#Freud wins yet another fight

[is-the-primate-vid-cute]

i don't believe one should apply human morals to nature, not even fellow primates. we're just one species on earth who developed morality to survive and our perspective and way of life is vastly different from all other animals on earth. monkeys act in ways appropriate for their survival, so I'm not horrified when I hear stories about chimp violence, I feel awe and wonder the same way one would feel when they hear about a graceful panther on the hunt. It's an animal, it is capable of being adorable and full of love and also violence, just like humans. No different from cats, who have rendered entire species extinct and yet we love them anyway.

Interestingly, I have also seen chimp/other primate violence glorified using human morality! I’ve seen many posts online along the lines of “If a monkey hoarded resources/harmed their fellow monkey/acted against the majority the other monkeys would fight it”, or framing some of the chimp violence that has been widely publicized as the majority rising up against a tyrant. While there is some truth to that in that primate societies are small enough that they don’t have the same problems as human societies in terms of hegemonic social control (dominance of a group over others on a large scale) but rather smaller scale conflicts, it isn’t really the heroic scenario it might appear to be. 

Yes, if an alpha is disliked by a majority of troupe members a coup is very much on the table. Several chimps will band together to take down the alpha, which can go several ways. For example: 

1. They see the alphas display and allies, and judge that they are unlikely to win the fight. This results in the rival uprising backing down, potentially to try again later.

2. The alpha sees the overwhelming opposition and goes into exile, relinquishing alpha status to the challenger. Sometimes the alpha will return to the troupe either to reintegrate at a lower status or re-challenge for dominance.

3. A battle occurs, which results in bloodshed unless one party backs down and accepts defeat. If opposition against an alpha is well organized, this can result in the alpha being beaten to death. 

Are these conflicts motivated by objections to leadership? Yes. Are they just crusades against tyranny? Nope. These conflicts can happen for many reasons. The alpha could be too greedy with food when it is scarce, the alpha could monopolize the sexually available females, or another chimp might decide that the alpha is a soft enough touch that usurping leadership is an easy win. A good example of this is brothers Freud and Frodo, both of whom were alphas of a troupe of chimps in Gombe at different times. Freud was a more democratic leader, whereas Frodo ruled by brute strength. Freud was overthrown by his brother because Frodo evaluated that he had the strength to do so when Freud became sick with mange, and Freud relinquished power and went into exile for a few years before returning to accept a lower status in the troupe later. Though there is strength in numbers, Frodo went unchallenged until he became too ill to rule with an iron fist. Though Frodo was your typical chimp tyrant, he was not overthrown. 

Basically, if we are applying human standards to other species we are pretty much bound to be wrong. Chimps aren’t bloodthirsty brutes, and they aren’t warriors for justice. They are doing their own thing, and I respect them for it even if I wouldn’t want to be caught in the middle of it.

#mod J #chimps #chimpanzees

[noteguk]

omg as a veteran fanfic reader i remember that almost all jk fanfic i read had thigh riding in it 😭 plus from what i’ve noticed dilf jungkook is the new trend right now

Yeah!!!! Omg you’re right, I think it’s the dilf phenomenon too 🤔 I don’t know what that says about us as a society

#Freud wins yet another fight #ask #anon

[isitandwonder]

Where’s Feyd?

Okay, a very prominent character missing from Dune part I is Feyd Rautha.

Why?

I can understand why the emperor doesn’t appear - he can be seen as an aloof figure in the background. True, his exclusion takes away all the plotting going on bts before the Atreides get named as new rulers of Arrakis - but maybe there’s another way to show this?

I can - to an extent - even understand why Irulan doesn’t appear. Only having her appear in part II can stress how thrown into this whole story she is - much against her will. Though I liked the much bigger part she had in the TV series.

Count and Countess Fenring I would have loved to see! But I understand that the Dune universe is already so crowded and that these characters are probably the ones most easily being left out without cutting too much of the story.

But Feyd?

For me, he’s a dark mirror of Paul. (Dune works a lot with mirroring, like, the Harkonnen are the dark mirror of the Atreides, Piter is the dark mirror of Thufir, even Ramallo as the Fremen Sayyadina is a mirror of Gaius Helen Mohiam, Chani mirrors Irulan and so on).

Like Paul, Feyd is included in his uncles (devious) schemes. The baron explains to him in an early chapter what he plans with Arrakis and the Atreides, much like Leto includes Paul in some of his - more noble? - government affairs.

The baron lusts after Feyd as he lusts after Paul. And - spoiler - he’s related to both. That’s another similarity they share.

Feyd is shown training and fighting like Paul. But, as a dark mirror, Feyd’s opponent is drugged and that allows him to win.

Feyd is entertaining the idea to murder his uncle... Paul is also thinking about what will happen when his father dies, but, as the good side in this mirroring, he fears it. Yet they both know they can only succeed when their uncle/father dies.

The baron even plans to introduce Feyd as the savior to Arrakis after Rabban’s terror rule as whom the Fremen consider Paul. Both young men are destined to bring relief to and rule Arrakis.

Paul shouldn’t have been born. Lady Jessica should have given birth to a girl who should then have been married to Feyd to only maybe then create the Kwisatz Haderach. So in the Feyd/Paul relationship is Paul the girl? He alsmost loses the fight in the end, alsmost getting penetrated by the knife at Feyd’s hip... hello, Dr Freud?!

Okay, so, Feyd is IMPORTANT. As a character and as a narrative function, mirroring Paul, as the dark background that lets Paul shine; I think important enough that he should have appeared in the first movie. Just introducing him in Dune part II might be too late? It might feel forced, bringing him in so late? Or will his character be fused with Rabban? But will that work? Rabban is rather dumb and brutal while Feyd is much more sophisticated. He can even be called charming.

I think it’s important to show that the Harkonnen are not just fat ugly baddies. Feyd is the charming face of evil and that would break up the clichee that you can recognize an evil person by their looks (and, in the book, by their sexual orrientation, I’m curious how Villeneuve deals with that?).

So, why was he left out?

#Dune #feyd rautha

[just-a-caffeine-addict]

Quotes Accrued in a Decade

“…as you well know, the source of the Nile remained invisible to those who lived next to it for a thousand years. Identifying it required a stranger. (A fresh pair of eyes may see what others miss)” –Sherlock Holmes (From The Perils of Sherlock Holmes: Short Stories)

“A couple of years before he died, I kissed my father goodbye. He said, ‘Son, you haven’t kissed me since you were a little boy.’ It went straight to my heart, and I kissed him whenever I saw him after that, and my sons and I always kiss whenever we meet.” –Terry Wogan

“A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.” –Chinese Proverb

“All great truths begin as blasphemies.” –George Bernard Shaw

“An army of donkeys led by a lion is better than an army of lions led by a donkey.” –Genghis Khan

"An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it." –Mahatma Gandhi

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” –Cesar A. Cruz

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” –Marianna Williamson

“Ask not what your country can do for you –ask what you can do for your country.” –John Kennedy

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply give you courage.” –Lao Tzu

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.” –English Proverb

“Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.” –George Bernard Shaw

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” –Confucius

“Can you really have a bad experiment? I don’t know. But can you have a bad result? Yes.” — EvanAndKatelyn (From Can Resin Preserve a Pumpkin Carving?)

“canon is but the sandbox in which i strike lightning to form glass. trouble me no more with your quibblings and quorums, lest i grind you to dust beneath my heel and build stories from the remnants of your bones. Avast, foul fiend” —taako waititi (From Tumblr)

“Civil war? What does that mean? Is there any foreign war? Isn't every war fought between men, between brothers?” —Victor Hugo

“Cucullus non facit monachum (A cowl does not make a monk).” – Fool/Feste (From Twelfth Night)

“Demons run when a good man goes to war…” –River Song (From Doctor Who)

“Due to high cost of ammo, there will be NO WARNING SHOTS FIRED.” –Warning sign

“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.” –Nicholas Sparks (From Safe Haven)

“Everyone gives the title of barbarism to everything that is not in use in his own country.” –Michel de Montaigne (From Of Cannibals)

“Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.” –Brad Henry

“Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the fools.” –Unknown

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.” –Chinese Proverb

“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” –Thomas Edison

“Herr, wirf Hern vom Himmel -oder Steine, Hauptsache er trifft (Lord, throw some brains from the heavens -or stones, as long as he hits the mark)!” –German Proverb

“History is for human self-knowledge...the only clue to what man can do is what man has done. The value of history, then, is that it teaches us what man has done and thus what man is.” —R.G. Collingwood

“Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.” –James Thurber

“I can pretend I’m a fish, but I shouldn’t try to breathe underwater.” –Unknown

“I have the patience of a saint. Saint Cunty McFuckOff.” –Words on a cup

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 1,000 ways that won’t work.” –Thomas Edison

“I made some good deals and I made some bad ones. I really went in the hole with this one.” –Quote on a grave

“I occasionally think, how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. And yet, I ask is not an alien force ALREADY among us?” –Ronald Reagan

“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” –Isaac Newton

“If our impulses were confined to hunger, thirst, and desire, we might nearly be free; but now we are moved by every wind that blows, and a chance word or scene that that word may convey to us.” –Victor Frankenstein (From Frankenstein)

“If the world tells me I’m mad, whereas I know I’m not, which of us is right? Thus, being mad is what? Inventing a life one hasn’t lived or loving a woman met in another lifetime? Is it clinging to unsatisfied desires?..” Doriel (From A Mad Desire to Dance)

“If you’re afraid - don’t do it, - if you’re doing it - don’t be afraid!” –Genghis Khan

“If you’re going to be a writer, the first essential is just to write. Do not wait for an idea. Start writing something and the ideas will come. You have to turn the faucet on before the water starts to flow.” —Louis L’Amour

"If you're not asking the questions in a thoughtful way, you're not going to get any results that are useful or interesting." –Tony Wagner

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” –John Quincy Adams

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” –Jimi Hendrix (From Axis: Bold as Love)

"Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet has free access to the sum of all human knowledge." –Jimmy Wales (Founder of Wikipedia)

"In caucus terrae, luscus rex est (In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king)." –Latin Adage

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” –Abraham Lincoln

“In time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” –George Orwell

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” –André Gide (From Autumn Leaves)

"It's not that I'm so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer." –Albert Einstein

“It’s true. I forget important things sometimes… Sometimes I do think I should give up-- just let the crown win and the world freeze, with me in it. Some days I can’t remember a single reason to keep fighting. Some… Some days I-- I can’t remember her. But giving up’s EASY. You know what’s hard? To BELIEVE in your own worth, to KNOW you’ve got something special in you even if nobody else can see it. Even when YOU can’t.” –Ice King |Simon Petrikov from Adventure Time

“Learn yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” –Albert Einstein

“Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.” –Isaac Watts

“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.” –Sholom Aleichem

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” –Ann Landers

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” –James Baldwin

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.” —“The Wonder Years”

“My family is my strength and my weakness.” –Aishwarya rai Bachchan

“Names are the sweetest and the most important sounds in any language.” –Dale Carnegie

“No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.” –Mary Wollstonecraft

"No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips." –Sigmund Freud

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” –Lin Yutang

“NO TRESPASSING. Violators will be shot; Survivors will be shot again.” –Warning Sign

“Nobody knows you as well as our spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.” –Stephen Kendrick from The Love Dare

“Notice: Anyone found here at night will be found here in the morning.” –Warning Sign

“"One thing nature is very good at is creating incredibly complex microscopic structures. That's because nature's machines are the size of molecules, while our crude versions are the size of rooms." –Theodore Gray (from Molecules: The Elements and Architecture of Everything)

“Only the sufferers know how their bellies ache.“ –Burmese

“People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.” –Otto von Bismarck

“People think intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is ‘You’re safe with me’ - that’s intimacy.” –Taylor Jenkins Reid (From The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo)

“Play taps for my ass, cause it’s dead as hell.” –Unknown Quote

“Six of one, half a dozen of the other. (It doesn't matter which one we choose; Equally involved, equally responsible)”

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” –Markus Zusak (From I Am the Messenger)

“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” –Theodore Roosevelt

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can” –Arthur Ashe

“Take nothing but pictures; Leave nothing but footprints; Kill nothing but time.” –Caver’s Creed

“Take with a pinch of salt (Don’t completely believe what’s told).”

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” –Richard Bach

“The end of one thing is only the beginning of another.” –Unknown

“The family is a haven in a heartless world.” –Attributed to Christopher Lasch

“The helper seeks to help others because he knows what it is to be helpless.” –’ Zen’ Wander (From Wander Over Yonder)

"The million-dollar question: Why aren't we kinder? The second million-dollar question: How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less

delusional?" –George Sanders

“The need for a body of common knowledge and common reference ...grows more necessary so that people of different origins and occupation may quickly find common ground and, as we say, speak a common language...it also ensures a kind of mutual confidence and good will. One is not addressing an alien, blank as a stone wall, but a responsive creature whose mind is filled with the same images, memories, and vocabulary as oneself.” —Jacques Barzun

“The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them.” –Marilyn Monroe

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” –Roosevelt

“The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure you have enough.” –Louie CK

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” –Albert Camus

“The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy. The Buddha gave up the pleasures of life because they had become painful to him.” –Mahatma Gandhi

“The secret of a good memory is attention, and attention to a subject depends upon our interest in it. We rarely forget that which has made a deep impression on our minds.” —Tryon Edwards

“The secret to humor is surprise.” –Aristotle

“The surplus wealth of the few will become, in the best sense, the property of many, because administered for the common good.” –Andrew Carnegie

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” –G.K. Chesterson

"The word 'why' not only taught me to ask, but also to think. And thinking has never hurt anyone. On the contrary, it does us all a world of good." –Anne Frank

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.” –Ernest Hemingway From A Farewell To Arms

“There is no satisfaction in vengeance unless the offender has time to realize who it is that strikes him, and why retribution had come upon him.” –Jefferson Hope From Sherlock’s Adventures

“There will be something you hate in every job. The trick is finding a job where you love the good parts enough to make up for the crappy parts.” –post

“There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel.” –Crystal (From The Women of 1939)

“Though we tremble before uncertain futures… may we dance in the face of our fears.” –Gloria Anzaldua

“To forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time.” –Elie Wiesel (From Night)

“Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l’admire (A fool always finds a fool to admire him).” – Sherlock Holmes (French translation)

“We’re taught Lord Acton’s axiom: all power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely[...] I believed that when we started these books, but I don’t believe it’s always true anymore. [...] What I believe is always true about power is that power always reveals. When you have enough power to do what you always wanted to do, then you see what the guy always wanted to do.” –Robert A. Caro

“We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.” –Joseph Roux

“What we have done to ourselves alone, dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” –Brother Albert Pike

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” –Henry Ford

“When you wish upon a star, you’re a few million light years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.” –Unknown

“When you’re a brat, running fast is enough to make you popular. When you’re a middle-schooler, the guys who can fight will be popular, and after that it’s the guys with brains who can get the girls.” –Master of Protagonist (From The Fruit of Grisaia)

“Where we love is home –home where our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” –Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” –Plato

“You are the company you keep.” –Unknown

“You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul" –Chef Gusteau (From Ratatouille)

“You walk around a drunk, you get a tired drunk. Splash ‘em with water, you get a wet drunk. Give ‘em a coffee, you’ve got a wide-awake drunk…” –Unknown

#quotes #sayings #everything associated honestly #some I need to review

[lovelysincerity]

Durch Leiden Freude

[[Yes I know this is random but I got inspired at work and figured this was the best day to throw it at you. Have some emotions. They’re good for you, probably.

Here’s my hand at writing Reiji, hope you enjoy this dose of angst.]]

(Alternate version Ai’s All Star Love End if Reiji had found a certain trio after the Song Festival, plenty of spoilers)

After hearing that performance, Reiji already knew who the winner of this year’s Song Festival would be. And strangely enough, underneath the initial disappointment he felt… satisfaction.

Watching the much younger idol maturing over the past six months had been a delight. Just a half year ago Ai wouldn’t have smiled at him to save his life, and now, shortly before the concert began, Ai had smiled at him and told him good luck. Good luck. Just hearing that left Reiji momentarily flabbergasted; when he recovered, the grin he took onto stage was huge and came with what he was certain was one of his best performances ever.

And yet, when the next performance began and Ai opened his mouth to sing, Reiji felt certain that this would be the winning performance. He could only hear it over the monitors backstage, but that was enough to convince him.

“Ai-Ai… you’ve really grown,” murmured Reiji to himself. His eyes had closed to listen better, his fists tight at his sides. “Kouhai-chan was the best medicine after all, huh? … Haha, I didn’t think it’d be this satisfying to lose.”

But if it was Ai, the frustration and disappointment that his performance hadn’t been good enough could be pushed aside. Longing clenched Reiji’s heart in their place as he wondered if he could ever sing like that- but none of that now. Ai and Haruka had come so far and he was proud of them. Now would be the time to congratulate them.

… So where were they?

Reiji took a casual look around after Ai left the stage to compliment him on his performance. No luck on the other side of the backstage, nor in the dressing room. This didn’t bother him since Reiji figured he could wait for Ai to show up for the award ceremony at the end of the event.

Except Ai never came on stage, even when his name was called as the winner. As confused whispers swept over the audience, Reiji bit his lip. Something seemed off when Saotome announced that an important engagement had come up and Mikaze Ai had needed to leave right away. What kind of ‘important engagement’ could trump this event in Saotome’s mind?

Time to take another look around. Haruka, along with Ai’s mentees Syo and Natsuki, were still here. He could ask them what happened.

Of course Reiji was concerned about Ai. It had nothing to do anymore with Ai’s similarities to Aine- that couldn’t have been the reason for his unease at this sudden disappearance. This… disappearance.

And fear, unbidden, gripped Reiji’s heart. That wouldn’t happen again, would it? Ai wasn’t Aine, Ai wasn’t suffering, Ai was happy- that song just now had been proof enough. Why, then, were Reiji’s footsteps picking up in his search for those three kouhai, and why was it hard to keep his worry off his face?

A familiar voice caught his ear and turned Reiji’s feet towards a door he wouldn’t have thought to look in, an unused dressing room. When had he gotten this far down the hallway? He brushed that thought aside and, after fixing his smile on his face, gripped the knob and flung open the door.

“Kouhai-chaaaan~! And Nattsun and Syo-tan too!” he proclaimed, the sudden entry and exclamation greeted by gasps for surprise. “Ai-Ai’s performance today was just incredible! Congrats, you guys! Now Kouhai-chan’s debut is a guaranteed-”

He stopped. Or rather, his throat had clenched and refused to let him say any more. The three younger ones were huddled in a circle on the floor, Natsuki with his arms around the other two, and all three were hastily brushing away tears.

A cold stone dropped into Reiji’s stomach. Instead of celebrating, they were crying. Icy fear chilled Reiji’s legs and froze his feet to the ground; his outstretched hand fell to his side.

What had happened to Ai?

One, two shaky breaths in, out, in, out, as Reiji fought to make his blank mind and numb tongue work, to come up with something. Finally he opened his mouth-

“Thank you, Kotobuki-senpai! W- was there something you needed?”

Haruka spoke first, startling Reiji back into silence for a moment. No, that wasn’t it. It was the shaky yet kind smile she’d forced on when she greeted him, and it snapped him back to his senses.

‘Get your act together, Rei-chan! This isn’t the time to let your fears get a hold on you!’

He wrenched his feet from the ground and strode forward. In the next moment Reiji dropped to his knees in front of the trio and pulled all three into an awkward hug. Maybe it wasn’t about Ai, maybe it was something else. Comforting them took priority.

“… Don’t bother trying to hide those tears, kiddos,” Reiji told them softly. “I’m good at spotting teary faces, y’know! … So what’s the matter?”

Unbeknownst to them, he was holding his breath, afraid of the answer. Afraid of what he might learn- or not learn.

Syo was the first to answer. “We’re just- maybe we’re just so happy we’re crying!”

Nope, not flying. “Sorry, I’m not buying that,” Reiji told him, his hand gently knocking Syo on the back of the head. “I know the difference between happy tears and sad tears.”

“Hmph… sniff…”

“Go ahead and cry, it’s okay. You can talk later.”

“We’re… we’re okay,” Haruka tried with another smile that was more watery than the previous. She looked ready to break down again any second. “Don’t worry, we’ll… we’ll be fine…”

“Nanami,” whispered Syo, his teeth clenched. Natsuki hadn’t spoken, or maybe he couldn’t with his jaw trembling that badly.

Reiji’s heart went out to them. They weren’t just sad, they were grieving. And that was enough to send his worried thoughts into overdrive. What were they hiding?

“Hey,” he murmured, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. Time to try distracting them and calming them down. “What’s this sudden business Ai-Ai had to leave for? He missed the awards ceremony, that kid, and now he’s not even around to… comfort you…”

They’d flinched at his question. Ah… this was related to Ai after all… No, no, he needed to stay calm. He was a professional, he could easily hide things from them, he had to hide his fears.

Guilt swirled in the pit of his stomach with his concern. In truth Reiji knew he’d been cruel to ask that question, for he’d posed it as a test as much as to hopefully calm them. Their reaction gave him the answer he hadn’t wanted to hear yet had expected.

“- Where is Ai-Ai?”

This time, the worry leaked unbidden into Reiji’s voice. He cursed himself in his head. How could he be so immature as to act this way? Especially while they were grieving whatever had happened. ‘Keep your hands from shaking, Rei-chan, they’ll feel it…’

None of them would look at him, somehow avoiding eye contact from this close distance. “Is it something secret?” Reiji pressed, his anxiety winning out. They all knew what had happened, that was certain. “I’m just worried about you three and about Ai-Ai.”

“… Hngh…” Haruka turned her head away when a choked sob left her throat. Immediately Reiji felt guilt again.

“I’m sorry, Kouhai-chan. Forget I asked. You can go ahead and cry about whatever happened, it’s okay.”

“Rei-chan-senpai…” For the first time Natsuki spoke, softer and more forlorn than Reiji had heard him even in acting. “I’m sorry. This is… this is one thing we can’t talk about. Thank you for worrying, and we want to say, but… we can’t talk about this.”

Couldn’t talk about it? Reiji wanted to protest, to say that he just wanted to be sure they were okay or something (in contradiction to his own words before, he knew), except he couldn’t. Not when he had too much he couldn’t, no, wouldn’t tell them.

And so Reiji defaulted to the easiest, hardest, most typical response for him: he put on a smile and agreed. “Okay, I understand. I won’t ask anything else. It’s okay.”

“S- sorry,” Haruka sniffed, Reiji only chuckling in reply and patting her back.

“Aww, don’t be sorry! I should be sorry for bugging you with questions! Go on and let it all out, I won’t tell anyone. Tell you what, I’ll treat you kiddos to something good later!”

He wanted to add, “To celebrate Ai-Ai placing first,” but held off.

Held off on quite a lot, in fact.

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

At some point, it became common knowledge around Shining Agency that Mikaze Ai was studying overseas for a while. Everyone accepted this and moved on. He was famous but still young enough that no one thought twice about a teenager in the industry taking an opportunity to learn more.

The movie Ai had starred in would be released soon. Reiji thought he might see if he could view it on the opening day. Ai had done a fantastic job, especially towards the end. Acting alongside him in that movie had been a great experience and Reiji wanted to know how the finished product had turned out.

He hadn’t moved on. Try as he might, Reiji couldn’t disregard this. The end of the movie and filming that scene where the mermaid had disappeared into the water had been hard enough; then Ai himself went and vanished? It was like his nightmares all over again.

He got a call from one of the staff members asking if his schedule was free in a few days. Apparently the entire staff was gathering together to watch the finished product the day before it would be released in theaters. Since Reiji’s schedule had mysteriously opened up that day, he went for it.

Maybe this could give him some closure, although Reiji doubted it. It was worth a try and he already wanted to see the movie anyway.

The day came and found Reiji at the theater last minute. He slipped in moments before the theater darkened and the opening credits rolled. In the dim lighting from the projection he could just see Haruka a short distance away. Her gaze was fixed on the screen, her expression one of longing… and hope.

That sent a pang through Reiji’s chest. Hope? Did he even feel that anymore? That girl was so pure still, holding onto hope.

Hope for what, though? Was it the same thing he hoped for? … Did he hope for something?

That question had bothered Reiji these past few months. What did he hope for, if at all? That Ai was okay? That he really was just studying overseas? He just couldn’t bring himself to believe it, not when the teary faces of Haruka, Natsuki and Syo kept cropping up in his mind.

Reiji wrenched his thoughts back to the movie unfolding onscreen. He came here to watch this and he would do just that.

At the scene where the mermaid boy, Ai’s character, reunite with the human girl from his past, someone near Reiji whispered to another, “Man, that scene brings back memories,” to which both quietly chuckled.

Reiji, too, found himself smiling. It had been the first scene for Ai to stumble, the first time he hadn’t gotten a scene perfect the first take in fact. The memory of both young actors sprawled on the ground from colliding foreheads made Reiji want to chuckle and wince at the same time.

The movie continued, and so did the memories. He wasn’t seeing this as what Aine could have been, he was remembering all the effort Ai had put into the filming and Haruka’s dogged persistence at helping out. The flubs, the successes, the tears everyone had shared as the last scene finished filming. It had been an unforgettable experience…

As the final credits rolled at last, applause broke out across the theater. Congratulations and well dones sounded over the ending music. Reiji ignored this and leaned back in his seat, melancholy rolling over him again.

‘What could I have done differently?’

He asked himself that a lot as an actor when looking back on shows he’d been on or recordings of events he’d been in. Thinking back on those and studying what he’d done helped him improve. This time, though, that wasn’t what he was thinking about.

Was there something that could have prevented the tears from those three? Had he missed something from Ai? Was it really okay to move on and let himself believe that Ai really was fine?

These thoughts continued to swirl in Reiji’s head. And then-

The screen lit up again. Silence quickly fell over the theater again, this time of confusion. Everyone was looking at one another with the same silent question: “Was there supposed to be something after the movie?”

Reiji’s eyes locked on the screen. He became aware that his heart was racing. For what, he didn’t know, except he knew he couldn’t look away from whatever unfamiliar scene would unfold.

Blue, blue sky. Endlessly clear blue sea, crystal waves. A familiar sandy shoreline: the location they’d filmed the final scene at.

Then, a voice.

“I’m right here. Where are you?”

“… Ai-Ai…” The shaky whisper escaped Reiji before he knew he was speaking. When had this scene been filmed? If anything, the clear sky and the green trees in the distance made it look recent.

A rustle and sound of pattering feet yanked Reiji’s attention from the screen when it went black. He turned his head just in time to see Haruka racing down the side aisle towards the back of the theater and then out into the lobby. For a moment Reiji was struck with an urge to follow her, one he forced down.

‘… Hope, huh?’ That was exactly what Haruka’s hurried form had been declaring, the same feeling rising in his own chest.

Haruka was excited, and now Reiji was too.

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

Two days later, for the first time in months, Ai replied to Reiji’s text. Reiji had sent them almost daily, his usual rambling chatter about things that had happened during the day along with various queries about how Ai had been doing. As time went on he’d begun asking more and more if everything was really okay, even messing up once and letting slip that he was worried.

“Though he probably picked up on that already, sharp as he is,” had been Reiji’s dry laugh to himself at that time.

This time had been no different. All Reiji had gone on about was the same mostly pointless things as usual plus a cheery question of if they could hang out when Ai got back. He’d posed that question a couple times before, not that he’d expected any responses for a while now. Why, then, he had continued to send those regular texts was beyond him. Maybe that was some kind of hope? Or maybe he was just bad at giving up?

Regardless Reiji had sent that most recent text during a pause in his most recent job and had put down the phone a moment later to continue working. When he’d gotten back to the break room and spotted the notifications light flashing he’d assumed it would be something about work or perhaps a text from Otoya or a work friend.

When he read the name of the sender, for a moment Reiji’s heart seemed to stop. Four familiar katakana spelling out a nickname. A reply… from Ai.

Reiji fumbled to check it, almost dropping his phone in his haste. The message that opened up on screen was short, as per Ai’s usual, but it was enough to make Reiji smile.

<Okay. Tomorrow afternoon?>

Not only had Ai replied, he’d agreed. What should he reply now? No, wait, that was obvious. He’d make room tomorrow! >Tomorrow afternoon at 3pm! Your studio!< Ai would counter that if he didn’t like it, Reiji didn’t really care.

He didn’t have a chance to put away the phone before the next reply came, even shorter than before: <Okay.> Even to that, Ai had agreed.

“Haha… ahaha…!” A grin had spread over Reiji’s face, quiet laughter of relief and delight coming with it. Somehow, just those few words had lifted a weight from his back. His fingers shook as he typed out one more text. >All righty~! See you then! Been too long and I hear what you’ve been up to!<

… No, not quite the last. For a long moment Reiji’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Should he ask one more thing?

>And I want to know why Kouhai-chan and the others were crying after the Song Festival and where you went.<

This time the reply took much longer, though Reiji had the strangest sense that Ai was debating his reply as well. At last…

<Okay.>

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

What was he so anxious for this time? Ai had agreed to see him and explain things, so why did Reiji feel nervous about this? Was it because he hadn’t seen the other in several months? Because he felt silly for worrying all this time? Something else?

There he stood, one hand lifted, unable to knock on the door before him. This was Ai’s studio, it was 3 o’clock, he’d said he would be here for crying out loud! All Reiji had to do was knock- wait, there was a bell, should he ring that instead-?

The door opened while Reiji was still fretting over what to do. He jerked back a step, his thoughts flailing. “Um, uh, ummm-!”

“For crying out loud, Reiji, how long as you going to stand there?”

Ai had one hand on his hip and the other on the doorknob, his brow knitted in a very familiar frown of exasperation. As Reiji looked on, dumbstruck, Ai went on, “You’ve been standing there for several minutes. I was going to wait until you rang the bell but you just took so long I got fed up.”

“Ai-Ai…”

“Hm?” Ai met Reiji’s gaze with his head tilted. His expression softened into a small smile. “Well? Don’t just stand there, come in.”

“Uh- r- right!” ‘Snap to it!’ Reiji scolded himself. He barely kept from stumbling when he hurried past Ai into the open studio room that Ai lived in.

As Ai shut the door behind them, Reiji caught a glimpse of silver around his wrist. ‘That’s the bracelet Kouhai-chan got him for his birthday, isn’t it?’ Somehow, seeing that Ai was wearing it set Reiji’s mind at ease. ‘He’s still the same. That’s right. Ai-Ai is still the same.’

“So, you wanted to talk?” That question from Ai startled Reiji just a little. He chuckled weakly.

“C’mon, Ai-Ai, aren’t you going to at least offer me something to drink? Hospitality, hospitality!”

Instead of sighing the way Reiji expected him to, Ai considered it. “You’re right. It’s been a while and I rarely have to host anyone, so I didn’t think about it. I’ll go get-”

“No, no, don’t worry, I was just joking!” Reiji cut across hastily. “I didn’t know what else to start with, that’s all!” He trailed off, just staring at the younger boy.

“… What is it?” Ai’s brow furrowed again. “You’re acting kind of wei-”

“Ai-Ai~!”

“- Whoa?!”

Everything he’d considered saying before he got here had fled Reiji as relief had taken over. Without even thinking about it he’d flung his arms around Ai, not minding that Ai stumbled just a little.

Of course Ai protested. “H- hey, Reiji! What the heck-?! You almost knocked me over, geez…!” Yet he made no attempt to push Reiji off and just heaved a sigh. Again he muttered, “Geez,” followed by what Reiji was certain was a quiet laugh.

“… You didn’t forget, did you?” Reiji’s question was soft, a little muffled. “What I asked yesterday?”

Ai was silent; when he didn’t answer right away Reiji let go and took a step back to see his face. “You didn’t, did you?” he pressed. “You of all people wouldn’t forget.”

“No, I didn’t, you don’t have to get all worked up like that,” grumbled Ai. Again Reiji laughed, louder than before.

“Haha, of course not, you wouldn’t forget!”

“I wouldn’t… again…”

“Hm? What was that?” Reiji missed part of what Ai mumbled there. “Something- again?”

A sigh from Ai, who folded his arms. “It’s… hmmm. I’m not sure where to begin.”

Then Ai wasn’t going to pass it off with “it’s nothing?” That was a surprise. Unless it had something to do with what Reiji had asked him yesterday.

Silence fell for about long ten seconds. The one to break it was Ai, in an unexpected way. He heaved another sigh, looked right at Reiji, and said, “I wanted to see you. And thank you.”

Reiji was floored. He gaped, floundered for words, and at last came out with a breathy laugh. “Wha… ahaha! C’mon, you’re gonna make me blush~!”

“I’m serious, Reiji.” Ai was smiling again, not widely but a real smile. “Haruka told me you were worried about me and that you comforted her, Syo and Natsuki the day of the Song Festival. And all those texts from you- well, frankly, they took forever to look through when I was finally able to read them, and at first they were annoying… but after a while I realized you were just worried. I’m sorry about that, and thank you.”

Again, speechlessness silenced Reiji. He only managed a few stutters. “Y- you… so… sorry…?”

“Hey, is it that shocking? Even I can be sorry about things.” Both disappointment and irritation had Ai’s cheeks puffing out in unusual childishness. The sight and his words stirred some sense back into Reiji.

“Haha, yeah.” He took a deep breath. Now was his chance to say some of the things that had been weighing on his mind before things got awkward.

“Phew… Listen, Ai-Ai. You know that Kouhai-chan and the other two have been worrying about you the whole time you were gone, right?” A suddenly serious question, but Reiji needed to say it. If not now, maybe not ever.

Ai’s gaze dropped. “… Yeah. I’ve already talked to them and apologized.”

“Good, because they were pretty darn torn up when you… disappeared.” At those words Ai’s eyes snapped back to Reiji; although he said nothing, the unasked question was obvious: “What do you mean?”

Reiji went on with his gaze locked on Ai’s, “Maybe that’s not exactly what it was. All I know is that I couldn’t find you after you were up on stage that day, and immediately after I found your partner and two kouhai crying. No one saw anything of you from then on. It was like you just- just vanished.” He paused. “Frankly, worried as I’ve been, I want to sock you one too for that. So, Ai-Ai… could you tell me what’s been going on?”

No answer came immediately. Reiji waited, trying to slow his racing heart. He was anxious, he was excited, he was scared. This wasn’t like several years ago when he’d first met Ai and had gotten such a shock to see someone so identical to Aine standing before him. This was Ai, with all Ai’s memories and experiences and connections. Could he hope that he’d formed enough of a bond that Ai would trust him?

When Ai next opened his mouth, Reiji held his breath to hear. “I told you I’d tell you, so I’ll tell you what I can. No… I’ll tell you what I want to, as much as I want to. But… just answer one thing first.”

“Hm? What is it?”

“Can you promise that you’ll tell me what you know about Kisaragi Aine?”

Goosebumps rose along Reiji’s arms. He sucked in a shaky breath, his mind reeling. No, he had to calm down. There was nothing strange about Ai asking about Aine. A good number of people knew they looked and sounded alike, he could have picked it up from anyone. Perhaps even Haruka, who had asked Reiji directly and who knew that Aine and Reiji had been friends.

The steady seriousness in Ai’s gaze told Reiji that this wasn’t an idle question, that whatever would come from it and from each of their answers would be deep. And Reiji let out a long, slow breath and smiled.

“Yeah. I’ll tell you what I know.”

Ai examined him for several seconds, and then smiled as well.

“Thanks. Okay. I’ll tell you… everything.”

He lifted a hand and tapped the side of his neck…

#MY FRIEND WRITES GOOD STUFF 8D #This gave me feels #submission

[sterling-starlight]

The Way We Heal

(Kinda-sorta spoilers for 5k Trainer week 4, day 1)

Sam’s distance bothered Runner Five. Admittedly she didn’t know him all that well, since she had been all but banned from visiting him in the hospital.

(”It isn’t you,” Maxine informed Runner Five gently. “Not exactly. It’s who you replaced. I’ve managed to get Sam to start talking but...” she let out a breath through her nose. “There is still more we need to discuss. More that he needs to get out into the open. Seeing you before he’s ready to get back to work might cause him to relapse. I hope you understand.”) 

Sam sounded horrible over the headset. Tired, drained, and broken. It sounded like it physically pained him to call her by her number. She had to do something.  She fast-walked to the runner’s barracks after she had dropped off her headset. Maxine had told her that Sam had left the shack right after Runners Five and Four had come back to Abel. If she hurried, she would be able to catch him before he locked himself away. 

“Sam!” Runner Five called out as soon as she spotted him, walking like he had lead weights tied to his ankles towards the barracks. He turned back to look at her, and gave her a smile that was probably supposed to be friendly and casual. It looked more like he was trying not to cry. 

“Oh... hey there,” he replied once Runner Five slowed to a stop beside him. “Runner-” His breath hitched in his throat again, and he averted his gaze. “Runner-” He attempted again, but Five held her hand up to stop him.

“Stop. Just don’t, okay? You can call me by my name, if it’s easier for you. It’s Ish-”

“No!” Sam interrupted, too quickly and too frantically. It took him a good ten seconds to recompose himself.“I’m... glad you think we’re close enough for me to call you by your real name. But just...” He ran his hands down his face, “... not yet.” He said weakly. Sam dropped his hand listlessly back to his sides. “Was there anything you needed?”

“To talk,” Runner Five answered simply. She crossed her arms, “I know you’ve been talking to Maxine, but maybe... another person would help? I don’t know.” She finished lamely, kicking up a small cloud of dirt. “...Do you like stargazing? ‘Cause I found a pretty good place not too long ago. You know that empty plot of land next to the hospital? It’s there. Do you want to come with me after dinner?”

“I’ll consider it. I was planning on going through Alice’s things tonight,” Sam paused and took a deep, long, steadying breath. “So I can’t promise anything tonight. Sorry.” 

--

True to his word, Sam didn’t show up that night. Runner Five didn’t see him at all the following day, and she couldn’t help but shake the feeling that she had overstepped something somewhere.  Jesus Christ. Of all the things that were crammed into her brain when she was taking psychology, why wasn’t ‘The Basics of PTSD; How To Help Your Friend’ included? It would have been infinitely more helpful to her than learning about Sigmund Freud. 

Runner Five picked at the dirt until she loosened a stone-sized clot from its fracture and sent it skittering across the ground with a sharp flick of her wrist. There was only about two hours before curfew was called. She sighed and looked up at the night sky. Ten minutes. She would give Sam another ten minutes. 

Those ten minutes turned to twenty. Thirty. Forty. Fifty. And then finally an hour. Runner Five sighed and pushed herself off the ground, brushing the dirt off her backside as she did so.  

“Why did I think he would even want to come?” Five said to herself, brushing the dirt off her hands. “It’s not like we’re even really that close.” 

“Erm.. am I too late?”

“Jesus Fucking Christ in a Sunday Mass!” 

Runner Five jumped nearly a foot in the air, and turned to look, wide-eyed, at Sam. He grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“That’s all it takes to scare you? Someone sneaking up behind? Never took you for the jumpy type.”

“That someone could be a zombie.”

“A talking zombie? God, could you imagine?” Sam put on a ridiculous accent that was, probably, his attempt at an American one. “Excuse me, young lady. I would like to announce that I would like very much to eat you. Please and thank you.” 

Runner Five snorted a laugh, “Okay, smart-ass, you win.”  

Same laughed, and for thew first time in over a week it actually sounded half-way genuine. “So, is it too late to stare at the stars with you? I mean. curfew’s in about an hour and all.”

“Get over here and lay down.” Runner Five replied, dropping herself back onto the ground. She patted the spot next to her before falling onto her back. Sam did as he was told, laying down a good arm’s reach away from her and folding his hands against his stomach. He contemplated the sky for nearly a minute before asking, 

“So... what are we looking at?”

“Okay, so, we’re currently facing north. It’s, what, mid-June-ish? Ursa Minor is almost directly above us,” Runner Five pointed a finger at the sky towards the aforementioned constellation, “the tail of Draco is right below that. See it?”

“Nnnnnnnnno. I don’t even know what Ursa Minor is.” 

“It’s a constellation that has the Polaris star- you know, the North Star? Find that, then look directly below it. If you look closely, you’ll be able to see the curvature of Draco’s tail. If you need help finding Draco, you just need to find Gamma Draconis since it’s-”

“I’m just going to stop you there, because you honestly lost me at North Star.” Sam cut in. “How do you know so much about the stars anyway?”

“My dad was an Astronomer,” Five replied fondly. “When I was little, and I got scared, he would take me stargazing. If I had a nightmare, he’d take me out into the backyard and point out constellations to me. It’s helped me a lot, especially since... you know,” Five waved a hand in the air, “the end of the world and all.” She let her hand fall onto the dirt. 

“I see,” Sam said quietly. “That’s sounds really nice. Brilliant, actually.” He turned his head to look at Runner Five’s profile, “but I don’t suppose you didn’t ask me out here to reminisce about your dad.”

“That wouldn’t help you at all,” Runner Five replied, shaking her head. She turned on her side to face Sam. “I’m hoping stargazing will help you like it’s helped me. Just a calm, quiet way to disconnect from the rest of the world, you know?”

“That’s...” Sam sucked in a chocked breath. “You barely know me. I nearly got you killed during your training.  Why are you being so nice?” 

“To put it bluntly, it’s because I know what you’re going through. When I was an Enforcer back at Mullins, I lost my Runner. The difference being that I was barely given any time to properly mourn her.” Runner Five grabbed a fistful of dirt, and then let it fall loosely between the cracks of her fingers. “My commanding officers told me: “Enforcer Romeo, this is the new Runner Eighteen. Keep him safe and don’t get him killed.” I didn’t get any sort of meaningful support. I didn’t have anyone to reach out to, because when a Runner or Enforcer died hardly anyone bloody fucking cared.” She snarled the last part of her sentence, her hand fisting into the dirt. She let out a deep exhale, “going through that was Hell. So, bottom line: I’m here for you, Sam. You don’t have to talk to me tonight, or tomorrow, or even next week. I’d be fine if you just stared at the sky with me and didn’t say a word. 

Sam turned onto his back again, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Five...” It almost sounded like a sob, but it wasn’t quiet at that point yet. He quickly changed the subject. “Enforcer Romeo, was it?” He laughed lightly, “that’s certainly a designation. Were all Enforces called something like that?”

“Oh yeah. For some really weird reason, Mullin’s commanding officers decided to designated Enforcers by the phonetic alphabet and Runners by numbers. Which brings me to the other half of what I wanted to say yesterday. You can call me ‘Romeo’, or ‘Rome’, if it’s still too hard to think of me as the new Runner Five.” 

“I appreciate the offer but, no. I’m not doing that.” Sam ran a hand through his hair, “Maxine says that in order for me to recover, I have to come to terms with the fact that you’re Runner Five now. But, let’s not worry about that now. I think I actually do see that Draco-thing you were talking about earlier. Is it that curvy line of stars right above us?”

Runner Five frowned slightly. He was avoiding the subject. Despite every single urge in her body to fight and argue the point because, damn it, she was doing this for him, she swallowed down her petty desire to get the last word in. She rolled back onto her back and correctly identified Draco in the sky. 

#Zombies Run Fanfiction #w4d1 gave me a lot of feelings okay? #Sam Yao #Ishani Anand (Runner Five)

[richardgrannon-blog]

“Love-Phobia” and Counter Dependency

Counter dependency issues and fear of the loving embrace. What did Freud mean when he used the term “love”? In a psychoanalytic sense, we probably should use their rather cold, anaemic term instead: attachment. Love (attachment) to the infant is far more primal and pre-conscious than the way “love” we would normally talk about it. The way we use it in our daily language, the way it is used in a love song or in a romantic comedy. Attachment is a preconcious survival drive that matures (hopefully) into what we call love. In this primal way effective attachment (love) is not choosing the best mate you can get but is instead more closely related to survival itself. In the primal way of discussing “attachment” love is safety, love is warmth, love is life, love is not dying out in the cold, love is another warm human being (with little or no thought to that entities appearance, tinder profile, favourite colour or future career prospects). Love is reaching out and touching. Love is being reached out to and connected with. To the small child we all once were attachment is life. Non attachment is abandonment, terror and death. It is NOT a choice. No wonder we are all a little “highly strung” and anxious around the topic of love. In this pre-conscious, primal, pre-ego state of the mini caveperson that a young child represents, attachment is more important than food and shelter. Think about it: attachment is the implicit promise of future food and shelter. Future safety, ongoing security and protection from the horrors in the night. The opposite of this love (attachment) is not “hate” or “disgust” it is death. Again: the opposite or ABSENCE of this loving attachment (libidinous, live driving connection) is the absence of safety and nourishment and care, which is death itself in the mind of the child. So when we as a very small child reach out to connect, quite physically to receive life giving calories from the breast, this is one of our most primal and reflexive instincts. To touch and to be touched. To receive “care”. We are separated entities, traumatically separated from the womb, hopefully with a loud scream of protest if we are to be deemed healthy by the midwife, who then once separated spend the rest of our lives seek fiercely to reconnect. The first humans we will seek to connect with are the ones who are most present. We call them parents, they might be primary caregivers, the psychoanlysts call them “primary objects”. Yes the term seems at first rather bloodless, cold and aloof. You may be detecting a pattern here. These are good and functional terms that offer great analytical insight, but they are frosty to the touch.

 The small, vulnerable open child reaches out craving attachment and safety. To be reassured, to be held, to be loved, to be valued. To be saved. What if in that reaching out, in the docking and the interaction between the child and the primary object there is a fault? An error? What if reaching out and connecting to a parent who is an alcoholic, for example, the emotionally labile, confusing and dysregulated behaviour is internalised by the child as a potential invitation for abuse? What if in forming that stable connection the child learns, to their horror, frustration and despair they have welded themselves to a sick, smothering, overheated chaotic engine that wants to greedily and violently guzzle ALL their fuel? What if the reaching out creates a dark, enmeshed confusing mess of coercion, mutation and boundary blurring between the frail, innocent child and a dark, corrupted, emotionally hostile adult? Then the child will learn the following “rules” to be internalised deeply as unconscious beliefs: Reaching out is dangerous. Connection invites hostility. Loving another can lead to enslavement and torture. Attachment is a cycle of pain and pleasure, punishment and reward. Connection is a game with winners and losers, and the winners (the tyrannical primary objects) take it ALL. You must FIGHT for your very survival! Do all you can to never be on the losing side ever again. Yes even it means becoming the predator, never let yourself ever be the prey…. Ever, ever again. In such a hostile and insecure environment what will the young human do? They will learn to protect themselves from the torture and pain that is INHERENT (according to their experience) to all loving connections. The child learns to say: forget love. Push it away. It hurts. Always. “If love is always pain and chaos and drama and disruption then I can learn to live without it.” However as the child moves into young adulthood, adolescence, the hormonal drive to procreate reaches a fever pitch. Though they may hate themselves for it (and hate the object of their affections for inducing such a state of “weakness” in them) they cannot help but crave connections with others. The individual is running a strict internal rule “no love, love is danger, love is pain and yet they are forced, compelled by their biological drives to connect. They learn to be distant, contradictory, manipulative, provoking, withholding, secretive, duplicitous, punishing (and rewarding) all in an effort to control this terrible, powerful, loathsome yet intoxicating force: The drive to attachment. Love itself. This damaged “attachment style” is called “counter-dependence”. This is the FIGHT to the codependent’s FAWN response. But we all will transition between the two to some degree. Counter-dependence = FIGHT against love, push it away. Show it disdain to control it. Co-dependence= FAWN and supplicate and merge in order to win love and control it. CPTSD is to some extent a traumatic (traumatised) response in an effort to control love itself. We can see from this how some counterdependents may look very much like BPD and NPD, and whilst all cluster-B have counter-dependency issues, not all counter dependents fall within the Cluster B. What can be done? People suffering with this issue would do well to: 1. Be humble enough to admit they have a problem and have the insight to see how much it is hurting them. 2. Seek to resolve their CPTSD and Emotional Flashbacks. It is the emotional flashback that causes the counter-dependent, push away fight response. No flashback, no counter dependent response. 3. Be philosophical and objective in challenging their own thoughts and feelings and their own self image. This self image can end up being a little grandiose as it was formed in DEFIANCE of a smothering and narcissistic parent. Hence the confrontational communication style and the tendency to demand certain unrealistic standards be met being backed with threats to punish/banish/abandon. Heavy topic. Hopefully it helps some people. https://youtu.be/A7SyttiYtt0

#counterdependent #codependent #cptsd problems #Cptsdrecovery #love

[evolutioncounseling]

In emotional detachment there’s nothing wrong with the emotional apparatus per se. People with emotional detachment are capable of experiencing the full emotional spectrum just like anybody else. Actually it’s precisely because they’re emotionally sensitive that they felt compelled in childhood or adolescence to decide to stop being that way, to stop caring. They decided to put up the wall, they decided to stop sharing their soft emotional underbelly with anybody else because opening themselves up emotionally always led to bad consequences. Sooner or later the other show dropped and feelings of security, the pleasant feeling of being accepted and loved, would make way for painful anxiety and the unpleasant feeling of being rejected and despised. What we have going on in the syndrome of emotional detachment is not the inability to access or share emotions but rather the conscious or unconscious decision not to in order to find some relief. It comes down to this. People with emotional detachment were made to feel helpless in a hostile world too often for too long and finally decided to fight back in their own way. That way, a rather ingenious solution when we think about it, was simply to stop letting what was happening to them get to them through deciding to never again put themselves in a vulnerable emotional situation. Helplessness is not necessarily an unpleasant state. If we feel supported and protected by a loving community helplessness can be a quite pleasant state. Imagine yourself as a young baby in the gentle arms of a caring mother. In a way that’s the state we’re all trying to get back to in one form or another, that’s paradise lost, that’s human existence before the fall. But combine the sense of helplessness with threatening, malicious external forces and the situation suddenly changes. Adults with emotional detachment often complain that it’s been so long since they shut off that they don’t know how to turn back on but the fact is that full contact with the emotional experience is right there waiting for them. Many of them do enjoy rich emotional lives from within the safety of the castle they’ve built for themselves. As long as they feel safe they let themselves feel. But any and all stimuli that make them feel unsafe cause anxiety to bubble up, which causes them to quickly recur to the various defense mechanisms and rationalizations they’ve built up over the years to find relief from it. It’s other people and the potential intimate relationships they represent who present the single greatest threat to emotional security since the feeling of helplessness in a hostile world always occurred in the context of intimate relationships. The more intimate the relationship the greater the threat posed, which obviously causes a real problem since we all need intimate relationships, we all need to feel truly connected, to be happy and to keep existential anxiety at bay. Yet the prospect of an intimate relationship and the emotional vulnerability this that this type of relationship demands creates anxiety in people with emotional detachment, which causes them to retreat from the whole enterprise What this means is that recapturing a sense of emotional connection with people and the world goes through anxiety. Anxiety, the feeling of being helpless in a hostile world, must be confronted. We might say that anxiety jealously guards the full emotional experience. Fighting the anxiety won’t do, anxiety will win just as it always has. Running from the anxiety won’t do. The anxiety will catch up just as it always has. The way forward is to stop thinking in terms of winning or losing, to stop thinking in terms of power and control, and to instead start practicing radical acceptance. The anxiety is noted when it arises and is then embraced and experienced fully, as long as external conditions are objectively safe, rather than fought against or escaped from. This is a practice that should be undertaken in relatively safe conditions like in the home alone or with other trusted people like a therapist or loved one. What has happened in adulthood for those with emotional detachment is that anxiety has become the symbol for, the encapsulation of, the very real and painful hostile circumstances earlier in life that kicked anxiety into high gear to begin with. We can say then that when anxiety bubbles up connection, vulnerability, and the full emotional experience are usually right there behind it waiting to be embraced. Freud once wrote “We are never so vulnerable as when we love.” If he had wanted to be even more precise he could have written”We’re capable of love to the extent that we’re capable of making ourselves vulnerable.” Love and vulnerability go hand in hand. Since that feeling of vulnerability, which isn’t bad in and of itself, always cues off painful anxiety in those with emotional detachment the first step in meaningful change is to notice the anxiety when it bubbles up and to have the courage to sit with it instead of chasing it away or running from it, assuming of course that this anxiety isn’t the adaptive response to an immediate physical threat.

#detached #i feel so detached #emotionally detached #psychology

[gold-on-ice]

// ‘OMERTA’ PERSPECTIVES PLAYLISTS // “Minako had said he was a blessing - that his pockets were deep and Yuuri was lucky to have caught his eye. But Viktor Nikiforov was a curse, and Yuuri finds himself trapped in a world of blood and death where it takes violence to mend what is broken.”

SIDE A: VIKTOR NIKIFOROV // LE MANIAQUE

Mania is a state of abnormally elevated (feelings of) arousal, affect and energy level, where the overall activation is heightened as well as expressions (actions) of affect that are also enhanced. Freud considered that the maniac individual must have suffered a great and traumatic loss (something that could also be linked to the Oedipus Complex phase) and the ego unable to properly deal as it was supposed to turns all of its energy at a target that will act as a substitute for the object of affection that was lost in order to fulfill that gap. Obsessive and violent behaviour might be characteristics indentified in a maniac individual, though they may vary.

SIDE B: YUURI KATSUKI // CUPIO DISSOLVI

Cupio dissolvi is a latin locution that means (literally) «I wish to be dissolved». This concept has played an important role in the discussion on suicide. Some other reflexions and interpretations considered something like one’s desire to leave life in order to die, so that they could join God in the afterlife and end their sufferings, being able to become once again pure in the eyes of God. Freud believed that it wasn't only a simple matter of having a death wish, it also had something to do with the struggle one goes through in a lifetime while trying to fight against the intense impulse or desire for death (most likely linked to his concept of death drive).

SIDE A: VIKTOR NIKIFOROV // LE MANIAQUE 

bloodsport sneaker pimps I want to be a kid again, combed down hair and Sunday best. See me staying out bunking school, knowing wrong from right, just rules. I wish I'd never seen your face. Better door than window phase, I need an echo, not your praise. Straying from the point you nailed. My mother, my mother, my mother never told love is just a bloodsport. Sex and love is not a game, a game is something you can win.

mutter rammstein [English] I have sworn tonight I will send her a sickness, and afterwards make her sink in the river. Mother, an eel lives in her lungs. On my forehead, a birthmark, remove it with the kiss of a knife, even if it causes me to die. Mother! An eel lives in her lungs, On my forehead, a birthmark, remove it with the kiss of a knife, even if it causes me to bleed to death. Mother... Oh, give me strength.

control halsey They send me away to find them a fortune, a chest filled with diamonds and gold. The house was awake with shadows and monsters, the hallways they echoed and groaned. I sat alone in bed 'til the morning, I'm crying. They're coming for me. And I tried to hold these secrets inside me, my mind's like a deadly disease. I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones. And all the kids cried out: "Please stop, you're scaring me!" I can't help this awful energy. Goddamn right, you should be scared of me! Who is in control?

dangerous big data & joywave And now they're coming, now they're coming out from the shadows to take me to the court because they know that I'll shut this down, 'cause they been watching all my windows. They've gathered up the warrant 'cause they... You understand they've got a plan for us. I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous. It must be fate, I found a place for us. I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much. How could they know, how could they know what I've been thinking? Like they're right inside my head because they know, because they know, what I've been hiding. They're right under my bed, they're on patrol.

infra-red placebo One last thing before I shuffle off the planet, I will be the one to make you crawl.  So I came down to wish you an unhappy birthday. Someone call the ambulance, there's gonna be an accident. I'm coming up on infra-red, there is no running that can hide you, 'cause I can see in the dark. I'm coming up on infra-red, forget your running, I will find you. One more thing before we start the final face-off, I will be the one to watch you fall, so I came down to crash and burn your bagger's banquet.

one way or another until the ribbon breaks One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you. One way or another, I'm gonna win you, I'm gonna get you, get you. One way or another, I'm gonna see you, I'm gonna meet you. One day, maybe next week, I'm gonna meet you, I'm gonna meet you. And I will drive by your house, and if the lights are all down, then I'll see who's around. One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you.

climbing up the walls radiohead I am the key to the lock in your house that keeps your toys in the basement. And if you get too far inside, you'll only see my reflection. It's always best when the candle's out, I am the pick in the ice. Do not cry out or hit the alarm, you know we're friends 'til we die. And either way you turn, I'll be there. Open up your skull, I'll be there, climbing up the walls. 

an unhealthy obsession the blake robinson They call it creeping, I say loving, it's the only way for me. Filling out papers, signing waivers but I stay outside his reach, I name your mother and your father and the first pet that you keep, I know your favourite place to dine at when your cheque comes in each week. I know you do your wash on Sundays and you separate your whites, and that your car needs a new tire 'cos last week I laid those spikes. I've got a million polaroids with all the dates penned in red ink, I sneak a walkie-talky in your room to listen to you sleep. You just don't know it yet, but you love me and I love you the same. One day we'll have a pretty wedding and I'll be your everything, we'll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part. Oh, you don't know it yet, but baby I've already got your heart. 

every breath you take chase holfelder Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you. Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you. Oh can't you see you belong to me? How my poor heart aches with every step you take. Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I'll be watching you.

i know i’m a wolf young heretics Dear rabbit, my legs are getting weak chasing you. The snow fields wouldn't seem so big if you knew that this blood on my teeth, it is far beyond dry and I've captured you once, but I wasn't quite right, so I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me. Rabbit, my claws are dull now so don't be afraid, I could keep you warm as long as you can just try to be brave. Yes, I know I'm a wolf, and I've been known to bite, but the rest of my pack, I have left them behind and my teeth may be sharp, and I've been raised to kill, but the thought of fresh meat, it is making me ill. So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me. So rabbit, please stop looking the other way. It's cold out there, so why not stay here under my tail?

in your dreams dark dark dark Kiss your face, turn your cheek, lay your head down, lay your head down. Don't say nothing, no. I can see when you're lying, oh. When you're alone, you're so alone. We all have dreams we forget, when you're alone, you're so alone. Now you want to go where no one is lonely, and rose water drips from my mouth like honey, oh.  

sadist crystal castles Keep them on this course, graceful without remorse, paresthesia. It's fine, you're fine. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. Life without conscience, the disdain is just consequence. Await their ascent, a blessed event, paresthesia. It's fine, you're fine. You'll be fine. We're here to circumvent.

3 × 3 bloc party Three times three, first cut first pierce the skin, it binds us. Spit cum blood, liquid wax, no one loves you as much as us. By all in me that’s holy, by all in me that’s blessed, I made to you a promise that this is forever and ever, amen. Three times three, lose all fear, let the flames dry those tears. It takes hurt to be pure. Now you’re one of us. No means no. No/Yes. No... Yes?

written in blood she wants revenge Blood red lips traced with a tongue, they shine, cut through a crowded room. A look can say a lot sometimes, and so I take all my past attractions and project on you. Every disappointment and mistake, some resentment from a one-night heartbreak. My head is spinning, my hands go damp, but still I force an introduction and I ask you to dance. You feel like home up against me so close, though we've just met tonight. There's still so much that we still don't know, but I'm fairly certain that we just might work out right. Then again it can all go up in flames, and I'll take you down in the name of love. But for now let's kiss hard, fuck the games. All or nothing, it's written in blood. On the way to the wedding, dressed in black, he said: "Sorry lover but you can't look back." She says: "Oh no!"

mercy iamx Mercy. When I melt in the kiss by the words and the whispers you sing me. Mercy. I'm frail in the kill by submission and will that you bring me. Mercy. When I'm nothing but ego you slap me to let go and sleep free, now I sleep free. You're my toy box, you're my memories, when I smell your skin, you just make my whole world weep. I'm at your feet, I'm at your feet. Mercy. When the grey turns to black and the wave's on my back, you make me smile. Mercy... is the trauma no martyr you crush into pleasure and downtown. Mercy... It's the shining of you that just breaks me in two like a lifeline. You're my lifeline. (...) I celebrate your chemistry, if you bond with me, I could make your whole world sweet. I'm on my knees.

born villain marilyn manson You'll have to cut it down and burn me into splinters, or I'll unwrap the string that was me around your finger, and I'll hang you in your bedroom burial ground. There is a taste for blood and it's something deep inside. Become, become. I don't ever want God to hear our screams and mistake them for prayers. And you know I'm loaded, but not which chamber. Touch me and I'll go click, click, click, click, click. I'm born villain, don't pretend to be a victim.

in-a-gadda-da-vida iron butterfly In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey, don't you know that I love you? In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby, don't you know that I'll always be true? Oh, won't you come with me and take my hand? Oh, won't you come with me and walk this land? Please take my hand.

SIDE B: YUURI KATSUKI // CUPIO DISSOLVI 

tag, you’re it melanie martinez Looking at me through your window, boy, you had your eye out for a little. "I'll cut you up and make you dinner, you've reached the end, you are the winner." Rolling down your tinted window, driving next to me real slow, he said: "Let me take you for a joyride, I've got some candy for you inside." Running through the parking lot, he chased me and he wouldn't stop. Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, you're it! Grabbed my hand and pushed me down, took the words right out my mouth. Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, you're it! Can anybody hear me when I'm hidden underground? Can anybody hear me when I'm talking to myself, saying: "Tag, you're it, tag, tag, you're it"? Little bit of poison in me, I can taste your skin in my teeth. "I love it when I hear you breathing, I hope to God you're never leaving."  (...) Eenie-meenie-miny-mo, catch a lady by her toes, if she screams, don't let her go. Eenie-meenie-miny-mo, your mother said to pick the very best girl and I am. 

nightmare avenged sevenfold Now your nightmare comes to life. Dragged you down below, down to the devil's show to be his guest forever. Peace of mind is less than never. Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side and old acquaintance severed. Burn the world your last endeavor. Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air, 'cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal. So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head, you're now a slave until the end of time here. Nothing stops the madness, turning, haunting, yearning. Pull the trigger! You should have known the price of evil and it hurts to know that you belong here. Yeah. oh, it's your fuckin' nightmare! (...) You've been lied to, just to rape you of your sight and now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel. (...) No one to call, everybody to fear. Your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah.(...) And I know you hear their voices calling from above, and I know they may seem real these signals of love, but our life's made up of choices, some without appeal.

deux the gazette [English] I find the answer in depths of despair, irreversible. I pray for it all to be a dream, this is an inferno. You’re my enemy, you show it when you destroy my reversible dreams. Scary night, pain obeys my split mind, I pray for a nightmare. I’m weakened, stretched too thin, my heart closes and surfaces in the darkness of unconsciousness. Whose fault is it that nights sleeping in isolation are scary? 

freak on a leash korn Something takes a part of me, something lost and never seen. Every time I start to believe, something's raped and taken from me. Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light?) Can't they chill and let me be free?  (So do I!) Can't I take away all this pain? (You wanna see the light?) I try to every night all in vain. Sometimes I cannot take this place, sometimes it's my life I can't taste. Sometimes I cannot feel my face, you'll never see me fall from grace. Something takes a part of me, you and I were meant to be. A cheap fuck for me to lay, something takes a part of me. Feeling like a freak on a leash, feeling like I have no release. How many times have I felt diseased? 

an evening with el diablo chevelle High up on you, you display good traits, though few. We've found time alone will tell. Tthis disease keeps holding me down. Try to run when near sleep, to imagine us away. He said come, fly around my hell, and know this, you seem to be too scared to run. Too scared to run. Wish I had your faults, nothing seems to phase you. Lies! You're much more than just human.

bulletproof… i wish i was radiohead Limb by limb and tooth by tooth, tearing up inside of me, every day every hour, I wish that I was bulletproof. Wax me, mould me, heat the pins and stab them in. You have turned me into this, just wish that I was bulletproof. So pay the money and take a shot, leadfill the hole in me. I could burst a million bubbles, all surrogate and bulletproof.

vessel nine inch nails I let you put it in my mouth, I let it get under my skin, I let you put it in my veins, I let you take me from within. They tell us what we can and cannot do, same thing we've heard 100 times before. Well, I put you inside of me, but none of that matters anymore. Oh my God, can it go any faster? Oh my God, I don't think I can last here. 

broken lund Will you end my pain? Will you take my life? Will you bleed me out? Will you hang me out to dry? Will you take my soul in the midnight rain? While I'm falling apart, while I'm going insane. Can you break my bones? Will you tear my skin? Can you taste my lust? Can you feel my sin? See I'm a waste of life, I should just kill myself. Yeah, I could slit my wrists, but it really wouldn't help, it wouldn't fix my issues or change your mind. Cause I broke your heart and you buried mine, now I'm 6 feet deep and I can't breathe. I got dirt in my eyes and blood on my sleeves, but I dig my way up. 

tourniquet evanescence I tried to kill my pain, but only brought more, so much more. I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost? My God my tourniquet, return to me salvation. Do you remember me? Lost for so long, will you be on the other side or will you forget me? (...) I want to die. My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied Christ, tourniquet, my suicide.

bother stone sour Wish I was too dead to cry, my self-affliction fades. Stones to throw at my creator, masochists to which I cater. You don't need to bother, I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther, but once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds. Wish I was too dead to care, if indeed I cared at all. Never had a voice to protest, so you fed me shit to digest. I wish I had a reason, my flaws are open season. For this, I gave up trying, one good turn deserves my dying. Wish I'd died instead of lived, a zombie hides my face, shell forgotten with its memories, diaries left with cryptic entries.

one step closer linkin park I cannot take this anymore, saying everything I've said before.  All these words they make no sense, I find bliss in ignorance. The less I hear the less you'll say, you'll find that out anyway, just like before. Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break. I need a little room to breathe, 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge. I'm about to break. I find the answers aren't so clear, I wish I could find a way to disappear, all these thoughts they make no sense. 

duality slipknot I have screamed until my veins collapsed, I've waited as my time's elapsed. Now, all I do is live with so much fate, I've wished for this, I've bitched at that. I've left behind this little fact: you cannot kill what you did not create. I've gotta say what I've gotta say and then I swear I'll go away, but I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise. I guess I'll save the best for last, my future seems like one big past. You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice. I push my fingers into my eyes, it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache. If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it. Put me back together or separate the skin from bone, leave me all the pieces, then you can leave me alone.

waiting for the world to end mother mother Back in the head where I see red where the beast and the beauty coalesce. I give in to a morbid fantasy, death to a billion families and me. Give me fire, burning hell, throw it on my paper trail and I’ll watch as all the numbers go up in a cloud of dark and dirty smoke. Ya, I’m just waiting for the end of the world, end of the whole wide world. 

hold me down halsey I sold my soul to a three-piece and he told me I was holy. He's got me down on both knees, but it's the devil that's tryna hold me down, hold me down. Sneaking out the back door, make no sound, knock me out, knock me out, saying that I want more, this is what I live for. Hold me down, hold me down. Throw me in the deep end, watch me drown, knock me out, knock me out. Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine, I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine. They rush me, telling me I'm running out of time. They shush me (shhh!), walking me across a fragile line.

zombie the pretty reckless I'm not listening to you, I am wandering right through existence with no purpose and no drive 'cause in the end we're all alive. Two thousand years I've been awake, waiting for the day to shake. Dear all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie. Again, again you want me to fall on my head. I am, I am, I am a zombie. How low, how low, how low will you push me to go, to go, to go, before I lie down dead. Blow the smoke right off the tube, kiss my gentle burning bruise, I'm lost in time. And to all the people left behind, you are walking dumb and blind, blind.

paranoid android radiohead When I am king, you will be first against the wall, with your opinion which is of no consequence at all. What's that? I may be paranoid, but not an android. Ambition makes you look pretty ugly, kicking and squealing gucci little piggy. You don't remember, you don't remember. Why don't you remember my name? Off with his head, man! Off with his head, man! Why don't you remember my name? I guess he does! Rain down, rain down. Come on, rain down on me from a great height. That's it, sir, you're leaving. The crackle of pigskin, the dust and the screaming, the yuppies networking, the panic, the vomit. God loves his children... yeah.

raining blood hot sugar [Instrumental]

Omerta was written by @kashoku-sinpai and it’s a very intense kind of reading. It’s insanely fucked up, probably everyone’s guilty pleasure in this fandom and I loved it dearly, so these mixes sort of happened. 

#mine #8tracks #playlist #viktor nikiforov #katsuki yuuri #omerta #kashoku-sinpai #kashoku #i tagged it 8tracks but it's actually spotify #mafia au #viktuuri #yuri on ice #fanfiction

[underthehidden]

(Repost from my Letterboxd) Alien: Covenant

Dull at first. Employees go to a haunted planet and get killed. The only highlights of this section are the snazzy jackets, Katherine Waterson’s haircut, that slow pan from the travelers to the mountain; the impressionistic, sea-blue holograms, and a few original yet entirely novel horror moments (the birth of the xeno is gnarly and the virus entering through the ear is inventive).

Then two things happen in the second half: we get a tangible character and we get actual film making. Scott shouts out his favorite genres and gives each of those references his trademark clinically detailed, gaudy style. There's the 80's absurdist sex-panic slasher when the xeno kills the couple in the shower (they fuck right after all their friends have died!). There's the B-Movie Monster, when the xeno attacks Rosenthal; that giant, goofy mouth zipping open to eat her.  And just for kicks, there's a nice little fingerprint of Hammer Horror, specifically the laboratory chillers.

And then there's David. He’s a great bitch, and possess the maniacal presence of naziploitation villains, especially Ilsa from the Ilsa films. His counter part Walter, who is also played by Michael Fassbender and in the film is the “superior” version of David, has a great relationship with his more ambitious sibling. There’s the erotically intense (yet somehow at the same time highly silly) flute lesson scene; the scene where David gets rejected by Walter, so David has to stab him with the same phallic looking flute (something something Freud) and then that awesome action movie fight they have with one another. 

David winning in the end is maybe my favorite thing in the recent history of blockbusters and shows that this series has more gusto than most franchises.

[goldeagleprice]

Monnaie de Paris takes top COTY honors

Tom Michael (Photo ©WMF/Andreas Schoelzel.)

By Tom Michael

Our Thirty-Sixth Annual Coin of the Year Awards Ceremony took place Feb. 2 in Berlin at the World Money Fair.

From the thousands of coins produced in a year, only a hundred make the cut for nomination.

These 100 are then sorted by category for our Judges Panel to consider. Out of 10 category winners, one is chosen for overall COTY honors.

To open the COTY ceremony this year, we had remarks from both of our sponsors: the World Money Fair, represented by Gitta Künker, Managing Director of the World Money Fair Holding GmbH, and Michael Chou, Publisher of the Journal of East Asian Numismatics.

I followed this with some background of this year’s advancements in process and small changes to the system.

Most Historically Significant Coin — Austrian Mint — 20 Euro, Silver — 175th Anniversary of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra

Most Artistic Coin — Austrian Mint — 50 Euro, Gold — The Vienna Schools of Psychotherapy – Sigmund Freud

Our first award, for Most Historically Significant Coin, went to the Austrian Mint for their silver 20 Euro commemorating the 175th Anniversary of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra. Accepting this award was Andrea Lang, Head of International Marketing and Sales for the Austrian Mint. She would later rejoin me at the podium to collect a second award for the Austrian Mint’s lovely gold 50 Euro featuring the Vienna Schools of Psychotherapy – Sigmund Freud, which won in the Most Artistic Coin category.

For this and several other winning coins, our graphic presentation elicited a rustle of approval from the crowd. I found this to be a very satisfying sound of endorsement. It’s nice to know that everyone can appreciate a beautiful coin design!

Best Contemporary Event Coin — The South African Mint — 2 Rand, Silver — South African Inventions: The Heart Transplant

The same reaction was received by the South African Mint silver 2 Rand from the South African Inventions series. This coin depicted The Heart Transplant and was designed by Richard Stone, who accepted the award. He explained that he worked with heart surgeons to develop this coin design with exacting anatomical accuracy. Within the nominating committee, there was debate over the category placement of this coin. Though Artistic and Silver were proposed, in the end we decided to place this coin in the Best Contemporary Event category, where it achieved the win.

Best Gold Coin — United States of America — 100 Dollars, Gold — American Liberty 225th Anniversary Gold Coin

Most Inspirational Coin — United States Mint — 1 Dollar, Silver — Boys Town Centennial Commemorative

The United States Mint returned to the World Money Fair this year to accept two COTY awards. New director David J. Ryder is a true “coin guy” who plans to push his staff in innovative ways in years to come. He explained this from the podium as he accepted the award for Best Gold Coin for the 100 Dollar Gold American Liberty 225th Anniversary coin. Truly gracious in design, this coin stood out for both its unique depiction of Liberty and its classic image of an eagle in flight. The second award for the United States went to the silver Dollar Boys Town Centennial Commemorative, a perfect design for commemoration, for which it won the Most Inspirational Coin category. Ronald Harrigal, a 30+ year member of the U.S. Mint, joined Ryder at the podium for this acceptance.

Best Crown Coin — The Cook Islands — 5 Dollars, Silver — Scarab Collection: Red Dawn

A few days before the COTY awards ceremony, I had the pleasure of meeting Dennis Lorenz, Head of Marketing for CIT Coin Invest AG of Liechtenstein, and found we had some geographic background in common, both having spent time in Wisconsin. It was a pleasure to invite him to the stage to accept the Best Crown Coin award for their silver 5 Dollar Red Scarab design from the three-coin Scarab collection. Though not a traditional crown coin, the Red Scarab did fit all the category criteria, and I suspect that the Judges Panel must have seen in this Cook Islands issue the basic character of a crown with the charm of many more modern features. It was a surprising win for a beautiful coin.

Most Innovative Coin — Republic of Palau — 20 Dollars, Silver — Great Micromosaic Passion – Birth of Venus

Another surprising win was experienced this year in the hotly contested Most Innovative Coin category. An amazing project begun by Antonello Galletta, Director of Power Coin, to depict the Birth of Venus in micro mosaic form on a coin was first brought to my attention by Luca Golisano, graphic designer for the piece. He was very enthusiastic, as was Galletta when he accepted the COTY trophy. Galletta graciously shared the complete journey from concept to completion, giving credit to his partners in the project, CIT Coin Invest AG and B. H. Mayer Mint. Issued by the Republic of Palau, this coin is just the beginning for the Power Coin group, as they have already refined the process of micro mosaic design and construction for a gorgeous Mona Lisa issue currently in their product line for 2018.

If you are counting, you will note that we have covered seven awards, leaving three more category awards, the overall COTY award, and our coveted annual Lifetime Achievement award in Coin Design. In an amazing sweep, the Monnaie de Paris, who are clearly experiencing a true renaissance in coin design, had a hand in all five remaining awards. This is a distinction I cannot ever recall happening before. Kudos to our friends from France.

Best Circulating Coin — The Central Bank of Mauritania — 20 Ouguiya, Tri-metallic Camels

The first category win for the Monnaie de Paris came in the Best Circulating Coin category, on a project they completed for the Central Bank of Mauritania of the large denomination tri-metallic 20 Ouguiya. This coin features the Mauritania arms and two camels and is a perfect circulating design, both practical for use and representative in nature. Nathalie Pasquet, Export Director for Central Banks, accepted the award for the Central Bank of Mauritania. This was a first-time win for Mauritania and illustrated that any issuing entity can win the COTY. All you need is a well-designed and well-constructed coin.

Best Bi-Metallic Coin — Monnaie de Paris — 2 Euro, Bi-metallic — The Fight Against Breast Cancer

Best Silver Coin and Coin of the Year — Monnaie de Paris — 50 Euro, Silver — French Excellence – Guy Savoy

The second two category awards won by the Monnaie de Paris were for their 2 Euro color ribbon Fight Against Breast Cancer coin and the French Excellence Series – Guy Savoy 50 Euro silver “egg” coin. Taking the very competitive Best Bi-Metallic Coin and Best Silver Coin categories respectively, these coins each presented graceful designs that carefully and clearly represented their themes. In particular, the Guy Savoy coin brought a great reaction from the crowd, just as this coin had for me when I first saw it in person. It’s a stunning design achieved through designer Joaquin Jimenez and Chef Guy Savoy working together to best convey the fine art of cooking. I was pleased to have Marc Schwartz, President and CEO of the Monnaie de Paris, accept the Best Bi-Metallic Award and delighted for designer Joaquin Jimenez to share his experience while accepting Best Silver Coin award.

With ten winners accounted for, that leaves the overall Coin of the Year. This is the most coveted award in the field of modern coin production. From the ten best category coins, a single coin is chosen by our Judges Panel as the best or the best. As foreshadowed earlier, the Monnaie de Paris won this award also when the Judges voted for the stunning silver 50 Euro French Excellence – Guy Savoy coin as the finest Coin of the Year. An outstanding and emotive representation of one of the basic elements of life, this coin connects those who cook professionally and those who cook for their family. Simple and yet tremendously powerful, this design is truly mesmerizing. We were very pleased to have a good number of the Monnaie de Paris staff join us on stage to accept this award.

At center, holding the Coin of the Year trophy, is Marc Schwartz, President and CEO of the Monnaie de Paris. He is joined by coin designer Joaquin Jimenez to his immediate left and by a celebratory group of Monnaie de Paris colleagues and award presenters. (Photo ©WMF/Andreas Schoelzel.)

Through an amazing bit of serendipity, our final award of the day, for Lifetime Achievement in Coin Design, was presented to Joaquin Jimenez. He made his first big splash in coin design by winning a competition for his design for the obverse of the first circulation 1 and 2 Euro coins for France in 1997. Today, Jimenez is the Director of Engraving Creation and Artistic Director of the Foundry at the Monnaie de Paris. His is a monumental story of success through hard work, enthusiasm, and artistic vision.

Joaquin Jimenez and his colleague Julien Sabouret, Senior Product Manager, who served as his translator, accepted the Best Silver Coin award on behalf of the Monnaie de Paris. The Best Silver Coin category winner was then awarded the overall Coin of the Year Award. (Photo ©WMF/Andreas Schoelzel.)

In his acceptance speech, translated by colleague Julien Sabouret, Jimenez said “I am often asked what is my favorite coin design. After a moment of thought, my answer is always ‘The next one.’”

  See the full list of COTY nominations here.

For a free downloadable PDF from the awards ceremony, click here.

  This article was originally printed in World Coin News. >> Subscribe today.

  If you like what you’ve read here, we invite you to visit our online bookstore to learn more about Standard Catalog of World Coins, 2001-Date.

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The post Monnaie de Paris takes top COTY honors appeared first on Numismatic News.

#Precious Metals

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Paper代写：Communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship

本篇paper代写- Communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship讨论了关系中的沟通。尽管女性和男性在沟通和冲突协商方面有不同的观点和方法，但沟通在一段关系中总体上是重要的，对一段成功的关系的发展是至关重要的。承诺、信任和亲密建立了一种积极的关系和有效的沟通策略的基础，包括用语言表达感情，向你的伴侣表示感情，这些都有助于加强关系。本篇paper代写由51due代写平台整理，供大家参考阅读。

​Introduction

As Sigmund Freud once said, "The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?”. Even the greatest psychology could not fully understand women, not to mention an ordinary guy in love. Those who do not attach importance to communication with their girlfriends and wives usually end up with endless fights. Not only for women, but also the two-way communication between the two partners overall is discussed as the topic of this paper.

In my opinion, communication is king in a relationship and is critical to the development of a successful relationship. This statement is going to be further expanded and explored through detailed and sufficient research evidence, analysis of Gottman’s research in terms of the communication tactics, explanations of controversies, and followed with the final conclusion.

The major points that will be covered in this paper include my personal experiences and feelings about communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship, controversies in terms of communication between males and females in a relationship, effective and destructive communication tactics, and the overall conclusion and recommendation in terms of communication of couples in a relationship.

Importance of communication and conflict negotiation in a relationship

To me, I experienced that what negative consequences that it can end up with when not communicating well with my girlfriend. Once I did not notice the negative emotions of my girlfriend and did not took time to talk to her, she started to show dissatisfaction and this leads to a bad dinner and a fight with no reason. Later we talked about what happened that led to the bad times that day, and I found that she was just feeling sentimental and wanted to talk a little bit and know that I care about her. While I do agree that communication is important in a relationship, I found conflict negotiation difficult with my girlfriend because it is hard to get into her mind and know what is she really thinking about. Thus, communication proves to be even more important for us in order to learn more about each other’s thoughts and feelings, and to manage the relationship. As a result, research is conducted to further analyze the way of communication as well as effective and destructive communication tactics.

Research evidence

What couples communicate are three basic topics, commitment, trust, and intimacy; and what they usually argue about is control and power (Harris, 2015). In a relationship, commitment is the first issue that both parties communicate about. With commitment, both parties are able to move on to managing the relationship. Trust is considered as one of the most important elements of a relationship after commitment. A trusting relationship, in which two partners give each other space and trust and support each other, builds foundation for better communication between each other and strengthens the couples’ ability to negotiate conflicts as well as a positive outlook about the future of the relationship. With commitment and trust being foundation in a relationship, intimacy, a combination of physical, emotional, social, and spiritual connections and communications between the partners, further strengthens the relationship.

Regarding the topics that couples argue about, control and power can be the most involved topics. Two people can be different in terms of characteristics and interests as well as the way they see things. When one person see an issue or tries to solve the issue without considering how his or her partner approaches it and communicating with each other, control and power may be directly exerted and result in win/lose or lose/lose situations. From both the topics that partners communicate about and topics that partners argue about, we can see that communication is the key to a stable and positive relationship (Harris, 2015).

Controversy

A focus group study is conducted in the hope to understand in depth the individual opinions about communication and conflict negotiation, as well as the controversy and conflicts around this topic. A group of 6 males and a group of 6 females were invited to the study, all of them ranged from 20 to 30 years old. This particular group of respondents characterizes one of the main audience group that may arise conflicts and controversies in this topic. They are those who just started a relationship, or trying to manage relationship, or struggling in a relationship and communication is a major part in these stages. The moderator started with general demographic questions including age, how long has he or she been in this relationship, what the respondents do with his or her partner, and etc to get the conversation started in the group.

Several important insights generated from this focus group study include that females and males do have different opinions and conflicts in terms of the topic of communication in a relationship. According to the focus group of six males, what they focus on in communication in a relationship is to diagnose the needs of his partner, what she wants, what she hopes to achieve from the communication or negotiation, and then tries to solve it as a problem. What most of them think is important for them is to help their partners solve their issues effectively and efficiently. They think that this is the meaning of communication and conflict resolution. However, among the other group of females, most of them express their actual needs of being listened and the feeling of being cared and loved. This leads to the further insights in terms of conflict negotiation in a relationship. Females usually care more about the process instead of the content of the communication.

Besides, it is also found that females tend to express their feelings into words and initiate a conversation more often than males. Males more often times prefer to jump the communication stage and would like to put words into action. Females show a greater level of need and expectation for in-depth conversations, and they said this is a way that she can learn more about her partner, including his feelings, thoughts, and need at the moment and feels the love from him. This is what build up trust for them and what strengthens the relationship. More specifically, in conflict negotiations, females tend to be sentimental and emotional in terms of communication styles, while males are relatively calm and objective when confronting issues in a relationship. Half of the males in the focus group express their feelings of depression during conflict negotiations with their partners.

Analysis of John Gottman’s research

- effective and destructive communication tactics

According to John Gottman, one of the leading researchers in the field of marital therapy, the positive and negative interactions among couples are the predictors to whether a relationship will survive. at least five positive interactions to one negative interaction, the chances of a successful long-term relationship are very good (Bruce, 2013).

Conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively, are the metaphor that Dr. Gottman uses to describe communication styles that can forecast the end of a relationship. First, criticism is an important element to avoid in communication in a relationship because it could potentially put the victim in the position of being hurt and assaulted (Lisitsa, 2013), but the problem may not be detrimental to a relationship unless the criticism becomes pervasive in terms of communication in the relationship. The partner may felt hurt and lack of self-confidence in both himself and in the relationship as a result from criticism as a pervasive kind of communication.

Second, contempt should be avoided as another destructive communication tactic. Any form of disrespect, either verbally or non-verbally, including ridicule, sarcasm, or even mimicking, and body language such as eye-rolling in communication contributes negatively to the development of a relationship. The third type of destructive communication involves defensiveness, which he or she act defensively and does not take responsibility. However, passing the fault to your partner or blaming your partner without careful communication could lead to misunderstandings and dissatisfactions in a relationship. The fourth defensive communication type is stonewalling, and this happens when one person shuts down from listening and reacting to his partner. Instead of confronting the issue and solving it through talking it through, if people solve issues through stonewalling, the lack of interaction can result in broken relationship (Lisitsa, 2013).

Contrary to all of the above defective communications, effective communication tactics include to express your feelings into words, show your empathy, and to ask open-ended questions. First, being able to put one’s feelings into words enable the communicators to express his or her feelings more deeply and enables the listener to understand the other partner at the same time. This also correlates back to the three elements that build the foundation of a relationship, one of which is intimacy, because in intimate conversations, focusing makes our conversations about feelings much deeper and more intimate as the words reveal who we are (Lisitsa, 2014). Deeper verbal communication also allows the couples to know about each other’s thoughts and feelings at the moment, as well as the needs of one person that the other person can actually help to fulfill. Second, expressing empathy also enhances the intimate communication between the couples. Showing empathy makes the other half understands that she is being listened and cared. It also enables the couples to know that their own perceptions make sense to the other person. Third, another skill of intimate communication is to explore the feelings of one another is to ask open-ended questions and showing an expect of answers. Through multiple rounds of in-depth communication can enforce the commitment, trust, and intimacy between the couples and foster the tacit understanding between each other.

Conclusion

To conclude, although females and males have different perspectives and approaches to communication and conflict negotiation, communication in general is important in a relationship and is critical to the development of a successful relationship. Commitment, trust, and intimacy builds the foundation of a positive relationship and effective communication tactics, including expressing feelings into words, showing empathy to your partner, and asking open-ended questions help to strengthen the relationship.

Bibliography

Cornelius, T. L., Alessi, G., & Shorey, R. C. (2007). The effectiveness of communication skills training with married couples: Does the issue discussed matter?. The Family Journal, 15(2), 124-132.

Ellie, L. (2013). The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Ellie, L. (2014). Dr. Gottman’s 3 Skills (and 1 Rule!) for Intimate Conversation. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/dr-gottmans-3-skills-and-1-rule-for-intimate-conversation/

Victor, W. H. (2015). 9 Important Communication Skills for Every Relationship. Retrieved from http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FY/FY127700.pdf

King, B. M. (1999). Human sexuality today. Pearson College Division.

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[evolutioncounseling]

In emotional detachment there’s nothing wrong with the emotional apparatus per se. People with emotional detachment are capable of experiencing the full emotional spectrum just like anyone else. Actually it’s precisely because they’re emotionally sensitive that they felt compelled in childhood or early adolescence to decide to stop being that way, to stop caring. They decided to put up the wall, they decided to stop sharing their soft emotional underbelly with anybody else because opening themselves up emotionally always led to bad consequences. Sooner or later the other show dropped and feelings of security, the pleasant feeling of being accepted and loved, would make way for painful anxiety and the unpleasant feeling of being rejected and despised. What we have going on in the syndrome of emotional detachment is not the inability to access or share emotions but rather the conscious or unconscious decision not to in order to find some relief. It comes down to this. People with emotional detachment were made to feel helpless in a hostile world too often for too long and finally decided to fight back in their own way. That way, a rather ingenious solution when we think about it, was simply to stop letting what was happening to them get to them through deciding to never again put themselves in a vulnerable emotional situation. Helplessness is not necessarily an unpleasant state. If we feel supported and protected by a loving community helplessness can be a quite pleasant state. Imagine yourself as a young baby in the gentle arms of a caring mother. In a way that’s the state we’re all trying to get back to in one form or another, that’s paradise lost, that’s human existence before the fall. But combine the sense of helplessness with threatening, malicious external forces and the situation suddenly changes. Adults with emotional detachment often complain that it’s been so long since they shut off that they don’t know how to turn back on but the fact is that full contact with the emotional experience is right there waiting for them. Many of them do enjoy rich emotional lives from within the safety of the castle they’ve built for themselves. As long as they feel safe they let themselves feel. But any and all stimuli that make them feel unsafe cause anxiety to bubble up, which causes them to quickly recur to the various defense mechanisms and rationalizations they’ve built up over the years to find relief from it. It’s other people and the potential intimate relationships they represent who present the single greatest threat to emotional security since the feeling of helplessness in a hostile world always occurred in the context of intimate relationships. The more intimate the relationship the greater the threat posed, which obviously causes a real problem since we all need intimate relationships, we all need to feel truly connected, to be happy and to keep existential anxiety at bay. Yet the prospect of an intimate relationship and the emotional vulnerability this that this type of relationship demands creates anxiety in people with emotional detachment, which causes them to retreat from the whole enterprise What this means is that recapturing a sense of emotional connection with people and the world goes through anxiety. Anxiety, the feeling of being helpless in a hostile world, must be confronted. We might say that anxiety jealously guards the full emotional experience. Fighting the anxiety won’t do, anxiety will win just as it always has. Running from the anxiety won’t do. The anxiety will catch up just as it always has. The way forward is to stop thinking in terms of winning or losing, to stop thinking in terms of power and control, and to instead start practicing radical acceptance. The anxiety is noted when it arises and is then embraced and experienced fully, as long as external conditions are objectively safe, rather than fought against or escaped from. This is a practice that should be undertaken in relatively safe conditions like in the home alone or with other trusted people like a therapist or loved one. What has happened in adulthood for those with emotional detachment is that anxiety has become the symbol for, the encapsulation of, the very real and painful hostile circumstances earlier in life that kicked anxiety into high gear to begin with. We can say then that when anxiety bubbles up connection, vulnerability, and the full emotional experience are usually right there behind it waiting to be embraced. Freud once wrote “We are never so vulnerable as when we love.” If he had wanted to be even more precise he could have written”We’re capable of love to the extent that we’re capable of making ourselves vulnerable.” Love and vulnerability go hand in hand. Since that feeling of vulnerability, which isn’t bad in and of itself, always cues off painful anxiety in those with emotional detachment the first step in meaningful change is to notice the anxiety when it bubbles up and to have the courage to sit with it instead of chasing it away or running from it, assuming of course that this anxiety isn’t the adaptive response to an immediate physical threat.

#detached #emotional detachment #psychology #mental health #counseling #love #connection #relationships

[goldeagleprice]

Coin of the Year awards given in Berlin

Tom Michael (Photo ©WMF/Andreas Schoelzel.)

By Tom Michael

Our Thirty-Sixth Annual Coin of the Year Awards Ceremony took place Feb. 2 in Berlin at the World Money Fair.

From the thousands of coins produced in a year, only a hundred make the cut for nomination.

These 100 are then sorted by category for our Judges Panel to consider. Out of 10 category winners, one is chosen for overall COTY honors.

To open the COTY ceremony this year, we had remarks from both of our sponsors: the World Money Fair, represented by Gitta Künker, Managing Director of the World Money Fair Holding GmbH, and Michael Chou, Publisher of the Journal of East Asian Numismatics.

I followed this with some background of this year’s advancements in process and small changes to the system.

Most Historically Significant Coin — Austrian Mint — 20 Euro, Silver — 175th Anniversary of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra

Most Artistic Coin — Austrian Mint — 50 Euro, Gold — The Vienna Schools of Psychotherapy – Sigmund Freud

Our first award, for Most Historically Significant Coin, went to the Austrian Mint for their silver 20 Euro commemorating the 175th Anniversary of the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra. Accepting this award was Andrea Lang, Head of International Marketing and Sales for the Austrian Mint. She would later rejoin me at the podium to collect a second award for the Austrian Mint’s lovely gold 50 Euro featuring the Vienna Schools of Psychotherapy – Sigmund Freud, which won in the Most Artistic Coin category.

For this and several other winning coins, our graphic presentation elicited a rustle of approval from the crowd. I found this to be a very satisfying sound of endorsement. It’s nice to know that everyone can appreciate a beautiful coin design!

Best Contemporary Event Coin — The South African Mint — 2 Rand, Silver — South African Inventions: The Heart Transplant

The same reaction was received by the South African Mint silver 2 Rand from the South African Inventions series. This coin depicted The Heart Transplant and was designed by Richard Stone, who accepted the award. He explained that he worked with heart surgeons to develop this coin design with exacting anatomical accuracy. Within the nominating committee, there was debate over the category placement of this coin. Though Artistic and Silver were proposed, in the end we decided to place this coin in the Best Contemporary Event category, where it achieved the win.

Best Gold Coin — United States of America — 100 Dollars, Gold — American Liberty 225th Anniversary Gold Coin

Most Inspirational Coin — United States Mint — 1 Dollar, Silver — Boys Town Centennial Commemorative

The United States Mint returned to the World Money Fair this year to accept two COTY awards. New director David J. Ryder is a true “coin guy” who plans to push his staff in innovative ways in years to come. He explained this from the podium as he accepted the award for Best Gold Coin for the 100 Dollar Gold American Liberty 225th Anniversary coin. Truly gracious in design, this coin stood out for both its unique depiction of Liberty and its classic image of an eagle in flight. The second award for the United States went to the silver Dollar Boys Town Centennial Commemorative, a perfect design for commemoration, for which it won the Most Inspirational Coin category. Ronald Harrigal, a 30+ year member of the U.S. Mint, joined Ryder at the podium for this acceptance.

Best Crown Coin — The Cook Islands — 5 Dollars, Silver — Scarab Collection: Red Dawn

A few days before the COTY awards ceremony, I had the pleasure of meeting Dennis Lorenz, Head of Marketing for CIT Coin Invest AG of Liechtenstein, and found we had some geographic background in common, both having spent time in Wisconsin. It was a pleasure to invite him to the stage to accept the Best Crown Coin award for their silver 5 Dollar Red Scarab design from the three-coin Scarab collection. Though not a traditional crown coin, the Red Scarab did fit all the category criteria, and I suspect that the Judges Panel must have seen in this Cook Islands issue the basic character of a crown with the charm of many more modern features. It was a surprising win for a beautiful coin.

Most Innovative Coin — Republic of Palau — 20 Dollars, Silver — Great Micromosaic Passion – Birth of Venus

Another surprising win was experienced this year in the hotly contested Most Innovative Coin category. An amazing project begun by Antonello Galletta, Director of Power Coin, to depict the Birth of Venus in micro mosaic form on a coin was first brought to my attention by Luca Golisano, graphic designer for the piece. He was very enthusiastic, as was Galletta when he accepted the COTY trophy. Galletta graciously shared the complete journey from concept to completion, giving credit to his partners in the project, CIT Coin Invest AG and B. H. Mayer Mint. Issued by the Republic of Palau, this coin is just the beginning for the Power Coin group, as they have already refined the process of micro mosaic design and construction for a gorgeous Mona Lisa issue currently in their product line for 2018.

If you are counting, you will note that we have covered seven awards, leaving three more category awards, the overall COTY award, and our coveted annual Lifetime Achievement award in Coin Design. In an amazing sweep, the Monnaie de Paris, who are clearly experiencing a true renaissance in coin design, had a hand in all five remaining awards. This is a distinction I cannot ever recall happening before. Kudos to our friends from France.

Best Circulating Coin — The Central Bank of Mauritania — 20 Ouguiya, Tri-metallic Camels

The first category win for the Monnaie de Paris came in the Best Circulating Coin category, on a project they completed for the Central Bank of Mauritania of the large denomination tri-metallic 20 Ouguiya. This coin features the Mauritania arms and two camels and is a perfect circulating design, both practical for use and representative in nature. Nathalie Pasquet, Export Director for Central Banks, accepted the award for the Central Bank of Mauritania. This was a first-time win for Mauritania and illustrated that any issuing entity can win the COTY. All you need is a well-designed and well-constructed coin.

Best Bi-Metallic Coin — Monnaie de Paris — 2 Euro, Bi-metallic — The Fight Against Breast Cancer

Best Silver Coin and Coin of the Year — Monnaie de Paris — 50 Euro, Silver — French Excellence – Guy Savoy

The second two category awards won by the Monnaie de Paris were for their 2 Euro color ribbon Fight Against Breast Cancer coin and the French Excellence Series – Guy Savoy 50 Euro silver “egg” coin. Taking the very competitive Best Bi-Metallic Coin and Best Silver Coin categories respectively, these coins each presented graceful designs that carefully and clearly represented their themes. In particular, the Guy Savoy coin brought a great reaction from the crowd, just as this coin had for me when I first saw it in person. It’s a stunning design achieved through designer Joaquin Jimenez and Chef Guy Savoy working together to best convey the fine art of cooking. I was pleased to have Marc Schwartz, President and CEO of the Monnaie de Paris, accept the Best Bi-Metallic Award and delighted for designer Joaquin Jimenez to share his experience while accepting Best Silver Coin award.

With ten winners accounted for, that leaves the overall Coin of the Year. This is the most coveted award in the field of modern coin production. From the ten best category coins, a single coin is chosen by our Judges Panel as the best or the best. As foreshadowed earlier, the Monnaie de Paris won this award also when the Judges voted for the stunning silver 50 Euro French Excellence – Guy Savoy coin as the finest Coin of the Year. An outstanding and emotive representation of one of the basic elements of life, this coin connects those who cook professionally and those who cook for their family. Simple and yet tremendously powerful, this design is truly mesmerizing. We were very pleased to have a good number of the Monnaie de Paris staff join us on stage to accept this award.

At center, holding the Coin of the Year trophy, is Marc Schwartz, President and CEO of the Monnaie de Paris. He is joined by coin designer Joaquin Jimenez to his immediate left and by a celebratory group of Monnaie de Paris colleagues and award presenters. (Photo ©WMF/Andreas Schoelzel.)

Through an amazing bit of serendipity, our final award of the day, for Lifetime Achievement in Coin Design, was presented to Joaquin Jimenez. He made his first big splash in coin design by winning a competition for his design for the obverse of the first circulation 1 and 2 Euro coins for France in 1997. Today, Jimenez is the Director of Engraving Creation and Artistic Director of the Foundry at the Monnaie de Paris. His is a monumental story of success through hard work, enthusiasm, and artistic vision.

Joaquin Jimenez and his colleague Julien Sabouret, Senior Product Manager, who served as his translator, accepted the Best Silver Coin award on behalf of the Monnaie de Paris. The Best Silver Coin category winner was then awarded the overall Coin of the Year Award. (Photo ©WMF/Andreas Schoelzel.)

In his acceptance speech, translated by colleague Julien Sabouret, Jimenez said “I am often asked what is my favorite coin design. After a moment of thought, my answer is always ‘The next one.’”

  For a complete list of this year’s nominees, click here.

For a free downloadable PDF from the awards ceremony, click here.

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