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#Former Abuser can get fucked though but i still hope they are doing what they love and are alright and have gotten better
legendary-pink-dot · 7 months
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(Some kind of) addiction
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Pairing: Francisco "Catfish" Morales x female reader
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Angst, and lots of it. Themes of emotional addiction, but no drug/alcohol use or abuse or violence.
Word Count: 682
Summary: You never thought you had an addictive personality. Until you met Frankie.
Notes: Not sure what precipitated this, but I had to get it out of my head. Dedicated to my dear @youandmeand5bucks
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You never thought you had an addictive personality. Until you met Frankie.
It started out innocently enough: a few dates, late-night hookups, slowly spending more time together but not too much. Your life is full of friends, hobbies, a demanding job -- you didn't need him. Marriage and kids were not on the agenda. Fixing him was also not on your to-do list, and he welcomed the distraction of you so he didn't have to focus on fixing himself. But you did crave the sex, and once you got a taste, you started to wonder how you would ever go without it again. Doing anything silly to jeopardize cutting off the supply, like catching feelings, was unthinkable.
It wasn't just in how he ate you out (expertly). How many orgasms he gave you (many). How compatible your kinks were (very). Or even how he ruined you in bed (utterly). The real hook was his lack of inhibition. Without the restraints of Feelings holding him back, he was able to be feral, free and unhinged with you, yet always respectful of your lines and stopping immediately when the safeword was brought out. 99% sure he would never be abusive or violate your boundaries, the unpredictability of the remaining 1% enough to keep you excited and on the edge, tinting an already wild fuck with an extra forbidden flavor. There's a reason he'd been in elite special ops; you knew what those hands were capable of.
This is your symbiosis. It might not pass with flying colors the test you give yourself for most important decisions: "Is this enhancing my life, or distracting me from living it?" But it's not ruining it either, you think. As if you could be objective.
Inertia takes over for three months. Six. A full year goes by, and still, you pretend you're good with what he has to give you. Wanting more would change things, and he doesn't offer it anyway. Hope would create expectations, and if you both don't have them, then you can never be disappointed. You have full and busy lives, after all.
You exist together in that state, half solid and half liquid, until he disappears without warning for 2 weeks, in what you find out later was to South America. Some trip with his former Delta Force buddies that you suspected wasn't a holiday, but you didn't ask, and he didn't tell. All you knew was that he returned as someone else.
What gave it away wasn't the rare clean-shaven face or the wacky Hawaiian shirt that he showed up wearing, but a dark aura that ringed him like a cloud of dust. As usual, he didn't want to talk about it; when he showed up at your door, you figured all he wanted to do was fuck you raw in a bid to temporarily forget whatever he just ran from. You welcomed him in.
But the person that fucks you isn't the Frankie you know. This one uncharacteristically pulls you into his lap, sliding his cock in and out of you with more restraint than he'd ever shown before, kissing you more deeply and intimately than you thought him capable of. Even the thumb he gently runs along your cheek and jaw as he gazes at you feels different, like it had been broken and reshaped, though there aren't any visible bruises. For the first time, you feel utterly naked in front of him. Worse: you like it.
Not what either of you signed up for. Especially when he buries his face into your neck and whispers, "I need you," wrapping himself around you so tight you almost can't breathe. All of this after he comes, not before. Not even during.
Liquified under you, the ground is no longer solid. You don't even have time to silently ask yourself the inevitable "Would this distract from my life…" before your subconscious speaks for you.
"I'm here," you yield, twisting a curl around your finger at his nape and melting into his grip. "You'll always have me, Frankie."
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xxsp3llb0undxx · 1 year
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A Mothers Instinct
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Ellie Williams x Mom!Reader [3.4k]
Summary: Ellie finally meets her mother after 14 years, though it’s not under the best circumstances. // Based off of Episode 8.
WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF SA ,, MENTIONS OF ABUSE ,, BLOOD ,, MENTIONS OF NEEDLES ,, PURE FUCKING SADNESS ,, SWEARING ,, VULNERABLE ELLIE ,, TLOU AU ,, DAVID ,, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE
Unedited, probably a few mistakes here and there.
MASTERLIST TLOU
Every day was just like the next - wake up, prepare food for the people of Silver Lake, sit in on David spreading false hope around the small community, sleep and then repeat. Y/n was what you would call 'The Leaders Mistress' or at least that was what David called her. when the outbreak first occurred, Y/n travelled from one QZ to another; somewhere between DC and Boston, she had fallen pregnant to a baby girl; she was still young herself, only 18 years old. Not knowing what to do, she have given up her baby - which she had named her Ellie. Y/n turned to her best friend at the time and asked her to keep an eye out for her babygirl and to find someone to take care of her. Marlene had promised to do her best, which she had lived up to until Y/n no longer got anything on the radio from her. She never knew what happened, if Marlene had been captured by FEDRA or worse - infected.
David was up front, as always, preaching about how GOD would protect those in need.
Revelation 21. "And I saw a new heaven and a new Earth. For the first heaven and the first Earth were passed away. And I heard a great voice out of heaven say, 'Behold... the tabernacle of God is with men. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."
His voice droned on, the citizens of Silver Lake listening to every word he spoke, even though they have heard it about a thousand times by now. Hannah's cries could be heard at the back of the church, David stopped speaking and walked over to her. He had asked what the next part of the verse was that she had interrupted, she shook her head, David sighed before continuing "And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes... that there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither will there be any more pain... for the former things are passed away." He watched as the young girl wiped away her tears, her head pointed at the floor; avoiding eye contact with the man. "When can we bury him?" The man she was talking about was Alec, her father. He had been murdered when him and three others of his group went to the old university to scavenge supplies, it didn't end well - Alec had his neck snapped and his body left to lay in the snow.
David shook his head and told the girl they couldn't bury the dead because the ground was too hard to dig and that they had to wait till spring. Hannah's mother was another of David's mistresses, but the difference between her and Y/n was, she didn't have the privilege of being able to leave the grounds of the settlement, she had to cook and clean while Y/n had free roam of the woodlands around. Once their afternoon gathering was over, David had pulled Y/n outside telling her he needed to have a word. She never liked being alone with the man, he would always force her to do things she never wanted to do. If she refused him, he would only get violent; littering her body with bruises and cuts, she had to hide them so she could keep up the act of being his 'Mistress', the leader of the people. James had interrupted David and Y/n, she let out a shaky breath, thankful for James interrupting what would've been another night in hell.
James went on to tell David about a possible sighting of deer a couple miles east, he knew the community needed more food, they couldn't continue to eat the bodies of their fallen soldiers. Y/n refused to eat the food that was distributed out everyday, saying she wasn't feeling well and she couldn't stomach it, but the truth was; she didn't want to stoop to the lowest of the low and eat the people she had protected all these years. David had told James that both of them and Y/n would go out soon and check, James had started walking away as David had shouted after him telling him to grab the guns.
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Ellie was in the basement of some rundown house, the horse Ellie had being given when she had left Jackson was in the garage, it was the only safe lace to leave him. Joel was laying on a thin, ratty old mattress, his wound inflamed and infected. Ellie tried giving the older male some water, resulting in him coughing. She needed to do something, she needed to find food for the both of them and something to treat the infection. "I'm gonna be right back, okay?" Ellie had carefully given Joel a hug before leaving the basement and making her way to he garage to feed Callus, the horse, before setting off to find food; Joel's rifle held tightly in her hands.
After a few minutes, Ellie had stubbled upon a white snowshoe hare nibbling on the very few leaves left in the forest. The sound of her footsteps scared the creature off, running in the other direction; Ellie just a few steps behind. The young girl had lost the animal in the snow, she was tired and out of breath from chasing it; she thought about giving up until the sight of a deer caught her eye. Ellie lay down on the ground, the rifle hoisted up on a log in front of her, she turned the safety off and took a deep breath in before exhaling - BANG! The bullet had pierced right through the deer's leg, it hobbled away leaving a red trail behind it. Ellie got up and ran after it, she followed the blood that had started to seep into the snow.
The sound of voices made the young girl stop in her tracks, three figures were stood over the deer she had shot. Two men were talking about taking it for themselves while the woman beside them was trying to tell them it wasn't fair to the person who was hunting the animal. Before they could pick up the animal and bring it back to the settlement, a voice ripped through the crisp air. "Don't!" The trio turned around, Ellie had the barrel of her rifle pointed at them. "Drop your rifles." Y/n knew the kid was scared, the whole "big and scary" act was just that - an act. "Hey, kiddo. Do you mind putting the gun down please?" Y/n had her hands up in front of her as she took slow careful steps towards the young girl, as if trying to tell Ellie she meant no harm. "Back the fuck up. Don't come any closer or I'll put a bullet between your eyes." Y/n nodded her head as she stepped back a couple steps, apologising softly to the girl.
David tried to reason with Ellie, telling her how his group needed the food and he was willing to trade for it. Ellie perked up at that, asking if they had any medicine. The older man nodded his head and told James to go back to the settlement and get 2 bottles of penicillin and a syringe, James hesitate before he gave in and ran off. Ellie had made the remaining two to taken ten steps back as she advanced towards their rifles, ejecting the cartridges from the chamber.
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The trio were now sat in a barely standing cabin, a campfire in the middle of them as Ellie still had her gun trained on the two elders. "Where are your parents? They must be panicking with you gone." Y/n had only meant it in a nice way, she was just concerned as to why a little girl was out here on her own. "I don't have any parents. They left me when I was a baby." She spat, venom lacing her words. A sinking feeling made its home in Y/n's heart, she wondered what her daughter was doing right now; she prayed her baby was still alive, she would be about 14 now. David continued to make sly remarks as he spoke to Ellie, resulting in her being just as snarky back. David had said something that made Ellie panic, he told her about a member of their group being murdered and left outside the university and how he knew it was the man Ellie was with.
"James put the gun down and give her the stuff." He looked at David in disbelief, why would he let someone who had a hand in killing one of their people take something as valuable as medicine? "Now, James." He gave in and threw the bottles to the floor, Ellie picked them up and ran out of the building as fast as she could. After 20 minutes, she finally made it back to the house Joel was in. "Okay, fuck, where do I put this, Joel? Joel, where do I put this?" Her voice was shaking, she was on the verge of tears as she stuck the needle into the wound and released the penicillin, she just hoped it would work.
Once morning came around, Ellie gave Joel another dose of medication before going out to Callus to check on him. The sound of crows cawing up above alerted Ellie someone was close, muffled chatter could be heard from a few houses away, Ellie creeped around the area; her body pushed against the fence as she tried to stay hidden from the group turning the corner. Ellie ran back into the house and down into the basement, she place a knife on Joel's chest and grabbed his hand to take a hold of it. "Joel wake up. Joel wake the fuck up." Tears glazed over her vision, she was scared. "There are men coming, okay? I'm gonna lead them away from you, but if anybody makes it down here, you fսck¡ng kill them. You got it?" Ellie snapped her fingers in front of his face, trying to get him to stay awake. She huffed before getting up and leaving the basement, pulling a cabinet in front of the door to hopefully hide it the best she could.
The young girl turned and ran to the garage, she hopped onto Callus' saddle and raced off into the forest. "Hey, motherfuckers! Come get me!" her shouts caught the attention of 2 men from David's cult. The sound of shouts could be heard behind her and then a gun shot, she was flung off of the back of Callus as he tumbled to the ground with a whine. Ellie lay in the snow, blood running down the side of her head as her vision became blurry.
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When Ellie had woken up, she was in a cage; metal bars reaching the ceiling. "I started worrying you wouldn't wake up." David was sat in a chair on the other side of the cage, the side of freedom. He had a sick smile on his face as he spoke to her; asking her what her name was, why she was with Joel, if she would join him and the community. He gave up after an hour of her constantly telling him to go fuck himself, to go eat shit. David left her to her own devices, leaving the room to do god knows what. After a couple hours, the door opens again but this time it reveals Y/n with a tray of food. "Hey.. I know you're scared and you have every right to be, but I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted to bring you food and don't worry its not human meat." She didn't mean to slip up, it was an accident. Ellie looked at her with wide eyes, questioning her about what she had said.
Y/n sat down in the chair by the door of the cage, her hands interlaced. "What's your name? If it helps, my name is Y/n. Um.. I'm 32 and I had a daughter once, she would be around your age now." Ellie stared at the older woman in front of her, Marlene never told her what her mothers name was or what she looked like so for all Ellie knew, the woman in front of her could be her mom. The girl hesitated before decided to tell her what her name was "I'm Ellie, um.. what was your daughter's name?" Y/n looked at the girl in shock, it just had to be a coincidence that she had the same name as her daughter. There was only one way to prove if it was her or not. "Is your last name Williams..?" The young girl slowly nodded her head, looking at Y/n with a confused expression.
The older woman sat on the floor in front of Ellie, her hands slipped through the bars of the cage. She hesitated before speaking "You're probably going to think I'm crazy but I'm your mom, I was only a kid when I had you.. I didn't know what to do so I asked my best friend Marlene to take care of you til I was able to provide a safe environment for you to grown up in. I'm so so sorry baby, I know I shouldn't have given up on you.." Silent tears cascaded down her face, her skin flush. Ellie was frozen, she didn't know whether to be happy or fucking livid. Her pale hands grasped her mothers, holding tightly onto her in fear she would leave again. "It's okay.. I'm angry, I am but you had your reasons and- and I've had a very special person taking care of me and I think you'd like him."
The door opened again, David stood in the doorway as he looked down at Ellie and Y/n, his eyes narrowed at the woman. "What do you think you're doing?" Y/n got up and walked over to him, she knew she had to be careful with her words or he would lock her up just like he did with Ellie. "I was just coming to bring the kid some food.. I'm sorry." David cupped her face with his hand, his thumb grazing over a scar on her cheekbone. The feeling of his skin against hers made Y/n feel sick, she hated him. He asked her to leave so he could speak to Ellie alone, she hesitate before bowing her head and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.
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Shouts could be heard from the room as Y/n hid behind the corner, listening to what was being said. "Tell them Ellie is a little girl who broke your fucking finger, you sick fuck." David stormed out of the room, the door slamming behind him. His murmurers could be heard all the way down the hall before he had finally disappeared, letting Y/n know the coast was now clear. She slowly went into the room they were keeping her child and carefully shut the door behind her. Y/n lifted a finger to her lips, signalling for Ellie to be quiet as she pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the cage. "I need you to hide, you can't leave this room until I come back, okay?" Y/n held Ellie's face in her hands, checking for any marks left upon her. The girl looked up at her mom, her eyes spoke the words she couldn't.
Ellie had hidden under the table in the room as her mother went out to check if anyone was close, what she didn't know was David had come back and had Ellie pinned to the table, a cleaver pointed straight at her head. She squirmed in James' grip, trying to find the moment he let his guard down in a little. "Please. Please. I'm infected, check my arm. I'm infected." David rolled up her sleeve and saw her bite marks, which had now turned into scars. James was panicking, telling David to let her go, she was useless to them. That was when she struck, she pulled the cleaver from the table and shoved it into the crook of James' neck, blood oozing out of the wound. She kicked David in the face, making the older man fall back, and ran out the room. She found her way into the kitchen, picking up a small wooden log that was aflame and held it close to her, waiting for the moment David would enter the mess hall beside the kitchen.
The door to the mess hall opened, David had the bloodied cleaver in his hand as he walked around the area shouting out to Ellie. She threw the wood at him, he merely missed it before it had caught fire to the curtains on the windows. "There's no way out Ellie, the doors are locked and I have the keys." His voice made her sick, it was irritating and it hid a sadistic tone under the façade he carried. "I know you're not infected. No one infected fights this hard to stay alive." His back was now turned to the young girl, she grabbed a stray knife on one of the tables before stabbing it into his side. David screamed as he pulled the knife out, lunging at the girl; forcing her to the ground as his weight held her down. She thrashed about under him, clawing at his hands. "Oh, I thought you knew. The fighting is the part I like the most."
The sounds of screams echoed through the building, Y/n ran towards the noise. Ellie was on the floor with David on top of her, fire spreading around the mess hall. Y/n saw the cleaver on the floor near her, she picked it up and ran towards Ellie; using all her weight, she threw herself into David, making him tumbled to the floor. With the cleaver in Y/n's hand she struck down onto his chest, blood splattering onto her skin. "You do not get to touch her. You will never fucking lay a finger on my baby ever again. Just fucking die already." Her voice was laced with anger and sadness, every word harsher than the next. Y/n continued to slam the blade of the cleaver into his chest, blow after blow; blood flying in every direction. She turned towards Ellie after delivering the final blow to David's head "Baby, go outside. You don't need to see this, I'll be right behind you." Ellie obeyed her mothers wishes and left the building.
Y/n had cut David's 'manhood' off and threw it into the fire, as the last declaration of war. Once she had walked out the building, the sight in front of her would break any mother's hear. Ellie was shell shocked, she clung to the older man as he held her close. "You're okay, you're okay babygirl. I got you." Y/n walked over to the pair slowly, not to startle them. "Ellie, baby, I'm so sorry for what he did. I will never let that happen to you ever again babygirl." Joel's head shot up at the voice of a woman, he shoved Ellie behind him as he hid her from view. "Step back. Don't come near her." His voice was coarse, gravelly. Ellie pushed her way out from behind Joel, her stature slouched - making her look smaller. "Joel, don't. That's my mom and- and she saved me." Her voice broke mid sentence, fresh tears spilling onto her cheeks. Y/n opened her arms, embracing Ellie against her chest. She held her daughter so delicately, in fear she would break her like she were a porcelain doll. "I'll never leave you again, baby. I'm here to stay, as long as you want me to.. I love you so much and I'm sorry for not being around but I'm here now and you're not getting rid of me." Ellie cried into her mother's chest, clinging onto her tightly. Joel looked at Y/n and Ellie, a small smile on his lips; he was happy for them both. But what was he meant to do now that Ellie had her mom back?
"You joining the hug or not, old man?" Ellie's voice broke him out the trance, he made his way over to the duo and wrapped his arms around the pair. Y/n leaned into Joel and whispered to him "Thank you for protecting her.. I hope you can continue to do so, with me." Ellie finally got what she wanted, a family to protect and love her through this shitty world.
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A/N - My first Ellie fic, I hope you guys like it <3
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moa-broke-me · 6 months
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@yonemurishiroku so I'm pretty sure there was this post you made a few months ago asking for ideas on what to write, I responded with something like "Nico helps Percy escape an abusive situation that he's to scared to tell his mom about because he doesn't want her to be disappointed in him (even though she'd never react that way irl), anyway, found a post that goes with it so I wrote it myself, here!
(prologue by @imaginejercy, tw for rape)
Percy thought Jason was better than his father. 
He dared to hope that the son of Jupiter would accept the refusal and accept it, find himself another girl or boyfriend. 
But...
the hands on his wrists were firm and confident, someone else's knee rested between his forcibly spread legs, electric blue eyes shone with cold-blooded confidence.
— Hush, Perce, — soft lips gently touched his neck, goosebumps ran over his skin, — I will be gentle and affectionate, you will enjoy it if you don't resist and scream.
a few hours later, Percy is left lying on the floor with pain throbbing all over his body, painted skin and dried blood on his thighs.
Jason even kissed him and covered with his toga.
clutching the purple cloth to his chest, Percy burst into tears. 
truly the son of his father.
Percy never should've asked Jason to be his roommate.
It was months ago that this happened. Percy had just gotten dumped and started to date Jason, more out of desperation to be loved again than out of genuine attraction, though that was there too.
Percy quickly saw a side to Jason that he didn't like seeing. One that set alarm bells off.
He tried to get away- he tried.
And then...
So now, he had to deal with not just a breakup, but all of this trauma, both new and old.
This morning, his rapist was cooking eggs, and he was staring out the window, totally blank. He couldn't go to class today, he just couldn't. But he'd been feeling that way ever since that night, and he couldn't just drop out. So he pushed himself through.
He decided to go out through the other door, the one that didn't require him to pass by Jason in the kitchen, and potentially have to hear his voice. He sounded so nice, and Percy hated it. Ever since that incident, he's just acted perfectly normal, acted like it never even happened. It convinced Percy even further that nobody would believe him if he said anything. Because how could Jason, sweet, polite, lovable Jason... New Rome's former Praetor... The boy who took down Othrys...
Rape someone?
Especially someone as uncontrollable as Percy?
He was starting to wonder if he'd made it up himself. It was so...
Out of the blue.
And that's how he felt. Out of blue, out of the thing that makes him himself.
Empty.
Empty, like the printer Jason had thrown at him just a few days prior to the incident.
He can still remember his words. "I've told you over and over and over again, and you still haven't gone to get more ink, you fucking idiot! Do you want both of us to fail!? Just flunk out and work at a drive-through for the rest of our lives, is that what you fucking want!?"
He missed, but the printer hit the TV, and Jason got angry about that too.
That was when he decided they were breaking up.
So, maybe the assault wasn't as surprising as he thought.
Percy was walking aimlessly around campus, oblivious to everything around him, when suddenly he felt his body collide with the sidewalk, and saw his vision go black.
When he came to, everything still sounded like it was underwater, but he could see Nico standing above him. He was on his back, a position that still hurt sometimes thanks to that brutal, tear-filled night.
"Percy?" Nico asked. "You... You fainted, are you alright?"
Percy wanted to just say yes, get up, and move on. He really did. But he was so worn down, every night he had nightmares, about Tartarus, about Jason, about Gabe... He got maybe an hour and a half tonight, and that was lucky. And eating wasn't any better, he sometimes went two or three days without eating anything and not even notice, because he was so disconnected from his body. And Jason is the only one who knows how to cook, so when Percy does eat, it's usually just a bag of chips or something, because there's no way in hell he's eating anything Jason made. When was the last time he even showered?
Nico put his hand on Percy's wrist, now thin, with bones jutting out, from months of this routine. "... Are you ok?" He asked again, softer this time.
And Percy burst into tears.
(I'll probably do a part two lol)
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call-sign-shark · 9 months
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In the Heat of the Night || Modern!Arthur Shelby x Reader
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Summary: As if blazing summer nights weren’t already annoying enough, you’re here to make Arthur’s insomnia even worse… 
He's a former soldier and a drug addict trying to get better. You are an unhinged punk girl living in the streets. You weren't supposed to meet... And now Arthur's fate and yours are forever entangled. Check the Masterlist here if you wanna read more about AU Loose Cannon, Or how a blue-haired rebel wrecked a soldier’s life and stole his heart.
Words: 2.8K
TW: Quick allusions to sexual abuse
Notes: Each part is individual and can be read as one-shots in no particular order.
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A growl reached your lips as you rolled on your side, for the sensation of the sofa’s leather sticking to your sweat-covered skin was deeply irritating. Prior to coming to this country, you had been told that summers in the United Kingdom were usually not that warm. Somehow, you believed in the ever-lasting cliché of the UK always being under clouds and rain. Yet,  here you were, soaked up despite wearing nothing but your underwear. No matter how the windows were open and how many times you gulped cold water like some kind of thirsty girl lost in the Sahara desert, the hot air still felt thick and suffocating. 
You’ve been trying to fall asleep for hours now, but the temperature was preventing you from doing so and nothing seemed to work to overcome it. Besides, the huge malinois that was literally sleeping on you did not help in cooling down. When Arthur offered to take you home he had warned you about sharing the sofa with his dog, Hannibal, so you were more or less expecting him to sleep somewhere at the end of the couch,  What you did not expect though was that the dog would use you like some kind of pillow. Bringing your hands to your face, fingers clenched on your own skin, you kept yourself from screaming in frustration.  Moreover, the maddening sound of the living room clock was seriously rattling your nerves. No — it was definitely too much to handle. Gently dragging yourself from under the malinois without waking him up, you decided to walk to the bathroom to sprinkle cold water all over your neck and arms in the hope it would cool you down. You discreetly made your way through the corridor, your bare feet ghosting the floor as you moved in darkness like a swift shadow. Suddenly, an odd sound caught your attention and made you stop. It was coming from Arthur’s bedroom, whose door had been left ajar.  Even if curiosity killed the cat, you could not help but slipped your blue-haired head into his bedroom to check what was the cause of this mysterious background noise.  Suddenly your eyes widened, for you witnessed something you hope you’d have never witnessed.
“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”
Your voice roared so loudly in the room that Arthur sat up straight on the mattress in one movement, panic visible on his face and right hand ready to reach for his gun. The soldier’s piercing blue eyes had to scan you for a little while before his traumatized mind understood you were not an enemy coming to kill him, “Here we go…” Arthur’s shoulders relaxed. “What’s the matter now?! Can’t even sleep at night!”
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You screamed right away, storming into the bedroom. You were so infuriated that your skin heated up even more but you could not care less: what you had just seen deserved some immediate explanations, “You had a fan the whole time and you did not even tell me,” You said with the most outraged tone you could do, “Worst, you kept it for yourself and left me to die in the living room! You’re one fucking selfish motherfucker!” 
“Oi! Do I look like fookin’ Mother Theresa?! I  gave you a roof over your head and food on your plate! Can’t you survive without a fan? Now get yer ass out of my room, you damn crazy bitch!” He surprisingly yelled louder than you, his husky voice making the whole house shake. Still, you did not follow his order. When he saw that you weren’t moving, Arthur grabbed a pillow and threw it at your face with a perfect sniper aim, “And don’t you enter the room without knocking! Could have been jerking off and seeing your stupid face at that moment would have been a real turn-off!” The soldier grunted, just wanting to go back to sleep.
“The fuck did you just do? Are you crazy? You wanna die?” Your voice had become suddenly quieter when you emphasized each word of your sentence, right after that awful affront. In truth, you did not let him have the time to answer your question nor to insult you for you jumped on the bed as quickly as a jungle cat and immediately start to mercilessly beat him with another pillow, “THE FUCK DID YOU DO??” You repeated, giving in to your destructive rage — well, not that really destructive considering that your weapon was a soft and squishy pillow but still you did try to look convincing.
“FOOK!” Arthur’s hoarse voice exclaimed, more irritated than anything, “Stop it! Stop hitting me or you’ll regret it!” He tried to warn you but it had no effect — you were still trying to murder him through a great deal of pillow smacks. Little you know, handling your small and little body was something he could do with closed eyes. After all, he had beaten the shit out of a trained elite soldier, so a little psychotic Smurfette won’t impress him. But you were blinded by your rage, hence you did not take into account the fact he was part of the elite forces of Special Air Service. Nor did you notice the smooth way he positioned himself to, all of sudden, turn you around and overpower you without the slightest effort.  A little scream escaped from your lips as he dominated you. When you realized what had just happened it was already too late: you were firmly pinned to the bed, Arthur’s hands holding your wrists above your head and his body weight keeping you still, “What are ye gonna do now eh, little one?” He snarled, teeth bared and fury blazing in his sharp blue eyes. Now you were fucked. Your enraged pout suddenly turned into a shocked expression.
“Let me go!! Let me go!!” You screeched, wriggling like a snake under him to set yourself free but you knew it was vein.
Arthur’s lips stretched in a sadistic smile as he saw you struggling under his grip, “Did not expect you to be that weak eh?” He taunted, enjoying the moment and having fun now that the table had turned. Maybe it was time to teach you a little lesson? He brought his face closer to yours, his cold eyes diving into your irises and his scorching breath fanning over your face, “You know I could do everything I want with you now that you’re trapped in me bed? I could snatch your throat with my bare teeth… What do ye think, me cute little prey?” 
“Arthur, let me go!” The beating of your heart was now chaotic. It pounded so hard in your chest that you felt it was about to burst your ribcage. You started to quiver, feeling trapped. After all, you were so tiny compared to him…
“Want me to eat you alive?”  He purred in your ear, grinning like a hungry wolf. His husky voice sent tremors down your spine.  
And suddenly, it was not anger that was burning in your eyes anymore… It was terror. Genuine terror that coursed through your veins and petrified your whole body, just like a doe in front of a car’s headlights. You felt his bruising grip painfully tightening around your wrists.
 “Please… Stop…” You managed to beg, despite the almost choking lump in your throat.  It was all it took for Arthur to grasp the desperate tone of your voice and stop teasing you the moment he understood he had taken it too far.
“Shit!” He cursed, freeing your wrists and moving from the top of you to sit on the bed, “I’m fookin’ sorry, stinky rat. I was just playin’ ye know?” Slightly panicked at the sight of tears in your eyes, Arthur gently pressed his hand on your shoulder and helped you sit next to him. Still, you remained silent, requiring a little while to calm the creeping anxiety that had started to draw you into a pit filled with venomous bad memories. “I was just playing, really. I would never hurt ye…” Arthur’s gravel voice broke the silence, coated with the softest tone you had ever heard. Now he was starting to get really worried — he would have preferred  you to curse at  him, scream or even kick him rather than face your freezing silence, “Please, don’t be scared of me.” Something broke in his voice. Arthur wanted so hard to hug you but he didn’t want to scare you more, “I would never …”
“I know.” You cut him. Gently coming back to your senses, you looked at him and soon notice the gleam of fear that was glowing in his steel irises. A little sigh escaped from your still quivering lips,  “Tsss calm down, I wasn’t scared. I was just messing with you, fucker.” You mumbled, hoping he would believe it because, on the one hand, you did not want him to feel bad, and on the other hand you hated to display any sign of witness in front of someone. Especially a man. But unfortunately for you, Arthur was more than attentive to little details. And the way you had looked at him had betrayed your true emotions. Nevertheless, he did not want to hurt you more so he did not make any comment about it and just kept observing you to ensure you were feeling better, “Maybe you can do something to apologize like… I don’t know, giving me the fan?”
“Get fucked.” He straight off replied. As well as he wanted to make amend for the little fright he had just given you, giving up on the fan was out of question. Moreover, Arthur always tended to have a high body temperature, which rendered summer nights even more insufferable. 
“OH COME ON! Gimme the fan now!” You insisted.
“My ass yeah, you ain’t taking the fan out of me bedroom or I swear to God I’ll handcuff you to the radiator.” He threatened you, definitely breaking the brief moment of softness between the two of you. The fan was the house’s treasure and he wasn’t willing to let it go for the life of his.
“Fine, you’ve left me no choice.” You concluded. To be true you did not want to use this solution but you really had no other options left. Hereby,  you lay down on the bed and closed your eyes under Arthur’s confused gaze. Perplexed by such a weird move, he scratched his chin wondering what the hell you were doing.
“Eh?” He asked.
“I’ll sleep here then.” 
“What?!” Arthur almost choked at such unexpected news, “No yer not. Absolutely fookin no.” 
Confronted by the refusal, you raised your gaze toward him and bit your lower lip, crocodile tears suddenly filling your beautiful eyes like you had learned when cops sometimes caught you in the midst of a little mischief, “First you keep the fan. Then you hurt me. What did I do to deserve all of this? Do you really hate me that much, Arthur Shelby?” You lamented with the most heartbreaking pout he had ever seen in his entire life… And that was how guilt started to kick in. It was true he had scared you so, maybe, maybe, he could accept your request? Besides, he could not resist your puppy eyes.
“Fine! Just for tonight.” He said, defeated.
“YES!” You joyfully exclaimed in an almost frightening mood swing. You rolled on your other side to turn your back to him and closed your eyelids. All you heard was Arthur’s long sigh. At least you were shutting your mouth and he could go back to sleep without giving up on the fan.
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Silence had fallen in the bedroom for a while when Arthur woke up soaked up in his sweat and almost suffocating from the heat. He sat on the mattress, slicking his hair back, and understood the reason why the room was suddenly so hot: you had moved the fan during his sleep in a way that all the fresh air blew in your direction. Rolling his eyes, he fixed the situation by moving it to his side, “Better,” He grunted. He lay back on the bed. The thing was that the soldier had barely closed his eyes when he heard you moving the fan again.
“Are you bloody serious?” The gravel in Arthur voice made you jump, for you did not expect him to be awake, “If you move that bloody fan one more time...” He left his sentence hanging for more dramatic effect.
“But you’ve got all the fresh air!” You exclaimed, your tone adorably hoarser with sleep.
“Sounds like your problem.”
“Arthur, the fan’s small. I can’t feel the fucking air because you take everything.”
Another loud sigh. At first, he wanted to retort something but he was definitely not in the mood to argue with you anymore. Plus, he knew you would not have it. If he wanted to have some peace, Arthur needed a find a good idea right now — And he did find one, “You’ll be the death of me... ” He simply said. You were about to ask him what he meant by that when, all of sudden, Arthur’s long arms wrapped around your body and pulled you against him in a way you could both enjoy the fan’s fresh air. 
Your beings snapped together and your blood immediately boiled in your veins as his hips crashed against your bum, perfectly hugging your shape. An uncontrollable and feverish exhale escaped from your mouth at the sudden sensations as if someone had just lit a fire in your core.  Your thoughts started to bump into each other in your skull — should you punch him or should you sink deeper in this sweet, oh-so-sweet, and comfortable embrace?  You stopped breathing, focusing on every little sensation.
His chest against your naked back.
His breath caressing your neck.
His legs entangled with yours…
In less than five seconds, your whole body relaxed as if you had always meant to be there. Maybe that was why you instinctively snuggled a bit more against the soldier, whose musky scents and powerful grip made you feel safe. For the first time in your life, you allowed yourself to believe you were shielded from everything… Because contrary to everyone else on this damn planet, you trust Arthur with all your soul. You finally closed your eyelids, soothed by the fresh air and by Arthur’s presence all around you.  Admittedly his skin was warm and you were both covered with a thin layer of sweat, but it was far from unpleasant. Quite the contrary, you low-key wished to stay in his arms forever and surprised yourself by thinking you wouldn’t be angry if he touched you a little more… But you’d rather die than confess it.
“And I don’t hate ye.”  He whispered.
“Yeah. I guess I don’t either… But I prolly will if you tell anyone I’m the little spoon.” 
He could not help but chuckle, “Alright, love.” The way he called you “love” made you feel fuzzy, “But yer definitely a cute little spoon.”
“Oh shut up, Arthur.”
No words were spoken after that because words weren’t needed anymore. Arthur buried his nose in your wild blue hair and enjoyed the peculiar fragrances of your sweet perfume, fragrances that were almost getting him high… It struck him all of a sudden: he did not feel the need to snort coke anymore tonight.
It did not take long for you to fall asleep, all comfy and safe in the soldier's arms. In truth, you had not been scared of Arthur but rather of the man you had seen instead of him when he had been pinning you to the bed:  Jack Nelson.
But if you slept well, it had not been Arthur’s case despite the fresh air of the fan and the comforting silence of his bedroom. And for once, it was not his PTSD nor the thought of Linda or his drug cravings that kept him awake: it was you. Only you. The sensations brought by your two bodies perfectly interlocking together drove him to the edge of madness, for far too many sensations stimulated him. The frictions caused by your slightest movement stirred surges of electricity through his core and made his blood boil in his veins. Also, what about that lovely face you had when you were sleeping? Arthur sighed in your neck, causing you to shiver in your sleep. He was well aware that tomorrow morning you’ll both start to fight again, insulting each other and fighting over trivial things, but in the meantime he just wanted you to wake up and, by an unexplained miracle, kiss him with passion, then pull him under the bedsheet for a more intimate way of knowing each other.  He swallowed the knot in his throat, trying to get the image of his hands exploring your gorgeous body out of his mind. Yeah, he just wanted you to love each other until the sun rose.  But you didn’t wake up and that was fine with him, for he was already glad to have you in his arms, all quiet and peaceful, despite the torture it was. 
Just one night, he told himself. He had to keep it together just for one night and then, you’ll be back on the sofa. 
Won't you?
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♠️ Any comment, review, reblog, or constructive criticism is welcome. Your reactions really motivate me and keep me alive, so please don't be shy. English is not my first language.
♠️ Tag list: @cljordan-imperium @1nterstellarcha0s @raincoffeeandfandoms @babaohhhriley
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ystrike1 · 2 years
Text
The Real Daughter is Back - By Rina (8/10)
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Twenty chapters of this have been translated so far, and the yandere is about to bloom...er...maybe explode is a better word. This revenge fantasy subverts some very tired and boring tropes. I'm not going to claim that it's incredibly unique, but it's fun. For now the yandere moments are dialogue/internal thoughts only.
Helga Yttri is a child prodigy. Her useless father and her mother both hate her. Her father is always absent and her mother's hatred is irrational. She's the daughter of a ducal house, but her biological mother is a maid. That's why both of her parents treat her like an object. The Duke and Duchess of Yttri are abusive, but they have high expectations for their fake daughter.
She's a tool for them to use.
She would be in the streets without them, so she has to work hard.
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Helga is a pretty darn good main character. She's not saint but she's never cruel for no reason. Her genius is the glue that is holding the Yttri family together. Also, she has magic but she doesn't use it. Her mother believes that her only biological child is still alive. The Duchess will never accept Helga, because she truly believes that the real thing will return someday.
Why can't the Duchess just sleep with the Duke and have another child?
Well...the Duchess hates him too much to let him touch her.
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Duke Yttri ruined his wife. She was a powerful lady Knight before she met him. Now she's an unloved, overworked housewife who can't keep up anymore. She's a bitter, mean, middle aged woman. She pushes work onto her underage daughter, because she no longer cares about anything but her reputation. She goes to parties. She kisses ass. She pretends to be the perfect mom who taught her daughter to be just as perfect as her.
She's a hollow shell of her former self.
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The Duchess is a great villain because Helga loves her. I know it's fucked up but children do love their abusers sometimes. The Duchess did mold her into the perfect young lady. Helga is hailed as a genius and a beauty. She would not have become so perfect of she didn't work herself half to death for her mother's love.
So, this is the situation.
Helga has two deadbeat parents.
Her brain power is the only thing keeping the duchy from falling.
Technically, she has all the power and she can leave.
She doesn't because she hopes Mother will acknowledge her one day.
It will happen, after mother finally accepts the fact that her real daughter died.
Right?
Wrong.
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Hyillan returns. The Duchess is overjoyed...and she tries to give EVERYTHING to Hyillan. The Duchess says the two girls are going to switch names. What?? This gets weird, and it really makes the Duchess look unstable. Hyillan looks exactly like Helga, but she was raised by a maid. She knows NOTHING about court life or finance. Literally all she has is her pure noble blood.
Also.
You're not gonna believe this.
Hyillan is a very nice girl.
She is not suited for politics, finance or even public speaking. She likes gardening and horseback riding.
Hyillan is the worst possible candidate for a Duchess position. The current Duchess tries to dump everything on her anyway.
It's a complete disaster.
Hyillan doesn't even know how to walk in high heels. Compared to Helga, who worked day and night, she's inferior. So inferior that it's embarrassing.
Even the Duchess knows her daughter isn't capable deep, deep down.
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Helga is pissed. Hyillan didn't intend to steal all of her accomplishments, but it's happening. The Duchess simply doesn't give a shit about all the work Helga did. The Duchess intends to even strip her first name away. Helga plans her revenge. It will be brutal. The Duchess is in denial. When Helga leaves their treasury will dry up, because Helga literally does all of the business in the house.
Her plan is actually quite simple.
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Helga has a fiance named Rohan. He's a prince who spent four years on the battlefield. He's known for his viciousness with a blade. He really loves Helga, even though they haven't seen each other for four years. He is a member of the Imperial family, and they want a Yttri bride. They want a well bred crown princess for their warrior prince. The Duchess was more than happy to sell Helga to the violent man, but now Hyillan is back. The Duchess tells her two daughters to lie. Helga will take the name Hyillan, and marry the evil prince. Hyillan will take the name Helga, and run the Duchy. The two daughters look like twins, so the Duchess thinks the plan will go well.
She's an absolute fool.
Rohan knows pretty much everything about Helga. Her nervous habits, her favorite color, her eating habits, her sleeping habits, the abuse she experienced, the emotions she tried to hide...the list is fucking endless. Rohan is practically a mind reader when it comes to Helga.
He figures out what the Duchess is doing, and he doesn't care.
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As long as he gets to have Helga it doesn't matter. If he has to call her Hyillan so be it. If he has to act cordial with the stupid Yttri family so be it. He'll do whatever Helga says. He tells her to use him. He gifts her a lovely wedding gown and gifts perfectly tailored for her. He'll tolerate the abusive assholes if she tells him too....but...
Helga plans to flee after the wedding.
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Her revenge is pretty fucked up actually. She knows Hyillan is not smart enough to hold a high title. Crown princess is a pretty fucking high title. The imperial family wants a Yttri. They'll get one. After Helga flees Hyillan will have to marry Rohan. That will cause an earthquake of disasters for the Duchy. Helga intends to ruin her abusive mother completely. She is going to take her beloved daughter away from her, and disappear.
Leaving the Duchess with nothing.
Put simply:
Helga will be gone, so no one will be making money for the Duchy.
Hyillan will have to live in the Imperial palace, far away from the Duchy.
Far away from the mother that obsessively longed for her for decades.
Wow.
That's a pretty villainous revenge, but it's not going to work.
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Or...will it???
The prince is crazy for her. The Duchy does need her back, but she has magic. Magic is incredibly rare in this setting. It's her trump card. She uses it to teleport away from her wedding. I'm absolutely certain that she's serious about never helping the Yttri family ever again. Hyillan will probably have to live as a maid (or maybe a very minor noble)
Helga's parents are definitely doomed.
Rohan is enraged, because he wanted to save her. He wanted to whisk Helga away from her awful family and spoil her. This isn't that kind of story though. That kind of sweet revenge isn't enough.
Helga will not be satisfied until the mother that refused to love her back is crushed.
She's a genuine villain. She's knows Rohan loves her. She knows Hyillan is sweet and innocent. She knows her country needs her, but she leaves anyway.
It's kind of great.
I hope Rohan snaps and finds her with his army. His unhinged ranting is very promising.
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eoieopda · 1 year
Note
hi jade! for the drabblepalooza, i wanted to request 'seven' by taylor swift and jin ^_^
here you go, my love 🦋
listen here
cw: angst, reference to character death (OC’s father,) funeral mention, implied childhood abuse (not depicted, not discussed in any detail,) alcohol consumption
sweet tea in the summer / cross your heart, won’t tell no other / and though i can’t recall your face / i still got love for you
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You only came home for weddings and funerals. As time trudged on, the former became few and far between. Like you, the majority of your childhood friends left the second they were old enough to do so. Unlike you, the ones who hadn’t had tied that knot already.
The latter, on the other hand, had become more and more common over the years. They seemed to pile up, too. Former neighbors, past teachers, and extended family that didn’t stay in touch - like candles snuffed out, one right after the other.
Prompting train ride, after train ride, after train ride…
Eventually, you would run out of people to make this trip over. Though you felt terrible for thinking it, there was some comfort to be found in that. It was macabre, sure, but a relief nonetheless to picture yourself free of this place. To get rid of those skeletons swaying like windchimes in your closet.
This one, you decided, would be your last hatchet to bury.
It was funny - in some sick, sad way - that the reason you left town in the first place was what prompted your return. None of your friends could wrap their minds around your decision to go back to the start, but if you were being honest, you didn’t fully understand it, either.
Was it really closure that you were seeking? Or was it that inexplicable sense of obligation you could never quite shake? That lingering, undeserved loyalty gnawed at you, pushing and pulling until it dragged you all the way home.
Whatever it was, you hoped to discard it alongside your father in that hole in the ground. Then, you could finally wash your hands of all the dirt you felt but couldn’t see.
Having arrived back in town the night before his memorial service, you had time to kill. Without anyone to kill it with, you opted to burn moonlight at the local dive. There, drinks were cheap and conversation was easy to find. like always, both would be mediocre at best.
It wasn’t crowded when you first arrived, but the night would pick up speed sooner or later, you figured. Before the rush came, you snagged a prime stool at the bar. Sinking down, you greeted the bartender whose name you never learned; and you downed the complimentary shot of soju he’d slid your way upon recognizing you.
Lonely and now slightly buzzed, even your own mind failed to keep you company. It wandered back in time, giving you no choice but to follow.
“You can just stay here! We can sleep in the tree house for now, and when it gets cold outside, we can re-make the pillow fort in the basement!” He spoke so quickly, you nearly had to run to keep up.
You’d never forget that neighbor boy’s face, but his name had gotten lost over the years. Your memories were littered with potholes - little dips and hazards - and you hated that your hero’s identity had slipped through the cracks.
Your face scrunched up in thought as you considered his proposition. If you ran away for good this time, could you bring your dolls with you? He always said dolls were for babies, but they weren’t any different than his action figures.
You scrubbed your hands over your face, not thinking twice about the condensation you transferred from your half-empty glass to your flushed cheeks. Surely, that vodka soda wouldn’t do a thing to jog your memory. It did, however, reinforce the warmth you felt when you pictured the house at the end of your street.
Fuck!
You could recall every other detail about him. A gangly thing, he moved like a baby deer on long limbs he wasn’t used to yet. And he would whistle at you through the hole his baby tooth left behind. Front of his mouth, on your right.
He lived with his parents and older brother in a cream-colored house. It had charcoal grey shutters; a basketball hoop in the driveway; and a swing set in the backyard that you were never brave enough to jump from. He was, but that wasn’t surprising - then or now.
That boy didn’t push you when you paused. He didn’t tease you, even when you expected him to. He was kind in a way that only little kids seemed to be, so willing to share all of his earthly possessions and his sack lunch, too.
“Is your house haunted?” You asked in a whisper, as if the ghosts in yours could hear you from up the street.
He chewed on his puffy bottom lip for a moment, then he shook his head firmly.
You had to ask. The two of you had to make sure your escape plan covered every possibility; this was the worst of them. Even more quietly, you continued: “What if mine follow me and make your dad mad, too?”
His reply came easily, just like every other solution he found for your problems. “Then we’ll go be pirates! I don’t think ghosts can get on pirate ships, but we can ask my brother about it when he gets home.”
You were sure you loved him back then. You loved him still, for all the little ways he saved you. That neighbor boy deserved to be remembered fully, even though you moved away the following year. He may have slipped out of your life then, but his impact on it was lasting.
The fog in your brain was getting denser the harder you tried to wade through it. Perhaps if you slept on it, his name would come back to you in a dream. Whoever he was, you hoped he was happy. That his path forward wasn’t as obscured as yours.
After closing your tab, you steered yourself towards the front door. It chimed when you opened it, and it chimed again immediately when your shoulder knocked into it.
“Oh, shit, sorry!” He yelped, steadying you with one hand on each of your arms. “You alright?”
You blinked up at that clumsy stranger for longer than you meant to. Something about him seemed familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on what that might be.
A former classmate, maybe? A guest at a previous wedding or funeral?
You cleared your throat and smiled when you finally answered, “I’ll be okay! Did I hurt you?”
He towered over you, so you had to crane your neck to look up at him. He chewed on his plush lower lip for a moment, playing it up as if he was deep in thought. With a twinkle now appearing in his eye, he shook his head firmly. “Not a bit.”
His hands dropped from your arms as soon as he remembered he was still holding you. Shooting you a sheepish smile, he rattled off his next words without pausing to breathe: “Sorry, again. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your night without getting bulldozed by another stranger!”
You waved with a quiet chuckle and watched as that tall, kind man slipped away.
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thebindingofpillo · 1 year
Text
Semjaza
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Azazel’s former boss, leader of the Watchers, massive fucking slut. I don’t want to write too much about him (I say, as I’m preparing a whole ass document) because on one hand, I don’t want to spoil too much the story, and on the other I hope his personality will shine through my comic. He’s going to be a villain in a pretty important arc, and I want to do him justice. Anyway if you’re reading this, a warning for some deaths and genocide (Sem is also a major abusive asshole so no sympathy for him).
Semjaza was once one of the Seven Archangels, and as such his purpose was to lead the Watchers to protect (and observe!) humanity from up close. For this he was given permission to go on Earth with his subordinates, buuut things did not go well. At all.
Semjaza was never one to care much about humans in the first place, if anything he found them quite disgusting, a few degree above animals. This however didn’t stop him from finding some use for them. When he (and the Watchers) arrived on Earth, they were greeted with great honours and worshipped almost as gods, and Semjaza discovered he liked the power he held over those weak creatures. God ruled over the angels, right? It only ade sense that an angel could rule over humanity. Not everyone held the same ideals as him though, and when the Watchers started intermingling with the humans, there were some angels who genuinely sought out a connection, and even dared do hope for a family (*cough* like Azazel *cough*). Still, Semjaza was the first to “officially” take a human wife (her name was Istehar, she’s gonna have a ref eventually) to better gain the trust of humans, and thus he’s usually considered the one who started the whole rebellion thing. Soon, he rose to even greater power, as a sort of king among men.
This didn’t go unnoticed by the other archangels however, and soon the archangel Jegudiel came to Earth. Heaven was already keeping an eye on the Nephilim and with Semjaza trying to amass all the power, direct action was needed. Once Semjaza realised his manipulation wasn’t moving Jegudiel, he killed them in a fit of rage, but couldn’t hide from the watchful eye of god (and Michael). Because of this, the remaining archangels came to Earth, both to punish Semjaza (and the Watchers) and to deal with the Nephilim situation that was quickly getting out of hand. All the Watchers fell (all of them!), all the Nephilim were killed, and all the humans were dispersed or even killed in the Great Flood, sent by God to kind of “restart” humanity (the whole Flood thing is a bit iffy though, it might change in the future)
I actually wanted to write more about the Watchers, but I have a lot to say about angels in general, so I’ll probably make a separate post in the future.
Semjaza is, to put it simply,  a master manipulator. He’s quite observant, with a keen eye for any weakness to exploit, and can easily worm his way into anyone’s good side with his silver tongue. He is also not above using more… questionable methods to get what he wants, especially since his fall. Hell is no place for weaklings after all. His silver halo was a tell-tale sign he had other things on his mind other than fulfilling his purpose but despite this, the other angels greatly respected him, and he even rose to power as an Archangel (truly the highlight of Semjaza’s whole existence). Some could argue that he did so through the manipulation he was so apt as, but at first Semjaza really wanted to do right by God! Even accepting to watch over those disgusting and limited humans the Great Creative loved so much. That being said, while having some acquaintances in Heaven, he never really grew closer with any of them, only keeping an eye on the ones he thought most useful for whatever he needed to be done. This made him grow extremely close to Azazel, who was the only one Semjaza could consider a friend (and hopefully… something more?) but this still didn’t deter him from using Azazel as a scapegoat once shit hit the fan. Still, when Azazel lost everything he loved, he turned to Semjaza for comfort, and this eventually caused the two to develop an incredibly unhealthy relationship that lasted literal millennia and culminated in a huge fight in which Semjaza broke Azazel’s horn and threw his wedding ring at him, essentially leaving him forever. Despite this, Semjaza still has what could be considered an obsession for Azazel, and is always keeping an ear out for any news concerning his former lover. He’s just incapable of letting go.
He is also extremely vain, and cannot stand his new body. He still holds the belief that angels are God’s most perfect creation, and greatly wishes he could be one again. Because of this he usually hides under several layers of heavy clothing, and considers both fallen angels and demons the scum of the Earth. This makes him incredibly wary of the people he comes across in Hell, to the point of paranoia. The only person he trusted was Azazel, and only because he thought he was a mindless bimbo only devoted to him.  As of right now, his biggest goal is to dethrone Satan and rule Hell, but that’s not really going to happen anytime soon (Satan himself keeps a close eye on him), so that he can gain enough power to be respected again and maybe have some legions of demons working under him. What Semjaza really wants however, is to be worshiped again as a god, like when he was still a Watcher amongst humans. Becoming an angel again would be pretty nice too, but considering his awful personality and the fact he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, this will never happen.
uuuuh more stuff I guess?
Him and Azazel are Adversary’s adoptive parents. Semjaza kidnapped her when she was still a baby because he thought having a child would save his failing relationship.
While still despising humans, he’s more open to strike deals with them, as a way to gain more power via their souls (and flesh!)
His symbol is based on the Eye of the Occult item, and is basically a bastardization of the original Watcher symbol
His clothes, while copletely different from when he was an angel, still echo come of that fashion, with the long sash bearing his symbol tied at his waist.
Being worshiped by humans left him with a taste for the finer things in life, and he prides himself in being impeccable all the time.
Usually very soft spoken, unless he’s pissed.
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yukikorogashi · 1 year
Text
   Remember my friends, there are always going to be a bunch of haters and naysayers out there. And even if you also receive love and support from the other side, the former just LOVES having the stronger grip over you. Love knowing that what they say and think of you, ends up affecting you way more than the love and belief that you get from others. Making you think that you have nothing... that you, are nothing.
   I need to start by saying that I know I’m not one of the greatest and most talented artists/designers out there, and know that I have a long, long way to go (And yeah, I welcome that journey, and of course look forward to learning more, and to continue improving!). But more importantly... getting here has NEVER EVER BEEN EASY in the first place. I am indeed progressing and am indeed reaching those dream goals of mine, but not without tripping over more than one obstacle everyday.
   I have had lots of people laughed and looked down on me over the years, all from different age groups, areas of expertise, etc. People from other occupations laughing that I wanted to work in this area, instead of studying for a “real job”. One of my own art teachers even flinging my final year project down to the ground, and nearly even stomping her foot down on it, before storming right out (She was having a bad day, but it still wasn’t right for her to personally take it out on my art at the time). People that just... never took me and my skills seriously, but still think it was perfectly okay to take advantage of me and treat me like shit (Like my first supposedly real job out of college, that I was abused at for nearly a year, and only got paid $1000, that I was told I was even lucky to receive, in the first place).
   And don’t get me started on how after drawing for decades now (Ever since I was born), I’m still hardly noticed on any of my Social accounts for my art to this very day. But, you know what? That sort of thing doesn’t matter that much to me these days... especially when all the clients I have worked with up to this point, are people that I personally reach out to through emails and stuff. Granted, it took a lot of time, but I am happy to say that I have mostly (MOSTLY) grown out of my self-hating phase. Because constantly tearing myself down, especially when it comes to anything I achieve, is just not the way to go, my guys. 💦 
   ... And also, I will say that I am really lucky that I can share anything I create with a few very, very close pals, my dear friends who are always nothing but excited and supportive of me... Besides learning to hate myself less (And love myself more), I have learned that these are the people matter so much more, the people I should be tuning my hearing aid to. 
   So yeah, this goes back to one of my past posts, about being KINDER TO YOURSELF. About actually seeing and accepting that you truly are PROGRESSING, no matter how slow it may seem at times. Be prouder of yourself, GDI! Why are you spitting down on yourself, for actually putting in those attempts??? For actually TRYING? You are actually working so much harder than you realise!
   But yeah... I am still drawing, despite all of that. I am still doing what I do, because...
   I fucking love what I do, so, so much. Despite how hard it is (AND GOD IT IS HARD, DRAWING IS HARD, LOL!), despite how much I have to deal with, up to this very day. Despite how many times I have to survive on a few pennies, during some extra though periods... And this effort and perseverance has gotten me to FINALLY work with clients in time. And I hope to work with more in due time, as I continue down this path...
   Anyway, don’t stop. DON’T YOU. EVER. STOP. When it comes to doing what you love. Get back up, ALWAYS GET BACK UP, whenever those folks try to trip you over. 
   And make sure you start listening to the folks that are actually CHEERING YOU ON, including yourself. Swing all that LOVE in your heart for that thing like a pillow and smack those haters in the face with it, before continuing your way towards your goals!
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My thoughts on 3x05 - Signs
@movrings Since I was unable to post my thoughts about the episode when it first came out, here’s my thoughts on it here!!
First off, concerned for Beard, he’s been increasingly wrong with small things recently and becoming more unsure of himself, part of me thinks this might have to do with Jane and his abusive relationship with her or it could be just a gag, but I’m hoping the former is actually addressed at some point
The whole “Shite in Nining Armor” thing being just a slip of the tongue seems a little too obvious, I’m still holding out hope it’s either about Jamie or Henry because i honestly don’t see the significance of that scene unless we’re talking about the mention of “soulmates” during it
Side-note: I absolutely despise John Wingsnight and this scene just made it worse, this guy sucks and deserves to be called a shite (he’s also incredibly creepy, Rebeca you dodged a very large bullet)
Anyway, “soulmate” mentioned!!
Also, I understand why Keeley can’t pick up the phone, but it is sad to see especially later in the episode
Jumping to the boys talking about Nate and Anastasia: i love how Isaac said that Nate’s “transformation is gonna be on the inside” like it has yet to happen. Obviously, he means it in a negative way, but for the audience, we know/hope that Nate’s transformation is going to be good and lead to a reconciliation! This is especially interesting to see coupled with Nate’s plot point within this episode
All i gotta say about Zava is fuck him, but i am sad we never got to see his wife and Smingus Dingus
I love the “injured monkey” bit the guys do to guilt Trent into telling them his idea and that Roy joined in
I love how i knew it was Henry that was actually the bully - definitely wanna know what he did to Doug
Roy’s monologue, the music, *chef’s kiss* (Love the way Ted handled that too lmao)
Higgins saying they should think about firing Ted and hearing Rebecca’s gasp before he even said it actually broke my heart
THE BISCUIT BOX
Watching Rebecca get her hopes up about what Trish said is killing me and i definitely cried so much this episode - love Higgins helping her out though
Straight up thought Nate was so fucking smooth with that phone call until it clicked lmao 💀
Ok The Scene™️:
I straight up screamed at this, i was freaking out
The same dress she was wearing when she bumped into Sam??
The way that they both use inverted greetings from what they normally do “Hey Boss/Hello Ted” to “Hey Coach/Hello Rebecca”
The way that they both stop at the exact moment and turn around to look at each other before meeting each other in the middle
The way that they already know what’s going on with the other without having to say anything
They way that their lives are so in sync and mirror the other’s and they don’t even realize it, but they’re both shocked by what the other said
Also, I know it’s the same place that Sam bumped into Rebecca last season, BUT it’s also the same exact place where Ted asked Rebecca how she was holding up after her divorce in the first episode of the first season and that shit just killed me
Proud of Keeley for firing Shandy
Watching Rebecca sit in that office killed me
Also the Emergency Contact 👀 i just know that’s gonna play into what’s happening in Amsterdam (perhaps after her falling into the canal)
Going back to Ted and Rebecca - Dr. Wagner asking her how she’s holding up??? Mirroring Ted’s words to her the first time they met??? I can’t remember where, but I’m pretty sure there’s an interview where Hannah mentions how important that scene is because Ted is the first person to really ask Rebecca how she’s doing during that and you can see the shock Hannah portrays on her face perfectly - anyways I’m emotional
So grateful Jan Maas is actually spotting Colin this time and not letting him choke like the other guys did lmao
Watching Ted go from water to wine after the mention of Jake was actually so painful, but also healing isn’t linear and just because we saw him do well last episode, doesn’t mean he’s healed now
Dan is my favorite and i love this anxious man
I’m sad we never got to see what’s in Barbara’s desk drawer
Love Roy’s hype up he does with the boys
I swear Henry was avoiding Ted because he didn’t wanna tell him he was bullying a kid lmao
I FUCKING LOVE JADE
Thinking about how upset Nathan got last season when someone got his name wrong, but he got called Nathan Jelly and he wasn’t timid this time or angry, he just let it slide off - you know what that is, that’s growth
I’ll say it again - Fuck Zava
Loving the bi representation with Keeley!! I know it was mentioned in season one, but it’s great to see on screen
Nate came to A Taste of Athens after he got promoted at Richmond 😭
Anyways watching Rebecca get that call in her office and Hannah’s face journey made me actually start sobbing oh my god like get this woman therapy and let me hold her
I just know that Jade would stand up to Nate’s dad for him
Watching Roy look at Jamie approvingly actually killed me and I’m so proud he got recognized in at least a small way
Watching Ted take himself out of a panic attack!!! I was so proud of him!! He was so proud of himself!!
“Your girlfriend runs off with some dude and it turns out they were soulmates” 👀 looking at you Sam
THE SPEECH!!! WE ARE GETTING OUT OF THE DARK FOREST
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leafcabbage · 2 years
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I KNOW it was probably very bad for their health and that Ranboo really shouldn't be pushing themself but that chapter of drdi where they just go out and get through the day by themself was for some reason so very satisfying to me. Maybe it's the contrast to how Tubbo treated them and how passive they were, but it feels like Ranboo finally got back some of the spark he had at the beginning and lost during the breakdown months (Obviously they deserve support and to not to have do everything by themself, but after how suffocating and overbearing Tubbo was, this sort of feels like the better option)
oooh i LOVE this ask because that is definitely a huge part of the chapter!! at the start of that chapter ranboo had the "i can do this with no help and that is how i will prove myself" mindset and at the end he says "even when I do need help with— with everything, I’m still a person" (chapter 12, leafcabbage). which is the realization that ultimately needs to happen. its not that he doesnt need help and needs to do everything alone, it's that he needs to be helped by people who treat him with respect and the understanding that he is his own person, and who encourage him to do the things he wants to do/can do on his own without forcing constant assistance. at the beginning of ycssg, ranboo was incredibly independent to his own detriment, he forced himself to be, he was neglected and emotionally abused for years, and to get himself out of that situation he had to fully sacrifice his mental and physical health, and he comes into SPU thinking that, not only can he continue that, but that this is where it’s supposed to pay off. he’s finally fully independent, with no lorraine and a fresh start. he obviously is immediately thrown into a new horrible situation, and that does a fucking number on his mental and physical health again and fucking crushes any hope he had. this chapter though is where you get the same stubbornness that got him to SPU back. it’s not about him being suddenly physically capable of pushing himself, it’s about him having the same drive to get himself out of a shitty situation again. does that mean he makes the healthy decision for himself? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! but it IS what leads to his ultimate realization that he deserves better.
RANBOO ISNT A PASSIVE PERSON!! he has LEARNED to be, he has found that the best way to deal with people like his former teachers and lorraine and dream and dr. walker and professor cox is to be quiet and take it. he has been taught time and time again that he should keep his head down, people please, and keep working, keep moving forward. that’s what he learned in 11:11 and that’s what he will never let go of, that the most important thing to do is keep working toward something. he has yet to find his time when he can finally set that down, finally fully rest, and so he wont. but at his heart, ranboo is fucking stubborn and kind of judgemental (see: him being like “yikes dont wanna stick around for this” with dream) and funny and is capable of giving as good as he gets but he DOESNT! i could go crazy insane about this guy, i love him so much.
im SO sorry i went way off base with what your actual ask was, i just!!! have so much to say. in my view of it, that chapter isnt satisfying because ranboo pushes themself too far and does the physically unhealthy thing, it is satisfying because they are finding who they are again. they are stepping out of that passive persona, and starting to move forward in a better way than before.
THANK YOU so much for this ask! hope youre well!!
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lovebugcody · 2 years
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alright ned and alex cheating opinions time!!
obviously this is just from what my nosy ass has learned and there is obviously a lot behind the scenes that i don't know, and that none of us will know. but that doesn't stop me from having opinions.
first of all, and i've already talked about this. the power imbalance. i won't add much more because i've already made a post, which you can read here but i just want to reiterate, ned was alex's employer and regardless of company size, there is a power imbalance and an abuse of that power
two. alex is not absolved of blame. she has been a long-time friend of the try guys and their partners, she was with the company since it began, and was friends with them i believe in the buzzfeed days. so she was friends with ariel. she was there at the pregnancy announcements and birth-related events. she betrayed her friend and her fiance whom she had been with for over a decade.
next what i find hilarious is that they were caught at a sold out, MSG harry styles concert. there is video of them kissing because obviously. a lot of the try guys fans are in a similar demographic as harry styles fans. ALSO while ned was taking photos with fans, alex was allegedly getting really annoyed that he was getting recognised lmao. bestie maybe don't be a homewrecker in public with a quasi celebrity.
i've seen a lot of people commenting on how they feel for ariel, as do i! but not a lot of people have said anything about will, alex's former fiance! that man still got fucked in all of this. honestly i feel for both of them so much, and i hope that they are doing as well as they can in this shitty scenario
ned's statement to me feels icky. there is something off. other than the fact that he tagged ariel which is a shitty shitty thing to do, the phrasing of "consensual workplace relationship" feels... idk i just don't like it. like okay thanks for clarifying you didn't abuse alex or force the relationship i guess? ?? and the fact that he, what, "lost focus"? sir??? your wife is fucking stunning and is the mother of your two children. how did you lose focus on your family?
i'm glad the try guys dropped him, and i hope that their brand is able to pivot cleanly away from him. and i hope that ariel gets some monetary compensation or something because she was super important in them starting the try guys as a separate business and brand. i don't know whether she'll leave them all together as she has a podcast with them, i would totally get if she does. but regardless she doesn't deserve to lose that revenue when she's got two kids just because her husband is a cheating sleazy shitbag
edit: WAIT I HAVE MORE! just one more though.
because it was an employer with his subordinate employee, the whole relationship can cause some SERIOUS legal issues for ned and to a decent extent the try guys. and it really sucks that they might have those to deal with because it wasn't them, and they've fired ned super quickly.
god i'm so damn nosy and living for this drama. because i didn't care about the adam levine shit, i enjoyed the DWD but i wasn't super invested. but try guys drama? i've been rubbing my hands together for the past like 24 hours
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ratcandy · 1 year
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hi MASSIVE TOH SEASON 3 EPISODE 1 SPOILERS below don't read if haven't watched I am about to go off my rocker
also abuse tw mention because 😦
first of all FLAPJACK. I proceed to punch a wall
I did not expect to actually start bawling my eyes out but hot damn what the fuck . Why is Flapjack dying what got me above everything else in this show. Like I've gotten teary and emotional over other moments but Flapjack dying and all of Hunter's dialogue that proceeded it just made me SOB ??????????????
Also hello fluid as fuck animation in that fight scene 😳 i misse d you
so anyway. Now we gotta talk about possessed!Hunter right. While that's a bombass design and I love the look of it and his body language in the fluid parts of the animation is impeccable, it's also incredibly. URGH. NO I don't LIKE it. No I HATE it, actually. There's something just . Incomprehensibly genuinely upsetting about Hunter's former abuser taking over his body and using it to kill his emotional support animal
it's SO fucked up and I'm all for horrible twisted shit but also for fuck's sake man can Hunter get a fucking break!!! Can he like!!! Be free for two minutes!!!!!
I think it just feels like such a consecutive gut punch because we're missing so much extra filler and that's what makes me all the more sad. You can TELL you can TASTE how much more they wanted to expand on this, how much more there was to elaborate on, but they just didn't have the time and so Hunter Really Going Thru It yet again just feels like . got dam he really did not get a single break my guy can't even REST!!! it feels to me like he's just constantly through the ringer because it's all we've been able to see and that SUCKS
but they make a whole point of saying he has been happier in the human realm ("you've smiled so much since we got here" from Gus, something along those lines) . They want us to know he Has been happy for the past few months, there HAS been a break. n I feel like that was their way of trying to say ,,, Look See he's been at semi-sorta-peace for a little while! He's gone without Unspeakable Horrors for like a FEW MONTHS , we promise, we swear, it's not consecutive unending pain, he's been Pretty Good for a while (ignoring identity crises that we also unfortunately can't elaborate on because of time but you saw a little glimpse of it in that intro sequence). and NOW we're just making him Worse
but still like AUUGHhghsgghh. I don't Like the further implications of Any of the possession stuff mannnnn ughurhghgrh
AND ALSO FLAPJACK i punch the wall again FUCK!!!
anyway expanding on Flapjack a little . So when Belos did his whole fucking thing, he said "goodbye Evalyn," and we see during the whole Hayride sequence that Evalyn gave Caleb Flapjack (or taught him to make Flapjack).
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For a moment, though, I was mortified misunderstanding that Flapjack was Evalyn, even if that wouldn't make any sense ghsdgkJHSDG
oh also we know Evalyn's name now. Yea that's a thing. We know the name of the witch that Caleb fell in love with or whatever. And honestly. I had to stop after I heard that and go "aawww maaan" because. C'mon. looks at the camera
Evalyn? Edalyn? Not even Tryin to hide that they're related huh
Mngmrh this is a personal gripe of mine, but honestly I really hoped the theory about "the witch Caleb loved being an ancestor of the Clawthorne's" wasn't canon sdhgkh it just . Again this is personal bias. I have never liked the cliché of "you've been related this whole time!" kinda thing. Different when the antagonist and protagonist are set up as related from the start. I don't like when it's a plot twist or anything like that. it's so. m.
just not really my thing n I'm a little disappointed to get lowkey confirmation that it's probably canon sdghskjdghsdghkl because almost inevitably it'll be revealed in a whole dramatic thing and it'll be like RelATed TO BEloS THIS WHOle Time ?!? !? and i'll be like I Do Not See It
Well all that aside. Holds Camila in my hands. mom of the year award you deserve the entire world
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jvstheworld · 6 months
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My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S1E5 (part 2)
Tan Lines
Baz calling Ted a wanker in front of Michelle and Henry is not something he should have to deal with. It's actually vile how people think it's okay to yell abuse at people who are just trying to do their jobs, and also do it in front of their loved ones. Henry is a kid, he shouldn't have to see his dad yelled at like that.
Will say though, Ted looks awfully cosy in his jumper.
Mae coming in to help and give Henry some darts to play with. She saved the day.
Michelle is trying but it feels so half arsed. She has pretty much checked out of the relationship, despite what she tries to say or do, she just won't admit it yet. She didn't meet Ted half way at training because she doesn't feel that rush of excitement when she sees him anymore. She wants it to be over.
How much force did Henry use to get the dart in Paul's arm? Kid has a good arm if he can do that.
Two things: the first is that I love that Roy has really gotten into reading A Wrinkle In Time to the point where he carries it everywhere he goes. And the second is that he is so clearly jealous of Jamie getting to be around Keeley that he say anything just to talk to her.
Keeley isn't scared of Roy, and isn't afraid of putting him in his place when he's over stepped.
1st Field of Dreams reference, while building a lego bus. Ted wants to be apart of Henry's life, it's just difficult to do in their situation. It's a cute family moment and Michelle does join in, if only for Henry's sake.
Ted lying awake in bed with Henry and Michelle, because this is what he wants. He has missed his family and they've had a seemingly good day together. And it makes him hopeful for the future, which is heartbreaking when you know what comes next.
Okay Ted, honey, you're supposed to put jam and clotted cream on scones. The order in which you do that is up for debate, however, you're not supposed to eat them dry.
Ted and his jar of peanut butter. Is that an ADHD thing, serving as a reminder to eat food?
Ted is all smiles and as soon as he sees Michelle crying his face just drops and goes to comfort her. Except, hearing that your wife is no longer in love with you must hurt more than he can let on because Henry is around and neither of them want show that anything is amiss. Jason shows Ted going through heartbreak very well.
Nate's right, 4,438 miles is a lot of space to give someone.
Beard's opinion on marriage is funny considering his relationship with Jane. He's the one who always goes back to her. And I'm not going to talk about that ending until I get to it.
Nate's dad talking about his height as 0.001 miles tall, could be seen as a nice in joke between father and son, but really when you meet his dad it's kind of condescending.
Michelle and Dr Jacob decided that Ted needed to give her some space. Now, is that because Dr Jacob liked Michelle and wanted to persue her but needed Ted out of the way, or did they come across each other one day, after the divorce, and he just asked her out? Either way, she was a former client, and he had personal info about her from their sessions together, they should not have dated.
Damn, Higgins. That's a good truth bomb right there. In every scene we seen Leslie and Julie together, you can tell that they are still very much in love after all these years.
In the UK the emergency number is 999, but for non-emergency medical needs we also have 111, to help stop people from coming in for minor ailments that could be sorted without a trip to A&E (the ER). Doesn't always help though as I can attest to, unfortunately.
That was the first unofficial meeting of the Diamond Dogs. A chance to give men the opportunity to talk about things in a positive and healthy way. God, I fucking love it.
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aqueouserbium · 9 months
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I'm feeling like having a word vomit regarding Dragon Age romance.
So, like, a few weeks ago now I finished a replay of Dragon Age: Inquisition with a Solas romance (wanted to see what all the hubbub was about). I also struggled and struggled and eventually got Dragon Age: Origins to play on my computer, so I started that (still crashes but can sustaibably play for a bit if I don't tab out). Since I couldn't start at DAO, I spent time reviewing stuff in Dragon Age Keep.
I've already ranted about how I got cucked twice on PS3 from a Leliana romance, and how that first time led me to romance Morrigan (didn't finish the second one out of spite), but that led me to experiencing moments in my first (and, for a while, only full) DAI playthrough to have tidbits of Warden×Morrigan dialogue, so I didn't get to experience anything from what I had hoped to experience with Leliana. I thusly proclaimed in DAK that the Warden romanced Leliana. And every moment Lady Nightingale shared with the Inquisitor about the Warden was just about everything I needed. It was great. 10/10 will do again.
Regarding Hawke and the Dragon Age 2 romances, I've always been enamored by Merrill. She's so damn cute and driven and studious and ajhsvrosj. Naturally, I set her as Hawke's romance in DAK. Unlike Leliana's dialogue, though, I didn't get much about Merrill. You don't spend enough time with Hawke for the Inquisitor to become friends with the Champion, and I yearn for my powerful blood mage.
In DAK, I maintain a "This Is My Ideal World State—My Personal Canon" option, and it changes every so often if I care enough to review it. Naturally, this replay and re-dive into Dragon Age led to me caring, so I went through it all again after finishing DAI. All the art I've seen on here and the continued excitement of the fandom despite only having blips of communication and non-game media from BioWare helped push this, too. Despite my absolute love for Leliana and Merrill, I think my headcanon for the overall story has changed.
I think it's become Warden/Morrigan and Champion/Fenris.
For the former, a male Warden being Kieran's father sends me to a place in my mind that I haven't yet explored, and I love that. I don't remember much of any of the connection being deeply regarding in my first DAI playthrough, but I want there to be more for it, and I think this situation will be incredible. I'm sorry for taking the love of your life away, Leliana. I still love you.
For the latter, I've seen some amazing art depicting Fenris finding Hawke in the Fade, and there's something about it that just fucking slaps so damn good. I don't doubt that Merrill would do the same, but Merrill has a lot of responsibility that she's taken based on what I know from the games—she has other people she needs to protect. I don't know—maybe I just feel like it'd be garder for her to pursue Hawke with all that. (NOT TO MENTION THAT BIOWARE FORCES HAWKE TO BE VERY AGGRESSIVELY ANTI TO BLOOD MAGIC IN DAI WHICH EITHER MAKES THEM A HYPOCRITE ABOUT MERRILL OR FUCKING ABUSIVE TO HER.) Again, I don't fully know, but Fenris going after Hawke in the Fade is just a powerful image that I love so much. Merrill I absolutely love you, and I would never talk shit about blood mages in a general sense that would have to include you because it's said so generally.
In regards to DAI romances, my first was Cassandra, which was partially accidental because I was kind of flirting with a lot of people but would often talk to her first. I really liked it, too, especially when she and my Inquisitor would hide away with each other once she was the Divine. There's something so sweet and powerful about that. However, I feel like the Solas romance will end up being my ideal canon. I don't know. It wasn't that it was exceptionally fantastic to play through, but I think it has the greatest potential for intrigue in future games, especially Dragon Age: Dreadwolf (obviously). Like, The Iron Bull is hot, but his romance is weirdly lacking after climax, with sex being one of the only obvious elements of it. While I love Cassandra as the Divine and romancing the Inquisitor, I think I want Leliana as the Divine, so that plot intrigue becomes limited. And the other romances, while often enjoyable, just don't have the power of plot driving them for me. (I desperately want to romance Scout Harding, though. So bad. I know she can get with Sera, but I'm down for a throuple.)
All the romances (except Sebastian) have their merit and fun, but Morrigan–Fenris–Solas will probably keep as my canon. Kind of sucks because I normally like with queer ships but I see my Hawke as female.
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mermaidsirennikita · 2 years
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What are you looking forward to this awards season? I think Killers of the Flower Moon and Women Talking are my most anticipated. I’ve read both books and they’re excellent. I just really hope for the former Scorsese is thoughtful with how it’s framed; like Leo’s character’s indigenous wife really should be a co-lead with him…
The trailer for She Said looks so tepid to me. But the industry will prob be eager to award it. Idk whose the lead there, they might run both in supporting. I love Naomi Ackie but I’m so over biopics. I hope Michelle Yeoh’s hype can sustain…I’m sure Margot will win for Babylon though. I feel like the narrative is already that she’s “due,” despite her only having been in Hollywood for like 8 years. And the academy doesn’t believe in recognizing WOC in lead actress.
Good question! I'm definitely interested in Killers of the Flower Moon. That cast is.... stacked. Jesse Plemons is looking for that Oscar, obviously De Niro is a legend, I'm excited that Brendan Fraser is doing something serious business in the midst of his mini comeback, and Leo and Scorsese are always a pretty safe bet for a collab. However, I am.... very worried about how the subject matter is going to be handled. I think Scorsese is extremely talented, but I don't think he's necessarily equipped to handle this sensitively. Nor do the sea of white guys leading the cast is a great sign. I'm excited for Lily Gladstone, though; I hope her role is substantial. How often does an actress of Blackfeet descent land this kind of movie? (Answer: not enough.) Also, love that she's from Montana.
Women Talking does sound good, though likely an incredibly difficult watch. I won't lie to you, I'm kind of a bit... over.... Frances McDormand playing a certain kind of role, which is often "offbeat, hardcore lady of some sort" and I hope this is different? Nor am I huge fan of Rooney Mara--I think she can act, but I also think she's been overrated at points. But Ben Whishaw and Claire Foy I love, and I though Jessie Buckley was really good in The Lost Daughter, so it could totally be an acting showcase. Tbh, I think the focus being on Mennonites gives this a much more interesting spin than She Said.
Like, to me, She Said could very well come off as self-congratulatory when in reality Hollywood has done basically nothing to combat the rampant sexual predation in the industry. I'm not super interested in this. I think Zoe Kazan is kind of an.... ironic choice for this movie, as she's like, OOOOOOLD SCHOOL nepotism. So watching someone with the last name Kazan play someone EXPOSING HOLLYWOOD will be odd. Carey is fine as an actress, but tbh I'm so bored of her doing the same thing over and over, which is like... kinda hollow feminist treatise. Suffragette, Promising Young Woman (which I have very mixed feelings on)... Okay now.
I'm not against good biopics, and I think Naomi is super talented, but I have my doubts about the ability to... tell an honest and sensitive story about Whitney. I think so much remains in debate about her--her relationship with Bobby Brown, her issues with drugs, the abuse she experienced in her childhood, her sexuality. Then you add to her tragedy the fact that her daughter died so shortly and tragically after her. I'm just very wary.
As for who will win Best Actress--lol, y'all have gotta stop counting these chickens so early. Remember when everyone was telling me Kristen Stewart was DEFINITELY gonna win Best Actress? Who the fuck knows what'll happen. I can't see anyone surpassing Michelle Yeoh's performance, but the release date of the movie, its unconventionality, and Michelle being a middle-aged woman of color who's not from the U.S. is going to make that an uphill battle for her. But I don't think Margot is a shoe-in at all. I think Margot is seen as very talented, but I don't think she's gotten like... WOW reviews since I, Tonya. I still really don't get why she was nominated for Bombshell, as the reviews for that movie were meh, she wasn't a standout, and her subplot was pretty harshly critiqued by some.
In her favor is the fact that she will be playing Clara Bow, but against her is the fact that she will be playing Clara Bow. Plus, she's got Amsterdam coming down the pipeline. There was a time when being in a David O. Russell movie guaranteed you a nom, but tbh I think that movie may be overshadowed by people finally reckoning with his horrendous behavior. Margot (and the entire cast) has been dogged a LOT online for working with him. I think he's also vulnerable because it's been a while since his last movie (which was underwhelming on every level) and his winning streak of The Fighter - Silver Linings Playbook - American Hustle was a long time ago. Since Joy, everything went down with Weinstein. And while I think critics fawning over three of his closely-released movies in a row gave him protection, a movie about the wonder mop or whatever with a Jennifer Lawrence on the brink of her big backlash hit his armor. The thing is that men in Hollywood get away with their sexual misconduct all the time, but he's also an asshole to talent and difficult to work with. Big names have dragged him; Clooney, Amy Adams. Imo, the potential for bad press with Amsterdam is huge and could hit anyone involved in that movie. There are people I like in it--Margot, John David Washington. There are people I dislike--Anya. I hope all of them get backlash for working with him, and I think they could. As for Babylon, I guess I've gotta bite based on the cast and the subject matter, but God Chazelle is annoying.
I'm excited for the Knives Out sequel--I don't know how that'll fare awards-wise, but tbh the original got more noms than I expected for a movie that was actually fun and easy to follow. The cast is once again great, and tbh? It's early does, but wouldn't be shocked if Kathryn Hahn got nommed. She's a hardworking character actress who can do drama and comedy equally well and if it's a good movie with a good role I could see her getting a supporting nom somewhere... The Globes if nothing else lmao. But who knows at this point.
Blonde will be interesting. I doubt it'll go anywhere serious awards-wise, but I can't tell if it's going to be a total mess critical flop thing or a "polarizing, let's reevaluate in 30 years" type of movie. Netflix being terrified of its content doesn't necessarily mean it'll be bad. It's based on a deeply weird book and has been adapted by a deeply weird director. I am honestly just SO interested in seeing how Ana does with Marilyn's voice, because that's a tough gig for a native English speaker, let alone someone who's ESL with a naturally heavy-ish accent like Ana.
I'm super interested in Don't Worry Darling. It looks really stylish and fun, kinda topical for today, and while Florence has aggravated me lately.... She's very talented. It's not a matter of if, but when she wins an Oscar at this rate. Chris Pine could also get some praise, imo, as he's been consistently underrated and excels in this types of ~mysterious charismatic man~ type roles.
I think I'll have to see The Menu for Nicholas Hoult, and I do love the premise... But lmao I'll have to put up with Anya bug-eyeing the camera and people acting like it's TALENT. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.
I have very little interest in The Fabelmans but with that cast, the fact that Spielberg is directing, and the autobiographical nature means it'll be in some kind of conversation. Like, I really just need people to realize that Spielberg isn't.... very interesting anymore... and I doubt this'll do that but we can dream.
I'm looking forward to My Policeman. I don't know if it'll be kinda trite and expected for a "closeted man period piece" movie, or actually good, but I love Emma Corrin and I honestly appreciate the hustle with Harry Styles this year, so.
I'm really hoping that The Woman King is good. Viola got some (.... deserved) bad press for her Michelle Obama recently, but I will say that she's normally the type of actress I could totally see racking up another win, so who the fuck knows? To me, it doesn't quite read as a movie that will get that for her, but like... again, you never know. Is it gonna be awardsy? Or is it gonna be the kind of historical epic that actually works as a popcorn movie, which people used to make all the time (think Braveheart, Last of the Mohicans) but don't anymore. Either way, I'm watching.
Bones and All could be good? I do not... like... Timothee, but Taylor Russell could be on the verge of a breakout and tbh the hilarity of Chalamet being in a cannibal movie is kind of difficult for me to resist.
Anyway, that's what I've heard some chitter chatter about as of late. WE SHALL SEE.
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troglobite · 2 years
Text
really hoping for the day that people can separate “they remind me of [any person who did a bad thing to me, for a long time or just once or a few times]” from “they remind me of that person and therefore they are exactly like that person/as bad as that person”
sometimes i remind myself of my dad. and as much as i freak out about it in therapy, i am not like him. i am not him. 
i’ve had friends say/do things that remind me of things said to me by bullies. that is not what they meant, though. and if it was the content of what they said, then i can have a conversation about that.
seeing a random person you do not know personally and feeling as if they are acting like someone who hurt you does not mean they are like the person who hurt you. it means that you are seeing similarities and, reasonably, being triggered. 
like idk man. can we all be responsible for the emotional reactions we have, learn to process and feel things, and then evaluate whether that has any bearing on reality? 
i’m fucking tired, man. 
like here’s another one.
my former friends would get so tense and upset literally any time that i expressed any kind of anger.
i wasn’t yelling, throwing things, threatening them, insulting them, or anything of the sort.
i was just mad. and expressing it verbally, or talking about the thing that made me mad.
their response was to act as though i was being a violent, abusive, hateful person whose only mode was Violent and Angry. 
why? bc ppl in their lives did shitty things when angry and used anger as an excuse to do shitty things. 
meanwhile, hi, i’m making stupid jokes and verbally processing my emotions and hoping for emotional support from my friends in the form of “wow that fucking sucks! i’d be upset too!”
something i explicitly noted & asked for
but they simply could not move past
“i am reacting to this thing the same way i react to this other thing. the things must be the same, then!”
instead of, y’know, considering maybe it was a fucking trauma response. 
they never told me if it was something i was doing or just the fact that i Experienced Anger around them. if the former, i could’ve worked with them. if the later--well, bro, anger is a normal part of life. sounds like you gotta work through that in therapy. sorry. i’m not going to change who i am and how i feel things just because of that. but now i know i can’t take a huge portion of my emotions or conversations to you (at least not without like, therapy/acknowledgement/awareness/conversation on your end) which is a bummer, since we’re friends. 
anyway i guess that’s my fucking point. 
i have encountered plenty of people who remind me of people who’ve hurt me in my life. even if they behave in similar ways, i save my judgment until after i get to know them personally. are they actually hurting me? are they being cruel to me? are they a judgmental person who holds bigoted beliefs? no? then they’re not the people who hurt me.
even if the answer to the above was “yes”, they are still not the people who hurt me. 
also emphasizing that having an emotional reaction to being triggered by someone’s behavior, mannerisms, or appearance--yeah man! it happens! trauma sucks! that’s totally normal and fine!
making it that person’s problem is not fine. 
you cannot put something on someone when they had nothing to do with it. and you cannot always evaluate a situation they’re in if you’re still stuck in being triggered.
triggered =/= ~can’t be trusted bc Emotions~
but it means that your sense of logic and evaluation is going to be warped or colored by the mindset you’re in. also speaking from experience here, folks!!! hi, this happens to me, too!!!
i’m not trying to be judgy or mean. this kind of thing just frustrates me beyond belief, bc i’ve had it directed at me--and as someone who has, no less than 100 times in therapy, been like “i don’t wanna be like my dad! i’m so scared i’m like him!!!”, it fucking sucks. to be treated. as though you’re the person who hurt the one you’re talking to, instead of who you are, which is someone else entirely who has done literally nothing to deserve this treatment. 
sometimes it happens in the moment and the processing hasn’t happened yet. life is life, it happens, no sweat. 
doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or anything.
i just wish we had more room for neutrality and nuance and also most importantly self-fucking-reflection
i’m tired. 
i need to stop this i’m staying up late again typing a pointless angry post that no one is going to give a single shit about FUCK. 
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