’s member enter it once again, this time propping himself on his knees facing you and thrusting himself. They were both going at it much rougher than before, and you could feel their thrusts become more intense. Somehow you felt the tension rise once again and your eyes started rolling back as you felt yourself get closer and closer to the release. Vox noticed that and looked at you as he thrusted.

“You’re gonna come again? You little minx I told you you’d spend a night you wouldn’t forget.” He said moaning and somehow thrusting even harder.

“You’re going to come again darling we’re counting on you.” Said Alastor as calmly as he could be in that moment though you could hear him panting despite his best effort to conceal it. You felt Alastor’s hands squeeze your ass before settling back on your hips, which he grabbed firmly as he immediately started fucking you harder than you had ever been, somehow hitting your G-sport every single time. It didn’t take long for you to reach your release finally, tensing up all over, Vox feeling your throat tighten around his cock, making him moan loudly as you felt his cock explode in your mouth. Simultaneously, your pussy coming was tightening around Alastor who gripped you tightly pulling you fully onto his cock. “Fuck…” You were sure you heard him mumble under his breath as you realized he was coming as well, you felt cum filling both of your holes as you all finished coming.

Vox was the first one to pull his cock out of you and saw his cum in your mouth before you looked him in the eyes and closed your mouth, swallowing it before opening your mouth again, showing him what you did.

“You’re so naughty I love it.” He smiled clearly out of breath.

Alastor slowly pulled out, leaving you to collapse on the couch.

“I may have gone slightly overboard dear, my apologies.” He said slowly gaining back control over his mind.

“Fuck that was so good though.” Exclaimed Vox resting back and still catching his breath.

Alastor pulled out some tissue which he used to clean you up and Vox pulled the straps of your dress back on your shoulder. You then propped yourself up after you had time to calm down from the overstimulation. The two gentlemen (not so gentle) sat in front of you, looking at you expectantly.

“So?” Asked Vox.

“Which one was best?” They both asked simultaneously.

You looked at them thinking for a second. How were you gonna get the most out of this situation? (not that you hadn't already?)

“I’m not sure…” You replied playing coy.

They both instantly noticed what you are doing and smirked.

“I guess we fucked the poor thing silly.” Exclaimed Alastor playfully.

“Damn, we need a rematch.” Said Vox, more serious than Alastor.

“I’m sure we can arrange that. Right?” Declared Alastor smiling at you.

You nodded celebrating in your head.

To be continued...

#hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader x vox #alastor x reader #vox x reader #smut #+18 #hazbin hotel x you #alastor x you #vox x you #hazbin hotel

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old-lorarri · 1 month

Text

꒰꒰‧₊˚𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ─ 𝐉𝐁𝟓 ˚₊· ꒱꒱

─ summary . . . ❨ the daughter of lewis hamilton and a 3 time f1 world champion life is pretty great especially now that you have found a special someone ❩ ─ pairing . . . ❨ jude bellingham x fem! hamilton! redbull! f1 driver! reader ❩ ─ genre . . . ❨ social media file ❩ ─ author note . . . ❨ okay so I got this idea like a year ago and I have now finally gotten time to make it happen so enjoy! ❩

❨ taglist | masterlist ❩

yourinstagram . 4hrs ago

seen by lewishamilton judebellingham 76,389,589 others

yourinstagram

liked by lewishamilton judebellingham 102,890,199 others

yourinstagram winter break photodump pt. 5

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user my wife is a madrid...I don't know what to do with why self now

user stay away from my wifey mr. hey jude lookin ass

user MR BELLINGHAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

user it couple is cookin ya'll

user love that mother is living her best life

user bae wake up Y/N posted a winter break photo dump

user OKAY BUT THAT LAST PIC EXCUSE ME?!?!?!

user madam who got you those flowers

user jude better be careful or papa hamilton gonna have his head if he even thinks about trying anything with his daughter

user why am I kinda living from the idea of these two being a couple

user are you dating jude?

user Y/N come home the kids miss you

user 4th wdc pending...

user so we all know who the guy in the last slide is right?

user love my soon to be parents

user the queen soft launching wasn't on my 2024 bingo card

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TRENTSKI

JUDITH

EXPLAIN YOUR SELF

JUDITH

huh?

RICE RICE BABY

did you really think you could sneek your way into Y/N Hamilton's ig dump and we wouldn't find out?

JUDITH

yes?

SANCHOOOO

SO YOU ADMIT IT

IT IS YOU

MEEK MEALS

glad you finally got together

I was getting sick and tired of you talking about her 24/7

JACK RABBIT

I'm surprised he even got the strength to talk to her

STAR BOY

right?

his brain normally turns to mush when ever her name is mentioned

proud of you bro

JUDITH

thx kyo

I always knew you were a real one

TRENTSKI

damn I see how it is then....

RICE RICE BABY

trents going dark lads

in his sad girl era

PHIL CHEESE STAKE

so wait who knows about you 2 being together?

SANCHOOOO

besides the entire intent after that photo dump?

MEEK MEALS

LMFAOOO

STAR BOY

tell lewis he's the goat

JUDITH

hahah funny

let us have our damatic soft launch

obvi you guys know

the only others that know are max, sebastian, and charles

I'll let lewis know when he figures out I'm dating his daughter this Saturday

JACK RABBIT

mate your fucked

TRENTSKI

DAMN

secret forbbiden romance

didn't know you were built like that jude

MEEK MEALS

what do you mean Lewis fucking Hamilton doesn't know you are dating HIS DAUGHTER

SANCHOOOO

pray for jude guys

these might be his last days with us

STAR BOY

he shall be missed

JACK RABBIT

dw jude I'll delete your search history of you stalking Y/N's ig and twitter

JUDITH

thanks guys...

wiss me luck

TRENTSKI

break a leg

RICE RICE BABY

don't die

MEEK MEALS

good luck

SANCHOOOO

you going to die

STAR BOY

what colour coffin do you want?

I'm thinking bright pink and rinestones

JACK RABBIT

do you need a get away driver?

PHIL CHEESE STAKE

before you die get me and ronnie a hat singed by Y/N and Lewis

JUDITH

I feel so loved rn

yourinstagram . 4hrs ago

seen by lewishamilton maxverstappen1 98,328,479 others

lewishamilton replied to your story!

he's a good lad

but if he hurt's you

winning a trohpy will be the last of his concern

okay dad I'll relay that message to him

good

also don't forget to use projection...

DAD OMG STOP

carlossainz55 replied to your story!

¡HALA MADRID!

maxverstappen1 replied to your story!

Christian is asking if Jude wants to come to the team dinner before the livery launch?

also if he hurts you I will run him over with our matching aston martins

landonorris replied to your story!

what does he smell like?

1K notes · View notes

astonmartinii · 7 months

Text

no more ace to play [mamma mia part two] | formula one social media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, fernando alonso and jenson button

the investigation was fruitful but now y/n has a handful of drivers and a bucket load of criticism

general note: i answered an ask about this but i thought i'd reiterate here, this is a no wives or kids au, so seb and jenson's wives and kids do not exist in this !! thank you so much for all the lovely feedback on the last part, hopefully i remembered to tag everyone who asked x

part one | masterlist | ko-fi

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, jensonbutton and 1.405,605 others

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel, jensonbutton

yourusername: so i guess it's kinda real now and they're all lovely x

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user4: i know the bitter old people are going to find this now but i for one think it's fucking ICONIC

user5: the guys are way too chill for the situation

user6: they've not said anything, so how would you know?

user5: idk reeks of babytrapping

user7: be for real y/n doesn't need to baby trap anyone she has her own career?

yourbff: debrief needed STAT

yourusername: literally on my way to yours right now get the non-alcoholic wine READY

landonorris: do i like get a prize for my hand in this?

yourusername: here's a gold star ⭐️

landonorris: i was hoping for some monetary rewards

yourusername: ur literally a millionaire ?

landonorris: and?

user8: are any of them gonna like comment or?

user9: very odd considering they wouldn't shut THE FUCK UP on their own posts

user10: for real they were very proud of their 'accomplishments' but now it's the consequences of their actions and theyre silent ?

user11: have yall considered the fact that finding out you might be a dad is a bit of a shock, let them all process it?

jensonbutton

liked by lewishamilton, sebastianvettel and 302,889 others

jensonbutton: back to see the old rides

view all comments

user12: SPILL JENSON PLEASE

user13: so like what team is this kid going to support they've got so much to choose from?

user14: if they have any taste, ferrari 💅

user15: i mean their momma clearly has taste so ....

oscarpiastri: nice to meet you jenson!

jensonbutton: by how much mark talks about you i could've sworn i'd already met you

aussiegrit: bold of you to send shots my way considering your current predicament

user16: mark saying this like they aren't lucky to be with y/n ?

user17: bro we all saw that you met up with y/n and the baby daddy squad... wanna maybe share some thoughts?

user18: why would he want to publicise that he got with a slag?

user17: i know you're not calling y/n a slag when we're talking about f1 playboy JENSON BUTTON ?

user19: i have complete faith that this mamma mia summer WILL have a good ending but i NEED these men to maybe actually talk about it so people aren't just out here coming for y/n ?

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, jensonbutton and 1,209,677 others

yourusername: got myself a sweet treat and did some meditation (i.e. listening to asmr roleplay) because life is crazy and morning sickness is a bitch

view all comments

user24: not to be sappy but i am emotional watching y/n go through this, she's been on the internet for so long i feel like i've watched her grow up, idk anything about f1 but i hope they're good for her

yourbff: gosh who knew you getting pregnant would lead to us having to go to the bakery every single morning

yourusername: but but but they have such good croissants and SHUSH I BUY YOU YOURS EVERYDAY

yourbff: i know you're like my sugar mama, please still buy me pastries when you have your actual child

user25: i think we're all being a wee bit dramatic about the whole "they haven't said anything" business. yes, they probably should say they're fine with it so people stop accusing y/n of baby trapping them but ALSO we don't know what they do everyday, maybe we should just let the adults go about their business

charles_leclerc: i am basically seb's kid so i shall be a character witness: that man is an ANGEL and believe me that took a lot for me to say in public lol

yourusername: why thank you charles, i have heard a lot about you. in fact on his "provisional dad cv", sebastian directly named you, some guys called max verstappen, mick schumacher and lance stroll as fatherly experience

maxverstappen1: LOL I KNEW SEB LOVED ME BUT WTF IS A DAD CV

sebastianvettel: this is a serious matter and i wanted to show that i'm serious about fatherhood

mickschumacher: soz max, charles and lance i think WE all know who his favourite is

lancestroll: i'm just happy to be recognised tbf

yourusername: well i kinda hope this real child will be his favourite...

charles_leclerc: boring 🥱

alexalbon: well i'm gonna nominate myself as jenson's grid kid and woah that guy is great 👍

jensonbutton: sounds kinda sarcastic but thanks for the effort alex

carlossainz55: seeing as we're all here i'll say that nando is the best grid dad sorry not sorry

yourusername: you're all here but idk who you people are ?

fernandoalo_oficial: chilli have i ever told you how proud i am of you?

stoffelvandoorne: do i mean nothing to you old man

user26: wtf is going on here

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel and 1,403,677 others

fernandoalo_oficial: what a race! thankful to finally be back on the podium this weekend and i'd like to dedicate this race to the soon-to-be new addition and my new family, here's to our future ❤️

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user27: HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO CUTE

user28: i'm sorry the THUMB IN THE MOUTH CELEBRATION ARE YOU KIDDING?

jensonbutton: proud of you, come home quick x

user29: i'm sooooo chill about this

fernandoalo_oficial: i'll make sure to tell the team that THE jenson button wants the meeting to go faster

sebastianvettel: do i mean nothing? that's literally my old team name drop ME

yourusername: just tell them i've gone into labour

fernandoalo_oficial: you've not even been pregnant two months yet...

yourusername: they don't know that

astonmartinf1: this is a public instagram comment section...

maxverstappen1: maybe when the little one is actually here i'll let you win for once

fernandoalo_oficial: how kind of you?

maxverstappen1: i need the little one to know that at least one of you is cool and that i should be their favourite god father

lewishamilton: now that is a bold assumption

danielricciardo: i have been quiet on this topic but if anyone is prime god father material YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM

yourusername: you'll all receive an email and a god father application in the coming weeks

charles_leclerc: is this another seb idea?

yourusername: maybe... but idk yall so i think it's a good idea

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, mickschumacher and 1,509,874 others

tagged: jensonbutton, fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel

yourusername: welcome to the crazy house

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user33: so we've confirmed the poly? yes or no?

user34: i'm gonna say yes but with them you literally never know

georgerussell63: so we all sent them a jellycat?

alexalbon: speak for yourself george that sick ass rocking bunny is all albon

user35: not to be weird but this kids is literally going to have the hottest parents of all time

user36: no cause if i'm a teacher and all of them walk in for parent's evening i'm passing out

jensonbutton: oh wow what a lovely crib i wonder who put that together

fernandoalo_oficial: don't you dare take all the credit

sebastianvettel: as if anyone other than the WOOD WORK KING put that together

yourusername: guys they are lying the delivery guy put it together and they all stood around watching like dads at the airport

jensonbutton: "like dads" so still getting the experience in

danielricciardo: so who is responsible for this grandpa ass nursery aesthetic?

yourusername: well this is awkward i thought it was cute

fernandoalo_oficial: it is don't worry honey, it matches seb's overall grandpa aesthetic

sebastianvettel: you guys agreed to move to mine don't switch up on my aesthetic now

jensonbutton: oh seb we all love your certain affinity for tartan and plaid

sebastianvettel: i'm not feeling this love right now :(

yourusername: cuddle pile incoming

note: ahhh okay this was very highly requested so i hope it met expectations. i'm thinking this could defo be a longer series (i am also working on into the arms of another dw) following the whole family if yall would like that? i'm gonna try and tag everyone who requested that, i am sorry if i missed anyone x

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @minkyungseokie @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #sebastian vettel instagram au #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel #sebastian vettel imagine #sebastian vettel x you #fernando alonso instagram au #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso imagine #fernando alonso #jenson button instagram au #jenson button x reader #jenson button imagine #mamma mia au #astonmartinii

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