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#Forever one of my biggest crushes lol!
love-belle · 7 months
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light as a feather !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which she writes a song and finds love again while he finds himself facing the consequences of his actions.
or
for when the right person is right around the corner. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
social media au // lando norris x fem!ex!reader // charles leclerc x fem!reader (implied)
sequel - you got me thinking nonsense ⋆·˚ ༘ *
warnings - language, mention of cock once, sex jokes (???)
author's note - might make a part 2 idkk but i hope u like this <3 thank u sm for reading!!!! alsoooo im gonna start a taglist so if ur interested PLEASE let me know <3
taglist - @marsdreamworld @1nt3rnetgf
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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popnews y/n y/l/n and lando norris called it quits after almost a year of being together. this news came after y/l/n flew out to see him during the dutch grand prix and left the very next day, not attending the race. "it was very sudden, neither of them saw it coming," sources close to the pair commented. "they were together for a year and it was getting very real and that scared lando. he just felt like the relationship had run its course and wasn't going anywhere." this proved to be kind of confusing and controversial as not even a week after their break up, norris was spotted with a girl out on a "date". for more details, visit the link in our bio.
2,528 comments
username say sike rn
username WHAT THE FUCK.
username "the relationship had run its course and wasn't going anywhere" brother what do u MEAN it wasn't going anywhere and what do u MEAN he went on a date
username nah this is insane wtf
username no bc he's scared of commitment after a YEAR in the relationship like what the fuck
-> username like brother those are the things u realise after the first few dates not a YEAR wtf
username i feel so bad for y/n like i know my girl gave it her all
-> username imagine being with someone for a year and they break up with u bc they're scared of commitment but then go on a date not even a week later
-> username she's stronger than me bc i would've bitch slapped that mf
username i just know she's cooking something like im on the edge of my seat fr
username don't come at me but this is charles' time to shine
-> username nah bc that boy has been harbouring the BIGGEST crush on her for years
username the next album is gonna be fire 🔥🔥🔥
username no bc they were so cute together i thought they'd be forever :////
username my parents 💔💔💔💔💔💔
username no bc if this turns out that he cheated on her i will RIOT
username praying for lando bc y/n is everyone's fav on grid
-> username man's definitely tasting gravel the next race
-> username it's gonna be charles to push him off i can see it 🙏🙏🙏
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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yourusername feather out everywhere lol have fun with this one <3
tagged landonorris
28,628 comments
username TOO MUCH GOING ON I NEED TO SCREAM
username THE TAG THE SONG THE LYRICS OG MY GOF
username i am afraid lando is crying as we speak rn
charles_leclerc so good 😘
-> yourusername thank u charles 🫶🏼
-> username i just KNOW his everlasting crush came back with a VENGEANCE
username bet charles is just gonna slide up now that lando fumbled
username LMFAOAOAO SIS REALLY CAME FOR HIS NECK LIKE THAT
username she gagged him with this
username ur signals are MIXED u act like a BITCH u fit EVERY stereotype send a PIC
-> username iconic
lilymhe enjoyed every second of it 🔥🔥🔥
-> yourusername i love u <3
username i just KNOW that the drivers gc is WILD rn
-> username i would everything to be in there atm
maxfewtrell oh the silence from his room is LOUD
-> yourusername LMFAOAOAO
username men really don't know how to handle a bad bitch
-> username fr like 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
taylorswift so proud 🤧🩷
-> yourusername i love u mom
username the silence is LOUD
username nah bro fumbled HARD
username NAHHH NOT THE TAG OH MY GOD
username i absolutely LOVE this song but im not gonna lie i miss lando and y/n SO bad like i wanted what they had 💔💔💔💔💔💔
-> username no bc i need to go back to their in love era
username lando norris is having a breakdown over this as we talk
carlossainz55 on repeat 😍
*liked by yourusername*
username someone PLEASE hand the mic to lando i need to hear what he has to say about this
username never make a singer mad at u bc they WILL write a song about u
*liked by yourusername*
alex_albon absolutely iconic
-> yourusername thank u lily's bf 🪿
username no bc i was expecting more of a heartbreak song but THIS??????
username cleared him
username he must be soooo embarrassed like how r u gonna go ahead and say that u lost HER
username mother ate
username she always serves cunt
luisinhaoliveira99 pretty girl cool song 💌
-> yourusername angel ❤️‍🩹
-> username OH MY GOD
-> username i did not see this coming
-> username PLEASE the duo i didn't know i needed
-> username lando is somewhere pulling at his hair
-> username love it when people (y/n and luisinha) unite to destroy their common enemy (lando)
≡;- ꒰ twitter ꒱
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≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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yourusername floatin through the memories like wtv (photo creds to charles_leclerc who annoyed me until i agreed to post these)
15,527 comments
username OH MY GOD
username THE DRESS THE EVERYTHING HER
username my lord she has served cunt once again
-> username as expected
username im so bi like
alex_albon oh how i LOVE being a woman
-> yourusername alex wtf
-> alex_albon LILY POSTED THAT I DIDN'T OMG
-> yourusername sure
-> username ALEX LMFOAOAOAO
username CHARLES AND HER OMG
username im HERE for charles and her like yes pls
username the dress is soooooo pretty like 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
-> username fr like how did charles not pass out from behind the camera
-> charles_leclerc trust me, i was so close
-> username NAH THIS MAN HAS TO BE STOPPED
-> username im giggling and that wasn't even directed at me
username the prettiest 🫶🏼🫶🏼
carla.brocker miss my girl so much u look like an angel 🩷🫶🏼
-> yourusername miss u so bad i love u 💕🍧
username she's so pretty oh my god
username pretty beautiful ethereal breathtaking hot angelic gorgeous cute heavenly stunning ravishing divine graceful alluring elegant
username js say the word y/n i can bark ☺️
luisinhaoliveira99 pretty girl 🫶🏼
-> yourusername i love u 🫶🏼
-> username i love them sm
-> username no bc this will always be iconic
username i NEED charles and y/n to get together like rn
username SHE'S SO ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
username ate so hard and left no crumbs
charles_leclerc 😍😍😍😍😍
-> yourusername 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
charles_leclerc too good to be gatekept
-> yourusername ok who the fuck taught u what gatekept means
-> charles_leclerc alex
-> yourusername stay away from my man alex_albon
-> alex_albon your man 😏
-> charles_leclerc 😏😏😏😏😏
-> yourusername i hate both of u
charles_leclerc does this mean you're my girl?
-> yourusername not if ur gonna be cocky like this
-> alex_albon oh he is gonna be COCKy alrightttt
-> charles_leclerc i mean...
-> yourusername JAIL BOTH OF U
-> username oh they definitely together or something
-> username nah they're fs dating
username y/n just one chance pls
username my pronouns are she not her bc i'll NEVER be her
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 975,327 others
landonorris talking shit ain't gonna do a thing
11,628 comments
username says YOU
username lando babe go on do it log out and never log in again
username alr that's enough being silly for today
username dw guys he was just feeling a lil silly 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪😝😝😝😝😝🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
username no words
carlossainz55 listen to your own advice, brother.
-> username damn he even used proper punctuation and all
username hahahahaha 😐😐😐😐😐 SOOOO hilarious 😐😐😐😐😐
username stfu
username "talking shit" my brother she literally just wrote a song destroying u and connected with ur ex and got a f1 driver who was ur friend up in her dms and posted a few shady captions what r u on abt.
-> username y'all my girl did no wrong he had this coming for cheating
charles_leclerc lol
-> username out of everything everyone has commented this is by far the most scariest one
-> username u know u have done fucked up with charles comments "lol"
username love how the comments are just bullying lando 🫶🏼
alex_albon LMFAOAOAOAO
-> username PLEASEEE ALEX
-> username forever in love with him he's my babygirl
username love how protective the drivers are of y/n ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
username m*n need to go back to war fr
maxverstappen1 cannot wait to see you on track this week.
-> username i have a feeling lando's gonna kiss the barriers this sunday 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
username anyway stream feather by y/n 🫶🏼
username LOVE to see the grid calling him out
-> username fr like gag him
lewishamilton nice joke. never joke again.
-> username no bc if i got called out by THE lewis hamilton i will just never show my face ever again
-> username right like how is he not embarrassed
username no bc if i lost someone like y/n bc i was a fucking idiot and then my best friend rizzed her up i would just simply Pass Away like that's a level of embarrassment i CANNOT take
lilymhe didn't you cheat on her 😂😂😂😂😂
-> username NOT LILY CONFIRMING THAT
-> username nah he deserves everyone calling him out lando wtf
username lily u will always be famous
maxfewtrell don't make me apply for a new roommate
-> username PLEASE MAX
-> username just a very good example as to why u should NEVER EVER EVER EVER cheat on ANYONE bc u will end up like lando on the internet
username y/n bout to swing back on him i can feel it
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by luisinhaoliveira99, carlossainz55, sebastianvettel and 2,262,826
yourusername i hit ignore
17,528 comments
username PLEASE
username she's too iconic i fear
username I LOVE HER SHE'S SO UNSERIOUS
username no bc u know shit is real when seb is here
username i love how luisinha and y/n are like best friends now
-> username the most iconic pair EVER
*liked by luisinhaoliveira99 and yourusername*
danielricciardo baby-you was so swag
-> yourusername i know
-> danielricciardo what happened now
-> yourusername wOW
username she was such a vibe-y child i love that
username this is so MESSY and im here for every second of it
username her using her own lyrics like mother 🙏🙏🙏
username i would get on my knees for y/n and y/n only
username serves cunt again and again
charles_leclerc smash that ignore button and while you're at it, i sent you flowers 🥰
-> yourusername omg they're so prettyyy i love them ☹️❤️
-> username PEOPLE WE'VE UPGRADED TO RED HEART
-> username white heart to red heart we love to see it
username no bc what i don't get is how he's gonna break up with her after a YEAR of being together bc lil bitch boy got scared of commitment and then turn around and allegedly cheat on her and then say u talking shit like NO SHUT THE FUCK UP we got a banger song and an iconic duo with the bad bitches u fumbled and i get a chance to see charles FINALLY make a move on his godforsaken crush
-> yourusername that was so intense and im trying to process it all but U GO BABY I LOVE UUUUU
-> luisinhaoliveira99 spoke facts
username love the comments are just charles and y/n, luisinha and y/n and anti l*ndo ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
username im sooo here for this let's fucking go
alex_albon i would've been best friends with baby-you ngl
-> yourusername we're literally best friends what the fuck r u about
-> alex_albon no you're just an unfortunate addition to my life because my gf loves you
-> yourusername yeah she loves me MORE than u so go cry abt it
-> lilymhe true 🫶🏼
-> alex_albon wow
username the day charles and y/n (IT WILL HAPPEN) get together will be the day i can finally rest in peace
username the silence from l*ndo's side is DEAFENING
3K notes · View notes
cosmic-whispers · 11 months
Text
In the Shadows - Azriel x Reader
Summary: When Rhysand forces you and Azriel on a mission in Hewn City, you find yourselves in a pleasure hall with lowered inhibitions and rising tensions. 
Warnings: enemies to lovers, mentions of childhood abuse, drug use (mirthroot), SMUT (no minors!!!), threesome (kind of? not really), Eris (lol), public sex in a pleasure hall
Word Count: 8.3k
A/N: This is my favorite thing that I’ve written. It’s quite long and it took me over 3 weeks to write, but what else is new? I take forever, but I write when I can!  I hope you enjoy!
“What is this?”
The shopping bag that Rhysand had slid over to you held a small, neatly folded piece of clothing. He had called you into his office, telling you he had something he needed to give you. 
“It’s a dress.” The black, mesh garment held in your hand could hardly be called a dress. There was nearly not enough fabric.
“Where’s the rest of it?”
He rolled his violet eyes at you. “Feyre picked it out. She said it was perfect for tomorrow.”
You were confused for a moment. Nothing particularly exciting was happening tomorrow–no birthdays, anniversaries, or celebrations at all. 
“What is happening tomorrow?”
He raised an eyebrow at you, a frown hinting at the edges of his mouth. “Your mission in Hewn City…”.
You startled, eyes widening in surprise. This was the first you heard of this mission. And in Hewn City? You hated that damned place. It was always so cold–the chill seeping deep into your bones and it would not leave you for days and you weren’t particular to its inhabitants, either. It would be a mission that you would need time to mentally and emotionally prepare for.
Growing up in Hewn City was traumatizing. It was called the Court of Nightmares–a fitting name for the hellhole that it was. Your parents were high-ranking, always expecting so much from you. You were their biggest disappointment–despite all the emotional and physical abuse you had suffered at their hands, you still ended up being a decent person. 
Meeting Mor was your saving grace. You both grew up in similar situations and you found a sisterhood with her, meeting her while she was there with the High Lord. She saw herself in you, she had admitted much later and became your closest friend, the only family you had for a very long time. 
Until she decided to change your life and you found yourself in Velaris, your small family of one growing as you became close to the Inner Circle. 
The fact that this mission was in Hewn City and no one bothered to warn you made your chest twinge in pain.
“Rhysand, what mission are you talking about? I haven’t heard anything about this.”
“Azriel said he would meet with you and brief you on it. By your reaction, I assume he has not.”
Ice spread through your chest, and you tried to contain the rage building within you. “And when did Azriel say this?”
“Two weeks ago.”
Everything became quite clear at that moment. Azriel. Whatever you did was never good enough for him. Whatever you said was never right enough. You had fallen for him the instant you saw him; he was brooding and handsome and strong, but your crush was quickly smothered and buried deep. The male was distrustful of you since you met him and despite being with your friends for years, he had never bothered to know you. His critical words formed echoes that you heard in your sleep, making you insecure and confused for a very long time. Your pain had turned into anger not long after–you were smart and capable, and you’d proven yourself more than enough times. You did not need his approval or his friendship. 
You let out a slow, measured breath, unwilling to lose your composure in front of your High Lord. What you wanted was to scream and stomp your feet in exasperation. Then, throttle the damned Shadowsinger. 
“Your little shadow hates me,” you said.
Rhys leaned back in his chair, a smirk growing on his face. “I assure you he does not hate you.”
You rolled your eyes at him. “He does. And I’m going to kill him.”
Rhysand laughed and you stood, glaring at him. “Where is he?”
—-------------*----------------------
You barged into Azriel’s office and slammed the door behind you, the heavy wood slamming against the frame and the thundering thud filled the silence in the room. The large bookshelves in the office were filled to the brim, and the dark curtains covering the windows caused the bright afternoon sun to dim significantly. 
The Shadowsinger’s eyes continued to scan the letter in his hand, not a glance or flinch of acknowledgment your way. 
The blatant disregard of your presence caused rage to build within you, heat burning the back of your neck and the tip of your pointed ears. “Were you planning on not telling me about this mission at all?”
Finally, his hazel eyes raised to meet yours, the glasses perched on the bridge of his straight nose making your stomach clench. The feeling caught you by surprise, and you pushed it away to a dark crevice in your mind, focusing instead on the pit of anger growing within you like an uncontrollable wildfire.  
“You’re not going on a mission,” he said simply and looked back down to the papers in front of him. His features remain impassive and uncaring, causing the aggravation to build further and further, and your fist to clutch tightly around the dark dress you still held in your hands.
You held your arm up, displaying the rumpled fabric in your fist. “Rhsand and Feyre seem to have a different idea. She even picked out my dress for me.”
His eyes traveled to the small, thin fabric in your hands and his gaze darkened. His jaw was tightly clenched and he took a slow, measured breath. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at his clear annoyance with you. 
“I’m able to handle the mission on my own,” he said, his eyes meeting your own with an unreadable expression. “You’re not needed.”
You actually rolled your eyes at that. Of course, he would come up with whatever excuse he could think of to keep you from tagging along with him. You knew that the Shadowsinger did not trust you and liked you even less, but the realization that he did not even want you there to do your job made your heart hurt. 
“As I said, Rhys and Feyre seem to think I need to be there, so that’s a lie. It’s also not a good excuse. If you can't give me a real reason, then you will brief me and I will be going with you.”
He sighed, frustration clear in his eyes as he glared up at you. 
He stayed silent, probably trying to taunt you. Well…two can play that game. 
“I’m waiting.”
His hands curled into a death grip at the top of his desk, the letter still within his grasp crumbling and he slammed it down on top of the mahogany wood, standing quickly. His massive frame filled the room, his wings expanding and ruffling slightly in anger. A flash of fear spiked in your chest, but you held your ground, tilting your head back to glare back at him–challenging him. 
“Fine,” he said, leaning down to be face-to-face with you. His eyes darkened, the black of his pupils the only thing visible beside the small ring of hazel surrounding it. The scent of cedar and icy mist filled your senses, and for a moment, you found yourself speechless at the male in front of you. Despite his disdain, it was hard to admit that you didn’t feel a draw toward the spymaster even still. He was the most beautiful male you had ever seen. And while that thought still rang true, his frigidity toward you made uncertainty and pain fill your heart, walls building to form a suit of armor around it. You would not allow him to best you.
“I don’t want you to go,” he snarled, leaning down to be face-to-face with you. 
“I don’t care,” you said. “I’m going. I don’t care if you don’t want me there. I don’t care that you don’t trust me or like me. This is my job and my responsibility to this Court. And I won’t let you–or anyone–stop me from doing it. So you can either brief me right now, or I can go get Rhysand and you can brief me then.”
Your jaw tensed as you both stared intently at each other, neither one willing to back down. Gods, you wanted to fight him. Perhaps it was immature, but you didn’t care. Perhaps it will prove your abilities and capabilities to him. Perhaps you will beat him and put him in his place. You needed to let out your rage and physically attacking him was a very tempting option. 
“Eris has been spotted frequenting an undisclosed location in the art district of Hewn City,” he said calmly. His entire demeanor relaxed, and his features became uncaring as he sat back down in his chair. “We suspect he’s been having secret meetings with someone there. I’ve sent spies, but they were unable to gather any information. Someone has to try to go inside. There’s music heard and well-dressed faes are constantly streaming in and out, hence your dress.”
You nodded, absorbing the information. The mission seemed simple enough, and you hoped you would not have any run-ins with your family. Parties in the art district were not something that they tended to stray toward. 
“When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow at dusk” His eyes moved to the papers in front of him once more, the action dismissal enough. 
“I’ll see you then.”
As you walked away, you felt his heavy gaze burning on your retreating back. Always judging you. Always scrutinizing you. You took a deep breath, steeling yourself with the realization that you had much to prove in the Court of Nightmares. 
—-----------*-------------
You stared at yourself in the full-length mirror, half in horror and half appreciatively. The dress was revealing more of you than you ever had before. The plunging neckline reached down to your navel, exposing the soft skin of your cleavage and stomach. The soft flowy skirt reached down to the floor, with two symmetrical thigh-high slits on either side. You knew you looked good, yet still felt a wave of bashfulness crash over you. 
You made your way downstairs, your confidence growing with each step you took. You looked good, but you felt even better, loving how the material hugged your skin. It was out of your comfort zone, but you felt beautiful and desirable. 
When you made it to the foyer, Azriel’s eyes met yours and his eyes hardened. His analyzing gaze slowly made its way down your figure and his jaw twitched. You took a deep breath, pointedly ignoring the visceral disdain of you, and looked at Mor, who would be winnowing you to the mountain. 
“You look incredible, (Y/N),” your friend said, admiring the way the dress fit you. She approached you, fixing a strand of your hair that had fallen out of place. 
“To be honest, I feel incredible,” you murmured to her and you both giggled. 
A huff of annoyance came from beside you and you looked at Azriel as he rolled his eyes. Your smile faded and an embarrassed heat rose to your neck and face. You knew that he wanted you to hear it–the Spymaster would not let any of his emotions show without it being intentional. He wanted you to know that he did not agree with Mor and an inkling of doubt entered your mind that perhaps you did not look as good as you thought. 
You glared at him, unable to control the ripple of indignation that rushed through you. Mor sighed from beside you and his eyes moved to her, softening significantly. To yourself, you could admit that it hurt you to see the way he was looking at her. You understood that she had been in his life for a lot longer than you had, that he had been in love with her for a long time, but it still made you feel inadequate. Why couldn’t he trust you as he trusted her? What more could you do to be worthy in his eyes?
“We’re ready to go,” he said and Mor nodded, slipping her palm into his. 
She looked at you and smiled reassuringly. “I’ll be right back for you.”
The air around you thinned and grew cold for a moment as they winnowed away. The silence intensified in your solitude. No one else was present in the Townhouse and your thoughts began to spiral. You felt out of place, suddenly wondering why you were even needed in this mission in the first place. You willed the intrusive thoughts away, focusing instead on the job in front of you. You were confident in yourself. You knew you were competent.
Mor returned quickly and smiled gently at you. 
“You’re feeling alright?”
You nodded. She raised her eyebrow at you and you sighed. 
“I’m just frustrated that I have to go there with him,” you admitted. “He didn’t even bother telling me anything about this.” She was silent as you walked towards her and slipped your hand into hers. 
“I’m sorry. I know Azriel’s behavior toward you hurts you,” she said. “I wish you would get along–you’re more similar than you think. I wish he would give you a chance.”
“Unlikely.”
She gave you a wistful smile. You shrugged and closed your eyes through the pulling sensation in your gut and the brief moment of total darkness as she winnowed. You found yourself next to Azriel at the entrance to the Hewn City and you took a deep, calming breath.
“Good luck, you two,” Mor said before winnowing away. 
Hewn City always brought up old, unwanted memories for you. The shadowed avenues, the dark stone paving the streets, and the many buildings with rising spires. This was the place that you grew up in–yet it never felt like home. You hated everything about it. Your exposed skin broke out in goosebumps, the cold from being so deep inside the mountain chilling you and sudden claustrophobia made the walls feel like they were enclosing you. 
“Focus.” The growl came from your left and you shook the sudden panic away.  Your eyes met Azriel’s intense stare, his eyes fixated on you and his hand was wrapped around your elbow. Despite the anger in his voice, his grip was gentle and his eyes shone with something resembling concern. 
“I’m focused.” You could never fight the urge to talk back to him.
“You’re panicking.”
“It’s this place,” you found yourself admitting after a few moments of silence. “It brings back unpleasant memories.”
He didn’t answer, not that you had expected him to. He let go of your arm and turned away from you, giving you a moment to take a few deep breaths and stop the spiraling of your mind. His shadows shot out from him, slinking into the darkness; invisible spies. They returned after a few moments, curling into the ear of their master. 
He turned back to you. “Your parents are not here. You can relax.”
You were stunned that he had sent his shadows to check. You were sure that he knew snippets of your past, but it was never something you had opened up to him about. He had always kept you at arm's length, despite your efforts to know him. Efforts that he had quickly crushed.
“Eris is heading into the art district. We should get there right away,” Azriel said, turning back and beginning to walk away. You quickly followed.
The bobbing faelights illuminated the way forward and you both clung to the shadows, silently tracking the Autumn Court heir. The art district in Hewn City was vastly different from Velaris. While the Rainbow celebrated life and love and drew crowds of reverent aesthetes, the Court of Nightmares lauded debauchery, hedonism, and lewdness. Every surface of the city within the mountain was engraved with haunting carvings of beasts and figures fornicating or reveling or killing. Despite the craftsmanship, the art had always sent a shiver down your spine. 
Eris walked at a brisk pace, his tall, lean figure moving quickly through the darkness of the city, his red hair hidden by the black cloak he wore. He easily blended into the large crowds of people trying to get to the many different parties held in this district, but Azriel did not lose sight of him once. 
He made an abrupt left, turning down an alley. You and Azriel observed from across the way as he opened a black, unmarked back door and entered the building. 
“Any idea what it could be in there?” you whispered to Azriel.
“I don’t know.” His eyes did not waver from the door as he shook his head. His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath in. 
Your took a deep breath and your nose twitched as a familiar pungent smell reached you. 
“Mirthroot?” you asked, your tone laced with humor.
He nodded as his shadows spiraled away from him and skulked toward the door and through the cracks between the walls. Within a few moments, the shadows returned, buzzing and curling around Azriel’s ear. His eyebrows furrowed and he reeled the shadows back toward himself. 
“What is it?”
“They’re telling me to go in,” he said. 
“What?! Did they say what is in there?”
He shook his head. “I can control where they go, I can’t control what they tell me.”
You rolled your eyes. “So we know exactly nothing? That’s useful.”
He glared at you. “They’re certainly more useful than you are.”
You suppressed the pang of hurt you felt in your gut and glared back at him. Without another word, you turned away from him and began stomping toward the alley. A firm grasp on your bicep pulled you to a quick stop and Azriel turned you toward him, his eyes hard and face furrowed in anger. 
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”
“Where do you think? Your little shadows said to go in. So that’s what I’m doing.”
“No, you are not.”
Your hands clenched into fists and you tried to wrestle your arm away from his grip. “Yes, I am.”
“Are you really so illogical that you would risk your life running into that building?” You opened your mouth to retort, but he did not let you get a single word out. “Absolutely not. You will stay right here and I will go in.”
He turned away from you and began making his way toward the entrance. Indignant fury burned within you. How dare he order you to stay? This was your mission too; whether he disapproved of having you there or not, you did not care. You would see the mission through. You followed behind him, your steps quickening to catch up with his long strides. 
As his grip wrapped around the handle to the door and opened it, you squeezed through beside him and stood in front of the guard that that stood there. The rest of the room was shielded from your view by thick, black curtains but the beat of the jazzy music played in your ear. Azriel’s glare was piercing, anger rolling off of him like raging waves. You pointedly ignored his eyes on the side of your face and smiled at the guard, who looked unimpressed and annoyed.
“Any weapons?”
You and Azriel shook your heads. The fae checked you both, patting you both down thoroughly to ensure that you were being honest and you found yourself grateful for Azriel being able to hide your weapons within his shadows. You felt a pang of guilt for calling them useless, but you would never admit that to him.
The male looked at you. “Did you take your tea?”
You were confused but nodded anyway. “Yes.”
He stepped aside easily enough; the ward around the building probably offered security enough to its inhabitants.  You followed Azriel as he made his way through the thick black curtain. He paused for a moment in front of you and you shoved him gently. He stepped aside, allowing you to see the space before you. Thick smoke from the mirthroot being burned covered the room. The faelights flickered a dark blue, making the room look ethereal. You felt like you had stepped into a dream cloud.
Rhythmic music played from a corner of the room, enlightening your senses and your eyes were drawn toward the massive, impressive paintings hanging from the walls.  
A loud sigh drew your attention to the group of people on the couch. Males and females were gathered closely, completely naked and exposed. Some were kissing, others were touching, and others were fucking. The scent of arousal lingered weak under the mirthroot, but it was undeniable.
It was a pleasure party. 
You made eye contact with another female across the room. A male was underneath her, fucking her from behind and the other male was above her, fucking into her pussy. They moved in perfect tandem with each other and you were unable to look away. The female smiled at you, winking as another male approached her, and she shoved his cock into her mouth. Your legs began to tingle and you gasped softly, turning your eyes away from the sight, your face burning hot. 
“Maybe we should leave,” you said, unable to meet his gaze. 
“Well, well.” The voice from behind you was deep and haughty and you turned quickly. Eris Vanserra’s amber eyes shone mischievously at you and Azriel. 
“I figured Rhysand would send his hound after my scent,” he said, staring at Azriel. 
“We’re not here for you,” you said quickly. 
“Not that it’s any of your concern,” Azriel said, jumping in quickly and effectively shutting you up. 
“I think it is. It’s a matter of trust. I was under the impression that we were building an alliance. Was I mistaken?”
“No,” you jumped in again, attempting to salvage the situation. Your anxiety was rising, but you shoved it down, trying to remain calm and appear casual. You did not want to jeopardize any potential alliance between the Courts, knowing Rhysand would be very upset and it could potentially threaten the Night Court in the future. 
“You’re not mistaken.” You smiled reassuringly at him, amping your charm and batting your eyelashes at him. “We’re not here for you. Just looking to have some fun of our own. Explore a bit. Same as you.”
“Well, in that case…” He trailed off, taking your hand in his and bringing it up to his lips as he bent down. He pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles and smirked at you. Your face felt warm as his gaze remained on yours. A shadow loomed over you, and you broke eye contact to look behind you at Azriel. His face was stoic, but his wings twitched in what you could only assume was annoyance. 
Eris tugged on your hand gently, pulling your attention back to him. “Would you care for a smoke?”
He began leading you to the table he occupied, where a group of fae sat and mingled. Azriel’s presence remained behind you as he followed close behind, ready to intervene. Eris grabbed the water pipe that sat at the center of the table and lit the mirthroot with a flick of his finger. He took a long drag, filling the glass with thick, potent smoke. He held the pipe to you, and you pressed your mouth to the cold glass, inhaling the heady smoke. 
You held the smoke for a few moments, exhaling slowly and the feeling of relaxation began to crawl its way through you.
Azriel’s large hand wrapped around your arm and turned you toward him. “Let’s go.”
He began to walk away, but your wrist remained clasped in Eris’ hand. Azriel turned back around and glared at Eris. His gaze moved to you, an indiscernible look in his eye. His face was stern, lips squeezed shut into a thin frown and his jaw clenched.
“We’re leaving.” His low, hoarse voice caused a shiver to roll down your spine. His darkened eyes did not leave yours, smoke swirling between you. 
“Why?” The haughty voice of the Autumn Court heir interrupted the moment, bringing you right back to the party around you. You looked up at him, finding a smirk on his lips and his eyes on your chest.
“She said you were both here to explore,” Eris said, and Azriel glowered at him. “And I would love to explore her.”
His hand raised slowly, his long, thin fingers caressing the skin of your wrist and traveling up your exposed arm softly. The warmth of his hands raised goosebumps on your flesh.
The loud, rumbling snarl that came out of Azriel in that moment surprised you. You tore your eyes from the redhead and looked back at Azriel, a  look of pure hatred and anger on his face. You froze as he grabbed your arm, pulling you gently towards him and out of Eris’ grasp. His shadows swirled around him, hiding you from Eris’ eyes. 
“Do. Not. Touch. Her.”
You looked up at him in shock. You had never seen his face look as twisted and angry as it did right then, a snarl on his perfect lips and a deep furrow on his brow. He was not a male prone to losing his composure easily. He was always so serious. But the dark, angry look in his eyes made a spike of fear strike in your chest and you wondered if he would be as smoldering and voracious with a lover beneath him to feast upon. 
“Someone needs to. She looks delectable.”
Azriel’s chest rumbled and his gaze stayed on Eris as he slowly pulled you backward. His grip on your arm remained gentle, yet firm, and you had no choice but to be dragged along with him. He sat before you on one of the large loveseats scattered throughout the room. His hands moved to your hips, pulling you towards him until you kneeled on the seat, straddling his thighs and your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. 
You somehow managed to find your voice through the shock coursing through you. “What are you doing?” you whispered. 
His eyes were affixed to your face, still intense, but his frown had softened and his face had relaxed. 
“Fitting in. You said we came here on our own for enjoyment, so now this is what we’re doing.”
Of course, he would blame you for your current predicament. “Clearly he’s here because he’s a kinky motherfucker; there was no need to make him distrustful of us. I was quick on my feet,” you answered back, defensively. You felt like your body was buzzing on high alert. 
“Yes, well, now we have to fit in,” he said, his hands trailing your hips and lower back. Despite the sarcasm lacing his words, his eyes remained gentle, looking at you as if this was normal–as if it was wanted. 
No…you were seeing things, of course. Azriel did not want to be in this situation, and he definitely did not want you. 
A presence behind you blocked the faelights, shrouding Azriel in darkness. You glanced behind you, finding Eris smirking down at you. His hand rose trailing your shoulders and down your spine teasingly. You shivered, skin breaking out into goosebumps. 
The hands around your hips tightened and Azriel pulled you closer to him. Your chest was pressed tightly against his, and the scent of cedar and icy air filled your lungs. His presence so close to you and the warm hand still attached to your shoulder made your brain hazy for a moment. 
You looked at his handsome face, never having seen it so close before. He glared at the redhead that lingered behind you. 
“Leave.”
“No,” you said, moving a hand to place it on top of Eris’ hand. “Stay.”
Hazel eyes met yours, shock and surprise in them. Eris moved closer still, heat radiating from his body and onto your back, and his hands began to trace the exposed skin of your back and shoulders. The male ran hotter than normal, the unfamiliar heat leaving your skin tingling and craving more. Azriel’s breathing deepened and although his face remained as stoic as ever, a deep blush had risen to his cheeks and neck, and his wings were pulled taut against his back. 
The thin strap of your dress was nudged out of the way, and a steamy kiss was pressed to the exposed skin.  
“Is this alright, little one?”
“Yes,” you breathed, desperation coating your words. This was what you needed. You needed to fuck someone, fuck the stress and the frustration away. And if you weren’t going to get that from the male straddled beneath you, the heir to the Autumn Court was an enticing alternative. Azriel’s grip on your hips tightened to an almost painful level, but the wetness in your core was continuously building and you had never been as aroused as you were in that moment. 
The other strap was pushed down your arm. The flimsy fabric of the dress fell easily and pooled at your waist, exposing your breasts to Azriel. His dark, heavy gaze finally left yours, eyes looking down shamelessly and staring at your body. Your nipples were hard and your breasts heavy with arousal. He froze beneath you, hands going slack against your skin, and he was unable to tear his eyes away from you. 
Warm lips pressed against the curve of your neck, slowly tracing down your left shoulder and down your back. Another presence–a small, dainty female–appeared on your right and her petite hands began running over your flushed skin. Heat pooled on your core at the overstimulation. Azriel’s hands gripped your hips impossibly tight and his eyes met yours again, Eris’ warm lips and hands roamed the left side of your body, and the spunky female at your right lightly caressed and suddenly pinched your nipple causing you to shiver and moan. 
You seemed to have no control over your body, you felt as if your soul had ascended and all you craved was pleasure. Your hips began moving, slowly sliding back and forth on Azriel’s covered length. He was hard as steel beneath you and you gasped in surprise at just how large he felt. Your eyes remained on Azriel’s, mesmerized at the rosy blush on his cheeks and the color of his eyes, thin rings of melted honey surrounding his onyx pupils. His wild gaze was fierce, striking you down to your core and a burst of hope to spark in your heart.
The female beside you traced her tongue over your neck before biting–hard. You moaned, the heat crawling through you intense and all-consuming. You found yourself close to the edge when the tip of Azriel’s clothed cock hit your clit and Eris’ ardent touch reached your breast and squeezed your nipple.
A pair of heated hands wrapped around you from behind and grabbed onto your breasts roughly. His lips continued to trail down your neck. You shut your eyes in pleasure, your head dropping backward until it landed on Eris’ shoulder. Where had the female gone? Did it matter when you felt this good?
“Keep rubbing, little kitten,” he purred in your ears and his long, skilled fingers pinched around your pink nubs. While you would normally argue against the cheeky nickname, the mirthroot had you entirely too relaxed and the male beneath you had you entirely too turned on. 
Eris gripped your jaw, turning your face towards his and he pressed his lips brusquely against yours with a bruising force. The kiss was messy, full of teeth and tongue. He tasted of cinnamon and burned embers–like a warm autumn day spent near a fire. Your arms wound themselves around Azriel’s neck, holding on tightly as Eris bent your head back. 
The deep growl that escaped the Shadowsinger made your heartbeat stutter and your hips increased their speed on his lap. 
“Fuck this.”
The delicious grip he had maintained on your hips was momentarily gone, and you feared he would stop you. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist and pulled you forcefully toward him until your front was pressed flush against his. Your bare chest pressed against the rough fabric of his leathers and his own hips started moving in tandem with yours. Your noses pressed close together, and your heavy pants mingled, his scent intoxicating and making you think of only him. 
He looked completely fucked and you were sure you looked quite similar to him. He had not even entered you and you were both teetering on the edge of orgasm. 
A soft caress to your lower back brought you back to reality and you could still feel Eris’ presence behind you. Azriel’s large wings that had been held taut against his back abruptly expanded, and then curled around you, pushing the Autumn heir away and shielding you from his prying eyes and wandering hands. The frigid slivers of shadows tracing up your legs aided the male in hiding you away from everyone else. 
He pushed your hips back, one of his hands holding firm on the back of your neck, his other maneuvering to the front of his leathers, unlacing them easily, and pushing the fabric away. His large dick was exposed, his sheer size exciting you and you could not help but think of the rumors regarding wing size and just how true they were. You moved the skirt of your dress up around your waist and nestled your naked core on the velvety skin of his dick. Your hips undulated on his in a perfect rhythm, his head hitting your clit with precision each time, causing pleasure to ripple down your back. 
Beads of sweat dripped on his forehead, plastering strands of dark curls to his skin. His large, calloused, and strong hands gripped your ass, fingers digging deep into the skin, the slight pain making you moan. The thought of the bruises that he would leave on you made your clit throb, your juices flowing and dripping onto him. 
His forehead pressed together against yours and his eyes burned intensely into yours–bright fires of melted honey that you were entirely too happy to drown in. He moved one of his hands to your neck and pulled you toward him, his soft lips meeting yours and he kissed you slowly, ardently, taking the time to explore your mouth.
The frenzied humping of your hips slowed to a gentle rhythm and your stomach suddenly exploded with butterflies, nerves starting to spread to your heart and too many thoughts to wander through your head. 
His hands turned gentle, slowly sliding up and wrapping tightly around your back. You slowly broke the kiss and looked at him. 
“I thought you didn’t trust me,” you said. Despite the worry that he would dismiss your fears and turn back to scorn and sarcasm, you decided to be vulnerable with him. Regardless of your past with him, something had irrevocably changed and you decided to be open and jump headfirst into it. 
“I do trust you,” he answered, eyes honest. 
Your bodies sat still together, and you held each other. The muffled sounds of the people around you silenced as his shadows crawled up the both of you, shielding you from wandering eyes and prying ears. The light of his siphons lit up your faces in shades of blue, making it feel dreamlike. 
“Why did you never want me to go on missions?”
“I wanted to protect you,” he said. “When Mor brought you from Hewn City to Velaris, I was distrustful, at first, but as I got to know you and your story…I felt so protective over you. You’ve been through so much, and I vowed to keep you away from anything that could hurt you again. It was wrong; I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but I never wanted to be the one to put you in a position where you got hurt. I should’ve told you my reasoning back then, but I didn’t. You fucking despised me for doing it. I wanted to explain myself to you, but then I figured that it was for the best. I’m not a good male. I do wicked things, and my past will always haunt me. I put the people I love in danger.”
United tears glimmered in his eyes and your throat felt tight. Your brain was hazy, focused only on him and his words, and you gaped at him in shock. Never in your wildest dreams could you have imagined Azriel saying these things to you. Being honest and vulnerable and tender with you. But here he was, looking at you with intensely caring eyes.
“I know it’s hard to believe, considering the way I treated you. Fuck, I’m so sorry for that, (Y/N). You didn’t deserve that, and I realize that I was wrong. I wanted to keep you safe, but I ended up hurting you in the process.”
“I forgive you,” you said, and you did. He did cause you pain and confusion and anger, but you knew who he was deep down. He was the male that took care of his brothers when they got shit-faced drunk and could barely make it a few steps up the stairs. He was the male that always made sure to get the latest smutty release for Nesta on the very first day it came out. He was the male and loved playing with Nyx and took joy in all the less pleasant aspects of caring for a babe. The male so desperate to protect you that he let his insecurities cloud his judgment. You wanted to get to know that male. 
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
You had a sudden thought that Azriel probably didn’t think he deserved much of anything. It broke your heart. 
“That’s not your choice, Azriel. I choose to forgive you. And I understand now the reason behind everything. But the only way anything could ever work between us is for you to understand that I make my own decisions and I have a responsibility to this Court, as do you,” you said. 
He breathed in a deep, shaky breath and leaned his forehead against yours. “I know. I’ll be better for you, I promise.”
You breathed deeply as a stinging pain grew on your left wrist. You pulled your arm from around him and glanced down, finding a small, crawling tattoo on your skin. Glancing at Azriel, he was admiring the matching mark on his wrist. Promises among fae were serious things–you felt honored. And a bit overwhelmed. 
“That was a bit dramatic,” you teased, breaking the tension. He huffed a laugh and pressed his lips against yours in a soft, caressing kiss. 
There was a beat of silence, both of you basking in the novelty and intimacy of the moment. He brushed his nose against yours, a small smile on his lips and his awed eyes fixated on yours. 
“I can’t believe I have you like this,” he said and his hands lowered to grip your ass and push your pelvis hard against his. 
You felt heat rise on your cheeks and to the tips of your ears and you could not help the smile that grew on your lips. His eyes glanced down at your smile and he leaned forward, pressing his soft, plump lips to yours once again. He nipped your bottom lip, making you gasp, and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, tasting you, learning you. His scent, the feel of his hands on your bare skin, and the taste of him were consuming you–burrowing deep into your skin. Your body felt like it was on fire. 
In a moment of clarity, you broke the kiss, giggling as he tried to chase your lips with his. 
“Azriel, what does this mean?” you panted, out of breath and flustered. 
“It means that I’m crazy about you. You’re so strong and stubborn and you can be a brat sometimes, and I’m obsessed with you. I’m so fucking soft for you, baby. I want you like this, with me, always. I want to kiss you and take you on dates and anything else you’re willing to give me.” His brilliant smile lit up his face. He was the most beautiful male you had ever seen. 
“I want that, too,” you said, pressing your lips against his, gently pulling his lip to your mouth. Mother above, he was irresistible. You could not get enough. 
He broke the kiss, trailing his mouth down your cheek and jaw, leaving a warm tingling on your skin. Your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, holding him tight to your body. 
“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he whispered against your skin but not low enough to where you couldn’t hear him. He meant for you to hear him. He kissed down your neck now, the path igniting your skin and making the blood pump through your veins like molten lava. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Maybe it was the mirthroot,” you teased. Your breathy laugh turned to a moan as he bit down on the junction between your neck and shoulder. 
Amidst the clouds of lust that shrouded your thoughts, you managed to pull away from him once again and he groaned in frustration. 
“Az, we should probably leave,” you said. Before you were able to move an inch away from him, his arms tightened around you pulling you taut against him. Your bare skin was pushed against the harsh material of his leathers and you found yourself wishing to see him completely bare. 
“No,” he whined and you could not hold back the smile at the new sound. “Not yet.”
“There’s a lot of people here,” you said. Despite his shadows masking you in darkness and silence, you felt exposed, knowing that around you, there were people doing the exact same thing that you were. 
“Don’t worry,” he said, bringing his face to the crook of your neck and began pressing kisses to your shoulders, slowly moving lower on your chest. “I won’t let anyone see you. Although, you didn’t seem to have a problem with that a few minutes ago. Letting that fucker touch you…kiss you…Perhaps I should punish you.”
You scoffed at him and rolled your eyes. “This is different. This isn't a one-night stand or fucking in the middle of a sex club with a random stranger. It’s with you.”
His eyes softened and he stole another kiss. “I want you right now,” he admitted. “I’ve dreamed so long for this and I’m scared that I’ll never have you like this again. If you want to leave, we can. But, I’d like to make you mine right now, if you allow it. I want everyone here to know that I’m the lucky bastard that gets to have you.”
Your eyes widened in surprise; his desperation nearly mirrored yours and you felt the familiar heat creep up your face and swirl in your core. You felt vulnerable, exposed, and yet…it was exciting. 
Your arms tightened around Azriel’s shoulder and you nodded. “Yes.”
He bent his head down and bit your nipple, eliciting a moan from deep within you and you arched your back, pushing your chest closer to him. His mouth wrapped around the tingling skin, gently licking and sucking at your breast. His hand on your back pulled your hips tighter against his, pressing your cunt against his erection and he groaned against your chest, his other hand kneading the skin of your ass. 
Your hand managed to sneak in between your bodies, reaching down and gripping his throbbing member in your hand and lining him up at your entrance. You looked deep into his eyes as you slowly slid him inside of you and sank down, taking him deep to the hilt, his tip hitting your cervix once he was fully sheathed within you. Your knees pressed tight against his sides and he groaned. He closed his eyes, head rolling back and he gasped as you clenched around him. The stretch from the mere size of him was incredible and you groaned low in your throat.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” His voice was raspy and deep, sending a shiver up your spine. 
You began rolling your hips slowly, grinding on his thick cock, the delicious friction making you feel delirious. 
“Azriel,” you moaned as your clit rubbed perfectly against his pelvic bone. He looked at you, his hazel eyes fixed on yours and you refused to break eye contact.  His hands, calloused and scarred, ran over your soft skin—over your thighs, your back, belly, and breasts. Anywhere he could reach.
It was heavenly. It was perfect. 
You swirled your hips, a groan leaving him and you began to ride him in earnest, your pussy tightening around him and your thrusts becoming sporadic as a burning began to spread in your lower belly and thighs. 
He gripped your ass, holding you with a bruising force against him, and began thrusting up into you, the delicious roughness lighting your body on fire and burning you from the inside out. He felt like he was made for you. You wished he would remain in you forever. He moaned in your ear and set a furious speed, hitting you deep in a spot that made you see stars and you screamed in pleasure. 
“Cum right now,” he growled, kissing and biting down your neck, and your pussy squeezed around him, impossibly tight. You could feel every inch of him–the thick vein that ran on the underside of his penis, the thick head that slammed repeatedly into your cervix. 
Without warning, you reached your peak–your vision turned white, and your entire body tightened, fingernails digging deep into the skin of Azriel’s back. Your eyes shut tight and with a few more thrusts, he carried you through the most mind blowing orgasm you had ever had. You clung tight to him as he continued to thrust within you, your pussy clenching and overstimulated. 
“Azriel,” you whined in his ear, begging for a respite. 
“One more, baby,” he groaned back. His voice was tight and his eyes hard as he gazed down to where your bodies connected. You could tell he was holding himself back from letting go. “Just need one more from you.”
With no time to recover from your first orgasm, it didn’t take you too long to reach your second. The pleasure was blinding and deafening, teetering on the edge of pain but it was so good that you never wanted it to end. You could think of nothing but him in that moment, the way he gripped you, so strong and powerful beneath you, his impressive length stuffed inside of you, and the delicious friction. Your juices squirted out of you, soaking the skin between the two of you and you sobbed in utter pleasure. 
He growled loudly, and his body shook as he came inside of you. 
You both clung to each other for a few moments, chests heaving and hearts pounding in your chests. He panted softly, his head pressing against your neck. 
After catching your breath, you leaned back and stared at his perfect face. His skin was dewy, sweaty from exertion and his eyes were glazed. He smiled at you, bright and unreserved and you found yourself breathless for a moment. He had never smiled at you like that and it made your heart flutter. 
He pressed a soft, chaste kiss on your lips.
“We have a lot more we need to talk about. I think it’s time to go,” he said and you nodded, laughing softly. 
“Agreed.”
His hands went to the straps hanging from your waist and moved the bodice of the dress back up to cover your chest. You lifted your hips slowly, and shuddered at the feeling of him sliding out of you. He unfurled his wings from where they had wrapped around you and you stood back, your skirts sliding down your calves and dropping to your feet. Azriel stood, towering over you, and fixed his leathers, dissipating the shadows from around you.
The sudden influx of light was jarring and you squinted. Azriel’s hand wrapped around yours and he began leading you to the exit. 
A throat cleared from behind you, and you turned to find Eris. His eyes were bloodshot red, probably from the rolled mirthroot he was smoking, and he had a lazy smirk directed at the two of you. 
“Leaving so soon?” he asked, offering you the joint. You took it from him, inhaling the pungent herbs. You held it up to Azriel, who took a drag, a glare remaining fixed on the redhead. 
“We had our fun,” you answered, letting out the smoke from your lungs and handed it back to him. 
“A shame. Perhaps next time,” he answered, becoming distracted as a fully naked, full-figured woman approached him and began running her hand on his shoulder. His attention immediately focused on her beautiful figure and Azriel took that as the chance to leave, grabbing your hand and rushing you out of the building quickly, making your way out of the mountain at record speeds. 
“There will not be a next time,” Azriel growled from beside you, eyes hardened and you giggled at his jealousy. Had he been stewing on Eris’ comments the entire time?
“So possessive already?” you teased. He glared at you, the look so reminiscent of the hard looks he had given you in the past. But now, instead of the pangs of hurt that you used to feel, you could only find peace. 
“You never know. It could be fun.”
The growl from beside you was your only warning as he swept you into his arms and into the night sky, his wings expanding majestically behind him. Your stomach dropped at the height, and you giggled in exhilaration.
“Don’t count on it. I don’t plan on sharing you with anyone anytime soon.”
He pressed a kiss to your lips and your arms tightened around his shoulders as he began his flight home.  You knew that things were not perfect, that Azriel had a lot to atone for, and tough conversations would be inevitable. You could not wait for it–for a future with him.
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heesdreamer · 1 year
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HOMES NOT HOME
PAIRING ➩ jay x reader
SUMMARY ➩ recently smitten with the most popular guy on campus, park sunghoon, you’re struck with the rumor that he only likes girls with experience. your only option is to ask your best friend for help.
WARNINGS ➩ smut and uhh i can’t remember honestly lol nothing crazy
WC ➩ 15.7k
AUTHORS NOTE ➩ loosely based and named after this song so listen if you’d like. my mental health has been bad so this isn’t proofread AT ALL and it was written in tiny fragments over the week instead of my normal one sitting so sorry if it’s not consistent or choppy
“I need you to have sex with me.”
You were stating it casually as you crossed through the threshold of your best friends apartment, using your copy of the key to let yourself in and throwing your bag loosely on the couch before attacking him with the direct statement.
He was sitting at his desk and you watched him impatiently as he slowly turned his chair in your direction, pushing his glasses off his nose and onto his head as he stared at you with a bored expression.
“What the hell are you talking about?” He was asking you in his usual steady tone and you let out a groan before approaching him dramatically and dropping to your knees in front of his spinning chair.
TWO HOURS EARLIER
“Wait.. are you serious?” Your head was picking up at the sound of your friends confused voice, falling into a disbelieving laugh that caused you to send her a sharp glare and move your hair out of your face.
“What’s so funny about that?” You were spitting at her in frustration, having just confessed to her your undying crush on a boy at your school. You’d dramatically slammed your head down onto the table afterwards and only lifted it back up when you heard her insulting tone.
“You are so not Sunghoon’s type.” Yuna was shaking her head and casually scrolling through her phone as she broke the news to you, not even bothering to let you down gently or pay you a second of attention.
She wasn’t necessarily trying to be rude, she was simply just used to your antics and impulsive behavior. When you’d approached the table in anguish citing that you were in an unrequited love with a member of the biggest frat on campus, she’d automatically knew you were in one of your erratic moods.
“What’s his type then?” You were piqued with interest and scooting forward in anticipation for her answer, your butt leaving the seat as your elbows slide across the table and you were leaned on top of it.
“I don’t know… girls like him I guess.” She shrugged softly and finally glanced over her glass screen to look at you as she delivered the final blow. “Girls with experience.”
Jay was staring down at you from where he was sat at his chair, his face unchanging as you clutched onto his knee and dramatically retold the story that had led you to making such a ridiculous request when you walked through the door. He was more used to your behavior than anybody else and had the knowledge and experience to not take you seriously.
“And what does this have to do with me exactly?” He was sighing and your mouth parted in disbelief, genuinely not understanding how he wasn’t getting where you were coming from.
“Are you kidding me? Dude we’ve been friends since like… forever. Who else would I do it with?” You were sitting back on the carpet now that you could tell he wasn’t going to budge, leaning back on your palms and still sitting at his feet.
The phrase to describe the duration of your friendship, wasn’t one of your exaggerations. You’d actually been friends for as long as you can remember and the two of you had never been separated since meeting, becoming quickly known as a solid unit and never being seen without the other.
It slowed down as you got older and gained your own personalities and hobbies, surprisingly opposites considering you’d spend all of your developmental years together but it never put much of a hinderance on your friendship. Jay kept you steady and grounded when you were close to bouncing off the walls and you made sure he didn’t rot away in his apartment having no social life.
“Plus, you’ve been with girls haven’t you?” You were asking him slowly and he just stared at you in response, sighing softly when your mouth curled into a knowing smile and you sat back up on your knees.
“Why do you want to be with a douchebag like Park Sunghoon anyways?” He was looking away from you as he said it, looking only slightly flushed at your sitting position before he was diverting his attention back to the laptop on the desk in front of him.
“He’s not that bad. He’s way better than the last few guys.” You were trying to justify your taste but you could see him rolling his eyes, knowing that your standards were extremely low and it didn’t take a lot to be better than your exes.
You were sighing softly and standing up off the floor, making your way across the room and flopping down on his bed with a flair of dramatics. You landed on your stomach but you looked back over your shoulder to see if he was watching you and your antics, smiling softly when you saw that he was, out of the corner of his eye.
“Fine, since you don’t want to do it I’ll just have to find somebody else.” You made sure to keep your voice extra disappointed and dramatic and you heard him let out a small scoff at your exaggeration. “I’ll just ask that Jeongguk guy from the arts department, you know the one who keeps making passes at me every party.”
You glanced back over at him and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from your lips when you saw the annoyed expression on his face. He was wheeling the chair closer to the bed and sighing again, taking his glasses off of his forehead so he could run his hands through his hair.
“Wouldn’t it be too weird?” He was asking and you were sitting back up in anticipation now that he was asking questions, possibly interested in accepting your proposal. “I mean.. are you even attracted to me?”
Your mouth was falling open slightly as you stared at him in disbelief, leaning forward slightly to see if he was being serious before you were frowning at him. “Are you being serious right now?”
He didn’t say anything and he didn’t need to, knowing that you knew he was always serious, almost painfully so sometimes. He was watching you as you scooted forward so you were closer to the edge of the bed and by default closer to where he had pulled the chair up to, looking into his eyes earnestly as you dropped the worlds most awkward truth bomb on him.
“Jay. You’re like… sexy.” You were telling him in a flat voice and he could tell you were being serious but he couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him at your sincere tone and the frown that only deepened when he chuckled at you.
“Okay fine, so when would we do this?” He was asking and you gasped with excitement, sitting up fully and throwing yourself onto his lap so you could wrap your arms around him in thanks, squealing slightly when the chair spun around at the sudden collision and nearly tipped the both of you over onto the floor.
You’d left his apartment with the promise to return the next night for your first lessons, thanking him with a big grin and failing to notice the apprehension he had in his eyes when he gave you a half smile back before closing his door.
——
Never in your entire life had you felt nervous to see your bestfriend. Not even after you’d gotten your period for the first time in gym class and everybody had laughed and pointed, not when your parents had first started to talk about divorce and you had to go and stay with him and his mom for a few days and not even when you’d gotten totally dumped right before prom night and showed up at his door in your dress with makeup running down your face.
You’d never been hesitant to raise your hand to knock on his door, cringing after you did so and the foreign noise rang far too loud, remembering suddenly that you had your own key and typically would just let yourself in.
Still, you waited for him to come open the door and you scowled at yourself when you instinctively flattened your hair and tried to lean against the door in a semi seductive way. He was swinging the door open with a raised eyebrow before you had the chance to stand upright and amusement paused over his features as he looked at you.
“Are you trying to rob me or something?” He was asking and you swiftly were reminded of who you were here to see, your shoulders losing tension as you pushed past him into the room.
“I was trying to be sexy dickhead.” You were complaining to him and you tried not to feel nervous again as you sat down on his bed, glancing at him to see him watching you from over by the couch. “So how do we do this?”
He was shrugging softly after a few seconds but still approaching you and also sitting on the bed, a normal distance away from you but for some reason it felt both too close and too far away. You were reminded why you hadn’t lost your virginity yet despite the overwhelming desire to, freezing up and becoming awkward whenever you entered a situation that could potentially lead to it.
“First, you’ve gotta relax dude.” He was sighing and you look over at him with a frown, not surprised that he had immediately clocked your hesitation. “It’s just me.”
This fact did little to help you now that you thought about it. You’d immediately came to him because he was your other half and there was no way you’d ever find somebody you were more comfortable being vulnerable with but you hadn’t considered the fact you’d actually have to have sex with him to have sex with him.
Jay was attractive, something you’ve always known and never bothered to deny despite not outwardly announcing it. You listened bitterly to your other friends gossip and gush about him once you entered high school and he hit puberty, growing rapidly in height and his features sharpening.
It only worsened when he became obsessed with going to the gym after school and wearing clothes that showed off his arms even when it was cold outside.
You were filled with a weird sense of pride that he had chosen to be your best friend even throughout his growing popularity, denying dates with beautiful girls if the two of you already had plans and never paying any mind to the way your friends would throw themselves at him every time you managed to drag him out to parties with you.
Yet you’d never thought of him in that way, despite your moms always talking about how the two of you were destined to be married and how most guys you encountered told you that they’d just assumed Jay was your boyfriend and never bothered to try and flirt with you because of that.
“We should probably kiss each other.” You were suddenly blurting out and his face instinctively scrunched up at the suggestion, causing you to sigh softly and look at him in bewilderment. “We can’t have sex and not kiss, that’s super weird.”
“I know I know.” He was telling you and he was sitting up from where he’d been leaned against the headboard and you flushed now that he was closer to you, feeling weird that his presence was causing that within this specific context.
You’d kissed Jay before, quite a few times but it was never anything more than quick press of your lips or a peck that you immediately recoiled from. He’d actually been your first kiss, surging forward during a spin the bottle game in middle school before anybody else got the chance and you had thanked him with ice cream later that night for saving your virgin lips from one of the creepy older boys eyeing you.
That was just Jay, the most selfless and caring best friend you could ever imagine and you felt lucky every time he was doing you a ridiculous favor at 4am after you’d awaken him from his deep sleep.
Another reason why you hadn’t hesitated in asking him to help you with this although now you were slightly regretting it and not the biggest fan of how quick he was to accept anything you wished for. He was eyeing you curiously and you knew he had sensed your hesitance, making you worried that he would back out under the impression you didn’t actually want this to happen.
You were moving closer to him before he could do so and his eyes widened for a second at your sudden close proximity before his eyes were falling down to your lips and then back up again like he was asking for permission.
You nodded softly but you still weren’t prepared for the way his hand came up to cup the side of your face gently, helping you meet him halfway into a kiss and you tensed up at the contact. He pulled back for a second after barely touching your lips, waiting for you to loosen up and when your shoulders were dropping and you pushed forward again he finally moved more.
The first thing you noticed was that Jay was a good kisser. He was moving against you slowly but you could tell he was taking it easy on you, his thumb swiping along your cheek to keep your anxiety calm and if you didn’t know any better you’d think this wasn’t a big deal at all to him. But you did know better, in fact you knew best, and you could tell he was equally as nervous as you were judging by the way his eyes darted around your face every time he pulled back to make sure it was still okay.
“Can I try more?” He was rasping out to you and your stomach tightened at the sound of his voice. You thought you’d heard all of his voices, having heard him angry and yelling or upset with his voice cracking around words before fading out into a low whisper but you’d never heard it like this before.
You didn’t even think before nodding your head, leaning towards him again in a daze and ignoring the soft laugh he let out as your lips connected once more. He was kissing you the same as before, slow and patient so he didn’t push your limits and you were growing slightly impatient until you felt his tongue swipe across your lower lip.
Your mouth parted in a surprised gasp but he seemed to take this as an invitation, slipping it into your mouth and you squirmed at the feeling of him licking into the kiss. You shifted forward towards him instinctively on the bed and you felt your knee collide with his, ignoring it in favor of pushing your own tongue against his and listening to the small groan that slipped out of his mouth.
“Is it okay?” He was barely pulling back to ask and you were still trying to move closer to him as he spoke, making the words muffled as he ignored your desperation. You were nodding as an answer to him and he seemed pleased by your confirmation before remembering he was meant to be teaching you. “Try sucking on it a little.”
Your eyes widened at his suggestion and you stopped trying to kiss him so you could stare up at him in confusion, watching in amusement as his ears turned slightly red and he looked something close to bashful for suggesting it.
“Does that make you feel good?” You were whispering to him, speaking for the first time since this started and his eyes shot back down to your lips now that they were moving.
“I-I mean.. I think most guys would like it.” He was trying to justify his reasoning for suggesting something so specific but he could tell by your smile that was slowly growing that you were just messing with him, sighing softly before leaning into you again to reconnect the kiss.
Despite you making fun of him, you still were nervous to test out what he had suggested and you were grateful that he started off slow again and didn’t immediately stick his tongue down your throat. He kissed you gently for almost too long and you decided to act before he did, parting his lips slightly and deepening it yourself. He hummed in approval and your face flushed red at the small noise, fighting the urge to retreat and hide your face from him.
You could feel him take a deep breath when you were hesitantly sucking his tongue into your mouth, twisting your head sideways so you could take it deeper and pull back and forth along it.
His hand was shooting to your knee and gripping it tightly at the feeling, giving you a warning to stop that you quickly ignored. You never thought that kissing Jay would feel so good, leave you shuffling forward into his touch on your leg and desperately kissing him continuously to ensure he wouldn’t stop.
He was making another low sound into your mouth and only then did you pull off for a second, breathing heavily and staring at him with hooded eyes. He held your stare for a few seconds before he was looking away suddenly, his expression not giving anything away but you could tell he was starting to overthink about the whole situation.
“Is it too weird?” You were asking him and he glanced over at you at the sound of your breathy voice, eyes shooting down to your swollen lips and then back to his hand that was still on your knee.
He removed it and you weirdly felt a pang of disappointment at the movement, scooting closer to him on the bed and leaning forward slightly into his line of vision so he had no choice but to give his attention to you. His expression was neutral again when he looked at you and you found yourself cursing the fact your bestfriend was so stoic.
“I think we should stop here for the day.” He was telling you in a calm voice and your mouth fell into a pout of disappointment without you even realizing it, only noticing it when his eyes went back to your lips and stayed there when he saw the way they were jutted out.
“We barely even did anything.” You weren’t embarrassed by the childish whine slipping into your tone, knowing perfectly well what typically got Jay to succumb to your wants and you could tell he was weak spirited in his attempt to stop early by the way he sighed softly and continued to stare at you in contemplation.
“What else did you want to do?” His question was making you freeze up, not expecting the control to be handed over to you and you instinctively shrugged as the familiar nerves crept back up.
He quickly picked up on your body language and the fact you didn’t want to be the one in charge of making the decisions, sensing the panic building inside you at his lack of control and he shifted on the bed before sighing once again and shaking his head to himself in disbelief. You watched him as he leaned back up against the headboard, his legs spread out in front of him and your eyes widened slightly when he was patting his lap expectantly.
“You always sit on my lap, don’t overthink it.” He was instructing you when you he saw your facial expression and you nodded softly before you were scooting forward and situating yourself sideways on his lap, directly on top of his thighs and holding onto his shoulders so you didn’t lose your balance.
He was right, you did often sit on his lap even when he groaned and told you to get off and you rarely thought twice about doing the action but you didn’t ever sit in his lap with this weird energy in the room. And you definitely never sat in his lap and leaned down to kiss him again like you were now, moving without realizing but you were grateful that he was quickly kissing you back without any hesitation now and you could feel his hand laying over your own legs to hold your waist and keep you steady.
You were slightly above him in the new position so he had to crane his neck to meet with your lips and you could feel his jaw tensing under where your hand was moving to, holding his face gently and kissing him deeper.
His hand was tightening when you shifted in place uncomfortably and you pulled out of the kiss to glance at him, seeing his awkward expression for just a second before your eyes were falling down to where you were sat against him. You shifted again experimentally and he let out a low groan, squeezing your waist almost painfully on reflex and your lips curled back into a smile.
“Cut it out.” He was squeezing out the words in a wince and you ignored him, shifting your hips over his again and feeling him lift his fingers to swat at your skin where your shirt had ridden up. “I said cut it out dickhead.”
“Can’t you at least pretend we are doing this for real?” You were stopping in your movements to pout down at him, your hand leaving his face and instead brushing through his hair gently. He was watching you with an annoyed expression but you knew it wasn’t sincere. “Try dirty talking to me or something.”
He snorted out a laugh of disbelief and shook his head, denying your request even when your pout deepened and you huffed in disappointment. You were a bit confused within yourself at your own request, not necessarily needing practice in that department but for some reason you wanted to hear his voice more while you were doing this.
“I’m not going to dirty talk.” He was denying even harder, seemingly genuinely flabbergasted that you were asking him to do that and you sighed softly.
“At least say something nice, call me pretty or something.” Your hands were running through his hair as you spoke and he lost his amused expression after a few seconds, staring at you as he processed your words and instinctively leaning closer to your touch.
He was kissing you again then and you were throw off by how familiar it felt, how easy it was for you to immediately move against him like this was something you’d been doing for years. It felt different now that his hands were touching you, squeezing your lower back so you were leaning forward towards his chest and still using your hands in his hair to tilt his head back and give you more access.
“You know you’re pretty.” He was breathing out the words into your mouth and you smiled into the kiss, deepening it again once more before you were pulling back a bit to respond to him.
“So pretty it makes you crazy?” Your voice was teasing again and his eyes flashed with a glint of something you didn’t recognize, watching you in a way that would’ve made you squirm if it was anybody else.
But it wasn’t anybody else, it was him and because it was him you were able to laugh softly before wrapping your arms around his neck and laying your head on his shoulder, grateful when he took the hint that you were done for now and leaned further into the headboard so you could both lay down with you still in his lap.
You tried not to think about the fact you could taste Jay on your lips still or the low noises that were pulled out of him just a few minutes ago, instead just laying there with him and hoping you wouldn’t regret this.
——
After you’d left his apartment you didn’t see Jay for the next two days. It wasn’t extremely rare that you were apart that long but it was right around the amount of time where you’d start to get antsy and miss being in his comforting presence, always finding a natural relaxer in him and his calm personality so you didn’t think twice before you were heading over to his place after your final class for the day.
You were skipping a step at a time as you made your way up to his apartment floor, passing through the outside walkway and the other residents tables and children’s toys with familiarity and ease.
Your fingers were reaching down into your bag in search of your key, adorned on the keychain that contained a polaroid of the two of you from high school also attached. Your search slowed to a stop when you rounded the last corner and saw that his door was already open, eyebrows furrowing at the fact he was standing in the doorway and smiling as he talked to a girl standing against the outside railing.
She was grinning back at him, flicking her hair back over her shoulder and your eyes narrowed at the way she laughed loudly and leaned forward to push against his arm teasingly.
Jay was extremely nice with an overload of manners and gentle acts of kindness but he definitely wasn’t the most social person you knew and you rarely saw him interacting with people outside of you and a few boys he’d met at work. You absolutely didn’t recognize her and you were certain you’d never seen her before, even more so when he was catching sight of you out of the corner of his eye and you saw them widen slightly.
She was noticing that he was distracted and following his line of sight, mouth pursing in confusion when she saw you and your pointed glare.
It made you feel worse that she clearly had no idea who you were, extremely unnerved at the idea of somebody knowing Jay yet never hearing of you and you didn’t care about the weird way your stomach turned when he cleared his throat to bring her attention back towards him.
She glanced over at you once more before looking back at him and your scowl deepened when she automatically was falling into that smile again, flirty and seductive as she titled her head slightly. You watched as he gave her a small wave goodbye after saying something you couldn’t hear and you didn’t bother turning your body when she walked past, leaving her to awkwardly squeeze past you.
Jay was watching the exchange and sighed softly when he saw your dark expression, turning around and heading back into his apartment but leaving the door open so you could follow.
“Who was that?” You were demanding as you stormed through, setting your bag down on the kitchen counter and turning towards where he was situating himself down on the couch.
“New hire at work.” He was explaining in a bored tone and you watched as he looked over his shoulder at you, immediately understanding that you wanted more context and shrugging softly as he continued. “I’m supposed to show her the ropes and she asked to go out for coffee.”
“She walked you home?” You were interjecting and slipping off your shoes, making your way over to the couch and sitting up on your knees next to him once you got over there.
He nodded his head in confirmation, watching you carefully and you frowned softly. Jay was used to your possessiveness when it came to him and sharing his time and energy, it had actually caused a few arguments between the two of you that always ended with you crying and apologizing for your behavior and him telling you it was okay and that he really didn’t mind.
Sometimes you thought he was just saying it to be nice and make you feel better but other times you had a hunch that he actually didn’t mind your clinginess. You’d see a small smirk playing on his face when you stayed close to him at parties or sent sharp stares towards girls who were eyeing him with terrible intentions.
“She was pretty.” You were telling him matter of factly but you were watching him carefully to see how he’d respond and he gave you a knowing look before shaking his head.
“I didn’t realize.” He was responding and you smiled at his attempt at a safe answer, leaning closer into his side and tugging at his sleeve with impatience.
“What are you teaching me today, oh wise one.” He was scrunching up his nose at your choice of title towards him and you could feel him tensing against you at the reminder he was meant to be showing you more things today, only just having finished reeling from kissing earlier in the week.
He wasn’t answering right away so you were sitting up to look at him better, still leaning into him but closer to his face now and in a better position to catch the way his eyes darted down to your lips for a few seconds too long. He was meeting your eyes again and he saw the excitement in them before you were leaning in to kiss him.
You weren’t wasting anytime today considering you’d already pushed past the awkwardness of actually kissing for the first time, throwing your leg over his on the couch so you were straddling his lap and you cut off the small inhale he took at the feeling by licking into his mouth.
His hands were sliding back around to your back, just to rest there as you lowered yourself down on him and leaned fully into the kiss. You weren’t going to admit to him how much you liked kissing him, keeping it a secret within yourself that you almost wished you could just do this for the rest of the night. Just almost though because his hands were squeezing against your waist and you felt a surge of want run through you.
“Can I put you in my mouth?” You were pulling off to whisper into his mouth and his entire body tensed up at your words.
“Jesus christ Y/N.” He was scolding you for your sudden exclamation but you could feel the way his hips twitched in interest underneath your weight. “Warn a guy before you say something like that.”
“It’s important though, isn’t it?” You were muttering to him and ignoring his complaints, circling your hips over him and smiling softly when he let out a low groan at the feeling. He looked slightly pained and conflicted and you almost laughed at him but held it in so he wouldn’t tell you no. “Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it before, I’m a girl after all.”
“I didn’t realize you were a girl until like junior year.” He was teasing back but your frown immediately deepened and you shoved his shoulder in irritation. He laughed softly at your reaction but didn’t say anything else when you rocked your hips again.
“You’ve really never thought about it?” You were asking him again but your tone was different now, breathier and nearly a purr as you hovered your mouth over his. He kissed you softly for just a second before you were pulling slightly out of his reach. “Never once thought about sticking your cock down my throat Jay?”
He cursed under his breath again but this time you could tell he was taking you seriously, his hands tightening continuously around your hips and helping you rock against him. You were letting out a small hiccuped gasp and falling forward slightly onto his chest at the feeling of him pushing up into you, feeling him hard underneath you.
You’d never thought about Jay being hard before and a year ago the idea probably would have made you throw up in your mouth. You were trying to convince yourself that this reaction was purely biological, throbbing now at the feeling of him pressing against you continuously, but you couldn’t stop staring at his hooded eyes and the way his jaw tensed every time you lowered yourself harder onto him.
“Get on your knees then.” He was mumbling out against your lips and you felt a shiver wrack through you at the stern tone he had taken, hearing it hundreds of times before and you mostly never listened to him but your body instinctively was sliding off his lap and hitting the carpet.
You were sat next to his feet with wide and confused eyes, watching him to see what you were supposed to do next and he seemed to snap out of it and remember he was supposed to be showing you how to do it, shaking his head slightly to ground himself before lifting his hips off the couch and undoing his belt with one hand.
You watched him with fascination as you leaned forward to get closer to him, your hands landing on his thighs and feeling the muscle clench under your hands.
He paused for a second and was staring at you long enough for you to start shifting uncomfortably, not being able to read the expression on his face and taking it as a negative considering how weird the situation was.
“You can close your eyes and pretend it’s someone else if you need to.” You were offering the out to him and his eyebrows furrowed at your suggestion, although not saying anything as he slid his pants down his thighs.
Your eyes were dropping to his crotch and they widened slightly, completely forgetting about the weird moment you’d just had and leaning forward again so you could touch him. He swore under his breath when you rubbed your hand over the print in his boxers, muttering something about you warning him again.
“Stop being so tense.” You were telling him as you continued to touch him over the fabric, watching with interest as his stomach clenched and he tongued at his cheek.
“Sorry it’s just… you’re touching my dick dude.” He was wincing out and scrunching his nose at the sentence, causing a small laugh to slip out of you before you were getting serious again and squeezing his length softly.
“This is supposed to be sexy.” Your tone was slightly disappointed and he picked his head up from where it’d fallen back against the couch, looking at you and your dejected expression before his gaze was falling to your hand on top of him.
“Yeah, don’t worry about that.” He was responding in a low tone and you were confused for a second before flushing at the realization he was implying this was attractive to him without any effort.
He wasn’t saying anything again after that and you noticed he was a bit too distracted to actually give you a play by play, something you didn’t mind considering how it might take you out of the moment and make you too nervous to be given specific instructions to follow. You decided to just try your best and hope he would correct you if you hurt him or did anything wrong.
You were leaning forward to put your mouth on him, instinctively sucking softly over his underwear and he let out a loud groan again, his hips kicking forward automatically and you smiled against him at the apology he forced out.
It was making you feel weird that you were so enamored by the faces Jay made when he was feeling good, the way his jaw clenched and the breaths he hissed through his teeth. You were shifting in your kneeling position uncomfortably with the wetness dripping down your thighs.
“Take it out.” You were telling him softly, trying to distract yourself from this realization and he picked his head up again to look at you for a second before nodding swiftly and lifting his hips up off the couch again.
You expected him to be more hesitant like he had been, looking like he was on the verge of calling this whole ordeal off at every move you made, so you were slightly thrown off when his cock was suddenly bare and standing straight right in front of your face. Your eyes widened slightly at the appearance and you could feel him staring down at your face to gauge your reaction.
“This is pretty impressive Jay.” You were remaking before glancing up at him and seeing an amused look pass over his face before he was rolling his eyes at you.
“Yeah.. so maybe we should work on dirty talk.” He was retorting, making fun of your plain style of a compliment.
You were being honest though, genuinely thrown off by his size and length. This was something you’ve definitely thought about just not in such a hands on way, more so out of curiosity to what your quiet friend was packing and wondering the reasoning behind the small smirk he got around his male friends whenever they started arguing over who was bigger.
You didn’t need to wonder anymore, clearly having your answer now and whilst you’d never paid much thought to your best friends dick size, it was undeniable that it was big enough to make your mouth instinctively water.
His hand was gently pushing your hair out of your face as you leaned forward towards his lower half again and your eyes snapped up once more just for a second, faltering slightly at the affectionate look in his eyes as he tucked some loose strands behind your ears and then you were fully moving forward and taking his head into your mouth.
“Oh fuck.” The words were slipping out of his mouth and you could tell he was using a lot of his focus to stop himself from bucking forward into your mouth. “D-don’t worry about fitting it all he’ll like it if you just, fuck, do what you can then use your hands.”
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a second at who he was referring to and he noticed, his eyebrow cocking at your expression before you were remembering the whole reason he was letting you do this and your face flushed. You quickly tried to distract him from your mistake, licking up his length softly and feeling relief when his head was falling back in a sharp gasp.
He didn’t say anything else for awhile other than occasionally muttering that you were doing a good job or softly telling you to watch your teeth, his hand in your hair but not tugging, just resting there and keeping it out of your face.
You could tell he was close after not too long of your soft touches and amateurish licks, his hips kicking up off the couch instinctively and his free hand curling into the fabric below it. You were watching him from behind your eyelashes and you felt the urge to draw his attention back to you, give him a reason to look at you while you did this and not lean his head back against the couch.
“Go to a party with me tonight.” You were taking your mouth off of him and freezing in your movements, keeping your hand still where it was wrapped around the base of his length but squeezing it softly.
He was lifting his head up swiftly and glancing down at you with a panicked look, his eyes shooting to your hand around him and then immediately up to your face. His ears turned red when he caught sight of your swollen lips and teary eyes but he didn’t say anything about it and instead just shook his head at you.
“What are you talking about?” He was groaning out, followed by an even louder noise when you were squeezing him again. “Cut that out.”
“Tell me you’ll come with me.” You were leaning forward to suck his head into your mouth slightly, tasting the beginning of his end on your tongue and almost recoiling from the shock of the taste.
You held strong to prove your point, taking him deeper into your mouth and a heat passed through you at the fact he was watching you now, eyes transfixed down on your face and darkening as he watched you try to fit as much of him in your throat as possible. You shifted on your knees again uncomfortably due to the throbbing behind your underwear, resisting the urge to sit yourself down on his foot and take some of the pressure off your core.
He didn’t say anything regarding your request until he was getting close again, sighing when you removed your mouth once more and he realized you weren’t going to let him cum until he agreed to come with you.
“Fuck, fine I’ll go.” He was rushing out and you smiled softly at him, eyes lighting up with excitement and he thought about how familiar the expression was in such a jarring foreign setting.
Any contemplation about your strange situation was gone the second you were taking him back into your mouth, feeling how tight and wet your throat was before you were finally letting him finish. You winced at the feeling of him cumming inside your mouth but the noises he made distracted you from it, watching him become overwhelmed with pleasure that you caused.
You were smiling again even though he wasn’t looking anymore, suddenly feeling a lot better about this.
——
“I can’t believe you actually got him to come out.” You were turning around at the sound of somebody’s voice behind you, two drinks in hand and a raised eyebrow until you saw it was one of the boys from the football team who knew Jay.
“It was just some mild convincing.” You smiled at him, lips curling up and your mind flashed with the memory of how Jay looked sitting above you on the couch.
He hadn’t complained much about having to come, throwing in small statements of annoyance here and there but for the most part he’d been a good sport. You’d expected it to be more awkward around him, your own face flushing with heat when he had arrived at your dorm to pick you up but he was almost overly casual about the entire ordeal and you felt a bit childish for not being able to hold eye contact with him.
“Yeah, I guess he’s got that soft spot for you.” He was responding and shifting in his spot where he was looking out at the crowd. “I’m sure he won’t regret it after tonight.” The boy was chirping back and your own grin fell in confusion at the smirk on his face, following where his eyes were looking and fully frowning when you saw somebody standing next to your friend now.
She looked familiar, maybe a classmate or somebody who worked around campus, but you couldn’t quite place where you had seen her. Maybe this was due to the fact you weren’t at all focused on her face, your eyes locked on her hand that was wrapped around Jay’s wrist as she laughed softly at something he was saying.
He looked just as awkward as he always did but you felt like he was watching her reaction to see if she’d laugh at his comment, whatever it may be, and your eyebrow cocked softly at the fact he wasn’t moving away from her touch at all. You felt stupid when the jock next to you was awkwardly clearing his throat at your sudden silence, glancing over at him and then turning red because your own jealous thoughts regarding your best friend.
You were fully aware you had an issue when it came to being possessive over him but it had never necessarily extended to him interacting with other girls in a flirty way, especially when he genuinely seemed interested. You didn’t typically try to set him up or guide him towards a relationship but you never interfered with a potential one, you certainly never felt such a weird pit in your stomach because of it.
You were making your way back to him without saying another word to the boy beside you, two cups still tightly held in your hand and you saw the girl glance over at you as you approached.
She dropped her hand off of Jay’s arm and you smiled a wide fake grin at her, casually passing him his drink and tilting your head with faux curiosity. You could feel him looking at the side of your face as you did so, feeling your arm brush against his considering how close you had planted yourself to him and you were parting your mouth to speak before you thought about it.
“Are you Jay’s friend?” You were asking her in a friendly voice but you knew she could see the glint in your eye, the way you leaned your body towards Jay as you said his name and tightened your grip around your cup.
“I.. I mean yeah, well not really. I’m just-“ She was trying to explain with a small nervous chuckle, her eyes shooting back and forth between you and him like she expected him to interject and tell you her reason for being there.
“Not really then.” Your second smile was a lot more forced and showcasing a sympathy for her that was mean and unnecessary, slipping off when she was glaring at you slightly before turning to leave and walk around from the two of you.
You moved away from him again with a sigh once she was gone, turning your body to rest your back against the wall and take a sip from your drink. Jay was tense next to you but you didn’t notice until he was looking at you with a flat expression, clearly slightly annoyed by what you had done and you raised an eyebrow at him in question.
“Why did you do that?” He was asking and he was keeping his tone steady like he was genuinely curious but you could tell he was frustrated. You had a feeling that you’d get into an argument if you gave him a wrong answer, shifting uncomfortably and frowning softly.
“You looked uncomfortable.” You were shrugging as the lie slipped through your lips and you glanced at him when he scoffed and pressed himself against the wall next to you, shoulder bumping yours and staying there.
“Did I?” He was retorting and you could tell he knew you were lying, he always did and you felt suddenly embarrassed about how you’d reacted.
You didn’t respond to him but you turned your head to look at him between, something unidentifiable and heavily weighted in your eyes and he watched you carefully before his eyes were flicking down to your lips and then back up. Your interest was piqued at this and you were instinctively leaning closer to him, developing a habit after the last few times but stopping when he was suddenly clearing his throat.
“Park is probably around here somewhere.” He was telling you and his face pulled into a small grimace as he said it, looking away from you and missing the way you froze up slightly at the mention of the boy. “Aren’t you wanting to go find him?”
“I don’t know.” You were shrugging again and he was smiling a bit now which made you flush, knowing he was finding the shift in your mood funny. “I think I need a little more practice right?”
“Yeah?” He was still standing close to you, body slightly leaned forward so he was hovering his face near yours and this time when his eyes dropped to your lips he didn’t retract, just watching you carefully as that familiar but unreadable look crept back up in his eyes.
You didn’t respond to him out loud, not fully trusting yourself to speak but you were nodding your head softly and staring up at him with big eyes, having half a mind to stop yourself from reaching your hand up to hold his arm but a surge of want was running through you considering the way he was looking at you.
It wasn’t like people didn’t already talk about the two of you, having to explain to almost everybody you’d ever met that you weren’t dating or anything remotely close to it and people still didn’t necessarily believe you when you said it so it wouldn’t be the end of the world to touch him here, even this close to each others faces. But you’d been trying to convince them all for years and you’d feel a bit stupid to be caught doing unfriendly things with him now, especially with how new it was to you.
You also needed to remind yourself that you weren’t doing this for fun and there was an end goal here with Sunghoon, a goal that might as well be forfeited the second you started making out with your close male friend at a party he was also attending.
Jay wasn’t making it easy to remember this small fact, clouding your head and sense of judgment the longer he stared down at you and the closer you subconsciously swayed towards his steady frame. Part of you felt like your brain had made a connection, something clicking after he’d touched you for the first time and crossed that line friends typically didn’t.
“Stop looking at me like you want to kiss me.” He was mumbling but he had a small smile on his face, lip curled up as he watched you with amusement and you were sure you frowned at his teasing.
“Why can’t we?” You shifted onto your tiptoes for a second before dropping back down, your nose just barely grazing his but enough for him to follow your face back down and press a quick kiss against you like he couldn’t help himself.
He was immediately pulling away however and you watched him as he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head softly in denial and glancing over his shoulder for a second like he was making sure nobody was watching the two of you. Your hand was coming up to rest near his ribs, bringing his attention back down to you and you could feel his heart beating under your palm.
“No one’s looking.” You were reasoning, half hurt he cared too much and half thrown off by the fact that you didn’t at all. He didn’t object when you were rocking forward to kiss against his jaw softly, sucking in a small breath when you were swiping your tongue along his warm skin.
“Let me take you home.” His voice was low on your ear and you could feel his hands sliding over your sides to hold your lower back, drifting dangerously low but he was rotating his body so he was hiding you behind him against the wall.
“Can’t be so romantic if we are practicing for the real thing.” You were smiling at him humorlessly but he didn’t seem to find it funny, tensing at the mention of your real sexual encounters being meaningless and futile. “You have to treat me like some random hookup.”
He was watching you for a second to try and see if you were serious before his eyes were drifting away again like he was thinking about something. Eventually, you stared at him as he found his way back to you and moved one of his hands so he could brush your hair back behind your ear and out of your face. “Yeah, you know I can’t do that.”
You didn’t respond to him immediately, faltering slightly at the sincerity in his voice but you didn’t have a chance to think about what he was implying before he was fully kissing you finally. You almost pushed him away to ask for clarification but you quickly forgot about the strange statement when he was slipping his tongue into your mouth, melting against the wall and pushing against him completely.
Kissing him standing up felt different for some reason, you could feel every part of his body flat against yours and the height difference was a lot more evident, making your head spin slightly.
He wasn’t taking it easy on you anymore like he had the last few times, deepening the kiss immediately until your head was completely tilted back and accepting anything he would give you. The feeling of his tongue against yours, mixed with the fact you were in public and able to be seen by anybody sober enough to take a closer look and see who he had against the wall, was sending a heat through your body and you arched closer to him.
His hands were lower than your back now, squeezing and groping you in a way that took your breath away and made your knees so weak you would’ve crumbled to the floor if it wasn’t for him holding you up.
“Jay.” You were panting out into his mouth and his grip tightened at the sound of your breathy voice saying his name, pulling back just enough to allow you to speak. “Need you to touch me, please.”
“Not here baby, we can’t.” He was quickly responding and shaking his head, his hair loosening up slightly and falling over his forehead at the movement. You hoped he didn’t notice the way you practically gasped at the pet name slipping from his mouth so casually, shifting against the wall at his hesitant rejection.
He was looking down at you with want in his eyes so you weren’t too put off by him trying to say you couldn’t, rubbing your hand against his chest and pushing closer again until his lips were touching yours. You didn’t kiss him, just letting him feel you there and you let out a sigh of relief when he was losing his resolve and surging forward to fully press his lips against yours again.
It was addicting to kiss him like this and your hands were twisting in his hair softly, keeping him moving tight against you and giving him no room to change his mind again. You could feel his hands on your body tugging you forward against his hips, your leg going up slightly closer to his waist so he could fully slot in between your legs and nearly suffocate you against the wall.
He wasn’t moving you away even when your hand was slipping back down past his ribs, cupping him through his pants and smiling softly into the kiss when he hissed softly and faltered in his own touching.
“Fuck.” He was mumbling the word into your mouth and you knew you had gotten him, kissing him again even though he wasn’t moving anymore and just recovering from the feeling of your hand on him. “I’m going to go get a cab, let’s go back home.”
This time you didn’t object, liking the way he phrased going back to his apartment to include you and he kissed you one more time before he was stepping away and heading outside to call down a ride. You waited for him against the wall, knowing he’d come back inside to get you once he managed to get one like he always did.
Your hand was coming up to touch your lips, catching your breath and smiling softly as you thought about him and how strange things have been since you asked him to help you out.
It wasn’t an uncomfortable strange at all outside of the way your heart kept fluttering every time he tucked your hair behind your ears and gave you a particularly affectionate look. Jay was always kind and gentle with you so it didn’t phase you that it extended to this type of activity, figuring that there was no other reason for him to be acting like that and trying to ignore the way that thought made your chest tighten.
“You okay?” Your head was picking up swiftly at the sound of a new voice next to you, panicked at the sudden arrival and then completely freezing when you realized who it was. “You look like you’re going to be sick.” Park Sunghoon was watching you curiously, not much concern on his face, despite acknowledging your strange expression, as he took a sip from his cup casually.
“No I-I’m fine.” You were rushing out quickly and moving your fingers away from your mouth, flattening your hair and looking away from him with slightly widened eyes.
“Was that your boyfriend?” He was asking suddenly but his tone was bored, looking from you then back to the crowd like he was only over here to pass time. You froze up at the realization he was referring to Jay, obviously having seen you pressed against the wall only a few minutes ago.
You weren’t sure what to say for a few seconds, knowing that if this was last week your heart would be pounding with excitement due to the fact Park Sunghoon was speaking to you willingly. Adding onto the fact that he had seen you with somebody, now having no reason to believe you were inexperienced if you were boldly making out in the middle of a crowded party.
“No he..” You were trailing off when you noticed Jay coming back inside now, eyes locked on where he had left you and a small smile creeping up on his face when he saw you, until his eyes traveled over to the boy standing next to you. “He isn’t my boyfriend.”
Sunghoon wasn’t saying anything else but you heard him hum softly in acknowledgment before falling silent again, the both of you just standing there as you watched Jay slowly pass back through the crowd and approach the corner you were standing in. He kept his distance for a second, like he was making sure he wasn’t interrupting anything serious before he was standing by your side and clearing his throat.
“Ready to go?” He was asking in a low tone but you could tell his mood had drastically flipped from when he had left, more hesitant and guarded now like he wasn’t sure you’d actually come with him.
To make matters worse, your eyes instinctively went over to Sunghoon to see his reaction and you didn’t miss your best friend unmistakably tensing from the corner of your drifting gaze.
“Hey man, I’m Sunghoon.” He was still smiling softly, either completely oblivious to the weird tension settling over the two of you or simply not caring at all, and you watched as his hand crossed over where you were standing to extend towards your friend. He wasn’t touching you but he was inadvertently covering your body with his and your eyes widened slightly at the sudden close proximity.
“I know.” Jay was simply responding and not saying anything else, not even glancing down towards the hand waiting for him to take and you heard the other boy laugh softly before he was retracting it.
“You go to school here?” He was asking and you couldn’t tell if he was genuinely trying to make conversation or if he was just attempting to figure out what your friends deal was. Either way you tensed up slightly at the mention of Jay attending your school, a sore spot for both of you considering he hadn’t been accepted and yet he still decided to move here with you so you didn’t have to separate.
“He works on campus.” You quickly interjected when you noticed the way Jay’s jaw clenched at the question, not answering him directly but giving him enough information to let him know why he might look familiar or know who Sunghoon was. “We have to get going now.”
Sunghoon was nodding softly but he was carrying a look of amusement that you couldn’t miss and you were positive Jay hadn’t either, most likely catching on to the building instigation the second he had stepped foot back inside.
“I’ll see you around then.” He was slipping out casually as the two of you started to turn to leave, grinning at you when you looked back over your shoulder and hesitantly nodded, hand raising in a small wave before you were feeling Jay’s hand on your back leading you out of the house.
He didn’t say anything as you made your way outside and he remained silent the entire ride back to his apartment, staring out the window and keeping his hands in his lap as he avoided looking at you. You were a bit confused on what exactly he was feeling but you knew for sure that something had shifted once he saw Sunghoon and you weren’t going back home for the same reason anymore.
You sighed softly when he quickly got out of the taxi, standing there with the door open until you had scooted across the leather seats and got out into the night air. He closed it softly after thanking the driver and followed behind you as you made your way up the stairs to his door, the air heavy and so tense you felt like you were suffocating on it.
“Are you not going to talk to me then because I can just head home.” You were remarking once you’d crossed into the apartment, watching him in silence as he took off his jacket and shoes and went to the kitchen to get a drink.
“Is that what you want to do?” He was retorting in a calm tone but you could tell from where you were standing that he was agitated, eyes glinting with irritation as he leaned forward slightly onto the counter but you couldn’t tell if he was upset with you or something else.
“I want to do what you want to do.” You stated plainly and he didn’t respond as you kicked off your shoes, walking past where he was in the kitchen to head towards his sleeping area.
He was watching you as you moved around, the apartment small with an open floor plan but it was homely and you were there often enough to have your own dedicated clothes drawer underneath his. You tried to ignore his gaze on you as you opened the top one instead, pulling out one of his hoodies and glancing at him for a second before you were reaching behind your back to try and unzip your dress.
You heard him sigh softly before he was setting his cup down on the counter, making his way over to you slowly and offering a hand down to you on the bed when you just stared at him in confusion. You let him take your hand in his and he pulled you up softly, turning you around and pushing your hair off your back before he was helping you by pulling the zipper slowly down your back.
Your breath was catching in your throat at the feeling of the fabric loosening around you, his knuckles brushing over your bare skin and his hands stopping just above the curve of your ass.
“We can’t do what I want to do.” You were attempting to turn around to face him at the sound of his soft voice next to your ear but he stopped you by holding tightly onto the middle of your arms.
“Why not?” A small whine had slipped into your voice as you asked the question, so accustomed to him letting you get your way and slightly frustrated that he was being so distant.
You knew it was crossing a line, something that had silently been there for probably longer than you even realized, and you knew you should probably be more hesitant about crossing it but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You’d always been more impulsive than Jay but you knew he had to somewhat feel it too, that strong pull towards each other that was now just multiplying every time he touched you.
It was especially overwhelming now, almost unbearable as he gently lowered the sleeves of your dress off your arms until the top was dangling around your middle. You were completely bare from the waist up now but you didn’t think he could even see you, keeping you in a vulnerable position as you stared forward at the wall.
His hands were brushing against your ribs and for a second you thought he wouldn’t even touch you until you felt him cupping over your chest and groping curiously. Your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of his cold fingers against your warm skin, the rings on his finger brushing against your hardened nipple and you took a stuttered gasp when he squeezed harder.
Jay’s other hand was pressing into your stomach and making sure you were tucked closely against him, feeling him getting harder against you the longer he touched you.
“If it was up to me I’d bend you over right now, just like this.” His voice was low in your ear again and another gasp ran through you when he was slightly tilting you forward, keeping you standing with his arm wrapped around your middle. “I’d tear the rest of your dress off and I’d make sure you never thought about going to Park Sunghoon or any of those other frat assholes again.”
“Then just do it.” You were panting out to him and trying to press yourself closer, feeling your dress slowly slipping down more from the bundled up fabric dangling around your middle. “What’s stopping you?”
He didn’t respond for a while and eventually he stopped touching you, sighing softly and he breath fanned the back of your neck. His hands were soft again now and resting on your hips carefully like he was considering what to do next.
You knew him well enough to know he wasn’t going to fuck you, certainly not like this and you were half positive he wasn’t going to touch you at all. Still, he was better at telling you vulnerable things when you weren’t staring at him so you didn’t move from your position and let him stand there in contemplation.
You were still slightly disappointed and hurt when he was pulling the rest of your dress down your legs, helping you step out from the middle of it, and then reaching down to grab his hoodie you had picked from the drawer and softly pulling it over your head. He finally turned you around once you were covered up, the hoodie coming down just above the middle of your thighs and he moved your hair out from inside the collar.
“Kiss me at least.” You were suddenly saying and grabbing his hands to stop him from moving away from you. His eyes glistened with something but he was letting you place his hands back around you, your own arms snaking up and around his neck in a strangely domestic position.
He didn’t say anything but he fulfilled your request, kissing you softly and pulling you tighter against him.
It was impossible to pretend now that you weren’t changing your mind about the entire thing, no use trying to push how good this felt to the back of your mind. You immediately felt a wave of relief wash over you and you practically melted in his hold, familiar and comfortable in a way that nobody could ever replicate and you knew he had to be feeling something similar if he was this conflicted about having sex with you.
Jay was your rock in the sense he was calculated and careful in almost everything he did and you figured he would’ve had sex with you easily if he had decided there was no risk to your friendship in the aftermath. The risk was there and it was prominent especially now as you leaned into him again, fully accepting it despite his hesitance.
You were squealing softly when he was suddenly lifting you up against him, taking a few steps forward before dropping the both of you on his bed and you giggled into the kiss when he turned your bodies so you’d land on him and he could take the weight of the fall.
The two of you kissed like that for a while longer, almost on autopilot as you moved his mouth against yours and you licked into his mouth with now practiced accuracy. He was warm and familiar underneath you, the hard expanse of his body and muscles flexing and easily supporting you and your constant shifting and movements. You were slightly impressed at how well he contained himself, feeling yourself get worked up in only a few minutes and clinging to him desperately.
Eventually the kissing stopped but you stayed just like that, your entire weight on top of him and your head laying on his chest like you had a hundred times.
“Can you tell me why not now?” Your voice was quiet and hesitant as you asked him the question that was still on your mind, letting a little time pass before you were bringing it up again and feeling relieved when he didn’t immediately tense up.
“Why do you get upset when I talk to other girls?” He was responding instead, not answering you directly yet and you frowned softly even though he couldn’t see it.
“I don’t know I can’t explain it.” You mumbled into his chest and you shrugged the best you could in your position. You were swatting at his side when you heard him let out a small scoff of disbelief, his chest vibrating your face when he started to laugh lightly at your upset reaction. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m serious.”
You were being honest despite the vague answer, never really knowing how to explain the sick feeling that washed over you anytime Jay’s attention drifted to somebody else for too long. Your mom used to tell you that you were just used to always being the star of his show and couldn’t handle it when you were out into the background but you figured that you should know better by now, know that you would never be pushed aside for somebody else.
Maybe that was the issue, the two of you always prioritizing each other over actual relationship or even family at times. You’d had dates that would get awkward at the mention of your best friend and you’ve gotten your fair share of nasty glares from the few girls Jay had actually brought around you.
He let your weak answer slide and in return you didn’t push for an answer about why he wouldn’t just let himself go with you, not saying anything else and listening to his breathing level out as he fell asleep underneath you.
——
“A double date? What the hell does that even mean?” You were rushing to catch up with Yuna, eyebrows furrowed due to the news she had just dropped on you casually before continuing to make her way to the class she was late for. You were practically breaking out into a jog to match her long strides. “Why would Sunghoon tell you that and not me?”
“Did you give him your number?” She was quickly retorting and barely sparing you a glance before she was nodding. “Exactly.”
“So he wants to go on a date with me but with you and Jay too?” You were attempting to confirm what she had said but she was sighing softly like repeated it would be a hinderance, stopping in her fast walking to allow you to catch up as you panted softly. “Do you even like Jay?”
“Are you kidding me Y/N? No I don’t like your pseudo husband.” She was shaking her head and scrunching up her nose like the thought grossed her out, your face flushing slightly at the title she had given him as you pushed your messy hair out of your face.
“I don’t think he’d agree to that.” You were telling her and glancing to the side awkwardly, not really understanding the whole situation or the fact that Sunghoon had somehow managed to apparently be interested in you despite the extremely awkward interaction you’d had a few days ago.
“He already has.” She was retorting quickly before turning on her heel and beginning her speed walking again, leaving you standing there dumbfounded as you tried to process what she had said.
You called out to her to ask for clarification but she didn’t turn around and just waved a dismissive hand at you, eventually disappearing around a buildings corner and you could do nothing but sigh softly.
There was absolutely no way Jay had willingly agreed to hang out with Park Sunghoon, adding on the fact he’d be crashing your date and also having to go out with Yuna, who he’d expressed dislike towards multiple times despite your weak defense for her behavior towards you. Your head was swarming in confusion and you almost pulled your phone out to call him and demand answers when you remembered he was at work.
You frowned softly and started to walk again, heading to the other side of campus where his work building was and trying to understand what scenario would lead to him agreeing to come along and also why he hadn’t told you in advance.
The small entrance bell was ringing out loudly as you passed through the door and you tilted your head to try and see around the counter to check if he was there, smiling softly when he was popping his head up with a surprised look.
“Hey.” He was breathing out when he realized it was you, standing up swiftly and circling around the counter until he was standing in front of you. You tried to ignore how out of character it was that he was greeting you so softly, a hand coming up to cup your elbow gently and look down at you. “You alright? Did you lose your key again?”
You were shaking your head and staring up at him with a slight flush to your face. “No just wanted to come here instead of going home. I hope it’s okay, sorry I didn’t call.”
“Don’t say sorry.” He was quickly interjecting and you didn’t say anything after that, just nodding and glancing at the floor hesitantly. He seemed to take notice of your strange demeanor and you picked your head back up when you heard him sigh softly. “You ran into Yuna didn’t you…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” You were saying instead of directly answering and he looked away from you at the sound of hurt in your voice, still keeping his hand on you despite it tensing.
He didn’t look at you again for a bit but you were almost glad he didn’t, already finding it hard enough to be upset with him when he was just trying to help you. You weren’t sure how to communicate that you didn’t necessarily want help with Sunghoon anymore, knowing he’d stop with the new closeness and routine that you’ve gotten used to other the last two weeks.
“This was the point right?” He was muttering but he seemed hesitant in saying it and a small scoff fell from your lips.
“Right.” You agreed but your tone was bitter and your face had pulled into a grimace, taking a few steps back so his touch fell off of your arms and you were closer to the door again. “Guess I’ll see you tonight then.”
——
Despite absolutely dreading the double date and having no expectations or positive feelings about how it would go, it still somehow managed to be off to a worst start than you could’ve imagined.
Sunghoon had been nearly an hour late to picking you up and hadn’t made any move to get out of his car to greet you, leaving you to wrap your cardigan closer around your shivering frame and round past his hood to his passenger side door. You still planted a smile on your face, trying your best to not make him uncomfortable or show your unenthusiastic mood, but you realized it was pointless considering he was on the phone the entire ride to the restaurant.
He’d greeted you with a half wave before he was cackling about something the person on the other side was saying, not caring as you crossed your arms and zoned out for the entirety of the drive.
You sat in the leather chair after you’d arrived to the restaurant you were meeting the other two at, waiting impatiently and glaring at him from the corner of your eye as he continued his loud conversation for another twenty minutes, parked outside and unmoving. Eventually he was glancing at you and letting out a sigh, announcing to the caller that he would have to call them back.
“Alright, let’s go I’m starving.” He was quickly saying before he was opening his door and leaving the vehicle, leaving you dumbfounded for a few seconds at his lack of manners before you were hopping out and jogging to catch up with him.
You were absolutely fuming by the time you’d gotten inside, not understanding why Sunghoon had bothered arranging this whole entire thing when he clearly wasn’t interested in you. You were used to be outspoken and blunt but you just felt embarrassed about the whole thing and couldn’t bring yourself to confront him while the others were waiting inside.
It got worse once you saw them sitting together although Jay was clearly in the same boat as you, arms crossed and staring blankly at the table in front of him as Yuna chatted animatedly and leaned closer to him to try and show him something on her phone screen.
Sunghoon cleared his throat when the two of you got closer and both of their gazes shot up in your direction, her face curling into a bright flirty smile at the sight of your date. Jay’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of you but then they immediately flickered down to Sunghoon’s hand that was rudely placed on your lower back after he’d complained you were walking too slow.
It could’ve been going worse technically, you and Jay hadn’t spoken a word the entire night but your dates clearly didn’t care, talking to each other nonstop about school and parties they’d attended. The two clearly had a lot in common considering their popularity status and their apparent habit of having terrible manners.
You were sat directly next to Jay and you tried to ignore him for the most part, especially since he was wearing your favorite shirt of his and you could smell his heavy addicting cologne from a seat over.
It wasn’t going too well considering he had been continuously glaring in your direction since you sat down, unrelenting even when the waitress came by and he recited both of your orders with ease. You were fed up with his bad mood, especially since he was the one who had agreed to this entire ordeal, and he was jumping in his seat at the feeling of you sending a sharp kick towards his shin.
Yuna spared him a quick glance at his sudden movement but didn’t stop her rambles and you watched as Jay sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Yours was buzzing only a few seconds later and you glared at him before picking it up and unlocking it.
Jay : What the hell was that for?
Y/N : stop staring at me like that
You watched his face as he read it and you felt slightly flushed when his eyes were meeting yours for a second before going back down to his phone screen and hurriedly typing.
Jay : Stay still
He was putting the device back into his pocket before you had a chance to respond to him and ask what he was talking about, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you stared at him and waited for any type of explanation.
You quickly got it when you were feeling something touching your leg underneath the table, jumping slightly at the sudden contact before your wide eyes were meeting his and seeing the slight warning in them. You were reminded of him message to stay still and you planted yourself firmly despite the urge to squirm at the feeling of his hand gently rubbing your bare knee.
“So Y/N, are you working anywhere right now then?” Sunghoon was suddenly asking you and you liked him a lot less than you already did considering he decided to finally speak to you at the worst possible time.
You cleared your throat softly before shifting in your seat to sit up more, accidentally causing Jay’s hand to move further on your leg until it was gently moving your dress up and resting on your thigh. You expected him to move it back down but he kept it firmly there, squeezing your skin softly as he waited for you to answer.
“Um.. n-no not right now I’m just… going to school.” You were trailing off softly after awkwardly squeezing the sentence out and the table was silent as they looked at your flushed face.
“She doesn’t need to anyways.” Yuna was quickly adding and her mouth was curled into a half sneer, playing with her half finished food as she met your eyes for a split second before continuing. “Jay pays for basically everything for her.”
An awkwardness settled over the table at her extremely bitter tone and you saw Sunghoon’s eyebrows raise in interest, that same amused expression he had at the party returning. Jay’s hand was tightening on your thigh harshly and you made a small noise of surprise before quickly pretending to choke and take a drink of your water.
He didn’t seem to notice he had done it and he immediately was releasing the tight hold and rubbing the skin gently as a silent apology, shifting in his seat when you were swinging your foot to kick at his leg again.
“So you two met on campus then?” Sunghoon was continuing to ask questions despite the fact you were obviously uncomfortable and Jay was glaring daggers in his direction.
“Um no.. we’ve been friends since we were little actually.” You were explaining in a soft voice and another flash of interest with through the boys eyes, glancing between the two of you with a weird excitement printed on his face.
“And you never got together?” He was blurting out, clearly not caring about how blunt and overly personal the question was considering you’d barely spoken outside of small talk in passing. Your mouth was parting in surprise and you glanced over at your friend who was as looking more and more angry as the seconds passed.
“That’s none of your business.” Jay was spitting out and his tone was low and harsh, much different than the one he normally had with you.
Sunghoon didn’t seem deterred at all although even Yuna had finally fallen silent, watching the interaction with a careful expression. “She is my date isn’t she?”
You heard your best friend scoff harshly but he didn’t immediately say anything, glancing over at you like he expected you to interject and when you looked over at him with wide eyes and a continuously parting mouth, his features hardened when he realized you weren’t going to say anything. You didn’t do anything but sit there and search for words as he pushed his chair back and stood up, leaving your skin that was warmed under his hand with a sudden chill.
Sunghoon was laughing softly as Jay left the restaurant and you turned to glare at him in disbelief, not understanding his motive but quickly realizing that he was super amused by the two of you and your confusing dynamic.
It wasn’t hard to understand that he didn’t have feelings for you and only invited you on this date for some entertainment, most likely catching interest at the party when you had awkwardly left with Jay. Your mouth was turning down into a frown and you followed his actions of standing up from your chair, flattening down your dress before turning and following after him.
He was halfway through the parking lot by the time you managed to catch up with him, running the best you could in your uncomfortable heels but thankfully he was slowing down when he heard them clicking on the cement. His back was tensed since he knew it was you but you were still grateful he had stopped for you.
“Where are you going?” Your voice was soft and weak, not necessarily voicing the question you wanted to ask but you just felt the need to say something to fill the silence.
“I can’t do this anymore Y/N.” He was turning around as he spoke and he sounded genuinely tired, staring down at you with hooded eyes and a hurt expression on his face. You watched him with confusion and he sighed softly before tossing a hand up in frustration. “I can’t be around you pretending like this, it’s killing me.”
“We don’t have to do it anymore then.” You were quickly telling him although it hurt you to say and you were taking a step closer to try and reassure him, stiffening up when he was automatically backing away from you.
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” He was saying and he sounded certain but you were confused on what he meant, eyebrows furrowing which only seemed to upset him further. “This isn’t the pretending Y/N, being with you like we’ve been doing for the last few weeks. That isn’t the hard part, how can’t you get that?”
You were slightly understanding what he was implying now but it made no sense to you, a sick feeling washing over you at the fact he was seemingly saying he had been feeling the same way you had been. He was sighing again at your lack of a response but he didn’t say anything, looking to the side where his car was parked before he was glancing at you again.
“How would I get that?” You were countering with more force than you meant to let into your tone, slightly frustrated that he was placing blame solely on you for not realizing his feelings about this whole situation.
“Are you kidding me?” He was laughing but it was completely humorless and angry. Not necessarily at you but definitely at the situation the two of you had gotten yourself into. “I moved down here to be with you dude. I work a shitty job on the campus of a school I was too fucking dumb to get into, stuck in a tiny apartment with neighbors who have no volume control.”
He was moving his hands around a lot as he spoke, clearly upset and releasing thoughts he’d been keeping bottled up for longer than you realized. Your eyes were stinging with tears as you listened to him rant, bringing up the fact you hadn’t gotten into the same school, something you knew had been bugging him for some time.
You never thought less of him for not getting accepted and you had hoped he didn’t either, not ever wanting to talk about it after he decided to just not apply anywhere else. You figured he had come with you so you wouldn’t be lonely but your heart cracked a little at the implication he had solely came with because it was him that didn’t want to be without you for a long time.
Your nose scrunched up at the negative way he talked about his apartment, the disgust in his voice directed towards the same place that brought you the most comfort in the world.
It was definitely small and you’d spend countless nights banging on the walls to try and get the next door neighbors to quiet down but it was always a happy memory for you, giggling with him as you laid flat on your backs and kicked against the drywall repeatedly. You thought about waking up in his small bed together, tugging the blankets more over yourself and listening to his soft grunts of complaints.
Teaching you to cook and not getting upset when you continuously burnt eggs, smiling at you when he’d get home from a long shift and you’d already be there cleaning up the dishes and counters. It was your favorite place to be and he was your favorite person to see and your heart broke thinking that he’d been having a hard time.
“You still don’t get it.” He was shaking his head and pulling you out of your thoughts, figure slightly wavy through your teary eyes and you took another step closer.
“I think I do Jay but how can I if you’ve never said it.” You were telling him softly but your voice was cracking around the words, at least relieved he wasn’t backing up from your approaching frame anymore considering that would’ve caused you to break down.
“How could I say something like that?” He was asking sincerely and he looked down at you finally, holding your gaze and giving you a tiny sad smile. His eyes were wet too and you briefly thought about the fact you hadn’t seen him cry in a very long time.
It was quiet for a few seconds and then you were gently reaching out to him, feeling a wave of relief when he allowed you to hold onto his arm softly and squeeze it. He let out a small shaky breath at the feeling of you touching him and it gave you the drive you needed to be able to say what you were thinking about so heavily for so long.
“You asked me why I don’t like it when you talk to other girls and I said I don’t know, but I do know and I have known for a long time.” You were watching him intensely as you spoke clearly, a faux confidence in your voice that didn’t match the way your heart was beating painfully in your chest. “I don’t really know when I knew or if I maybe just realized when you kissed me.”
His eyes were flashing with something and you laughed softly as nerves overwhelmed you, pausing in your rambles and you were sure he could feel the way your hands were shaking against him because he was placing one of his over yours that were gripping onto his arm, softly rubbing them and giving you just enough strength to push through the hardest part.
“I’m inlove with you Jay and I want you around me for a long time. I need you around me I think and it’s scary but I’d spend the rest of our lives in that tiny little apartment.” You were finishing off as a small sob broke through you but you kept a smile on your face, watching him and shaking your head softly.
He wasn’t saying anything at first and you were feeling a sudden sense of dread, not really thinking about what would happen if he didn’t feel the same way about you and you had gotten it all wrong.
You weren’t able to hold that doubt for long considering he was moving his hand off of yours suddenly to cup your face, pulling you in for a kiss before you were even able to register his movements. You were gasping against him and then immediately turning to putty in his hold, a wave of warmth and reassurance washing over you despite the fact he hadn’t said it yet back.
It wasn’t something he necessarily needed to voice considering he’d spent your entire lives showing it and taking care of you more than anybody ever had, constantly being so gentle and reliable even when you weren’t always the easiest person to handle.
You still felt better when he was pulling out of the kiss to look down at you, still holding onto your face as you both laughed softly in disbelief and relief. He was leaning forward to place his forehead against yours and you were clutching onto his arms desperately despite knowing he’d never go anywhere if you let him go.
“I think I’ve loved you since I met you.” He was saying it in one breath and you immediately noticed the way his shoulders lost all tension in relief, speaking the words that had been running through his mind on loop every time you smiled at him or wrapped your arms casually around him in a hug.
You had no real way of knowing how insane you constantly made him feel, always being the most beautiful person in the room and never giving him the slightest chance of caring about anybody else. You’d constantly complain to him that he needed a better social life for a chance at romance and his heart would turn uncomfortably at the thought of being with anybody but you.
Nobody set his skin on fire like your touches did and the two of you moved perfectly in sync together, easily bantering and moving around each other in a gentle dance that only came with time and understanding.
You were his better half and he’d always casually introduced you as that, laughing softly as you would hit his arm and scold him for trying to flatter you while not having the slightest idea that he meant every single word of it.
“Take me home then?” You were whispering out finally, forehead still against his and feeling the way his thumbs came up instinctively to wipe the tears off your red cheeks.
He was smiling and nodding at you, no hesitance in accepting whatever request you made to him, the same thing that had gotten you into this situation in the first place. He’d immediately regretted it when he first finally kissed you because he’d realized he’d never be able to go without you that close again, feeling sick every time he remembered it wasn’t real for you.
The worry and disbelief that had been building up was finally crumbling down for both of you as you stood there holding each other for a bit longer, eventually taking your hand in his as he lead you to his car and took you back to your home.
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belokhvostikova · 9 months
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: 𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐛 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬
𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 | The day has come when you finally return from your suspension, and Eddie is there to provide the detailed account to the tribulations that occurred, but one thing is to be noted: Eddie Munson stayed by your side through it all.
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | Swearing, yelling, crying, therapy, bullying, sexist slut shaming, brief allusions to an eating disorder, slight mentions of unwarranted touching, strained parental relationship, harassment, minimal violence, mentions of domestic abuse, and mentions and childhood neglect and abuse.
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 | Watched Harry Potter during writing, so I inserted a reference that totally didn’t exist in the timeline, lol. But I do wonder, do you think Eddie Munson would have liked Harry Potter, and what house is he in?! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 | One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.
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𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐕. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞
“I’m tellin’ you, Ms. K, it was like straight out of a movie!”
Ms. K, he had gotten comfortable. It was good. Great even. Because that Thursday morning, the entire hour-long session consisted of I don't know’s, maybe’s, and I guess’. And yes, Ms. Kelly is a licensed counselor, but she’s also human, and it was starting to frustrate her a bit. Just a teeny tiny bit. But it was progress, nonetheless, and she had let Eddie Munson know that he had her full attention and that there was no judgment. And for that, he was forever grateful. Now, she’d never compare nor expose the intimate details of other students’ tribulations to anyone, but my god, was Eddie Munson a unique character in comparison to the others. There was a switch in him, and evident one. Because that impromptu talk that Thursday morning, she had seen the hardening exterior of Eddie Munson that he casted on the daily basis. No conversation. Blank face. Vehement resentment to vulnerability. But she had studied this field for six years of her life, and she took notice of the yearn in his eyes that was telling him to just speak. Talk. Let it all out. And fortunately it came. By Friday afternoon, he had detailed the events of his life, the weakness of his mother, the ruffian character of his father, and the mistakes of his life as a result. You. Though, he chose to refrain from using your name. There was still some slight embarrassment from telling a school faculty member about his crush. The last thing he needed was Ms. Kelly grinning across the parking lot to him when you returned. And by Monday afternoon—today, the day you came—he’d spoken to her like she was his best friend.
“Was it now?” There was a lingering smile on her face, as Eddie confided about his day, completely relaxed and comfortable with speaking. No tense shoulders. No rigid posture. No nasty tone. “In what ways, Eddie?”
“Well, you should have seen the way she walked in. I mean, my god! Complete badass- oh, I’m so sorry,” He corrected his word choice, “I mean, like totally cool, like she didn’t care what anyone had to say.”
If you knew how Eddie was describing your return to Hawkins High, you would have wished it to be that glamorous. But as it’s been established before, reality is the biggest pain in the ass, and you were terrifyingly panicking in the front seat of your father’s BMW.
Ms. Kelly chuckled at his revelation. “I’ll take your word for it, Eddie.” She nodded. “But while I’m sure this particular person made their grand entrance, I want to know about you. How did seeing them make you feel after taking that needed time apart? Take me back to this morning.”
“Okay.” Eddie agreed. “Uh, this morning…”
-
This morning.
The crowded parking lot had been filling with the cars and bikes of students loitering before the shrilling ring of the commencing bell. Yearbooks. Yearbooks were everywhere, in the hands of teenagers eager to have their friends commemorate the ending year with the valued signature of friendship and camaraderie. It fucking disgusted him. Everyone smiling about as if they didn’t cast out the one person who dedicated their high school years to taking the very photos everyone was gushing about: the Homecoming dance, the Winter Formal, spirit week. Everything. Every memory that made the school year so great, captured by your work, yet everyone was seemingly ready to throw you away because of him. 
It was why he was camping out in the grand lavishness of his van. Black Sabbath was yelling beyond the walls of his vehicle, prompting to receive the dirty looks he’d been all too accustomed to, as he sat back with a lit cigarette hanging from his dry lips. Grant Goodman and Gareth Emerson had been stationed by the bike racks, where Jeff Best had just arrived on his trusty wheels. His friends. Conversed like normal, probably waiting for the arrival of Eddie, as they did everyday, but Eddie had no plans of coming out of his car. Yet, at least. Looking a little to the left, he took notice of Dustin Henderson spewing nonsense to the once infamous "King" Steve Harrington, who once actually bumped into Eddie’s shoulder in the hallway and threw him a dirty look during their shared years. He always wondered what Dustin Henderson saw in “The Hair,” maybe he’s changed? I mean, he does seem to be the personal chauffeur of Robin Buckley, who he was once in a band with before he abruptly quit after seeing the mandatory outfits. And she was always cool. Weird, but cool. Mike Wheeler had joined their conversation, alongside Lucas Sinclair, which is when he caught wind of Nancy Wheeler rushing into school with her quiet friend, he believed her name was Barb Holland. Looking at them walk away, Eddie wondered what would be the possibility of convincing Nancy Wheeler into letting you rejoin the Yearbook Committee. Surely with the way sales were booming, more help was needed, right? And she had to feel bad for what unfolded for you, right? And with the quickest glimpse away, he followed the shy figure of Chrissy Cunningham, who walked with her books held tightly, and a talkative Jessica Lewis trailing behind, seemingly attempting to question the cheerleader. Because when Eddie looked to the other side, he saw Jason Carver longing for his leaving girlfriend with a look of dejection, and Andy McAvoy on an endeavor to hype him up. Trouble in paradise? Eddie Munson could sit and ponder on the endless possibilities of the lives of his peers, but his meaningless thoughts were adjourned under the sudden stop and stare of every student.
You. 
“Hey, look at- look at me, damn it!” Your eyes peeled from your entangled fingers that sat trembling on your shaking legs, and looked over to his stern glare. He pierced his disappointment into you, drilling into the anxiety of already returning to school after everything that had occurred. “You go in there and stir up any more trouble with your school work or that filth I caught you with, you’re dead. You understand me, young lady? Huh?!”
“Yes, dad.” You mustered up a whisper. 
“Go. Don’t be fucking late and ruin for your future more.” Your hand clutched the door handle, and for a second you stopped. God knows what would happen when everybody saw you. Monday’s cafeteria scene didn’t exactly leave everyone with the greatest impression of you and you knew exactly how high school students operated in a small town like Hawkins. You were branded with a title, a degrading one that was farther from the truth, but what good does the truth do when claiming that the sweetheart of a cheerleader with a bright future of success gets fucked by the satanic cultist in return for a favor is far more entertaining for the gossiping lives of high school teenager? By now, you were either pregnant with the devil’s baby or coked up with drugs on the side of the street, or both. People had their bets, the more twisted the better. But not a single thought of your pain. Not a single thought that you were hurting at the sheer size of all that went wrong, just because you were simply being nice. Because thinking of the repercussion of their words took the fun out of everything. And to them, people like you don’t deserve the time of day. You were like Eddie Munson now. And Eddie Munson deserved the pain of the world because he was… different. That was Hawkins, Indiana. That was reality. You begrudgingly pulled the handle. “Remember,” your father stopped you, “those kids say anything, just remember you put that on yourself, and you better take it as a lesson. Go.” 
You swallowed the lump in your throat. His words were his words, not the world’s. You had shed enough tears over the years of childhood, and his reign over you wasn’t going to continue. You could repeat that mantra over and over, and maybe in the long run it would finally cement that his words were not the truth. But for now, you could only pretend it didn’t hurt until it would eventually not. But inside, there was a little girl asking what was so wrong with her that her daddy couldn’t do the one innate job that came with parenthood: to love her. You wouldn’t know it, but a seven-year-old Eddie Munson was wondering the exact same thing. 
You got out with a slam to his face that verbalized all the screaming you couldn’t do. Your eyes met his through the window, and it was different. What once used to be cordial civility, where he asked and you did, had now entered its endgame. Something so severe it lacked the chance of recovery. And maybe that was okay. Maybe that was for the best. Because like he did with his emotions, he ran. And the screeches of his tires left the remnants of a relationship that was once so profoundly beautiful when your tiny fist curled around his finger. This would be the end between you and your father. And you were ready to accept that. 
You blinked any tears away, as you stood suffocated by the exhaustion of his BMW, leaving you vulnerable in the empty parking spot. Because when you peered it up, your chest heaved at the sudden realization that everyone was staring at you. Glares. Whispers. Snickers. The pointing. The so obvious pointing that your peers were conspiring against you. The ones who once smiled and waved at you. The ones who once greeted you so kindly. All of them, whispering and pointing followed by their teasing laugh just at the mere sight of you. 
Everything was bombarding you so fast.
The clamminess of your hands. The constriction of your throat. The pounding of your heart. The deafening ringing in your ears. The stinging of your nails, as your hands balled so tightly against themselves, but you deserved the crescent shape burns to your palms, you deserved the pain, because you put that on yourself, you better take it as a le- no.
For years, you endured and cemented the hateful words of your father as veracity, letting his speech be the reason why so badly ached inside to perfect every endearing mistake about yourself. Thursday, you scrubbed your body with the refreshing scents of your shower routine and ate full dinners. Friday, you purged your room of any remnants of your old life—polaroids, scrapbooks, notes, memorabilia—discarded to let you know it was okay to move on. Saturday, you wake up in the early hours of the morning, long before the sun rose, and followed the path Eddie Munson once rescued from—onto the roof, over the trimming, down the trellis—and you ran, ran down the dark streets of your neighborhood until you excreted all your pain of your body through the glorious sweats of a morning run. Sunday, you swore to never accept your father’s words ever again.
You were you, and that was perfectly okay. You make mistakes, but that’s what makes you profoundly magnificent. You saw that in others, and you were going to see that in yourself. 
Eddie’s head whipped in the direction of others, and through the smudges of his dirty window, his eyes melted at your frozen stature. This is what he was waiting for. He jumped out of his car, the rattle of his door echoing, following the slam he didn’t intend to be so harsh. But it got your attention from across the parking lot, and that’s all that mattered. 
You met his kind eyes, ones so round and deep, you couldn’t believe they once glared at you with such seethe just last week. But they weren’t now. In fact, they creased at the corners, as his small smile plumped his cheeks. And though small, that smile was the very reassurance you needed. He looked great- healthy, even. The dark circles of his eyes were not bruised mauve from a drunken haze of staying up all night and hungover throughout the afternoon. No, they were merely there from the natural pigmentation of his skin, as the scleras of his eyes shined white with innocence. His cheeks were rosy and full, letting you know he’d stuffed himself with some needed food outside a six-pack of beer. And though it was a habit he knew many were not fond of which honestly made him want to do it even more, he plucked the smoking cigarette from his lips and put it out with the step of his foot. You recall the moment from early September, long before you knew Eddie Munson, when he stalked up to you and Chrissy with the biggest grin on his snickering face asking if you had a lighter on hand. You, the goody two-shoes cheerleader who had the healthiest set of lungs, as the idea of nicotine made your nose scrunch with grimace. You and Chrissy Cunningham would have been the last people on Earth to have a lighter on hand. While you answered him with a shake to your head, Eddie ticked his tongue in disappointment, but before he could begrudgingly leave, you softly spoke, “Be sure to be careful, don’t want you getting sick from those. That’d be awful.” You had heard the news of what led down the road of cigarette smoking. And while Eddie would have typically told anyone who tried to place their unwarranted input on his life choices to fuck off, his grin merely grew ten times its size at your consideration, “‘Preciate that, sweetheart, I’ll keep that in mind.” Eddie felt like his heart was going to lunge out after you as you walked away. You didn’t know it, but Eddie had driven himself up a wall debating on whether or not to ask you that simple question. You were always just so breathtakingly mesmerizing, it was nerve-racking. 
Yes, Eddie Munson has had a long time crush on you.
Your nails released from their stabbing hold into your palms, as your hands relaxed. Eddie saw your softening composure and sighed with relief, seeing that torturing breath that nestled in your throat finally escape into the spring air. As much as Eddie Munson would have loved to tell his fellow schoolmates to fuck themselves and leave you alone, he knew his interference was the last thing you would have wanted. So in the most gentle way possible, he subtly threw you a thumbs up with a stupid grin that made the twenty-year-old metalhead look like a jolly child trying to cheer up their friend.
But it made you quietly giggle, and that’s all he cared about. 
You readjusted the straps to your backpack, and took a deep breath. And though you were internally screaming inside, you strided past the gossiping clumps of judgmental teenagers, and their choice to deduce you into degrading, misogynistic names held no merit against your faux confidence. Head held high with a stern gaze to the school, you walked through their whispers with a straight face to let them know they couldn’t get to you. And it was convincing enough. Because Eddie Munson was bouncing on the balls of his feet with bursting gasconade at your powerful strut. Eddie wishes he was half as cool as you. 
-
“So, yeah, it, uh, it made me really happy. Like, just seeing them being so… okay with themselves and not taking any of the crap that other people were saying was great. I, uh, I loved seeing that.” He lips smiled tightly into a thin line to restrain from busting out into a hearty grin, though Ms. Kelly could see it in his face just how important this moment was for him. 
“That’s wonderful, Eddie. So the break was good?” She leaned over her desk to ask.
“Yeah, yeah.” He nodded his head. “Um, I’ll be honest, at first- that first day I really wanted to call them to let them know I was taking the steps to be, um, y’know, better, but I figured them seeing me now would have been more important, I guess.”
“Yes.” Ms. Kelly agreed. “That was a good call on your part, Eddie.”
“Yeah, so as much as I wanted to just talk to them, I made sure I didn’t.” He assured. “And I really liked that I held back. Um,” Eddie nervously chuckled, as he picked the threads of his jeans, “would it be stupid to say that I’m proud of myself for that? That I was actually able to work on my self-control and boundaries even if it was just something small?” 
“Of course, not, Eddie!” Ms. Kelly flashed him a kind smile, which had Eddie shyly grinning. “That’s an incredible thing to make progress on, and nothing in your journey will ever be too small to recognize, okay? I want you to understand that. I know it’s difficult to acknowledge these steps as a win, and I know it’s even harder granting yourself the right to be proud, because you believe you’ve committed too many wrong to ever feel for yourself, but remember Eddie, those hesitations are merely the result of the words that were placed upon you with intent to hurt you, and they don’t dictate your life. You do. Don’t give those words the power to hurt you. You deserve to be proud.”
A fervent nod to his head proffered the understanding that he was taking in her truth with deep care. The insistent curses of his dad and the bullshit rhetoric of students or the townspeople held no value to the words in which Eddie thought of himself. And if he wanted to be proud, he should be proud. 
“Yeah, um, I am proud of myself- I know it’s like the bare minimum, but I’m happy.” He smiled. “And um, it was pretty amazing knowing that they were in the same boat as me, like, while I’m trying to get better, they are, too. I know that they struggle with what other people say about them, too, and seeing them walk in with all the confidence in the world was really… it was quite literally the greatest thing ever. I’m happy they’re getting happy; that we’re working on ourselves.”
“And how’s that going with you specifically?” Ms. Kelly attentively asked. “What else have you done to progress?”
“Well, um, I took your advice and opened up more with my uncle.” He huffed a laugh at the memory. “You should have seen the look on his face when I told him that I was basically in therapy.”
She questioned, “Was he angry?” 
“No, not angry. More, like, ‘I didn’t even know this kid knew what therapy was’ kinda shock. He definitely didn’t expect it when I sat him down, but he’s a good man, and he, uh, listened to me. The whole time.”
“And how was it?”
“Hard and strange.” He gulped. “See, my uncle, he’s endured a lot for me; he’s an old man who works his ass off to pay the bills and provide basic, crappy dinners and I- I honestly feel really fuc- bad. I feel really bad. That, y’know, he has to do all that stuff for me when he didn’t even want to, like, have kids in the first place.” Eddie sighed. “And, truthfully, I just didn’t want to burden him with anymore of my problems, like I did to my mom and dad. I’ve already caused enough issues with the cafeteria incident, not graduating twice, getting in trouble with the cops. I just- I just know he has to be tired of me, so I was scared to talk to him.”
“Eddie,” Ms. Kelly grabbed his attention, “do you feel that if you hadn’t acted a certain way, talked a certain way, your parents wouldn’t have… touched you as a child?”
His once relaxed composure stiffened under her sudden interrogation. His eyes bolted around the room, trying to refrain his mind from wandering into the suffocating memory of his chubby hands spilling the last of the juice that was supposed to last his family for the rest of week all over the floor. He wanted to be a simple baby who was capable of listening to his mommy's words and just wait a minute, but his tiny throat was hurting from being dry and mommy had forgotten about him when daddy came home screaming about the place being a mess. His little mouth gasped in fear, running to the counter, his short arms reached and reached and his efforts had to turn to opening the bottom cabinet that was a couple inches above the floor and provided him the extra height to finally retrieve the paper. Feet pattering back to his proliferating spill, his hands haphazardly ripped a multitude of sheets and threw them to the floor. But the juice was not absorbing as fast as he wanted, and his tiny body was beating with terror, as daddy’s voice was booming through the walls of their house as he yelled at mommy in their room. He whimpered in panic as he tried to clean and clean, but the $3 pack of store brand tissue merely bled through, the jumble ball of paper causing his sticky mess to spread. It was to no avail, and daddy soon marched his way back to the kitchen. The second Eddie heard the towering footsteps, he peered up through his neglected hair that barely made life visible over his eyes, and saw the big scary face that hurt him every day. Eddie cleared his throat and murmured, “I don’t know.”
She signed a sympathetic breath, “What your parents did to you as a child has nothing to do with who you are or your personality, and it is absolutely not your fault.” Ms. Kelly spoke her declaration with firm gentleness. “You, Eddie, were not and will not be a burden in anyone’s life. You were dealt a misfortunate hand in life, but you were nowhere near the cause of it. You merely survived.”
Rubbing his eyes before his tears could soak his lashes, Eddie sighed, and sat back in his chair quietly. “I, uh, I said it was strange, and it was, because my uncle and I don’t really talk of that matter. When I was younger, he’d tell me it was okay to just let that life go, that I was okay with him, and it did help in that moment. But I kinda feel like it just gradually grew to become this big elephant in the room that we always avoided for the sake of peace. But during the weekend, I finally got the balls to just do it, and well, it was definitely uncomfortable but in a good way. I told him what was happening with me and how I felt, and he did the same, which honestly I wasn’t expecting. I-it was good. Great even.”
“These moments of clarity are valuable, Eddie.” Ms. Kelly spoke. “These times when speaking is all you do with another person are important to have and the uncomfortableness, the rawness, of it all paves the way to recovery. And it may be disturbing, absolutely not linear, but these are the steps that matter. And you’re doing an amazing job, Eddie.”
“Th-thank you, really, Ms. K.” He nodded his head gratefully. “I, uh, I always knew I talked a lot, my friends always teasin’ me about it, but I’m really enjoying it. Talking these things out with you and others.” He smiled.
“I enjoy it, too. Wouldn’t have spent thousands studying it just to hate it.” She joked, which gave him room for a small chuckle. “Want to tell me about the rest of your day?”
“Oh, yeah,” he sat up, wiping the sweat from his palms onto the worn denim of jeans, “lunch was pretty great, too, so basically…”
-
That confident facade of yours had broken in the midst of third period.
There was only so much scrutinizing stares you could handle from students- even staff who had sipped their coffee and gossiped about the day of your demise, discussing how their perfect student fell under the wrong influence right under their noses. Having to hear their patronizing “We’re here to help you catch up after your… circumstance” that was seemingly always followed by a grimacing look casted by a fake smile of sympathy that made your mouth want to heat up and hurl the stew that was your breakfast. 
But third period had been different. Worse. 
Unlike your previous classes—where you’d been indebted for having sane teachers who let you choose your own seating, prompting you into picking the back desk in the furthest row that provided some shielding to the obtrusive scowls—your third period had not been granted that same privilege, as your third period had Mr. Fitzgerald holding the reins to the functionality of the class. A bitter bitter old man who denounced the teenagers of Hawkins High as the devil incarnate, you should have seen the sheer look of terror and disgust when he first came face-to-face with the Eddie Munson. 
And that infamous look matched that of the look he gave you when you stepped into his AP Calculus class that midday for the first time in a week. “Ms. Y/N, back already?” He stopped you the second you stepped foot in his dungeon classroom.
“Uh, yes, sir-”
“I sure hope you are well aware of the fact that this Advanced Placement class holds no room for coddling, and I can assure you no one will be holding your hand through the lessons you deliberately missed during your vacation.” He pontificated in your face. Your cheeks flared in a crashing heat as your settling classmates chuckled at the spotlight he casted upon you. “Come on, front and center.” He pointed to the empty chair that was surrounded by students in the center of the classroom, and meticulously sat right next to Andy McAvoy, who was daggering a provoked face of wrath at your presence. 
Mr. Fitzgerald had practically placed a dunce hat on your head for everyone to laugh at. 
You shrunk in your seat every passing minute, as glares laser beamed into you from the front, side, back. Your palpitating heart had no room to rest, as Mr. Fitzgerald took it upon himself to randomly select you—every single time—to answer questions about a lesson you weren’t even present to have learned about, enabling the other fourteen students to snicker at every stuttering I don’t know you had to mutter with shame and embarrassment that flared your body with burns of embarrassment. 
The ache in your head had pounded your focus into oblivion, making the numbers and letters of your worksheet blend into incomprehensible blurs that had your hand twitching with the belief that you were already failing, and that dazzling A+ that made your father pat you on the back when he demanded your report card would slip into your biggest fear: an A-. In retrospect, an A- was a highly respectable grade, but when you’ve been conditioned to dictate your self-worth on the basis of academic validation, having your grade slip seemed like the biggest indication that your father's words were the truth. You were going to fail in life. And right now, all you wanted was the thumbs-up of a particular boy to let you know everything was going to be okay. 
And everything started crashing down when you heard it.
“Freak’s whore.”
Andy McAvoy had full intentions of letting everyone hear his vile conviction, murmuring for the surrounding people to hear but taking advantage of Mr. Fitzgerald’s aging ears and whispering it so it went unknown to the authoritative figure. 
“Can’t believe she tried to get with me.” He smiled to Karry Koven, as she giggled and stared at you.
It was a lie. It was the most loaded lie you ever heard. For the past two years, Andy McAvoy had made it his life's mission to claim you as his own, after Jason proffered the idea of double-dating with him and Chrissy. The idea hadn’t been too bad of an offer, until you actually went, and his sleazy hands felt the need to wander your body despite your consistent attempts to keep things at a platonic level. With Chrissy Cunningham and Jason Carver coupling up, it only seemed fair for their best friends to follow suit, and such belief left Andy’s arrogant mind to believing to be entitled to your body. 
“Such a gross slut, can’t even imagine what that freak gave her.”
In the last ten minutes of class, you excused yourself to the bathroom and silently cried in the lonely stall. 
It was a setback. A major one. And your old self would have cursed at you for letting some meaningless words get to you, but you were allowing yourself the mistakes that came with the experience of being human, and if being hurt by the sexist comments of a jock who got a shot to his ego because a girl rejected them, then so be it. You were distraught, and words were bound to get to you. Crying was the release you needed to let yourself recuperate and continue your day. 
The bell had rung for lunch, you quickly wiped the remaining tears of your face with the rough paper towels stationed at the sink, and caught yourself in the reflecting glass of the mirror. Truthfully, how embarrassing would it be to give yourself a pep talk in the grimy bathrooms of your high school? Last time you entered the lunchroom, hell had broken loose, and your image was severed with the humiliating speech of Jason Carver and the deafening punch of Eddie Munson’s fist.
But before the optimistic phrases that you gathered from every movie you ever seen could be spoken to yourself, the cacophonous laughs of a group of girls pummeled their way into the bathroom, but they were quickly silenced upon seeing your presence. You knew what would come if you stayed, and you genuinely did not need more nasty comments thrown at your face, so with grace, you flashed a friendly smile that they predictably did not return on their scowling faces, and walked past them into the bustling halls.
It was now or never.
“C’mon, you don’t even like peaches!” Dustin slumped in his chair, as his efforts into devouring Jeff’s fruit side came to bust.
Jeff smiled with pleasure. “Yeah, but there’s something about not letting you have it that just makes me really happy.” The table chimed in with laughter. 
“You guys are all mean.” He huffed with crossed arms, which simply elicited more laughs. “Mean, mean, mean people.”
“Don’t pout, Henderson, I’ll be sure to have Jeff’s character fall off a cliff in this week's campaign.” Eddie chucked down a pretzel with a teasing grin.
“What?!” Jeff sat up, as the laughs turned against him. “You can’t do that, you’re totally just bluffing!”
“You might as well.” Grant chuckled. “It will make it more interesting, and we deserve interesting after you bailed on us Friday.” He sternly pointed his spork at Eddie, which quickly met the table when he smacked it away. 
“I told you,” Eddie sighed, “I was busy.” One day he'd tell his friends of his therapy sessions. But at the moment, they were acting like high school boys, and today was not the day to reveal so.
“Aw, were you pretending your guitar was a girl?” Gareth snided with kissy faces, that made the boys obnoxiously laugh harder, and Eddie rolled his eyes.
“Please, Emerson, I can’t remember the last time a girl spoke to you that wasn’t your mom.” He retorted back. “And I’d be careful if I were you, Gareth the Great could have the same demise off that cli…”
Eddie had trailed his words into silence when his eyes landed on you.
There, through the heavy doors of the crowding cafeteria, you were once again making an entrance that was completely out of your control. If you had it your way, your figure would be dismissed, like a ghost people could not perceive. But that was never an option for you. Even before, happy waves and nice greetings were always following you, but the current trend in the bubble of Hawkins High was picking the next girl to surmise as a slut because you made the decision to be nice to a group of boys, and how dare you do so, especially when those boys were no good satanists who would perform human sacrifices in woods in the middle of the night? It’s funny how high school worked in the isolation of a small town. 
So once again, the stares were happening, as everyone decided to switch their hushed conversations to the entertaining topic of you; laughing their harsh opinions to their circle of friends or seeing how far they could fabricate more rumors. Your eyes landed on the table you once sat at, your designated chair no longer reserved for your being, but rather piled with sneakers of Jason Carver who decided to use your seat as a footrest. It didn’t take a genius to know you were no longer welcomed within that group, their blatant stares making it beyond the realms of obvious. 
But you didn’t need them. You didn’t need Jessica Lewis’ patronizing comments. You didn’t need Andy McAvoy’s unwarranted touches. You didn’t need Jason Carver’s pesting control over everyone. 
The neglected half of the lunchroom table where the kids of the drama club took residence on the other end would be perfectly okay for you. Ignoring their judgmental looks, you sat quiet in desolation, as everyone around you chortled at the downfall of the perfect cheerleader. 
“Eddie!” Gareth waved his hand in his face, snapping Eddie back to reality.
“Holy shit, you were totally checking out Y/N!” Mike laughed. 
“N-no, I wasn’t.” His hair fervently moved with the vehement shakes to his head. “Everyone is fucking staring at her.”
“But you were staring staring, Eddie.” Jeff teased with a big grin. "Like how you stared at that one older chick with the huge boobs at the Hideout that one time."
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes, you were.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes, you were.”
With heavy sigh, you decided the best option was productivity, and the sweetness of your precisely cut strawberries were fueling you with the needed energy to focus on the piling stack of missing work you were due to accomplish. Equations and word problems could provide enough distraction from the myriad of bullying that was hurtling against you, and in a very unlikely case, homework was easing your mind into a peaceful state. If this is how you had to finish out your senior year, then it was something you’d be okay with coming to terms with. Aloneness could be a scary thing, and you were facing it in the terrors of your dark room where you were shut in and locked away, as you held yourself while the tears dampened your pillow case. But aloneness was also a wonderful thing, where in moments like these, when it felt like everyone was against you, you could lavish in the company of yourself—food and task at hand—because you liked the way your mind worked, you liked the way you perceived the world, it was unique to yourself and it was a beautiful thing to explore on your own. 
But a soft tap to your shoulder had pulled you from your studies, and you peered up, being met with a comforting smile.
“Hi.”
“Hi, Chrissy.”
“Is it okay if I sit with you?” She pointed the chair across from you.
Your agreeing nod led her to plopping down and pulling her lunch out, as though this interaction was something of normality. You looked around, the stares had intensified with the sudden movements of Chrissy Cunningham joining you for lunch. While the act of two best friends eating together was everything but abnormal, the events of last Monday had foreseen your rumored recent fuck punching her boyfriend, and the idea of you and Chrissy would have assumed to be severed. 
But here she was, sitting with you without a care of the world. 
You watched her dejectedly sigh at the sight of her pre-packed lunch clearly made by the hands of her mother. Green. Bland. Portioned so small it wouldn’t stuff a toddler. You pushed your tray of food to her. “Have some of mine.” You smiled, switching her plate with yours. “Maybe we can give yours to Mrs. Durberry’s pet lizard.” And she laughed that grateful laugh that you always seemed to cause whenever you’d save her appetite from the terrible choices of her mother with a joke to make her feel better. And she comfortably took the other half of your sandwich.
“Have, um, have people been saying stuff about you?” She delicately asked with a mouthful of food.
With a smile on your face, you nodded. “Yeah. Nothing I wasn’t expecting, though.” You shrugged. “Are you, uh, are you okay sitting with me? Like Jason might-”
“I broke up with Jason.” She interjected. 
Looking back, you met his disbelief scowl that was certainly blaming you for the ending of his relationship. “You did? Already?”
She nodded her head. “I didn’t want to wait it out, because I knew that if I took too long I would just procrastinate, and I probably wouldn’t get the courage to actually do it. But I did.” She sighed.
“Are you okay?” Three years of a relationship, filled with young love, innocence, and first times were all gone in a matter of seconds when Chrissy arrived at the doorstep of Jason’s house. But a revelation Chrissy had to come to terms with was the fact that years together, the length of a relationship, holds no merit to the satisfaction of one’s mind and heart, and Jason Carver was simply someone he used to not be. The once skinny sophomore who sat the benches of all games had grown to be a young man with screwed priorities that came at the expense of his girlfriend’s comfortability, especially when she was becoming someone she didn’t want to be. 
“Yeah.” She quietly answered. “Um, he didn’t exactly take it well, and my mom can’t seem to wrap her head around the idea that I just didn’t like who he was anymore. They both keep pestering me about it.”
“Don’t listen to whatever they might be saying.” You advised. “Really, if getting away from him is what you want- what you need, please don’t let them take that away from you.”
“I won’t.” She smiled. “Hey, are you still coming back to practice? Coach has been dying to have you back. As much as Jessica likes to think, she is not a good flyer.” 
You giggled. “Ugh, I would have loved to see that. But yeah, I told my dad I’d be staying for practice. Though, I’m heavily expecting to come out with a broken leg, because those girls are totally dropping me for, you know, associating with he who must not be named.” 
“Don’t worry, coach has literally been on a frenzy ever since you left, she’ll take care of them. Seriously, Y/N, as much as they’d like to admit otherwise, we have been a mess without you.” Chrissy reassured. “And um, how are things… w-with your dad. I, uh, I saw the locks when-”
“It’s fine, Chrissy, really. Don’t worry about it.” You murmured, more as an excuse to forget about it. “I’m learning to deal with it. But let's just talk about something else.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. 
Chrissy agreed for your comfort. Because for once, speaking with Chrissy about the miniscule things of life felt like the stability of normalcy you had been yearning for. 
“You’re totally staring at her!” Jeff laughed, as Eddie once again was caught up in the glimpses of you.
‘Wh- How many times do I have to tell you I’m not?” He slid back in his chair in embarrassment. There was only so much lying he could do to cover his averting eyes, but the truth was screaming past any attempts of delusion. 
“Oh, so you were staring at Chrissy, you like her then?” Gareth smiled, as Eddie sauntered right into his trap.
“No! Not Chrissy, Y/N’s the one- ugh!” Eddie’s head dropped into the safety of his hands, as his friends’ laughter echoed around the table. While he truly had nothing to be embarrassed about—he quite literally drunkenly admitted his feelings to you already—the discomfort of letting his feelings be known was still new territory for Eddie, and building a friendship on the basis of teasing the living shit out of each other didn’t exactly make his progress any easier. Though, under that frustration, a small teetering curl to his lips and blushing cheeks were appearing behind the cover of his hands. Talking about you did that to him.
“You should totally talk to her.” Dustin reached over to hit his arm, but a switch had flipped in Eddie, and his head shot up with his hand grabbing the boy’s arm before it could make contact. 
Everyone was taken aback by his sudden reflexes. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Don’t tell me you're nervous.” Dustin laughed, as he pulled his arm away with sass. “It’s not like you haven’t talked to her before. Granted you were basically an ass and she probably hates you.”
If only they knew. 
“Wait,” Mike interjected, “is that why you punched Carver in the face last week?”
“And why you left lunch to go find her friend that one time?” Grant added.
“Okay, okay, okay.” Eddie sighed. “Not that this is any of your guys’ business, but yeah- and that’s all you're getting out of me, so knock it off with the interrogation, please?” He shoved a handful of pretzels into his mouth to cope with the stress.
“Why not just go talk to her and apologize?” Jeff suggested. 
“Do you honestly think someone like her would like someone like him- ow?!” Gareth chuckled before a crushed can of soda hit the side of his head. 
“I did apologize to her.” Eddie disregarded Gareth’s comment, answering Jeff with a mouth full of mush and crumbs. “Just don’t wanna bother her with anymore of my talking.” His denim sleeve wiped his lips.
“Well,” Dustin sighed, as he retrieved something from his backpack. “I’ll go bother her.” He smiled, and Eddie cocked his head to the now standing kid.
“What?!”
“You heard me.” Dustin affirmed. “She’s the only reason why my sexy photo is in this yearbook,” he patted the glossy cover to the infamous book, “might as well get her to sign it.”
“Wait! No, Dustin!” Eddie gritted through his teeth, but the young freshman had a goal in mind, one that his Dungeon Master could not interfere with. Even if it meant his character would be doomed with a fateful death at the bottom of a cliff that coming Friday. “Please, Henderson!”
The curly tendrils freed from the cap on his head bounced as he happily ignored the stressed calls of Eddie from the table. In truth, Eddie’s tensity came from a place beyond whatever stupid comment Dustin might make about him to you. He had spent the last four days respecting your boundaries despite his desires to talk to you, and Dustin’s presence might lead you to believe this was his way in getting someone to speak to you on his behalf—something you strictly told him not to do when he was crying hungover on your bed—he’d definitively ruin his chance at ever getting you to trust him again. 
But Dustin Henderson had all the confidence in the world, something you would come to admire in the boy as you got to know him, and he placed himself at the end of the table, where you and Chrissy had resided, interrupting your talks of dinner plans.
“Uh-hem.” He cleared his throat with precise certitude. “Ladies,” Dustin then turned to you, “Hi! I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Dustin Henderson. You took the photo of my club, Hellfire.”
“Yeah, yeah, Dustin, I remember you." You smiled. 
“Awesome!” He squealed on the tips of his toes. “I didn’t actually think you’d remember me.” He giggly confessed. “But anyways, I was wondering if you’d like to, um- would it be okay if you signed my yearbook?” He opened the page to the appointed spot where signatures were entitled to, his page particularly filled with the names, messages, and small doodles of his friends.
“Oh, Dustin, I’d be so very honored.” His grin consumed his face at your acceptance. 
“Oh!” Chrissy perked. “Here’s a pen you could use!” Handing over her trusty pink pen that had recently grown accustomed to the tribulations of your friendship. 
Muttering a small thank you as you took her pen, you uncapped the lid to meet one of the many large spaces of white that surrounded his page. Your heart had gently ached at the realization that not many people had signed his yearbook. The sophistication you oozed defied the laws of coolness in the Dustin Henderson Doctrine. While Eddie Munson’s ability to create and personify some of the greatest campaigns of Dungeons and Dragons he’d ever seen was downright incredible, and Steve Harrington’s ability to sway any cute girl’s Friday night plans to now revolve around him was thoroughly unbelievable, your coolness was surpassing those of the men he looked up to. Maybe it was because you were a beautiful girl who was actually nice to him. Maybe it was because he knew you could play into his antics. Either way, you were ranking yourself to the top of Dustin Henderson’s Favorite People List. And if he ever found out you made way better chocolate chip cookies than his mom, he would have placed you above the woman who birthed him. Because you wrote a, albeit short, cute little message just for him:
Has't a most wondrous summ'r cutie, t's been the greatest privilege knowing thee, kind solid'r - Y/N
“Thank you so much!” He gushed at your writing, making you laugh. 
“Anytime, Dustin.” You gave Chrissy her pen back. “Anything else we can help you with?”
“Ooh, yeah!” He got extremely excited at the open invitation. Your kindness was placing him at a vulnerable spot, that vulnerable spot being the potential strangling hands of Eddie Munson if he ever found out what Dustin was about to do. “So, uh, y’know, Eddie, right?”
Your burrows furrowed playfully. “Hm, yeah, I know, Eddie.” 
“Well, uh, see don’t tell him I told you this, because he would totally kill me, but he kinda sorta has a crush on you.” You turned around and briefly caught Eddie Munson staring at you before his eyes went big and he snapped his head to the other side of the cafeteria as if he didn’t get caught. Ugh, he was just so-
“No way!” Chrissy gasped with fake dramatics as she squealed. “A cute boy likes you!” She sprightly spoke.
“You’re totally messing with me, aren’t you?” You joined in on her theatrics for the sake of letting Dustin Henderson believe he was the brains behind the union of his two friends—as if the confessions of last week's events didn’t happen at all. “The Eddie Munson likes me?! There’s no way, he’s way too cool!” You rhapsodized. 
Oblivious to it all, Dustin jumped with excitement for his friend. “No, he actually does! He totally blushes and everything when we talk about you!”
“That’s so cute!” Chrissy effused. “You guys should, like, totally get married, you’d be so cute together.”
“Oh, totally!” You playfully giggled before turning to Dustin. “Dusty, be sure to tell Eddie to let me get my nails done first before he proposes. I can’t have my hands looking ugly for our engagement photoshoot.”
“Uh, y-yeah, okay!” Dustin shrugged along, completely heedless to the idea that you and Chrissy were just joking around, but his lack of communication with girls had him believing whatever this conversation was transpiring to be was merely the normal gist of what girl talk had to be. Also, there was a small part of you that wanted to give Eddie Munson a heart attack when Dustin returned with the grand news.
“Great, it’s settled then!” You smiled. “I have full trust that you will relay the message, good sir.” You popped a strawberry into your mouth, as Dustin swiftly shook his head. 
“Yes! Yes, totally!” His curls shook with his head. 
“Alrighty then, Dustin, maybe you can talk Eddie into letting you be his best man.” You smiled. “I’ll see you around, okay?”
“Yeah, thanks again for everything!” He waved you both off excitedly, eager to run and tell Eddie the good news.
Chrissy and you watched him nearly trip over his own two feet as he speed-walk to the table he had came from—not wanting to fall victim to Mr. Long’s threat of no running on the school grounds, as he monitored the lunchroom. “He’s so adorable.” You two giggled as you both watched him flee. 
Dustin had plopped in his chair with a heaving chest, as his table began torpedoing an onslaught of questions, Eddie’s queries being the harshest. “Do you literally want to die?!” The metalhead slammed his hand onto the table, ignoring the stinging burn that came right after. “Why would you go up to her?! What did you say?! What did she say?!”
“She said…” Dustin huffed too long for Eddie’s thinning patiences, “she said that I was a cutie-”
“What?!”
“-and that she wants to marry you.”
“What?!”
You and Chrissy Cunningham laughed across the cafeteria at his booming voice. 
-
“So yeah, that totally means they want me, right?”
Ms. Kelly had suddenly turned into a love coach. 
“Uh, well, I’m sure the feeling is… mutual between the two of you.” She hesitantly answered, not sure how to exactly approach the love life of her teenage students, but glad enough her response made Eddie smile. 
“Okay, good, I think that, too.” He giddily adjusted in his chair.
“But remember, Eddie, don’t determine your happiness on the basis of this person.” Ms. Kelly reminded. “Root that within yourself, because if things don’t… work out in a sense, we don’t want you losing that progress.”
“No, I know.” He quietly muttered, as his hand rubbed the slight stubble of his chin. “That, uh, that’s actually one of things that really scared me into getting help, I guess. See, remember those, um, terrible things I did when, y’know, they said they didn’t want me around?” She nodded her head gently to allow him to continue. “I, um- my dad would do those things. Like, whenever my mom had done something he didn’t like, he would just get plastered, say these gross things, and then, um, start…hitting.” Eddie huffed out a large breath that burned his chest. “And seeing me be that- be my dad- becoming him was just a scary reality check that I’m just like him, a-and I don’t want to be. I spent years wishing so hard that I wouldn’t be, y’know, that I wouldn’t be those kids who turned into their parents, that Wayne taught me better than that, but there I fucking was scaring her- them, scaring them. Sorry.” He cleared him through shamefully as he got worked up.
“Don’t be sorry, Eddie.” She smiled. “This is your moment to let your thoughts and feelings be known. And by hearing you, I want you to leave today’s session vitalizing the importance that you are not your father. You’re not your mother, either. Or your uncle, or anyone for that matter. Eddie, you are you. There is a pattern within you that wavers from trying so hard to stray away from hurting others like your parents did to you, to straying away from the possibility of getting hurt like your parents did to you. And it’s wonderful that you’re recognizing that, but you need to understand that you’re merely getting stuck in an endless cycle of trying to satisfy those end goals, that your mind is running in circles and blurring the line between what's working and what’s not, and it’s doing harm.”
Eddie chewed on his thumb nail taking in the revelation. “I don’t know how to fix that.” He defeatedly admitted. 
“You need to not be driven by fear, Eddie.” Ms. Kelly answered. “That image of your father is a scary thing to come to terms with, and I’m not saying you’re wrong for being terrified of it, because it truly was a dark part of your life, but you need to face it rather than run from it. You mentioned that you and your uncle rarely speak of the life you once had with your parents, and that suppression- that shut in, that’s what’s inhibiting you from growing to be someone that is not like your father or mother. Your upbringing has rooted a fear in you that’s scared of being hurt, and it’s not unusual, the majority of the world is scared at the possibility of being hurt, but the majority don't acknowledge that that fear is the cause of why our personal progress is being stunted. No one wants the uncomfortable conversations. No one wants to face the reality of the world. But the truth is Eddie, it’s better to be hurt organically by the troubles of the world rather than self-destruct our minds under the guise that we’re protecting ourselves. It’s good to focus on oneself, but we need to understand when we’re crossing that boundary into self-immolation, which is far more scary.”
Eddie Munson had sat in silence for a minute to digest her words. “And that’s what I’m doing.” He whispered to himself.
“But you’re getting help.” Ms. Kelly interjected his thoughts with a delicate smile. “And that’s far more progress than most people get to.”
“I think, uh, I think it really, I don’t know, frustrates me that I didn’t understand that in the first place. Because, well, I mean, even you know I’m not the smartest person around-”
“Academic intelligence has nothing to do with this, Eddie.” Ms. Kelly assured. “Even the smartest people have difficulty understanding their problems.”
“Yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I just get angry that I can’t be smart enough to figure this stuff out. Like, I know you said this isn’t based on intelligence, it’s just that when things don’t work out the way I want them to, and it turns out my plans were actually stupid, I just get so aggravated with myself, and then I get so aggravated with the other person for not doing as I want, even though it’s not their fault.” He released a puff of air from his cheeks at the admission 
“Would you say your anger has become an issue?”
Eddie huffed a shameful chuckle. “God, how much of an ass would I be if I said yes? Sorry for the language, Ms. K, but I really am such an asshole. Pretty cynical, too. And nihilistic. Pessimistic. A person even said I was a sulking asshole if the picture wasn’t clear enough for you.” He nodded with a tight-lipped smile.
And though it may have been a little unprofessional, Ms. Kelly allowed herself a small chuckle at his words. “Well, those are quite some characteristics to have.” She kindly joked. “How often do your efforts result to violence, Eddie? Is it a gradual transition from yelling to hitting for you?”
“Uh, yeah, it definitely is.” He sighed. “I mean, I think you’re aware of how many fights I’ve been pushed into-”
“Would you say you cause most of them?”
“Um, not necessarily cause, more so… provoke.” He laughed.
“Instigate for a reaction?” Ms. Kelly questioned.
And with a snap and point of his finger, Eddie agreed. “Ooh, yeah! Instigate for a reaction sounds a lot better.” He smiled before doubling down. “But, uh, totally know I shouldn’t. It’s just… kinda fun.”
“Fun?”
“Well, yeah, y’know, most people at this school don’t like me.” Eddie emphasized. "Even the teachers don’t. And, I guess, poking fun at the groups of people who hate me kinda shows them I don’t care, if that makes sense? Like I can make fun of them just as they do to me and my friends. So, I guess getting angry does kinda happen often, and it does always seem to escalate. If people aren’t listening to my yelling, then they’ll definitely listen to me fighting them, y’know?”
“Is that what happened during last week’s cafeteria incident when you hit another student?”
“Basically.” Eddie nodded. “The dude, he was just spewing a bunch of bullshit about someone, and well, when I told him to shut up and tried to “save the day,” I guess, my anger definitely got out of hand and I punched the guy. Honestly, I hate the guy, so I had no problem doing it, but I also thought that I was, uh, stopping the other person that he was talking about from getting hurt more. Like we, uh, talked about- the thing that I do. And obviously, my judgment was severely off, and well, it only made the situation worse that I only ended up hurting them, too.”
“So you’re seeing where these patterns coincide?” Ms. Kelly asked. 
“Yeah.” Eddie acknowledged. “And if I’m being completely honest, I almost made the same mistake again today.”
“How so?” Her eyebrow raised.
“Uh, well, I almost hit the same guy for bothering that person, again.” He sighed. “Kinda happened right before I got here, actually. It was after school…”
-
The once crowded halls had dissipated into quietness, as the final bell had rung to announce the coming end of the school day fifteen minutes ago. 
Stalling. Stalling is what you were doing under the guise that you were merely reorganizing your locker, and any straggler who walked by would have seen that, given that your locker never approached the definitive line of chaos. But your heart was hammering at the thought of returning to cheer practice, and the coolness radiating off the metal lockers was enough to keep your forehead from sweating. There were no butterflies in your stomach, no, those insects had turned into the pesky creatures of crickets who bounced around with an end goal of causing turbulence in your worrying stomach, like the annoyance they cause during an attempt at peaceful sleep during a quiet night. 
There was something deathly petrifying about high school teenagers. Their judgment. Comments. Bullying. Rumors. You knew now why groups of adults thoroughly went through the endeavors of avoiding them in public spaces. You’d just spent an entire day on the receiving end of their hate, and it was draining. 
At the south end of the hall, the familiar faces of the members of the cheer squad pummeled out of the girls’ bathroom in loud conversations and giggles. You watched them walk together, laugh together, like you once used to do before they made the ultimate decision to lavish in your reputation’s demise. But as you followed their movements into the grand doors of the Hawkins High gymnasium, your attention had diverged you from the impeding steps of an deranged man’s end goal in mind, and the sudden slam of your locker door closing left you snapping your head to meet Jason Carver’s huffing breath before he cornered you against the lockers. 
Nostrils flared with heaving sighs, his forehead pressed down against yours until your head shoved harshly onto the metal. “You think you’re funny telling Chrissy to leave me?! Huh?!”
Eddie Munson had been on his second cigarette of the day, waiting in the sanctitude of his van, just as he did in the early hours of the morning before school started. But where a pervade of parked cars and students once rested, just an empty parking lot stood, and it provided him the peace of mind to gather the thoughts he want to speak about before he entered the counselor’s room and sat down with Ms. Kelly for what had become their fourth daily session. He grew to like Ms. Kelly a lot. So when the digits of watch striked green of the numbers of 3:45 p.m, Eddie put out the shortening cigarette onto the pavement of the ground, and entered the school building, so as to not be late for their meeting. He’d grown to respect her too much to contempt the time she chose to work overtime just for him. 
“Get off of me!” You pushed his chest away, allowing him to stumble and put some distance between you two. “I didn’t tell Chrissy to do anything!”
“Bullshit! Everyone saw you two hanging together at lunch, and conveniently right after she broke up with me! Do you really think I’m that stupid?” His reddening face started walking closer to you, but you kept up with his movements, as the adrenaline in your system moved your feet back with every inch of him coming closer.
“Chrissy broke up with you because you’re an asshole, not because of anything I told her!” You stressed. “God, literally look at what you’re doing, what you did to me- to anyone who’s different from you, of course, she doesn’t want to be with you anymore!”
“Everything I’m doing is for her! It’s your fucking fault I have to stoop this low!” He screamed. “You wanna be a slut and fuck around with that freak, then fine by me, but I will not let you drag Chrissy down with you!”
As unfortunate as the situation was, Eddie Munson strolled in at the perfect time. Upon opening the double, glass doors of the school, he was impaled by the screaming match happening between you two. The second his eyes landed on your fraught face, that anger- that anger that seethed with vexation at the need to protect you from getting hurt was coursing through his bloodstream with a strangulating wave of worry that was going to hurtle its way through any obstacle to make sure you were okay; just as it occurred when Jason Carver ambushed you in the cafeteria, just as it occurred when your father ambushed you in your bedroom.
Eddie was desperate to ensure your safety and security. 
Too distracted by the yelling words of Jason Carver, and with the jocks back turned away from Eddie’s stature, his presence went unnoticed until his ring hand clenched around the collar of his letterman jacket, and threw him up against the lockers with a bang.
“Are you fucking bothering her?” His calm voice gritted through his teeth, as Eddie pinned him to the wall. “Because last time that happened, it didn’t turn out so well for you, did it?” The threat lingered heavily in Jason’s head. The Hawkins High Tigers were paving their way through playoffs, and the championship game was right at their fingertips, but the crashing sting of Eddie Munson’s ringed fist on his face or body could hinder the basketball team's progress. 
“Eddie.” Your quiet voice lulled him away from the worries of Jason, and he watched your distressed figure of cinched brows and a chewed up lip trembling feet away from the violence of angry men. 
Eddie dropped his hold from Jason’s jacket, and stared down at the comb-over that peered up to him with irritated eyes. “You come near her again, and you’ll be fucking dead.” He whispered, far too quiet for your ears to pick on, and he did that with honest intentions. 
But before Jason could curse the words he wanted into Eddie’s face, the heavy doors of gym opening turned everyone’s attention to Chrissy Cunningham and cheer coach, Coach Hannigan, who walked out with large smiles—though Chrissy’s dropped faster than the speed of light upon seeing the three of you uncomfortably together.
“Oh,” Chrissy squeaked with confusion, but enough pep to let Coach Hannigan believe all was good. “Um, there- there’s Y/N.” Chrissy hesitantly smiled, as that had been the entire reason why the two of them walked out in the first place, to find you.
“There’s my girl!” If there was anyone who truly showed their support for the girls of Hawkins High, it was Coach Hannigan, who dedicated her faculty years to teaching the inner workings of American Literature by day and coached her girls to be the best representative of the school, because she believed you all deserved to be seen by night. “It’s been far too long! That Higgins doesn’t know what he’s doing, am I right?” Her boisterous laugh echoed through the halls, as you, Eddie, and Jason tried to appear as normal as can be. “When I got news of what he did to you, I was like "man, excessive much." I think we’re all counting the days until he retires, ha!” She spoke enthusiastically, as she patted you on the shoulder, which is when she took notice of Jason Carver and Eddie Munson looking nervously uncomfortable. “Woah, odd pairing.” She joked to you, to which you had to join in with an awkward laugh, Eddie and Jason abruptly separated under her comment. “You lot, okay?” Her colloquial use of British slang with her deep Midwestern accent was surely fitting to the oddity that was Coach Hannigan, but my god, was it comforting in a time like this.
“Just fine.” Jason muttered. “Better get to practice.” He raked his hand to adjust the hairs Eddie had disturbed during their minor push and shove, before walking away past everyone. 
“Well, I guess we should, too!” Coach Hannigan signaled over to you and Chrissy to get along. “I’m tired of seeing that dang Jessica girl tryin’ to stay steady in air, dangnamit.”
As the three of you walked away, you turned back to meet Eddie’s anxious eyes. His fears racking in his mind, wondering if he’d just done the very thing you asked him not to do, overstep. He didn’t want to scare you anymore. He didn’t want to hurt you anymore. But he believed his being was doing you more harm than good, and his stomach churned at the possibility that maybe you’d be better off if he just got out of your life and left you alone. But in a blink of an eye, Eddie watched your small hand aim him a subtle thumbs up with an ever so tiny grin. Eddie released the breath he’d been holding in. 
Everything was going to be okay.
-
“You know, Eddie, if you’re watching someone be harassed, it’s okay to tell me.” Ms. Kelly calmly responded.
“I-” Eddie dejectedly sighed, as he leaned back in his chair. “I know I should, it’s just, y’know, they don’t even know I’m talking about them to you, hell, I haven’t even had a full conversation with them today. I don’t know how long they want to continue this “no communication” stuff, and I really don’t want to make them feeling like I’m, I don’t know, betraying their boundaries. I’ve done a lot to them already.”
“Well,” Ms. Kelly huffed, “if you do get a chance to speak with this person, just know it’s okay to encourage them to speak to me.” She smiled. 
“Yeah, yeah, thanks.” Eddie relaxed. 
“Can I ask you, Eddie, is the reason why you didn’t choose violence with this bully because of this particular person?”
“Uh, yeah.” He answered. ‘Like I said, last time I did, it really hurt this person because of how much the situation blew up. And, uh, I just really don’t think they like the… hatefulness that comes with hitting. Like they're scared of it, and I don't want to scare them anymore.”
“Are you scared of it? The violence?” She questioned. 
“Honestly, no- the, uh, physical stuff, no, I have no issue with it. When I was younger, yeah, obviously, I was a kid, but now, um, I know getting violent kinda let’s people know not to mess with me, I guess.”
“Because it gets you your way.”
Eddie winced at the truth behind the comment. When you had hung up on him that fateful night, aggression had surged within Eddie, because you were slipping through the cracks of weakness. Doing your own thing. Making your own decision. Doing the right thing. It was great, but it was something Eddie couldn’t come to terms with. It was why he chose the inebriations of alcohol to throw him over the precipice of sanity and persuaded him to do the actions he knew were wrong. But he couldn’t do that sober. His moral compass wouldn’t allow that. It’s the only reason why he showed up to your window in a drunken haze. Because Eddie Munson couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand his feelings. His thoughts. Why his mother always stayed with his father when that man was doing far worse, and you were choosing to give up on him so easily. Verbalizing the words in his head made him want to throw up, because he knew how disgusting it was to think like that. 
“God, I hate hearing that.” He murmured in shame, as his fingers stressfully brushed over his eyebrows.
“But it’s true? At least to some extent?” Ms. Kelly delicately asked. He could only nod his head in agreement to her statements. “Your mother, Eddie, if you don’t mind me asking, what would she do whenever your father got violent?” 
He sadly sighed. “She’d just, y’know, take it. Would only get worse if she didn’t.”
“Yeah,” Ms. Kelly shook her head along, as his words confirmed the ideas in her head. “Eddie, seeing that at any age, let alone as a child, can be truly detrimental to the mind and its development. What I’m evaluating is that your father’s intolerable acceptance to the word “no” has manifested onto you. Witnessing your father’s beratement and abuse, and your mother’s inability to leave has decisively skewed your perception and ego to lead you to believing you are entitled to have things- have people do as you say, and when they don’t, you lash out… like you were taught to do.”
Eddie’s stomach sank at the admission of Ms. Kelly’s findings. The truth laid in her words, and Eddie Munson was coming to terms with the fact that there were aspects of his being that truly did not make him a good person. Was there room for improvement? Yes, there was, and that was the whole purpose of Ms. Kelly’s evaluation. It was not to point the finger and ridicule him. No, it was to lay the foundation to discovering the ugly truths behind what makes us us, and unfortunately for Eddie Munson, his upbringing of hatred and abuse had developed him into an angry man yearning for what? Stability. Maybe you and Eddie Munson were a lot more alike than you both realized. 
“Eddie, I’m going to revert back to what I previously said, I want you leaving today’s session vitalizing the importance that you are not your father.” Ms. Kelly reiterated, and Eddie shuttered a breath. “Your decisions may reflect his, but you’re seeking help. You’re talking about your problems. You’re ready to put the work in and make a change.”
“I’m not him.” Eddie spoke to himself. 
“No, you’re not.” Ms. Kelly smiled. “You’re a good person who was left to make bad decisions. Don’t let your father take control of your life. Don’t give him that power. Face your fear of him, and don’t give him the authority to let you become a bad person. You are not him.”
Eddie nodded his head, absorbing the words of today’s session, as their hour-long conversation was coming to its last minutes. “Thank you.” He softly gave his gratitude, just as he did at the end of every meeting. 
“Like always, Eddie, it’s no problem. Was there anything else you wanted to mention before you leave for the day?” He gently shook his head, spilling all that he could and digesting every truth and advice his brain could handle. Today had been a good day. And he really needed that.
“No, I think I’m okay.” He assured her with a small smile, as he stood and adjusted her chair back to its original position.
“Can I expect you tomorrow afternoon?” She asked.
“Uh, yeah, I can make it.” He answered after slight deliberation. Corroded Coffin wasn’t expected until well into the night, and he was surely certain his buzzing crowd of five drunks wouldn’t mind if the guitarist ran a little late for their weekly taste of garage metal.
With a bid farewell, Eddie left Ms. Kelly's office with a heavy mind. 
Ms. Kelly had delicately put away his file before making a mental note to speak with Jason Carver first thing in the morning about his harmful actions. Eddie’s attempt at anonymity hadn’t thoroughly worked out in his favor. Ms. Kelly knew of the cafeteria incident, and who it involved. Ms. Kelly knew of Jason’s infamous reputation. She’d received a number of saddened students in her office who had fallen victim to his words. She was able to place the puzzles of his story with ease, though never announced it for his comfort. She would be sure to have a long talk with Jason the following morning. And she’d be sure to be on the lookout for you whenever you were ready to talk. Again, Eddie was quite oblivious to the obvious nature of anonymity. But at least he meant well.
Approaching the doors to the school, Eddie was already yanking his pack of cigarettes from his jacket, ready to finish the evening off with his third of the day. That was until he stepped outside, and saw you waiting at the entrance in your practice clothes, leading him to getting flushed with a wave of deja vu, as you looked exactly as you did the day you took his picture. 
You turned at the opening of double doors, an endearing smile posing on your face as you saw him abruptly stop at the doorway. “Oh, hey.” You waved to him kindly. Holy shit, you were actually speaking to him. You know, Eddie Munson had dedicated the entirety of his weekend rehearsing what he wanted to say to you, the right words and everything, he’d even came up with a short script of lines as to what to say that were currently residing in the back pocket of his pants, but it was long forgotten by this point, and he couldn’t muster up a single word. You giggled at his frozen state, “You can say “hi” back, Eddie, it’s okay.”
But instead of a greeting, Eddie had walked up to you frantically. “Look, I’m so sorry, I swear I’m not, like, following you around or anything. I was just coming back from a-”
“Hey, Eddie, it’s okay, really.” You softly nodded. “I didn’t think you were.”
He swallowed thickly, unsure of what to say exactly, so he landed on a simple “How have you been?”
“I’ve been… decently okay.” You shrugged.
“Getting okay?” He awkwardly asked.
“Yeah,” you chuckled, “slowly but surely. Trying to, at least.”
“Y’know, if you wanted to, you could always talk with Ms. Kelly.” He sincerely spoke. “She’s, uh, she’s helped with a lot. I just, um- we just finished my fourth session. I’ve been seeing her since Thursday.”
You cocked your head in surprise. “Really?” He nodded his quickly. “You’ve been talking to the counselor?” You briefly spoke with Chrissy about her weekly sessions, but it had never been something you dived into for the sake of her privacy. Seeing Eddie Munson turn to therapy was exceeding beyond the expectations of what you had subconsciously set for him when you told him to get better.
“Yeah, it’s been helping me process things- my emotions n’ all.” Eddie smiled, because just last week, that would have been something he would have been embarrassed to admit. 
“That- that’s really great, Eddie. I’m proud of you.” Your eyes twinkled with admiration for his effort. “Yeah, I’ll definitely think about it.”
Once again, Eddie’s brain was short-circuiting under your highlighted features that were glowing from the setting sun. You could visibly make out his eyes raking your face before quicking peering into the parking lot, as to not look so creepy. “So… uh, did practice- is practice over already? You waiting for a ride? Need one?”
“Coach Hannigan let us out early after Jessica Lewis puked all over the field.” You laughed, as he grimaced. “The school’s lunch choice of lasagna was definitely not cut out for tumbling. But, uh, I’m just waiting for Chrissy.” You pointed across the parking lot, where Chrissy was speaking with her father. “I convinced my dad to let us have dinner at Benny’s Diner, and now she’s trying to convince hers.”
“Ah,” Eddie nodded, “y’know, speaking of lunch, uh, Dustin had some pretty- pretty interesting things to say about his little visit to your table.” He smirked behind a piece of his hair that he decided to play with to ease his nerves. 
You giggled at his antics. “Did he now?” You played around.
“Yeah, he said, uh- the little shrimp said you called him a cutie. Like absolutely wrote it out and everything.” He felt giddy inside that he was making you laugh right now. “And, hey, y’know me, I’m totally not the jealous type or whatever, but that little shit sure did have a blast rubbing it in my face.”
Despite the burn in your cheeks, you couldn’t stop the giggles that were coming out. “Oh, that reminds me,” you opened and dug around your cheer bag, pulling out a damn yearbook, “Nancy had stopped me before the end of the school day and gifted me this bad boy. You wanna be the first to sign it?”
Eddie’s eyebrows had creased his forehead with their sudden rising. “Really? Me?”
“Yeah,” you handed him the book with a retrieved pen from your backpack, where he began his work, “it’ll also give you good leverage over Dustin, and he’ll be begging to sign mine once he finds out you did.”
Eddie laughed, as he scribbled onto the white page of the book. “Y’know, if you need me to talk to Nancy, I could probably convince her to let you back on the committee.”
“Are you crazy?” You huffed out a chuckle. “I committed treason against Nancy Wheeler, I’ve been exiled from the land of Yearbook Committee, there’s no hope of going back for me.” 
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He smiled, as he continued his writing.
“Do you have a really long middle name I don’t know about?” You tried peaking over the book, but he simply scooted away. “Hey, what’s taking you so long?”
“I gotta make this special for you, sweetheart.” He grinned over to you. “Not every day a pretty girl asks me to sign their yearbook.” 
You bit your lip to suppress the ever growing smile on your face, as your cheeks heated with fluster. And soon after, Eddie finally handed back your yearbook, where you were met his three-worded message, and an adorable little sketch of a pretty princess being protected by her knight in shining armor—coincidently sporting the lushes locks of a very metal hairstyle—who was saving her from the scary, large dragon:
For the prettiest princess in the land - E.M
Your finger delicately traced his harsh lines, and Eddie melted as he noticed your beaming smile shining brighter than the sun. “I, uh, I would totally let you sign mine, but see, I’m actually protesting the Yearbook Committee for the human rights violation they oppressed onto their ex-member. Totally standing in solidarity for her. And it’s definitely not because I can’t afford one.” He smirked.
“Oh, yeah, no, I totally get it.” you giggled. “Don’t worry, we’ll revolt against the tyrants of the student body government for their complicit association, and overthrow them for the proletariat.”
Oh my god, you were going to make his knees give out. 
Eddie rubbed his face with his hands to get it together, but his reddening face was peaking through his cracking facade of staying collected, and you loved it.
“Y’know, Dustin had also mentioned something else during lunch… something about you wanting to marry-”
“Y/N!” Chrissy shouted and waved over. “He said yes, come on!”
You turned to Eddie with the biggest teasing grin on your face. “Oh, saved by the cheerleader. Guess we’ll never know.” You smirked.
“You little-”
“I’ll see you around, Eddie, bye-bye!” You waved him off.
“Have a good night, princess.” He smiled back.
“Be careful,” You pointed to the pack of cigarettes that lingered in his hand. “I don't want you getting sick from those. That’d be awful, Eddie!” You shouted, as you walked away to Chrissy’s father’s car.
Eddie Munson had to run away immediately, his knees were beginning to buckle.
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byuqi · 10 months
Note
hello sorry to bother you. i saw ur requests were open and wanted to ask if u could write a fluffy scenario with nct dream, where they ask their s/o (female reader) to scratch their back when they get an itch, and she happily helps them out?
EI’S NOTES: yes hi omg my first request!!
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NCT DREAM — THEIR LOVE FOR BACK SCRATCHES
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pairing: nctdream x fem!reader, genre: fluff, warnings: sexual joke at haechans one, thats all.
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마크 MARK LEE
— he would act like its normal honestly
— i feel like as soon as you started dating him, he kinda jus said like “youre stuck with me forever” and jus gets rlly comfy with you
— not like you’re complaining tho
— neways you two would be sitting on the living room couch right?
— and suddenly hes like “babe can you scratch my back for me” and turns his back immediately to you
— and youre like ??? okay
— as soon as you started scratching his back he lets out a sigh in contentment and closes his eyes
— ngl after a while it stopped itching, he just wanted you to carry on scratching
— soon he jus falls back into your lap and asks you to play with his hair instead while he falls asleep lol
런쥔 HUANG RENJUN
— he tried to make it not obvious at all bc he doesn’t wanna ask for your help
— in his opinion he feels as if he should help you and not the other way around
— so when you saw him kinda struggling to reach his back to scratch it you knew you had to help him
— it was lowk a cute moment too
— he jus had gotten out the shower and dressed in his pjs
— he was facing the mirror as he was busy with his skincare and then his back started itching
— you saw how he struggled so you softly got up from the bed and walked towards him
— you then placed your hand on his back and started scratching it
— his cheeks turned red as he made eye contact with you in the mirror
— “i had it” he would say puffing out his cheeks
— “im jus trying to help” would be your response as you placed a kiss on his cheek before you heard him say a small thank you before carrying on with his skin care
제노 LEE JENO
— i actually have the biggest crush on this man it isnt evens funny
— he would literally RUN to you if his back was itching
— the only reason is bc he knows how nice it feels when you scratch his back for him so he take any opportunity he can get
— “YN!!” jeno yelled as you heard heavy footsteps run towards your bedroom door.
— “mhm” you hummed as you looked up from your phone
— “my back is itching, can you help me” he would pout in attempt to persuade you
— you nodded as you smiled and put your phone down
— he immediately jumped on the bed and took his shirt off as he layed in your lap with his face in your stomach
— he sighed as you started scratching his back
— “are you rlly itchy? or do you jus want me to scratch your back bc you enjoy it?” you teased with a smile on your face
— “both” was his last words before he fell asleep
해찬 LEE HAECHAN
— this man would make such a joke of it and be playful
— like he would literally make jokes about it
— you guys would be cuddling when suddenly he jumps up out of no where
— then he would just start to try and scratch his back while sitting at the edge of the bed
— then he would ask you and ofc you say yes
— as soon as you say yes, this man takes off his shirt
— he claims its to “relieve the itchiness more”
— and as youre busy scratching his back he would make jokes the whole time
— “you know theres another way you can scratch my back” *smack* “OUCH YN WTF—”
— “yn pls its still itchy” “no you wanna tease me the whole damn time, fix it yourself”
— he would then after that cry (can confirm)
재민 NA JAEMIN
— he has my heart guys🥹🥹🥹
— he would be so romantic about it lowk
— but he also wouldn’t ask yk?
— like you two are in a picnic date and hes sitting infront of you watching the sunset while youre eating strawberries
— and he would literally jus out the blue try and put your hand on where its itching as a way of silently asking you to scratch it for him
— ofc you said yes
— while you were scratching his back, he would like lean back and grab a strawberry before feeding it to you as you carried on
— bro your smile is so big your like 🤭🤭🤭
— and then once you finished scratching his back, he turns his head to look at you and leans in to kiss your cheek before kissing you lips
— sigh
천러 ZHONG CHENLE
— he would be cute but also a bitch about it
— like he wouldn’t stop saying that hes got it and wont accept that YOU helped HIM
— not in a mean way ofc but he would be satly bc he likes to do things on his own
— you were lying on his chest when he started moving around alot
— you looked up at him and saw his face in discomfort and asked him whats wrong
— he would say some shit like “nothing” or “im good baby dont worry”
— but once he started to move again you were like okay maybe hes back is icthing
— and you were right
— bc of how stubborn he is you literally demand him to turn around after all the times he said no
— you told him he wont kisses from you and he immediately turned knowing you weren’t joking
— would be salty asf once you were done
— “i could have done it by myself but okay” and “i didnt need your help”
— “welp suck it up cus i helped you”
지성 PARK JISUNG
— he would be so SHY about it omfg
— like he would make it seem as if its a crime to ask you to help him scratch his back
— like he would hide it away from you from embarrassment
— you would be in the kitchen getting a snack or something to drink
— and you would see jisung walk in with his face red as he looks uncomfortable
— “hey ji whats wrong?” you asked as you put your stuff down
— “my back itching” he would mumble so you cant hear
— “huh?” “my back is itching, can you maybe help please”
— he would look down the whole time avoiding eye contact with you😭
— you would jus smile and ask him to sit while you scratch his back for him
— he would IMMEDIATELY get comfortable again and once youre done he will carry on like that never happened
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perm taglist — @ixomiyu @jencthy @kynrki @love-4-keum @coalalalinha @viagumi @enhastolemyheart @strwberrydinosaur @w3bqrl @zuyairus
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marc-spectorr · 2 months
Text
come alive
pairing: poe dameron x reader
kiss prompt: #22 …in a rush of adrenaline
warnings: 2.0k wc. mentions of violence, shooting, weapons. curse words.
notes: thank you to the lovely anon for submitting this prompt! i decided to make this its own post bc i wrote quite a lot. also i haven't watched star wars/written for poe in a hot minute so pls be nice to me lol. hope you like it!
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“What’s the escape plan?”
At the question, Poe shoots you an odd look that is quite concerning. “Escape plan?”
“Yeah, the escape pla—oh my god,” you say in a hushed whisper, blinking at him. “You don’t have one.”
“I don’t have one yet. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something quick and then—”
“—and then we get captured, locked up behind bars to rot or until they decide to—”
Your ramblings are cut short when Poe puts a hand over your mouth, gently shushing you. Three stormtroopers approach the stack of oversized crates, shrouded in darkness due to the absence of sun at this late hour.
You freeze and hold your breath, waiting for them to pass. Fortunately, they march right by without problem, oblivious to the fact that you two are hiding behind them.
As happy and relieved as you were when Poe first showed up to free you, you’re now back to thinking that you will die at the hands of the First Order. It’ll only be a matter of time until someone realizes their imprisoned Resistance spy has escaped. You’ll never get out of here, especially without a plan. You’re doomed.
You swallow thickly and try to distract yourself from the dread and panic clawing inside of you. You’re on the verge of hyperventilating. Glancing around wildly, you need to focus on something else. Anything.
Eventually, you have no choice but to settle on having your attention on the pilot’s stupidly handsome face. You keep your eyes on him, inhaling and exhaling deeply to gather your composure. All the while, you wonder— has he always been this good-looking up close? You have never realized how pretty of a shade his dark eyes are or how much they sparkle in the low light. You’ve never seen such thick and curly hair like his, and you have the biggest urge to card your fingers through it.
“Sweetheart, hey—relax,” Poe murmurs when you grow quiet on him, his watchful gaze flickering every now and then to check your surroundings. “Breathe. We got this.”
Poe has long dropped his hand from your mouth, but it remains on your face, cupping your cheek as he assesses you for any injuries. You feel your pulse pick up a beat. You’re sure it’s mainly from the threat of danger you’ve found yourself in. Certainly not because of Poe, your good friend, and crush ever since the day you joined the Resistance.
No, it definitely cannot be that.
“Okay,” you sigh out, nodding. You take a quick glance at the perimeter yourself this time, mostly to hide away from his gaze. “Now what? We can’t stay and hide here forever.”
“You’re right,” Poe agrees. He steps closer to you, his chest brushing against your back as he scans the area with you. “My ship’s past the tree line. Best course of action is to sneak out without alerting anyone. But if things don’t go our way, we use these.”
Slipped into your hand is a blaster. You take a deep breath and tighten your fingers around the grip. You hope it doesn’t come down to a shootout between you, Poe, and the dozens of armed guards patrolling the place. Violence isn’t really your strong suit. That’s why you preferred missions that involved laying low and gathering intel. Too bad your cover got blown on this assignment.
(And yes, you are still sore about that).
“I’m a shit shot, just a heads up,” you warn Poe. You turn around and bump into him, forgetting that there’s barely any space between you. He doesn’t make an effort to step away, and surprisingly, you don’t either.
Poe’s lips curl into a smug grin. He holds up his own weapon in his hand. “And I’m very much not. See, we’re a perfect match. On a scale of 1 to 10, how’d you rate my spur-of-the-moment escape plan?”
You bite back a chuckle and shake your head. Leave it to Poe to distract you from your worries, even if it only lasts a minute. In all seriousness, you have faith in him. He can be overly cocky sometimes, but he’s smart and skillful. You’ve seen and heard what he’s capable of. There’s a reason why you and plenty of others admire the hell out of him.
“I’d give it a 7.5, mainly ’cause I trust in your confidence too much. Plus, it’s not like we have other options.”
“That’s the spirit,” Poe beams. “Sorry if I worried you about not really thinking this through earlier. Once I found out you were being held out here, I kinda just... went for it, y’know? I didn’t have time to waste. I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”
You smile at him, ignoring how your cheeks are warming up against the crisp nighttime air. You’re touched by Poe’s statement. Grateful that you’ve crossed paths with someone like him. Who else would be this reckless and determined to dive into an impromptu rescue—or insane enough to risk their life to save yours?
The thought has your heart feeling tender, but you can’t get caught up in it at this moment. You and Poe need to make it out alive first. Fuck, now the nerves are starting to creep back in.
“Thank you. If we come back to the base both in one piece, dinner’s on me.”
“You mean when we get back,” he corrects. He holds his hand out for yours. “Deal. It’s a date. Alright, you ready?”
Poe’s question almost doesn’t register in your head after he refers to your dinner offer as a date. He doesn’t seem to be joking around. He sounds serious, and you don’t question it. You find yourself more than okay with calling it that.
Clearing your throat, you give Poe a slight nod, ready as you’ll ever be. Both of you have to get out of here alive. Your date depends on it.
Staying undetected as you move through the shadows was easy in the beginning. Few are out on patrol this evening, and when you do encounter someone, Poe manages to evade them. Surely this isn’t his first go-around at something like this.
You do your best not to allow your anxiety of getting caught to cause you to lose focus. The warmth of Poe’s hand in yours helps soothe you, an assurance that if anything goes wrong, you’re not alone.
When you spot your way out, relief floods over you. You tell yourself you’ll be home soon. That you’ll be back in your bed in no time, tucked under the covers, safe and sound. No longer would you be fearing for your life in the way you are right now.
You’re nearly there— the clearing is just within sight. Less than a hundred yards away more and…
Sirens suddenly blare. So loud that they ring in your ears and leave you disoriented for several seconds. The quiet of the night quickly descends into chaos as guards pour out from every which way. The radioed orders your ears pick up are clear and bone-chilling: they are searching for you, and if found, they want you gone permanently. 
“There you are, scum,” a trooper snarls from behind, weapon pointed at you. They’re about to pull down on the trigger, but Poe reacts much quicker. The blaster in his hand fires, and the man instantly drops to the ground.
You barely have time to process what happened when Poe grasps your hand tightly, holding onto it uncomfortably tight, but his touch is grounding. The two of you share a knowing look as the sound of distant voices and heavy footsteps grow closer.
“We gotta keep moving. Shoot anyone who’s chasing after us, got it?” He says, his voice a blur over the erratic pounding of your heart.
Poe doesn’t wait for your acknowledgment. He makes a mad dash towards the gate leading out of the compound. He wasn’t lying when he said he was not a shit shot, taking down a few men with such ease— they were no match for him.
Luck seems to be on your side tonight. The moment Poe tugs you past the gate, you run across the field and into the woodlands as fast as possible, the fastest you’ve ever moved. Your muscles are sore, and your head is dizzy. It feels like you can’t get enough air in your lungs.
Still, you run. You run and run, even if you’re starting to think that your legs will give out at any moment. You have to get as far away as you can from the place that has kept you captive. It’s your best bet if you want to survive.
Finally, Poe’s ship comes into view. He glances behind you, and you mirror his action, seeing that the guards have lost track of you in the dark. The relieved smile on your face remains for only a split-second, however. As soon as you turn your head back, you see the stormtrooper emerge from the thick bushes, aiming to shoot at an unsuspecting Poe.
It’s like everything is in slow motion. From you realizing that Poe is in imminent danger to the way you forcefully push him out of the line of fire and draw your blaster.
Adrenaline buzzes through your veins. Your chest rapidly rises and falls. You steady your hand even as it fights to tremble. Without thinking twice, you fire your weapon. The first shot narrowly misses the enemy, but the following two blasts hit them fatally, and they slump to the ground, unmoving.
Luck truly is on your side tonight.
You gasp a breath in surprise when a pair of solid arms suddenly wrap around you, your nerve endings still on high alert after all that has transpired. 
Poe’s gentle voice saying your name cuts through your foggy mind, and you meet his gaze. Your heartbeat continues to drum sharply against your ribcage as you stare at him for several moments, tracing the deep, worried lines etched on his face.
You don’t know what comes over you after. You’re unaware of what you’re doing until you’re right in the middle of it.
One second, you’re holding onto Poe—feeling some of the tension in your body seep out upon seeing that he’s okay, he’s unharmed— and the next, your lips are on his, soft and warm. Exactly the way you had imagined they would feel.
Poe doesn’t kiss you back right away; it is the only thing that snaps you out of this haze. Have you misread him all this time? He’s a major flirt, but you thought he was genuine with you. A knot of confusion and embarrassment forms in your stomach. How could you be so wrong? How could you have fucked things up?
You immediately pull away, taking a few stumbling steps back. Poe looks at you wide-eyed, mouth slightly open, but he doesn’t say a word. You glance down at your feet, not wanting to see his expression as you fumble out an apology.
“I-I’m sorry, Poe. I don’t know… I was just—”
You are interrupted when Poe lets out a breathless chuckle. He closes the short distance you had put between the two of you, his hands cupping your face, fingers stroking your cheeks ever so gently.
“Don’t be sorry,” he whispers. “I wasn’t expecting you to do that. It did feel very nice, though.”
Poe’s breath fanning warm over your skin causes yours to hitch. Before you can respond, he slowly leans in and recaptures your lips in a sweet kiss. Your heart stutters and skips for a whole new reason now. Something more electrifying replaces the fight or flight sensation surging within you, making you light-headed in the best possible way.
The kiss abruptly ends at the sound of dried leaves rustling and branches snapping from different directions. You notice faraway lights becoming brighter, no doubt more stormtroopers closing in on you and Poe.
“I’d like to keep kissing you, but we gotta go,” he laughs, nodding towards the ship. “The sooner we get back, the sooner we can go on our date.”
You grin in agreement and place your hand into Poe’s hand. Being with him makes you feel alive, like you can handle almost anything the universe throws at you. You could get used to this.
“Take me home, flyboy.”
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errihaienx · 11 months
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part two !
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Rintarō Suna reminded himself that he needed to be more patient with the miyas because you'd been so very close to them. He's been keeping his biggest crush on you hidden for years, and he's not going to tell either of the twins about it.
you initially met and became friends with osamu, but his twin, atsumu, was a bit closer to you now because of his more cheery nature. suna was aware of this, which is why he continues to keep up with 'atsumus shits'.
like now, atsumu's been whining for ten minutes now and it seemed like it won't end anytime soon. suna glanced at you, your bright smile made his heart thump. he's well damned annoyed to atsumu's nonstop talks but seeing you laugh and make fun of the blond guy erased his inward curses towards the older twin.
"been tryna get her digits but she friggin' ignored me?!?" atsumu whined.
"hey don't be too upset 'tsumu, maybe you're not her type? we girls have types, you know.. "
suna listened intently to everything you said; he's interested, so very curious. he looked at you again, and this time you caught his gaze.
damn she's lookin' at me, can we just kiss already? were his first thoughts. still staring at each other, he slowly gave you a nod, and you smiled in return. he planned on making the eye contact last longer but atsumu-the-forever-interfering-bastard got in his way, he snatched your attention, well he better say something interesting!
"oh what's yer type then?" atsumu curiously asked, and suna can't believe it but he's actually praising atsumu for asking that. his intervening was a bit helpful after all.
although he's eager to know your 'type' he's nervous as hell, many variables have been crossing his mind. what if you're too specific on your type and it seems like you were describing someone? how could he handle that? or what if he's literally to far from your standards?
"uhm.." you sucked in a breath before your gaze went to suna, he was staring back so you looked away.
"you're literally the opposite of my type 'tsumu," you responded, stealing some glances to the fox-eyed boy.
"like suna?" osamu interrupted.
atsumu gasped, your eyes widened, suna coughed, and osamu deadpanned.
"what?" osamu added, his brow shot up.
no one dared to talk so atsumu laughed, "'samu yer such a mood killer" which made the younger twin show up a middle finger.
suna couldn't look at you and so are you, the twins are really troublesome. suna's thoughts were bombarded with many questions and what ifs.
after a little while had passed and you had decided to walk a different route from the other three, you waved and bid them farewell. suna's eyes were fixed to the ground, refusing to look at you as atsumu hugged you. osamu waved in response.
atsumu smirked and whispered, "hey yer such a sly fox, ya been crushin' on her don't ya?"
"shut up douchebag" = yeah bastard, it's been fuckin' years
"how can ya be noisy 'n nosy at the same time?"
"fuck off 'samu! ya know damn well that i'm ^@#^@#^@#&^#^&#@"
suna disregarded atsumu's following litanies because he was preoccupied with you—with your soothing voice, your beautiful face, and the sparkling eyes he was able to capture looking back at him.
to get closer to you, he'll have to increase his patience with the twins from now on.
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this was just another random thought since I'm inlove with Sunrin lol. Anyway, I'll be reaching 100 followers very soon and I can't wait to share the content I've been working on for this milestone! Thank you very much. Always be careful, my loves!
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astrologylunadream · 6 months
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Your Crush's Biggest Secret?!🤫💖⁉️ (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)
Hey it's Lunadream!💗 We're gonna learn your crush's biggest secret!☆ Do they have one? We're going to find out!☺ hope you find your message💌
Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)
Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of your crush, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🌸💞
Pile 1🕯
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Pile 2 👁
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Pile 3 🛍
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Pile 4 🏩
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Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡
On to the readings —> 💕
Pile 1🕯
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Sign energy: Early, Foreign, Ability, Collarbone, 3rd house, Saturn, Fire, Water, 4th house, 6th house, 🌃💐🎨🧩
💞Your crush's energy: Your crush could be very young or you might know them from early years, I'm getting vibes that this is someone you knew. Your crush could be a foreigner or someone who is from a different background or culture than you are or vice versa. This person is most likely young and they have friends they really care about, you might know them from school or work. For some of you this person has a disciplined nature to them and they could be very closed off, also they are a very artistic and creative person. They can also be logical or be very good at things, they are most likely well rounded. They might be hard on themselves or others but only out of care, they might have already found out about your crush if you haven't told them yet! They are very perceptive and they pick up on social cues fast. They may live in the city or go there for work, may also have a foreign job and might speak another language.💫 Your crush is also very romantic at heart and they have a nice collarbone aswell~😊
🤯Their biggest secret: Feel, Options, Pretty, Binded, Together, Taurus, Air, 6th house, Sun, North node, 🍰🧎‍♀️💚🤯 Okay so if some of you are wondering if they have feelings for you, it's a definite yes!🎉 Your crush's biggest secret is that they've decided who they want to spend the rest of their life with oml and that someone is pile 1 my oh my🥰 They secretly think you two just go together and they don't feel complete without you, they aren't them without you🥺 Your crush may be keeping from you the fact that they have feelings (didn't I say they could be closed off?😮) so they're just like keeping that to themselves lol I don't think they're a dishonest person nah they just don't feel like the timing is right to tell you "oh hey I think we're meant to be and I wanna marry you" lol they don't wanna just tell you that so they're waiting patiently for best timing possible, I think right now a lot is happening for both of you and they don't wanna mess things up for you. Also they think you're really sweet and pretty omg, they see you both together. Lots of taurus energy so patience and loyalty in the future I can see commitment and they're keeping this a huge secret oh for some of you this person might want to propose to you or they have a huge gift for you!💐 They're keeping it a big surprise until the perfect moment~💞
💌Messages from your crush: It's no surprise, Everyone wants me, I could stare at you forever, I think I like this, You saw it coming, Please don't be jealous I'm all yours, I'm holding back, I wanna make you jealous (Okay so your crush might have been making you jealous just to see if you want them but now they're holding back on that so take what resonates but I definitely see a test has been going on here lol🤭) Extra cards: Stomache, June, Past life, Distance, Dive, Juno, Aquarius, Scorpio, Water, Vertex (This is a fated/destined connection for some of you too)
I hope you enjoyed your reading🌷 If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the candle emoji🕯~ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞
Pile 2👁
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Sign energy: You, Control freak, Target, Jealous admirers, Friends, Sun, 2nd house, North node, Juno, Taurus, ⚡✌😓⭐
💞Your crush's energy: so there's heavy earth/taurus vibes here even a little virgo so yeah this could be an earth sign or you could be too, maybe you guys both have a lot of earth in your chart.🗻 I sense a lot is going on around you two, and a lot of your crush's time and a lot of their energy is being spent by those who are jealous of you two. You guys have a lot of talk centered around you as a couple lol geminis are all over you two rn💬 This person is really popular I'm hearing "all eyes on them" and it's funny because this is pile 2 with the eye so yeah that makes a lot of sense now. In fact for some of you I feel like you and your crush both could have some bad rumors running around, you guys could have many haters but your crush may also have many admirers who don't like seeing you together. Your crush has a lot of people in their life but they're very picky okay so they don't want to make the wrong decision especially romantically but also who they decide to keep in their life. This might be someone who easily does things for others because theres such a chill energy to them they just don't try to start any conflict without reasoning.😇 Your crush could have many people wanting to use them for various reasons likes paying for stuff or asking for advice all the time like your person is just so patient with people in need of their help. They might have sun in the 2nd house or taurus placements, maybe leo in the 2nd house aswell so they could be a cancer rising for some of you and that makes sense why they have such an open and caring approach to others😩💖
🤯Their biggest secret: Hold on, Inactivity, No contact, Desert, Hater, 2nd house, Mars, 5th house, Aquarius, Uranus, 💜🌃🎡🐅 Your crush honestly could be planning to cut everyone off, like they're tired of people taking advantage of them and you so they're really discretely like, thinking about cutting off contact with those people. If you have a love hate relationship or a hostile one they *might* be wanting to cut you off but I only see that for some of you, like if it's a toxic relationship and they've stayed in it for way longer than they wanted to because I just feel like this person is so lenient and they might have realized that they haven't put up enough boundaries. Your crush's biggest secret is that they're done letting others take advantage of them, they don't want to say it publicly but that's the decision they've made so they may even try to physically distance themselves from these people for example like moving away or switching jobs whatever the case but they know they have to get away from things that aren't serving them as of now.🤚 They won't let everyone keep talking about you like this so they are stepping up and taking action. They are gonna be shifting into this sort of tiger energy so maybe they don't want to be nice to strangers or just anyone so they're putting up their boundaries they aren't letting down their guard anymore. This secret is something that they know the people around them won't like or maybe won't want to happen because it's like when you get so used to something everyone will kind of be surprised that like someone as tolerant as pile 2's crush would never feel this way but it's a huge surprise, this could even be a surprise to you as well for some of you this could be expected. Your crush is fiercely loyal to you so they aren't going to let others push you guys around or try to pry you apart anymore, they're shutting them out and taking you with them😤 I'm getting "us against the world" vibes from you guys and it's so romantic omg💗
💌Messages from your crush: There's so much to say, I can't leave you, I never realized, it's all fake, Do you want to? Don't compare yourself, You made a mistake, I'm playing with fire, Extra cards: Above, Water, Change, Throne, Couple, Uranus, Capricorn, Libra, Leo, Mars (They're rising up for a change, and they want to be a power couple omg nothing's going to stop you two👑)
I hope you enjoyed your reading⭐ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the eye emoji!👁 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞
Pile 3🛍
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Sign energy: Inability, Black, Singer, Subconscious, Travel, 6th house, 4th house, Virgo, 7th house, Scorpio,😫🎉😘💭
💞Your crush's energy: Okay so this person is most likely a very busy person haha they may have a busy work schedule or there's just a lot that they feel like they have to do. Your crush may have been raised in a family where they had to be responsible so like they learned from an early age things aren't easy. They could be a singer or like singing, this could be something they do as a hobby or their job. This person is very caring but a lot of it comes from loneliness so they could be clingy or touch deprived.☹ Your crush could be very unavailable and for some of you I'm getting they may already be in a committed relationship. This could be with you, they might feel alone in the relationship like you don't give back what they give. They always worry about their significant other if they have one, also this person has strong virgo energy so they could be a virgo or a scorpio with virgo in their chart aswell any of the signs above libra, cancer any of those could have significance. They could have darker skin or like to wear black clothes, I feel like it's their comfort color🖤 They might not know you like them if this is someone you aren't dating I really feel like they don't know you yet or maybe this connection isn't something they are aware of yet. Pile 3 I feel like your person thinks about you a lot subconsciously you're sitting in the corner of their mind like all the time lol😂
🤯Their biggest secret: Sweet, Drive, Out, Only time will tell, Dragon, 5th house, Chiron, Libra, Water, Earth, ✌🧤🥠💁‍♀️ Your crush's biggest secret is that for some of you they might really stuck in a big decision, I'm seeing libra and the 5th house that this could be an indecisive about their hobbies or creativity. If they are a singer or entertainer this could be affecting their relationship with you. They want you but they need to focus on their career too. So they're keeping this drama all to themselves omg🙊 Your crush is contemplating the right decision, they can't stop thinking about you and it's making it hard for them to push you away. If they're trying to commit to something that needs dedication you are definitely tempting them to quit lol. They secretly want you but they also need to work on themselves, so they don't want to tell you what's going on and it makes them feel so lonely!! If they are very busy they just want to break out of routine and visit you omg🥺💗
💌Messages from your crush: Too bad, I love you, I can't concentrate, You are my favorite song, Of course, Whatever works for you, You don't need me, I don't care what they say, Extra cards: Practical, Resist, Stomache, Karma, Chains, Water, Scorpio, 10th house, Aquarius, North node, (They're trying so hard to resist you because they want to be sensible but they can't help it😞)
I hope you enjoyed your reading~♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the shopping bag emoji~🛍 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💘
Pile 4🏩
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Sign energy: Event, College, Fairy, Innocence, Ending, Aries, Lilith, South node, Sagittarius, Air,👠👫🥰🐏
💞Your crush's energy: Ohh okay so one or both of you guys could be in college right now or this could be someone you met during college. Your crush is a wild adventurous person and very interesting to be around!😋 They are usually pretty direct and they may not have much of a filter lol this could be someone who curses a lot they aren't afraid to tell it like it is.😎There aren't many people who don't enjoy their company but they could be a little wild sometimes and they might cause tough situations for you guys. You might have met them at an important event in your life or like a milestone (think when you got your driver's license or turned 21, for some of you it may be when you graduated or got a job). They may have a great sense of humor and light up the room. Your crush could look like a fairy or have a pixie cut aswell. They're kind of rebellious and they don't care what people think all that much, you guys could both be very innocent but this might be the person you loose a lot of innocence with too🙊 This is definitely someone from a certain time in your life, and they may be someone very important that you look back on. This could be your first love.
🤯Their biggest secret: Addiction, Eyelashes, Feel, The one, Pessimist, 6th house, 7th house, Juno, Leo, Moon,🥊🤞❗🎢 My oh my pile 4 your crush has a big secret I mean this is something they really wanna keep hidden but they secretly want to be with you!!🤩 They might have an addiction to you omg they think you're the one!! They want a relationship with you, they see you as marriage material. They want to be the sun to your moon~🌙💞☀️ Another thing is you might have rejected this person and maybe you some of you regret that so here we are😂 I think that's only for some of you though. It could be possible that your crush is hiding violence for whatever reason it could be you, them or someone else or it could be something as simple as they're secretly into boxing or a physical sport they don't want you to know about. You make them so emotional and they don't even cry that much they're usually pretty happy but you make them feel so many new ways and feelings they never felt before💖 Your person could be really hiding their intense feelings for you, that's their biggest secret!🤭❗They have fantasies about you they keep reaaally hidden too. They may also have reoccurring concerns about this relationship and might not express that because they're afraid to be a downer, they wanna be the life of the party and so they don't openly discuss their problems or emotions they've just been ignoring them. Also this person may be very forward with you due to their excitement when they are with you, they jump into things a lot without putting much thought😅 So they might even spill to you their secrets out of no where like tomorrow or some time soon it could be so random with them lol be prepared things are gonna get unpredictable🌋
💌Messages from your crush: I want to show you off to everyone, Let me go, You're so sensitive, I can't control myself, I found the one, I could be your future ex, I wish I could stop thinking about you, I think we should meet, Extra cards: Laughter, Mad, Care-taker, Daily, Sweet, Sun, Cancer, 6th house, North node, Gemini (They really want a future with you🥰)
I hope you enjoyed your reading~!!💗 If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the pink hotel emoji~🏩 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌙
Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸
Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3
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syddsatyrn · 2 months
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Chapter 1 ⛤ Chapter 2 ⛤ Chapter 3 ⛤ Chapter 4 ⛤ Chapter 5 Masterlist
⛤Pairing: - Eddie Munson x FemReader
⛤Warnings: Swearing, drinking / smoking, fluff, friends to lovers. This is probably gonna end in smut.
⛤Words: 1.4k
⛤Song: "Photograph" By Def Leppard
⛤Summary: Moving away from Hawkins was the biggest mistake of your life. You left your best friends and forgot to stay in touch. Years later, you decide to hit up your good friend Steve. Its time to make a plan and make amends. The one thing you didn't expect was feelings to resurface when you saw your old highschool crush.
⛤Notes: This series is 18+ Minors scram. Special thanks to @hellfiremunsonn, I am a wreck without her, lol. This chapter is a little short. We are doing a slow burn, ladies , gentleman and nonbinary friends. Next Chapter will have Eddie in it I promise! Please check out Chapter one before you start this one. Thank you!
⛤Chapter 2: Pulling Strings You walk into work early and meet up with your manager. You explain that you need a week off to visit family in Hawkins. They calculate your vacation time and approve it, it's official! In two weeks you're going back to your childhood hometown. You asked a couple of coworkers to help cover your shift and got lucky, they both agreed they could use the extra hours. It was the longest two weeks that you've ever experienced. You passed the time with some shopping for your trip. You made sure to get all the essentials, and a couple of new cute outfits to bring too. You visited your mom and told her all about your plans, she's excited for you! She even sent you off with a little extra money, just in case.
Everything appears to be falling into place. The anticipation is killing you. But you start to find yourself thinking about Eddie quite often. You thought about his dark brown eyes, and how shockingly cute he was when he smiled. Back when things got difficult with your family, Eddie was always down for some late-night talks, listening to you vent for hours sometimes.
The night before you left, you spent time packing, calling Steve, and confirming some minor details. You took a shower before bed and watched some late night TV. When you finally decide to turn in, you crawl under the comforter and try your best to get some rest. Even if you still feel a huge pit in your stomach.
—--------------
You're beginning to think you should have packed lighter as you hauled your bags down to the car. You load everything into the trunk and settle into the driver's seat. You take a deep breath and start the car, the engine roars and you hit the gas. There's no next time, it's now or never. Time to take a leap of faith and do your best to be a better friend. You might not get another chance. The sun shines through your windshield as you turn the bend, the fresh Indiana air is crisp and clean. As you see the “Welcome to Hawkins” sign, your body starts to tense up. You try to recall the directions Steve gave you in the correct order. You turned onto main street and kept on until you saw the blue apartments named “Hawkin’s Heights”. You pulled into the parking lot and backed into a parking space carefully and cut the engine. 
It took you what felt like forever to get out of the car. But after a few deep breaths and some time to mentally hype yourself up, you are ready. You walk upstairs and follow the numbers until you find apartment 106. You knock on the door and it instantly opens.
“Y/N! I’m so glad you made it!” Steve looks completely thrilled to see you. He scoops you up into a hug and pulls you inside the apartment, shutting the door behind you.
“Hi Stevie” You laughed “It’s so nice to see you!” Steve finally lets go and you recognize the other familiar face in the room. It was none other than Dustin Henderson.
“Oh my god, Dustin?! You’re like…all grown up!” You can't believe how mature he looks now. You give him a massive hug, he's taller than you now. Time sure does fly, kids sure do grow up fast. The boys head downstairs to help you lug your bags inside, thank goodness you didn't have to do that alone.
Once you get inside you notice the boys are taking your stuff down the hall, and you follow them. Once you walk through the threshold you immediately know whose room this is.
“You’ll be staying in Eddie's room. He comes back from tour in two days so you’ll see him then. I’m sure he won’t mind at all.” Steve explains so casually like it's no big deal.
“Oh god, I couldn’t just take his room. I would feel so bad. What if I take the couch?” You ask with a nervous laugh.
“Can’t, Dustin is on the couch. His mom went on this singles cruise. Even now I’m still somehow babysitting.” Steve laughs and Dustin scoffs at him. Your face turns a little red at the thought of sleeping in your high school crush’s bed.
“Don't listen to him, Y/N, my mom is just paranoid.” Dustin retorts as he follows Steve to the kitchen.
They both leave you to order some pizza and give you time to settle in. The room is truthfully very clean, there are Metal posters all over the walls, along with flyers from shows he’s played. He has some Christmas lights hanging for some ambiance. You take a seat on his queen-sized bed, it feels really comfy. The back comforter and black pillow cases were so him. There are guitars hanging on the wall, a couple of guitar stands, and amps off to the side.
I guess it can't be helped. You'll have to deal with it for now, maybe you can crash at Robin’s later. You shut the door and find yourself some lounge clothes to wear, settling on a pair of shorts and a large Metallica t-shirt. After brushing out your hair and setting out some clothes for tomorrow, you decide to join the boys in the kitchen.
“We got two large pepperoni pizzas,” Dustin announces, Steve opens two beers and offers you one. You gladly take it and grin as you see the label.
“Did you buy my favorite beer on purpose?” You ask, poking fun at how much of an accommodating host Steve can be. When the pizza arrives you all settle down in the living room and watch some late-night sitcom. Steve tells you all about the lengths he's gone to get everyone to gather here.
Nancy is coming to visit with Johnathan, they are staying with her parents. Robin has no idea you were here, Steve had to come up with some ridiculous excuse for her not to show up today. Eddie called to tell him when he would be returning in a couple of days and Steve had to play it cool like nothing was going on. He told them we were throwing a get-together at the Hideout but didn't mention you in the slightest.
“Wow…Look at you pulling all the strings.” You clapped softly and Steve took a little bow. You were truly impressed with his ability to put all of this together. “Thank you, Steve. This is so cool of you.”
“It was nothin’ really. You called and I had to make it happen.” He shrugs with a half smile. You hug your friend and decide to excuse yourself. You had a long drive and it was exhausting. You walk back to Eddie’s room to turn in for the night. When you look over at the nightstand you see a pack of cigarettes, half empty. Eddie used to bum you cigs when you hung out at his trailer. You flash back to the time your Dad was drunk and acting out, arguing with your mom. You ran off to Eddie’s place and your mom almost called the cops.
You grabbed one out of the pack and used the lighter next to the ashtray. You opened up a window and placed the cigarette between your lips and lit it. The taste was like shaking hands with an old friend. It was smooth and you almost feel bad for breaking your 3 year streak but also, one won't hurt…probably. That same nostalgic feeling you felt opening those boxes came flooding back in.
We were just teenagers, there were so many signs that he was head over heels for you but you were naive, oblivious, and it hurt you a little. Neither of you had the guts to say anything to each other. A regret that made you feel shameful to say the least. You’ve wondered if he still has feelings for you or is he off having the time of his life with his groupie fangirls?
When you try to define this feeling it's next to impossible, you feel a sense of anticipation. It's like you’re eager to relive some feelings, or longing for a simpler time. You take a few drags and try to wave the smoke and your insecurities out the window. You can't wait to see Robin tomorrow. It's time to get some sleep, you have a feeling you won't be getting much for the rest of the week.
You put out your cigarette and shut the window, turn out the light, and finally crawl under the covers. You have to admit, his bed smells really good, like fresh linen and men's cologne. It made you feel especially comfortable, and it didn't take long to ease into a deep slumber. You could get used to this kind of contentment. 
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41kyu · 1 year
Text
my heart is glowing, it’s glowing up
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scara x gn!reader (valentine’s day special yay)
fic is abt: fluff, modern au, scara hates romance lol, scara despises valentines day, scara confesses his feelings to you out of impulsiveness, also this is like short lol
i wrote this 3 days ago sorry if i keep posting
title is inspired by newjeans’ omg if you can tell
UNRELATED WHILE YOU READ THIS. LISTEN TO DREAM BY SEVENTEEN AS YOU READ!!! 😊😊😊 i just like the song my bad
Valentine’s day—a day where couples spend time with each other, show different acts of kindness, give each other gifts as a sign of love language. Not only couples, though. Friends do give each other gifts as well platonically. Hence, everyone thinks it is a special day for love itself.
You’re quite the person who’s not used to recieving gifts, in fact, you’re more of the giver rather than the reciever. Whenever you recieve something from other people—whether it be a gift or a gesture of love—Hugs, or even a kiss on the cheek from your friends, or people who admire you, of course you’d be hesitant at first; but then realize it’s not that bad to recieve love and affection from people whom you’ve given the same exact thing.
But there will always be that someone who makes your heart beat faster—someone whom makes you feel something else. Romantic, not platonic. Not as friends, but in a way where you want to stay with that person forever. People seem to call it a ‘crush’, people will say it’s just a phase.
However, your friend Scaramouche has hated the idea of romance since then. He hates how people are so touchy and clingy in a public place and sometimes would roll his eyes on them. He hated the idea of falling for someone and vice versa—someone falling for him. He hated how his friend, Tartaglia would constantly talk about his crush at school. He’d kill anyone who dare talk about it.
…But then, the biggest shock came to you. One time, Scara surprisingly asked you a question you never expected him to ask.
[ Flashbacks ? ]
“Have you ever been in love, [Reader]?”
Your eyes widen and glare at him in response.
“What’s with the face? I’m just asking.” Scara furrows his eyes and leans back on the couch.
“Well, I’m just shocked someone like you would ask that, don’t you think? You’ve always rejected romance in your life.”
“But to answer your question… Yes, I have. I currently am, actually. But I don’t know if you’re interested to listen.”
“Go on.” Scara sits rather in a more comfortable position. He seems to be eager to listen to you.
“Well—I like someone, although I’m quite confused about my feelings. It’s an endless distraction. I’m always stuck between the idea where I want to date that person or just stay as friends since I don’t really want to break the bond between the two of us.”
“He’s quite of a bitch sometimes, but most of the time he’s really caring towards me. He comforted me when I needed it. I don’t know the exact reason why I started to like him, really.”
“I can’t really say I’ve fallen in love, but I’m on the process of it I suppose.” You smile back at him.
“Is that so..?”
“Could you tell me more about this person you like?”
Scara’s curiosity grew more and more as you admitted that you have an interest on someone. Usually, he doesn’t give a shit about who likes who, whether it be his friend or you. But how so sudden is he curious on who you like?
“It’s a secret! Although, I’m planning to give him a gift tomorrow. Valentine’s day.”
“Tsk… I forgot about that day. Whatever, I don’t care anyway.“
“Are you sure? Hm, how about you? Have you ever been in love?”
Until the day of Valentines came, Scara was nowhere to be seen in the other classroom he’s in. You even asked his friends where he is, yet they have no idea either where he currently is.
After school, you went directly to his house (which was a few walks away) to give him his gift. Of course you didn’t want this day to end without everyone being able to recieve their gifts from you.
“Who’s ther—Oh… [Reader]! What brings you here?” Scara stands there in nervousness.
“Hello, Scara~ Why were you absent today?”
“Oh, also, Happy Valentine’s day. I made you this.” You hand him over a paper bag with three crocheted sunflowers.
“What is this? For Valentine’s? But we aren’t a couple?”
“Aren’t we not allowed to give gifts to people whom we like platonically?” You cross your arms at him.
“You’re… So annoying…” Scara averts his gaze.
“Huh..?”
“You… Why do you make me feel this way? You make me feel my stomach twist every time I see you—It’s like I always worry about you when I shouldn’t even. That’s not the usual thing I do! I even got jealous when you admitted you like someone! I just want to move on! I hate this feeling, I hate you… I hate yo—“
“There’s no need to be jealous if the person I was talking about was you.” You held his cold hands.
“What…?”
“Well, I guess that means you’re in love. That answers my question from the other day.”
“Happy Valentine’s day, Scara.”
an: OUGHHHGGGG happy valentines day everyone!!!! i wrote this 3 days ago and spedran it today hoping i cld finish it (has two tests tomorrow)
i always thought of scara as someone whos constantly rejected affection in his life and hates it when someone shows it to him except if he likes thag person lol (tsundere)
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jessaerys · 6 months
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Opinions on DirkRose?
so when i was 16-18 in high school i was briefly in this very tightknit three person online friend group with me + this extremely popular homestuck artist at the time + their best friend that i quickly developed a crush on. and this online friend roleplayed dirk at the same time i was roleplaying rose (a rose from the same timeline as whom is probably the most famous dave strider roleplayer in the history of homestuck rp. but that nuclear fallout is a story for another day) in the wild wild west that was the 2012 homestuck rp landscape on tumblr (aka the multiple timelines theory)(at some point my rose was involved with, like, a marius pontmercy. yes from les mis. and also a genderbent rose in an ambiguous almost selfcest situationship.)
anyway so i asked her if she wanted to ship our rp characters which was very "baby's first time asking for what they want" of me, and she said yes, and dirk and rose wrote each other a couple of inter-dimensional letters that were quite beautiful and poignant at least in my memory. the vibe was "very traumatized young adults find an equally jaded and verbose kindred spirit and they tentatively show each other the vulnerable side that they can't show anyone else through the safe distance of penpalship" so of course the rp brain chemicals were INTENSE (by the way the three of us were in a slightly larger skype group chat with a couple of other tumblr friends, whom ocassionally would make "you and alex should date lol!" jokes. my fragile teenage psyche was convinced it was going to happen)
but anyway the writing was super slow and i knew that this friend was much more into dirkjake (and VERY hung up on our other friend/her best friend) but whenever i could hold her attention she seemed to be interested in our writing
her dirk had a poetry sideblog (i want to say cringe in retrospect but honestly. at the time i thought it was some elevated literary use of the medium. and it probably was) and i would check it CONSTANTLY trying to decipher if anything new dirk posted was about my rose, but the posts were too vague for solid conclusions
anyway long story short for what was probably somewhere between months and a year (can't recall) i lived in that rp brain chemical addiction thrill-of-the-chase hell state surviving on kernels of character interactions and fantasies about dirk and rose, like i'm talking emotional-support OTP levels of emotional investment. the daily emotional rollercoaster was insane. it would make or break my day depending on what vague poetry dirk strider posted
until ONE DAY.... I FOUND OUT.... she had been rping dirkjake with our OTHER friend/her best friend for a while AND JUST DIDN'T TELL ME. BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET ME. I WAS HEARTBROKEN (these weren't multishipping type blogs. you had one character timeline and by god you stuck to it)
i legitimately do not recall what i did re: the dirk ordeal, but i do remember that at some point (the timeline in relation to the rp drama is long lost to the sands of time) i confessed and she rejected me and i felt soooo led on which was probably a product of this friend being so conflict averse. i was in a crying or close-to-tears state for about a day and a half which i recall very vividly because at the time it was by FAR the biggest social heartbreak of my life. a solid 36 hours of "i'm going to feel like this FOREVER and my heart will never HEAL" teenage angst. i remember it so viscerally lol. especially because my parents straight up didn't notice. but that's an entirely different can of baggage
anyway eventually i met my then-girlfriend and the three person friend group drifted apart. much later i found out they had felt soooo betrayed but what was i supposed to do. third wheel them as the least important person in the group forever??? i think at some point the three of us hung out together for an afternoon when we happened to be in the same city but it must have been completely unremarkable because i don't remember any of it.
anyway what was the question again. yeah dirkrose is fine
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ryuichirou · 7 months
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I find it so hard to ship Floyd with someone. Which is Ironic cuz i ship Floyd with quite a lot of characters (Riddle, Yuu, Deuce, Azul and so on).
It's the ship itself that's making it difficult for me, no, it's Floyd! There's always something nagging me at the back of my head. I can't picture myself seeing Floyd in a long-term relationship. I have a feeling he would lose interest or find someone else. i can only picture him in an on-again, off-again relationship, or is it just me?
It's the same with Jade, too. He doesn't seem like the type to be interested in a romantic relationship. i don't ship him with anyone actively.
Then there's Azul, who I believe would be either possessive and controlling or either too busy for a relationship.
in conclusion, the octavinelle trio are a red flag 🚩
We agree with you, Anon! The Octavinelle trio really is a red flag, each and every one of them lol
There is some room for interpretation for almost any other characters, but these three are pretty much undatable.  Just like you said, Floyd doesn’t feel like someone who would be in a long-term relationship or even be interested in it. We like to think that while Riddle is the closest thing that Floyd has to having an actual crush, he wouldn’t make him want to “settle down” even after 10 or 20 or even more years of their on-and-off fling. And while Floyd is wild and chaotic in a way that he could be with everyone and no one at the same time whenever he feels like it, Jade is definitely not interested in romance at all. There has to be something in it for him to get involved with someone, and that thing is better be good and so interesting and amusing that Jade just can’t afford himself to lose this possibility.
And Azul is a narcissist whose schedule is way too packed with events and meetings to leave any time for such useless thing as romance LOL so yeah, this is why Floyd feels kind of like a forever-bachelor to us, and our biggest ship with Azul is AzuIde in which these two are together out of convenience.
Out of the three of them, I would say that Azul is someone who could actually fall in love. But the Leeches? Nah.
That doesn’t make all of them less shippable with other characters though, but I guess we just don’t always see “a ship” as a proper committed relationship.
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bluskye-27 · 2 years
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OH MYYY!!!! I loved the one with Sabo “and then sashayed away” I LOVED IT!!!! (From RuPaul’s Drag Race right?)
And don’t worry about the timing, you don’t have to worry about it, there are things more important then a request from a stranger!!!
So how are you feeling?? And (for my own curiosity, you don’t have to respond) how did go with your friend (the one that found this page that is not a one piece fan)?
On another note: I have another request (what a surprise right?)
Can you please do some headcannons on how the op man (if you could include Zoro, Sabo and who you want) would tell their friends the news that they are in a relationship with s/o or if they prefer to keep it a secret at the start and then tell when they know s/o and him are compatible or just keep it forever a secret???
Thank youuuuu!!!
~✨
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Zoro, Sabo & Ace with Fem! S/O in a secret relationship!
Summary: Deciding to hide your relationship status, you and your boyfriend both face the consequences
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Roronoa Zoro:
- Bold of you to assume that this idiot can be discreet 🙄
- It was painfully obvious, your chemistry with Zoro that is
- Since it's your first relationship ever, you ask Zoro to keep your relationship a secret until you feel comfortable enough to tell the crew. He agreed, but at the cost of giving him kisses XD
- The crew always see you guys together, whenever Zoro's training in the crow's nest, you were there; whenever you guys explore an island, you were holding Zoro's hand so he won't be lost; whenever he got injured, you were the one to tend his injuries. So yep, you guys are too obvious except to Luffy :0
- You and Zoro were having your bonding time up at the crow's nest, the mosshead just finishing his daily dose of training, when Zoro suddenly kissed you, taking you by surprise.
- A loud gasp suddenly took your attention, seeing that Luffy was gaping at the both of you.
- "ZORO! WHY ARE YOU EATING Y/N'S MOUTH! ARE YOU A MYSTERY CANNIBAL??"
- His voice was so loud the whole ship heard him XD
- Zoro sighed while you hide your flustered face against his chest, ears steaming in embarrassment.
- Once you guys went down to the deck, you two decided to tell the whole crew about your relationship since Luffy basically announced that you guys are kissing but to the idiot captain, he thinks Zoro's "eating your mouth" lol 😂
- "Yeah, we know. You guys are too obvious!" They chorused, laughing at you and Zoro. You and your boyfriend sighed in relief, looking at each other happily. Until-
- "So Zoro's actually a mystery cannibal! Cool!" Luffy gawked, eyes sparkling in amazement.
- "NO, YOU IDIOT!" *whack!" "OWW!"
- Yeah, you're glad that the crew accepted your relationship with Zoro but really, why wouldn't they?
Sabo the Revolutionary:
- You and Sabo recently got together and decided to hide your relationship status from everyone
- You two would exchange loving looks secretly and even the man gives you quick pecks when no one was looking, leaving you to be a blushing mess the whole day
- "You know, you and Sabo would look sooo good together. If you know what I mean~" Koala giggled, punching your shoulder lightly. "You should date him!"
- "Ha-ha! You're right, maybe I should." You chuckled nervously.
- Koala is definitely your biggest shipper ever. She even self-proclaimed that she's your wingwoman!
- Koala would try to leave you and Sabo alone to give you some "confession time", giggling mischievously as she watched from the bushes, squealing silently at the two of you.
- You and Sabo caught on Koala's plan so you guys acted like you're not dating and were just basically crushing on one another.
- But when Koala's not looking, you two were laughing and were terribly amused by the girl's cluelessness XD
- But that amusement quickly turned into annoyance when Koala kept on pushing the two of you into one another and then make romantic jokes all the while. You guys love Koala since she's your bestfriend but her constant ear-piercing squeals were getting on your nerves.
- So Sabo had enough, swooping down to kiss you suddenly, taking you and Koala (who's urging you guys to go on a date) off-guard. Then the idiot would pull you into a hug and smirk at Koala
- "We were actually already in a relationship but decided not to tell you (⁠^⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠^⁠)"
- Then the poor Koala passed out, embarrassment consuming her entire being for being fooled by you guys this whole time
- You and Sabo just laughed at the girl XD
- You evil bastards XD
Portgas D. Ace:
- Another one who can't keep a damn secret XD
- Like Zoro, Ace decided not to be discreet when giving you his loving attention which the whole crew were shouting at the two of you to get together already
- But you guys still kept your relationship a secret since you guys don't wanted to be the crew's teasing target for the whole week
- Ace almost ALWAYS slipped out your relationship status but quickly tell a terrible lie to cover it up lol
- "Hey, baby!" Ace grinned at you but quickly realized his mistake. "Hey, baby turtles! They're so cute! Hahaha!" What a terrible liar. You're Luffy's big brother, alright smh
- Thatch and Marco would be snickering everytime Ace did this XD
- Unbeknownst to the two of you, the crew already knew about your not-so-secret relationship, yeah, even Pops!
- Heck, they even betted on who'll reveal your relationship first, you or Ace. Most of the crew betted on Ace since he's a loudmouth XD
- It was Pops' birthday and Ace decided that you and him should tell the whole crew about your relationship status. You were skeptical at first (having a gut feeling that the crew already KNEW about you guys), and Ace mistook this as nervousness so he told you he'll do the talking
- And talk he did, expecting loud gasps and astonished faces but what you got was loud cheering and laughing, money being passed around XD
- "Took you two long enough! Gurarara!" Pops laughed, downing the booze in his right hand.
- You sighed as Ace was shouting profanities at the crew for betting on your relationship, pouting as to why they didn't told you guys that the crew already knew XD
- But the crew just laughed, dismissing Ace's childish tantrums while you're at the background surrounded with teasing nurses, flustering you greatly >⁠.⁠<
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Hello, ✨ Anon! Hope this HCs is to your liking! And no, I just randomly thought of the "sashayed away" part with Sabo XD
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flanpucci · 4 days
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I already talked about why I love Pucci on a logical sort of level but I didn't get in depth about what I think and feel about him as a character and why he stuck with me enough to get him permanently tattooed on my skin so I'm gonna get into it a little bit. Feel free to skip this one because it's not really analysis and delves a tiny bit into interpretation/headcanon so I guess it's more blogposting than anything.
To be honest although I really liked his design and the cool black representation he is, and Whitesnake was instantly my favorite stand, I didn't like him right away, I thought he was a little bit of a weirdo in his introduction scene with Miraschon, and it took some time for him to grow on me. His design and themes land right in the middle of stuff I've been interested in since forever (Christianity, the moon, space, technology, arts, science...) so of course I had an interest in him. I remember that I really liked the fact that even though he's a priest he's knee deep in the occult with the green baby and making Foo Fighters etc, I thought that was super interesting. It took me til the end of the part to root for him, and then when he was defeated, I realized that I wasn't as happy as I should have been lol.
I guess one of the first reasons why I was touched by Pucci on a personal level is that I felt really strongly empathic towards him, and his behavior and actions just let me feel like I caught a glimpse of his many emotions inside, even though he has a thick facade. For example, his loneliness felt very real to me. Having lost most of his family, and his dear ones by his own fault, them being taken away from him, him choosing to live a celibate life in the clergy, shutting himself in a prison for the biggest part of his life... His self inflicted suffering just saddened me a lot deep down inside. He's also got big existential dread, wondering about the greater purpose of his life from his childhood. Isn't this something that touches everyone at some point?
But not many people have their entire beliefs about their existence and identity crushed at a young age in their life. Pucci, when his brother is found out to be alive, has everything that he built himself upon, his justification for being alive, completely shattered. It then turns into tragedy, yet he seems to find a little hope and comfort with Dio, only for them to be crushed again when he dies. And then he holds on to this impossible grief for 22 whole years, unable to accept that his fate in this world is to suffer so much loss. We don't see him sad after his sister died, we don't see him cry or flinch. Living his life in this manner, he surely had to have a lot of pent up emotion, which he surely dealt with by dissociating them from himself and pushing them onto Whitesnake. But not entirely, it's a little 'see-through'. When you think of it, he's amongst the most 'perfect' characters in the series, he's superior, composed, poised, tightly upkept, articulate. He has both an advantage in status and seniority in age over almost everyone in the part. He seems to be well adjusted and respected by people working in the prison, and in the city. Yet he's also very faillible, often prone to panic, he begs for his life at multiple times. Scenes like the frog scene where he slips and messes up the prime number count because there are frogs on his expensive pants make him reek of humanity when otherwise he could easily feel 'out of reach' and inhuman because of how superior he is (like let's say, Kars is, which is a lot of his appeal though!). Same when I recently discovered his watch is worth several thousand dollars. It felt like peeking into his true self right through the wall of righteousness that he built to protect himself and further the plan. His bad sides and inclination towards cardinal sins are really fun to watch and try to notice. That's also why I don't like when people pass him off as a good person, because to me he's really not, he wouldn't be half as interesting if he was! But he's not completely evil either, and as Weather tells him, being so sure that his evil is necessary for a greater purpose is what makes it even more heart breaking to me.
On top of that, his quirks and unique traits make him both very endearing and relatable, especially if you happen to have similar ones! In my case counting has been my primary means of shutting down anxiety attacks for years now, and when I saw him do it too, I automatically felt really drawn to him. Same goes for his ramblings in the worst moments, they made him really stand out, and I felt drawn to him because of some examples he used that hit close to my interests. If you've read my other analysis maybe you know that I tend to interpret him as autistic and so this hits close to home too. In the same manner, the fact that such a cool and powerful character grew up with a canon disability (in his foot) made me feel happy as a disabled person.
There are scenes where he expresses love and devotion very directly and in a raw way, which is very rare, and was also surprising because of how indirect he usually is to make a point... His love for Dio however you wish to interpret the nature of it is deep and sincere and rooted in both despair towards his impossible situation and the hope that maybe another miracle could occur and turn things around for him. I thought the evolution of the way he talks about Dio was really interesting and it moved me to see him very attached to his dear friend. Also the scenes with Dio let us see how sweet and interested he is when he's with someone he gets along with, and how different Dio behaved towards him made me like Dio a lot more too.
When I watched Stone Ocean I had just finished The Outer Wilds and FFXIV Endwalker, and in a way these 3 pieces of media hit the same nerve in me. I was thinking a lot about the purpose of existence and the end of the universe, so I really wanted Pucci to fulfill his potential and go as far as he could, taking the entire universe with him, breaking every rule of his world and becoming bigger than the story itself. It's still how I see him and why I admire him a lot. I was very shaken by his death and the part it played in the entire series. In a sense I get the feeling that he was obsessed with destiny because he knew he was created to do something, and he was right, he was created by Araki only to suffer his horrible backstory, to have everything taken from him. But his extraordinary inability to accept it pushed him to break the wall of the story and try to subtract himself from it, while opening everyone's eyes on the cruelty of the (fictional?) world they live in, and giving humanity the possibility to be at peace with it. The first time I saw the ending, I was completely crushed by the weight Araki put on him, making his total erasure from the world the only condition for everyone's life to suddenly become better, almost perfect. I was disgusted that it was expected from me to be happy that the world was finally rid of him when it all started with an impossible to predict chain of events. Now that I look back at the ending, I think maybe I misunderstood it, and I've decided to believe that he maybe was freed from the curse that was his existence in the story, and that he took upon him many of all the 'wrong' that was in the original world, making it all right for the other characters. I hope Perla is happy in the new universe... Even though this is probably just delusional coping...
Although I feel sorry for Pucci and wish he could have solved his problems differently, I'm glad the story is sad as it is because otherwise I wouldn't have felt so deeply for him. In a sense I felt his pain so strongly that I was instantly drawn emotionally to find a way to 'solve' his situation, he's like I tormented soul that I have to appease, and that's why I pick up a pen and draw, write, or spread love and wholesomeness. That's also why I draw him peaceful or sleeping most of the time, why I bring my plushie to see nice things 😔🫶 I also get a lot of different feelings coming from Araki's way of drawing him throughout the part, and I think Pucci was a character that Araki learned to love and understand along the way too, instead of liking him from the start like he did Dio or Jolyne, but he probably was a lot to handle even for him lol.
Jojo's been one of my favorite mangas for more than 7 years now and I'm so glad Pucci was the last boss for it, embodying and carrying in him the legendary Dio without being overshadowed by such a legendary character, while giving the story and Dio's character the last missing piece of the puzzle to truly tie things up nicely. Saying goodbye to him and to Stone Ocean after watching it also meant saying goodbye to the universe that I had loved and enjoyed for many years so it was bittersweet. In any case he's the peak, the climax, the strongest and has permanently changed the course of one of the best mangas in existence with his actions, and I take a lot of pride in my taste and the fact that my favorite character is the one who did all that haha 😫
And lastly I'd like to say that even if it's not really related to Pucci as a character, this last year that I've been active in fandom, liking him as pushed me to develop my skills, I started drawing, got back into writing, went on trips cause I wanted an excuse to bring him to the Louvre, go out of my way and explore new places when I made that collection of pictures representing the 14 words, made friends, I'm going to Japan soon and I'll be bringing him with me to meet them, he has fueled my imagination and given me more inspiration than I've ever felt, and I'm forever grateful for that. It is not easy nowadays to feel very intense positive emotions, life can be stressful and tiring, so I'm thankful that liking him has given me the push I needed to start doing many new things, interest myself in the wonders of the world, go to church, explore my city, go see art, travel, feed my mind with knowledge and beauty. Heck I even listened to that Handel's CD, it was wonderful. And read an essay on prime numbers when I have math dyslexia!?
I don't know how much deeper I can get without sounding completely off my rocker so I'll leave you guys here, hope you enjoyed and feel free to tell me how you relate to your favorite characters and how much they mean to you!
Fame redraw for illustration by me~
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If someone was new to your tumblr page, what series is the first you’d recommend to a newcomer? (Or even an order if you’d like lol)
Oh, what a fun question! Um... you know honestly, I think it depends on what you're looking for? I'll give you a quick rundown on each. Please note all of these contain smut.
Also in addition to my series, my one shots are all on my masterlist and organized by character.
Crush (Javier Peña) - Most Popular
After eight years in Colombia, Javier Peña is finally back home and hoping to keep his head down. Although you were fourteen and harboring a schoolgirl infatuation when he went away, you and your crush are now all grown up and it’s proving hard for Javier to ignore.
Content Tags: Age Gap, Secret Relationship, Small Town, Family Dynamics, Inexperienced Reader/OC
Friendly Fire (Joel Miller) - Most Feral
Thirteen years after the world ends, your family is still hunkered down on their property, protected by a series of alarms and traps put in place by your father even before the outbreak started. Though close calls have been frequent, you grow used to surviving until the night you are finally discovered. Now on your own and away from home, you find your biggest threat to save everything you have left is a man who has already lost it all.
Content Tags: Age Gap, Inexperienced/Virgin Reader, Peril, Possessive/Protective Joel
Read You Like a Book (Marcus Pike) - Coziest
When Marcus Pike is called to Chicago for a short-term assignment, he never expects to meet someone who makes him want to stay forever. Is this Marcus’s chance at home?
Content Tags: Mystery/Rom Com, Very Cozy, Found Family
Adversity (Frankie Morales and Ezra) - Smuttiest
On your own and far from the home you once knew, you find unlikely allies right when you least expect them and soon learn that they have plenty to teach you.
Content Tags: Western AU, Age Gap, MMF Relationship, Inexperienced/Virgin Reader, Teacher/Student Dynamics
Opposition Series (Din Djarin) - Feistiest
Your adventures and arguments with the Mandalorian Din Djarin.
Content Tags: Feisty Reader, Power Dynamics, Possessive/Protective Din, Forced Proximity
Forest Ranger Frankie (Frankie Morales) - Most Indulgent
After your morning hike, you stop by the ranger station looking for help. You find more than you expected.
Content Tags: Triple Frontier AU, Risk of Getting Caught, Cozy Escapism
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robotlyra · 4 months
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Psss, since you're an old school Tenma enjoyer (tbh I think I had a crush on him since forever, I just didn't know or accept it lol) why do you like him? What's your favorite thing about Tenma? Or about his design or his personality?
I think the reason why I like him is because I have a history of liking characters who are passionate, dramatic antagonists, and 2003 Tenma was definitely the most dramatic out of the character's history. Also, I have a tendency to get drawn to characters who are authority figures/parents who end up estranged from people they love due to having difficulty processing their own complex emotions or psychological foibles, but eventually reveal their vulnerability and need for love when they finally put the work in to understand.
2003 Tenma's biggest issue was that due to his background, he didn't understand how to connect with other people when they disagree with him (one of my reads on him is that he's on the spectrum, and he has high rejection sensitivity, so he has a history of isolating rather than risking being hurt). He made a toy teddybear as a youth that told him exactly what he wanted to hear emotionally because he had no friends, he got obsessed with becoming the spiritual leader of robots when they struggled for independence for their unquestioning fealty, he kept repeating his conflict with Tobio through Astro, demanding his love. For whatever reason, he isn't completely equipped to understand that sometimes people who care about each other can have differences of opinion, and sometimes you have to let someone you love be a different person than you expected them to be. Some part of himself believes that no one really cares about him, and that he deserves to be hated. I find that tragedy really sympathetic for many reasons, some of them on an intimate personal level.
On the aesthetic level, I also can't deny his classic Mad Scientist design vibes are very handsome, what with his penchant for long sweeping jackets, purple and black palettes, and his features looking like an elegant bird of prey
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