I'm so mad at myself. I got a big numbers of psychological crisis and I cry a lot. I don't find anything good or beautiful, I don't care about me anymore.
My family is doing their best for me. They are here but my closest friends are not really there and I'm feeling abandoned...
And I'm mad to think like this. Cause I know this is not true that they don't like me. My brain is doing sm tricks, I'm too emotional and all i want is peace... Why am I like this srly??
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Losing your best friend is so weird...
Yes I still have our favourite picture as my phone wallpaper, yes I still read our old chats and smile at our silly fights and my eyes get full of tears at our heartfelt messages, I still miss you, I still pray for your happiness, I still wonder if things would be alright if I had done something differently, I still wonder what would happen if you never met those new people, I still wish if you'd just call me one night and we'd talk it all out... but no I won't pickup because deep down i know that the version of you that I knew, loved, cherished, cared about the most and considered my soulmate is long gone...
And i wish I could do something to change that...
ms.anonymous
{Excerpt from the diary/I can't read without crying}
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Me every time I think about my fic and want to analyze it
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I know this makes me such a nasty person, but when someone gets something or does something nice, I always get a little bitter. Not for like things like getting a degree or doing a getting a promotion at work but more life things. Like buying a house, or getting a pet, or having financial freedom. Because those are things I probably will never have.
Having a loving family, having a childhood home, having a safe and comforting space, travelling freely, and finding love. Hanging out with friends, meeting new people, finding hobbies, and going to the movies. Living like my age...
I rather had to grow up too early and now feel guilty to dream. Makes me a little bitter, pathetic, and people pleasing.
In my next life, I wish to be born in the most average family whose love would be so overbearing. With dreams taller than the sky and with more courage. I wish the wait to there is shorter and the time spent there is much much longer.
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